Archive of Our Own

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Chapter 1- New Beginnings

The day had dawned warm and bright; the sky sprinkled with fluffy clouds cast a soft gradient of blue. A gentle breeze rustled through the long, lush green grass, rustling up loose flower petals that swirled, weaving their own pattern before drifting off.

"Uncle Laguna!" a sweet, feminine voice called out as a man clad in a light blue button down shirt, and khaki pants sat crouched in front of a gravestone. He had long, black hair, now streaked with wisps of grey, tied back into a low ponytail and a dog tag necklace dangling from his thick neck.

The man known as Laguna inclined his head and looked toward the source of the voice. A small-statured, young woman wearing a blue and white dress, with chin-length, dark hair and kind, chocolate brown eyes raised a dainty hand and waved at the man before her. He turned around to face her, noticing his two war buddies that were now his dear friends, standing behind her as she made her way down the small hill toward Laguna. They stood on the hill and waited, while the girl worked her way carefully down the grassy hillside.

"Uncle Laguna!" she called again. More cheer spread through her tinkling voice. "I've missed you! Kiros and Ward told me I'd find you out here!"

Her feet dressed in white slip on shoes picked up speed now as she raced down the slope and threw herself into Laguna's now outstretched arms. A goofy smile curved up his lips as he felt the young woman’s embrace around him. It took him back, back to a time when she was just a little girl, dancing barefoot around Raine's flowers on the stone streets of the small, rural village of Winhill.

She pulled back from the embrace and mirrored her uncle's smile. "So, is it all over? Did they do it?"

Laguna's green eyes shimmered with pride as a heavy wind gust brushed past them, and a flying object known as Balamb Garden, flew overhead, the afternoon sun glinting off it brilliantly. He glanced upward, thin laugh lines curving the sides of the older man's mouth as he smiled and breathed a sigh of relief.

"They sure did." Was his answer. "Ultimecia is gone, and the world is safe once more from the sorceress, which means you're safe now too, Ellone." He added with a wink and placed his hand on top of the girl's head.

"So Squall and everyone? They're all alive and safe?" Ellone questioned, the curiosity and concern evident in her tone. Laguna knew of how important that Squall, Quistis, Selphie, Irvine, and Zell were to Ellone.

They had all grown up together in Cid and Edea Kramer's orphanage. Ellone was also Squall's adopted sister, and she cared deeply for her younger brother. Almost maternally so. So, it was only natural that the girl would be worried for their safety. Especially after traveling through the time compression and into Ultimecia's realm, which had resided in the extreme, distant future where none of them no longer existed. Updates and reports had come through that all of the SeeDs, Rinoa and everyone were all home, safe in the Garden. This made Laguna's heart swell with happiness and pride that they managed to rid the world of the evil that had plagued it, starting with Edea being the first victim. Adel and Ultimecia were gone, and they no longer had cause to worry.

"They are, Elle. I made sure to check in with Cid Kramer. They're all safe and sound and healthy!" Laguna told her enthusiastically, thrusting an excited fist inward. He rose to his feet and scratched at his chin, that familiar, silly expression on his face. "Ya know, I imagine they're probably wore out and starving to death though if you ask me.” He raised a finger in a matter-of-fact manner. “I mean, man, traveling through time like that? That had to of been exhausting on their bodies. Could you imagine the-"

"Uncle

Laguna
," Ellone interrupted the babbling man, raising a thin brow at him. She folded her arms, draped in sheer, silk green scarf and looked at him somewhat disapprovingly. "Do you remember what you told Squall in Esther? How you two would talk?" She tapped her foot a bit as Laguna's face went red and a hand went up to the back of his head. "You still need to do that. He needs to know, Uncle Laguna." Ellone told the man gently, her voice softening. She reached out a hand and laid it placidly on his arm. "He deserves to know. You told him that once it was all over with, you two had a lot to talk about."

Laguna sighed as his hand went from the back of his head to the back of his neck. "I know, Ellone. I know... but, I mean, he's my son! How do I even begin to tell him that he's my kid? How do I tell him that Raine was his mom? I mean... it sounded all great and stuff when you told me that I had a son, but the more I think about it, the more it scares the heck out of me!" The former Galbadian soldier fell silent for a moment and planted his eyes directly on Ellone. "How do I explain to him that for 17 years, he's had a dad and he never knew? That I never knew I had a son?" Laguna's voice softened and worry creased his brow.

"C'mon, Uncle Laguna," Ellone encouraged him. "The first step is to at least arrange a meeting with him. Let's head back to Esthar. People are probably wondering where their president took off too anyway. We can send out a request to Headmaster Cid. It'll be a special one requesting just Squall. Cid will understand. He'll dispatch Squall immediately. Especially at my request," the girl stated, giving the man's arm a squeeze. "I'll be right there with you too, Uncle Laguna. You don't have to do it alone. I promise," she added. "Somebody's gotta be there to either kick you or Squall if you don't behave yourselves, right?" She placed her fingertips over her mouth to suppress a giggle.

"YEAH!" called out a drawling voice from up the hill. A dark-skinned man with long braids tied back into a ponytail was walking toward them. "And if worst comes to worst, we'll be there to give Laguna a kick in the butt ourselves if necessary!"

Ellone and Laguna exchanged glances and then laughed openly. "Alright, Kiros. Alright." Laguna shook his head. "Looks like I'm outnumbered."

He rubbed the back of his head again and turned to glance once more at Raine's gravesite. Ellone linked her arm with Laguna's and pulled him along with her. The trio headed back up the hill where a large man by the name of Ward stood with a vehicle waiting for them. As excited as Laguna had been to reveal to Squall that he was his father, he couldn't help but shake the nervous feeling that had taken over him. He felt uncertain that this meeting with his son would be a good thing, but Ellone was right. He needed to do this and he needed to do it soon. With a sigh of defeat, Laguna loaded himself into the car as it made way back toward the futuristic city of Esthar and to his presidential palace.

******************************

The night after the final sorceress battle had been a frivolous one, filled with laughter,
conversation, music, dancing, drama, choking on hotdogs and a little something that just about everyone needed. A reprieve, and to enjoy themselves with some relaxation, good food and company after the near tragedy was thwarted thanks to SeeD. After the battle of the Gardens, the second chance of a Sorceress War, and everything that lead up to it, they were ready for a little leisure. Being the enthusiastic party planner, Selphie had taken it upon herself to organize a big celebration of SeeD's defeat of the wicked sorceress from the future, Ultimecia.

The Garden's ballroom was filled with students, SeeD cadets, Junior classmen, SeeDs, staff, friends, music, food, drinks, and dancing. Something Garden hadn't seen since forever and a day ago it had seemed. If you asked some of the students they would tell you there was nothing better than watching Zell stuffing hotdogs so fast down his throat that the guy nearly choked himself to death. It was even more comical watching the girl from the library beat on his back. Selphie had gotten her hands on one of faculty’s video cameras, hidden in one of the many supply rooms.

Now, with the video camera out, the girl was excitingly recording all of the shenanigans, whilst running around and scolding Irvine for flirting with other Balamb girls. Quistis, more than once, had tried to shove the flirtatious gunman off of her and retreated to the safety of speaking with the headmaster and his wife.The sounds of laughter, voices, music, and chatter emanated from the ballroom. Sounds that most thought they'd never hear again. And it was uplifting, almost comforting.

Finally, Selphie had had enough of Irvine's womanizing and snatched his hat placing it on her own head and forced Irvine the camera into his hands, begging him to record them all. She followed him around, commentating loudly enough that her voice could be heard at times over the music, before she stood in a doorway and began pointing her finger excitedly.

"Irvy! Come here! You gotta see this!" the girl in yellow spoke in a childish, excited whisper as if she’d just busted someone for doing something they shouldn’t be.

Dressed in a blue ribbed duster, her dark brown hair flying out from behind her as Garden took to the skies, another young woman now stood on the terrace, her arms folded and resting on the railing seemingly solitary. She watched in wonder at the stars as they slowly rolled through the night sky while Balamb Garden made its voyage over top the grassy plains. Destination was unknown, but that was okay with her.

They could fly forever and she would watch the twinkling stars and vivid, full moon. She never tired of it. Stargazing had become one her favorite pastimes. Her dark brown eyes widened as a shooting star cast its descent through the blackened sky, leaving a beam of light and stardust trailing behind in its wake. She glanced to her right, squinting her eyes and pointed toward the sky with a playful smile on her pink lips.

A young man with brown, slightly unkempt hair, dressed neck to toe in black leather, stood beside her. He smiled tenderly and lovingly, a rarity for him. His bright blue eyes showing with a feeling he never knew could exist within the depths of his heart. Cold, introverted, unfriendly Squall Leonhart had certainly changed in the passing months since meeting the girl at his side. She had melted those frosty walls he’d spent years carefully building around his heart.

Now, he could feel a new warmth billowing in his chest as the rest of the icy cage melted for her. His heart fluttered against his ribcage. It was the same feeling he had when he jumped carelessly into space to rescue this girl. No other thought was in his mind when he leapt into a never-ending, black blanket bathed in sea of stars. He only has eyes for the girl in the spacesuit that was drifting toward him. Selphie had gushed over how Squall saving Rinoa in space was like a hero from a storybook. Rinoa had told her later in private she wasn’t far off. That it was exactly how she felt.

It was the same feeling he had when he rescued her once more from the sorceress memorial. When he had held the girl in his arms, finally, and squeezed her close. She had told him prior to that on the Ragnarok that she needed a hug. She had needed to know she was alive after they nearly perished in the emptiness of space, and then he had refused her. Finally, it had come full circle and she had been in his arms as they clung tightly to one another.

The same feeling blossomed forth once in Squall once more nagging him, and he reached for her, wanting her in his arms again. Maybe even wanting something more. They were totally alone. The solitary twosome standing on the balcony of the magnificent Garden.

"C'mere," the blue-eyed man said softly as he took the dark haired girl's hand into his own and pulled her in close, lowering his head toward hers for a long awaited kiss.

"Squall," Rinoa breathed in surprise against his lips as they met and their heads titled, basking in the passion of each other, caressing soft lips. They pulled back to look at one another.

"Rinoa," his deep voice spoke back in barely above a whisper as a gloved hand reached up to brush back some strands of hair that had fallen into her eyes.

Squall was about to lean in for another kiss, when their moment was unexpectedly disturbed.

"AHAAAA! OH MY GOSH!" came a squealing voice, owner of it now grasping the video camera. "WE GOT THE WHOLE THING!" Squall and Rinoa, startled by their intruder, whirled around to see a small, young woman clad in yellow, waving a video camera in her hand wildly and dancing happily in the doorway that led to the balcony. She pranced from one foot to the other tauntingly, holding the camera up high. "The WHOOOOOOOOLE thing!" she reiterated.

"Selphie! Why don't you let them be and c'mere with me, eh?" came a drawling, southern-accented voice from the doorway. Squall felt his face burn in embarrassment, and shook his head as his eyes caught sight of the long, pale trench coat adorned on the man's body. He placed a disproving hand on his hip and glared at Irvine.

"Have you guys never heard of privacy?" Squall grumbled, clearly embarrassed about Selphie and Irvine catching him and Rinoa in a very personal moment.

Rinoa giggled nervously, glancing at Squall and shook her dark head she walked toward her friend, holding her hand out for the camera. "Selphie, how about you give that to me, and we just... not show that to anybody, okay? Squall needs to at least be spared some of his dignity. Can’t have the world knowing you’re actually a pretty nice guy, It might sully his reputation," she added with a playful wink, turned and poked Squall in the chest. He folded his leather-clad arms and turned his head away, huffing indignantly.

"Ohhh, right right! We can't let Garden know that big, bad, studly, introverted Squall, the Commander of SeeD himself, has fallen in loooove and gotten all mushy and soft now!" the hyper girl giggled. "Heehee! I won't show anybody. Don't worry, Squall. Rinoa’s right. Can’t go cramping your style now. Not unless you give me a reason!" she added with a squeal and stuck her tongue out, before turning sharp on one heel and racing off.

Who said I've become... mushy? And... soft?

Squall thought to himself and started to move toward Selphie's direction, but Rinoa had already stepped out in front of him to chase the girl down.

"Selphie, c'mon!" Rinoa called out, and Squall knew Rinoa could sense his annoyance. “I was kidding! Bring that back!”

Rinoa Heartilly, the girl who seemed to know him better than anyone, who could easily read any of his expressions, was the one person he’d grown to not mind seeing these new sides of him. Though what had previously bothered him most about this was that he did his best to make it seem as though he had no expression, no emotion and was completely taciturn so he could keep people at arms length and not getting too close. Life was more simple that way, or so he’d thought at the time. Now, he wasn’t so sure anymore.
He felt conflicted because ever since he’d met Rinoa, he’d grown feelings of fondness for his squad. She’d changed something inside of him.

At times, felt a twinge of irritance that Rinoa seemed to read him so easily, but then decided, it really wasn't too bad. As long as it was just Rinoa and nobody else. He didn't need everyone figuring him out. Quistis already called herself an “expert Squall observer” much to his chagrin. He liked remaining somewhat of a mystery to people. Not everyone had to know exactly what he thought or felt at all times. He liked it that way. He looked toward Rinoa who was still chasing after Selphie.

"It's really not a good idea to blackmail the leader of SeeD! Squall knows where you live!" Rinoa yelled after the girl and chased her through the crowd of people.

Squall shook his brown head, causing locks of hair to fall into his eyes and rubbed his scarred forehead. Oh well. Who cared if Selphie caught them kissing on video and showed everyone in Garden. Everyone would eventually find out he was with Rinoa, right? As if they didn’t already know. Everyone was always staring at them ever since they got back.

Brushing it off, Squall followed after Rinoa and grabbed her arm as Selphie did another squeal and turn, plowing through a sea of dancing people on the ballroom floor, breaking their concentration, almost knocking over one exasperated couple. She held the camera way up above her head and out of arm's reach. Or at least as best as her petite self could at any rate.

"It's not a big deal, Rinoa. I doubt Selphie is going to do anything too extreme," Squall stated as he slowed Rinoa into a walk and pulled her back toward him. "It's getting late anyway, and I'm ready to head up and get some sleep."

Rinoa tilted her head at Squall and laughed lightly. "Well, I suppose you would be tired after all we've been through.”

Squall sighed in exhaustion and thought back to Rinoa finding him after he collapsed and somehow managed to bring him home and revive him with her sorceress abilities. He had woken up in her arms, finding themselves in their flower field right outside of Edea’s orphanage. It was their place , the place they had made their promise to meet.

Rinoa had collapsed into relieved and happy tears on his chest while Squall held back his own because he still couldn’t believe after being alone, his worst fear, and lost in the limbo of time compression, he was still alive. He had then told Rinoa with a weak chuckle that he needed a hug from her, because he needed to know he was alive while Rinoa just laughed through her tears and squeezed him tightly. It was a moment he’d never forget.

Rinoa’s voice broke him from his thoughts once more. “Why don't we go up to your dorm anyway? It's private and people won't be up there bothering us with video cameras. Unless of course, that's what you want?" her voice took on a mischievous tone.
She lifted an eyebrow as his ears burned red.

Her eyes twinkled at her evident joke, while Squall's eyes widened in alarm. Sure he finally started being with Rinoa seriously, but her? Up in his dorm? With a video camera!? It was awkward enough when he'd wake up and find her leaning over him, but now?

"Don't get the wrong idea! I'm just joking!" Rinoa stated, stepping back and putting both hands palm up in front of herself. "That's not what I meant! I just meant we could go up and talk privately and when you get tired and you're ready to go to sleep, I'll let you be. And I promise," Rinoa began leaning toward him, hands placed on her knees, making her look even cuter than what she already was. "No video cameras."

Surprisingly, Squall smirked at Rinoa and took her hand in his own. "Alright then. Let's go."

The two walked out of the ballroom, away from the crowds, the sounds of music and voices fading into quiet and down to the cavernous, central hub of the beautiful Balamb Garden. Water fell, splashing gently around them from the hand-crafted water fountain that carried the water into beautiful pools of crystal clear blue as the twosome made their way down the winding hall of the Garden, and to the corridor that led to Squall's dorm room. There was something nostalgic about that for Squall. He had always enjoyed listening to the fountain.

They approached the room in silence and Squall stood in front of his bed, glancing at it longingly. The sheets and soft mattress were calling his name. He was starting to feel more tired by the moment and couldn't wait to lay back on his bed, stretch his arms and legs out and let his head sink into the pillow so possibly a peaceful sleep may finally take him.

Rinoa stood in front of him, her hands placed behind her back, the toe of her boot making small circles on the floor as she stared downward, not looking at the SeeD.

Squall had to hold back a snicker at this. Rinoa's signature 'I-have-something-I-really-want-to-say-but-I-don't-know-how-to-say-it' gesture he'd come to realize. It was funny at how easy she was to read to him, and how easy he had become to read for her. Maybe they truly were meant to be.

"What is it, Rinoa?" The Commander of SeeD questioned the young woman. He'd never been all that good when it came to talking about his own feelings, but at his own behest, he had to admit he was curious as to what was on Rinoa's mind. He was at least trying to get better at it.
Being there for his friends. It wasn’t easy, but he did feel he owed them that much. Especially her.

"Squall, honestly...," Rinoa hesitated and he noticed the furrow in her brow creased. She shook her head and forced a smile. "No, nevermind. This is supposed to be a happy occasion, right? I don't want to ruin that for you. You've not had much happiness up until now." She added and looked him full on in the eyes, but Squall was not fooled for a moment. He shook his head at the girl and placed a hand on his hip.

"Rinoa, I know you. You'll eventually spill it anyway, so why don't you just say what's bothering you
before
we got to bed?"

I really don't want you to decide to tell me what's bothering you just as I'm falling asleep...

Rinoa looked slightly taken aback by Squall's bluntness, but quickly recovered as this was something she had grown used to, and Squall was right. Rinoa usually always did say what she wanted to say. She could only remain quiet for so long. Squall noticed the brief look on her face but said nothing.

