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Jafar stretched his arms out, cradling his wife beside him with a fond hum. It was a lovely Sunday, he could tell- one of relaxation, mid-morning sunshine streaming through the window..."Morning, my love," the tall man smiled softly, curling a lock of Jasmine's hair around his finger. She opened her eyes, blinking, then snuggled closer to him."Is it morning already?" she whispered, stroking his chest. Jafar hummed."Far past it. Not that we have anything to worry about- Sunday.""Mmm," Jasmine grinned, flipping over. Jafar's breath hitched, his body beginning to stir at the way her crimson night dress was slipping down her shoulder, revealing that gorgeous cinnamon skin. "What if we just stayed in bed all day?" she bit her lip, curling the wisp of hair at the bottom of his chin, "You don't have anything to do for the company. We could just..." she walked her fingers down his chest, parting his red and black robe... "I quite like that idea, my dear," he smiled back, snatching her lips, and Jasmine moaned. Jafar chuckled through the kiss, then pulled away, flashing her a sinister smirk."Now, would you have made such a noise if it were Aladdin about fuck you?" he growled, hands trailing down to her ass. Jasmine pressed her forehead down, staring into his eyes."I think we both know the answer to that," she laughed, and they went back to lazily making out.About a three years ago, the couple had finally decided to take action- they had been having an affair behind Jasmine's boyfriend, a test driver for the company named Aladdin's, back, but it had gone too far. Aladdin was beginning to start getting suspicious, and Jasmine running off to the boss's office all the time at work didn't look good.So they had taken matters into their own hands, and Aladdin had gotten into a bit of an accident out in the desert, where Jafar, as C.E.O. of Genie Automobiles, had sent him to test out a new model. New model indeed... one that was rigged to explode once a certain fault line in the Mojave was crossed.Now, happily married, the two enjoyed a quality lifestyle made better with the dollars the company brought in.They leaned in again, Jafar lifting Jasmine's dress under the sheets, and-Jafar's face twisted up with fury as he heard his phone ring. "Not today," he snarled, "I will slit the throat of whoever is calling me." Jasmine groaned, and rolled over again, watching as Jafar closed his robe again, rose, and grabbed his phone over on the desk. He grabbed it, and put it on speakerphone."Iago, what are you doing calling me? I told you to finish the papers-!""Ehhhh, who's Iago, mon ami?" a thick french accent asked him over the line. "He sounds exotic."Jafar's face went red, and Jasmine giggled. "Iago? Exotic? Not the word I'd use..."Jafar just growled, taking the man off of speakerphone. "Clopin!? Clopin Trouillefou?!""In the flesh," the man grinned, then paused. "Well, not in the flesh, because I am ta-""Seeing as you've called and disturbed my wife and I... care to explain why?"Silence. "I... thought you would be happy to hear from me, non!? We haven't spoken in... how long has it been?""Fifteen years," Jafar sighed."Fifteen years! Zut, and it feels like just yesterday I was stealing your bong- you had the real tres bon pot from Agrabah, remember?!- and never returning it! Amusing, non?""I'm simply gasping with laughter," Jafar deadpanned, rubbing his temples."Anyway, I still have that bong, you probably want it back, eh?"Jafar scowled. "I wasn't that much of a stoner, that was Cruella.""There you go again with your selective memory.""Get to the point, Clopin!" Jafar snapped, relaxing a little as Jasmine sauntered over to give him a massage."Oui oui, right, yes... Tahiti!""Tahiti?" Jafar frowned. Then it dawned on him. Tahiti. That pact the ten of them had made back in college. Blinking, he thought of it. A nice vacation with people he hadn't seen in years? His friends? His loving, wonderful friends?"No," he replied, and hung up."Jafar!" Jasmine scolded, and Jafar rolled his eyes over to his wife scathingly."I don't want anything to do with any of them any longer!" he complained."They're your friends. I'm sure you'd have a wonderful time."Jafar huffed, thinking about it. He did always have a good time around them... back in college, of course. But he had grown up. They were all mature men and women now. Did he really want to go and party at some resort with the rest of his evil squad for a week, leaving behind all of his work and important adult responsibilities to go wreak havoc on all the poor tourists?!The answer was yes. Oh, yes.He took out his phone, and reluctantly pulled up his theatrical french friend's contact information, hitting message.
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"Ooh!" Ursula drawled from the bathtub. "You'll never guess who just messaged me, darling."Scar sat on the edge of the bed, fixing his tie. "Ariel?" he muttered sarcastically. The two shared a laugh at that. They still had Eric and Ariel's souls in a jar on the mantle- after Ariel never held up her end of the bargain Ursula made with her regarding that holiday weekend at work.Ursula owned a seafood restaurant- coziest joint in San Diego for the locals, right down by the bay front. Ariel, one of her best (and prettiest, if you asked the customers) waitresses, had said she would come in over the holidays. Now, Ursula prided herself on being an understanding woman... but the girl emailing her the night before the holiday rush weekend and claiming her and her boyfriend Eric were taking a month off for a cruise?
Not gonna happen, honey.
