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Nothing says "with friends like Jim Kirk, you don't need enemies" like getting called up for first aid service one hour before giving a big lecture at the Academy--by the guy who's supposed to be vacationing in San Francisco. How can somebody playing house in his boyfriend's apartment get himself into a medical emergency that, judging from the sounds of it, would maim him for the rest of his life?Nevertheless, in light of the Hippocratic Oath (and his friend's citation of the super-duper-BFF privilege), Dr. Leonard McCoy did head over to the location given to him. It was Spock who opened the door, still wearing that famously deadpan expression."You better have an explanation for this, and it better be a damned good one!" He hollered as he strode into the bathroom for his patient.That demand was, as McCoy would later realize, one of the most terrible mistakes of his entire friendship-with-Jim-Kirk career.He was okay with the part about how Jim made Spock cook the traditional Vulcan spicy dishes for him, even if the imagery of Spock in an apron was disturbing. He was less okay with the part about how Jim decided to get naked while Spock was cooking, because he really, really did not need to know about Jim's seduction schemes.He all but choked his off-duty commanding officer when Jim got to the part where he waltzed into the kitchen, grabbed Spock's hands, and put them on his very special place."I didn't know he was chopping that stupid Vulcan jalapeño pepper!" Jim had the balls to protest between hisses of pain. "It looked like radish!"McCoy twisted the spray applicator, just a little.It was a small revenge, for he knew right then and there that he would never be able to look at Capsicum annuum Vulcanis without thinking about his friend's very red and very swollen dick again. Ever.