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Your hands are shaking and you try to think of any time in your young life when you have been more nervous than you are in this moment.
Your first foster home?
No,
you still had Channing then. The second one was the worst, but even then it wasn't nerves you felt coursing through you on that day, it was fear.
The day you quit your school soccer team? Because how could you ever get noticed if you weren't playing.
No,
again that was fear, not nerves. Now that you think of it, maybe this is more like fear, fear of failing, fear of embarrassment, fear not fitting in, of not being accepted like in most areas of your life.
Ya, you thought. This was definitely fear.Regular Pov:Christen's flight landed at 12:20am in Los Angeles, after a four and a half hour delay out of North Carolina. A sigh of relief left the young girl’s lips as her feet finally touched the ground after a painfully long day of travel.
Once she finally retrieved her bags, Christen searched around the area for "the girl in US Soccer gear" as Laura Harvey had told her she wasn't exactly sure who would be picking her up. After a few minutes Christen spotted someone passed out in the chairs by the arrival gate sporting a USA hoodie and training shorts.
As christen got closer she recognized the woman as Amy Rodriguez.//holy shit that's A Rod, what do I do? Do I wake her up?//Christen stood awkwardly next to the sleeping woman for a few moments before hesitantly tapping her shoulder."Uh-um excuse me?" The younger girl spoke in a hushed tone."Shit!" Amy jumped up, her phone flying out of her lap and onto the floor.“Oh my god I am so sorry I didn’t mean to scare you!” Christen’s cheeks instantly flared red and the young striker apologized multiple times before Amy got a word in.“Hey hey calm down it’s all good I’m fine, I didn’t plan on falling asleep so it’s a good thing you were able to find me.” The veteran player who Christen knew of all too well assured her as she picked up her phone and stretched out, a bit stiff from her brief nap in the hard airport seats.
“Anyway, I’m Amy, A-Rod, mom, whatever you prefer. Christen right?” Amy held out her hand for Christen who fumbled with her phone before reaching out to to shake hands with one of her idols.“Yeah-uh yeah it’s Christen, wow hi it’s so great to meet you.”“Likewise, I’ve heard nothing but good things from Laura so I’m excited to get on the pitch with you. It’s been quite a while since we’ve had such a young player come into camp.”“Thank you, honestly I still can’t believe I’m here.”“Pro tip, that feeling never really leaves you, it fades sometimes and there will be moments when you become so used to being here that you forget how much hard work its taken, but at the end of the day nothing beats a call up with this team, it’s an incredible opportunity but don’t ever doubt that you’ve earned it alright? You’re here because you deserve to be. It’s not everyday someone skips right over the ranks of the youth teams.”Christen smiles wide at Amy’s words. //Is this really happening? She’s so nice, I hope the rest of the team is this welcoming.//“By the way, not to get too emotional or anything, but Laura did talk to me about some of the stuff you’ve been through, not in detail obviously, but just because she wanted you to have someone here you could talk to if you ever need, so if you are ever having a hard time or anything like that just feel free to come to me, I’m always an open ear, and I’ll give you my number too so you can always call me.”“Thank you Amy… that really means a lot to me.” Christen smiled genuinely at the veteran player, and if she was being honest, was almost in tears at the sincerity of her voice.“Anytime Christen, really. We should probably head out now, I’m sure you’re exhausted after how long it took you to get here.”As if on cue Christen yawned as the realization of just how exhausted she was hit her like a brick. “Yeah it’s definitely been a long day.”———-Christen and Amy arrived at the team's hotel just after one in the morning, both women excited to retire to their rooms for the night.
Amy walked with Christen up to her room, helping with her luggage, but also because the veteran could tell Christen was extremely nervous and not completely comfortable walking into her room with her roommate who was probably asleep and didn’t know who she was.“So you’re rooming with Tobin Heath, I’m assuming you know who that is?”
Christen almost stopped dead in her tracks. But swallowed her nerves as she scanned the key card at the door, attempting, but failing to open it quietly as her suitcase falls in the entrance making quite a scene.
Christen cringed, waiting for Tobin to get angry at the rude awakening, but the room stayed silent.“Don’t worry that girl could sleep through the apocalypse. I honestly don’t know how alarm clocks wake her up in the mornings.”As the two walked further into the room they noticed that both beds were empty.“Tobin you in here?” Amy asked, and went unanswered. “Where the hell is she, it’s almos- ohh right, she’s in my room, probably passed out with my kids, I forgot she was watching them while I was out.”“Your kids come to camp with you?”“Sometimes, only if my husband isn’t able to keep them while I’m away, he travels a lot for work too but I have full time babysitters provided through the team so they usually land with me. My guys love all their aunties though so they never complain, not that Luke is old enough to say anything yet but he still gets a kick out of it. Come on let’s go get Tobin back to your guys’ room.”Christen followed Amy down the hall to her room, entering quietly behind her.“Tobin?”“Hi mama!!!”“Ryan Jonathan Schilling what are you doing up?” Christen let out a small chuckle at Amy’s ‘mom voice’ which was not as intimidating as the older woman probably hoped.“Aunt Toby put on Harry Potter but then she felled asleep but I Wanted to see the end!” Ryan looked up at Amy with the biggest puppy dog eyes Christen had ever seen, so the young girl wasn’t surprised when Amy’s stern stature melted away at the snap of a finger. “Of course she did.” Amy shook her head walking over to her bed where Tobin was fast asleep with a slumbering baby Luke curled against her chest.Christen smiled at the view, noticing the slight smile still present on the midfielders lips as she held tightly onto the slumbering child.“Tobs bud time to wake up.” Amy nudged her teammate slightly.
A quiet snore escaped Tobin’s lips as her smile faded and a small crease formed between her eyebrows. “Mm 5 more minutes.” She mumbled out.“Tobin it’s the middle of the night you’ve gotta go back to your room now.”“Huh what?” Tobin’s eyes pulled open, coming to and looking around the room at her surroundings; eyes landing on Christen momentarily where she paused and smiled in greeting.“Shit sorry Ames I totally passed out!”“Momma aunty Toby swored!!”“Oops, sorry buddy won’t happen again, now you get to bed before your momma comes after you.” Tobin stood gingerly, careful not to wake the sleeping infant in her arms as she carried him over to his crib set up next to Amy’s bed. The midfielder placed a soft kiss to Luke’s temple before walking over to Christen and Amy.//she’s shorter than I expected// Christen noted as Tobin got closer noticing that the woman was at least two inches shorter than herself.“You must be Christen.” Tobin smiled wide and Christen swore she had never seen a smile so bright, even in the dimmed light of the hotel room
.
Christen didn’t realize she was staring until Amy nudged her shoulder to alert her of Tobin’s hand hovering in front of her.“Oh! Yeah um hi…” Christen fumbled over her words as she reached her hand out, an instant feeling of warmth shocked through her body from the simple contact with the midfielder. Finally, Christen smiled back, looking into the older girl’s sparkling brown eyes as both girls retracted their hands slowly.“Alright roomie we should probably head out, Dawn will not be happy if she finds out how late we were up, me specifically because I’m very much pro nap which is not a Dawn approved activity.”“Aunty Toby you haven’t tucked me in yet!!” Ryan chimed in quietly as Tobin was about to step out the door.“Oh yeah my bad buddy.” Tobin smiled wide walking over to the young boy curled up in his star wars pj’s.“Night bud, sweet dreams of hattie’s and nutmeg’s.” The caramel haired girl kissed the child's temple before turning away again.“Wuv you Aunty Toby.”“Love you to Ry seeya tomorrow!”“Thanks for watching them T, I’ll see you two bright and early!”“Night Ames love ya!”————“So, I hear your playing at UNC, good choice.” Tobin sent a wink Christen’s way. The two girls had returned to their room and were getting set up for bed.“Yeah, it’s a great school.” Christen spoke quietly, her shyness really setting in now that she was alone with the woman she had just met a few moments prior. “Going into your 2nd year right? So you’re what, 19?”“Oh um no I uh I’m actually 16… almost 17.”“16?! Like one six? How is that even possible?” Christen chuckled softly at the image of Tobin trying to do the mental math.“Well um, I skipped the seventh grade and then graduated a year early so uh yeah 16…” Christen blushed, she wasn’t one to brag on her academic achievements, or any achievements for that matter.“That’s insane, and like crazy impressive, but I guess Anson always has had a wicked eye for young talent, I’m sure he was overjoyed that you chose UNC over what I’m sure were a lot of top schools. Where’d you play high school?”“Um I didn’t really play in high school… I quit my school’s team after freshman year…”“Not Enough talent on the squad?” The midfielder asked jokingly but regretted it when she saw Christen’s face drop. “I’m sorry that was rude, I shouldn’t ha-”“No no it’s alright really, but no uh- I was actually being bullied pretty badly by most of the team so I just kind of decided it wasn’t worth it. I would’ve given up soccer completely then if Anson hadn’t noticed me in the one tournament I played with the team… I’m sorry I’m not like looking for sympathy I feel like I’m whining about it, and I’m here and incredibly lucky so I shouldn’t be at all.” Christen rambled on until Tobin finally cut in.“Hey stop, you’re not whining at all and you don’t sound ungrateful, that’s really awful that you felt the need to quite, teams are supposed to be a safe place to just play the game you love. I’m sorry you went through that Chris- can I call you Chris?”“Only if I can call you Toby like Ryan does.” Christen smiled up at the brunette who had moved over to Christen’s bed and was sitting cross legged right next to the young striker.//shit what the hell was that Christen you can’t flirt with her!! She’s Tobin fucking Heath what is wrong with you??// Christen chastised herself mentally.Tobin laughed and sent a blinding smile towards Christen. “Alright fair enough. But seriously, it really is incredible that after all that you’re here at 16 years old. Your parents must be pretty proud hey? Not only is their daughter a genius, but she’s also about to be famous.”
Tobin was so busy rambling that she hardly noticed Christen’s smile fade once again.“Why do I feel like I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth again, I should just shut up shouldn’t I? Please, just say the word and I’ll stop talking forever.”“Stop, really it’s not your fault, we literally met 10 minutes ago, you’re just asking and saying very normal things to someone who is unfortunately very complicated.” The raven haired girl sighed and let out a small laugh.“Still, I should stop assuming things, and Christen? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to or if it’s not something you like to talk about, I can tell you’re deciding if you should share what you’re thinking, so just don’t feel like you have to if you’re not comfortable.” Tobin smiled Kindly and put a reassuring hand on the young girls shoulder.“You know usually this is where I run away from people and never talk to them again, so why am I feeling this urge to tell you everything?”“You know I’ve actually been told I have a very calming presence.” Tobin shrugged, not at all trying to convince Christen to confide in her, just simply thinking out loud to herself as she often does. “I know you really don’t know me, but I promise you don’t have to worry about me telling anyone. You can trust me.”
Those last 4 words broke Christen, tears started falling down her cheeks faster than she could wipe them away. The young girl almost made a break for the door, but before she could stand a pair of strong arms enveloped her, holding her tight and relieving any sense of panic from her body.
“My dad killed himself when I was 2.” Christen spoke suddenly and quietly. She’s not sure why she said that, why that was the line she decided to start with, but there was no going back now.Tobin just nodded slowly, never releasing her hold on the younger girl, and just waiting for her to continue.
“He was a drug addict, him and my mom both… she had been doing better until he died. She started dealing again and ended up in jail when I was 4. I haven’t seen her since the day the police arrested her at our house. I don’t even know if she’s alive…
My sister and I were put into foster care right away, and we stayed together for a while but because she’s so much older than me, they ended up separating us because they couldn’t find a home that would take us both. As soon she Channing turned 18 she moved into her own place and legally adopted me as soon as she was making enough money to be able to support me. She’s all I have. She’s always taking care of me, she’s the only person in my life that I can trust not to leave.”
Tobin hadn’t realized that she herself had started crying until Christen said that. How could such a beautiful young girl have gone through so much in her short life time.
“Chris I-” the midfielder choked out. “I’m so sorry… I know that’s probably like the lamest response I could use right now but, I don’t even know what to say.”
