Archive of Our Own

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Where were you

When everything was falling apart?

All my days

Spent by the telephone

That never rang

And all I needed was a call

That never came

From the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure

You found me, you found me

Lying on the floor

Surrounded, surrounded

Why'd you have to wait?

Where were you, where were you?

Just a little late

You found me, you found me

‘Get out if you know what’s good for you.’ The words echoed in my mind, never leaving and never changing. Some would say that it was just bluffing, but I didn’t want to leave it to chance. I didn’t want to leave, but I had to. That’s what I kept telling myself. ‘They’ll be better without me, they can manage without me, they’ll be better off without me,’ that’s what I kept telling myself. I shouldn’t have pack my bags, and I shouldn’t have left that that two-worded note, ‘I’m sorry.’  I shouldn’t have stepped out into the cold and I shouldn’t have looked back. The mountain side Tower was dark, most of the residents were sleeping snug in their beds, no thought of any absences.My heart clenched in my chest and I bit my lip, holding back any tears. My backpack was thrown over my back, and my duffel was tosses over my shoulder, one hand holding it tightly, the other clenching onto a small paper that had just made my day the day before. ‘Meet me at the lake tomorrow night’ was all he wrote, but it wasn't enough. I had been the happiest girl in the world at that moment, but, as for everything in my life, it didn’t last long. Later that day, I answered the call and my heart broke.My heavy feet turned away from the tower as my throat shook and my eyes closed. ‘There’s no turning back,’ I reminded myself, ‘I can’t go back.’ With deep breath, I started on my path again, no clue where I was going to go, no clue what I was going to do. I walked past the waterfall and the lake, his figure still waiting for me. I had to fight the urge, the magnetic power that he had over me. I bit my lip again and looked down, a hot, salty tear escaping my crystal eyes. ‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered as my heart shattered and my feel took flight. -4 years later-           It was just like that night all those years ago. I was working at Dio’s Cellar, thanks to the owner and a family friend, Cisco Ramone. A couple of male customers, and Creepy Clay, had been giving me a bit of trouble with their smirks that tried to be seductive, and their hands that always tried to grab my ass or slink around my waist to pull me closer, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle. I had just served some drinks to a nice couple, then made Cisco his usual drink and made my way over to talk to him. His hair was now silvering with age, and he was too weak to use his powers anymore. Something was on the news about the Titans defeating the Brotherhood or Hive again, but I didn’t pay much attention. It was a regular night at Dio’s Cellar.That is, until the door swung open and stopped my heart. My back was towards it, but I could still sense who it was. Cisco looked at me, then at the figures at the door, then back at me. I gulped and tried to put on a brave act, but that disappeared when I saw them, when I saw him. They all looked the same, yet aged, just as I may have looked to them. Callie was in her usual oceanic colors of blues and greens, her blonde hair was still waved and streaked with light blue. Her shell necklace was still draped around her neck and her pearl bracelet wove around her wrist, but something shined and caught my eye. A delicate diamond band was placed on her left ring finger. My eyes snapped to the raven-haired girl, still in her own deep purple and green colors, her witch pendant still hanging around her pale neck. Her hair, though, was shorter, resting upon her shoulders. And lastly, I hesitated to look toward him, but my eyes struggled not to catch a glimpse of his lean and muscular figure. Unlike the two girls, his eyes hadn’t met mine, he only looked toward the bar then to some of the tables. His shirt still hugged each curve of his body, but his camo pants had been traded in with a pair of jeans that fell over his combat boots. His light brown hair still looked soft enough to run my hands through and his strong, yet gentle hands were tucked into his pockets, the gloves long gone.My stomach twisted, just as it did the last time I saw him, and the tears were coming back. It was too much for me. My eyes snapped to Cisco. I wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Instead, I just bit my lip and quickly, with my core trembling and my throat shaking, headed straight for the back room. As soon as the door shut, I collapsed on some wooden crates, breathing heavily. “Why?” I asked myself, tearing up, “Why are they here? Why now? Why is he here?”I had only a few mere moments before the door quietly swung open again, Cisco coming toward me. He sat next to me, but I didn’t look up at him, I couldn’t. “You know you’re going to have to talk to them some time, right?” his soft voice spoke.I scoffed, wiping the tears from my eyes. “Yeah right, and tell them what?”“You could start with the truth” he suggested, placing a hand on my shoulder. I shook my head and stood up to face him.“Oh yeah, that’ll go over really well.” The words came out more forceful than I had intended, but, at the moment, I didn’t care. “Hey guys, sorry I ran away all those years ago. There was this evil person that contacted me and told me that, if I didn’t leave, you would all be hurt. And sorry for not meeting you that night all those years ago, Ensign, I really do love you.” I laughed at myself before leaning on some of the cases that were stacked.“Better than nothing,” was the last thing he said before he stood and left the room, the door closing behind him. It was quiet, the very thing that threatened the dam of tears from breaking. My throat shook and I buried my face in my hands as my back slid down the crates. ‘They should have stayed away’ was the only thought that crossed my mind, ‘They should have left me alone.’ If they had left me alone, none of this would have happened. None of these feelings would be coming back so quickly, and my night would have gone on like usual, ‘they shouldn’t have come.’For what seemed like an hour, I stayed in the back, sheltered by the wooden crated and the easily opened door that stated, ‘Employees Only.’ Knowing that I had to be strong, or stronger than I had been, I took a deep breath and rose from the ground, dusting off my pants. My feet were heavy as I dragged them to the door, peering out of the small window to see Cisco sitting at a table, smiling with the three. The only one who wasn’t smiling was Ensign, his usual straight face staining his features. The two women looked happy to be chatting with the old man, but there was something in Ensign’s face that twisted my stomach. I could see pain in front of the walls he had built back up. His eyes flicked up and met mine, but I quickly stepped away from sight.“I can’t do this,” I told myself, taking my apron off and tossing it on the desk by the door. I ran to the back door, but I was caught. A co-worker walked through the swinging door, but when she saw me, her smile vanished and she ran back to the bar, no doubt to tell Cisco.Before anyone else could interrupt me, I grabbed my purse and ran through the back door, past groups of smokers, and straight to my car. My hand dug through my bag, the keys jingling when they touched my hand. My free hand reached for the handle of my door, opening it before my freedom had fluttered away. The back door swung open with a ‘Bang,’ then I heard my name come from her mouth.“Ruby, wait,” she pleaded, jogging over to me. I paused, my hand still on the door. “Ruby, please, talk to us.”“Why?” the word slipped from my tongue as I spun around to meet her gaze. “Why would you want to talk to me? I left you guys years ago.”“I know,” she said, stepping closer to me. “But we need-”“Callie, I- I can’t be a Titan again.”“Why?” She shot back. “Were we so bad to you that you had to leave? Because I thought I had always stayed by your side, I thought you loved Ensign and would never leave us. But then you went and proved us all wrong. So many people thought you had just had enough, that it was too hard for you. But Ensign and I knew better. We knew you had to have had a reason. So, what is it? Why did you leave us?”This was it. I couldn’t run from it any longer. Cisco was right, I had to tell her the truth. With a sigh, the words fell from my mouth, “Because you all would have been in trouble if I hadn’t.”Her expression was a mixture of disbelief and shock. “What?”“Callie, the night before I left, I got a call from someone saying that, if I didn’t leave you guys, you all would have been seriously hurt.”