Work Text
An AU where whenever you lose an item (like a sock), it ends up in your soulmates’ possession somehow. Prompt belongs to (E/In)ternal Noise.
A knock resounded from the other side of [Name's] bedroom door. "Come in," [Name] called as she continued rummaging through her closet and various drawers and cabinets. Bruce Banner opened the door, but stopped in the doorway when he saw the state of chaos [Name's] bedroom was in. "[Name], why is your bedroom so messy?" Bruce asked. "Did you lose something?" "Yeah, I lost my binder," [Name] answered. "You know, the big [F/C] one with all of my sketches and stories in it. I can't find it anywhere! There are seven years worth of drawings and stories in there!" "I'll ask around the Tower if you like," Bruce offered. "I'll look in the lab too, in case you might've left it there when you helped me with an experiment." [Name] let out a grateful sigh. "Thank you so much, Bruce," she thanked him. "This means a lot to me." Bruce smiled. "Happy to help." He turned and closed the door behind him. [Name] let out an irritated groan and was about to flop onto her bed, but a strange book caught her attention. It was an expensive-looking, very thick hardcover book; about as thick as the Bible, maybe thicker. It had a royal blue leather cover with a gold border and a chocolate-brown spine. And the cover's title read in gold letters: An Extensive Guide to Magical Illusions and Curses. The same thing was stamped into the spine. Curious, [Name] opened the book to a random page and was greeted with elegant black script accompanied by various diagrams and charts. And as [Name] continued flipping through the pages, she noticed that there were short notes crammed between the margins and to the sides of the pages. They were all written in green ink and mostly consisted of criticism and corrections. [Name] smiled as she read each note, laughing at the sarcasm and sass that seemed to be dripping from each note, criticizing the author on his inaccurate methods or incorrect procedures. "If this person is to be my soulmate, then I'm glad. At least he'll have some sense of humor when I meet him!"Thor and Frigga had barely managed to convince Odin to let Loki stay in his bedroom instead of a prison cell. A knock resounded from the other side of [Name's] bedroom door. "Come in," Loki called as he continued rummaging through his dresser and various drawers and cabinets. Thor opened the door, but stopped in the doorway when he saw the state of chaos Loki's bedroom was in. "Brother, why is your bedroom so messy?" Thor asked. "Did you lose something important?" "I lost my copy of An Extensive Guide to Magical Illusions and Curses," Loki answered shortly. "I can't find it anywhere! There are fifteen years worth of notes and corrections in there!" "I could ask around the palace if you like," Thor offered. "I'll look in the gardens, as well, in case you might've left it there when you were out on one of your walks." Loki let a tired sigh escape his lips. "Thank you, brother," he told Thor. "Always there to save the day, aren't you?" Thor smiled. "Somebody has to be, brother." He turned and closed the door behind him. Loki let out an irritated growl and was about to sit on his bed, but an unfamiliar item caught his attention. It was a very thick, but neatly organized binder; about as thick as the books in the palace library, maybe thicker. It had a [F/C] leather cover with a buckle holding it shut. And the cover's title read in thick letters written in black ink: My Collection of Sketches, Stories, and the Ramblings of an Idiosyncratic Avenger. The same thing was scribbled on the spine. Curious and very intrigued, Loki opened the binder to a random page and was greeted with a drawing of the Avengers. They appeared to be eating at a large table and were all yelling at each other, save for the Black Widow and the Captain, who simply watched with exasperation and amusement. The date Mon, 5/7/2012 was written in the upper-left corner; three days after the Battle of New York had taken place. The title was written in the upper-right corner: The Best Dysfunctional Family of Heroes I Could Ask For. ♡♡♡ And as Loki continued flipping through the pages, he came across several other sketches of everyday scenery or fantastical worlds and creatures, as well as short stories and what he assumed were journal entries of some sort. They were all written in varying colors of ink (sometimes multiple colors would be used on one story or journal entry) and mostly consisted of lengthy descriptions of a certain mission, short paragraphs about the amusing ticks/habits or misadventures of the other Avengers, or some wild story about a nihilistic cyborg or a serial killer sorceress. Loki smirked as he read each journal entry or story and observed each detailed drawing, chuckling at the good-natured criticism about each Avenger or potential pranks she wanted to try out on Iron Man and Hawkeye. "If this person is to be my soulmate, then I'm not disappointed. At least she isn't a mindless twit like the other Midgardians." Over the course of the next few weeks, [Name] and Loki continued to lose items and have new ones end up in their possession. One time, [Name] lost her book of piano sheet music and in turn found a dagger with an emerald