So, on the mantle sat the pretty jar that contained the souls of Ariel and Eric, all because of one broken deal. Sad, but so, so satisfying."Very funny," Ursula smirked, finishing the her pinky nail in red and admiring her hands. Scar entered the bathroom, turning around in the mirror to smooth his hair back and flash his teeth in a grin."How do I look?"Ursula admired her husband's dashing good looks, and the evil-looking scar running down over his left eye. Other than that, he didn't look much different than when they were young."Like you did in college," she cackled, "Only you cut your long hair short and put that silver streak in.""It makes me look intimidating," Scar complained, fondling the few silver strands amongst his jet black mane."It makes you look old," Ursula countered."Seasoned," Scar growled, stalking over to the tub."Fine, call it what you want," Ursula grinned, and stood up to kiss him. "Anyway, you never let me finish what I was going to tell you- I just got a text from our old friend."Scar suddenly looked a little uncomfortable. "...Zazu?"Ursula rolled her eyes. Ever since Scar had murdered his brother for his seat in the senate, he had been paranoid every time Mufasa's old beak-nosed assistant called on him."No. He disappeared when we sent Simba away on that jungle trip, don't you remember?""Right," Scar's green eyes lit up again with their usual sinister glow, "I still don't know what became of my dear nephew.""Can't be anything good," Ursula muttered absently, "We paid the tour guide off to lose him out there."Scar chuckled at the fond memory, and held out a towel for her. His wife had so many tattoos all over her body that her skin almost seemed purple. "Alright then. Who was it?""Clopin," Ursula grinned."Clopin!" Scar's eyes widened. "But... it's been-""Fifteen years, yes," Ursula nodded, toweling off. "He's on about that trip we planned to Tahiti.""Oh, that," Scar murmured in distaste. "Darling... do we have to?""It'll be a blast!" Ursula laughed, wrapping her arms around him from behind and grinding on him. "And you know me- I can't resist a good party!" She shook her breasts. Scar bit his lip, and his lips curled into a grin as he noted his wife's enthusiasm."Very well. For your sake, not for his.""Oh, he's not the only one going, baby cakes. I'm sure the others'll be in too!"
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Facilier groaned loudly as he heard a soft knock at the door of his bedroom. When he heard the sounds of the floorboards creaking closer to him and saw the light of the curtains being thrown open from behind his eyelids, his shadow screeched, grabbing his hat and sticking it over Facilier's face. A finger began to lift his hat slowly, and he clenched his jaw, sitting up in a burst of anger."You wake me up, I swear to god, I'm gon' be-" he snapped, ready to kill whoever was in front of his face, but a piece of cinnamon toast was stuffed in his mouth."Good morning, Dr. Bedhead," a high, musically British voice told him with a little laugh. Facilier looked up, and saw Lawrence standing there, handsome brown hair combed up into a coiff and perfect lips grinning down at him. He was holding a tray of breakfast."Well, well," Facilier bit off a piece of the sugary bread and grinned up at his boyfriend, chewing. "How did I ever let you outta this bed in the first place?""Oh, I tip-toed out early this morning to fix you up a little something something," Lawrence laughed, blushing. Facilier sighed in bliss, gazing up at his significant other. They had disposed of Big Daddy La Bouff and inherited his juicy fortune, gotten his little princess Charlotte thrown in jail for the crime of his death, and turned Tiana and Naveen into real frogs with the help of Facilier's friends, so the Prince's old assistant got to keep the gorgeous body of his former employer. Every since then, their lives should have been nothing but rest and relaxation, but Facilier still had a thousand souls to deliver, and he was hard at work performing as a magician by day, charming all the drunk townspeople into his parlour and making deals with 'em by night.They always made time for lots of sex, though; Lawrence never got any in his old body, so Facilier made sure they were making up for that now."Have I told y'all I loved ya recently?" Facilier smiled, taking another bite of the toast and moaning. Lawrence really was a good cook."Oh, not as recently as I have," Lawrence smiled, pecking his boyfriend on the cheek. They shared a deep kiss, then the doctor rolled his eyes as he turned down to the food."Alright, it's gettin' a little sappy for my taste.""Oh, did I put too much syrup on the waffles, dearest?" Lawrence fretted, and Facilier glared."No, I'm not-" he sighed, "I'm not talking about the..." He trailed off, staring down at Lawrence's tan skin... the way his muscles bulged, how muscular he really was in comparison with his own lithe body."I'm a little thirsty," he licked his lips."Oh, I'll get you some juice." He began to get up again, but Facilier's shadow kicked him back into the room at the doorway."Ah naaah..." Facilier smirked, his shadow pushing Lawrence back toward the bed, "I wanna little taste of y'all first."After their morning had been spent, eh... tasting one another, Facilier finally turned on his phone as Lawrence went out for a stroll in the streets of New Orleans. Opening his messages, Facilier cursed the little device. He hated the thing- technology was overrated, and besides, most of his friends were demons, and they didn't use cell phones.Two new texts.Lawrence: I love you darling *grinning devil emoji* *ghost emoji* *sparkly heart emoji*Facilier held back another eye roll, and went on to the next new message.[Unknown number]: FACI! You gonna be the doctor of love this w/e in Tahiti, cher! *kissy emoji* *knife emoji*Facilier scowled. Whoever this strange number was, should really get together with his boyfriend- they could have a nice long chat about overusing emojis.He thought about just deleting the text, but his curiosity got the better of him. His long, slender fingers danced over the keys as he typed a reply back:
Quick inquiry- who's this?
