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It didn’t take a genius to see that something was amiss. But your best friends weren’t exactly the brightest of the bunch, so your discomfort went unnoticed. That was unfair, you knew too darn well just how clever the pair of them were, but they could be pretty oblivious sometimes, and that was the case right then. You were tucked up in the back of the car Steve had commandeered, heading back to the safe house to pick up the few things you all had left behind, that couldn’t be left for anyone to come across in the future, protocols had to be followed after all. None of you had expected the mission to be over soon, to go the way it did. Steve was focused on driving, his head still in Captain mode, where as Bucky was sat in the back, silent as he fiddled with his arm, pulling bits of debri out from the metal plates. You know you should have said something, anything, but you didn’t want to burden the soldiers with your problems.When you reached the safehouse, you silently got out the car and left the duo to their own devices. You were grateful that the boys had given you the only bedroom in the house. You didn’t want them to see how much pain you were in, didn’t want them to see that you were dying. Changing completely out of your tactical gear was out the question, but you managed to pull off your vest, and weapons holster, shoving them into your go bag, before pulling on an oversized hoody. By the time you were done, Steve & Bucky were waiting for you on the roof. The quinjet had been camouflaged, so no one spotted it, and Steve was already in the pilot seat, ready to take off. Walking up the ramp you slung your go bag onto the back bench, careful not to let out a groan as you did so, and sat down next to it, before nodding your permission to take off. Bucky turned in his seat next to Steve to say something but you had already put your headphones in, so he just turned around and focused on the skies around him. As normal Steve was oblivious, already looking ahead to the debriefing at the compound. Bucky said something to Steve, and by the way Steve reached out to playfully punch his friend, you knew Bucky had complained about Steve’s slow flying speed again. You smiled to yourself, despite the pain you were in, you wanted to remember the soldiers like this. The two best buds playfully bickering, liked they did before the war, all those years ago. You loved seeing them like this, seeing them relaxed. You knew that this was going to be hard on them, and you silently wiped away a stray tear that had started rolling down your cheek. You had done it that quick you didn’t think either of them had noticed. But they had.As soon as the Quinjet landed back at the compound, you grabbed your go bag and quick-marched down the ramp of the Quinjet. You could feel yourself getting weaker, and you knew you didn’t have long left. You practically sprinted to your quarters on entering the compound. You wanted to change, wanted your last few minutes to be spent in a beautiful dress, staring at the sunrise. Steve and Bucky called out to you as you went, but you ignored them. On entering your quarters you locked yourself, stripping as quickly as you could, and choosing a simple red plaid shirt dress, a pair of leggings and your favourite boots to wear. You were redressed in a matter of minutes. You waited a further five minutes before leaving your room, you wanted to escape the compound without the boys catching you. Walking as quietly as you could, you made your way back through the compound to the hanger/garage. You were just heading through the double doors to the hanger/garage when you were spotted.The boys walked into the hallway just as you headed out the door. You heard them call your name, but you didn’t stop. You had your bike keys in your hand, so walking to the bike that was parked not far from where the double doors opened into the hanger/garage, you got on your bike and was just about to pull off, when you heard the double doors swing open. Looking up after you had put your helmet on, you saw Bucky & Steve silently watching you from the doorway. Feeling yourself tear up, you put your visor down, flicked your ignition, and promptly pulled off on your bike. You thought you heard shouting as you rode away, but you didn’t want to look back, you couldn’t look back.It didn’t take long before you reached your destination. You turned your bike off and dismounted, feeling dizzy. You knew you had an hour at the most. You struggled to stand straight, but once you were able to stand OK, you looked at your surroundings. You were standing in a little gravel area, and in front of you was a pasture of beautiful poppies, the red practically the same colour as your shirt dress. You walked over to the gate, and carefully climbed over it. You meandered through the flowers, the scent filling up your senses, reminding you of happy memories. You remembered the first day you discovered this place, the day you lost your family. You had gotten the news, and your first reaction was to get on your bike and ride until you ran out of road or crashed due to exhaustion. In the end it was tiredness that got you, and you had pulled over by the pasture and practically slithered of the bike. You had managed to crawl to the gate and into the pasture, before you collapsed. You woke up several hours later surrounded by poppies. Since then the pasture was your place of refuge, your happy place. It was why you had come here to die, you had wanted your last moments to be happy. You had wandered in a no particular pattern, yet you found yourself in the center of the pasture, in the small clear patch of grass that you always came to. It was here you laid down, and looked up at the sky. The night was ending, you had got back to the bunker late that evening, and you could see the sun start to rise as dawn was setting in. You could feel your heart start to slow , and your breathing become laboured. You hadn’t expected it to be this quick, but you were ready. You reached your hand into your pocket and got out the letter you had written in the compound to the Supersoldiers, and placing it on your chest, you took one last look at the sky, and then let your eyes fall closed. Your breathing became slower as your heart struggled to keep beating, and a few minutes later, you breathed your last breath.It was twenty minutes later that Steve & Bucky got to the pasture, they had waited five minutes before deciding to follow you and find out what was wrong. Steve had tracked the GPS on your bike to the pasture, and both of the men looked confused as they got out Steve’s VW Bug as to why you’d had come there. They walked up to your bike, and Bucky placed a hand on the engine.“Still warm, she must still be around somewhere. I don’t get why she rode off without talking to us. I hope she’s okay.”
“Punk it’s Y/N, that girl is tougher than both of us combined. Y/N will out live all of us.”
“I know Buck, but it’s unlike her to not speak to us. She completely ignored us when we called out to her. I’m worried.”
