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The first thing he noticed was that he wasn't in his own room.
Peepers was no stranger to waking up outside his quarters. He had spent many a night on the Skullship nodding off after much time in the strategy room, trying to figure out their next move. But this- this was different. This time he was in a bed.The soft rumble of someone snoring next to him made him glance over cautiously. Beside him was the large, skeletal figure of his superior.He was in Lord Hater's bed.The sheets were pulled back to expose Hater's bare torso. Peepers, apprehensive at first, watched the steady rise and fall of his ribcage. Just as he was calming down from the initial panic, the memory of what had transpired the night before hit him like a ton of bricks."Oh my grop." Peepers whispered quietly to himself, so as to not wake his bedmate. He had at first thought it was a dream. A beautiful dream. But no, Hater's sleeping body proved it to be all too real. Peepers became flustered yet again, his pupil contracting.Did he dare look at the clock? His eye gradually made its way to the alarm. 5:00 A.M., it read. First shift on the ship was to start in an hour.Peepers knew he had to make his way back to his own quarters soon. He couldn't possibly be caught like this! What would the crew think, their commander leaving their galactic overlord's chambers in the morning? He had better returned to his own room before the rumors (true though they might be) got out.The commander deliberately eased his way out from under the covers. He shivered at the draft blowing over his naked body. "It's so much warmer in bed," he thought, but this was no time for morning snuggles. Was Hater even the kind for morning snuggles? Perhaps he had no memory of their encounter. He hadn't been acting himself the previous night. He was far more affectionate. Come to think of it, any sign of affection was out of character for Lord Hater.Even worse, Commander Peepers mused, what if Lord Hater was regretful? Disgusted even? He gazed briefly at the snoring skeleton. What if he had stayed? Would he have to feel the wrath of his superior? He could only imagine how livid he'd be. What if he was so ashamed he never wanted to see him again? Peepers shuddered yet again, then sighed shakily. "Time to find some clothes."He surveyed the floor, hoping to find his uniform among the signature clutter of Hater's room. "Clothes, clothes, clothes..." he muttered to himself, before noticing his outfit laying in a heap, next to Hater's discarded robe. He scooped up the black suit in his arms and held it against his closed eye, inhaling deeply. Even his uniform had Hater's scent. Peepers sighed again, knowing he'd have to wash it out later to avoid arousing the suspicions of the watchdogs. Peepers rummaged through his bundle of clothes, making sure everything was accounted for, before pulling everything on. Undergarments, pants, shirt, boots, gloves, helmet. Everything taken care of.He sat there for a while, mentally preparing himself for the most difficult journey of his life. He closed his eye and listened to Hater breathing. Oh, how he wished he could hear it every morning-No. He couldn't think like that. He scolded himself briefly before stepping out the door, reluctantly ready to face the day.It was time for the walk.Though his steps were soft, his head was far from it. His mind replayed that night's events. How had this happened?They had conquered several planets in the past week. Peepers had gone to Hater's room to congratulate him on his achievement. But Hater seemed off. He appeared to be... what did it look like? Was he nervous? Of course not, he was Lord Hater, number one superstar. An uncharacteristically small "Thanks" was his only response for a while.They both stood there for a moment, before Peepers turned to leave. As he did, Hater shouted "Wait," stopping him in his tracks."Sir?" Peepers responded. "Is there something you need?" His boss seemed to be struggling with his words. He hadn't acted this way since his crush on Dominator. He blinked a couple times, memories of his jealousy returning to him."Well, you've been...you know, you've been pretty busy lately, what with helping me conquer those planets back there- thanks, by the way," he added hastily as an afterthought. "And I..." Hater trailed off. Peepers tried to give him a look of subtle encouragement, but he wasn't quite sure at the time it had worked."Iwannahangoutwithyouforawhileifthat'sokay." He practically spit the words out. Peepers could feel his heart beat faster. He would love nothing more than to spend time with his skeletal crush, but he had to make sure he didn't reveal anything or he may never get to hang out again.He had picked up the pace to his room slightly, now taking measured strides, only stopping a few instances at a suspicious noise, before deciding it was his own footsteps echoing in the empty corridors of the ship.The next events of the night had occurred so quickly that Peepers wasn't even sure it had happened at all at first. An awkward chat had warmed up. His small hand accidentally brushed up against Hater's large one, causing an unmistakable blush to appear on his lids. He couldn't quite recall what had happened next, but the next thing he knew, they were kissing. More and more kissing. It all seemed too good to be true. And then...Peepers stopped abruptly. The soft echoes of his footfalls dissipated into nothingness. Then the noises started up again.Someone else was there.His eye darted around anxiously, before peering around a corner. Two watchdogs were coming his way. One had a large video camera, the other a microphone.Great. Andy and his dumb show....Which was just making its way around the corner! Andy kept rambling on about whatever. Who cares?"Andy!" Peepers shrieked. "I thought I told you not to do your stupid show while working!""With all due respect, Commander, I'm not working. My shift doesn't start until half an hour." Oh. Right. Quick, think!"Another half an hour you could be preparing! I can't have you slacking off when we have our reputation to uphold!""Right, Sir." Crisis averted. "Could you please tell our loyal fans what you're doing up so early?" Oh grop."I'm-" He could feel himself start to break out in a nervous sweat. "I'm coming up with a strategy for our next planet! Now get to work!" He sprinted away, and he couldn't get away fast enough.For now he was safe. What Hater said when he finally rolled out of bed would have to wait.
