Work Text
Sunday, March 15, 1981
San Marco Neighborhood,
Jacksonville, FL
Dean Winchester came tearing through his parents’ historic bungalow home, squealing at the top of his lungs in just a diaper as his Daddy, John Winchester, chased him out to the backyard where his beautiful sunshine haired Mommy, Mary, had just finished transplanting her stunning pink tulips. The little blonde baby ran to his mother and fell into her lap as she pulled her dirt covered gloves off. John panted on the porch as she situated their baby on her lap. Both parents nearly had a heart attack each when their boy came toddling down the porch steps at a breakneck speed for someone as little as him. “Goodness sakes, De!” Mary cooed, holding her mostly naked and giggling toddler in her arms. “Are we finally into our terrible twos?” Dean giggled and turned to hide his face in his mother’s chest as he saw his Daddy approaching. “No!” Dean called, sure that Daddy was still possessed by the tickle monster. “No tickies!” “It’s okay, Dean.” John chuckled, sitting on the grass next to his wife. “Mr. Tickles went bye-bye. It’s just Daddy.” “Is that why there’s a naked baby running around my house?” Mary questioned with a sly look at her tall, brunette husband. “What did Mommy say about Mr. Tickles stopping by so soon?” “No-no!” Dean answered, looking up at his Mommy and then Daddy with a serious face. “That’s right! No-no!” Mary laughed, rubbing her nose against baby Dean’s as her hair came down and tickled his chubby little face. “Let’s get you dressed so we can have some pancakes!” “‘Cakes!” Dean cheered, snuggling up to her. “No need to butter me up,” Mary teased, getting to her feet with her little boy in her arms. “I’m not a pancake, but I’m sure you will be!” “You are what you eat, Dean,” John agreed with a grin following his wife and son into the house to start breakfast. “I’ll get started while you two get cleaned up.” Mary walked through the kitchen to the hall outside the bedrooms and single bathroom. She took a right into their son’s room, barely keeping a hold of her excited baby. Dean was set in his crib while she dug through his drawers to find an outfit that would be appropriate for the early spring weather. It wasn’t supposed to rain and it would be a touch warm out so she settled on a little gray polo and blue jean shorts. Lifting her hyper baby from his bed, she gently tossed him up in the air and caught him, inciting a fresh round of rampant giggles as his dimples made adorable little shadows on his chubby cheeks. Mary smiled warmly as she set him on the ground and helped him get dressed for the day. Once that was done, she carried Dean to the kitchen and strapped him into his highchair. John had already warmed up a pan on one of the burners of the stove top, which was sizzling with freshly melted butter. Mary kissed her husband and moved to the sink to wash her hands as he started pouring some of the batter onto the pan. She decided to cook some bacon to go along with it after getting a sippy cup of ice water for her little angel. After about a half hour and a few almost swears from getting hit with popping grease, John and Mary started plating breakfast. It was a Sunday so John had the day off and the little family had nowhere special to be. If Dean hadn’t been so hyped up, they would have said it was a lazy day at home. Alas, their little adventurer wouldn’t be cooped up all day if he could help it. Besides, Sunday was park day and there was no way the baby was missing out on going down the slides, swinging on the swings, and playing in the sandbox- that was the one that Mommy hated but she always just shook her head and smiled as Dean would throw the little granules up in the air with his eyes closed and his head down, giggling like mad. Once breakfast was finished and Dean was washed up (much to his dismay), Mary started packing the diaper bag while John sat on the couch in the living room to read “Corduroy” to their baby boy. Before Daddy even made it to the title page, Dean was in tears because his Corduroy bear was missing. “Mary, honey!” John hollered, heading towards Dean’s room with the toddler wailing as Daddy held him on his hip. “Have you seen Corduroy?” “The book or De’s teddy?” Mary prompted, her heart breaking as she listened to her baby cry while tucking a spare change of clothes in the diaper bag. “His teddy, babe.” John clarified, bouncing the little boy in his arms. “I think we left Corduroy in the car from our trip to the grocery store. It should be on the seat next to his.” Mary responded. “Do you want me to take him while you run out to the car?” “No, I’ll just take him with me.” John answered, kissing her cheek and heading towards the front door. He snagged his keys on the way out and descended the porch steps. Their ‘67 Chevrolet Impala was waiting in the street for her next trip. John had just waxed and polished her after a thorough tune-up so she was looking even sleeker than normal. Ordinarily, John would have taken a moment to admire his classic beauty, but this time his priority was righting the terrible wrong of his son’s teddy bear being missing. Personally, the mechanic could think of a million things more upsetting and world-ending than an absent plush comfort item but he reminded himself that Dean was only two years old and though he was incredibly bright and perceptive for his age, he was still just a baby. He unlocked the car and popped open the rear passenger door to retrieve the beloved bear that formerly had a missing button that was eventually replaced by one that had fallen off Mommy’s old maternity dress. It was white with little hand painted flowers and looked quite out of place on the stuffed bear’s overalls but Dean loved it even more because of that. John handed the bear to his son and locked up the Impala, being sure to shut the doors to his mechanical pride and joy nice and tight. Dean quieted down almost instantly as he buried his face in the back of Corduroy’s head and clutched a hand to his Daddy’s shirt. They went back inside and sat down once more, picking the story back up and actually delving in with theatrical voice-overs and all. Dean had suckered his Mommy and Daddy into getting the bear for him a few months ago. He had carried the book around and fussed whenever they tried to put it up. Dean felt bad for the poor teddy who only wanted love and cuddles. When they found the loveable stuffed children’s icon in the department store, Dean had grabbed a hold of it tight and pat the teddy’s back, just like Mommy and Daddy did whenever he was upset and needed love. Mary had cooed at him and asked him if Corduroy needed lovings and Dean had looked up at her sadly and nodded. He had, with his limited vocabulary, explained that the bear deserved love too and that he would give it that love. Mary had looked right at John and dared him to say no to their little bleeding heart. Of course, the man caved and coughed up the money for the bear. Ever since then, Corduroy went just about everywhere that Dean did- except for the bath tub and the changing table since his teddy didn’t need a bath or a diaper change. Whenever it was time to wash his best stuffed friend, Mommy said that Corduroy was going on a special spa day where he would come back cuddlier and prettier than ever! Dean was ecstatic to note that Mommy had never lied about that and his teddy always smelled like flowers and cookies when he got it back. Finally, Mommy came out in a sundress and sandals with the diaper bag over her shoulder and a sun hat in one hand while the other held the dreaded sun block. Dean looked up at her with a small, almost sleepy smile and proudly held up his teddy to show that Corduroy had not been lost or forgotten. Mary smiled softly at her adorable little man and knelt on the floor, setting her hat and the bag to the side and extending her arms out to Dean. “Come on, Angel, let’s get some sun block on and then we’ll go to the park.” Mary coaxed as her son hesitated, looking between her and his bear. “Wuv!” Dean said, kissing Corduroy on the nose and handing the bear to Daddy. He carefully slid off the sofa and watched as John cradled the stuffed animal in his arms like a baby to his appease his little boy. Dean smiled and toddled happily to Mommy. She started spreading sunscreen here, there and everywhere, rolling her eyes with a smirk as Dean periodically looked back to make sure Daddy was still treating his teddy bear nicely. Once the sunblock was on him, she let him go back to John and cuddle with his stuffie while she slathered herself with the oily but necessary substance. It always smelled funny to her and her least favorite part was putting it on her face. She sent a pouting look to her husband and son as they laughed at the faces she made as the smell of the pasty lotion assaulted her nose.With that done, she hoisted herself up, donned her sun hat, grabbed the diaper bag and lifted her baby, teddy and all, into her arms. She already had his shoes in the bag to put on in the car so they just had to wait for her slow-poke husband to get his sneakers on before they could take off. “I’m going, I’m going!” John assured the pair as Mary constantly stood over his shoulder- her playful way of reminding him that she was waiting on his royal snail-ness. Mary laughed and followed John out to the car, slipping into the back seat, buckling Dean in and then herself. John got settled and buckled in, starting the car and pulling away from the curb. It was a short drive to the park, one spent with Mary’s head tilted back on the headrest as she and her imaginative little one watched the clouds and guessed what they might be. As the engine died out, Mary sat up and started the process of getting herself and her baby out of the car. She slipped his shoes on and took him out of his seat. They only planned to spend an hour or two at the park since Dean would get tuckered out rather quick and likely need a change before too long. Mary hated the public bathrooms and avoided them at all cost and John was not a fan of changing the baby in his car- though they had a silent agreement that if Dean was legitimately at risk of diaper rash then he would risk it so his little boy didn’t have to experience such discomfort. So off they went to the toddler friendly playground equipment. Mary and John knew they wouldn’t be there for very long since Dean always wanted to do what the bigger kids were doing, even if the little boy’s friends- Andy and Ava- were content to stay on the toddlers’ equipment. Dean immediately started to toddle up to the highest slide and watched Mommy walk to the bottom. He knew better than to go down without her there. Sometimes, his stupid shoes tried to stop his descent and then he’d tumble the rest of the way. The first time it happened, Mommy hadn’t made it to the slide and Daddy was at work when Dean’s shoes refused to slide. He had tried bending his knees and sort of scooting a bit to get going again, but he ended up leaning too far forward and slid down on his tummy like a penguin. Ava had been there that day since they were supposed to be playing together. She had been following him up to the slide and waiting to go down behind him. When she saw Dean colliding with the wood chips at the bottom, she had screamed bloody murder and cried for him. It wasn’t long after that that Dean burst into wails of pain and fear himself. Mommy had rushed over and fussed over him. She immediately grabbed Ava and Dean and took them back to her home so she could remove the splinters, clean his scrapes, and get him all bandaged up. He and Ava ended up cuddling on the couch and watching a baby friendly movie until Ava’s mom came to get her. Dean refused to go back to the park the following Sunday, but he eventually warmed back up to it. Now, he waited for Mommy because she could fix it so he wouldn’t go penguin sliding. Once she was there, Dean sat down on his butt and slid down, squealing in delight as Daddy surprised him by peeking out from behind the slide as he went. He did everything (which wasn’t much considering it was just two slides, stairs, a set of baby bucket swings, a couple of spring riders and a seesaw) at least twice before he got bored and started wandering closer to the side that ran between the toddlers’ and the big kids’ equipment. He looked back at Mommy and Daddy with a bit of a pout forming. “Daddy, I think he wants to go to play elsewhere.” Mary hinted, swinging the hand that was holding her husband’s. “I think you nailed it, Mommy.” John agreed as they walked towards their little boy. There were maybe two or three other kids over there and then there were a couple people walking dogs on the grassy field next to the playgrounds. John grinned as he saw the sweet, dopey pitbull practically running around it’s owner with excitement. They’d met the owner and the dog before when they were carrying a sleeping Dean back to the car one afternoon. The owner was a twenty something year old woman with dirty blonde hair and average build named Hailey and the male pitbull was a smoky almost blue color with a white chest and tummy named Diesel. The Winchesters fully understood the name of the dog given that it was almost always happily running about and playing with Hailey. At the moment, the young woman was talking to the other dog owner and his chocolate lab was trying to get Diesel’s attention. “Go on, baby!” Mary called, certain that Dean would be alright since he knew not to go on the elevated equipment until she or John was there with him. “Wait for Daddy before you go monkeying up there!” The blonde baby grinned and giggled, toddling as fast as his little bowed legs would take him. In that instant, all hell seemed to have broke loose. Diesel had caught sight of the baby Winchester and seemed to remember him from last time. The pit had tried to stand on it’s hind legs to lick the sleeping baby’s face but ultimately settled for licking the tiny lag dangling in front of him. Hailey explained that Diesel had fathered pups before and usually thought of little kids as his pups- even kids he didn’t know. That’s when it happened. Mary’s and John’s hearts stopped and they froze for a split second. Hailey had been switching the retractable leash to her other hand when Diesel bolted, yanking it from her grasp. The pit came barrelling at Dean full speed and knocked the baby onto the patch of grass between the two play areas. The little boy instantly burst into tears that escalated to wails within seconds. Diesel never bit or stood on the tiny boy, but he had his paws on either side of Dean’s torso and licked his head, neck and hands. The baby was just so shocked and had hit the ground so hard that it traumatized him. Diesel backed off quickly, realizing the ‘pup’ was distressed and laid down sulkily in the grass next to him. Mary and John were at full sprint and so was Hailey. She was already calling out apologies as she approached while simultaneously scolding her well-intentioned dog. Dean reached for Mary as soon as she was in sight and was rewarded with being nestled up to her torso as she calmly soothed him while John rubbed his back and then ran a hand through his hair, also assuring his little boy that he was alright and everything was okay. “Oh my goodness, I am so, so, so sorry!” Hailey profusely apologized, taking a firm hold on Diesel’s leash. “He normally never dashes off like that, not that that’s any excuse… Is Dean okay?” “Not sure yet. He’s definitely upset and shaken up, but it’s hard to tell if he has scrapes or anything.” Mary calmly answered. “He should be fine. I know you and Diesel are nice and things just happen. Diesel just got overexcited.” John didn’t say a word. He definitely looked miffed to say the least. “I will gladly take care of any doctor bills or anything that I can do to make it up to you. I feel so awful about all of this.” Hailey told them. “What you can do is pay attention to your damn dog! Maybe if you were a better owner he wouldn’t be running off like that!” John snapped, infuriated by her ‘weak’ response since she didn’t seem to be taking any responsibility and blaming it all on the dog. “If you can’t take care of that hellhound and keep it inline and on a leash, you need to put it down!” “John! You need to calm down. She said she was sorry! He didn’t even hurt Dean!” Mary scolded, surprised by her husband. “Diesel just wanted to play and lick Dean! He’s just a dog. He doesn’t realize how much bigger and stronger he is.” “Mr. Winchester, I am well and truly sorry but I don’t appreciate your harsh response. I screwed up and Diesel misbehaved and clearly,” Hailey pointed out, gesturing to Diesel, who was still sulking on the ground with his head between his paws. “We both feel awful about how upset and potentially hurt your son is. Please try to see that…” “Hailey, It’s okay, really. If Dean does turn out to need to stitches or something crazy, we’ll contact you and work it out. I still have your number from when you watched Dean.” Mary assured her, throwing a look to her husband to warn him to be nice or keep quiet- he chose the latter. “Again, I’m sure that he’s just upset and maybe has a few minor scrapes. He’ll be right as rain in no time. As for Diesel, just work on keeping him a bit calmer around little ones. I think he just got too fired up about seeing Dean running and thought it was play time.” At this point, Dean had quieted down and just comforted himself by playing with Mommy’s hair and sucking his thumb. “Right. I agree and, again, I really am sorry and hope that he’s okay.” Hailey profusely apologized, gently tugging on Diesel’s leash to say it was time to go. Diesel got up and gave a gentle lick to Dean’s left leg, shrinking back as Hailey told him no since he was the reason Dean was potentially hurt and certainly upset. John glared at the pair as he ushered his wife and son back to the car. They’d had enough ‘excitement’ for one day so it was time to go home. It was barely ten in the morning, but that was okay. Mary hated being out before and after noon since scientists and doctors said that it was the window of time where the sun was the most intense and people were more likely to get burned. The trip home was rough, Dean fussed the whole way since he didn’t want to be out of Mommy’s arms. Once they were home, it didn’t get much better. John switched from his clothes to his swim trunks and got into the bath with Dean while Mary dug out the first aid kit. Dean fussed and cried because he’d lost some skin on his knees and right elbow from the tumble and small cut on his forehead. He wouldn’t need stitches (she only knew from her mom, who was a nurse, patching her up over the years) but those cuts and scrapes were gonna hurt until they healed. After the bath, Mary diapered her little angel and got his wounds dressed before putting him in his footie pajamas. Today would just be a lazy day of cuddling, after all. John and Mary settled in on the couch. There was a mountain of children’s books that they could read to Dean, movies lined up in front of the tv, Corduroy was safely tucked in the little one’s arms, and a sippy cup of water set on the side table for their poor baby. The rest of the day passed quietly with Dean fussing and crying whenever Mommy or Daddy were out of reach. Mealtimes were the worst because the little boy wanted nothing to do with his high chair- the restraints reminded him of being stood over by Diesel and he was so far away from John and Mary. His parents were definitely concerned and they figured they might have to see a therapist at some point so their boy wouldn’t have a meltdown every time he saw a dog- that was no way to live life. Mary would have to contact Hailey and let her know as well, but it was bedtime for their special little boy. He was certainly tired, but he fought hard when they attempted to tuck him into his crib so they changed strategies and cuddled him between them. Mary sang “Hey Jude” by the Beatles like always before turning the light out. Dean was almost asleep when she leaned over to kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear. “Goodnight, my sweet baby boy. Never forget that angels are watching over you.”
