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“Mom. I’m fine. I have no regrets. I’m having fun.” I’m just stressed beyond belief.
“Sweetie, I’m worried. You have no one there. I knew I should have stopped you from moving there. South Korea? What the hell was I thinking? Your black ass all the way in Korea I knew - ” I let her continue to mumble to herself as I moved around my small apartment.
Where the hell is my sweater? The weather was dropping quickly in Seoul and I couldn’t get sick again. I can’t miss school or my Korean class one more time or I'll be behind.
“Alesa! Are you listening to me, little girl?” Shit!
“Yes, mom! I was putting on my shoes. I’m late to a school meeting. I promise I’m not eating only ramen. I’m not being a loner and I’m studying hard. I love you! I have to go.” I was speaking a mile a minute but I didn’t have time right now to calm her worries. Hanging up as she yelled a quick “love you too. bye”, I finally found my sweater and threw it over my head.
Swinging my bag over my shoulder, I locked the door and descended down the hill that my apartment was in the middle of. Saying a quick hello to my elderly neighbors as I walked past, I kept my head down. After almost 7 months of being here, my neighbors had finally warmed up to me. They use to stare a lot and whisper, finally one spoke to me. Walking over to the group of ajummas was the scariest thing I had done since getting there. I can understand why they would stare. A head full of curls and the only one in the neighborhood that was a shade or three darker. I spent an hour answering their questions before I was invited inside for tteok-bokki, rice, and kimchi. It was the best food I had ate since I had arrived. Ramen had been my best friend. They quickly became my friends.
“Hey! You’re going to be late, bbangbbang. Hurry!”
This is why I have to study. They refuse to even try to speak to me in English. I hate it but love it. My Korean has advanced so much because of them but if I’m not paying attention everything they say flies out my ear.
“Yes! Sorry!”
I was almost running by the time I reached the bus station. The bus driver was about to leave and the look he gave me made me hurry even more.
“Thank you! Thank you! I’m sorry!”
bowing as I flashed my card on the machine, I kept my head down.
Bowing slightly and mumbling sorry as I went down the aisle was always embarrassing. I really need to stop being late. I put my headphones in as I sat by the window. Seoul was a forty-five-minute ride with morning traffic and with a 20-minute walk following it, it was going to be a long day.
The ding of my phone made the screen light up and show my notifications. Mom was ranting about cutting her off but finished with an, “I love you. Talk to you soon.” My closest friend Ji Su was going back and forth with our other friends in a group chat on Kakao.
They switched between English and Korean. Some I understood and some I used clues to guess what it meant. Kakao was confusing enough for the first couple of months that I used it. I finally got the hang of it. My Ryan theme was cute enough for me to spend 3,000 won on. They were talking about the meeting this morning for our teacher. Meet each other at the cafe down the street from the building and then go to the meeting together after.
“Hey! All I’m saying is the soju was calling me last night. I’m tired.”
Seo Yeon
“Where is Alesa?”
Donghae
“Alesa! Hey! You better be up!”
Ji Su
“I bet she almost missed the bus. Hahahaha”
Seo Yeon
He’s so rude. I mean he was right but it was still mean.
“I’m on the way. Seo Yeon-ah you’re mean.”
“Hahaha I love youuuu”
Seo Yeon
His aegyo was not going to work on me. Sometimes being the youngest in the group, by literally 5 months, sucked.I turned my music up a little and put my phone down. Thirty minutes to go. I need coffee.
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I finally made it to the cafe. The aroma was welcoming as I entered and the warmth melted my frozen body.
“Alesa! Over here. Hurry up!”
I turned to see Ji Su at a table and the boys walking back from the counter with an order. Walking over a smile came over me seeing Ji Su bicker at Seo Yeon about trying to eat other people’s pastries. Taking off my coat, I hung it on the chair and sat down. Seo Yeon handed me my coffee and a chocolate chip muffin. My usual order.
“Ms. Always late is here.” Donghae proclaimed dramatically.
------
The meeting was over. It was about getting extra credit for being a teacher's helper for eight weeks.
I’m still really shy about speaking out unless I have to when it comes to Korean. My teacher thought it would be good for me to be a teacher’s helper for awhile and “branch out”. I’m stressed as it is but I can go to the teacher’s class instead of my usual for two months which takes a load of work off because this teacher…… She’s something else.