Errr... I didn't mean for that to sound as harsh as it did... I really do need to work on that…

"Okay, well... it's just that, you defeated Ultimecia. That sorceress is gone. Adel is gone, but there's still... me," Rinoa cast frightful eyes at the young man she had fallen in love with and Squall reached out to grab both of her hands. He tugged her toward him and pulled her down to sit on the bed beside him. "Squall, what if.."

Squall gazed at her for a moment.
So that’s what’s been weighing on her mind.

"That's enough, Rinoa. I'm serious. How could you even think something like that would happen to you?" Squall questioned, eyeing the young sorceress at his side. "Think about it like this. The only reason Edea became evil was because she was possessed. By who? Ultimecia. She's gone. She's dead. She's not coming back. We saw to that. Adel is gone, dead and not coming back. There are no evil sorceresses here to possess you now, Rinoa. And you’ve got me. You’ll be okay." He lifted his hand to tuck some hair behind Rinoa’s ear.

Besides that, you’re too full of kindness and warmth for you to become evil all on your own accord. Just like Matron. No, Rinoa wouldn't become corrupted or blinded by her own power. Rinoa isn't like that. If she had her way about it, she'd get rid of her powers for good.

Rinoa shook her head and grasped the rings on her necklace tightly in her hand. "It's not only just that... I mean, haven't you noticed the way people in the Garden... well, the way look at me? The way they stare at me? They know I'm a sorceress. They're being trained to defeat the sorceress, just like you did, Squall." Rinoa gulped quietly. "That sorceress is me now," she whispered.

"I haven't noticed," Squall answered honestly and truthfully.

Then again, Squall was normally oblivious to such things, but Rinoa was working on that with him. He shook his head defiantly, as he gathered his thoughts once more and frowned.

"No, that's not the case, Rinoa. I know it's not. Just give them time. They just need to get to know you. They just need to understand that you're not like Adel was or Ultimecia. They'll get used to you. They'll understand."

They have to. I'll make them if I have to.

Squall didn't like the idea of Rinoa being uncomfortable at Garden. He wanted her to live a happy, normal life, or rather as normal as it could get with him being Commander of SeeD and her being a sorceress. It bothered him somewhat, but he chose to push the thoughts into the back of his mind. He'd leave them there to worry about for another day. Right now, he’d rather just clear his mind and not have to worry about anything so he could sleep properly for a change.

Rinoa sighed softly. "So, you think I shouldn't worry then? That I should just carry on living normally just like everyone else around me? Do you think... you don't think they'll be frightened of me, do you? Or angry at me?" Rinoa asked, the crease in her brow relaxing a little, but the doubt still evident in her tone.

Squall remembered back on the Ragnarok, when he and Rinoa were lost in space, how she had voiced her fear that nobody would want to be around her. It would seem that fear hadn't just disappeared, even though there was nothing left to fear. She was still worried people wouldn't want a sorceress near them or that they would be angry, accusatory, maybe even blame her. What if Rinoa were consumed by fear? What would happen then?

But... it wasn't Rinoa's fault she became a sorceress. It didn't happen of her own free will, and Rinoa's not like them. She's...different.

Squall shook his head once more. "Well… They might be..." Squall paused, his blue eyes scanning hers. His expression changing into his 'I-know-what-I-want-to-say-but-now-I-have-to-figure-out-to-word-it' face Rinoa had eventually figured out. "...they might be uncomfortable at first maybe, but I think once they get to know you, everything will be fine. Quistis, Selphie, Irvine and Zell don't hate you. They like being around you," he began, turning his head away from Rinoa slightly embarrassed. "Besides... I'll be here for you. Right? I'll... I'll be your knight," he finally said the words he carried with him since they made their promise out loud and could feel his cheeks burning hot. Squall resisted the urge to smash his palm into his face.

God, saying that out loud just sounds ridiculous and corny, but... it's true...

Rinoa smiled, placing her hand on Squall’s cheek, she pulled the SeeD Commander's face back toward her own. "You're right. Besides, if I can have Squall as my knight, then I know I’ll be okay. I know I’ll be safe." The dark haired girl lay down on Squall's bed, her back against his wall, pulling him down onto the bed with her and attempt to snuggle up against him.

"Rinoa, isn't this-," Squall began nervously but sighed in defeat and repositioned next to her, awkwardly placing his arms around the girl. He'd never really sat down on a bed with a girl before until now, but now they were laying together?

Relax... she's just laying here with me. Nothing is going to happen. I just don't want anyone to find out. Do I? I don't know. Is this right? What would Headmaster Cid think of me if he saw me laying in bed with a girl? Would we get in trouble? Would I get kicked out of Garden? Does having a girl in my room go against Garden protocol?

Squall's thoughts abruptly changed as the idea of Garden and SeeD flit through his mind.

Wait... Garden... SeeD... What's to become of Garden now that we defeated the sorceress? Rinoa...? No, no! Don't think about that. That's not going to happen. We won't end up having to fight Rinoa ever, so I can't even think about that. Will we still fight though? For other purposes? There's always going to be fighting. Always going to be war and conflict. Someone is always going to raise their weapon first. We fought and defeated the sorceress. We're still elite mercenaries. We still fight... Will Cid disband Garden?

Squall's thoughts trailed off as Rinoa's body began shaking with laughter. She giggled and brushed some of Squall's hair back from his forehead. "You're thinking too much again."

She traced her fingertip down his thin scar that ran diagonally across his face, breaking the young Commander out of his reverie. Squall didn't know it, but Rinoa had always loved his scar. She felt it gave him character. It set him apart from everyone else. Scarred but strong. His scars both outwardly and inside made him stronger. She placed a hand around the rings on her necklace once more. Maybe her scars could make her stronger too.

"Squall as my knight. Yeah, I think I can go with that." She snuggled closer into his chest and closed her eyes, breathing in his unique scent, a mixture of leather, sweat and a hint of cologne. "Just let me stay here with you... just a little longer," she breathed against his neck.

At last, Squall gave in, tightening his arms around Rinoa and held her close, feeling a sense of warmth and comfort wash over him like a night summer air and for the first time in a very long time, Squall Leonhart, Commander of SeeD, military mercenary, destroyer of the sorceress, felt at peace.

So... this is what true comfort feels like... I had almost forgotten... I think I love this girl... I really really love her. Rinoa...

For now, Garden was safe. His friends were alive, Rinoa was alive and Ultimecia was gone. Granted he was still the leader of SeeD, and that there would be times when his group would be dispatched to places all over the world he almost sure of, but at this moment in time, he could appreciate the fact that he was just a normal, teen boy who'd fallen in love, and that was okay, wasn't it?

Rinoa's deep breathing had fallen steady and slow, indicating sleep had finally taken her. The knight closed his eyes and fell into an easy slumber, his snoozing sorceress tucked in tightly against his chest. For now, all could be okay with the world. Couldn’t it?

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Chapter 2- Revelations and Responsibilities
The sun's first rays shone vibrantly through Squall's dorm room window as morning dawned, and much to his dismay, right in his face. The SeeD Commander groaned, placing his forearm over his aching eyes from the vividness of the sun’s light, disturbing him from precious slumber.

Morning already?

He glanced over to his side to see Rinoa, still lying next to him on her side, her head sunk into one of his pillows. Her lips were slightly parted, chest rising and falling with every breath, and Squall could tell she was still in a deep sleep. Not wanting to disturb her rest, he slowly sat up in bed, stood and tugged the covers up around her bare shoulders.

Her blue duster lay draped on the back of his desk chair and his own clothes were folded up neatly in the small dresser accompanying his dorm room. His SeeD uniform and Cadet uniform hung from a rack just above his bed. It was a rather bland room. Not much color, beyond the camouflage bedspread and looking out the window. A metallic, large model of Griever sat framed on his floor. It was simple and convenient. Just as Squall liked it. Unlike his fellow SeeD members who had chosen to decorate their dorms with various things such as a large, colored lettering spelling out their names on their doors, magazine clippings, posters, and photographs.

Squall glanced over at the sleeping Rinoa before slipping on a freshly laundered, white v-neck t-shirt, black leather pants, his usual belts and buckles, black leather bomber jacket with the fur collar and boots. Squall was just about to step out of the dorm room to let the sleeping girl rest more, when the familiar chimes of Balamb Garden's intercom rang across the ceiling. He glanced upward.

"Squall, this is Headmaster Cid. Please report to the bridge as soon as you possibly can. I have new orders for you. I repeat, please report to the bridge ASAP. Thank you."

The chimes signaled the ending of the message, and Squall placed a palm on his forehead.

Seriously? This early in the morning? And this soon?

He glanced over toward his bed to see Rinoa had stirred awake. She sat up in the bed, blearily rubbing her eyes and looked at the digital clock sitting on top of his desk.

"Mmm Squall?" Rinoa yawned, covering her mouth politely with her hand. "Whas
goin' on? Wha time is it?" the young woman slurred, voice still drawn with sleep.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it. I just have to go and see the headmaster. Apparently, he has new orders for me," the Commander of SeeD responded.

Truth be told, he felt extremely nervous and unsettled by the idea of talking to the headmaster and he wasn’t sure why. It’s not like this was anything new, but something sounded different in the headmaster’s voice that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. As Rinoa lay sleeping in his arms that night, Squall had woken up to dreams of an end coming to SeeD, to Garden. His personal fears manifesting themselves in his consciousness took hold and jerked him from sleep. His thoughts had been racing through his mind most of the night until he had finally managed to drift off once more. So much for peaceful sleep.

What if Cid and Edea decide to disband SeeD? What if they decide to put an end to Garden? They wouldn't really do something like that... would they? No, they couldn't. Cid and Edea are far from heartless.

A majority of the children and students who lived at the Garden were mostly orphans and had no homes to go. Garden was their home.
His
home. He glanced back over toward Rinoa whose cheek was pressed up against her hand, head drooping, eyes at half-mast.

"Why don't you go back to sleep? It's most likely just a mission briefing. I'll come and get you when I'm finished, okay?"

"No no," Rinoa stretched and yawned once more, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and blinking a few times. She smiled at her knight. "I'll get up and get ready. You go do what you need to do, okay? Meet me in the cafeteria when you're finished. I could use some breakfast." she added, rubbing her stomach.

Squall fought back a grin and just shook his head. "Alright, I'll see you later then." He exited the room with a wave to Rinoa, before closing the door behind him. Squall couldn't help but feel apprehension building in his chest and his heart began pounding .

Always prepare yourself for the worst. Always be ready for the worst. Anything can happen. Never let your guard down.

And Squall did just that as he made his way around the curvature of the massive hall, bringing him to the colossal, central hub that led to a set of stairs just behind the Balamb Garden Directory. He trudged his way quietly through the corridor quietly pondering what the meeting could be about, tuning out the voices of fellow Garden members around him.

Many students rushing here and there, greeted him heartily with a "Hey, Squall!" or a "How's it going, Squall!" He just nodded his head silently at them, enough to show the students he at least acknowledged them. He had to admit, he
was trying hard to get better at socializing with people instead of flat out ignoring them the way he used to. He had mostly Rinoa and his comrades to thank for that. This morning though, he just didn't feel much like being social and friendly. There was too much already on his mind.

The anxiety was rising like a sickness as Squall made his way up the steps that led to the elevator. With a sigh, he stepped inside, almost reluctantly, and made his way up to the 3rd floor where Cid's office used to reside. It was now the bridge where a mobile Garden could be navigated. Finally, the elevator made its ascent to Garden's bridge and with a ding, stopped abruptly.

The doors slid open and Squall stepped out, not sure if he was ready for Cid was about to tell him. In truth, he feared what could happen and that was far more taxing than a physical battle. However, he couldn't see Cid and Edea just dumping every single child here onto the streets with nowhere to go and dropping Garden off in the ocean. Sometimes, he found he couldn’t help but think the worst.

Here we go...

Squall approached the small, step-on lift that took him up to the bridge and found Nida navigating as usual and Cid chatting animatedly to the other SeeD with one hand, and a cup of steaming coffee clutched in another.

"Ah! Squall!" The Headmaster of Garden greeted the young SeeD. "Good morning! I didn't expect you to be up here so soon! I hope I didn't wake you?"

Nida gestured lazily in acknowledgment from where he stood near the navigation steering device before turning his attention back to the outside world. “You probably woke up the whole ship, Headmaster,” he muttered but Cid did not appear to have heard him.

Squall just waved Cid off, shaking his head as if to say 'it's fine' as Nida was about spot on. At least in Rinoa’s case. "You wanted to see me, Headmaster?"

"Yes, yes. Straight to the point as usual. Now, Squall. I'm sure you have many questions for me regarding what to do with SeeD and Garden now that the sorceress is gone. Am I correct?" Cid began venturing into the territory that had been on the forefront of Squall's mind. "Yes, SeeDs true goal is the sorceress. They are trained to fight and defeat the sorceress, which you have done and admirably so," the headmaster, dressed in his signature red vest, khaki's and glasses, folded his hands in front of him in an almost formal gesture.

"Sir, if I may interrupt," Squall began, trying not to allow any of his nervousness become obvious. "What is to become of SeeD now that the Sorceress is defeated and gone?"

Cid chuckled cheerfully. "And again, straight to the point! You don't miss a beat do you, Squall? Well then, down to business I suppose. As I was saying, yes, our SeeDs are trained to fight and defeat the sorceress, however, SeeDs are needed and used for other purposes beyond fighting the sorceress. Remember, you’re a small yet elite team of mercenaries after all. You understand, Squall, that no matter where you go, there is always going to be some sort of conflict or war and therefore many governmental agencies may want to hire SeeD to execute some of their plans or just for general help and civilian protection. My thoughts on this matter are that SeeD doesn't always need to fight to defeat, but that SeeD can fight to save lives and protect others."

Squall's gaze met the headmaster's, but he remained silent and allowed him to continue. "As you know, you are Commander of SeeD, and you will-,"

Squall groaned inwardly but remained outwardly stoic. "Headmaster, I apologize, but I thought I was only going to be Commander until the sorceress was defeated?"

He still wants me to be the commander? He still wants me to make all of these decisions? How do I know if what I'm doing is right or not?

"Of course you are, Squall. We'd never strip you of that title, even after the defeat of the sorceress. You’ve more than proven yourself capable. Please understand, that I am not… well, trying to put a lot of pressure on you, and this goes without saying, but everyone in Garden looks up to you. They look up to you to lead them in the right direction, take appropriate action when necessary. They need you here for mission briefings, support, encouragement, and to help them make the right choices," Cid paused and observed the Commander of SeeD momentarily before continuing.

The older man placed his hands behind his back and began pacing back and forth in front of the SeeD mercenary. "From now on, you will be in charge of handling which teams are assigned and dispatched wherever that may be and which SeeDs will go to whoever wants to hire us, within reason. If you feel conflicted about specific orders or missions, you can feel free to discuss it with me prior to the mission. I will help you. You will also be in charge of handling any reports that come in from missions and contracts with agencies and factions that may want to hire SeeD as well. When it comes time for our next candidates to chosen, you will help be the deciding factor for our next branch. Basically, you will be in charge of handling a majority of Garden's operations. Edea and I have to focus on the current funding, finding trustworthy new staff and faculty to replace the ones we lost during the Garden Master revolt. So I need your help with this, Squall. Can you handle all of that?"

Squall had to keep himself from gaping.

You're not trying to put a lot of pressure on me? That's a load of crap... What if I mess up? Handle Garden's operations? A shitload of paperwork? How in the world am I going to do all of that? I don't even know what I'm doing half the time. I just wing it or go with it as best I can. I thought this Commander title would all be all over and I could finally relax. I don't like being responsible for others. What if I end up making the wrong decision and someone gets hurt because of me... or worse...

"I see you're likely overthinking again. Squall," the Headmaster smiled as he approached the young SeeD and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Squall stood rigid, completely unprepared for the kind gesture from Cid, but did not attempt to shake him off.

"Listen, there is a reason why you have your team, your comrades, right? You don't have to handle all of this alone. I know they would all be honored to help you, and that sweet girl Rinoa as well if you let them." Squall nodded curtly and Cid withdrew his hand.

"Squall Leonhart, do you hereby accept your position as Commander of SeeD and Director of Garden Operations?" Squall snapped into a stiff stance of respect and saluted the Garden's Headmaster. What other choice did he have at this point?

"Right then, at ease." Cid nodded.

Squall's stance relaxed, but the tension was still evident in his neck and shoulders.

"Now that this is out of the way, onto the mission briefing. We received word from Esthar only a few hours ago. The city and it’s outer lands are still being attacked by monsters from the Lunar Cry that took place recently. Lunatic Pandora is still floating nearby and Ragnarok is still stuck on the side of it. The President of Esthar is directly requesting that a group of SeeD members be dispatched into the city to help with the extermination of the monsters and the extraction of Ragnarok. The Esthar military, I am told, is currently on the scene of the Lunatic Pandora."

President of Esthar... Laguna? Oh man... is he serious? He used to be a soldier and he needs SeeD to help wipe out some monsters?

"Galbadian soldiers are also there helping clean up the mess since they are partially responsible for it. General Caraway made sure of this," Cid added as Squall's light blue eyes widened in surprise at hearing at this news.

General Caraway, huh? Rinoa's going to love hearing about that... So is Galbadia wanting to atone?

"The President is requesting that you help exterminate the monsters, help move the Lunatic Pandora so they can begin restoration of the city, Lunar Gate and extract Ragnarok from the Lunatic Pandora. What order he wants these done in, I do not know, but he is requesting a personal audience with you, Squall. Upon arrival, the President will meet with you at 1600 hours and take you to the Presidential Palace. Please make sure you're there on time. You may choose who you would like to take with you. Including yourself, the President of Esthar is requesting six members of SeeD be dispatched."

You've got to be kidding me... we're not a cleaning crew. We're elite soldiers trained for battle and combat. We're not trained to play tag with a few monsters and clean up a messy city...

"Headmaster, I don't mean to sound presumptuous, but it sounds to me as though the only reason Esthar wants to hire us is to clean up the mess, granted it's not a mess by their own fault, but still. If Galbadia is already there helping, what is the point in SeeD coming out there? Surely they have enough soldiers to exterminate the monsters and keep the remaining people of Esthar safe? The president himself used to be a soldier, didn’t he?" Squall inquired, fighting back to urge to smash his face against his palm.

