Archive of Our Own

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James "Bucky" Barnes.

2017.

When I was younger, I thought there was a difference between different kinds of people in the world. I was right about one thing, that there were different kinds of people out there – but not in the way that you would think there would be. Around here, people were separated by ranks, rank, you ask? Well, let me fill you in on what happened all those many years ago. The domino effect that landed us here, in this shit show.

Back before anyone could really remember, but claimed to have witnessed it and wrote it down, there was a big fight between man and monster. Monster won and claimed all of man to their will, making hybrid monsters at that. Chaos ensues, civil wars, and back to people being claimed like bragging rights. Several hundred years later, things haven’t really changed much. Although council had addressed several laws against owning another person despite race or being, there are many people who weave below council’s eyes, and are turned a blind eye for.

That’s what I don’t understand.

“Buck. You listening?”

I looked at her, she was a beautiful woman, a strong figure in the public eyes as an activist for equal rights. She was Natasha.

I smiled at her and nodded, “Yeah.”

She went on to tell me about how she’d overheard that one of the council members had been discovered to have a few or many persons and illegally owned them, earning them a shunning and punishment. I could understand the shunning part but – no one really knows what happens to people after they disobey the law. They kind of just disappear.

“Can you believe it?” She sighed, shaking her head. “So, are you coming with us to the rally this weekend?” She quickly veered away.

“Rally?”

“Yeah, you said you’d come to one of them one day.”

I shrugged, rallies really weren’t my thing, but it was an amazing time when different ranks bound together to make a difference. It was a place where someone could feel safest and free to be who they want to be; whether it be Anti-knowledge, or Anti-fascist, Desegregation, and the list goes on and on. I couldn’t imagine seeing myself out in the peaceful crowds with poster boards and colourful letters saying ‘

We are not property’

and ‘

We want equal rights for all communities’.

I was a fighter, but I didn’t see how marching could prevent congress from passing laws; congress was a stubborn branch of people, and they wouldn’t stop even if the Earth was splitting in two.

“Maybe next time.”

“You always say that, when will you actually join us?”

“When I feel comfortable.” I said, “You know how I feel about big crowds of mixed people.”

It wasn’t a prejudice of mine, I don’t look at it like that, but certain people – I don’t trust enough.

She sighed and shook her head looking at me. “One day, you’re going to have to dip your toes into the water and feel what it feels to be in a crowd of activists. It’s really amazing.”

“I doubt it’s better than the subway.” I joked.

She nudged me and her watched beeped, looking down at it, she got up. “Well, time to go. Come on, I’ll walk you home.”

You see, maybe this world is different than the next, I wouldn’t know because I haven’t seen them yet – but there’s a certain line you can’t cross in the cities anymore. Not ever since Congress passed a law on some states being eligible to own people, so long as they paid a huge fine. Walking along the streets of Brooklyn, it wasn’t the best place anymore like it used to be. Ever since the new Congress had been elected and taxing prices went up – it’s been poorer than ever. No one can buy a single thing without having to pay extra for it, and it’s beyond believable that in some places just a gallon of milk used to be two dollars but was now four.

Not only that, but – the

Others.

Ask anywhere and they have different names; the Others, the Monsters, the Elite, the Purse-Dogs – everyone had a name for them. They supposedly weren’t human and they definitely weren’t of this world. But they were here, and they were everywhere. You could spot one out of the crowd in an instant if you were good on the eyes, and they could spot one of you too if they just took a sniff of the air, I could imagine. The only reason I say it this way is because no one really knows what they are but I guess if they could balance a checkbook, speak the native languages, and have a human looking face they were considered a part of society.

Me? I called them whatever people were calling them; the most common name I’ve heard from around was ‘the Elite’, rumor says they’re a generation of advanced beings that can cure cancer with their blood, see through walls, and even sniff out a bomb in under a minute. I think it’s all bull crap to be honest, they look the same as us. So, what’s so scary about them anyhow? I mean – Natasha looks normal. She doesn’t eat different, doesn’t speak weird, doesn’t crouch like some rabid animal, and doesn’t bark. She looks – human.

When I found out about her being one of the Elite, she was dangling her life in front of danger like she didn’t care about it. That’s how she met me, she saved me from a car accident – me being the victim, and her being the hero, she saved me from being crushed by a truck speeding on thin brakes. To this day, I can’t imagine how much strength it takes to stop a truck going 65 miles an hour in a city district and instead of leaving a dent in her, she left a dent in the truck’s engine; they must be invincible.

“Home sweet home.” She smiled looking up to the rundown apartment complex of mine, it wasn’t the best, but it was home.

“Home sweet home.” I mimicked turning to her.

“See you later around dinner?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll come over, so you don’t have to make the hassle of leaving.”

“I wasn’t going to come over anyways.” I joked pointing at her.

She gave me a nudge again and laughed, “I know, I just like to put the gesture out there that I have to take responsibility of you all the time.”

“I take responsibility! I pay the bills!”

“And that’s about as responsible as you get sadly.” She smiled. “See you, call if anything.”

I watched her go, her red curls swaying as she walked. She was beautiful but there was no such thing as a breed crossing the two of us together, that was so many years ago, and she’s just a friend. I wouldn’t want to sever the bond we have together, it’s probably about the only one I have in this stupid town. Going up the stairs, I could hear my neighbors at it again and arguing. They were having trouble moving in together several months ago and they’re still having trouble, something tells me they won’t leave each other because they’re both too lonely to separate. Hence, the fighting.

Passing the apartment next to mine, my neighbor who in which I never really got to know was moving his things out. A bunch of cluttered boxes with flimsy labels on them, and for the first time in what seemed like forever I saw him. He had thin framed glasses, a face that looked like he still hadn’t hit puberty, and he was rather short. He lugged a box out into the hall and seeing me looking, he turned his eyes away quickly.

“Good afternoon.” I said, and he nodded.

“Afternoon.” He mumbled.

I took out my keys. “Do you want help with those boxes?”

“No thanks.” He said, his voice frantic.

“You sure, I wouldn’t mind. I don’t have much to do anyways.”

“I’m sure.” He said shoveling another box out of the apartment, and avoided all eye contact with me.

I nodded and opened the door, “Well, my offer still stands, at any time you need a little help just knock on my door.” I said before going in and giving one last glance to him.

He looked scared, terrified even. I wonder what could’ve scared him so much, maybe he just wasn’t a social kind of guy that didn’t even like eye contact because he thought it was weird. I never really got to know him, neither when I’d moved in – no one invited me to dinner like in the movies, everyone avoided me in the halls, and I didn’t even get a conversation out of the big guy on second floor while doing his laundry in the basement. He left as quick as he could put his things in the dryer and didn’t come back when his laundry was done, found that the clothes had gone when I’d came back from the bathroom between loads. This apartment building was sure weird, but nothing was stranger than the fact that it seemed like a ghost town in the day despite every single apartment being occupied.

Walking into my apartment, I sighed looking around and hanging my jacket up on the hooks by the door with my keys. I made myself a little lunch sandwich and stared down at the city from the window, which was possibly the only good thing about the apartment. There was a balcony that reached out over the busy streets below, directly side by side with the neighbor’s balcony but I didn’t mind. He didn’t have anything out there but a dead cactus plant, and those suckers don’t die for anything but being drowned. Occasionally, I watered it to see if it’d spring back to life but I don’t think it ever will. Leaning my elbow on the edge of the balcony's solid wall, I chomped on the sandwich overlooking the city.

Its square skyscrapers reached up to the sky in hopes of getting out of this world too, there had been provisions on the newest skyscraper in the middle of the town and its cylindrical look was rather amazing. New skyscrapers were always being made, surrounding older ones and making them look ancient. From here, you can see all of them. Empire State building, World Trade centers, Chrysler Building, Woolworth Building, Wall street tower, you name it. At night, the sky lit up like Christmas and the noise was unbelievable. The only time when it was quiet was for one little moment at two o’clock in the morning, and only the important people were getting up, and I’d be standing on the balcony watching them wake up.

You couldn’t believe me when I say that the silence in that one little moment is forever beating, and not a single thing moved but the moon steadily creeping across the sky – making sure not to wake the people below.

Then the world would go on turning, making its loud noises, and shouting while the other solid rocks called planets gyrated in suspended silence for all of eternity. You wouldn’t believe me when I said that the world keeps going even when something massively, terrorizing happens like an Earthquake with a mass body count, or a bombing in other countries having wars, or unfair laws that make it impossible to live every day with safety in someone’s mind constantly. Even if you did, you wouldn’t be alive to know tomorrow’s outcome – that’s how bad it is nowadays, no one is safe. Not even from themselves.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The subway was filled as usual in the late morning, when shifts changed and the afternoon people were coming in and business openers were heading home. I was one of those afternoon shift people, staying until midday to hand the job over to closers. I kept my hand on the rail above me looking along the cart full of people, older people seated down respectfully, and impregnated woman given the best of both worlds with space and a seat on the train. It moved along the tracks quietly, the occasional hiss of the brakes going as they came to the next stop.

I could see it from a mile away, - an Elite.

It wasn’t hard to tell but in some ways, they could be easily mistaken for a ‘Pure blood citizen’. By ‘Pure blood citizen’ they meant those who’d been born on this land and bred between humans. This Elite kept their head down upon entering the cart, finding a small spot to stand staring out of the train doors they closed and the atmosphere grew thick. No one else on the track noticed but me as they stood close to me, holding onto the rail looking to the passing stops, and tunnel lights. I stared from the corner of my eye to them, and anticipated the time to hurry for my stop.

Looking rather normal, the man fixed his cap on his head, and sniffled. Looking to his phone at the time and back to the door, we caught eyes on the reflection of the windows, and I couldn’t look away. There was always a way you could tell the difference between regular people and Elite – it was their eyes. Instead of the regular, blank browns, blues, grey, greens, or hazel's – their eyes were like those of cat’s, their irises an oval shape rather than round. Nothing else was different than that.

Just as the train was coming up to the last stop, our eye contact broke and he looked down as people were entering past him. No one else but him stood on the stop, he was the only Elite in hiding. Pushing my way past him, I glanced back over my shoulder to the doors and he looked up. He blinked once before the train was moving again, and I never saw him look away. Watching the train go I turned for the stairs and out of the tunnel onto the street, hopping up the steps of the International Banking building, I started passed the front desk holding out my ID for the security to see.

He nodded, and I walked through a metal detector doorway.

Let’s get this one thing straight, I work as a Foreign Exchange Trader, possibly the only one in the entire bank. Leaving me with the big bills and conversions from whichever the money is coming from to US Dollars, and carry trades are a common in building interests and rates. All this big talk practically saying that we take other people’s money, change them into our money, and in the process we land them a nice little spot in the bank to collect interest and possible gain even an ounce of payback money. Sat at a desk in the back of the room, several others in the main hall, I had a plaque with my name on it on the desk, and I was nose deep in files on my computer.

I didn’t know it was lunch time until my co-worker threw a yellow book on my desk, nearly knocking over my collection of pencils that I don’t use in a cup. “Lunch time.” He said.

I quickly finished off filing the documents and sending a renewed version of sales to my boss before standing up, and locking the computer. “So, did you file a report on the recent bankrupt incident from Czech?” I asked calmly as he walked along holding the door open for me in the elevator.

“I’m working on it.” He said, rolling his shoulders and neck. “God, when I get the time I’m going to get a new desk chair.”

“You’re telling us.” Said a voice from behind us, and we both turned around to a smaller, blonde woman. Her name was something like – Shelley, Shanice?

“Good afternoon Sharon.” He said and turned around, I nodded to her and looked forward. “How’s the front counters doing?”

“It’s been alright,” she cleared her throat, “An Elite came in today, I’m telling you Sam, I’ve never seen a room so quiet.” She said lowly.

Some people in the elevator had mixed emotions about the Elite, others downright hated them. I cleared my throat, and spoke. “They’re customers to this bank, and discrimination against any kind of persons is forbidden and worth writing up.” I looked over my shoulder to her as I left the elevator and she gaped at me when the doors closed.

“What was that all about?”

I rolled my neck, “What was what about?”

“Back in there. ‘

Discrimination against any kind of persons is forbidden’

.”

“I’m not lying.” I said, “She’s stepping over the line by saying that about a customer, despite their race. It’s like saying both parties in the German party that we’re associated with are Nazis.”

“That’s still a soft word.” He reminded, looking around as people glanced to him.

“Decades later, and everyone still cringes to the word. How do you think

they

feel?”

“I didn’t think you thought such a thing.” He said.

“What do you mean?” I turned to him.

“Well, you never said anything about that towards the Elite. Heck, you never even spoke about them, I figured you hated them just as much as anyone else out there.”

“Well, I don’t. They’re just misunderstood.” I shrugged.

“At least you’re not a hypocrite.” He mumbled, walking ahead of me to press the button crossing the street to the café and both waiting for the lights to go red and cross. We didn’t speak over lunch and even if he wanted a conversation, I didn’t really feel like speaking.

I could sense something was wrong, like a scratch that I couldn’t itch. Looking over my shoulder I looked along the room to each and every booth, stool, and table. I couldn’t point it out but there was something there. Looking back to the table, I stared down at my half eaten food and I was suddenly no longer hungry.

“You’re not going to finish your lunch?” He asked furrowing his brow.

“I’m suddenly feeling sick.”

“Think you can handle the day or do you want to go home?”

“No, I’m alright.” I said grabbing my glass of water, and taking a few sips. I cleared my throat, “It’s almost time to head back anyways.” Asking for a container and paying for our food, we both stood up leaving the cafe. A small argument broke out, all ‘justice’ instinct of Sam kicked in, and he was in action.

“What’s this all about?” He asked, stepping in the middle of the fight.

“That - piece of shit started it.” Pointed the man, “If it wasn’t for him, none of this would’ve happened. None of us pure bloods would have to suffer but they had to come here and take away our rights.”

One the other hand, an Elite stood right in front of me. He didn’t speak, didn’t make any moves, the fight looked like it was on the civilians part. Maybe he

did

start it.

“Alright, alright. Let’s not get hasty.” Sam said, “Why don’t we all just cool off and say this never happened? I won’t have to report this to the police.”

“Don’t make me look like the monster here,

he

is!” He pointed his finger again making a dodge for it. Standing between the two, Sam collided with the Elite, and the Elite started falling back. My only instinct was to stop the fall, but it didn’t help.

Pushing the attacking man away, Sam forced him feet away. Before I could realize what was pushing down on me, I panicked and sat up. The Elite looked me in the eyes sitting beside me just mere inches from being pushed away, and I stood up. I didn’t help him up but he continued to stare at me in some kind of way, like he were remembering an old memory and a nostalgic, confusion rested on his parted lips.

“Are you alright?”

Looking up to Sam, he gulped glancing to Sam’s extended hand. Gently helping him up, they looked each other in the eyes and Sam sighed.

“On behalf of the idiots of this city, I’m sorry you had to go through that. Some people don’t know the real problem because they listen to blockheads that lead this country.”

The Elite man stood there, staring at Sam. They were the same height, the man being paler, and adoring with hazel eyes. The irises oval shaped and wide in surprise on Sam’s apologizing.

“That idiot doesn’t know what he’s talking about, you do you, man.” He said, “Stay safe.” I’d never seen a side of Sam that would be able to stand up beside an Elite and even utter a word. Instead he turned to me and patted my arm, telling me we’d be late if we didn’t get back to work. That was that. Glancing over my shoulder to the Elite standing there, the same bewildered look on his face as he did when he was looking up at me, I looked away.

“What was that all about?”

“What?” He scoffed, “Standing up for the poor guy; I mean, sure, they’re kind of scary with the whole eyes thing but I don’t see anything really wrong with them. If you’re cool with them, I’m cool with them.”

“You think that’s how it works?”

“I mean, I look up to you in some ways, and the way you talked to Sharon back there and made her take back her comment about Elite got me thinking. They’re not so different after all.”

I nodded slowly, maybe he wasn’t catching my drift. What was my drift anyways? Why did that Elite look at me like I’d read his most deepest, darkest secret out loud? Did he know me? Did I know him? Who was that guy anyways? Heading up the stairs again with the leftovers in a container I looked back through the glass doors seeing that the man had disappeared and the Elite was gone as well, searching the street, I couldn’t see where they could’ve gone. Maybe to hide, the police were always in the city searching for people to lock up. Maybe in some way, he thought I was someone else and tried to communicate to me in some way that the Elite did. I don't know - they're all a bunch of weirdos really, if I had a clue why he was so confused, I'd unlock the key to every Elite.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

When the night was over and my shift was ending, I said my goodbyes to Sam and a few of my co-workers that really weren’t my friends. Despite saying goodbye to them, they didn’t seem to care. Hailing a cab from the streets and telling him the address, I paid him his money and a goodnight which he returned. Walking up to the apartment and walking in, I heard a call after me.

“Hold the door please!” Called a voice, and I turned around to see a man holding a few boxes up in his arms.

I pushed out of the way, and confused I watched him pass.

“Thank you so much.” He said in relief.

“You’re welcome?”

He sighed going into the hall and hitting the elevator button with his knuckle, before the elevator were a few other boxes.

“Oh.” I mumbled, and he turned his head in my direction. “Are you moving in?” I shook my head,

what a dumb question to ask.

He chuckled, “Yeah, actually, but I didn’t realize packing up so late in the afternoon would make me come here so late.” He said.

When the elevator doors opened, I looked down at the boxes. “Oh, well,” I looked to him, “Let me help you.”

“It’s alright, I’ve got it. You’ve probably got things to do.”

“Quite the contrary actually.” I huffed.

“If it’s not a bother.” He said, putting down the boxes, and grabbing some others. We shuffled the boxes into the elevator and he pressed the button up to the eighth floor, I hadn’t noticed until I looked up to the numbers above the elevator, and the door was opening.

“You’re moving in on the eighth floor?”

“Yeah. I’d hate for the elevator to shut down and have to walk up the stairs.” He joked grabbing the boxes and what I didn’t grab he moved onto the floor with his foot by the elevator.

I followed him along, closer and closer to the end of the hall, and a recognition hit me as he put down his boxes in front of a door. “You’re moving in here?”

He finally turned to look at me, navy blue blazer swishing, white shirt crisp, and he smelt like old musk and clean showers. Meeting my eyes, he dangled the keys giving a smirk. “Yeah.”

“Oh.” Is all I said glancing over to the door beside his.

My door.

“We’re neighbors.”

“Really?” He perked up.

“Yeah, I live right next to you.” I pointed to the door and he looked.

“Oh, well,” he turned to me fully holding out his hand, “Nice to meet you, neighbor. My name’s Steve Rogers.”

I smiled kindly back, “James Barnes, my friends call me Bucky.”

“Bucky, I like that.” He said, before unlocking the door, and pushing it open. “You can leave the boxes there, I’ve got them.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, besides I have a few more downstairs.”

“Well,” I turned to my door, “Let me put my stuff inside and I’ll help.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I insist.” I said, “I mean, you’re a new neighbor and all, so I’m hoping that you’d feel welcome here.”

He smiled, holding the boxes effortlessly, and I just stood there dumbfounded. “Thank you, I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t mention it, just give me a moment, alright?”

When I’d come back out, he’d already put the boxes inside, and we walked down the stairs to the truck he’d brought his things in. It was an old deep green 1993 Ford Bronco with buffed tires, it took me a moment to realize that these cars were no longer on market, and maybe it was a hand me down.

“This is your truck?”

“Yeah.” He patted the side before opening the trunk and fetching the boxes from the back of the truck. Only a few more boxes left for a man, I wouldn’t blame him if he were living alone too with this little amount of things. “Do you normally ask these many questions to people?”

I was suddenly flustered. “Uh, well, - no. It’s just that - you’re new and everything. We haven’t had anything or anyone new in this apartment for a while now.”

“Oh. I thought it was some special treatment.” He joked holding out a box to me.

I took it in hand and I accidentally grabbed where his hands were. “Sorry.”

He scoffed in a smiling way and packed two boxes on his own. “So, what is this place like anyways?” He asked, closing the door, balancing the boxes on one hand momentarily.

“It’s quiet, not many people come out of their apartment in the mornings.”

“And in the afternoon?”

“I don’t know, I’m normally not home in the afternoon.”

“Oh, so you’re a late shift kind of guy?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Then I thought about it, “By the way, with this information, please don’t break into my house. Although, there’s nothing really to take out of it.”

He chuckled shaking his head opening the front door, “Don’t worry about it, I’ve got everything I could possibly need. I don’t think I need anything else, but if I do - I’ll drop by and check.”

“Funny.” I said monotoned, “So, you’re a comedian?”

“It’s not my best suit, but it works like a charm.” He hit the button with his knuckle again.

“Is that how you get things? You charm your way into people’s lives and take their time?”

“It worked, didn’t it?” He smirked.

I was frustrated again, closing my mouth as the elevator doors opened and closed.

After we’d gotten the other boxes from the car and he’d locked it, I noticed his registered license plate to Massachusetts.

“So, where’d you come from before this?” I asked as we were in the elevator with a box each.

“Why do you want to know?” He smirked giving me a glance.

“Just curious.”

He shrugged, “Spent some time in Massachusetts before coming back down here.”

“Back?”

“Yeah, Brooklyn,” he sung, “It’s my hometown.”

“Oh.” I mumbled, “Has it changed much from the last time you were here?”

“I guess, I mean, there’s a lot more homeless people than before.”

“Partial on the government’s part.” I mumbled.

“Hmm?”

“Oh, nothing. Just something I say.”

“Is it important?”

“Kind of. But don’t worry about it,” once the doors opened I walked out and over to the door, Steve took the box from my hands, and turned the knob.

“Well, thank you very much for helping me with the boxes, and keeping the conversation with me.” He smiled.

“No problem. I didn’t mind, it wasn’t like I was doing much anyways.”

“Well, I’m glad you spent your time helping.”

I nodded and he smiled.

For the first time, I noticed his eyes. His bright blue, human eyes. I felt comforted knowing I had a new friend around.

“If you need anything, you know where I am.” I said, pointing to the door, and he nodded.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He said stepping back into the doorway and holding his hand out one more time, “It’s was a pleasure meeting you, Bucky.”

“And you too.” I shook his firm hand taking a step back going for my apartment. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” He called back and I heard the door closing.

Smiling to myself, I opened my door and locked it behind me. A new neighbor, how exciting, I didn’t think that my other neighbor would move away so quickly. I hadn’t even noticed him at all, I was there in the morning and I didn’t see him. Maybe he was already gone by then. Anyhow, I’d made myself something small and stood out on the balcony once again to watch the night come alive. The curtains over the balcony next to mine, Steve’s, swayed as I could see his shadow walking along with a box in hand. Looking to the cactus, I walked inside leaving the door open, and grabbed a small tea cup.

Pouring water over the cactus, I slouched down looking at it and poked it gently. It leaned to one side, and I tilted my head at it. “You and me buddy, we’re both left behind by this little city.” I looked to the city, “You and me both.”

I didn’t notice the light had turned off in the room beside mine, and I didn’t see the curtain brush back with those eyes staring at me from the darkness as I watered the cactus. I only saw the city ahead of me and the lights shining.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

When I woke up in the late morning, there was shuffling on the other side of the room where Steve’s apartment was. Shuffling against the wall that could've meant he was putting up painting or even wallpaper aside from the bleak ones that were up already for us, or maybe he was just restless and did mindless things in the mornings before he could fall asleep. Anywho, I got ready to get to the subway and work. Pulling the front door open I could hear faint footsteps walking along in the distance and turning to look I could see Steve speaking with a neighbor, a neighbor in which I’d never seen before down the hall in front of the elevator. Locking my door and heading that way, Steve glanced down the hall and smiled to me going back to the lovely conversation with the old woman.

Although, when I approached to pass, the old woman’s smile vanished and she stared at me like I’d been painted in red and walked around in the nude.

“Good morning, Bucky.” Steve chimed, “Off to work?”

“Yeah, it’s already that time of day.” I said, and glanced to the old woman while poking the elevator button.

Saying a word of goodbye to the old woman, she smiled again and carefully eyed Steve as he walked towards me.

“I didn’t think you’re the kind of morning person.” I said.

“We barely known each other, and you’re already judging my schedule?” Steve joked.

I paused, “Well-.”

The elevator doors opened and I was the one following him in. “Yeah, I’m kind of a morning person. I go for walks in the mornings, it’s mostly quiet at that time because everyone’s running around at work.”

“Oh.” I mumbled watching the numbers go down. “Do you go to Central Park?” I asked, needless to say I was making useless conversation to block out the silence in the small room.

“Sometimes.” He mumbled, “I mostly go secret places that other people don’t go.”

“Like where?”

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret.” He smirked.

I was back to that annoyed, flustered shape that I always found myself in when he’d caught me in common mistakes.

“I’ll show you sometime.” The elevator doors opened and we walked side by side.

“Really?”

“Yeah, just tell me a day when you’re not working, and we’ll go for a walk.”

I thought about it, I always worked mornings, and I’d highly doubt he’d walk around at night. It wasn’t safe at night, not even for a macho guy like Steve. Although I think he could manage on his own pretty well. “I work mornings.”

He hissed and shrugged. “Mornings is what I do.” He opened the front door for me, and I walked through. “I mean, unless, you want to walk around at night.”

“But it isn’t safe at night.”

“Come on,” he said, “I know Brooklyn like the back of my hand.”

“But you said it’s changed.”

“Even if it did, I could tell you the closest Deli blindfolded to the dot.” He smirked, “Rain check.” He pointed.

“Rain check.” I nodded.

He smirked turning, “It’s a date then.”

I paused on the side of the building watching him go, sweater buttoned up halfway, baby blue trainer shirt under, and joggers - he looked too cozy in a world so vicious. Then it hit me. “Wait! A date?”

“Yeah!” He yelled back with that smirk, even at this distance I guess he could hear my scream. “A date!” He walked backwards, “Dress casual!”

“But-.” I watched him go, shaking his head and laughing. Looking to my watch, I panicked.

The train!

Rushing down to the nearest station, I scanned my card along, rushing for the terminal. The intercom could be heard along the speakers and I hurried along, skipping steps here and there, I swerved around the corner and hearing the hissing of the train doors I scurried along before the doors could close. Huffing by the door, I cleared my throat watching the train take off down the tunnel. Looking along the train there were lesser people than I had imagined, come to think of it - there were less and less people on the streets and subways now. Finding a seat among the many I looked up and down the cart scanning along, everyone on the stop was a pureblood.

But I paused.

Down the cart I could see a young man sitting along, his head tilted down reading the daily newspaper that had been left around on the seats. On the front page a riot had broken out between purebloods, saying in bold letters

Pureblood Strikes Out

. I could only imagine what the contents say, how violent people could be sometimes, I only wished that sometimes there was no breed barrier between anyone or anything. That we were all just one single breed. When the cart stopped under the middle of town, the young man put down the newspaper, and walked out. Standing up, I grabbed it while leaving.

