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Of all the mornings for his alarm not to go off the first day of classes was a pretty inconvenient one. He meant to leave a few minutes early. Get Teddy to preschool. Meet his sons new teacher. Ignore the judging looks other adults threw his way when they thought he was not equipped to be a parent. Remus hated other parents.
He hated other people in general. Most never bothered to hear a full story, and never tried to see other perspectives. People were selfish. Remus wouldn't lie and say he wasn't selfish sometimes, but at least he had a bit of empathy for others. He knew better than anyone not to judge a book by its cover.
Remus knew his own cover was worn and tattered. He stuck to his large wooly sweaters and cardigans for the comfort, and he would never admit he secretly loved the cozy aesthetic he embodied. Nymphadora had been bright and exotic next to his warm homely feel. She always had brightly colored hair, something their son loved as well. Remus knew the other parents thought he was crazy for letting a four year old dye his hair bright blue, but Remus really didn't care. It made his kid happy, and the kid deserved all of the happiness in the world.
The looks he got were normal as he rushed into the daycare with his son in his arms, but thankfully the teacher gave him a warm one. It was nice to see among the judgement from the other parents who were mostly ten years older than himself.
"I really would love to stay and get to know you better, but I've got to run to class. This is Teddy." Remus cringed at how awkward he was as he handed his son off the woman. He really hoped his son took after his mother in the natural social skills department.
"Hello Teddy! We are so happy you are joining us!" Teddy looked up as his father obviously seeking a little guidance unsure in the new environment.
"Have a good day bear." Remus leant to give him a hug gently ruffling his blue curls. He tried to ignore the pang in his heart. Nym should be here next to him.
"Goodbye Papa!" Teddy returned the hug and then walked with confidence- Remus knew it was fake but he was proud of his son for it- to play with the other children.
"I'll pick him up around four." Remus gave the woman a forced smile and practically sprinted from the building. He had approximately fifteen minutes to get to his class. It helped that the daycare was just a few blocks off campus, but Remus still had to run once he had parked his car.
Exercise and Remus were not on good terms with one another. Nymphadora had been the athletic one. Remus had spent many days watching her at swim meets cheering her on as she raced through the water. He was there so often he had his own bench that everyone respected was the little book nerd's. He would bring his studies to practice and while she was swimming he would spend time studying. Nym always jokingly invited him to join her in the water, but they both knew he never would. He blamed it on his asthma, but they both knew he simply hated sports.
He really did have asthma though, and by the time he slid into his chair in the lecture hall he was scrambling for his inhaler he had stuffed in his bag in a haste to get out the door. He closed his eyes and took two puffs before he could breathe in sweet fresh air. He couldn't afford to be so reckless. Teddy couldn't loose his only parent.
"Are you okay there mate?" The voice came from next to him, and about startled him out of his chair. Remus opened his eyes and was met with startling grey ones that held a weight of concern. "You look like you could use a breather."
Remus tried but failed at containing his laughter at that. "I didn't want to be late to class. Kind of a bad first impression."
He took in the appearance of the man sitting next to him. He was sitting, but Remus could already tell he was taller than himself. That wasn't a hard task as Remus was quite short, but he had come to terms with that a while ago. The man was pale, much paler than Remus and his jet black hair was a brilliant contrast to his light skin and eyes. It was to his shoulders resting loosely over a black leather jacket. Remus' heart stopped when he saw the bright purple skirt the man wore with a pair of Doc Martens. The man was so beautiful it should be illegal.
Said beautiful man caught him staring and smirked at it which caused Remus to glow redder than a tomato.
"What's your name?" The man commented reaching forward to grab his notes from his bag in front of him.
"R-Remus." Remus cursed lightly in his head at his stutter. It picked the worst times to reemerge. "And you?" The man next to him was about to respond when the professor choose to begin the lesson.
Remus could not have told you what the lesson was about if you held a gun to his head. Gender Studies was something he already knew a little about, and he was grateful for that. Concentrating was a difficult task when you had an angel sitting next to you. When the teaching finished, Remus took his time to put his practically nonexistent notes away. He was so lost in his head that he didn't even see the note the man had slipped on his desk until he stood up.
"First Impressions are pretty important Remus. We should go get coffee sometime.
- S and a number"
Remus let out a bit of welsh in surprise. This mysterious man, who he now knew had a
name that started with S, wanted to get coffee with him. Him? Remus? The tiny nerd who is swallowed by his jumpers? Remus knew logically a
coffee date was unlikely to happen. He had Teddy to worry about, and any of his precious free time had to be dedicated to his studies. He had promised Nym that when they decided to have Teddy. He didn't regret it one bit, and he wasn't about to throw away that promise for a boy, no matter how attractive he may be. Besides it was a bit unfair to think that S-Remus would call him that for now- would want to start anything with him at all. Maybe he had thought Remus would make a good friend. No one on his level would go for someone on Remus'.
'Nymphadora did.' A pesky voice in his head reminded him.
And Nymphadora she was another problem. Nym made Remus swear that he would move on. Made him swear he would find someone new. This was easier said than done though. When you spend your whole life with someone, and suddenly loose them its difficult to let someone in. Remus promised he would try, but it wasn't looking likely. And Teddy was another problem.
Remus loved his son with all of his heart. Teddy was the best kid a man could ask for, and the only piece of Nym Remus had left. Teddy was his whole world. He came first, always.
