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“Maybe we should call it a Society.”“Ew.” Mabel shuddered. “Like the society of the Blind Eye? No thank you.”Dipper scratched out 'Society' on the paper in front of him. He and Mabel were sitting at their kitchen table, debating what to call the club they were trying to form at school. Waddles started nibbling on his pant leg where he'd spilled grape soda.“Well, maybe it could be a secret society?” Dipper asked.“It's a public school.”“A fraternity?”“Is that like a college party?”“No it's – ugh, never mind. A fraternity is guys-only, anyway, so that won't work.” He sat back in the chair and looked at the paper in dismay. It was so covered in crossed-out scribbles it looked like a page from Journal #3.“Why does the name matter so much, anyway?”“Simple.” Dipper tapped the paper. “A name is like a trademark. Like our signature. People get their first impression from an important-sounding name. If people take it seriously, they'll take us seriously.”“How about...” She held up her hands and moved them like she was tracing a rainbow. “The Serious Squad.”Dipper burst out laughing. “That sounds like we need to seriously take a squat on the pot.” Mabel laughed with him, giggling and snorting through her nose. Waddles oinked enthusiastically.“Uh-oh, here comes the tickle monster!” Mabel dove under the table and started tickling Waddle's enormous stomach.“Mabel, come on, we gotta come up with a name so we can turn in the club application tomorrow.”She poked her head out. “We've been at it for an hour. How's this: just come up with the three best names you got in the next sixty seconds, then we'll put them on the floor and let Waddles decide.”Dipper sighed heavily. “Welp, I can't think of a better idea. Let's do it.”He chose the three best names and wrote them on separate sheets of paper, then laid them on the floor on the other side of the kitchen.“Alright...release the pig!”Mabel, who'd been hugging Waddles tightly, immediately let go. “Go Waddles, go Waddles, GO!”The pig lay down and yawned.Dipper rolled his eyes. “Why am I not surprised.”“We just need to lure him over somehow,” Mabel said. “Do we have any orange marmalade left?”“We could spread peanut butter on them,” Dipper offered. “Here, let me – aw, c'mon.” He'd stepped on one of the papers and it was stuck to his leg.Waddles, sensing his distress, blinked himself awake and waddled over...where he began chewing Dipper's pants.“BOOYAH!” Mabel shouted. “WE HAVE A WINNER!”“I think he just likes the grape soda I spilled,” Dipper said. But he pried the piece of paper from Waddle's snout. “Okay, sis, here it is.”Mabel came over to look. “Hey, not bad, not bad!”“Now all we have to do is make the poster for it.”She grinned. “Leave that to Mabel!” The next day, after their application had been approved, a new poster appeared on the bulletin board in the office. It read:
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“It's gremlins,” Dipper said.Dipper and Mabel were sitting in Mrs. Schipp's art class, since it was virtually the only place Mabel's pig was allowed in school. (Mabel insisted on bringing him to use as a 'live model', even when doing paintings of cheese arrangements. Waddles ate the cheese. Mrs. Schipp called it 'Performance Art'.)Dipper sat across from Lloyd DuPris, the President of the Science Club. Lloyd looked every inch the typical geek: tall, long-limbed, with thick-lensed glasses that kept sliding down his nose. He had watery green eyes and calloused hands from working with machines.Samirah, the club's Vice President, and Randy, the science club's only other member, sat on either side of Lloyd. Randy was leaning back in his chair, casually blowing his red hair out of his eyes, but Samirah was fidgeting nervously with the ends of her fluffy purple sweater. Mabel had been so artistically inspired by this that she'd whipped out her knitting needles and was making a sweater exactly like it.“Gremlins are the only explanation,” Dipper repeated, when Lloyd didn't respond.Lloyd stared at him. “Gremlins do not exist,” he said slowly.He shrugged. “I know a few gremlins who'd beg to differ.”“It is not gremlins, we have a saboteur!”“If you believed that, you never would've hired us to investigate in the first place.”“There's no such thing as gremlins,” he repeated, a little angrily. “And how did you even get on this case, anyway? We're a science club! We don't waste our time with stuff that can't be scientifically proven!”Waddles oinked at him.Dipper held up a report. “Somebody put this into my locker, and it said it was from your club. I thought you were asking for my help.” The report said that the Science Club had been having problems with sabotage for the past week. They were entering a district-wide drone race this coming Friday, and the winning drone would be used by the local branch of FedPost to deliver mail for a whole week. It was a pretty big deal. So, naturally, they were a little upset that their drone had been destroyed twice in the last few days. Based on Dipper's investigation of the science classroom, the destruction of the drone had been caused, not by students, but by gremlins.Lloyd looked at Randy. "I didn't send that note. Did you?"“Hey, man, that's not mine.”Lloyed glared at Samirah. She looked sheepish.“Well, we do need help,” she said. “And their club has 'investigator' in the title!”"Uh, actually," Dipper started, "We're the 'Haunt Hunt-'"“That's right!" Mabel shouted. "We investigate everything! Ghosts! Gossip! Government conspiracies!”“Look,” Lloyd said, leaning forward. “The drone competition is in three days! We don't have time to build another one, so if you want to help, then I need you to just stop whoever's doing it, or find someone who can!”“Uh-oh, someone's a little grouchy!” Mabel said. “Here – say cheese!” She whipped out a camera and snapped a photo.Dipper blinked at the flash. “Uh, Mabel, maybe now's not the time."“Of course it is, Dipper! This is our first case as Haunt Hunters, and our clubs are about to join forces and become the ultimate force against evil!” She leaped up and planted one foot on her chair, waving her half-finished sweater like a flag. “BEHOLD! THE SCIENCE HUNTERS!”“We just wanna win the competition,” Samirah put in, speaking softly. “Do you think you could help us protect our drone?”Dipper opened his mouth to speak, but Mabel cut him off. “Don't worry, Sam-Sam, we've been studying the supernatural all summer! I even punched a unicorn in the face! We can definitely handle whatever's messing up the drone, human, gremlin, or otherwise!”“Um...that's good, I guess.”“We can definitely give it our best shot,” Dipper agreed. “As experienced Paranormal Investigators, we're prepared to handle any encounter with the unknown.”Lloyd scowled. “Whatever. Do what you want.”“Gee, thanks,” Dipper said dryly. “Look, we're investigators, and we'd like to help. So let's skip the skepticism and focus on protecting the drone.”Lloyd nodded grudgingly. With varying degrees of enthusiasm, the five of them formed a plan. A drone, Randy had explained, was basically a motor strapped to a rectangular board with four propellers at each of the board's corners. (Most were far more advanced than that, but that was the gist.) Each drone also had a camera at the front that gave the pilot a live feed as they flew, so the pilot could use their remote-control to adjust the drone's course even when the drone was out of sight. The cameras remained off when the drone was not in use.But not tonight.They'd taken the spare drone cameras and hidden them throughout the room. Lloyd had put the drone back in the cabinet of the science classroom and locked it, same as usual. If it really was a human saboteur, they didn't want to make it look like they suspected anything.Dipper, Mabel, and Samirah were all sitting in the classroom next door, watching the video feeds. (Waddles was sleeping at home.) Mabel was watching the feed from the drone, which was pitch-black, since it was in a closet. Dipper watched the feed from the camera taped to a desk, and Samirah watched the one that had been taped outside, just above a window. That way they could watch for intruders coming or going all night long.Lloyd and Randy hadn't been able to come, and Dipper felt a little weird hanging out with a couple of girls all night, but Mabel and Samirah got along so well he quickly forgot any boy-girl awkwardness. It was even kind of fun – Mabel had brought along her backpack, containing cameras, candy, cards, and Stan's bat (which she'd decorated with stickers and pink glitter glue). There were safety lights in each classroom, so the lighting was dim but not pitch-black. They sat around the teacher's desk and spent about an hour playing card games, until Mabel started giggling so hard she could barely hold her cards up.“It's gonna be a little tricky to catch a thief if they hear you laughing,” Dipper pointed out. He glanced at his video feed. The classroom looked quiet so far.“But this is so fun!” Mabel squealed. “It's like a sleepover! A SCIENCE sleepover! Hey! We could play more games. Wanna play twenty questions? Wanna play truth or dare? How about jokes? Everything's funnier in the dark! Quick, Samirah, tell me a knock-knock joke! A SCIENCE knock-knock joke!”Mabel's giggling was contagious. Samirah covered her mouth and snorted into her hand. Even Dipper found himself starting to smile.“Alright, I've got a science joke,” he said. “A guy walks into a bar and goes, 'I'll have a glass of H-two-O, please.' A second guy comes in and goes, 'I'll have a glass of H-two-O, too. Then he died.”“Oh my gawd,” Samirah said, giggling even harder. “That is the corniest science joke I have ever heard. And my mom's a colonel!”They burst out laughing.“Shh, shh!” Dipper tried to say, gasping to catch his breath. Mabel's right, jokes are funnier in the dark. “Is your mom really a colonel?” he asked Samirah.“Totally. She's overseas right now, so it's just me and my dad at home.”“That's so neat!” Mabel exclaimed. “We totally gotta send her pictures of us winning the drone race!”“'Us'?” Dipper asked, raising an eyebrow. “Since when are we part of the science team?”“Well, what about a group picture with a couple adorable fans?”“You mean 'adoring' fans.”“Nope! Look at this face!” She scrunched up her cheeks with her hands. “This is the definition of adorable, people!”Samirah laughed.“You know, I didn't know much about drones at first, but they sound really cool,” Dipper said. “Can they only do regular cameras?”“What do you mean?”“You know – like, could you also attach a camera that scans for infrared or ultraviolet or something?”“Oooh!” Mabel squeaked, her eyes lighting up. “You're thinking ghost-hunter camera, am I right?”Samirah looked intrigued. “Ghost hunter?”“I wanted to start my own ghost hunting show on iTube,” Dipper explained. “My last video camera broke, so Mabel's documenting our cases with her flash camera in the meantime. But I'd love a camera that can record beyond the visual spectrum for documenting paranormal energy sources. Could you attach different cameras to a drone?”“I don't see why not," Samirah said thoughtfully. “But depending on what you use, I'm not sure how well you could navigate. It would definitely affect FPV.”“What's that?” Mabel asked.“First-Person Video.” She tapped the camera feed coming from the drone. “This isn't like a remote-controlled helicopter. You're not watching the drone from the outside, you're watching it like you're the pilot, sitting right on top. That's a lot harder than it sounds. Everything happens incredibly fast. Lloyd's the only one who can keep up with it, and he's an amazing pilot. If you switch to a camera that uses different colors or something –”Dipper gasped. “Samirah, your camera!”A black shape whizzed across the feed.
