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I groaned as I heard the first shrill cry. You were asleep on your side, your shoulders raising evenly in deep sleep. I pushed the blanket off of my legs and shuffled off the bed quickly as not to disturb you. The cries increased as I walked across the bedroom, and I yawned as I leaned over the edge of the crib.“Hi princess.” I whispered to our two month old daughter. Her lip pouted and tears glistened on her cheeks. I carefully lifted her out of the crib, finding that she was in need of a new diaper. “Okay princess, Daddy will change you.”Once she was comfortable again, the two of us settled into the rocking chair in the corner of the room and I stretched my long legs out as we started to rock back and forth. The baby was calm now, looking up at me with her blue eyes that were turning to hazel with each passing day. I stroked my finger across her soft cheek and smiled, so completely in love with the tiny girl.“You know princess, your mommy says I’m a sap. That I’d be wrapped around your finger as soon as you were born.” I smiled at her. “And of course I am. You and your mommy, you’re the center of my whole world.”She cooed as I talked to her. I nodded and smiled as her little fingers opened and closed over the side of one of my knuckles. “I think your mommy is perfect. She’s beautiful. Saved me and gave me a future. She’s a warrior. And I know you’ll be just as perfect and just as strong.” I pulled the little girl against my chest and took a deep breath, rocking slowly in hopes she’d go back to sleep soon.“Neither of us have had it easy. But we’ll make sure you have a good life. You’ll be safe and loved. You have me and Mommy, and Uncle Dean. You’re going to have a good life, sweetheart.” My heart swelled as the little girl yawned. She fought to keep her eyes opened as she gazed up at me. “Still not sleepy? Hmmm...okay, well Daddy and Mommy have been in love a long time.” I nodded, the story coming back to me as I looked into the face that was a perfect blend between mine and your’s. “Seems like I can’t remember a time that your mommy wasn’t my whole world.”
The first time I saw you a vamp was headed straight towards you, its fangs ready to sink deep into your neck. My machete splashed blood all over your face as the vamp’s head rolled a few feet.
"Holy shit." You took labored breaths as I offered you my hand. As I pulled you to your feet all I could think is this woman is perfect.
"You okay?" I asked, looking over your skin for bites.
"Yeah, thank you." You smiled as you used your jacket sleeve to wipe the blood off. "You saved me."
I smiled and helped you out of the dirty warehouse, leading us both to the Impala and into a life neither of us expected.
I think I loved you from that first night. From saving you from the vamp, to more dirty hunts, laughing with you and Dean over diner food and beers, and eventually when you joined our hunting tribe. It was like you had always been there.
I remember all of those many nights when Dean was out at a bar the two of us would sit in the hotel room in whatever small town wherever and we’d drink and talk, sometimes listening to music or watching movies. We traded horror stories about hunting, and found solace in the grief of losing our parents. When you told me about the death of your parents, all I could do was nod. I understood.
One night we’d had too many drinks and you admitted more than you ever had about your life before. "My dad spoiled me. He used to tell me I was his 'sweet, little, beautiful, wonderful, perfect girl.' But then when they were killed...Sam, sometimes I can still hear him say that. Still affirming that I'm good, in spite of this darkness."
I pulled you next to me and pressed my lips to your forehead. I could smell the mint of your skin lotion. "You are good. And without you...I feel like you’ve saved me. From being the evil I worry I was meant to be. You’re good." You smiled and leaned towards me slightly. My breath caught in my throat as I saw the way you were looking back at me. "You're beautiful, and wonderful, and I think you're perfect."
"Sam." You muttered bashfully, your fingers picking at the plaid seam on my chest. "You don't have to say that."
"I love you." I responded immediately without even thinking. The words burst out of me and for a moment I panicked, until I saw the same recognition in your eyes. I took a deep breath and moved my hand up to your cheek, my fingers trembling slightly as I repeated the words. "I love you. And to me, you're perfect. I want you to hear that."
And god, the way you looked at me as you smiled almost killed me. "I love you too Sam."
I grinned and pulled you forward, kissing you as softly and intimately as I’d always wanted to, country music playing from the clock radio and a whiskey buzz in our veins.
After that, we started getting our own room on the hunting trips. Dean smiled and nodded when I told him you were officially moving into the bunker. He’s wasn’t surprised. And before we knew it, two years of vengeful spirits, diner food, and thousands of miles in the Impala had passed.
And then suddenly you started getting sick. Dean was annoyed how often he had to pull over so you could puke on the side of the road.
"Maybe you should see a doctor?" I asked, nervous and worried that you had a bad flu or something much worse. "You've been throwing up all week, honey."
"Shit." You whispered, looking up in fear before climbing back into the car. "Dean, we gotta stop at a store."
I watched you nervously twirl a lock of hair around your finger as you stared out the backseat window, you face gray with nausea as the Impala bumped along the road. When we got to the gas station you bolted from the car and ran inside, and I didn’t know if I should chase you or just wait. So with a sigh I leaned against the side of the car and waited, not sure what to do. Dean shrugged his shoulders, sauntering over to fill the car up.
“You okay?" I smiled tentatively when you walked out ten minutes later. The fear in your eyes sent a cold stab to my gut.
“No.” You shook your head. I watched as you pulled the blue plastic piece from your jacket pocket and put it in my hand, looking up at me as you waited for me to realize what I was seeing.
"Seriously? I asked, completely in shock as I looked from my hand to your face and back again.
"Yeah." You looked terrified. My poor love, you were so frightened. But I laughed and swung you up into my arms, squeezing you tight against me. You giggled for the first time in days and nodded when a silent agreement passed between us. We were going to do this together.
"What the hell is going on?" Dean demanded, frustrated that he was being left out of the commotion.
I set you down gently, suddenly realizing I shouldn’t be swinging you around. "We're gonna have a baby."
Dean's jaw dropped. "Really?"
"Yes really." You nodded, setting your hand on my cheek before looking over at Dean with a grimace of disgust. "And you gotta lose those nachos, Dean. That smell will make me puke all over Baby."
From that week on I didn’t let you even consider going near a hunt. Dean and I placed you on strict 'Lore Only' duty which you eventually seemed okay with as you nested in the bunker. I worried about you so much when we were gone, but coming home and seeing your glowing face and your growing belly brought me more joy than I could explain.
Months later Dean and I had gotten home early in the day so I decided to do some reading. You waddled into the library with your hand on the blossomed bump. You ran your hand through my hair, and I hummed gently as I leaned into you. I rested my cheek on the spot where the baby often kicked.
Your giggle was one of the best sounds in the world to me. "Okay Sam, be honest and tell me what you want. Baby girl or baby boy?"
I smiled up at you. "Honey, you ought to know." My hands encompassed the sides of the bump that was my unborn child and I leaned in to whisper against your cotton maternity shirt. "I want a sweet, little, beautiful, wonderful, perfect girl."
A tear slid down your cheek as you nodded. "Me too."
I smiled as I looked down at the little girl in my arms, fast asleep as she had already lost interest in my story."You're the center of my whole world, Deanna Mary Winchester." I smiled. Carefully I stood up and set her down in her crib, waiting for a few seconds to make sure she stayed asleep. She was beautiful. Best achievement of my broken life.“Sam?” You muttered as you sat up in groggy confusion. I smiled as I climbed back into bed next to you.“It’s okay. I was just changing DeeDee.” I pulled you back against my chest and sighed as I took in the comforting mint scent on your skin.“Thank you Sam.” You nestled closer to me as your eyes drifted shut.“Thank you, honey. For everything.” I closed my eyes as I tightened my arms around your waist, never wanting to let you go. “You saved me.”