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It’s every night around the same time when Jean hears the bushes behind his house rustling; 2:15 a.m. Sometimes it’s later, but never earlier. The blond’s body usually woke him up around this time craving a cigarette so he sat on his back porch and waited. As an E.R. nurse, he worked odd hours so he didn’t catch a lot of sleep in the first place, but Eren added to his sleeping issues. Mostly from worry but his “friend” had a habit of waking him up too.He sits in a lawn chair, holding his hoodie around himself with one arm and a cigarette in his free hand. He’s wearing plaid pajama bottoms and no shoes, the pads of his feet rested firmly on his wooden deck as he watches the figure approach him in the shadows.“Did I wake you?”“Obviously not, I was already out here.” When Eren comes into sight, he’s particularly ugly. His nose was already crooked from being previously broken and not healed properly but now his face was covered in deep violets and navy blues. One of his eyes bloodshot and painfully sore looking, there wasn’t much swelling aside from around his jaw. His hands are bandaged but blood is soaking through them. The tank top Eren is wearing has blood splattered down the front from where he assumes Eren had spit and apparently missed the ground.“Jesus, Eren.” Jean quickly flicks the cigarette away and stands to approach the male. “I look that good huh?” Jean shivers, letting out a frustrated sigh as he looks over Eren like some kind of overprotective mother. He’d been taking care of the other male for months now for a lot of reasons. The first being that Eren was part of an “illegal fighting tournament” that usually ended in him getting the snot kicked out of him. However, Eren insisted that he won most of his fights and from the wads of cash he carried around, he probably did. It wasn’t a lot of money but it was a And then there was the fact that Eren also didn’t have insurance, so going to the hospital weekly to get treatment wasn’t plausible. Jean knew that if he didn’t do this Eren wouldn’t take care of himself and for some stupid reason he couldn’t allow that. So, he put up with the inconvenience.“You look fucking awful dude.” Leading the shorter male towards his back door, Jean steps out of the way and allows Eren into his kitchen. “Why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll get my kit.”“Dude, you read my mind. Can you make me one of those sandwiches you’re so fucking good at making? /Please/?” Jean lets out an overdramatic groan, not wanting to cook at this hour but reluctantly he nods. For some reason, he’s never able to turn down Eren when he begs.“You’re the fucking best, I don’t know what I’d do without you J.” Eren winks and excuses himself to the guest bathroom to shower. Jean had already laid out a pair of gym shorts and an extra t-shirt on the sink because he didn’t really want some little street rat dirtying up his house. That was a lie…the truth was more complex. Jean cared about Eren a lot despite not wanting to say that directly.The tall blond busies himself over the stove, throwing a piece of ham and a few slices of bacon onto the skillet to hear comforting sizzles. Cracking an egg into the same skillet, he shifts his weight lazily and his eyes fall to half lids. He’s tired, always so tired but he wants to be with Eren to make sure he’s okay. Cutting a slice of tomato, Jean lays it gently onto the toasted bread, along with a few pickle slices before compiling the meat and egg onto the sandwich. He sets the plate onto his table in front of the spot Eren always sits at and grabs a cold beer from the fridge to set beside it. Grabbing himself a cup of water, he sits in the chair beside the spot he’s set for the other male. His legs cross and he rests his hand in the palm of his hand, his elbow resting against the tabletop. Jean dozes off, quiet snores leaving his pursed lips as he waits for Eren to return.When he does, the brunet freezes up at the sight. He’s working a towel through his damp hair but he can’t help but stop and study his friend for a few seconds. The dark circles under Jean’s eyes make him feel almost guilty for all of this but he knows that he’d lose more sleep if Eren didn’t show up. The taller had always been well built but the unzipped hoodie shows that Jean isn’t wearing anything underneath and he can’t help but admire the firm looking muscles and tight curves on the other man’s body.The only reason he stops is because he spots the food on the table and fuck is he starving. Clearing his throat, Jean wakes up and acts like he hadn’t fallen asleep.“You look tired,” Eren observes, sitting down to pop the beer can open and take a painfully long sip. The liquid burns his throat on the way down but eventually causes it to numb. Letting out a sigh of relief, Eren starts to eat. His two-toned eyes scanning what Jean is putting together.“I am tired, I worked a double yesterday.”“You work too hard Jeanbo.”“Yeah.” He mutters, sliding a couple pain pills across the table in Eren’s direction. “Seems like you work yourself too hard. You need stitches.”“Can you do em’?”“I shouldn’t.”“But you can.” For what has to be the dozenth time that night, Jean lets out an annoyed sigh. “Come on Jean, you know I can’t afford going to the hospital bills they’ll strap me with.”“Okay fine, but you better not cry.”“…I’m not making any promises.” It’s a joke but honestly, Eren isn’t going to promise that. He shoves bites of sandwich into his mouth, hums and moans of approval leaving his lips the entire time. “You’d make a good wife, you know that?”“I basically am your wife.” He scoffs, a groggy and somewhat sad look in his eyes. And for whatever reason, Jean’s comment makes Eren’s heart somersault in his chest. “Are you done? I wanna clean you up so I can go to bed.” He chokes down what’s left of the beer and pushes the empty plate aside.“Yeah, I’m ready.” The laceration on his cheek is Jean’s first concern. He cringes when he sees it, carefully dragging the alcohol soaked cotton across the male’s tan face; he squints to get a better look.“Actually you might be lucky, I might not have to stitch you. It’s not so bad.”