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Peepers shut the door aggressively behind him. He let out a sigh of relief. Despite the uneasy feeling in his stomach reminding him of his dangerous situation, his head managed to convince him (for the time being, at least) that he was okay. It was fine. He was back in his room, and as long as he was within its confines, nothing could bother him.That is, until he remembered his mass quantities of Hater memorabilia. Grop, Lord Hater was the last thing he wanted on his mind! He stared at the floor in an effort to avoid making eye contact with his posters, before finally making his way to the bathroom.It was probably a good idea to freshen up a little, especially after last night's happenings. Peepers began to shed yesterday's uniform, casting it off onto the hard floor. He stepped into the shower and turned the knob feeling the water run over him. The cold water. Peepers nearly shrieked, but managed to suppress it while adjusting the temperature. Much better.After taking a moment to relax, Peepers grabbed the soap and began scrubbing. Memories tried to resurface, but he kept fighting them off. "Ok, Peepers. Just focus on the shower," he thought aloud. "Just get clean and make it through the day." Try as he might, however, his focus drifted to Hater.What was it about him that made the Commander's heart pound? At first he had simply stuck around to feel important. Being the second-in-command of a galactic overlord gave him what he most wanted: respect. But as they grew closer, he began to appreciate the bonehead. It then grew into more than mere admiration. He remembered how long it took him to accept his feelings. Commander Peepers couldn't have a crush on his boss! Their relationship was strictly professional! It was simply a recognition of his abilities. That was all."No! Stop! He probably hates you right now." Peepers was perplexed. He had never even kissed before. Wasn't everything supposed to be great afterwards? Why were feelings so difficult? He wished he could remove them. But no, he was stuck, and he was miserable.With resignation, Peepers kept scrubbing at himself as if he could scrub away his turmoil.
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The work day was more or less normal. Commander Peepers spent most of it scanning the many systems, with breaks interspersed to research. He went to the food court once or twice for some coffee to help him through. As much of a workaholic as he was, sometimes the only thing keeping him engaged was a jolt of caffeine. Thank grop for whomever invented it.Everything was okay. He had just settled, after much cogitation, on what he would propose to be their next target. Yes, this planet was perfect. Intimidating, lots of resources, stupid residents...Peepers could hardly contain his excitement as his lower lid slid up into a smile. He was a genius! Wait until Hater heard this at the meeting that evening!Suddenly, things were much less okay. "Oh no. This is bad. This is very bad." Peepers frantically spoke to himself in the otherwise empty room. So much for avoiding him. Lord Hater was going to be sitting right across from him, and there as nothing he could do about it. Perhaps he could call the whole meeting off? Or at least postpone it? No, he had been planning this for a long time now. Calling it off just to avoid his boss would just be unprofessional. Besides, they were getting closer to galactic domination every day! The empire couldn't afford to waste any time in asserting their position as number one, should anyone else try to usurp them again.No, he would have to just tough it out. Avoid eye contact and act natural.Peepers arrived at the meeting room early, as usual, to set up his presentation. He carefully rehearsed everything he was going to say, occasionally jotting down a quick note. Not that he ever used them; writing things down helped him remember all of his points. Speaking of which...He grabbed his pointer, extending it to it's full length. There was something about carrying a large pointer that made him feel powerful. Peepers absolutely loved it. Figuring nobody would bother arriving this early before a strategic briefing, he practiced pointing at the screen in mental preparation. Though he felt awkward at first, he soon eased into it. Several minutes of confident pointing and powerful poses later, he felt thoroughly invigorated. Just in time too, because not long after, the first few of the earlier watchdogs filed in, obviously hoping to get the meeting over with as soon as possible. They were proceeded by a few more on time, and then a couple of stragglers. Peepers didn't mind too much. He was used to slight delays, especially from-As if on cue, Lord Hater stomped in and plopped down in his usual chair, right across from his second-in-command. This was going to be harder than he thought.