“But we still were,” she argued, before shaking her head and changing her thoughts. “Did you even think that it could have been a prank or one of the Hive members messing with you? Did that even cross your mind?”“Of course, I thought of it,” I shouted back, “But I couldn’t take the chance.” I paused to gauge her reaction, but she remained silent. So, I went on. “I tried to track the person who sent me the message, but I couldn’t. And I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if anything happened to any of you. You had just started dating Adam, you were so happy, and everyone else seemed to be happy with where they were. I didn’t want to ruin any of that happiness.”“And yet you did.” Her voice was soft as she took a few steps closer to me. "Ruby, when you left, it tore us all apart. That happiness that you saw, was because you were there too. I may have just started dating Adam, but I was also happy because I had all of my friends. Then, a few days later, I wake up to the absence of my best friend. How do you think that made me feel?” I didn’t answer. “I was heartbroken. And I wasn’t the only one. Your mom and dad, and Treble went crazy trying to look for you until they finally decided to let you be. And Ensign,” she paused, “Ensign never stopped. He was head over heels for you and you left all of us, you left him. He didn’t let you go, none of us really did. We all had a hope that you would come back. But you never did. Ruby I- we -missed you.”I couldn’t take it anymore, tears streamed down my face as she pulled me into her embrace. “I’m sorry,” I wept, “I am so sorry.” We may have drawn unwanted attention by the smokers, but I didn’t care. My best friend was in front of me and I couldn’t fight the urge to wrap my arms around her anymore. I squeezed her core tightly, and she tightened her grip on my shoulders. “I missed you guys too” I told her.“I can’t believe you’ve been a few cities away” she chuckled as we pulled apart, “and with Cisco Ramone too.”“Cisco was the only one I could trust enough to keep my secret. He knew my situation and trusted me, and I had worked for him before. Plus, I asked him to put you guys off my scent. I couldn’t have you guys find me.”“And yet here we are,” she laughed, hugging me again.        “How did you guys find me, anyways?” The question had racked my brain since they came into the bar.“I told you, Ensign never gave up looking for you. He got intel that you were in this city. We were looking for you all day, then Kylie suggested to get a drink before we had back to the hotel.”“So, a mixture of hard work, dedication and dumb luck?” I chuckled, making her laugh, tears misting her eyes.“Basically” she nodded. We both took a few breaths, leaving a silence in the air between us. But it was comforting, like old times.   I glanced at her hand, the diamond still polished and new. “At least tell me that I didn’t miss the wedding” my weak voice managed to say.She only let out a laugh and smiled, first at the ring, then at me. “No, you didn’t. Adam actually just proposed last week, before we got a hit on where you were.”“I’m glad” I smiled, taking her hand and getting a closer look at it. “It’s beautiful” I sighed, admiring the marquise diamond with tiny sapphires surrounding it.“Apparently Gabi and Kylie helped him pick it out, because he couldn’t get a hold of the one person he wanted to help him."“Callie, I am so sorry for what I did, but, I had to do it.”“No, you didn’t. You could have met Ensign at the damn lake, and you could have gossiped with me what happened between the two of you. You could have told us about the call and we could have defeated this evil figure together.”I shook my head. “I don’t think we could have,” I said. “I can usually tell when someone is messing with me or if there is no threat, but- when I got that call, I knew it was true, and I knew that, if I didn’t leave, you all would have been seriously hurt, maybe even dead.”She nodded slowly. “Okay,” was all she said at first. “I trust you. You were never wrong before. But you could have told us a little more on your note.” Her mouth curled into a light smile, and mine reflected hers.“I didn’t know what I could or couldn’t say,” I confessed. "I didn’t want to say too much and have you guys come after me, and I didn’t want to say too little that you guys came after me.”“Oh honey,” she laughed, “We would have come after you no matter what.” I laughed again and reached for my bag. Her mouth dropped. “You’re not leaving, again, are you?” she asked.At first, I said nothing. I just grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder, shutting the door and turning to her. “Never,” I told her, locking my car before we headed for the bar. And, of course, they were all waiting for us. As soon as we stepped through the bar doors, their heads turned, Cisco’s in an expression that wanted to say, ‘I told you so,’ and Kylie with an expression as if she wanted to ask us how it went. Ensign refused to look back at us, which made me think that Callie may have gotten it all wrong. Maybe he wasn’t happy to see me. I stopped in the doorway, my arms crossed. Callie looked back at me, a smile to try and assure me that it was okay, but I knew it wasn’t. I had left them for years, not letting them know if I was okay or not. For all they knew, I could have been abducted and killed.Nothing was going to be the same once I rejoined them. I knew that, and Callie knew that, and yet, she was still so optimistic. “Come on” she softly said, nodding over to the table, “they’re waiting for us.”“I don’t think I can do it, Callie,” I shook my head. I laughed at myself, “I mean- I haven’t seen any of you for the last few years. What’s to say that everyone won’t hate me?”She just laughed. “Because I know that, once we told them, everyone was so happy to know you were alive and well. Your mom nearly fainted into your dad’s arms and we had so many people volunteering to come with us to get you.”   My eyes drifted to the young man at the table, still not looking at us. “Apparently not everyone is,” I quietly said to myself.“Come on” she finally said, dragging me to the table.“Told you” Cisco whispered in my ear as I was placed between him and Callie.“Ruby” Kylie excitedly sighed, jumping up to wrap me in her arms. I had to say that it felt nice to be by them again, to have some of my friends with me. I squeezed her back and she laughed. “We missed you, girl. Where have you been?”“Here” I told her. “After what happened, I knew that I could only only go to Cisco. He was the only one I trusted at the time, and I had worked for him before, so it fit perfectly.”“I can’t believe you’ve been this close to us” she shook her head, sitting back down.“I wanted to be far enough away that none of you would find me, but close enough that, if you did need help, I could jump in. But that never happened, and I never expected it to.” My eyes wandered around the table, Cisco put his arm on my back and gave me a sweet smile, Callie and Kylie were excited to hear anything I was going to tell them, but Ensign, he would only look at his drink.The rest of the night was full of Kylie and Callie filling me in or small changes that had occurred; couples getting together or breaking up, how Treble finally came out to them and was welcomed with wide arms, which made me tear up happily. When he had told me, he was so scared of what the others would think. I tried to assure him that they would love and accept him, but he never said anything to anyone else while I was there. Arias had finally asked Gabi out, and the same had happened with Vanessa and Joshua. Jack found his love in Arianna, and Booker and Syd were about to tie the knot in a few days. And Lianne was still stuck in the middle, she had quit the Hive with the help of Troy, but she still didn’t know where she stood.Cisco had gone home before the bar closed and told me to lock up, but when it was time to go, I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay there and pretend that it was just another day, that Callie hadn’t asked me to come back and that I didn’t agree.“We need you,” Kylie argued, “we want you back.” I nodded, but I knew it was lie. They never needed me there, they had proved that in the last 4 years. Nothing was falling apart, no cities were being burned down. The Titans still protected every inch of the world. But now was neither the place nor time to bring that up, so, I just agreed and told them that I would pack some things up and be ready by late afternoon the next day.I had already told Cisco that he would have to replace me. To which he replied, 'I already have someone lined up, but you’re welcome back anytime.' I smiled at how he already knew. What else would you expect from a guy that can see the future?Callie had told me that they would be at my place around 2, and I watched them drive away to their hotel. After locking up, I drove to my house, a cozy little apartment with one bedroom and one bathroom, a full kitchen and a living room in the front.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