I couldn’t bare to read such horrible things, but I needed to know which end of the fight was telling the truth. My grandfather always said that there were three sides of a story; the victim’s side, the perpetrator’s side, and the truth. I always believed everything he’d said, and this I believed to be true - even now. Walking up the steps of the building, I held the door open for a few people behind me, and went up onto my floor. Among the many people already working, I put the newspaper on my desk and sighed into my chair.

Another day wasted, another hour overworked. As usual, Sam woke me from my mindless working and we went off to lunch. I brought along the newspaper I didn’t have time to read before and when we’d started eating, I folded the paper down reading it over.

Sam glanced between me and the newspaper. “Dude.”

I looked up. “Yeah?”

“You’ve been reading that thing for about ten minutes now.”

“So?” I asked, seeing no reason.

“It takes me five to read my grandma’s texts, - and she doesn’t know what a space bar is.” He joked.

I sighed sitting back.

“What’s so interesting about this newspaper anyways?” He glanced to the title.

I sighed again, “A bunch of Purebred attacked a group of Elite, suspects haven’t been identified yet, but they’re saying it was because of the recent laws being published. The Elite won’t speak out about it because they said they’ll only get more hate for saying what they did to them, and I can only imagine a few of them didn’t just get out with a few scratches and kicks.” I pointed, “When they ran health scans on some of them,” I paused heavily, “Some of them looked like they’d been raped.”

Sam stared with his mouth gaped. “You’re serious?” Now Sam was interested in the newspaper, reading it over about a thousand times.

“I’m just trying to find any reason as to why anyone would go to such an extent. I mean, if you hate someone that much, you should just avoid all costs with getting in trouble with them. You know? Not even be in a vicinity with a high population of Elite.”

He shook his head and sighed heavily, giving a sarcastic chuckle. “This world is just getting more and more freaky.”

“Not freaky.

Unjustified

.”

“Well, we can’t do anything about it -.”

“We could.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, “How?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know but - they’re people as well, or so we think they are. Whatever they are, they moved into this city to live their lives just as we do. Just because we were born and raised on this soil doesn’t mean that we have any more rights of protection than they do.” I poked the table in demand.

“So, what do you think we do? Have a rally? Last time people had a rally it ended in violence-.”

“That’s because they weren’t ready to defend themselves.”

Sam sighed, “Look, Bucky, I know that you think everyone should have equal rights and all but - there’s some lines you can’t cross anymore. If you step any foot on the government’s turf or even speak about something political, they will find everything to tear you down.”

“They’re nothing but animals, Sam, political animals that need to be tamed and brought to their own attention.”

Sam shrugged, “Okay. I’m listening then. I hear all this talk, but no plan.”

I sighed, “I’m thinking of one. One that will work, one that won’t harm anyone.”

Sam pointed to the newspaper, “People already got hurt, Buck. Do you really think that matters anymore?”

“I’m not a part of this radical movement, I will not act out like the others did. I will do this as I am allowed to, as the amendments allowed us to do all these years ago.” I said. “You know it as much as I do.”

“You always used to say it. How could I forget.”

“We have the right of speech, press, assembly, religion, and petition. The very rights they’re trying to take away from us. We have the right to gather peacefully in protest or gathering as long as it doesn’t interfere with the city’s laws, and traffic. If we gather enough people, we can get someone to turn their heads.”

“Then what? What’s the government going to do? They’re going to punish us for going out there just like they did to those people-.”

“The government didn’t do it,

purebloods

did it. If we form an alliance with people, then we can have enough people to scare off the others who think they can do things like this.

This -,”

I muttered, “This can’t happen anymore. Come on, Sam, don’t you want a better future? For you kids, for your family?”

“You said you don’t like public groups, you hate being in crowds.”

“I’m working on it.” I lied. There was one thing I couldn’t stand, and it was a crowd full of people. I don’t know what got into me but my confidence was dwindling, and I didn’t know what I was talking about anymore.

“Look, I’m all in for a petition to stop all of this, but I can’t go out there with the fear that I’ll get hurt. That more blood will be spilled. If you want people safe, then find a way for them to hide in the meantime.”

“The meantime for what?”

“A tidal wave.”

I stared at him sighing again and shaking his head, what was I talking about? I feared the Elite, didn’t like standing in the same air as them, I didn’t think I could find myself saying the title so much in an hour that I didn’t know who I was anymore. Who was I talking about? Sure, it wasn’t right to have those Elite attacked and some of them raped - but Sam was right. We can’t do anything about it, not with the government out of whack. No more bloodshed, no more worrying, not at least if we don’t see that there’s a problem. Not as long as we ignore them.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

When work was over I found myself pacing before the train got to the stop, I stared blankly across the cart and only looked to the side when I could see an Elite sitting alone just a bench away on the other side. They too glanced to me and evaded eye contact. Getting off the stop I looked in the direction of where the Elite had walked off, and she kept her coat close to her with her head down. I wondered what kind of world it would be like if

I

were the one under a magnifying glass and the Elite were the norm.

Walking up the steps of my apartment building, I glanced up to the window where I could see my dull apartment and the light on in the next one. Up the elevator and down the hall, I unlocked the door with some hope that the one next to mine would open at some time and I would be able to have a conversation where I could get all the unwanted stuff out. But closing the door behind me, I sighed hanging up my jacket and keys, making myself something to eat, and opened the balcony door.

I was taken by surprise.

“Oh.” I mumbled, “I didn’t realize anyone was out here.”

Steve was seated on the other side, sitting in a chair with his arms on the railing, overlooking the town below. “You didn’t realize because you just got here.”

I paused and sighed, shaking my head. “That you are right about.”

He smiled softly, in a melancholy state it seemed, the town glowing on his skin.

“How was your day?” I asked.

“It was alright. I didn’t do much.”

“How come?”

“I don’t really have a job to go to, or people to see. Most of them work anyways, then they come home too tired to function.” He said.

“Oh.” I always found myself back to. “Well, how was your walk?”

He smiled, “It was alright. I found a new spot.”

“Really? Where?”

He didn’t say a thing, just glanced at me in a secret

you-don’t-know

kind of way. I don’t think I’ll ever get to know where he goes sometimes.

I deflated, “Was it fun?”

“Isn’t it always fun to explore new places and create new memories in them?”

“I guess so.” I leaned against the railing, looking over it to the busy streets. “How long have you been out here?”

“Long enough.”

I looked to him. He wasn’t a man of many words sometimes, and I didn’t know if I should like that part of him or if I should be annoyed when I don’t have a decent conversation. I looked to the street again and I didn’t know when he would look at me, but when I looked back he was staring. “What?” I questioned and he shrugged lightly.

He mumbled an

I dunno,

giving me that sly little look.

I felt hot in my shirt and I didn’t know how to take it, was it embarrassment or the feeling of being uncomfortable?

“So,” he said, “All this time asking me about

my

day. What about you?”

“Me?”

He nodded like a child would, in his playful tired manner.

I shrugged, “Uneventful. Went to work, had lunch, went to work again, and went home.”

“Nothing happened to drastically change your day?”

I thought about it. I did for some reason want to knock on his door and pour my heart out about what’s been bothering me all day, but now standing there - I didn’t know if I’d sound like some kind of hypocrite or what. I shrugged, “It’s nothing.”

The space between the balconies was practically nothing, a good few inches between and a drop down several floors, it felt like he was sitting right next to me.

“Is it bothering you?”

“Hmm?”

“What happened today - is it bothering you?”

I shrugged again, “Kind of.”

“Want to talk about it?”

I scoffed, shaking my head. “It’s nothing.”

“Why?”

“Because if I start talking, I’ll start rambling, and I hate when I ramble.”

“Well,” he paused, “I like when you talk.”

I stared at him, and there was no change in his face, no pitch in his voice, and suddenly I couldn’t tell who the man sitting next to me was.

“Spill it.”

I stared at him, and he blinked softly up at me. It felt like my body was on fire, and he was just sitting there watching the flame.

For a moment he was sitting down, and then he was up opening his balcony door, glancing back at me. “Give me a moment.” He said before disappearing.

I was at a loss standing there, untouched sandwich on a plate, and he was coming back with a stool in hand. Reaching over and putting it on my balcony, he sat back down folding his arms over his chest, and looking me in the eyes.

“Tell me all about it.” He said.

And I couldn’t help myself.

I sat down on the wooden stool, sitting at the same height as him, one elbow on the railing and the other cradling the forgotten plate in my lap. I stared out at the city and I could feel his eyes on me, watching my every move for some kind of rope to grip. Glancing down at the street and back up to the illuminating city, I counted every single skyscraper I could see and none of them compared to the height that I was feeling right now. The feeling of lightness just sitting there with him just then.

“Did you hear about what happened yesterday?”

“About what?”

“About the purebloods?”

He furrowed his brow.

I scoffed, shaking my head. “I shouldn’t talk about it, it’s only going to bother me more-.”

“No, no, go on.” He begged. “Get it off your chest; what happened yesterday?”

I stared at him, but every time I spoke I couldn’t meet his eyes. “I was on the train when I heard, someone had a newspaper, and I couldn’t help but read the front cover.” I shook my head.

“Go on.” He said softly.

I sighed, “A group of purebloods assaulted and raped a group of Elite.” I went out and said, looking at him this time, he didn’t seem as appalled as I was. “No suspects have been found yet, but the Elite are too afraid to say anything about the attack because they think they’ll be killed if they do.”

He didn’t say a word, just watched me, his eyes looking all over my face.

“I don’t know what kind of person would have the idea to do something so violent and cruel to someone else, to be able to wake up the next day and think that they did good by doing that. Raping people.”

“How does it make you feel?”

I was taken back.

“How does it make

you

feel?”

I paused and he blinked endlessly at me, I couldn’t speak looking at him. I looked to the city instead. “It makes me feel ashamed.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m a part of a society that believes violating others is justifying.”

“Why do you think they did that?”

“I don’t know.”

“You know.”

I looked to him.

“You’re smarter than you think, you know why they did that.”

I shook my head.

“You do. Everyone does.” He moved his chair closer to the wall between our balconies, looking me right in the eyes, and continued. “Everyone is too afraid to say anything because they don’t want their tongues cut off, but they’re right about one thing. That everyone notices when there’s a fight between purebloods, or a fight between Elite, but the moment there’s a fight between purebloods

and

Elite - the whole world is out of line, and no one believes such a story.”

I must’ve looked confused, because he went on with no breath in between.

“If purebloods win then we’re all victors, and everything is just again but if the Elite win, then it’s all out war. No one believed the Elite before so they’ve begun to build this idea that no one will listen to their screams, their cries, - all because the Big Man said so.” He pointed to the city and I followed his finger to the towers, “This town is out of order, and everyone is turning a blind eye the moment they see violence. We’re shown one side of the story, but what about the other side? What edges are they cutting out to make us believe in one thing and support that and only that? You ever think that?”

I shook my head.

He pointed at me, his finger close to my heart, “The only people that will ever do anything about anything are shot down right between the eyes before anything could happen. Why? Because the government is afraid of the power of the people. Because why?” He poked me in the chest, “Because the people grow, and when they grow, they soon realize how much of a grave we’ve all been digging while searching for imaginary gold. The government plants the X’s and we all just dig, no question about it; while we dig down, they cover us up, and they put an unmarked stone on us.”

He poked me in the chest again, repeatedly proving his point.

“We have the power to shut down the government, to shine a light on the other side of the story. Violence is one way to show people how to work a business, but persistency is one way to shut it down.”

I felt the faint tapping of his finger on my chest after he’d leaned his arms back on the railings looking to the town, it was like a phantom telling me that

I

was the one who needed to start the fall, that

I

was the one who needed to be the leader. I kept feeling that faint tapping on my chest even when he didn’t speak anymore, even when he didn’t look at me, or didn’t touch it. I could feel the rhythm of a heart beat there, and I know what he was saying.

“What,” I said softly and he looked at me, “Is that what you think? About the whole thing?”

He shook his head, “That’s just a glimpse of it.”

“Would you start a riot for them?”

“Riot?” He laughed, “Who said anything about a riot?”

I shrugged.

“If you want to prove a point, you don’t go and run a riot straight through city hall.”

“It was just a-.”

He pressed his hand into my shoulder, giving me a firm shake, looking me in the eyes the way I feel like Gatsby looked at Nick whenever he would call Nick

Ol’ Sport.

Did I feel that special? “Buck,” he said, “You’ve got some wild ideas, and I like them but - don’t quit your day job.”

“You’re laughing at me?”

“Well, don’t take it the wrong way, Buck.” He said giving a shrug and putting his hands up in a surrendering way. “You of all people should know riots don’t do anyone good.”

“I just thought, you know, maybe it’d show someone-.”

“Who?” He asked, leaning against his railing facing me now. “Who would listen to a bunch of radicalists with plastic helmets and bats?”

I felt annoyed again, looking to the city, and he just laughed. I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh with him and say

yeah, what a stupid idea

or stand up and close the door behind me. I just shook my head and glanced down a moment. “You’re right.”

Steve reached over squeezing my arm again and giving a big grin. “By the way, you’re not going to eat that sandwich are you?”

I looked down at the sandwich still sitting in my lap, and to Steve who glanced between me and the plate. “You want it?”

“I’ll trade you pizza for it.”

“That’s alright. I’m not really hungry anymore.”

“Was it something I said?” He asked watching me stand up.

“No, no, I’m just - more tired than hungry.” I held out the plate and he took the sandwich. “I think I’m going to head to bed early.”

“You sure you don’t want pizza? It’s on the house.”

“Thanks, but - I’ll pass.” I smiled raising my hand in a wave and opened the balcony door. “Goodnight Steve.”

“Goodnight.” He said, and I left him there with that joyless kind of look before closing the curtains, and wandering to bed.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

A few days passed and I was between work and home, when I’d come home sometimes I went out to the balcony and I’d have little chats with Steve there. He’d talk about his day wandering through new places and never exactly telling me where, and he’d get a little out of me about my day, and after we’d say our goodnight’s and go inside. Sometimes I didn’t see him and his light wasn’t on in his apartment, I figured he’d slept out at a friend’s house, or just wasn’t feeling the vibes to being outside. Everytime he wasn’t outside, I felt like I had to create a reason why he wasn’t there and I didn’t know why I was making excuses for him being away.

Maybe he just didn’t like me.

After work, Sam had said his goodbyes in promise of us meeting up one night for dinner with a couple of his friends. I said alright and we went on our ways. Going down to the terminal and waiting for the train, I could see a young couple of Elite standing on the platform waiting for it as well. They spoke among themselves, and no one seemed to bother them much. Getting on the train they entered the same cart as I did the same as another man with me, he sat on the end of the train and I sat on the other. The Elite sat between us in the cart, quietly mumbling to themselves.

Looking to the passing lights and the platforms passing, I could hear muttering down the cart. Looking along I could see that the pureblood man had sat a little closer to the Elite on the other end, and they had cluttered closer together. They weren’t much, just a young man and a woman, sitting so close together that their shoulders could’ve been melded as one. I watched as the man stood up, lingered a moment by the door in front of the two with his back to them, and then I saw him turn.

I could see the red in his eyes, the hatred boiling inside.

I got to my feet but nothing could stop the speed of a bullet leaving the chamber of a handgun. The woman let out a blood curling scream, blood splattering across her cheek as her boyfriend was shot in the neck. It shattered the window behind him and the moment the man turned his gun on the woman, I stepped up. The man turned to me, pointing his gun at me, and I froze.

I’m going to die.

“Kill them.” He told me, turning the handle towards me, and nodded eagerly. “Kill them, and no one else will have to suffer more with their race.”

I opened my eyes and he was inching the gun towards me.

“Kill them.” He muttered. “Go on. What’re you waiting for?”

I looked down at the gun, and a voice in my head was bleating out. My heart racing as I glanced to the crying, screaming young woman. The cameras in the passing platforms couldn’t see anything but a blur of a train passing by, they couldn’t see a man holding a gun out to another man, and one’s blood painted the walls. Reaching out my hand slowly, the man entrusted me with the gun and I looked the woman in the eyes. Was I really going to kill this woman?

She cried, eyeliner drawing lines down her cheeks, and she covered her mouth with muffled screams. Blood against her cheek - thoughts troubling me.

This is someone’s child, someone’s baby girl all grown up. Someone’s little baby.

Tears welled in my eyes as I stared at her, and I couldn’t breathe.

“Do it!” The man yelled, and I stared at her.

This is someone’s baby girl all grown up; you shoot her, and you’ll want to die too.

“Give me the gun.” He said already holding out his hand to snatch the gun, and I just couldn’t.

I threw down the gun, making it clatter on the way down, and the man looked at me. I sucker punched him across the jaw and he fell back hitting his head on one of the subway metal poles, letting out an even louder scream the young woman - practically a girl - clenched her eyes shut tightly, and cried out in internal, heart broken pain. She didn’t die today, but she already feels dead knowing she won’t have someone holding her hand all the way through it.

I looked at her, and she looked at me through tear spilling eyes, and I collapsed backwards into a seat leaned over my knees. Glancing to the man knocked out across the cart floor, his gun still there, I picked it up, and emptied every single bullet from the chamber throwing the gun the opposite way. The young girl stared at me wiping her nose, and hiccuping as the train started to slow down to it’s platform. Looking in my briefcase, I found a tissue at the last moment and stood up holding it out to her.

Her eyes were a dark brown, the color so dark it looked like her oval irises had swallowed them whole. She glanced to the tissue and then to me, and I held it out closer to her. She took it gently as the doors opened and phantoms exited the cart, avoiding looking to her side I turned away and off the platform. Looking at her through the windows as the doors closed again, she too looked at me like that man did on the street when we both collided and fell to the floor. I was tired, and maybe I was seeing wrong, but it looked like she was trying to tell me something. Something quietly.

As the train moved along, I hoped that the next person who got onto the train would see the mess made, call the police, and have the man arrested, and the woman taken care of. Why I didn’t do it? I don’t know, I just needed a warm bed, and somewhere far away to forget about my hesitation to killing a young woman.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

After a day’s worth of working, I wandered along the platforms until the trains came - but I didn’t board them. I couldn’t find the security to board them anymore. I didn’t hear any further news about the young woman and the shooter, but I hoped the best for her. On the other hand, I hoped the man went through a speedy trial straight to Hell, or at least to a slammer where he’d spend the rest of his life where he thought it was Hell. Nonetheless, I was walking home.

I hadn’t seen Steve in a day or two, his lights weren’t on so I hoped he was safe and went to bed to be greeted with the emptiness of an apartment. I realized we hadn’t really bonded ever since that chat we had outside the apartments about riots and Elite and the government, maybe it was a soft spot that I didn’t know about and pressed too hard. I don’t know where he is most of the time, then again, why should it matter to me? He was my neighbor, a friend, a practical stranger. Why should I care for his well being when he’s practically capable of living and working on his own?

It still worried me though.

Getting to the apartment I searched along the parking lot for that green truck of his and I thought I saw it parked there, going up the stairs, maybe I was wrong. Hanging up my jacket and my keys, I shrugged off my tie and shoes slumping into the couch. I didn’t want a sandwich, I didn’t want fresh air, I wanted sleep - maybe even eternal sleep. Closing my eyes and feeling my back ache, I could hear the cars passing below and the sounds of horns going in the distance. That same shuffling on the other side of the wall too, I sat up.

Listening, I got up heading towards the balcony door and opened it looking around. Steve’s lights weren’t on and yet I could hear that shuffling like I’d heard in the morning of him moving in, was he really still putting things up? I walked inside and formally walked barefoot to his front door, seeing as knocking on his balcony door would be creepy. Giving it a knock, I listened to the silence behind it, and knocked again. Moments later, I could hear shuffling closer to the door, and the latch on the door being touched - maybe put on.

It opened and darkness poured out, the only light that shined in was the light from the hall, and it was kind of far down.

“Buck, everything alright?”

“Yeah.” I said, a little confused. “Everything’s - fine?”

The fact that Steve had the latch on wasn’t really a surprise, but that he was walking around in the dark was. “There something you need?”

“No, no-.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure - were you just outside?”

There was a pause, “Yeah, why?”

“Oh. I thought I was just - hearing things.” I laughed. “I must be that tired.”

I didn’t hear Steve laugh back.

“What’re you doing in there? Writing by candlelight?” I joked.

Then I heard him chuckle, “No, I was just outside, didn’t feel like turning on the light, thought I’d head to bed now.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to drag you away from it.”

“It’s alright, I don’t mind.”

Although, the chain across the door did start to bother me. I was a friend, why did he still have it across and why was he peeking through the space?

“Seriously, I don’t mind. You could wake me up at the break of dawn, and I’d be fine.”

I scoffed, and I couldn’t tell whether he was smiling or not. “Well, I better let you go to bed. I’m sorry for making you come to the door.”

“It’s alright, really.”

I nodded, “Alright. Uh, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” He said, and I could see him wave his hand and close the door gently locking it.

Staring at it a moment more, I pushed open my door and locked it behind me. Questionably lingering I wandered out to the balcony door again looking through the shades. Something was telling me that this wasn’t a good thing, and that maybe Steve was a questionable character to trust. So many questions bothering me about it, so many ideas coming to mind, that I didn’t stop to wonder if he was really telling the truth or maybe - maybe he was just lying.
 
The next morning I got up to get ready for work, and when I was leaving I could hear Steve moving around behind the door. Passing it the door opened and Steve stepped out zipping up his sweater, “Good morning!” He chimed.

I glanced to him, “Good morning.”

“Another day going to work, huh?”

“I’ve got to pay the bills somehow.” I said, pressing the button on the wall and waiting for the elevator.

He stood beside me and sighed looking up, “Well, I hope you’re going to survive the day and all.”

“What do you mean?”

The doors opened and we stepped in. “Well, I realized that the job sometimes gives you stress.”

“It doesn’t stress me out.”

He put his hands up in surrender, “I’m just saying, I may be wrong. If you say it doesn’t then it doesn’t.”

I nodded and looked to the numbers going down, silence filling the box before Steve could speak.

“Are you doing anything tonight?”

“Me?” I looked at him.

“Yeah. Are you doing anything tonight?”

“No, why?”

“Could you have dinner with me?”

I stared dumbfounded.

“It gets kind of lonely in my apartment, and I wanted to know if you wanted to come over sometime for dinner. Preferably tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“Yeah.” He smiled playfully, tilting his head. “I feel like it’s going in one ear and going out the other.”

I paused, annoyed by his charm again. “Sure.” I said, playing it cool.

“Sure?”

“Yeah.” I mumbled following out of the doors when they opened.

He raised an eyebrow at me as he opened the front door for me, and I glanced at him. “Are you allergic to anything?”

“No. Maybe shellfish.”

“I think everyone’s probably allergic to shellfish.” He said.

“17% of the world is allergic to shellfish; that’s about the size of India.”

“So, a few million.”

“Try around 1.252 billion.” I said, and shrugged. “That’s what happened when you don’t study your world facts. Some people weren’t meant for school, it’s alright.”

Steve nodded, pursing his lips, “I see how it is. I was going to give you a ride to work and all, but I guess I’m alright now.”

“Don’t worry, I can manage on my own. Rain check.” I said over my shoulder.

I could see him even as I was walking away, he continued to smile despite me having walked away or turned around. Throughout the day I found myself looking to the clock constantly and I felt like every time I did it only slowed down to bother me, I was relieved when lunch came by, but Sam wasn’t in today. Grabbing a small sandwich and taking it to go at a deli, I stared across the street to where an unnoticed homeless person found shelter in the doorway of a closed store.

Shooting Sam a text about missing a crew meeting I didn’t get a reply back throughout the day like I’d hoped, and despite Natasha’s occasional text and internet update, she was already out in Washington D.C with a couple of friends she’d met. She said she’d move in temporarily in between protests about the recent judicial case regarding Elite members and judgemental purebred. She said she’d be back within the next few weeks, if things go well. I can only hope they would so I could have a friend back.

When it was time for my shift to end and another to start, I almost forgot about the dinner I was supposed to have with Steve. It’d be impolite to appear without nothing to offer, so heading down to the nearest Wine and Spirits I grabbed a bottle of wine, hoping my random picking was good and started home. By the time I got there the sun was below the horizon and I couldn’t even open my door without having to put down the bottle in the bag. Putting my briefcase into my room, I took off my tie looking too formal. Looking in the mirror, I fixed my hair up a bit, and straightened my shirt-.

“What am I doing?” I caught myself, and walked away from the mirror grabbing the bottle. Closing my door behind me, I turned to knock on Steve’s door gently. In between the time I straightened my shirt unbuttoning the top button on my collared shirt, when the door opened, Steve had that latch over the door again. Light on behind him this time.

“Bucky, you’re here!” He said, “I’m not really -.”

“You’re not ready? I could come back.”

“No, no, the food’s almost done, I just -.” He closed the door, moving the latch, and opening it again he turned away from the door. “Come in, just give me a moment, alright?” He disappeared into what I think was the bathroom, and I closed the door behind me.

Being in someone else’s house was a strange thing. There wasn’t much but it was cozy; a loveseat couch facing a bookshelf instead of a TV, a stereo on the kitchen counter, a two seater table with stools, a clock nailed up on the wall, and a few polaroid pictures taped up against the wall above the bookshelf. I gazed at them as I could hear Steve leaving the bathroom, and turning around he was poking at his eyes.

“You alright?” I asked.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.”

“Do you wear glasses?”

He seemed to pause, “No, I wear contact lenses. The glasses bother me too much.”

“Oh.”

He pointed to the brown paper bag encasing the wine bottle, “What’s that?”

“Oh, it’s a - housewarming gift.”

“A gift?”

I held it out, “Yeah, I hope you didn’t mind.”

“No, no, I just didn’t expect it.” He looked down at it and smiled. “Thank you very much.” He said, “Let’s hope it pairs well with dinner.”

“Right, dinner. What exactly

is

dinner?”

“A surprise.” He stood in the doorway of the kitchen and I smiled.

“A surprise, what kind?”

“You’ll see.”

“Let’s not hope it has shellfish in it.”

He paused, “I guess we’ll have to have take out then.” He said jokingly, disappearing into the kitchen I wandered around the room a bit more and passed the balcony door on the way. Looking out, I saw the town from afar.

“Looks like it’s going to rain tonight, it’s darker than usual.”

“Forecast said we’re going to get some rain this weekend.” He said from the kitchen.

“Really? I didn’t hear.”

“Yep, rain this weekend, but they said they don’t know how long it’ll last. It’s coming from the north so you know it won’t be too good. Do you want a drink?”

“I’m fine. Thanks.” I wandered a little further, and over to the bookshelf. Crouching down, I read over the titles. “Did you read all of these books?”