“Yeah? You just made my night, J.” Eren lets out a small sigh and shuts his eyes for a second as Jean rubs ointment over the wound and sticks a large square bandage over it. When he sees how beaten Eren’s knuckle are however, he frowns. Reaching for one, he holds his hand within his own. The small gesture leaves a subtle blush across Eren’s face and over the back of his neck. It wasn’t a secret that he’d been crushing on Jean but he always assumed him to be straight. Even if he never had girls over.“You need to rest and let your hands heel up. You obviously aren’t wrapping them properly because the bone in this knuckle…it isn’t right.” He puts pressure on the tender spot and causes Eren to let out a yelp. “See.”“You’re squeezing really fucking hard, that’s all it is.”“No, I think you broke it and didn’t let it heal up before fucking off again. I’m serious, you’re going to end up really hurting yourself.” Eren hates when Jean scolds him but he knows he’s right, he’s been way too hard on his body and it’s starting to catch up with him. Finally, the short brunette glares the other male directly in the eyes and lets out a concluding sigh.“I hate when you’re right.”“Which is most of the time.”“You give yourself too much credit.” Jean wraps Eren’s hands delicately, massaging the palm of his hand afterwards to feel for any other abnormalities. His hands are so much bigger than the other male’s but…softer. He’s never really fought. Other than that one time Eren tried to fight with him, but since that one time he hadn’t. Eren is soothed by the other’s touch and he finds his eyelids painfully heavy as he waits for Jean to stop; hoping he isn’t so obviously enjoying this.“You look so peaceful after you’ve been bandaged up, I wish you’d stay this way.” A glint of sadness resonates from the blond’s eyes when he pulls his hands away from Eren’s. “You have this wild look in your eyes whenever you first show up, do you really enjoy fighting?” The bruised up male thinks about the question before answering quickly. Even if it is a lie.“Of course. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to, idiot.” He yawns, leaning back against the kitchen chair. “I’m kinda tired…I hate to ditch you but-”“So don’t.” Jean interjects, his face contorting with a hopeful look. “You can stay in the spare room if you want. I’ll even tuck you in.” The offer is more than tempting and Eren would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little disappointed that the guest bed was offered up. He wanted to lay beside Jean. See him in his most peaceful of times, he wanted to watch him sleep. He’d never seen Jean’s room but he had a lot of ideas of what it might look like. Jean wasn’t the tidiest of people and sometimes Eren found himself wanting to pick up his house but he controlled the urge.But thinking about Jean’s bedroom, he imagined it to be plain yet welcoming. Mostly tans and chocolate brown hues with lights stringed up along the window. He remembered Mikasa mentioning the blond’s room because she’d helped Jean paint it. He was jealous of her but at the same time grateful that the two seemed to get along so well. Although there was a portion of Eren that thought he was in love with Jean, he hoped that their good friend ended up with someone half as good as Mikasa. It sounded tragic to admit, but the brunet didn’t think he was good enough for his friend. He wasn’t steady, not the way Jean needed. So he exhaled away the thought, as quickly as it’d came it was already gone.“Nah…I gotta get home.” Home was a small studio apartment that wasn’t really a home at all. It felt like a lonely room that he confined himself to on the days that he wasn’t hanging out with his friends. It was cold and he never wanted to go back to but the thought of burdening the other male was embarrassing.“Really? If you’re sure.” Jean’s voice wavers and for a second it sounds as if he was ready to cry but before Eren can question it, he’s already turned his back to pick up the mess he’d made cooking. Really, he wasn’t sure at all. If he was sure about anything, it was that he wanted to stay with Jean so he stared at him until it became almost hilarious. Admiring his broad shoulders from across the room, hoping that he turned around and asked him to stay. He felt like a lost puppy, waiting for his owner to return home after a particularly long day. More than anything, he felt pathetic. Relying on someone else like this. It wasn’t something he often did, especially not with someone like Jean. But…here there were.Eren has built up so many expectations for what the blond will say when he realizes he has no intention of leaving but when he finally turns around he doesn’t expect what he sees.Tears. Streaming down Jean’s face, he’s just as stuck as Eren and the struggle shows in his eyes.“Jeanbo?”“Shut up, Eren.” Eren laughs, watching as Jean wipes the tears away from his eyes. “I’m fine, really.” He hangs his head and leans over the sink, elbows firmly pressed to the counter and his hands in his tousled hair. Slowly, the smaller male approaches and hesitantly wraps his arms around Jean’s torso so that his back is to Eren’s chest. He rests his forehead between muscular shoulder blades and just holds him. He has the intention to do so for the rest of the night if he must. Quietly, he hushes Jean the way his mother used to do for him when he was hurting. One hand strays to feel over Jean’s chest, not so subtly feeling him up but mostly in an attempt to comfort him.“Are you okay?” Jean doesn’t nod or say anything at first, one of his hands reaches down to rest over Eren’s hands. This is as close as they’ve ever been and Eren feels more in love with him as he’s ever been.“I’m just sick of seeing you hurt.” Jean turns around to face Eren, his eyes red and glassy from crying.“I never knew you felt so strongly about it.” While he’s insecure about their closeness now, he doesn’t remove his hands from around the other male. In fact, he gently massages the small of Jean’s back in hopes of calming him.“I don’t know why I expect things to change, you’re such an idiot…I doubt they will. But I don’t want to see you covered in blood anymore.”