Was he really that bothered by the fact that they had to go to Esthar and fight some monsters? Or was it something else that bothered him about all of this? He remembered Laguna’s words about them talking when it was all over. Something about the way he said it nagged at his skull. Squall wasn't sure why, but he could feel his irritation with the whole ordeal rising. However, he was a SeeD and SeeDs do as they are told.

"Yes, I see that you do have a point, but we need to keep jobs going for our members of SeeD. There's no major conflict currently broken out and this gives you a chance to... maybe learn some new things," Cid replied, as though trying to hide something. He glanced downward at his shoes and pushed the bridge of his glass up his nose, seemingly avoiding eye contact with Squall.

Squall eyed the headmaster suspiciously, but then snapped back to attention as Cid rose his eyes hidden behind thick spectacles once more to survey Squall. "The order didn't come from just the President, but also from Ellone. She's in Esthar with the President, and she is also requesting you be there."

Sis is there? Why does she want me there? Maybe something really is wrong?

Squall sighed inwardly and nodded his head toward Cid. "Whatever the contract says, we'll abide by it. I'll form a team today and prepare to leave. Nida, set sail to Fisherman's Horizon. Send word we're heading that way to Mayor Dobe." Nida nodded in response while Squall saluted the headmaster once more.

"Alright, dismissed!" Cid responded enthusiastically.

Squall gave a short nod before turning and making his way back down to the elevator. The Headmaster had just finished putting a lot on his shoulders... probably too much for your average 17 yr old.

How in the hell am I going to handle the operations at Garden, dispatch qualified SeeDs to whatever destination, handling reports and loads of paperwork, contracts, and all this crap? I never asked to do all of this. How am I even going to begin to do all of this? And now all of a sudden, SeeD is being hired to kill some monsters and clean up the city? What are we, slaves?

Squall could feel himself growing frustrated, and the scowl must have been evident on his face as he strode down Garden's hall, because people were clearly avoiding him this time around. He was heading toward the Cafeteria to meet up with Rinoa when he nearly ran headlong into Zell coming out of the Cafeteria opening.

"Whoa! Squall! Damn! I didn't see you there! Hey man, you're lookin' a little ticked off. Someone piss in your cereal this morning?" the martial artist attempted to make a lighthearted joke, but Squall just glared at him.

"Whatever..."

"Hey, man. Just kidding! Haha, even after we knocked off the sorceress you're still the same ole, Squall. Listen, man, Rinoa's in the cafeteria, but you might want to go in there and make sure she's alright," Zell stated, lowering his voice a bit.

"What do you mean by 'alright', Zell?" Squall questioned, observing the blond-haired hyperactive boy in front of him. "Did something happen?" His thoughts quickly switched to concern for Rinoa. After all, she was never a student at Garden. She didn't understand the fundamentals of how things worked here.

"W-well no... not exactly, but uh. She could really use you right now, and I've gotta meet someone in the Library!" Zell glanced at his watch. "Oh shit! I'm late! I'm sorry, Squall! I gotta go! I'll catch you later!"

"Zell, don't go too far. I need to talk with you and everyone else a little later," Squall called to Zell's back sternly, while the blond boy with a tattooed face half-skipped half marched off a little strangely toward the Library. "We'll meet at the Quad shortly."

Zell waved his hand back toward Squall, indicating he got the message but did not turn back. Squall just shook his head. Even after all this time, he didn't think he'd ever understand Zell's curious antics.

Thoughts filled with the jobs that Cid had now ordered him to do, he made his way into the cafeteria, but his muddled thoughts were interrupted when he saw Rinoa sitting at a table toward the back of the cafeteria all by herself. There were groups of students dressed in cadet uniforms, huddled together at tables speaking in hushed tones anxiously to one another. They cast continuous glances toward her way and then would go back to whispering once more. It almost seemed as though they were trying to stay as far away as they could get from her.

”Isn’t that Rinoa?”

“Rinoa, you mean the sorceress?”

“Dude, so she’s really a sorceress? She’s so pretty though. Just looks like a normal girl to me.”

“She might look normal but she’s definitely a sorceress. Be careful. You don’t want to cross her.”

“Why is garden even letting a sorceress on board after everything that just happened?”

“Shut up you dolt! Matron was a sorceress or did you forget?”

“Yeah and she went crazy! What if someone pisses her off? She could explode the whole ship!”

“I heard she’s dating the leader of SeeD.”

“Leader. You mean Squall? I seriously doubt that. He hates everyone.”

“Even if he is, is that something a leader should be doing?”

Feeling a pang of sympathy and anger for Rinoa’s sake at their words, Squall ran a gloved hand down his face and worked his way across the cafeteria to take a seat next to Rinoa. The groups of students fell silent as Squall walked past them. They stared wide-eyed and hushed, as he inclined his head slightly toward their direction glaring disapprovingly at them. He made sure that they saw his expression as they all cowered back while he walked by. Good… hope they do feel intimidated. Assholes. He finally reached Rinoa's table and took a seat next to her.

"Oh, h-hey Squall," Rinoa tried to force a smile, but her voice sounded somewhat shaken. She lowered her head, her eyes downcast and locked onto her tray of mostly untouched food.

Squall sighed and put his hand on top of her wrist. "Rinoa," he began but was quickly interrupted.

"I knew it... I knew they would all be afraid of me. Look at them. As soon as I came into the cafeteria, they all decided to get up and move to tables as far away from me as they could. They keep staring at me, and whispering... and it's because I'm a," she paused and picked up her orange juice to take a sip and turned her head away from Squall's.

Squall squeezed Rinoa's wrist, trying to offer some form of comfort, but he couldn’t think of anything to say to help her feel better. There was already too much on his mind. As much as he loved Rinoa, this was just one more thing to rest on his already burdened shoulders. “Just try to ignore them,” he uttered. Rinoa gazed up at him looking hurt.

I don't even know what to do about this, let alone handle all of Garden... How am I going to make it easier for Rinoa and make people understand she's nothing to be feared while at the same time, dealing with decision making for Garden, for SeeD, for everything? I'm just one person... and Cid is expecting all of this out of me. Rinoa needs me to take care of her, and I'm not even sure how to fix it.

For a moment, Squall felt he might collapse under the weight of the pressure being placed on him. It was like a giant anvil was doing all it could to bring him to his knees.

"Rinoa, listen," he began, searching for words he could say to help encourage the sorceress. "They just don't understand you, and they don't know you like I do. We just have to give them time and show them that you have no intentions of harming anyone."

Squall paused and shook his head as he lapsed back into silence. Even his words sounded hollow. His shoulders slumped and Rinoa glanced up at him, realizing the tension in his face, how his brows were drawn inward, his eyes somewhere else, and she instantly noted his distress.

"Squall, what is it?" Rinoa asked, knowing that more than likely it would be in vain, for Squall was never one to openly express his feelings. "Listen, it's okay. Don't worry about me. You're right. They just need time to get to know me. That's not important right now. What's important now is what's going on with you. What did Cid tell you?"

"Cid is sending us on a mission to Esthar. We're to leave as soon as possible and meet with the President. He wants us to aid him in exterminating the monsters that fell from the moon. I guess the city is still being attacked and he needs extra help," Squall replied, his voice monotone as if reading from a textbook.

"Well, that's a good thing, isn't it? It means that SeeD is still definitely needed in the world, right?" Rinoa studied Squall's features, but they had become like stone. Not a trace of emotion on his face, but she could see a flicker of something brewing in his eyes. "There's something else, isn't there? Squall, if you don't tell me what you're thinking then I can't help you."

Squall turned his head from Rinoa and waved a hand at her. "It's not your problem. It's mine. I'll deal with it the best I can."

Rinoa sighed and shook her head as she reached a hand to place tenderly against his face, she pulled his face back to look at her own, and locked eyes with her knight who instantly flushed at her touch.

"Squall, listen. You don't have to face all of your problems alone. I want to help. We want to help," the
dark haired
girl encouraged.

He couldn't help but notice how pretty she was, especially when she offered him her support. But then again, she was always pretty. Rinoa rubbed her thumb softly across his cheek, and Squall closed his eyes and resigned himself to her for just the moment, leaning slightly into her hand.

"Cid has permanently and officially made me Commander of SeeD. On top of that now though, he's given me a new position. I'm the Director of Garden Operations," He mumbled into her hand, eyes still remaining shut.

Rinoa could sense the stress and pressure that these new revelations must be putting on Squall, but she couldn't help that her heart was filling with pride for her knight.

"Squall, I think that's wonderful. Do you understand what this means?" Rinoa mused.

It means that I have even more responsibility for people than I've ever had before... And I don't know if I'm ready to accept that kind of commitment.

Almost seemingly reading his thoughts, the corners of Rinoa's lips turned upward. "It means Cid trusts you.” His eyes flew open at her words.

Trust was a strong word nowadays.
He trusts me…?

“He trusts you to take care of everyone here, and he's not wrong in doing so. Squall, you have to believe in yourself a little more. Have faith in yourself. Like I do. I have faith in you. Everything is going to be alright, and you're not alone in this." Squall looked at Rinoa once more, carefully pondering what she had just said.

I suppose she's right. I'm not alone in this, but I can't just lay all of these responsibilities on everyone else... what kind of impression would that make on the Headmaster, on all of Garden? What would people think of me then? 'Squall just wants to abandon his duties. He has no sense of responsibility.' That's probably exactly what they would think...

Straightening up, Squall stood up from his seat and took Rinoa by the hand, pulling up with him. "C'mon. Let's go. I have to inform everyone that we're leaving." Rinoa nodded, following suit and she and Squall left the cafeteria heading back to the bridge intercom system.

***********

Moments later, Squall’s calm voice rang out over the intercom moments later.

"Quistis Trepe, Irvine Kinneas, Zell Dincht and Selphie Tilmitt, this is Squall. Please report to the Quad immediately for a mission briefing. We have new orders."

Shortly after, Squall and Rinoa stood waiting in the Quad as the first to arrive was Quistis. Selphie and Irvine arrived next, followed by a very flushed, out of breath Zell.

"Sorry, was in the Library, then went to the Training Center out to the secret area and yeah," the martial artist leaned over, hands clasped over his knees to catch his breath. Squall felt his ears burn. The last thing wanted to hear was about Zell’s romantic endeavors.

Quistis seeming to notice this cleared her throat, folding her arms over her chest and changed the subject. "Squall. You said we have new orders?"

Zell thrust his fist into the air. "New orders!? We goin' somewhere!? Woo baby! I'm goin' crazy just sitting around here doing nothing!"

Selphie giggled. "The Library and secret area, Zell? Doesn't sound like you were doing nothing to
meee!" she taunted as she elbowed the martial artist in his side.

Squall turned toward the hyper blond boy, a hand on his hip, his eyebrows raised. "Zell, Selphie," was all he had to say to get him to calm down for a moment and bring both of them back to attention. "I'll make this short. We're to head to Esthar. The President has requested SeeD's help for killing monsters in the city that fell from the moon during the Lunar Cry. He is also hiring us to help in the restoration of Esthar. We're sailing to Fisherman's Horizon. From there, we will take two cars and drive to Esthar. We're to meet with the president at 1600 hours once we get there. He will take us to the Presidential Palace and give us our further orders there."

Rinoa couldn't help but notice that once again, Squall sounded like he was speaking from a textbook, but she said nothing while the rest of the SeeDs nodded their heads in agreement.

"The President of Esthar!? That means we get to see Sir Laguna again!" Selphie squealed in excitement, doing her signature dance on one foot. "I can't wait! Sir Laguna is just so cool!" Squall just rolled his eyes.

...more like an impudent moron if you ask me.

"Anyway," Squall interrupted Selphie's moment of glee, sounding somewhat exasperated. "Prepare for the mission as soon as possible. We leave as soon as we dock at FH.”

Squall watched as his friends left the Quad. He couldn't help but feel a sense of dread billowing up inside of him. He wasn't sure if it was just nerves at these new beginnings that would be coming for him now that Cid had appointed him practically the leader of the entire Garden, or if something else unexpected was going to happen. Normally unnerving feelings he sometimes got weren’t far off.

Trying to brush the uncomfortable, unsettling sensation rising in him aside, he turned toward Rinoa. "Let's get ready to go." She nodded and the two left the Quad, following the rest of the team to prepare for their next mission, and what exactly would be awaiting him, Squall just didn't know.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Chapter 3- A Mutual Understanding

Hours later, Balamb Garden had docked successfully on the shores of Fisherman's Horizon. Squall headed toward the Garden gate exit, with Rinoa, Quistis, Selphie, and Zell in tow close behind him. Irvine had stayed behind in the parking lot to prepare the Garden's vehicles for departure. Squall turned around to face the others.

"You guys are free to roam around the town for a bit, but don't go too far. I have a meeting with Mayor Dobe, and then we're leaving for Esthar directly after that."

"Oh no, not him again, that old geezer. He really pissed me off last time we were here," Zell groaned. "Man, they all hate us here, you do know that, don’t you?
Last time we talked to that miserable old fart, we got insulted and shit on!" The blond martial artist slammed on fist into palm. "Buncha warmongers, they called us!"

The SeeD Commander turned toward Zell, his arms folded across his chest. "Just relax, Zell. I'll be the one talking to the mayor, not you." Squall paused for a moment, turning his head to the side and looking downward. " Actually, why don't you head to the parking lot and help Irvine prepare the cars for our trip?"

Breathing an audible sigh of relief, Zell lightened up significantly, did a goofy wave and headed off toward the parking lot. Squall just shook his head in light amusement and continued down the ramp and onto the docks of Fisherman's Horizon.

As they passed the workers, they couldn't help but notice the dark stares they received from the fellow townspeople, but said nothing and continued on their way.

They're still pissed at us?

Shrugging off the agitation at such notations these people chose to believe that Squall and and his team were, he decided to ignore it. Though he did wonder if the people of FH knew about them saving the entire world from the threat of the sorceress, and thus, fighting to save their butts along with their peaceful little town in the process.

Maybe this would be something he could discuss with the Mayor once he got there. As he walked, a rather rude hand gesture came from one villager and another loud shout about how warmongers like SeeD weren't welcome among their kind, that they didn't know how to keep the peace. Squall just shook his head in dismay and continued onward toward the Mayor's home.

"I'm going to go and talk with him. You guys just stay close so I can find you when I'm done."

"Are you sure you want to go alone?" Rinoa questioned, grasping Squall's arm and looking up at him with those earnest, dark eyes of hers. Squall gave her a small smile in response and placed a gloved hand over hers, nodding at her.

"I'll be fine. He needs to know we're here and that we need to use FH's railroad to get to Esthar. We can't pilot Garden over terrain like that, and I don't like the idea of taking Garden to Esthar, especially if the lunar cry monsters are still running rampant. They're much more dangerous than anything in the training center, so I'm not going to risk anyone on board potentially getting hurt," he explained sounding serious.

"And you were worried about being a leader and taking care of everyone?" Rinoa mused, poking Squall in the ribs. "I think you're doing a pretty good job thinking of the safety of the students and cadets." He looked down at her, feeling shy. Heat rose to his cheeks and Rinoa smiled, her eyes twinkling lovingly up at him.

"Whatever..." he huffed dismissively. "You go with the others, and when I'm finished here, I'll meet up with you in town later.”

Rinoa leaned up to give him a quick kiss, which earned her an even more red-faced Squall, and then turned toward Selphie and Quistis. Selphie was already bouncing on her tiptoes, barely containing her excitement.

"Ooohhh c'mon, Quisty! Let's go watch the master fisherman fish! I love sitting by the water and-," Selphie's over-excited voice trailed off into a chipper mass as she dragged Quistis away from Squall and Rinoa, yammering excitedly about the town. Rinoa laughed, while Squall barely suppressed a chuckle. Some things never changed with her. She liked the simple things, even down to riding trains.

"Alright, we'll see you later then, Squall!" Rinoa called to him as she ran to catch up with the other two girls. They linked arms with her as she approached, smiling at her and off they went.

Squall just shook his head musing silently to himself about how adorable Rinoa looked racing to catch up with the other two, blue-ribbed duster and raven locks flying out from behind her. It was hard to believe she was such a feared sorceress within Garden with how sweetly childish and girly she looked in that moment. She was just an innocent 17 yr old, much like him. Not an evil, feared sorceress.

See, Rinoa? Not everyone has something against you.

With a slight groan, he now turned back toward the walkway that led to Mayor Dobe's house and with a slight sense of dread, began to head in that direction. Much more sooner than he would've liked, Squall arrived at the doorstep of the Mayor's house.

Approach your target inconspicuously and with caution... Ugh. I really hope he doesn't start whining and complaining about how we're nothing but warmongers.

Before Squall could raise a fist to knock, the door was opened and there stood a short, slightly chubby, older blonde woman. She was wearing a purple knit sweater with white capri pants. Before Squall could even open his mouth to utter a word, Flo was already addressing him.

"My husband has been expecting you. He received word you people were coming back here," she eyed him in a way that made Squall feel somewhat uncomfortable, but he just cleared his throat awkwardly as the woman turned away from him. "Well, come on then. Let's get this over with. We don't want you here any longer than you need to be. Not after what happened last time."

Damn... what a way to greet somebody... Was that really necessary?

Squall followed Flo without a word as she took him to the top floor of their home where Mayor Dobe sat on the floor, his salt and pepper hair slicked back on his head, wearing his usual button-down shirt, shorts, and sandals. Flo excused herself, leaving the two alone and Squall could tell that the mayor's wife didn't want to be near him at all. Squall crouched down to Dobe's level, ready to address the Mayor, but Dobe surprised him by speaking first.

"Hmm. I remember you. The scarred boy."

...Scarred boy?

Squall absentmindedly touched the scar, a battle with Seifer had left him with, across the bridge of his nose.
I have a name you know...

"To be honest, I had hoped I'd never have to see you again. I felt that way for quite a while after you guys showed up here dragging your baggage along with you," The Mayor began without missing a beat.

