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The Brotherhood was once again about to attempt to execute a borderline-terrorist plan meant to show the humans the potential of homo superior. Professor X was trying to stop his erstwhile friend and sister before any damage was done, either by the (always) ill-conceived plan or the stopping of said plan when the X-Men foiled it.
"Erik, you know this will never work," he pleaded, holding out a hand to stop his team before anyone attacked anyone else.
"Do not doubt me, Charles. I've no desire to hurt our kind, but we will if you try to stop us." He raised a pointed eyebrow to his deadly second, who was already poised for an attack.
"Raven, please- see reason," the Professor tried again, hopefully. "Think of Kurt- what happens to him if you and Azazel go too far and he has to pay for it? Erik- what will this teach your childre-"
Incredulous eyes turned toward Havok, whose pocket had begun ringing.
"Uh..." He uttered, his stance still battle-ready but face slowly heating with embarrassment. He looked at his mobile phone then glanced pleadingly at an amused/incredulous/slightly offended Charles before looking up to the Brotherhood to explain. "I have to... sorry-" he held out the mobile helplessly before answering. "Hello? Babe, babe, what is it? Well, no, I'm not upset, it's just that we're kind of in the middle of- yes, he's here. Well, yes, they're here too. No, I don't think that's a good idea, see 'cause we were about to- yes, I know, but I can't just- Well of course I love yo- No, I don't think that he's a horribl- it's just we don't always see eye- of course they matter to me, too- Yes, I do like childr- No, I don't think he's ignoring you, I just think he didn't bring his ph- Yes, I'm sure he wants to- No, he does ca- Okay, okay, here he is."
He held out the phone to Erik guiltily, refusing to meet his eyes while the rest of the Brotherhood and most of the X-Men snickered.
"Lorna?" Magneto answered, holding up a finger to halt the evil-plan proceedings. "I'm in the middle of someth- Well, no, I wasn't trying to use the twins to- Because they love you! No, I know they're tir- well, I was going to return home tonight, after our great trium- yes, I do think creating a personal legacy is a triumph all its ow- No, it's just that I finally had a fool-proof pla- No, I don't think that, I just think you underestimate the potential of all the other plans I've ha- Of course I had planned to be there for bed time, we just got caught up with- Well, it's extremely time-sensitive and- Yes- I hear him, I hear him! No need to put him on- you know Pietro's only crying because Wanda started it- Well, what do you want me to do then-"
"This is what happens when you marry a supervillain's daughter," Alex muttered as he watched the great Magneto take on one of his most worthy foes.
"I can't, Lorna, I'm the leader of the Brotherh- yes, I know what time it is. Yes, but we didn't- No, I don't like it when they cr-, no, this isn't revenge for your weddi- Well, if I'd objected I wouldn't have helped pay for the- no, I don't think you kids are burdens. No. NO! I- Fine. Go ahead.'
'Wanda. Pietro. It's bed time. Kurt's already laying down, you need to be good examples for- now, you both promised you'd behave for your sister- No, Pietro, I can't sing the- Wanda, stop encouraging him- Pietro, I don't know what you think to accomplish by that, when it clearly means nothing to me- No, no, please- stop crying."
As everyone watched in frozen fascination, the Master of Magnetism just shot a death glare at Havok as he closed his eyes, took a deep, steadying breath, and opened his mouth-
"What can I say except, you're welcome?
For the tides, the sun, the sky.
Hey, it's okay, it's okay.
You're welcome. I'm just an ordinary demi-guy."
As the Great and Powerful Magneto continued singing about all the achievements of Maui the demi-god, the X-Men and the Brotherhood began to be incapacitated by laughter- the only one still even (poorly) attempting a straight face was Alex, who was still receiving a look promising eternal punishment from his wife's Supervillain father. He discreetly wiped tears from his eyes as he pressed his lips together, humming along in accompaniment and son-in-law solidarity.
"You're welcome! You're welcome!
And thank you!"
Magneto finished with a flourish and a scowl, growling at his kids to go to bed as he watched his "friend" Azazel collapse to the ground in raging laughter. He clenched his fist, a trace of satisfaction on his face as Wolverine grunted and spasmed in pain. "Are they asleep?" he asked his older daughter, his frown deepening as he began to suspect a set up by the humour in her voice. "Yes. Okay. Now, if it's all right with you, I told you, we're on a tight schedule before the device goes- Really? I thought you said he was already asleep- yes, but I need him to teleport the- what if Mystique- No, I'm sure they don't think tha- I don't like lying to him- well, that is a good point. Fine. Here he is," the Master of Magnetism glared at Azazel once more, before a sly, shark-like smile made its way across his face. "Your son is asking for you."
