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“He does it alone, Mum. But not anymore, because now he’s got me”
At her words to her mum, the Doctor faltered. Jeez, he was an idiot, an absolute idiot for giving her up. But he couldn’t be selfish; she’d miss her mum eventually, grow tired of the travelling and never sitting still. He couldn’t take that from her.She’d be happy. She was young and attractive and full of a zest for life. She’d be ok.It was the right thing to do.Though as he stood, gazing longingly at her projection whilst she choked her way through a sentence, it didn’t feel like it was the right thing to do. She came back and he lost her anyway because she was so good , better than he could ever be. He thought he was being selfless when really he was doing what he did last time: ignoring her - which came at a price. Only this time the price was much higher than a new face.The image cut off before he could finally give her something, before he could finally try and express how much she meant to him, and all that was left was an idiot in a box.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Mind you, I quite like hope. Hope’s a good emotion.”
Hope - he’d always viewed it as a positive emotion, strong and encouraging. Several times he’d saved planets based on nothing but hope. He’d gotten through so many battles just because of a tiny spark of hope.
He’d heard somewhere once, not so long ago - he thinks she was quoting an Earth tv show - that hope breeds eternal misery, but he couldn’t fathom the idea, not with so much evidence against it.
Hope is what brought him back to Rose Tyler, giving her a rare second offer to travel with him, in the hope she might agree.
Hope is what saved him on the Game Station: the hope of his precious girl that she could make it back to him.
Hope is what got them both through the first few hours of his regeneration. She hoped he’d wake up the same man; he hoped she’d accept his new face.
Hope is what came bursting to life in his chest when she appeared in the empty white room, reminding him of her promise to stay with him.
Hope is what he saw in her eyes as she stood on that beach in the wrong universe, begging him to take her home, to hold her one more time.
It was then, he decided - sharp, searing pain twisting through his veins - he didn’t quite like hope as much.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The Doctor was bored. Very bored. Dangerously bored. It wasn’t unusual for them to stay a week at her mum’s, but the fact she spent every second with her was clearly driving him bananas. Jackie had banned him from tinkering around the flat long ago, and for some reason he wasn’t going back to the TARDIS during the day.She could kinda understand: since they both stopped being idiots about their feelings they’d spent very little time apart, and it was worse after their trip to the Krop Tor. Hell, she didn’t think he’d been more than six feet away from her since then - not that she blamed him; not that she was protesting.
But the day before they were due to leave suddenly got very interesting.
“Would you one of you get the bloody door?” Jackie called from the shower, in response to the very loud knocking.
Sighing, Rose untangled herself from the Doctor and opened the door, freezing when she saw who was on the other side.
“If it isn’t Rose Tyler?” the American voice she hadn’t heard in nearly a year cooed.
Rose gaped, “Jack? How-” Before she could say anything else, she was swept up into a big hug.
“God, is it good to see you!” he cheered, setting her down. “So, where is he?”
The Doctor chose that moment to step forward and the men regarded each other reservedly.
“Doctor,” Jack nodded.
“Captain,” he replied.
“Good to see you,” Jack stated, though a little coldly, and Rose felt her head spinning trying to figure out what the hell was going on or if she’s just having an insane dream.
“And you,” the Doctor returned, jaw clenched in what appeared to be discomfort, though he was putting on a brave face. “Same as ever. Although…” he squinted, and Rose tried to focus on what was probably the most normal thing to happen in the past two minutes, “have you had work done?”
Jack's face dropped completely. “You can talk!”
The Doctor looked mildly confused, and Rose finally found some words that weren’t incoherent questions. “Your face, Doctor. You’ve regenerated.”
“Oh!” he nodded vigorously. “Yes, right. Thanks, love.”
Jack raised a brow at her, but swiftly turned back to the Doctor. “Care to tell me why you abandoned me on that Game Station ankle deep in Dalek dust?”
“Abandoned?” Rose turned round on the Doctor. “You said he chose to stay behind! You said he was rebuilding the Earth!”
The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck. “Yes, well, right, I suppose I should explain.”
“Please do, unless you’re not planning on sleeping tonight.”