“I’ll find someone else…”“/No/,” Jean shakes his head, aggravated about both how upset he is and by the fact that Eren would suggest that. “I’ll just worry. I don’t trust anyone else to do it.”“Then what do you want?”“I want you to stop putting yourself through this, dammit.” He shouts, as if it wasn’t obvious what he wanted. But he knows he can’t stop Eren, he’s not going to give it up until he absolutely has to. “Nevermind, I’m just…gonna go to bed.” He pulls away, colder than ever and Eren feels guilty for not being able to give him the answer he wants. Although, he knows there’s something he can do that might make up for it.“…Can I stay with you tonight?”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jean awakens to sunlight filtering through his bedroom window. Pooling on his ruffled bed sheets. He brings his forearm to cover his eyes momentarily; allowing himself to adjust to the daylight. When his arm drops down to the mattress, he looks over to the empty spot next to him in the bed. His eyes fluttered, tears gathering along his bottom lashes when he recalled the conversation he’d had the night before.
“…Can I stay with you tonight?”
“No, Eren. I don’t know if I could handle seeing you in the morning.”
He was harsher than he should’ve been but he didn’t know if he could face sleepy Eren. He knew he couldn’t see his tired emerald eyes or feel the weight of his body next to him without wanting to touch him. Part of Jean knew Eren returned the feelings so why was he so afraid?“You’ve become such a pathetic fool, Jean Kirschtein.” He told himself, disappointed in himself for being so hung up on a boy. A brat like Eren at that. The male rolled onto his side, pulling the blanket up over his head to welcome pitch black. He exhaled, a shiver running down his spine. This room felt so empty and the rest of his house felt haunted. Haunted by Eren’s presence. It seemed melodramatic (to say the least) because Eren hadn’t spent that much time in his house but the faint lingering reminders of the other male drove him wild with weariness and longing.Finally drifting back to sleep, he slept until he was no longer able. Waking up sometime in the evening to shower numbly and eat leftovers from the day before. He was dressed in his scrubs for work but he really didn’t want to go to work. If he had a phone number to reach Eren at, he’d have called him by now. But the guy was like a stray cat, only coming around when he needed to be cared for.“Is he using me?” Jean’s bad habit of talking to himself made him feel even crazier. As if Eren would pop out of the bush and comfort him, he looked towards the sliding glass door eagerly. But no one came.In fact, days passed and still no signs of Eren. Not even on his usual days did he show up. To say Jean was worried would be an understatement, he thought for sure that he’d go into work one day and hear about some brunet idiot found dead or something but there was none of that either. It was like Eren had just vanished or hadn’t even been real in the first place. Recognition dawned on him that maybe he’d really upset the other man and he was afflicted with his own guilt. “You’re a real asshole.” He told himself, sitting on his back porch with a cigarette propped between two fingers. He was in the dark, waiting. As he had every night this week. A cotton robe draped around his cold body. He sniffled, his nose red and runny from the cold he’d developed from being outside on cold nights for too long. Jean watched towards the bushes for what seemed like hours. Just waiting. It was all he could do these days, it seemed like the torment wouldn’t stop until he saw Eren again. If he saw Eren again.Like a rhetorical question, he heard a rustling in the woods. In the darkness. He waited to see the small male come towards him but instead, a raccoon.On the week-long anniversary of not seeing Eren, Jean cried. His eyes red and watery from the emotions that he knew weren’t going to cease anytime soon. He cried because he missed that idiot. He missed who he was with him too, the way he felt like he had a purpose. Helping people in the hospital was rewarding in a way but nowhere near as rewarding as caring for Eren.He’d begun to lose hope, no longer going out at night for cigarettes, instead, he smoked by the window because there was no reason to brave the cold. There was no excitement of seeing the man he cared for strolling across the grass with his pride gone and a black eye.And when he thinks that he’s finally miserable enough that the universe will cut him some slack, it does.Like nothing had ever happened, Eren strolls up to the sliding glass door and knocks. Entering without waiting for approval. Jean is sitting on a bar stool he’s pulled over to his kitchen sink to smoke by the window. The cool air blows through the small window, causing the blond to shiver. His eyes are locked on the brunet and his wounds. This time it’s unlike the other times.“Please, help,” Eren mutters faintly, clutching one of his blood-covered hand over his abdomen. His white t-shirt is soaked and dripping all over his hardwood floors and it’s all Jean can do to keep himself calm.“Fuck, Eren! What happened?!” He panics, snuffing the cigarette in an ash tray and abandoning the window to approach the other male. “Sit, sit.” He drags him onto the floor, gently. Jean’s hands are already covered in blood when he’s fishing around in the pocket of his jeans for his cellphone to call 911. And when he looks down at the man in his arms, he starts to panic. Eren is wavering in and out of consciousness and the wound seems bad. His breathing is shallow and for a second he doesn’t think he’s breathing. Its seconds before the tall blond is ripping his shirt off and pressing to Eren’s wound. His other hand going to the other’s forehead, leaving smears of blood every place that he touched. The brunet had gone into shock and all Jean could do was hold him while they waited for the ambulance. He stared down at Eren’s limp frame, sobbing over him.