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It was five years ago when they first met through common friends. With Hoseok’s personality, it did not take long for them to click. They were born in the same year with a few months of age difference and it just made being friends even easier. As time passed by, without them noticing they became attached at the hips.Hoseok to Namjoon is a walking ball of sunshine. Every time spent with him is just a little bit brighter than normal. Hoseok is all smiles and gleeful voice. Every time he smiles, his lips form just the perfect heart shape. His eyes shine enchantingly that even the brightest star can’t compare. He just – glows. And every time, Namjoon finds himself staring and slowly, bit by bit, falling.Namjoon is smart. He knows the sign. He wanted to see more of Hoseok’s smile but he wanted them to be directed to him and him alone. He wanted to hear more of Hoseok’s laughter but he wanted to be the reason behind them. Call him greedy but he wanted Hoseok all to himself.Namjoon is definitely smart. He knew what it was when he had his first attack. It was more than two years into their friendship when it happened. Namjoon woke up sweating so bad with an uncomfortable feeling in his chest. He tried to shake it off and go on with his usual life. He tried so hard to ignore it but reality punched him in the gut when he found himself hunched over the sink throwing up flowers.
Hoseok is in love. It was evident in how his eyes brighten or how his cheeks turn red whenever Yoongi is around.Hoseok is in love and Namjoon is there to witness it all.Hoseok has been smiling and laughing even more than usual. And no, they're not always that contagious loud laughter of his. It's that melodic laughter that makes you just stare at him unconsciously, wondering how such a sweet sound can be real. His eyes shine even brighter like he has the whole galaxy in them. The reason behind those laughter and smiles? Yoongi. And Namjoon had never felt envious of anyone until then.He helped Hoseok choose what to wear on their first date. He fixed his collar when he was too nervous to notice it got dishevelled in his rush. He ruffled his hair when he finally stepped out of the door a little calmer now. He wished him good luck with the brightest smile he can muster. And once the door was closed, he lifelessly walked to their shared living room, throwing himself on the couch and waited for him to come back. That night, Hoseok did not come back to him, to their apartment.He could only smile a painful one, as he choked up in tears curling into himself as he spent the cold night alone at their shared apartment. Hoseok is in love and it’s not with him.
Years. 3 years worth of flowers could have easily given Namjoon a garden of his own. Sadly they always go down the drain or the trash bin. But believe it or not, Namjoon still sees the beauty in them. Those colors and life that bloom deep in his chest are proof of his love for Hoseok. But he knows he can't keep them, the flowers and the love.Namjoon is in love, but he's still smart. Though it took him some time, Namjoon finally decided to think of himself.After a long time, he told his family about his condition. For a while, no one was able to utter a word. They just stood there, eyes wide in shock, his mother almost losing her balance as the news sink in. That day, he cried with his family as they hugged him tight refusing to let go.Of course, he did not tell Hoseok the real reason why he’s suddenly flying to another country. He used work as his excuse, saying that a new opportunity is waiting for him there. That day Hoseok cried. He cried and made him promise that they will remain friends despite the distance. Friends…
While he was away, he found out that Hoseok and Yoongi had broken up. He wanted to go back immediately, he really wanted to, for he was sure that Hoseok will be broken. Hoseok has never loved anyone as much as he loved Yoongi. Hoseok needs someone to be there for him. Hoseok needs him.But going back means Hoseok finding out and finding out means Hoseok getting even more broken. He knows Hoseok. He will definitely blame himself and Namjoon does not want that. So he tried to be there with Hoseok, despite the distance he made his presence felt.Unknown to Hoseok, Namjoon was suffering. Namjoon needed him too.
He endured it for so long that his condition was determined severe. It might have been already too late. The operation to remove the flowers from him took a great toll on his body to the point that he almost lost his life right there on the operating table, but he was able to fight.Namjoon got the flowers taken out from inside his chest. His feelings for Hoseok are gone. They’re gone. And now he feels nothing, he feels empty. Was it really the right decision?Days passed and then weeks. Even though he got the disease out of his system, his condition did not improve. It was hard to accept, but Namjoon is slowly dying. For how long can he still fight, even he does not know.He wished to go back to where Hoseok is and his family can’t deny him. He made them promise never to blame Hoseok. Hoseok is innocent. It’s not Hoseok’s fault. He did nothing wrong. He made them promise never to tell Hoseok the real reason.
It was in the hospital where Hoseok and Namjoon made their reunion.At first, Hoseok just silently sat on the bedside, holding onto his right hand tightly. Then the first stream of tears started to fall, followed by loud sobs as he leans his forehead on their connected hands. His words were incoherent as he finds it hard to speak his mind while trying to keep his sobs to a minimum.With his free hand, Namjoon gently ruffles Hoseok’s hair and that made him sob even louder. Hoseok has always loved it when Namjoon plays with his hair when he's feeling down. A small smile forms on Namjoon’s lips as he continues to pat Hoseok’s head, watching him slowly calm down.Namjoon feels tired.“Come here,” Namjoon said in a soft voice slowly moving to the side to make some space for Hoseok. Hoseok cuddles him at once.“Thank you for being my bestfriend Hoseok, I love you,” though his voice is too soft he’s sure that Hoseok hears him if the subtle tightening of Hoseok's embrace is any indication.
Namjoon tries to keep his eyes open as Hoseok grasps him into a warm embrace. The older one has been whispering sweet nothings on his ear for a while now, a mixture of apologies and words of love. It’s very rare for Namjoon to hear him talk this softly. He's used to seeing a joyful and energetic Hoseok, not this.
I never wanted this.
Hoseok’s tears just fall freely on Namjoon’s now wet shirt. Namjoon tries to reach out. He wants to wipe those tears away.You should not cry. Please stop crying. He tried to say.He reaches out his hand but drops it midway. His eyes close slowly, listening to Hoseok’s passionate words.
This could have been perfect….