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summary: a guide written by jeon jeongguk on how to love park jimin
i. give him the last piece of kimbap and make sure he’s eating well
All seven of them eat a lot. Too much, Bang PD might even say. They spend over $900 at the black bean noodle restaurant, one boy with a large bowl to himself and more. They scarf down cold noodles, pizza and beef slices, particularly on the nights practice is extra gruelling. Jeongguk has noticed how Jimin’s appetite has grown from pre-debut days till now and he’s happy to know the older one has finally stopped going through ruthless diets. Then, there are nights he notices Jimin hasn’t eaten much, asides from a rice cake or two. He’s playing with the food on his plate, cutting it up and shifting it around and thinking that no one’s noticed. But Jeongguk is observant and he sees Jimin laugh without really laughing, the way his eyes are a little emptier tonight.He looks through social media, scrolls through comments on naver and is filled with boiling rage.
looks like he’s put on a bit more weight!
the abs are long gone?? are they coming back, oppa, i miss ur abs
hes not really that skinny anymore isn’t he
For the next few days, Jeongguk won’t stop pestering Jimin to eat. Not in front of everyone, of course, Jeongguk’s not that untactful. Instead, he corners Jimin, who’s dancing nights away tirelessly in their practice studio, and brings him fruits. They’re Jimin’s favourite and he figures he should start small. He can’t believe this is happening again, he can’t believe his happy little hyung isn’t happy anymore. He makes Jimin eat the fruits, and then kimchi jjigae the next day, and japchae the next and so on. “You need to be healthy!” he encourages. “This is how you’ll be stronger!”Jimin stays quiet for the first few nights and one day, he asks, “You don’t think I’m fat, do you?” To which Jeongguk replies, “You’re not. And even if you were, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re healthy. What matters is that you eat well.”Weeks later and Jimin’s finally eating like normal again. There’s one last piece of kimbap left and everyone’s staring at it. Namjoon knocks over a can of soda trying to grab it and Seokjin flails for it like its’ his lifeline. Taehyung is nearest but Jeongguk is the fastest, snatching it triumphantly. “Ah, since you’re the maknae,” they let off. But Jeongguk is not the triumphant one. He slips Jimin the last piece of kimbap, and his hyung smiles so warmly he feels it in his very bones.
ii. call him hyung and let him feel like he’s the tallest
181, 179,179, 178, 177, 176, 175.
Jimin’s been the butt of too many short jokes and even when he tries to drag Yoongi-hyung in, it’s impossible. That darn one-cm difference made a world’s difference to the rest of them. He’s faced torments, particularly from a certain golden maknae, but while it was once infuriating, he finds that he doesn’t care that much anymore. After all, Jeongguk’s stopped teasing him for his height and calls him “hyung” every once in a while. But on the nights he feels small, after too many radio interviews and variety shows constantly ridiculing his height and his tiny fingers, Jeongguk makes him feel tall. So tall, like he’s standing on top of the world. He drags Jimin up to the rooftop of their dorm and if their manager knew, he would have their heads. But it’s okay because he doesn’t. They suck in the cold night air and Jeongguk lifts Jimin up with such ease, runs around and asks him “how’s the air up there, you giant!” Jimin’s laughing so much, he doesn’t care that the tips of his ears are freezing or that he can’t quite feel his nose anymore. He sits securely atop Jeongguk’s shoulders and they stare at the city that unfolds beneath them. “You’ve got the world in your palm, hyung,” Jeongguk tells him. “You can do anything with the world in your hand."
iii. tell him his singing is getting better
Jimin’s always prided himself on being a great dancer but over the years, he’s been given the title of best high notes. It’s not easy, of course, it is so so hard. He struggles for so long but he manages to hit the notes over many performances. Then there’s too many performances, too many stages and too many concerts. Too many flights and not enough rest. He forgets to drink sufficient water and with jet lag chasing his every step, he finds his voice cracking one too many times.He’s filled with embarrassment and sadness, he can’t believe he’s been brought this far, only to fail. He is so disappointed in himself and he can’t bring himself to watch the review of their performance. He doesn’t want to know what their vocal trainer will say. Jeongguk finds him crying in the bathroom that night- “Hey, hey, hyung, what’s wrong? Come on, breathe, let it out, easy there, easy, hyung.” But Jimin shoves him away. “You don’t know what it’s like!” he snaps, voice nasal, his nose running. “Your singing is perfect, all the time, you never crack, I’m not good enough.”Jeongguk doesn’t take his words to heart. Instead, he hugs Jimin till he stops crying. “You’re only human. We all make mistakes. And we can only get better.”When they return back to Korea, Jeongguk sits in on his vocal practices, encouraging him each time his voice wavers. It’s funny how a thumbs-up from the golden maknae can bring so much confidence. Because it builds up over sessions and soon, Jimin’s voice is stronger. The rest of them cheer him on and pat his back, giving him thumbs-ups and grins. But it’s Jeongguk who hugs him tightly and whispers in his ear “You’re improving so much, you’re so strong now, hyung. So damn strong."