“It’s gonna be okay, it’s okay…” He was talking to himself despite wanting to admit it. He liked to think he was strong, but deep down he knew that he wasn’t.The details were blurry as soon as the ambulance arrived. The paramedics had to practically pry Eren out of Jean’s arms. He knew how the protocol was but in this position, he wasn’t thinking straight. Thankfully he’d know exactly how to handle the situation because they assured him the small brunet would make it. He knew that wasn’t allowed technically but in the moment, he’d take any sort of comfort, even if it was from his coworkers.It seemed so cliché that he’d wait in the waiting room for Eren, he had no real reason to wait there. He’d done his part but he just couldn’t leave. Deep down he knew the other male would be pissed at him for taking him to the hospital but he didn’t care, he wasn’t going to let him bleed out on his kitchen floor. So, he paced the corridors of the emergency room, waiting for any kind of news about his friend. He’d talked to one of the e.r. doctors who’d assured him that it was stab wound and it had missed any major arteries. What dumb luck this idiot had.When he finally was allowed into the room, Eren was asleep. They’d gotten him stabilized and moved him to a room to spend the night. He figured he was doped up on meds, he’d have to be after that sort of injury. Jean sat in the chair beside the bed, rolling it closer so that he could hold the brunet’s hand.“You’re such an idiot, you know?” He questioned the unconscious male, his now clean hands brushing the hair away from Eren’s face. They’d cleaned him up a bit but there were still traces of dried blood in his hair. This bothered Jean, he went to the bathroom to grab a clean cloth and run it under the warm water. Going back into the room, he met with cold emerald eyes staring straight towards him.“Eren--” He gasped, stopping dead in his tracks. The smaller tried to talk, his voice gravelly and his words choked out to silence. “Sh, take it easy. You’re gonna be groggy for a while.” He sat down in the chair, rubbing the warm cloth over the male’s forehead and through his bangs to soak up what was left of his friend’s blood.“You brought me here?”“I called the ambulance. You would’ve…” He trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. He hated how reckless Eren was. He put himself in situations where he could die and didn’t care what happened to himself. He didn’t care who he left behind and it destroyed Jean. But he didn’t want to be cruel towards him when he was still recovering so he changed the subject. “I saved your life.” He muttered finally, expecting Eren to snap about being in the hospital but instead he started to cry.“Thank you…”“Wow, and here I thought you’d be mad at me.” Jean laughs lightheartedly, tossing the rag onto the nightstand so that he could reach for Eren’s hand. “You look pretty good champ. I thought you’d look like hell but injured bad boy really suits you.” This pulls a smile to the brunet’s lips. He can’t help but feel guilty for putting Jean through all this but it’s the little moments like this that make him forget how fucked up his life is.“You’re so sweet, J.” He mutters, attempting to sit up in the bed but failing. Not that Jean would let him up anyway. “Can I have a drink?” Jean’s quick to grab the Styrofoam cup full of ice water, tilting the straw so that Eren can take a sip.“Sure thing.” He sets the cup back down and they return to awkward silence. Something Jean can’t stand. “So…are you gonna tell me what happened? Or why you haven’t come around in so long?”“I can’t tell you what happened but…I thought you didn’t want to see me.”“You’ve never been more wrong. I was worried.” There’s a sense of bitterness to his voice but Eren senses the sadness.“I’m sorry, I wanted to see you more than you can know. It hurt to stay away for so long. I didn’t think it would.”“So you missed me huh?”“Don’t push it, dope.”“I’m serious Eren, you gotta stop putting yourself through this. You almost didn’t make it through this one.” For once, the small brunet can see that Jean is right. But he isn’t ready to admit it.“I guess we’re just gonna have to agree to disagree.”“You’re a selfish fool.” At this point, Jean is on the verge of tears. “I was so fucking worried…and you don’t care.”“I do care, asshole. I was worried about you too believe it or not.”“Why?”“You’re hard on yourself. Especially when it comes to me. Stop blaming yourself for not being able to stop me. I’m the one doing this to myself, I don’t need you feeling sorry for yourself over it.” Eren is right, Jean does feel guilty that he can’t keep him safe. But he never wanted to admit that out loud or even to himself.“That’s irrational.”“Yeah, whatever you say, big guy.” Eren sighs, finally working up the strength to sit up slowly. “How long are they keepin’ me in here?”“Who knows. Probably at least until tomorrow. You looked pretty bad when they brought you in. Though, you always look bad.”“Gee, thanks.” He scoffs, taking a second to look over at the blond. He can see the panic in Jean’s eyes, the worry has set in on his features and he’s never felt so guilty for putting someone through this much…but he finds it hard to resist him at a time like this. His white knight really, if not for Jean he would’ve died. Testing the waters, he reaches out for Jean’s cheek. The other male tilts his head up to look at his injured friend in shock.“What are you—” Before he can speak, Eren is brushing his soft fingertips over Jean’s rough stubble. His nails slightly scratching along the other male’s skin. He looks so mature like this, sleep deprived and unshaven. Eren has always been cursed with a baby face and the lack of facial hair but he doesn’t mind. He likes at least appearing soft in some form.“C’mere.” He mutters through clenched teeth, gritting away the pain. In a way, it’s a turn on to the smaller male. He wouldn’t put himself through this shit if he didn’t have a high tolerance to pain. Jean indulges the brunet, gently drifting forward until their foreheads rest together. He can feel Eren’s hot breath on his lips and the sheer closeness causes him to let out a submissive whimper. Every time he’s thought about them being together, he’s always the top but right now he feels so fucking subservient.