“Once or twice.”

“Really? You must really have a lot of time on your hands.”

“Well, when you work from home sometimes and get paid by the hour, you tend to lose interest in some things.”

“You work from home?”

“Like I said,” he appeared with a glass of water and put it on the coffee table, “Sometimes.”

“What do you do?”

“Depends. Sometimes I do interior designing, other times I do wall designing and graphic designs.”

“So, you’re an artsy kind of guy?”

He shrugged, “It’s my best suit.”

“Maybe you should use it to put some effort into your outfits.”

“Ouch.” Steve said, holding his chest playfully. “That one really stung.”

I shrugged looking to the polaroid pictures, “And what about the pictures?”

“What about ‘em?”

I looked at him, “Is it a hobby of yours?”

He stood up and stood beside me, closely beside me, and sighed. “I don’t know, are they good?”

I looked to them. They were stills of miscellaneous things. People in crowds looking graceful without effort, drops of water lingering on fountain hoses, leaves scattering in midair on its journey to the ground, clouds drifting apart. I shrugged, “They’re -,” I paused looking at him, “Acceptable.”

He stared at me with a stained smile, and I found myself burning again. He moved suddenly and the air I was breathing went with him, “Dinner should be done.”

What dinner was was a healthy lasagna dish garnished with Parsley, presented just well, he didn’t think the kitchen suited it enough.

“Grab that end of the table.” He said, holding the kitchen table by one end.

“What?”

“Come on, just do it.” He smiled and as insane as it was, I stood on the other end holding it. “We’re bringing it out into the living room.”

“What?” I smiled, “It’s not going to fit through the door.”

“You got to believe in it, if you don’t it won’t work. Ready? Move on, one, two, three.” He smiled the whole way through, laughing when we couldn’t get the table through the door straight. Having to turn it and impossible while we were laughing, we somehow got it out into the living room, just by the balcony door to see the town from above. We were asking questions back and forth.

“Alright,” I thought for a bit, “What city did you live in? In Massachusetts.”

“Boston.”

“Why?”

He stuck his index finger up. “Ah. It’s my turn.”

I rolled my eyes, and he smiled.

“Okay.” He sighed into his hand, watching me as he smirked. “What do you work as at your job?”

“I work as a Foreign Exchange Trader. Now, why did you move to Boston if you lived in Brooklyn before?”

He smiled, looking down at his plate and back. “You want the truth?”

I nodded.

He shrugged, “I just needed to get away for a while, Brooklyn was too much for me.”

“Why?”

He pointed at me, and I rolled my eyes again waiting. “Why a Foreign Exchange Trader?”

“It’s easy to manage, plus I’m good at being an accountant. Why was Brooklyn too much for you?”

He shrugged again.

“Why do you keep shrugging?”

“I don’t know.”

“Of course you know, you just don’t want to tell me. Was Brooklyn so bad for you back then?”

He looked at me with that knowing, melancholy smile again and I could feel that jabbing in my chest again. Like he was poking me even though he wasn’t.

“You said you moved back to Brooklyn but you never said why you left? What’s the real reason why you left?” I asked solemnly.

“You don’t want to know.”

“Why?”

He shook his head.

“Why don’t I want to know, Steve? What could be so bad that you don’t want to tell me?”

Steve stared at me like I had all the answers to his unsolved problems, but I just didn’t know where to look. I sighed, and leaned my elbows on the table.

“Alright then, ask me something personal. I’ll tell you the answer.”

He smiled a little wider, and shook his head like he couldn’t believe it.

“Go on.”

He puckered his lips out staring down at the table leaned back in his chair all cool like, and gave a calm smirk. “Do you think you would go on a proper date with me if you knew everything about me?”

I froze. It took me a moment to recollect everything, and I hesitated. “What?”

“Would you go on a date with me? You know, out in public?”

“I-.” I closed my mouth, and it felt like all I could do was stare at him and gulp.

“I mean, you can say no. I wouldn’t be bothered by it, well honestly I would be a little bit. But I’ll live with it.” He paused, “Would you?”

I gulped again and put my hands into my lap looking down at them, “I mean,- we’re neighbors and everything.”

“We are.” He trailed off.

“-We hardly know each other.”

“We can talk some more.” He said.

“I-,” I met his eyes again and he was waiting, “I wouldn’t mind.”

He smiled, “You’d go out on a date with me?”

I nodded slowly, and his smiled grew into a nervous, happy one.

“That’s a relief. I thought I would make things awkward, and then never see you again.”

“We’re kind of neighbors, we can’t really escape that.”

“Not unless one of us moved. I hope that you don’t move, you’re the first actual person I’ve been able to talk with for a long period of time without feeling like I’m the only one talking. Or just a person at all.”

I nodded and his smile imprinted into mine, giving a nervous chuckle, and shaking my head, I took a sip of my glass glancing at him. Looking to the city to the side of both of us, I could see the reflection of him staring at me on it. I could feel my chest rising and falling with each breath and it felt like I was above the city again, going back to eating and speaking quietly, the air was filled with constant warmth; for once, this old apartment complex felt like home.

After a whole while more of talking back and forth, not really saying a lot, he’d grabbed the plates and rinsed them in the sink saying how it was getting late and that I should probably be getting to bed for my day at work in the morning. Even as he was saying it I couldn’t find the will to move from the seat on the edge of the world right there. We’d effortlessly moved the table back to where it was in the kitchen, a little chuckle here and there getting it through the door, but the daze of that was fading.

He walked me to the front door, and we both lingered there. Him there with his smiles and his eyes, just

him.

“Thank you again, for tonight. I didn’t know how much longer I’d be able to survive having dinner alone.”

“At any time you want to have dinner, I’m just - right next door.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He smiled, leaning against the door, and there was silence. “It was fun.”

“It was.” I smiled.

“Maybe,” he trailed off, “We could have dinner every night, when you feel like it of course.”

“I wouldn’t mind.”

“Just - don’t bring a gift next time. I don’t need gifts. Just - bring yourself.”

I felt my skin on fire again, and I swayed on my feet. “I should - probably go now.”

“You should. Work, and all.”

“Yeah.” I took a step to the side, watching his stare. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” He said, leaning in the doorway as I unlocked the door.

Giving him another shy smile, he chuckled waving his hand and watched me go in.

“Goodnight.” He said again, and I could imagine him peeking around the corner.

I poked my head out, “Goodnight.”

He shook his head before closing the door behind him and I was staring at his door for a moment more, I couldn’t actually contain the smile on my face. Some guy moving in beside me, became my friend, and next thing I know he’s asking me out on dates and making dinner. Just right next door I had a dream worth living, and I couldn’t hope more than anything that he’d stay there just a little while longer. Just so I don’t feel alone anymore. I hoped he’d never move, I hope he’d never leave that little apartment, and that he’d never stray away from being interactive with me. Maybe this is what it was like to be in love, all those years of not knowing, all those years of silly little crushes, and stupid obsessions.

Maybe he actually liked me after all.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The next day when I’d gotten to work, I heard a mumble from all around. I didn't know what had happened the night before or the morning after, all I heard was whispering and no one to ask about it until I saw Sam. I ushered along the hall, pushing through the crowd to get to him at lunch.

“Sam. Did you hear what happened?” I asked freely.

He looked around frantically, pulling my arm along. We stood on the corner of a room, marble all around.

“Hey. What's this all about?”

“Council passed a law on the Elite.” He said quietly, “Supposedly every building is being searched for them.”

“What? Why?”

“I don't know, but I think officials are coming here within the week to survey us about them.”

“Survey us on what?” I was pulling at straws but Sam was holding another pile.

“I don't know. I've been hearing around that it's some kind of elective, whether we should be mixed with them or not. Like some kind of segregation.”

I was lost. “But - the only Elite that come here are customers. And the CEO never said anything about a search-.”

“I know, I know, but what's worse is that there was a riot this morning on the streets. Elite struck back. They've got over half a thousand Elite in custody for threatening to tear down the system.”

I knew only one thing that would follow in the act of this; Congress would make a press conference and broadcast it live all over the states, and we'd watch sitting on the edge of all our seats with nothing to do but argue helplessly. This was outrageous. I didn't know what to say to Sam, but stare at him and wonder what the rest of the world would do in the same situation.

“It's insane what's happening.” He sighed.

“You're telling me.” I mumbled in loss, and he shook his head. “I bet Natasha won't be home for a while now.”

“Natasha? Oh, right. How is she?”

“She's alright. Last text I got from her she was just moving her things in with a friend, they were getting ready for the march of their lives. She said she'd send me a video of them when she gets the time.”

“She's the only Elite I know from you that will plunge head first into trouble with a loud roar.” He said and we started for the café for lunch. “She's pretty cool, even if I only met her once or twice.”

“Yeah, she is. I guess.”

“So, she's up in Washington DC on that big march thing? I heard about it. Two days already. Those marchers have a will.” He scoffed.

I thought about it, all those people waking up early to raise up a different sign each day about liberal lies and laws regarding our Founding Father's laws, how disappointed they must all be shaking their heads from their graves and watching us fall as a once strong society. If they were alive now, they'd put us to shame about how messed up we've made things by letting bigoted meat heads declare a dictatorship over the states. It's beyond incredulous, and the other countries are probably laughing at us to this day.

I was so worked up during work thinking about it that I nearly missed the day's deadline, and got an email from the head of finances about it half an hour before my shift ended. Rubbing my eyes as I walked along the darkened streets, I could see a lit barrel along the curb with people huddling around it. It was like passing a cemetery of restless spirits. Elite stood around wrapped in ragged clothes and leaned against crumbling buildings, their eyes sunken, and their cheeks swollen with famine. Some looked over to me with begging eyes to be put out of mercy, and others just wanted to be basked in that warm, filled feeling of being loved again.

I looked away, not because I pitied them but out of respect. If I was at a down, I didn't want people looking at me like I needed to be thrown a bone. Glancing back, I could see a young girl staring back at me from behind the flames. Her chin barely high enough to rest on the burning barrel, and her eyes reflected the fire with a passion. She couldn't be any older than seven, younger even. My heart sunk into its place, stomach gaping, and I wished I could do something. Wished I could build a sanctuary for them, and shelter them from the famine, from the cold, from the death - just for a little while.

After all, maybe they could be human too - maybe, if they shielded their eyes they could be accepted into society. If only they could hide in plain sight, and never be found.

When I wandered into my apartment building, I could hear Steve bustling around in his apartment and maybe he had new photos he was putting up. When I had gone outside, the light shines on from inside his apartment and his shadow danced here and there behind the shutters. For one single moment, I wanted to be alone and that was odd considering I loved being surrounded in Steve's attention, loved being in his apartment, in his presence. For one moment, I wanted to be alone and to saunter in the heaviness of the weight in my stomach. To stare over the balcony and see small people from below, the city so distant but so close.

One moment that I wasn't spared.

I could hear the door unlock beside mine, and Steve looked out. “You’re home!” He beamed, pushing the shutters aside and shining that light onto the porch.

“You found me.” I threw my hands up, bracing my best smile.

“Dinner's almost ready, would you like to come over and have some with me?”

I didn't want company. “If it's alright, I think I'll have this one alone.”

“Oh. But I made my home recipe. Quesadilla.” He pouted.

“Save me a piece, I'll try it when I wake up from a nap.” I stood, and when I did - he grabbed my wrist.

I've never had someone look at me the way he did just then, with such security and a look that could swallow me whole into a void of nothing. Something that meant everything to me in that one little moment.

“Please,” he said softly, so close to a whisper, “Have dinner with me. Tell me about your day, I'll listen.”

“I don't want to-.”

“For me. Please?” His hand lessened the grip and he let it fall to clasp my hand. “It would mean a lot.”

And I don't know what it was, but - I was compelled to say yes.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It seemed like he knew every little thing to cure a sad heart. How he so gingerly wrapped it in silk and shifted it between his hands until it turned soft in his palms, and dripped through his fingers without form but not a single drop escaped to the floor to it’s plunging, inevitable death. I was like that metaphor, pliant and elastic in his graces, he pulled every chord and I didn’t panic once. Saturated in his attention and he didn’t have to do anything, he’d just have to sit there facing me with those baby blue eyes and I’d feel like I was painted in his colors. Like a chameleon, I reflected every single one of his colors just so I could be a little closer to understanding him.

He knew me so well, and I didn’t know a single thing about him. That’s what had me star struck, the fact that we were lying on our backs staring at the ceiling breathing in and out softly to the same rhythm and balancing on endless silence. That he listened to every single sorrow and pitiful word that escaped my mouth, with every single cry for help, he’d ushered to them and kissed away every thread of pain in my heart - without doing a single thing. He was a blessing but this life was a curse, and I couldn’t think of any other reason how we’d found each other but by accident.

I wished that with every star kissed secret and smile he had to offer was for me only, that he didn’t share it with anyone else, and that he’d only make me feel this wonderful and that there was purpose to fight for something so strongly. I could see it then when he blinked ceaselessly at me, listening to every word and every mumble over forgotten dinner and time, that he wouldn’t be anywhere else but there and that every little saccade of his staring eyes was trying to focus on every detail of my face.

With every taunting wish, with every hopeful feeling, I wished that he could hear my thoughts and share them with me. But he didn’t say a thing, didn’t utter a sound; he watched me as if he were watching the tide crawl onto the beach and run away childishly. He watched me as if he were waiting for a flower to bloom, waiting for the last grain of sand to fall before he would manage a coherent word for me to lean into. But he didn’t say a word.

And that scared me.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

He promised me dinner the next time we planned it together, but this time it wouldn’t be cold Quesadilla that had been microwaved back over again and watching over the city. He wanted to bring me out somewhere, “

to show me off”,

as he’d said. Throughout the week, I’d found my self-esteem blooming every time I’d saw Steve in the hallways as he’d head to his morning run or we’d run into each other in the laundry room and talk about everything and nothing all together. Work was exhausting but every time I’d punch in and clock out, I found myself counting down the hours or minutes or seconds until I could run into Steve again. News about the recent Elite hadn’t come up, everything was hush hush now, and not a single thing was broadcasted on the news.

I was thankful.

Out of the uneventful week, I found myself dreaming of better days and colorful places where I could visit with a hand in mine and a smile to share. When I’d come home that night, head surrounded in stars and entwined in gathered orange blossoms*, I could see Steve leaned against the side of his Ford Bronco, hands in his pockets and watching as I crossed the streets to get there in front of him.

“Hi.” I managed, seeing that quirky smile on his face that I’d always admired.

“Hi.” He said so easily back, I hated how cool he was sometimes.

“What’re you doing out here? It’s kind of cold.”

“I wanted to go on that date with you.”

“Wha-?” I looked at him but his smile never failed him, “You’re serious? Right now?”

“Right now. Go on a date with me.”

I stared at him, but he peeled his hands from his pockets reaching out to me and I couldn’t help but step into his touch. He clasped my wrists gently.

“Come on, we can go sightseeing. See the town from somewhere else other than our windows.”

“I don’t know.”

“It’ll be fun.” He insisted dropping my hands when I wanted him to hold them for a while and he opened the passenger side door. “Come on.” He ushered.

“Where are we going first?”

“To dinner.” He smiled pressing his hands into my shoulders and guiding me to the door.

“But where? I’ll be over dressed -.”

“You won’t, I’ve got everything under control.”

“You do, but what about me?” I sat down in the seat, and he leaned over the doorway looking down at me while the shadows of the distant parking lot lamp illuminated part of his face making him look godly.

“You look amazing. There’s nothing to worry about.”

I didn’t know if I should be embarrassed by the comment or flattered, but he’d closed the door smiling as he pointed at me through the front window. Coming around and opening the driver side door, he sat down and gave it a moment before looking at me and smiling.

“And off we go.” He said turning on the car, and I’ve never had the time of my life - except for in that one moment.

We drove out into the city, New York all around, and I was more than addicted. We passed the tall buildings we’d always seen from afar; down West 57th street, and Park Avenue, Wall street, and plenty of lovely things to see. His idea of a date was passing by all the tallest buildings in Manhattan, the Bronx, and Brooklyn. He’d watch me with every building we passed because I’d have a smile on my face with every light reflecting off my eyes, he said it was the most amazing thing he’d seen all night, and I hated him for it. Of course I didn’t, but I couldn’t help but think of how loved he made me feel.

His other idea of dinner food was getting take out at a deli and sitting on the edge of the park just below the Brooklyn Bridge, the railing overlooking the East River, quietly lapping at the side of the stone. At night, the city from afar looked amazing; I couldn’t imagine a view like this from my window.

“So.” Steve mumbled, wiping at the sides of his mouth with his fingers and giving me that praising smile.

“So?” I smiled.

“How’s this date so far?”

I took a breath, “Not too bad actually.”

“What’d you expect?” He gasped.

I shrugged, “Flowers, candlelight -.”

“I see how it is.” He nodded, “Next time, I’ll just stick to staying home over microwaved macaroni.”

“No, I think this is better than that.” I laughed and he smiled. “I like this.”

“Me too, more than you might think.”

Glancing at him, he was giving me that steely look again with that smile, watching me and my every move for a reaction. I sat back, trying to contain my smile.

He looked out to the water and I couldn’t help but look too. “You know, this might just be our spot.”

“Our spot?”

He nodded lightly.

“You sure you don’t share this spot with anyone else?” I squinted jokingly.

“Like who?”

“Your girlfriend?”

“No, no.” He shook his head seriously, “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

I paused, “Boyfriend?”

“I don’t know about that one.”

“Oh.” I looked to the water and he looked at me.

“What about you? Do you have a partner?”

“Heck no. I can’t find anyone who can stand me yet.”

“What could be so repulsive about you that anyone could hate?”

“Let me think,” I looked to the stars, and he watched me, “I repulsively take up both sides of the bed, repulsively love pickle sandwiches, and - I snore when I sleep.” I smiled.

“So?”

“And fart.”

He burst out laughing, shoulders shaking, and I couldn’t help but laugh myself. “I couldn’t think of a more human thing than that.” He shook his head, “Everyone does it, whether they like to admit it or not. We’re moving, churning gas machines.”

“That’s not supposed to be funny.” I batted his arm and he chuckled. “It’s supposed to be gross.”

“It doesn’t bother me. You could throw up in front of me, and I’d help you through it.” He insisted.

“Now that’s gross. Just the thought of throwing up is making me lose my appetite.”

“And making me gain it.” He jokingly, propped my sandwich on his lap.

“You can eat anything and everything and not gain a single pound.”

“I do. But it goes straight to muscle mass.” He joked, showing a flexing bicep.

“Oh, that’s what this is. I thought I saw it jiggle once.”

He cackled, and I smiled. I couldn’t believe a single second sitting there next to him, body’s so close to touching on the benches, and he was a complete star.

Then we were back to talking about nothings and somethings.

“So, why don’t you have a partner?” He asked, sipping his water.

“I don’t know, I’m just always busy working. I don’t think I can juggle that

and

a social life.”

“You have enough time to talk to me at night.”

I paused and shoved him, “Shut up.”

He smiled.

“I don’t know, I just never got the time to. I’m always so overwhelmed by everything, and I get so consumed by work that I don’t get enough time for me sometimes.”

“That’s not healthy.”

“You’re telling me.” I scoffed.

“No, really.” And when I looked at him, he was in protective mode; brows furrowed, jaw set, he was concerned. “You should have time to sit down and enjoy yourself, you shouldn’t be overworking yourself to the point where you’re building with stress. That isn’t healthy for you, you’re young and ambitious to get things done but if you’re not taking care of yourself then what’s the point? If you’re not happy, then why keep trying to dig a hole in the same place?”

“Because that’s all I’ve ever known to do. I keep trying until I get somewhere.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you have to neglect your own self care for happiness. Happiness starts with yourself, not with others.”

I scoffed, looking into the darkness of the water and pushed off the bench. I turned to shrug at him. “So what if I keep trying at something that I’m horrible at? I mean, it’s better than living. All the people who go out there into the world get let down because they stepped out of line, and they lost it all. I’m just trying to get by on my own.”

“So, you’d rather just exist as a being than to live your life to every extent and corner? What’s the point in that?”

“Because I want to. You can’t narrate my life.” I muttered suddenly feeling angry.

“No, but I want the best for you. I want you to see the world through optimistic eyes, not pessimistic. It’s more than you think.” He never once had to raise his voice, he was getting his point across.

I scoffed turning to the railing looking to the city beyond, I could hear Steve shifting the wrappers aside and standing up. His feet kicking gravel along and when he leaned against the railing with his hands in his pockets, he looked to me after a moment with his back to the lights.

“Why do you hate it so much?”

“Hate what?”

“Hope. Destiny. Happiness.”

“I don’t hate it.”

“Then what?”

“They don’t exist.” I looked at him, and he just stared blankly. “At least not in this world. You go out into the streets and the hopeful people are lying in corners with blankets because they threw money to the wind trying to buy happiness. You can’t buy something that’s permanent.”

“Yeah, but that’s not what this is about. It’s not about them, I’m asking about you.”

I pressed my lips together, looking down to the water. The calm, cold, void like water.

“Why do

you

think there’s no such thing as happiness? Out of all people, you’ve got the best of things. You

are

happy.”

“I’m not. Not really.”

“Why?”

“Because every time I see something like that, and I can’t do anything about it - I realize I’m just as useless as everyone else here. And it’s a bitch to say, but it’s true. Makes me believe I have no right to say something about anything anymore -.”

“But you do.”

“But I don’t. I have no more rights than the Elites risking their lives to stand in their country, and that’s saying something because they’re oppressed of theirs just because of a physical abnormality.”

Steve stared at me, turning to the city resting his elbows on the railing like I had. He hung his head and I couldn’t understand why he was so concerned about the situation, he seemed more affected by it than me. “What can I do to make this better?”

“Nothing. You can’t fix it because it’s already become worse.”

“No.”

I looked at him.

“I meant you. How can I make you realize that your self worth is much more valuable than your job? That you can’t keep throwing it aside like it isn’t a health issue?”

“It’s fine.” I pushed off the railing. “I’ve dealt with this for a while, I can stand it.”

He grabbed my hand, silent for a while, he let out a pent up breath squeezing my hand. “But I don’t want you to deal with this alone.”

“I can get by on my own.” I said, reluctantly pulling my hand away and he grabbed it again. A much firmer, warm grip this time.

“The thing is you don’t have to. I want to be in your life, Buck.”

My heart pounded in my ears and it was getting hard to breathe, my hand twitched in his and he glanced down at it. To him it must’ve seemed like a nervous reaction and he unclasped his hand letting them slip, pressing his hands back into his pockets, I stared at him in silence. An unconscious, broken silence that I didn’t know what to say to break.

He glanced down at the ground before giving a scoff, “We should - get going. It’s getting cold, I wouldn’t want you sick for work tomorrow.” He turned for the benches, wrapping up the uneaten sandwich of his and mine as well.

I didn’t hear a word from him as we walked to the truck, his truck being the only in the lot. He didn’t slam the door like I’d expected him to when he opened it for me and closed it behind me, he didn’t sit there in anger before turning on the car, he didn’t question my silence. I wanted him to speak, to fill the silence with anything but unspoken love songs. I didn’t know how to retaliate, I didn’t know how to voice all my thoughts at once, and shoving it all to my tongue - it clogged my throat and I was suddenly illiterate to my own actions. We passed the same buildings in the neighborhood, and I could see the same sparkle from them but not a single feeling.

When he pulled his truck into his parking spot, he let it run for a moment before shutting off the car and pulling out the key. The clang of the key against metal was unbearable in silence, like chalk board scrapping annoyance. Is this what the most amazing night of my life has become? Silence and unrequited confessions?

Steve’s voice made silence tremble to his whim as he picked at his keys, “I just want you to know that I would do anything for you to be happy. Even if it meant sacrificing all my time, I would do it.”

I looked to the window, clenching my teeth tightly.

“

Please

,” he begged, “Take care of yourself. That’s all I ask.”

“I’m sorry.” I whispered.

“Don’t be-.”

“No, I’m

sorry.”

I said a little louder, “I’m not good with words.”

“It’s alright.”

“It’s not. You said

that

, and I didn’t know what to say.”

“Said what? That I like you? - Buck, I’ve been rejected before. Plenty actually, you don’t have to be sorry for not saying anything. I pushed it on you.”

“Yeah, but,” I looked away, “I shouldn’t have hesitated on saying the same.”

And just then - there was even more silence, I don’t think I could stand anymore of it.

He reached over, pulling my face towards him, and kissed me. Taken back, I pressed my hand into his wrist and he pulled back just enough for his breath to whisper over our lips. “What’re you doing?”

“I’ve been meaning to do that for a while.” He leaned forward again, pushing his lips into mine, and I couldn’t help but fall victim to such soft embraces.

I pressed forward, putting a distance between us. “We should stop.”

“Why?” He sighed.

“What if this becomes something you won’t like? What if you have high expectations and I don’t meet them?”

He closed his eyes and sighed setting his jaw pressing his forehead against mine. “I want you, isn’t that enough?”

“I don’t know.”

He gently leaned forward, pulling my lips between his and I could feel him breathe in and steal every single demon from my tongue and throat and body. He inhaled every bad name replacing them with hollow, new spaces to fill with love until I was swollen. His fingertips danced across my cheek leaving goose bumps and he looked me in the eyes with those baby blues, and I could see his contacts so closely. He combed his fingers through my hair and I felt every ounce of love coated into them.

“Come on.” He said, keys moving again. “Let’s get you home.”

He opened my door walking beside me and with every single step, I knew he was watching me. Getting up the stairs we lingered in the hallway with our keys in hand but not really knowing what to do then, just swaying awkwardly trying to find something interesting to describe in the hall. There was nothing but bleak walls and dusty floors.

“Thank you, for tonight.” I said weakly, and toyed with my keys in hand. “It was really fun.”

“No problem. Anything for you.” He said much more solemnly.

I gulped lightly, nodding my head pointing to my door. “I should get to sleep.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Turning for my door, I unlocked the door pushing it open.

“Bucky.”

Glancing to him, I paused. “Yeah?”

“I know that sometimes what I say doesn’t matter, and who are you to believe me, but - you are important to someone, and that makes others happy.”

“I know.” I mumbled.

“But for the love of god," he sounded so pained, "don’t keep measuring your happiness to the definition of other’s happiness.”

I looked down, pursing my lips. “I know.”

Stepping forward, he cradled the back of my head smoothing his lips against the furrow in my brow. “You worry too much. You’re going to start getting frown lines.” He joked, pushing his thumb into the bridge of my nose and I batted him away.

“Thanks, Sir Obvious.”

“That’s Captain to you.” He smirked.

“Alright,

Captain.

Keep dreaming and maybe you will become captain of something one day.”

