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The command shuttle had space for fifteen people, but Kylo Ren had let only a handful of stormtroopers on board with him and the prisoner.Not minding the white-armored man waiting for him beside the open door of the cockpit, he ignored the inquiring stares of the crew as he walked past it and into the passenger compartment instead, the young woman still in his arms.“Sir, what should we do about the prisoner?” asked one of the soldiers after following the warlord into the room, just as the shuttle was taking off. “We can tie her and lock her down below the deck–”“There’s no we,” Ren said, slowly laying the unconscious girl on one of the long seats that ran along the walls. His voice distorted by the mask, he didn’t spare more than a single glance at the trooper on the door. It was clear that his attention was drawn to someone else. “This prisoner is my duty. Leave and don’t let anyone into this room.”The stormtrooper hesitated, his hidden eyes shifting from the girl to his superior, who was now sitting across the room from her. Of course, there was no need for restraints when Kylo Ren was present. Besides, it looked like she would be unconscious for quite a while, probably more than enough to reach the mothership.Still… that wasn’t how they were supposed to treat prisoners. No enemy of the First Order ever reached one of their ships unharmed. And certainly they weren’t left to sleep peacefully inside the comfortable passenger cabin of a command shuttle. There were many ways to make even such a short ride a hellish one for those who deserved the treatment.Ren sensed the stormtrooper’s presence still on the door, but most of all he sensed his thoughts, even if his eyes were fixed somewhere else. When he spoke again, his voice was much darker.“I don’t like to repeat myself.”The stormtrooper straightened his back. Maybe Kylo Ren was allowed to break the rules, but the same couldn’t be said for a mere soldier. And he certainly wasn’t going to risk his life for such a foolish reason.Left alone in the wide room, Kylo Ren had the time to ponder his actions. Removing his helmet, he let his gaze linger on the lying figure of the scavenger. What was he doing? She had nothing to do with his aim. He needed the map, he needed the droid that had the map. Instead, he settled for an unknown girl who had seen said map maybe once in her life, if he was lucky.It wasn’t how Ren was used to work. Not at all. But there was something about that woman, something that he couldn’t quite explain yet. And he would never admit that his choice to bring her along had maybe more to do with that strange feeling than with the map itself.His thoughts were interrupted by her moans. He frowned openly upon seeing her shaking and talking in her sleep. She was supposed to be completely unconscious, locked away in an empty oblivion created by his powers. She wasn’t supposed to act like she was just simply asleep. And having nightmares, apparently.He got up and sat beside her. She was moving her head from one side to another, risking to fall off the seat. The warlord observed her pained expression.“Come back…” she murmured, trembling lips and tears caught in her long eyelashes. “No!”Kylo found the words familiar. An image filled his mind. A little girl in a desert land, staring up at the sky. She was crying, begging. He wasn’t sure where that image came from. It felt like a memory, but it couldn’t be. He had no such memories. He wasn’t probing the woman’s mind, therefore he couldn’t be witnessing her memories either.(Deep down, he knew where that image came from. A rainy night, dead bodies scattered on the ground, a lightsaber. That lightsaber. He had picked it up and suddenly, the little girl was there. In front of him. It felt like he could just reach out and touch her. It unsettled him like nothing before.)The scavenger girl couldn’t possibly have anything to do with that vision. Or could she?Either way, she kept struggling in her sleep and Ren seriously considered the idea of tying her up like the stormtrooper had suggested. It wouldn’t take long before they reached the Star Destroyer, but he had no intention of spending his time making sure she wouldn’t fall off the seat.“Father…” she pleaded, her expression distorted in a mask of pain. “Come back…”Abandonment, Ren thought, reaching out to wipe some hair off her sweaty forehead and stopping himself right before doing so. A feeling he knew very well.“You don’t need anyone,” he found himself whispering to the sleeping prisoner. “We… don’t need anyone,” he added, looking down at his gloved hands clenched in fists. He realized he was talking to himself, rather than to her.Seeing how her sleep wasn’t getting any more peaceful, he briefly glanced at the closed door and, not without a deep sigh, he shifted her head on his lap. To his most sincere surprise, she went quiet as soon as he did so.What am I doing?, he found himself wondering once again. The question wasn’t referred to his latest action, but rather to the whole situation. His mind and his heart were in turmoil, not once in his life had he ever felt in completely control of himself. He had no idea what it felt like to have a clear mind and to be absolutely convinced of his actions. His days oscillated between rage and regrets, and then pain, despair, and blind rage again.Until that day in the woods. When facing the scavenger, the shadows in his heart disappeared. Ren had never felt so lucid in his entire life.Maybe that was the reason he couldn’t let go of the girl, just yet. He needed to feel it again. That peacefulness. That… light.Her expression was still one of deep sorrow. He traced her delicate features with his fingers, without ever touching her skin. A ghost touch. If someone walked into the room now, they would think the warrior had gone insane. He wondered, instead, if he was ever sane to begin with.He placed his gloved palm on her forehead. There was very little he couldn’t do with his powers, but certainly he had never used them to do any good to anyone.“Sleep,” he murmured, trying to chase away her nightmares to leave only a comfortable numbness. Endless nights spent staring at the darkness around him, he knew the struggle of a restless mind very well. He wished he could use that power on himself. “Forget it all.”When her face finally relaxed, Ren removed his hand slowly, almost reluctantly, but did not move her away. In no time, they would reach the First Order and he would have to become the merciless dark warrior again. But now, in that room, there was no need for any of that.He could use a moment of light, after all.
end notes: it has always bugged me that we have no idea what happened in the time frame between leaving Takodana and the interrogation scene, so I tried to imagine a possible outcome.(Info about the Upsilon command shuttle comes from wookiepedia; I included the “Rey Kenobi” meta theory in which Kylo has seen a young Rey in Jakku when he touched Obiwan’s lightsaber; I kind of took into consideration book Kylo rather than movie Kylo because in the book he touches Rey face all the freaking time so it was easier to make him do the same in my drabble.)I hope you enjoyed it <3Ps: the title comes from this song.