Squall folded his arms and glanced to the side.

Hmph... the feeling is mutual.

"Those Galbadian soldiers showing up here, wrecking part of my town, fights breaking out. Back then I thought you were all just a bunch of warmongers," Dobe continued still not breaking stride.

He sure is getting to the point... just like before. He doesn't sound much different than he did last time. Maybe Zell was right...

"Mayor Dobe," Squall started, rising to his feet, resisting the urge to refer to him as Mayor Idiot instead. "Understand that this isn't the reason we're here now. We have nobody on our tail chasing us. There will be no fighting this time around. I can assure you of that. We're only trying to get to Esthar as quickly as we possibly can. We lost our mode of transportation to be able to travel there without the help of crossing your railroad."

Mayor Dobe puffed out his cheeks with a breath. "Well, I can't say if I believe you or not, but what I do want to say is this. Something you said to me the last time we spoke stayed with me. Do you remember, after you fought that battle with those soldiers and that horrible machine that wrecked my town, what you said to me?"

Squall folded his arms across his chest, turning his head to the side once more to glance downward, thinking back to his last meeting with this man. "I told you that I wish you could be a little more understanding about us. That we're not just a bunch of warmongers. I told you that it was hard for me to explain, but that I wished everything could be settled without resorting to violence. I told you that it would be wonderful if things could be settled by discussion alone, but unfortunately, not everyone is willing to just listen, so fighting is going to be inevitable at times."

The Mayor nodded his head. "That's right. You did. You also told me... that you think the world needs both people like you and myself. Originally, I didn't agree with you, until after I heard word from Martine that you lot defeated another sorceress threat that loomed over our world."

Hmm... So he knows then. Saves me the trouble of reminding them just who saved their sorry asses in the end anyway.

The mayor continued. "I was angry at the time. Perhaps I was in denial, or just fooling myself into believing that every conflict could be solved with peaceful discussion, I'm not really sure, to be perfectly honest."

Squall's eyes widened at the Mayor's words. It certainly wasn't something he expected to hear. The Mayor continued on.

"As you already know, I'm not a fighting man myself. I'll personally never fight to reach a conclusion or solve an issue, but as much as I hate it, I spent some time pondering your words, young SeeD. I understand that it will be inevitable at times. I understand that peace cannot always be reached by talking things out, no matter how much one may wish it. I was… wrong to judge you."

"I-I, well...," Squall reached up to rub the back of his neck, rendered speechless by the Mayor’s words. He felt somewhat relieved that Mayor Dobe could now at least appreciate the reason why people like he and his comrades existed in the first place. "Thank you." Was all he could say, but he had to admit that he was appreciative of the Mayor coming to somewhat of acceptance to what he and his kind were like.

"No, I should be thanking you, this time. I didn't listen to you the last time, nor did I thank you for protecting our town. I was too caught up in my own emotions and anger at the situation." Mayor Dobe shrugged his shoulders, lifting his hands and shook his head. "You're human beings too. I had to tell myself that. Human beings, just with a different thought process, then us here in FH. I've come to realize that fighting doesn't make you inhumane. It's just a part of who you are and what you have to do sometimes to keep the peace we so crave. Don’t get me wrong though. I still don’t want it in my town."

Squall nodded his head in agreement. "I understand. Not many would. The way I see it, Sir, there's nothing wrong with different perspectives between people, so long as it's not something taken personally. It makes it easier so we can just move on with our lives."

Mayor Dobe nodded. "I agree with you.” He rose to his feet as Squall followed. “Well then. I'm glad we could reach an understanding on this," He extended his hand to Squall. "If you'd like to use the train tracks to get to Esthar, feel free. Since the trains no longer run on them, you should be able to take your own vehicles safely over them if you would. That walk is quite a distance."

Squall nodded his head as he remembered full and well the long walk he and Rinoa had once went on. Only she was unconscious and he was carrying her. He gratefully accepted the mayor's hand. "That was our intention. Thank you. We appreciate it." The young Commander turned to leave the house but was stopped once more by Dobe.

"Young SeeD. You never did tell me what your name is?"

Squall paused and turned to look back at him. "It's Squall."

"Well then, Squall. I hope you and your comrades have a safe and peaceful journey to Esthar."

Squall nodded his head in acknowledgment and exited the house feeling in a somewhat better mood than what he had earlier. At least the meeting with Mayor Dobe didn't go as bad as what he thought, and it felt... kind of nice to know that the Mayor finally had some semblance of understanding on what he was all about.

He walked up the long pathway toward the train tracks where he spotted two of Garden's cars now sitting on the tracks. Irvine and Selphie seemed to be having some sort of argument, while Rinoa tried to step in between them. As he drew closer to his friends, Squall could hear the whine in Selphie's voice.

"But

I

wanted to be the one who gets to drive! Irvine, that's not fair!" Selphie stomped her foot on the ground with her fists at her sides in frustration. “I flew the airship after all!”

"Selphie, calm down. Irvine just wants to get you safely to Esthar," Rinoa tried to interject, but Selphie continued to complain while Irvine was almost pleading with her to listen.

Squall approached the group and almost immediately Selphie and Irvine's quarreling stopped. Now it was time to play the boss.

"Selphie, Irvine will drive you and Quistis." He glanced toward his former instructor and gave her a 'you-can-keep-them-under-control' expression. Quistis nodded her blonde head in affirmation. "I will drive myself, Rinoa and Zell. Irvine, we'll go first and you can follow us in your car. We should reach Esthar in just a couple of hours from now. It's not that far."

"Ohhhh, maaaaan!" Selphie whined as she snapped her fingers and slumped her shoulders, following Irvine and Quistis to the vehicle awaiting them. "I was really wanting to be the one to drive!"

"Lighten up, Selphie. Squall is your superior now, so you have to listen to him. Besides, you're going to get to see Sir Laguna again, remember? So let's see some cheer, okay?" Quistis reassuringly told the younger SeeD and almost as instantly as her face gloomed, it brightened and her green eyes shone with excitement.

"I can't wait to see Sir Laguna again! Tee-hee! He's such a nice man, and he sure is cute!" She skipped in the direction of the car, choosing to ignore the grunt of protest Irvine made at those words, calling out 'shotgun!' before they ever reached the car.

Quistis just shook her head and followed the both of them. "See you there, Squall."

Squall turned toward Rinoa and Zell. "You guys ready?" They both nodded their heads and made their way to their vehicle. Rinoa took the front seat next to Squall, while a grumbly, displeased Zell took the back.

"Oh don't complain, Zell," Rinoa chided. "Look at it this way. You have the whole backseat to yourself. Why don't you stretch out and take a nap?"

Zell just glared at Rinoa, before thumping down onto his back in the backseat, his arms folded across his chest in an evident pout. Squall just rolled his eyes at Zell, started up the engine and began driving the vehicle down the old, broken tracks in the direction of Esthar.

The ride remained silent for the most part, suggesting that Zell had definitely fallen asleep, and soon enough, soft snores could be heard from the backseat.

Squall thought a lot about what awaited them in Esthar. He thought about the monster extermination the president was requesting them for.

I wonder how bad it is? So bad that they needed SeeD's special forces to help clear out the city? Nah,d there had to be some other reason, right? One would think this is something the President of Esthar could handle on his own without needing SeeD. Then again, maybe not. I suppose it depends on how bad the monster infestation is.

Yet, Squall couldn't seem to shake the same unnerving feeling that had came over him earlier after he found out that they were being hired by Esthar. Something about this just seemed so out of the ordinary. Rinoa let out a loud sigh, distracting Squall from his thoughts, as she glanced out of the window.

"Rinoa?" Squall said her name, glancing in her direction, seeming to break Rinoa from her own silent reverie.

"Laguna knew my mother," She began, reaching down to clutch her small hand around the rings on her necklace. "You know, I never really got to just sit and talk with Laguna before. I'd love to know more about her."

Squall nodded his head. Granted he couldn't fully understand why Rinoa would want to know more, he accepted the fact. Growing up without parents himself, Squall never really thought what it was like wanting to know more about his parents. He always had Matron and Sis there for him. He pondered on what Rinoa said and idly wondered what his mom and dad might have been like. Rinoa's mother had died when she was very young, so she had very little memory of her, but he had no memory of his parents at all. As far as Squall knew, they died before he was even old enough to know them.

"You know, when Ellone was taking our consciousness back into Laguna's past, into the 'dream world', I saw your mom once," Squall began, eyes still fixed out of the front window, concentrating on his driving, one gloved hand draped over the steering wheel. Rinoa gasped slightly, looking over at him.

"A long time ago, Laguna and Julia actually had a sort of... well you can't really call it a romance, but they had a 'thing' for one another."

"Laguna and my mom?" Rinoa asked, incredulous. "Wow, how did that one happen?"

Squall just shrugged his shoulders. "Not really sure. He used to go to the Galbadian Hotel bar that Julia played piano at every night, just so he could sit and watch her."

Rinoa started to say more, but Squall interrupted her as they drove into the pale, dusty and dead terrain of the Great Salt Lake, noting the bones left behind from undead monsters they'd battled once before.

"We're here."

This time, however, the city wasn't invisible. The invisible ladder he had climbed while carrying an unconscious Rinoa on his back the first time, and the metallic tunnel that it led to were there and clearly visible. He pulled the car up and stopped. Irvine and the others, who were close, stopped just behind them. Zell abruptly awoke with a snort in the backseat, grumbling about hotdogs and wiping some drool off of his chin. They all got out of their cars and began following Squall to the familiar tunnel that led them to the futuristic city of Esthar.

If only we still had Ragnarok... this would've been so much easier, and we wouldn't have to go through all of this nonsense.

They all climbed the ladder, crawled through the tunnel and ended up on one of Esthar's elevator transports. The sheer mechanics of Esthar's technology was still mind-boggling to Squall and the others as they gaped around, mouths slightly open. Rinoa, more than anyone, was stunned and she held onto Squall tightly, almost as if she were afraid she'd fall and he put a comforting arm around her, feeling her body tense and tremble slightly. Her eyes were wide with a mixture of surprise and fear.

That's right... the last time we were here, Rinoa was asleep. She wouldn't remember taking this lift.

Turning his face into Rinoa's hair, Squall whispered to her. "It's okay. Don't worry. You won't fall. This is how we got here the first time. I didn't let you fall then. I won't let you fall now." Rinoa just clung tighter and turned her face into Squall's chest.

"I don't really like this," she admitted with a small, nervous laugh, and he placed a gloved hand on the back of her head.

Rinoa... People think you're a fearsome sorceress, and yet you're terrified to ride on a mechanical lift.

He had to fight back a snicker, at this, but instead just opted for a small grin he hid in her hair.

Within moments, the mechanism was lowering them down to the city's entrance, and just as Squall suspected there would be, one of the futuristic, Estharian vehicles sat waiting for them.

As the lift stopped, they stepped off and the side doors of the vehicle rose upward, like the old-fashioned Delorians that Squall remembered reading about once before in the library. None other than a dark-skinned man by the name of Kiros Seagill, one of Laguna's Presidential Advisors and dearest friends, dressed in his formal Estharian attire of white robes, greeted them.

"Welcome to the city, guys. It's really good to see you again," he waved a hand heartily at the six of them. "I'll be escorting you to the Presidential Palace. You should all fit just fine in here."

He held out at a hand as the SeeD group climbed into the fancy vehicle, and Squall sat himself in the passenger's seat. Kiros followed the others into the car and seated himself into what Squall assumed was supposed to be the driver's seat. There was no steering wheel, however. There were a bunch of odd buttons and screens.

A cool, robotic, female voice resounded from the speakers up by what would be considered the dashboard.

"Destination?" the voice asked.

"Presidential Palace," was Kiros response.

The doors slid shut and before they knew it, they were gliding along the ethereal streets of Esthar. The vehicle flowed smoothly underneath them as if they were gliding in a boat on a gentle, glassy, watery surface. He caught glimpses of Galbadian soldiers and Estharian soldiers alike, roaming around the city, and here and there small fights with monsters breaking out, but nothing too overwhelming like he thought it would be. The city certainly was not in shambles the way it had been implied.

In fact, it seemed as though the restoration of the city had already begun. Many people were scattered about, repairing and working on the Airstation lifts, and he could see the people of Esthar providing help in the clean-up. It left Squall wondering that if they had this all under control, what did Laguna

really

need SeeD for?

Much too soon, sooner than Squall would have liked, the vehicle came to a gliding halt in front of the colossal, magnificent Presidential Palace, right in the heart of the city. Squall peered out of the window and he could see Ellone and Ward, standing guard like a giant bodyguard next to the petite woman.

As Squall and his friends exited the strange car, Ellone came running up to Squall and the others, her face breaking out into a wide smile.

"Squall! Quistis, Selphie, Zell, Irvine, Rinoa. Everyone! Welcome back! It's so wonderful to see you guys are okay and safe after everything that happened!" Ellone went up to Squall and took his hands in her own squeezing them.

There was genuine relief and happiness in Ellone's eyes, and it made him feel momentarily nostalgic. He could remember parts of his childhood when Ellone would hold Squall's hand, tell him how happy she was or proud she was of him for various things, that same expression in her childlike eyes.

Squall could feel his posture stiffen at Ellone's affectionate gesture, making him feel somewhat awkward, but he soon relaxed, reminding himself it was just Sis. This was no different than what she did for him when they were children.

"It's good to see you too, Sis," Squall responded, giving Ellone's hands a slight squeeze before letting them go.

"Well, it appears that the city isn't in a too terribly devastating shape," Quistis observed, gazing around. "Squall, I'd like to go and take a look around, survey the city. See exactly what we might be able to do to help. I'd like to talk with some of the soldiers as well, get up to speed on things. Would that be alright with you?"

The young Commander nodded his head. "Sure, that would be fine. Why don't you take Selphie, Irvine, and Zell along with you? Rinoa and I can go meet with the President to discuss what he has in mind for us."

Zell brightened up, thrusting an excited fist up and began punching the air. "Awesoooome! That way we can get an idea of just how bad the monsters wrecked the place and see what we can do to help! Let’s kick some moon monster butt!"

"C'mon, Irvy!" Selphie said, tugging at Irvine's jacket sleeve. "I love this city! It's sooo neat! Let's go see what we can do to help!"

"Sounds like a plan to me. If the shops are open, we should stop by them too. I'm running low on ammo and stocks of potions," the gunman responded with a tip of his black hat. "Catcha later, guys."

"We'll meet back up with you at the palace once we're done getting our bearings," Quistis told Squall as she waved at him and Rinoa and turned away from them, walking in the opposite direction of the palace.

"Try not to get lost!" Rinoa called out as she and Squall watched their retreating backs disappear into the massive city. The three waved and Squall and Rinoa turned to follow Ellone and Ward into the futuristic building in front of them.

"Do you have any idea of exactly what Laguna wants us to do," Squall inquired as they moved up the walkway, leading to the front door lift that would take them into the palace.

"Not really. Uncle Laguna doesn't tell me much anyway when it comes to the fighting side of things. Though I do know he has something very important he wants to discuss with you that has nothing to do with the monster infestation," Ellone hinted, unable to meet Squall's gaze.

Squall stopped walking for a moment, pausing to place an irritated hand on his hip. "Ellone, we have better things to do than to make social calls. We didn't come here for a friendly chat."

"Hmmm...," the older girl hummed still refusing to look at him. She placed her hands behind her back, eyes still cast to the ground, watching her shoes with every step. “I think this is more than just a friendly chat.”

Is she avoiding looking at me?

"You'll find out soon enough when we get there," Kiros spoke up and almost as soon as they sat down on the lift that carried them inside of the building, Squall and Rinoa found themselves standing inside of the cavernous main hall of the palace.

And there standing in the center was none other than President Laguna Loire, he had a large grin on his face with his arms spread wide open in welcome. Squall once more felt that unnerving sensation creeping up his spine. Whether this would turn out to be good or bad, he didn't know, and in truth, he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Chapter 4- A Hard Learned Truth

Laguna stood with his arms held wide open in a welcoming gesture, emerald eyes shining, a wide grin on his face.

"Squall! Rinoa! Welcome welcome! It's so great to see you, kids, again! See? And in top-tip shape too! What'd I tell ya, huh? Love, friendship, and courage was the way, and now look at you!"

Laguna seemed to be bursting with pride as he walked briskly toward them. He clapped his hand firmly on, a rather stunned, Squall's shoulders.

"Alive, well and all that! Because, I gotta be honest with ya, it's a relief seeing that you're not all beaten up and stuff. I'm sure that precounter with Ultimecia wasn't exactly an easy trip on a boat. I did ask quite a bit of you youngsters, huh," the president chuckled nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

Trip on a boat? Precounter...? Pretty sure he means encounter...

Squall shook his head and pushed Laguna's hand off of him, but the older gentleman paid it no mind.

The President peeked around Squall and Rinoa, scanning the room. "Well, where are the others?"

"Quistis, Selphie, Zell, and Irvine have gone to scout the city and talk with the citizens and soldiers," Squall replied impatiently, arms folded across his chest. "They're gathering intel so we have an idea of what we’re in for." Rinoa placed her hand on Squall’s arm as she stepped forward.

"Sir Laguna, it's so wonderful to see you again as well!" the girl piped up before the President could respond. Laguna cast his eyes toward Rinoa and reached his hands out to take one of Rinoa's in his own. Squall's ice blue eyes narrowed downward as he watched the older man place one hand over the top of hers.

"Julia's daughter," Laguna sighed, with a flicker of nostalgia in his emerald green eyes. "Miss Rinoa Heartilly. You look so much like your mother. I've been meaning to tell you that for awhile now, just never got the chance to. Just as pretty too!"

Rinoa giggled, blushed and nodded her head in acknowledgment of his words. "Thank you, Sir." She paused for a moment and Laguna let go of her hands and took a step back, still smiling.

"Now there will be none of this 'Sir' nonsense," he gently scolded the girl. "Makes me sound

old!

Laguna will do just fine."