I'm here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way

Then I see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

The floors were hard wood with a few carpets that I had collected within my years of solitude. I had no TV, only books that were stocked on a wooden shelving unit, along with trinkets, statues and journals that I had collected. Notebooks and notes were strewn across the coffee table, now accompanied by a fresh cup of coffee that I had made. There were only a handful of photos that lined the short hallway, but they were only of nature; sunsets, waterfalls, birds, etc. The kitchen was fully stocked with food and drinks. Plates, cups, bowls and silver-wear were neatly stocked in the cabinets and drawers. The marble counter tops were emptied of the papers that had been there the previous day, now closed away in a folder and put safely in a metal box.
The bathroom wasn’t much, just simple. Only light blue towels and a painting of a canopy of fall trees to decorate it. It was the same with my bedroom. There was a queen-sized bed with warm blue and cream sheets, a wooden armoire with my clothes and a metal shoe rack next to it with my boots, flats, heels, and every other pair I owned. There was a wooden bedside table on the side that I always slept on, the one closest to the bay window. It wasn’t much. Maybe it wouldn’t be home for most, but it was home to me when I had none. It was my safe heaven. With a heavy sigh, I began my work; pulling things from their hangers, taking things from their shelves, and stuffing them in a bag or box.I had apparently had dozed off because the next thing I knew, there’s a pounding at my door. I slowly opened my eyes, sitting up enough to register the blanket around my legs and a clock that read 1:56. I groaned and rubbed my eyes. I was able to concentrate enough to know who it was; an excited Callie and Kylie, and brooding Ensign.“Come in,” I yawned, “The door’s unlocked.”“You know that we could have been bad guys, right?” was the first sentence to leave Callie’s lips.“Except that you weren’t. I can read minds, remember? I could tell that it was you,” I replied, rising from the sofa to meet them. Their eyes scanned my apartment, a mixture of wonder, curiosity, and other things.“So, this is where you’ve been living?” Kylie finally said. “It’s cute. Not too personal, but not too empty. Though, seeing the light blue everywhere is a dead give-away” she smirked, making me smile and shrug.“What can I say? It’s my color” I laughed. “Anyone want coffee? Food? Help yourselves. It either gets consumed here or brought to HQ.” Callie nodded and made her way to the kitchen to warm up a cup, and Kylie looked around more, but Ensign just stood there, staring at me. I took in a breath, looking away from him. “I’m going to finish packing,” I reported before hurrying down to my room.I closed my door, needing to breath. I bit my lip, pulling my long right sleeve up only enough to reveal the crystal bracelet that Ensign had given me all those years ago. I gulped and pulled it back down, covering the stones. With a sigh, I walked back to my bed, to the pile of clothes that still needed to be packed.  It was only a few minutes of silence before my door quietly opened. I quickly turned around, expecting Kylie or Callie, but it was Ensign. I could tell that he was going to say something, but he changed what it was.      “Shouldn’t you tell people where you are?” he leaned against the door frame, arms crossed and eyes pinned on me.“Like who?” I chuckled to myself.“I don’t know, your friends, your neighbors, work, a boyfriend” the last one came out of his lips uncomfortably. I paused and sighed, biting my lip before quickly continuing to pack.“I don’t have any friends here, besides Cisco,” I stated plainly. “Ever since I left, I felt like I had to protect everyone and the only way I could do that was to stay away. I never made new friends and I don’t even know any of my neighbors. I usually just lock myself up here after work. I never speak to my building manager unless it's for rent, and i already have the next few months paid off.” I couldn’t see him, but I could tell he loosened up and any un-comfortability turned to near pity. “It’s okay, you don’t have to feel bad for me,” I said, turning to finally face him. “I know it’s all been on me and I’ve been okay with that.”“Why?” It should have been a simple question, but it wasn’t. What could I say? “Why didn’t you let anyone in? Why didn’t you let me in?” The sorrow in his voice cut through old scars.I shook my head. “Because I thought that I could deal with anything by myself. Because I still felt like that little girl who needed to prove herself. Because I didn’t want anyone to get hurt because of me.” I could have kept listing everything off, but I stopped. The room went silent and he looked away from me.“What about- your boyfriend?” he changed the subject, probably sensing that I didn’t want to talk about it anymore.I laughed and turned back to him. “What makes you think that I have one?”“I just thought that-” I shook my head and stood. He stepped forward and was about to say something when Callie walked in, T-Comm in her hand and Kylie right behind her.“Rob, Nightwing is on the T-Comm for you,” Callie’s reported. He looked at her, then looked back at me, then took the communicator and walked out.“Perfect timing, I’m guessing,” Kylie said, sitting on my vanity chair.“Perfect, or the worst?” I lightly smiled.“At least we didn’t interrupt you two kissing, remember the last time.”I laughed, remembering exactly which time she was talking about. “You mean the only time” I replied. “The others were almost kisses and they were all interrupted by one of the guys.” “Still,” Callie came up from behind me, starting to fold a few things and placing them in my bags. “So, why is there no handsome guy by your side?” she raised her brow and the corner of her lip did the same.“Because the only guy I have ever loved or cared for in that way, I left waiting for me by the lake.” The words came out so quickly that I didn’t have time to stop them. My hands clenched around the shirt in my hands and I felt Kylie and Callie’s eyes on me.“Ruby,” Kylie stood from her seat. I could hear her heels on the hard wood, then the carpet. An arm slung around my shoulder.“I tried to move on because, I knew that he would, but- none of them were him. None even came close. Now I think I lost my chance.”“Are you kidding?” Kylie laughed. “We found you because of him. He never stopped looking for you, and I’m pretty sure he never stopped loving you.”“It’s true,” Callie added, “He went crazy after you left. The other guys tried to get him to go on other dates, to get his mind off of you. But all of them ended the same; him saying ‘I’m sorry’ to the girl, and coming back single.”“Really? Because he doesn’t seem too happy to see me,” I pointed out. “The only time he’s spoken to me was when he was asking about people I would contact.”“Just give him some time,” Kylie suggested with a soft voice. “Like we said, when you left, it hit him harder than anyone else. He probably just doesn’t know what to say after so long.” I gave her a small smile before zipping up my last bag.“You girls ready?” Ensign’s voice hit me as he entered. “Nightwing wants us back tonight.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Callie nod and grab one of my bags.“One-way passage to Ruby’s room, coming up,” Kylie said after Callie looked at her. Within the blink of an eye, the bags had vanished into their own shadows, all except my purse that I had swung over my shoulder.“Nice” I commented, “new power?”“Yeah, I can finally transport other things and people through shadows” she responded.“Something Mal is very jealous of,” Callie snickered.“Hey, he can transform into animals now,” Kylie shot back with a laugh.“You girls gonna stand here all day or are we gonna go?” Ensign interrupted.“Oh fine Mr. Grouchy,” Kaylie laughed, sucking us through our shadows and into my old room.       A lump formed in my throat as I looked around. It was just as it used to be. My pictures were still on the walls, some in frames while others were on my cork-board. My sheets were still made, the same pastel colors, and my stuffed dog was placed next to the decorative pillow. The night stands were still there, holding my bedside lamp, the note I had left, and my T-Comm placed on the note. The papers on desk were still jumbled up and my mirror still had the lei on the top corner that I had gotten at the Hawaiian Festival weeks before I left. My bags were placed by the door, somehow perfectly set up.Without me knowing, my feet had taken me over to my cork board and my eyes scanned all the photos and trinkets that had been put up. My hand ran across my closet door, where Ensign had first kissed me, only to have Kylie run in to tell us we had a late-night mission. That was only a few hours before I had gotten the call. My fingers traced the wall as my eyes zeroed in on the dried out rose that came with the note Ensign had given me.“We’ll give you some time to unpack,” Callie told me, her hand resting on my back before it fell off.  I heard my door open, then foot-steps making their way out, but I didn’t hear it close. My eyes drew away from the rose and note, only to find Ensign staring at me.“I waited for hours until someone finally came out to tell me that you were gone.” My heart broke. “That was you in the forest, wasn’t it?” My eyes snapped up to meet his, confusion written on my face. He heard me? He saw me? “When I was out by the lake, I heard someone run through the trees. I thought that it was just an animal.”“Ensign I-” he stopped me by simple looking away.“I know why you did what you did. I know why, but it still hurts to know that you didn’t trust any of us to help.”   “It was never about trust. I didn’t want any of you to get hurt. I was afraid that- if any of you found out, if I pulled any of you in to help me, that those mystery people would hurt and even kill some of you. And I couldn’t let that happen. The only way I saw to prevent any of you from getting physically hurt was to leave and follow the orders given to me.”“Do you even know who’s orders you were following?”“It didn’t matter at the time. I didn’t have time to investigate and the only thing I knew was what the message told me. Since then, I’ve been able to lower the list down to a few groups, both good and bad.”He only nodded turned his head to the hall. “Nightwing will be expecting news from you, anything on where you’ve been, anyone you’ve met.” His words came out so coldly, like I was just another girl to him, just another teammate, and maybe I was. I had hurt him and this is what I had to deal with. I nodded without another word and he left just the same. When the doors closed, I exhaled and leaned against the wall, tightening my fists.I was alone for a few hours, able to unpack my things in silence and have time to unwind from all of the tension and stress, before more stress began. At first, I unpacked my clothes; shirts, shoes, dresses, makeup, hair things, etc. Then came the books I had acquired and a hand full of new decoration. I had emptied every box and bag until only one stood. I paused before unzipping it. Inside were papers, books and notes, all about who had contacted me and what they meant. What I had told them was true, I had spent most of my days at work or investigating my own case. I had gone through hundreds of groups, psychics, anything that I could think of. Some were good, while others were bad. None that I talked to knew what I was talking about. But I still had to go through many more.I put most of the papers and notebooks in my desk drawer, some I locked away in a metal box and slid under my bed. It wasn’t the best hiding spot, but it’s not like I had a safe behind a painting. My feet stopped as my eyes laid on the last thing in my bad, a dark leather-bound journal with a lock. Inside were all my secrets; letters of regret and sorrow that I could never send to the people I loved, notes that mapped my progress on the investigation, a list of people I had suspected, little notes here and there that showed what I had been doing, what I had done. Shaking off the chill I had gotten, I slid the journal in the metal box and placed the metal box inside my suitcases, sliding them under my bed.With a heavy sigh, I collapsed on my bed, loathing the coming moments when I had to see everyone else. I was surprised that no one had come in, especially my mom and dad.“What am I going to do?” I whispered into the room.“I don’t know, Chickie, what are you going to do?” a deep voice answered me, causing my eyes to shoot open and my body to quickly turn toward it.By my desk, with his hands tracing every paper, stood a tall man in a long black coat. His hood was up and nothing other than his pale hand peeked out from the dark fabric. “It’s you,” I let out a breath of relief.“Funny how you say that, and yet, you still don’t know who I am” his voice lingered.“Then tell me. Who are you?” I stood, my hand crystalizing my my side.His hand rose and his finger wagged at me as he made scolding clicking sounds with his tongue. “All in due time.”“I think I deserve the name of the man that I blindly believed” I snapped.“That you do, but not now. Have patience Chickie.” His hand fell to his side and swung behind him to grasp his other. warm eyes were the first things I had focused on as he slowly turned to face me. They were a mix of crystal blue and melted silver. His mouth was covered by a black cloth, but his long brown hair could still be seen underneath the hood. He was young, perhaps my age, maybe a little older. “Now, it seems like you’re in a bit of trouble.”“Trouble that you caused” I replied with a snap.“I caused nothing,” he calmly told me. Was he serious? How could stand there and tell me that he had nothing to do with my problems?“No, you’re the one who got me into this in the first place. And for what? To have me stay away from my friends, my family, the only guy I have ever loved because you wanted to play games?” I seethed, my fists tightening.“It was no game, I assure you,” he plainly said.“Well none of my teammates have died, and I stayed away, just as you ordered” I roughly pointed out.“You did your job. They didn’t die because you left.” He was like a was a robot, but that was impossible because I could feel his heartbeat and read bits of his mind, mostly childhood things. “What do you mean?” I growled.“Ask them about the South Tower” he smirked.“South?” I questioned with a laugh. “What about it?”“Ask them that, then you shall see that I mean you no harm.” He started to turn and walk toward my back wall, a black vortex spiraling as a doorway.“Don’t you dare leave, you have more things to answer,” I ordered, but he didn’t listen. Instead, he stopped before the vortex and simply stated that I “would know everything in due time,” whatever that meant. I had seriously considered running after him, but I didn’t know what laid beyond the black spirals.When he was gone, I groaned and fell back on my vanity chair. What was I going to do?