“You think so? I’d like to think I’ll be president one day. But instead of President, I’ll be Captain.” He waved his hand into midair showcasing an imaginary broadway light.

“Captain of America, give me a break.” I pushed my door open, pushing through while Steve wedged himself between the door and wall.

“Doesn’t it have a nice ring to it?”

“Sure, now - scoot. I’d like to go to sleep now.”

“I’ll miss you though.”

“Like I said, in your dreams.”

He smiled dreamily, gazing down at me. “Goodnight then, sweet dreams.”

“Goodnight.”

He stepped back from the door, going to his, and gave me one last smirk before going inside. Before I could close the door I heard a little sing song ‘

I’ll miss you’

, and I scoffed closing it. Shaking my head I pressed my back against the door, pressing my lips together before touching them. I shouldn’t feel as giddy as a middle schooler having their first kiss from their crush but I couldn’t help but go back to that feeling as reference. How childish I feel and can’t express to him, how helpless I am when he says things like that? It feels like I’m falling in love again, but this time with no training wheels full force down a steep hill. How can I pull the brake when I don’t want to? I don’t know if I want to pull the brakes and stop, but I do know that if I do fall off - I want every single blistering bruise and gushing cut just to remember what it was like to be reckless again.

Gathering Orange Blossoms* = Getting ready to marry/ Marriage

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

When I woke from the drunken haze of star kissed nights and love bitten days, I’d realized how much trouble the world had gotten into and that I too had become a hypocrite to the events happening. It was bright and clear, written in bold everywhere like a residual haunting. I wanted to vomit, to cut off every part of me that felt pain because it was unbearable. Even with peppered kisses, the pain would not go away. The problems would always come back.

A bold lettered poster had been propped up on the windows of every business on the main streets, and I couldn’t stand it. Their - wrongfulness, their mediocrity, their - racism:

Elite not welcome. Purebred only.

They’d even posted them in the bank. I couldn’t stand in front that poster, to stare up at the building and all it’s entirety. I couldn’t breathe.

“This isn’t right.” Said Sam, staring up at the poster. “After all the marching, after all that - and we’re separated.” He shook his head.

I couldn’t utter a word, so angered by the actions of my government. I couldn’t do a single thing but stare at the

damn

poster.

“Hey,” he batted a hand at me, “You alright?”

I looked at him and maybe he could just see the anger in my eyes, broiling over the edge.

He looked back at the poster and sighed, “Half our customers are Elite, what’re they gonna do when this place goes down in flames because they turned down the only people who invested in this place?”

I turned around looking to the streets, every window holding that very exact sign with those very exact same words. They would vary; Purebred only, No Elite allowed, Only humans, Aliens prohibited. My hands shook and I could feel pinpricks as I stabbed my nails harder and harder into my palms, the knuckles turning white. I didn’t speak, and I could feel Sam’s eyes on my again.

“If you need the day off, I’ll tell the boss.” He said, “I know how you hate this.”

I shook my head, “I’m fine.” I choked, turning for the door.

He grabbed my shoulder, pulling me back. “You know it’s alright to feel angry, but going into this unstable will only make things worse.”

I pulled away, “I’m fine.” I said again going inside and ignoring the stares from across the rooms. They were all searching, not for me, but for Elite. They’d be escorted out of the vicinity if they came within feet of the place.

This wasn’t right, that’s for damn sure, and it wasn’t fair. All those signs printed all over the city standing to discriminate Elite and their families, something wasn’t settling in my stomach well like it had been before. I could shove it down and not feel a single thing but now I could feel every single fiber in my body aching with it, every single nerve ending pinching with fire, and I wanted to wreak havoc for those who didn’t have a voice to speak out. I felt a pinging in my temple the entire day and when the shift had ended, I couldn’t stand another moment in that wretched place. I didn’t say goodbye to Sam.

I’d been walking along the streets passing the subway tunnels and through the streets, a truck passed in front of me before I crossed the street and I stared at the streaking lights across my eyes. If only I could savor that light and hide in it’s invisible warmth. A car honked as it passed, and pulled up to the sidewalk. I didn’t know if I should be scared or not, but from under the street light - that Ford Bronco was parked there still running.

I looked through the window, pausing a moment, and Steve was smiling in that light darkness. “I didn’t think that was you for a moment.” He joked, giving a smirk. “Come on, I’ll give you a ride home.”

I hesitated but stepped back. “I’ve got a lot going on right now, I think I should walk home.” I turned away.

“Wait. Bucky!” He called, and I could hear the car turning off, and the door opening. “Buck!” He called, jogging after me. “What’s wrong?”

“I just want to be alone for now.”

“Look at me.” He said before grabbing my hand and pulling me back. “Look at me, Bucky.”

Stop calling me that

.

“What’s wrong, Buck? Tell me.” He gently rubbed his thumb over my palm, clasping the back of my hand with his. “Did you have a bad day at work?”

Stop looking at me like that.

“Talk to me.” He mumbled.

“I don’t want to.” I whispered, feeling a lump rise in my throat. He stared at me with those blue eyes of his, and cupped my cheek tightly.

“Tell me about your day.” He said lightly, pressing my temple into his cheek.

Stop it.

His lips grazed over my ear, wrapping his arm around me, and running his fingers through my hair.

Stop it.

“I’m with you,” he said, “

till the end of the line.

”

Stop.

Somehow he strips away every single layer of me with his acetone fingertips, and lips, and arms, until I’m nothing but chipped paint for what’s underneath. I felt so secure in his arms, so necessary, that I didn’t know when I started crying. All I knew was that he was putting his coat around me and then I was staring up at the ceiling of his roof, him driving above me with one hand on the wheel, the other running circles onto every patch of skin he could blindly find in the dark. His poisonous fingertips ripped goosebumps over every line he’d created, and he left sun burned hand prints in every place he’d rested his hand.

The car came to a stop and the bright lights of a gas station beam down through the front window, and his touches strayed. “What do you want from the store?”

I slowly sat up, looking to the gas station store and back to him. I felt like a little kid and if he were watching me because I was too stupid to take care of myself. “I’ll go in.” I said and he nodded, holding his hand out to me.

Before I could step away, he draped his jacket over my shoulders again this time pressing my arms into the sleeves and loosened my tie around my neck throwing it into the car. He zipped up my jacket and silently returned my stare, smoothing his hand into mine he pulled me along closing the door. Quietly moving, a crouched person sat by the glass doors of the gas station with a paper cup and some change inside of it. They didn’t look up at us passing, and I don’t think Steve looked either. He’d opened the door and allowed me in first.

Going through the aisles, I’d followed him along and he pressed his hand into my side. “Get whatever you want.”

He disappeared somewhere along the aisles and I didn’t find him until I’d gone out to the register, a duplicate of things on the counter, and seeing me he grabbed the items from my hand placing it down as well.

“Go to the car, I’ll be right there.” He said down to me and I couldn’t find myself to leave him. He grabbed the bags after paying the cashier, opening the door, and heading out to the car.

That lonely crouched figure remained there, unmoving and probably homeless. Steve had filled the tank and capped it, he opened the door again where he’d put the bags, and put them in the trunk. But he was taking a while. Looking over my shoulder into the window to the trunk, he’s opened a storage containment hidden in the dark pulling out a maroon colored sweater. Closing the trunk door and rounding the side, he walked up on ahead towards the store again. He knelt down to the same level as the person leaning against the store wall, and leaned his head down.

Slowly the person lifted their head and I could almost hear the phantom voice of what he could be saying now. Most of the stuff he’d bought was in that bag, the sweater in hand, and some other things. The person clasped the bag looking inside and Steve had sat down on one bent knee folding the sweater in his hands. I opened the door, looking across the lot, and cautiously walked over. Steve looked over his shoulder before standing, picking in his pockets of his jacket on me.

He gave me that knowing, sly smirk before peeling out his wallet and taking out some money. He folded it into my palm and stepped to the side. I looked down at the person looking through the bag, and back to Steve. He smiled again, pressing his hand into my back lightly moving me forward. I knelt down looking eye to eye with the person and I froze. An Elite, lip cut and face darkened with dirt, glanced up from the bag in his hand to me sitting there. Steve’s presence around me was always constant, as if he knew what was going on through my head he stroked the hair down on my head calmly.

I glanced down to the money in my hand and held it out, the Elite looking to it, and back to me. His eyes an oval blue, specks of green hidden in them around the middle. His eyes were truly beautiful. When he moved I didn’t flinch as he reached for the money, but - he didn’t take it. Instead he turned the money into my palm and folded my fingers over it, his fingertips cold but his palms warmer. Momentarily he held his hand over mine and I could see the faint saccades of his eyes glancing between mine, - and he pressed his lips into a content smile. A sad, but lovely smile.

Steve’s hands were guiding me up to my feet again and I couldn’t help but watch that appreciative, broken smile look away and down to the things he could call his. He put his arms through the sleeves of his newly owned sweater, putting the hood over his head, and wrapped the bag putting it into his lap. When he looked back up at us walking to the car and I hadn’t looked away, he kept that smile on because he too could own it as his own. Closing the door behind me Steve got into his seat and turned on the car with the headlights flashing over the man sitting down, and pulling out of the parking lot.

Driving along I looked over to Steve driving and he had one arm draped over the back of the seat, glancing to me he clasped his hand on the back of my neck soothing at the hairs on my head. I wrapped my hand around his wrist and kissed every knuckle and joint in his hand, kissing the back of his hand as he stared at me under that steely, glazed stare. Eyes half lidded, he allowed me to lean into his shoulder with his hand in my lap.

He’d pulled to a stop overlooking the Brooklyn bridge from a distance and I couldn’t breathe with his hands wrapped around me so warmly. His lips pressed to mine so comfortably, he pulled me closer across the bench seat. Boundlessly taking the very air from my lungs as if killing someone wasn’t a crime. I wedged onto his lap so perfectly, and he looked up at me with a pause. For a second I worried that he’d changed his mind, and that the little pause was him contemplating.

He cupped the side of my neck, breathing softly. “You’re unbelievable.”

I lost my breath along the way his sounded, and I hoped that the dim light didn’t let him see the tint of pink in my face. I looked away.

“Don’t you think the same thing?” He asked, rubbing his thumb over my cheek. “Look at you. You’re

beautiful.

” He said in such perplexity.

“Don’t ruin this.” I joked, sitting back with the steering wheel pressing against me.

“I’m not.” He rested his hands on my thighs, cradling my waist. “We were having a one-on-one moment, weren’t we? I think confessions like this are perfect for moments like this.”

I batted his head to the side, “You’re corny.”

He chuckled turning his head to look back at me with those scanning eyes, and I felt hot under my skin again. He leaned forward resting his head on my collarbone and I could feel him breathing in and out with every second passing. “I’m not lying when I say that this is the moment I’ve always been waiting for. Just a moment with you, like this.” He looked up at me.

“In your car?” I raised an eyebrow, “You have a horrible sense of imagination.”

“Not in the car.” He shook his head, “Just close. I’ve waited my whole life for a moment of security, and whenever you’re around - I can’t help myself. I have to have you around because I only feel safe enough with you.”

I furrowed my brow, “What’re you talking about?”

“I want to stay in your life, Bucky. I want to be close to you.”

I looked into the void black of his eyes, and I was standing too close to it. I was trapped in his gravity.

“Say you want the same, I know you do. Because I know you too much.”

I opened my mouth, voice cracking. “I don’t know a single thing about you.”

He seemed to pause, “I’ll tell you everything, just,” he pressed my hand to his chest, “Just stay with me. -

Love me.”

Before I could speak he was kissing my knuckles and my palms, my wrists and my pulse, lingering there before he pulled me down and kissed me. His lips tasted like sweetness and the remains of peppermint, his tongue so soft, hands so gentle. I found myself sunken into every single touch, like paralysis I was weak in every joint as he bat me around like a cat with a caught mouse. He tore me at the edges until I was bleeding endlessly into his graces and painted him red with love, and he too painted me in his colors. Electric, golden colors painted with every kiss and touch and suddenly I was the work of art he’d admired so much.

I was no longer chaos, instead - I was reborn into a shape unknown to myself. Unknown to the world, but that didn’t matter because

Steve

knew what color I was, what shape I was,

who

I was. He held the key to every single piece of my body, unlocked so easily, and all he had to do was pursue it.

There was a blank between then and now, wrapped in warm blankets and melancholy silence. The body beside mine was quiet but alert and nothing seemed to move but our chests rising and falling to the same beat. I felt his hands wrap around my waist as he ushered me forward, our foreheads bumping, and he sighed softly. I couldn’t see if his eyes were open but I tried to make shape of his face, dimmed by the window behind him.

“Are you tired?” I asked.

“No.” He whispered, his breath warm and welcoming. “You?”

“No.”

There was a silence between, and I could make out the outline of his sharp jaw relaxed. The stubble growing in on his face, and the light thump of his neck as blood swarmed up and down through it.

“Steve?”

He mumbled an incoherent response.

“Did you have parents?”

He paused, “Yes.”

“What were they like?”

Steve shuffled, his hand firmer on my back. “My mom’s name was Sarah, she was beautiful. I look like her.”

“And your dad?”

“His name was Joseph. I didn’t really know him.”

“Did he leave?”

He pressed his head forward like some kind of comfort, “He died when I was a baby.”

“I’m sorry.”

Softly he rubbed shapes into my sides. “It’s alright, Buck.”

There was more silence, but I quietly bid for more. “What about your mom?”

“She passed away when I was a teenager, I couldn’t stop it.”

In the darkness, I cupped his face and he pushed into it.

“I was the only one that could go on, didn’t have anyone to turn to because my family lived too far. I was the only one who stayed for both funerals. I still remember it all.”

“I didn’t mean to-.”

“It doesn’t matter.” He said, “I moved on. I grew

stronger

because of it

.

”

“I’m proud.”

Steve shuffled a bit, pulling the blanket higher and wrapping an arm around my back to pull me into his chest. I could hear the faint beat under his aching bones, and the expanding of his lungs.

“Did you love them endlessly?”

“Of course.”

“Did you remind them about it every day?”

“Yeah. I did.”

I threw my arm over his stomach, “I don’t remember my parents, I was raised by another family before my grandparents found me and brought me here. It was rough before they found me.”

“Are you glad?”

“I don’t know.” I mumbled. “If I never left that family, I would still be in Russia, there weren’t many Elite there.”

“Is that good?”

“No. They would kill them, just because.”

I felt him twitch under me, glancing up he ran his fingers through my hair. Half his face illuminated by the light of the lamp post outside. “Did they treat you better when you came here?”

“Much better. Like I was their son. When my grandmother died, my grandfather was a trooper and walked it off as if she were still there cleaning and cooking dinner. He died just after I moved out to the city; he said he felt in his bones that it was time. He was right.”

“Do you miss him?”

I nodded, “Every once in awhile I remember something about what he says, and if he were still alive - he would’ve done everything to stop what’s been happening now.”

“Sounds courageous.”

“He was, in his own way.” I propped my chin on my hand looking at him, and he opened one eye glancing to me.

“Get some sleep.” He mumbled.

“I’m not tired.”

“Neither am I.” He said closing his eyes, “You need sleep though.”

“Sleep is for the weak.”

I heard him chuckle, his chest wiggle, and he pressed his hand into the back of my neck reassuringly. Staring I laid back beside him with his arm as my pillow, watching his chest rise and fall. Eventually and unwanted, I couldn’t help but close my eyes just for a moment. That moment turning into sleep, and I didn’t remember a single thing but peaceful unconsciousness.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

When I woke up, for a moment I didn’t know where I was but that somehow didn’t concern me. I shuffled a little deeper into the blankets and everything was fine. Then I opened my eyes looking to the clock, and I have never sat up so quickly before in my life. Before I could put my feet over the edge of the bed, the door was opening and Steve was bustling through with a food tray balanced in one hand.

He smiled. “Good morning! I thought I was going to have to wake you up, you were sleeping kind of heavy.”

And he was talking again before I could speak.

“I hope you don’t mind that I made you breakfast.” He said, scooting my feet back onto the bed. “And I called you out of work.” He said quietly after.

“You - what?”

He knelt down beside the bed, “Well, you looked like you needed a day off the way you came home yesterday and I didn’t want you overworking yourself. They said they had it covered.” He grabbed my hand.

“But-.”

“I wanted to take care of you until you were ready to go back to work. I know how much that job means to you, but

you

come first to me.” He kissed my hand. “Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not.”

He smirked. “It sounds like you are.”

I scowled and he pressed his thumb between my brow.

“Don’t do that, you get worry lines and it doesn’t look good on you.” He kissed the spot before sitting down on the bed at my knee, glancing at me and the food.

“You really made all of this for me?” I looked down at the dishes covered in food.

“Well, yeah. We’ve got a big day.”

“Big day?”

He smiled, “I want to show you something out in the city. A spot of mine.”

“A spot? Like-,” I chewed, “your secret spots?”

“Yeah. Where I go to in the mornings.”

“Then they wouldn’t be secrets.”

“They’ll be secrets, just for you and me.”

I stared at him and he just combed his fingers behind my ear, “Really?”

He nodded, “But first, you have to eat.” He stood up.

“Did you eat?”

“Yeah. I had some before I came over here. After you finish, I’ll run the water for you and you can take a bath.” He smiled.

“I bet you do this for all the other dames you meet.” I raised an eyebrow with a smirk.

He smiled, “Maybe, but if I keep spending all my time with you - they’ll all find someone else to go bother.” He leaned down, begging for a kiss.

I stopped him with my hand over his lips. “So you admit you do have other love interests.”

“I never said such a thing.” He kissed my palm.

“You said dames follow you around and you spend time with them.”

“I said I spend time with you, not them.”

“So there’s a

them?”

He chuckled, surging forward for a breathtaking kiss and sighed pulling my lips with his teeth. “Even if there were

dames,

as you say, I’d only ever drive you around and -

fondue

with you.”

“Fondue?” I raised an eyebrow, then laughed. “You’re such a choir boy.”

“A choir boy and a devil, lord have mercy on my soul.” He kissed me again and stood back this time, “Finish up and we’ll head out.”

It was unbearably kiddish, my heart hammering against my ribcage every time he looks at me, or smiles, or touches me so delicately. What in the world did I do to deserve a person like this in my life? He ran the water for me like he’d said he would, taking the tray from my lap, and smothering me with intimate kisses. When I had gotten out of the bath, he’d given me a throw over hoodie, and dried my hair with a towel.

Quietly he’d gotten dressed and grabbed my hand, the keys in the other hand, and I followed behind all the way down to the truck. It was a quiet ride, no radio playing, just the faint clink sound of the cracks in the road every time we’d go over them. Pulling into a small clinic, I glanced over to Steve and he sat there a moment with words behind his eyes.

“What's wrong?” I asked, and it was like he didn’t know he was so susceptible to being read like a chapter in a book.

He paused a moment more. “You care about me, right?”

I furrowed my brow, hands warm. “Of course.” I said, just below a whisper. “Of course I do.” I said stronger.

“And you wouldn’t put me in harm’s way?”

“I would never. I’d do anything to keep you safe.”

He nodded, and pursed his lips tightly. “Bucky, I need you to do something for me.” He said turning in his seat and grabbing my hands.

“Of course. Anything.” I clasped his wrists, and he lightly smiled down at it.

“I have all the faith in you, and I wouldn’t think for a second in the entire world that you would trade me for something more valuable. - But I just need to know.”

“Need to know what?”

He paused for too long.

“Steve?” I whispered again, voice lost. “What is it?”

“Do you trust me?”

“What-?”

“Do you trust me? With your life?”

“More than anything.” I shook my head, staring at him longer. “What do you want me to do?”

“Nothing.” He smiled softly, “Absolutely nothing but to accept me and

this

is as it is.”

“Accept what?”

He smiled as if he knew something I didn’t, he did know something I didn’t, and it was scratching at my neck in irritation to wanting to know. “You

are

amazing. The most valuable gem in the universe.”

And it caught me off guard.

“Come on.” He mumbled, pulling the keys out from the ignition, and up through the front doors we went. A young woman stood at the front desk, she glanced up and beamed at Steve. Another worker guided him along towards the halls, his hand firmly attached to mine, and we moved along until we’d come to the back rooms.

“The shipment just came in, we’re just trying to bag everything up for you.” Said the worker before opening the door, and I couldn’t believe a thing I’d seen.

A room full of workers carrying around perishables and canned goods, handing them off to other people who bagged them into backpacks and plastic bags. Some went into boxes with labels on them with city names from all over, and looking a little deeper - I could see that it wasn’t just people but

everyone.

Purebloods and Elites standing in the same room together, handing off food together, and actually smiling at one another. Looking up to Steve he smiled before being greeted by a few other people, and not longer after they were lugging their things into his truck. They were moving things into everyone’s trucks that had parked there. There weren’t few either, over a dozen people moving in and out of the parking lot with full truck beds or trunks full of food.

“What is this? What’re they doing?”

Steve held out a box putting it into my arms, and I looked up at him. “This is a rescue station.”

“Rescue station?”

He smiled, “We’re helping those who need help. Those who can’t afford to support a family, or themselves.”

“Is it legal?” I followed him out to his truck.

He chuckled, “Not really. But we help people, that’s all that matters.”

“Is it nonprofit?”

“Sadly, we can’t pay people to do this. They volunteer and get what they can.”

“Oh.” He grabbed the box from my hands and stacked it into his truck with the others, his truck half full. “How long have you been doing this?”

He wrung his arm over my shoulder, “Since I’ve been back to Brooklyn. It was kind of a collaborating project, me and a friend built it ourselves. If we’re lucky, we’ll see him out on the streets.” We grabbed more things and followed back out.

“You’ve been doing this all this time? I thought you went out for runs in the morning.”

“Yeah, I do that too. I’m good at multitasking.” He smiled.

When his truck was filled to the door, he closed it thanking everyone who’d helped and waving goodbye to those all around. He nodded to a few drivers who were ready to leave as well, and gave a salute to some. Getting into the truck, he followed them until they’d gotten to the main streets and separated at the intersections.

“What do you do with all these boxes? Where do you go?”

“Well, we have base camps in the city. At a certain time, a group comes along and they get their things and they go.”

“Where?”

“Wherever they want to.” He shrugged. “After we give them their things, they just go.”

I sat back in my seat, looking along the streets, and sighed. When we came up to the curb of an abandoned factory building, another car had pulled in behind them and a man stepped out first. Steve and him shook hands.

“Buck, this is Scott Lang. He’s a good friend of mine.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Scott beamed, “I haven’t seen you around before. Are you new to this kind of thing?”

“First time.” Bucky swayed on his feet.

“Better get going.” Steve said, looking around.

“Right.” Scott said, walking over to the fence to the entrance of the property and unlocked the gate doors. They hurried along.

“Is he allowed to do that?”

“It’s our lock,” Steve backed up into the property, “Just not

our

place.”

Closing the gate as if it hadn’t been moved, they hid in the small packing area by the back entrance, and Steve pulled up the loading zone’s door. Unpacking the things, Bucky stood at the top of the packing zone as Scott handed him off some boxes and bags. Steve appeared and disappeared between the doorway to grab them and go back in.

“How long have you been doing this kind of thing?” Bucky asked, Scott handing him another box that he put down.

“Almost a month, ever since they’d cut down on the food stamps for middle class citizens. Thought I should do something about it, then I met Steve there and he showed me this group.”

“How many people are there?”

“Hard to tell, people come and go. You see normal people on the streets that could be helpers, we have different connections from all over. But there’s a way we’re identifying each other now.”

“How?”

He handed off a box, and peeled out a patch from inside his jacket. “This.”

I reached down grabbing it, and flipped it in my hands. “What is it?”

“It’s an identification patch, like an ID for corporations. Ours is a shield, Steve thought it up.” I turned it in my hands, it was a small thing about two inches long and and inch and a half across with faded white and red stripes with a blue banner across the top with stars. Something like the American flag but in a Heater shield form.

Steve came back out grabbing boxes and glancing over to Bucky holding the patch.

“We’re supposed to sew them into our coats or vests, so it’s easy to see them for other people to know. But we’re under a tight radar, and I think people are starting to notice. So - we hide them.” He took it back trading it for some bags.

“But you’re a community, a band of people who’re helping. How could it be a crime?”

“Because we’re helping people the government doesn’t want to help, we’re illegally distributing food to those the government has identified as aliens. We’re giving them power. The government is too afraid of people with power.”

I stared as he handed off a box.

“It’s a dangerous age of time to have power. Anyone with it is a red dot on the map ready to be taken down by society.”

I handed the box off to Steve and he stared at me for a moment holding it between us, he looked between my eyes, and ran his fingers through my hair. “You okay?”

I nodded, “I’m okay.”

He pressed his lips together solemnly, taking the box and turning for the loading station again.

“That’s the last of it.” Scott said closing the trunk door, and coming over with a bag. He held out his hand, and I pulled him up. “Like I said, in this day and age - the government fears anyone with knowledge and power of what’s going on behind their closed doors.”

“Why though?”

We walked through the packing area’s doors and my eyes were caught on the sight before me. “Because in groups, people with power and knowledge can bring down countries in just days.”

The whole room was filled with people handing off bags and shuffling through boxes to grab clothes and sweaters on their own. Steve was moving through the groups handing out water bottles to people and small snack bars, those who could stand up with their strength were passing plastic bags filled with everyday essentials and sharing everything. There were older woman and men, children who were handing out things from the boxes, and middle aged adults heeding to the weary. I had never seen such kindness in a room before, maybe out of a dream or so.

“Don’t be shy.” Scott patted my back with a smile. “Make some new friends.”

He wasn’t wrong when he said that the people were kind, and neither was Steve. He’d known these people, known most of their names as I watched him cross the room to smile at people, ask how their days are, and move along to greet another person. He was a sun and they all revolved around him so closely but didn’t care if they were burned, it only meant they could feel his warmth and love. At some point he’d told me to walk with him and we were attached at the hip at all times, he’d hand me some things to hand out and needing hands would be held out so they could grab them. The people looked at me with pleading eyes, and I gave them what they wanted.

The cheerful kids ran around Steve and he’d occasionally swoop one of them up while cradling something else, and he’d laugh as they kicked and giggled and he’d put them down again as they ran off. Not once did he have a pitying look or grimaced at the smell of some of the people, he knew their circumstances and he didn’t care. I found myself standing there in the middle of it all, as if I were watching him from outside of a window, and he was a complete different person from when he was beside me.

I felt the tug of my shirt and I looked down, a little boy was peering up at me with dirt on the tip of his nose and crammed under his fingernails. He was probably five or six, just about hip height, and he blinked up at me slowly. He held out his arms, batting his hands, and I didn’t know what to do. He made begging noises, dancing on his toes, and I crouched down beside him. He shoved his arms around my neck, standing closely, and I got the memo hoisting him up from the ground. Standing, he looked at me and picked at the buttons on my shirt.