CHIRRRRRRUP!
She leaped to her feet. “The drone! They turned it on!?” Mabel grabbed her bat and they rushed to the science classroom, but it was already overrun with gremlins. Each one looked like a mutant Yoda, with green skin, bat ears, and sparse hair sticking up in weird places – but they also had blood-red eyes and sharp black teeth. They were everywhere, bouncing from desk to desk with their powerful frog legs, scaling the wall with their sharp claws, dangling from the ceiling and trying to eat the lightbulbs.“Duck!” Dipper yelled, forcing his sister down as a gremlin shot overhead.A thick knot of gremlins had clustered around the cabinet, where the drone whirred and chirruped from inside.“Get off!” Samirah shouted, diving for the cupboardA gremlin peeled off the cabinet and launched at her face. She went down with a shriek, trying to pull it from her hair. The drone whirred and banged around inside the cabinet. “I got this!” Mabel shouted. “ATTACK GLITTER!” Before Dipper could stop her, she whipped out a glitter bomb and threw it on the floor. It exploded in pink and green glitter so fine it filled the air like smoke. Dipper covered his mouth and nose with his shirt, eyes stinging. “Mabel! How is that helping?!”“GLITTER IS ALWAYS HELPING!” Mabel said, then immediately broke out coughing.Dipper knew the glitter would sink, so he quickly climbed onto a desk, almost stepping on a gremlin. He grabbed and then used it like a club to smack away three more gremlins. The captured one bit the last gremlin on reflex, then squealed and grabbed its own teeth – gremlin skin was probably way tougher than it looked.He tossed his gremlin away, grabbed a glass beaker, and fought his way across the room to the goblins clustered around the cabinet. He reached it at the same time as Samirah, then raised the beaker and crashed it over the top gremlin's head. Samirah jumped back with a gasp, but the glass didn't even scratch it. The gremlin just turned and snarled, baring its sharp black fangs. Dipper swallowed. “Uh...nice gremlin?”It leaped for his face, three more gremlins right behind it. Dipper ducked but the little monsters latched onto him. Sharp teeth, fangs, and knees bit and jabbed at every bit of exposed skin. Dipper shouted and went down, rolling frantically, trying to stun them with his weight. Suddenly a whirring noise filled the air and Samirah yelled, “I GOT THE DRONE!” The drone whizzed out of the closet and every gremlin in the room stopped bouncing, jumping, lunging, and, in some cases, chewing Dipper's legs. Their heads all swiveled as one. Then they swarmed the drone, jumping and clawing at each other and actually holding each other back in a mad frenzy to reach it. Samirah shrieked and the controls jerked in her hands. The drone swerved sharply in midair and several gremlins collided skull-first. A few gremlins got lucky and snagged the bottom of the drone. They started climbing up the machine, eagerly trying to chew it to bits. Dipper grabbed a broom and started swinging at the pile. “Samirah, get them out of here! Draw them somewhere else!” Samirah aimed the drone for the door, but the few gremlins clinging to it dragged it down. Mabel popped up from behind some desks, wielding her bright pink bat. “FORE!” she shouted, and swung with all her might. The bat cracked in half, but she knocked off every gremlin in one hit, and Samirah quickly piloted the drone over Mabel's head and out the door. Dipper yanked Mabel out of the way of the following swarm, then the three of them ran after the mob, Samirah still frantically piloting the drone. Navigating the hallway was a nightmare, and a couple of times some of the gremlins got too close; Mabel threw the two halves of her bat at them, effectively stunning them silly. But once Samirah got the machine outside, it became the easiest game of keep-away in history. She just flew it to the center of the soccer field and let it hover in place, turning slowly circles thirty feet above the ground. Dipper, Mabel, and Samirah stopped at the edge of the field, watching the gremlins collect under the drone. Dipper whipped out his notebook. “Wow, look at them jump for it,” Samirah muttered, unnerved. The gremlins could apparently leap anywhere from ten to fifteen feet straight up, more if they jumped off each other's heads. “They're like mutant Jack Russell terriers.”Mabel squealed. “OMG they are! D'you think we could dress one up in a dog costume?!”“Uh-huh,” Dipper said distractedly. “Twenty...feet...jump...limit... Mabel, you're taking pictures, right?”She grinned and waved a camera (he had no idea where she'd been keeping it). “Don't even worry about it, broseph! I've been taking pictures of EVERYTHING!”She snapped another photo and the camera's lightbulb flashed. Several gremlins squeaked and tumbled to the ground, clutching at their eyes.“Awesome, I gotta show Great-Uncle Ford later. And I want to make sure we have proof to show Lloyd.”“Good luck with that,” Samirah said wryly, jerking the drone up another few feet. “That guy wouldn't believe in the supernatural if you shoved it one inch under his nose.” They reconvened before school the next day. Lloyd and Randy met them in the art room (Waddles was snoozing on the floor in the sun). Samirah held the slightly-damaged drone in her hand, Dipper gave a full report on their gremlin encounter, and Mabel brought out the photographic evidence, holding it up literally one inch from Lloyd's face. He shoved her hand away. “So we have a flying lizard problem.”“Are. You. Serious!?” Dipper demanded. “We have actual photographic proof of the supernatural and your first thought is 'flying lizards'?! They don't even have wings!”“You're talking to a science club President,” Randy reminded him. “From our perspective, these things are either an undiscovered species, a mutated species, or a mutated undiscovered species.”“They have glowing eyes!”Randy shrugged. “Bioluminescence.”“But –”“What I wanna know is, Randy pressed, “how do we keep the gremlins away until the competition? It's tomorrow! We can fix the damaged parts now, sure, but we won't have time to do that five hours before the competition.”“It's obvious.” Lloyd jabbed a finger at the drone. “Lizards eat bugs. That sounds like a giant bug. Remove the motor, plant copies of the motor evenly around the school where the gremlins won't cause damage, and they won't even bother looking for the drone. We have like ten extra engines, we can use four of them to act as decoys.”Dipper blinked. “That...actually sounds like a good plan.”“Hold up, dawg,” Mabel said. “The gremlins came for the drone at night when it was off. How do we know they're after the engine?”“The engine's parts probably make sounds we don't hear,” Samirah said thoughtfully. “Especially the way we designed it. And the gre– er, lizards...went nuts as soon as they managed to turn the engine on. I think they'd maybe heard it, or even heard it while we had it running during the day, and came to get it.”Dipper nodded. “Makes sense to me. Okay, we'll give Lloyd's plan a try, and plant decoys to keep the gremlins away from the actual drone. It really sounds like it might work.”Lloyd curled his lip. “That's because I, unlike you, do not place my faith in the existence of the supernatural. I look at the facts, not fantasies like – like that.”Dipper stiffened, but Samirah was already talking. “Hey, Lloyd, that's being a little harsh. I mean, we got photographs and everything. You don't think all three of us would suddenly start lying to you, do you? Not about something as crazy as grem–”“There are no such things as ghosts!”They all stared at him. “Uh, I think you mean 'gremlins',” Mabel said.Lloyd shoved his chair back and stalked from the room.Mabel watched him go, a slight frown pleating her brow. “Is it just me, or does he seem weirdly hung up on not believing in the paranormal?”“I don't know...maybe it's part of the whole 'science' thing,” Samirah muttered, carefully examining the drone.Randy nodded. “Yeah, probably. For me, I like having the whole universe explained, you know? That's why I like robots so much. Everything fits together in a way that makes sense, and you're the one that knows how it works, and you can make it work the way you want. Wouldn't it be great if we could do the same thing to the whole universe? Like have all the rules written down in a little book, nice and simple?”Dipper and Mabel shared a glance and grinned, thinking of Great-Uncle Ford's journal.“That sure would be cool,” Dipper agreed.“But see, a lot of scientists have this like, mental block in their minds.” Randy twirled a finger by his temple, like he was drawing a circle around his thoughts. “You think you know the rules, and the stuff that's not in the rules doesn't count. People make them up. Ghosts, gods, whatever, all that falls into the category of 'not real science'. Lloyd's like that. If it's not already accepted by the scientific community, then it just isn't science.”“So what happens when something new is discovered?” Dipper pressed. “Does he just not acknowledge it until everybody else does?”Randy shrugged. “Hey, man, I like robots, not psychology. All's I know is Lloyd's always been real touchy about the whole 'paranormal' bizz.”“Yippee,” Dipper muttered.“Hey, buck up, bro-bot,” Mabel said, punching him lightly in the arm. “Look – the day is saved, the drone's in one piece, and everything's ready for the competition!”