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I can’t
Veronica never knew that two little words could hurt so much.And she can’t believe him, really. What she has with Lucky… she’s never felt that with anyone else. She’s never been lit up inside by someone before, never felt her veins thrum with anticipation and need to be near him again. She’s never wanted to be with someone, anyone, as badly as she wants to be with Lucky.And now he’s leaving her?She wants to cry. She can feel the tears starting, prickling hot at the corners of her eyes, and she wipes a furious hand over her face, trying to keep them at bay. Veronica doesn’t cry. She’s tough, she handles what’s put in front of her, and when she gets the raw end of a deal, she fights back until she gets what she wants.She wants Lucky, even if he apparently doesn’t want her anymore.So she doesn’t run. She doesn’t turn and take off, doesn’t let herself cry and wallow in the pain. She lets the anger build and lets it carry her forward, careening around the corner. She’s ready to chase him down, to yell, to grab onto his arms and shake him. To find out why he’s changed his mind. Why, all of a sudden, he’s scared.But then seven more words stop her in her tracks.
wait to spend my life with you.
And it’s like she can’t breathe.Lucky’s standing there beside the wall, beaming at her. He takes a few steps forward and Veronica feels her heart skip a few beats in her chest. When his hands slide into hers, it’s like nothing else in the world matters but that look in his eyes.He loves her.“I’d run away with you in a second,” he whispers, and when he kisses her, she knows it’s a promise.So they do. They don’t waste time, not when night is about to fall. They know what’s going to happen after dark, the battle between their gangs. It’s been brewing for months, tensions on both sides mounting until they hit their peak, and Veronica knows it’s going to be bad. There’s going to be bloodshed, and she doesn’t want to be there for that. She doesn’t want to risk it – the thought of losing Lucky, so soon after finding him, is too much. So they don’t fight. They pack what they can carry, she takes his hand in hers, and off they set.They don’t look back.Hitchhiking out of Los Angeles isn’t too bad – they find a couple with an old Chevrolet and a well-worn guitar in the backseat who give them a lift a couple hundred miles or so. The guy’s a little creepy and he leers at Veronica more than she’d have liked through the rear view mirror, but she leans against Lucky’s side and he kisses the top of her head and it makes her feel safe. Veronica doesn’t need to be protected – she carries a switchblade in the heel of her shoe, has since she was eight years old – but she likes knowing that someone’s looking out for her, just in case.They have to walk through some desert on their second day. It’s hot and the sun starts to burn Veronica’s skin an hour in, and she can’t believe she forgot to pack sunscreen. They split a few granola bars for lunch, the only food they’d been able to scrounge up before they left, and Veronica gets cranky once they’ve been walking for half a day. She snaps at Lucky over everything, stomps ahead of him in a huff. When she finally calms down and turns around, he’s still there, patiently walking ten paces behind her.“I’m sorry,” she says, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his chest.“Being away from your family sucks,” he says, and that sort of makes her want to cry. Because, somehow, he understands.The motel they rent just on the other side of the Arizona state line isn’t exactly the nicest thing in the world. The carpet is lumpy and stained, there are flies crawling across the walls, and the ceiling fan above the bed shakes so wildly that Veronica’s sure it’s going to detach in the night and crash down to slice them both into bits. It’s about as far away from the Ritz as they can possibly get, and Veronica can see Lucky eyeing the scratchy sheets and flat pillows.He doesn’t have to say it – she knows him, by now. She knows he’s wishing they didn’t have to stay there. Wishing that he could give her more.So when they climb into bed, she curls up against his chest, running her fingertips over his smooth skin and pressing a kiss to his jaw. “I love you,” she whispers.His eyes are closed, but she sees his lips curve upwards. His arm wraps around her a little tighter, and she snuggles against him. She knows.They roll up to the Grand Canyon with a family of four a day or so later. The sun is almost starting to set and Veronica stretches as she gets out of the car, arching her back and cracking her shoulders with her arms over her head. There are people everywhere, standing as close to the edge as they can and snapping pictures so fast it makes her head spin. It isn’t anything like in the movies, it’s nothing like the still, serene photographs she’s seen online. It isn’t magical or romantic or anything except a giant hole in the ground, crawling with tourists.Or so she thinks until Lucky sidles up to her and slides an arm around her waist.“It’d be nice if they could be here, huh?” he says, and she cranes her neck up to look at him.“Who?”He shrugs. “Donnie. Margo and Lucy, you know. The guys from LA.”She notices he doesn’t say from home.“Maybe,” she says finally, leaning against him. “But then they’d just be fighting here. We’d probably lose one of them over the edge, or something stupid like that.”“You think so?” he asks. “You think they’d still fight here, when it’s this beautiful?”She scrunches up her nose, taking in all the tourists. “You really think this place is beautiful?”Lucky turns her around gently so she can look up at him. The sun’s orange light makes his skin glow, makes his eyes look even warmer and richer than usual, and the smile he gives her when he brushes her hair out of her eyes almost makes her shiver.“From where I’m standing, all I’m seeing is beautiful.”Veronica can feel her cheeks heat up, and she’s sure she must look ridiculous, blushing like a schoolgirl. She smacks his chest playfully, ducking her head. “You cheeseball,” she teases, but she doesn’t mean it. She loves him, cheese and all.Just like he loves her.She turns again in his arms and leans back against him. He holds her close and rests his chin on the top of her head, and there, resting against his chest, she starts to think it might not be so bad. All the tourists, the interrupted nature… well, it could be worse. Here, at least, everyone is happy. Here, everyone is exactly where they want to be.And that’s not such a bad thing.The sun’s starting to set when the crowd begins to thin out, and she sighs, reaching a hand up and behind herself to run through the hair at nape of his neck. “Now what?” she asks him. “Where to?”She can feel him humming a little against her back. It’s comforting, familiar, something he’s done ever since they first got together. She knows what she gets with him, and that’s special to her. She’s never had someone like that before. Someone she can count on.“Anywhere you want,” he says finally. “We’ve got the whole world.”She can’t stop the smile that creeps across her face. He’s right – there’s so much possibility, a world at their fingertips. And with him, that’s what she wants.The whole world.
end.