“Don’t worry about it, I don’t think there is really any good response, I mean I’ve never really told anybody so I wouldn’t know but…”
“You’ve really never told anyone that?” “No, a few of my teammates that I’ve gotten close with at UNC know some things, but Channing is the only person who really knows everything that’s happened. It’s just that I don’t want people’s pity you know? I don’t want to be known as the daughter of drug addicts, that’s not what I want to be associated with and it’s just always been easier not to tell people. I usually just say I live with my sister and that I’m not close with my parents and then leave it at that.” “That makes sense Chris, I understand why you don’t want the whole world knowing about your past. Besides, what’s important is right now and everything that lays ahead, and something is telling me there is a whole lot of positive on the horizon for you. And like I said before, I would never tell anyone, and I know we just met, but I promise you can always talk to me about anything if you need to. We’re a family here, and even though we only just met, something is telling me we’re going to be really close.”Christen just smiled at the midfielder who still had one arm loosely hung around her shoulder.“Okay well honestly I don’t really want to leave this spot because I want to talk more and you’re really warm but we really should get some sleep because the first morning session of camps are no walk in the park.” Tobin sighed and started to pull away from Christen who immediately missed the contact, and if she was being honest, so did Tobin.“Yeah I kinda forgot for a second how exhausted I am after such a long day.” Christen yawned and unconsciously leaned back into Tobin, too tired to think about what she was doing.Tobin didn’t mind though and just smiled down at her new young teammate. “Don’t worry about an alarm, I’ve got like 5 set to get me up tomorrow so I can wake you up if you don’t mind.”“Mmkay…”Christen was already half asleep and Tobin knew if she didn’t move over to her bed soon she would be stuck in Christen’s for the night.“Goodnight Chris.” Tobin gently removed herself from under Christen’s weight and got into her own bed, never looking away from the young striker. Something about the raven haired girl was pulling her in and no matter how few hours she had known the girl, Tobin could tell that she was going to be someone special in her life. She just didn’t know quite how special yet.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Tobin poked at her phone, trying to stop the music from playing as her alarm blared the next morning. She rolled over expecting to see Christen asleep in the bed next to her but instead was met with an empty room, the raven-haired girl was nowhere to be found. “Christen?” She got no answer, and so the midfielder pulled a sweater over her head and tied her hair up before heading downstairs to meet the team for breakfast before training. Tobin smiled as she saw the unruly raven locks that belong to Christen as she walked into breakfast. Christen was sitting next to Amy and the boys, the rest of the team had yet to start showing up. “Aunty Toby!” Ryan shouted, running over to the lanky midfielder and leaping into her awaiting arms.“Morning bud, morning Ames.”“You’re here earlier than usual Tobin.” Amy commented.“Well Christen was already gone when I woke up so you know just making sure I didn’t snore too loud and run her off before camp even starts.” Tobin smiled, turning to Christen now. “Morning Chris.”“Morning,” Christen spoke quietly, hardly acknowledging Tobin before turning back to Luke who was sitting on her lap trying to get at her piece of toast in front of her. Tobin and Amy both noticed Christen’s cold shoulder, but neither questioned it, turning back to their coffee’s while Christen focused on baby Luke. As more of their teammates began to pour in, Christen brightened, smiling and greeting them all as they introduced themselves.Tobin could tell it was forced though, even if the others couldn’t. “You must be our new teammate!!” Megan Rapinoe cooed as she walked towards Christen but then focused in on Luke sitting in her lap. “Yeesh, Laura said you were young but she really outdid herself this time!” Megan shook Luke’s hand, getting a genuine laugh out of Christen. ----------Training began and Christen fit right into the dynamic of the squad. Her forced smile had been replaced by one filled with pride and true joy of playing the game she loved. The young striker was wide-eyed, taking in every moment of her first training session with the national team, some of whom had been representing their country for over a decade. The other forwards on the team took Christen under their wing during attacking drills and it didn’t take long for each of them to be in awe of the young girl; talented beyond her years.“Damn girl are you sure you’re only sixteen? You’re burning holes right through our star defenders.” Christen blushed as Megan Rapinoe clapped her on the back. She had been working all day on trying to actually respond when players whom she looked up to complimented her as opposed to just blushing and staring at them in awe, unfortunately, it still needed some work.Megan just smiled, shaking her head. “I’ll get words out of you one of these days kid.”After the team’s first session was complete they headed inside the training facilities for a video session before lunch. Tobin had been talking to a trainer and was the last to walk into the conference room that the team had taken over. she scanned the room noting that there was only one free seat; next to Christen. She walked over to the empty seat and smiled lightly down at Christen who had taken notice of her presence. Christen forced a slight smile but turned her attention quickly back to the front of the room where Laura had begun speaking. Tobin wanted to talk to Christen at lunch to ask if she’d done something wrong but the young forward was quickly whisked away with Alex and the other forwards to sit with them so she let it be for now. They were roommates so she would have to talk to her eventually. After making it through her first day of training Christen was ready to sleep for the next year when she finally returned to her room that night. Tobin wasn’t back yet which Christen was internally grateful for, as she picked up her phone to call her sister. “Hey C! How was your first day??”“Chan I fucked up.” Christen rushed out not even bothering to acknowledge the question. “Woah woah Chris sweetie take a breath, tell me what happened.” “I fucked up Chan, I don’t even know her but for some reason I decided to go and tell her my lifes story right off the bat!”“Okay, again, breathe girl breathe. Who is ‘her’ and what exactly did you tell this person?”“Tobin Heath, my roommate and also one of the best players in the whole damn world. And I told her e v e r y t h i n g.” Christen exasperated. “You told her everything? Really? Like, everything everything?”“I mean, well no, not everything, but a lot of it. More than Annie and Mal know. I don’t know what I was thinking, we were just talking and she was so sweet and then all of a sudden I’m crying in her arms and now I’m too embarrassed to even look at her.” “C I don’t think you’re embarrassed hon, I think you’re just scared because you told her all this stuff and let down your walls when you know nothing about her, you’re scared because that makes you vulnerable to her. And you’re just not used to opening up to people so much which I know isn’t easy for you.”“But WHY did I do it? I don’t understand, it took me months to say more than a few words to Mal let alone tell her anything personal like this. I don’t just open up to people like this Chan. So what makes Tobin so different?! What makes her somebody who I just walk up to and say ya hi my name’s Christen and my dad killed himself nice to meet you! Who fucking does that!” “Okay first of all I’m thinking that isn’t exactly how this all went down and second of all I wish I could answer that for you C but I don’t know Tobin so I can’t say exactly what it is that made you so comfortable around her, but it’s clear you made some type of connection with her that made you feel safe enough around her to talk about your life, and honestly I think that’s a good thing. You need more people in your life who you can trust like that.”“I guess I just… I don’t know it happened so fast we were just talking about soccer and then… I kind of flirted with her by accident and then all of a sudden I was crying and telling her my life story and she was crying and it was a mess really. Then the next thing I know I wake up freaking out about everything I told her and I left the room before she was awake.” Christen buried her face in her pillow and let out a deep sigh. “Wait back up, flirting? You were flirting?! C you dog!”“NO! Chan no, this is not a thing, this is Tobin Heath we’re talking about, not only is she like one of the most famous women’s soccer players in the world but she’s also like 7 years older than me and would totally never be into me like that.”“Relax girl I’m only teasing because you haven’t talked to me about girls pretty much since the day you told me you liked ‘em. But also you’re a catch and any girl would be lucky to have you, even if they are almost as old as me.” Christen didn’t have to be with her sister to see the smirk she was giving her from across the country. “I miss you Chan.” Christen spoke softly. “I miss you too hon, but I’ll get to see you for a bit after camp before you head back to UNC and I’m sure you’ll be so busy you won’t even have time to miss me.” “I guess, we have fitness testing tomorrow so if you don’t hear from me after that just know I loved you ok?” “Ohh okay okay she’s got jokes now I see. I’ve gotta go because I have far too many emails to reply to with far too little time on my hands. Now go talk to Tobin or Amy or one of your other new friends whom I’m sure all love you already.“Okay…”“C, on a serious note, please try not to shut them all out. I know you’re scared, and I know this is all new and overwhelming but I promise if you just try to go with the flow and enjoy your time in camp it’ll be so much easier. I’m not saying you should go out and tell the rest of the team your life works but maybe find one or two other girls who you think you’d like to open up to more. You need those people hon, I know you like to be strong and work through on your own but it’s okay to have other people too, not just your lame big sister mom.”“Chan!” Christen laughed out loud, “you know I hate when you call yourself “sister mom” it’s weird.”“Sorry I thought you could use a laugh.” Channing smiled, glad to have her younger sister smiling for a minute.”Christen looked up then as she heard the door open and watched as Tobin walked in. Christen smiled, for real this time as Tobin slid out of her flip flops.The midfielder smiled back widely, walking over to her bed and immediately flopping face first down on it.Christen laughed softly at her roommate which got the attention of her sister. “What was that about?”“Hmm? Oh nothing, Tobin just got back.” “Oooh talk to her!! And maybe flirt some more, but not too much you’re too young for a girlfriend.”“Chan stop!” Christen blushed, shaking her head as her sister laughed loudly on the other end.“Goodnight CP I loveeeee you.”“You’re ridiculous, I love you too Channing, night.”“That your sister?” Tobin asked, but it was slightly muffled as she spoke directly into her pillow.Christen laughed, “yep.”A silence fell between the two girls for a moment until Christen spoke again.“Tobin?”“Yeah?” The lanky midfielder sat up on her bed, pushing her unruly chestnut hair out of her face.“I’m sorry for kind of ignoring you today, I um… I kind of freaked out this morning because of everything I told you last night.” Christen was looking down at her hands as she nervously fiddled her thumbs. Tobin moved over to Christen’s bed, sitting not quite close enough to her for them to be touching. “Is that what it was? I thought I did something to like offend you or something, I was trying to figure it out all day if I said something wrong.” Tobin spoke in a small voice, her eyes were wide and looked like a dictionary definition of puppy dog eyes.“No I promise it wasn’t you I just… like I said I don’t really talk to people about my personal life so I guess when I realized how much I told you it just kind of triggered a little anxiety attack about it, I’m really sorry for ignoring you though, I should have dealt with it better.”“Does that happen a lot? The anxiety stuff?” Tobin asked genuinely.“Uh yeah, it’s mostly just like these certain little things that trigger it, I’m not like generally anxious about everything it’s just mostly related to all of my past experiences.” Christen looked like she wanted to say more on the topic but she cut herself off before sharing more.“Can I ask another question?” Tobin asked hesitantly, not wanting to upset her roommate. Christen smiled, noting how cute Tobin looked when she seemed nervous. //damnit christen again with these thoughts about her STOP IT.//“Yeah, yeah of course, I promise I won’t run away this time.”“So yesterday you said that you were bullied when you were playing for your school’s team? Do you mind my asking what that was about? I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, I know you’ve already shared a lot with me and so I don’t want you to feel pressured to tell me. I just can’t for the life of me figure out why or how a girl like you could be bullied so badly, or even at all really.”“A girl like me?” Christen questioned.“Well yeah, you’re smart, kind, beautiful, talented. What problem could anyone possibly have with you?”Christen blushed, mostly at the word “beautiful”, but also just in general at the compliments. “Well I guess to start would be that I’m gay.” Christen was shy about a lot of things, but her sexuality wasn't one of them, she had known fro longer than she could remember that she was attracted to girls. Tobin didn’t bat an eye, just nodding in understanding. “And the girls on the team weren’t down with that?”“Definitely not, I never really understood in honestly. It wasn’t a particularly conservative town, and there were other out people that I knew of around the school. If I’m being honest I don’t think that was ever really what they had a problem with. I think it’s just what they used because they know it’s something that could get under my skin. I was the new girl, and the coach did nothing but hype me up from the minute I got there, which the other girls obviously were not a fan of. And then a few of the girls' boyfriends started to show an interest in me because I was “the shiny new thing” as the girls would say and so that kind of started all the teasing and name calling. I tried to tough it out for a while and it started to actually get a little better but then… um something happened that kind of messed me up and I just couldn’t be around them anymore.”Tobin knew by the look on Christen’s face that she did not want to talk about whatever it was that happened so she didn’t push it. “Chris I… I know I said this yesterday and that it won’t help anything but I’m so sorry. No one deserves to go through that and it kills me that anyone could be so awful to you. Also on another note, you don’t have to worry about anyone batting an eye at your sexuality here, we’re a family and everyone here is supportive of each other no matter who we love. I mean it helps that like half of us; myself included, are gay but still.”Christen chuckled at that, “well no offense but your collection of snapbacks over there kind of gave you away sooo.” Tobin feigned offense. “Christen! How dare you perpetuate stereotypes on me like that! Can’t a straight girl wear her hats backwards and cuff her sleeves in peace?” Christen was full on laughing now as Tobin pushed her back so she flopped back on the bed. “Hey!” The raven-haired girl got out between fits of laughter.The older girl acted innocent as she stood up offering Christen a hand. “Well I hate to end this heartwarming homosexual conversation but we’re gonna need our sleep if we plan on surviving the beep test tomorrow.”