“Kiss me.” He orders finally and Jean eagerly obeys. One of his hands rests against Eren’s upper arm softly and he clenches the fabric of the hospital sheets with the other. He’s standing now, his knees bowed so that he’s at Eren’s height. The position is uncomfortable but he can’t focus on that with the bittersweet taste of Eren on his lips. It’s in no ways a perfect kiss, their teeth scrape a couple times and he’s moaning disconcertingly loudly into the smaller male’s mouth but fuck it’s so imperfect that Jean can’t contain himself. It’s all he’s ever wanted for them, messy kisses in emergency rooms because it fits them so well. The only reason he stops is because he hears the other whimper in pain. Immediately drawing back, he stands up straight and looks down at him awkwardly. Unsure of what to say, he instead looks out the window into the pitch-black nothingness of the evening sky. The stars are all missing tonight and if all of this didn’t feel so real, he was certain he’d wake up in his own bed clutching a pillow to his chest. The same pillow he’d been pretending was Eren all week.“Pinch me.” Eren laughs at the request, shaking his head uneasily. “Am I that good that you think you’re dreaming?”“Just do it, please…I need to know.” Jean’s been so unbalanced the past few days that he wouldn’t put it past himself to dream all this up but when Eren pinches him he realizes that this did just happen.“Now that you’re done being spellbound over me, will you go ask the nurse if I can have more pain meds? This fucking hurts.” Jean laughs, rubbing the back of his elbow timidly.“Okay bossy, damn.” With that, he exits. Standing in the doorframe to admire Eren for a second before receiving a disconcerted glare. “I’m going.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Everything eventually passes and people change but Jean doesn’t even think for a second that there’s a chance he could forget the time he and Eren spent together. Even now, looking at his battered body and the deep scar that was still healing over his stomach he didn’t want to be anywhere else. Knowing that eventually Eren will heal up and leave again, returning to his lifestyle of fighting, hurt Jean but he knew he couldn’t change the other male until he was ready to stop. There was no way that it’d end in some cliché manner where their love would be enough to bring him around. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, he’d stand by Eren no matter what even if he didn’t agree with his actions. Whatever they could be, Jean would go along with. He wasn’t a fool, but he was desperate at this point.They lay in the king-sized bed, Eren in Jean’s arms. The sun had gone down hours ago but the blond couldn’t sleep. His “lover” had been staying at the house with him after being discharged from a very lengthy hospital stay. He liked to say he was well enough to be on his own but Jean had his convictions that kept him from allowing him to go home alone. Not that Eren really wanted to. As much as he disliked being babied, he didn’t mind it so much coming from Jean. Every night felt like a romantic getaway; he’d realized very quickly that the taller of them was a romantic. They’d take baths together and drink whole bottles of wine until they were too drunk to sleep. Jean had taken a leave from work to take care of Eren and although it seemed like he was taking in a street rat to most, he felt like he was taking care of the man he was in love with.“I’m just gonna rest my eyes a bit, Jeanny. Don’t fall asleep on me or anything—” With that, Eren dozes off, almost immediately starting to snore. He’s dressed in one of Jean’s t-shirts and a pair of boxers; the shirt riding up to reveal the scar. Jean’s still in his jeans and a button up shirt. His hair damp from the bath they’d taken together earlier in the evening. The male has a glass of red wine in his hand, occasionally lifting it to his mouth as he watches his drunk “boyfriend” sleep.Once the glass is empty he sets it on the nightstand and sits at the edge of the bed with the bottoms of his feet firmly on the hardwood floor. Slowly he unbuttons his button up, each button he removes slowly revealing more of his skin. He’s unbuttoned his jeans and shimmies out of them, his belt clanking against the floor as he discards them. Now in a pair of boxers, he slides back onto the bed and into Eren’s arms without even waking him.He's disappointed really, he was hoping he’d wake up the small male with his movements. He’d been louder than usual but still Eren was dead asleep. Frowning, he nuzzled his nose against the brunet’s cheek. Scattering kisses over his nose and forehead. When his lover started to stir, he grinned eagerly and let out a soft whimper. One of his hands roaming the smaller’s body; brushing gently over his stomach with his fingertips until he came to the waistband of his boxers. Grunting, sleepy emerald eyes open to half lids and he’s staring up at the large blond above him. Jean is hesitant to say anything or even move until Eren laughs.“Are you putting the moves on me in my sleep?”“I thought you were just resting your eyes.” One of Eren’s small hands cups Jean’s cheek and pulls him down into a messy but somehow romantic kiss. Carefully the larger male tightens the embrace by wrapping both arms around Eren’s seemingly fragile body. He’s lifting him just off the bed enough so that he can grind his groin against the brunet’s leg to elicit soft whimpers from his lover in between pained gasps because he’s still healing and Jean…well Jean has never been known for his gentleness. However, when he hears the noise, he softens his touch and pulls away to look at Eren’s face for signs of discomfort but he only sees anticipation. This would be their first time together, he knows that he should wait until the other is completely healed but he doesn’t want to and something tells him that Eren doesn’t either.“Are you okay?”“M’ fine, stop worrying.” Instantly his chapped lips are back to Jean’s and his hands roam the man’s body with the intent of leaving gashes. Both physically and emotionally; Eren’s nails scratch down his lover’s torso leaving lines of white and soft rasping noises. Jean gasps, sucking in air sharply at the discomfort. “Just because you have to be gentle doesn’t mean I do.” Eren ensures, his lips twisted into a lopsided grin. Of course, he wouldn’t be tender, Jean knew that much.What he didn’t know is what happened next. They’d been doing a lot of kissing recently, making out until one of them fell asleep but it’d never gone past that. It’s not like they’d talked about this either; Jean wasn’t comfortable bottoming and he wasn’t sure that Eren would be either. He did know however, that he had a bottle of lube in the top drawer of his dresser in case something did happen. He’d never been with other men before, but he had been with women. It couldn’t be that different right?