iv. crawl into his bed at night and hug him tighter when he misses home
Jimin loves travelling to other countries. They see Santiago's sky this morning but tonight they’ll be seeing Sao Paulo’s night sky and clouds. Tomorrow, they’ll see Newark’s sun rise. Three weeks from now, they’ll see the sunset on Bangkok’s waters and then next, Hong Kong’s twinkling skyline.It is so thrilling, so exciting, to be in a different environment and surrounded by foreign cultures. But with each step further away from home, he can’t help but miss it more.Busan feels so far away. Jimin misses his mother so much, misses his warm blankets and his brother, misses everything about their quaint hometown. He forgets that actually, Busan is not that far after all. Jeongguk slips into his bed one night and hugs him, mumbling about how he can’t sleep. When Jimin wraps his arms around the younger, he realises how much he smells like home. And he whispers that to Jeongguk, “you smell like home. I miss home so much.”Jeongguk shifts around and pulls back, looks up at Jimin with sincere brown eyes. Jimin sees so much warmth in the dark brown, feels so at home with Jeongguk wrapped around him. “I’m home,” he says simply. Jimin may not be back in Busan, waking up in his bed to freshly-cooked pajeon from his mother, but Jimin feels at home when he’s with Jeongguk.
v. make him feel beautiful on the nights he doesn’t
Insecurity has always been an enemy of Park Jimin. It lies deep in his heart, buried under the confidence he’s built and thought dormant. But there’s too many cracks and his walls are not as strong as they used to be. Insecurity feeds on the first sign of weakness and is brought back to life after too much teasing, after too many jokes that were meant to be funny and not meant to hurt. But the intention is lost and it does hurt. He starts to sees the flaws he thought were long gone, starts to feel ugly in his own skin yet again. He takes the makeup off at the very last minute, doesn’t look at himself in the mirror. He scrubs at himself in the hot shower, scrubs so hard till his skin turns red and raw and it hurts. He wants to get out, wants to leave this body but how? “Jimin-ah, you’re taking real long!” Jeongguk hollers, knocking on the bathroom door. Jimin swings the door open, wrapped in a fluffy big towel, and tries to rush past but Jeongguk is not blind, Jeongguk sees how red his skin is. “Hyung!” he says, shocked. Jeongguk forgets his shower and brings Jimin back to his room. He pats Jimin’s favourite aloe vera cream onto his shoulders, gently- he is so gentle because he is terrified that Jimin will fall apart under hands too uncaring. But Jeongguk cares. He kisses Jimin’s tears away and strokes his hair gently, tells him he is so beautiful and tells him that he is made out of stars and flowers, that he is sun beams and cotton candy. “You’re a joy, you’re such a joy,” Jeongguk whispers. “You’re the most beautiful.”Jimin shakes with tears and his body is so frail, so small in Jeongguk’s arms. It is not easy at first, and Jimin doesn’t believe him at all. Slowly, though, slowly, he learns to love himself yet again. Slowly, he starts to see the sun in his smile and happiness so bright in his crescent-shaped eyes. Slowly, he feels beautiful again.
vi. give him piggyback rides to share the weight of the world on his shoulders
Piggybacks are their thing. They love to surprise one another, love to jump on each other’s backs with no warning. When the comfortable weight of Jimin settles over his back, he doesn’t feel heavy at all. Far from it. But Jimin feels heavy, he feels like he’s got the weight of the world on his shoulders. Sometimes he doesn’t jump onto Jeongguk’s back for fun, sometimes he does it because he is too tired to walk and he just doesn’t have the energy anymore. Jeongguk willingly carries him, even if he starts snoring in his ears and drooling over the shoulders of his shirts.As long as he gets to ease Jimin’s burdens, he doesn’t mind. Jimin feels a little lighter when he’s on Jeongguk’s back. Especially when Jeongguk charges forward and the wind whips through his hair, and he feels like a piece of dust floating through the air. He forgets the stress of their comebacks and busy schedules. He feels more lightweight, more featherlike. He feels like the weight of the world has lessened, he feels like the burden has lightened somewhat. And he owes it all to Jeongguk, who loves him and takes care of him and makes this world a much better place.