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It was hard being who he was, even now.1 had never understood the point of having a relationship. In the dead broken world they lived in, he'd found such a thing to be pointless. What reason did he have for needing a mate anyway? Sure, he'd found himself feeling attracted to someone, but back when he was leader he felt it was a waste of time. Surviving was much more important in the long run.But then he died, came back to life, and started over. With no threat of dying, he was free to do as he pleased, but stubborn as he was he couldn't bring himself to do it. He still felt like it was a waste. But then the discovery of more of their kind happened, and the clan grew. And suddenly 1 was feeling jealous.All around him, the clan members were finding mates of their own. 6 of all people had found a kindred soul in 15, 5 had managed to court 11, 2 found himself someone in the newcomer 10, and even 8 was starting to change himself for 4's affections. Seeing all the happy couples getting together reminded him of his own silent affections.He hadn't even realized when he'd fallen for 7, it just seemed to happen. Despite her hot-headedness and refusal to listen to authority, 1 saw something in the warrior that he couldn't explain. He wanted her, but had refused to act, instead leading him to argue with her constantly. But he'd be lying if he said he didn't care for her or worry about her, even when she and the twins had left and he declared them dead he worried. Hoping that one day she'd show up back at Sanctuary alive and well.1 had wanted to change things, start over with their new chance at life, but the damage was already done. It was clear that 7's hatred would never disappear. No matter what he'd do, she would always look at him with a glare in her eyes. A small spark of loathing to remind him of what he did so long ago. He could never truly redeem himself in her eyes.There was also the fact that he was too late. The former leader could see the looks 9 always gave her and the smiles she always returned. He could see their blatant flirting even if they didn't realize it. 7 had already found someone, and it wasn't him. He couldn't truly be mad at 9, he was a better man than he'd ever been and had treated 7 so much differently. It's no wonder she chose him, or would between him and 1. She had no reason to see him as anything more than a control freak who held her back.Even still, his heart couldn't ignore his desires. So whenever no one was looking, he'd leave things for her. Nothing huge or romantic, usually just beads or feathers he found outside the library, small things he thought she'd like. She never knew who left her these gifts, and he wanted it to stay that way. He didn't want to know what would happen if she ever found out. And it hurt to watch her, it truly did. But knowing that she was happy, that she was getting his gifts, sometimes it was enough to make the old Stitchpunk happy. And he hoped that someday, someone else would come along and steal his heart. Who knows how many others were out there after all? Surely there was someone in this world who could love someone like him.