“Almost ready,” said Samirah. “If we don't figure out how to stop it from making that chirruping noise, we're going to be in big trouble. The race is being held right here on school grounds! Tomorrow! And I really don't think we can clear out an infestation of gremlins in one night.”“Probably not,” Dipper agreed.“What if you just changed the noise the drone makes?” Mabel suggested. “Make it sound like music or something! You could do a tune from &ndra! WE COULD DO KARAOKE!!!”“You think changing the sound'll work?”“It really might,” Dipper said, nodding. “It's probably a certain kind of frequency that's drawing the gremlins here. Change the frequency and presto, no more gremlin bait!”“What if that doesn't work?” Randy asked. “We need a back-up plan. I'm going to go see if I can rig up an extra drone motor in the lab. If the gremlins show up, maybe we can lure them away with another chirrup-y thing.” Samirah nodded. “Good idea. You go; I got this.”“Great.” He got up and headed for the door. “You need some help?” Dipper asked Samirah. “Oh oh oh, me too!” Mabel squealed. “I could totally decorate the drone! It'd stand out a mile away like a big sparkly flying Mabeldrone!”“It would be pretty cool if it showed off our school colors,” Samirah mused. “Although I should probably get Lloyd's approval... Oh, alright. Just make sure you run the designs past me first. Anything too heavy will weigh it down.”“YAAAAY! Waddles shall be my artistic inspiration!”“No pigs,” Samirah said at once.“Aw, but –”“No. Pigs.”She sighed dramatically. “Fine. Would a starfish-parakeet hybrid be okay?”“On second thought, let's do a pig.” The Piedmont Drone Racing Competition took place on the soccer field.A series of hoops and U-shaped canvas tents for the drones had been laid out on the grass to serve as an obstacle course. Each obstacle was at least 4 feet across, but with five drones competing, part of the challenge would be to get through each hoop without crashing into the other drones. The teams were set up at one end of the field, testing out their drones, checking batteries, and making sure their video feed was clear. Only one person at a time could pilot a drone. The schools with better-funded science clubs had goggles for their pilots, similar to virtual reality helmets. Piedmont's team just had a separate camera. Lloyd would have to watch the feed and steer his drone without taking his eyes off the screen. To Dipper it seemed like a real-life video game, like flying those Y-Wings from Star Battles.The spectators had already gathered behind the teams. There was a booth off to one side for the announcer and the judge. A surprising number of people had shown up – not just the families of the people on the teams, but a couple of news reporters and a few extra kids from each school. Everyone was talking excitedly, pointing out the Piedmont drone (mostly because it was painfully pink) and talking about which drone would probably win and why. Dipper sat between Randy and Mabel on the grass. The drones were about twenty times as loud as bees, and it was a little like being at a race car track. He could feel the vibrations humming along his skin. “I never realized it would be so loud,” he commented, grinning and holding his ears. Randy shrugged. “I've got five older brothers, this is nothing. Hey Lloyd, you done warming up?”Lloyd, sitting a couple feet away, kept checking and re-checking the drone, sending it on short test flights, making it zoom around and then fly in tight circles over their heads.“I wish we had more time to test it out,” he kept muttering. “I don't like entering a competition with an engine cobbled together from last-minute parts...who knows how it'll perform...”Lloyd, Samirah, and Randy had finally gotten permission from the science teacher to spend the day before the competition building an entirely new engine that wouldn't make the chirrup noise. It seemed to have been a success, because there was no gremlin attack the following night – or perhaps they'd all just been drawn away by the decoy motors, which, come morning, looked shredded to ribbons.“Relax,” Samirah said, as their drone swooped over her head. “You're, like, the best pilot here! You're gonna be fine.”“And I'm gonna take pictures!” Mabel said, bouncing to her feet. “Everybody say 'Drone!'”Samirah, Dipper, and Randy posed. “Drone,” they droned.
Click!
Lloyd winced. “Great. Photographic evidence of our potential failure.”Randy lounged on the grass, the very antithesis of Lloyd's stress. Any more relaxed and he'd practically melt into a puddle. He lifted a soda. “Like the lady said, man, relax. We got this thing in the bag.”“You're sure the gremlins won't show up?” Samirah asked anxiously.Dipper nodded, ignoring Lloyd's fierce scowl. “Definitely. Every attack so far has occurred at night. They seem to be completely nocturnal, and the way they flinched at Mabel's camera makes me think they'd hide from bright sunlight like this. Not to mention that replacing the motor eliminated the whole reason they attacked the drone in the first place.”“Haha, yeah,” said Randy.Suddenly a megaphone squealed to their right. “Attention, teams!” The teams quickly landed their drones and the crowd quieted, turning towards the judge's table. The announcer and the judge were both wearing red sashes, which seemed pretentious, but also made it seem like a real race. “Thank you to everyone who came today. FedPost will now be distributing the sacks. Please attach them to the bottoms of your drones. We will begin the race in five minutes.”A guy from FedPost started walking up the field, holding five lumpy sacks in one hand.Lloyd looked pale. “I wish they'd let us practice with those beforehand...”“At least we know how much they weigh,” Samirah pointed out. “Plus the weight slows the drone enough to give us more reaction time. Hopefully we won't hit a wall or the ground.”“How come they want you to stick dangly things on the drones?” Mabel asked.“The winner of the competition will have their drone used to carry mail for FedPost for the next week,” Lloyd reminded her distractedly. "Our drones have to be able to fly properly and take the weight at the same time."But Mabel had stopped paying attention. “OOOH! We should've painted our drone like a cow! The sack could be the udder!”“That's an udderly bad joke,” Dipper said dryly.“Silence, Humorless One!”The FedPost man walked by and handed Lloyd a small sack. It was about the size of a cantaloupe, and from the way Lloyd handled it, Dipper thought it weighed maybe two or three pounds. It was a lot of weight for such a light-looking drone. Samirah and Randy helped Lloyd attach it to the drone, and Lloyd flew the drone up and down a few times to make sure the weight wouldn't fall off.Dipper leaned forward, eyes glued to the drone. Who cared if Lloyd thought gremlins were a myth? Loud engines going super-fast was still fun to watch. Plus he really wanted his school to win. He pictured Mabel's Flying Pig design zooming all over town. He could already hear her saying something ridiculous, then yelling, 'When pigs fly!' and then immediately pointing out the window to prove her point.As if reading his mind, Mabel snapped another photo and glanced at him, grinning. “Hey, Dipper.”“Yeah?”“I think we're totally going to ace this competition...”“When pigs fly!” they said together, and laughed.The announcer took the microphone. “Once again, your attention, please. The race is about to begin.”The teams gathered up behind their drones. Dipper and Mabel stepped back with the crowd to give them room. The pilots snapped on their goggles or fiddled with their cameras and controls, making last-minute checks and adjustments.“This race will not be timed,” said the announcer. “The goal is to fly through all the obstacles, loop around the far red pole, and then fly through the same obstacles in reverse. The first person to reach the finish line with their weights still attached is the winner. Ready...set...go!”Instantly the five drones zoomed over the field. The sound of the motors was even louder with all of them going at once. The drones headed for the first canvas arc and one of them immediately crashed into the edge of it. The momentum of the sack immediately swung it into the ground.“Ooooh!” said the crowd.“Come on, come on!” Dipper called.“You can do it, Lloyd!” Mabel cheered.In just the time it took to say those words, the drones had reached the next obstacle, a canvas hoop set three feet above the ground. Two of the drones narrowly missed colliding and the crowd gasped with excitement.The final obstacle was made of three canvas arcs. They were set up so that the drones would have to take a curved path to get through all of them. One of the drones didn't turn fast enough and hit the canvas wall, nose-diving and raising a small puff of dust.“Aaaah!” said the crowd.“Watch that debris on the return,” Dipper heard Samirah mutter under her breath. But Lloyd was easily the best pilot out there, and Dipper didn't think she needed to worry.The three remaining contestants, including Lloyd, zoomed their drones towards the pole at the end of the field. Dipper's ears were ringing from the noise of the engines, but now that they were farther away, the buzz was starting to fade. He opened his mouth to keep cheering. That was when he heard it. He froze. No, he was wrong, he had to be, none of the other drones made that noise, and now theirs didn't either, so there was no way –
Chirrup.
