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11 months, 6 days, and 7 hours since the morning he went away.Louis was not one for banter nowadays. The silence of the room was nearly deafening, swallowing him as he pressed his frame against the back of the loveseat. The living room of his two floor house was relatively dark, curtains drawn shut and television turned on and the mute option enabled. The only sound Louis could hear was the faint inhale and exhale coming from his lips; chapped due to the dry air. It was Autumn now. The trees were letting go of the multi-coloured leaves, covering the sidewalks and dying lawns with a sheet of leaves. It was always Harry’s favourite season, and Louis knew exactly why.Harry enjoyed the bitter coldness. He always preferred it, because it gave him the opportunity to wear comfortable sweaters that would swallow his petite frame like a little lamb. Autumn also meant that the bugs went back to hell where they belong. He had a deep adoration for the warm beverages; tea and coffee alike. Soft mittens and snug hats that made life easier because then he could hide his bad hair-day hair underneath a warm beanie. It was always a beautiful season, made for a beautiful boy.Louis wondered if Harry was enjoying it now, wherever he was. “Louis.” The voice crept up on him, and Lou was a little startled. He had been completely zoned out, lost in his own train of thought. Peering up from the carpet, he looked across the living room and made awkward eye contact with Liam. Liam’s eyebrows were cocked, his legs crossed comfortably and back leaned against the couch as he gripped a mug of cocoa in one hand, the other lounging on the couch armrest. “Yeah? Sorry, I was just thinking about things.” Louis muttered, exhaling tiredly as he looked away from his best friend to avert his gaze to the white curtains that barely concealed the light outside. It wasn’t much light. Mind you, with Autumn came clouds and dim-lit days.“Evidently.” Liam chuckled, taking a swig of his cocoa before leaning forward to place it down on a coaster on the coffee table. Louis’ head turned back to face Liam, watching the other boys actions. He wasn’t wary or anything, just tired and disconnected from the world. The world turned much slower nowadays. He was disconnected in general, not talking to many people and keeping to himself. Depression was a bitch, of course, but that wasn’t what necessarily kept him from being himself; from being who he was before it all happened. Louis knew that if he let himself try and move on and feel normal again, too many things would remind him of Harry. Everything would, actually. When you genuinely open your eyes and heart while looking at the world, one can truly see how beautiful it is. Beautiful people, wonderful sights and amazing things to experience. All these beautiful things would just bring his mind back to the pretty boy he missed more than anything and everything. Bantering with lads and going out for nights fun would make it feel worse. Harry was his world. Louis couldn’t continue his life normally without the one thing that made life feel as if it’d be better than good. He couldn’t just move on like that, he couldn’t give up on Harry.Which brings us back to Liam. Louis loved his friends, but he felt a cold distance between he and the rest of the boys because while Louis kept to himself and let the rest of the universe turn without him, the others let themselves go. They tried moving on, better than Louis has, and they were enjoying themselves. It was a healthy thing to do, obviously… but love can blind you, and Louis could not help the feeling of resentment and anger inside whenever he thought about the others moving on the way they were. How could they just forget everything and feel relatively okay? “Anyways.” Liam clasped his hands together in his lap, leaning forward where he sat. Louis groaned inwardly because this was Liam’s serious stature, which meant a serious topic was about to be brought upon him. “Tonight, I’m heading out with the boys to have a few drinks and then we’ll probably go bowling or go get high by the lake. I’unno yet, it’s always spontaneous when Niall tags along yeah?” Liam giggled a little with that, shaking his head fondly to the thought of Niall, looking over at Louis after and biting his lip when he noticed the other boy didn’t seem very phased.Louis’ lips were pursed, hugging his knees up to his chest and nuzzling his mouth against the spot between his knees. He was quiet, waiting for Liam to finish and get to the point. He could already safely assume this was another invitation; another one of Li’s attempts to drag Louis out of the depressing depths of his house and out into the world to breathe for the first time in months.“So yeah, we were really hoping you’d tag along.”