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It had been two weeks since Lance had last fucked Keith into the mattress against his better judgement. Eleven days since the last remaining bit of Keith’s scent had vanished from Lance’s bed. Fourteen days filled with him desperately telling himself that he needed to stop, that that had to be the last time.Hunk had been urging him for months to stop casually hooking up and tell Keith how he really felt. Even Pidge, when she had last seen him, had heaved a sigh and told him to “woman up” and stop letting Keith drag him around on a string like a toy. “You’re being pathetic,” she said, “and honestly I hate seeing what this is doing to you. I know nothing about relationships and even I know you need to be honest so you can either get exclusive or get over it.”The thing was, Lance was comfortable in his pining. It was miserable, but he knew where he stood with Keith. He wasn’t ready to get back into the dating scene, especially after Nyma had strung him along with false affections. So, while he had all this good advice whirling around in his head, the answer on his phone screen was still the same as always.Keith: can i coem ocerLance: sure why notTwenty minutes later Keith was there, shirtless, and running his hands sloppily over every inch of Lance’s body that he could reach, and Lance had never been more simultaneously disappointed and relieved in his life. Keith was trashed. No sex was to be had that night. “C’mon,” he had to listen to Keith whine, “need you, now.” Not you, just something hard to sit on, Lance’s mind helpfully supplied. Keith had probably just struck out wherever he had been drinking that night and had gone to Lance as his last resort, knowing that he was easy and almost never turned Keith down. Except for cases like these, nights where Keith was too drunk to even remember that Lance wouldn’t fuck him when he was this far gone. Lance sighed and dragged Keith off to his bedroom as well as he could while simultaneously batting away his wandering hands and pushing away his hungry mouth. “Please,” moaned Keith. “Lance, c’mon, m’not even-not ev’n thaaaaaat drunk”“Nope, not tonight, stop it Keith, c’mon I’m gonna get you to bed” Lance eventually got him to the bedroom and onto the bed. “Stay there,” he said, “I’m gonna get you a glass of water.” When he did get back, Keith was passed out on his bed, still wearing his jeans and drooling slightly onto Lance’s pillow. Yup. Trashed. Lance sighed. Great, he could look forward to another couple of days torturing himself with the sight of Keith sleeping on his bed and the scent of his body lingering on the sheets. He makes a promise to himself. He’s never going to sleep with Keith again.Keith woke up to a pounding headache, a familiar bed, and a glass of water with a jar of painkillers on the table next to him. He groaned. Hadn’t he told himself he was done going after Lance? Lance, with the beautiful eyes and heart-stopping smile and ugh not this again! “No” Keith told himself firmly. “We are not going down this road again. It doesn’t matter that he has a bomb ass dick and lips like cotton candy, he deserves more than a messed up dude who’d been fucked by every gay, bi, and even a few straight guy in a twenty mile radius.” Keith sighed. Lance wouldn’t even fuck him when he was as drunk as he had been the night before. Not that Keith would have remembered it if he had, he just knew Lance didn’t roll like that. Also, like, still wearing boxers. And if he was correct, there would be a blanket or two out on the couch still from the night before. It made an ugly little happy flutter in his heart, to think that Lance had given him his bed and left him pills and water for the morning. Keith got up, stretched, groaned, and padded off to the kitchen where he knew there’d be a plate of food in the fridge labeled “Keith”. Guilt settled in his stomach at the sight of the blankets still kicked to one end of the couch. Lance was long gone, off to start his day. He never stayed, not even when they did sleep together. That was fine, Keith reminded himself. It was just a hookup to him too, that was how Keith had always acted, and that was how it would always be. No sense in torturing himself with what-ifs. “You are unlovable” Keith repeated to himself. “You’ve lived this long without anybody caring, you don’t need anyone to start now.” Against his own sense of pride, though, he did end up eating the plate of breakfast in the fridge. He always ended up too hungry not to. As he eats, he makes a promise to himself. That was the last time. He’s not going to bother Lance like this again.Another week later finds them both breaking their promises. Keith is only slightly buzzed, so Lance kisses his face all over, unbuckles his belt, then peels off his shirt. There’s already a hickey on his collarbone.