'But one coffee wouldn't hurt.' The little voice nudged Remus. Remus couldn't ignore it. After all, it was just a coffee.
It didn't- wouldn't lead to anything else. He could hear Nym yelling at him if he didn't do it, and that was the last thing he ever wanted. He did the sensible thing and programed the number in his phone promising himself that he would text this mysterious S from gender studies. But not until after he picked his son up from preschool.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Ms. Minnie is very nice Papa. You have to follow her rules, but they aren't to difficult. She was surprised I knew how to read. Did you know most of the other kids didn't know how to read Papa? I made a friend named Claire she told me she liked my hair because it reminded her of the blueberry pie her Papa makes. She has two Papas. I didn't know you could have two Papas, Am I gonna get another Papa?" Remus smiled fondly at his sons rambling. "I'm glad you had a good day Teds. You are an excellent reader but you have to make sure you don't make any of the others feel lesser because they can't read yet." "I promise I won't Papa. I'll help them instead!" Teddy had such a caring heart and Remus couldn't help but think of how proud his mother would be. "Tell me more about your new friend. Did you say her name was Claire?" Teddy nodded and launched into a story about his new friend. It warmed Remus' heart to hear his son so excited. A part of him felt bad that he would have to leave him at the daycare all day. It had to happen at some point, but it was easier to let him grow up when Remus knew he was not miserable. Teddy loved to talk and told his Papa all about the little girl he met in preschool. "Shes really funny Papa. She didn't make fun of me when I asked her to play dolls with me, and she told me she liked the flowers on my shirt. Did you make any friends at school today Papa?" "I talked to the boy next to me. I didn't get to ask him about himself like you did Claire, but he had a really nice skirt on." Teddy seemed delighted at that. "What color was his skirt Papa?" Teddy was obsessed with colors. If you asked him what his favorite was he would probably burst into tears. The four year old constantly told his father about how it wasn't fair that some colors got more love than others. 'All colors deserve love Papa, I have to love them for everyone' He would say. "It was a pretty lavender Ted." Teddy smiled at this, while he didn't have a favorite lavender was a color he really loved, and Remus knew this. "Can I get a lavender skirt Papa?" Teddy asked. "Of course bear. Maybe Grandma Andy can make you one. You are going to see her this weekend remember." Andromeda Tonks was a blessing in Remus Lupin's life. He had always respected her, and she was such a big help after Nym. "Can we get some flowers to bring to Grandma and Momma?" "You know we will Teddy. We can go tomorrow after school, but right now you need to go to bed." Teddy was a very good little boy, and when his Papa said to go to sleep he listened. Their flat wasn't very big, but Teddy had his own little room. It was filled with vibrant colors. Nothing matched, but it all came together perfectly. It was Teddy through and through. "Can you tell me a story about Momma?" Remus smiled. He got the same request every night, and he was very glad that he could give his son this at least. Remus handed him his little stuffed badger and tucked him in to his soft blanket before beginning one of his favorites. "Your mother asked me to marry her. We were sixteen, much to young by most people's standards, but we loved each other so much Ted. I've loved your mother since I first met her when I was 11 and I knew that she would be the one I married. The one thing your mother never was was traditional. She saw it as unfair that I'd have to wait at the alter for her all by myself. She knew I hated being in front of people, and she was right in guessing this terrified me. She decided that we would just have to walk down the aisle together." Remus stopped with a small chuckle lost in the fond memories. "Would Momma have liked me Papa?" "Bear, Your mother loved you more than anything. You are such a sweet and kind little boy. You are so much like your Momma it amazes me. Your mother would absolutely adore who you are becoming." Teddy smiled a watery smile and cuddled into his Papa's side. He was only four, and yet he still knew such grief. Remus wished he could take it away. Wished he could bring Nym back. Wished he could trade places. He loved his Teddy so much, but Nymphadora was always better at it than he was. 'Stop being so self deprecating Remus. You are a wonderful father.' Remus wondered when the voice stopped sounding like himself and sounded more like her. The first few months of Nymphadora's sickness it seemed like nothing was wrong. Aside from a few coughing fits Nym was like she always was. Full of warmth, full of life. It was easy to ignore the elephant in the room. As time grew on Nym got sicker and sicker, and even though she was surrounded by those whose loved her, Remus knew that for the first time she was alone. It broke his heart. Nymphadora knew her time was running out. She could feel the warmth leaving her bones. She had a good life, but she had so much she was leaving behind. Her parents, Remus, her little bear. It was unfair. It was cruel to her, but it was cruelest to Remus. Remus sat day after day and watched the life drain from the eyes of the person he loved most. The person who he had know since he was a child. The mother of his own child. The woman he was supposed to grow old with. Life had been cruel to Remus with his family,and he thought maybe he would get to escape further harm. As always he was proved wrong and his light was torn from him. But Nym had left him the greatest gift she could. She had left him Teddy. Teddy had quite literally become Remus' world. Everything he did was for the little boy, and he would have it no other way. He was determined not to end up like his own father, paralyzed by grief. So he swept his sadness under the rug and put on a brave face. 'Its ok to need help sometimes.' The voice in his head reminded him. He knew it was true. The little voice was always right. But Remus didn't need a lot of help, not right now anyways. Remus stood and gave his sleeping son a kiss goodnight before retiring to his own room. No he didn't need any help, he had it all under control.