green handle and two gold serpents entwined around it. [Name] thought it was a really nice weapon, and made sure to put it in a safe location to make sure that she didn't lose it. On Loki's end, he found the book of sheet music on his desk. Flipping through it, he saw that the owner had written notes to the side; not unlike how he wrote notes in the books he read. These notes mostly consisted of the owner yelling at the composer by writing in all capital letters and writing very obscene words and phrases between the staffs. Another time, [Name] lost her copy of Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson (real book, it's really good; it's one of my favorites). A few minutes later, a book called The Fine Art of Getting Revenge on your Enemies appeared in her mini-fridge. It was a surprisingly compelling read, and some of the methods could be performed right here in the Avengers Tower. [Name] ended up showing the book to Natasha, and the two women began their plans to get back at Tony and Clint for all the times they pranked or messed with them around the Tower. As for Loki, he found the science-fiction novel sitting amongst the other books on his bookshelf. He found it to be a shockingly good read, and he began hoping that his soulmate would end up losing the sequel. Finally, [Name] decided to lose something on purpose. She wrote a letter to her soulmate and proceeded to toss it into the air and ignore it for several days. Eventually, [Name] actually did lose the letter, and ended up finding a copy of The Hobbit. [Name] thought it was a bit odd, considering she'd gotten books about curses and getting revenge and a dagger that looked like it was worth a few grand, at the very least. Oh, well. All she could do now was wait. Loki had lost his copy of The Hobbit, and instead found an envelope sitting on his pillow with a note attached to the front with tape:
If you've found the following items:
~ a very thick [F/C] binder
~ a book of piano sheet music
~ Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson
then feel free to read this letter! If you didn't receive the above-listed items, then please don't read this, 'cause you're not my soulmate.
Loki glanced at the assembled foreign items he'd placed on his desk and opened the letter. He pulled out a folded piece of blank white paper with very round cursive written on it:
To whom it may concern,
Hi there! I'm [Name] [Last], aka Nevermore: the Immortal Avenger. I'm also your soulmate, assuming whoever's reading this got all of my lost items. Anyway, I'm technically twenty-five, but I was born in 1776 and my mother was a mythology nut. Especially Norse mythology. So one day, I got run over by a random carriage somewhere, and my mother made a deal with the goddess Idun to grant me eternal life in return for her soul. So when I turned twenty-five, I stopped aging and lived until the twenty-first century, and I'm still alive to this day. And from what I can tell from your little notes, you seem kinda high-and-mighty. And kinda cynical. But oh, well, what can I do? For all I know, you're probably an Eskimo living somewhere in the South Pole with the penguins and the Northern Lights. I've always wanted to see them. The Lights, not the penguins. Not that I don't want to see penguins, it's just that I want to see the Aurora Borealis in person, and not from a video some lucky duck took. Oh, well. Hope to see you soon!
Sincerely,
[Name] [Last] :)
About a month later, Loki received word that he'd been sentenced to exile; he'd be living with the Avengers on Midgard for an indefinite amount of time. His powers would be severely limited, but he was allowed to take any personal items with him. Loki shoved several books from Frigga and other personal items, weapons, and trinkets into a travel bag, as well as the lost items belonging to [Name]; his soulmate. Loki met Thor at the Bifrost Bridge a few hours later, and the two gods were transported to the Avengers Tower. Upon their arrival, Thor began explaining the circumstances to the Avengers. He was soon interrupted by a young woman shouting, "Hey Nat, have you seen a tin can anywhere? It has the you-know-whats inside, and I don't want Tony and Clint finding it first." Natasha and the others turned towards the voice, which belonged to a young woman with [H/L], [H/C] hair and [E/C] eyes. An expression of mild irritation was on her face as she entered the living room and began lifting up sofa cushions and looking under the tables. "It was in my room a few minutes ago, and instead I found a dagger made of ice!" the woman complained. "And not regular ice. I had to wear two pairs of gloves to hold it properly, and when I tried to cut something with it, it didn't shatter or anything! In fact, it doesn't even show any signs of melting, and I found it ten minutes ago!" The woman finally looked up and saw the assembled party before her. "Oh, hey, Thor," she greeted the god of thunder. "What's Loki doing here? Isn't he supposed to be in prison or something?" "His sentence was altered," Thor explained. "He is to spend an indefinite amount of time on Midgard in exile." "Okay, sure. Just make sure he doesn't touch my stuff," the woman told him. "I found a book with a bunch of different revenge methods a while back, and I don't want him