*
So the Doctor explained everything: what happened to Jack, how it happened, why he left and why it couldn’t be reversed (he and Rose had spoke briefly about Bad Wolf already).
“Jack… I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”
“Hey,” he said, wrapping an arm around her. “It’s ok, Rosie. You saved me because you actually care about my worthless ass - that, that means a lot to me.” He handed her a tissue as tears leaked down her face. “I was mad about him leaving, and I just wanted answers.”
“How did you find us?” the Doctor piped up.
Jack slung his bag off is back. “With this.”
It hit the table with a loud thud, making Jackie look up from where she was making tea, “Oi! Watch it!”
“Sorry,” Jack winced, but everyone had become entranced by his package.
“Oh my god...is that?”
“That’s mine!”
Jackie stared at him. “‘S what?”
“My hand!” the Doctor squeaked. “What do you think you’re doing, running around with Time Lord DNA like that?”
“It’s my Doctor-tracker.”
“I’m sorry, how is THAT your hand? Was it left over from big ears?”
“What?” Rose tore her eyes away from the hand in a jar, “from Christmas Day?”
“How did you even get the technology for that?” the Doctor asked, pulling his brainy specs on and studying the jar.
“I have a team,” Jack began ominously. “We’re part of an organisation called Torchwood. We’re Torchwood Three.”
“Hang on, where have I heard that before?” Rose pondered.
The Doctor glanced at her, “That house in Scotland, that was called Torchwood.” He turned back to Jack, “Who are they? How come I’ve never heard of them?”
“My team’s only small,” Jack explained, “we’re a little...kinder than Torchwood One. Their motto ‘if it’s alien, it’s ours’, and they seemed to be pretty interested in you, Doc.”
“Well,” Rose butted in, “if the whole organisation is based off the time we made Queen Victoria
not amused
.”
The Doctor chuckled, “I still owe you that tenner.”
“Anyway,” Jack interrupted, “they’re up to something, I can tell. I need your help looking into to them. Whaddya say? The ol’ team back together?”
*
“Idiots, absolute idiot’s!” the Doctor ranted as they slumped into Jackie’s flat, chips in hand. “‘Ghost shifts’ - what the hell is that? In what universe is that a good idea?”
“I mean, I kinda see the appeal,” Jack replied, munching on a chip, “But stupid to mess with things they don’t understand. I’m just glad we sent those few Cybermen and that ship back into the void before anything else unwanted could get through.”
“What do you reckon was in there, Doctor?” Rose asked, one hand in his, the other stuffing more chips into her mouth.
“Dunno,” he shrugged. “Could’ve been anything - likely nothing good.” He paused, eyes glazing over in thought. “Still; gone now.”
“Torchwood One is done for after that,” Jack grinned. “Me and my team should get a bit more freedom now - and we’re gonna do it in your honour, Doc.”
The Doctor smirked, trying to come off as smug, but Rose knew he was actually chuffed.
“So you’re not gonna come with us then, Jack?”
“I’m sure the TARDIS has saved your room,” the Doctor added. “I quite fancy near future, say...London 2012 Olympics?”
He shook his head, “Nah, my team need me. Besides, I have two very good reasons for not coming with you.”
The Doctor raised a brow challengingly, “Oh really?”
Jack beamed cockily, “Oh yeah. One: I’m not willing to risk the TARDIS being in a strop with me because of the whole fixed point thing.”
“Jack, I’m sor-”
“You better be, Rosie, ‘cause two:” he raised a brow scandalously, “Jackie tells me you two are loud.”
They both blushed crimson.
“Oh! And I don’t know how many times I can take my offer to join being rudely rejected.”
He got hit with several pillows and chip wrappers.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He’d let himself believe - stupidly let himself believe - that he’d get lucky. He believed the universe would allow him this one thing to keep; allow him one thing for himself; some sort of selfish reward for everything he’d done for it, for everything he’d been through. He was old enough to know the universe is rarely so kind.