“I like when you’re rough with me,” Jean admits, delicately trailing kisses along Eren’s cheek to his neck and ear. Testing the waters, he decides that maybe Eren is into dirty talking. It’s never been one of his strengths but he decides to give it a try. “I’d like to see you try to be rough with me when I’m inside you.” His raspy voice wavers and Eren’s cheeks flush a brilliant cherry red; the brunet laughs but only because he’s unsure of what else to say. This leaving Jean feeling very insecure about what he’s said, but Eren kisses away the other’s anxiety.“That’s a promise? I think I can manage to boss you around even if I am the bottom.” Eren’s voice is reluctant at first and then suddenly loud. Like he wasn’t sure in the beginning but now he’s all in.“Yeah?” Jean swallows down his worries along with the spit that’s collected in the back of his mouth. His dry throat choking him but he quickly recovers. “Yeah…we’ll see if you’re still so cocky then.”“I will be, Jeanbo~” The singsong tone of Eren’s voice breaks off as he pulls Jean down on top of him. Their bodies lined up almost perfectly aside from the size difference which makes Eren feel like he’s being towered over. Although Jean isn’t that much taller, he is much broader. His large shoulders out scaling Eren’s petite body. Not that he’s weak or anything, he has defined muscle while the blond has more of an athletic build.Without hesitation, the taller is ripping Eren’s shirt off which provokes irritated grunts from him. “You could not rip my shirt, y’know.”“I said I’d be gentle with /you/, not your clothes.” Sitting up on his elbows, the brunet cranes his upper body long enough for Jean to slide the shirt over his head. Peering down at him in the pale lighting, he feels one step closer to heaven. This sight, unlike anything he’s ever seen before. Of course he’d seen Eren shirtless many times but never like this. Never intimately. “Fuck, thank you-” Within a moment, the blond is slinking further down so that he can kiss along his lover’s body; only occasionally leaving small hickeys, the size of dimes, in the crooks of his body. Hiding them so that only he’d be able to find them later, he rejoiced in the soft whimpers of approval Eren was giving. When he came to the stitched wound, he stopped and stared down at it for a moment.“Jean..?” The reality that the man he was certain he was in love with was hurting himself seemed almost disgusting and as much as he tried to pretend it wasn’t happening the little reminders kept popping up. Gently, he kissed along the wound, the light jab of stitches to his soft lips enough to bring about a bittersweet pain in his chest.“I love you,” He muttered in a voice so soft Eren could not hear. His words spoken to the brunet from the most vulnerable point of his body. The battle scars that made up the smaller male were unnecessary but they told the story of who he was and that was what he loved Eren for, so he could learn to love the imperfections too.“You’re so weird, that tickles.” The male brushed one of his small hands through the softness of Jean’s blond hair, letting out a feminine giggle at the sensation of gentle kisses to his recovering body. “Can you get on with it already?” Sighing exhaustedly, Jean’s eyes roll but despite the attitude; he’s painfully unsure of what to do.“I’ve never…”“You’re a virgin? Seriously?”“No! I’ve just-…never been with a guy.” Eren’s previously mocking expression changes and his cocky grin fades. He’s genuinely honored to be the one to teach Jean this.“Well I’m glad I’m gonna be the first guy to corrupt you. Don’t worry, I’ve been with other guys…so I can point you in the right direction.” The blond doesn’t know whether to find comfort or jealousy in his words. He wants to be disappointed that Eren has been with others but he can’t be mad when he didn’t even know he was bi until the brunet started coming around.“Yeah, I guess.”“Oh, shut up. I can tell you’re jealous. You’re such a baby, Jeanbo.” He glares, letting out an exasperated sigh. Without dragging this out any longer, Eren reaches to Jean’s groin, palming his hand over the outline in the bigger male’s boxers. Humming excitedly, he gives a rough squeeze. “You’re big, I expected you to be though.” Jean gasps, grinding against Eren’s hand for the smallest amount of relief. He’s biting his lower lip and his eyes fall shut. Holding himself up by the palms of his hands overtop his lover, his body shakes eagerly. His cock now almost completely hard just from the other’s touch.“You’re so easy, or is it just for me?” Eren’s voice is soft and endearing however firm and dominant. The way he talks makes Jean want to snap because it’s hot but he wanted to be the boss. He can’t overpower Eren in most things but this, he knows he can in bed.“You talk a big game, are you really that proud of yourself for making my dick hard?” Asserting his own dominance, he reaches underneath himself to feel over Eren’s crotch; finding his length almost immediately. He shoots the other a cocky grin and raises an eyebrow. “You’re just as hard as me, idiot. Stop acting like I’m the only one turned on.” He tugs at the fabric until the brunet is completely nude before him. He’s not subtle at all when he looks at Eren’s length, noting that he’s much bigger and it’s all he can do to keep himself from pointing it out but the smaller male beats him to the punch.“Yeah, yeah, I have a small dick. I’m a bottom anyway so it doesn’t matter.” The brunet is clearly embarrassed and Jean can’t help but laugh lightheartedly; his thumb brushing over one of Eren’s flushed cheeks.