Rinoa placed her hands behind her back, running the toe of her boot over the floor in circles. "Sir, sorry, Laguna... If I may ask, I was... I was hoping that maybe you could tell me more about my mother, please? What was she like? How do you remember her? The only memories I have are just her holding me when I was small and how she used to sing to me. Please?" She folded her hands to her chest, looking up at the black-haired man, her chocolate eyes glittering hopefully.

Squall interrupted, a hint of exasperation in his voice, hand on his hip. "We really don't have time for that right now."

Rinoa bowed her head in apology and backed away from Laguna. She took a few steps back and kept her head lowered, hands folded in front of her.

Squall felt guilty for a moment, wondering if he hurt her feelings, which he hadn't meant to. He just wanted to get this supposed meeting with Laguna done and over with as quickly as possible so he could concentrate on the mission.

Squall couldn't help but sometimes forget that Rinoa wasn't accustomed to SeeD protocol and how specific things were handled. He would explain that to her later, and let her know he hadn't meant to hurt her feelings. Brushing off that thought, the Commander of SeeD turned and looked at the President of Esthar once more.

"We're in a hurry. State your business."

Laguna chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck again. "Straight to the matter at heart, as usual. Just like a work-a-holic SeeD!"

Squall could recall that Laguna had said those words to him once before, and for some reason, it really bothered him more than what he already was. His patience with all of this was growing thin. The President leaned in toward Rinoa and Squall heard him whisper to her.

"Psst... Don't worry. We'll have more time later, and then I can tell you more about Julia. Promise," he added with a wink, placing a large hand on the girl's small shoulder to give it a gentle squeeze. Rinoa lifted her head and gave a small smile and a nod, but chose to stay silent.

"Alright, let's go to my office and talk there. More private and we won't have a buncha onlookers listening in on what I have to tell you," Laguna stated, becoming more serious now and he beckoned all of them in his direction.

Squall, Rinoa, Kiros, Ward, and Ellone followed Laguna down the massive hall and into his elaborately decorated office. He closed the door behind him, but before Laguna could begin speaking, Squall spoke up first.

"Look, Sir. I'm not trying to sound rude here or anything," Squall began, but his tone certainly indicated differently. "We're not here on some social call, and you can't just call SeeD up here whenever you need a chat because something might be weighing on your mind."

"Squall, please," Ellone cut in, approaching her little brother. She placed a hand against his arm. "Please hear him out. This isn't a social call like you think it is, but it's important you understand what's going on here and what Uncle Laguna has to say."

Squall huffed, folding his arms and lowered his head. "Fine. Just please make it quick so we can get on with the mission."

"Hoo-boy, where do I begin?" Laguna began, scratching the back of his head once more. "Well, let’s see. I'm sure you remember Elle sending you back into the past in my head 'n all that, right? The faeries!”

Squall looked at him quizzically.

Faeries?

Laguna cleared his throat and continued. “Right, well you saw when we were in Winhill and everything, and how…,” Laguna hesitated swallowing hard. “R-Raine brought me in and took care of me for all them months and stuff. Y'know, if I hadn't been for her, I really don't know if I'd be standing here today," he added as an afterthought, and Squall thought for a moment he saw a flicker of pain in Laguna's eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it came.

"Well, when Elle was kidnapped, Raine begged me to go and find her, and truth be told, she didn't have to beg me. I promised Elle and Raine both that I'd always take care of her, and if anything happened to her, I'd always go and find her and bring her home!” He pounded a fist into his hand. “Me, her and Raine, we were gonna be together, be a family and that's that, right? Right!" Laguna glanced at the thin girl at his side, and Ellone smiled, nodding her head at the President in agreement.

He sure is animated... like a cartoon character...

Squall mentally noted, taking in Laguna's constant movement and mannerisms as he spoke.

Then out of nowhere, Laguna began to slow down, the brightness leaving his green eyes as a dark cloud seemed to settle over him. "But now Esthar needed someone to run the city, and not rule it with tyranny and fear, so they appointed me as their president. I felt that Ellone would be safer back in Winhill with Raine, and so I sent her home. Once I could get the city back in order, then I could go back to Winhill, go back home and be with Raine and Elle. You see, Raine and I had gotten very close. About a month before Elle had been kidnapped, I sorta...," Laguna broke off and Squall noticed the man looking down at a silver ring on his left hand.

"You got married?" Squall questioned, hoping to help speed things along. He wasn't entirely sure why Laguna was telling him all of this, but deep down, he felt he had a pretty good idea at what it was leading to. Though Squall himself wasn't sure if he was ready to accept it or not, he was pretty sure he had figured it out.

"Yeah! Yeah, we did. And uhhh... what was I talking about? Oh! Yeah! So uh… a week before Ellone was kidnapped, Raine and I got married, and... oh boy, the townspeople were so mad. Heh, they never liked me much at all. I was an outsider after all. There was this store owner who hated me so much, he would've easily just thrown me into the streets if he'd had Raine's permission, and the flower shop lady? Hoo-boy, she couldn't stand me! But they all loved Raine and, well reluctantly accepted her for her decision to be with me," Laguna paused once more and this time for certain he saw the pain in Laguna's eyes.

Rinoa cleared her throat softly. "So, even though the townspeople didn't like you and were against you, you still married Raine, Sir Laguna?" the young sorceress questioned, looking up at him with a softness in her eyes. "Oh that's true love," and she cast her glance elsewhere with a faraway look in her eyes. Squall couldn't help but wonder if she were thinking about him.

"Yeah, well... while I was in Esthar, working on rebuilding the city, Raine... She uh... well, she died while I was here," Laguna closed his eyes painfully, his voice unsteady. "The townspeople told me that one day she just passed away, but they wouldn't tell me what from. All they told me was that it was just a mysterious illness, never really specified what the illness was. Nothing. So, they had sent Ellone to live in an orphanage," he opened up his eyes and locked them with Squall's ice blue stare. "Kramer Orphanage."

Squall’s heart skipped a beat, but he kept calm. "So, Ellone was sent to the same orphanage I was in, right?" Squall stated, placing a hand on his hip. "What does that even have to do with anything?"

"Squall, please just listen," Ellone pleaded once more. "Come on now, Uncle Laguna," the young woman encouraged the president whose demeanor was once so animated, he'd now slowed and was hardly moving. He seemed to be wanting to stare more at the floor than anything but kept his gaze locked on the young SeeD Commander before him. The way Laguna was looking at him made Squall uneasy. With a sigh, he walked around to his desk and took a seat in the chair, folding his hands on the desktop in front of him, now refusing to make eye contact.

"What... what I didn't know at the time was that Raine was, well... she was... pregnant," Laguna finally spit out. Rinoa gasped, eyes widening, placing a hand on her chest and Laguna scratched the back of his neck, still unable to look at Squall. "The townspeople hated me so flippin' much that they refused to tell me that Raine was pregnant with our child, and died shortly after childbirth. She had given birth to a baby boy, our baby boy, a son! I had a son, and that was when both Ellone and my son were sent to the orphanage, and, well that baby was- ARGH!" Laguna grasped at his leg and hunched over in his chair.

"Sir Laguna!" Rinoa exclaimed, rushing forward along with Ellone. "Are you alright? Squall!" Rinoa turned her widened-eyed expression to meet Squall's, who remained outwardly impassive.

"Oh, this? Leg cramp. Heh. Old injury just flares up sometimes when I get nervous. Don't worry about me." He sat back up in his seat, rubbing the kink out of his leg.

The usual leg cramps. Always seem to strike at the most convenient times...

"Ha ha, sorry, what was I saying?" Laguna rambled, eyes cast downward. He glanced back up, a small smile upturning the corners of his lips, but seemed unable to speak. He looked toward Ellone for some sort of backup or support. She seemed to read him instantly.

"What Uncle Laguna is trying to say," Ellone began gently, looking at Squall, recovering for her Uncle, recovering the words he seemed unable to say. "Is that Raine gave birth to a son. His son, and that child of his had been sent along with me to the Kramer Orphanage." She stared hard into his eyes. "Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you, Squall?"

What...? Does she really mean... No... No way. I tried to tell myself that it wasn't possible. It wasn't hard to figure out, but this? Is it really true? This bumbling, loopy fool? No no no. How does this even... how can this... Why? Why now?

"You're my father, is that what you wanted to say? That I was the child that was sent to the orphanage along with Ellone? Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

Squall seemed unable to stop himself, but he couldn't help it, and he couldn't ignore the pounding of his heart against his ribcage, almost as if it wanted to burst out of his chest. He maintained his breathing, trying hard to stay as calm as he could on the outside, but inside of him, his thoughts were racing, a storm was forming, and he wasn't sure if he could contain the storm this time. Rinoa glanced wide-eyed in astonishment from Squall to Ellone, to Laguna and then back to Squall, but the SeeD commander ignored it.

"Wha- I mean, well yeah, but Squall. You gotta understand, I had no-," Laguna stammered, trying to gather his bearings.

"So, Sis and I were left for all those years," Squall interrupted. "I was alone in that orphanage, alone for 13 years believing I had no parents..." Squall began, his voice becoming bitter. "I understand you had a duty to Esthar, and I appreciate your sense of responsibility to this city and its people, but didn't Ellone matter to you at all? You had a duty to her and to Raine too."

Squall could feel a sense of new resentment building up inside of him, resentment he never knew he could feel, and he stopped himself before he could say more. He didn't understand why this was or why he felt the way he did. Maybe he was angry at the fact that he really did have a father. Squall had gone his whole life believing his parents to be dead and always thought of them as someone else. He certainly never thought that one them was Laguna.

"Well, I-I mean, of course, Elle mattered to me, and had I known I had a son, you would have mattered too, Squall! You
do
matter! At that time, Esthar was so much more dangerous, and I knew she'd be safer at the orphanage, so I just-,"

"You just what? Left her there? You left her there and by extension, left me there," Squall replied cooly, stormy eyes blazing.

"Squall, that's not fair," Ellone said, sounding angry. "Uncle Laguna had no idea you had even been born. He was just trying to protect me, and had he known about you, I'm sure things would've been a lot different," the girl tried to reason with him, but Squall turned away in disgust.

"We're done here," was all he had to say before turning to stalk out of Laguna's office.

"Son, please I... what about the monster extermination!" Laguna intervened. He’d leapt back out of his chair and was now running toward his son, his hand reaching outward to him.

"No, we are

done here.
And
don’t
call me

son

," the Commander of SeeD bit, putting emphasis on his final word, and Laguna came to a swift, stunned halt. "Rinoa, let's go. We're going to find the others and leave here. Coming here was a mistake."

Laguna turned away from them while Squall turned sharply on his heel and made toward the office door. He had to get out of there. He couldn't stand being in this room for another minute with Laguna, Ellone any of them. His thoughts slammed into each other, one right after the other, racing with such a ferocity that Squall thought his head might explode. He needed to get somewhere quiet so he could gather his thoughts and understand how all of this was even happening to him.

Why now?

"Now hold on a minute, Squall. We already have a signed contract from Garden. The Headmaster, Cid, signed it for us yesterday. You can't just break a contract," Kiros had now piped up, walking forward toward where Squall was standing. He placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder, to which Squall threw off. Ward thundered up next to Kiros, waving a hand wildly, eyes piercing into the SeeD Commander's own light blue ones.

I can't... I can't be here right now. I can't deal with this right now. Laguna? Raine? They're my parents... I've had a father for 17, almost 18, years and never knew it. Maybe if, maybe if I just... if... No, I can't. I've got to leave. I've gotta get away. I can't deal with this.

"Is that so?" Squall responded with all the ice of a winter storm in his tone, but his outward features were emotionless and cold. He inclined his head to look over his shoulder and gave Kiros a solid glare. "Because just this morning Headmaster Cid appointed

me

the Commander of SeeD as well as Director of Garden Operations. Therefore,

I

am in charge of where SeeD will go, and what SeeD will do."

Kiros and Ward's eyes equally widened and they took a couple of steps back. Laguna had turned his back to Squall now with a great sniff, knowing better than to try and interfere with his son's conversation.

Squall continued. "The city is hardly in shambles, and I didn't see that many battles at all on my way here. Looks to me like the Galbadians and Estharians have everything under control. You're no longer in need of our assistance, so I am voiding our contract."

Laguna took a shaky breath, his shoulders slumping, but did not bother to turn around and face them nor did he bother to try and stop Squall, and for a single, brief moment, Squall felt a twinge of guilt that was gone as quick as it was there. There were just too many jumbled thoughts filling his head that even if he had wanted to stay, sit down and try to talk about this, there was no way in hell he was going to be able to. He wasn't even sure he could form a coherent sentence concerning all of this, so instead, he grabbed a dumbfounded Rinoa's hand and pulled her toward him.

"Let's go," was all he managed to get out.

An array of emotions was taking over Squall as he strode out of the office, and he wasn't sure how to handle them, much less if he could even control them. He set his jaw, clenching his teeth, and tried to keep his breathing regulated as Rinoa had to nearly run to keep up with Squall's quickened pace.

"Squall? Squall, please! Slow down! Squall, we need to talk about this. We need to work through this, don't you-" but Rinoa was interrupted.

"SQUALL!" Ellone was running now to catch up with them, her green shawl trailing behind her. "Squall, wait! Please! Rinoa is right. We
need
to talk about this! You don't understand how important this is to Uncle Laguna, to me! How important it would've been to Raine!"

Squall's heart leaped when he heard his mother's name mentioned, but he chose to ignore it. The older girl was slightly out of breath as she caught up with Squall and Rinoa. She grabbed the Commander's arm and with surprising strength, whirling him around to face her. "Squall Leonhart, you listen to me right now!"

"There's nothing to talk about, Ellone. What's done is done. Laguna's my father. I know, I get it. Now, will you please let go of me?"

Squall did his best to keep a calm demeanor and stoic expression, but with the looks Rinoa kept giving him and the way she seemed to want to say something, he could tell his outer defenses were beginning to very slowly crumble.

"Squall, you have to understand. Uncle Laguna would have never shut you out had he knew that he had a son. It wasn't his choice to send me off to the orphanage. It was the villagers of Winhill. It was their choice, Squall. Uncle Laguna only did what he felt would keep me safe and protected while he handled matters in Esthar. I did my best to keep you safe and so you wouldn't be alone those first four years of your life. Squall, please try to understand," Ellone made attempts to explain, still grasping onto his arm.

There was a begging, pleading look in her chocolate brown eyes like a small child trying to get someone to understand what they were trying to say.

Squall jerked his arm out of Ellone's grasp and fixed her with a piercing stare, but his voice betrayed his expression. It was calm and steady, though his insides were quaking with a growing rage.

"And you, Sis. What about you? Why didn't you tell me? If you knew back then when we were sent to that orphanage, why didn't you tell me that I had a father? ...why did you lie to me?"

Ellone shook her head, lowering it. "Squall, I was just a child myself. I can't make excuses for the choices I made or what I may or may not have said and done when I was that young, but looking back on it now, maybe I did it because I felt it wasn't my place to tell you and that I was trying to protect you because I knew where he was. I knew anything could happen. What if he had died? What if I told you that, but we come to find he didn’t survive? Maybe I felt that soon, you would meet with Uncle Laguna and realize you had a father, so you wouldn't be alone in the world.”

Ellone took a shuddering breath, dabbing at her eyes and continued. “After I left the orphanage, all I could think about was you. How I never got to say goodbye to you. I worried about you constantly, hoping that you were alright because I knew how alone you must have felt. A huge part of me hoped with everything I had that Uncle Laguna would come and take you away, so you wouldn't be alone anymore." Ellone's eyes began to sparkle with oncoming tears. "Maybe I didn't say anything because this is a family thing. A family thing between a father and his son. I just don’t know, Squall. I was young,"

Family thing? But it didn't work, did it, Sis? Laguna never came for me. Nobody ever wanted me. I was always overlooked. Always. I had to learn to live by myself, didn't I?

Squall made an indistinguishable noise at Ellone's words, and his expression changed from stoic to something he wouldn't normally allow one to see, but he had no control over it. He looked hurt, bewildered, maybe even betrayed, and he knew he did. "I thought

we

were family, Ellone..." was all he could manage to say, his voice dry and tight, no longer able to look at the person he thought was his sister for all these years, in the eye.

"Squall, please! I never meant to hurt you! Not ever. Not once. We

are
family. We will always be family, but what you could have with Uncle Laguna is something entirely different than what you have with me. You’re still young and have a chance at having a father, Squall! And you know what? Uncle Laguna wants to be there for you! Do you know how happy and thrilled he was when he found out he had a son in the world that was waiting for him? He was so elated and he even cried. I'd never seen him happier than the day he married Raine, but to learn he had a son in the world. Her son. His son.
Their
son! He kept making a promise to Raine over and over that he would find you, and when he did, he would take care of you," Ellone told him earnestly.

Squall snorted derisively.

"Uncle Laguna wants nothing more than to be your dad! He never knew, Squall. Nobody told him Raine had a son. He had only just found out as soon he and I were reunited again. I was the one who told him he had a son waiting for him! That's why he called you out here! That's why he made up some big excuse about needing SeeD here for a monster extermination because he knew that this was the only way you would come here and listen to him or talk to him!" Ellone's voice trembled with tears, her breath hitching.

Rinoa looked torn as she stood back a ways, glancing back and forth between the two, unable to say anything, unsure of who she should comfort.

Squall lowered his head unable to look at anyone, his eyes burning with rage and contempt, his head pounding with confusion, his heart taken over by emotions he never wanted to exist within him. It was too painful, but why? Why was it so painful? It shouldn’t be should it?

But it was, and it was too much to take in all in one day. He had to figure this out. There was no way he could figure it out just standing here talking about it. He needed time to think. He needed to get somewhere quiet, so he could be alone and thought longingly of his awaiting dorm room at Balamb Garden that was still docked on Fisherman's Horizon. And suddenly more than anything, he wanted nothing more than to get as far away from Esthar as he possibly could.

"I can't do this. Not here. Not right now. I have to go," was all he could say before he turned and walked away from a now openly weeping Ellone.