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"Gentlemen, let me be the first to say that you have all done a remarkable job as of late. We have assumed control of numerous planets in record time. You should all feel proud." Commander Peepers began his speech. The watchdogs looked around the room at each other, smiling and offering high-fives and other congratulations. "But," he interjected, bringing their celebrations to a halt. "We can't start slacking off now. We may be number one, but we had to flarping work for it!" Peepers narrowed his eyelids at this, making sure everyone was focused. He took a quick glimpse at Hater, who was notorious for spacing out, and then swiftly got back on topic. He didn't want to look at him any longer than he had to."Now, let me introduce you to our next target: Priea G8!" He smiled triumphantly. "After considerable inquisition, I have concluded that this will be the best course of action for us to take at this point. Why, you may ask? Priea G8 is rich with Grolium, which is some of the strongest-"He was interrupted by a small squeaking noise. Hater was rotating back and forth in his seat, staring at a wall."Sir," Peepers said a little nicer than he normally would have, bending over slightly and placing his hands on his knees. "I'm going to need you to try and concentrate here." Hater simply groaned and returned his attention to his number two.As the meeting dragged on, Peepers had to keep trying to hold the focus of the group in front of him. After he noticed one watchdog that had been supposedly taking notes was just playing Tic-Tac-Toe with his neighbor, he quickly summarized the rest of his plan and dismissed them. If they weren't going to listen, he would just have to send them all the information separately.He watched them all exit much more enthusiastic than when they entered. Some were saying something about grabbing enchiladas, causing the others to cheer. Peepers sighed. He would never understand them.Once he was sure the watchdogs were all gone, Peepers began putting everything away. He pulled the handle of the screen, rolling it up, and pushed in his extended pointer. While turning around to set something down, Commander Peepers nearly jumped at the sight of Lord Hater standing right in front of him.He carefully scanned his facial features, checking for any sign of the anticipated hostility. Let's see. Head tilted, not frowning, looks...confused? Upon deciding it seemed as if he wasn't about to get zapped, Peepers spoke up."Is there something you need, Sir?" He swallowed hard, hoping Hater would be oblivious to the anxiety in his voice."Oh, hey C-Peeps." Hater tried to sound nonchalant. He placed a skeletal hand against the wall and leaned against it gingerly. "What's up?"Grop. How was he supposed to react? How did people do this? "Oh, n-nothing much, sir," he stuttered."You know, galactic conquest. Same old thing." He offered a small smile. They both chuckled awkwardly for a moment, and then the room went quiet. There they stood, trapped in the inertia of their situation."So, uh..." Hater broke the silence, much to Peepers' relief. "About last night..." Well, so much for relief."What about last night?" What was there to talk about? It must have been their success lately. He had gone to his boss' chambers to check on him and caught him in a good mood. The "confession" had been in the heat of the moment. There was absolutely no way Lord Hater, Universe's Awesomest Evildoer, would actually harbor such feelings, for his commander no less! Nevermind the unusual tenderness. He must have been tired. That's it, happy and tired.Hater appeared to be struggling to find the proper words. Here it comes. He was going to take back everything, and possibly fire him again. "Ugh! Peepers, we need to talk!" The next thing he knew, he had taken his hand and was practically dragging him out the door. "We're going to my room!"
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A few twists and turns later, Hater was yanking Peepers inside the door and slamming it shut. The sound of thunder resounded throughout the ship and into Peepers' body. He was trembling. What would happen? Hater was standing there, looming over him. He could only stare, frozen in fear at the thought of what might occur. The only sound was Hater's heavy breathing and his own erratic heartbeat.Hater opened his mouth to speak and in an instant dropped his frightening facade. "Why did you leave?" Peepers' eye widened in response."What, Sir?""Why did you leave this morning?"Grop. How was he supposed to answer this? "Sir, I-""Did I not do a good job?" Hater interrupted. He looked... how did he look? Worried? Hurt?"No, Sir! Not at all! I mean, no, you did great.""Then why did you leave?"Peepers was absolutely petrified. What was he even supposed to say in a situation like this? The truth, he supposed."I-"This was all he could get out. He tried forcing the words out, to no avail."Peepers, if you don't feel the same way, I get it!" Hater yelled, stomping his foot. Boy, Peepers couldn't stand to hear him talk like this. He had to do something! "I understand if you're mad at me after last night, but I just thought-""I was afraid!"Hater stopped mid-sentence and blinked a couple of times. Peepers' stomach was in knots."What was that?"Peepers couldn't decide if Hater was looking for confirmation or if he only didn't hear him."I... was afraid, okay?" Hater gaped at him."Wh- why would you be afraid?" Hater stammered.Grop. Why would he be afraid? "I- I don't know. It's just-"Hater placed a hand on his own forehead. "Did I scare you?""No, no, no, no, no!" Peepers frantically replied, noticing the increasing levels of distress in the skeleton's voice. "It was everything I'd ever dreamed of!" He gasped immediately after letting this slip out."You mean you-" Hater practically whispered. "You feel the same?"Peepers, feelings bubbling up inside of him until he couldn't keep them shut in anymore, nearly burst. "Sir, you have absolutely no idea!" Unable to stop himself, he clutched Hater's robe and buried his eye in it. He emptied his heart out right there, going on about the sleepless nights, the rush he'd get passing him in the hallway, the words he had written down and ultimately shredded, and everything in between. Then he only stood there motionless, having finally releasing what he had trapped inside for the past several years. He figured he was going overboard, sure, but he didn't even care anymore. All he needed was a moment to breathe."C-Peeps?"No answer."Peeps?" He felt a hand shaking him gently. "Talk to me. It's okay."His head shot up. "But it's not okay!""What do you mean it's not?""I mean, I've been crazy in love with you for years now, and I don't know what to do anymore!" He exhaled. "I know you don't feel quite the same way I do, and that's fine. I just don't want you to leave me.""You think I'd leave you?" He picked him up and set him down on the bed. "Do you even remember last night? When I said I loved you, I meant it!" He plopped down next to him, causing him to almost fall backwards. "Do you think I'd lie to you?""Well, actually-""It's different this time!" Hater groaned. "Look, I love you and you love me. Why is this so hard?" He flopped on his back in frustration. Peepers did the same, scooting slightly closer."I don't know, Sir." He laughed a little, trying to lighten the mood. "I thought things would be easier after last night."Hater chuckled. "Yeah, that was pretty amazing." He lifted his head just enough to rest it on his arms. "You know, Peepers, you're pretty lucky. Not everyone gets to be that close to Lord Hater, Number One Superstar.""Yeah, not everyone. Not anyone before me." He elbowed him playfully."You don't have room to speak. Did you even see how nervous you were?""Was it that obvious?""You were shaking, Peeps." Hater grinned mischievously, before giving him a soft punch."I was shaking? You should've seen yourself! You couldn't even form a proper sentence!""Well," Hater started, mockingly-defensive. "Neither could you near the end!"Peepers felt hot. He searched for the perfect witty response to their banter, but was unsuccessful. He stared up at the ceiling, eye wide."Take off your helmet.""Pardon?""Your helmet! Off!" He quickly complied, unsure of where he was going with this. In a flash, he was in Hater's hands. He noted how easily his entire body could be enveloped in them. What really threw him off guard, however, was how gentle he was. Sure, this wasn't the first time he had been held by him. He had been scooped up before in order for the two of them to make a hasty retreat, but this was the first time he really could appreciate the extra care he was taking for him.He gasped as he was set down abruptly. Looking down, he noticed he was now sitting atop Hater's chest. He stared at him questioningly, earning a smile in response. "Lay down." He instructed. Hesitant at first, he obeyed as Hater's large arms tenderly wrapped around him. He could get used to this."So, what exactly are we now, Sir?""You seriously have to ask? You're laying on me.""Oh, right.""And you don't have to be so formal with me all the time now, y'know?""Sorry. Force of habit, Sir." Hater frowned at him. "Hater... I mean."He could get used to that, too.