“Hey, you’re beautiful. Douche.” He leans in quickly to peck a kiss on Eren’s forehead and the male’s heart practically shatters at the softness of Jean’s touch. His hand casually wraps around Eren’s cock, gently moving his hand in motion with the brunet’s hip thrusts. The smaller is biting his thumb to suppress whimpers and Jean replaces it with his own which Eren eagerly sucks on; his needy emerald eyes staring up at Jean.“Fuck-” Eren moves his foot so that it’s pressed against Jean’s crotch. The blond shutters at the sudden pressure but continues to tease the brunet; squeezing his length just enough to apply compression and bring the other’s unsuccessful attempts at payback to an abrupt halt. “Jean I want more…”The longing in Eren’s voice makes Jean’s heart skip beats and he’s shocked by how quickly he’s learning how to do handle the other male. He holds him like he would a woman, with the same gentleness and dominance. He never expected being with Eren would be so overwhelmingly liberating and simple; he always expected it to be difficult because their relationship was well, difficult.“What do you want? Tell me, baby,” He hasn’t called Eren ‘baby’ many times but it slips off his tongue and feels so right. The look on Eren’s face contorts to annoyance as he stares up at the man that’s still working tender strokes over him.“Isn’t it obvious?”“Maybe, but I wanna hear you say it.” Scowling, the brunet stares off to the side to avoid eye contact.“Fuck me please…oh god fuck me.” He tilts his head to muffle the begging into one of the silk pillowcases.“You sound so good…” The words slipped with the shutter of his breath, unable to stop himself from adoring how amazing Eren sounded practically begging for him. Without stalling anymore, he moved away from the small brunet to open the nightstand drawer and pull out the bottle of lube.“Were you planning on doing this with me?”“No- my ex-girlfriend left it here.” He laughed, watching the hint of jealousy slip onto Eren’s face.“Who’s envious now?”“Shut up, just fuck me.” A look of concern crosses Jean’s face and more than anything, it irritates Eren. “No, you’re not going to hurt me, I’m so fucking hard it’d hurt more if you didn’t fuck me.”“Do I need to prep you…I’ve only ever seen a couple gay porn movies and they never do it. But I read that you’re-”“For fuck’s sake Jean, just take your dick out.” He nods, dropping the tub onto the bed and standing on his knees to shimmy out of the red plaid boxers. Tossing them aside, he allows Eren to look him over before carelessly grabbing the bottle off the bed again to shake it and squeeze a droplet the size of a quarter onto the middle of his palm. Cringing because it both smells like strawberries and feels like warm goop, he looks down at his lover apprehensively.“Gross.”“Oh stop being a baby about it, J.” Kicking him lightly in the thigh to earn a hearty laugh from the blond, Jean reluctantly spread the lube over his length; without hesitating he wiped his hand against the bed to wipe off the excess.“Are you sure you don’t need me to stretch you…or whatever.” Uncomfortable was putting it lightly, he kept stalling because he was both terrified and worried he’d hurt Eren. The brunet looked away, obviously disgusted.“I’ve…been with others, so you’re fine.” He quickly recovered from the awkwardness but it lingered for Jean; he hated the idea of Eren having been with other people but right now he didn’t have time to dwell on it. “It might be easier if I’m on my stomach for you…”“But I wanna look at you.” Jean’s voice drops desperately, the idea of not being able to look into his lover’s eyes honestly being a deal breaker. Eren stutters, his words catching in his throat; most guys don’t want to look at him. The bruises, the imperfections…all of his insecurities so easily displayed before someone so perfect as Jean. He almost hates the idea. If he didn’t love it so much. Eren isn’t self-doubting usually but when it comes to such a vulnerable position he is.“…okay.” He sighs, spreading his legs and resting the bottoms of his feet firmly against the mattress to spread himself for Jean, he rests a hand on the male’s hip. “Just…be careful. I’m still sore and all.” Jean wraps an arm around one of Eren’s thighs to drag him closer softly.“Sh, you don’t even have to tell me, idiot.” His voice is hush as he wraps his hand around the shaft of his cock to press the tip gently to Eren’s entrance. But stops suddenly, looking back up to Eren’s face. “If I’m being honest, I didn’t expect to go all the way with you…I thought we could just jack each other off or something.”“Jean…seriously, you’re fine. Just-…please.” The pleading look in his eyes is all Jean needs to see before he’s bucking his hips softly, wiggling his length inside of the tiny brunet.“Fuck, you’re so tight…am I hurting you?” The smaller male groans, both from the pressure but also from the fact that Jean is barely in and already seems to be on the verge of cumming.“You only have the tip in, you’re not hurting me!” His voice elevates the further in Jean pushes, the familiar sensation causing a feeling of warmth to come over his body. His eyes roll and he grips at Jean’s forearms for some form of leverage. The way the large male looks towering over his petite body is enough to cause Eren’s cock to throb and he can barely stand how slow Jean is taking this. “More, oh fuck, give me more.” Jean indulges the idea, forcing himself further despite how tight Eren is. He earns a small whimper and he feels the brunet tense up; stopping for a few seconds he waits for him to adjust before continuing. His hips thrust gently until he’s completely inside of his lover. Jean pants hard, brushing a large hand through his soft, messy blond hair.“You feel so good, fuck I can’t believe I’m doing this…” He grins, biting his lower lip as he rotates his hips in an almost soothing motion. Eren can’t help himself; eagerly pulling Jean down into a sloppy kiss. Their mouths in sync with the way he’s entering Eren. Only stopping to let out a hushed moan, Eren grabs Jean by the nape of the neck to pull him into his neck, squeezing hard until Jean realizes that he’s supposed to bite. He sucks on Eren’s soft skin, leaving a trail of red welts along the curve of his jaw. There’s a few seconds where all the brunet can do is stutter out Jean’s name; the blond takes it as a sign to thrust a little harder. Reaching between them, he grips the shaft of Eren’s cock again to bring him more pleasure and the tiny male arches his back against the mattress. His arms falling at his sides as he grips small hands into the fabric. His nails dragging along the satin to bring about a clawing noise, Jean shutters as he watches the small male writhe underneath him. A sense of lust filling him, he wants to let go and have his way with Eren but when he spots the still recovering wound he controls himself.