He waited, and surprisingly, he got a message back almost immediately.
It's me Clopin! Your bff/lover <3 <3
Facilier audibly growled.
We made out once in your dorm. I don't know why, your dorm was filled with creepy children's puppets
Another reply.
Says the man who had voodoo dolls stapled to his walls and candles burning in the day time!
Facilier couldn't help but chuckle. He missed his old friend.
Got me there. So what's good? Been a while.
He entered Clopin's number into his phone, and saved the contact.
Everything is good, mon ami, but it will be better if you come on the trip!
Oh yeah. Facilier considered this.
-Who all's goin?
-Ursula and Scar, Jafar, and, eh... I am working on the others *grinning devil emoji*The shadow man hummed. Now, he just couldn't miss this. Surely his soul-stealing could wait for a week... Lawrence could keep the friends at bay in the meantime. Speaking of..."Darling, I'm back!" Lawrence sing songed, "I bought us some nice chocolate croissants for lunch, and-" His eyes widened. "Oh... oh dear, where are you going?""Tahiti," Facilier planted a kiss on Lawrence's lips, tossing something into a suitcase and picking up another one. "You can hold down the town while I'm gone, can't ya sugar?"He didn't wait for an answer, and Lawrence watched his boyfriend dash out the door."Oh... oh yes, of course... ah... heh..." He shuddered a little as the spirit masks on the walls grinned devilishly at him, and took off running to the other room.
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"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU CAN'T MAKE TUESDAY WORK?!"Cruella raised an eyebrow as she heard something smash in the other room. Her wife, Cora Hearts, had a bit of a temper... but she wouldn't love her any other way."I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO FIGURE THIS OUT!" A heated pause. "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! NO, I MEAN THE TULIPS, IMBECILE! Although, I would rather like to behead those awful, disorganized caterers.""How's the meeting going, love?" Cruella asked, sauntering out to the living room. Cora whipped around, ready to punch something, then saw Cruella was dressed in a black and white lingerie set."Oh... oh, it's, uh..." The larger lady blinked, jaw dropping. "It's... going.""You sounded awfully angry," Cruella muttered, trailing a hand around Cora. Cora continued to stare dumbly."Yeah... I was... um..." She shook her head, and crossed her arms as she came back to her senses. "I have to deal with these idiots so the wedding will go smoothly on Tuesday!" She ran an event planning business- around here in Chicago, she was known as the Queen of Hearts, as she planned many a picture perfect wedding.Cruella herself didn't have to work at all- she was a housewife who lived off of all the money she made from selling the fur coats she made from those 101 puppies.The tall, thin woman lit a cigarette and gave Cora sultry eyes. Cora gulped, and hung up on the meeting. After Cruella had successfully seduced her wife to the couch, they were about to kiss, when Cora's phone went off again.She looked down, heat rising in her face again as she prepared to scream in this caterer's ear again, but she raised her eyebrows when she saw who it was from.Cruella took another drag of her cigarette, waiting impatiently for Cora's news. "Well?" she scowled.Clopin: Salut salut mes filles! Cora's eyes widened. "Oh no."Clopin: Tahiti this w/e, non?! Where my sistas @?! "Oh no," Cruella echoed, reading the message over Cora's shoulder in horror.Clopin: CHILLIN' LIKE VILLAINS, AMIRIGHT?!?! *martini emoji* *skull emoji* "Can we kill him?" Cruella gritted out."He'll only bother us from the dead," Hearts sighed, crossing her arms. "I guess it's more fun to party with the living than the dead.""Speak for yourself," Facilier grinned, appearing in a cloud of purple mist and inspecting his nails. Cora screamed so loudly the neighbours probably wondered. Cruella just got up, growling at their old friend, prodding him in the chest."Facilier? What're you doing in our house, may I ask?" She puffed smoke in his face, and where others would've coughed and waved it away, he just grinned and bit his lip."What're those, Newports? Hubby made me quit."Cruella just rolled her eyes, and slunk back to the couch as Facilier leaned forward on his cane."Y'all hear the news?""About Tahiti?" Cora breathed, regaining her calm (if she had any in the first place), "Yep.""It's gon' be a blast, n'est pas?" Facilier chuckled darkly, "We're gonna terrorize those poor souls.""Who?" Cruella muttered, draping over the arm of the sofa, "The tourists, or our friends?""I've got a better question- why y'all wearin' lingerie in the middle of the day?" Facilier frowned, wrinkling his nose. "Did I miss the big ol' sign at the door that read 'peep show'?""This is a private peep show," Cora crossed her arms, "One that you dropped in on.""Uninvited," Cruella added, sneering at him. Facilier held up his hands, his shadow hiding behind him at the nasty look the woman was giving him. He was always scared of Cruella in college- not so much Cora, as she had an incredibly sweet side when she wasn't calling for someone to be decapitated- but Cruella was always so scathingly evil.Of course, so was he."Fine. Not like I wanna see you without clothes off, Cruella," he added, and her sneer worsened. He chuckled weakly, and blew her a kiss. "See y'all soon," the doctor winked, and disappeared in another burst of purple.The two women stared at each other once they were alone again, and shrugged. If everyone else was going, why not?