Unfortunately, Dean wouldn’t believe that until nearly thirty years later.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Monday, March 16, 1981
A loft in downtown Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Chuck Shurley’s phone rang at 9 am. He had fallen asleep at his desk once again and his wife, Lily Novak, had already left for her shift at the Philadelphia Art Museum. She was part of the opening crew so she and her coworkers had to be there an hour early to safely clean the showrooms and make sure that all the reading materials were in replenished. Chuck groggily grabbed his phone and held it up to his ear.
“Hello?” Chuck answered, his voice gravelly and low from sleep.
“
Hello, is this Mr. Shurley?”
The commanding voice on the other end inquired.
“Yes, this is he.” Chuck responded, rubbing at his face with his hand.
Gabriel snuck down the spiral staircase and into the kitchen. He’d managed to keep Castiel quiet and entertained with a picture book before sneaking down to make breakfast for the baby. The youngest was just barely two and should have started eating solids regularly, but their mother- who missed so much of her sons’ lives- was still set on feeding his baby brother rice cereal and bottles most of the time. It annoyed Gabriel because the little guy was missing out on all the amazing foods and was also a little underweight.
This morning, they were having cereal because that was what Gabriel knew he could carry and sneak upstairs to his bed. Dad didn’t know he was still there and the elder boy was going to keep it that way as long as possible. He was in eighth grade and had turned 13, but everyone was convinced he was older since he hit puberty at a younger age and surpassed his classmates academically- though he was lazy and terrible at meeting deadlines. Quickly, Gabe grabbed the Pac-Man cereal, Strawberry Shortcake cereal, two bowls, the milk jug and an empty bottle to put milk in for Cassie. He snuck back upstairs in record time while Dad was still occupied with the phone conversation.
Chuck hung up, frustrated and tired, as he contemplated how much time it would take him to finish at his current pace, compared to when the agency had bumped the due date to. He was supposed to have three more months, but they wanted to make it two. He still had four chapters to write, a works cited, a glossary of terms, a table of contents, an index, and all the referential images to complete by that time. He knew he could do it in three months, but two? That was just insanity! Did they not realize that things like this take time? He still needed to run trials with actual students to see if his style and explanations were functional and helpful. He was single-handedly recording history and having to make predictions about the future based on projections that scientists, philosophers, and psychologists had barely begun to make! Chuck sighed heavily as the phone rang once more. He answered fully this time, stating that it was him, Chuck Shurley, from the get-go since he was finally awake.
“
Good Morning, Mr. Shurley, this is Principal Blakely.”
The man on the other end greeted.
“Good Morning, Principal Blakely,” Chuck responded with a yawn. “My apologies, it was a long night and I haven’t had my coffee yet.”
“
Ah, that’s understandable. I regret having to initiate this conversation so early. I can’t function without a hot cup of joe, myself.”
Principal Blakely replied.
“Is something the matter?” Chuck inquired, starting to worry as he adjusted his glasses.
“
Unfortunately, yes. Mr. Shurley, where is your son this morning?”
The principal inquired.
“You mean Gabriel?”
“
Yes, sir.”
“He should be at school. He normally leaves with my wife in the morning.” Chuck supplied. “Is he not there?”
“
No, he isn’t. Gabriel hasn’t shown up. I’m calling because this has become an issue with him. His attendance record practically doesn’t exist in the sense that his teachers maybe see him once a week and not even for the full school day. He stops by to pick up his workload and leaves.”
Principal Blakely informed him.
“
Your wife has been either calling or stopping by to ask us to gather any and all assignments. Are you aware of your wife’s enabling and that Gabriel has also been bringing his younger brother to the school by himself when he picks up his schoolwork?”
If Chuck had the energy, he’d be furious with his oldest, but being so tired and stressed out, he could only be disappointed and irritated. He huffed an annoyed sigh away from the phone’s receiver and glared at the stairs that led up to the single bedroom that served all four- well, three since Chuck usually fell asleep at his desk- of them in a tight fashion that somehow worked.
“No, Principal Blakely, I was not aware of any of this. I know this reflects extremely poorly on me, but I haven’t left my desk outside of coffee and bathroom breaks in more recent times. My agent has been bumping my deadline up because our current employer is getting antsy so I’m grievously out of touch with my family.” Chuck explained, feeling awful at having to admit his failure as a father to a stranger. “I’ll have a talk with my wife and Gabriel tonight. I apologize for any trouble this has caused.”
“
I’m sorry to hear of your struggles, Mr. Shurley. I know it can be difficult to be a provider, especially in your field of work. Please do have a talk with them because if Gabriel continues to miss school, we will have to report to the school board and the consequences may be severe. I’ve heard some cases where the student is legally required to attend boarding school, which we both know would mean him living on that school’s campus and unable to come home.
“Your wife has been very clever in the past months about excusing your son from school, but after this long, it cannot be denied that she is actively encouraging the jeopardization of his academic success. It is especially crucial that Gabriel attends school given that he such a brilliant young man. He needs structure so that he can apply that intelligence and make something of himself.”
Principal Blakely stressed, sounding just as at a loss as Chuck felt. “
I would hate to see such an amiable, light-hearted and brilliant student get shipped off to such a restrictive corrective institute, but I am required by law to do all in my power to ensure that he gets some sort of state compliance education. If I didn’t already know your situation at home, I would suggest homeschooling.”
“I understand, Principal Blakely. I will be sure to emphasize the consequences to both of them.” Chuck agreed, feeling quite defeated and scared for his high-spirited son.
“
I apologize for having to deliver the news, especially so early. I hope that all goes smoothly and that you’re able to meet your deadline.”
Principal Blakely added.
“
Thank you for your time. I hope your day goes relatively well, despite all this.”
“Same to you, Sir.” Chuck replied.
He hung up the phone and rubbed his face with his hands. He could feel a migraine coming on as he once again looked to the upper level of their quaint loft. He glanced the clock and saw that it was already 10.30 in the morning. Great. He’d already lost an hour and a half and he hadn’t even fought his son yet. Upstairs, Gabriel had finished his cereal and Castiel had filled up on the sugary, strawberry flavored corn puffs. He turned to Gabriel with the most manipulative and adorable pout that the older boy had ever seen as he glanced his bottle on the nightstand, which his big brother had already filled with milk.
“None of that, Cassie, that pout is a weapon of mass murder. You keep that up and most of us are gonna die from the heartbreaking cuteness that is you.” Gabriel teased, cradling the younger boy in his arms and putting the teat of the bottle in Castiel’s tiny mouth. “It’s a good thing I’m here or you’d be way up a creek without a paddle.”
“Gabriel!” Chuck called.
“Speaking of being screwed…” Gabriel breathed, internally groaning as he leaned his baby brother against the piled up pillows and helped him get a hold on the bottle.
Gabriel shook his head as he saw Cassie lose his grip almost instantly and start pouting once more. He kissed the baby’s forehead and whispered an apology as their Dad yelled once again with a bit more anger in his tone. Castiel whined as he watched Gabriel leave and was crying by the time that the brunette boy was downstairs.
“Yes, Dad?” Gabriel asked, already knowing what he was being confronted about.
“Your principal called me just now. He said your teachers barely see you once a week and not even for a full day, or a half day for that matter!” Chuck informed him, getting angrier as he poured himself a cup of coffee.
“What’s more is he said your mother has been covering for your ass and that you’ve been taking Castiel with you. When were you going to tell me that you’ve been taking my youngest, the baby for God’s sake, out into the world without an adult?! You’re barely 13, Gabriel!”
“What the hell else am I gonna do, Dad?!” Gabriel demanded, keeping his voice down.
“You don’t even remember that you have kids until we do something drastic to get your attention! The last time you interacted with Cassie was two weeks ago when he had grabbed one of your papers from the desk and you yelled at him! Mom’s been covering for me because she knows that I’m the only one that can take care of him between the three of us! You barely remember to feed yourself so how the hell are you gonna feed us?! Mom’s never home because she’s trying to bring home that weekly paycheck so we have food to eat so she’s not gonna be watching Cassie. We can’t leave him at daycare because that costs money that we don’t have!”
Chuck was shocked. Everyone kept telling him how brilliant his boy was and he knew as much himself, but to hear just how perceptive of their situation, their lives, he was became a wake-up call to what was really going on in their family. His son was a teen parent at 13 and the baby wasn’t even his. It was certainly a slap in the face to hear those words and even harsher from a child. He felt his stomach sink as he heard his youngest wailing from the master bedroom.
“Gabriel, I know this is not ideal and that our lives are fucked up, but this is what we have and how it is. I’m trying to get us to a better place. I know you’ve heard over and over how much this project is supposed to pay and that it doesn’t mean anything right now, especially when it seems like I’m not even here even though I work from home. You’re trying to do what you think is right and I appreciate and understand that. However, if you paid closer attention to your studies, Hell, if you just read the school’s handbook, you’d know that I have to beat the importance of going to school into your head because there could be legal repercussions.” Dad explained, much calmer as he headed for the stairs and gestured for Gabriel to follow him.
Once upstairs, Dad picked Castiel up and grabbed his bottle. He nodded to the stairs when Gabriel reached to take his baby brother. The teen understood and went back down, taking a seat at the kitchen table as his Dad sat across from him and calmed the toddler in his arms before tipping the bottle’s nipple into the child’s mouth.
“If they send someone for a home visit, your mother and I could lose both of you and the foster system doesn’t care if you two are in the same home or not. Fuck, they’ll take Cassie to a home that wants a baby in an instant and you’ll end up somewhere else, which may be a halfway house if you keep making black marks on your record.” Chuck elaborated, looking down at his baby with a sad smile as the dark haired child looked up at him with sad blue eyes.
“We’ll never get you back once they take you two. School is legally required at least until you’re sixteen and if you miss school or skip it without good reason, that’s grounds for legal action. Your principal said that one of the least severe consequences they can give if it’s proven that we, as your parents, can’t make sure you’re at school and can’t homeschool you is requiring us to send you away to boarding school.”
“Then why not just homeschool me?” Gabriel questioned.
“Because they already know that your mother and I aren’t capable of that because of our jobs. With all the investigations the school’s done into us, they know full well that’s not an actual option. Your principal has been covering our asses for a long time, Gabriel. He used to date your mom back in the day and he would do anything within reason to make her life easier, but he can only cover up for us for so long.” Chuck regretfully answered.
“Why didn’t you just start with homeschooling from the beginning? You could’ve just looked up approved lesson plans and made me sit down and do my lessons at the table while you were at your desk.” Gabriel pressed, irritated with the whole situation- he never was one for rules.
“My smart boy,” Chuck laughed, feeling the tears sting his eyes as he looked at his oldest with a sad smile. “I wish we had thought of that, but when you were younger, we didn’t have to worry about any of that. We didn’t have Castiel to think of at that point. We never planned to have your brother and that’s where the problem lies.”
“What are you saying, Dad? Was Cassie a mistake?” Gabriel asked, unnerved by his father’s statement.
Chuck was quiet for a moment, contemplating the safe way to answer. He hadn’t thought that hard about his answer when he’d uttered it, which was the bigger issue at the moment. He loved his Castiel, but they never intended to have another child- not so soon anyway. They were unprepared and things were so iffy all the time. Would they be able to buy diapers this month? What about all the specialized foods that their growing toddler needed? They still had to buy clothes and shoes for both kids and food for all of them. All of them were on the thin side, but Lily and Castiel were especially thin out of all of them. He knew Lily skipped every meal but one. She always ate breakfast- which was usually oatmeal with whatever fruit they could afford at the time- but she skipped lunch and dinner. She would claim she ate a lot at work and that her coworkers had paid for her to go to out to lunch with them and that they sometimes all pitched in to order pizza for their fifteen minute breaking during the closing shift, but Chuck knew that while her coworkers were very good to her, that wasn’t happening as often as she told them. She just wanted her babies to eat well, though she struggled with feeding their youngest between her desire to make up for lost time and his pickiness.