Rinoa turned to glance at the older girl, giving her a look of sincere apology, and mouthed 'I'm so sorry' before following Squall out of the Presidential Palace. The last thing that could be heard was Ellone's sobs echoing in the hall.

Squall remained silent as they took the lift down to the main doorway of the building but didn't shake off Rinoa's hand when it lay gently on his arm and squeezed.

After what seemed like forever, they were finally out of the Presidential Palace, but the squeezing sensation in his chest did not go away, in fact, the pressure just seemed to increase. It felt like Esthar was suffocating him.

Conveniently enough, Quistis, Zell, Selphie, and Irvine were all approaching the Palace just as Squall and Rinoa were coming out. Much to his relief, he didn’t have to go looking for them.

"Squall?" his former instructor addressed him, approaching the couple. She analyzed his face, and her eyebrows drew inward. "Wha-," the blond woman began to say, before Rinoa captured Quistis' attention, shaking her head side to side as if to say 'not now' and she caught on quickly. "So, what did you find out? What are we going to do then? Shall we set to work?"

"We're leaving," Squall replied huskily. "They have no need for us here. Everyone has the city under control, so we're leaving."

Everyone seemed to catch onto Squall's mood, but Selphie. "You mean we're breaking a contract!?" she asked incredulously. "But how is that going to make us look if others want to hire us!? Squall! Didn't you think about that!?" She stamped her tiny foot on the ground, fists clenched at her sides, but Squall just ignored the outburst, Rinoa rubbed her forehead.

"They have no need for us here. That is all. We're leaving," the young Commander of SeeD responded, sounding completely monotone.

Without uttering another word, the rest of the SeeD members followed their leader in confused silence back to the escort car which drove them back to the outskirts of Esthar, and much later than Squall would have liked, they were finally climbing back into the familiar Balamb Garden vehicles.

Zell quickly took the hint that it probably wasn't a good idea to ride along with Squall and Rinoa, so he opted to ride along with Selphie, Irvine and Quistis instead, which in truth, Squall was somewhat relieved. He didn't think he could deal with Zell's questions or loud outbursts at the present time. It might make him snap.

The drive back to Fisherman's Horizon was a quiet one. Squall's grip on the steering wheel was much harder this time around, and any turns he made were a lot sharper than usual, causing Rinoa to grip onto the seat so she didn't hit the door or Squall's seat, but the young Commander said nothing. He delved into his thoughts as he drove, trying his best to separate them, but the more he thought, the more upset he became.

Why didn't Sis ever tell me the truth? If she had told me, or if she'd even told Matron or the Headmaster, then they could've looked for my dad. Maybe I wouldn't have spent an entire childhood alone in some orphanage hoping someone would want me. Why is all of this about Laguna anyway? Did anybody ever consider how I might feel about this? I guess not... considering I cut myself off from nearly everyone. Why did I have to miss out on the good things in life?

Squall felt Rinoa’s hand touch his arm and give it a light squeeze, but he dared not look at her. He kept his eyes forward. He didn’t want to see her sympathetic expression she was no doubt giving him. He briefly placed a gloved hand on top of hers, then back on the wheel. His eyes never left the road.

Rinoa, you were right. I did miss out on all the good things. If I hadn't missed out on them, maybe I wouldn't be this way. Why did nobody ever come looking for me? Why did nobody ever want me? Maybe Sis never wanted me either... I don't know. I'm so confused... I need to get a grip.

Squall fought the urge to just pull the car over, stop and rest his aching head on the steering wheel. How was he ever going to begin to figure any of this out? Wasn't it enough that he already had Garden to deal with on top of this now?

Squall could feel Rinoa’s eyes still on him, and as much as he appreciated her, he wasn't ready to talk about this. Not yet, and he wasn't sure if he ever would be. More than that, Squall feared that if he opened his mouth to utter even a single word about all of this, he just might break, and if he broke, he wasn't sure if he could be fixed this time.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Chapter 5- A Painful Recollection

Is this drive ever gonna be over? How much longer till we get back to FH? I really don't know how much more I can take...

"Squall?" Rinoa's small voice broke the Commander from his thoughts and he glanced toward the young sorceress.

She had a sympathetic expression plastered on her face, her dark eyes full of worry, and for some reason, it irritated him. Squall didn't need her sympathy. He didn't need her or anyone else feeling sorry for him.

"Can we please talk about this? This isn't something that you can just blow off and ignore this time." Rinoa stared down into her lap as her hands fiddled with a zipper on her shorts.

"I want to help you, Squall. I mean isn't that what couples do for each other? When they love someone, they want to help that person through whatever it is they're dealing with, right? So please," she murmured, placing her on Squall's wrist. "Please let me help. This isn't something you have to handle on your own."

Squall sighed. "Rinoa, I'm fine. Can we please just drop this?" he muttered, turning his head back to stare out at the road before him.

"Oh please! You don't fool me for one single moment," Rinoa chided. "You seriously expect me to believe that everything you just learned isn't bothering you? Squall... please. You just found out that you have a
father and he’s alive."

The Commander just sighed and shook his head, turning once more to meet her chocolate stare. Squall gave her an 'I-don't-want-to-talk-about-this-right-now' expression because he did not want to even have this brought up to him let alone speak about it. Why didn’t she understand that? This wasn't something he was ready to just plop down and discuss like any old topic. This wasn't a mission or something equally related. Squall had many things he needed to figure out for himself first before he even tried to open his mouth to anyone else about this.

Not only that, but he was doing everything he could to hold himself together. He felt like completely losing his cool, whipping out his gunblade and just slicing through as many monsters as he could, and he wondered briefly if maybe he shouldn't have taken out some of his heightening rage out on those monsters back in Esthar. Rinoa huffed, sounding irritated, squeezing his wrist even tighter and narrowed her eyes at him stubbornly.

As much he adored Rinoa, and as much as he had been comfortable opening up to Rinoa before about some things, this wasn't something he could just open up about to her. Not just yet anyway.

After a few moments, Rinoa sighed in defeat and hung her head, seeming to silently accept the fact that he simply did not want to discuss it and nothing she did would make him budge, but she didn't remove her hand from his wrist. Instead, she tugged it down from the steering wheel and intertwined her fingers with his, gripping his hand tight with a couple of reassuring squeezes as if to let him know she was there whenever he was ready. She gazed at him again in tender understanding.

*********************************************

As the tracks of Fisherman's Horizon finally came into view, Squall breathed a sigh of relief, grateful they were finally back. He drove the car a bit faster over the tracks, causing a more turbulent ride than he'd really cared for, but Rinoa didn't let go of his hand and he didn't let go of the steering wheel. The quicker he could make it back to Garden, the better.

Soon, the massive, beautiful metallic and blue familiarity of home sat floating before them, the ramp to the parking lot still stretched out as if welcoming their arrival back. Squall pulled his car into the Garden first, followed by Irvine. He pulled into a parking space and shut the engine off, letting go of Rinoa's hand. He dropped both of his hands into his lap, refusing to look anywhere but straight ahead, hoping she'd understand. Rinoa took the hint and slowly got out of the car. Casting one more glance at Squall, she shut the passenger side door behind her.

Irvine had followed Squall and Rinoa into the parking lot and they were now all getting out from their vehicle. Squall could hear their voices talking, muffled, but it wasn't hard to hear what Rinoa was telling their friends.

"Hey! Rinoa!" Selphie greeted the raven-haired girl cheerfully. "Where's Squall?"

"Is Squall alright?" Quistis asked, her brows down in worriedly. "He just didn't seem like himself as we left Esthar. It was so abrupt and he just seemed so angry. Usually he’s headstrong when it comes to completing a mission. Why the sudden change?"

Rinoa shook her dark head. "Don't worry about it. Squall just needs some time alone. Let's just let him be for now, and when he's ready he'll come to us."

Squall observed his friends and his girlfriend in the rearview mirror as Rinoa smiled at all of them and ushered them out of the parking lot. She took one glance back at Squall, gave him a small smile and then turned and left with the rest of the SeeD squad. Squall had to admit that he felt grateful for what Rinoa just did for him because, in truth, he did need some time alone.

As soon as he was certain his fellow SeeD members were out of earshot and sight, Squall folded his leather-clad arms on top of the steering wheel of the car and dropped his head onto them, burying his face into them as if this gesture alone would make everything go away, but it didn't. The thoughts that had been plaguing him since they left the Presidential Palace were enough to send him over the edge.

Sis... why? Why would you do this? Why would you wait until now to tell me that I had a father? Why would you keep me in the dark like this? Did you not want me to know? No, that can't be it. You were just a kid too. Maybe you really didn't understand the importance of it back then. No, that's a lie. Sis was always the smartest one out of all of us. She was the oldest. She took care of us, she took care of me, and then she left.. She left me all alone... Why? Somebody, please tell me why? Why did I deserve for this to happen? Aren't I a person too? Am I really so bad that I didn't deserve to have a home or a family? I wanted parents, just like any other child in this world. Maybe in truth, I still do... No, maybe I just need Sis. Wait, but Sis left. She left me all alone. I had to figure out how to survive in this world and make it on my own. Sis... Did you ever want me? Was I just an obligation for you because I'm your stepbrother?

Squall took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes as he lost himself in memories.

He was no older than three years old when he woke up in bed crying loudly, his brown hair plastered to the sides of his face from sweat and tears, shivering. The older girl next to him with her chin-length, dark hair and chocolate brown eyes shushed him soothingly, holding the trembling young boy in her own small arms, arms that always felt safe.

"It's alright now, Squall. It's okay. It was just a bad dream. Sis is here. Everything is going to be okay. I promise you."

Squall turned his small face into Ellone's shoulder to muffle his sobs while Ellone just brushed back his hair from his face, rocking him gently. Little Squall couldn't remember a time where he'd felt so comforted by someone and he burrowed and snuggled as far into Ellone as he could, feeling himself calm down in the warmth of her arms after his scary nightmare. Ellone hummed gently in his ear, lulling him back to sleep.

*****

(Sis? Where did you go? I've been trying... I've been trying hard to make it on my own. I have. I wish you were here now.)

A 10-year-old Squall Leonhart sat outside near one of the splashing water fountains surrounding Garden, and he tried to allow himself to be soothed by it's trickling sound, but nothing could soothe his lonely, aching heart right at this very moment. Sometimes he seemed to be okay, that he could make it through the day without missing her.

Sometimes he seemed to fight against his own longing for Ellone, and missed her so bad it made his chest ache. Today was one of those days. He tried to focus on the book in his hand as he'd just finished one of his junior SeeD classes and was trying to find a comfortable place to study, when a hand grabbed him by the back of his shirt, pulling him roughly to his feet.

"Well look who we have here," a familiar voice sneered from behind Squall and he jerked himself out of the voice's grasp.

He whirled around to come face to face with a set of tawny green eyes, and blond, slicked-
back hair.

(Seifer... What do you want?)

"Well Squally. Seems you're out here all by yourself huh? What's wrong? Crying and whining over missing 'Sis' again?" Seifer bullied. "You know you eventually just need to grow up and get over it."

Seifer grabbed Squall by the front of his shirt and pulled him up to his face. "She's never coming back for you, Squall. She doesn't want to come back for you. So get over it and move on, or is that what you're sitting here hoping for?" Seifer shoved the young boy down to the ground, where he landed on his side.

"No," the young Squall replied back, standing himself back up and brushing the dirt and grass from his clothes. Seifer grabbed him again when two figures approached him from behind. One tall and tan-skinned, the other short and thin with silvery hair.

"You tell him, Seifer! Show him what for, ya know!" piped up the male and Squall looked up to see it was Raijin and Fujin.

He made sure to keep his expression as calm as possible as if none of this were bothering him, but in truth, he was screaming inside. He wanted Ellone. He wanted her to be there for him right now more than anything. (Stop waiting for Sis. She's not coming back. Seifer's right. She doesn't want to come back for me. Why would she?)

"LESSON," Fujin stated loudly, waving her hand outward, and Seifer motioned with his head at his two lackeys.

"That's right. I'm gonna teach you a lesson, Squall. I'm gonna teach you how to man up. Fu, Rai, hold his arms!" he ordered the two while Raijin and Fujin hurried behind Squall and grabbed his arms, holding them fast behind his back. "You need to learn if you're gonna be in SeeD how to handle the pressure of a fight. You're just weak, Squall."

Seifer pulled a fist back and punched the young Squall square in the gut. Squall's head fell forward, gasping for breath as Seifer's blow knocked the wind out of him. He raised his head once more, narrowing his ice blue eyes into Seifer's, gasping for air, which only seemed to set him off even more.

"Not had enough yet have you, Squally boy! This is how a real man handles the problem! Not a weakling like you!" He drew back his fist once more and buried it into Squall's left jaw, causing his head to snap painfully to the side. Seifer laughed villainously, more amused than anything when a female voice resounded from behind him.

"HEY! That's enough, Seifer! You guys let him go right now! I am not kidding!" A blond girl came running towards the trio and Squall, arms flailing wildly.

"You stay out of this, Trepe. This is business between me and Squall!" Seifer shot back as he brought his hand up once more as though to slap Squall when a hand grabbed his wrist from behind.

"I hardly think that will be necessary," a cool and soft female voice articulated, and Squall looked up with blurry eyes to see a woman dressed in black, with long, raven hair a velvet curtain down her back.

"Matron! Thank goodness you're here! Seifer, Raijin, and Fujin were picking a fight with Squall! Seifer kept hitting him! I saw it all! Squall didn’t do anything! He didn’t even touch Seifer!" a young Quistis cried out, her voice sounding extremely worried for such a young girl.

"Thank you, Quistis. Why don't you escort young Squall to the Infirmary to have Dr. Kadowaki take a look at him and make sure he's not injured while I take Mr. Almasy and his friends to the Headmaster," she replied, turning her sharp green eyes onto the trio. "I'll meet up with you Infirmary to check in as soon as I'm done with these two."

"Thank you, Matron," Quistis replied, bowing her head to the black-haired woman. "C'mon, Squall. Let's go get you fixed up," she tried to soothe him by taking his hand and leading him toward the Infirmary, but Squall just snatched his hand back.

"I don't need you to hold my hand. I can get there myself," he scowled, his jaw and stomach throbbing from the impact of Seifer's blows.

"But Matron said I had to take you there, so whether you like it or not, you're coming with me!"

"Whatever," Squall grumbled as he begrudgingly followed Quistis back into the Garden, down the long, winding hallway, and into the Infirmary.

Dr. Kadowaki sat quietly at her desk, studying some paperwork when Squall and Quistis arrived, and she snapped her head up as the two students came into view. "Hmmm, let me guess," the Garden's doctor began, eyeing Squall who was slightly bent over holding his stomach with his arms. "Sefier," Dr. Kadowaki and Quistis both said in unison. Dr. Kadowaki just shook her bunned head, bemused, and stood from her desk, approaching Squall while patting him gently on the back. "I can take it from here. Thank you, Miss Trepe."

Quistis nodded her head at the doctor and bowed out of the room. Dr. Kadowaki ushered Squall into one of the rooms of the Infirmary and sat him down on the bed. She took his chin in her hand to turn his face where Seifer's fist had made contact so she could have a better look at her patient. "Well, you've got some swelling starting and it looks like you might have a bruise there, but I don't feel any damage to your jawbone, and you're not missing any teeth, so that's one positive."

She stood up and ordered Squall to lie down on the infirmary cot. She felt around on his stomach and ribs, pressing ever so lightly and asking him questions such as if he felt any pain. Squall shook his head no but flinched when she pressed toward the left side of his navel.

"That hurts, doesn't it? I don't think you have any organ damage or bruised ribs, but you may have some muscle and tissue damage. I'm going to give you an ice pack for the swelling on your jaw. That should help, and I'll issue you some pain medication, but you'll need to take it easy for a few days. No training or fighting so you can let that muscle heal. Actually, scratch that. I'd give it a week, at the most. I'll be right back with your ice pack and medicine."

Dr. Kadowaki left Squall laying on the infirmary bed for just moments before she was rushing back in the room to him with an ice pack for his face, a cup of water and a small plastic cup with two pain pills in it. She sat them on the table next to Squall. "You can rest here for now if you would like. You are free to leave whenever you start feeling better." She gave Squall a kind smile before pulling the curtain shut to his little room.

Squall rolled over in the bed to face the wall, ignoring the comment made about the ice pack and pills. He buried the side of his face, that wasn't hurting, deep into his pillow. Why did he always have to be the one picked on? Was Seifer serious when he said that Ellone was never going to come back for him?

Squall closed his eyelids as tight as possible against the prickling sensation building up behind them. Maybe Seifer was right. Maybe that's why she had left in the first place. Maybe she was just tired of him, exhausted of his constant needing to be right there with her, holding his hand. Holding her hand always gave him that sense of security and comfort. Now that feeling was gone, and he was left cold and alone. He longed for that feeling again, and found himself wishing for parents to give him that sense of comfort.

(I'm sorry if it was me who made you leave, Sis... I'm really, really sorry.)

Squall couldn't stop the tears that had risen in his eyes and forced their way out of tightly shut lids. He kept his sobs as quiet as he possibly could so no one could hear him, letting his body tremble with them.

(Seifer is right... I am weak... I need to stop this. I need to stop hoping Sis will be coming back. She's not coming back. She won't ever come back, but that's okay. I'm doing my best by myself. I can make it... I can make it all on my own. I'll show her. I'll show him. I'll show everyone!)

The young boy scrubbed at his eyes and steadied his breathing. He vowed to himself those tears would be his last. He would never cry again. He would never be weak again either. He would show Seifer, he would show everyone he wasn't a crybaby, and he didn't need anyone to hold his hand.

Squall lifted his tired head out of his arms and stared at the steering wheel to his car. Out of nowhere, he had an overwhelming urge to go back and visit the orphanage. He wasn't sure why, but something was telling him he needed to be out there. Running a gloved hand down his face, trying to make sure he maintained composure in front of everyone at Garden, the SeeD Commander opened up the door to the car, stepped out and slammed it shut. He was going to go to the bridge and tell Nida to take them to the orphanage. He had to. He needed to visit. If he didn't, then this nagging sensation wouldn't go away.