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The burly man in front of the mirror flexed, flashing his shiny white teeth and checking his biceps."Gaston," a girl in a pink bra muttered, popping her head out from the blankets. "Come back to bed.""Yeah," a girl in a green bra added, sticking her head out and pouting."Please!" a third girl in a yellow bra moaned, surfacing. Gaston looked back, and Lefou rolled out of bed."Yeah, come on, Gaston!" he encouraged, rubbing his sore back. Gaston just smirked, admiring his reflection."I'll be back in a minute. I know you can't bear not being able to touch my gorgeous body-" the girls swooned, and Lefou licked his lips- "But I have to make sure I look good.""You always look good!" Lefou insisted."I know," Gaston gave a dashing grin, and fixed a stray strand of hair. Oh, this was too good not to take a picture. He picked up his phone, going into camera mode and turning it for a selfie- after taking about thirteen and posting them to instagram, his phone began to blow up with the notifications.
OMG HOOOOOT
Notice me Gaston im ur biggest fan!!!!!
Biceps 4 daysss
lookin for a girl to get rough with ill be ur girl ;)
#goals, bro!
Loved your pool shoot, so sexxyyy!! <3 <3
@gastonswifey234 looook holy fuccck
@spankmegaston shit i wanna lick him tho daddy af :O
Gaston smirked as he read some of them. He had three million followers on instagram- such was the life of a model/Hollywood body double. It was the best decision of his life to move from that little town to here in LA- of course, he was famous back in France too, but he never could have reached worldwide fame like this otherwise.Anyway, after he had brutally killed that mistake of nature and Belle had rejected him again, he had sent her and her insane father to the asylum, claiming they had attacked him. This got him lots of sympathy, and a great back story to tell the press now."Gastoooon!" the second girl, Paulette, groaned."I'm-" Gaston was about to assure, then a certain notification caught his eye. He opened it, and found a message from a very old friend.CLOPIN: Gaston! Mon meilleur ami! I know you can't turn this down- Tahiti this weekend, cher!Gaston rubbed his chin in awe. God, it must've been... about fifteen years since he had heard from Clopin! His fellow frenchman and actor had been his closest friend in college... they had done plays together, (Clopin was the real theatrical talent, Gaston was reluctant to admit, Gaston himself was just a pretty face everyone came to see). It had been a shame when they lost touch.Now, Tahiti. Hot days on the beach, showing off his beautiful body with all the beautiful men and women there to worship his godlike appearance?
Hell yeah.
"Everyone out," he turned around, smiling, "I've got a trip to plan.""Want some help?" Lefou offered."I said, out," Gaston growled, and his friend and lover gulped, nodding.
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The limo stalled on fifth avenue, the passenger in the back letting out a soft huff."I'm never gonna make it to this speech on time- can't you guys go any faster?" he deadpanned, running a hand through his electric blue hair."I'm trying master!" the driver, a short, thin man dressed in a blue suit, winced, panicking."But- OW!- the weather's crappy, so everyone's driving!" The other assistant, a stout man dressed in a purple suit yanked his finger back in, after accidentally doing up the window on it."Alright, just keep going," Hades sighed, waving his fingers and putting his sunglasses back on."I told you to drive faster, Panic," the second assistant hissed."Shut up, Pain, I'm trying!" the first one grimaced, smacking Pain as the other man howled."I'm surrounded by idiots," Hades muttered to himself, rubbing his temples and doing up the partition. He looked out the window at the Manhattan skyscrapers. Being the mayor of New York was a privilege (that he stole from the last guy), but it was hard work.The reason he became mayor in the first place was to prove something to his brother, who was then President of the United States. After Zeus had been elected, Hades conspired with his advisors to leak a story that would get his brother impeached immediately- the scheme worked, and better yet, Zeus was an enemy of the state after the gravity of that "scandal" dropped.Then along came pesky Hercules, his nephew, who announced he was running for president to avenge his father. He had been a headache... before Hades had pushed him in front of a subway train one night.Just as they were coming up on the venue, he felt his phone start to vibrate."Hello?" he asked, frowning."Bonjour!" a chipper frenchman exclaimed on the other line, "Hold on a second..."The frenchman picked up his landline, calling another number- the number of Hades' old college flame, Maleficent. "Okay, uh... wrong number," Hades mumbled, about to hang up, but the guy on the other line just let out an aggrieved noise."Hello?" Maleficent answered, seemingly agitated. "Who is this?""Why did all of you delete my number, merde! Hades, it is me!""You," Hades deadpanned."Oui, me! Clopin!""Clop... Clopin?!" Hades blurted. "Dude, I haven't heard from you in, like... ever!""Clopin," Maleficent raised an eyebrow. "Huh.""I know, it has been too long!" Clopin laughed. "I have been calling around- remember that trip to Tahiti we planned?""Oh!" Hades' face fell. "Oh, yeah." He looked down. "I... I wanna go, but... I'm really busy, man... being mayor of New York and all.""Oh yes... I'd like to, but my business isn't going to run itself," Maleficent muttered, threading something through a needle. The bell chimed, and she looked up. "I'll be right with you!" "Couldn't you just take a week?!" Clopin asked them both from both phones he was holding, and Hades and Maleficent both hesitated."Is he going to be there?""Is she gonna be there?"They both asked, and Clopin grinned with a sinister laugh, merging the calls."Of course!""No."