“Wait, Keith, I can’t do this. Not anymore.” Lance lets his hands fall to the side and then shoves them through his hair. “Oh,” is all Keith manages to say before he freezes up and shuts down. So this is it. Lance has finally had enough and is probably so ashamed of Keith that he never wants to see him again. He knew it had been too good to last, but he still selfishly wished he could have one last time, one last morning in Lance’s apartment, waking up on his sheets and his pillow with a breakfast plate waiting in the fridge.Lance sees Keith’s eyes go empty, devoid of the lovely spark that was always present both when they were fucking and when they were just laughing and bickering over their favorite movies. Huh, did Keith really value his dick that much? He decides to pull himself together long enough to spill all his truths, hoping that if Keith couldn’t accept it he could at least be disgusted enough in Lance to give him enough space to move on. “Okay, so it’s like, well, so I’m kind of in love with you Keith.”Lance looks down a moment before Keith looks up, Keith desperately trying to search his eyes for the truth, the one he’s been telling himself this whole time. That that just then was a lie, that Lance was just trying to let him down gently, not just tell him outright that Keith was too empty and used up to bother with anymore. He’s supposed to be unlovable. He was also supposed to be okay with that. He’s not sure what he sees. “What? No,” he whispers, “why?”And the disgust and hatred is all there in his tone, but it’s pointed inward, at Keith himself rather than Lance and that’s what finally forces Lance’s eyes up and his mouth just opens and all the lies and walls break and the dammed up feelings finally rush through. “Keith, I’m in love with you, I want all of you, not just your magnificent ass” He tries for a weak smile. “I want you in the morning when you’re drooling on my pillow, I want that face you make when you’re desperately trying not to burst into laughter, I want your smiles and your tears, I want to be there for you when the world’s too much for you to handle on your own and I want to be the reason you’re the happiest you’ve ever been in your life. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you and so I hope you understand why I can’t do this hookup buddies thing anymore, and if you don’t want to be anything more than that I understand but I’m gonna need some time and space to get over you but I can’t keep torturing myself with hints and whispers of what it could be like. Maybe someday down the road we can be friends again but I’m pretty sure I’ve just ruined everything.”Keith sits there for a moment. Then another moment, and another, until Lance lets out an awkward laugh and says, “hey man, Keith? I kinda need you to say something here cause I’m starting to panic but I can’t really leave to go home cause I am home-“ He rambles off into nothingness.Keith slowly focuses his gaze on Lance, wets his lips, and just whispers “really? You mean that? All of it? I’m- well I’m kind of really messed up. And I like you too Lance, a lot, but I don’t- I’ve never really been in love or been loved and I have a lot of anger and I know sometimes I drink too much and I sleep around and you’d- you’d still take me? After all that?”Lance smiles. “Hey, if you don’t like those parts of yourself then we can work on changing them. Together. I’m gonna have to ask you to stop sleeping around though. You’ll have to settle with this one dick.”Keith raises his eyebrows and smirks. “I never lied to you about why I kept coming back, Lance. You really do fuck me better than anyone else. I just didn’t think I deserved you.”“If you want me, really,” he purrs, “then I’m all yours. Every. Part. Of. Me.” Keith reaches for Lance and punctuates every word with a fierce grind against his hips.Lance’s eyes widen and he lets out a disbelieving laugh. “You- didn’t deserve me? Keith, babe, have you ever met yourself? I thought there was no way you’d ever have feelings for me. You’re just so, so independent I guess?”Keith shrugs. “Had to be” he says. Then he smiles. “I think I’m ready to not be so independent anymore” he murmurs, and shyly pecks Lance’s lips. He then starts, looks down to where their bodies are pushed together and flushes a little. “Sorry,” he says, and backs up a few inches. Lance actually laughs at that. “Keith, babe, you’re adorable, but you know that just cause we’re dating and doing mushy lovey things doesn’t mean we can’t still have wild, crazy sex, right? I know I’m a romantic and all, but I know what makes you happy and I know you’d die a little inside if we waited to get intimate again.” He adds an eyebrow wiggle to further prove his statement.“Oh thank god,” Keith mutters, and shoves himself right up close again. “Cause, uh, I’d still really love to get fucked right now.”Lance pushes their lips together, murmurs a quick, “course, love,” and starts undoing Keith’s belt again.The next morning, Keith wakes up in bed next to Lance, and he has to cover his face to hide the giant smile covering it. Yeah, he may not have any experience with it, but he is totally falling in love with Lance.