There was another tug and I looked down, a little girl beaming up at me, pulling my hand with hers and holding it. She turned my hand around looking at the lines and my fingernails, fascinated by them somehow. Looking up at the little boy again, he glanced away looking ahead to where Steve had been standing.

Steve was standing there, looking back at me, at us in the middle of a makeshift aisle. Little girl still holding my hand, looking up at me, and a little boy in my arms with his hands resting on my collarbones. Steve was smiling at me, so kindly and so soft I’d still melt. He swept by and scooped the little boy from my arms, twirling before he propped him on his side.

“What’re you doing to Bucky here? Are you causing him trouble?” Steve asked, poking him in the belly and he would giggle. “Hm? Hm?” He tickled him, “Are you troubling him?”

Giving out a rumble of giggling, he hid his head in the crook of Steve’s neck with his arms by his sides trying to bat Steve’s hands away. Not long after he’d shooed him away to go get something for him and his mom to eat, saying the same to the little girl she’d skipped off, and Steve was standing there staring at me again with a smirk.

“Are you causing trouble too?”

“You aren’t going to tickle me too, are you?”

“Maybe.” He stepped closer, linking his fingers through the belt loops of my pants pulling me forward.

“Then I was.” I smiled, and he tucked my head under his chin sighing.

“Are you happy?”

I looked up at him confused. “What do you mean?”

“Are you happy?”

“Of course, I’m happy.”

He cupped my cheek, rubbing his thumb over my cheekbone. “Good.” He whispered, some kind of melancholy look on his face.

“Are you?”

“Happy?” He questioned.

“Yeah.”

“I’m only happy when I’m around you. Other than that, I’m

hopelessly

miserable.”

And to think, before all this - was he too miserable then? “What- what about before you moved back to Brooklyn? Were you unhappy then?”

He nodded slowly.

“How did you know you weren’t happy then-?”

“Because.”

I glanced around, “Because

what?”

“Because I had been running my whole life, and finally I found a place where I can’t run anymore. I’m not running anymore.”

“But what were you running from? What was so bad that you had to leave? You still haven’t told me. All you ever said was that Brooklyn was too much for you, but you never said what made you think that.”

He looked like he was contemplating it, whether or not he should tell me.

“Tell me.” I said.

“This isn’t the right place.”

“And when will

that

be?”

“Bucky.” He said, a pleading sound in his voice, gently squeezing my hands. It was all he had to say and I was pulled right back into just wanting to cradle him.

“You’ll tell me when you can?”

He pulled my head forward, kissing my temple softly. “I’ll tell you when the time comes. For now, let’s just keep it a secret.” He mumbled against my skin, and I pressed my temple into his lips again.

Squeezing my shoulders, he stepped back and started past me.

“I’ll finish up here, and we can leave soon. We can’t stay here long.”

I turned around watching him walk away from me, his back to me, and it hit me like a slow wind. I didn’t know a single thing about him and yet he knew my life, front to back it seemed. He had so many secrets and I allowed him to move along in my life like that, a mystery. I didn’t like it. Watching him with his back to me like that, keeping me in the dark about his past, it shouldn’t matter what his past was but for some reason - I

needed

to know. Something about the way he talked, something about the way he looked at certain things, just the way he

moved -

I needed to know. I need to, because if I don’t know who he is, or what his intentions are - then I don’t know who I am anymore to let that past.

Bucky Barnes, the guys who never lived and was changed by a somebody who was perceived to be a nobody. No one has that clean of a past, and I just had to find out.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

When I’d gone back to work to find the same sign posted up just in the entrance of the building, Sam joined me for lunch and I crammed all the hours just to finish up deadlines that were supposed to be put in the day before. It seemed that whomever had been put in my position didn’t know what they were doing exactly. I was left to meet ends.

“What happened to you yesterday?” Sam asked, us “talking” over lunch had become a thing now I guess.

“Hm?” I glanced up from my computer, having transferred information to it in order to continue working. “Oh, I was feeling a little sick. So, I called out.”

He nodded slowly, eyeing me and I looked at him again.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He said, teething at his lip, and looking back again. “While you were at home, they were making changes up in corporates.”

“About what?”

He went on, “Supposedly they’d heard that there were people in the company that were planning on striking out, maybe even jeopardizing the business.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. Our biggest companionship is with France, and France itself is electing a new head senator in the middle of a civil war.”

“It’s an unstable connection, no wonder the values were low.” I looked down at the scripts from France as of yesterday and the day before.

“No kidding.” He said, “That’s why when I asked where you were yesterday, I was wondering-.”

“About me?” I sat back appalled, “You think I would do something like that?”

“I’m not saying I believe it, but - it’s a crazy day and age.”

I leaned forward, “I would

never

do something like that.”

He scoffed, “Look, I’m not going to report you, I just - I wanted to know.” He said, sounding interested. “I mean,” he paused for a long time, poking here and there with his fork staring at it. “It wouldn’t all be bad if someone like you took down a business like this.”

“Someone like

me?

What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re a strong guy, a guy with knowledge. Knowledge can take down countries in days.”

“So I’ve heard.” I mumbled.

“All I’m saying is that, right or wrong, something’s happen accidentally.” He shrugged, “Something’s don’t but don’t get found out about.” He said lowly, glancing to me nervously.

I leaned forward, suddenly quiet. “And what about you then? You’re asking me all this, and it’s making me wonder about you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you’re making all these accusations and yet you’re not saying a thing about it yourself.”

He sat back, “I wouldn’t do something like that.”

“And I

would?”

He sighed softly, “Look, all I’m saying is that - there’s a time and place for things. Maybe it’s time for someone to do something about all this. About the segregation, about the racism, the inequality. There are people out there fighting for their rights while we all just sit around drinking tea, and looking at a screen covering our windows from what’s really happening. You know me James, you know that I always stand on the side that I believe is right, and sitting here talking about it won’t do justice.”

“Then what’re we supposed to do? Jeopardize our jobs?”

“If things happen, you let it happen. Because in the end, if it’s good for you and the outcome helps millions, heck billions, - then wouldn’t it have been a Godsend if it happened?”

I stared at him, this guy that had changed over the times that I had seen him, and he was courageous. As courageous as the guy I’d once known the name of as Steve, come to think of it, - they were both characters of goodness and righteous.

“Our jobs are irrelevant to those people out there, they don’t care about our bank statements or if we passed or failed our stress tests. The only thing they’re trying to focus on right now - is hope, and that’s faltering right now because they’re outnumbered.” Sam glanced between my eyes, leaned low, and mumbling. “If you’re not the guy I thought you were, my mistake. But if you are, - you’ve got an army to build. You just need a plan if you don’t have one.”

“And if I am? What happens when we fail?”

He stared, shaking his head slowly, “You keep trying.”

I watched.

“Because that is what life is about; you fall, you hurt, and you get back up.”

I didn’t know this man in front of me, and that was for sure. I didn’t know I could trust myself but looking at him, it was like he was telling me to trust myself. He had so much faith, so much hope for a brighter future, and I remember when that was me when I didn’t hide behind closed shades and locked doors. But now the world was forcing me out of those doors, unlocking every single window, and forcing me to hear the desperate cries that I

can

heed to. I just chose not to.

“The world is a scary place, Buck, but think about it,” he nodded, “All those kids, they’re going to be born as slaves. No matter color, no matter race, no matter gender - they will be enslaved to a society of negativity and xenophobia. We have to change it now, before it’s too late.”

“It’s never too late to change.” I said quietly.

He scoffed, “It’s better if we fight, and they get to live in happiness. Let’s end the war for them.”

Sam seemed so sure about himself, so ready to bat his fists in the face of fascists, racists, sexists, homophobes, and everything bad just because he was so tired of seeing a world so damaged. I thought it was impossible, but there in front of me lied the only hope I needed to go and too wear that bright flag and bring back justice. To wave it in a crowd and those who’d wandered hopelessly could follow, creating a massive collection of hopeless people soon to have happiness again.

Our only problem - was fear itself.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

When I’d showed him the group, he was beyond hopeful. He’d carried every single child he could find on his back, helped the wounded, and brought life into the eyes of the oldests. I’d never seen him so ecstatic before. When he’d met Steve and found out about our “relationship”, he wouldn’t stop beating a stick over it and bugging me with animated heart eyes and teasing. More than that, he was the center of their lives and I was more than happy to watch them laugh and smile just because someone had entered their lives.

Occasionally Steve would find the time to bring me home from work, and we’d talk along the way and he’d tell me about his day with the Elite. I’d love to just hear him talk, a smile on his lips, and he’d kiss me when he’d catch me staring. I hadn’t gotten a call from Natasha like she’d promised, but she’d text me about coming to visit soon. She’d been all over the place, driving in the car with her friends, and making a difference in other places. She was amazing.

When I didn’t have rides from Steve, or Sam wasn’t up for walking with me to the apartment, I’d walk alone and have a saved container for the Elite I’d passed by. With kinder eyes and a friendly smile, I’d see some along the way and as uneasy as they were - they kept clear of me, despite my kindness. I understand, I’m still a stranger to them, a Pureblood, and it’s to be expected for me to be irrational. A confused look every once in awhile is better than a scared one. By the time I’d began working a schedule around work and finding tiny moments to spend with Steve, and Sam out in the field with the food drives - I’d began to find strength in that; a little deadly secret to myself and the government.

Slowly - since those two weeks, the suspense grew for either sides of the fence.

“Good morning.” Sharon said to me walking into the elevator as we were going down, Sam having called out to help the food drives.

“Good morning.” I mumbled, watching the numbers go down.

“How have you been? I haven’t seen you in awhile it seems.”

“I’ve been alright, and you?”

She shrugged, “Could’ve had better days but I’m still alive and that’s all that matters.”

The doors opened and I was thankful.

“Hey, uh, wait.” She called, and I had to turn to her and stop.

“Yeah?”

She sighed slowly, “I feel like we’re always starting off on the wrong foot when we meet.”

I shook my head, “Not really, but okay.”

She scoffed, “About that time I’d said something very rudely in the elevator, I’m sorry for that. Like, immensely sorry.”

I nodded, “It’s alright.”

“Are you sure? I know it was ages ago, and I should’ve caught up with you to tell you then but I guess I was just sitting in my self confidence for too long. I decided to change that.”

“Did you change it because of someone else or to benefit yourself?”

She paused, “Well, I-.”

“Because if you changed because someone told you to, or because you need to fit in somewhere, - then there’s no point in changing. Sometimes you can’t fix a person, but you can fix a problem to do with the person.”

“No,” she mumbled, “I changed

because

I needed to, not because I needed to fit in somewhere but because I need to move on from hating other people too much. What this place needs isn’t narcissistic, racist people - it needs open minded people

and

I need to be that person.”

“Why? Why now? Of all times?”

She pressed her lips together, “Because our justice system isn’t right anymore, and we need to stand against it for the respect we and everyone deserves.”

I nodded, slowly and thinking, “You do that.” Turning away from her, I started towards the door. “You do that, and tell me how it starts. Maybe then people will start listening, they always listen to the smart ones.”

I could see it in her face that she was surprised, happy even. She scoffed in incredulity, curling her hair behind her ear, and continued on. I’d passed the sign by the front of the window, and one of these days I can only hope that an Elite comes running through that glass window and smashes that sign to the floor. Or maybe even one of the fed up workers, one of the ones who were laid off maybe. Throughout the week there were cuts made to people’s jobs, not only because of the bank was losing its customers but because financially the bank was losing interest from worldwide banks.

I just so happened to not be on the list of names distributed.

The building did seem so lonely though.

When I’d gotten into the restaurant and sat down at a booth, my phone went off and looking at the number I furrowed my brow answering nonetheless. “Hello?”

“

Would you like to accept this call? This call may be charged on your phone bill, with additional area code charges. Do you still wish to accept this call? Press # for yes, or please end the call-.”

I pressed #, the phone rang and rang until there was a voice on the other end.

“Bucky?”

I straightened up, “Who’s this?”

“Bucky, it’s Natasha, listen to me.”

“Natasha!” I stood up, “Oh my god, I haven’t heard from you in a while. You didn’t answer my text, or give me a call like you said last week.”

“I know, but listen, Buck-.”

“And whose phone are you using?”

“Bucky!”

I was quiet.

“Listen to me.”

“Alright. I’m listening.”

She sighed, “I didn’t return the call because I drove back to D.C, had some complications, but I need you to do something for me. Something very important.”

“Of course, anything for you. What’s up?”

There was a pause. “I need you to bail me out.”

I freaked, “Bail!” I looked around before grabbing my things and standing outside. “Bail? You’re in jail?”

“No, I’m not in jail, I’m at the station in Washington.”

“What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything, these good for nothing cops arrested us on false pretences. Saying we were trespassing on private property and weren’t allowed to protest, most of us had our permits anyways.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Where are you now?”

“I’m at the police station, they’re trying to charge us with trespassing and refusing to cooperate. I get my one call, and that’s you.”

I sighed softly, and looked across the streets to the cars and people. “Natasha, you know I’d do anything for you but I can’t keep helping you out if you’re going to go out there head first into things.”

“What? This is the first time, and they’re not letting us out of here without bail money. All I’m asking if for a few hundred bucks, you know I’ll pay you back. I always helped you out when you needed it, you’re making me seem like the criminal here-.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Well, it sounds like it. If you’re not going to help, then find me someone that will. Give my lawyer a call, tell him to help me out-.”

“How much do you need?” I sighed, rubbing my eyes again.

“$460.”

“4-.” I sighed, shaking my head. “I’ll get it to you as quick as I can, after this - you’re coming back here and we’re sorting this out.” I demanded.

“Sure thing boss.” I could hear a man on the other side telling her time was up. “I’ll be waiting for you Buck, thank you.”

“No problem-.”

“No, I mean it.

Thank you.”

The call had ended and I was left with a ringer beeping, looking at my phone I sighed. $460? I just paid rent and I have to loan $460? And all the way down to Washington D.C, that was more than a four hour ride by car, same by train if I went to the Pennsylvania station in the early morning before the sun was even up. Where was I going to get $460 before the night ended, I don’t want Natasha there overnight. Who knows how long she’d been there before they allowed her a call.

Looking at my phone, I sighed, poking through contacts, and put it to my ear again. I listened to the ringing, over and over again until it stopped. “Hey, I know you’re busy and all, but - I need to ask a favor from you.” I cringed, and I hated it more than anything.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

When the gates opened for the bail, I could see those head of curls coming along with a sweater in hand and a folded poster tucked away inside the pockets of a purse. I’d rushed out of the car and gave her that knowing look, she smiled at me kindly coming closer.

“Oh, I could murder you now if I didn’t miss you.”

She opened her arms, and we embraced. “You couldn’t hate me even if you tried.” She squeezed me before standing back, and holding my hands in hers. “How long has it been since we’ve last talked?”

“A while. Like - a

month

while.”

She smiled, “And yet you still came to bail me out.”

“Technically I didn’t bail you out, he did.” I pointed over my shoulder.

Standing over by his car and just rounding it, Sam gave a smile and wave as he approached.

“Sam here, is to thank.”

Natasha smiled at him, “Thank you, truly, I’m honored.”

“No problem.” Sam smiled, “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? How have you been? Besides the whole

locked up

thing?”

She chuckled, “It’s been alright, I have to tell you all about it sometime.”

“Fantastic.” He smiled, “Should we get going? If we ride back now, we can catch lunch.”

“Yeah, uh,” I held my hand out, offering to take her purse and sweater.

“I can manage on my own, bub.” She patted my chest and walked ahead towards the car.

Sam smirked to me, raising an eyebrow, and shook his head. “She’s a feisty one.”

“And never changes no matter how much it hurts.”

Heading back to the car, Natasha gave a sigh as she sunk into the chair and stared out the window. I watched from the corner of my eye for a while and merging out into highways, and expressways, I glanced over my shoulder to her exhaustion.

“You know, we have a few hours on the road until we get to New York. How about you take a nap until we get there?”

“I’m alright.” She smiled, “I’ve had more than enough sleep in that place.”

“I highly doubt that.” Sam mumbled, putting his hands up. “I’m just a bystander though, don’t mind me.”

She smiled, “How’s the company been?” She asked, looking at him through the rear view mirror.

“It’s been alright,” he glanced back through it, “Been through some dead stops here and there, but we’re slowly descending into our own Hell.”

“How come?”

“You didn’t hear?”

“About what?”

“About the segregation.” Sam paused, “Elite aren’t allowed in almost every store and company building in the main streets.”

“I thought it was just in the Capital.”

“It’s all over.” I frowned.

She frowned, aggravation setting in again, and her brow was pulled down. “Someone’s got to do something about that.”

“Everyone is doing something about it. There were riots and strikes, but no one really cares anymore it seems.”

“You mean they gave up?”

“Basically.” Sam said, “I heard there were underground jobs building up, you know, like inside jobs digging up dirt on the companies and bringing it to corporal.”

“When?” I questioned.

“Just before we left yesterday.” He said, “I heard about some guy in IT, he’d copied illegal files onto a drive, and they caught him. The drive was confiscated by the company.”

“What do you think he found?” Natasha asked.

“Maybe the same things we’re finding?”

“Like what?”

“Missing money, lowering transactions between governments from over seas. Everything. I think the only thing the company has to worry about is it’s secrecy right now, that’s why they busted that guy over it.”

“Do they have everything online? You know, secret browsers?” Natasha scooted closer to the front seats.

“Well, I mean, yeah. Where else would they put it?”

“What’re you thinking?”

She shrugged, “I mean, I learned a few things while I was out with activist groups. Some legal things,” she swayed, “Some illegal things.”

“Natasha!” I muttered.

“What? I didn’t do anything bad like that. I’m just saying, if we could get that information, and expose it to the corporates, at least show them that profits are dropping because their main source of funding is from

us

- maybe they’ll do something about it. Maybe they’ll do something about all of this.”

“Who would we even talk to about this? We don’t know any big people like that.”

She smirked, “I might.”

Sam glanced in the mirror to her and to me, I gave him the same look, and I was too scared to admit it. We

could

take down the government, - but we needed more than just willpower. We needed passwords.

Coming up to the apartment Sam parked in an empty spot and we all sort of gave each other a look, Sam speaking first. “Well, it was fun going down to D.C, although I would’ve stayed down there longer.”

Natasha smiled.

“It was a pleasure seeing you again.”

“And you too. I hope we do all go for lunch some time.”

“Me too. Take care, don’t get into too much trouble.” He warned.

“I don’t think I’ll let that happen again.” I said, opening the door, and watching him. “Thank you, again. I really mean it.”

“Don’t mention it. I owed you back anyways.”

“For what?”

“For everything.” He smiled, “Now get lost.”

Waving to him as he pulled out of the spot, turning back to Natasha she gave a smile. “He seems different than from before.”

“I don’t think you two actually had a full conversation before.”

“True. But we did meet before, and I didn’t think he was the kind of guy to be friends with people like us.”

“Us?”

“Me.” She corrected.

“Of course he’d be friends with you, why wouldn’t he be?”

“Are you totally oblivious to this age?”

I scoffed, “He’s not like that, he never was. Even if he was, I don’t think I would be friends with him if I didn’t think he would like you.”

“Since when?”

“What do you mean since when? Since forever. I always worry about you.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“Not like that, you know what I mean.” I said.

“I know.” She said, giving a sigh, and looked around. “This place will never change, will it? Still the same old look.”

“It’ll never change now, but maybe it will one day. Come on.” I said glancing away from the tower of apartments and up to the building.

“Bucky!”

From a distance I could hear a shout and both of us turned, in the parking lot walking up with his car keys in hand Steve was progressing across the aisle.

“Who’s that?” Nat asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Steve.” I said, his name lost in my throat when he collided into me with his arms tightly around me.

“Bucky.” He choked in relief and pulled back with his hands cupping my neck and cheek, “Where’d you go? I called but you didn’t pick up, and I figured you were at work but when I waited to pick you up - they’d said you called out. Bucky,” he pouted, “don’t worry me like that.”

I frowned, “I’m sorry.”

He hugged me again, lips pressed against the curve of my shoulder, and I glanced to Natasha standing off to the side. She was more than confused.

“Steve, this is my friend. Natasha.”

He stepped back meeting eyes for the first time, Natasha remained frozen.

“Nice to meet you.” Steve said, averting his eyes after a glance and looked to me.

“Me and Steve met about a month ago, he moved in next door. You remember Mr. Ouellette? He moved out. Steve moved in a day after.”

“Did he?” Natasha said with some kind of tone, and I raised an eyebrow. “You guys have a lot in common?”

“Yeah.” Steve said, never taking his eyes off of me, and there was some kind of expression on his face. Eyes steely looking again but in a territorial way now. “Lots.”

I looked to him, “Natasha’s going to be staying with me until she can get back on her feet again. I hope we could all get together sometimes and do something.”

“I wouldn’t mind.” Natasha said.

“Me neither.” Steve mumbled. “Why don’t we go inside? I heard it’s supposed to rain soon.”

He started around me, his hand gently clasped around my forearm and slipping into my hand. Glancing back to Natasha she followed us along towards the elevator and in the enclosed space, Steve stood between me and her. He watched the numbers go up and the moment the doors opened he was pulling me along, getting to our doors he stood in front of his, and looked at me and only me.

“Can I talk to you, Bucky?” He said.

“Of course.” I said, opening the door and turning to Natasha. “I’ll be right in, you know where everything is.”

“Yeah.” She mumbled, “It was nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

It wasn’t until she’d gone inside that he reached out to cup my cheek and kiss me, his lips painfully pressed against mine and he was trying to steal my breath again. He pulled back when he couldn’t breathe, huffing over my lips.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded, “Just - worried.”

“About what?”

“You.” He pat my cheek, resting his hand on my neck.

“Me?”

“You disappeared on me.”

“I didn’t mean to. I swear I didn’t hear my phone go off, I’m sorry.” I leaned forward to brush my lips against his. “When she called me, I didn’t know what to do. She’s always been there for me and she needed me this one time, -.”

“It’s okay.” He mumbled, “Next time, just- wake me up. Tell me.”

“I will.”

He nodded, kissing my forehead. “Can we have dinner tonight?”

“Can she join us?”

He sighed, contemplating.

“I can’t just exclude her. She’s my friend.”

“Alright.” He said nodding again, “Alright, but- stay with me. For tonight?”

His hands cradled my waist and I glanced between his eyes, the corners peaked with redness and irritation. “I will.”

Leaning forward he met in the middle for a kiss, pressing his hand into the small of my back. Sighing into the kiss his shoulders slouched in relief and relaxation, all pent up just from me disappearing. “Go.” He said, “Come to me if you need anything. I’ll leave my door open for you.”

“I will.”

He reached into his pocket to pull out his keys, before pushing the door open he looked to me again. Pulling me under his arm he kissed my cheekbone. “I know I never tell you anything about me, but trust in me, Bucky. I would do anything to give you everything you want, no matter how impossible it is. I want you to be spoiled and cherished.”

“I know.”

He combed his fingers through my hair and took a step to his door grabbing the knob, and I was left to bask in the eminent remains of his radioactive sunshine. He gave me one last look before he close the door and I stood in the hallway listening to the creak of the doorway as he stepped away from it, into his living room. I stepped into my apartment closing the door behind me and lingered there with the keys in my hand. Turning from the door I put the keys up on the rack with my jacket, and I could see Natasha sitting on the arm of the chair with her arms across her chest.

She was watching me.

“So?” She mumbled.

I stepped into her sight, my hands in my pockets.

“You and Steve? Are you an item?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?” She scoffed, “I think you two are engaged with each other; intimately or otherwise.”

I shrugged, “So?”

“You didn’t tell me, didn’t warn me-.”

“I met him when you left. How could I tell you when you didn’t return calls?”

“You could’ve text me.”

“Well, I didn’t. I was too busy dealing with my own problems, so.” I nodded, “That’s that.”

She stared at me and stared at me hard. “You’ve changed.”

“No I haven’t.”

“Yes, you have.” She said watching me, “You weren’t like this when I was here.”

“Well, times change, people do too. For better or worse.”

“And what are you?”

“Better, now.”

She stared again, and I couldn’t help but want to know what she was thinking. I had the tendency to make people think it seemed.

“What is it your trying to say?” I asked.

“Did you change because of him?”

“Who?”

“Steve.”

I scoffed, “No. I didn’t change because of him.”

“You weren’t like this before, so you definitely changed because of him.”

I stared, was she really lecturing me about changing who I was before to who I am now? “Alright, then he did change me and I’m glad he did. What is this all of a sudden? Why do you care if Steve changed me? Why do you care that I’m suddenly different?”

“I’m allowed to be concerned about you. You’re my friend, I want the best for you.”

“That doesn’t give you the right to lecture me about who I can hang around, who I can be with - intimately or not. I’ve known him for a while now and it’s been Hell, he’s gotten me through it so far without asking for anything in return, this much I deserve.”

“How long have you known him? You said you met him when I left - so, what? A month? Don’t you think you slow down?”

“In what?”

“That relationship.”

I pulled my hands out of my pockets, holding my hands out in front of me in a

stop

kind of way. “You’ve been gone for a month, and you come back and you try to pull the reigns on my life. You weren’t there a complete month, you don’t know what I’ve been through this entire time. The shit that I’ve seen, heard, and done, you weren’t there for any of it. You have no right to tell me that I need to slow down or stop any part of my life if you weren’t there to contribute.” I paused, “I know you were out there fighting for the greater good and everything, you poured your heart and soul out onto those words you put on those boards and the things you said. But here in Brooklyn is a battlefield too, we’ve all been fighting for something. Don’t try to control my life when I just started to learn how to steer it on my own.”

“And Steve?”

“What about him?”

“What is he in this role? A substitute?”

“For what? You?” I scoffed, “Are you really that insecure that I’d find the time that you left a perfect “opportunity” to throw away a perfectly good relationship for a new one?”

She shrugged.

“You must be so brainwashed by rioting out there that you don’t remember how to settle things peacefully.”

“Hey! I am fighting legally and peacefully for the rights of those who don’t have them. You’re privileged more than any of us, you don’t know the struggle of those who have to beg and plead for their lives while everyone walks over their fingers without a care.”

“You’re just as privileged as I am. You have clothes on your back, money, meals every hour that you’re hungry, and houses over your head. There are people in this city who haven’t eaten a full course meal in weeks, scavenging off of scraps, and searching for spare change. You wouldn’t know the word unprivileged until you’ve seen crowds of homeless Elite and Pureblood in the same room, how bad it is that they don’t have the strength to even eat.” I stared at her, “You don’t know the truth about your own city, let alone about every other place in this world. There are more people dying as we speak, and it’s not because of the justice system - it’s because of the lesser education we’re all taught about in school. The statistics were wrong, we

were

wrong. Everyone is to blame, and don’t you go pointing fingers calling people privileged and unprivileged. When you’ve hit rock bottom, then you can go around being heartless.”