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Though he wished he could stay splayed upon his new lover's chest forever, Peepers knew he had to resume his responsibilities eventually. He sat up, purposely being as slow as possible, and stretched his arms. He turned around to get Hater's attention. "Hater, are you awake?""You better not be trying to leave me again, Peepers!" He faked a scowl."I'm sorry, but I've got a job to do."Hater frowned again, but this time it seemed more legitimate. "Why can't the watchdogs just do it?"Peepers put a hand on the side of his boyfriend's face, giving it a loving stroke. "Do you really trust them? Remember last time?" Hater grumbled, crossing his arms."Fine, do your job."It hurt to leave his lover alone again, but at least he knew how they stood. Besides, he would always be able to come back at a more convenient time.He took the large hand and gave it a kiss, before picking up his helmet and placing it on his head. Grop, how did he get so lucky? He had only thought of their relationship as a one-sided crush less than 24 hours ago, and they had already had their first of what he hoped would be many meaningful cuddles.He hopped off the bed and headed toward the door, only to be stopped again by Hater. "C-Peeps?" He stopped and turned around."Yes, Hater?""You, uh," He rubbed the back of his neck. "You can come back after hours if you want."Peepers smiled. "I'd love to." He said softly, as if any sudden noise would somehow break the invitation.The pair shared their goodbyes before Peepers was drawn back into the busy life as Commander aboard a ship of incompetent minions.As if on cue, the alarms were blaring. Peepers was exasperated. This was the third time this week! He rushed to the control room, hoping it wasn't something stupid like the last several times.Arriving at the source of the emergency alarm, he could hear the frantic exclamations from behind the door."I swear this wasn't here during our last scan!""These things don't just appear out of nowhere!""Oh my grop, we're done for!"Peepers thrust open the doors. "Gentlemen, report!""Sir, we've encountered an asteroid field in our path!" A watchdog pressed a button on the console, and the screen displayed their current course. Several red, blinking dots appeared in front of their marker, indicating their imminent danger."Have you considered, I don't know, just going around them and then continuing on our course?" Peepers shouted at the soldier, leaning in close to his face."We've already considered that, Sir!" The watchdog didn't even flinch. "We're currently traveling at a factor of six, and given our current velocity, attempting to slow down in such a short amount of time could prove disastrous for our core!" He folded his hands behind his back. Peepers shook his head. Why couldn't they have sounded the alarms sooner? Somebody would be on janitor duty for a while."Stations, everyone! Evasive Maneuvers Delta!" he ordered his men as they made an effort to dodge the approaching asteroids. "You!" He pointed at a watchdog. "Switch our visuals!""Yes, Sir!" The soldier flipped some switches, changing the display to an all-around view.Now that they could see everything that was going on, the commander began directing the underlings. "Turn left!" The ship began to swing to the right, causing a few small rocks to collide with the hull. "Other left!" He closed his eye and rubbed his temples. What idiots."Brace yourselves!" The Skullship thrashed about, chaotically throwing everyone in the room back and forth. Commander Peepers could barely see straight, but forced himself to concentrate extra hard to find a good path.Finally managing to make sense of his visuals, Peepers noticed what seemed to be the safest route through the remainder of the field which, rather inconveniently, was blocked by a sizable boulder. "Fire blasters at ten o'clock!" He had hoped that the force of the blasts would be enough to disrupt the rock's form.Sure enough, their obstacle disintegrated after several powerful blasts, leaving only the inky darkness of a cloud of dust and, more importantly, their ticket out of their perilous situation. Several sharp twists later, and the Skullship was once again safe on its route. "Good work, men." Peepers praised them. A few looked back at him and smiled."I guess you could say that was a little rocky!" an unknown watchdog was barely able to get out, before succumbing to a fit of laughter. The commander wasn't amused."Do you want to be cleaning toilets?""No, Sir!" In an instant, he snapped out of it. He gave a salute in what seemed to be an effort to regain his professionalism. Peepers smacked his palm against his eye in frustration."Just get back to work."