“Fuck.” Louis stood up from the couch and threw his arms to his sides with an angry shout, stomping off towards the kitchen. Liam was quick to follow, already biting his lip again because he already told Zayn that asking Louis would just be a pester. Liam knew his best bud well, and he knew Louis would react this bad. Louis stormed over to the fridge, whipping it open and grabbing a water bottle. He didn’t have any more beer because the lads all came over for a film night the previous day, and a certain Irish devil sucked the alcohol up like a droplet of water in the desert. Unscrewing the cap and fumbling with it a little through his bitch-fit of anger and misery, Louis tossed the plastic lid at Liam’s chest. He chugged back half the bottle, Liam standing there like a moose in the doorframe of the kitchen. He swayed on his heels awkwardly, because he didn’t know what to do anymore.They had all tried so hard to get through to Louis, inviting him to different occasions and coming to his house with surprise takeout food or new friends to meet. Nothing worked. “Liam, for fuck sake.” Louis placed the half empty bottle on the counter beside him, staring over at his best friend with a murderous sulk. “You already know what my fucking answer is, yeah? Okay? Don’t you guys fucking get it?” “Lou. Please. You’re so cooped up and we love you, and we just want you to be okay. Okay?” Liam stepped further in.“I’m peachy, Liam. I’m fucking fine. I’m coping. I don’t want to go drinking with you all.” Liam rubbed at the bridge of his nose, growing a little irritated. He maintained his composure though, well aware that his own anger would not help this situation. “Louis,” the puppy-eyed boy began in a soft tone, stepping closer to Louis who was shrinking back against the counter. He obviously wanted space. “We understand, mate. We miss Har-”Louis’ sudden outburst left Liam’s sentence cut off, stopping in his steps in the middle of the kitchen. The uncapped and half full water bottle was being thrown across the room and directly at Liam, who wasn’t expecting such a violent reaction, so he was left with a soaked shirt. Before Liam could even react, Louis was turning away and rummaging through his disorganized cupboards. Ceramics of all sorts were being thrown around like trash, shattering against the cabinets and tables and littering the entire kitchen with dangerous shards of glass materials.“Don’t you dare say his name!” Louis could feel his heart thudding in his chest, in his throat even. His seething rage blinded him, whipping his own dishes blindly through the room, but thankfully not hitting Liam who definitely didn’t deserve to be hurt any time today. “You have no right! You have no fucking right, Liam. No fucking right. Non uh’ you deserve to even talk about him or tell me how to fucking feel about it. You all just- you all just forget about him. You go out there an’ you fucking move on with everyone else while he’s out there fucking suffering, or trying to come home. Maybe he’s fucking dead, Liam. You ever consider that? That maybe Harry is fucking cold and dead in the fucking ground by now? Chopped into little fucking pieces and stuffed into garbage bags at the bottom of the ocean?” His face was soiled. Covered in wet tears, hot and sticky and streaming down his red blotchy cheeks and chin. The heart-breaking sobs were sickening to hear, and Liam was quick to rush to Louis’ aid when he noticed the miserable boy sinking down to the floor. Louis crouched down against the cabinets, plopping onto his bum and sitting in the big chunks of glass and ceramic as he felt the weight of everything on his shoulders again. He sobbed into his palms, his frame shaking like a leaf as he huddled himself away. He prayed for the ground to swallow him up and take him away. Liam leaned down beside Louis, reacting immediately by wrapping his large arms around the other boy and bringing him into his embrace. Louis continued on, the sound of his sobs making Liam swallow thick as he rubbed at his friends back and kissed the top of his head. Louis eventually let go of himself, moving forward to bury his tear-stained face in Liam’s chest, fingers grasping at the material of the bigger boys’ shirt. The two boys sat there among the wreckage, Liam soothing his friend until Louis was no longer shaking and sobbing and sputtering. They were quiet throughout the evening, eventually getting up, and Liam helped Louis slowly clean the kitchen. It was around 11:17pm when Louis got a phone call on his cell phone. Liam answered it, because Louis refused to. “Is Louis Tomlinson there?” A woman’s voice broke the silence on the line. “Yeah, he’s here.” Liam put it on speaker, placing the phone on the counter as he and Louis fixed up the sink, putting away the last of the dishes. “Oh, well,” She begun. “We have news. About Harry Edward Styles.