Oh, no.
Dipper grabbed Mabel's arm. “Mabel! Do you hear that?”She snapped another picture. “What, the sound of an Ultimate Victory approaching?”“No – that sound, listen!”She cocked her head.
CHIRRRRUP.
They looked at each other in horror.Mabel reached forward and tapped Samirah's shoulder urgently. “Samirah! We've got a problem!”It only took her a second to notice the sound. “But – oh, no, the race isn't over yet!”“We've gotta find out where it's coming from!” They quickly got up and stepped away to avoid distracting Lloyd, then huddled together. “You said gremlins are nocturnal, right?” Samirah asked, her voice going higher and higher. “They wouldn't come out right now, would they?!”“They shouldn't unless –”
CHIRRRRUP, CHIRRRRUP, CHIRRRRUP –
The drones were heading back down the field, and this time Dipper could hear the sound in stereo. As if there was more than one engine, and he hadn't heard them all separately because they'd been too far away...Dipper gasped and whipped around, staring at the first downed drone. The sack had fallen in plain view, and part of the fabric was vibrating, as if something inside was whirring and churning away.“Sweet Sagan, the engines are in the sacks!”The words were barely out of his mouth when a swarm of gremlins literally popped out of the ground at the edges of the field. They shot towards the drones, screeching horribly, their black teeth bared and their claws outstretched.
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People screamed and fled the field, but more gremlins were pouring out from around the school buildings, throwing the race into chaos. “GET THE DRONES HIGHER!” Dipper shouted over the noise, but one of the pilots panicked and drove his drone straight into the mouth of a gremlin. Crunch.Mabel yelped and jumped back as a gremlin made a grab for her leg, snapping a picture on reflex. The camera flashed and the goblin squealed, tumbling away. “That's it! They don't like bright lights!” Dipper grabbed Mabel's backpack and started tossing out cameras. “Everybody! Use the flash! Drive 'em off!” Samirah and Randy grabbed the cameras. Mabel immediately went to stand next to Lloyd, who had kept his cool and was focused on flying the drone out of reach. She took photos of every gremlin that came near them. “Who's ready to make the front page?!” she shouted, clicking away. Samirah and Dipper immediately started running in circles, going back and forth in front of the teams' launch pads and the field, trying to keep the gremlins from attacking the humans. Most of the gremlins were too focused on the engines in the sacks to pay them any attention, but there were several stubborn ones that seemed to think people looked like big, juicy bugs. Samirah and Dipper snapped photos as fast as they could, keeping them at bay. Dipper ducked as a gremlin sprang for his face and spun to snap its picture. It squealed and retreated, but another took its place. “We've gotta get them off the field!” Dipper called. “We'll need a bigger light for that!” Samirah said. “Dipper!” Mabel called. “The Home Ec room has tinfoil!” “Got it! Samirah, hold the line!” He tossed his camera over to her. She caught it one-handed and started snapping pictures with both cameras simultaneously, earning a cheer from Mabel: “WOO-HOO! NINJA WARRIORS UNITE!” Dipper raced towards the buildings. Most of the crowd was headed that way, so he quickly climbed a chain-link fence separating the field from the classrooms. Luckily the school's halls were open so the science club could get to their drone. Dipper darted down the hall and ran straight to the home ec room, where he grabbed all the tinfoil he could find. Then he went to the science classroom and grabbed everything he thought he'd need – batteries, lightbulbs, flashlights, copper wire, and a bin full of odds 'n' ends he thought might come in handy. He threw everything in the bin and hurried back to the field as fast as he could, hefting the bin in his arms. Most of the crowd had escaped, but the gremlins had surrounded a few clumps of stragglers, and the people were screaming and trying to fight them off with anything they could. Purses, backpacks, shoes, and wads of used gum whizzed through the air. From the sound of it, the gremlins had destroyed most of the motors. The only drones left flying were Lloyd's and the one from Beachwood Middle School. The drones flew higher and higher, each of them still carrying their sacks, but the gremlins were leaping off the canvas arcs and each other in a mad frenzy to get to them. The drones' batteries had to be running low, especially with the added weight – it would only be a matter of time before they both went down. “Samirah! Mabel! Help me out!” He ran up to them and passed out the tinfoil. “Wrap it on anything and everything!” “You got it, Dipping Sauce!” Mabel said, and they raced off, still clicking cameras like mad. Dipper dodged gremlins left and right and hurried to the middle of the field. The drones were still weaving back and forth in the air, but they kept dipping lower, like they were trying to make it under the next canvas arc. Dipper looked down the field at Lloyd and the other pilot. “Are you seriously still doing the race?!” he shouted. “YES SERIOUSLY SO LET ME FOCUS!” Lloyd shouted back. “And Stan calls me a nerd,” Dipper muttered, but he put the thought aside and quickly got to work. He unrolled the last spool of aluminum and spread it around him to make what he hoped was a protective shield. Then he whipped out the flashlight, the wire, and the lightbulb. He realized he should probably have grabbed some insulation for what he was trying to do and quickly dug through the bin for anything that would act as an insulator – rubber would be best – but even plastic or cloth would do. “Getting crazy over here!” Mabel shouted at him, clicking cameras at all angles: left, right, under her leg, over her head. “Five seconds!” Dipper shouted, as he hooked up the bulbs. Then he dumped out the bin and started covering the inside with aluminum. “I'M QUITTING!” he heard the announcer scream shrilly. “I'm going back to rodeos! It's so much safer!” “Quit being a baby!” Samirah snapped, still taking pictures nonstop. Dipper cut a hole in the bin and wedged the contraption through. “OKAY, EVERYONE COVER YOUR EYES!” he shouted, and he turned it on. The many bulbs he'd rigged shone from the bin like the center of an ugly metal flower. The aluminum lining the bin reflected and focused the light, making it painfully, eye-searingly bright. Dipper screwed his eyes shut – even standing behind it in broad daylight burned his retinas – and swung the bin in a crazy circle, trying to aim it at every corner of the field. Thanks to the tinfoil Mabel and Samirah had laid out, the place practically blazed with light. “SCREEEEE! SCREEEEE! SCREEEEE!” The gremlins squealed with agony. Dipper heard them tumbling to the ground, scrambling and jumping over each other to get away. “WOOHOO! How'd ya like THEM apples!” he heard Mabel shout. “Vic-to-ry! Vic-to-ry! Everybody now! Vic-to-ry!” Dipper cautiously cracked his eyes open. The field was now mostly gremlin-free, except for a few stumbled around looking dazed, running into each other, people's legs, and the ground. One bonked off of Dipper's shin and sat there, grinning feebly and chuckling to itself. He nudged it in the direction the other gremlins had gone and it rolled itself away. He looked up as something blew past him overhead. Lloyd and the Beachwood pilot flew their drones over the finish line and landed them neatly on the judge's table, both sacks still intact. The table jerked violently and the judge peeked out from under it. Her face was white and she pointed a shaking finger at the field. “What – what – what was that?!” she gasped. Lloyd looked up from his screen. “Flying lizards, of course. No big deal.” He stood up, rolling his shoulders like he spent every day flying drones through hordes of bug-eyed monsters. “So...did we win?” The announcer and the judge actually agreed to rule on the race, mostly because the principles of Piedmont and Beachwood wouldn't let them leave the field until they did. Beachwood Middle School was declared the winner. “But why?!” Randy cried. “We crossed the finish line at the same time!” “Take a look,” said the announcer. He opened the weighted sacks for each drone. Lloyd's sack had held a series of thickly stuffed envelopes, designed to mimic the weight it would be carrying if it was chosen by FedPost. The Beachwood drone had the exact same cargo – with the addition of a small black motor. The judge held it up and pressed the on switch. It made a chirrrrup noise and she quickly switched it off. “Identical engines were found in all the sacks of the other drones, except Piedmont's,” she said grimly. “The obvious conclusion to draw from this is that Piedmont somehow slipped these weights into the sacks. It's likely that, since the sacks were all identical, the perpetrator put one motor into each sack before they were passed out, and then took out the motor in their own.”Lloyd's face turned a blotchy red and white. “We didn't cheat!”