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After the chaos in the ship's control room, Peepers decided it was time for a well-deserved late lunch. He figured most of the watchdogs had already eaten, which meant the usual hustle and bustle of the food court would most likely have died down quite a bit. Besides, as much as he hated to admit it, he couldn't make it through the day on coffee alone. He traipsed the corridors, hoping the crowd had dispersed enough for his liking.It hadn't.Of course.Not having the time or energy to deal with the rowdy crew, Peepers surveyed the scene in search of a way to make it through, get his lunch, and sit down without being bothered. There was an opening between two small gatherings of about three watchdogs. He found himself subconsciously putting his head down and squeezing through, but quickly corrected his behavior.Remember: head up, shoulders back.Making it out the other side and calming himself with a couple of deep breaths, Peepers placed his order. He observed the room full of soldiers while waiting for his food to be handed to him. The watchdogs were mostly in congregations, all of which were having rather noisy conversations. Someone would presumably say something funny, resulting in cacophonous laughter. He rolled his eye. It was probably something crude or idiotic."Sir? Your lunch."Peepers turned around and grabbed his meal and gave the watchdog behind the counter a brief, impersonal thanks, then headed to the only empty table.The chatter had picked up quite a bit, and Peepers was hating it. Every fiber of his being wanted to stand up and walk out of there, and it took all of his self-restraint to stop himself.At this point, the gatherings had merged into a large crowd, all discussing... something. The Commander turned his gaze to the horde in hopes of hearing something."Did you see-""Who didn't?""You think maybe he-"Peepers groaned. This was stupid! Why did he care so much about whatever it was they were talking about? Probably just the latest episode of The Mystery Kids Mysteries. Nevertheless, he kept listening against his better judgement."Oh, really? We hadn't noticed!" Someone sarcastically responded. "What was your first hint, genius?" He observed as a watchdog was smacked on the back of the head.Somebody else chimed in. "Do you see the way he looks at him?" He was now standing on his tiptoes, hands clasped. "Oh, Sir!" He mockingly gushed in a squeaky voice, fluttering his eyelid. The area erupted with laughter.Peepers' pupil shrunk. Oh grop, were they talking about him? However bad their impressions were, there was no mistaking it.Just ignore them, Peepers."Sir, you are the handsomest in the galaxy!" Another closed his eye, pressing the back of his hand against the top of his head, and dropped backward into the arms of two others.It was worse than he had thought. Could they possibly know about him and Hater? No, he was just being ridiculous. He should just stop listening. Let them talk, they're not going to get to him.Or are they? Despite his best efforts, Peepers just couldn't tune them out."Absolutely electrifying!"He closed his eye as he felt his fists clenching against his will. Their amusement resounded, pounding furiously within his head."Sir, might we have a," Now someone else was tracing a line down the chest of a larger cadet, both of them trying their hardest to look seductive through stifled laughter. "Private meeting?"At this, Peepers stood up. It was as if he was no longer in control of his actions. He began marching toward the crowd."Bone me, Sir!" Someone shrieked. That was it. They had hit too close to home, and now they were in for it.While everyone was in stitches, he made his way over to the crowd. It felt almost as if he was no longer in control of his own body. His glare was fixed on the crowd. His hands were shaking, but he kept his strides long and powerful.Finally standing directly behind the jokers, Peepers cleared his throat. Only a couple had taken notice, but they were instantly petrified."Uh, Jim?" A watchdog was tugging at someone's arm, presumably the one who cracked that last little line. He swiftly jerked away.Somebody else tried. "Hey, turn around!" Then, leaning in close, he whispered to him, albeit a very loud whisper that really defeated its purpose. "He's right behind you."And he turned around, as did the others, with that same panicked look in their eyes. The room went silent. All anyone could do was stare.Now what?Peepers had to admit this had seemed a much better plan in his head. What could he possibly say to them without digging himself into a hole? The last thing he wanted was to confirm their suspicions."If you're quite done," He used the most calm tone he could manage at the moment. "I would like someone to tell me what's so funny." No response. "Anyone?" The stillness grew into soft murmurs, but nobody was speaking up. Peepers clasped his hands behind his back to hide how they were trembling.He was getting nowhere. This was a bad idea from the start. Getting defensive was only going to fuel their little rumors. He should finish his lunch and leave before he wound up in an even bigger predicament.However, just as he was about to turn around, someone spoke."Lord Hater."Now he had them. The next thing he had to do was tell them... why were they saluting? Peepers glanced over his shoulder. "Hater!" He exclaimed, voice cracking slightly. He quickly recomposed himself, not wanting to look bad. "What are you doing here?""Weeeeelll," Hater uncrossed his arms. "I just happened to be walking by, and it's enchilada day, and since you obviously weren't coming over for lunch," He was really hamming it up in delivering his excuse. "I figured I might as well eat lunch here today. And you're here too, so that's cool." He gave a tiny smile, seemingly pleased with himself for sounding so convincing. Subtle definitely wasn't in Lord Hater's vocabulary, but it seemed to go right over the watchdogs' heads. Go figure.Either way, Peepers was glad to get out of that situation. He looked up at his boyfriend. "Care to join me? I'll show you where I'm sitting."And like that, they were off. It was just the two of them now, at an otherwise empty table, engaged in conversation. They didn't talk about anything of much importance, but it was pleasant nevertheless. Everything felt right.Though Peepers knew he would change his tune afterwards, in the moment he didn't care about the whispers and jokes of the watchdogs. All he cared about was the man across from him, whose hand enveloped his from beneath the table.