“How could you say that?!” Gabriel demanded, outraged at his father. “It’s not his fault you and mom screwed around and had a baby before you should have! If you had been more careful, you wouldn’t have to worry about either of us! That’s the whole ordeal isn’t it? You never wanted us, you just had us because you couldn’t be bothered to be careful!”
Castiel spit out the mouthpiece on his bottle, sensing the change in atmosphere. Things clearly weren’t okay and he looked to big brother to make it better.
“That’s not what I said, Gabriel!” Chuck snapped, pissed off that his son was being so disrespectful. “I love both of you, but I was an idiot by not preparing for you first! Watch your tone, I am your father!”
“Notice how you still didn’t say that you actually wanted us?” Gabriel pointed out, looking sickened by the whole conversation. “Why don’t you just give us up if we’re such a burden?”
“Because you’re my children and I love you!” Chuck angrily insisted, getting annoyed with his youngest for squirming so much. “Castiel, sit still!”
That did it. The two year old’s lip wobbled and then the tears started. It was only a matter of seconds before it escalated to wails as he tried even harder to get away. Gabriel, like always, came to his rescue, prying him out of their Dad’s arms. Big brother held him close and soothed him as best he could while Dad sat there dumbfounded by his realization that he was a terrible parent. What monster would snap a two year old like that?
“Come on, Cassie. Let’s go get dressed and go to the park.” Gabriel sniffled, walking away with his little brother in his arms.
“Do not leave this house!” Chuck yelled, processing what his eldest had said. “You are not to leave this house with or without your little brother!”
“Just try and stop me, Chuck!” Gabriel shouted back angrily as he jogged up the stairs.
“Gabriel Lance Shurley! If you walk out that damn door, there will be consequences!” Chuck hollered, running up the stairs to stop his son.
Gabriel already had Castiel dressed and was pulling on his shoes with the diaper bag sat next to his bed. The older boy looked up at his Dad with a challenge in his eyes. Chuck was damn near ready to take the boy over his knee, even with the baby watching.
“I fucking dare you to stop me, old man. I will fight back.” Gabriel warned, angry tears running down his face. “If Cassie gets hurt, I will go back to school just to tell the guidance counselor and the principal everything so we don’t have to be here anymore.”
“Don’t test me boy, I will beat your ass right here in front of your brother. You are biologically and legally my child and you will follow my rules as long as you live in my home.” Chuck threatened. “I tried to have a conversation with you, to reason with you, but you just don’t get it! This world doesn’t operate around you and how you think it should. Grow up and get that through your head before you end up like-”
“Like what?!” Gabriel pushed, glaring at his father.
“Before you end up like me.” Chuck spat, astonishing his son. “This isn’t the life I wanted for my family. I never wanted us to struggle. Your mother is barely alive. Your brother is on the cusp of malnourishment. Both of them are at risk for clinical depression and you’re not any better off. I can’t even take care of myself, can’t pay the damn bills, or put food on the table. I’m no saint, no God and I know it, but I work my ass off to try to make things better!”
“Don’t worry.” Gabriel retorted, throwing the diaper bag over his shoulder and taking his crying brother in his arms. “
I will never be like you
.”
With that, Gabriel stalked out of the loft and left an astonished and lost Chuck behind. He glanced the clock on the nightstand and saw that it was already broaching noon. He had two options. The first was to chase down his boys and drag their happy asses back home and lose an entire day’s work to fighting and literally watching them every waking second. The second was to just let Gabriel go for now and put his head down to get this damn project done as quickly as possible. On one hand, he needed to show Gabriel that he was in charge and disrespecting him and his rules were not an option. On the other, he need to finish the project so he could start to get paid and be more present from then on. Realistically, he knew his boys were in no danger. Gabe was smart and he looked older than he was so people were less likely to push their luck with him. Honestly, he wanted nothing more than have Gabe help him with this project, so they could have time to bond and catch up, which would also give the boy a real intellectual challenge to try to assist in the creation of a textbook that had to make sense to kids that weren’t on the same learning level.
Ultimately, Chuck decided it was better to just stay put and get some work done. He knew Lily wouldn’t be mad for letting them go out on their own, though he was sure he’d get chewed out for the fight they’d had and scaring the baby. He sighed as he reheated his coffee and sat back down at his desk. That migraine had finally formed and made it known that he was going to suffer. He quickly downed two Naproxen with a mouthful of coffee and started sorting through his work to remind himself of where he left off.
Once he was back in his zone, the seconds turned to minutes which turned into hours until he hear the front door. It was only around six in the evening as he glanced the clock so he was surprised when he saw Lily walking in with Castiel on her hip, pizza boxes balanced on her free arm and Gabriel bitterly trailing behind with the diaper bag on his shoulder and a couple grocery bags in his hands.
“Chuck. Set the table. We’re eating as a family and we’re going to talk about whatever happened today.” Lily ordered in a calm, even tone. “Are you hungry, Cassie? I bet you are! Mama’s gonna get you all set up in just a minute!”
Chuck followed them to the kitchen and started pulling out the dishes. Three normal plates, one plastic kid’s plate, three glasses, one bottle, three metal forks, and a plastic fork. He set everyone’s places and started pouring milk into the glasses and bottle from the gallon that Lily brought home. Gabriel strapped the baby into his high chair and helped his Mom plate the food after she had tossed a quick salad together. Finally, they all sat down and started eating together. They ate in silence for awhile, with the only interaction being Lily helping Castiel eat and hold his bottle to get a drink as she gently encouraged him.
“The boys came to see me at work today, Chuck.” Lily told him, taking a bite of salad, chewing and swallowing. “Gabriel said you two fought and that’s why my Cassie has puffy eyes and tear stains. Do you want to give your side of the story?”
“Yes, Lily, we did have a verbal argument.” Chuck agreed, wiping his mouth on a napkin. “I received a call from Principal Blakely. He informed me that Gabriel hasn’t been at school and that you’ve been covering for him. I know the Principal’s been covering for you and fudging the records. He called to warn me that if Gabriel doesn’t start showing up for full days, that the School Social Worker may pay a visit. So I tried to have a conversation with our son about it. Things escalated and I admit that I did threaten to spank him.”
“Gabriel, is this how it happened?” Lily asked, giving her son a warning look.
“Don’t lie to me and that includes slanting the truth. I only want a yes or no. You will be able to share your side but I want to know if we’re on the same page first.”
“Yes, Mom.” Gabriel agreed, ducking his head eating the last bite of his pizza.
“Okay, so we’re all in agreement that there was a fight about Gabriel not going to school like the state mandates, there was calm conversation and then the fight started, correct?” Lily clarified, watching both Chuck and Gabriel nod. “What started the fight, Chuck?”
“I want to say it started after Gabriel asked me why we weren’t homeschooling him, though he had been mouthy with me prior to that.” Chuck recalled, taking a bite of his salad.
“What did your Dad say that made you so mad?” Lily prompted, looking to her oldest son as she took a drink.
“Well, he started getting really snippy with me when I first came downstairs. I didn’t like being verbally attacked so I snapped back, but then we sat down and talked once we both calmed down. But then he pretty much said it was Cassie’s fault that things were so bad and I got really pissed off.” Gabriel admitted, taking a drink himself as he let Castiel grab his free hand to play with.
“Please tell me you didn’t say anything that could’ve even been interpreted as that.” Lily practically begs with a disappointed, pleading looking to her husband.
“I never said it was Castiel’s fault. I said that we hadn’t prepared well enough for having him and that’s why we were struggling so much.” Chuck defended, looking hurt and annoyed by the implied accusations.
“Gabriel misunderstood me and then things escalated when he claimed he was going to take Castiel and go to the park when he was clearly in trouble, had no permission or supervision to do so. He just didn’t listen and there was shouting and a threat of a spanking.”
“Chuck…” Lily groaned, letting her hair down and rubbing her temples with her hands. “I know that you were upset and Gabriel definitely shouldn’t have back-talked like that or stormed out, but years ago, we agreed that confrontations and punishments would be handled by both of us at the same time so we could talk it out and come to an agreement.”
“I understand and know that, but this is a serious thing, Lily! We could lose our boys if they come here and deem us unfit for one reason or another!” Chuck stressed, keeping his volume down.
“I’m aware, Chuck, but if you had waited for me to come home, we could have discussed this and then I could have told you what I was planning to do.” Lily countered in a gentle voice as she held Castiel’s bottle for him while he played with her long dark hair.
“What were you planning to do?”
“I’ve been working for the museum for years now. They’ve finally recognized my determination and skills and I’m getting a promotion. I’ll be able to set my hours and occasionally work from home. Plus, I have some vacation time. I was going to start establishing homeschooling for Gabriel. For the most part, he’ll be on his own unless he needs or wants my help with his work. That way, I’ll have time with both of them and we won’t have to worry about Gabriel getting into serious trouble with the state for ditching school.” Lily announced, setting her baby’s empty bottle on the table.
“When are you going to be able to start that position, though?” Chuck prompted, concerned by this plan. “What happens if your workload is heavier than you expected?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, that’s the plan.” Lily elaborated. “As for when I start, I need to go through the appropriate training before I’ll be allowed to take over for my superior.”
“How long will that take?”
“A month since I’ve already been informally trained on some of the duties that I’ll become responsible for.”
With that discussion done, Lily began to clean up, urging her husband to just go back to work. If she was truly angry with Chuck, she didn’t let it show. Gabriel washed up his brother and got him out of the highchair. Once Lily finished the dishes, she took the boys upstairs to get ready for bed. She undressed Castiel, changed his diaper, massaged his delicate little body with Johnson’s lavender scented bedtime lotion, and got him dressed into a pair of ombre blue footed pajamas covered in little white bubbles with a little whale on the chest and bigger patchwork whale on the butt. She had Gabriel hold the baby while she stepped into the closet. She was ready to get out of the button down and pencil skirt and ended up replacing them with a loose fitting tank top and a pair of cotton shorts. She rejoined her sons on the bed, taking the side closest to the closet with Castiel in the middle and Gabriel on her husband’s side.
“I know it hasn’t been easy hiding all of this from your father and having him yell at you for ditching, but I appreciate the sacrifices you’ve been making to help your family. I don’t know what Cassie would do without you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Lily praised Gabriel, kissing his forehead as he watched Cassie put his older brother’s thumb in his mouth. “I’m sorry for whatever he said. Just know that he doesn’t want to punish or yell at you. He’s just so stressed and upset with the project and the way things have changed around here since then. He wanted to be a stay at home Dad as soon as he found out I was pregnant with you. The only problem with that is that the only line of work he could get that matched his skill set is what he does now, what he’s always done. He’s constantly beating himself up for being here physically but unable to actually spend time with you two.”
“I don’t think he ever wanted kids.” Gabriel confessed, looking up at his mom with tearful eyes.
“Well, that was true when we were in high school together.” Lily confirmed with wistful smile. “But once we graduated and had you on the way, that changed. He was scared and he wondered if we should really keep you- not because he didn’t want you- because he didn’t think we could provide for you. He didn’t want you to grow up the way he did, but to some extent you still had to.”
“What do you mean?”
“Your Dad grew up in a big family, but they disowned him once he was sixteen. He didn’t agree with anything they stood for and couldn’t take the struggle. He was one of like eight kids and his parents were abusive, both out of neglect and intention. Thankfully, they were usually only verbally abusive, but on those occasions where it was just one of those days, things were physical and violent. Your Dad was a middle child and his parents only cared about the babies most of the time. The babies were fed first and then the rest of the kids had to duke it out. Chuck got used to not eating outside of school and that bad eating habit has stuck with him.” Lily explained. “He was constantly having to watch his younger siblings and he had no life outside of that and school. When he was starting high school, he left home to live with a couple who were long time friends of the family and owned a little farm on the edge of town- Nick and Amy Haverish. They never had kids, but they were happy to take in your father. They’re the reason he’s any sort of functional today.”
“That sounds awful…” Gabriel commented, looking at his mother in horror.
“It was. That’s why he never talks about them. He doesn’t exist to them so they don’t exist to him either. Maybe one day, his younger siblings will remember him and try to reconnect, but they’ll have to be the ones to start mending that bridge.”
“So Dad doesn’t hate us?”
“No, baby, he doesn’t. He loves both of you dearly. Sometimes, he just gets so mad at himself because he’s afraid he’s turning into his father and he accidentally takes it out on you when you break the rules-”
“Or get caught skipping school to take care of Cassie?” Gabriel pointed out with a smirk.
“Yes, that too.” Lily laughed. “We shoulda bribed your principal.”
“The only bribery he would’ve accepted is a date with you.” Gabriel reminded her.
“Sometimes, I think you’re too smart for your own good.”
They both grinned and laughed at that, smiling like idiots as Castiel started giggling just because he could. Lily took her baby into her arms and laid him down so they were chest to chest. Castiel yawned and relaxed on top of her. The day had been too stimulating for the baby. It was nice just to curl up and space out- a favorite pastime of babies as everyone knows.
“Cassie, baby, you want your paci?” Lily cooed, holding the soother in front of his mouth and teasing his lips with it.
Castiel jumped a bit in surprise, smiled from ear to ear as Mommy and ‘Bubba’ (his nickname for Gabe since he couldn’t say his name or the word brother yet) laughed at him. He happily took the comfort object and settled into a rhythm.
“Ready for our bedtime ritual?” Lily whispered.
“Yeah!” Gabriel beamed. “Where are they?”
“Second drawer on my nightstand.”
Gabriel got off the bed as Castiel’s eyes blinked and then shut. He went around and got into the drawer. Inside was his mother’s stash of sweets. He grabbed two lollipops- a cotton candy one for him and a strawberry for his mother- and resumed his position on the bed. He unwrapped the strawberry one and put it in his mother’s mouth for her since she had her hands full and then unwrapped and popped in his own.
“Thanks, sweet pea.” Lily responded around her sweet treat. “Don’t forget, we still have to brush our teeth after this.”
“I know.” Gabe agreed.
They looked at each other with Cheshire grins and knew that neither one was going to brush until morning. But that was okay. They stayed up until about 9.30 just talking about different things, like what was on display at the museum- drawings from Van Gogh to Matisse, children’s clothing from the past 200 years, and Alfred Stieglitz’s works- to what they would do on her day off to the things Gabriel’s lessons were covering and what he planned to do with Cassie during the day tomorrow. Gabe threw out the sticks from the suckers, kissed his mom and brother goodnight, shut out the lights and went to sleep in his own bed tucked into a corner of the room. Their home wasn’t perfect and their lives were even further from it, but somehow they made it work and still had some pleasant memories to reinforce their mostly positive stance on life.