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

You take me by the hand
I'm sure of who I am
Teach me how to fight
I'll show you how to win
You're my mortal flaw
And I'm your fatal sin
Let me feel the sting
The pain, The burn under my skin
Put me to the test
I'll prove that I'm strong
Won't let myself believe
That what we feel is wrong
I finally see what
You knew was inside me
All along
That behind this soft exterior
Lies a warriorI was alone again. When the figure had left, I was left with so many more questions, so many that needed to be answered. Running my hands through my hair, rubbing my face, I let out a deep groan, plopping down on my bed and leaning forward. If he couldn't give me answers, then who could? Why couldn't he answer my questions? Did he want to hurt me and tear me away from my friends and family? No, that I was sure of. He had wanted what was best for the team. He had wanted to save them, to save me. But why, I didn't know. And how was an even bigger mystery. I knew that he was right, that something would have happened to tear the team apart, but I didn't know what. Could it have been me all along? Was I the cause of the tear?I shook my head, not wanting to think about it. I sighed, my eyes wandering around my room. I had changed so much that the room felt to foreign to me. It was such a simpler time when I was that girl. She was so sweet and kind, always thinking of others. She didn't have a scratch on her heart or strength in her bones. Now, my heart is the graveyard to scars, my bones are the unbroken weapons. I had fought off any disrespecting man that stepped into the bar, scared off any possible rapists that tried to take an innocent girl home, and I faced the worst challenge of my life; Leaving the Titans. The once sweet tune I would sing has now morphed into a battle tale of pain and victories.The door quickly slid open, dragging me from my thoughts. In the doorway stood my mother, her hands over her mouth and her eyes wet with tears, and my father, as stiff as a board with his hands at his sides. Poking his head out from between them was a much-grown Treble. His light brown hair was still short, but it suited his mature features and his height. He pushed passed them, his jaw dropped, but his eyes were hopeful."Ruby?" he asked softly.I stood tall, but he was taller now. I gulped and nodded. "Yep, it's me" I awkwardly said. What else could I say? With one swift motion, I was wrapped in his arms. For a moment, I stood frozen, my eyes wide and my arms to my side. Then tears began to swell in my eyes, and I wound my arms around his waist, dampening his shirt with the salty drops. "Erick," I breathed out, squeezing him tighter. "I've missed you, little one."He pulled away with his own tears clouding his sight. With a huff, he wiped them away, only to pull me back in. "I can't believe you're here. We've missed you so much, sis." I let out a soft laugh as I felt more arms wrap around us. I felt lips being pressed to the top of my head, no doubt from my father. Slowly, we sunk to the floor, staying together, embracing one another, not wanting to let go."My baby girl," I heard my mother breath out. "My babies" she cried.When we broke apart, I gave a hug to my mom and dad individually, making my mother happily smile. My dad gave a stern look, signing to explain myself, so I did. I explained how I had gotten the message, how I had run away and started to work for Cisco and how I had been living just a few hours away. My mom had made a mental note to talk to Cisco, probably chew him out for not telling them where I was, but maybe to thank him. They had filled me in on some things that had happened, some that I had already gotten from the others, others that were new, but I was glad to hear all of it. Too soon, my parents were called away to a meeting with Nigtwing and some other Titans, and I was scheduled to meet them within the hour. This left Erick and I alone to talk about sibling things.Most of what Erick and I talked about was Jace and their relationship, how Jace made the first move after a fight where Erick got hurt. Hope had called it a classic trope where the two lovers fight over something, only to reveal that it was all about safety, and how neither wants the other to get hurt, and it ends with a kiss. We had laughed and I told him some of the horror dating stories I went though, like the soldier that was dared by his friends to smack my ass, only to get a hard slap on his face. He had apologized and asked if he could take me out for coffee since he did think I looked good and he “wanted to get to know me better.” I had reluctantly agreed, and coffee didn’t turn out too bad. It was when he tried to take me to his place, and when he called me a slut when I said I didn’t want to sleep with him, that I finally walked out and called him a pig. I had seen him at the bar a few times after that at the bar, and his apologetic friends always gave me a good tip, so I decided to just move on.“So I’m guessing that’s a no on dating anyone” he guessed. I nodded. “Well, now that you’re back, why don’t you and Ensign-”“Treble, no,” I stopped him.“Why not? Do you not like him anymore?” I was silent. “You do like him?”I nodded. “Why else would I turn down all of those guys. I mean some were idiots and pigs, but there were also really sweet ones that genuinely liked me, but- none were him. I tried so hard to forget about him, thinking that it would somehow get rid of all of the pain I felt, but I never could. I never will.” I huffed out a laugh, tears stinging my eyes. “I was- and still am- in love with him. He was my best friend. I just- I don’t think it’s the same for him. I hurt all of you so much when I left and, apparently, I hurt Ensign the most. I don’t think we can just forgive and forget.”“And I’m not saying that you should.” His hands grabbed mine. “But he is still in love with you, I know it. I can see it. And if you stopped and read his mind, you would see it too. He tried to forget you too, or rather, we tried to make him move on, but he never could, just like you. It’s going to take some time, but I know that you two will find your way back to each other, just like when Johnson and the other Bloods kidnapped you.”I shook my head. “This is different, though. Back then, he was angry and afraid, now he’s-”“Angry and afraid” he finished. “He’s angry at you for leaving, hell, we all are. You left us with only a small note and no clue what was happening. You never even bothered to talk to any of us, you just- left. And he’s angry about that. But he’s also afraid that, if he gets too close again, you’ll leave again. He’s afraid that he’s going to lose you.” I was speechless. When did he grow up so much? When did he get so wise? And why did he sound like or mom?  We sat like that, staring at each other in silence. I knew he was right, but what chance did I have with Ensign now? He had been so cold and distant. But- maybe that was because he was afraid to get close to me again.My T-comm rang, snapping us out of our silent moment. Taking in a deep breath and wiping my tears, I answered it, seeing Nightwing’s face on the screen. He only said two cold, stern words, “We’re ready.” Giving Erick a tight hug I thanked him and he whispered in my ear, “Don’t leave us again.”As he pulled away, I promised that I wasn’t going anyway, and he gave me a grateful smile, telling me that he would see me at dinner. I nodded and headed to my execution. My heart was pounding with each step I took in the empty hall. I was almost grateful that I didn’t have to deal with more people that day. As I reached the door, my shaking hand reached for it, hovering over it for, what seemed like hours, I heard chatting voices behind the door. They were too muffled for me to understand everything, but it was clear that they were talking about me. With a leap of courage, I grabbed the doorknob and turned it, opening the door and stopping the previous conversation.All eyes were on me as I made my way to the circular table, my mom, dad, Nightwing, Beast, Raven, Starfire and Cyborg all in their own seats. As I entered, Nightwing stood. “Ruby, we’re glad that you’re back.” I said nothing, only nodded and took my seat when he gestured to the seat in front of me. “Your mom and dad have been telling us about where you were for the last four years. But I doubt that they got everything, so why don’t you tell us yourself.”I gulped, a lump forming in my throat. I felt like I was a child again, getting in trouble for stealing the cookies or staying up too late or fighting back when one of the boys bugged me. For a moment, I was silent, then I took a deep breath and began. “The day before I left, I got a call from someone that said that people were going to get hurt, and that I had to leave to keep that from happening. I thought about it for hours, even a day, wondering if I should bring it up to any of you, but I decided not to because I was scared and didn’t know what else to do. So, I packed up and left. I know it wasn’t the best decision, but I saw no other way. I made it a few hours away before i stopped, and I lived by myself for a while, living off of money that I saved up. Then Cisco Ramone found me and offered me my job back. I agreed, and he agreed to keep my location a secret. For four years, I tried to look for the man that called me, and I managed to lower it down to a handful. But even they seem impossible since there would be no motive. Anyway, I worked for Cisco at his bar and that’s about it.”“You never used your powers?” Raven wondered. I shook my head.“I knew that, if I fought any crime or if you guys heard of a mysterious vigilante, that you would come and investigate. I couldn’t risk that” I explained. It was true, I had never fought any crime in my four years, but I had always kept in shape. The only time I had used any powers was to warn any guy that tried to grab me one night after work. It always worked. Raven nodded and I looked around. Nightwing seemed to be contemplating something.  “What exactly did the message say?” He asked sternly.I took a breath, still remembering the deep voice. “He said- that something big is going to happen where some Titans are going to get hurt. And- to save you guys, I had to leave.” As soon as the words left my lips and ran through their ears, I knew it had to mean something. I had explained it so many times before. Why is now any different? “What?”“It’s nothing that you need to worry about,” my mom tried to tell me, but I could tell that she was hiding something.“Kole, she deserves to know” Nightwing countered.“Dick, I am not losing my baby again. If she knows-” my mom began to argue.“If I know what, Mom? What aren’t you telling me?” I pressed the question, standing and leaning forward onto the table.She sighed, defeated. “Fine. The day after you left, there was an explosion at the South Tower. Someone in the Brotherhood planted a bomb that destroyed most of the tower.”  My jaw dropped and my eyes widened. “Wait, weren’t you all supposed to have a big meeting there?” She nodded. “But no one got hurt?” She nodded again. “How?”“We were all out looking for you” Nightwing chimed in. My heart stopped.“So, he was right” I breathed out, falling back into my chair.“It appears so.” Cyborg spoke up.I shook my head. “But that still doesn’t explain why I had to stay away for so long. Why didn’t he come and get me or tell me that everything was clear? Why is he doing this now?” I asked myself."Doing what now?" Cyborg questioned.My head shook my brain out of it's own world and back to reality. My eyes pinned on the half-robot. "He- uh," I gulped. "He visited me today, before my mom and dad did. I tried to ask him things, but he said i would know in 'due time.'" "I have a feeling that you have not seen the last of him," Starfire chimed in.