“Yeah!” Dipper added. “Mabel and I were with them the whole time. Nobody cheated!” “No one that you saw,” said the judge. “But without further proof, I must award First Place to the only other drone to finish the race.” She turned to the kids from Beachwood. They looked decidedly worse for wear, with gremlin teeth marks in their arms and clothes, but still flush with victory. “Congratulations,” she told them. “Your drone was extremely well-built, and I must say that your pilot performed beautifully under extremely unusual circumstances. I am pleased to award you first place, and I look forward to conveying your design to FedPost.” “I don't understand,” Lloyd murmured, holding the drone in his hands. The five of them had reconvened, once again, in the art classroom. The principal had chewed them out rather badly – Dipper and Mabel, too, since they had been there and might have been the cheaters. The Science Club had been temporarily banned from future activities, and, as the President, she was holding Lloyd responsible. When he'd insisted that he hadn't sabotaged anything, she'd threatened to suspend him for lying. Lloyd nearly lost it right there and Samirah and Mabel had had to pull him away. Now Mabel pulled out her emergency stash of “Feel Better Candy Bars” and passed them out. “At least you finished,” she said tentatively. “I mean, you were an amazing pilot. Flying pigs never looked so graceful!” Lloyd shook his head. Samirah miserably nibbled her candy bar. “We just worked so hard on it. And now we not only lost, it looks like we sabotaged the whole race. I don't care if people think those things were gremlins, lizards, or mutant geese. They're blaming us for it and we don't have a shred of proof to say it wasn't us.” “I'm sorry, guys,” Dipper said. He felt about as bad as Lloyd looked. “This was our first case, and we really let you down.” To his surprise, Lloyd waved him off. “You did what you could. You kept our drone safe for another night. For all we knew, someone from a different class or even another school came and took the engines we'd set out to lure the gremlins away. That would explain how they got them all.” “I guess, but – I'm sorry did you say 'gremlins'?” Dipper asked, amazed. “Yeah,” Mabel said slowly. “Gremlins...I mean, it would be easy for people to just stick something heavy into other people's sacks to make it hard to fly. But they specifically picked those engines, and only we knew it would attract gremlins. That means it had to be someone we would've told about the whole gremlin thing.” “I told no one,” Lloyd said flatly. “Not me,” Samirah said. “Same,” said Randy. “I mean seriously, who'd believe us? Even if we'd called them flying lizards, it sounds pretty unbelievable. There'd be no point in telling anyone.” “But that means...” Dipper trailed off, and they could see them all looking at each other. That means it has to be someone at this table.“Oh no you don't,” Lloyd said, when Dipper looked him in the eye. “It was not me.”“Ditto,” said Samirah and Randy. “You were the one who thought of the plan to hide the motors,” Dipper pointed out, looking at the club President. “You even decided exactly where they'd be.”“Yeah, but wouldn't that mean he couldn't hide the motors without implicating himself?” Randy asked. “Lloyd's smarter than that. This wasn't him.” “Besides, let's say someone from the club did take the motors,” Samirah said. “There's no way to prove who it was. They'd've taken the engine from our sack in the competition, right? But then they could've just chucked it in a trash can. It's not like he'd keep it on his person to incriminate himself.” “Maybe not...unless he couldn't dispose of it without getting caught.” Dipper stood up. “It's worth a try. Everybody, empty your pockets.” They stood up and began dumping everything out. Lloyd turned his pants pockets inside-out, revealing nothing but a lot of lint and some change; Samirah, a couple of tubes of lip gloss and some double-A batteries; Randy, a few quarters and a candy wrapper; Dipper, a few chewed-up pen caps; Mabel, a predictably large quantity of stickers and sugar packets. “I thought you stopped eating those,” Dipper said. “I had to bring 'Exciting Drone Race' food!” “Wait, Mabel, your backpack,” Randy said, pointing at it. “Oh – hang on...” Mabel reached for her backpack and unzipped the largest pocket. “SCREEEEE!” A gremlin launched straight up, scratching Mabel's face. She fell back with a cry and the gremlin went straight for Randy. He yelled and covered his head with his hands. Lloyd and Samirah rushed to help him as the gremlin zoomed up and down his body, digging its sharp claws into his skin. “Get it off me, get it off me!” he shouted. He screamed as the gremlin dug into his stomach. Dipper grabbed the broken bat from Mabel's backpack and smacked the gremlin in the side. It flew across the room, hit the wall with a thud, and slid to the floor - the missing engine in its claws. Then it scrambled out the window, chittering over its prize. For a moment they all stood in silence, panting. Then Dipper went to his sister and put a hand on her shoulder. “Mabel, are you alright?” “Yeah,” she said, blinking and touching her cheek. “I got lucky, it barely scratched me.”Dipper looked up at Lloyd, who turned slowly to look at Randy. Dipper had never seen anyone's eyes look so cold. “It was you.” “I-I just wanted us to win!” Randy said, getting up and holding his stomach. He had long scratches down his side, but no one made a move to help him. “Besides, you said there were no gremlins, so I figured putting an extra motor on someone else's drone was, like, actually aiding the enemy! Giving them a fair fight against us, you know?” Lloyd stared him down. “You did it as an act of deliberate sabotage,” he said, and his voice was like ice. “That was your every intention. And you knew that nobody'd ever believe in gremlins even if they were right in plain sight, so people would blame it on the weather or rabid possums and nobody would even think to look for a human culprit. You know it, we know it, and I don't care if we can't prove it, you're never doing it again. As if this second, you're out of the Science Club.” “You can't do that!” Randy shouted. “You can't prove anything and I can go to the principal right now and she'll force you to keep me in the club. You can't go making personal calls like that just 'cuz your a judgmental –”“Finish that sentence,” Samirah said coldly, looking Randy straight in the eye. “Go ahead. Finish that sentence.” Randy said nothing. “If you want, you can go to the principal,” Lloyd said. “And if she forces me to keep you in the club, then you'll be in the club. But you will not participate. You will not contribute ideas. You have lost that privilege. Now get out, before you lose what little dignity you've got left.” Randy stomped from the room. “Welp, there he went.” Mabel shrugged. “Too bad. He really seems like a nice guy.” Samirah said nothing. She stared down at a piece of the broken engine like she was holding her heart in her hands. “Aw, Samirah...” Mabel went and put an arm around her shoulder. “Hey, let's go make some We'll-Win-Next-Time cupcakes in the Home Ec room, okay? They've got powdered sugar and food dye, and if they've got little molds we can even make those hard-candy decorations like they've got on fancy cakes.” Samirah managed a smile. “Okay,” she said. “Excellent! C'mon, we'll get Waddles and he can keep the floor clean while we work!” Samirah laughed as the two of them walked out of the room. That left Dipper alone with Lloyd. He shifted uncomfortably. Lloyd had been pretty impressive two seconds ago, but Dipper wasn't looking forward to having the same kind of confrontation. It didn't seem to matter much that he'd been right about the gremlins. It still sucked that Dipper hadn't been able to save their drone.“Well, uh...maybe I should just get going, huh?” he said awkwardly. “Hang on.” Lloyd turned but didn't quite meet Dipper's eye. “I owe you an apology.” “Nah, man, it's okay. I'm really sorry we couldn't keep your drones safe.” “That wasn't your fault.” Lloyd gestured for Dipper to sit, and then leaned against the wall, next to the window. “I meant...I'm sorry I didn't believe you about the gremlins. I knew they were real the second time when you had footage. I mean, gremlins, right?” He cracked a grin. “Ghosts, sure, but gremlins?” “How come you keep mentioning ghosts?” Dipper asked, curious. The smile dropped off Lloyd's face. “If it's personal, man, I'm not trying to pry,” Dipper said. “No, no. I mean, it is, but it's kind of part of why I didn't believe you. So I feel like I should tell you about it.” He hunched his shoulders like a bird. His glasses slid down his nose. “It's...it was my aunt. I guess I used to play blocks with her when I was really little. Like, two years old. She was an architect, and I'd build all this crazy stuff, so it's something we could bond over. I dunno, I was too little to remember. “She died in a freak accident. When you're that young you think 'dying' means you just go away and don't come back. But the thing was...” He stopped and swallowed. Dipper waited. He could tell Lloyd was having a hard time. “The thing was, there was this lady who started showing up at my house when I was eight. I thought maybe she was one of my mom's friends. First time I saw her she came into my room – I'm not even sure how she got into the house, but I didn't think about it, and I wasn't scared. She goes, 'Hey, 'Frisco, you wanna build a bridge?' I guess she called me 'Frisco because I always liked bridges, I had this huge picture of the San Fransisco bridge on my wall...” He trailed off again. He was looking out the window, but not really looking. “It happened a few times before I told my parents about it. Just a casual eight-year-old comment, like, 'Hey, mom, your friend's really nice. She taught me all these cool tricks you could do building stuff out of straws, using them like girders.' And she goes, 'What friend'? And I tell her about it, and she turns white and goes, 'There is no friend.'” Lloyd's voice suddenly became so forceful that Dipper nearly jumped. “She tells me to go to my room and I don't get dessert that night for lying.” “But it was your aunt,” Dipper said, connecting the dots. Lloyd nodded. “Yeah. That's not the bad part. The bad part was when my mom found out that my aunt was still coming. She just couldn't accept it, I guess, and she started punishing me for lying all the time. I stopped telling her about it and started hiding it whenever I was building something, because she thought it was happening again. She barely let me do the Science Club – she never lets me bring anything home to work on there.” “Dude.” Dipper looked at him sympathetically. He wished he knew what to say. It sounded like Lloyd's mom really had known the truth, but even so, she still treated Lloyd like he was a liar. No wonder he'd flipped out when people accused him of being the saboteur. It was like he was getting accused all over again, just for telling the truth. Lloyd shrugged. “I started pretending I was making up the whole thing in my mind, just to make it stop, you know? I threw out all my old science fiction books, anything that even hinted at the supernatural. I guess I thought if it really wasn't real, then my mom was right...and I wouldn't have to resent her for it.” “Supernatural stuff can be pretty dangerous,” Dipper said. “Boy, I could tell you stories... Actually,” he said suddenly, “I really could tell you stories. And you'd probably believe them, huh?” “Yeah,” Lloyed said immediately, and then looked surprised at himself. “Yeah, I guess I would.” Dipper smiled at him. “You're a pretty cool dude, Lloyd.” “You're a pretty cool nerd, Dipper.” “Har, har.” He stood up and held out his hand. “So we're okay?” “Yeah, dude, we're okay.” They shook hands.