No one could have ever known what Castiel would still have to go through in his life before he finally found that one home that was meant for him, where he wasn’t a burden but a blessing. It was too bad it took over 30 years to find it, but that made those years worth every struggle.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Wednesday, July 8, 1987
San Marco Neighborhood
Jacksonville, FL
It was a sweltering day in what would have been paradise if Mary Winchester hadn’t felt like she was drowning in her own sweat plus that of her unborn child. She and John had decided to try for another baby and they managed to succeed sometime in mid-November. It’s safe to say they were grateful for a lot that Thanksgiving Day. The sex had been amazing and they managed to have a weekend to themselves while Dean stayed with Papa Bobby, his godfather and John’s long-time friend and mentor, who started teaching the boy all about cars. It wasn’t really a shock given he owned and single-handedly operated one of the most successful privately owned used car lots on the East Coast. All in all, life was good for the growing family. Dean was even excited to be a big brother, which was a huge relief to his parents.
“Mommy! Look! I got ice water, Mommy.” Dean enthused. He handed the glass to Mary as she reclined on the sofa in her favorite bikini.
“Thanks, baby.” Mary panted with a smile as she took the cool glass.
“Mama, why ya wearin’ a swimmy suit inside? Are you okay?” Dean asked, looking pretty worried.
“I’m fine, De. I’m just a little hot between my body heat and the baby’s.” Mary assured him. “Man, I wish that air conditioner guy would get here soon…”
“He’ll be here soon, Mama,” Dean confidently stated. “I’m sure of it!”
“I bet you’re right, Baby. Why don’t you pick something for us to watch in the meantime?” Mary suggested, smiling at her boy as she held the glass to her forehead.
“So,
Some Like It Hot, Rocky,
or
Bonnie and Clyde
?” Dean listed off, knowing his mom was the only one who’d let him watch those kinds of movies- mostly because her favorite pastime was to tear them apart while explaining why they’re still classics.
Dean looked back at his mother and stared in confusion. She didn’t seem to have noticed what had happened. But that was weird because when he used to wet the bed- he was still potty training, thank you very much- he noticed almost immediately when he woke up… Maybe Mommy was asleep?
“Hmmm… Maybe we should watch
Some Like It Hot
in honor of the murderous heat wave washing over us.” Mary joked, smiling at her son who was giving her an odd look. “What, sweetie?”
“Um, Mommy… You know how you keep saying you feel like you to go potty a lot?” Dean brought up, unsure of how to tell his mom that it look like she peed on the couch.
“Yeah, it’s really annoying.” Mary smirked. “What about it?”
“Well, I don’t think you felt that you had to go this time…” Dean awkwardly pointed out.
“Oh, cheese and crackers!” Mary griped, getting up off the sofa at a koala’s pace. “Dean, can you grab the fabric cleaner from the kitchen while I go get changed?”
“Okay, Mama.” He agreed, heading towards the kitchen.
He gathered up the cleaner, a bucket of water, and a washcloth. Mary had shown him how to clean the cushions at one point when he was helping her clean up after she accidentally spilled some melted ice cream on the couch. She had started to doze with the bowl in her hand and then it all literally went south from there. Dean got to work scrubbing the cushion because he knew it was hard for his Mom since the baby made it hard to move and tired her out. By the time Mary came back dressed in her previous bikini top and a knee length maternity skirt, Dean was almost done and someone was knocking at the door. Dean stopped and looked to Mary, wondering if he was right about the air conditioner guy. Mommy just smiled and went to answer the door so he finished scrubbing at the cushion, deciding it was good enough. He took the supplies back to the kitchen, emptying the bucket and putting it all away in its proper cabinet space. When he came back to the living room, a tall, lean man in a blue jumpsuit with a toolbelt and work boots was standing there. There was a nametag that read “Ronnie” sewn on it.
“Hey, Sweet Pea. Thanks for cleaning up.” Mary praised, pausing in her conversation with the repairman as he snuggled into her side.
“You’re welcome, Mama.” Dean mumbled, uncomfortable around the stranger.
“Can you show me to the utility closet, Mrs. Winchester?” Ronnie requested with a kind smile.
“Of course, just follow us. It’s in the kitchen next to the laundry room.” Mary consented, taking Dean’s hand.
They walked through the dining room, which was actually more of a recreation room since they didn’t need anything other than their small table in the kitchen for just the three of them. Then took a right into the kitchen. Mary gestured to the utility closet and asked if he needed anything else, which Ronnie declined, stating he’d let her know but he may have to go back to his truck a couple times. She assured him that was fine and that she’d leave the door unlocked. Dean followed her back to the living room where Mary through a blanket over the damp spot on the couch and sat down. Her little boy put
Some Like It Hot
into the player and joined her as it started rolling. For the next two hours, they sat and watched the movie, Dean laughing at the men trying to pass as women and Mary pointing out all that was wrong with the plot and cinematography. She was no expert, but there were certainly some noticeable flaws in her opinion. By the time the credits started, Mary was starting to hurt. The baby had been kicking and twirling around like mad during the film, which she thought was fine until now. As she groaned in pain, Dean looked terrified.
“Oh, good graces!” Mary breathed through gritted teeth. “Oh, I don’t think Mommy had an accident, Deanie! Get the phone!”
Dean was frozen for a moment, unsure of what was going on. He was snapped out of it as his mother nearly screamed and got up to grab the phone from the far end of the couch. He handed it over to his mother as Ronnie came into the living room as the air conditioner kicked on.
“It should work just fine now and-” Ronnie paused, realizing something was wrong. “Mrs. Winchester, are you alright?”
“I’m in labor!” Mary huffed and puffed. “I need to go to the hospital!”
She dropped the phone as the worst of the pain hit and then went away altogether. It seemed they still had plenty of time before the baby was going to force its way out.
“I can take you if you’re alright with me driving you there,” Ronnie offered, watching her lean back against the sofa once more.
“I’ll just call an ambulance. I don’t want to burden you.” Mary breathed, wiping the sweat from her brow with the back of her hand.
“I don’t feel right leaving you here,” Ronnie responded. “I’ll just take you there and you can call your husband before we leave.”
“I’ll go with you, but only if you have enough room for my son.” Mary compromised. “I can’t leave him here so he has to come with.”
“I have plenty of room.” He assured her. “Is there anything you need before we leave?”
“Yes, I have a couple bags to grab.” Mary responded.
Dean didn’t know what was going on, but he wasn’t leaving Mommy’s side any time soon. He walked with her to his parents’ room and helped her gather the bags. When she called her husband’s work, she had to leave a message with the receptionist, who promised to find John and tell him. They were off and checked into the hospital in no time. After an hour or so, John arrived with Dean’s Papa Bobby in tow. Dean was taken to the waiting room by his Papa, who had his backpack full of activities, along with Corduroy and his favorite blankie. The two entertained themselves for a few hours before going to get some dinner in the cafeteria. After that, they went for a walk for an hour or so to kill time and work off some of the food they ate so they could have dessert sometime before Dean had to go to bed. They didn’t end up having dinner since Dean fell asleep cuddling in his Papa’s lap with Corduroy held close and his blankie covering him. Papa Bobby had been reading Corduroy’s story prior to Dean falling asleep and was just about to pass out himself when John came out from the maternity ward. He looked like shit and even that was an understatement.
“What happened, Johnny?” Bobby softly called.
“Blood… so much blood and blue… She was so blue…” John answered, taking a seat next to his mentor.
“Well, there’s bound to be blood. There was certainly a lot when Dean was born.” Bobby responded, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “Who’s blue? You gotta give me more details, Johnny.”
“The baby… She was completely discolored… The doctor said she strangled herself on her own umbilical cord. Mary lost so much blood and the pain alone… They think the baby moved too much after her water broke causing her to be breach and her size was a bit larger than they expected. The doctors think it was a number of different things that all came together to cause her death… They said if she’d come in earlier since it was so close to her due date that they might’ve been able to at least save my Mary if not both of them… She should’ve called the ambulance. She listened to that damn repairman and now she’s dead.”
John crumbled before his friend’s eyes and Bobby felt awful. To lose a baby was bad enough, but to lose his wife too… That was just a tragedy too painful to imagine. He looked down at his godson and his heart broke even further. Dean was a Mama’s boy all the way and he just wasn’t sure how well the kid would take it. Sure, he’d understand that Mary and the baby were dead and gone, but would he be scarred for life? It was just such a hard thing for someone so young to have to deal with and Bobby wished that the eight year old didn’t have to go through this. He prayed that God knew what he was doing with this sweet, bright boy because he didn’t think he’d ever forgive a God that did things for shits and giggles.
==>
The next couple of days were rough as Dean was told about his mother and baby sister’s deaths. He cried a lot that first day and was almost numb the second. John had started making funeral arrangements, ultimately deciding to cremate his wife and baby. He would wait to do the cremation until after the service, which was at the end of the week since there weren’t that many people to invite. He planned to have trinkets made with locks of hair from the both of them, a custom dating back to the Victorian era. But before they were turned to ash, he wanted Dean to see Mary one last time and say goodbye to her and his stillborn sister.
Bobby drove them to the funeral parlor the day after the visitation and ceremony was held, where Mary and Baby Cassie were being prepped for the cremation. The three met up with the director of the funeral home and he took them downstairs to their morgue. Mary was lying on one table, dressed in her beautiful, long sleeved, white wedding gown with her eyes closed and hands folded on her abdomen. They had done a wonderful job with her. Baby Cassie was on a separate table wearing a white, extra long christening gown and matching bonnet. They both looked so at peace that it actually brought more comfort than sadness to Bobby, though he could tell that John and Dean didn’t feel the same as he set one hand on his godson’s shoulder and the other on John’s and squeezed.
“We plan to do the cremation today as you know.” The director, an older gentleman named Victor Hemshall, began. “My question to you is whether or not you and your family would like to be present for the actual cremation?”
“Do many people opt to be here during it?” John questioned, unsure of the right choice.
“Some do because it can bring them closure and peace to know it’s been done and that it really is their loved ones in the urn. Some tend to worry that there could be mix-ups, which I assure you never happen, but they want to know for sure so they stay to watch.” Victor kindly answered. “Ultimately it is up to you. I will not advise one way or the other because it is a very different experience for everyone. Not everyone wants to see their loved ones reduced to ashes and very few can handle the smell.”
“I think we’ll stay for now, but we may take off it proves to be too much.” John decided, putting an arm around Dean’s shoulders. “Will you be alright with staying?”
“Yeah…” Dean whispered, a few stray tears running down his face. “I’ll be okay, Daddy…”
“Okay, Little Man.” John responded, rubbing the boy’s back and nodding to the director.
They stepped back and watched Mr. Hemshall gracefully transfer Mary’s still form onto a rolling table. He wheeled it over to what looked like some sort of oven, moving with practiced motions to transfer her inside of it. John took a deep, shuddery breath as lifted his son into his arms, knowing they both needed some cuddles to get through this. He thought he saw Mary twitch as she was manipulated in the furnace before the director closed and securely latched the door. John brushed it off as his mind just showing him what he wanted to see- that his Mary wasn’t dead, just very alarmingly comatose or something, but he knew she was gone. Victor approached the controls and fiddled with them. After a moment, they felt the heat from the furnace. There was a glass viewing window on the door and they could never unsee the sight that it left them with. Mary Winchester was writhing in agony as her screams resounded through the morgue. They were panicked and high-pitched and none of them could believe what was happening.
“DON’T JUST STAND THERE, ASSHOLE! YOU’RE KILLING MY WIFE!” John shouted, snapping out of his stupor as he thrust his son into Bobby’s arms.
“It won’t save her, I’m sorry!” Victor apologized, not even making a move to shut it down.
“MOMMY!” Dean shrieked, tears streaming down his face. “NOOOO! MAMA! LEMME GO, PAPA! HAFTA HELP MAAAMAAA!”
“I’m taking Dean! He can’t stay here for this.” Bobby shouted, attempting to be heard over all the commotion.
He made a run for it with the sobbing, struggling child in his arms. Bobby went to the car, giving into tears as held his godson in the backseat. As if it wasn’t bad enough his mother had allegedly died and he lost his sister, now Dean had to witness his mother being burned alive before his eyes because the mortician fucked up. He’d only heard of a freak incident of a lady coming back to life after being pronounced dead for an entire day, but that just sounded like a fairytale. Bobby could only imagine what this poor boy was going through, what he was thinking… Knowing John, the mechanic could already guess how this would go over with his best friend. Who knew how long it would take either of them to recover from this?
==>
Sunday, January 24, 1988
San Marco Neighborhood
Jacksonville, FL
Ever since Mary’s death back in July, John and Dean had been staying with Bobby. The car salesman had no problem with that. They needed time away from a house full of memories and Dean needed someone to take care of him. Hell, John needed it too. Bobby happily took them in and kept them healthy- well, he kept John as healthy as he could, but he was a grown ass man and his best friend couldn’t force him to do anything. During their stay, Dean had been grieving for sure. He had hid away for a month or so and when he surfaced again, he was back to his normal self- which worried Bobby more than words could express. He had tried to talk to John but he was so wasted every time he came back to the house and Bobby left it alone until the week before the father and son were supposed to go back home.
The two fought for hours, even getting into a screaming match before punches were thrown. John had tried to assault Bobby for insulting his parenting and bringing up his dead wife and child but his best friend was swift and sober- he literally knocked some sense into him with a hard punch to the jaw. Bobby felt awful for a moment because he swore he heard a crack and he hadn’t meant to hurt his younger friend, just give him a wake up call. Dean had been hiding in the guest room and crying all the while, but neither adult ever knew that he was even awake. The boy was an expert as hiding his emotions. He cried into his pillow most nights and plastered on a smile every day. It was exhausting but he didn’t get those awful looks of pity and sympathy anymore, which was worth it. He didn’t want to be a broken kid- those were the ones that everyone talked about, no matter what age.
The day John took Dean back to their home was Dean’s birthday. They’d had a small celebration where Mary’s friend, Ellen Harvelle, and her daughter three year old daughter, Joanna- or Jo for short, made an appearance to wish the nine year old a happy birthday and see how he was holding up.