None of my friends could do it because of schedule confliction, so I really will have to branch out alone. This should be great.
Someone ruffled my hair, “Hey! You alive in there?”
“I think she’s going to faint.”
“Stop guys!”
Ji Su’s voice came
I was in a weird mood and my appetite had left me as we walked. I wanted to be alone all of a sudden.
“Hey, guys, I think I’m going to head home. I’m not really in the mood to be out.” I tried not to mumble as I felt all the energy leave me.
I hate when this happened. The sun was just starting to dim and we were heading to eat janjangmyun after doing some shopping. We had all just gotten paid, plus my mom sent me a good amount of money earlier, it was supposed to be a nice day.
“Alesa. No. I’m not letting you go home.” Ji Su was quick to reply and Seo Yeon wrapped his arm around mine to keep me in place.
“You’re not allowed to go home and sulk in the dark and eat plain ramen while watching variety shows. We love you too much, puffy.” Seo Yeon said while smiling at me.
Seo and Donghae always call me puffy when my hair can’t seem to do what it's supposed to and starts to grow bigger throughout the day. They thought it was “cute”, I thought it was annoying. Damn natural hair is stressful.
Their behavior and words made me smile and my mood was lighter already. I was basically dragged the rest of the way to the bar/restaurant.
“Four bowls of janjangmyun and three bottles of soju, please. One peach and two regulars, please.”
Ji Su called out our order as we sat.
“Okay. Okay. Hurry. Sit.”
the ahjumma replied as she sat the soju down on our table with four glasses. Smiling she walked to the back and Seo opened the soju.
“The peach is Alesa’s. You know she’s soft.”
After the glasses were filled and emptied a few times the food appeared.
“Enjoy!”
the ahjumma said as she left.
“Thank you for the food!”
we called in unison
We dug in, drank, talked, and laughed. Nights like these were so amazing to me. This could be the alcohol talking, my solo bottle was gone and so was the second and third one we ordered, but I really love these people.
My head was definitely on the table as the others poured another cup. I am so gone.
“I’m gone.” Did I say that or was it one of the boys? Man, I have to pee.
Okay. I’m definitely walking now. When did I get up? One moment I’m walking and the next I’m on the ground.
“Oh, crap! I’m sorry.”
Mumbling, I got up, struggling greatly, and leaned on a wall. Was the wall warm and lean?
“Umm. Are you okay?” the voice was shaky but cute.
Following the voice, I looked up to see a really cute guy whose face was scrunched up in confusion. He slowly started to smile as our eyes met.
He was really cute.
“Wahh. Cutie.”
His eyed widened and chuckled in slight embarrassment.
“Alesa, look at you. You got you a man.” Seo came from nowhere and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me off the cute guy who just watched.
Su called us from by the exit where she and Donghae had just finished paying. “Hurry. Let’s go. Sleepover at Alesa’s.”
Seo cheered above me and pulled me along to the door. The cute boy still stood watching us as we walked out the bar.
I thought I heard him speak but my eyes were heavy and Seo was too loud.