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Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator is onlineDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Hello, Great-Uncle Ford!ScienceOwl66 is online.ScienceOwl66: What's shakin' turkey bakin'?Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: ...Grunkle Stan?ScienceOwl66: THIS IS DEFINITELY GREAT-UNCLE FORD AND NOT STANDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Uh-huh. What happened to Great- Uncle Ford?ScienceOwl66: basically we found this moving island with a buttload of buried treasure guarded by a creepy spider-lady and i ran for the boat but noooo ford thought it would be a good idea to ask her all about her weird science YOU CANNOT CUSS ON THIS WEBSITE Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: A spider-lady?! Was she like that arachnimorph Darlene that we saw in Mystery Mountain?? Was she all-spider or did she have a human head and abdomen?! How many legs did she have, not including her arms? Did she even have arms? Did she spit acid or try to bite you? Could she talk or did her large mandibles give her an accent? Did you get a sample of her hair? ScienceOwl66: wow you are boring. Where's mabel?Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Wait what about Great-Uncle Ford?? Is he okay? ScienceOwl66: Nerdbrain got bit by Darlene the Sequel and he's sleeping it off. s pretty funny cuz the poison made him get a hangover and he's never been drunk in his life. All the pain and none of the surprise tattoos in the morning!Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Mabel's at school right now – she's started her own Theater Club today and it got like five members in the first two hours. They're putting together the props for their play. I think they're gonna do a cat version of Romeo and Juliet. ScienceOwl66: TAPE THAT I WILL SELL IT FOR MONEYDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Don't worry, I will, but it won't be in production until next month. Hey, maybe you could come see it? ScienceOwl66: We're halfway around the world, kidDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: ...I found a hidden online archive with candy recipes from the 60s and Mabel will make you toffee peanuts. ScienceOwl66: DONEScienceOwl66: HOW MANY TOFFEE PEANUTS ARE WE TALKINGScienceOwl66: WE MAY NEED A BIGGER BOATDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: You'll just have to come by more often! I better go though, I've got a lot of homework to do from school and Great-Uncle Ford. He gave me this inscription from that cursed goblet you guys found and I am *this close* to cracking it .ScienceOwl66: yeah maybe do that one first, it started making weird moaning noises todayDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: You didn't drink out of it, did you?!ScienceOwl66: maybeDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: GRUNKLE STAN!! THAT THING COULD BE MADE OF MURCERY FOR ALL YOU KNOW!!ScienceOwl66: haha murceryDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: I'm working on the code right now do not do anythingScienceOwl66: i'm outta clean mugs i'ma use the cupDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Do not do that! Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Grunkle Stan?!Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: GRUNKLE STAN SERIOUSLY PLEASE DO NOT DO THATDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: GRUNKLE STAN THE INSCRIPTION SAYS ALL YE WHO TOUCH THE CUP OF NIGHT WILL BE CURSED TO HEAR THE VOICES OF THE DEADDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: GRUNKLE STAN?!!?Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: GRUNKLE STAN PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE OKAYScienceOwl66: wow ghosts are stupid there's this one viking guy who drowned at sea because he stole a horse and it literally kicked him in the YOU CANNOT CUSS ON THIS WEBSITEDipper_Paranormal_Investigator is offline
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The three of them walked down Dracena Avenue. Dipper was reviewing the notes he'd made on poltergeists. Mabel was knitting a deep blue sweater for Grunkle Stan. (Her goal was to get up to two sweaters a day by the end of the school year.)“You didn't have to do this,” Luffy said. She was one of the first people who'd joined Mabel's theater club. She was built like a pixie, small, petite, with hair so fine it formed a flaxen cloud around her face. She brushed it back anxiously. “No, no, this is great,” Dipper assured her. “The Haunt Hunters are just starting out, so we really appreciate the business.” “Yeah!” Mabel added cheerfully. “Plus I can't have my favorite costume designer all tense and upset. You might sew...cross stitches! HYUCK HYUCK HYUCK!” Luffy snorted into her hand.Dipper looked up. “Wait, weren't you doing the costumes, Mabel?” “If only I had time, bro-bro,” she sighed. “Such is the life of a screenwriter-slash-director-slash-actress. But worry not!” She squeezed Luffy in a one-armed hug. “I have the ultimate costume creator right here! You should've seen what she put together for our last Art Final. She even modeled her own costume! It made her look like an actual barf fairy!” Luffy gave her a look of befuddled amusement. “I'm still not sure whether I should be offended by that...” “Oh, don't worry, barf fairies are really pretty when they're not barfing,” Dipper said absently. He pulled his camera out of his backpack and checked the lens and battery. Luffy had only asked them for help a few minutes ago on the way home from school, but Dipper made sure he was always prepared to document the unexplained. “So where did you say was the epicenter of the activity? The living room?” “Right, right. It mostly just floats a bunch of stuff around the room, but last time it sort of got carried away and broke my mom's china plates.” She paused. “Weird...now that I think about it, it's messed with pretty much everything in the living room except my sewing stuff. Yarn, needles, buttons – none of it ever gets touched.” “Maybe it's allergic to synthetic fabrics,” Mabel suggested. “Mabel, ghosts can't be allergic.” “This is me,” Luffy said suddenly. They stopped in front of a light yellow house with blooming azaleas beneath the windows and a small tree in the front lawn. There was a small stained-glass sun catcher hanging in one of the front windows, and a tray on one side of the door. Luffy led them up the walk. “Just put your shoes in there, please,” Luffy said, pointing to the tray. “We've got inside slippers you can use if you want.” “Oooh, I feel so fancy!” Mabel squealed. “What's the bowl for?” Dipper asked. There was a small porcelain bowl to one side of the tray. “It's for this cat we've seen running around the neighborhood. My mom's got a real soft spot for strays.” Mabel squeezed her own cheeks. “Awwww! That's so sweet!” They headed inside. Luffy actually did have a few sets of spare slippers waiting for them. Mabel decided to mix-'n'-match, one pink and fluffy, one light blue with rhinestones. Dipper grabbed a pair at random, shoved them on his feet, and followed Luffy to the living room. The place was large and airy. The front and back walls had windows overlooking the lawn and the back yard. The left wall had a fireplace in the middle with a flatscreen TV over the mantle and two bookcases on either side. A coffee table sat in the middle of the room, in front of a spotless tan couch with small floral buttons. There were some board games stacked under the table and some toys were scattered on the carpet – mostly rubber arrows and a few Legos. The right wall held another small bookcase, and there was a small table and chair set up in the corner – what had to be Luffy's sewing nook. There was a small sewing machine on top of the table. A few boxes sat underneath it, filled with cloth, yarn, needles, and sequins. Mabel went straight for the sequins. “OH MY GOSH YOU HAVE THE LIMITED-EDITION WICKED SERIES WITH GLITTER!” Mabel held up a green box with both hands. She was practically drooling. “I'll let you take some home if you want,” Luffy said with a smile. “My great-aunt used to work for Vogue, she's got a ton of connections in the fashion community. Anyway, please make yourselves at home. I'll make us some snacks and be right back.” She set down her backpack and walked out of the room, calling, “Mom! Kyle! I'm hoo-oome!” “Okay, Mabel,” Dipper said, “d'you wanna help –”“Dipper she has yarn she has so much yarn I must find out where she gets all this yarn last time I went to the yarn store they said they were out of the cashmere blend but she's got like a whole pile of it and there's this one that's dyed two different colors –” Dipper's lips quirked up in a wry smile. His sister was obviously a lost cause for the next few minutes. He decided to do a quick scan of the room with his camera, watching the video carefully. Sometimes ghosts would show up as blurry lights when they weren't visible to the naked eye. He wasn't picking up anything just yet, which meant the ghost was probably inactive for the moment. Good. This'll give me time to set up my equipment. He started unpacking his backpack. “What's all that?” Luffy asked, coming back. She set a tray of cut fruit, cheeses, and those little crackers and cheese snacks with the red sticks. He eyed the crackers. “It's just your basic Haunt Hunter equipment. That's your basic digital camera, your Full Spectrum & Infrared Dual Switching Light, this is the thing my great-uncle Ford invented for monitoring changes in temperature to create a 3D thermal map of everything in a 3-meter radius, and those crackers look really good, thanks.” “So what's the plan?” Mabel asked, coming over to the couch. She'd sewn a green witch-shaped sequin to the cuff of her sweater.Dipper pulled out his notebook out. “Okay, let's go over everything you know about the hauntings.” Luffy brushed back her hair. “Right, right. Uh, what do you want to know?” “How long has it been going on?” “Uuum, maybe a month?” “When does the activity usually happen?” “Usually when everyone's home. Like, from now until bedtime.” “Is there anything that seems to happen at the start of the activity?” “Well –”“LUFFYYYY!” A short pudgy three-year-old ran into the room, wearing a yellow T-shirt tie-dyed with mustard, olives, and pepperoni. “LOOKIT! I'M A PIZZA!” “Ah, wait, wait!” Luffy stood quickly and scooped him up before he ran face-first into the couch. “Aw, man, I must've left the fridge open. Kyle you can't run around with food on your shirt!” “Tell that to Grunkle Stan,” Mabel muttered, and Dipper held back a laugh. “Mo-om, Kyle made a mess!” Luffy called. “Can you handle it, sweetie? I'm working!” “Sure! This is my cousin Kyle,” Luffy said, tucking the toddler under one arm. Kyle stuck his arms and legs straight out and pretended to be an airplane. “His parents run the Sonny Day Funeral Home. They drop him off with us every day so he's not around all the, y'know...dead bodies.” “But Sonny Day never reported any supernatural activity?”