“You say that like you aren’t usually one of the last to go down.” Christen rolled her eyes. “How do you know that?”Christen blushed again, smiling shyly. “There is this thing called social media and you being famous plus me being one of your biggest fans means I know things.”“Biggest fans huh?” Tobin smirked, pulling out her phone and opening Instagram to follow Christen. “How does it feel to be followed by “Tobin Heath” of whom you are the biggest fan??” “Go to bed Tobin.” Christen laughed shaking her head.“Goodnight Chris.”“Night Tobs.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Tobin woke up first to her alarm the next morning. She begrudgingly rolled over and turned it off while looking across the room to find Christen still sound asleep. Tobin smiled at how cute the girl looked, with her naturally curly hair splayed out across her pillow and her face. With her lips slightly parted, Tobin could hear soft snores escaping her with each breath. The midfielder sighed, knowing she had to wake the peacefully sleeping girl. “Chris...” Tobin spoke lightly, sitting up in her bed. When she got no response, Tobin shuffled over towards Christen’s bed a lightly rested her hand on the girl's shoulder.“Hey Chris it’s time to wake up.” Tobin tried again.“Mmmm, 10 more minutes.” The raven haired girl mumbled out, pulling her blanket up over her head.“Chrissss, we gotta go downstairs for breakfast.”“Ughh.” Christen pulled down her blanket, which brought a bunch of her curly hair straight over her face. The young girl let out a small puff of air trying to blow the strands away from her face, sighing when they all landed right back where they had been. Tobin let out a small laugh at her room mate before subconsciously reaching out and pushing Christen’s dark locks out of the way to reveal the squinting girl. “You suck.” Christen whined, putting on a fake pout.“And you snore.” Tobin shot back with a smirk.“I do not!!!” Christen shot up, nudging the brunette off her bed. In truth though, Christen knew she snored, she had for as long as she could remember. “Whatever you say.” Tobin laughed putting her arms up in surrender. “Don’t worry though it’s cute.” Tobin winked before walking over to the bathroom. Christen’s eyes went wide and she was grateful for Tobin turning away so that she couldn’t witness the blush rising up her cheeks. //what the hell was that!? Did she just? She thinks I’m cute?// Christen’s mind raced trying to decipher what exactly Tobin meant by that. However, before the young girl could get too far into her thoughts, Christen’s heart dropped when she realized that Tobin hadn’t been in the bathroom since they talked last night and that her things were left on the counter. //please don’t see them. Please don’t see them.// She pleaded to herself. When Tobin walked out into their room Christen stepped out of bed and shuffled slowly over to the bathroom, trying not to draw attention to the fact that she was panicking and praying Tobin didn’t give much attention to the things she left out on the counter, one thing in particular. When Christen shut the door to the washroom her eyes narrowed in on the small white container she left next to the sink. As she walked closer she noticed a second, almost identical bottle beside her own. Christen picked it up and her eyes got wide before her heart warmed. She knew Tobin did this on purpose so Christen wouldn’t get upset that she had seen them. Christen finished getting ready before exiting the washroom with a smile on her face. Tobin was sitting cross-legged on her bed waiting for the younger girl’s arrival. Tobin had a shy smile on her face, waiting to see if her plan had successfully eased Christen’s mind. “Tobin?”“Hm?”Christen approached her roommate and without a word embraced the older woman. “Thank you.” She mumbled into Tobin’s soft hair.The midfielder let out a sigh of relief. “I just wanted you to know that you didn’t have to be embarrassed or ashamed or anything. I wanted you to know that I understand.” “I really really appreciate it Tobin, seriously, it may have been a small action but it meant the world to me.” “I just want you to know that you can trust me…” “I believe you Tobin. Do you think maybe I could ask you a question?”“I would love that actually, I don’t want you to think I’m only interested in knowing about you, I want you to know me too.” Tobin smiled sweetly.“How long have you been taking antidepressants?” Christen asked bluntly but with a kindness in her eyes; she knew she didn’t have to beat around the bush with the older woman. “Since I was thirteen.” Tobin answered easily. “I don’t know if you know this, but I’m quite religious, I always have been and my biggest struggle with coming to terms with my sexuality was understanding that I didn’t have to choose one over the other. That I could be who I am and still have my faith and my religion. Once I realized that, I figured that if God could accept me being gay then no one else should have a problem with it. So I came out to my parents and uh… my mom was great, she always has been, but my dad…” Christen squeezed Tobin’s hand, letting her know she was there and could stop if she wanted to.“He actually didn’t say anything at first, which was almost worse in the moment. He just looked at me in silence and then stood up and walked out of the room. He didn’t talk to me or my mom for a week following that, and then finally one day he just asked me if I was “serious about choosing that lifestyle.” and I told him that it wasn’t a choice but that I was serious and it is who I am.” Tobin took a deep breath before continuing. “He moved out that night and told my mom that if she supported me with this that he would file for divorce. My mom actually filed before him because she was so angry with him and she would never let anything happen to me or my siblings. Anyway… long story short, even though him leaving turned out to be a blessing, it really messed with my head for a while and I felt so guilty every single day because I believed I was the reason my family “fell apart”. And I know now that it was for the best that he left but the whole thing kind of left me in a really dark place that I am no longer ashamed to say I take antidepressants to help with. I don’t shout it from the rooftops but the people I care about know.” “Tobin… first of all I’m so sorry that you had to go through that, especially when you were just coming to terms with yourself. And thank you… thank you for sharing that with me, it honestly meant more than I can say and I promise you can trust me too. I know we don’t have a lot of time right now and we have to get going but I’d really love to talk to you more and keep getting to know you later on.” “I know I can trust you Chris. I can feel it And I would love to keep getting to know you and sharing my own story with you too.” Tobin smiled sweetly and leaned her head on Christen’s shoulder. “Has anyone ever told you you’re really smart? And I don’t mean that in like a book smart way, you just sound way too emotionally intelligent for someone who is sixteen.”“My sister tells me that a lot, I guess I just kind of had to mature a lot early on in my life.” -------The two girls finally made it to breakfast, sitting together today, next to Amy, Ryan, Luke, and Allie Long. “Well if it isn’t my favourite Harry and my favourite youngin.” Allie hugged both girls from behind as she got up to get more coffee.“I better be your only Harry!” Tobin pointed accusingly at Allie, who just winked back at the childish midfielder. “Speaking of the sweet young one,” HAO chimed in. “I expect those sixteen year old legs of yours to give me a run for my money during the beep test today.” “Give the kid a break Heather, the poor girl was still in diapers when you did your first beep test.” Becky laughed, shaking her head. Christen just laughed along with her teammates, “I don’t know, as of today these are seventeen year old legs, I might have gotten slower overnight with age.” “WOAH WOAH WOAH HOLD UP.” Tobin stood up abruptly from her seat, almost spilling her coffee all of Amy who gave her a mean side eye. “Do you mean to tell me it’s your birthday and you didn’t tell us?! As your roommate I am personally VERY offended.” Tobin stated in an overly professional manner. As Tobin went on her mini rant, Ryan had proceeded to perform his own rendition of happy birthday to Christen who was smiling wide at the young boy's antics. When the young boy had finished, the team clapped for his performance as he took a bow. “Thank you Ry that was great.” Christen smiled ruffling his sandy blonde hair. “Seriously Chris why didn’t you say it was your birthday? We gotta find you a cake and all go out for dinner tonight! Christen just shrugged, “I don’t know, birthday’s have never been a big thing for me I guess. I’ve never really celebrated it.” The striker said simply, shrugging it off. Channing had always made sure to get her a present for her birthday every year, but she had never really expected anything more than that, making days like today just the same as any other to the young girl. “Heath it seems you’ve forgotten I was in the room, and I know I did not just hear you say the word ‘cake’ on the morning of fitness testing day.” Dawn spoke up from her seat on the other side of the room. Tobin turned towards the team’s strength and fitness trainer, clapping her hands together. “Dawn.. sweet sweet Dawn, my favourite human, now you obviously know that by ‘cake’” the midfielder accentuated the word with air quotes, “I very clearly meant a nice salad, and truthfully I am offended that you could suggest ‘I’ would EVER offer such an unhealthy choice of food to a teammate on a day like today. I am shocked Dawn. Truly shocked.” Finishing her show with a scoff and shake of her head, the brunette kneeled down next to Christen and spoke quietly. “Seriously I’m going to find you a cake don’t even worry I got you.” Christen just shook her head, pushing Tobin so that she toppled over in her crunched position.“Watch it Press! That’s the second time today you’ve attempted to wound me.”“And the day’s still young.” Dawn added, before standing. “It’s everyone’s favourite day ladies, let’s kick it into gear and get moving, training starts in forty.” “By “everyone’s”, she really means HAO’s.” Pinoe spoke begrudgingly, rolling her eyes.----------Christen sucked in a breath as she felt the burn inside her lungs that were threatening to burst if she pushed on much longer. At level 59 of the beep test, only her and three other teammates were still hanging on. Sweat dripped from her face as she kept in pace with Tobin, Kelley, and of course HAO, who only god knows how was still looking like she had some life left in her. At 61 Kelley tapped out, cursing at Tobin and muttering something about getting lucky this time.Tobin smiled, going one more round before bowing out, half in spite of KO, and half from the unbearable burning sensation throughout the entirety of her body. Christen rode out what little power she had left within her, just barely missing the mark on level 64. Her teammates who had been out long enough to catch their breath cheered her on loudly, shouting words of encouragement, and some (mostly Pinoe), accusing her of being at an advantage with having legs “more than 10 years younger than her own”. After chugging half a bottle of water, Christen found the strength to walk over towards Tobin who was despite how out of breath she was, was trash talking with Kelley. “Christen beat you too, why aren’t you mad at her?” Tobin accused, when she saw Christen walk up to the two of them. “Hey don’t change the subject! And I am but I only have enough energy left in me to direct my anger at one person right now. Plus we’ve been at this war for years, and this being the first battle I’ve lost, is really hitting me hard.” Kelley shook her head walking, or really limping away with a look of disdain spread across her face.Christen chuckled at her teammates antics, and as another wave of exhaustion coursed through her body she leaned her head on Tobin’s shoulder for support. “I don’t think I’ll be able to walk tomorrow.” The raven haired girl huffed out.“That is a strong possibility, however since it will just be a recovery day, I vote we do some good ol fashioned relaxing teammate bonding at the beach that is only mere steps out the door from our hotel.”“That actually sounds perfect.” Christen smiled up at the midfielder.“Try not to sound too shocked that I came up with in actual good idea.” Tobin rolled her eyes. “By the way I meant what I said earlier, we’re getting you a cake and we’re celebrating tonight no matter how exhausted we all are.” “Tobiiiin no, you really don’t have to do that. It’s not a big deal, seventeen isn’t an important age.” “Chris look, if you genuinely do not want to celebrate with the team then I will promptly call that off, BUT I am getting you a cake and we can have our own small roommate celebration ok? I just refuse to let this day go uncelebrated, no matter how low key the celebration may be.”Christen blushed at the midfielders words. “Why is this so important to you?” She questioned curiously. “Everyone deserves to be celebrated on their birthday Chris.” Tobin shrugged giving the raven haired girl a quick side hug before she ushered her over to where to rest of the team was gathering. -------“What’s taking so long Chris, let’s gooooo.” Tobin sighed as she hung upside down off the edge of her bed. “Okay okay I’m ready geez, you make me go out in public after fitness testing and now you're rushing me?? And on my birthday none the less.” Tobin laughed, sitting up as Christen exited the bathroom. “Oh so now you care about your birthday now that you’re being hurried?” Tobin’s train of thought was interrupted when she took in Christen’s appearance. She was wearing high waisted ripped denim shorts with a black tank top, capped off with a floral cardigan that hung off her shoulders slightly. The midfielder smiled taking in Christen’s appearance. “You look great Chris, this is the first time I’ve seen you out of training gear or sweatpants, I’m impressed, you clean up nicely.” Tobin tried to compliment the younger girl without sounding too flirty. Christen blushed a deep red under her teammates gaze. “Thank you.” The striker took in Tobin’s outfit, she was dressed in a loose fitting white t-shirt and black jeans that were ripped at the knees and hugged her muscular legs in all the right places. //god christen stop staring at her legs it’s getting weird. Seriously! Stop!//The young girl tore her eyes away and looked up at Tobin who was just smiling playfully. //dammit she caught you, good job idiot//“Ready to go?” Tobin asked breaking the silence. “Yep.” Christen smiled, thankful for Tobin not commenting on her staring, and following Tobin out the door. “Where are we going?” Christen asked as the two walked out of the hotel into the warm California air. “It’s a surprise.” Tobin smiled proudly as the two walked side by side under the warm evening sun. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Tobin veered the two off the main road and down an older looking street filled with cute little boutiques and cafes’. Christen looked around her in awe. It was like they had stepped into an entirely new city. “Here we are.” Tobin stopped, steering Christen into a small bakery. “How did you find this place?” Christen asked in wonder as she looked around, her senses being overwhelmed by the aroma of vanilla and a thousand other scents. “I like to wander whenever I’m in a new city, I found this place years ago when I got lost walking the streets during my first camp. _________After the two girls had picked put some sweets from the bakery including a manature cake that Tobin insisted on, they took them to go and walked down to the beach across the street. They found a nice quiet spot, where Tobin took a small blanket out of her backpack and laid it out for the two of them. It was big enough for them both to fit side by side with their legs only slightly brushing together. “So I have one more surprise for you.” Tobin smiled mischievously.The midfielder pulled a bag out of her backpack and handed it to Christen. “Tobin what is this? How did you even have time to get me something?” “OK first off if I tell you what it is then that kind of defeats the purpose of a present don’t you think?” Christen rolled her eyes, pulling the bag open, revealing a jersey. The forward scrunched her eyes as she unfolded the fabric to reveal a PSG jersey with ‘Heath 17’ printed on the back. Inside the number seven was a message scribbled in Tobin’s messy handwriting with a silver sharpie. ‘To my biggest fan on her birthday;Never doubt your worth or your importance in this world. You have one of those unique presences that can light up an entire room and even when you don’t see it, just know that others do. Always appreciate each moment as you are in it, and never take the special times for granted. I can’t wait to play alongside you as you grow into the absolute legend of a player that I know you’ll be soon enough.”- your biggest fan, and favourite roommate, T.’ “Tobin, I…”“I know it’s weird to give you my jersey for a birthday present, I got it as a joke at first, because of your “biggest fan” comment. But I knew you loved PSG from stalking your twitter so I thought you might actually appreciate it anyway.” Tobin bit the inside of her cheek, smiling nervously at the younger girl. “Tobin I love this, how did you get it here though? Do you just bring spare jersey’s from your old teams to camp?”“No no, I’m not quite that full of myself, I just called in a favour with a friend of mine that lives around here. Do you really like it?” “Yes, Tobin this is so awesome, thank you so much. Honestly this is the best present I’ve ever been given.” Christen smiled wide, pulling Tobin into a full on hug as best she could as they were sitting on the ground. “Thank you for today Tobin.” Christen smiled sweetly up at the midfielder. The sun had long been set and there was only the glowing light of the moon and it’s reflection off the water illuminating the space around them. “Like I said Chris, everyone deserves to be celebrated on their birthday.” “Why’d you do all this for me though? I have a feeling you don’t take all your teammates to hidden bakeries and ‘call in favours’ for presents on their birthday.” “I guess you’re just special.” Tobin shrugged, wrapping her arm around Christen and gently pulling her closer into her side. The striker warmed at Tobin words as well as her touch, leaning comfortably into her teammates side. //I’m not crazy right? She’s flirting with me too?//“Tell me something about you.” Tobin questioned genuinely, looking off into the night sky.“Like what?”“Anything, not like about your life, but just something random about you.” Christen thought for a moment before laughing to herself. “I put the milk in before the cereal.” Tobin’s jaw dropped. “Wait, that’s a joke right? Tell me you’re not THAT person.”Christen just laughed, burying her face in Tobin’s shoulder. “I wish I could, I know it’s weird but I’ve just always done that and now it’s just too late to change.”“Oh man, that’s a game changer, I don’t know if I’ll be able to look past that.” Christen rolled her eyes playfully. “Whatever, I’m sure there is someone out in the world that will accept my weird cereal habits one day.” “I’m kiddinggg. I guess that means there is no special someone in your life yet to admire your strange antics?” Tobin bites her lip, embarrassed that she just asked Christen if she was dating anyone. //dammit Tobin you have to stop, you can’t do this.// The second the midfielder looked up into Christen’s eyes though the embarrassment slipped away as she admired the silver-green eyes that she swears are a different colour every time she sees them. Whatever colour they are, Tobin swears it’s her new favourite shade. Christen blushes at the older woman’s question. //Did she just ask if I’m single?// She laughed nervously with a shy smile. “Um.. no definitely not, I’ve uh never actually had a girlfriend.” Christen chastised herself for revealing that. //dammit christen you’re making yourself sound like a child. Who I am kidding though, that’s probably all she sees me as.// “I have to say I’m surprised, you’re a catch Chris and any girl would be lucky to have you.”“I guess I’m just… picky..” Christen spoke in almost a whisper.Christen nervously regained eye contact with Tobin and she swears for a second she see’s Tobin’s brown eyes flicker down to her lips, but as fast as they were there they were gone again and Tobin cleared her throat lightly. “We should uh, probably head back it’s getting pretty late and all that fitness testing is starting to catch up to me again.” Tobin spoke quietly, yawning as proof to her statement. After the two had made it back to their room, and readied themselves for bed. Christen spoke into the dark night of the room. “Thank you again for today Tobin, it meant more to me than you know.” Tobin was thankful that Christen couldn’t see her wide smile and blush creeping up her cheeks in the dark room. “I’m glad you had a good day Chris, Happy Birthday.”Christen had to fight herself to sleep that night, her mind clouded with Tobin’s words replaying in her head over and over. //there’s no way she could actually like me right? I mean she’s Tobin Heath and I’m…”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Hey Ames can we talk?” Tobin asked quietly into her phone, rubbing her hands over her face trying to wake herself up after little to no sleep the night before. She couldn’t stop fighting with her own head last night, and the feelings for Christen that were making themselves ever present in her mind.“Of course T, but this better be good I was having a great sleep in, come on up to my room, the boys are hanging with Ash and Ali this morning.”“Ok, be right there.” Tobin ended the call and left her room quietly, so she didn’t wake Christen. After stopping in the lobby to grab a coffee for Amy and herself, she went up to her best friend's room. Tobin’s mind was racing which was a new feeling for the usually extremely relaxed midfielder. Amy took a long swig of coffee as Tobin paced back and forth in the small hotel room.“Don’t wear a hole in the floor T, what’s got your oh so simple mind all frazzled?” “Ok so you know how I took Christen out last night because I promised her a cake and all that?” “Yeah…?”“Well, after that we went to the beach and I had kinda arranged a little present for her and it was great and she really liked it and then fast forward a few hours andithinkwealmostkissed.” “I’m sorry what? Like for real what did you just say just I didn’t catch that, take a breath please.”“We almost kissed… and I totally flirted with her and I think she flirted with me a little bit too.” “Oh SHIT seriously? Tobin you know she’s like-”“Seventeen years old I know Ames, I know that we can’t.”“I mean like six years isn’t too big of deal I guess but she’s still a minor T so you can’t really… people, and by people I mean the very public eye you’re in would not be very accepting of that. And you know since she’s a minor and you’re more than five years older than her that in some places it could technically be illegal if you two… you know.”“Woah slow down we aren’t going to have sex, we didn’t even kiss ok? I don’t even know if it was almost I guess, I mean I wanted to but I pulled back before I could even see if she was interested.” “Look, you know I’ll always be on team Tobs, and I want you to be happy always… but I think this is a little too risky. If you guys started something and people found out, it would not be good T, this is a little different than Ash and Kriegs. And it’s nothing at all against Christen it’s just that she’s still a kid, and I don’t want anything bad to come of that.”“I know Ames, I just, I wish I could distance myself until whatever I’m feeling calms down but I can’t. I promised her that I’d be here for her, she doesn’t trust easily and I can’t break that with her because I have a silly little crush.”“Here’s the thing Tobin, I don’t think this is a ‘silly little crush’ you really care about Christen and I can see that. So I’m not going to tell you that you can’t do this, all I can say here is that if something does happen between you guys, you know you can always come to me about anything even if I think it might be a little too risky. And you know that I would never in a million years tell anyone about this right?”“I know Ames, that’s why I came to you. I was going to go talk to Harry but I kind of needed a mom figure to give me a coherent adult response...” Tobin had finally stopped pacing, coming to a stop in front of Amy, and pulling her best friend into a tight hug.“I love you Tobs, and whatever happens I am in your corner always, just please, please be careful and really think about this and if it would be worth any trouble that it may bring.” “Thank you Amy, I love you.” “I love you too buddy, can I ask you something?.” Tobin could sense where Amy was about to take this conversation by the look in her eyes and the midfielder but her lip, nodding her head in approval. “Are you ready to date someone T? I know that nothing’s happened yet but… if something were to happen, with anyone for that matter, are you ready?” As one of the only people who knew about this component of Tobin’s past, Amy was careful to ensure Tobin knew she was only asking because she cared so deeply about her friend. “Honestly Amy, I don’t know. I don’t know one hundred percent if I’m ready to give my heart to someone but what I do know is every time I look at Christen I get these butterflies that I’ve never felt before. And when I look into her eyes I see a person I can trust. I know I’ve only know her a couple days but there’s just this pull towards her that I can’t seem to tear myself away from.” “Tobin?”“Hm?”“Please, please be careful. I know I already said this and I know you’ve talked to Christen about some of her past as well but… just please if something happens between you two please take it slow. You’re my best friend but I also promised Laura and Christen herself that I’d look out for her.” “I promise Ames. I don’t want to hurt her… that’s the last thing I’d ever want, whether something happens or not. Can I ask you one more question?” “Of course T.”“Do you think I’m ready? I know that’s a question only I can truly answer about myself, and I’m not even asking necessarily with Christen in mind at this point… I guess I just… you were there with me and you helped me get to where I am now so I guess I was just wondering if you think I’m ready for something like this to happen… with anyone.” Tobin looks up at her friend with her signature puppy dog eyes, genuine concern in her voice. “Tobin… honestly? I’ve seen you do more growing in these past few months than I have the rest of the time since I’ve known you. And truthfully T I’ve been waited to have this talk with you because I’m so fucking proud of you. I’m proud of how far you’ve come and how you’ve completely flipped yourself around and moved on from that time in your life. I’ve noticed, and so has Lauren and we truthfully talk about it a lot. If I’m being completely honest I do think that you could be ready to pursue something with someone if it felt right to you and if it was with the right intentions that I don’t doubt you have.” “How did I get so lucky with a friend like you?”“Good question, you really are the luckiest.” Amy winked giving Tobin a loose hug. ___________ Tobin and Christen were preparing to go out for their day off when Christen jumped out of her bed.“Oh my god!” Christen’s eyes wide as she read something on her phone.“What’s up Chris?”“One of my professors submitted a paper of mine a while back to this big psychology magazine and they are going to publish it! This is so cool!” Christen jumped up, hugging Tobin tightly, wrapping her arms around the shorter girl’s neck. “I’m so proud of you Chris, that’s so badass!” Tobin spokeinto the unruly curls surrounding her face as Christen held on to her. Before Christen even knew what she was doing, she pulled back slightly and then leaned into Tobin, pressing her lips gently into the older girl’s. Tobin eventually came to sense with what was happening, bringing her hand up to rest on the soft skin of the taller girl's neck, bringing her in as close as she could, savouring this moment. But before long it was over, and Christen was jumping back. “Tobin oh my god, I’m sorry, I don’t- I-.” Before she even finished her sentence, Christen was turning around and running out of their room. “Chris wait!”But she was already gone. “Fuck!” Tobin shouted into the empty room. Tobin stood alone for a moment, bewildered at the events that had led up to this moment. After hardly any time at all the midfielder knew she had to follow Christen, she didn’t know exactly what was going to happen between the two of them, but she could feel this undeniable pull in her heart to follow the younger girl. Tobin sprinted out of her room, down the hallway, and quickly descended the stairs down to the lobby, not having the patience to wait for the elevator. As she exited the hotel, Tobin tried to think of anywhere that the younger girl would possibly go. She didn’t know the area and couldn’t have gotten very far.Eventually Tobin decided to take the same route that her and Christen had taken last night, figuring that’d be as good a shot as any at finding her. She called out Christen’s name as she walked briskly through the much less densely filled street, just quiet enough as to not draw too much attention to herself. As she neared the end of the old street, Tobin saw a small cafe that Christen had pointed out the night before. Tobin entered the dimly lit cafe and was instantly flooded with a sense of relief as she spotted her favourite curls. Tobin slowly walked over to the young girl, who was sitting cross legged on a cushioned seat near the back of the small Cafe.. Tobin could see her tear stained cheeks as she stepped closer. “Chris?” She asked softly, not wanting to startle the girl who had yet to lift her head and take notice of her teammates presence.Christen lifted her head, gazing up at Tobin with wide eyes. Almost as if she was confused that the older girl was here. “Tobin? You.. you followed me? Why would want to see me after what I did?” “What you did? Chris you’re making it sound like you hurt someone. I’m not upset… I mean I’m upset because you’re obviously upset, but I’m not mad about what happened.”“How could you not be? I fucked everything up…” Christen voice was strained.“Chris you didn’t fuck anything up! I promise, you didn’t. If you don’t want this and that was just a heat of the moment thing and you really didn’t mean to kiss me then that’s fine, we will forget about it and move on. But Chris if you wanted to, just know that I did too, I didn’t pull away. I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while now...” Tobin admitted shyly.