He’d planned on a good 6-7 decades with her: nothing for him; everything to him. He foolishly let himself enter a relationship with her: to kiss her and hold her everyday; to learn the ticklish spot behind her knee; to find out how she liked her feet massaged; to discover the exact place on her throat that drove her mad when he kissed it; to know how his tongue could leave her a puddle in his arms; to memorize every gasp and moan and cry and beg; to hear her hushed tone reserved for the bedroom, whether it be dirty talk or sweet nothings or pillow talk. He allowed himself to actively love Rose Tyler.
So when he decided - knowing the pain that would occur after 6-7 decades glorious decades with his precious girl - to bond with her, he thought it would be worth it.
And he was right, he was
so
right.
But those three weeks of pure bliss was strongly rivalled by the screaming agony constantly echoing through his head. The pain began when the void snapped shut, and ached more after he sealed the last crack with his goodbye, worsening with every second that ticked away from the time he was last with his wife.
He’d known he would lose her one day, but he hadn’t expected it to happen so soon.
They should’ve had more time. They deserved more time.
He
deserved more time.
She
deserved more time. With all they had done for the universe, it wasn’t fair.
But since when was the universe fair?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
To say that Jackie Tyler had an interesting day was an understatement. No, the whole bloody planet had an ‘interesting’ day; she had a headache.
It had started when Rose and her alien boyfriend came bounding into the flat with washing and a trinket, then proceeded to turn the planet’s delightful miracle into a screeching nightmare. While the Doctor conducted his experiment with childish excitement clearly rubbing off on Rose, Jackie took the time to talk to her only daughter.
“What happens when I'm gone?”
Rose turned to her, sorrow at the idea pooling in her eyes. “Don't talk like that.”
And so Jackie expressed the concerns that had been weighing on her shoulders ever since Christmas, when the bloody alien changed his face and left her temporarily in charge of Earth until he had a nap and a cuppa, yet Rose still chose to go with him and trust him and - though neither idiot had admitted it at the time - love each other.
“...but she's not Rose Tyler. Not anymore...she's not even human.”
Rose stiffened, and Jackie knew she'd hit a nerve. God, she hadn't gone and had some bloody alien surgery or something, had she? Or done something because of himself? Oh, she was gonna wrangle him!
“Y, you're kinda right. At least, that's what the TARDIS tells me, I haven't had a chance to talk to the Doctor yet…” Rose bit her lip and tears welled in her eyes. “There's a reason I wanted to visit, Mum. The TARDIS reckons my time as Bad Wolf - I told you ‘bout that, remember? - well, it must've changed me otherwise…” Rose inhaled sharply, and Jackie wanted to wrap her in a protective hug and shield her from everything. But that wasn't her job anymore, but if the Doctor wasn't doing it probably, she'd gladly take it back, starting with a slap.
“Otherwise I couldn't possibly get pregnant.”
Oh, Jackie was definitely going kill him.
*
Jackie was sick of waiting: it always seemed like she was bloody waiting for something or other. But at least now it gave her an opportunity to have words with the Doctor.
“You'll always look after her, Doctor? You won't let her get hurt?”
“‘Course, Jackie. Do you honestly doubt I would? I mean, Rose can handle herself most of the time, but I’d never leave her in danger,” he replied, deep sincerity in his tone.
Jackie rolled her eyes, “I'm not on about that, you muppet. I mean you won't leave her? Don't break her heart, but...do what's best for her.”
“I'm never gonna fully convince you, am I?”The Doctor sighed, reaching into his jacket pocket, “Though...I'm hoping this'll help.”
Jackie took the object from his hands. It was a miniature jewellery box, circular engravings covering it completely.
“There's a reason I wanted to visit, Jackie. Open it. Although, from the look on your face, I think you already know what it is.”
She tore the box open, her suspicions confirmed when a ring - a huge, gorgeous ring - glinted back at her.
“‘S beautiful,” Jackie whispered in awe, pleased her daughter had such a lovely ring, was likely going to marry a man that could offer her so much more than anyone ever expected for Jackie Tyler's little girl.
Marry, and have a child with.
Bloody hell, the Doctor was going to be her son-in-law and her grandchildren will be part alien.