Ellen had just recovered from a recent divorce and was finally up to being out and about. Her husband had passed while on active duty in the military before Jo was born and the man she dated and eventually married showed his true colors so she divorced him. It felt nice to be around people she considered family, especially on such a happy occasion.
Unfortunately, Dean didn’t seem to be enjoying the small get-together one bit. Bobby had pulled her aside and explained that not only was this his first birthday without Mary, but it was to be their first day back home and Dean was afraid to leave his Papa’s. On top of that, having Jo around seemed to be making things worse. The little girl was a reminder of his dead sister and it hurt almost as much as Ellen’s presence reminding him of the mother he didn’t have anymore. He really loved his Aunt Ellen, but she was so motherly toward him that it was overwhelming. When he and Dad left Papa’s, Ellen and Jo were still there. He wasn’t happy about going back home, but he supposed it was better than being reminded of what he didn’t have anymore.
By the time they got home, it was nearly seven at night and tomorrow was Monday, a school day. Never had Dean been more excited for a school day. He loved learning new things and all, but it was more about getting away from painful memories and being with his friends, Andy and Ava, who were always there for him. John had him take a shower and get ready for bed. This was the first time his Dad had stepped up since his Mom died and Dean was reveling in it. They even watched
Bonnie and Clyde
and cuddled before John tucked him into bed. Dad even sang him “Hey Jude” to help him fall asleep.
“Do me a favor, son…” John had whispered when Dean was almost completely out. “Remember what I tell you. I know this has been so hard on both of us, but you’re gonna be just fine. You’ll be somebody, help people, someday. I just know it. Be good and take care of yourself. I want you to know that none of this is your fault. Not one bit of it so don’t beat yourself up over it. Believe me when I say that I only want what is best for you and all I do is for your own good. I love you so much, Dean…”
“I love you too, Daddy…” Dean yawned with a small smile.
With that, John kissed his son on the forehead and closed the door to his room. He walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Poison brand whiskey. He retreated into the bedroom he used to share with his beautiful Mary and took a long swig of the burning liquor. It left a pleasantly awful taste in his mouth. He pulled up the bedskirt and grabbed the lockbox. John retrieved the keys from their hiding place under the mattress, opened the metal box and stared down at the contents. He told himself he was doing the right thing, that it was better if he did. Dean would be better off with Bobby and he just couldn’t take the pain anymore. If he had made different choices, maybe she would still be there with them. If only…
As his father sat brooding and drinking in the next room, Dean was succumbing to a nightmare. He was feeling his baby sister kick with his hand on his mother’s tummy and their father was laughing and smiling. Everything was good. Suddenly, Mommy was in pain, a lot of pain. Daddy rushed her off to the hospital with him in tow. When Dean turned to look at his Papa as he shouted, all he saw were flames consuming Mama and Daddy was shouting. His dad was trying to strangle the director and eventually succeeded, ignoring his son as Dean screamed for him to help Mommy. When Papa tried to get Daddy to leave the director alone and do something, Daddy tried to hurt him. Papa punched Daddy as the flames spread until they enveloped the two men. All Dean could hear were phrases like ‘it’s your fault,’ and that Daddy didn’t love him one bit.
The dirty blonde-haired boy jolted awake. He had tears streaming down his face and he could feel the warm dampness that was on his pants and sheets. He’d wet the bed. Dean felt so awful, but he pulled himself together. He had to go find Daddy because Daddy was finally back and would make it all better. He slipped out of bed and crossed to his door. There was a creak as the door opened, making Dean shiver. The boy peered around, unsure of where Daddy would be. He saw a light from under the door to his parents’ room. That had to be it then. Dean crossed the hall, turned the knob and pushed the door into the room. He froze as he saw his father. John had a pistol in hand, one with a specially carved handle, but the barrel was in his mouth. There was an almost empty bottle whiskey by the man’s feet. He had a glazed over look in his eye, one Dean had seen a lot these last few months. Papa had said that meant that Daddy ‘wasn’t all there’ when he looked like that. As Dean started to enter, afraid to come closer, but even more afraid what his dad might do if he didn’t make his presence known. Before he could get a word out or touch his Dad to get his attention, there was a loud crack and pop.
Blood. Everywhere.
“DAAADDYYY!” Dean screamed, sobbing all the while. “NOOO!!! PLEASE! DAAADDYYY, NOOO!!!”
John had fallen backwards from the impact and the hole in his skull was pouring blood on the comforter. Dean grabbed his lifeless body, yanking and shaking the man. He didn’t want to believe it was true.
Before Dean knew what was going on, there were red and blue flashing lights coming through the windows. The front door was forced open and officers came flooding in. There were at least four of them. One grabbed Dean and he screamed and flailed in terror. The boy had no idea what was happening. He was carried outside, put in the back of a car and driven to a place he’d never been before. It was cold and sterile and there were policemen everywhere. Dean was numb and he couldn’t quite make out what the officer was saying as he was sat in a chair at the man’s desk. A nice lady, some sort of secretary, approached and gave him a cup of water which he left on the desk. She was saying nice things, that much Dean knew, but his head couldn’t make sense of anything. He was so out of it…
Bobby Singer was awoken by a phone call. He grumpily answered and quickly snapped to full awareness upon hearing that it was the police calling him. The officer explained that John Winchester was dead. He committed suicide with a custom pistol, a bullet through his skull. They had a little boy, Dean Winchester, down at the station. They had found the contingency plan and family contacts for the Winchesters. Bobby was at the top of the list, hence the phone call. The policeman asked him to come to the station to discuss what needed to happen next. The mechanic automatically agreed and hung up. He rushed to get dressed and get going.
In no time, he was at the station and arguing with the receptionist, who knew nothing about the case since it was so fresh. Finally, an officer retrieved Bobby, taking him to see Dean at the policeman’s desk upon the man’s implicit demand. The boy seemed to come back to the world as he caught sight of his Papa. Bobby was alarmed by the distinctive stench of stale urine that clung to the boy. Dean hadn’t had an accident since August and it seemed they were backsliding, but it was understandable given the circumstances. A fresh round of sobs ripped forth from the small boy as his Papa held him and tried to comfort him. Dean sobbed out how he’d had a nightmare and woke up to a wet bed. His voice broke as he described seeing his Daddy with the devil’s poison and the pistol, all the blood…
Bobby damn near went into shock. He was so incredulous that all of this was happening to this poor little boy and he couldn’t help the tears that burned trails down his face. Life was not kind and he knew that, but for it to be this bad for one child… He was torn between praying for the child and denouncing the God that was cruel enough to burden a child with so much suffering, grief and pain. In the end he prayed for Dean and for guidance on how to handle all of it.
Bobby didn’t have an inkling of a hope that he’d actually be heard, but throughout the next 30 years he would pray like his own life depended on it. He would one day be blessed with the answers to each and every one as Dean slowly built his family back up from the ashes, all the while making the world a better place. Angels really would be watching over Dean Winchester.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Have a cute Baby Dean with his favorite story book, Corduroy by Don Freeman, and his iconic "I Wuv Hugs" apparel (I made it a onesie because it was the easier option for me when I did this at like one in the morning while my boyfriend was trying to sleep and I was trying to do something quiet).
Have a Baby Bee named Castiel Novak! I couldn't resist when I found the little bee stickers while I was editing this one.
And now we have baby Sam Winchester, who is yet to be introduced and will not actually be in the story for a number of chapters. But I am a horrible tease so I'm sharing this super cute sleepy baby early. Affections,Liz
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Monday, August 17, 1987
Laura Wheeler Waring Public School
End of the school day
Gabriel Shurley parked his bright red Ford Mustang Mach 1 in the lot to the side of the elementary school. It was Castiel’s first day of fourth grade. In just a few months, Gabriel’s baby brother would turn nine years old and a few months after that, he would be a middle schooler entering fifth grade. He could hardly believe Castiel was so big already when it felt like only a day ago that he had been changing the half pint’s diapers. Then again, Gabriel wasn’t at home anymore. He’d found an affordable apartment, a part time job, and had been taking student loans to pay for classes and any necessities his paycheck couldn’t cover. As for his sweet ride, he’d gotten that as a birthday gift from his parents when he moved out.
As he sat in the Mustang, he popped a cotton candy sucker out from his stash in the glove box and slipped it into his mouth. Things had been pretty good since he moved out at 16. Mom and Chuck had supported him until he’d graduated high school and started studying business management at the local college, which he had expressed his gratitude for. Castiel had taken the change pretty hard, being only about five at the time, because he didn’t understand what was going on. He’d recovered pretty quickly once he discovered that he’d be staying with Gabriel more often than not. On top of that, Gabriel may or not have promised a Saarloos Wolf-dog pup to him for his eighth birthday, which he had made good on. Honestly, everyone at school already thought the teen was his dad, which Cas went along with. After all, who wouldn’t want a cool, super smart candy company employee as a dad?
The more he thought about Castiel, the more he worried. The kid was a bit more on par with his peers now, but for the longest time, Cas was woefully behind on a lot of major developmental markers. Honestly, Gabriel suspected that his baby brother was somewhere on the autism spectrum- probably high functioning, but that didn’t make him any less concerned. As a baby, He would fixate on certain things for ridiculously long amounts of time. He was extremely clingy at times and others, it was like being able to even see another person was the worst thing in the world. Then there was the crying, which, yeah, babies cry- a lot- but normal babies cried for a reason and most of the time, Castiel seemed to cry for no reason at all. Gabriel was pretty sure that wasn’t typical of the average baby. Another thing that bugged him was Castiel’s habit of tiptoeing instead of just walking. But, again, he seemed to have grown out of those habits… for the most part… Gabriel still caught him exhibiting those same behaviors at times, though it was much more subtle.
“Hey, Cassie!” Gabriel shouted, sliding out of his mechanical baby.
Castiel didn’t seem to hear Gabriel, his focus more on toying with the strap on his bag.
“Babes! Over here!” Gabriel tried again. “Cassie, come see Bubba!”
“Bubba!” Castiel called, finally noticing his brother and running at him full force.
“Hey, punk! How was your first day?” Gabriel prompted as he swept the boy up into a hug.
“Good!” Castiel giggled, wrapping his arms and legs around his brother. “What about you?”
“Better now that I’ve got you, shortie.” Gabriel responded as he set his baby brother down and had him slip into the front seat. “Whaddya say we go get some ice cream before we head home?”
“But Mama said no sweets before dinner…” Castiel frowned, not wanting to get in trouble. “We don’t normally go get ice cream after school…”
“I know and I’m aware it’s not an everyday thing. Today’s special though.” Gabriel insisted, deciding he needed to distract the boy. “Besides, don’t you wanna come back to Bubba’s and see your puppy? You haven’t forgotten about Heaven, have you?”
“I would never forget her!” Castiel assured, looking hurt by the very suggestion.
With that, Gabriel drove them to their favorite ice cream parlor where they sat, mostly in silence- Castiel seemed to be wrapped up in his own mind, and enjoyed their frozen treat. Then, he drove to his apartment. Castiel didn’t have to be at their parents’ loft until dinner time so they had a couple hours to kill. Mom was supposed to be off in time to pick up pizza and meet them there, where Chuck would already be waiting.
It would literally be the first time in years that Gabriel had pizza. He hadn’t had the stomach for it since that fight with his father when Castiel was two. Every time he thought about having the Italian-American favorite, his stomach roiled with the memories of the sinking feeling that Castiel might not be okay for much longer and that maybe their parents had lied about wanting and loving them. After all, what loving parents didn’t fight to convince their 16 year old to stay at home until they were 18 and allow that same 16 year old to pretty much take over raising their five year old sibling? At the same time, he understood that their situation was a bit more unique than most so it could honestly just be that they needed their elder son’s help with their youngest.
Both their parents still struggled to find time for either child, though their determination in their work had paid off. Chuck had used the earnings from his last two jobs to take care of the family and pay off their loft so that it was officially theirs and had gone into teaching at the local college. He made decent money, but he was miserable. He rarely saw his kids, even in passing, though he did get more time with his Lily. It would’ve been better if he saw all of them. He missed his baby boys…
Then there was Lily and her own struggles. Their mother had been wrestling with depression all her life and Castiel was set to inherit that psychological war based on what she had confessed to him and Chuck after a few sessions with her therapist. It was a scary thought since she had even gone into detail about what she’d done in her attempts to cope with the crushing darkness, that pit of despair and pain. At one point, when Gabriel was practically still a baby, she had tried to commit suicide because she was so stressed by everything that had been happening between the lack of sleep, change in lifestyle, and the insanity of trying to prove herself at her job. Gabriel was terrified to think that if he hadn’t been born, and it was just Castiel, the little guy might have already been lost to the world. Hell, there was still a chance that his sweet baby brother could follow their mother into the pit…
Gabriel shoved his thoughts aside as Castiel started bouncing in his seat when they parked outside his brother’s apartment complex. God, the kid was too damn precious for this world…
“Wait for me to come get you, okay, shortie?” Gabriel reminded his brother.
“Yes, Bubba…” Castiel sighed with an adorable mock pout, still bouncing in the same spot.
Gabriel chuckled and got out of the car. He walked around the front end, tucking his keys in his pocket, and opened the passenger door, scooping the little angel up into his arms. He smothered Castiel with little kisses all over his face, making the boy giggle wildly, as he carried him towards the apartment after locking up the car. To an extent, he was glad that Mom had babied his little brother so much because Castiel still loved to be treated like a little kid where other kids his age would hate being carried, cuddled, and kissed. Castiel snuggled up to Gabriel as the front door was unlocked and opened, but that quickly changed when Heaven jumped up from the couch in the living room to greet her owner. She was about as big as him already, but Castiel loved her that much more since they could cuddle easier.
“Heaven!” Castiel enthused, kneeling on the floor and being smothered with wet puppy kisses. “I missed you too, girl!”
“I’m gonna go shower, Babes. Be good and keep her entertained.” Gabriel announced, kicking his shoes off. “I’ll leave the bathroom door unlocked in case you need me.”
Castiel didn’t respond, he just tossed his backpack off and threw a tennis ball for Heaven to chase. Gabriel departed to his room to gather the things he’d need for after his shower. The eight year old tossed the ball a few more times before Heaven got bored, which was a bit annoying and upsetting because Cas still wanted her to fetch. The pup wasn’t done playing though, which was evidenced by her bringing a knotted rope toy to her human as he pulled a berry flavored juice box from the fridge and started to drink it. Seeing that she still wanted to entertain him, the boy forgave her lack of commitment to the game. Castiel grinned, grabbed the dangling end of the rope with his left hand, still holding the juice box in the other, and started tugging. Heaven playfully growled and tugged back as Castiel led her to the living room.