"No."
Clopin's heartbeat quickened. "Wait! I meant, no! No, they will not be there. Nope."Maleficent tapped her fingers. "Fine. I'd like to see Cruella and Cora again.""I'd like to see Faci and Jafar... but like I said, I'm really busy." He bit his lip, and ran his hand through his blue hair again. "I'm really sorry, Clop. I can't."With that, he hung up, and got out of the limo.He went up to the podium, cleared his throat, and looked out at everyone, fixing his papers. All of these people here to see what his next course of action was, thinking he cared about them, when they were all less than maggots to the mayor standing in front of them.Literally, Hades would be happy if a building fell and crushed everyone standing here, that would honestly make his day. Y'know, that wasn't a bad idea...He looked around one more time, and spotted a sign on a Time's Square billboard.
TAHITI: IT'S A MAGICAL PLACE.
He opened his mouth, and leaned into the microphone."I'm outtie."With that, he dashed off the stage and back into the limo, ordering a panicking Panic and a disconcerted Pain to the airport.Back at her dress shop, Maleficent stopped her work at the spinning wheel- the same spinning wheel she had used to poison that girl, Aurora or something, who came in here demanding the most expensive pink dress for her sweet sixteen party- to check her phone. She sighed, gazing longingly at the picture of a sandy beach she had set as her lock screen. She unlocked the phone, and her home screen was a pile of bones and skulls, a raven sitting atop them. She sighed again."Maybe I should," she said aloud, then paused. Wouldn't going on this trip just bring back bad memories of what had happened with... Hades?No. No, this would be fun. She would have a good time... she could leave the shop in the hands of her busybody employees, Flora, Fauna, and Merriweather. Firing a message back to Clopin's number, she switched the sign from OPEN to CLOSED and went home to pack. "Yes!" Clopin shrieked, jumping up and dancing around his apartment in Paris. It had taken the morning, but he had successfully convinced everyone to go on the trip!Ten villains at the same resort? Madness! He let out a loud, evil laugh, jumping up on his table and swinging the cape of his latest character he was performing as in his local theatre troupe.
Tahiti was in for anarchy.
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Everyone had arrived at the airport, and hugs, scowls, and screams were exchanged accordingly."Jafar! Jafar, you son of a bitch, get over here," Clopin chuckled, dancing over."Clopin," the taller man managed a smile, despite himself, "You look well."Clopin spun around, changing quickly into an outfit like Jafar's and putting on a straight face. "You look well." He changed back, and rolled his eyes. "Loosen up, mon ami! We are here for a good time.""And a good time it will be," Jafar grinned, taking a pen out of his pocket. It was shaped like a gold snake, and had two red crystals for eyes. As Clopin looked at it curiously, the eyes began to glow, almost wooing the frenchman into a trance, before-"Off with your head!" Cora laughed, barging her way through other customers in the airport to toss her arms around the two of them. They grinned back, saying hi, and Cruella advanced as well, tapping her foot."I bet you were just dreading this trip, weren't you darling?" she muttered, lighting a cigarette. Cora's eyes widened, and she wiped the smile off her face."Ma'am, you can't smoke in here," an employee told her, and Cruella turned, sighing."This is a moment I wish I had all the dastardly powers you lot do.""Please, allow me," Jafar smiled, and used his pen to turn the employee into a little bird."I should have done that to my assistant years ago," he scowled to himself, and Cruella smirked, coming up to him."Jafar. It's been too long."As they caught up, the others all stopped as they saw someone come off the 774 from New Orleans."Gentlemen," Facilier popped into the conversation, "Enchante. A tip of the hat-" he took his hat off, spinning it on a finger- "From Dr. Facilier."There was a loud noise, and the ground shook. Just then, Maleficent appeared, still puffing a little mist from the journey over here as a dragon. "Faci!" the evil murderess grinned."Mal," Facilier crowed, shaking his hand, "Y'all look good.""I know," Maleficent smirked."Let's liven this party up!" someone shouted, and suddenly, every drinking fountain in the terminal began to spray as Ursula strutted in with Scar on her arm."Greetings," the senator smiled to everyone. An airline attendant came running out of the washroom, screaming."All of the sinks just burst in there!" she cried, her mascara running down her cheeks."Oh, you poor unfortunate soul," Ursula pinched her cheek, "Let me fix you up." The sniffling employee stalled as Ursula began to summon the water around her. There was a faint scream as the water enveloped her, and all that was left was her airline necktie on the ground once the liquid had evaporated."No one saw anything," she muttered to Jafar, and Jafar nodded, already getting to work on hypnotizing the other flyers."On it.""Nice one," Facilier laughed, picking up the necktie and pulling the vivacious woman into a hug. Scar made a face at how close the other man was to his wife, but Ursula just raised an eyebrow at him."He's the gay best friend of this group.""Excuse me?" Clopin butted in, offended."That title can always be split, babe," Ursula muttered, putting on some more red lipstick."Well. How sentimental," someone else said, and they all turned to see a man in a suit with blue hair, taking off his sunglasses. "Y'know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat!" He beamed, waiting for their reactions."Hades," Cruella