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Shrieks bounced off the walls of the ship. Debris was flying by, ricocheting violently when colliding with a stray moon or planet. It was nonchalantly knocked out of orbit, flying into the nearest wormhole. The room reverberated with evil laughter, then the process was repeated like the most sinister game of pool.Peepers didn't know exactly when they had gotten distracted. What had started as a strategic planning of Priea G8's impending invasion devolved into a round of... well, whatever this was. When one of the model planet's moons got shifted out of place by a careless hand, Hater had simply responded with "Pow!" And everything went downhill.Now they were both leaning against the table, planetary models and figurines scattered about the room in disarray, the two of them out of breath and sharing in the last few moments of shaky laughter. Then, they sat in blissful silence, until Peepers yawned. He stood up, stretching for a second."We should probably pick up now.""Aw, come on!" Hater sat upright, a frown his face. "Can't we do that tomorrow?" He looked at him pleadingly, grabbing his arm, but he wasn't going to cave in."No, tomorrow we get to do this again." He pulled his arm loose. "Without getting sidetracked."Hater groaned. "But why? We've been through this already!""I know, I know." Peepers sat back down next to him. "But we've got to make sure we're successful. The Priea system is a crucial component to cementing our position as number one on the Galactic Villain Leaderboard, remember?"The blank stare meant "no". Perhaps he was just tired. It was late, after all. The watchdogs had all gone to their quarters hours ago, making the two of them the only ones up on the ship."Alright, look." He placed his hand on Hater's upper arm, giving it a light rub. "How about we at least get the planets fixed then go to bed?""Fine." He grumbled, slowly standing up.The two of them straightened up a bit, Hater muttering to himself. "Doesn't matter...just going to get messed up again...why bother..." Peepers couldn't quite make out all of it, but it was probably just as well. He did get a little grumpy when he was tired.Once everything was more or less in order, Peepers tried unsuccessfully to suppress a yawn. How late was it? He didn't even have the energy to check the time. Sluggishly, he slid down the side of the table, settling on the floor with a soft thud."Tired, Peeps?" He turned his head, finding Hater sitting cross-legged next to him. He simply nodded, scooting closer. He found himself closing his eye against his will. The two of them stayed that way for some time, not knowing or caring how long it had been. Peepers opened his eye once at the feeling of being scooped up by a bony arm, followed by the familiar warmth of Hater's robe.The voice in the back of his head was nagging him to get up and go to bed, but he couldn't help but to curl up instead. He was content. Why would he want to leave? He sighed happily as everything became wonderfully fuzzy.When he finally came to, he was tucked into his bed.
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The high-pitched beeping of his alarm had awakened Peepers from his peaceful sleep. He opened his eye slowly, groggily checking the time. Upon deciding it was a decent hour Peepers rolled out of bed to get ready. He was slightly relieved to find himself still clothed, what with most everything happening past midnight being fuzzy.He fumbled around in the dim light searching for a fresh uniform, until he noticed a messy pile awaiting him. "Hater." Peepers smiled, rolling his eye. It was less of a stack than a sloppy bundle, but he had tried.After freshening up a bit, he left his quarters in an unusually chipper state. The workday wasn't anything spectacular. Routine scans on the intergalactic matrix, having to get onto the soldiers on occasion, whatever. Despite the humdrum of the day, though, he was overall cheerful. Everything was running right on schedule... right up to the point where it wasn't.Hasty footsteps sounded behind him, gradually becoming louder as they approached him. "Sir? Hey, Sir!" Someone shouted between labored breaths.Peepers turned around. "Douglass? What is it?"The watchdog doubled over, panting. "Sir... bridge... screen... talk... need..."He facepalmed. "Come on, use your words.""On the... the thing. Someone..." He managed between gasps and wheezes, until Peepers cut him off, fed up with him."Fine, I'll go look." He gave a small nod in his direction, dismissing him. The watchdog shuffled down the hallway, making noises akin to the Spacecoaster.Heaving a sigh, Peepers began his trek to the control center. So much for a nice, routine day. Whatever this was, it had better be good.He briskly approached the room. He could hear the apprehensive whispers from the hall. If that was them trying to be quiet, they were awful at it.There were about a dozen soldiers positioned throughout the room, along with Hater, who was motioning for him to come closer.They must have sent for him as well. How serious was this?"Oh, thank Glorn!" A squeaky, effeminate voice emanated from the speakers. Peepers turned to the screen. Right between the planetary surveillance view and a sports match he made a note to reprimand them about later, there sat a pale blue alien, tentacle arms folded delicately upon her lap. Two of her eyes, high upon stalks, sparkled down at them, radiating kindness. It made him slightly sick. He recognized her, or rather, her species from his research."Now that both of you fine gentlemen are here, I believe it's time for us to settle things."