So that's what he did. He went straight up to the bridge where only Nida sat and told him to prepare to disembark. He ignored Nida's confused rambles, but Squall told him to re-mobilize Garden and to head straight for Cid and Edea's orphanage. After he gave his order, he turned and made his way back down the elevator to the bottom floor. Maybe he felt he could get answers to his confusion there. Maybe it was just a place of tranquility where he could easily gather his thoughts. Maybe he was running.

Squall wasn't sure, but he felt somewhere deep down in him that if he went there then he might be able to figure things out, he just wasn't sure, but his head was beginning to hurt from the constant clashing of jumbled thoughts. Try as he might though, he couldn't clear his mind. Maybe out there, he could. Maybe if he just went and sat in his and Rinoa's flower field, it might help soothe the slowly growing, albiet confusing, ache in his heart.

As the young Commander of SeeD came off the elevator, he noticed Rinoa and the others standing near the Garden directory, a confused expression on all of their faces as he made his way down the steps toward them. It was more than evident that they realized Garden was mobile once more, and that they were leaving Fisherman's Horizon.

"Squall, where are we going?" Quistis was the first to ask as she stepped forward, her arms folded across her chest.

"We're going to the orphanage," he responded, remaining impassive and calm. The others opened up their mouths to speak, but he put one hand up, shaking his head.

"What do we need to go back those ruins for? What's so important there?" Zell inquired, but Squall chose to ignore him as well as the other questions and protests coming from his friends.

"We're just... we're going and that's that. Don't ask me anything more about it," Squall stated firmly, as he turned his back toward them.

"Alright then. We understand, Squall," Quistis replied genially, and she and Rinoa turned down the hall, while Selphie, Irvine, and Zell departed in the opposite direction leaving Balamb Garden's leader to his thoughts.

He absentmindedly wondered where they might be going, but it was the least of his worries. He decided that he himself needed to get elsewhere, but going up to his dorm wasn't an option. Squall was worried that if he went up to his room, laid in his bed and lost himself in his rampant thinking, his composure might crumble, and that wasn't something he was not willing to allow happen. Ever. He didn't want to lay around and think.

Squall decided that instead, he needed something to keep his mind occupied and busy until they reached the orphanage, so he opted for the library. He made his way into the quiet room, only soft voices could be heard here and there as he approached a bookshelf with one of his favorite series of books. Lifting a gloved hand to pull one down, he heard Rinoa's voice resound from the back of the library, followed by Quistis.

"So it's really true then?" Quistis asked Rinoa, sounding concerned. "Laguna is his father for sure? They're absolutely certain and there's no possible way they can be mistaken?"

Rinoa shook her pretty head. "No, there's not. Squall is Laguna and Raine's son. That was what Laguna wanted us to come to Esthar for more than anything, so Laguna could tell Squall that he was his son," she replied in hushed tones. "But please, Quistis. You can't tell anyone I'm telling you this. I don't think Squall is ready for anyone else to know."

"Don't worry, I promise I won't say a word to anyone. This stays between you and me." Quistis paused and then sighed. "It does make me wonder though how he's coping with this and if he's alright."

"Honestly, he says he's fine, that he doesn't want to talk about it, but I don't think he's coping well with this at all because I don't think he knows how," Rinoa answered her, the concern more evident than ever in her tone.

"Quistis, I don't think he is fine like he claims to be. I really don't. He and Ellone sort of got into a fight about it too, and-," Quistis cut her off, gasping lightly.

"Wow, seriously? Squall and Ellone fighting? How on earth did that happen? What was said?" her blue eyes widened at this revelation.

"Mainly just Ellone was trying to get Squall to understand Laguna's position in all of this. He didn't even know he had a son until Ellone told him about it, so he's pretty much in the same place Squall is at, according to Ellone. She tried hard to make him understand how Laguna was feeling, but Squall wouldn't have it. You know how stubborn he can be, though. He didn't want to hear it. Personally, I think he's just confused and hurting. He doesn't understand how Ellone could keep something like this to herself for all of these years, never bothering to tell him he had a father out there alive and waiting for him, and why Laguna never took responsibility for Ellone when she was taken to the orphanage." Rinoa sighed, resting her cheek on her fist.

"I can't fault him. If Laguna had shown up, Squall wouldn't have...," Rinoa's voice trailed off.

Quistis placed a hand on her forehead. "Wow. I'm just... I mean that's a lot to take in. For both of them. I can't even begin to imagine what he must be feeling, but knowing Squall he'll brush it off as everything is just fine and say he doesn't want to talk about it. Laguna though? I wonder if he's alright? Poor Laguna. He must be so frustrated. Squall can certainly be difficult to deal with, even at the best of times."

"Squall is hurting, Quistis. I know he's hurting. He thinks I can't tell, but I can see it his eyes. I just feel so bad for him. I feel bad for all of them. Ellone started crying, and I wanted to go to her, but then I also wanted to go to Squall more. Knowing him though, he would've just shoved me away from him," Rinoa closed her eyes painfully. "Why won't he let me in? He's let me in before, but why not now? I want to help him. I want to help them both. I want him to have his father."

Squall peered through the bookcase's opening, watching the two girls converse. Rinoa looked up at the older blond girl in front of her, and Quistis took one of her hands in hers. "Don't worry, Rinoa. We'll help him get this figured out. He may not
think
he needs us, but he does. He especially needs you."

Dammit, Rinoa! Why did you tell Quistis! How do I know she won't run and tell everyone in Garden now! And you feel bad for me? Really? I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me. I don't need anyone's damn sympathy.

Attempting to control his anger, Squall crept out of the library as quickly as he could before anyone could notice his presence. He ran through Garden's halls as fast as he could, ignoring any onlookers. He ran all the way out to the Quad until his lungs burned, and found with a great relief that nobody was out there, and so he ran up onto the terrace, just outside of the Quad, and allowed the wind rushing past him to blow through his hair. He closed his light blue eyes and lifted his face toward the sky as if the wind surrounding him could sweep all of his anger, all of his thoughts, all of this pain or whatever it was he was feeling, away.

His heart did a great leap into his throat as he peered down over the edge of Garden and could see Cid and Edea's old house coming into view. It was still derelict and crumbled as ever, but his heart pounded almost achingly in his chest and sounded in his ears. Hearing Rinoa telling Quistis everything robbed him of his better sense.

Before Garden could even touch down, Squall grabbed onto the balcony and swung himself over the railing, landing hard on his feet in front of the orphanage.

Raising himself up and clutching the hilt of his gunblade, squeezing so hard that he wondered if he might not break it, he made his way into the old, white, broken down home that once used to be his. This house, it was filled with memories. Memories of happiness, of solitude, of sorrow, loneliness, and longing. Squall hung his head and shook it back and forth.

What am I doing here? Why did I come here if all it was going to do was plague me with horrible memories? I must've had a reason, right? No, I don't think I did. Maybe I just wanted to run away as far as I could get from this whole mess, but you can't run away from your problems, right? People always tell me to face mine, but... I don't know how to face them. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore... I'm so lost... I'm so confused... can somebody please tell me what's the right thing to do? Anybody? Someone?

"Oh, honey! Look at this little one!" a cheerful, redheaded woman, short and plump approached a 6-year-old Squall. "He's so handsome!" He sat crouched down in a corner of the house, wearing a green striped t-shirt and a pair of jeans with sneakers that had come untied. "Hello little one," she greeted kindly, lowering herself so she could be eye to eye with the boy. "What is your name?"

Squall felt his throat close up with shyness as he stared at the woman, unable to say a word. He just turned his head away from her, closing his eyes. It had been two years since Ellone had left and not a day went by that he didn't miss her or hope in some way that she'd come back with him. He didn't want to be adopted alone. He needed his Sis to go with him too. "Are you shy? Why don't you tell me your name, sweetie?"

"Just leave that one alone, dear," a gruff man spoke up as he approached his wife. "I don't want our child to be a mute. Let's go. There are plenty of children here," he grabbed his wife's arm to tug her up, but not before the lady reached out to touch Squall's face gently.

"I'm sorry, little one. I hope you find a home soon."

A few hours later, Squall watched with a heavy heart as the young, blond boy that Seifer always referred to as "Crybaby Zell" was adopted and taken away from the orphanage. Taken away from him. Just one more person to leave Squall all alone.

With a strangled cry, Squall brandished his gunblade and sliced it through one of the standing pillars, pouring every ounce of strength and emotion into this attack.

Why didn't she tell me!

He thought furiously to himself as the top of the pillar came crashing to the ground. He lifted his weapon once more above his head with a leap and sliced through the top half of the pillar now laying split in two on the ground.

Why didn't anyone ever want me!
*slash*
Why did I watch so many kids get adopted!
*slash*
Why didn't I ever get to have parents too! Why didn't my dad ever come for Ellone so he could find me!
*slash*

With another yell, Squall flung his gunblade into the side of what remained standing of the white pillars.

Why does everyone side with Laguna!
*slash*
Doesn't anyone even care about how I feel?
*slash*
Everyone wants me to talk to him, but I don't know if I can do that. It's just poor Laguna this. Poor Laguna that! What about me!
*slash* Why doesn't anyone care about how this affects me! *slash*
Why do I have to be the one suffering! No, no I don't want anyone's sympathy. Not from one damn person! I don't need it!

"I DON'T NEED IT!"

The young Commander of SeeD knew he was just lying to himself, which made his insides writhe with rage even more. With every angry thought that burst into his mind, Squall destroyed every single last remaining, crumbling pillar that once stood in front of Edea's old house. The place that used to be his home, but was no longer. Squall breathed heavily as he could feel the sweat on his brow running down the sides of his face and neck, his chest heaving with every gasp for air. He didn't hesitate to kick open the wooden door to Edea's house and made his way through the ruins of what used to be an immaculately, beautiful home to himself, Matron, Cid and many other children.

Squall forced his way through, slashing through bits of broken wall with his weapon to clear them out of his way, not really paying attention to where he was going until he felt a cool breeze and smelled the scent of flowers and ocean water surrounding him. He gazed forward and realized he was standing on the back porch that lead to the flower field where he had made his promise to Rinoa.

He stood in the field in an attempt to calm himself for what felt like hours, wondering why he bothered even coming out here. Rinoa had to of been looking for him by now, right? So was she going to come here and find him? Did he really want her to? He questioned again why he ever bothered coming back here in the first place. All it was doing was bringing him more rage and more anguish, and that was something extra he didn't need. This just wasn't something he knew how to cope with at all, and for the first time in awhile, Squall felt truly lost.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Chapter 6- And the Skies Opened Up

The clouds rolled by, grey and menacing, suggesting there might be a storm soon. Squall wasn't sure how long he stood out in the flower field, alone, staring into the sky. It could have been hours, or maybe even mere minutes, he wasn't sure. He'd lost track. He ignored the cool breeze that swept around him, lifted from the ocean's surface. He could smell the salt in the damp, chilly wind mixed in with the scent of the flowers surrounding him.

Squall could've cared less. Let it storm. It was already storming inside of him enough as is. Maybe if it rained on him, it might wash away a little of his pain and help ease the storm brewing inside of himself. The young SeeD ran a hand through his hair and looked around him, thinking of how differently his whole life would've been had Laguna known about him.

Why couldn't it have been different? If Ellone had told me about Laguna, we could've informed Matron and Cid of this and found him. We could've had an entirely different childhood. Not one built on abandonment and loneliness...

Squall sighed as he walked quietly around the field when he heard a sound of rustling grass behind him. There was a small whine and the Commander turned around to see Rinoa's faithful companion, Angelo, but no sign of Rinoa herself, just her dog. She looked up at Squall with an almost understanding look in her doggy expression and gave another whine. The young man turned to crouch down and pat Angelo on top of her head.

"What do you think?" he asked the dog who wagged her tail nub in response. "Do you think that if I had known I had a father, things would've been different? My life would've been different?" He knew it was silly, but Squall still couldn't help but feel robbed of having that sort of experience.

Would I have chosen the path I'm on now? Would I be a SeeD? Would life not have been so lonely for me and less complicated? Would I have not missed out on all those good things in life that Rinoa and I talked about?

Squall sighed and shook his head. "It's so hard to figure this out," he admitted quietly to the dog .

Am I really angry with Laguna, or am I just angry at fate because I never had that opportunity to experience what it was like to even have a parent? My mother, Raine... she died after giving birth to me. Did she die to bring me into this world or was it something else? Why does that have to happen? I understand death can take a person at any time, but why does it have to be so painful and hard? Why do people have to become just a memory or never a memory at all but someone you could have known? Like a parent? Like... a mother?

Angelo nudged at Squall's hand as it had stopped petting her head and gave a breathy whimper. Her chocolatey, puppy eyes stared directly into Squall's. It was almost like the dog knew what Squall was feeling and wanted to offer comfort as best as she could. She lifted a paw and pawed at him, eyes not leaving him.

"I just don't know anymore, Angelo," the young SeeD spoke in barely above a whisper, giving Angelo one last scratch behind her ears before standing up once more to look at the sky. He felt a small drop of rain splash on his face. Squall stepped out a little further into the field, trying to piece together his conflicting thoughts. Angelo followed right at his heels.

Get close, though... What if I did? Everyone seems to want me to give Laguna a chance. What if I listen to Rinoa and Ellone, and I do give him a chance? What if we get close and have a real father and son relationship, but then one day Laguna is just taken from me the same way Ellone was? Nobody can predict the future, but there's always the what-ifs, so what if I did that and exactly that happened? I don't think I could handle it. No, I know I couldn't.

Squall scrubbed at his forehead with his fingertips.

What if once Laguna gets to know me, the real me, he doesn't like me? What if he decides that he has a disgrace for a son? What if he decided he didn't want me after all, just like those other adults that came to the orphanage didn't want me? Nobody wanted a quiet, introverted, sulky kid, right? I doubt Laguna would want me either. I just don't know... I just don't know how to do this. It's too much to think about. Just stop thinking…

Squall gazed down at Angelo, feeling his knees weaken and his resolve waver. "I just can't do this." And without warning, Squall collapsed onto the ground, feeling much like he had felt the way he did back when he was lost in time before Rinoa had save his life from what he thought was a seemingly inevitable fate. "I don't even know what I'm doing, so how can I do… this?" he murmured and Angelo sat in front of him, whining softly, her small puppy head tilting. Squall never noticed Rinoa had been hiding behind a crumbling pillar watching every moment, observing every word he had said.

As she stepped out, Squall could hear the sounds of her footsteps on the white pavement before she began rustling through the flowers and grass. He hung his head, listlessly, not bothering to look back in her direction but he knew she was there. He could sense her presence stronger than ever.

Rinoa... she's here. She came out here and found me. Just like we promised...

Not wanting to admit to himself that he honestly did need Rinoa at a time like this, he was more grateful than anything that she had shown up. However, what happened next though, he did not expect.

Rinoa dropped to her knees behind Squall and threw her arms around his neck, holding him tightly, pulling his body back against hers and laid the side of her face against the top of his head. The initial shock wore off, and it reminded him of back on the Ragnarok when they were floating together in space how Rinoa just fell right into his lap and wrapped her arms around him then, cupping the side of his face in her hand. With one arm around him, she did the exact same thing with her other hand, soft and gentle, her thumb gently stroking his chin.

Squall began to tremble slightly, unsure of why, but he leaned into Rinoa's comfort, doing his best to keep control of his emotions. He wasn't sure if he just wanted to be silent, or if he wanted to break into another aggressive action, or if he just wanted to melt into her embrace and hide from it all. The Commander silently cursed himself for feeling so weak. This wasn't how a Commander was supposed to act, but he couldn't help from it. Too much had been laid onto his shoulders, the anvil baring its weight had finally sent him to the ground.

Squall tried hard to swallow back the aching lump rising his throat and took a deep breath, letting out a heavy sigh to try and calm himself; he attempted to clear his mind. It was starting to rain now, very lightly. A soft, cool mist of sprinkles falling on him and Rinoa, and despite her hold on him, he shivered.

"Everything will be okay, Squall," Rinoa's tender voice sounded from behind him.

She squeezed him just a little harder and he drew his knees up as if trying to hold in all of his pain with just that action alone. Rinoa had probably never seen him so vulnerable, and Squall himself wasn't sure of the last time he felt this way. He lay his head back against her and closing his lightly blue eyes, letting the comfort of her gentle voice soothe him.

Rinoa leaned her head next to his. "I know it will. It'll get better, but you have to let us help you if you want it to. Let me help you, Squall." She laid her face against his own, the warmth of her breath tickling his ear with every word. "As soon as I felt Garden land, I knew you would be out here. I saw you destroy those pillars," she added sheepishly. Squall could feel his cheeks heating up, slightly embarrassed that the girl he loved could witness him in such a manner, but he hadn’t been able to help himself.

"Sorry," was all he barely managed to say, keeping his eyes closed so he wouldn't have to look at anything around him. He was content as he could be like this just for now. He didn’t want to get overwhelmed again by all these new and weird emotions there hitting him.

Rinoa shook her raven colored head. "No, don't be sorry. It wasn't something you could keep locked up inside forever, but Squall... going around and destroying things won't make it any less hard. We can fix this, Squall. We can figure everything out together," the young sorceress encouraged him, soft determination heard in her voice.

"...How?" Squall croaked, cringing at how terribly weak and pathetic his voice sounded. He honestly did want to know how because he wasn't even sure himself how he could go about figuring all of this out. He leaned forward once more, dropping his face into his hand, allowing his fingers to thread through his hair.

"I'm not entirely sure, but anything can be figured out if you just try," she squeezed her knight once more before letting go of him, and Squall felt strangely empty as the warmth of Rinoa's arms left his shoulders. She stood up and walked around to the front of him, crouching down and tilting her head lightly. She reached for his hand. "Just trust us. We can help you through this."

A bitter laugh escaped Squall's lips, indicating that he didn't believe it could happen, and he felt more strongly in his heart than ever that it couldn't. He didn't know how to make it work, how to fix it or how to make it better. There were so many questions he had that begged to be answered, so many emotions he could feel that it felt like it was overtaking his every sense of being. But the questions that begged to be answered, he couldn’t bring himself to ask them.