smiled, sauntering up, "All these years, and your jokes never got better.""Ooh, harsh," Hades pouted, "But then again, when do you ever crack a smile, Cruel Devil?""When I murder puppies and watch the anguish in their owners' faces as I prance around in their coats," she returned easily, and Hades' jaw dropped."I believe you just got, as they say, roasted," Jafar murmured, picking a fleck of dust off of the politician's shoulder."Everyone, everyone!" Clopin shouted, "Make way for the man amongst men!""Hello, everyone!" Gaston beamed, pushing Clopin aside and striking a pose. Everyone around them in the airport suddenly rushed to his side, begging for his autograph and selfies with him. Facilier visibly shrunk, scowling."What's wrong?" Scar muttered."He always rubbed me the wrong way, that cat," Facilier replied, crossing his arms. His shadow nodded."Gaston rubs everyone the wrong way," Jafar rolled his eyes, joining their discussion, "Unless you're the latest bimbo that falls into his bed, in which case I'm sure the rubbing is most definitely pleasant.""Facilier!" Gaston pushed through his fans, and came up. "You made it in the business yet? Y'know, practicing your magic tricks and all that?" He waved his hand, and Facilier's scowl deepened. Back in college, he had aspired to be a professional magician- the kind that worked Vegas and all- but over the years, his dreams had dimmed into service for the other side. He managed a grin. "Nah, but I'm-""Amazing, wanna hear about my latest film?" Gaston cut in, and Clopin came over, inclining his ear as Hades and Cruella also listened curiously."Don't you just hate livin' on the margins?" Facilier growled, "Where all those movie stars and handsome pricks don't give you so much as a sideways glance?""Yep," Cora sighed, "When I tell people I'm an event planner, they scoff and tell me I can do better. I mean, I was gonna be a gardener, but I've got minions to do our gardening for us now, thankfully.""You're an event planner?" Jafar mused, "Would you plan the 10th anniversary of my company that I run? I want to let everyone know that even hugely successful CEOs can throw a good party.""Dick move, man," Hades dipped in, obviously disinterested with Gaston's stories now, "Dick move." Jafar smirked at his friend, and Cora went red, lurching forward to choke the tall, thin man.Just then, Maleficent came back from the washroom, and stopped dead in her tracks.Fuck. She's know that blue hair anywhere."What is he doing here?!" she shouted, and everyone turned to the loud, powerful voice."Oh!" Clopin laughed nervously, coming over to take her hand, "Mon cher, he just, eh... well, he was...""I'm going to Tahiti with these guys," Hades deadpanned, scowling at Maleficent, "What the hell are you doing here?""The same," she fumed."Oh," Hades muttered, "No way.""Well, you better believe by the time you guys are in Tahiti, I'll be so far home you won't-""Wait, wait!" Clopin panicked."That's exactly what she said when I dumped her," Hades smirked, laughing snidely and slapping a low five with Jafar."You?! I dumped you, you... you imbecile!" the dark haired woman boomed."What, did you prick your finger on a spinning wheel and sleep through it? That's not how it happened, honey," Hades snapped."Ooh, I'll-" Maleficent began to transform, and Clopin looked ready to tear his hair out. Jafar sighed, and walked over."For the sake of this trip and the miracle that is us getting together again, I shall save the day." He took out his pen, and began to hypnotize them both into calmer states. "Good. Now... drinks anyone?""Love one," Facilier grumbled."I'll buy!" Gaston shouted, and Facilier's shadow sneaked up behind the burly man, kicking him over with a cackle. Facilier laughed loudly, and fist bumped his spectral counterpart.The flight was long, but their spirits were high as they committed every horrible act they could between the States and Tahiti. Once they were there, they promptly got to the hotel midday. As they checked in, Cora looked around."Where's-"Just then, they all turned to see Facilier chatting up a balding man, that evil glint in his eyes they all knew too well."Well, I'd like my hair to grow back," the middle aged man was fretting, and Facilier's grin deepened as he produced some pink powder."That dream can come true- all you've gotta do, is shake my hand..."Cruella grabbed the shadowman by the sleeve, and ripped him away from the man, dragging him back to where their group was waiting for the island shuttle."Save it for the resort," she grumbled. Just then, Hades' blue hair flashed red as he screamed at the concierge, lighting the desk on fire."WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I CAN'T USE MY FLIGHT SNACKS COUPON?!" Facilier smirked."Guess the God of the Underworld didn't get that memo.""Our shuttle is here!" Clopin sang, gathering everyone excitedly and switching in a spin from his regular jester's outfit to khakis and a tropical print shirt.They embarked. The entire vacation was spent catching up, setting small fires to cabanas, (they were right by the pool- a few singed tourists weren't that big a deal, right?), drinking, and in Hades' and Maleficent's case, avoiding one another. On the last night, things got interesting.It was almost midnight, and the resort was lit.Cora was over by the bushes, sobbing and taking pictures of them. "They're..." she sniffled, wiping her running mascara, "They're just so well-trimmed. Why can't my hired employees trim bushes this nice for the weddings I plan?" She sobbed a little harder, stroking a hand along the bush and toppling into it.Jafar stood over by the pool, phone in hand."Iago, I told you not to call me this weekend.""Oh, it's reeeal important, boss! There's a huge scandal with Jasmine's father-- he's