I nodded. "Did you get a good look at him?" Nightwing questioned.

I shook my head. "Not really. he was wearing a black cloak that hid most of his face. I could see blue eyes and long brown hair, but that's it." I paused."And powers?" he pressed. "Nothing there either. I couldn't read his mind," I reported. "I'll keep you informed if he appears again," I continued. That seemed to satisfy the leader since he leaned back in his chair and nodded. "And if I find out how he knows me, or why he kept me away, I'll report that as well." “You said so yourself that you don’t know who he is. Maybe he was trying to separate you from us so that he could hurt you,” Raven replied. I shook my head.“No, if that was the case, then he would have done it in those 4 years that I was gone.” My eyes met hers, “He never once visited me during that time. And he hasn’t given off any hostile feelings.” True, he had separated me from my friends and family, my team, but he had never once tried to hurt or weaken me. It just didn’t make sense. I looked around the room, gauging the reactions. Most were concerned or confused, shocked or angry. But Nightwing was stoic. He said nothing. He only held a straight face, cold and stern.“Well, you are back now and that is all that should matter” Starfire broke the silence. “We can deal with the mystery figure another time. Right now, you must rest and talk to some of the others. They have surely missed you, just as we all have.”“Star is right” Beast nodded. “You can leave if you want.”I nodded and stood, rolling the chair back. “If you need any more information, I’ll be happy to give it. I’ll draw up a full report on my activities and-” Nightwing held up his hand.“That won’t be necessary” he said. “Just relax.” For once, he gave a small smile, warm and fatherly. I nodded again, then left, closing the door behind me, hearing the murmurs start back up.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