The little Novak laughed as Heaven shook her head wildly to try to get him to let go. As he went to pull harder, he lost his grip on the rope entirely and stumbled backwards, knocking the small TV onto the floor as he fell against the old, wobbly stand it was on. Cas’s heart stopped as he peered over his shoulder at the shattered device and heard the shower turn off. He could hear Gabriel swearing and things falling in the bathroom- his big brother was probably freaking out over the loud noise and frantically trying to get dressed to go investigate. As he looked to the patch of the carpet Heaven started licking, Castiel realized that wasn’t all the damage that was done. He had crushed the juice box as he fell and tried to catch himself with the hand holding it, resulting in the purplish, reddish juice staining the tan fibers.
“We’re in big trouble, Heaven…” Castiel whispered, his heart beating fast in his chest and trying to decide what to do. “Bubba’s gonna be so mad! He’s gonna make me go away!”
Before he could even think of anything to do, Gabriel was tearing his way out of the hallway and into the living room. Castiel’s eyes burned with tears as he took in the terrified, shocked, and concerned look on his pseudo-dad’s face. He felt awful about the mess he’d made and he was sure Gabe would make him go back to Mom and Dad’s and stay there until he wasn’t mad anymore…
“Babes?! Are you okay?!” Gabriel demanded, kneeling down in front of Castiel and checking him over.
Castiel sobbed, curling in on himself.
“Castiel, look at me.” Gabriel commanded, gently forcing the boy to look up but sighing when Cas wouldn’t make eye contact. “It’s okay. I’m not mad at you.”
Castiel cried, his lip wobbling as snot and tears streamed down his face, “I’m bad… did bad…”
“Castiel Grace Novak, you listen to Bubba.” Gabriel firmly stated. “I am not mad at you. Yes, you broke a TV and spilled juice on the carpet, but it was an accident. Besides, it was my fault it was on such a wobbly stand anyhow. There’s a bigger picture you’re not getting here.”
Castiel didn’t respond so Gabriel felt the need to go into depth to make sure his boy understood.
“I can replace a TV and some crappy carpet, but I can’t replace you, Babes.” Gabriel explained, wiping his little brother’s tears away. “I know it was an accident and, yeah, it sucks that I have to clean this crap up, but it’s not as bad as if something were to happen to you. I would never forgive myself if I left you on your own and you were hurt, or worse.”
Castiel just sat there, stunned. Most people yelled at him when he screwed up- even Mama yelled sometimes- but for whatever reason, Gabriel didn’t even bat an eyelash. The raven haired boy startled as his small body was pulled into his big brother’s lap. They snuggled like that for awhile before the caramel haired young man released Castiel so Heaven could get her share of affection as she nosed at the pair. Saarloos Wolf-dogs were known for being therapeutic companions and were often registered as service dogs for various reasons, ranging from physical disability to emotional trauma. That was why Gabriel had planted the idea of that particular dog in his little brother’s head. The boy needed a furry friend that understood him on an emotional level.
“Okay, I want you and Heaven to go snuggle on my bed while I clean this up.” Gabriel instructed, getting to his feet with a groan. “Before that, I want you to go wash your face, please.”
Castiel sniffled, getting to his feet with Heaven nudging him to try to assist. The kid
still
wouldn’t look him in the eye.
“Castiel, come here…” Gabriel softly called with his arms outstretched.
At first, the little boy didn’t budge, but he seemed to realize Gabriel would keep encouraging him to do as told so he did and found himself being held like a toddler by Gabriel. The older boy swayed for a couple minutes, just because it felt right, and kissed Castiel’s temple. His little angel needed a lot of positive touch to cope with things sometimes.
“I love you so much…” Gabriel whispered, his face buried in the soft tufts of Cas’ dark locks. “I can never tell you how much you mean to me. You are, hands down, the most important person in my life. Do me a favor and remember that, okay?”
“Love you too, Bubba.” Castiel mumbled through a yawn, rubbing at his eyes with his face buried in the curvature of his brother’s neck. If Gabriel didn’t know any better, the kid was starting to tear up which usually happened right before a meltdown.
“Alright. Let’s get that yuckiness off your face and get you settled so I can clean this up before we have to head back to Mama and Daddy’s.” Gabriel narrated, carrying the little guy to bathroom with Heaven right behind them.
He set Castiel on the counter next to the sink and pulled a washcloth from the bar mounted on the wall. Gabe dampened the cloth with warm water before gently rubbing away the tears and snot on his cherubic face. His skin was a bit red and irritated from the tears and scrubbing, but it was still one of the most precious faces the young man had ever seen. Castiel’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion as his big brother gave him a sly smile. His curiosity was soon satiated when Gabriel swept him up like a baby.
“Welcome to your one way flight to Snugglesville and thanks for choosing Shurley Air,” Gabriel monologued, spinning and dipping as he headed towards his room. “Whether here going there or there coming here, we’ll
Shurley
get you where you need to be. Please hold on tight for the duration of your flight.”
Castiel giggled wildly as Gabriel pretended to nearly tip over, his grip increasing on instinct. His big brother huffed and puffed as he feigned shaking and getting tired. They made it into the room with Heaven right beside them as Gabe made fake static noises like a broken intercom.
“Folks, please increase your hold to koala levels as we are in for a bumpy, smothering crash landing. It seems we’re being attacked by a UFC, also known as an Unidentified Fuzzy Creature,” Gabriel announced, trying not to trip over Heaven as she ran in front of them. “Whoa! Heel, Fuzzy Creature!”
Gabriel flopped on his bed with Castiel on top of him. Both were laughing uncontrollably as Heaven jumped up on the bed to join in on the cuddle pile, licking both their faces. Castiel rolled off his brother and snuggled up to his furry friend. Gabe smirked as he rolled onto his side and ran his fingers through the feathery almost raven colored locks.
“Okay, Babes, I’m gonna go clean up so we can get to Mom and Dad’s before they eat all the pizza without us.” Gabriel informed him, leaning over and kissing his cheek. “Be good and keep her from making any more messes.”
“Love, Bubba...” Castiel smiled, burying his face in Heaven’s neck.
“Love you too, Cassie.” Gabe responded before departing.
While Gabriel cleaned up the living room and styled his hair, Castiel laid on his big brother’s bed and had quiet conversations with Heaven. He told her about his first day back at school and how it felt super different, but also not. He detailed how his best (human) friend, Charlie Bradbury was in his homeroom but she wasn't in any of his classes. On the bright side, a few of the boys he’d made friends with last year were in some of his classes. Michael was really nice to him, but he was kinda stuck up. Then there was Raphael, who was pretty reserved most of the time if he wasn’t sucking up to Michael. His favorite out of the guys was Lucianno, who was his best guy friend. Lucianno was pretty fun to hang out with. He was the kinda kid who got all his work done as efficiently as he could while still doing it right so he could goof off for the rest of class. Luci, as he liked to be called by his friends, was really smart and he looked out for Castiel, but he could be kinda mean if you weren’t careful. Not that Castiel could blame the kid with everyone calling him ‘Lucifer’ instead of his real name. Kids could be so mean…
Castiel had dozed off cuddled up to his beloved canine by the time Gabriel came in to retrieve him.The older boy had planned to just carry his brother out to the car upon seeing him asleep, but that quickly changed as he realized the young boy was having a nightmare. Before Gabe could wake him, Castiel was whimpering and then came the smell. Ammonia was heavy in the air, making even Heaven cringe as she sneezed all over him. The young adult’s heart broke as he realized his brother had an accident… again… But it wasn’t like the kid could help it. He’d been through a lot. Despite Chuck’s best efforts, the man was still abusive when he was stressed and Castiel was right there in the old man’s face, a perfect target. At the same time, he was really starting to wonder if his odd and delayed development had anything to do with it...
“Cassie! Babes!” Gabriel urged, rubbing the boy’s small shoulder. “Wake up, Honeybee! It’s just a bad dream.”
After a few moments, Castiel snapped awake, panting in his panic. He looked down to see the wet patch on his pants. Not again… Cas had tears of shame burning his eyes. Why couldn’t he just control himself? Why did he have to be such a baby?
“Hey, Honeybee, it’s okay…” Gabriel soothed, rubbing his brother’s back as Heaven nudged and licked her owner. “We’ll just get you all cleaned up, no big deal.”
“Not okay! It’s bad! Bad Castiel!” Castiel berated himself, rubbing furiously at his eyes and shaking his brother’s hand off as he rocked himself back and forth in small, subtle motions. “Just a stupid freak…”
“Cassie…” Gabriel faltered, his heart breaking.
“No! Go away, Gabe!” Castiel angrily sniffled, getting up from the bed.
Gabriel dumbly stood by as little Cassie gathered up clean clothes from his drawer (he stayed over so much that he had his own dresser) and retreated into the bathroom. Gabe sat down on the bed, avoiding the area soaked with urine, and looked at Heaven. He pet her soft, wolf-gray fur and sighed, his eyes stinging with the threat of tears. If he had just fought his parents a little more, he would have Castiel every waking moment that the boy wasn’t at school. But he was too afraid that his Mom would take offense and prevent him from seeing his baby brother at all and his Dad would surely disown him to say the least… He wasn’t Castiel’s father- no matter whether he was the one actually in charge of the kid or not- so he had no right to demand custody and cut his parents off from seeing the boy. But look where that fear got them… Castiel was still a pretty happy kid, but he never had the experiences of a normal kid his age. He wouldn’t stay over at any of his friend’s houses for sleepovers or have them over because the kid was afraid that he’d have an accident. Not to mention the fear of Chuck losing it while he had friends over or Lily babying him too much. Then again, despite having friends, Castiel wasn’t very social and the only two kids that truly accepted that were Lucianno and Charlie...
Gabriel rolled his eyes at the thought of the damage his parents would do if Castiel’s friends stayed at the loft- as if poor Cassie didn’t have it hard enough already. If Lily had her way, Castiel would be a baby forever. He’d always be in diapers and dependent on her for anything and everything. If Chuck had his way under the current circumstances, Castiel would grow up way too fast and be miserable for the rest of his life- not that he wasn’t already miserable. No matter what way you spliced it, it would never end well at the loft. At Gabriel’s, though, Castiel was safe and it would be the perfect environment. The young man was super chill and he’d let them stay up late- but not too late, maybe until midnight and then bedtime. They’d be able to play fun games and have pizza for dinner. Maybe they’d all go out for ice cream after if the kids behaved…
Gabriel was brought out of his musings as the bathroom door opened. The light spilled into the hall for a moment before it shut off and Castiel left the bathroom in clean clothes, walking towards the front door instead of back to the bedroom- Gabe wouldn’t find out until later that Cas developed a rash because he didn’t actually know how to clean himself up. A couple stray tears escaped before Gabriel pulled himself together and joined his little brother by the door, both of them getting their shoes on in silence. As Castiel got to his feet, Gabriel heard it. The little boy was wearing his pull-ups beneath his normal underwear, evidenced by the familiar sound of the material rubbing against the cotton boxer-briefs. Gabriel was only slightly relieved since Cas was being responsible, but clearly was miserable. The young man blocked the door and looked down at his brother, concern and sadness written all over his features.
“You never call me Gabe.” He pointed out, his voice quiet and calm. “What’s going on, Castiel? Did I do something wrong?”
“YES!” Castiel spit, seeming close to having another meltdown. “You left me! You left me alone with them and it’s awful! Dad’s really mean and Mama’s always upset. They fight a lot! Always shouting and breaking things!”
Gabriel couldn’t believe what he’d heard. He knew Chuck could be a real piece of work and Lily was struggling, but fighting each other? Breaking things? That was news to him… But he couldn’t stay there. It would have been just as bad if not worse. Castiel had seen firsthand how bad it got when Gabriel butt heads with their father. Then, there was the fact that Castiel normally told him everything right when it happened or he felt a certain way. But for whatever reason, Gabe hadn’t been privy to the fact that his little brother missed him or was that afraid to be there by himself.
“I’m sorry, Castiel, but you know I had to leave. Dad and I don’t get along for anything and it would have been just as bad.” Gabriel apologized, frowning. “If I had stayed at home, we probably would have killed each other.”
“I don’t care! At least I would’ve had you to make it better! You always told me you’d be there to fix everything and then you left! You’re such an assbutt!” Castiel responded, glaring daggers at his well-intentioned big brother. That certainly wasn’t the look he wanted for the first time Cas made eye contact for the day.
“Castiel Grace! Never use that word or any like it ever again!” Gabriel warned, shocked at the mouth on the 8 year old before him and simultaneously fighting the urge to laugh at the child’s idea of an insult. “I’m sorry I had to leave you, but if I hadn’t, this apartment wouldn’t be here for you to retreat to and you wouldn’t have Heaven because Mom’s allergic and Dad would never want to take care of her. I know things are far from perfect, but this is what we’ve got. Besides, I’m not actually your dad so I can’t have you all the time, or I would.”
All the fight seemed to go out of the boy, as if he were defeated and saw no point in anything anymore. There was a mumbled, lackluster ‘whatever’ uttered from the boy as he pet Heaven, who had joined them during Castiel’s outburst. Cas shouldered his backpack and waited patiently for his brother to move so they could leave. Gabriel sighed heavily and opened the door, making sure Heaven stayed put as they left. With the door locked, they walked to the car, Castiel only holding Gabe’s hand because it was a rule about being in parking lots. One of Gabriel’s neighbors, Marissa, had a habit of being tipsy or high- sometimes both- and it affected her just enough to be problematic in parking lots, where there weren’t lights or obvious hints as to what was going on around her.
There was one day when Castiel had gotten out, shutting the Mustang’s door behind him, and Marissa had nearly hit Castiel when she went to park in the space that was next to car on the passenger side. Gabriel had literally jumped across the hood and snatched his brother up just in time. It was safe to say the other neighbors had emerged to watch the spectacle that was Gabriel, holding a wailing and terrified Castiel, shouting at Marissa as she pretended to pay to attention and give a damn. Gabe ended up calling the cops to report Marissa for clearly being under more than one ‘influence’ and her license was taken away. She would’ve been pissed, except she didn’t have the capacity since she was constantly mentally checked out from being high all the time. From then on, Castiel wasn’t allowed to get in or out of the car without Gabriel right there to make sure nothing like that happened again. Say what you want, but overprotective was better than negligent any day.