Jackie handed the box back to an apprehensive yet hopeful Doctor. “Does that mean I get your blessing?”
Jackie choked back the tears threatening to spill and snapped, “Hurt her and I'll slap ya so hard big ears and any other face you've ever had will feel it.”
A grin tugged at his lips, “Good.”
*
The joy that filled Jackie at watching her Rose giddily work through the Doctor’s plan just about managed to overwhelm the state of shock she’d been in since seeing her not-dead husband. Her mind was trying to keep up with their jibber-jabber, but the main part she caught was the rude remark from the Doctor and the fact he was sending the Daleks and Cybermen to hell. But there was one sentence she heard all too clearly.
“That’s why you’ve got to go, back to Pete’s world.”
Oh, like hell. There was no way she was letting this daft alien buy a gorgeous ring for her daughter and never use it, and there was no way Rose was leaving him - father of her unborn child or not.
As the couple argued, Jackie pulled Pete aside and whispered, “Is that thing safe for pregnant women?”
“Umm,” Pete mumbled, “you’re not...are you?”
“No,” she assured him, “
I’m
not…” she gave Rose a pointed look as the Doctor explained how he planned on not dying.
His eyes widened in understanding. “We’ve not done any tests, but I wouldn’t think so. It’s only meant to carry one, and we’re almost certain it would be unsafe for children.”
Jackie nodded, her mind made up.
“I’m supposed to go,” Rose stated, voice veering the line between anger and sadness whilst appearing calm.
“Yeah.”
“To another world, and then it gets sealed off?”
“Yeah.”
“Forever.” The Doctor wasn’t looking at her, but everyone in the room could tell he tensed at the word. “That’s not going to happen.”
The building shook, and no one contradicted Rose’s argument.
“You hav-” the Doctor started, cutting himself off at Rose’s determined face. “Jackie,” he pleaded, glancing at her, “you and Rose and Pete all together in a new world. A fresh start. Rose will be safe. Please, I’m trying to do what’s best.”
Jackie snorted, “Not a chance.” She grabbed her daughter’s hand and pointed her other at his face. “We are staying, you got that? Whether you like it or not, so button it.”
The Doctor was clearly taken aback by her insistence, but his slight fear of her kicked in, and he breathlessly agreed with her. “Alright, fine. Do what you want.”
As Jackie turned to say her goodbyes, Rose seized the Doctor by the upper arms and hauled him down to her eye level. “I made my choice a long time ago. You hear that, Doctor? MY choice. I promised you my forever. No matter how long or short it’s
yours
. When will you get it into your thick head you daft alien? I’m never gonna leave you.”
The Doctor pulled her in for a bruising kiss and when they pulled apart only Jackie was left in the room, eyes averted.
Taking a deep breath, he stepped back from Rose and clapped his hands, springing into action. “Right then, you two! Work to be done! Jackie, would you like to head downstairs to the TARDIS? It will be a lot safer there - less flying metal aliens.”
“Actually, Doctor, wouldn’t mum be more help up here?” she questioned. “I mean, she’s not been affected by the void. What if something goes wrong? Like, we lose our grip on the clamp or the computers start failing or something?
The Doctor stared at her, beaming proudly like a loon. “You are brilliant, you are. Have I mentioned?”
Rose smirked, tongue caught between her teeth, “Once or twice.”
Jackie shook her head at their lovestruck attitudes, both completely unaware what the other had to tell them. “Muppets, the pair of you. Absolute muppets.”
The Doctor seemed to remember her existence and set her the task of setting the coordinates, adding a please on the end. (He may be an alien, but at least he had the good sense to be polite to his future mother-in-law).
*
The Doctor had never been so glad for Jackie Tyler’s presence in all his life.
He doesn’t want to think about what would’ve happened if she hadn’t been there to straighten the lever, but she was and it didn’t matter because he was holding Rose tightly in his arms, not quite sure when and how he moved away from his clamp.
Rose hastily stepped out of his embrace, only to fling into her mother. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Rose whispered.
“I didn’t do much, sweetheart. Just pulled a lever.”
“‘M not talkin’ ‘bout tha’,” she mumbled into her shoulder.