Azazel had composed himself by this point, and glared right back at his friend and leader.
"Kurt?" he spoke into the phone, a hand held out to reassure the boy's mother. "Not now, my son, Vati and Mama are working. Yes, I know Mr. Lehnsherr talked to Pietro and Wanda, but Vati has very important job- no, no, I know is scary to sleep in different bed, but Mama and Me will be there- yes. Yes. Of course, my boy. No, no. Is not problem."
Then he glared warningly at the surrounding mutants before he began in a deep, rich voice,
"I've been staring at the edge of the water
'long as I can remember,
never really knowing why. I wish
I could be the perfect daughter…"
At this Magneto began to chuckle evilly in his deep, commanding way, enjoying the revenge he got to have against his minion.
Azazel continued to sing, even swaying a bit as his tail moved along to the song he sang.
"I'll be satisfied if I play along,
but the voice inside sings a different song-"
before he froze in panic, distracted into forgetting the next line and looking quickly around for help whilst simultaneously trying not to break pace when suddenly the voice of Charles Xavier: world's most powerful telepath, formidable foe, leader of the X-Men, and father of young David took pity on the scared child on the other end of the line and sang with his father-
"What is wrong with me?
See the light as it shines on the sea?
It's blinding,"
and at the Professor's raised eyebrow a reluctant Erik, Raven, and even Alex join in, finishing the song and continuing seamlessly to "I am Moana" until the last stanza, when all of them lost the rhythm and began singing slightly different words at slightly different tempos.
Suddenly, loud enough to drown out the cacophony the sing-along had become, Wolverine belted loud enough for young Kurt to hear,
"I will carry you here in my heart you'll remind me,
that come what may,
I know the way.
I am Moana! "
His arms flung wide open in a practiced, unconscious flourish.
At the X-Men's incredulous looks, he just shrugged his shoulders, took his battle stance again and explained, "It's Laura's favourite film."
"We'll be home soon, Little One," Azazel promised, hanging up as he pointedly looked at Professor X and Magneto.
Now that their time-sensitive plan had been (quite strategically) foiled by children, the Brotherhood and X-Men stared at each other a beat more, before hesitantly and warily disbanding and going their separate ways.
"Don't. Ever. Mention. This. Again," Erik warned Charles through clenched teeth, walking beside him as he rolled to the Blackbird.
"Wouldn't think of it, Old Friend," Charles replied with a smirk, catching a suspicious, yet still-amused Raven's eye and winking mischievously at his once-sister.
She rolled her own eyes fondly, turning away to walk toward where Azazel was waiting before taking out her own phone, unsurprised to find a text from Lorna from 10 minutes earlier.
"Told you I'd have you home in time to tuck Kurt in. YOU'RE WELCOME…"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Tony had decided to actually go a bit smaller than normal for Peter's birthday party in deference to the young boy's hard year from which he was still healing, and his wishes not to overwhelm his (hot) other "Responsible Guardian" Aunt May. But still, his young godson deserved the best, and the best he would have. So, he invited all the Avengers with children, had JARVIS draft a memo to their usual super villains, "Not Today," to send out, and created what essentially became a holographic Jurassic Park.
Just when Hank and Janet showed up with little Henry, and Bird Brain came with his sprog, the beautiful summer day turned gloomy, and snow started falling, ruining the holographic illusions which, admittedly, excited Tony just as much as Peter, even though the mourning child was still just as quiet about it as he always seemed to be nowadays.
Tony looked to Thor, who was still stubbornly showing a young Torunn how "one would slay these monstrous beasts," while good ol' Stars and Spandex looked sideways to T'Challa's wife, who immediately handed Wakanda's king their little Azari and immediately took flight, her eyes turning as white as her hair just as a powerful wind built up and the clouds began to disperse.
Just as everyone began to breathe a sigh of relief and Ororo glided back down, the clouds grew even darker than before, flurries making their ways across the park, and the build up of what promised to be a powerful blizzard invaded. The holograms short circuited just as Storm shouted, "There is magic in the atmosphere, and one I do not wish to combat without knowing its source."
"Can you find the source, my dear?" asked T'Challa, huddling Azari closer to protect the toddler from the suddenly plunging temperatures.
"Yes, it seems it's not far," Storm claimed, arms outstretched and eyes still white.
Steve looked to Tony sorrowfully, then commanded with a loud voice, "Avengers, Assemble." He looked to Natasha, then said to their son, "Get all the children inside."