The drive to the loft was silent. Gabriel choked down the tears that wanted to make an appearance. It was a losing battle, but he was hoping to at least keep it together until they got to the loft so he could run upstairs and hide in the bathroom. It was bad enough that he failed his brother so much already, he didn’t need to make the kid feel worse by having a breakdown in front of him. When they arrived at the loft, Gabriel helped his brother out of the car, locked up, and they headed up to see their parents. The older boy had a sinking feeling in his stomach, but he wasn’t sure why until they were outside the door. Sometimes, when she got off early, Lily would blare music while she pulled everything for dinner together and Chuck would give her a hard time, telling her to turn it down so he could do his work in peace. Gabriel swallowed hard as he put the key in the lock and went to open the door. Maybe they’d had a fight and Lily or Chuck wasn’t home… Maybe they’d forgotten about family night… Maybe… Gabriel stopped his spiral to investigate. It didn’t look- or sound- like anyone was home. All the lights were off, there were no sounds coming from the bathroom or anywhere else. It was eerily silent. He dropped his keys into the designated decorative bowl on a stand by the front door and walked in with his little brother right beside him.
“Mama?” Castiel called, looking just as confused as his big brother. “Daddy?”
“Why don’t you go wash up? Dad might’ve picked Mom up from work and took her to pick up the pizza.” Gabriel suggested.
Castiel hesitated, but did as he was told. He may have a bit of a mouthy, sassy streak, but he was still a good, sweet little boy. As Castiel headed upstairs, Gabriel looked around the loft. There was nothing the kitchen- no note on the fridge, no plates on the table in the dining room, and there was nothing different in the living room. Against his respect for privacy, the young man went over to his father’s desk and saw the phone blinking with a missed call and a voicemail. There was some sort of hastily scrawled note defacing the history professor’s lesson plans. It looked like a time and address, but for what? Chuck would never deface his lesson plans or any other ‘important’ papers like that… What was so special about the address that it was the exception? Gabriel picked up the phone, instinctively looking around to make sure no one was there as if someone was going to come arrest him for listening to a message that might not be intended for him, and dialed the voicemail, entering their passcode.
‘
You have- one- new message. Message left at five-oh-three p.m.’
The automated feminine voice stated.
“
Gabriel, if you’re listening to this, know that we didn’t forget about family night.
” Chuck’s voice played. “
I’m at the hospital, the address is written on my lesson plans on the desk. It’s called Hahnemann University Hospital. It’s your mother, Lily. She’s in the emergency room. I’ve gotta go. It’s up to you whether you two want to come here. If you don’t I’ll call when I know her condition. Bye.
”
‘
End of Message. To replay message press-
’ The automated voice came back, being cut off by Gabriel roughly pressing the end call button and dropping the phone on the desk.
He rubbed his face and roughly ran his hands through his hair. What the Hell was going on? Was this just the ‘screw the Shurley-Novak family’ day or something? First, Castiel had an accident then laid into his older brother- swearing for the first time in the process- and now their Mom was in the hospital?! God and the Universe must have been out to get them…
“CASTIEL! COME ON, WE HAVE TO GO!” Gabriel shouted, collecting his keys from the dish by the door.
Castiel came dashing down the stairs and looked around, finding his brother by the door. He panted as he joined him and they left the loft, locking the door behind them.
“Where are we going?” Castiel questioned, looking a bit scared. “What’s going on? Where’s Mama and Daddy?”
“They’re at the hospital, which is where we’re going.” Gabriel quietly answered as they headed out of the building towards the car. “Mama’s in the emergency room. Daddy didn’t tell me anything else.”
Castiel was silent. The kid was probably in shock, which was confirmed as Castiel stopped on the sidewalk. Gabriel frowned and picked the boy up. They continued towards the car. He got Castiel buckled into his booster seat and got in the Mustang himself. He tried his damnedest not to speed since he had his little boy in the car, but he still pushed past the speed limit a bit in his rush to make it those three or four blocks to the hospital. Once parked near the emergency room, Gabriel rushed out of the car and went around to the passenger side to retrieve Castiel. The sight of the little raven-haired boy as he yanked open the door nearly shattered Gabe’s composure. Cas was staring blankly ahead of him and ‘biting his thumb nail,’ which was really just a lie he told in attempt to hide the fact he was sucking his thumb. Over the years, the older boy had been very tempted to just buy the kid a pacifier because using his thumb was unsanitary and just downright disgusting. The only reason Cas didn’t have one is because Gabe knew two things- his father was trying to break the child’s habit and he shouldn’t encourage Cas to keep doing it because most kids stopped by the time they were in kindergarten.
“Come on, Babes. Let’s go see Daddy.” Gabriel spoke up as he unbuckled his brother and took him into his arms. “Maybe Mama’s all better now…”
Gabriel practically sprinted into the emergency room with Castiel on his hip. It wasn’t long before he found Chuck anxiously perched on the seat of a chair close to the double doors that led to the patient rooms.
“Dad?!” Gabriel called as he approached, hitching Cas up a bit higher.
“Gabriel?” Chuck responded, a bit surprised that his son came. “Is he okay?”
“I think he’s in shock. He kept asking me what was going on when we were leaving the loft so I told him. He’s been a bit out of it since then.” Gabriel explained, rubbing Castiel’s back. “What happened to Mom?”
As the adults started talking about Lily’s run in with a purse-snatcher that ended in her getting shot, Castiel spied a large glass panelled hutch that held blue, green, and yellow pudgy birds. He really wasn’t ready to hear about what happened to Mama so he squirmed until Bubba set him down with a kiss to his forehead. He glanced at the two for a moment before deciding not to bother them. He had his thumb securely in his mouth and a desire to go see the little birds that promised to brighten his day with their happy, high-pitched chirps. So he wandered over to the hutch, sitting on the carpeted flooring on the side facing away from his brother and father. He watched them flit through the hutch. Some were sleeping in little hooded wicker nests hanging throughout the space, some were eating on the floor of it, others were grooming themselves, and the rest were either sitting on the various perches or just flitting about. It was very calming to watch, but also a bit dull. He would’ve liked to hold and pet one, but he had a feeling the little birdies wouldn’t care to be pet. But that was okay because Castiel didn’t think he’d want to be pet all the time if he were a little bird. Sure it might be nice sometimes, but it would probably get annoying after a while. Then again, maybe not. It was probably different depending on the bird.
“CASTIEL? SON?!” Chuck called.
“CASSIE?! BABES, ANSWER BUBBA!” Gabriel shouted, not caring about the judgmental looks they were getting.
Castiel didn’t answer. He was pretty easy to find so he wasn’t that worried about it. After a couple minutes, Chuck and Gabriel found the little boy, both relieved and somewhat irritated as well.
“Castiel! You need to answer us when we call you, dammit!” Chuck quietly barked, yanking the boy to his feet. “You can’t just wander off like that! That’s dangerous and stupid! Do I need to put you a leash or something?! And get your filthy little thumb out of your mouth! I’ve told you God knows how many times not to suck on your thumb!”
Castiel’s lip wobbled behind his clenched fist, biting down on his thumb a bit and fighting the urge to cry. Daddy didn’t like it when he cried. Daddy really didn’t like it when he was a bad boy.
“You’re hurting him, Chuck!” Gabriel snapped, forcing his father to let go of his little brother, who hid behind him and quietly cried into the small of his back. “What the Hell is wrong with you?! Yeah, he did something he shouldn’t have, but that’s no reason to bite his head off! You’re the reason he’s so damn miserable!”
They continued to fight as quietly as they could manage. Personal affairs shouldn’t become public knowledge, but when things have been building and building for years, it was hard to not have an argument in the wrong place, at the wrong time. So they jabbed and snapped at each other with Gabe attempting to comfort his loudly sobbing Castiel on and off, until the double doors spat out the doctor in charge of diagnosing and caring for Lily Novak. His name was Henry Reynolds and he was one of the best doctors in the hospital, but he was still only a human with a specialty in medicine, so if a miracle was needed, they were shit out of luck.
“Mr. Shurley?” Dr. Reynolds spoke up.
“Dr. Reynolds! How is my Lily?” Chuck interrogated, forgetting all about his squabble with his son.
“Well, the bullets were lodged in her chest and left shoulder, as you should have been informed by her nurse, Rory. We took her into surgery to dislodge the bullets and try to repair any damage we could.” Dr. Reynolds answered, watching as Gabe hoisted Castiel into his arms. “We did manage to get the bullets out, but…”
“But what?” Gabriel pressed, giving the doctor a weary look as Castiel cried into his shoulder.
“But the repairs made to the arteries and muscles surrounding the bullets’ paths didn’t hold up. She died of internal and external bleeding and blood loss.” Dr. Reynolds continued. “I’m so sorry for your loss. I feel awful that we couldn’t save her.”
Chuck slowly made his way over to one of the chairs nearby and sank into it. His Lily of the Valley was dead. His beautiful, black haired and olive skinned flower had been cruelly plucked from the earth. He hadn’t even been able to see her one last time before she flatlined… His boys hadn’t seen her in days… He couldn’t even begin to imagine how they were feeling as he watched his oldest son sink into the seat next to him, holding onto Castiel for dear life.
“Someone will come by to retrieve you so you can confirm that it was in fact Ms. Novak that we lost. From there, you’ll need to decide how to handle any funeral arrangements.” Dr. Reynolds added. “Again, I’m sorry we couldn’t save her.”
With that the doctor departed and left the Shurley-Novak family to try and remember how to breathe. They had always said that things weren’t perfect, but it was all they had… Those words had never been more true prior to the news of Lily’s passing. She was the glue that held them all together, the honey that made the bee sting worth every second of misery. Now she was gone and they’d have to find a way to get along without her to sugar coat everything. After they confirmed that it was in fact Lily Grace Novak’s lifeless body on that cold, sterile stainless steel table, Gabriel drove them all back to the loft, promising that they’d retrieve Chuck’s car when the man wasn’t so out of it. Once they all got settled down in the living room, with Castiel sitting sideways in Gabriel’s lap and sucking his thumb like before, Chuck and his eldest son explained what happened to Castiel’s mother. They negated the gruesome details and just explained the necessary parts of the story. Lily was on her way home, about to get on the bus when some guy tried to mug her. Unfortunately, the robber had been super skittish and pulled a gun on her. He hadn’t shot until the police, who had been sitting down the block in an alleyway, showed up and tried to get him to surrender. The guy was caught, but not until after he’d shot Lily three times. They explained how she died because she bled too much.
Castiel sobbed into his big brother’s chest and clung to him. Chuck wrapped an arm around the two and spoke words of comfort until Castiel had tired himself out. Gabriel and Chuck talked things over. They decided it would be easiest to just pull Castiel out of school until the funeral was over. They’d have him see the grief counselor that the mortician had recommended while they handled the preparations for Lily’s wake. Basically, the little raven-haired boy was going to hate them with a burning passion for disrupting his routine- yet another concern the older boy held since most kids would be over the moon if they got out of school to just play and do whatever. Gabriel would take care of notifying family friends and Lily’s coworkers in addition to the memorial video chronicling her life, and a short speech. Chuck would attend to the rest. Lily would be cremated after the wake and they would all be able to carry a piece of her with them. With that plan in mind, Gabriel went back to his apartment with Castiel and took Heaven out to do her business before settling in for the evening. He had pizza delivered for Castiel- the older boy had lost his appetite. Pizza would never taste quite the same without his mother there to gossip about work and who Gabriel was or was not dating…
Monday, January 4th, 1988
Gabriel’s Apartment in Philadelphia, PA
Last Day of Winter Break and Castiel’s 9th Birthday
It had been a few months since Lily had passed and been cremated. Chuck had attempted to return to work, but ended up resigning because he couldn’t keep his old, broken mind focused on the students before him. Gabriel had turned 20 on the first, same day as New Year’s, and was about to finish up junior year of college and move onto senior year. Soon, he’d have his bachelor's degree in business management and he’d be eligible for the internship at the candy company he was working for. Castiel had struggled with accidents, sometimes during the day, since his mother passed. He had nightmares and sometimes if he was startled, he was easily reduced to tears. With that being an issue, Castiel was back to being in pull-ups 24/7 as if he was potty training all over again.
Gabriel had to leave work early on numerous occasions to go pick his little guy up from school after he had a meltdown in gym class- it was almost always in gym class because the kids would gang up on him whenever they played dodge ball, which was dangerously close to being banned due to the aggression it seemed to encourage. Thankfully, Castiel was able to hide the fact that he was in pull-ups by wearing regular underwear over them and changing in the stalls to the toilets in the locker room. Cas would be crying his little heart out in the nurse’s office, usually with one of his friends, either Lucianno or Charlie, hugging him. Luci had usually already been in the office for beating up the kids who made fun of Castiel, which Gabe was grateful for but also concerned about the kid.
When Gabriel would arrive, Castiel would be waiting in the nurse’s office and reach for his brother with renewed tears, reeking because his pull-up was soaked. Then he’d cling to him as if he were afraid he’d be sent away. Thankfully, Gabriel always came prepared and closed the door to nurse’s office. He would lay the boy down and change him into a clean pair of training pants after cleaning him up. Sometimes they went home and others, Gabe would sit down and sing him Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” until he felt alright. The song had been Castiel’s lullaby ever since he was born and was the song Lily used to sing to him after it was released in 1977. It was a good day whenever Castiel felt brave enough to go back to his classes, but more often than not, Gabriel ended up carrying a crying little Cassie out of the school.
The poor kid was just too fragile and broken after all that he’d been through. It didn’t help that Chuck was either lackluster or angry and drunk whenever Castiel went back home. It was getting to the point that Gabriel was considering just not taking Cas back to the loft and if there was legal trouble, he’d spill to the police about all the things his dad had done to the little boy, from yelling at him and beating him to neglecting- sometimes as bad as not remembering to feed him. Whether the negligence was intentional or not, the older boy had no idea.