getting any new ideas for taking over the world." "I still can't believe you and Nat went through the trouble of buying fifty cardboard boxes just so you could replace all of my office equipment with cardboard replicas," Tony muttered. "And you took the time to lick the flavor off of every Pringle chip we have!" Clint complained! "How long did that even take you to accomplish?" "About a week," Nat replied, a small smirk on her face. "[Name] and I basically hid all of the Pringle cans in our rooms and licked the flavor off whenever we could get some free time for ourselves." "Would this book happen to be called The Fine Art of Getting Revenge on your Enemies?" Loki inquired. [Name] raised an eyebrow. "Yes, actually," she replied, her voice laced with suspicion. "Nat and I have already used at least ten of the methods in the book on Tony and Clint." "Then I'm assuming that these belong to you?" Loki questioned, pulling out of his bag a thick [F/C] binder, a book of sheet music, Steelheart, and the tin can previously mentioned by the woman in question. [Name's] eyebrows were raised in mild surprise, but an amused smile was on her face. "Yes, those are indeed the items I lost over the course of the past few weeks," she answered, slowly approaching the god of mischief and taking the items from his hands, the amused smile never leaving her face. "But does that mean I need to give back the revenge book?" [Name] asked, her voice slightly disappointed. "It's been really useful to me and Nat so far." Loki let a wry smile cross his face. "I don't see why not, considering you're my soulmate." [Name's] expression brightened. "Oh, good!" she exclaimed. "I haven't even gotten through a third of the entire book yet, but whoever wrote it is a genius!" [Name] leaned forward and pecked Loki on the cheek before sprinting upstairs with her newly-found items in her arms. "I can't believe that Loki's her soulmate," Tony said incredulously. "The guy who tried taking over the world is [Name's] soulmate." "I think they're a good match," Bruce commented. "They're both immortal, so they don't have to worry about getting old and dying for a while. And [Name's] put Loki's revenge book to good use on you and Clint for the past few weeks, so they have that in common, as well." Suddenly, JARVIS spoke up and said, "Sir, Miss [Last] wanted me to tell you and the other Avengers to be nicer to Loki, or else she'd be using the book on all of you." After a long stretch of silence, Nat finally said, "Definitely a good match."
Epilogue
Loki walked into the kitchen, where [Name] was reading The Fine Art of Getting Revenge on your Enemies at the counter while Tony and Clint were searching for something in the cabinets. "Hey, [Name], have you seen the last can of Campbell's soup?" Tony asked her. "I'm gonna split it with Clint for a late lunch." "Second cabinet to the right, middle shelf," she answered, not bothering to look at them properly as the two Avengers followed her directions. Glancing up from her book, [Name] caught sight of Loki and subtly beckoned him over to where she was sitting. When he walked over to [Name's] spot at the counter and sat down on the stool next to her, she angled her book slightly and pointed to a note written in black ink:
I put a fake label around the can I lost a while back, remember? It has fake snakes in it. The book says to use real snakes, but that would be dangerous and I don't have any magic powers to make any illusory snakes, if you catch my meaning.
Looking up from [Name's] book, Loki saw Clint holding a can of Campbell's Homestyle Chicken Noodle Soup. Loki made a subtle gesture with his hand at the metal can and quickly turned himself invisible just as Clint grabbed a can opener and cut the lid open. Suddenly, five snakes with bared fangs leaped out of the can with a menacing hiss, causing Tony and Clint to shriek and leap back in fear as Clint dropped the fake soup can in the process. The five snakes slithered around the floor for a minute, before disappearing in a cloud of green smoke. Tony and Clint quickly turned to glare at [Name], who was hiding her face behind her book as her body shook with silent laughter. Loki appeared next to her soon after, a wicked smirk on his face. "Damn it, [Name]!" Tony said angrily. "Your pranks are already bad enough without magical help! Can you not make it harder on us?" [Name] pretended to think about it, before simply replying, "Nope." and going back to her book. Tony and Clint both groaned as they exited the kitchen and headed their separate ways. After Tony and Clint left, [Name] stuck a bookmark between the book's pages and snapped it shut, sliding it away from her before leaning her head against Loki's shoulder. "You're a good soulmate, Loki," [Name] murmured. "A good person, too. Even if you don't think so." "Even if I tried conquering your home planet?" Loki muttered, his tone filled with self-loathing. "Even if I'm a monster, both inside and out?" "Oh, shut up, you," [Name] chastised him, slapping his arm lightly. "I don't care if you're a Jotun; I love you and you're my soulmate. So stop being so self-loathing and just accept that I'll always love you." Finally, Loki sighed in defeat and pressed his lips against [Name's] in a soft, but affectionate kiss. "I love you too."