“Right. I mean, no, they didn't.” Dipper looked thoughtful. “It's possible the ghost originated in the funeral home and followed him to your house.” Kyle belched. “Mmm, pizza-flavored gases!” Mabel said brightly. Luffy tried not to laugh. “Okay, okay, back to the ghost,” Dipper said. “Is there anything that usually happens at the start of the activity?” “Well, usually Kyle here starts making a mess,” Luffy said, bouncing Kyle on her hip. “And then, uh...that.” She pointed. A book was slowly pulling itself off the shelf. Dipper immediately grabbed the camera and started filming. The book moved straight out, hovered in the air for a minute, then fell to the floor with a bang. “BANG!” Kyle shouted, clapping his hands. “BANG BANG BANG!” The book flapped on the floor. The louder Kyle shouted, the more the book flapped around. Bits of pepperoni flew off his shirt. “Guys, we've got activity!” Dipper said excitedly. A small white blob had showed up on video and was messing with the book. Its form was indistinct, but there was no question about it – they had a haunt on their hands! Mabel applauded. “Hooray! So what's the plan?” “It would help if we could see it. Mabel, help me close the curtains. Luffy, go stand by your sewing stuff, that's the safe zone.” The activity was starting to increase. Several more books were rattling off the shelves now. Most of them were falling to the floor, but several of them whizzed through the air in a circle. Pieces of fruit and crackers went flying. Dipper winced. “Aw, man, I was gonna eat those!” Mabel ran to the back window while Dipper ran to the front. The windows had blinds and curtains. “Oh – you have to pull it out at an angle,” Luffy called to him. Dipper grunted, struggling with the little wand-thing on the blinds. You always think you're smart until you go to someone's house and try to mess with the windows... Finally he got it and turned around, camera in one hand, silver mirror in the other. He was ready for anything – Pranksters, Soul Suckers, Phantoms of Pain...
...Eh?
In the darkened room, the ghost glowed clearly enough to be seen even without the aid of spectral equipment. It was chubby, with cherub cheeks and a little propellor hat. Its big eyes sparkled with mischief. It had arms, but its body sort of blurred into nothing below the waist. The ghost floated upside down about three feet off the ground, making silly faces at Kyle, who giggled with delight. The ghost was – there was no other word for it – cute. Luffy stared at it. “Am I the only one seeing this? Tell me I'm not the only one seeing this.” The ghost flipped over and blew a raspberry at her, then tried to hide behind Mabel like it was suddenly shy. “Aww!” Mabel cooed. “It's adorable! Aren't you an ectoplasmic cutie?! Yes you are, yes you are!” Dipper scowled. “Mabel!” The ghost scooped up half a banana from the floor, made a big show of opening the peel like a flower, and presented it to Mabel, blushing silver. “Awwww!” She took it, smiling. “Oooh, his hands feel so cold!” Luffy looked stunned. She sat in in the sewing chair, Kyle squirming on her lap. “Is for real? Are we actually being haunted by Calvin the Amiable Ghost?” Dipper shrugged, still filming. “It's a Category One. It's basically harmless. All it can do is make things float.” “Yeah, well...” Luffy looked uncomfortable. The ghost was batting its eyes at her. She leaned away from it. “Riiight. Okay, um, as cute as it is, I don't think my mom wants any more of her stuff broken. Can we maybe ask it to leave?” “Sure!” Mabel said brightly. “Hey Calvin! Wanna come home with us?” “Mabel!” Dipper said. But Calvin shook his head and pointed to the back window. Then he swooped across the room and hovered right next to Luffy. She gave a small shriek of surprise, but just reached over and ruffled Kyle's hair. Kyle giggled. He started trying to play thumb war with Kyle, both of them grinning as their fingers slipped past each other. “Uh...” Luffy pulled Kyle away. “Look,” she said to the ghost, “you seem very nice, but it's a little uncomfortable having so many people in the house. So, um, please leave us alone.” The ghost pointed to the back window again. Then it floated closer to Kyle. “What's it doing?” “Um...maybe he wants Kyle to go outside?” Dipper suggested. “Sometimes if you give a ghost what they want, they leave.” “But Kyle goes out front every day to play.” “It's worth a shot,” Dipper said. Luffy got up and started to carry Kyle away. There was a door leading to the back yard just off the living room. But as soon as Luffy got close to it, the ghost zoomed over and blocked her path. It spread its arms and the telekinetic maelstrom picked up again, creating a moving wall of snack bits, books, and pillows from the couch. The exit was blocked. Luffy backed up nervously. “Uh...it's never done that before...” “Zoom!” Kyle said gleefully. “Zoom zoom!” “You're doing good, just keep it distracted,” Dipper said, slowly bringing out the mirror. All he had to do was get it to look at its reflection. He walked around so he was standing in front of the back window, Luffy and her brother on his left, the ghost on his right. If he had to, he could jump between them. “Now I'm just gonna move reeeal slow and –” He whipped out the mirror. Instantly, he ghost shrieked. The sound was beyond human hearing, but it sizzled along Dipper's skin and shattered every glass surface in the room – TV, window, silver mirror. Sharps pricks scored Dipper's neck and arms. “Dipper!” Mabel cried. “What's going on?” Luffy's mom called. Luffy opened her mouth to call back. Suddenly the temperature in the room dropped so fast Dipper's ears popped. An earthly wail pierced the air. Something rammed Dipper face-first to the floor, digging into his back. Luffy screamed. A roar filled the room. Snacks, books, backpacks, and whole pieces of furniture lifted up and started spinning around at a dizzying rate. Dipper tried to lift his head and nearly got clipped by the sewing machine, whizzing past like a forty-pound mosquito. Something grabbed his shoulder and dragged him under the coffee table. He tried to get up and Mabel forced his head down, grabbing the leg of the coffee table when it started to rattle and lift away. “Where's Luffy?” Dipper shouted. “Over there!” Luffy had had the same idea as Mabel, but she'd dove under the overturned couch and was huddling underneath it with her little brother. Kyle was screaming and crying. Luffy's mother rushed into the room. “What happened, what's – oh my god!” Something vibrated in the air, resonating deep in Dipper's bones. Dark light flooded into the room, so everything looked like a negative photograph. The air pressure increased. Dipper's eardrums throbbed. “What's going on?” Luffy's mom shouted. “I don't know!” Luffy shouted back. Dipper tried to lift his head again and a red cracker stick shot straight up his nose. He gasped in pain, eyes watering, and pulled it out. He hated it when supernatural stuff was both scary and embarrassing. Mabel had one arm thrown over Dipper and the other was gripping the coffee table so tightly her knuckles were white. “I can't see anything, what do we do, what do we do?” “My camera!” “You wanna film this?!” “Just hold on!” He felt around the carpet until something hard and plastic zoomed through the air and hit his hand. He yelled but managed to grab it by the wristband, hauling it back in. He quickly adjusted the Switching Light, glad that he'd had the foresight to snap it onto his camera before this whole mess started. It would monitor the activity in frequencies human eyes normally couldn't detect. He hit 'Record' and held up the camera, angling the video screen so they could see what was happening. Mabel gasped. “What is that?!” A huge whirling mass of energy raged around the room, pulsing and flashing with lightning. It peeled paint from the walls, ripped the TV from its hook and send it crashing into the ceiling, where it hung like a high-tech chandelier, dangling above the couch. Plaster rained down and joined the maelstrom of random objects hurling through the air. The storm kept swinging back towards Luffy and then swinging away, like it was working itself into an ugly couch-killing frenzy. “It's a Level 10, it has to be!” Dipper shouted. “We've gotta get out of here!” “Luffy! Kyle! Luffy's mom!” Mabel called. “We've gotta get outside!” “YA THINK?!” Luffy's mom dove under the couch, pulled out her children, and sprinted for the front door, shielding them with her back and arms. Dipper grabbed the other leg of the coffee table. He and Mabel started to hurry outside, using the table to cover their retreat. A brilliant flash of pure white filled the room, so complete it obliterated all other light, all shadow, even sound. When Dipper could see and hear again, the sound he heard chilled him to the core. Kyle was screaming. And so was Mabel. “Mabel!” He grabbed her, hunkering down. “Mabel, are you alright?”