“You… really?” “Really.” Tobin spoke softly as Christen scooted over, making space for Tobin beside her. “Christen, I know that this might not be the best idea and I don’t even know exactly what you want right now, but I do know that I really like you… and that kind of terrifies me if I’m being honest.”Christen looked into Tobin’s eyes with what appeared to be a mix of confusion and amazement. “How could you possible like me? I’m just some kid who has a poster of you hung up in my college dorm and you’re… you’re you… you’re Tobin Heath.” She exasperated as if that was some sacred identity. “Yes, I am Tobin Heath, but you are NOT just ‘some kid’ Christen, you are an incredible person, and you are so much more than you believe. I know that the age thing is there, but when I look at you I don’t see that. I don’t see a seventeen year old girl, I just see a beautiful and talented human who I really want to keep getting to know. I want to really know you Chris, I know you don’t believe me right now that I want to try this with you if that’s something you’re interested in.” Tobin looked down shyly, realizing that she hadn’t let Christen say what she was feeling yet. “You… you would really want to be with me? Like… date me? Even after the stuff I’ve told you?”“Chris, that stuff you’ve been through does not define who you are… and I would never look at you any differently because of it. Honestly I’m not sure anything could change what I’m feeling right now.” “But I.. I haven’t even told you everything yet… you could change your mind.” The young girls voice cracked, and she was breaking into tears again. Tobin didn’t hesitate pulling her closer and holding Christen until the tears subside. Rubbing her back gently, the brunette spoke softly into Christen’s ear. “Nothing you tell me will change the way I look at you Chris, no matter what happens between us, even if we just stay friends… I will always be here for you. I’m here.” “I want to be more than friends…” Christen spoke in a soft whisper. “But I… I don’t know what I’m doing… I’ve never even kissed someone before. Before today I mean.” The raven haired girl finished, blushing slightly. “Wait really?? I was your first kiss? I’m honoured.” Tobin joked light heartedly, trying to bring the mood up a little, very thankful that they were currently the only two people in the small cafe aside from one employee who had gone into the back a while ago.“The first one that counts…” Christen spoke numbly, and Tobin could see in her green eyes that an unwelcome memory had just made itself present, taking over Christen’s mind and body.Tobin just nodded, squeezing Christen’s hand gently and understanding that it was a conversation for another time and location. _______Eventually the two girls made their way out of the small cafe, it was almost dark and they needed to be back at the hotel for a meeting soon. “You know,” Tobin said cheekily. “ I wouldn’t mind a second chance at that first kiss sometime because you really caught me off guard and I was totally not prepared. It was like a sneak attack.”Christen just blushed, hiding her face in Tobin’s shoulder for a second as they walked side by side. “Hey I’m just joking okay? Don’t feel any pressure for anything to happen here. I know that kiss caught you off guard as well and we can talk more later when we are back in our room, but don’t feel like there is any sort of time table for figuring all of this out ok?” Christen nodded, “Thank you Tobin… for everything. I’m really glad that I met you.” _______After making it through an excruciatingly long team meeting, all the girls were ready to get to sleep before it was back to training the next morning as their friendlies were quickly approaching. Christen was hit with a wave of nerves as she and Tobin made their way back up to their room. //she said not to feel any pressure for anything, and I know she meant it but what happens now?? Are we together? Is she going to kiss me again like she said because I definitely am not opposed to that but also I don’t even know if I’m a good kisser or what to do! She obviously has experience with this, what if she thinks I’m a bad kisser? I wonder how many girls she’s kisse-//“Chris? Earth to Christen?” The striker was pulled out of her own mind by Tobin’s voice.“You passed our room, where are you going?” Christen turned to see she had indeed walked several rooms passed their own while being stuck in her head. “Oh, oops…” Christen blushed and walked back passed Tobin and into the room. “You alright Chris? You seem a little out of it?” “Huh? Oh yeah, I’m fine…” Christen scratched her head, sitting down on the edge of her bed. “Alright, I’m going to jump in the shower real quick and then maybe we can talk?” Tobin asked sweetly, unsure how Christen was feeling about all of this. “Yeah okay.” The younger girl looked up at Tobin nervously biting her bottom lip as the midfielder approached her. Tobin leaned down and pressed a light kiss on Christen’s cheek that immediately burned red. As soon as Tobin had closed the bathroom door Christen immediately changed and then called her sister.“Hey C what’s up?” “CHAN!” she whispered aggressively. “Oh my god I don’t even know where to begin.”“Woah slow down girl, what happened?”“So Tobin found out it was my birthday yesterday and so she wouldn’t let it go and insisted that she get me cake. So we went out last night and she took my to this super cute little bakery and them went down to the beach where she gave me this amazing present and I think we almost kissed but then we didn’t until today happened and we kissed and now here I am freaking the hell out.” If it was anyone else Christen had been talking to they probably would not have picked up a word that she had said as she spoke a hundred miles an hour into the phone. Luckily for Channing she had years of practice in unscrambling her sister’s speech.“Wow C I… that’s- how old is she again?” “Twenty-three, Chan that’s not important right now, this is my first real kiss we’re talking about.”“I know I know I’m sorry but I’m your big sister I have a right to be concerned about these things.”“Okay well can you be excited for me first and then do the sister-mom thing.” Christen pleaded, as much as she was still freaking out, it was really hitting her what was happening. She kissed Tobin Heath!! And Tobin Freaking Heath wanted to kiss her too.“You’re right I’m sorry, I am happy for you C, even if I am a little concerned. SO how was it??” Channing questioned genuinely.“Well… I mean it was great but also I kind of freaked out after and ran away…” The young striker blushed as she recounted this day’s events.“Hold up, you kissed this girl and then bolted? C have I taught you nothing?”“Ugh don’t remind me, yes I kissed her out of the blue and then freaked the fuck out because she’s fucking Tobin Heath and like a million miles out of my league. BUT after I left I went to this old cafe that I saw yesterday when we were walking around, and she came and somehow found me there and we talked for h o u r s.”“Okay first of all, no one will ever be out of your league C, you’re kind of fucking adorable. But I assume this ‘talk’ was a good one?”“It was crazy Chan, she really likes me! And honestly I’m still in shock, and a little confused and maybe even a bit scared, but in the best way. I know it’ll be hard and if we do actually date or whatever we won’t be able to tell people right now but not even that will change anything. I really like her Chan and I’ve never had any feelings like this before.”Channing’s heart swelled hearing her little sister talk like a normal teenage girl for the first time in too long. Despite all her concerns she was trying her best to be happy for her little sister.“I know C and I really am happy that you are happy right now, but can I quickly voice my sister-parent opinion and then I promise I’ll leave it alone for now?”“Fine…”“Alright, now obviously I don’t know Tobin, and of course I am happy that she seems to make you happy, but… C I’m worried about her taking advantage of you. I know 6 years is not necessarily huge but you’re still so young C and that is in no way a shot at you because you know I think the absolute world of you and that you are wise beyond your years, but that doesn’t change the fact that if you guys were to become serious anytime soon, your relationship would be… well, a little controversial...” “But if it’s my choice, if I’m choosing to date her then why should it matter if she’s older, she can’t take advantage of me if it’s what I want.”“That doesn’t make a difference Christen! As long as you are a minor and you have sex with someone who is not a minor then in some states at least that is considered statutory rape! It doesn’t matter if you consent to it, there are rules about this stuff and even though sometimes they don’t make sense and might not be fair they exist! And even if it weren’t actually illegal it’s still… it’s just really complicated C. And if you have sex with her she could get in a lot of trouble hon. I just don’t want you to get hurt because she can’t commit to you for that reason…” “Chan I understand where you are coming from but we haven’t even talked about what we are yet, we are nowhere near having sex…and anyway I’m only a minor for one more year it’s not like that’s very long...” Christen blushed at the thought of that happening with Tobin. She knew she wasn’t ready for that, but the thought of it still made her feel warm inside.“Chris she’s an adult… and again I don’t know her so obviously, and I could be entirely wrong here but… I’m assuming she has experience and hon I just don’t want you to get hurt because she wants something to happen that you aren’t ready for. A year might not seem like a lot right now but for an adult in a relationship… that is a long time C.”“You’re right Chan, you don’t know her! And you have no idea what I am ready for, I’m not a little kid anymore, I can make these choices on my own.” The raven haired girl defended, although she of course knew that her sister’s points were valid and that she really had no idea what she was doing. All she knew was that she wanted to be with Tobin. And even if she knew her sister could be right, it still hurt her feelings.“Christen please don’t get angry, I’m just looking out for you! I know you aren’t a little kid, and I know you can make your own decisions. Just please try not to rush into anything, if you guys are serious about being in a relationship then I can’t stop that from happening, just please make sure you know what you’re getting into and be careful okay? I love you C and I just want you to be happy. I’m truly sorry if I offended you hun, I just worry you know that, you mean the world to me Christen and if anyone hurt you I’d be using my own law degree to try and defend myself on account of murder.” Christen got quiet, unsure of how to respond. She knew deep down Channing was looking out for her. “I know Chan I know..” Christen whispered, realizing her voice had probably raised a little too much, and hoping that Tobin hadn’t heard any of this. “Are you going to be mad at me if this does turn into something?... I can’t have you hating my first girlfriend Chan, you’re the most important person in my life…”“C I’m not saying I’d be mad, all I’m saying is that it worries me, you’re a smart girl and I trust you to know yourself and what you want, just make sure that what you want lines up with what she wants okay?”“Okay, I promise I’ll be careful Chan. We still have to talk about us anyway so I’m not even sure what we are right now… I should go though, I just heard the shower turn off so Tobin will be out soon. I’ll talk to you later Chan.”“Alright C, I love you, and I’m sorry if I made you feel bad about this hon I really just want the best for you you know that right?”“I know you do, thank you Chan. I love you too, goodnight.”“Night C.”Just as Christen tucked her phone away, Tobin walked out of the bathroom in just a sports bra and some old National team training shorts. Her hair was still damp, cascading over her shoulders and the occasional drop of water sliding down her toned stomach.//god dammit tobin// The older woman was too attractive for her own good, and Christen would be lying if she said the sight of Tobins's extremely muscular bare stomach wasn't making her stomach explode with butterflies. “Hey.” Tobin smiled sweetly, walking over to her own bed, sitting on the side, across from Christen who was doing the same on her own bed. Christen smiled shyly as Tobin looked her over, probably sensing the nerves radiating from inside her. “C’mere” Tobin motioned to her own bed with a nod of her head.Christen nervously crossed the few feet feet from her bed to Tobin’s, just as she was about to sit down beside her, Tobin reached out and tugged Christen gently so that she could sit on her lap. “Is this okay?” She asked sweetly, wrapping her arms loosely around the striker. Christen nodded softly, looking into Tobin eyes with wonder. Despite the proximity, the two girls were still in a fairly innocent position, but Christen heart still fluttered at all the new contact. //kiss me// Christen thought to herself, praying Tobin would somehow hear.Tobin tucked a few of her unruly curls behind Christen’s ear, brushing her cheek lightly with the pad of her thumb. “Any chance I could steal that second first kiss?” Tobin whispered near the young girl’s ear; and all Christen could do was nod, unable to form words with Tobin’s breath so close on her skin. The midfielder leaned in slowly, giving Christen a chance to pull back if she wanted to. Soon enough their lips were brushing together softly, and the second they did, both girls knew they were hooked. Tobin combed her fingers through Christen’s curls, stopping at the base of her neck to pull her in as close as she possibly could, effectively deepening the kiss as she slipped her tongue between the striker’s welcoming lips. Christen hummed into the kiss, inviting Tobin’s tongue in to move against her own, getting lost in the sweet taste of the tan woman under her.Tobin’s mind started to get foggy, and she knew that she had to stop before she got carried away. The brunette slowly brought the kiss down, and with a final peck to Christen’s lower lip, she pulled back slightly. Waiting for the girl in her lap to open her eyes.//holy fucking shit//“You’re good at that.” Christen whispered, slightly out of breath and blushing lightly. Tobin chuckled, smiling playfully. “I could say the same about you.” “As much as I’d love to just do that all night, we should get comfy so we can have the type of mature grown up conversation that I quiver at the thought of and usually run away from.” Tobin moved backwards on the bed, effectively pulling Christen with her with just an arm tucked around her waist.//god she’s so strong//Tobin sat back against the headboard with Christen now sitting beside her, she took the strikers hand with her own, intertwining their fingers.“So…”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“So… I’m not really sure where to start.” Tobin bowed her head shyly, and Christen was amazed that the older woman seemed just as nervous as she currently was. “I just… I really like you Chris, and maybe this is happening really fast, but all I know is I really love being around you, and I just want to get to know you more, and then see what happens from there I guess…?” “I really like you too Tobs... I guess I’m just having a hard time believing that someone like you would really want to date me…” Christen admitted, unable to make eye contact with the girl beside her.