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Peepers blinked. "What do you mean settle things?" He looked up at Hater, who only shrugged."Pardon me, I have neglected to introduce myself. I am Ambassador Priala of Priea, and I would like to negotiate with you two on behalf of my people.""Negotiate? What would you want to negotiate with us for?" Hater tried way too hard to sound innocent."Your invasion? You've been on our radar for three days now."Peepers' blood began to boil in an instant. He turned to the watchdogs at the console. "I thought I told you to hold back and take the roundabout way!""We're sorry, Sir, but-"He shut his eye, rubbing the upper lid with his fingers. "I don't want to hear it. We'll discuss this later."The Ambassador clapped her tentacles together. "Wonderful! Now let's talk."Hater stomped his foot. "If you're gonna ask us to go away it's not gonna work! You're getting conquered whether you like it or not!""As much as we would all love for you to cancel your conquest, I understand it is unrealistic of me to ask.""Then why are you asking?" Despite Hater's aggressive tone, the Ambassador retained her calm demeanor."If you absolutely must subjugate us, I must at least ask of you to do so without the violence and destruction."Peepers rolled his eye. This was ridiculous. Prieans were notoriously stupid. He had read all about them in the intergalactic matrix. But this, this was a whole other level. They were the Hater Empire, for crying out loud! Nobody reasons with them!He crossed his arms. "And how would you say we should do that?"Ambassador Priala glanced around the room, eye stalks moving wildly in thought. "Well," She ran an arm over her face. "If conquering our planet is absolutely necessary, then perhaps you should just add it to your total. You don't have to come down at all."Hater perked up. "You mean we can just have your dumb planet?" He looked more confused than anything else."As long as you don't disturb our peace, we will be happy." She smiled sweetly at them, and it was absolutely nauseating. Peepers wasn't buying it.He grabbed the fabric of Hater's robe, lightly tugging at it. "I have bad bad feeling about this." He looked down at him for a moment, before switching to the screen where the alien was awaiting their response."Uh..." He blinked. "Urgent meeting! I must, um, deliberate with my aide!" He leaned down, turning his head so he could whisper."As I was saying, I don't think this is a very good idea. If we just claim it and leave, they could just as easily reclaim it themselves!""Oh yeah." He nodded. "Kinda like that incident with Sourdough?""Yes!" He clapped his hands together. "So if we want the planet, we can't just take it! We need a battalion!""We need a battalion!" Hater repeated, shooting back up.The Ambassador gasped. "A battalion? Whatever would you need one of those for?"Peepers squinted. Was she serious? "Don't think you can get away that easily. Unless you want a fight on your hands, let us leave behind an army!" He placed a hand on his hip as she blinked a few times."Here's a proposal." She straightened her clothes before continuing. "What if you recruited some of the Prieans to patrol the planet in lieu of your army? They'd be more than happy to enforce your rule.""Could probably do a better job than the Watchdogs." Hater chuckled. Peepers moved his hand, resting it against his femur."But how do we know?" He looked up at him. "What if they don't do their jobs? They could quit and start an uprising without anyone monitoring them!""Well, how 'bout we just send a few Watchdogs to supervise?""Oh, wonderful!" The alien Ambassador flashed a blinding smile. "See? We're making progress!""I'm still not satisfied. You said it yourself, the Watchdogs aren't exactly the most reliable when it comes to their duties.""Yeah, no kidding." He rubbed his upper arm. "You're the man with the plan. What do you say we do?""Ideally, we'd just go and invade anyway. But if we're going through with this...'compromise'...I'd be much more comfortable if we also dropped in for random inspections."He was met with widened eyes. "So we know they're doing their jobs! Peepers, you're a genius!"Somehow the Ambassador managed to smile even wider, so much so that Peepers was afraid her face would split in half. "It's settled, then! You'll send some troops down, and we won't get destroyed!""Yes!" Hater pumped his fist in the air, triumphant. "Let's do this!" He then frowned abruptly, letting his shoulders droop. "No destruction. I wanna blow something up."The Ambassador opened her other set of eyes for a split second, before shutting them again. "Well, we have been wanting to create a lake near our capital city. If you want to blow something up, you could make a crater to help us get started.""Wait, help? We're the bad guys!""Terribly sorry, poor choice of words. You see, our capital is in a rather large valley." The pitch of her voice became higher with each word. "If something should happen to the lake, such as possibly a quick blast at the edge, we would surely drown! You could wipe us out at any moment! Imagine, the entirety of our city living in constant fear for our lives!" She wiped an imaginary nervous sweat from her brow, and Hater was eating it up, if his own evil grin was anything to go by."Constant fear, you say?""Oh, I'm trembling just thinking about it!""Wait a second." He looked down to meet Peepers' eye. "What do you think?""I think this is all a bunch of nonsense." All that planning gone to waste. Oh well, at least they had the planet. "If anyone, and I mean anyone, steps out of line, we're doing this the proper way.""You got it, C-Peeps!" He grabbed his hand, using his other one to point at the screen. "Ambassador, prepare yourself! I, Lord Hater, will now demonstrate just how powerful I am!"