“My name is Jimin, by the way.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The first thing I heard was the sound of laughter. Rolling around I realize I wasn’t alone. The burn as I open my eyes was excruciating. I was in my room, in my PJs, surrounded by my friends.“She’s awake!” someone said laughter in their voiceWah. This one! No more drinking for you!” I’m pretty sure that was Donghae.The others voiced their agreement as I finally sat up and looked around.“Let’s get you some coffee. Jjigae is in the kitchen too.” Ji Su, who was sitting next to me, said as she got up. She wasn’t laughing out loud but I could see it in her eyes.Everyone is fake. Who let me drink that much? My head was pounding like never before. The last thing I even remotely remember is chugging shots of tequila in my kitchen and even that was a blur. They were all laughing, probably slightly hung over, nothing too bad, but I felt like I was dying. The sun hurt my eyes, the smell of the jjigae made my stomach turn, and their laughter made my head bang even harder. I wanna die, I really think it is my time to go.I hopped up in what felt like slow motion and made a b line for the bathroom. The liquor tasted worse when it was coming back up, the acid didn’t help any.“Maybe we should wait outside.” Seo Yeon said and I heard light shuffling.Kill me now.---We all laid on my couch, well I laid and everyone sat around the table doing homework. I could barely sit up, the acid in my chest making me want to throw up the non existent content in my stomach.“What exactly did I do last night?” I mumbled in the pillow that I was laying my head on.“Besides sing hella loud down the street…. Nothing too bad. I remember pulling you away from some dude you fell on. It was cute.” Seo said around all the chips he had in his mouth.“Here’s some water and crackers. Try again.” Dong Hae said setting a tray in my lap as I sat up.I tried not to pout as the acid in my chest grew heavier. Chewing slowly on a cracker, I tried to remember falling on someone. It made my head worse.“I don’t remember any of that. Good thing I’m an amazing ass singer or that would be embarrassing.”“You suck so it was still pretty damn embarrassing.” Dong Hae said and the boys laughed.“Shut up.” Ji Su said as she closed her textbook and moved onto the couch next to me, “It really wasn’t too bad but you drank a lot of tequila. We tapped out and you were still going…. Lightweights are so cute.”Why would I drink so much. I hate myself. Even thinking about liquor made my whole body shiver. I had never blacked out before. It was kind of scary to realize I don’t remember the night before at all. Thank god for my friends. I chewed on another cracker as the boys gave up on their homework too and yelled about a movie night. We settled in on the couch, barely fitting but finding comfort in being close to each other, and the movie started. I couldn’t stop myself from trying to remember the guy from the night before. No one had even got his name. Sighing I tuned into the movie. I’m never going to see him again anyway and he probably was drunk as can be and didn’t remember either. Hopefully.**********Everyone went their own way around 10:30 pm but Ji Su, she stayed the night and helped me with my homework. By the end of the second movie, my stomach had settled enough to eat some toast and start my homework. Even after Ji Su fell asleep, I was still trying to finish. Waking up this morning was hard as hell but Ji Su already dressed and ready with coffee made it better. My shower was too quick but refreshing enough, the coffee perfect for my hazy mind, and as we ran out the door to the bus I started to feel myself again.The ahjummas waved at us as we ran, I’ll ignore the laughter because I’m used to it at this point, as we made our way down the street the buzz of the day was just starting but made me smile. We thankfully made the bus with a few minutes before departure so I didn’t have to feel shamed walking down the aisle. Sweating due to all the hair on my head and humid weather, I tried to fix it. My hair was on its third day of a braid out and was huge. My mom had sent me a package with hair products, snacks, and all the stuff I need, and want, that are only back home. The package still had a day before it would reach me, I was dying. I parted my hair down the middle and tried to braid it into two braids on either side, she was a mess but so was my life.“You should really consider the new apartments they built by the campus this half an hour commute has to be hard to do everyday. I know you like living alone but you could always live with me too, ya know?” Ji Su said as the bus started driving.I do need to move closer the commute is so expensive when you add it up I might as well just get an apartment close even if it’s more.“I know. I know. I’ll talk to my mom about it. My uncle was thinking about buying an apartment here for when he comes for business, I think he wants me to wait for him.”“A rent free apartment? Even better. You’re uncle is loaded. I love when he visits. Is he coming soon?” She smiled and nudged my arm jokingly.“Maybe in a month or two, I think. I’ll tell him you miss his money. It makes him laugh every time.” I rolled my eyes as I texted my mom a small life update.The ride went by quickly, I thank Ji Su for that, and we walked the one block from the bus stop to the school campus.“You’re actually early for once.” Ji Su laughed and bumped me as we walked into the starbucks on campus.“Yah! I’m early like twice a week, so don’t pat yourself on the back too much.”We ordered two iced coffees, mine with vanilla and cream, hers just black, and two toasted bagel. Sitting down as one of the tables we talked about the Korean homework I was struggling with as we waited for our drinks.“Order number 98 please pick up your order!” a barista yelled out“That’s us. I’ll get it.” I was up out of my seat in a second and Ji Su laughed as I danced over to the counter. My stomach was eating itself at this point. I felt my body hit something hard before it registered that I really wasn’t paying attention.“You must really like bumping into me. It was Alesa, right?” The voice was smooth, the tone light and joking. His face?? Fucking beautiful. “I’m Jimin remember?? I was hoping to see you again.”