I pirouette in the dark
I see the stars through me
Tired mechanical heart
Beats til the song disappearsSomebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
Somebody make me feel alive
And shatter me
So cut me from the line
Dizzy, spinning endlessly
Somebody make me feel alive
And shatter me! I was so done with the day. I had told my story so many times that it annoyed me when someone asked. I had gotten some answers, but so many questions at the same time needed to be answered. I had been welcomed back by everyone at the base and had gotten calls from everyone else who wanted to know if I was really back. I had all of this attention, yet, I had been ignored by the one person I wanted to talk to so badly, Ensign. Every time I had walked into a room, he had walked out. When we were in a room for a period of time, he would always look away from me and talk to everyone else but me. He hadn’t said a word to me since he had left me in my room, and with each passing moment, I became more convinced that he didn’t want anything to do with me. and I couldn’t blame him. I knew I had to talk to him some time, to try and save any part of our relationship, but everyone kept saying that he needed his space. And I didn’t know what to do.My door slid open, then closed as my feet dragged me through the threshold and toward my bed. ‘Finally, some peace’ I thought to myself, falling onto my bed and turning to face my mirror. I curled up and just stared at the girl in the reflection. She was once so full of energy, with a heart full of hopes and dreams. But now, her energy had been sucked out of her and her full heart had been depleted with all the scars that never healed. Her once bright blue eyes had been dimmed and her smooth skin was now worn down. The delicate little flower was gone, now replaced by a hollow shell of what was. the lips that would always smile were now stuck in sadness.A chill ran up my spine and my hands rose to rub my arms. A simple jingle filled my ears and I raised my sleeve once again. My eyes started to tear up as they were set upon the light blue crystal and delicate silver chain. Carefully, I unhooked it from my wrist and held it tightly in my hand. Tears pierced through my eyelids as I bit my lip. It was all too much to take. My hands covered my face as the warm tears created canyons on my rosy cheeks. My throat became sore as each sob came out, causing me to gasp for air. I knew I was surrounded by people that cared for me, but in that moment, none came. I needed loving arms to warp around me. I needed to feel that comfort that I couldn’t get in those horrid years. I needed someone to understand my pain. I needed someone to understand why I had to leave, but none of them seemed to. They all just nodded and told me, ‘Well, you’re back now and that’s all that matters.’ No, that’s not all that matters. I understood their point of view, but none understood mine. I could tell that they tried, yet they still asked me why. Why did I leave? Why didn’t I tell a grown up or someone who could actually help me? Why? Why? Because I didn’t want to lose any of the people that meant so much to me. I didn’t want to lose the people closest to me. I left knowing, hoping that they would all live, that they would all forget about me and be safe. I left because me knowing that they would be okay trumped the heartbreak I felt leaving them. And it’s hard to say, but if I had to do it again, I would. I wouldn’t think twice about it.   My fists balled up, tightening my body as I tried to calm myself. Sniffling, I wiped the wetness from my eyes, no doubt reddening the tender flesh. Gulping down the last of the sobs, I sat up, my eyes traveling to the ceiling as I took deep breaths. When my body had relaxed enough, I looked down at my wrist, tracing the line of scarred flesh that would never fully healed. I shook my head lightly, remembering the icy touch that had come with the silver blade. It had been over three years since that had happened; over three years since Cisco had found me and took me in. If it wasn’t for him, my parent’s and friend’s worst nightmares would have come true. I would have been gone, buried 6-feet under the ground.Carefully, I clipped my bracelet back around my wrist, letting it jingle as the crystal hit the light of the room. Taking a deep breath, I took a look in my mirror one more time, but this time, my eyes weren’t focused on the girl in the mirror, they were focused on a single, fresh rose that was in a thin vase. My head whipped around to see the real thing that was placed on my desk, a note set at its base. My body slid off my bed and my feet carried me to my desk. My brows furrowed as I read the card, ‘Meet me in the gardens at 10:30.’ Memories reeled through my head of the night that I had gotten that last note. I had been so excited back then. I was so sure of what he was going to do and say. But now- now I had no clue what was going to happen. He could yell at me and tell me to leave, that it was a mistake to find me, or he could pull me into his warm embrace and tell me how much he missed me. And there was no way I could tell which way it was going to be. The only thing I knew for sure was that I had to meet him. I couldn’t leave him alone, again. He deserved that much. Picking the rose out of the water, I smelled it and looked at the clock. ’10:15’ it read. I had to go. I placed the rose back in the vase, then made sure my T-comm was on my belt, I grabbed the note, and I left.Surprisingly, no one was in the hallway. I stepped out into the warm night, my heart beating as my eyes scanned the area, looking for the man who gave me the note. It wasn’t until I rounded the corner of one of the hedges that he finally appeared, but it wasn’t the man I wanted.“Don’t tell me that you sent me this note” I sighed. I couldn’t catch a break, could I?“Unfortunately,” he replied. I could tell he had a light smirk under the black cloth.“So, what do you want now?” I asked. “Finally going to tell me who the hell you are?” I was growing tired of this charade.“I can’t reveal who I am” he simply explained. I rolled my eyes.“Great, then answer me this, why didn’t you come and get me? Why did I have to stay away for so long?” The words came out hard and annoyed.“You were the one who stayed away for so long” he pointed out. Yeah, I knew that.“That didn’t answer my question” I snapped. “The South Tower blew up the day after I left. I could have come back any time after that, but I didn’t know if the threat still stood. You knew this, so why didn’t you send me a message or something?”“It was up to you to-”“I swear that if you tell me it was my fault, one more time, I’m going to crystalize your ass” I threatened.“But it was. I left it up to you to-”“Wrong answer” I interrupted, throwing crystal daggers at him, enough to pin him to the hedges. I expected him to fly back, but he threw up a crystal shield instead, shattering my daggers. My eyes grew in shock as he stood from his stance. “What?” I breathed out. “Who are you?”“I told you I can’t-”“I know, you can’t tell me. But at least tell me something; a name, how you knew what was going to happen, any of your powers, a group that you work for, anything” I begged. I could tell he saw the pain in my eyes. “I’m going crazy here, just-” I gulped, “just tell me something.”His gaze softened. “I’m sorry for any pain I have caused you,” he said with his hands raised. after a moment of silence, his hands lowered and he looked down, almost like he was ashamed. “I didn’t know where you were,” he confessed, sadness washing over his face. “I asked everyone, but they either didn’t know, or refused to tell me.”“Who is everyone?” I wondered.“The Titans,” he answered, “my team,” he clarified. My jaw dropped and I sucked in a breath. What? A twig broke, snapping my attention away from the hooded figure. When I looked back, he was gone. I sighed and looked back toward the entrance, where Ensign stood. He stood tall, obviously uncomfortable.“Ensign, what are you doing out here?” I managed to ask.“I saw you leave the tower and-” he paused, but I got it. I nodded.“You were afraid I was going to leave again. Well, don’t worry. I’m not going to leave.” I assured him. “I got a note, and I thought that it was from you,” I explained, showing him the note. He nodded and moved closer to me, his eyes locked on mine. “Look, Ensign, I- I’m sorry for leaving you that night. I’m sorry for hurting you like I did. I just-” I sucked in a breath, “I was so scared that I was going to lose you guys that- I couldn’t take the chance.” He stood there, silently looking at me.“You always were trying to prove yourself, weren’t you?” his voice came out harsh.My eyes narrowed and my jaws dropped. “You think that that’s the reason I left? That I wanted to prove myself?” He only watched me. I huffed. I couldn’t believe I was hearing this. “Ensign, you know me better than that. I wouldn’t leave you guys if I didn’t think that it was the only way.”“You could have told me” he countered, “Why did you have to believe him?”“I didn’t want any of you to get hurt, and my gut told me that he was right. And now, I know that he was right. I know about the South Tower explosion, and that, if I didn’t leave, whoever was in that meeting would have died. But because I left, the meeting was postponed and no one was in the tower.”“If you knew about the explosion, then why didn’t you come home?”“Because I didn’t know about it until today. It’s not like the Titian’s Towers being blown up would be on the news. I didn’t know it was clear, and for all I know, it may not be. There may be another attack.”“Then we can deal with it,” he shouted. There was silence between us. His eyes softened as he took a step toward me. “We could have dealt with it together,” he softly said. I could see the shine in his eyes.“I couldn’t risk it,” I told him, shaking my head. I raised my hand to his cheek. “I’m sorry for what I did, but if it meant keeping you safe, then I would do it again,” I confessed. “I couldn’t live knowing that I had hurt any of you. At least with me gone, I knew that you would all survive.” I gave him a small smile, tears threatening to sting my eyes once more. I licked my lips, moving around him to leave.“If I was to die that day, then I would have died happy knowing that I had you,” he called back, making me freeze and look back at him. He turned toward me. “It made me crazy, thinking that you were gone for good. I would have given anything to see you again, to know that you were okay. I loved you, Gem.”I sucked in a breath as he stepped toward me again. “Loved? As in past tense?” I dared to ask. He only shook his head, his feet stopping in front of mine.“You of all people should have known how I would react.” His voice vibrated, making my stomach twist. “I’ve already lost my parents, my little sister and my little brother. I was not going to lose you to.” I couldn’t breathe. He was so close, all I had to do was lean in an inch or two to close the gap between our lips. But, as if fated, we drew apart at the sound of running feet.“Ruby,” I heard Adam’s voice shout from a few hedges away. “Ensign, where are you?” I groaned to myself, giving a death glare to Adam and Arias as they rounded the corner. “There you guys are.” He looked back and forth between us. “Did I just interrupt something?” I awkwardly asked.“Don’t you always,” I responded, my eyebrow raising and my arms crossing over my chest.“Looks like old times,” Arias laughed.“If only,” I sighed, moving past them.“Hey, Gem, where are you going?” Adam called after me.“I’m tired, I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight, Boys.” I didn’t even bother to turn around. I just headed straight for my room.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Little do you know