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"Mwahaha!" Lord Hater was standing before the Prieans, green lightning crackling at his fingertips. "Let this be a lesson to you! Nobody escapes my wrath!" The air crackled around them, making everyone stand on edge. Then, after drawing his arm back, he shot it forward, releasing bolts right between two mountains. He repeated himself, laughing with evil glee as the terrified citizens ducked for cover.When the dust finally settled, a rather sizable crater had formed on the planet's surface. The Prieans turned, in silence, toward the impression. After a moment of registration, they began cheering. Ambassador Preala glared at them with her second set of eyes. They ceased instantaneously, instead opting to scream in terror.After a while, the squadron had been deployed and everyone else was back in the ship. Peepers was glad the whole ordeal was finally over. He followed Hater into his room, who immediately flopped on the bed."Woo!" With his fists raised in the air, he began his celebration. "Who is the universe's awesomest evildoer?"Peepers wiped the sweat from his upper eyelid. If that never happened again, it would be way too soon.Hater sat up. "Come on, Peeps! You know how it goes!"Even as stressed as he was, he couldn't help but to smile. "Oh, alright. Hater!" He sat down next to him and was immediately wrapped up in his arms. The two of them laughed, becoming a tangled mess of limbs. Then they sat together in silence, taking the moment in. Peepers finally spoke up."Really, though, we'd better get a call within the next week. If we don't, mark my words, we're going back there to do things the right way."Hater gave him a playful nudge. "Fine. What's the plan now?"Peepers closed his eye. "Honestly, I don't know yet. We've gotten off schedule."Hater let out a long groan. "Ugh. I hate schedules.""I know." Peepers placed a hand on his. "But that's how things get done around here."With another grumble, Hater crossed his arms. Peepers pressed a quick kiss to his cheek."What would I do without you, C-Peeps?" Hater pulled him in close. He smiled down at him, bringing an arm around his back.Peepers grabbed the front of his robe, dragging him downward. "Oh come on." They were closer now. He could feel his partner's breath on him, warm and heavy. They gradually grew more and more together, until they were practically touching.A red light cast itself on the room, the harsh buzzing of the alarm accompanying it. They both flinched, bumping heads in the process. Peepers rubbed at his eye. Hater collapsed back onto the mattress. "Again?"Standing now, Peepers grabbed Hater by the hand and pulled him up. "Let's go see what's going on now." He stepped over to the door, holding it open for him.The two ran, or rather, Hater nearly dragged Peepers, back through the ship for what felt like the millionth time today."Just one normal day." Peepers thought. "That's all I want."
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"You all may be wondering why you're here right now." Hater stood at the end of the conference room table in Peepers' usual spot, trying his absolute hardest to give off an air of professionalism. After what had undoubtedly been a highly stressful period of several weeks, Hater had become frustrated. He wasn't the only one, of course. As a matter of fact, most everyone aboard the ship seemed tense as of late. For the past several days, Hater had been trying to propose a solution to Peepers.He knew exactly where this was going. Still, he sat at the other end of the table as his partner fumbled around with some crumpled papers."As you can see," he started, tapping a doodled graph with one end of a pointer. "Productivity's gone down the drain." He ran the pointer down the length of a red line. It didn't look very statistically accurate, but nobody seemed to notice. "And I'm sure all of you have felt burnt out lately." A few Watchdogs nodded, eagerly leaning forward to listen. Peepers rolled his eye, awaiting the inevitable."So here's my totally awesome idea." He flipped over the graph, revealing a drawing of an amusement park. "Official Phunulon shore leave!" The small room erupted into cheers."Hater, we've been over this. We can't just drop everything for a day trip!" As if on cue, the conference room resounded with a collective "Aw."Hater retracted the pointer, setting it down. "Come on, Peepers! I've been doing some reading, and I think this'll be good for us!" He had stepped around the table by this point, and was now a few feet from him. "You're always going on about maximizing efficiency or whatever."Peepers then stood up. "I know, but we're at a crucial point in our plans. We can't afford to become distracted right now!""Just hear me out." Hater took Peepers by the hand."Wait." Peepers leaned in closer, whispering. "Careful, we're not alone." With that, Hater let go."Uh, everyone else can go now." The Watchdogs got up and plodded toward the exit, murmuring Grop-knows-what among themselves. Peepers didn't want to know. The only thing that mattered was that they were unaccompanied, and could speak freely.Preparing himself with a deep breath, Peepers figured he may as well be the one to address the obvious. "Okay, so why do you really want to go to Phunulon?"Hater acted, or rather overacted, shocked. "What? What do you mean?" He forced a laugh, but it came out too high-pitched. He was definitely nervous. "Don't be ridiculous, Peepers. I just thought everyone could use a break. That's all."Peepers could tell he was hiding something. Fortunately, he knew exactly how to get him to open up. "A break? Since when did you start giving breaks?" He slipped his hand back into his partner's. "Please don't tell me you're turning nice." He gave him a gentle squeeze, hoping he'd understand he wasn't serious.Hater put on his most over-the-top, fearsome scowl, the one he only used when he was joking. "I am not nice. I am evil, I am ruthless, and I oughta torture you for even thinking I'm anything less." They both stood in pseudo-serious silence, followed immediately by an explosion of laughter.After they caught their breath, Peepers continued. "Really, though, what's this about? Talk to me.""Uh, well..." He rubbed at the back of his head. "You know how you wanted to wait before we told anyone we're dating?"In an instant, Peepers' heart left his chest. "You didn't tell anyone, did you?""No, no, no, no, no!" Hater waved his hands in front of him. "I didn't say anything!" He collected himself, and started again. "We've been together for a while now, and we've spent most of our time together on the ship, so I thought..." He started fidgeting, and Peepers couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He gave him a small smile of encouragement. "I'd like to take you on a real date."Peepers' heart started pounding again, but this time felt far better."Since you didn't want anyone to say anything, I thought we'd just have everyone go down and call it a shore leave. They'll be too distracted by the games and rides and stuff that they won't care.""Hater, I-" He couldn't stand it any longer. Reaching up and grabbing his robe, Peepers pulled his boyfriend down to his level and kissed him. "I love you so much!""Is that a yes?""Of course!" He kissed him again, and for a moment, he allowed himself to forget his previous misgivings. Just a few short months ago, he never would have thought Hater would even consider him as a romantic partner, and now he had organized a plan just to take him on a date!It was Hater then who had lifted him up, squeezing the daylights out of him, and he was loving every second of it."You know, maybe you really are nice.""Only to you, Peepers."