going around, claiming our whole company is a scam, and you've somehow hypnotized his daughter into loving you!""I'll deal with him when I get home," Jafar growled, and slammed the phone down on the cabana table. Suddenly, it buzzed again, and he picked it up furiously. "I thought I told you to fuck off!"Just then, Ursula slithered by, and plucked his phone from his hand, tossing it over to the pool."Jafar?!" a female voice shouted on the other line, and Jafar's eyes widened as he tried to catch his phone before it fell into the water. He missed it, and clenched his fist as he watched the device short and buzz as it sunk to the bottom of the pool."Special," Jafar muttered angrily, "Now my wife thinks I hate her.""A little break's well worth it," Scar smirked, coming by to join his own wife."I prefer the desert heat, myself," Jafar sighed.Anyway, she'll get over it," the senator waved off."Besides, a little friendly rivalry in a marriage never hurt anyone," Ursula grinned, taking Scar's arm and rubbing it suggestively."With the help of a little red lipstick," Scar growled at her, eyeing his wife."And body language!" Ursula laughed, bumping Scar so hard he fell into the pool. She shrugged, and jumped in to save her hydrophobic husband from drowning."No one chugs a boilermaker like Gaston!" Gaston shouted, and the handsome villain did just that-- he tipped back an entire boilermaker after pouring the shot in, and slammed it down on the poolside bar. A group of girls cooed over him, stroking his shoulders and sighing. He smiled at them."Care for a dip, ladies?" he boomed. They all deflated, obviously hoping for a little more, but Gaston just chuckled devilishly. "...In my Jacuzzi?"They all squealed, following him back to his room. On the way, they passed Facilier on the path through the palm trees, who was out of his mind drunk, talking to two frogs hopping around on a lantern."You two made my life hell for a month," he sneered at the harmless creatures, pointing at them accusatorily, "A damn month, I thought I was gon' die, gon' be dragged to... to actual hell, just for a couple of slimy li'l frogs." He scowled. "Oh, but I forgot, Tiana- it's mucus, ain't it?" The frogs just stared at him in confusion, their stomachs inflating. Facilier sighed deeply, realizing how delusional he seemed talking to two amphibians when everyone else was out there partying by the bar. He was supposed to be enjoying himself... having a good, wicked time!He knew what he had to do.Sneaking off to a quiet area of the resort by the ice machines, he conjured up a portal, and clasped his hands together."Friends!" He hiccupped. "I know I'm in hoc to y'all pretty deep already... but I need a little assistance getting laid."
Sure, he had Lawrence back home... but when would he ever find out?
"Now I know what you're thinkin'!" Facilier laughed, "What's in it for y'all? Well... I promise y'all the souls of every single tourist in this resort by tomorrow mornin'!" The masks of his friends on the other side looked at one another, and the portal suddenly disappeared-- replaced by Clopin, hanging down in front of him on a vine with a rose between his teeth."I saw you stumble over here, cher," the playful frenchman said worriedly, flipping down and brushing something off Faci's shoulder, "Is everything alright?"Facilier gulped.Upstairs, Hades had come up to relax a little more-- he was something of an introvert, and hated big parties. Opening his door, he accidentally ran smack dab into-"WATCH where you're going, you insolent--!" Maleficent's eyes widened as she saw who it was, and the fury seemed to burn within her. "You!""Hey, it was an accident," Hades muttered, and she crossed her arms."Oh, and I suppose it was an accident when you just up and left me in college for another woman?" They stayed silent for a second, glaring at each other with pure hatred, before the sounds of Gaston fucking next door became too much, and the politician grabbed the seamstress by the wrist, leading her further down the hall."I was scared, alright?!" Hades shot back softly, "Mal, I..." He stroked a hand over his blue hair, "I still think about you. All the time. Ruling- sorry, running New York by my side.""You and your romantic advances," Mal growled, but as she turned to leave him, Hades caught her by the wrists, pinning her to the wall."You're gonna have to forgive me sooner or later." She scowled ferociously, but he just grinned that smug, stupid grin. "You know you want to."Unfortunately for Maleficent, she had had a few drinks, and knew she was about to make a bad decision... that didn't stop her from making it anyway, as she smashed her lips into Hades' and dragged him into her room across the hall.Back down by the pool, Scar looked like a wet cat trying to shake himself dry on a barstool. Ursula was patting him dry with a towel and cooing, pressing kisses to his face while trying to stifle laughs at his little growls. He got a drink, and clenched his jaw as he regarded the stiff vodka."Long live the king," he grumbled, and downed it in one sour go.Facilier lounged languidly on one of the lawn chairs, facing Clopin, who sat opposite him."So... gimme a show, sugar," Facilier drawled, slurring his words a little. Clopin grinned, equally shit-faced, and pulled out two puppets that looked like the two of them. With an evil smile, he stuffed them both together repeatedly, making obscene noises, and Facilier let out a loud laugh. "Rather risque for a puppet show, dontcha th-"He was promptly cut off by Clopin crawling his fingers up Facilier's exposed chest and sealing their lips together in a soft, chaste kiss. The voodoo doctor drew back a little in surprise-- the last time they had kissed was college, and that had been the best night of their lives.