"JARVIS, look after them," commanded Tony, whose suit was forming around him. James Rogers and Torunn had begun leading others to the tower, Aunt May and Betsy carrying the smallest, while Bruce led the other non-Avenging adults to warmth and safety.
Thor, Iron Man, and Wasp directed the others to Storm, who had flown ahead to find the source of the weather change, and in the middle of a now completely frost-covered portion of the park, snow whirilling all around, was-
"LOKI!" Thor shouted, landing behind his brother, Mjolnir at the ready. "Cease this winter madness!"
The Trickster looked oblivious, caught up in the winterland he was frantically creating, his hands focused on something in front of him as green light glowed up and around him.
Ororo focused all her energy on clearing the way for the other Avengers, containing the worst of the storm to the area around Thor's brother.
"Okay Manny the Mammoth, we get it- you like the cold. Now why don't you stop this before we're forced to stop you?" Iron Man warned when he landed.
"Brother," Thor tried, but was stopped short when the loud blizzard abruptly stopped, snow now falling peacefully all around Loki, just as the other Avengers arrived.
"Please," they heard the broken voice of the fallen prince of Asgard cry, "be content."
Sif and Thor shared a confused look before Thor tried once more, "Loki-" when all of a sudden everyone heard a shrill, sad cry of "No man! Noooomaaaannn!"
Loki turned, eyes distraught and panicked as he suddenly took notice of the team, most of whom were rooted to the spot at the sight before them.
"She won't stop crying!" the Trickster cried pitifully, bouncing a baby up and down in his arms frantically.
Sif crossed her arms haughtily, smirking at her brother-in-law's plight. "I thought parenting was so easy. Especially when one has such a perfect baby as yours," she taunted, words from an argument clearly quoted back.
"Give Hela here, Brother," said Thor, also fighting a smirk of his own.
Loki practically shoved his daughter into Thor's arms, his hopelessness evident to everyone else in the gesture.
"She keeps begging for a snowman! I give her snow, and she doesn't stop. I give her a snowman, and she cries harder. I show her how to make her own, and nothing! I bring her a winter wonderland, and she still screams! I even created a special horse with eight legs out of snow for her to ride! Daughter, have mercy on me! I demand you cease your tears at once!" he continued in despair. And truly, when Giant Man, Black Widow, and Black Panther flanked the Trickster, they saw dozens of different versions of snowmen all about that section of the Park.
"Yeah, that'll never work, Snape, kids don't listen anymore than psychotic supervillains do," Iron Man interjected, curiously poking at the little horns on top of the baby's head. Thor glared before turning her away from his scrutiny, one giant hand guarding her head as he lightly bounced his still-weeping niece, "My dear little Hela obviously does not mean this version of "Snowman" brother. Have you tried a comfort toy of some sort?"
"Don't you think I tried that you fool? I've given her every toy I could think of. I've given her that large snake she plays with and even that you-sized wolf to which she's so attached (thank you for that, Sif), and still, she clings harder and begs for the snowman even more. Oh, give her here you oaf, you're making it worse."
"Maybe she's just upset about being around Loki and is saying No Man should have to deal with this," Hawkeye muttered to Black Widow.
The Avengers all smirked, then each began to offer their own suggestions for calming down the villain's baby girl. "Maybe she wanted you to turn into a snowman!"
"Maybe it was a cry to go to Jotunheim."
"Maybe it's a movie she watches."
"Umm, maybe it's just the song." They all turned around at the timid suggestion to see their children gathered about them, all in winter gear and staring sheepishly at their parents.
"Peter-" Tony said, his mask off as he started toward the small boy.
"Francis ran out," explained James at his mother and father's looks, "and we ran after him." Barton's son simply stuck his head high in the air and stared resolutely at his father, before explaining he refused to be left behind by a parent again...
"Uncle Tony," demanded Peter, tugging with all his little might on Iron Man's arm and pointing toward the distressed baby, who again took up her now-pitiful cry of 'no man'. "What about that song you sing me when I can't sleep from our special movie?" he pressed.
"Peter, remember that's our special, secret song." Tony responded, looking at the supervillain and all his fellow superheroes and feeling a rare bout of self-consciousness.
The little boy just looked expectantly at him, then stomped off toward Loki, whom he looked at warily before his expression melted with compassion at the weeping little girl. Everyone glared at Loki, daring him to hurt the small boy, but the fallen prince was too desperate to pay them much mind, and leaned Hela down to Peter's level when he gestured.