How I'm breaking while you fall asleep

Little do you know

I'm still haunted by the memory

Little do you know

I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece

Little do you know I need a little more time

Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside

I've been holding back

For the fear that you might change your mind

I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight

Little do you know I need a little more time
I'll wait, I'll wait I love you like you've never felt the pain, I'll wait I promise you don't have to be afraid, I'll waitThe love you see right here stays so lay your head on meThe next few days rolled by, sometimes being hectic because of the upcoming wedding, other times being calm with nothing else to do. I started to work out again; running the track, sparing with Callie or just training by myself, even doing some laps in the pool. The one thing I was grateful for was that Ensign was speaking to me again, it wasn’t much, but I knew I was getting somewhere again. He had even been there when I reported that I had seen the mystery man again. I told them of the crystal shield and that he claimed to be a Titan, even the reason he gave as to why I had to stay away for so long. Nightwing said that he and some others would look into it, but asked if I was sure he was real. My jaw had dropped at the question. Did they not believe me? It wasn't until Ensign stepped forward and told them that he had heard another male voice, that they had believed me. Nightwing only offered a stoic nod before dismissing us.In the days leading up to the wedding, many more of the Titans arrived, including the soon-to-be bride and groom. When Syd had seen me, she immediately tackled me, saying that she was glad I was back. I was just glad I hadn’t missed my friend’s weddings. Booker had given me a hug and said the same as his fiancé, assuring me that they had and extra spot just in case I or someone else had shown up. Amara, Hope and Vanessa had all tackled me as well, knocking me to the floor. I was grateful that they had all seemed to welcome me back. And yet, I couldn’t help but think that things would go sour soon.The next day was the big day. Syd’s mom, Rose, helped her get ready, but, since she and Booker chose not to have a wedding party, it was just the two of them. Callie had come into my room several times, finally dragging her dress and Kylie and all of their make up with her. I let out a laugh as she ordered me to sit in the vanity chair. Within the hour, she had done my hair and my makeup, spraying my head with a cloud of hairspray. And just to be sure, Kylie cast a spell on all of our heads, making sure our makeup didn’t smear and no hair would be out of place.We each slipped into our dresses, Kylie with a gorgeous two pieces dress. The black lace top perfectly went with her silky deep purple skirt that stopped half way down her calf. Callie’s was a shimmering strapless that started with a deep blue at the sweetheart neckline and lightened as it went down to her knees. To keep warm, she threw on a deep blue shawl. As for mine, mine was one of light blue fabric that flowed out in an almost ball gown type manner. And wrapping around my waist was a darker blue silk sash.  “There, we’re all ready” Callie proclaimed, her hands slapping to her sides.“Let’s go” Kylie opened the door, only to find Herald, her longtime boyfriend, and Adam both standing on the other side.“Here to escort us?” Callie blushed. Adam nodded and bowed, holding his hand out.“My lady,” he said as he kissed her hand. I rolled my eyes and Callie giggled, locking arms with him and giving him a kiss on the cheek.“Come on, we better get going,” Matt told us, nodding toward the door. We all agreed and I followed behind them, alone. Callie had turned around a few times to bring me into the conversation, but I was quiet for most of it. Maybe if I hadn’t left, Ensign would be walking with us. Chatting and laughing with us, brightening my smile. But, instead, he chose to meet us there. Of course, I didn’t even get to sit with him since I sat on the aisle side of the row and Callie, Adam, Matt and Kylie sat between us. I wondered if Ensign had asked them to do that.Soon, the music played and Uncle Lenoid walked his daughter down the aisle, toward her future. As they said their vows, I glanced down the row at Ensign. For an instant, our eyes met, then he quickly averted them and took a deep breath. I looked down at my hands, softly closing my eyes. I felt a hand grab mine, resting it in my lap. I looked up and met Callie’s eyes. She gave me a small smile and I knew what she was going to say, ‘Give it time.’ I softly nodded and turned back in time to see the exchange of rings and the proclamation of husband and wife. Like everyone else, I smiled and clapped, but I knew I wasn’t as happy as anyone else was. Even though I tried to be, I wasn't.While the Bride and Groom took pictures, I mingled with more of the Titans, and happily, no one brought up me leaving. I could tell they were all trying to act like it was old times, but it wasn’t. It would never be that way again.Syd was beautiful as she and Booker moved across the dance floor, soon joined by some of their friends and family. I couldn’t help but smile at how happy of an occasion this was. All of the couples seemed to be in their own little worlds, twisting and stepping to each song and beat. My smile vanished as I remembered my situation. I took my drink from the table and swirled the straw in it before taking a long sip. I could see Callie dancing with Adam, Kylie dancing with Matt, even Erik with Jace. They all looked so happy and content.“This next song is dedicated to all of the couples in the room, whether you be young or old” the DJ, Ethan, announced over the speakers.‘Great’ I thought, ‘Another slow song.’ I took another drink, letting out a heavy breath.“Usually, I would think you’d be on the dance floor,” a familiar voice came from behind me. I turned around to see Jack standing a few feet away. “What’s got the pretty Gem down?” he sat next to me.I sighed. “Haven’t you heard? I just got back from 4 years of solitude, and now I may have lost the one guy that I have ever really loved.”“Ouch, that hurts” he gripped his chest, pretending to be wounded. I smiled.“You know what I mean” I added.“Yeah, I know. But from where I’ve been standing, he hasn’t taken his eyes off you. He probably still has some walls up from when you left. Just give him time,” he suggested. Then his eyes traveled over my shoulder. “Or not,” he continued. Confused, I turned to see Ensign walking toward us. “Rob, it’s good to see you again,” Jack shook his hand.“You too Johnson,” Ensign gave a smile, same as Jack. What was I witnessing? I thought they didn’t like each other very much. I guess more things had changed than I realized.“Well, I better find Ari. It was nice seeing you again, Gem. Welcome back” he said before he walked off.“So- you two are buddy-buddy now?” I questioned, looking up at Ensign. He sighed.“Yeah, he’s not such a bad guy.”“That is what I kept telling you guys. Apart from him semi-stalking me, he was actually a good guy” I laughed.“Yeah, once Arianna came into the picture, he couldn’t keep his eyes off her. At first, we thought it was just an infatuation or obsession to get over you; a need to have someone to pine over. But his feelings were real. He says it was love at first sight” he chuckled.“I wish I was there to see it,” I sighed, leaning back in my chair. “I missed so much.” My  eyes were pinned to my drink, swirling the straw in in. For a few moments, we sat in silence. Then, he broke it.“Do you want to dance?” he held his hand out for me. Shocked, I looked up into his eyes. He was serious. Slowly, I nodded, putting my drink down and taking his hand. I gulped as he led me out to the dance floor. “I’m sorry for being so distant,” he told me.“You don’t have to apologize for that, I expected that I would get the cold shoulder from you guys.” My lips were down and my eyes were focused on everything but him. We danced like that for a while, swaying in silence. The only intimate thing was that he had his hand on my waist. His other was placed in one of my hands. “I know, everyone has told me to give you time and that, you probably still have those walls that you put up when I left. I can’t blame you. I put you all through hell when I left that night. My only regret, though is that I didn’t meet you at the lake. I saw you and- I wanted to go toward you, to tell you and talk to you, but I knew I couldn’t. Leaving you all- leaving you there- that was hardest thing that I have ever had to do.” He huffed, almost like he didn’t believe me. I shook my head and let go of him, stepping back. Instinctively, my hand grabbed my wrist, pressing the fabric into my scarred flesh. “I didn’t expect you to forgive me so soon, but I at least thought that you would try and see it my way- try and understand why I did what I did.” I could tell my words stunned him because his mouth opened in shock and his glare had softened. “I guess I was wrong” I told him before turning away and walking to the gardens.The warmth of the reception had depleted once I stepped out of the tent. Cool air nipped at my bare skin. My head felt light and my chest hurt as I wobbled through the garden, my heels sticking in the grass below my feet. I had half expected someone to run after me, but I guess that they didn’t think it wise, or they just didn’t see me leave. Either way, I knew I had some quiet time to myself; whether it was welcomed or not. It was nice to get away from all of the hectic things that were happening, but I still hated being alone. I always did.I hated those few months before Cisco found me. I couldn’t talk to anyone and all I could do was think; think of what I had done, what I could and couldn’t have done to prevent it, what my friends and family would have thought of me, and even the possibility of me dying alone in an alley way. It was three months of pure torture, pain and heartbreak. It was three months that I had to live in that hell before I finally decided to end it. The night it happened, I had chugged a whole bottle of wine to try and ease the pain. But it still hurt as the cool metal pierced my skin. Tears still streamed down my face and I had to bite my lip to stop it from quivering. When the blade dropped to the floor, I could feel the warmth of my blood covering my wrist, dripping onto the cool tile floor. I laid like that, feeling my head grow lighter and seeing my vision disappear, my heart beat slowing with each thump.When I woke up, I shivered at the temperature of the room I was in. I remember thinking how odd it was, I always thought Heaven and Hell would be warmer. But I wasn’t in Heaven or Hell. I was in Cisco’s apartment, a blood-soaked bandage over my wrist and a cool rag dabbing my head. My eyes slowly opened to see Cisco standing above me. He had explained how he found me and what he had done to me, stitched up my arm and brought me to his house to take care of. I explained everything when he asked, and thanked him for what he had done, then he offered me the job and told me that he wouldn’t let me say no. I couldn’t turn him down even if I wanted to. I had to talk to someone.“Well, well, well” a venomous voice came from behind me. “I can’t believe my eyes. You are back” it laughed. I turned around to come face to face with a dark-haired male around my age. His eyes were grey and he looked like a pirate with his long coat and tall boots.