“You’re so big, Jeanbo…” Eren taunts him with the most seductive voice he can gather, his small hands moving from the sheets to rest on the other male’s broad shoulders before eventually tapering to the back of his neck. With every thrust, his body recoils in pleasure. His neck cranes back and he stares at the ceiling while Jean continues; he’s disassociating quickly, thoroughly enjoying Jean but at the same time physically exhausted. “Are you gonna cum?”“Already?” He whispers into Eren’s ear, giving the smaller male’s cock a firm squeeze to receive a loud whine in response. “I was just getting started with you.”“Hurts.” He mutters, grabbing one of Jean’s hands to rest overtop of his hip to show him what hurts. Jean swallows spit, torn between wanting to stop completely and wanting to hurry for Eren.“Do you want me to stop..? I don’t want to hurt you.”“No, we both have to get off first. I just want to hurry…m’ tired.” Jean kisses his earlobe, stopping for a second to contemplate whether he should keep going or not. Eventually, Eren starts to sway his hips and this ushers the blond into continuing. “You feel so good…and you’re so gentle with me. You make me feel like I’m made of glass or somethin’.” Standing on his knees, Jean’s hands go to Eren’s hips so he can pull him back into more aggressive thrusts.“Someone has to be careful with you…you sure as hell aren’t easy on yourself.” There’s bitterness and truth to his words but the way Jean says it makes Eren feel special. As if he actually cares about what happens to him. He should’ve known that was the case, what would be the reasoning behind Jean caring for him so frequently and so carefully.“You’re in love with me…aren’t you?” Jean goes silent; however, he doesn’t stop moving. Eren feels too good to stop and his knees are wobbling against the mattress from the pleasure that’s overwhelming his sensitive body. “Oh fuck…/Jean/.” He’s quickly sidetracked by the pleasure, Eren moves one of his hands to his own cock to jack himself off. “Just seeing you over top of me like this is enough to make me wanna cum.”“Cum for me Eren,” He perks up, eager to see what the other looks like mid orgasm. Moving one of his hands to rest over the other male’s, he’s trying to help and just the mere thought of it leaves Eren a shaking mess. Before he has a chance to warn Jean about what’s about to happen, he’s already cumming onto his own stomach. Gasping for air between yelps and moans, Jean leans down to kiss away Eren’s sounds. He moves his hand away and uses it to prop himself up, focusing on finishing himself off now. He can’t stop staring at the brunet’s face. The way his eyes are half lidded and exhausted, his skin is bright red and he shakes subtly. He’s so spent that Jean can’t believe he was able to finish Eren off before himself. Filled with pride, he presses loving kisses over the male’s cheeks and neck as if he’s comforting him. The smaller male loves it, he’s never had someone so tender in bed with him before. After accusing Jean of being in love with him, he’s suddenly realizing that maybe it’s the other way around. “You look so pretty right now…” The blond interrupts his thoughts, Eren looks up at him and his lips curve into a reassured smile. “I’d give anything to see you like that again.”“You will, I promise…” There’s a sudden quietness that drowns out the moment but when the smaller male feels Jean throbbing inside of him he realizes what’s coming. In a desperate attempt to speed things up so they can cuddle, he reaches to Jean’s shoulder blades to dig his nails into the male’s pale skin.“Cum in me, please!” he’s moaning dramatically, even if it’s faked Jean can’t help but enjoy it. “I want you to cum in me, don’t pull out.” His thrusts become erratic and eventually he’s a shaking mess overtop of his lover. Eren can feel the large male filling him and he loves it so much he’s too embarrassed to admit it. Rubbing Jean’s back to sooth him through his orgasm, he watches as the blond buries his face into the crook of Eren’s neck. He yells out Eren’s name, feeling horribly desperate for how loud he’s being. When he finally finishes, he lets out a sigh of relief. Practically collapsing, Jean rests his weight against Eren’s body. Still inside of him, he barely has the energy to even move. He’s drooling onto the pillow under the brunet’s head and his eyes are closed. It’s Eren that’s holding Jean now, gently massaging his back to calm him down. He can feel the larger male’s heart racing against his chest and he cringes at how sweaty and dirty they are now. But he doesn’t want to move from this position.“We should get cleaned up,” Jean suggests, breaking the silence.“In a minute, I just wanna lay here with you.”“Sorry…I forgot about a condom until I was cumming. I promise I don’t have anything-”“I was never worried about it, I wanted to feel you.” Jean sighs, nuzzling to Eren’s cheek to give him a soft kiss.“Did you mean what you asked? Do you really wanna know?”“Know what?” Eren plays dumb, afraid to admit that he’s in love with Jean as well, he’s so bad at confessing.“Know whether I’m in love with you or not.” He swallows hard, sitting up just enough to make eye contact with the male under him. Finally deciding it’s time to sit up and get some wash clothes and towels to clean up. Jean presses a gentle kiss to the male’s cheek before standing up.“Yes, idiot.” Eren panics, sitting up gently. “I wanna know, come back and tell me.” Jean is halfway to the bathroom before turning to look over his shoulder.“Give me a second, I’m not going to tell you I love you for the first time covered in…us.” He laughs lightheartedly, and Eren falls in love with him all over again.