Natasha stared at me, and I turned from her going towards the kitchen. In plain view I leaned over the counter hanging my head down, I’d never imagine a moment in my life ever getting into some kind of argument or conflict with Natasha about anything. Maybe on what to watch on TV or what to get for dinner, but - never about this kind of stuff. I opened the fridge and looked around before closing it, I walked out of the kitchen towards the front door.

“I’ll be back.” I said, opening the door and closing it behind me. Lingering I pushed open the unlocked door to Steve’s apartment, and he was just leaving his bedroom having changed into comfortable clothes.

Looking up to me he stopped as I curled myself around him, pressing my face into his neck, and he hugged me. “You okay?”

I nodded.

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.” I mumbled.

He knew everything that I was asking for, and he swept me up in his arms propping me on the counter. Having promised to make dinner for the three of us, I scavenged his fridge for something for now and making Natasha something too. When I returned to my apartment the silence was deafening and gave Natasha her food before going into my bedroom and waiting until dinner. Dinner would be an eventful time, I hoped more than anything that it would go easily and nothing major happened. No fighting, no arguing, just conversation and understandings. I couldn’t be wrong more than I was.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

We were quiet during dinner. No one said a thing, and I kept glancing between Steve and my plate. His hand rested on my thigh and there was slight chattering every time our forks scraped against the plates. Steve looked to me and I met his eyes, he kindly smile giving my thigh a squeeze and I clasped my hand on top of his. Butterflies of worry and contentment fluttered in my stomach, and battles out. I didn’t know what was worse, being weak in the knees or my heart pounding in my chest because of anticipation.

“I got in contact with Tony earlier.” Natasha said suddenly, and both of us looked to her.

“Tony?”

“Stark.”

I nodded slowly; I didn’t know Tony much, he was a good guy, I guess. The way Natasha explains him though makes me think he doesn’t really care much about what anyone else thinks. People like that are dangerous because if they don’t care about what other people think of themselves or their opinions, then they could just go through with doing something, no matter how bad or good, and causing a domino effect. Most of the time, domino effects aren’t good. “What about?”

“He said that he’s launching a new campaign about the rejection of Elite in companies. The due date for finalizing ideas is this Thursday, and he wants you to come along to the meeting.”

“Me?” Tony and I haven’t met before, even if we did I feel like he wouldn’t acknowledge me because he was a high class citizen, born and raised rich with a diamond encrusted spoon in his mouth like a cigar.

“Yeah, he’s bringing it to City Hall.”

“This

Tony Stark,

” Steve said slowly, “What’s he like?”

“He campaigned over fourteen different fundraisers for the city, and reconstructed the Those In Need building.”

Steve scoffed with a polite smile. “That’s what he

did,

not what is he

like.”

“Why does it matter?”

Steve shrugged, “It doesn’t really.”

Natasha nodded slowly.

“But if anyone should do something about the change, I think it should be someone who can lead a crowd and not just someone who can fund the money for it.”

Natasha furrowed her brow.

“I’ve heard the name around a few times.” Steve said glancing to me and then to Natasha. “To me, I don’t think he’d be a leader. He may be one for education, but I think we need someone who can voice out the Elite, you know, someone who’s closer to them and knows their struggle.” He shrugged, “He may be a great guy, and I may be wrong.”

There was silence again.

I watched Steve, and he looked to me.

“And what do you know that he doesn’t?”

Steve shrugged lightly. “That there are more than over 200 homeless Elite accounted for in just Brooklyn alone; maybe that they're not just a different species but actually - nothing differs from anyone. Their split gene is one that everyone expresses, just some have the better luck of wider scleras.”

I listened, and Natasha remained quiet until it was over.

“Does he know that over the past month that half of the accounted for homeless have gone missing or wound up dead on the streets, not from starvation but from beatings and abuse?” Steve’s hand on my thigh went a little tougher, and I could feel his nerves shaking with emotion. “There’s more violence in the New York areas than any other place because we’re the first ones to get on the government’s train. Does he know about the train incident that happened weeks ago where a woman was held at gunpoint and the only other person on the cart was another man? Or about the street fight in the middle of the day where an Elite was assaulted for walking by too close to someone? Or the disappearance of four little girls in the downtown area as of yesterday

morning

, where they were taken right from their parent’s hands?”

My heart pounded in my chest;

the train incident, the time I couldn’t call the police to help that poor woman.

“You don’t know him, he

cares.”

“But how much does he care? I’ve seen change in this city years ago, and nothing has changed so far. I know

change,

and everything from then has been the same.”

“What do you know about the Elite that makes you so special? You don’t know the beginning of it. The feeling of being segregated from society, from restaurants. Having the door slammed on you when you protest and fight for your rights? You don’t know the feeling-.”

Steve pressed his lips together, lowering his head, and for a moment I believed that he’d given up. “I may not know the feeling of isolation to the extent of yours, but I do know people’s whose lives who have had much less than you. No four course meals every day, no cars, some even don’t have apartments or enough money to pay for apartments. They’re making ends meet by the tips of their fingertips. The only food they get is the food they hand out at school, and that’s even if they meet the cut on the list of allowed Elite in a classroom every year. Three Elite are allowed in each classroom, that’s three out of 8.92 million people living in New York City alone. That’s only about 3 million kids getting an education, and even then they don’t know the truth about the world, they don’t know about sociology or psychology or taxes. The sad truth is - no one will lift a finger to do a single thing but someone declares war.”

In my mind, I believed our war had already begun. A silent, deadly war on both sides of the line.

Natasha rose to her feet, her hands slammed against the table, giving Steve the sharpest glare I ever imagined. “You don’t know the beginning of it! How about the important key points? How about the ones who died so us Elite could stand here today? How about the 4.3 million people who died in ‘07 at the mall center?

And

the Blue’s cafe?

And

the train station? How ‘bout those times? All because legislation passed a law allowing Elite and Purebloods to mix.”

“So, you’re saying we shouldn’t be a culture and should be

segregated?”

“Maybe we should, so we would be safe from monsters like

you.”

“Natasha!” I muttered, and she didn’t look away from Steve.

“If I wasn’t going to say it, then who was?” She pointed, “You’re the reason we’re all trapped in this, you bring negativity everywhere you go, and you poison the minds of people. Turning their backs on us, and refusing us help when we need it the most.”

Steve stood quiet, watching her, and I couldn’t stand the way he just took falsities like they were right.

“You don’t know nothing about him so don’t you dare presume to know him like I do!” I stood up, raising my voice at her. It was like I was a different person; I’d become someone even she didn’t know in her shocked eyes.

She looked harmed,

betrayed

even

.

I pointed at her, unable to stop myself. “You call yourself a leader when all you’ve ever been doing is bashing down the rights of those you believe are wronged. You believe everyone is wrong who isn’t fighting alongside you out there! You think everyone is your enemy just because you were raised that way, you

hate

people now and you’ll hate people then. You don’t let people in, and that’s your flaw. You’re flawed, just like everyone else. Elite or not, you’re a being and that makes you one of us. If you turn your back on us, you’re turning your back on your own people-.”

“You,” she shook her head, swallowing the pit growing inside of her, “You are not my people.” She glanced at me as if it hurt, saying it with such resent, “What good a friend are you if you don't stand behind me when I need you.”

“Respect isn’t just something you give away, you have to earn it.” I heard my own voice crack, anger settling between my brows like a headache and dissipated.

“I see.” She mumbled, pressing her lips together nodding. She pushed the chair back and stepped away. “Next time; don’t pick up the phone.”

When I heard the door slam after her, I clenched my jaw harder to the point where my ears were ringing. My eyes were already burning from the built anger inside of me, and the void in my stomach threatening to swallow me from inside. My breath grew ragged and I stepped away from the table, I didn’t know if I was beyond angry or a miserable, pitiful being of pent up emotion. Whichever it was, Steve knew every card in the deck, and laid his hands right over the ace of hearts. His heart meshed with mine, and I could feel it beating within every fiber of his body.

He pulled me under his arms and pressed my head into his neck, and my body trembled with weakness. “Shh,” he hushed, combing his fingers through my hair, “No more worries, no more problems.”

I didn’t know what he was saying as he lifting me into his arms, hugging his body like my life depended on it. He locked the front door, and turned away from it as he paced slowly.

“Carrying so much weight on your back, no wonder you can’t ever get some sleep.” He soothed his hand over my back, and pressed his cheek into the side of my neck. “I think what we need is a nice, long bath.”

Dazing at the swaying hall behind him, I sighed.

“When was the last time you’d treated yourself to a bath?”

“I haven’t had a bath in a while.”

“I found our little problem then.” He pushed the bathroom door open with his foot, and gently sat me down on the edge of the clawfoot tub. Reaching over and adjusting the water temperature just right, he glanced to me and smiled. Kissing the corner of my mouth, he stood up. “I’ll be right outside if you need me-.”

“Wait,” I grabbed his hand, and he looked down at me. I felt like a little kid again who needed someone’s help with everything. “Stay. With me?”

“I’ll just be outside, so you can get inside the tub.”

My heart hammered against my chest as I stood up slowly, watching me with hooded eyes, I peeled the bottom of my shirt up and over my head. I could feel Steve’s fingertips grazing the places where the shirt vanished, and dropping it to the floor he stood in a trance. His eyes didn’t wander, glued to my eyes and my eyes only. He looked breathless.

His fingertips traced over my collarbones and over my spine as I unbuttoned my pants, pushing them down and stepping out of them. It was like he’d never seen such a thing, skin draped so carefully over bone, and veins, and arteries, and organs. His bottom lip dropped as he sucked in a breath of air so audibly in the room, the faucet dripping occasionally. The only piece of clothing being my underwear, I felt my hands shaking. A lump was lodged in my throat, and I couldn’t breathe past it.

This was love; love sickness, love bitten, love - everything. We were

it.

“I’ll turn around.” He said after a moment, and he did turn. I was grateful for it, I didn’t think I could get fully naked without my heart bursting. Tipping my toes into the water and slowly laying inside, I watched the water fizz up, and foam rising.

“I’m good.” I said.

He turned, leaning against the outside of the tub on a little stool with his arms on the edge of the tub. He smiled at me calmingly and I felt hot under my skin. “Is the water alright?”

I nodded.

“Do you want anything? Any tea or coffee?”

“You have any of that?”

“No. But I could always go out and get it for you.” He smiled.

My chest bloomed with emotion. I shifted down more into the water and glanced to him. “I’m sorry for what happened today.”

“Don’t be. You didn’t have control over it.”

“Yes I did, I knew she didn’t like you the moment she started a fight with me about it. Saying as how you changed me somehow.”

“I only changed you for the better.”

“I tried explaining that to her, but she didn’t like who I became.”

“Who do you think

you

became?”

I shrugged slowly, and sunk back down. “I don’t know.”

He hooked his chin over the edge on his arms, “Do you think you became better?”

“I don’t think I changed at all, I was just exposed to something better.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Are you happy with it though?”

“I think I am.” I said, but then I thought for a moment. “I

am

happy with it. I feel stronger with it now, and I feel like I can do the things I couldn’t before.”

“Like?”

I paused, “Can I tell you something? Something - something I didn’t even tell Sam.”

“Of course. You can tell me anything.”

I stared at the ceiling. “Before I met you, before anything - I used to be afraid of the Elite.”

Steve watched me.

“But - I don’t know what it used to be. There was nothing about them that scared me but I feared them. Almost felt like I hated them.”

Steve’s eyes wobbled, he sat back, adjusting himself on his seat.

“But after I met you,” I sat up leaning close to the edge, “I started to change and now I know that they’re the same as us. I know that they’re just suffering to meet society’s standards and they’re trying to get as much freedom and justice as anyone is who’s suppressed. I’m stronger now, I know what’s wrong and right.”

He watched me moving, only his eyes moving.

“You made me a better person, despite what anyone says. I love this me, I don’t want to change from this.”

He leaned forward planting a kiss right on my lips and I snagged everything I could get, cupping the back of his head. He pulled away, and I reluctantly pulled away.

“Are you trying to make me have a heart attack?” Steve joked.

“Might be.” I said, “It depends. Do you have a million dollar fortune from past family?”

“I may.”

I leaned forward, kissing him again. “I guess a heart attack is due then.”

He chuckled kissing me back and slowly standing up.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“No where.” He smiled, pulling the edge of his shirt up and over his head.

“What’re you doing!” I muttered as he shoved down his jeans, and threw his socks and shoes aside standing in just his boxers. One foot at a time, he got into the tub. “You’re going to flood the bathroom!”

He smiled, giving a shrug, and sunk down into the water. The water fell over the edge of the tub, splashing over the floor and clothes, and Steve couldn’t care much. He leaned against me, kissing my neck and lips and collarbones over and over again.

“If I didn’t know, I’d say you’re trying to woo me, Steve Rogers.”

“I might be, but I’d also say that you’re trying to poison me.”

“Poison you?”

“Yeah; I read somewhere that the sweetest things could be the deadliest. Every time I kiss you, I just die a little more every time.”

“Oh, shut up!”

“Make me.” He hummed in that warm, honey voice before kissing me.

I felt overwhelmed by him, loved by him, and surrounded. His hands cradled my rib cage, sculpting a key to unlock the deepest secrets in my chest. My heart was like a hummingbird in my rib cage, and I was insecure that he’d hear every single beat he’d orchestrated. Leaning into me, his pelvis pressed against mine, I pressed up against him and he looked at me as if I was godly. He wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled me to sit on his lap, not once did he let his eye contact break.

He nosed at my collarbones and around to my jawline, breaking only for just a moment before his hands were back on me rubbing the soap bar into my skin and massaging the soapy sud trails it would leave. I watched him, staring all over, and pulled his lips between my teeth until he was chuckling from the back of his throat and doing the same.

“Does your mom have your eyes?” I asked suddenly, without thinking of it being invasive. My voice echoing throughout the silent bathroom, the only other sound being the water trickling down every time he’d wet the soap into the water again.

He paused a moment before speaking, “Yeah. She did.”

I combed my fingers through his hair, and dipped water onto it. “Do you have a picture of her?”

He sighed, “No.”

“But you loved her?”

“Yeah.”

I stared as he soaped my neck and my chest, focusing so intently on it. “Was she happy though? When she went?”

“Does it really matter that much to you?” He asked kindly.

“Anything that you love or have loved - I want that too. I want to know that feeling you have, because.”

“Because?” He smirked.

“Because.”

“How relatable. Your vocabulary is a very large spectrum, you’re oh so intelligent and wise.” He said sarcastically.

“Oh, thank you.” I smiled, leaning back into the water.  I could feel the soap crawling off of me as I closed my eyes and slowly sunk under just the surface of the water.

Steve’s hand clasped around the back of my neck, pulling me up from it, and wiping my face.

I blinked at him, “What was that for?”

He pushed all the water off of my shoulders and down my arms, “I have to make sure you’re safe, can’t have you drowning on me.” He said jokingly, but I could hear something behind it. He outlined my rib cage again and again.

“I was practically born in water. I could never drown. Well, maybe metaphorically.”

“Not if I’m around.” He put the soap back, massaging his hands further into my back, and I rolled into them.

“I should come over more often if I get this kind of service.”

Steve chuckled, and I smiled.

“I don’t have to cook, I don’t have to clean. Massages, baths, massages

and

baths.” He chuckled again, “I have my life set for the next years to come.”

I leaned back against the bathtub, his fingers outlining every rib and my sternum. The water droplets falling down my shoulders trailed down my arms, I could feel every muscle tense up and then relax as he smoothed his hands over my skin. Goosebumps never ending as they followed his every touch, he was relentless to find every strip of exposed skin he didn’t touch before - as if he were memorizing the patterns he laid against me. I felt impossibly small under him, under his gaze and touch and tender, innocent care-

“I love you.”

I opened my eyes focusing in on Steve’s expression, so full of love and warmth. I was at a loss for words, caught up in my throat where my heart beat was. He leaned forward kissing my sternum and bobbing Adam’s apple before meeting my eyes again.

“I really do.” He crowded me, pressing into my chest with his again, and kissing me with his hands on the edge of the tub.

If I didn’t know already, the water was spilling over the edge of the tub again and he didn’t care for it. He moved as much as he wanted, soaking the clothes he’d dropped on the floor and my own. He pulled back, sighing into my skin.

“I want you. For the rest of my life.” He said so sincerely and painfully. “I want to drown myself in you, under your skin and stay there.” He met my eyes, “Through thick and thin, our hearts melded together. I want to love you for the rest of your life.”

He kissed me and he was pouring blood onto me, his heart carved out of his chest and placed beating in my hands. Soaked in soap and gushing with every pump, it filled the tub red and stained the sides. With every movement the water rose, painting the clothes and everything it touched pink with blood. I couldn’t wash out the stains from my hands, I couldn’t stop it from beating, and I was scared of it’s ugliness but good intentions. Without air, or blood, or tissue, the heart is just a pile of mesh, seemingly a part with no value but means everything if someone gives it to you.

He gave me this small, fist sized mesh of tissue and blood in exchange for my body, making painful, delicious love to me until I was tongue tied and worn to the very marrow in my bones. Buzzing with excitement and the rush of anticipation, I had never had sex before and wasn’t one for self pleasures in stolen hours late at night or feeling scandalous with self pride to. In the end if he couldn’t physically sew our hearts together, share the same bloodstreams, he would try at every cost to find a way to keep our hearts beating the same rhythm. Steve would always find something impossible and make it look easy in solving it; but there was maybe just one thing he couldn’t solve, - it’d be the end of him if he further continued to pursue that conflict.

Now that - that is what I feared the most:

Fate.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The moment I had woken up was an abrupt one, the bed dipped and I could faintly hear a startled “

shit”

as pattering feet walked away. Opening my eyes and seeing Steve closing the door behind him into the bathroom, I slowly sat up. The night before was a longing, sun-hot blur with every single bone in my body aching and groaning. But I felt better than ever.

Getting up and pulling on what wasn’t soaked, which turned out to be everything, I pulled on a sweater that had been hung up on the dresser and walked along towards the bathroom. Inside I could hear the train of cursing passing on by.

“

Shit. Shit. Shit.”

Steve said, and boy I didn’t know he was a sailor.

I knocked quietly. “Steve?”

There was silence.

“You okay in there?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He said, but he didn’t open the door.

“What’s wrong?” I said, standing closely.

“It’s nothing, just-.” He paused making a pained breath, and I could only worry about what happened. “I left my contacts in.”

I deflated in worry and nervously laughed, “You had me worried or something, I thought something bad had happened to you. I mean, not that this isn’t bad - I didn’t mean to say it like that.”

“It’s fine, Bucky.” He said, “Could you just go into my drawer and find my eye drops? Left drawer, top one.”

“Alright.” I said walking off, and I turned back to look at the door.

Walking into his room and looking through his things felt like I was invading his space, but then again - we both invaded each other’s space the moment we met. Come to think of it, it seemed like we were always sharing space together. In the elevator, in the halls, in the car, at lunch, at dinner, and in bed. We were inseparable.

Shuffling through his drawer, I found his eyedrops tucked into the corner with a small envelope. Glancing back and at the envelope, I poked at the address and name. Looking no further, I closed the drawer and walked along. I shouldn’t go prying into other people’s businesses, whether or not I am sleeping with them. Would one night be considered sleeping with a person? I was thinking too much.

Knocking on the door, I listened, “I got the eye drops.”

Opening the door a crack, Steve’s hand came out and I handed it over. Glancing into the bathroom with the mirror facing him, he stared up at the ceiling applying the drops in both eyes. He handed the bottle back, blinking a couple of times before giving a sigh. “Thank you. Put it back on the dresser.”

Turning around, he came out of the bathroom rubbing the corners of his eyes and pulling a shirt over his head in the room. “Are you going to go to the doctor’s to have them look at that?”

“No, I’m fine.” He said, pulling on his jeans, and tying his shoes.

I looked down at the envelope in the dresser putting it back, and glanced over my shoulder. Closing it, I turned around. “Can’t you get, like, and eye infection or something? Like an ulcer?”

“Yeah, but not me.”

I scoffed, “What’s so special about you that makes you a infection fighting kind of guy?” I sat down on the bed, poking at his back, and he stood up after I did.

“Do you have work?”

I paused, “Well, yeah. But it’s early.”

He glanced outside and to the time, “It’s going to be nine. Don’t you want to shower? Eat breakfast?”

I stared at him as he walked along peeling his sun glasses off a small hook and put them on.

“Come on.”

“Where?”

He looked through his drawer and pulled out a pair of pants, kneeling down in front of me with them at my feet. “We’re going to go eat breakfast.”

“Why’re you so jittery?” I asked as he pulled the pants up my legs.

“I’m not.”

“You seem nervous. Like, something happened.”

“Why’re you talking like that?” He scoffed, “Did you hit your head?”

“No.”

“Up.” He said, and I stood up as he pulled the pants higher and buttoned it. “I’m not making this weird.”

“Neither am I.” I said. “But those sunglasses are.”

He chuckled. Looking at me past those god awful sunglasses and I reached up grabbing them by the corners. “No, come on, Bucky.” He whined, grabbing my ankle as I scooted up the bed with them in hand. “Buck.” He followed, kneeing his way up the bed, and climbing over me.

I laughed, turning on my stomach, and pulled myself to the end of the bed.

Just as easily, he put his knee on my lower back holding me down against the bed, and grabbed his glasses out of my hands. In a hazy warmth, I laid my head on my hands, watching his silhouette against the sheets. Blinking slowly he combed his fingers through my hair and I smiled, “I meant what I said yesterday.” He spoke, “About loving you.”

My heart hammered against my chest, what was I supposed to say?

“I would do anything to make you happy.” He said, massaging gently into my scalp and my earlobe.

“I know.” I said hushed.

He stared at me, watching me with some odd look and I couldn’t tell what it was. I couldn’t meet his eyes with him on my back, but I looked to the window with the sky behind it. Waiting for me to step outside for something to happen, it always seemed like that.

“I wish we could stay like this.” I said, “Safe. Unbothered by the rest of the world, I can’t even go to sleep without worrying something will happen the next day and that the walls are going to come crumbling down on us.”

“Everything’s going to be alright.”

“Will it?”

“Hey,” he leaned down, kissing my shoulder, and nuzzling the back of my head. “Don’t think like that.”

“How could we be so sure anymore?”

“Things happen; it’ll get messy, and there will be problems, but everything will okay. I promise.”

“But what about the rest of the world? What about the ones who don’t have someone to protect them? Who will protect them if they’re too afraid to fight?”

“We will. We’ll be the example, and they’ll follow. You’ll see.”

He soothed his hands on my sides and I sighed, laying my head on my hands again with his peppering kisses.

“Do you still want breakfast?” He asked.

“I could stomach it, but I don’t think I’ll like it right now.”

“Everything is going to be alright.” He said again kissing my cheekbone and rising off the bed, “Finish getting dressed, I’ll be downstairs in the truck.” Putting on the glasses he walked out the front door.

Lying on the bed a while more, I turned on my back and looked at the ceiling. Sure I knew that not everyone could live in one day, people had to die in order for others to fill in their places, the cycle had to continue on. One day, I too will have reached the end of the line, and have to shake the hand of a younger child never to see another smiling face after theirs. It wasn’t so bad to be out in the world and evolving with others, but the uneasy feeling was always threatening to become worse into paranoia. Sitting up and tying my shoes, I stood up looking to the mirror on the dresser. Glancing to the door and back to the dresser, I walked up opening the drawer. The envelope sat there, tucked further into the drawer than when he’d seen them, Steve must’ve moved it aside.

Glancing to the door, I looked to the name on it:

Sarah Rogers

Opening the envelope, I skimmed over the hand-written letter until it seemed more important to read through it. I couldn’t believe it. Shoving it back into the envelope and tucking it into the corner, I closed the drawer stepped away from it. One word kept pushing through my head no matter how many times I denied it, no matter how much I disagreed with it, I knew he was hiding something from me.

I

knew.

When I got to work, I said goodbye to Steve and he kissed me on the forehead, wishing me a good day. I didn’t know if I could have a good day, not after what I saw. Up the stairs and past the detectors, I saw Sam in the corner at his desk and he was quick to rush to his feet.

“Buck, where have you been, man? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you.”

“I’ve been sick.”

“Buck, Buck.” He pulled my arm, “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Why?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Mr. Barnes.” Called a voice, and we both looked. “Could you come with us, please?”

“Who’re you?” I asked.

“Please come with us.” Said the woman, and she glanced to Sam.

Sam looked to me and I looked at him.

“I’m not coming with you until I know what this is about.”

“We’d rather say this in private, Mr. Barnes. This matter is very important.”

“And I said to say it here.” I said, I was more afraid than anything but if I had Sam there, I wasn’t so scared.

She sighed, staring at me and I watched as her patience wore down quickly. “You’re suspect in a recent homicide case, now if you could please come with us, we’d like to sort this out privately.”

“I want my lawyer.” I said.

“Please, don’t make this harder on yourself. Give yourself some dignity.” She said walking off and the officers grabbed my arms.

“Let go of me.” I yelled. “Let go!”

“Hey!” Sam yelled, pulling me back from them and the officers armed themselves with their weapons. Sam held his arms out with me behind him, as if I were the most precious thing he’d never turn away. “You shoot me and you’ll have the whole world on your ass.” He warned.

“Guns down.” The woman said.

“Who are you anyways?” I asked.

She stared, “Peggy Carter, head of homicide department.”

“I started to wonder where that cold heart came from.” Sam scoffed. “I knew it from somewhere. You’re related to Sharon.”

“Sharon’s nothing like me.”

“You’ve got that right. You’re worse.”

“Don’t hate me, I’m just doing my job.” She gestured, “Arrest him.”

“He- hey!” Sam struggled as they cuffed him, cuffing me as well.

As they read me my rights, they were walking us out the front door. Everyone was watching. Down the front steps Elite collected around and people pointing, Sam fought to get in the car.

“This is what they’re doing to us!” He yelled to the Elite and people, “Caging us up because they’re afraid of us. Afraid of people having different opinions.” He muttered as they shoved his head into the back of the car and I looked over the crowd.

My eyes caught familiar ones, ones that I had the privilege of knowing. That man, that Elite, that refused my money and worshipped more permanent things like his maroon hoodie stood out in the crowd. He looked at me and nodded, I furrowed my brow at him, and he smiled. Being shoved into the back of a police car, they drove us down to the station where me and Sam were separated. I was sat in a room with a one way mirror, the room was so silent that the noise outside of the window seemed like it was screaming. When the door opened, a man walked in and he held a laptop and a notebook. Sitting down as I stood standing by the one way window, he gestured to the seat.

“Please, sit down. I’d like to speak with you.”