Today was Castiel’s 9th birthday so Gabriel held a small party at his apartment for Castiel’s friends, which included Charlie (he’d never hear the end if he forgot to have her over), Lucianno (another Cas would throw a fit over if he wasn’t invited), Michael, and Raphael (the last two were take or leave for his little guy). Chuck was also supposed to be there, but hadn’t even called yet. It wasn’t until around seven, when parents started showing up to pick up their kids, that Gabriel got a phone call from a number he didn’t recognize.
When he answered, his heart stopped. It was the hospital and there was only one possibility left if a hospital was calling him. Chuck was not okay. As the receptionist continued to explain what was going on, Gabriel throat tightened and his eyes burned. He wanted Chuck to stop being an asshole, not stop existing… Once the the call was over, Gabriel hung up and looked over to his sleepy little boy, who was curled up on the couch with Heaven. He’d had a pretty good day full activity with his friends- a couple subtle pants changes with his big brother in the bathroom- and a lot of fun with Heaven. They’d had tacos for lunch and went out for ice cream a couple hours after that. For dinner, they had lasagna, and almost all the kids had to wash their faces afterwards from taking bites bigger than their mouths could fit. Naturally, it hurt Gabe to think that was about to spoiled by the bad news he’d just gotten and would have to tell Castiel.
“Hey, Babes…” Gabriel said as he approached the half-asleep child. “We need to get coats and boots on. We have to go somewhere before bedtime…”
“Where we goin’, Bubba?” Castiel yawned, rubbing at his eyes as he got up.
“I’ll tell you on the way okay?” Gabriel bargained, running a hand through his boy’s tousled locks.
Castiel nodded and went to get his shoes on. Gabriel followed suit and both had their coats on in no time. The older boy grabbed the backpack that he’d put together once he realized that Castiel was going to keep having accidents no matter what time of day and his keys. He hoisted Cas onto his hip and left the apartment, being sure to lock up as he went. They got in the Mustang and drove to Hahnemann University Hospital once more. When they arrived, Gabriel hoisted Castiel out of the car and carried him, with his on-the-go bag on the older’s shoulder, into the hospital. He spoke to the receptionist and was taken to the morgue, just like in August. Gabriel had kept his promise and explained what had happened on the way to the hospital, but Castiel didn’t seem to believe him yet. That would change in a few minutes when the little guy saw his father’s cold corpse.
No one had mentioned what took Chuck yet, but they said he had died in his sleep, hunched over his desk at the loft. A new neighbor had moved in and come to say hello. Apparently the guy had been told of Chuck’s typically sociable demeanor and decided to go introduce himself. Everyone had told the new guy that Chuck hadn’t left the loft in nearly a week, which was unusual so when the old professor didn’t even tell the newest addition to Logan View Lofts to fuck off, the guy got concerned and call the authorities to investigate since it was well known how Chuck’s wife died. The police had picked the lock and found him lying halfway on his desk. They had assumed to be asleep until he didn’t answer and then when his pulse was checked, there was nothing. They had called the hospital to confirm whether he was dead or in a freak comatose state and then the calls were made.
In the morgue, Gabriel and Castiel were met with the same mortician from when Lily passed. The person was a middle-aged woman with strawberry blonde hair, slightly tan complexion, and was taller than the average female with less obvious curves. Her name was Kimberly Shawn. Kimberly seemed to dress nicely beneath her lab coat and disposable scrubs with slacks and a nice blouse, contrasted with her expensive looking name-brand tennis shoes. She was a super nice lady, but that didn’t ease the pain of the news she delivered. Gabriel confirmed that it was in fact Charles ‘Chuck’ Allen Shurley. Kimberly then went on to explain that Chuck died of widespread cancer and that it was hard to determine where it started, but it was likely in the abdomen. Colon and bladder cancer were the two most likely culprits. She discussed with them the need to decide funeral arrangements and that a lawyer should be in touch with Gabriel since he was to inherit anything his parents left behind. Kimberly also stressed seeking out counseling again since Castiel didn’t seem to have handled Lily’s death well- which earned her a glare and flat-toned quip about whether or not it was appropriate to expect a positive response from a child in light of the death of a parent. To her credit, she apologized and gave her condolences before they left.
It wasn’t until the following week, when the funeral had wrapped up and Chuck had been cremated and mixed with their mother’s ashes, that a lawyer name Nathaniel Douglas contacted them to go through the Last Will and Testament and discuss the estate. Mr. Douglas had broken it all down for Gabriel as they sat in the young man’s living room while Castiel was napping in the bedroom. Heaven had stayed in the living with Gabriel to keep an eye on the new person, which seemed to be oddly perceptive of the dog since Gabriel didn’t know of any other canine that took guarding their human to such heights that bordered on paranoia. The lawyer had explained that Gabriel had inherited the loft, the sedan, and a sizeable sum of money that Chuck and Lily had been putting aside over the years since Castiel was not of age to be actively included. Mr. Douglas also explained that they would receive survivor benefits from Social Security that was intended to go to Castiel primarily to care for him since Gabriel was old enough to work and pay for his own things. Before they could get into the discussion of what was to happen with Castiel- the only part of all this that Gabe actually cared about- their chat was interrupted by the sound Castiel wailing in the bedroom and Heaven whining at the older boy to follow her to help her human.
Gabriel excused himself and went to check on Castiel. When he entered the room, he saw his little boy sitting up in bed with the covers pushed off and rubbing at his face. He was only wearing a t-shirt and a pull-up (the attire that Gabriel had picked since he sometimes tried to change the boy while he was sleeping so he didn’t have to wake up still reeking of urine). The older boy sat down on the bed and pulled Cas into his lap. He sang his boy’s lullaby until he was calm again, petting Heaven as she laid with her head across his thighs. He then changed the soiled, heavy training pants, wiping Castiel down down as the boy sucked his thumb, and got him into a clean pair, slipping pants on the boy. He then carried his little brother out to the living room where Mr. Douglas kindly introduced himself to Gabe’s sleepy, shy little boy before continuing their discussion of what was to happen with Castiel.
Suddenly, the odd conversation with Chuck made sense to the oldest. A couple months after Lily’s funeral, around late October and early November, the professor had talked to his son about his thoughts on custody of Castiel should something happen. Naturally, Gabriel had readily volunteered and damn near demanded that he himself should be Castiel’s legal guardian if anything were to happen to their father. Of course, he’d never thought that it would be something that would actually happen. So when Mr. Douglas brought up the question of whether Gabriel was sure that he wanted to officially become Castiel’s guardian, he answered in the way that only he could.
“I
Shurley
do intend to become his legal guardian.” Gabe grinned, feeling a part of him die on the inside for making the joke to the lawyer who probably thought he was crazy- especially since he was only 20 and agreeing to take on a child full time and by himself.
“Intentions are nice and all, Mr. Gabriel, but I have to make sure you’re serious about this, especially since you aren’t married and will be solely responsible for your younger brother’s well-being, including financially.” Mr. Douglas responded, having recovered from the chuckling fit he had devolved to from the bad pun.
“I appreciate your concern, Mr. Douglas, but I’ve been raising Castiel since I was 11. My parents both worked full time so I was the only actually paying attention to him. I think I can handle him.” Gabriel replied, kissing Castiel’s forehead as the boy played with his big brother’s hair. “If I could take care of Castiel as a baby when I was only 11, I can handle him as a legal adult, no matter what age he is. Isn’t that right, Babes?”
“Uh-huh, Bubba…” Castiel quietly agreed, burying his face in his brother’s neck and sticking his thumb back in his mouth.
“Alright then. It’s settled. I’ll need you to fill out the appropriate forms so I can get them filed and then we’ll be able to provide you with the official copies that will prove your guardianship.” Mr. Douglas resolved, pulling out the papers from his briefcase.
After Gabriel signed and initialled as told, Mr. Douglas summarized all that he needed to know and remember, then took off. It was decided that Gabriel would start moving everything to the loft with some help from his co-workers and a couple of his friends from his classes. About a month later, everyone convened while Castiel was at school and helped Gabriel finish packing the last few boxes and move everything as he dictated. By the time they were done, the young man was off to pick up his little boy from school. Upon arriving, he found that the had been good to his Cassie and even got suckered into having taking Lucianno home with them for the afternoon.
After Castiel recovered from what had to be a record-breaking meltdown from the obvious changes that had been made, he actually had a lot of fun with Lucianno- who handled his friend’s tantrum like a champion. The boys had talked and played with Heaven at the loft while Gabriel worked on unpacking and tidying up until dinner time. They had chicken fingers, french fries, and steamed broccoli for dinner and brownies for dessert (the last surviving Shurley of the family unit- Cas was a Novak- was a firm believer in always having a sweet treat after dinner). After that, Lucianno’s mom picked him up and took him home. Gabriel and Castiel watched a movie together before the youngest had to get ready for bed and get some sleep for school the next day. Once his boy was tucked into bed with Heaven beside him, Gabriel went back downstairs to finish tidying up for the night.
He found himself wandering over to his Dad’s old desk where an envelope was sitting. He hadn’t paid much mind to the desk earlier- it was a custom-made slanted top old oak piece- but it seemed to be drawing him over. He sat down and saw that his name was on the envelope. He guessed it was probably something his father wrote before he died. Gabe took a deep breath and carefully opened it with the letter opener on the desk. He slipped the paper out and unfolded it as carefully as if it were a piece of glass instead of paper that would bite back if he was careless.
Dear Gabriel,
If you are reading this, then I have passed away and you have accepted your inheritance. I am writing this to tell you that I’m sorry. I never did right by my family and that is one of the regrets that I’ve carried with me all my life. I was so busy trying to make things better, make us part of the upper class, that I forgot what to enjoy what I did have. I ended up just as bad as my old man, ignoring you kids unless I was laying into you. I just wanted so badly for us to have all the things that I never did as a child and lost sight of what you really needed from me, love and positive attention. Those were things my own family had denied me growing up because I was lost somewhere in the middle of a sea of eight children and I was always angry and bitter that they could so easily cast me aside.
But then I became a husband and a father of two that was incapable of making a proper living and I understood a bit of what my parents must have felt. Knowing that I was going to live with people who could actually take care of me was probably a secret relief since they weren’t even able to make ends meet. I feel awful that you were forced to grow up so fast to look after Castiel, but if it’s any consolation, you’ve done a better job raising him so far than I ever could have hoped to. I can’t tell you how it pains me that you lost that last bit of childhood and all of your teens to trying to be a sort of father to your brother, but I know that means nothing in the grand scheme of things. I only wish I would’ve been smarter about how I handled my life so I could’ve had more positive memories with you boys because I know Castiel doesn’t hardly have any and you barely remember the ones you had, because they were so long ago. So, I say again, I apologize for all that I’ve put you through.
Most likely, you’re wondering what I died of and why I didn’t try to save myself. Well, I’ll explain it so you don’t have those questions haunting you for the rest of your life. It turns out that cancer runs in the family on my side. Most of us typically are victims to either colon or bladder cancer. I’m not sure about who all gets it and the likelihood since I was disowned by my family years ago, but I’m sure if you talk to a doctor, they’ll tell you your chances. Please get checked as they advise you, both for your sake and Castiel’s. I’m not sure where my cancer originated, but I know it was either in my bladder or colon as I stated before. Now, I’m sure your head’s spinning trying to figure out why I’d refuse to seek treatment and choose to die the slow painful death of have my organs crushed by the ever-growing masses. The answer isn’t one you won’t like hearing.
The truth is that I resigned and stopped working because I couldn’t stand to keep going in there with some cheery facade and pretending everything was fine. Nothing was even close to fine. When we lost my wife and your mother, a lot of things hit me at once like a piano falling from the top floor of a skyscraper onto some poor unsuspecting bastard below. I realized that I wasted my days on this earth and had forsaken the ones I loved for a pipe dream of wealth and status where everything was just so for me and my family. On top of that, I hurt you all in many ways. If I didn’t neglect you, I was screaming and physically harming you and that’s not what I wanted for you boys or my Lily. When I realized the pain I was having was cancer, I realized that God was giving me a choice. I could fight the inevitable and live in denial of my death and my sins for the remainder of my days or I could accept my fate and my karmic retribution as a chance to help atone for my dirty deeds.
At that point, I knew what my choice was. I was to live out my days feeling the pain of the damned tearing me apart slowly for succumbing to temptation and neglecting my duties and a father and husband to love and care for my family. I know I sound crazy and like some overzealous “bible thumper,” but whether my assumptions are correct or not, it brought me some amount of peace to know that I wasn’t being let off easy after all the terrible things I had done. I will never be able to apologize enough for all the pain I’ve caused you and your brother and I don’t deserve your forgiveness so I won’t ask for it. Just know that I’m sorry.
Your words from all those years ago have haunted me to this day. At the time, I couldn’t fathom what I’d done and/or said to make you accuse me of the things you did. As the years went on, they became an awful reminder of my failure as a parent. I really did want both of you and love you both more than I could have ever shown you in life. I’m hoping that what I am able to give you in death will be enough to convince you that every time I expressed my love you, your brother, and your mother that I meant it with every atom of my being. Between the social security benefits and what meager savings I was able to put aside, you should be able to continue to raise Castiel comfortably and may even enjoy a little luxury while you’re at it.
I love you both with all of my heart and soul.
Sincerely, your father,
Charles Allen Shurley
As Gabriel stared at the letter in his shaking hand, drops of salty water descended and darkened the stationary. It was so much more than he ever expected out of his father and it spoke volumes about the man and the guilt he felt for the way things were. He felt awful that in all those months after Mom died, he hadn’t once taken the time to talk to his father or visit outside of that one conversation about what would happen to Castiel. His father had done his best with what he knew and had to work with and Gabe hadn’t appreciated any of it. If anyone should have felt guilty, it was Gabriel.He clamped a hand over his mouth as set the letter on the desk. He wished he could’ve seen his dad one more time to apologize for all the harsh things he’d said and to tell him that he loved him too. As his guilt and grief overwhelmed him, Gabriel found himself sobbing softly into his hands, gasping for breath. After crying his heart out at the desk that filled so many memories- from his Dad sitting him on his lap to draw while he worked on some project or another or paid the bills to the man falling asleep there in his exhaustion as he tried to finish so he could have time with his family- he fell asleep with his arms folded under his head leaned against the slanted writing surface with one last fiery rolling down his face to stain the letter beneath him.
Castiel would never truly know what went on between Gabriel and their father, but he had plenty of his own thoughts and experiences to reconcile. But those were just the beginning for the future angel that would grace the life of a man no one would’ve thought to need.