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Approximately 1 year and 3 months before the day he went away.Harry exited the toilet stall, listening as the water rushed down the toilet drain. He stepped to the sink, turned on the tap, and let the warm water run over his hands before squeezing some cherry scented soap into his palm. Rubbing it around, he rinsed his hands and shook them dry. "God, it smells in here." He absentmindedly observed the fact that the toilet smelled like urine, mixed with a strong scent of cleaner. Wiping his hands on a rag, Harry stared at his reflection in the mirror. His green eyes were blazing and wide; nervous. He was at the small bookshop today for a job interview, and he expected it to be easy-peasy, but there had ended up being several others in the shop trying for the same job. Harry jumped as he saw another man standing in the reflection behind him, watching Harry intently. His breath got caught in his throat the moment his green eyes met the blue ones. Harry observed the way his skin was a rich, milky tone. Just sun kissed. He also noticed how the man's beautiful hair fell over his forehead, nearly covering those beautiful eyes of his. Harry’s eyes traveled down, wandering the man’s body nosily. He was fit, that was absolute. "Ahem.."Harry gasped a bit and turned around to face the man. "Um, Hey mate? I gotta get to the soap.." The man muttered. Harry giggled lowly and moved to the side, still wiping his hands with the paper towel. "Sorry," Harry replied, not helping but to smell how good the man smelled. It reminded him of cinnamon, mixed with cologne, as he passed by and squirted some of the red soap into his palm. Definitely better than the piss-bleach bathroom scent."Don't mention it, lad." The man grinned brightly, looking over his shoulder at Harry as he scrubbed his hands under the water. He could feel his heart rate picking up."I'm Louis. Louis Tomlinson." "Louis..." Harry admired, not noticing he said it out loud. Louis gave Harry a strange look, before turning to his hands. "Oh, uhh... I'm Harry. Harry Styles." Harry replied with a dimpled grin. Louis' face brightened a little, and it seemed as though his eyes brightened along with it. "Well Harry, It’s nice to meet you. I hope we can speak again." Louis was kind, his voice soft and comforting- he was hopeful. Harry nodded. "You too," he hummed and held out his hand to shake. Louis dried his moist hands on a paper towel, shaking the shorter boys hand, and walked past Harry. Harry watched as Louis made his way towards the loo doors, mouth agape as if he were ready to speak, but he wasn’t sure what to say. He watched as Louis exited the room, the door swinging shut behind him, and then it was quiet. Harry had no idea what had gotten into him that day. He was so nervous for the job interview, feeling insecure about himself and aware that he wasn’t dressed nearly as fine as the others out in the shop. Nevertheless, he found himself shoving past the bathroom doors and calling for Louis.The taller boy was already making his way down one of the book isle’s, but the sound of a petite voice calling his name had Louis turning his head to peer back at a flustered Harry.Harry was waving a hand towards him, the other reaching blindly into the bum-pocket of his jeans and pulling his phone out. He used the other waving hand to gesture for Louis to come back, so he did.Re-approaching the petite boy, Louis looked down at him, observing as he logged into his phone.“I was, um, wondering if I could get your phone number?” He whispered, pink lips parted and doe eyes wide as he peeked up at Louis with a glisten of hope. Louis melted. Moments later, the two boys were exchanging numbers with heavy beating hearts and flushed cheeks and once again saying goodbye.“I guess I’ll definitely be talking to you again soon, then.” Louis had chuckled as he walked away, Harry’s cheeks flushing a pink as he shoved his phone back into his pocket and walked back into the back of the bookshop to have his job interview.Later that night, Harry received a text from a contact in his phone under the name “Lou”, and he texted back immediately. Curled comfortably in his bed, only in pastel pink briefs, Louis received a text back under a name “haz;)”, which brought a smile to his lips. The following day, the two boys were getting coffee. A week later, Harry got a call from the bookshop to be told he got the job. Louis didn’t. Harry had told his friend Niall all about his new friend Louis, and Louis just so happened to tell his mates Liam and Zayn about the lovely friend he made. Closeted gay, Louis was. Harry wasn’t a secret to Niall; in fact, the two of them were both utterly gay and they were the only two breathing things on earth to know each other’s secrets. It didn’t take long for Harry and Louis to introduce their friends to one another, and they were soon a group of five crusading troublemakers who were all inseparable. Regardless all the boys’ closeness, nothing compared to the Louis-and-Harry thing. Niall knew there was something more there. Something deeper. Liam and Zayn were oblivious.