“And who are you?” I crossed my arms over my chest.“A big fan” he smirked. “The name’s Copper.” He smiled again with a tilted head, something that made my stomach turn in the bad way. I didn’t know him, but I already didn’t like him. “Your body guard isn’t around right now, is he?” he questioned. He kept tilting his head like some psycho that wanted to kill me.“Body guard? I don’t have or need one” I tried to stand tall, but I couldn’t. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see his fingers moving, his hands raised to his shoulder’s height. “How do you even know me?” He laughed and stepped toward me. I stepped back, pressing into the hedge behind me. He continued to move closer, his lips hovering over mine.“That’s my little secret” he laughed before pressing my hands into the hedge and his lips to mine. I cringed, trying to fight back, but I couldn’t. Somehow, I was paralyzed. I couldn’t breathe. My eyes shut tightly as I wished for it to be over. I could feel my energy being sucked out of me, making me weaker and more relaxed. I could feel myself slipping into the darkness again. But, before that could happen, I felt a rush of relief as his weight was thrown off of me.My legs gave out, and I fell back, sliding down the hedge. I could barely hear the sound on groans and snaps. My breath was heavy as I laid in the cold grass and air.“Gem, hang on” I heard Ensign’s voice tell me before a pair of arms lifted me. I tried to hang on, but my eyes drifted closed and I couldn’t open them again.The next thing I knew, my body was surrounded by warm and soft sheets. I could feel that I was still in my dress, my heels long gone. I still felt a bit weak, but I opened my eyes to see my room, and a glass of water on my bedside table. It couldn’t have been there very long since the ice was floating in the cool water. A small smile crept on my lips and I downed the whole glass in under a minute, sighing happily when it was all gone. I looked at the clock, 2:36. Voices from the hall beckoned me to get up, so I did.“So how is she feeling?” Ensign’s voice came loud and clear.“Still knocked out” my mother’s voice replied. “We’re lucky you found her. What happened anyway?”“I don’t know that much. All I do know is that she left the reception because of something stupid I had said, or didn't say, then I went out to find her, and found Copper literally sucking the energy out of her. I was able to stop him, but he got away.”My mom sighed, “Why did he target her of all people?”“Don’t know, but I’m going to find out.”“So, have you told her yet?” my mom asked after a pause.“I’ve tried, but- I can’t. It’s too hard. All I can think about when I talk to her is that night all those years ago when she left us.”“Robert, the rest of us have put that behind us and have listened to her and tried to understand her point of view. Maybe it’s time that you did too.” I felt my body leaning on my desk, my hand slipping slightly.“I’ve tried, but I don’t even know what to say”“Try just listening to her. She’s not the girl that we all knew back then. She’s changed dramatically, and I can see that her departure didn’t just hurt us. It truly was the hardest decision that she has ever had to make.”“How do you know?” his voice vibrated as he sighed.“It’s something called mother’s intuition.” My mother stated before a book fell hard on my floor, accidentally pushed by my slipping hand. The door quickly opened and I looked up at them with wide eyes as I picked the book up. “Honey, you’re awake” my mom stated, her arms resting on my shoulders as I stood.Ensign opened his mouth to say something, but I blurted out “Who’s Copper?” before he could.My mother let go of my shoulders and I sat down on my vanity chair. “He’s a Brotherhood member that we’ve been trying to catch for the last two years” Ensign explained. “He steals people’s powers by touching them, but his touch also draws out energy.”“And how the hell does he know about me? He- he said he was a fan of mine.”“Probably through the Brotherhood database. As to why he targeted you, we don’t know.” My mom replied. “Do you remember anything else he said to you?”My brows furrowed as I tried to remember. “He- he asked me if my bodyguard was around.” I looked up at them. “What did he mean?”“Well, he could have meant any of the Titan’s guys, or your new shadow friend.” She suggested. I shook my head.“Somehow, I think he meant someone much more specific” I replied, looking up at Ensign. My mom nodded, told me to get more rest, then walked out to get to bed herself, probably to tell my dad that I was okay. My head fell and my eyes stared at my feet, wondering if Ensign was going to leave. He didn’t. With a sigh, I got up and grabbed a pair of leggings, a sport’s bra and a long-sleeved shirt. “Is there something that you need?” I asked him as I slipped my leggings on under my dress. He shook his head, but turned around when I twirled my finger. This hadn’t been the first time I changed in front of him, or any of the other boys for that matter. Before my dress fell to the floor, I slipped my sports bra on, bumps spreading though my skin as the cool air surrounded me. He turned around at the sound of my hanger getting pulled from my closet.“I’m sorry if I said anything to upset you” he blurted out. I paused, slowly placing my dress on my bed.“Me getting attacked isn’t your fault” I assured him. “It’s not really new either” I joked.“But I was always there to protect you” he stated, making my eyes dart up to meet his.“And you saved me again” I replied before stroking my arm. “You can’t always be there to save me, Ensign. The Gods know that you couldn’t have been there for me the last few years. And I faced plenty of obstacles.” He nodded, looking towards the floor, but something caught his eye and he lunged at me, grabbing my arm.“Gem” he breathed out. “What? Why did you-?”“Why do you think?” I interrupted, quickly drawing my arm back and covering the scar with my hand. He just looked at me, right into my eyes. I shook my head. “That was after only a few months of living without you guys.”“Why would you even try to-”“Because I couldn’t deal with life without you guys” I shouted. “I wanted to come back so badly, but I didn’t think it was safe, so I thought this was the best answer. What better way of making sure I can stay away from you guys and make you safe, huh?” I laughed at myself. I sighed. “Cisco found me and patched me up” I explained.“Gem, I-” he began to say, but I put a finger over his lips.“You don’t have to explain.” I shook my head, looking down. “We’ve all been wrapped up in our own sorrows that we haven’t bothered to think of the other side.”“Still so wise” he joked.“That I am, but it also helps to read minds” I pointed out.“You said that you would never do that to me” he argued.“And I have never broken that promise” I told him. “Ensign,” I began, gulping, “my mom was right, I’m not that girl you knew all those years ago. I’ve changed. Whether you want to get to know her or not is up to you. I’m not going anywhere any time soon, but I’m also not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do.” I gulped, holding my breath. When he didn’t say anything, I let out my shaky breath and turned away, closing my armoire doors.“They’re right, you know” he began. I turned to face him, but instead of moving closer to him, my back connected with the cool wood of the armoire doors, my hands sliding behind my back. “I was pushing you away and ignoring you because- I didn’t want to lose you again and, I guess I put more walls up than I should have. I was afraid that you would leave again and-” he gulped, licking his lips.“And what?” I asked. “What about now?” I paused. He didn’t answer. “You once said you loved me and I never got an answer as to if it you still did.”“Yes” he simply stated. “Yes, I do still love you.” His eyes were intensely connected to mine. I tried to hold my head high as he started to walk toward me, one hand resting near my head as he leaned closer to me. “Yes, I am still in love with you.”“And what do you want to do?” His eyes flicked down to my lips, my body warming as his free hand slid to my waist. My heart was beating a mile a minute as his gaze intensified. It would be so easy for either of us to just lean in and connect our lips, but I waited for him to. I wanted to go at his pace, not mine.Just as he was about to lean closer, my door flew open and Ensign jumped back.“Ruby” a very drunk Callie wobbled in. “I heard- you were- attacked, but- you’re awake now.” She kept hiccupping. “Yay” she threw her hands up and stumbled over to me. I caught her as she fell forward, her arms wrapping around my neck. My wide eyes looked to Ensign for help, but he could only stand there, stunned and annoyed.“Callie, honey, are you okay?” I asked, making her sit on my bed.“I feel so good right now” she giggled, her arms flying in the air. I let out a huff and her head dropped in a pout. Her hand grabbed my wrist and she looked up at me. “Dis is no good,” She shook her head, her finger tracing the scar. “That must have really hurt. Bad, bad Ruby, bad girl.” She wagged her finger drunkenly at me, making my brows raise.“Not as much as you would think” I said under my breath.“Hey, Ruby, is Callie-” Adam’s voice came from my doorway. “Never mind.” he laughed. “Sorry, she- uh, likes her champagne and wine.” I laughed as he picked Callie up in his arms. “Hope she wasn’t too much.”“Nothing I couldn’t handle” I gave him a small smile before he turned and walked out with Callie in his arms. “See you tomorrow guys.” Once they were gone, I looked back at Ensign. “I really need to start locking my doors when it comes to them.” He huffed, his hand running through his hair. “Just like old times, huh?” I joked.“It’s getting there” he grinned. His smile dropped. “What did you mean when you said that it didn’t hurt as much?” he wondered. I sighed, sitting on my bed.“I meant that- when it happened- I felt too numb to really feel anything besides a cold sting,” my eyes trailed up to meet his. He only nodded. “Besides, like I said, the pain of- being without you guys and the struggle between whether I should come home or not- it was already killing me. I knew nothing else could hurt as much.” His eyes fell to the floor.“I could have come with you” he whispered.I shook my head. “I wish.”“I’m serious” he took my hand, standing and moving in front of me. “I would have followed you anywhere- hell, I still would. At least then, it wouldn’t have been that bad.” I gave him a small smile as he cupped my cheek. I nuzzled into his hand, my eyes fluttering shut. When my eyes opened again, I could see the love in his eyes, the same love that was there all those years ago, the same love that I prayed would never go away. Slowly, he pulled me closer to him until our lips softly met. They were still so soft and sweet, still sending the butterflies flying, and the chills to run up my spine and all over my body. There was no deepening, no lust. It was all a sweet and innocent love, gentle and kind. With a smile on our lips, he pulled away, running his thumb on my cheek. “I missed you” he whispered, pulling me into his warm embrace. “Get some rest and I’ll see you tomorrow” he continued, kissing the top of my head. I nodded and he eyed my lips again.“Sweet dreams” I wished to him, standing on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. With a smile, he nodded and slowly walked out, turning to look at me one more time before the door closed. Once it did, I sighed and fell back on my bed, knowing that it would be a peaceful sleep.