“Christen… what can I do to prove to you that I want this? Because I promise you that I am going to make you see how amazing you are, I don’t care what it takes, I refuse to have you think that you don’t deserve to be with me, or that you don’t deserve to be happy. I’m nothing special Chris, you deserve happiness and to be treated like a princess. And if you’ll let me, I will do my damn best at giving you that. I know that it will be hard, and I hate that I won’t be able to show you off to the world and tell everyone how proud I am to be yours like you deserve… but I swear I will make up for that in any way I can. I know there is still a lot more we need to talk through before anything can really happen but I just needed you to know that. I’m not going anywhere Chris, and even if we are just friends I promise I won’t leave.” Christen was crying now, quickly trying to wipe away her tears. “I believe you… and that really fucking terrifies me because I don’t trust people Tobin, I don’t trust people when they say they won’t leave because they always do. But I trust you. And I don’t know why or how it happened but you make me feel safe, and that is a feeling that I’ve never really known. I’m just so scared because I’ve never been in a relationship, and I have no idea what I’m doing…” Christen admitted with a sad laugh.“Why don’t we take a step back then.” Tobin said lightheartedly. “Ask me something. Anything, let’s just sit here and get to know each other better, and maybe that could help take away a bit of the unknown fears.” Christen smiled finally, as Tobin wiped one remaining tear from her cheek. The striker leaned her head on Tobin’s shoulder, letting out a long breath of relief. The midfielder was so good at making her feel calm.“Okay umm, I don’t know if this is what you had in mind and this might be too soon to ask but um, do you mind me asking how many girls you’ve dated?”“Getting right into the hard questions hey?” Tobin smirked, nudging Christen in an attempt to lighten the mood a bit more. “Avoiding the question much?” Christen shot back, getting a smile up at the brunette, who was glad to see a smile back on the younger girl’s face. “Okay okay, in all seriousness, I’ve only been in one real relationship… from sophomore year in college until about halfway through my first season with psg.”“Wow… that’s like four years, what happened?” Christen asked tentatively. //it’s only been a year, I wonder if they still talk?// Tobin, scratched her neck, not making eye contact with Christen as she thought about what she was going to tell her. “She uh… she was cheating on me for more than half of the relationship… she was from costa rica but played with me at UNC, I guess one of the times she went home during the school year, she got back together with an ex but stayed dating me when she came back. We both got picked up by PSG after senior year and so we went there together… about halfway through the season this other girl came to surprise her in France and I caught them together…”//I guess that probably answers that talking question//“Oh my god Tobin… I’m so sorry…” Christen lifted her head slightly off of Tobin’s shoulder, looking into her soft brown eyes that were welled up with tears. Tobin let out a sad laugh, shaking her head, “I was so stupid, I still can’t believe it, how does someone not know for two whole years, that their girlfriend is dating someone else… people always think that a part of me had to know, that I had to have suspected something at some point but… until the moment I walked in on them, that thought had never once crossed my mind in our four years together.”Christen, pulled the older woman into her chest, rubbing soothing circles on the small of her back. “You’re not stupid Tobin, how could you have known when this other girl was never in the same place? You can’t blame yourself for not seeing it, and even if you had known at any point, she will always have been the one in the wrong, what she did is awful Tobin, I’m so sorry that you went through that.”“So… she’s the only girl you’ve dated?”Tobin sat up, moving out of Christen’s hold, she forced her eyes shut, willing away the tears. “Yeah she’s the only real girlfriend I’ve had… but I uh…”Christen could see the pain evident on Tobin’s face as whatever thoughts were flooding her mind took over her body completely. Christen, took Tobin hand back in hers, silently encouraging her in an unspoken promise that she wasn’t going anywhere.“After the breakup, I kind of fell apart for awhile, I started drinking a lot and going out more.” Tobin, scratched her neck, not making eye contact with Christen as she tried to keep her composure.“I started hooking up with random girls as a really shitty coping mechanism, I was just so angry and it just kind of all boiled over into a lot of awful choices that I regret every single day. I hate the person that I became after that relationship and I hate that I used girls likes that to try and ‘fix’ myself, or whatever the hell I thought it was doing. The worst part about it though was that I lost a huge part of myself while I was doing this, I lost my faith. Like I told you earlier, my faith has always been the biggest part of me. But I just got to this point where I decided I didn’t deserve the love of god, I spent so many nights just searching for all the verses I had gone against. I was so ashamed of the person I had become and I guess it was my way of punishing myself for going against everything that I had prayed for and believed in my whole life when it came to love and respect. It took me a long time to find myself after that, and honestly I don’t know if I ever would have if it weren’t for Amy and Lauren.”“Lauren Holiday?” “Chen- yeah Holiday.” Tobin softened and laughed lightly. “She’s been married for almost three years and I still forget about the name change sometimes. She’ll always been Cheney around here. But yeah, the two of them basically adopted me when I first broke into the Nation Team mix and have been my best friends and team moms ever since . They flew out to France during my second season this last year. They helped me find myself again and get away from all the toxic things and people I was surrounding myself with.” The brunette finally looked up at Christen, a look of what appeared to be shame, outlined her features. “ I felt like such an idiot when I finally got away from it, I think about it everyday, how I abused sex in that way, I had always believed that it was something that should only happen with the person you love and I… I threw that belief away because of one shitty breakup…”“Tobin… I am going to stop you there, if you don’t mind. You are NOT an idiot. You had every right to be upset after that relationship, and yeah maybe you did react in a shitty way, but that does not make you a bad person. I’m so sorry that you lost yourself for a while, and I’m sorry that you didn’t have someone there with you that could help you through it before it got to the point it did. What matters though is that you got out. You got out of those ways and you found yourself again. I’m really glad that you had Amy and Lauren in your corner to help you find your way back.” Tobin looked longingly into the striker’s eyes, bringing her hand up to the younger girl’s cheek and running her thumb softly across the skin there. “How are you doing that? How are you looking at me the same after knowing that I’ve slept with so many woman? Especially with how recent it was…doesn’t it bother you?”“Tobin I would never chose not to be with someone because of the amount of people they’ve slept with. That is your past, and I’m not going to lie to you-” A light blush covered Christen’s cheeks as she bowed her head a bit. “it’s a bit intimidating when I think about how the extent of my experience with a girl is when we kissed today… but that doesn’t change the fact that the Tobin I am getting to know is the sweetest, most genuine person I’ve ever met. Not to mention the fact that you didn’t have to tell me all this, but you did and that really means alot to me that you didn’t keep that from me. It was a part of your past no matter how recent it was, and if you tell me that you’ve left that part of your life behind you, then I believe you. There is so much we still have to learn about each other, and I’m definitely not going to stop getting to know you because of this part of you. Because that’s exactly what it is Tobin, it’s a part of your life, but it is not who you are.”“How are you so smart?” The midfielder, pulled Christen in closely again, pressing a long kiss to the caramel skin of her cheek. Christen smiled wide, her skin burning from the simple contact. “So… on that note, uh what exactly are we Tobs? I mean no pressure or anything but, what’s gonna happen when camp ends?” The striker questioned nervously, fiddling with a loose string on her shorts. “Well, I think we’ve established that we both have feelings for eachother, so let’s start there.” Tobin said confidently, her spirits lifting after the previous heavy conversation. “Obviously it won’t be easy if we decide to give us a try, I’m not in season right now so I’m probably going to stay here in LA to train while I’m deciding what my next move is. So with you being at UNC it’ll be tough but I think if we communicate enough with each other we can make it work, and Chapel Hill is like another home to me so I definitely wouldn’t be opposed to a few trips out there. I know it will be hard to keep this to ourselves but obviously we don’t really have another option for the time being…at least not until you’re 18 and then we can figure something out from there. I wish it could be different but if you’re up for it, I’m in this Chris, and I’m willing to try my best to make this work for us.” “You’d really be okay with keeping this a secret?” Christen asked genuinely. “I just don’t want to feel like I’m keeping you from living your life because you can’t tell people that you’re in a relationship… I would hate to feel like I’m holding you back from that.” “Chris I promise you I would not be pursuing this if I wasn’t sure it was what I wanted. And actually while we are talking about this I should probably mention that Amy knows… I uh kinda freaked out to her about it.” Tobin blushed, looking at the striker sheepishly. “Okay well that makes me feel better actually because I definitely freaked out to Channing about this while you were in the shower.” Christen laughed, hiding her face in Tobin's neck, a place that was beginning to feel a lot like home to the young girl. “Alright glad we’re on the same page there, and that we both have a person we trust to talk about this with.” Tobin smiled to herself as Christen’s face was still buried in the crook of her neck.“Hey Tobs?” The raven haired girl whispered.“Yeah?”“So are we like… girlfriends now or…?” Tobin chuckled at the sweet girl in her arms. “Christen?”“Hm?”“Will you be my girlfriend?” Tobin smiled wide, it had been a long time since she felt this free, and although she wasn’t sure where this was going to take her, she knew in this moment that Christen was someone she wanted to be in her life for a very long time. The striker lifted her head, smiling from ear to ear. “I’d love to.” “I think we should seal this deal with a kiss don’t you think?” The brunette smirked, raising her eyebrows.“I think that’d be appropriate right now.” Christen leaned in first, capturing Tobin’s chapped lips tentatively at first. Tobin allowed the younger girl to take the lead and explore, not wanting to push too far too quickly. After a moment, Christen ran her tongue swiftly across Tobin’s plush bottom lip, silently asking for entrance that the midfielder did not hesitate to grant. The two girls lips moved perfectly together, as if they had been doing this for years, as opposed to less than 24 hours. Tobin ran her hands down Christen’s back, stopping herself before they reached the curve of her butt. She settled for Christen’s hips instead, pulling the younger girl as close as she could without lifting her up onto her own legs. Christen’s head was spinning as Tobin redirected her lips down towards the strikers sharp jaw. Tobin placed feather light kisses all the way down to the base of Christen’s neck and then back up to the spot right below her ear. “Mmm” Christen involuntarily let out a soft moan at the new sensation, causing a slight blush to creep up her cheeks. Tobin bit her lip, she knew she needed to stop because as she was quickly learning, Christen was not an easy person to stop kissing. “Hey Chris… do you mind if I ask one more thing? You do don’t have to tell me obviously, but… what did you mean earlier about that kiss being ‘the first that counted’?” Tobin asked calmly, studying Christen’s face to see if she had messed up by bringing it up. She realized straight away that she had, when a look of pain flashed across the younger girl’s face. She forced her eyes shut and took a deep breath.“Ok nevermind I take it back, I shouldn’t have asked right now, you don’t have to answer that okay?” The midfielder ran soothing circles on Christen’s back, her body had gone rigid at Tobin’s question.“I will tell you Tobs… Just… it’s not going to be a short and quick story so I think it’d be best if we saved that for another time.” “Of course, no pressure Chris, I’m sorry if I upset you by bringing it up.” “No it’s okay really, you have a right to be curious, there is a lot of things I still need to tell you about.” Christen smiled solemnly. “Well I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready, but we should probably get to sleep Chris,” Tobin whispered, “long training day tomorrow, and Dawn and Laura would murder me if they knew I was preventing our new star from sleeping.” Christen just laughed shaking her head. “Can I be considered the “new star” if I haven’t even played a game yet?”“Fine, after Saturday you’ll be our new star.” “You say that like you know that I’ll be playing at all.” “Chris, the whole team and then some know that you’ll be getting your first cap on saturday, and I’ll be beyond shocked if you’re not in the starting eleven. Laura doesn’t take calling up teenagers lightly, but when she does it’s because she’s damn sure that they are something special. So yes, I do say that like I know you’ll be playing.” Tobin ended confidently, with a chaste kiss to Christen’s lips. “Thank you Tobin.” Christen smiled sweetly, before finally untangling herself from the midfielder and padding across the room to her own bed. “Night Tobs.” She mumbled, already half asleep as her head hit her pillow.“Goodnight Christen, sweet dreams.” Tobin stayed sitting up for a moment, just admiring the beautiful girl across the room. //She’s my girlfriend...