The Doctor felt his heart swell with his love for these two women (yes, he admitted it, he loved Jackie, but never out loud) and he pulled them into a group hug.
“Tyler women. I’m never gonna win, am I?”
“No,” they chorused.
Jackie wormed her way out of the hug. “Well then. I’d very much like a cuppa and my bed, and I believe,” she pointed between them, “that you two need to talk.”
As the pair exchanged confused glances, Jackie made her way to the stairwell, calling over her shoulder, “And you can give me a lift since you kidnapped me!”
*
The next day, Jackie heard the familiar engines whir outside and was presented with a ringed finger and a high-tech sonogram.
Yeah, her son-in-law might be an eccentric Time Lord alien, and her grandchildren may grow up with two hearts travelling throughout time and space, and she may be frequently serving tea to the new family members that used to be labelled ‘companions’; it was a mad family, but it was her mad family. She wouldn’t trade a single one of them.
Not even that bloody alien.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The Doctor thanked his lucky stars the first thing he did was position the clamp.
While Rose was safely tucked away in Pete’s world, he thought the least he could do was ensure his own safety: it’s what she would’ve wanted.
Then his pink and yellow human flashed back into existence and he was selfishly pleased she was here; selfishly annoyed he almost lost her again.
He had no idea.
All day he’d felt so many timelines changing and clicking into place that he’d started ignoring them, but when a Dalek hit the lever on his side, he was blinded by an alternate timeline, where he was on the other side of the room, watching Rose straighten the lever then fall into the void. But he was physically stronger than Rose. His superior strength and Rose’s desperate screams allowed him to hold on. Stars above, his fingers were aching but he held on. He couldn’t leave her, he couldn’t do that.
After what seemed an eternity, the winds died down as the breach closed and the Doctor’s feet scrambled onto the floor.
Not a second after regaining his balance, he was knocked backwards by a blur coming at him and wrapping her arms around his waist, sobbing into his jacket.
“I almost lost you,” she whimpered.
Oh, if only she could see - he almost lost her.
He tugged her upwards so she could see his face. He cupped her cheeks, tenderly wiping away her tears, bringing her face closer. Gently, still full of fear, he pressed his lips to hers, hands in her hair, both pulling the other as close as possible.
His precious girl. He was never letting go.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Words. This body was bloody full of them. Most of them were meaningless, but even when they weren’t he still managed to say nothing at all.
Last words. The last words he’ll ever say to her ring through his ears. Of course he was dramatic; a failed attempt at romance. He wanted to make a grand speech worthy of her, as he felt so worthless against the cruelty of fate. He should’ve take a leaf out of her book and been direct about vocalising his feelings.
Words unspoken. The end of the sentence sits heavily in his mind. His last words to her should’ve mirrored her last words to him. How he wanted to return the admission, so they could both seek comfort in the words when they missed the other most. Yet all he had was her brave, sobbing confession echoing inside his soul.
Three words. Words lost to the void.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jackie was woken by a loud clatter and hushed curses.
Concerned about her daughter’s lack of sleep, Jackie wandered into the lavish study to see Rose scooping up pens and paper from the floor, with even more paper on the desk. Rose stared up at her guiltily, and when Jackie glanced at the stacks she saw why.
“Torchwood, Rose? What happened to not taking a step near them?”
Rose sighed from the floor. “They're plans to get back.”
Her heart broke the 50th time for her little girl. She knelt down and rubbed her arm. Looking her in the eye, Jackie saw how completely shattered she was.
“But, sweetheart…” Jackie began delicately, planning to wrangle either Mickey or Pete for letting her near this likely false hope, “The Doctor said it was impossible.”
Rose scoffed, “Yeah. Y’know,” she finally stood up, dumping the papers on the desk, “He keeps using that word. I don't think he knows what it means. I mean, orbiting a black hole was supposed to be impossible but we saw it. Travellin’ to other dimensions was supposed to be impossible but here we are.”
Jackie bit her lip, reluctant to discourage her, but she couldn't bear to see her disappointed, or worse injured. “But won't it be dangerous, sweetheart? An’ what if it doesn-”
“I have to try, Mum!” she snapped. “This isn't the end. I'm not staying here, I'm not!”