Maybe...
"Don't think, cher," the little performer smiled, rolling onto the chair with his friend, "Clopin will make everything better tonight." He tossed the puppets aside, and cupped the taller man in another, deeper kiss.From the (impeccably trimmed) bushes, Cruella bopped her wife on the head to wake her up. Cora sat up in the leaves, blinking hazily."Wha-""Look," Cruella cackled quietly, and zoomed her phone in so she had a good shot of Faci and Clopin heatedly making out by the pool."Oh, that's awesome blackmail," Cora snorted."Isn't it just, darling?" Cruella laughed, and took five pictures."Oh, now that's just evil," Jafar drawled, walking by and happening upon the two heads poking out of the bushes. The two women looked up, and all three started laughing.The echoes of evil laughter sounded throughout the resort into the small hours of the morning, when empty bottles, palm tree leaves, and bikini bottoms were strewn all over the place. If anybody dared throw them out for their anarchy and mess, Cora would surely call for their head, so no one even dared approach the frightening pack.In the morning, though, all hell broke loose."WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?!" Maleficent screamed, already beginning her transformation into a dragon. She broke through the roof, and ate the people on the floor above her as she smashed the ceilings. Below her, Jafar blinked at the complimentary-access computer he was using to check his work emails. He looked up at what used to be the first floor when a piece of concrete just missed his nose, and rubbed his temples."Now, now calm down!" Hades panicked, pulling his black swim shorts back on and his black top as well, "Let's look at this rationally!""When has she ever been rational?" Gaston, who happened to be perched on Mal's nose still in his bed with a girl, asked. Mal puffed some green flames, so Gaston put up his hands. "No offense of course! Please don't hurt me!" Maleficent puffed angrily again, and the girl in the hunter's bed screamed and tried jumping off, only to fall into Mal's jaw and get chewed to pulp. "Uh huh," Gaston remarked, cocking his head, but slid down his friend's scaly back as she finished swallowing the pretty brunette."Hey- hey Mal!" Hades called up, from his knees, "Please... I want you running my campaign with me!"The dragon seemed taken aback."Yeah, that's right!" the undead New Yorker nodded, "I want you to come back with me!"Maleficent immediately turned back into her tall, slender self, black hair done up in two clips. "Really?""Really, really," Hades smiled, taking her hands."Okay, who quoted Shrek?!" Clopin shouted, opening one eye. This prompted Facilier to awaken as well, who was splayed out over top of the smaller man, still on the lounge chair."Well, a very good morning to you," Clopin grinned, booping Facilier on the nose, and the shadow man let out a screech, bouncing up and grabbing hit hat (which now had a hole in it-- someone must have taken it last night for one intoxicated reason or another)."Shit!" he screamed, "I've still got a hundred souls to deliver! I told 'em by morning, I'd get them!""Souls, you say?" Jafar smirked, whisking over and pulling out a small device. It looked like a little phone-- but his phone had been destroyed the night before, so this must be something different."Genie," he commanded, and a weary looking blue hologram came out. "I want all the souls from these tourists collected.""Yes, master," the genie muttered, and suddenly, everyone heard screaming all around them."Ahhh, music to my ears," Ursula chuckled, "Eh, baby?""Quite," Scar gave a small smile, pecking her on the cheek. Then he winced, rubbing his head from his hangover. "Have you got any aspirin, my love?"Over at their bushes, Cora and Cruella stood, dumbfounded, staring at the Arabian CEO."You've been hiding a genie this whole time?" Cora exclaimed.Jafar sniffed, turning his nose up. "I never know who to trust with you lot. Never did.""But we had a good time, didn't we?" Clopin asked, gathering everyone around. Everyone murmured their agreement. "See?! We need to do this more often!""If by "more often", you mean, "never", I implicitely concur," Scar deadpanned, but Ursula pouted."I'd do it again.""Hell, so would I,""Aha!" Facilier suddenly shouted, slapping the genie a high five, "One down, two hundred and seventy to go!"Gaston turned back, flexing a little and leaning forward. "Before we leave... you know what would make this trip even better?"Cruella turned, scowling at the macho man. "What? You getting eaten by Maleficent?"Gaston looked shocked at the fact that anyone would want the gorgeous specimen that was him dead. "Of course not.... I've got my eye on that." He pointed over to the complimentary buffet, where an enormous pile of eggs was waiting; there had to be five dozen, at least, so Gaston shoved his way through the crowd, taking the entire platter back to a banquet table. Near the salivating body double, Facilier tossed a frog at a middle aged birdwatcher's head, knocking him out, and summoned something pale and pink from his body-- presumably, his life force."NOW WE'RE COOKIN'!" the shadow man shouted, and Maleficent looked at Hades."Are we the only sane ones left?""We're back together. How sane could we possibly be?" Hades chuckled, and the group of friends were soon surrounded by the sweet chorus of tourists screaming for their lives and Jafar (quite uncharacteristically gleefully) hypnotizing people with his genie and staff."Some things never change," Clopin sighed happily, and snapped his fingers in a puff of purple, taking a sip of a Jester Mardi Gras Daiquiri.