// Tobin thought with a bright smile on her face. _____It was about three o’clock in the morning; if Tobin’s squinted eyes were reading her phone right, when she heard quiet sobs coming from Christen’s side of the room. “Chris?” Tobin rolled out of bed, stumbling over to Christen’s. The striker’s shirt was tear stained, and her eyes were red and puffy; she had clearly been crying for quite some time already. “Chris what’s wrong?” Tobin gently crawled into Christen’s bed, pulling the taller girl into her chest. The raven haired girl just shook her head quickly, burying her face in the crook of Tobin’s neck, trying to calm her breathing. Tears welled up in Tobin’s eyes as she held onto Christen for dear life. “I’ve got you Chris, it’s gonna be okay… I’ve got you, I’m here.” Tobin didn’t sleep for the rest of the night, she dozed off here and there for five or ten minutes, but she spent the rest of the night with her eyes focused on the girl in her arms. Christen avoided Tobin as much as possible after waking up the next morning. Tobin had fallen back asleep just when she woke up, but Christen was quick to slip out of the midfielders hold and walk to the bathroom without speaking a word. Tobin wanted so badly for Christen to say just one word to her, but she got nothing as the two of them got dressed and walked downstairs to breakfast. Tobin went to pull out a chair for the striker when they got downstairs, but Christen quickly walked past her and over to another table where she sat next to Ali and Ashlyn. Amy noticed the interaction, and pulled Tobin down beside her, patting her shoulder and giving her a “we’ll talk later” look. _______ //you’ve got Megan to your left, cut back, Kelley’s behind you… tap around Rose and you’ll have a free path//Christen faked a pass and flicked the ball around Rose’s outstretched leg with the outside of her foot. //give and go with Julie and you’ll have a shot, ready… give and…... go//Christen received the ball back from Julie and she surged forward, still a ways out from the eighteen, Christen slowed just a small amount, enough that Emily hesitated with her step for just a half second granting Christen a chance to exploit her. //meg her//She did, knocking the ball between Emily’s legs, christen sprinted around the defender receiving her own ball and with one more touch-//shoot upper left Ashlyn is leaning slightly right//-the striker released a shot, firing the ball so perfectly into the top left corner that it grazed both the crossbar and left goal post. //i could have taken it further in and challenged ashlyn more, although she’s better on the move so might have got me, that touch around Rose was dangerous too, it nicked her leg if she had been any closer it would have backfired//Christen was broken out of her own thoughts as her teammates congratulated her on the play.“That was killer CP”“Awesome work kid”On the other half of the pitch, Tobin was not having as much luck, and everyone could see it.“Heath! Get over here!” Tobin cringed as she heard Laura yell from across the pitch. It had only been a matter of time really, the entire training so far Tobin’s touches had been off, her reaction times were slow, and she couldn’t complete a cross or finish a goal to save her life. Tobin begrudgingly jogged across the turf, stopping in front of Laura where she could almost see the steam pouring from her ears. “What the hell is going on out there Heath? Because that’s certainly not you out there right now.”Tobin hung her head low, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Trust me I know coach, I’m sorry. I think it’s just an off day really, I didn’t get too much sleep last night and it’s just kind of thrown me off today. I promise I’ll be back in form tomorrow.”“You better be, you know how important these two games are for us coming up, regardless if they’re friendlies or not.” Laura was stern with her words, but she could see in her player’s eyes that the woman was hurting over something. “Why don’t you head in and get an early start on recovery Heath? I don’t want you trying to force things out here while you’re in this little slump, head inside and Dawn will get you started so you can finish up early.” Laura clapped the midfielder on the shoulder and gave her a small but encouraging smile. “Rest up Heath, I need you in full force on Saturday.”“Thanks coach.” Tobin nodded with a forced smile. She knew that it wouldn’t benefit her or the team if she continued playing today, but it still frustrated her to no end. She couldn’t allow her emotions to get the better of her like this when it came to training.“Oh and Heath? I think I’m going to send Press in as well soon, kid has been giving a hundred and fifty all week and I don’t want her too worn down.” Tobin cringed internally //great, just what I need right now // “Sounds good coach.” The midfielder jogged off then, not bothering to wait for Laura to call Christen over.“DAMMIT.” Tobin shouted into the air of the locker room, throwing her cleats down. She had never been like this before, usually her emotions would just fuel her game, but today she was useless, unable to get Christen off her mind. The midfielder stripped off her training top, letting out a ragged breath while she leant on her forearms against her locker. A tear escaped her eyes, tracing down the curve of her tanned cheek; leaning her head upwards a bit she let a long breath out between her chapped lips. “I could use a little help right now.” She whispered into the air above her while reaching to grasp onto the cross necklace that was almost always around her neck. “Tobin?” The midfielder heard a small voice enter the room. She sucked in a deep breath, not needing to turn around to know the source.“Tobin… I’m sorry I-” Before Christen could finish her sentence, Tobin was across the room, embracing the young striker; holding her with everything she had. “Don’t apologize.” She whispered into Christen’s cheek. “I need to though… I shouldn’t have avoided you like that Tobs… I just… I guess I’m just not used to having someone that I trust to talk about things with and I just got really overwhelmed at the thought of explaining why I had been crying, and even more so when I realized that I trust someone enough for that and I… I’ve never told anyone but Channing…”“I know Chris, I know.” The midfielder rubbed soothing patterns on Christen’s back as her breathing got heavy. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me okay? Not now, and especially not here. I understand how hard this is for you, and I’m not going to get mad if sometimes you don’t feel like talking about something. I just want to make sure you know that when you do want to talk, or even when you don’t, I’ll always be here okay? Whether you need me to listen, or just be on facetime with you if we’re not together. And ya I’m not going to lie, I was upset this morning and I did let it affect my play, but I wasn’t upset with you, I was upset with myself because I felt like I couldn’t do anything to help… and I hated that feeling, I just want to be able to help and support you the best that I can.” “That means more to me than you’ll ever know Tobin… I promise I’ll work on communicating more okay? No more silent treatments.” Christen lowered her voice and added, “I guess I’ve just got to accept that I have a super hot girlfriend to help me now huh?” “Super hot huh?” Tobin pulled back slightly, a playful smirk on her face and raising her eyebrows suggestively. Christen laughed, shoving the shorter woman away jokingly. “Put a shirt on, this” Christen made a waving motion around the midfielders abs, “is distracting.” “No can do, heading to the ice baths, and I believe you are too sooo.” Tobin winked, turning to walk away. “jokes on you, I’m actually off to get a massage. See you later Toby.” Christen sing songed, skipping playfully away from the midfielder. Tobin shook her head as she watched the younger girl leave. // she’s something else // -------“Alright ladies, time to kick it into gear for Saturday’s game, we know how Brazil is, history put aside they will always be tough competition. You know with them it’s like playing against a bunch of mini Heath’s, their creativity is off the charts even if the team connection as a whole is off they are a powerhouse one on one.”“Coach, I can never tell if you mean that as a compliment or not when we talk about Brazil.” Tobin shook her head, getting a laugh out of the team. “That’s up for your discretion Heath… “ Laura’s comment getting a round of “oohhs” out of the team.“Moving on, they’ve got quick defenders, but not as much technicality there, I’m extremely confident in our offensive attack’s ability to expose their weaknesses back there. I’m gonna pull our lineup up here on the screen and match our starters up with who I suspect to be in their eleven.” Christen’s eyes went wide as Laura displayed the starting eleven on the screen at the front of the room. //I’m starting… I’m starting for my first cap. HOLY SHIT.//NaeherKrieger Sauerbrunn Engen O’HaraErtzO’Reilly Horan HeathMorgan PressA round of congratulations circulated throughout the room, many of the girls praising Christen on the start.The young striker caught Tobin’s eyes from across the room, where she was smiling proudly back at her. Christen blushed, looking down as Tobin mouthed, “I told you so.” with a dopey smirk on her face.Laura hushed the room then, so she could continue on. “I guess we will start with Press, while we’re on the topic. Press I’m putting you up top with Morgan, I’d like you to keep more to the left because I like the chemistry I’ve seen between you and Heath this week, so I’m going to have her floating around along the left flank to make the most of that connection. I’m assuming that you’ll have Monica and probably Raffaelle team up on the left defensive side who if we make the most of Heath’s technicality and your speed, you should have no problem at all breaking through them. Monica is quick, but you’re quicker.”Christen nodded in acknowledgment, taking in every word. “Obviously you’re always free to drop back when necessary, but for the most part I’d like you to be floating around their defensive line to keep them on their toes. Alex, you’ll be dropping back a bit more, but I’m pretty confident with Julie parked behind the central midfielders in that six position that there won’t be a whole lot of breakthrough into the final third on their part. Horan, Marta is yours. I don’t want you more than a few meters off her mark at any point in time. Give me sixty or so minutes of tracking her every move, and then I’ll get Lavelle in for you. Ertz, you’ve got Andressinha, use your size and strength there. She’s quick and she’s feisty, but what I want from you is to not give her any space to shoot, you know she’ll take whatever shot she can fire off once she’s in that last third. And finally, you know she makes the most of that brazilian flare to flop like a damned little fish out of water, so be tough, but be careful because she draws cards like no one else.” Laura continued explaining the plan of attack for the first match, finishing with her substitution plans.“Like usual I have three planned, but of course I can use more for the friendlies if I see fit. Lavelle, like I said the plan is to get you in for Horan somewhere around the 60th. Rodriguez for Morgan either at the half, or just after, we’ll see how that quad is treating you Morgan. So Rodriguez, keep warm from the get go just in case I need you sooner than planned. Finally, Sullivan I want to get you in around the 70th or 80th minute for Rose, just to get the feel back for your game, depending how that goes we’ll try get you in sooner for the next match. Leroux you’re on standby for Press throughout the match, although I’m pretty confident that anyone who can make it as far as she did on the beep test can pull out a full ninety but we’ll keep an eye out. Alright ladies, that’s all I’ve got for you tonight, go get some rest we’ve got a tough morning planned and then it’s rest for the remainder of the day in preparation for match day. See you all tomorrow. The team started to file out and head back up to their respective rooms. “Press, a word?” Laura asked as the young striker rose from her seat. She looked back to Tobin who gave a nod of acknowledgment that she would wait outside for her. “Of course, what’s up coach?” “How are you feeling about the start? It’s not often a player starts in their first cap, let alone goes for a full ninety, but I think I’ve got a pretty exceptional case with you.” Christen smiled wide, “I feel great, nervous obviously but I don’t really think I could have a better team of players around me to support me through it. And again I can’t thank you enough for this opportunity Coach, I promise I’ll give my all on Saturday.”“I know you will kid, go get some rest, I’ll see you in the morning.”“Thanks coach, see you.” -----“I’m gonna miss you Tobs.” Christen mumbled into the shorter woman’s neck.” The raven haired girl was lying almost completely on top of Tobin. “I know babe, I’m gonna miss you too. But I’ll be at UNC in a few weeks okay? I already texted Anson about helping train the team for a week or so during that first bit of pre-season. It won’t be the first time I’ve done that, so no one will think anything of it.”//did she just call me babe//“Counting down the days already.” Christen smiled sweetly, not bringing attention to the pet name, and assuring herself that it was probably just a slip up. “Anyway, it’s only thursday, we’ve still got until after the game next tuesday.” Tobin reminded the girl in her arms. She was about to lean down and kiss Christen when her phone began to ring on her bedside table. “I’m sorry Chris I’ve gotta answer this.” Tobin bit her lip as she answered the call. “Bonjour Anthony… oui, bien sûr ... Je ne me suis pas encore décidé ... La semaine prochaine? Bien sûr, je peux le faire ... bien sûr, merci de m'avoir donné cette fois-ci pour le penser ... j'apprécie cela ... bien sûr, le PSG a été une expérience incontournable pour moi et j'aurais la chance de continuer là-bas… oui… Je vous remercie de me permettre d'être libéré de mon contrat si je prends cette décision… bien sûr… Merci Anthony, je vais vous parler bientôt, Au Revoir” Tobin sighed after hanging up the phone, running her hand through her messy hair. “What was that about?” Christen asked curiously. “Uh… that was my manager from PSG.”“You’re… are you going back to France?” Christen heartbeat picked suddenly. //she’s going to leave, of course she is, why wouldn’t she//“No I, I don’t know yet Chris I haven’t decided. They are giving me until next week to give them a final answer. Could we not talk about this tonight?” “Where will you play if you don’t go back though?” Christen pressed on, despite Tobin’s not wanting to continue the conversation.“I don’t know, if I don’t extend with them, I have offers from another club in France and a couple in Germany. If I stay here it would depend on who wants to sign me, but it also depends on what I want because I don’t just want to play on any team. I’ve been in talks with a few of the coaches here so though I’m still thinking about all my options.” “But what if-”“Chris please… I’m not trying to avoid the subject I just really don’t know what I’m doing and I’ve been having a really hard time with this right now, I promise I’ll talk to you about it when I actually know where my head’s at ok? I promise I won’t give any team an answer before talking to you about it first too alright?” ‘Okay...I’m sorry for pushing it.” Christen bowed her head.“Hey,” Tobin lifted the strikers chin with her finger, bringing Christen’s eyes level with her own. “Don’t apologize for wanting an answer Chris, you deserve to know these things, you’re a part of my life now and you have every right to want to know where I’m going to be playing, especially when the possibilities expand outside the US. I wish I could tell you right now that I’m going to stay in the states but at this moment right now I can’t do that. All I can tell you is that if I did end up back in France that wouldn’t change anything in the way I feel about you, and about us.”“You’re really good at putting me at a loss for words you know that?” Christen smiled wide, her eyes glistening that beautiful green colour that Tobin loved so much. “Well if you’ve got nothing to say…” Tobin smirked, leaning in and connecting their lips like she had planned earlier. It started out slow, but considering Christen’s position already sitting almost completely on top of the midfielder, it escalated quickly. Tobin pulled the smaller woman into a more comfortable position on top of her, and Christen wasted no time stradling Tobin’s hips as she was pulled up further. Tobin was a little surprised at the move, but she took it in stride, running her hands down Christen’s back, briefly passing over her butt and then landing on her thighs. This action spurred on Christen, the younger girl diverted her lips, beginning a path down Tobin’s sharp jawline, biting at the smooth skin tentatively as she explored this new area. Christen’s lips moved up and down the expanse of the midfielders neck. After a few minutes, Tobin pulled Christen’s face back up, holding it still in front of her own as she grasped her curls in one hand and had her jaw cupped gently in the other. “You’re too good at that for your own good, and I didn’t want to stop you but I don’t have any makeup to cover up the marks you were about to leave.” Tobin husked out, lips just barely far enough from Christen’s to not be touching. Christen bit her lip, a bit surprised at the effect she seemed to have on the older woman. “Oops, sorry.” She muttered sweetly pressing a chaste kiss to Tobin’s plump lips, before wrapping her arms around the shorter girl’s midsection and playfully pulling her down into a lying position.“Believe me you don’t have to apologize, I’m definitely not complaining.”Christen just blushed, hiding in the crook of Tobin’s neck one again. “M’ sleepy.” She mumbled into Tobin’s shoulder, clinging onto her body. It was only just after nine but both girls were ready to sleep. “Sleep here with me? Feel free to say no but y’know if you want to…” Tobin stuttered out shyly, she didn’t want to push anything, but she just wanted to be able to hold Christen all night. “Mmkay.” Christen yawned, shifting a little to get comfy; meaning lying almost completely on top of Tobin, who wasn’t going to complain at all.Tobin look down at Christen, rubbing soft circles on her back overtop of the younger girls t shirt. //you’ve got it bad heath//