Instinct told Jackie to reprimand her daughter for shouting at her, but the tears in Rose’s eyes told her to pull her into a hug.
“Ok, darling.” Jackie wanted to hold her, but Rose was already focused back on her work, body tense and ready to fight. “We'll try.”
Rose looked her in the eye, gratefulness beaming through. “Thank you.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It hurt.
God, it hurt so much, and not just the hole in her heart from being separated from the Doctor, but there was a physical pain as well, one she couldn’t place. Bells rang torturously in her ears. Her stomach was convulsing violently. She couldn’t see for the blinding headache behind her eyes and the tears streaming her face, running down her neck and soaking her cardigan.
Was this the price of the hoppers carrying two? Hadn’t she paid enough?
All she could hear was the last fading shrieks of the Doctor and the echoes of her mother voice trying to reach out to her. All she could see was the taunting white wall...and a familiar golden glow.
The bells turned to the most beautiful song.
Icy cold ran through her body for a split second before it was all gone: the bells, the headache, her mother, the wall. The singing began to fade along with the golden glow, and the sound was replaced by the squeak of trainers.
“Rose!”
Limply, she tried to sit upright to see the concerned face of the Doctor above her, his skinny frame supporting her as she moved.
She wanted to throw her arms around him and tell him she loved him and promise to never leave him. Instead, her voice came out layered and echo-y, and the glow strengthened, “I made my choice a long time ago and I’m never gonna leave you. Don’t you remember, Doctor? My Doctor.”
The glow faded as Rose was hit with a tidal wave of memories: Bad Wolf.
She was the Bad Wolf. She created herself. Rose Tyler and the TARDIS together to make a forever with their Doctor possible.
As the light seeped out of her and she relaxed into the Doctor - who was reasonably confused, irritated, worried and relieved - she sent a silent thank you the Bad Wolf.
Her Doctor would never have to be alone again.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
There was dancing.
They’d had a delicious meal on Merciousia 6 and had retired to the library where Rose kicked off her heels and the Doctor automatically rubbed her feet. There had been laughing, cuddling, sneaky glances and sneaky kisses that made Rose feel as if she was falling in love all over again. He’d undone his tie as easily as he did the knots in her feet and held out his hand to her.
Curious, she took it and stood up, expecting him to lead her to the bedroom when a soft melody began to play and he led her into a waltz. They grinned as they swayed. They giggled as they twirled. They laughed as he dipped her low. They kissed slowly as the music died down and Rose felt herself come undone under his touch like she had so many times before, even before he knew what he was doing, even with big ears and leather. All she wanted was to drag him to their room by his jacket and gently and lovingly bring each other dizzying pleasures - which of course she did.
Rose choked out another sob as she remembered how she couldn’t even listen to the last song she danced to with her fiance due to being trapped in this stupid universe with a father who still had trouble accepting her. Wiping her face, Rose began applying her makeup in the mirror for Jackie and Pete’s ‘re-engagement party’, humming their swan song under her breath.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“You’re not…”
He didn’t even dare say it.
His eyes were brimming with grief and love and sorrow and fear and panic. And a glint. A sharp, ferocious glint Rose had never seen before. Something in Rose’s gut knew he was ready to rip the whole multiverse apart to make time and space obey his will.
He’d shatter reality and God - as much as she wanted to be selfish - she couldn’t let that happen.
If he daren’t say it, then neither would she.
So she lied.
“No, it’s mum.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Am I ever gonna see you again?"
Yes, he wanted to scream, he’ll reach her, universe be damned.
No. She made him better than that.
He almost would: for two petrifying seconds, he thought she was pregnant, and he would’ve done anything. He couldn’t let another child down, couldn’t leave Rose to an alien pregnancy... couldn’t let his child be the last of their kind.
But she wasn’t, and his motivation crumbled. He couldn’t watch everything burn again. He would never stop - Rassilon, he would never stop trying to reach her. However, he wouldn’t give her false hope.
“You can’t.”