“Okay Punk, we will find her. Then you can stop worrying. Y/N will be fine. She can’t be far, she left her bike here, and you know she loves this bike more than anything in the world. You go look amongst the poppies, I’ll walk down the road a bit and see if I can find her. Give me a shout if you do find her.”
Steve smiled feebly, and turned towards the pasture. He heard Bucky’s boots on the gravel walk away down the road, and he sighed. He hoped Bucky was right, that Y/N was okay, that nothing was wrong. Walking towards the gate Steve called out your name, pausing every few seconds listening for a reply. He had almost got to the gate when he spotted a redish smudge on the gate. Running to the gate he peered down at the smudge, he wiped his thumb over it, feeling the tacky residue under his skin. Lifting his thumb up he instantly saw what the smudge was. Blood, it was blood. Steve felt himself go dizzy, but he remained standing. Yelling out for Bucky as loud as he could, Steve practically vaulted over the gate into the pasture. His eyes scanned the ground, looking for any traces of blood. He spotted small drops, and following them, he retraced the steps that you had taken only twenty odd minutes ago. Steve followed the blood drops, his pace increasing as he saw less and less. He finally came to the small clearing where your lifeless body lay on the ground. He stood staring at you for a second, before racing over to you and scooping you up in his arms. He knew you were gone, but he kept asking you to wake up, to be okay. Tears streamed down his face, and he sobbed loudly, his arms cradling your body to his chest. After a few minutes, he slowly lowered you back to the ground and yelled for Bucky again. Bucky had heard his friend shouting and was there in a minute. He practically crashed into Steve as he came racing through the poppies. He looked down at you and then at Steve who was knelt on the floor, his hands on his face, trying not to look at you. Bucky felt himself crumble, and he collapsed down to his knees, next to his friend. He let his tears fall easily, not bothering to hide his pain from his best friend. He cried for what seemed a lifetime. It wasn’t until he felt a hand on his shoulder, that Bucky finally looked up and stopped crying. Steve had a piece of paper in his hands,and from the looks of it, it had been written by Y/N.
“Is that what I think it is Stevie? Is that, is that a suicide note?”
"It’s a note, but it isn’t a suicide note. Y/N didn’t kill herself, she just didn’t Bucky. She wasn’t suicidal. I think she knew she was dying, and this is her farewell letter.”
"She knew she was dying? How? When? Oh, the mission. She got tagged by that Hydra agent. I thought she was okay, she said it was just a superficial wound, nothing a few stitches couldn’t fix. Why would Y/N lie to me, why wouldn’t she tell us she was majorly hurt? Why, Stevie why????”
“I don’t know Buck. Do you, do you want to read her note? It might explain…”
"You read it, I can’t. I just can’t.”
Steve nodded quietly, and carefully opened up the piece of paper. The note wasn’t very long, just under half a page of writing, even in Y/N’s squirly handwriting. Steve took a deep breath, before reading the note aloud. Hey boys, where do I start? I guess I need to apologise first of all. I’m sorry for not telling you how bad I was hurt. Bucky I’m sorry for lying to you, I just didn’t want you to worry. You know I love you guys, and that I’d do anything for you. I did this because you have enough shit to deal with. I didn’t wanna burden you. I wanted you to remember me happy, not see me broken. I want you to know I died happy, my last memories of you were of you bickering over how Stevie is such an old man in how slow he drives and flies.. I died in my happy place, a place full of so many memories, so many wonderful memories. I want you to know I died in a nice dress, watching the sunrise. Like I had always talked about. I know you are hurting, but you need to know I will be okay, and so will you. I want you to give me a Viking funeral. No avenging me either, I had a good life. I got to know the both of you, after all. I love you both. Forever yours, Y/N x x x Steve finished reading the note, and let the note slip out his hands. Bucky went to pick it up, but a sudden breeze blew it out his reach and it flew up into the air. Bucky immediately stood to try catch it, but it seemed the breeze didn’t want him to have it, as the note blew up into the sky, rising higher and higher until Bucky could no longer see it. Bucky let out a frustrated sigh, and looked down at his friend, who had been watching Bucky with a hint of amusement in his eyes.
“What Punk, what you finding so amusing?”
“You Buck, you just basically acted out the other night with Y/N. You stole her diary and kept holding it out her reach. It pissed her off too.”
"Ummm your point Punk?”
“I think somehow that sudden breeze was somehow Y/N, getting her revenge on you. I’d sure like to think it was down to her.”
“I didn’t think of that, I’d like to think that it was her too. Let’s get her home. She needs to come home.” They both look down to where you were laying, but you aren’t there. Where you body should be is just an empty space. Both men stare down at the empty space in confusion, until the sound of a motor bike brings them back to reality. The boys look up and at each other, both thinking the impossible. Y/N couldn’t possibly be, she was most definitely, she wasn’t breathing. The boys go to speak, but the sound of laughter stops them. They would know that sound anywhere. Steve stands immediately up as Bucky races off back towards the car, soon catching up to his friend. Just as both men reach the gate to the pasture, they see your motorbike go off in the distance. With someone who looks very much like you riding it…
.....
S.H.I.E.L.D had done a great job on cleaning up the whole Terragen Crystals spilling into the ocean mess, and had managed to identify all of the InHumans that were created from the effects of the crystal. Well, almost all of them. Y/N never knew until she was InHuman, until the day she died, and came back to life the very same day. She was Immortal, in a sense. She could die, but she would always be reborn. Just like a Pheonix.