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Were you nervous before your first cap?” Christen whispered to Tobin as she sat on the team bus on their way to the stadium. “Are you kidding? I was eighteen and thought I was the best thing since sliced bread, I didn’t have the time to be nervous because I was too busy filling my big head with my own praise.” Tobin could tell that was not the answer that the younger girl was looking for, so she continued. “My second cap on the other hand… I was a mess, it all hit me the morning of that second game, I actually threw up… twice. Now I know neither of those stories probably bring any comfort, but Chris it is perfectly normal to be nervous, you’re about to play for your country for the first time, and friendly or not, no matter how many years you’ve been here, that tingly feeling never goes away. You’re going to play amazing, and I don’t want to jinx anything but I have a feeling there is gonna be a new player added to the first cap first goal club today.” Tobin gave her new bus buddy a nudge and a reassuring smile. You’ve got this Chris, I’ll be right out there with you.” _______“And making her first appearance for the United States, wearing number twenty three, Christen Press!”Christen’s heart pounded out of her chest as she took the field with the rest of the starting eleven, she sprinted to her spot in front of the ball, front and centre in the middle of the pitch, although she couldn’t see the cameras, she knew they were focusing on her, she tried her best to hide the nerves, but she knew that the thousands of people watching all across the country right now could see right through her. Christen took a deep breath//inhale… … … exhale… ….//and the whistle blew. As if a switch had been flipped inside the young striker, Christen turned into a whole new person as she crisply passed the ball back to Lindsey in the midfield. She jogged forward, scoping out the defence as the ball worked its way calmly back to the US defence before starting their push forward. And in these first moments of the game, Christen nearly shed a tear as she felt more at home on this pitch, with this group of players, than she had ever felt in her life. This was it. This was were she was meant to be. It had been an exhilarating 40 minutes in the friendly match against Brazil, the ball never stopped moving between a very technical Brazil and a very quick and tactical US side. Possession had
been fairly equal since the whistle began the match but the US was buzzing with anticipation as they could feel the pieces pulling together, desperate to put one away before halftime. //see Tobin see Tobin, yes Julie perfect ball, come on Tobs you’ve got her beat, flick around and go! Here we go here we go send it through NOW!//Christen stutter stepped left and bolted into the centre of the pitch straight toward a perfectly placed ball from Tobin that she had chipped over top of the last line of Brazil’s defence. All of this happening around the centre of the pitch, leaving Christen with a clear break away, endless yards of pitch in front of her. //You’ve got this, no one can catch up to you and the keeper is big but slow, challenge her all the way in a fake at the last second, here it comes//Christen was yards ahead of the last desperate Brazilian defender trying to make up ground, she made it to the top of the eighteen and Barbara charged out towards her, Christen waited until the last possible second before dropping her left shoulder and stepping over the ball dragging her left foot behind just long enough to fool the keeper into diving for the shot the never came, the young striker tapped the ball smoothly behind her planted right foot with the heel of her left and buried the ball safely in the back of the net. Christen stood where she was, frozen in disbelief, not hearing a sound but the beating of her own heartbeat until…Boom. Christen was swept off her feet by a sprinting Tobin heath who spun her around in a hug before being crashed into by a flood of her other team-mates. “GOOOOOAAAAALLLL USA, number twenty three, Christen Press has scored in her first cap with the United States at just seventeen years old! Older only than one US player in history which was Kristine Killy at age sixteen. An incredible feat for this young rising star of this national team.”The ending few minutes of the half were a blur as Christen tried to wrap her head around what had just happened. She had just scored a goal for the United States Women’s National Team.
______“PRESS PRESS PRESS PRESS PRESS PRESS!!” The entire bus full of the national team players chanted as the team rode back to their hotel, the vehicle was vibrating with energy as they pulled up.Christen was overwhelmed with all of the attention as she stepped off the bus back into the warm Californian night. She was flooded with congratulations and hugs and pats on the back as the team crowded into the lobby. The team had decided to go out for the evening, but given Christen’s age the young striker decided to turn in early, thankful when she saw Tobin walking closely behind her and stepping into the elevator along with her. “Aren’t you going out with the team?” Christen asked with a small smile as Tobin stepped closer, wrapping her arms around the taller girl. “Nah, I think I’ll turn in early, bars aren’t really my scene anymore, plus, what kind of girlfriend would I be if I left my girl alone after her first cap AND her first goal for the national team?” “Well Amy is staying in with the kids so I’m sure Ryan and Luke could keep me company, buttttt, I guess I wouldn’t mind having yours as well.” Christen winked, pulling back from the hug slightly, and kissing Tobin on the cheek. “Oh wow, I am honoured.” Tobin laughed shaking her head. The two made their way back to their room and were about to share a sweet kiss when there was a knock on their door. “Oh come on, who’s conspiring against us.” Tobin opened the door as Ryan bolted inside in just his swim trunks. “Aunty Toby Aunty Toby please please pleaseeeee will you take me to the pool, momma said to ask you cause Lukey isn’t feeling well, as if on cue, Amy walks in cradling a slumbering baby Luke in her arms. “I’m sorry you guys the second I mentioned your name he was out the door in his swim trunks before I could even stand up.” “Please aunty Toby pleaseeeeee, I have top secret stuff we gotta talk bout!” Tobin looked guiltily over at Christen silently apologizing for the interruption. The young girl smiled back sweetly, “Well what are you waiting for Aunty Toby, I think someone is in a hurry to get to the pool.” Christen chuckled watching as Ryan’s eyes lit up from her encouragement.“YES let’s go!!! Ryan pulled Tobin by her forearm out of the hotel room before anyone had a chance to say anything else.“Sorry for pawning Tobin off, I knew she wouldn’t say no.” Amy laughed softly when it was just her Christen and baby Luke left in the room.“It’s okay, I think it’s sweet how much she loves your boys.” Christen smiled genuinely.“Can I ask you something Amy? You don’t have to answer this because I know it’s not really your place to tell me but… Tobin told me about everything that happened after Shirley and um… she told me how you and Lauren were there and really pulled her out of that bad place she was in and I guess I’m just wondering kind of… um-” “If she’s completely over that part of her life?” Amy finished Christens question.“Yeah… Obviously I trust her and I believe everything she’s told me, but I also know it hasn’t been long since all of that went down and it’s just kind of human nature for me to worry…”“Christen, honestly, Tobin is one of the best people I know, she did some shitty things and wasn’t herself for a while, but I can promise you, that is in no way a reflection of who she truly is. Tobin is the sweetest and most genuine girl you will ever meet, and I know that her past might be a little bit intimidating or concerning but you need to know that what happened after Shirley is the furthest thing from a reflection on Tobins character. That was never who she was and most certainly is not who she is now. And I can promise you that you will never have anything to worry about when it comes to Tobin in that way. She will be faithful to you and one hundred percent honest about anything you ask her.”Christen smiled and let out a shaky breath trying to hold back a few tears that were threatening to spill over. “Thank you Amy… I really can trust her can’t I?” Christen asked more as a statement than anything else, biting her lip in a smile as she thought about what the future may hold for her and Tobin.“You really can hun, and I promise you can always trust me with this stuff okay? As much as I was a little worried when Tobin came to me about you guys, I would never tell a soul about it. Tobin is the little sister I never had and I would do anything for her, and that includes you now too. I think you’re an incredible young woman Christen and even though I know things may be tricky with this relationship I really think you two will be good for each other. I want you to use that phone number I gave you okay? You can always ask me or tell me anything and I will never spill a word to anyone else, not even Tobin okay?”“Thank you so much Amy, you have no idea how much that means to me. I really really appreciate that.” “Anytime Christen, honestly, despite any of the complications that may arise from this, I’m really happy you came into Tobins life, she deserves someone special like you after her last relationship.”“Do you think it’s unfair of me to put her in the position to have to hide her relationship though? I know she’s already assured me that she’s okay with it, I just get kind of scared that because she’s older she’ll regret getting involved with someone who she can’t tell people about you know?” “Tobin’s never been one to share her personal life with the public honestly, even when she was dating Shirley only her family and close friends knew about it with the exception of a few hardcore fans who do their digging. She likes to keep that part of her life to herself so truthfully I don’t think that will be a problem with her, especially considering in just a year it won’t be as important to keep it quiet anymore once you turn eighteen.” “You’re right, thank you Amy, for everything, you’ve made me feel a lot better about all of this. Can I ask you one more question?” Christen asked shyly, already slightly embarrassed.
“Of course.”“Um… I was wondering uh how old you were when uh… when you had sex for the first time? You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want I know that's a different kind of personal.” Christen laughed shaking her head nervously. “Hey I’m the one that told you you could tell or ask me anything.” Amy chuckled with a lighthearted wink, trying to ease the younger striker of her nerves. “I was sixteen, and I’m not going to lie to you, I regret it a lot, I don’t regret who I was with necessarily but I know that I wasn’t ready, I was young and I thought he was “the one”. I don’t regret the person though because he was a really great guy and he loved me and was always sweet to me, I felt bad about making him wait so eventually I just decided to do it even though I knew in my heart it wasn’t right. So I will tell you this, when you know, you know, and don’t ever let someone make you feel like you have to be ready before you are okay? Now I know that Tobin would never pressure you into anything, but people do make mistakes and if she ever hurts you in any way I will beat the living crap out of her alright?” “Where were you when I was growing up? My sister talked a big talk but she’s never really been great at the actual confrontations.” “Don’t worry hon, you’ve got momma Ames on your side now, and I mean what I said okay? Don’t you ever be afraid to use my phone number whenever you need, I don’t care what time it is or where you are.” “Could I ask you a question now?” Amy continued. “Of course.” Christen smiled sweetly, grateful for Amy’s honesty and sincerity with her. “Did you ask me about my first time because you’re thinking about having sex with Tobin?” Christen blushed on cue as she did every time that thought was put in her head. “Um.. I mean, not right now I don’t- I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.” “That’s perfectly okay Christen. You just have to make sure you communicate that honestly with Tobin. Because she will one hundred percent be respectful of that with you and not pressure you or anything as long as you tell her that’s how you feel. Because while she is respectful and caring she can also be slightly like a teenage boy sometimes.” “Do you think she’ll be disappointed that I’m not ready for that though? I just worry that because she’s so… experienced, that she’ll be disappointed if we don’t you know?” Christen nervously played with the ends of her hair between her fingers. “Christen I’m going to be completely honest with you… I have never seen Tobin this smiley and giddy about a girl before. And I’m telling you that because despite how she appears sometimes she is a really emotional person. When Tobin cares about a person she will do whatever it takes to make sure that person is happy and taken care of, whether it be a friend or someone special like you. I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that she would wait forever for you if that’s what you needed. I can see it in her eyes when she looks at you or even talks about you how deeply she already cares for you. And I know her experience with women might be intimidating, but I promise you, as long as you are honest with her about what you do and don’t want, she will never step a foot out of line and try to push you to do more than you are comfortable with.”
Christen couldn’t hold back her tears any longer, for once in her life she felt like she was surrounded by people she could really talk to to, and she never wanted that feeling to fade.