He couldn't figure out if he were angry at Laguna for not taking responsibility for Ellone and coming to the orphanage to get her, thus discovering he had a baby boy waiting for him. He couldn't figure out if he were still angry at Ellone for keeping something like this from him for all of these years. He couldn't figure out if he was angry at himself, if he was just being difficult in terms of trying to work out the new issues of having an absent father, or if he was just scared to try, scared to get close because of his fear of abandonment, and fear of having that sense of comfort taken away from him, just like he'd explained to Rinoa once before. Maybe he was just angry at fate for robbing him of a normal childhood experience.

But, Rinoa. She was different. She was the exception. He could protect her and keep her close to him at all times. Rinoa wouldn't go anywhere, she wouldn't leave him all alone in the cold. Not as easily as others could, and if she did get taken away from him, he would just go after her because he knew Rinoa would always be waiting. He could feel Rinoa reach out and grasp his wrist, pulling his hand away from his face.

"Squall, please. Please just talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking. Tell me how I can help! I want to help you with this. I want to be there for you like you were for me," she pleaded softly, her grasp on his wrist not relenting. "Let me rescue you this time."

Rescue me...?

He wasn’t quite sure why, but her words irritated him. "I don't want to talk about it, Rinoa. I can't talk about it, and I don't need rescuing," Squall snapped, not really meaning to, but he lifted his scarred face now, locking eyes hard with Rinoa's.

He saw her eyes widen, her eyebrows draw upward, and her mouth slightly fall open, and he knew. He knew that Rinoa could see the terrible pain and the anger that was thoroughly visible in his stormy, blue eyes and now he was causing her pain. She drew back, slightly, grasping the rings that hung from the silver chain on her neck, but did not break his stare.

"I heard you and Quistis," he began, his voice growing quiet now. "I heard everything you said."

Rinoa hung her dark head in shame. "Squall," she began softly, sounding afraid he'd be extremely angry with her. "Please understand. I didn't tell Quistis to betray you because I would never do that. It was just that I needed to talk to someone about this that I could trust. Quistis cares about you just as much as I do, and so does everyone else. We just feel bad for you, Squall and this entire situation you're in. You just keep closing us off. All we want to do is help you."

Without warning, Squall stood up, jerking Rinoa's hand away from his arm, and stood tall as the soft rain that had started to fall began to pick up speed and consistency. It was coming down a lot harder than before, soaking the both of them to the bone, but the young Commander did not care. Rinoa stood up as well, facing him, her face filled with surprise and hurt that Squall would act in such a manner toward her after all they had been through.

"I don't need your sympathy, or anyone else's," he replied, coldness dripping in his tone, and he turned his back toward her, letting the rain crash into his face as he lifted his head toward the sky and closed his eyes.

Rinoa had now had enough. "Why! Why after everything, everything we have been through together, are you shutting me out now!" the young sorceress finally exploded. "Why won't you let me in, Squall! I know you're hurting! I know this is killing you! I can see it! I don't understand why you think you have to put on some big, bad brave, ridiculously stupid farce pretending you're just fine and 'you don't want to talk about it' when I know it's eating you alive!"

Rinoa’s voice broke as she grabbed at his arm, much like Ellone had and tried to pull him around, but he kept firm, not allowing her to get the better of him. A sniffling sound came from behind him and Squall cursed himself once more. Great, now he'd hurt Rinoa. When was he going to just stop screwing up so much?

"I'm here for you, Squall," Rinoa's voice trembled with oncoming tears. "Why won't you let me help you with this? Why won't you let me in? I thought you trusted me. I thought... I thought you loved me," her voice broke off with a hitch of her breath, followed by a sob, and Squall turned around, looking at the sorceress once more, and despite the rain, he could see her dark eyes swimming with tears, which within moments, were now spilling down her cheeks in steady streams, mixing with the rain. He hated seeing her cry, and he hated himself even more for being the one to make her cry, but what he didn't realize was that Rinoa wasn't crying for herself, and it took him a moment to realize that she was crying for him. That alone just made him even more furious.

"Dammit, Rinoa!" Squall finally lost control, the dam that he had so carefully constructed inside of himself couldn't hold back the pressure anymore, and it burst. Wide open. "Of course I trust you! Of course I love you!"

He ignored Rinoa's gasp at his words, and he realized to himself that this was the first time he'd ever told his sorceress that he loved her, but he did and he wasn't about to stop now. Even if he tried to maintain his thoughts, they were rising to the surface and being pinned down with words now, and he realized he had no control over what he was saying. His voice was growing louder with every word.

"I just don't know how to deal with this! Isn't this my problem anyway and not yours? Why would I want to burden the people I care about with my own, stupid issues. Not only that, but none of you would understand. You wouldn't even
begin
to understand. "

Squall could feel his heart pounding in his chest, his breaths were coming in great, sharp heaves as every ounce of emotion, of anger, of resentment, of rage came billowing out of him like a waterfall.
"Don't you get it? No, you wouldn't because you've never been there. I lived alone for 17 years with no parents at all, and then just one day out of nowhere, I have a father? And, he’s alive? And Ellone knew about this! She knew Laguna was my dad but never bothered to tell me! On top of that, just say that I do get close to Laguna like everyone wants me to. What if I
do give that bumbling oaf a chance, and I lose him? Just like that. What if he disappears?"

Squall tried to force himself to stop, but he just couldn't. What would Rinoa think after she heard all of this? That he was just a selfish, whiny brat that didn't get his way as a child? He didn't care anymore. Why did it matter anyway? He was still a kid. He was only 17 years old at the end of the day. How would an adult even handle a revelation like this much less someone his age who was being forced into the role of adult?

"What if he decides he doesn't want me for a son, what then? I spent weeks, months, of my childhood watching adults come to this orphanage and adopt the other kids, but not me, never me. Nobody ever wanted me. I watched these kids get lifted into their new mom or dad's arms and be cuddled and loved on. I never got to experience that. I never got to even know what that was like beyond Ellone. She was the only one I had, and when I was just 4 years old, she disappeared, and I was left all alone again. I cannot deal with that, Rinoa. I can't. I can't get close to someone else and have them taken away from me, because then what are you left with? Loneliness, and it's so miserable." Squall took a shaky breath, trying to calm himself, while Rinoa walked forward and grabbed his hands into hers.

"But you got close to me, Squall. Doesn't that count for something?" Rinoa paused for a moment, trying to get him to look at her and she gave his hands a careful shake. "What about all of your friends? What about Quistis, Zell, Selphie, and Irvine? You're close with them, aren't you? Don't tell me you're not because I know you care about them, and even though you're not seeing eye to eye, you're close with Ellone too. That's no different than Laguna, Squall."

"It's incredibly different," Squall replied, his voice lowering. "I can protect you, Rinoa. I can keep you safe. My friends are SeeDs. They're strong and they can protect themselves. You won't disappear from me like Ellone did."

Squall took another breath, his lips parting slightly. "Rinoa, this isn't just something that can be fixed with a friendly chat. Laguna had no responsibility for his step-daughter. I understand he had a duty to the citizens of Esthar. I even appreciate that fact, but don't people always say that family should come first? Why didn't it come first before Esthar?"

Rinoa just nodded her dark head silently, allowing him to speak, eyes never leaving Squall's. "If he would've just came back, Rinoa... If he would've come and found Ellone in the orphanage, he would've discovered that he had a son. He would've found me like I'm sure Raine would've wanted. M-my mother (he found himself almost struggling to say the word 'mother') would have wanted Laguna to raise Ellone and me together, and he didn't. He just left Ellone here. He left us here. He left
me
here, Rinoa and I spent 13 years alone as a result."

Squall's voice was beginning to lose its steady tone, and his eyes were becoming disturbed by a burning sensation behind them, prompting Rinoa to reach her hands to his face, cupping it gently.

"Squall, I understand what you're saying. I really do, but you know, we can't predict the future, right? Even if something really bad like that were to happen, would you really want to miss out on the opportunity you have right now?" She questioned gently, rubbing her thumbs softly over his cheeks. "You've already missed out on so much, but you're still young and you still have that ability to experience those things. Do you really want to miss out on finding out what it could be like to have a dad?"

Squall's vision became increasingly distorted from the traitors moisture that had began flooding his eyes, and he cursed himself silently, forcing it all back. He absolutely would not cry over this. What would Seifer say, or everyone else for that matter, if they could see their strong, silent SeeD Commander succumbing to a weakness such as crying? They would probably laugh at him for being pathetic. Squall sniffed, blinking the burning rapidly from his eyes, and pondered Rinoa's words.

"I don't know," his voice cracked slightly. "It just-," stopped himself from saying
it hurts.
He didn't want Rinoa to know he was hurting, even though he was positive that she already knew, it was easier to just not say it out loud.

"I know," Rinoa replied in soft understanding, letting go of Squall's face and taking his hand, pulling him over to sit down on one of the broken pillars. He followed her willingly and they took a seat together, Squall staring out at the flower field, watching the rain slow its descent. Rinoa let out a long sigh next to him.

"I think you should at least go back to Esthar and give it a try. Try and talk to Laguna. I'm not saying just open your heart to him, Squall. I know that will take some time, but maybe if you guys met up and had dinner or a drink or just sat and talked for a bit, you might be able to start somewhere. Just take baby steps."

Squall just shook his head, looking away from Rinoa. "I honestly don't know if I can," he admitted, and he felt Rinoa's hand on his face once more, pulling it back to look at her.

"Squall, listen. I have a horribly estranged relationship with my father because of certain circumstances that both he and I allowed to tear us apart," she began, her face flickered with pain. "I miss the days where my dad used to hold me and hug me or tell me he loved me. I can't remember the last time he did that with me, and as angry as I am at him, I still miss it and I long for it. Nobody should have to go in their lifetime without knowing what it's like to feel comfort from a parent, Squall."

He could see that Rinoa was trying hard, and as much as he hated it, she was getting through to him. She was probably the only person who could. Rinoa wasn't done though.

"You have that opportunity now. I don't want to see you and Laguna become driven apart like me and my father over something like this when this is an issue that can be worked out. I'm not saying it'll happen overnight. It will take some time, but it can be fixed," the young sorceress did her best to explain. "It would break my heart to see the same thing happen to you. Laguna isn't even anything like my father. He's not cold and uncaring. He is so full of optimism, cheer and love, something my father hasn't shown in a long time, and you should let him fill your life with what that feels like. I know he wants to, Squall. Just give him that chance. You both deserve it."

Without warning, Squall pulled Rinoa close to him, wrapping his arms around her tight and laying his head on her shoulder, face against her neck and he closed his eyes, breathing softly, allowing his lashes to flutter against her skin. Rinoa equally put her arms around Squall, holding him just as tightly while she ran her fingertips lightly through his damp, unkempt hair. Perhaps she was right. There was no harm in trying, right? If it didn't work, he could just move on with his life. As long as he still had Rinoa, Squall knew he'd be okay, and he had to admit, after finally talking to her about this, he did feel a bit better, but there was still that nagging feeling twinging at the back of his neck.

Maybe he did need to go talk to Laguna. He didn't want Rinoa hurting for him, and he knew that he didn't want to hurt like this anymore either. Maybe what he needed was just a new start with Laguna. Start over from the beginning, get to know the guy more than what he knew from when Ellone sent his consciousness back into Laguna's past. Perhaps there was more to the President of Esthar than meets the eye.

"I still don't know I feel about this, but I'll give it a try," he finally sighed into her neck before lifting his head and holding her back slightly to take in her expression that had changed from sadness to hope. "I'll do this for you."

"Don't do it just for me, Squall. Do it for yourself too," she couldn't help but smile at him, and Squall, though still feeling somewhat reluctant about the entire thing, gave her a small smile himself. "You should also go and talk to Ellone too. You guys need to make up. She just needs to understand how you feel too."

Squall nodded his head. That much he could agree too. He had to admit that it frustrated him that Ellone couldn't seem to see how or why Squall was feeling the way he was, or that she just seemed mainly focused on how Laguna was feeling, but he also didn't like being at odds with her. He didn't want to fight with his Sis. He reached a gloved hand to brush back some of Rinoa's raven locks.

"I'll try." He cupped her chin and lowered his face toward hers.

"That's all I ask," Rinoa breathed softly and lifted her own just as equally. Their lips had barely brushed when Rinoa surprised Squall. "You know," she breathed against his own. "You finally told me you love me."

Squall's lips parted slightly, as they touched Rinoa's. "Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I?" And their lips met in a smooth, tender kiss. It was then that Squall realized he was truly in love with this girl, and how grateful he was to have her at his side. And so he blanketed himself in her, saturating himself in her comfort, her compassion, her warmth, her love.

**************

A little while later, Squall and Rinoa soon found themselves back in Garden's central hub, surrounded by Quistis, Zell, Selphie, and Irvine. They were all silent and seemed as though they were reluctant to say anything to their Commander for fear of setting him off. Squall felt a twinge of guilt for making his friends feel that way as it wasn't his intention, but he had been so caught up in his own swirl of thought and emotion that his actions only spoke for themselves and not actually what he was feeling.

Squall had never been that great at expressing himself, but he had to admit he was getting better at it, thanks to Rinoa. He stood next to her, holding her hand and their fingers intertwined as the others all stood around him, not really looking at him, but trying their best to show their attention was on their leader. The only person, asides from Rinoa, that seemed at ease with Squall was Quistis, and he knew that this was because Quistis knew the truth even though she wasn't letting on that she did. He found he couldn’t hold it against Rinoa though. Sometimes you just need someone you can trust, and Quistis proved herself to be that person.

"Why don't we all go to the Quad so we can talk?" Rinoa suggested, pointing in the direction of the Quad. "That way we won't have people listening in on us and we can talk privately."

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement and followed Squall and Rinoa out to the Quad. Selphie hurried and rushed over to the stage, hopping up on it and plopping down on her rear, swinging her legs in a childlike manner. Irvine, who always tried to act cool and chill, began to strut her way, while Quistis leaned up against one side of the stage and Zell just remained stationary near Squall.

The young Commander of SeeD cleared his throat. "Listen everyone. I just… wanted to apologize for the way I've been acting since we left Esthar," he began and everyone's heads snapped up, staring at Squall in astonishment. He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"I had just discovered some serious information that could have a huge impact on my life, not only here at Garden and as a SeeD, but as a whole...,” Squall hesitated and then continued. “I was told that… the President of Esthar, Laguna Loire, …well, he’s my father."

They all gasped, while Selphie broke out in an overzealous squeal. "Oh

wow

, Squall! Sir Laguna is your
dad
!? That would be the coolest thing ever! I'd love to have Sir Laguna as my dad! He's just so awesome and fun to be around!"

"Whoa man! How did you find out about that!?" Zell blurted out, his voice sounding just as dumbfounded as the rest, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head.

"Sis told me. That was the main reason why Laguna wanted us to come to Esthar. He had to make up an excuse for seeing me, and that was hiring SeeD to help clean up the monsters and fix the city, but in reality, it was about telling me who he was,” Squall explained, attempting to not sound like he was reading from a textbook.

It was awkward enough trying to apologize and tell his friends what was happening, but Rinoa stood next to him, giving his hand reassuring squeezes to continue. She gave him a glance, letting him know it would be okay to say what he was thinking, silently reminding him through expression that this is what they wanted. They wanted to know what he was thinking and feeling so they could help him get through the problem.

"I... I wasn't sure how I should handle it, and so I closed up. It was my problem. It wasn't anyone else's," he stammered, sounding somewhat nervous, but did his best to keep talking to them. He was making progress. "I didn't want anyone to share the burden."

"Squall, you should know better than that now," Quistis gently scolded him. "We want to share your burden so we can help lift some it from your shoulders. You've had a lot put on your plate in a very short period of time."

"That's right," Irvine drawled, nodding his head in agreement with the former Balamb Garden instructor. "You're tryin' to take on too much by yourself. We want to be able to help you with this stuff."

"Hell yeah!" Zell spoke up, his voice resounding. "Let's us help, Squall! You don't gotta handle all of Garden's operations on your own. We can step in and help you with things when the going gets tough so you can figure out the rest of your own stuff, and if you need to rant about it, we're here to lend an ear." He approached the Commander and clapped a hand gingerly on his shoulder.

Squall felt himself stiffen as Zell's hand made contact him, but it was more out of reflex than anything. It was just something he would tend to do and assumed it was most likely from closing himself off from human contact for so long. Squall relaxed a bit as Zell's hand patted his shoulder a couple of times before he withdrew it.

"Yeah! We're here for you, Squall!" Selphie joined in, hopping down off of the stage in the Quad and approached SeeD's leader with the rest of them. They were now all standing in front of him, their eyes bright with determination, and Squall felt the chill in his heart warm just a little bit more at this gesture.

"Thanks," was all he could manage to respond. "Now that that corny (he ignored Selphie's protests) stuff is out of the way, we need to head back to Esthar. Zell, tomorrow after breakfast, I want you to go up to the bridge and let Nida know we're going back to Fisherman's Horizon. That's under my order. Quistis, we're going to take on this mission for Laguna. I won't be voiding the contract. I want you to go up and re-prepare the proposal for the President so I can give it to him when we get back to Esthar. Selphie and Irvine, you can help Quistis with the proposal if you so wish."

His four fellow SeeDs all saluted Squall and left to go and do as he told them, leaving him and Rinoa alone once more. He couldn't help but wonder and worry somewhat about what might be awaiting him in Esthar. Would Ellone even be ready to accept his apology?

What about Kiros and Ward? Would they allow him entrance back into the city? Would they even want to talk to him? What about Laguna? He'd been so cold and uncaring toward his own father, for his own selfish purposes, he wasn't sure. Though, it was like Rinoa said. He had to try, right? He took the blue-clad girl in his arms and pulled her close to him, closing his eyes as he breathed in the scent of her shampoo and he felt her small arms tighten around his waist.

I'm doing this for you Rinoa, because I know you don't want me to go through this anymore, but I also need to do this for myself, or I don't know if I'll be able to move on.