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Title: Let's do BrunchAuthor: red_savage Fandom: !movieverse Iron ManCliche: Hey, it's that guy: Minor CharactersCharacters/Pairing: Agent Phil Coulson / Tony StarkRating/Warning: SFW / PG-13Beta: No beta suffered in the production of this fic.Word Count: 964Summery: If he didn't love his country, Agent Coulson wouldn't get out of bed in the morning.A/N: Takes place between Iron Man 1 and 2. It wasn't that Agent Phil Coulson hated his job. Most days he looked forward to the challenge; however of late all the challenges were putting out 24-7 public relations fires. He tried to not think about his pension or if he'd live to see his pension. Superheroes made his life hell. One superhero in particular was at the top is his list.Iron Man was wonderful when he was doing the odd good deed. More often than not, he was violating other countries borders in pursuit of World Peace. Phil had wanted to rename him to International Incident of the Moment Man. General Nick Fury had laughed at that. It wasn't good when Nick Fury laughed.The waffle shack was almost empty when Agent Phil Coulson walked through the door and took a seat at the counter near the grill. Besides the two employees and a lone trucker in a booth reading the morning paper the place was appeared recently vacated by Malibu's hung-over party crowd. Seated next to him at the counter was the infamous Tony Stark.Tony nodded at the strange little man who somehow always managed to look insanely peaceful and content all the time and greeted him with, "Hey, Phil fancy seeing you here.""Hey. This is just a polite social call, Tony.""Hmmm. Yeah. Sorry, I didn't bring any lube with me this time, Phil."Tony thought the man might smile at him some more, but Agent Coulson's expression became a little defensive and he tried to keep his voice low and under the sound of cooking bacon, "Please tell me you didn't have anything to do with that unexplained explosion in the Balkans."Tony looked at the man warily and sipped at his coffee. One of the employees came over and took Agent Phil Coulson's order. Tony pretended to eye the menu while he waited for his food and avoided the attention of the S.H.E.I.L.D. agent as best as he could. Coulson tapped his finger on the counter top and waited for Tony's answer."Well?" Coulson prompted.The stoic expression on Tony's face became a blinding blaze of well-honed PR smile. "I don't know what you're talking about, but if you're looking for a good spin I'd say the pirates were nearly over taken by local authorities and detonated the weapons they were smuggling to avoid capture. Unfortunately, it happened a little close to their boat."Agent Coulson raised his eyebrows, "Pirates in the Balkans?"Tony shrugged, "Yeah. Although you're the big idea man. I'll leave the rodeo marketing and snakes oil sales to experts, like you."Agent Coulson tried to think of a reason Tony Stark would be angry with S.H.I.E.L.D. Sure things had been tense over the last couple of months, mostly to due to Tony's attitude. Tony Stark was making things difficult, not S.H.I.E.L.D. and certainly not Agent Coulson. Phil Coulson was bending over backwards for Tony. He was here to help again and the man was practically spitting in his face.Phil tried to restart their conversation, but was having trouble finding the right and tactful words. Despite smelling shower-fresh, Mr. Stark looked weary. Tony's food was served first and as soon as it was served to him; he ordered another waffle and more bacon. Tony began to consume the food at an alarming rate. Tony had finished the first plate by the time Phil got his food. Before Phil could get half-way through his meal; Tony had ordered a third round of food.Phil nervously ventured, "I take it you haven't eaten recently, Tony."Tony replied with a full mouth, "You know you're as bad as Pepper? For the record I ate yesterday, changed clothes and showered like a real life grown up. Don't tell me she put you up to keeping an eye on me, too. God, I'm tired of you people, trailing behind me like a flock of seabirds looking for their next meal. For the record they were out of bacon in the Balkins and superheroing is hungry work.""No, she didn't put me up to anything, Mr. Stark." Oh God, she has to tell him to eat, change clothes and shower?! Poor woman, I don't see how she deals with his moodiness. He really is bad off. To think that this man designs and builds the world's most powerful weapons and ammunitions, but can't take care of his basic everyday needs. Phil silently shuddered at the thought of that mental image. The man was more than just a little eccentric like Fury had said. "And I don't know what I could do, but if you need something you have my number, Tony. However, could you tell me a little more about this hypothetical incident?"Tony finished up his second plate and wiped his mouth before turning to regard Agent Coulson. Tony appeared to be considering what to say. Coulson hoped it would be discrete and civil, you just never knew with Tony Stark. Mercifully, the moment ended when Tony was brought the third plate of food and began eating it at rapid pace. Coulson had seen a couple of Marines once who might eat slower. Despite nearly being done eating, too, Coulson expected Tony to be done first.Tony stood up, wiped his mouth, finished his coffee and patted Agent Coulson on the back. "Nah. Nothing is coming to mind at the moment. Can you be a pal and get the tab? Tell Nick I said, 'Hi.' Let's do brunch next time," before walking out to his car and driving off into the Malibu dawn.Phil Coulson just sat at the counter dumbly. I don't understand that man. This whole liaison thing is becoming really difficult. I wonder how Colonel Rhodes managed? I need to speak to Nick about getting someone to watch him closer.' He paid Tony's bill as well as his own, before heading off to finish his monthly turn on the weekend shift -- only 10,951 days to go till retirement.Fin.