I swayed, “Pass.”

“Look, Mr. Barnes, I know this all seems strange to you-”

“Being abducted from my job, handcuffed, and shoved into the back of a police vehicle to wait forever just for a guy? Yeah, pretty weird.” I scoffed.

“Let’s just have a chat, why don’t we? Please, sit.”

Slowly I rounded the table and pulled the chair out, glancing to the mirror behind him, I stared at him.

He took a breath, “I’m sure Ms. Carter has read you your rights, has she not?”

I stared at him.

“I’ll take that as a

yes.”

He opened his laptop, and I stared over his shoulder to the screen in the mirror. “Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, born to George Barnes and Winifred Barnes?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“And why is that?” He looked at me.

“You should know that.”

“Yes, but I want to see what you would say to me.”

I paused, “I was adopted by another family, and then claimed by my grandparents.”

“And they’re deceased now, are they?”

“Yes.” I whispered.

He nodded, typing away again, only this time I couldn’t tell what he was typing. “Now, Mr. Barnes,-”

“I’m not going to say anything to you until my lawyer is here.” I said.

“I understand that-”

“What even is your name?”

He paused, “I’m so sorry I didn’t introduce myself, Brock Rumlow.” He held out his hand and I declined. He sat back and smiled, “Mr. Barnes, I know in your situation, I would be doing the same thing. But - we’re just here to clarify a few things. That’s all. If your alias’ line up, then you can go on home after all this, and we’ll say our sorries.” He put his hands up in surrender.

He stared at me and listened to my silence, seeing as I wasn’t going to talk, he sighed.

“Do you need to call someone?” He asked.

I wasn’t going to turn that down.

I listened to the ringing over and over, looking over my shoulder to the officer in the hall waiting for me, and I stared at the writing scratched into the small phone table. I sighed listening to the voicemail again, hanging up, and calling again I waited again.

“This is the Beverly resident-”

“I need you to listen to me.” I muttered lowly, “I’m in deep shit right now-”

“Who is this?”

I paused, clenching my eyes tightly.

“Hello?” They sung.

“It’s Bucky.”

There was silence.

“Listen, please, I don’t know who else to call who will do this for me. I- I’m running out of idea right now, but I need you. Okay? I really

really

need you right now, and I’m sorry. Okay? I am

so

sorry.” I leaned my head against the wall, clenching my eyes. “You can hang up on me, but just wait.” I glanced to the officer, “I’m being held in confinement right now, they think I killed someone but I didn’t. They’re trying to get something out of me, but they have nothing to prove. Please, just, find me someone who can help or give me one more chance.” I gasped, “

Please.

I’m begging you.

Help me.”

The line went dead.

I could feel every piece of me breaking inside, and I felt like I wanted to sob out loud and fall to my knees.

“Time’s almost up.” Called the officer, and I clenched the phone a little harder.

“Yeah.” I said, my voice cracking. I dialed one last number, one more person I could call.

The phone rung more than usual, and I could feel the tears in my eyes. Begging him to please pick up. The ringing stopped and there was a pause.

“‘Yello.”

“Hey.” I said.

I don’t know how he does it, but he always just knows me so well. “Bucky.” My name on his lips sounds so freeing. “Hi. What’s up?”

I pushed it all down in my throat, taking a breath, and shrugged as if he could see me. “I’m just feeling a little under the weather right now.” I couldn’t find my composure anymore, and I wiped my eyes quickly as the tears fell.

“Do you want me to pick you up from work-”

“No, no,-” I sniffled, “I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine. Tell me what’s wrong Bucky.” He said and I just fell into him more.

“I just-” I wiped my eyes, fighting back my sobs with broken inhales. “I just wanted to call to say that I hope that you’re safe and-”

He waited for the rest, he’d always waited for my sentences to roll off my tongue even if he was waiting for centuries. “Bucky. I’m going to come and get you, alright?” I could hear his keys, “We’re going to take a drive, or we could go out and get that food that you like, and we could sit by the bridge. You know, watch the boats passing by-”

“I love you.”

He paused, “

Bucky,

I love you too.” He sounded out of breath.

“I just-

really

love you.”

“Bucky, please tell me what’s wrong.”

“Time’s up.” Said the officer, walking closer to me.

“I love you.”

Putting the phone down, I stared at the wall a moment more and took a few shallow breaths. Turning as the officer brought me back into the room I stared at the window to the sky, I could only see the clouds moving along. Thinking back to that time on the train, I didn’t think it would come back to bite me, and when it would - I wouldn’t be this vulnerable. I saved a woman, but am being punished for killing a man in the process. I didn’t want this, any of this.

When the man had come back into the room, he waited watching me and I stood sat in the seat across from him. “Did you get a hold of your lawyer?”

“He’ll be here.”

He looked to his watch and sighed, “It’s been almost two hours since you’ve gotten here, when did he say he’ll be here?” He questioned.

I looked down at the table, and Brock leaned forward.

“I know you’re just trying to wait this one out, see what’s going to happen if you waste our patience. We have patience, Mr. Barnes. The question is how much longer can you be quiet about a crime you commited?”

“I didn’t.”

“Is that a confession?”

“I didn’t do anything. I’m being held with false pretenses.”

“Is that so?” He opened his laptop, typing around, and turned it to me. He didn’t say anything, just pressed the spacebar as the video played.

“What is this?” I questioned, but I already knew.

I could see the woman sitting there with a friend beside her, the man sitting at the end of the cart, and the doors opened.

I

was sitting there. I didn’t have to see the video to know every detail of that cart, every event after I walked in. I stared at the video until the man shot the other dead, and I turned away closing my eyes.

“You’re sick.”

“I’m sick?”

“You’ve got the wrong guy.” I said, and he took the laptop back.

He pointed at the screen, “We have this brilliant thing called facial recognition. This is

you.”

I shook my head.

“This

is

you.” He pointed again, “You took the gun into your hands, and you aimed it at this woman right there.”

“No.”

“You aimed it at her, and you gave this guy head trauma. He’s in a coma in the hospital right now because of it.”

“No.” I shook my head.

The door opened so suddenly, and an officer was standing there. “Sir, come quick, it’s important.” He said as casually as his worry would let him.

“What?” Brock asked, “What is it?”

The officer walked over and whispered in his ear, that got Brock to stand up and start packing his things.

“Stay here.” Brock pointed to me and closed the door behind him, I heard the door lock, and I was left to wonder. Standing with my back to the wall, staring at my own reflection in the mirror for minutes on end - I heard the door lock wiggle. The lock made a noise, and then the doorknob twisted ever so slowly. When the door opened, I was confused.

Standing on the other side of it, stood that Elite - the one with the maroon jacket. He looked around before meeting my eyes and then smiled, he beckoned me forward.

“What’re you doing here?” I asked, walking up.

He beckoned me along through the doorway and into the hall.

I glanced back and forth in the quiet halls, “What’re you-”

He walked back up to me before taking my hand, he didn’t just take it, he intertwined his fingers with mine and pulled me along.

“Where are we going?” I asked and he continued to hold my hand bringing me along.

With his hand in mine, I didn’t know how to feel. Should I have taken my hand back or should I just be polite and let him do what he has to do? What if it’s bad where he’s bringing me? What if it’s a trap? As we moved through the halls I realized a pattern, - he was following the exit signs through the back. When we’d found it, he glanced back and smiled at me before pushing it open and pulling me through. I was beyond confused as he tugged me down the stairs in through the back parking lot of the precinct.

“I shouldn’t be doing this, this is wrong.”

“Would you rather be waiting there?” He asked, and I was taken back.

“You talk?”

“Of course we talk.” He chuckled. “We chose not to.”

“Why?”

“Out of fear.” He said, “We’re a deteriorating race, it’s better if we move unannounced than to cause a scene.” He chuckled moving along, and towards the back gates. We were leaving the property.

“Why’re you doing this? Why’re you helping me?”

“I knew you were trouble the first time I had met you.”

“But you didn’t know me.”

“I didn’t have to know you, I knew Steve.”

I paused, “Does every Elite know Steve?”

“To some extent in his private time.”

“Private time? You mean when he’s at home?”

“No, when he’s with us.”

“You?”

He nodded, “Mhm. He’s a different person to everybody, especially to us.”

I seemed to have forgotten I was being brought along the streets now, hand in hand with Elite. It didn’t bother me as much as it was bothering others. “How is he different?”

“He just is. The way he treats Purebloods and the way he treats Elite, they’re different.” He turned to me. “He’s - more open to Elite.”

“Why?” I said, trying not to let my disappointment bleed through.

“He was welcome by the Elite before he was welcome in by any Pureblood family. It’s just the way things are, you’ll understand.” He patted my arm. He gestured to the street, and I glanced past him to it.

“But why are you helping me?”

He paused, “We were friends once.”

I furrowed my brow.

He held out his hand and smiled, “The name’s Jonathan Juniper.”

I stared, and slowly an old memory came. “Jonathan Juniper?” I paused, “

Junior Juniper?”

He smiled, holding out his arms in a sort of

taddah!

kind of way.

“Junior.” I muttered, “It’s been so long!” I smiled, shaking his hand. “Come here.” I pulled him in for a hug, and I wasn’t surprised when I was the one being squished. “It’s been so long.” I said again pulling apart. I stared at his eyes, “But - you’re Elite.”

“Yeah, I am.”

“When you were younger, you didn’t have -”

“These eyes?” He smirked, “When I was younger my parents were afraid that I wouldn’t fit in, so they got me contacts. Made my eyes itch like crazy but, I fit in for a bit. When I was old enough, I chose that I didn’t want to hide the real me anymore.” He smiled, “I am an Elite, and I’m happy. Even if it got me the misfortunes it did.”

“You never told me.”

“I never told you because I didn’t know if I could. After I moved away, I didn’t think I could trust anymore really. But meeting you again - I knew.” He smiled, “You’ve changed, and I know you’re different now.”

I stared into his eyes, and looked back and forth to their color. “I never knew you had grey eyes. I thought they were always brown.”

“You got to go to the extremes in order to fit in, don't you?” He smiled. “Come on, I don't think they'll be looking for you with us. They're dumber than they look.” He chuckled, and pulled me along again.

When we had gotten to the Elite place, the trucks had been unloading their things into the back and we walked into it nodding hello passing them. Elite and Purebloods were handing out things to each other, being kind to one another, and Junior smiled back at me.

“You’ll be safe here.” He promised.

“Thank you.” I said, taking his hand and clasping it. “Thank you. Really.”

“Anything for the best.” He let go of my hand helping out the others. I looked among the Elite and the Pureblood, something in it was telling me that I belong with them. Something about their connection made me realize that this world, this hidden little world, was where I belong, to lead, and to protect. This world - was far more beautiful than anything I’d ever seen.

“Bucky!”

I turned, my heart stomping against my ribs.

“Bucky.” Steve called again, weaving through the crowd to where I was standing. He didn’t spare a breath as he came barging into me, wrapping his arms around me, and pulling my head into his shoulder. “Bucky.” He said, out of breath and panicked.

I clenched my arms around him, the wind knocked out of me. He combed his fingers through my hair, and furiously kissed the crown of my head.

“What the hell were you thinking, Bucky?” He pulled back suddenly, his hands on my shoulders and all that happiness was twisting into stomach-knot-nervousness. “Why didn’t you tell me where you were? You worried me.”

“I’m sorry.” I frowned, “I’m

so

sorry Steve, I-”

“Don’t you ever do that to me again, you understand?” He muttered.

I glanced around to people looking, and I nodded lightly.

“Bucky,” He sighed, cupping my cheek and pulling me to meet his eyes.

“Your eyes.” I worried, his eyes an irritated red.

“Don’t worry about my eyes.” He bat my hand away. “It’s just my contacts.”

“I thought you took them out.”

“Don’t worry about them, okay?” He muttered.

We were both silent for a moment, staring at each other, and he had a disliking scowl on his face. Something I’ve never seen before.

“Bucky, I need you to be honest with me more. Okay? I’m here for you, you know I am, but this - you disappearing from me, and me having to panic to find you.”

I stared suddenly feeling cornered, “Then you need to be more honest with me too.”

He furrowed his brow in attack, “Bucky, I

am

honest with you.”

I stared at him as he searched my eyes, “Sometimes I feel like you’re not.”

He looked hurt but nodded, “Alright.”

I nodded back and he dropped his hands, this distance between us was strange. He crossed his arms across his chest. “How’d you know I was here?”

“Juniper told me.”

“He told you? He knows where we live?”

“I leave my door open to anyone here.” He opted, and I eased back.

“Oh.”

“He told me you got arrested when you were at work, when I got there, he told me he’d find you.”

“Did he call in the diversion?”

“Diversion?”

“They said something happened at the station.”

He paused, “There was no diversion. Someone set off a bomb in downtown.”

I stared, wide eyed. “What?”

“As far as we know, both Pureblood and Elite were harmed in the terrorist attack. We don’t know which one set it off, but people are speculating it as an Elite attack.”

“Elite did that?”

He nodded.

“We should get down there, save people-”

“The place is covered in police, people would start to question why someone they locked up is walking in the streets now.”

I stopped, leaning my side against the wall. “What do we do?”

“We hope for the best. We can’t do anything right now but wait for the outcome.” He leaned close, pressing his hand into my side. “Why did they take you?” He asked.

I averted my gaze and picked at a thread on my sleeve, “They got the wrong guy.” I said.

“Bucky.” He whispered.

I looked up at him, and he stared at me.

“Tell me the truth.” He stroked my cheekbone and I clasped his hand to my cheek.

I mumbled, “I was so scared. I didn’t know what to do.”

“You don’t have to be anymore. I’m here, I’m going to keep you safe.”

I looked at him, tears in the corner of my eyes, and I inhaled a broken breath.

“I’ll always be here.” He kissed my brow.

Rocking myself back and forth with him, I sniffled. “I saved her.” I paused, “That’s all that matters.”

“Saved who?”

“She was scared, and alone. And I saved her.”

“Who Bucky?” He rubbed my back, “Is that why they took you?”

I nodded, “I saved her from a monster, he’s gone now.”

Steve furrowed his brow when I looked up at him, he wiped the tears from my eyes, “Whatever you did, there has to be a reason. I know you wouldn’t do anything to put others lives in danger, you put yourself before anyone in danger. I know that.”

I nodded, “Yeah.”

“You’re the team leader, always watching out for everyone, even in hard times.” He smiled kindly. “Whatever it is, I will still be right beside you through all of it. I will love you, no matter what.” He kissed my brow again, shoving me into his arms, and clutching me as if I was his life support. Like this I couldn’t breathe but I felt like with every ceased breath that I could slow down time, that I could sink into his bones and into his skin and I could vanish behind his consciousness for a while. With one desperate hand clasping onto his shirt and the other dangling by the loop on his jeans, he’d never let me float too high away from him.

When things were slowed down and the city outside the window was moving on, I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed in such anxiety. My phone was ringing out in the living room but Steve wouldn’t let me leave to find it, the door was closed and he was soundless beside me. His phone too gave a ring but if I reached over to look at it, he’d probably put it out in the living room as well. I sighed, looking over my shoulder. Steve blinking quietly with his arm behind his head and his bare chest rising and falling above the sheets.

“Maybe it’s important.” I told him, glancing to his phone.

He didn’t say anything, just thinking over in silence about all that I’d just told him. All that happened and for a second I’d been doubting if he still loved me then.

“You should answer it.”

“No.” He whispered.

We went back to silence and I looked to the window, my heart was shaking in my ribcage and I didn’t know how to take this situation anymore. “Are you mad at me?”

He paused for a while, “No.”

I looked over my shoulder at him and he hadn’t looked away from the door, “Why don’t I believe you?”

He didn’t give me a reason, and I was tired of this waiting game. I stood up, grabbing my pants and shirt. “Where are you going?” He asked.

“I can’t go back to my apartment, so I’ll grab a few things and find a hotel to stay at or something.”

“You’re not leaving this room.”

“I don’t have a choice.”

“Yes, you do.” He said, sitting up. “You stay here where it’s safe, or you go out there and you get caught with more charges.”

“That’s not a choice, that’s fact. I can’t stay here and put your life in danger-”

“No one is asking you to leave.”

“Yeah, well, I can’t do it.” I said throwing my shirt on.

He stood up blocking my way and I didn’t meet his eyes, “You’re not going out there.”

“Steve, move-”

“I’m not moving. You need sleep, you’re not feeling well.”

“Steve, move!”

He grabbed my arm when I moved around him, and I yanked my arm back.

“Stop making this harder than it should be.” I muttered at him.

“Just- stop and think about this.” He said, pushing the door back to being closed when I turned the knob.

“I’m not going to put your life in danger and be selfish.”

“You’re being selfish right now, think about the people’s lives around you. Think about Sam, or my life, or the people you’ve built hope in. If you disappear, how do you think they’ll feel? They’ll lose their hope.”

“It’s their fault for putting their trust in me! I’m useless, what power do I have over others who’ve tried to change things? Nothing.”

“That’s not true.” He said, “Bucky, that’s not true.” He cupped my cheeks and I shoved them away. “You know that’s not true.”

“Stop. Stop it.” I sobbed, “You’re making this whole thing worse.”

“How?”

“I just-” I sighed, “I just want to stop- fighting.”

Steve guided me back a few steps and peeled my shirt off my arms, sitting me down he unbuckled my jeans, and I laid on my back wiping my eyes furiously. Untying my laces and setting them aside he cupped my wet cheeks, kissing the sweet salt taste away from my eyelids and eyelashes and lips. “You’re not feeling well, Bucky, you’re tired.” He whispered pulling my knees up to cradle his hips, he kissed my collarbones and sunk down against me. “Go to sleep,

Bucky,

stay with me.” He purred into my neck and wrapped his arms around me.

I knew what he was doing, and I couldn’t protest choking back on the words he kept pressing to my lips to silence me. Wrapping me up tightly and kissing every suffocating layer until I was mummified, mouth gaping as he licked every last drop of consciousness out of me and forced heavy darkness over my eyelids.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

When I woke up it was early afternoon and the bed was empty, it felt cold to the touch, and there was no trace of Steve remaining. I pressed my hand to my mouth and shook my head, I could hear voices outside in the living room that wasn’t just Steve. Pulling on a sweater and buttoning my jeans up, I opened the bedroom door quietly walking out towards the living room. Their voices were hushed, I couldn’t tell how many but by the time I’d gotten close enough - I was noticed.

Standing out in the living room, Steve stood with his back towards me. Sharon, Scott, Sam, and a few others stood around in the living room. I being the odd one.

“Good morning.” Sharon called, and Steve turned around to see me standing there.

“Good morning.” I mumbled, and nodded to Scott who raised his hand.

“Look at you, all well slept and healthy.” Sam joked, and I was actually surprised to see him there. Last thing I’d seen of him was as we were both being dragged into the back of police cars, -  only hoped he didn’t hold a grudge that I didn’t get him out of there when I left.

“What’s- going on?” I asked, glancing to Steve and he looked back to the others.

“That’s Clint and that’s Wanda.” Sam pointed to the Elite standing in front of Steve, and I nodded to them. I looked to the back of Steve’s head, he didn’t move once.

He remained quiet, and I tilted my head looking at him.

“Steve?”

Sharon cleared her throat and she stepped forward, “Uh, I think I should talk to you in private. For a moment, if that’s alright.” She stepped out and towards me, pressing a hand into my arm, and pushed me along the halls.

“What’s going on?” I asked her again, and she stopped just by the end of the hall.

She put her hand up, “Alright, I’m going to tell you something that you might not like, but promise me that you won’t get mad.”

“Mad? About what?” I muttered.

She clasped my wrists gently, and looked me in the eyes. “Listen, just listen-”

“Just tell me what’s going on.” I yanked my hands and she sighed.

“Alright.” She paused and took a breath, “At work, there was this petition against Elite. Those who petitioned that they would no longer serve Elite remained in the vicinity, and those who oppose to neglect the Elite rights were escorted off the property and released from their jobs.” She said.

“What?”

“Someone told the head of company about you and your ‘sick’ days.” She paused, “James, you were fired too.”

I stared at her, first in disbelief and then in a maniacally stare. She was lying, she had to be. Why would she tell me this and expect me to be calm?

“I was fired too. Because I refused to serve the company, and demanded that Elite were right in the building as customers. They didn’t listen.”

“Who else was fired?”

“Almost everyone. There was a walk out this morning, there are only a few hundred and more there now.”

“Why do you have to tell me this in private? What’s so important about it?-”

“Because radicalists killed Elite.” She mumbled, “A lot of them.”

I froze.

“There are still protests going on, but most Elite are moving out of the city-”

I pushed around her and went out to the living room, their conversation ceased when I spoke. “What the hell is going on?”

“Bucky-” Steve stood up, his hands out to calm me.

“Shut up.” I said, “I want answers.”

“Sharon already told you-”

“I want more than just that.”

“There’s nothing more to explain.” Steve muttered.

“Bullshit. Because every time there’s something important you always keep your mouth shut about it because you think you know what’s best for me! I know damn well there’s more to that.”

“Natasha’s dead.” Sam yelled.

The room went quiet.

I stood there, anger ripped out of me with nothing left to feel but cold. “What-”

“There was a list of names that went out. Natasha’s name was on it.” Sam gulped, “I’m sorry.”

“Bullshit.” I said.

“Bucky-”

“Bullshit!” I yelled pointing at Steve, tears in my eyes. “She went back to Washington-”

“She drove back because she got a call from you from the police station.”

“She didn’t want anything to do with me. She hung up.”

“Well, she did.” Steve held up my phone, “She left you messages.” He threw it at the couch beside me and crossed his arms over his chest.

My lips quivered and I looked over to the phone tucked into the cushion.

“I think we should give you a minute.” Sharon said and everyone ushered out of the room into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

It was just me, him, and the phone. I reached over to grab it and Steve sat back down in his chair with his hand over his mouth. Picking through the phone I stared at the messages, read through them all, and pressed the phone to my ear to listen to a voicemail.

“

Hey, it’s me.”

Her voice was so cool, nonchalant like she always was, too stubborn to admit anything she was wrong about. “

I know that we’re not on a good terms and that- I said never to call me again. For that,- I guess- I’m sorry. You’re a good guy, and I shouldn’t have said those things.”

I turned my eyes slowly to look at Steve, and he was watching me carefully. Like an uneasy dog staring back at me, ready to move.

“

Look, you probably don’t have your phone because they probably still have you in lock up. Whatever you did, I can fix it. You always fixed it for me.”

She paused, shuffling on the other end. “

Besides the point,- I’m coming back. I know what I did, what I said can’t be forgiven, but I know you. Or at least I knew the old you and he forgave me for all the stupid things I’ve done.”

He heard her smirk and her chuckle, “

I’m doing some looking around, some file searching, if I find anything with your name - I’ll get rid of it.”

I found myself breathing hard, clenching my teeth.

“

I guess I’ll see you around, or when I pay your bail money.”

She joked and the call ended, another voicemail was there with her number on it. I listened. “

Hey,- kiddo. I’m in the city, don’t worry about me. I’ll drop by the apartment or something, or I’ll see if your ass is still in jail. I found some things with your name on it in the precinct, got rid of it for you. ‘Cause, you know, only the best for the best.”

She said sarcastically and I pulled the phone from my ear slowly, “

I’ll see you in a bit.”

I clenched the phone in my hand, tears nesting in my eyes, and I tried to calm down but I couldn’t. “That-” I tried to find words but I couldn’t put them together, “Last night-”

“Buck.” Steve stared, but he didn’t move from his seat.

“That was last night.” I said, turning my look at him. “My phone- was here.” I gestured down, “I heard it.”

“Bucky.” Steve mumbled lowly.

I clenched my jaw, “This is

your

fault.”

He stared at me and didn’t say a word.

“This is

all

your fault-”

“Stop it.” He said.

“If I picked up the phone-”

“Bucky-”

“If I had answered-”

“Stop.”

“If I had left-”

“Stop it!”

“This is

your

fault!” I yelled.

“Enough.”

Impulses told me to throw my phone at him, and it hit him hard. He stood up, stool fumbling, and I pushed him. I shoved him into the wall and I hit him. “This is your fault! Your

damn

fault. If I had been there, if I had answered the phone she wouldn’t be dead. She wouldn’t be dead-”

“Bucky, stop-”

I smacked him right in the jaw, and he didn’t do anything. “You did this! You

fucking

did this. Why!” I screamed, punching him in the chest.

“Bucky.” He said, forcing me into his arms and holding a steel grip around me. “Stop.” He begged.

“She was alive-, she was here.” I sobbed, “She’s not dead, she can’t be.”

“I’m sorry.” He cried out, stroking the back of my head. “I’m

sorry.”

“It’s- it’s all your- fault.”

Steve cradled me tightly, leaning his head back against the wall, and sniffled. His own chest falling and rising quickly, he whispered gently. “I’m sorry.”

I fell to my knees when Steve’s grip loosened and I leaned my forehead against his hip, his weak hands grabbing at my shoulders and hands. Slipping through his fingers like honey, he couldn’t hold me.

“I’m so sorry, Bucky.”

I pushed at him and shoved him away, his back hitting the wall. “Get away- from me.”

“You don’t mean that-”

“Get off.” I shoved him standing up and grabbing my phone, heading to the bedroom.

“What’re you doing?”

I wiped my face grabbing my things and putting on my shoes.

“Bucky, no- stop.” He moved from the doorway grabbing my clothes. “How about we both just calm down?”

“Give them back, I’m leaving.” I said.

“Stop, you’re not going anywhere until you calm down.”

I pushed past him into the hall and he threw my clothes on the bed following, he grabbed my hands.

“Stop-”

“Don’t touch me.” I yelled.

“Look, if we all just sit down and talk, we can work this out.”

“None of this would’ve happened if it weren’t for you.” I yelled, “If you just listened to me, if you just said you loved me and followed me, -

she

would still be alive.” I yanked my hands away, “I’m doing what I should’ve done last night. And that was leaving this place.”

“Nothing good will come out of this, you leaving won’t solve anything.”

I glared at him, lips quivering. “I hate you.”

He stood, taken back, lips parted. “Stop that-”

“I hate you.” I cried.

“Stop.” He begged.

I opened the front door, slamming it behind me, and it opened again as I was halfway down the hall. I hit the button and the elevator door was coming up.

“Bucky!” Steve yelled.

“I’ll watch him.” I heard Sam say and his footsteps followed after, the elevator doors opened and I rushed in hitting the close button. Just as the doors were closing, Sam shoved his hand in and it opened again. He sighed looking at me, and stepped in. “Where do you think you’re going without me?”

I stared up at the numbers going down but he pulled me in for a hug, I held onto him just as tight, and held back my cries. Tears falling onto his shoulder but he didn’t care, the doors opened again to the ground level and he pulled back looking at me.