Then, the boy who couldn't seem to speak except to Tony and May and who'd rarely cracked a smile since he lost his parents and uncle all in one go, began to sing to a little girl, who seemed to need someone as much as he had when Tony first sang to him:
Do you want to build a snowman?
Come on let's go and play
At this point, the other children ran up excitedly and joined their friend in the song, all except Francis, who was standing stubbornly by his father, arms crossed in identical postures and seemingly immune to everyone else's antics. Hela, meanwhile, had hiccupped a few times, her cries dying out as she stared at the strange children in front of her.
I never see you anymore,
Come out the door,
It's like you've gone away…
And Iron Man, who remembered the first time he sang the cheery yet heartbreaking song to the newly-orphaned boy who needed to know he would never really be alone, came up behind him, put his hand on his shoulder, and with all the shamelessness of Tony Stark, began to loudly sing:
Do you want to build a snowman?
It doesn't have to be a snowman…
Okay bye.
Do you want to build a snowman?
Or ride our bikes across the halls
At this he picked up Peter and ran him through the snow, smiling as the boy giggled while he held on.
T'Challa, surprisingly at this point, picked up Azari and, along with Storm, continued dancing in the snow, singing as they all twirled:
I think some company is overdue,
I've started talking to the pictures on the walls.
Suddenly, nearly all the Avengers were running through the snow, chasing their shrieking children and singing along, while Loki was warily looking down at his daughter, who was watching what everyone one was doing and repeating "noo man no man" while pointing a pudgy finger. Both Hawkeyes came and stood next to him, arms folded and thoroughly unimpressed looks on their faces.
"I don't even believe this," the young boy looked up at his father.
"I know," agreed original Hawkeye, looking over at the calming baby in Loki's arms. "They're all insane. She's stopped crying- that doesn't mean she's happy," he continued, right as everyone continued on to the final,
Do you want to build a snowman?
Clint rolled his eyes, looked once more at the Trickster's baby daughter, then grabbed his son's hand, twirling him once and began what was a clearly oft-done dance.
"Let's show these people where they went wrong, Francis," he prompted, as everyone turned to glare at his presumptions. But before even Tony could interject, both Bartons began singing,
Bees'll buzz, kid'll blow dandelion fuzz,
And I'll be doing whatever snow does in SUMMER!
At this, Hela squealed and clapped her chubby hands, reaching out and trying to grab at the song they were singing, her barely-toothed smile enough to bring a grin to even Loki's face, as he began to slightly sway her back and forth along to the song that everyone had joined in on once they saw her reaction.
The parents once more chased their kids through the wonderland Loki had created, singing about summer while dancing through dozens of snow creatures, laughing and trying to figure out Clint and Francis' silly routine.
With a flourish, the first Avenger Captain America, the Mighty Thor, the Invincible Iron Man, the Black Panther, Giant Man, and Hawkeye all ended in various poses in an odd contest to most impress the… tiny lady in Loki's arms whilst belting out
IN SUMMERRRR!
The supervillain chuckled to realise his daughter had more power than he ever would, to bring the Avengers to their knees with no more than a half-formed word.
When everyone had caught their breath, and smirking wives gathered exhausted children, Storm looked to Loki, then once more took to the sky, clearing away any remaining clouds, but allowing a slightly cool breeze blow through the area, preserving his creations if just for a moment before they succumbed to the sun.
Loki looked to his now- sleeping baby in his arms with relief and nearly teleported away, before Thor came and thumped a huge hand on his shoulder, leading him after the other Avengers despite the younger prince's glare. "Come, Brother. If you wish to know more of this "snowman" your daughter so loves, come and watch a tale of a girl not unlike you."
When everyone had returned to the tower, and gotten dry and warm, cuddled up together throughout the large room (including Loki, who was trading snarky comments with Sif and pretending he hadn't specifically chosen the couch filled with his "it's complicated" family), and started a film nearly everyone had now seen dozens and dozens of times with their kids, Peter snuggled up next to Tony, and quietly whispered, "Best party ever, Uncle Tony."
And Tony looked down at the boy nestled in his arms, and all the friends from the neighborhood surrounding him, and remembered just how quick his little godson was to help when someone else needed it in spite of his own comfort level or their villain-ness. He looked up at May, and they shared a quiet smile. Yeah. Peter would be fine. More than fine. Spectacular. Sensational. Astonishing. Amazing.
"Happy birthday, kid," he whispered, just as they all heard a tiny little squeal of delight and a sleepy "Dada, 'NOWMAN!"