“We gotta stick together on this one, you can’t go off leaving me, got it?”

I nodded and he patted my back, pushing me along he moved along first moving towards his car. A clunker truck but newly owned and loved by him. He got into the car and started it up.

“Where are we headed?”

“You can’t come with me.” I said.

“Why not?”

I shook my head, “I don’t want you to live the same life as me, I want you to be happy.”

“I am happy, man. You’re my best friend, I can’t let you do stupid stuff alone.” He nudged me, “How about we pick something to eat first? Get a few things, and then we’ll go.”

I looked at him and he was smiling, “You really want to come with me?”

“Of course.” He said, “Why wouldn’t I?”

I scoffed, “I haven’t been the happiest to be around.”

“All that stuff’s blacks and greys, it’ll pass just like all the other stuff.” He waved his hand, “I’m starving.” He said pulling out of the parking spot, “I know this good deli place I’ve been meaning on showing you, they have the best and I mean

the best

Philly cheese steaks out here.”

“I don’t want to be in New York anymore.”

He paused, “Well, me neither. Guess it was time to confess that.”

There was nothing to shake him off, to make him stay so I could go off on my own. He was glued to me. “So, we’re leaving town?”

“State if you want.” He said so cool, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m just tired of all this bullshit.”

I sat back, leaning my head against the window. “Me too.” I mumbled.

We’d gotten those philly steaks he was so interested in and we’d gone to the store getting some things, Sam gassed up, and we were on the road. The cities were passing by and my heart was hammering, it was really all that easy? To leave behind all those worries and all those problems just by getting fired and leaving town? How? Sam didn’t say a word as we continued on the road, he’d take straight, long highways and call shots on random roundabouts going this way and that. I didn’t know where we were but I couldn’t see New York for miles.

Something in my chest was burning, some piece felt like I was excited or maybe terrified out of my mind. It turned something in my stomach and I felt close to dying, - if I could feel it. Sam pulled over and I threw the door open throwing up on the side of the road. Sam stared at my back as I held onto the guardrail, the woods staring back at me from the right side of the road.

“You alright?” Sam yelled out the door.

I put my thumb up and he shuffled around in the bags we’d gotten, getting out he walked up beside me holding something out.

“Here.”

Looking at it, it was some mouthwash and napkins. Wiping my mouth I took a cap full of mouthwash and spit it over the rail.

“You sure you’re alright?” Sam asked.

I stood up and took a breath, glancing to the passing cars. “Yeah, just felt sick.”

“You gonna puke again? If you are, I’d rather you wait here and get it out of your system first.”

“I’m fine.” I said getting into the truck again, and he leaned on the door.

“You’re positive?”

I slanted my eyes at him, “Get in the truck.”

He put his hands up and rounded the front, starting up the truck again he took off along the highway. After a long while, he spoke. “When do you think we should stop to rest?”

“When the sun’s down.” I said.

“You don’t want to look around the different cities? Sight see?”

“I want to get as far away from that place.”

He glanced over, “You don’t really mean that, do you?”

I looked at him, “I just want to forget it.”

“But- all those people? All those lives you touched? You don’t want to say goodbye?”

“It’s better this way.”

“Do you really think that’s reasonable?”

I looked away from him and to the road, “If I go back, then what was the point for reaching this far?”

“A breath of air?”

I shook my head.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re going through so I’m not going to say I know it- but you can’t run away from everything. Some things you have to face, and it’s tough and sometimes you get hurt. But you get back up.”

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that.”

“Man, of course you are!”

“I’m not.”

“It’s okay to be down, to regret things, but don’t expect me to always be behind you when you need to fall back.”

“Then what good is that?”

“I’m not here to be your friend,” he said, “I’m here to move you along, friends help you, but family teaches you the right things and the wrong things. I can carry you along, but I can’t hold your hand through all the problems. You’ve got to figure this out on your own.”

“Then why are you helping me?”

“Because you’re the one who taught me those who don’t ask for help are the one’s who needed it the most.” He looked at me and it felt like I was under a magnifying glass, like I was the ant under the mirror.

I looked away to the window and clenched my jaw.

“I’m with you, 100%, all the way. But you can’t keep acting like it’s the end of the world. When this day ends, another day comes. You either go with it or you get left behind.”

Going back to silence, Sam glanced over several times to see what I was doing but it was always the same. I stared out of the window, the wind combing over my face and through my hair, and I stared out to the side of the road. There were trees and there was life, it was like being strapped into a rollercoaster going so fast that everything was a blur. That everything was out of grasp and I was above the world before it would come plunging back down and gravity would take me with it, I felt the same stomach flipping feeling like going down every time I would see a sign passing us. We’d get further and further away, and I just felt so much dread in me.

Was I doing the right thing? Was this my time to run away and to find a new life? Was it too soon?

Over the countless thoughts and conversations that would ramble over in my own head, I couldn’t bare to watch the world around me again while I circled the numerous roads and connecting highways. We went under into a tunnel and the orange hue of light cast across my eyelids, it was dark and peaceful. The sound of cars all around with the constant movement of wind, and I was overwhelmed again with the feeling of dread. I wish I felt nothingness, that I could float in an endless abyss, that worries would soak away into sea salt water and that I would be cleansed. This was reality and I was chained to it, a prisoner to an unfair life, - that’s how it’ll always be.

It’s not fair.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

When I first opened my eyes I could see the hotel room that we’d shared, having stayed overnight, wherever we were. It was out of New York, that was for sure. Then turning my head over just a bit more I could see Sam sitting on his bed staring at the TV screen across from our beds, he was so intent on the news channel that he ignored me getting up and passing him into the bathroom. Sitting back down and glancing to my phone, I decided I didn’t want to look to the mess I might have left behind.

I looked to the TV as well, “What’cha watching?” I asked.

Sam put the volume louder and glanced to me as if it were to mean something I should understand, but I looked to the TV without another word. The headline in big, bold letters read

RIOT BREAKOUT IN BIG APPLE; COURT REPEALS ELITE LAW.

Phone videos and professional camera videos were posted online of the riot - people setting fire to cars, people throwing teargas back at the policemen all lined up with gas masks and riot equipment, they chanted, swore, and threw rocks and what trash they could find that did damage. People were pouring milk into their eyes from the teargas, trying to save each other, the policemen pushing back the crowds, some surrounded, and a black smoke rising above New York City signalling a revolution.

“When was this?”

“Yesterday.” Sam said, eyes never peeling from the screen, “When we left.”

I sat there with my mouth gaped at how much damage that some cars had, spray painted sidewalks and abandoned buildings with murals of freedom and justice across them. The names of the innocent Elite and Pureblood victims they were fighting for, it was beyond my own beliefs. I thought the rebellion was so small and could never move mountains, there were so many more with hope and strength. So many more people who were willing to put their lives in danger to make a dent in history and show that unfair rights and mistreatment could move crowds into fighting for their lives, it was complete chaos - but there was some beautiful about it. Something was blooming into greatness.

“

-It is reported that over two hundred people have been arrested and moved into the county jail, and even more to be processed today.”

Said the reporter, “

A lot of paperwork has to be done by the end of this week if any of them have vandalism charges, which many - do.”

“Wait.” I said standing up quickly, “Pause it!”

Sam scrambled for the remote and froze the screen, silence ringing out through the room, I neared the TV trying to see if my eyes were telling the truth. If I was really seeing this right and I wasn’t just feeling sick, slowly - I pointed at the screen at the right hand corner of people forced on the ground with their hands cuffed behind their backs.

“It’s Steve.”

Sam rose to his feet too in disbelief then shook his head, “Shit.”

My chest was rising and falling heavily, I couldn’t just stop caring about him. He was under my skin too deep, it would be too painful to stop loving him so much. I put a hand over my mouth and started pacing, Sam folded his hands behind his head trying to grasp the situation. “What the hell did he get himself into this time?”

“He’s such an idiot.” Sam sighed in distress.

“No, he’s an asshole. Only thinking about himself.” I said collecting my things together and putting on my shoes.

“Where are you going?”

I stood up putting on my sweater, “How much is bail for vandalism?”

Sam exhaled a loud breath and shook his head, “If he’s not being charged with a felony, we’re talking under four hundred bucks.”

“And if he is?”

“The court can fine him up to ten thousand.”

I sighed in worry, shaking my head, and scoffed, “He’s lucky I’d die for him.” I said lowly, grabbing my phone off the nightstand turning for the door. “Are you coming?”

He shook his head, “I’m going to kill him.”

“Not if I do it first.”

My heart was pounding as I could see the city back in the distance, I didn’t know what was going to happen next and it started to inject anxiety in me. Sam didn’t say a word more as he drove into town slowly, there were so many counties and so many holding cells to look through - I didn’t know if we’d find Steve at all. Parking in front of the first police station, it was beyond busy. It took minutes until we could approach the desk only to find out that Steve wasn’t there. We continued to search.

I don’t think I’d noticed before how many police stations there were before, but from the passenger’s side of the car I waited for Sam to come back. He sat down in the truck after the fifth station we’d been to sighing deeply. No luck.

“Maybe they transferred him.” I said.

“Or maybe they already sent him to the trial rooms.”

“It’s been a day, Sam.”

“And they have over two hundred people to put into the system, do you think they’re going to wait?”

I sighed, leaning my head back. “We’ll keep looking. We’ll find him.”

Sam pulled into drive and we continued on our search, county after county, different parts of the city glared down at us or welcomed us in with open doors. Every police station was busy with people asking for their loved ones and we’d found out there were so many of them, Sam sat waiting in the room at everyone of them, texting me, and asking. They said that there were still tons of people they hadn’t processed and put into the system, with their luck - Steve was still on the waiting list and not branded a criminal yet.

Pulling up to the next station, Sam looked up at it and then to me. “If we don’t find him here, what’re we going to do? Search the city?”

“I don’t care how long it takes.” I said.

He sighed and pushed open his door going up the stairs into the building, I sat waiting impatiently. Playing with the radio and glancing anxiously around, I shouldn’t be around police stations but I needed to do this for Steve. No matter how many times I put him away on a shelf, I will always take him down and keep him with me.

A sudden knock on my window scared me, I was almost scared to look up to reveal myself but seeing Sam there, I rolled down the window.

“They got him.”

“What?”

“Steve’s here.”

My heart was skyrocketing, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“I think you should stay in the car for a little while longer, I’m going to see if I could see him for a bit. Get a conference room or something-”

“I need to see him.”

Sam stared, “We are surrounded by cops here-”

“Steve is more important than anything. Anything happens to him, it’s on

me.

No one else.” I said, “I want to see him.”

Sam sighed and shook his head, “I’ll see what I can do. Until now, you stay here, you keep quiet.” He reached over turning off the car and taking the keys, “I’ll be back.”

When he walked back up the stairs, I leaned my head back suddenly feeling so overwhelmed and dizzy. Steve was here, he was just in that building right over there, and I was here. I never realize how starved I was until now, wanting to patch up every single gouging cut I ripped open, and sew it together. Force it together with whatever I can. I kept breathing steadily, trying to calm down, but the possibility of what’s to come after - the fear coursing through me of what could go down. I could get arrested, I could face charges for escaping an interrogation as well as what happened before.

Suddenly my phone was ringing.

I scrambled to answer it, and press it to my ear. I couldn’t hear a thing over my hammering heart, I opened the car door, locked the door, and started up the stairs. My fingers felt numb, my legs feeling weak, and Sam was standing at the end of the hall gesturing back. I kept my head down walking past people and Sam put an arm around me as he guided me along, as if he knew how panicked I was feeling. The woman by the door glanced into the room and back at us walking up, “You have ten minutes, then the officer will be back to collect him.”

“Thank you so much.” Sam said, looking to me, he glanced to the door. “I’ll go first, you just-

stay.”

I nodded feverishly and he clasped my shoulder momentarily before opening the door and closing it behind him, through the door window I could see Sam rounding the table, and pulled the seat out without meeting Steve’s eyes. I collected myself piece by piece, biting my nails, and pacing before the door opened again moments later. Sam stood in front of the door momentarily, and looked down at the floor before stepping aside.

I looked to the cracked open door gently pushing it open, I couldn’t find the strength to close it behind me so it remained cracked open while Sam waited outside. I stared at the back of Steve’s head, he kept it hung as if he’d done something terrible and was caught. Go running head first into trouble and this is what you get. I couldn’t find myself to speak until I saw a reflection of myself sitting there, guilty with something I had done wrong.

“You’re stupid, you know that?” I said, voice below a whisper, it cracked in my throat.

He scoffed, “It made you come though, didn’t it?”

I shook my head, tears in my eyes, and looked at the ceiling. “You could've died out there.” I pushed my tongue against my cheek ,”What would I have done then?”

“You would’ve moved on because that’s what I would want you to do-”

“You’re

so

wrong.”

“Am I?”

I furrowed my brow at him, still standing behind him, “What’s wrong with you? You ran head first into this because you wanted me to come back?”

“I would’ve done it either way.” He stated, “I was supposed to. I’m the one who created this.”

“This? That

riot?

That was you?”

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”He shook his head, “It was peaceful. The police saw a gathering and someone started shouting, and it got bad quick. I had the intentions that I would enlighten people, but I only got them hurt.” He lowered his head again. “I knew the moment I left the apartment that something was going to happen, now I know what.”

I sniffled, wiping my face, “We’re going to get you out of here, me and Sam, we’re going to situate your bail money and we’re going to go away from here-”

“No.”

“No?”

“I deserve this.”

“Steve-”

“No, Bucky.” He said, turning his head slightly to the side to see the silhouette of me in the corner of his eye. “I should’ve known that I had no right in being a leader. No Elite is fit for a leader.”

“What?”

He was quiet a moment and then he slowly stood up, pushing his chair back, and he turned to me. My heart could've caved in if it wasn’t being tugged in all directions. I stood there, like an idiot, staring at this man that I thought I knew so well. It turns out - I was falling in love with two different people. The Steve Rogers standing in front of me - was

Elite.

I felt betrayed, this man before me had the face of the man I loved but the eyes of a stranger. Regular blue eyes stared back at me, black slits down the middle, and I felt victimized.

“I’m sorry.” He said first, “I know how you must feel.”

“You don’t know how I feel.” I said, lips quivering.

“I can guess, most of the time I get it right with you.” He mumbled, “And that’s the thing - I know you. Something like this, you won’t forgive me, and I’ll feel bad. And then you’ll leave. It’s okay, I’m used to that.” He shrugged off casually.

I shook my head at him wanting to say something, but he just kept going and my throat was closed up.

“I know that one day you’ll make someone really happy, and I’ll be grateful for that day because I know that someone else will know who you are like I did.” He said solemnly, the corner of his mouth rising in a miserable smirk. “I can only hope that they’ll make you happy like I could for a bit, I hope they know everything that makes you angry, and makes you happy, and sad.” He pressed his lips together, tears in his eyes. “I hope they love you, like I do. None of that will change, I’m still the same person. I’m just going away for something I did without even thinking of the consequences. And I’m sorry for making you worry, I hate when I do that to you.” He sounded strained, forcing himself to keep together. “I tried, I really did, and I felt like I could be someone - with you. I felt like I was home. But if I ever hurt you, like I did before - I’ll pack my things, and I’ll leave you because you deserve

so

much

more.

”

His lips quivered, his nose was runny, and he held back as much as he could. He sniffled again looking to the ceiling to stop the tears and shook his head only to laugh.

“

I

am

so

sorry, Bucky. I built everything thinking I could escape my past, and I could be “normal”. But that’s not how it works, things always change, and I didn’t think of that into the equations and I messed up.” He rambled, “I messed up bad. My name is Steve Grant Rogers, everything I told you was true but I’m not a- I’m not a Pureblood.” He paused on the word, biting his tongue. “I’m an Elite, I used to hate it, hated myself, but- I can’t change who I need to be.”

He stared at me, tears spilling over his cheeks.

“And I’m so sorry-” He sobbed, all his walls coming crashing down and he covered his face in his hands crying into them.

And every single time - I fell back into him.

I surged forward pulling him by the back of the neck into my arms and he sunk into me, sobs racked his shoulders, and he couldn’t breathe right. He gasped and hiccuped, working himself up, and I clenched him tightly to make all the bad things go away. Tucking his head into my neck, he smelt like day old tear gas and molten ashes. He was stiff and rigid, no doubt the holding cells were painful to sleep in and dark, I can only imagine the feeling of being alone in a closed room without the key out.

“I swear, we’re going to get you out of here, we’re going to go away for a while, and we’re going to go home.”

Steve shook his head, thinking it was all his fault.

“We’re going to go home, and we’re going to go to bed together.” I stroked the back of his head. “And we’ll have breakfast in the morning, we’ll stay in, we’ll just stay together. I promise.”

“Bucky.” He cried, hugging me back, chanting it like a hymn and sobbing. “Bucky, Bucky- ‘m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” I mumbled, “Everything’s going to be okay. I’ll be right here with you. Every step of the way, I’m with you til the end of the line.”

He hugged me closer, impossibly clenched tightly together, never wanting to let go. I closed my eyes as his wet eyelashes kept kissing my neck lovingly, and I missed the feeling already. I hushed him, combing my fingers through his hair, and I sighed.

“I’m going to get the money, we’re going to pay for bail, and we’ll go away from here. We’ll go visit monuments and places we want to go, forget everything behind us.” I whispered.

“They will never leave me alone, they’ll haunt me. All those people, they’ll hate me.”

“They won’t hate you, they’ll all look up to you. You’re a leader, you stood stronger for them.”

“I stood strong for us.”

I kept quiet, combing his hair, soothing him down. His fingers toying with the sewing on the bottom of my shirt. “You’re a hero.”

“I’m not a hero.” He shook his head, “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You’re fighting for a country who doesn’t want you, that’s a story everyone wants to know.” I said, “Maybe in the end, you’re the Captain you said you were.”

“Why would I be Captain America if it doesn’t want me here?”

“I want you here. That’s all that matters, you guide people, lead gatherings; if there’s anything I know about you, it’s that you’re not selfish and you know what’s right. Teach people that, and they will follow.”

“I’m so scared, Buck.” He whispered, “What if I go away?”

“Not while I’m around.”

He pulled back looking me in the eyes and his slanted irises shook at me, lips quivering lightly, and I cupped his cheek.

“We’ll be back for you.”

He nodded glancing between my eyes, “Aren’t you mad I’m not the person you thought I was?”

I tried to think of a reasonable answer but the door was opening and an officer was walking in with his hands behind his back waiting, Sam in the doorway. I looked back to him and his hands were clenched around my waist like vice grips. I pulled him into a hug and he strapped me closer, eyes clenched tightly, head tucked into my neck preparing for solitude.

“Don’t leave me behind.” He whispered.

“I won’t- I promise.” I said and we had a hard time separating.

His hands lingered locked in mine, fingers drawing lines down my hands until just our fingertips touched and I stepped away. Hands fallen like sheets of paper in the wind, aimlessly until they’d been limp by our sides. Sam wrapped an arm around my shoulders as the officer cuffed Steve and they’d passed us, Steve kept looking over his shoulder to us, and Sam put his hand up in a wave. He turned the corner and I could only imagine how disconnected he much feel inside. Sam looked down at me and I to him, we started for the front entrance.

“So, we’ll stop by the bank before it closes and we’ll have Steve home tonight-”

“Wait.” I said, looking at him from over the hood, and he paused.

“What?”

I stood pondering and then back to him, “I have an idea.”

“Okay?”

I paused, “It’s stupid- but it might work.”

Sam’s face set on a serious note, saying

oh come on,

and he sighed. “Bucky, whatever it is. We can solve this by just paying bail-”

“This isn’t about peacefully turning over and looking over our shoulders all our lives. Didn’t you say once we should end the war for our kids? So they could have a better future because we fought so much for them?”

“That was a long time ago. Things are different, more people are getting hurt.”

“People get hurt in wars, and their names are the ones who are remembered. Their names are the ones in history books and monuments, we remember them for the things they did.” I tapped the hood, “This is

our

time, now,

here,

I want to be the example the rest of the world can see and change people for the better.”

Sam shook his head, cars passing him, and he met my eyes again. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.” He said opening his door and starting the car.

I looked to the police station and sighed, “I’ll be back.

Hopefully.”

I said quietly opening the car door and getting in.

It was time for the world to see some leaders rise to the surface, and fight for themselves marching hand in hand with rising voices and chanting songs of freedom. This was it - the revolution of a new world.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Steve was settled into his cell quietly, head tucked down between his hands, and curled up as best as he could with the blanket over him. He could hear the constant drip of the sink in the corner, someone else flushing the toilet in the next room, and his own breaths. He could only imagine what time it was, he’d stopped counting seconds in his head and got lost around thirty two minutes a long while ago. His clothes still smelt like lingering Bucky clenching onto him in their last hug; he didn’t come back. He promised to come back and he wouldn’t lie, Steve wouldn’t allow himself to think that Bucky was that cruel to ever do something like that.

He laid blinking slowly and breathing.

From inside the station, they were scrambling around with a code 507 announced in Times Square with a bunch of protesters - a public nuisance. A squad was sent out and more 507’s were being announced over the radio, riot squads were panning out of the station, and more on the way. In minutes of silence after they’d left, the lights flickered above their heads. The woman at the desk glanced up at the lights and back to work she went, then - the lights went out.

“What the hell?”

The emergency lights went on, red lights and searchlights turned on, EXIT signs glowing. From a distance, a roar could be heard. Not just any - a

crowd

. They chanted, screamed, sung - they demanded to be heard. Some held flags, some held flares burning red with anger and held with such delicacy, some remained quiet. The distant siren could be heard wailing behind them, and like a sunrise - they were glowing over the horizon. Arm linked in arm, hand in hand, marching on. News reporters trying to wedge themselves in, videos rolling, and history began to write through the very buildings and grounds they walked on.

Inside the police station, just like all over the city, rebels broke back doors raided through the front doors breaking the glass and stormed in. Pulling open cell doors and ushering people who were branded a criminal out, Elite and Pureblood running for their lives. Steve sat up in his cell suddenly as it was being fumbled open, a woman he’d never met standing in the opening.

“Come on!” She said, walking in and grabbing his hand forcing him up.

“What’s going on-” he watched the panic all over. People being helped out of the cells, the previously injured being hauled off in wheelchairs and in people’s arms.

“Go home.” She said gesturing to the door, “You’re free.” With a smile she was ducking out to open more doors and helping more people.

Steve wandered the halls, dodging out of the way of running people, and crammed out of the exit. Warning shots fired in the air outside and people screamed, Steve peeked out of the shattered window as cans of tear gas were being distributed and thrown around. It was complete chaos, and something beautiful out of it was evolving. Through the yelling, people with megaphone against police started yelling and demanding the crowd to move further. They listened like soldiers fighting a war, the police falling back out of fear, they were no match for a country with a burning passion for equality.

Names were being yelled out from loved ones, and Steve searched the tipping and tossing crowds passing clouds of tear gas and watching people pick them up and toss them back at the police.

“Steve!”

Steve searched the darkness, he couldn’t find the voice yelling to him.

“Steve!”

It came closer, hollering in urgency, and standing on top of the stairs of the station - Bucky was overlooking the crowd. “Bucky!” Steve yelled, shoving past people and flying rocks and objects.

“Steve!” Bucky called again, looking more urgency in the crowd hearing a reply.

Steve pushed past the parked cars in front of the station and Bucky met his eyes as he started for him.

“Steve!” He screamed, running down and both colliding heavily into each other. Clenched so close together and painfully pulling apart, Steve clasped his hands over Bucky’s face.

“I thought you were gone.” Steve sighed.

“I said I would come back.”

“What happened? What is this-”

“I did this.” He said.

“What?”

“It’s time we stopped being afraid of stepping out of our homes and we set an example.” He said, holding Steve’s hands by his side. “For the future generations.”

Steve panned back and forth looking at Bucky’s eyes and surged forward to kiss him, it felt like it had been so long ago that he could love and kiss Bucky like this. Even if the world was screaming around them or burning in white-orange flames around them, they savored every bitter and sweet filled kiss right there. Pulling back and pressing his his head to Steve’s forehead, Bucky sighed.

“Come on, we’ve got to get out of here.”

“Where are we going?”

“Home.”

Steve smiled sheepishly kissing him again, “I’m already home.”

Bucky kissed him right back glancing to the advancing crowd moving down the street, “Then let’s go,

together

.”

Steve pulled him right back and Bucky furrowed his brow at him, “I love you.”

Bucky cupped his cheek and smiled, “I love you too.”

“Wherever you go, whatever you do, I’m with you til the end of the line.” He kissed his temple and squeezed his hand.

Bucky smirked and entwined their hands together, running towards the crowd and picking up a thrown tear gas back into the crowd of police trying to contain the riot. Steve watched as he did and Bucky looked back at him with a laugh and he smiled; he could remember when Bucky had such a dislike for change, hated going out, and didn’t stray from normality. He used to be black and white, and now he was expanding into a spectrum of colors and shining so brightly. Steve remember when the streets were quiet and organized, and turning to look behind him he could see everything - the hope, the rebellion, the diversity, and unity.

The police can not silence the people anymore. Where there are people, there is diversity. Where there is diversity, there is individuality. Where there is individuality, there is strength and power. And where there is power, there is a will to fight on for the right things. Racism, fascism, xenophobia, homophobia, transphobia, and radicalism all bend under pressure to the will of the people who demand change and create a revolution for the future generations to come.

Dictators cannot silence us.

The government cannot silence us.

The police cannot silence us.

Neo-nazis cannot silence us.

The only people who can silence us is our own selves, we fear the government and let that scare us. We have a right to live and say as we please without the government’s retaliation:

Universal Declaration of Human Rights:

Article 19

Everyone shall have the right to hold opinions without interference.

Everyone shall have the right to freedom of expression; this right shall include freedom to seek, receive and impart information and ideas of all kinds, regardless of frontiers, either orally, in writing or in print, in the form of art, or through any other media of his choice.
The exercise of the rights provided for in paragraph 2 of this article carries with it special duties and responsibilities. It may therefore be subject to certain restrictions, but these shall only be such as are provided by law and are necessary:

(a) For respect of the rights or reputations of others;

(b) For the protection of national security or of public order (ordre public), or of public health or morals.

Article 20

Any propaganda for war shall be prohibited by law.
Any advocacy of national, racial or religious hatred that constitutes incitement to discrimination, hostility or violence shall be prohibited by law.

If you want change, be the change and stand above the hate and darkness. Be the light people need and hone to in desperate times, be a source of goodness and morality. Most importantly - be ourselves when we need us the most. Own our individuality, fight for other’s, and stray from the brain-washed societies and obliviousness. This country needs us more than it knows, be the revolution and call their bluffs. We are the Millennials and Generation Z, we are the new generations, and we will

not be

silenced
.