“I – I'm fine,” she gasped, looking stunned. “I don't – I don't know what that was, but I'm fine!” “Let's get out of here!” They for the front door. Two feet from the exit, something hit the coffee table so hard it jarred it out of their hands. Dipper wrapped an arm around Mabel's waist and hurled them outside, just as a lamp smashed through the space where their heads had been. Luffy, Kyle, and their mother were sitting on the front lawn, looking stunned. Luffy's mom had her arms around her children. “Are you alright?” she asked them. “Are you okay?” “Fine, fine,” Mabel said, checking herself over. Dipper dusted some broken glass from his hair. “I'm okay. Some scratches.” He turned. As bad as the storm was, it seemed to be completely restricted to the inside of the living room. The windows had been shattered, but nothing was flying out of them. They could see the twisted distortions in the air where the energy still raged, and now and then Dipper saw a streak of something black, but the storm seemed confined to the boundaries of the house.“What on earth,” Luffy's mother started, but seemed unable to continue. “I, uh, we sort of tried to get rid of the ghost,” Luffy said weakly. “I don't – I don't think it liked that.” “Well,” Dipper said grimly, “if silver mirrors don't work, we can always try Plan B.” He took out some extra chalk he kept in his pockets. “There are three different wards I know of that can offer protection. These will exorcise the ghost completely, keep it from getting out of the house, or at least keep you safe if you need to go back in.” “I'm sorry, what is this?” Luffy's mother interrupted. She didn't sound rude, only baffled. “Are you – chalk – what is this, exactly?” “We're the Haunt Hunters,” Dipper said, gesturing to himself and Mabel. “We've had a lot of experience dealing with the supernatural, so Luffy asked us if we could help with the supernatural activity at your house. We, uh, we may have underestimated the haunt, though.” “You're – you're sure this'll work?” Mabel flashed her a huge smile. “Definitely! My brother's done Ford-level research. If he says the wards'll work, they'll work!” “Right,” she said faintly. “You, uh – you go ahead and do what you need to do. I'm going to stay here with Kyle and...process this.” She bounced Kyle gently on her lap. He hiccuped, but he was already starting to calm down. He started picking the pizza toppings off of his shirt and eating them. Mabel gave him a thumbs up. “Good thinking, Kyle! Food always helps me calm down, too! Especially ice cream!” His mother groaned. “That stuff got all over my carpet, didn't it.” Luffy gave a choked little laugh. “Mom, our house just got mauled by a ghost and you're worried about pizza stains?” “Let me have my petty sense of normalcy while it lasts, dear.” Dipper handed out the chalk to Mabel and Luffy. Then he approached the house, carefully. The two girls followed a couple feet behind him. He drew three wards on the front door, in neat, quick markings. “Okay. I think this'll go faster if we divide up the work. What we'll do is go around the house, drawing as many of these wards as we can. Be careful to get the lines exactly right. I'll do the one at the top, since it's a little tricky, and I'm already familiar with it. You guys can pick the other ones, and we'll work our way around the building.” Mabel and Luffy quickly memorized their wards and started drawing. They worked their way along the front of the house and around the corner. It was hard to tell if it was having any effect, since the noise of the living room seemed to stop at the perimeters of the house. They reached the backyard. Through the broken window, they saw the energy storm still madly churning away, but Dipper thought it seemed to be weakening slightly. Mabel let out a groan. “I'm sorry, Luffy, this went so much better in my head.” “Same,” Dipper added glumly. So much for being professionals.“Don't worry about it. I asked you guys for help. For all we know, this would've happened anyway.” She looked over at the broken backyard window. Even from several feet away, they could feel a faint throbbing through the walls. “But...what even is that?” she whispered. “It was so friendly, like, ten minutes ago! What changed it into that?” “I'm not so sure that's the same ghost,” Mabel said. “Didn't you feel that when the white light went out?” “What're you talking about?” Mabel frowned at the ward she was drawing. “The white light. It felt kind of...cold, like when Calvin touched my hand. But also, like, really really scared, and then – poof. Gone.” She shivered. Dipper put a hand on her back. “I know it sounds weird...”“No, wait, Kyle screamed, too,” Luffy said. “Maybe he felt it the same way you did.” “But what was it?” Mabel looked up at Dipper. “Me? Well, if I had to guess...” He finished his chalk drawing and stepped away to give the girls room to do theirs. “Maybe...since you two were the ones to touch the ghost, you had some kind of connection to it?” Mabel nodded. “That makes sense. But then, if I had the feeling that it was just gone...” She looked over at the broken back window. The stuff flying around inside was definitely moving more sluggishly, but it was still pretty crazy in there. “That energy stuff doesn't look like any ghost I've ever seen,” Dipper said. “Maybe it's something completely different. If the white light was Calvin, maybe this other thing is something that can...destroy a ghost.” Luffy was starting to look scared. “If – if it could eat a ghost, what's it going to do to people?” “Let's finish our wards. We'll take it from there.” They drew wards underneath the broken window, going one at a time, so that the other two could leap in if whatever was in the house reached out to attack them. Then the continued their way around the house. They circled the house. When they reached the front lawn, Kyle was playing a game with a rock, and Luffy's mom hung up her cell phone and stuck it in her pocket. “I called your father; he's on his way,” she said. Then she straightened her shoulders and gestured to the front door. “The place went silent by the time you three came around the corner. Shall we inspect the damage?” Luffy moaned. “Oooh, let's not.” “Honey, even if we go stay in a hotel or something, I'll need to get in there anyway to get my wallet.” She stepped towards the house. “Uh, I can go first,” Dipper volunteered, but she waved him back. “Ladies first.” She opened the door. And gasped. “What?!” Luffy cried. “Mom? Mom, what is it?” She moved aside. They all gasped. The living room was...all back to normal. Like nothing had ever happened there. The couch and coffee table were in their proper places, all the board games stacked underneath, the snacks – slightly crushed – on the platter in the middle of the table. The television was back on the wall, the ceiling smoothed over, and all the books were placed neatly on the shelves. Luffy's sewing corner looked untouched. Even her sewing machine was back in place.Dipper stepped cautiously inside. He poked the couch to make sure it was there and not some kind of crazy illusion. “It's...fine,” he said, stunned. He caught sight of the silver mirror on the coffee table and picked it up. The glass didn't show a ghost trapped inside, but it was fixed without so much as a crack. “We did all see that, right?” Luffy asked, stepping into the house. “That wasn't just, like, a gas leak or a hallucination or whatever?” Her mother groaned. “What? Mom? Are you okay?” “I knew it.” She pointed to the floor. “Kyle did stain the carpet.” Mabel was her usual self as they headed for school the next day – skipping, singing, and pulling Waddles behind her in the wagon their father had made for him. Dipper, on the other hand, was dreading seeing Luffy. He felt personally responsible for how violent the exorcism had gotten. He should've been able to handle it. Ford could've done it, no problem. Instead he'd scared her and her whole family in what should have been an easy exorcism. But Luffy actually ran up to them, her face flushed with happiness. “Everything's still exactly the same,” Luffy said excitedly. “No flashing lights, no floating books, nothing! Those wards really worked!”He blinked. “Really?” “Don't look so surprised, bro-bro!” Mabel said with a laugh. “We are professionals, after all!” He laughed awkwardly, but Luffy's comment made him feel a lot better. He'd even agreed to stick around after school in the auditorium, where Mabel was still hard at work preparing for her play. He alternated between schoolwork and observing the rehearsals. It was surprisingly fun to watch – all the sets being painted, the props being used, and especially the costumes they tried out. They made the actors look like they'd jumped straight out of an illustrated manuscript from the 1400s. Mabel had been right: Luffy was seriously talented. Finally the Drama Club called it quits for the day. Dipper helped them clean up before he and Mabel headed for home. “This's gonna be an amazing play, Mabel,” Dipper said, walking down their street. She grinned. “Thanks! I can hardly wait for next month. I feel like we're never gonna get everything ready and also that it's gonna be absolutely flawless!” She did a little twirl. The Wicked sequin on her sleeve flashed like an emerald. Luffy had given her the whole box as a thank-you. “Ahh, the wonderful stress of being a Thespian! It's like being a violin string – only when you're wound tight can you make beautiful music! And did you see that backflip Ryan did for Scene II?” Dipper's lips twitched. “Pretty sure that was an accident.” “An awesome accident! Bet we could make him our stunt-double for the scene with the sword fight!” “That actually sounds like a great idea,” Dipper said. They reached their house. He unlocked the front door and they stepped inside. Waddles rolled out of the wagon and made a beeline for the kitchen. Mabel laughed. “He's a hungry little guy!” “You wanna feed him while I make us some snacks?” “Sure! Better make extra so Waddles can have dessert.” Dipper cut up some apples and got out two bags of chips and some sour cream. He set it up on the table while Mabel took the apple cores to feed to Waddles. “Watch the food, I'm gonna get my laptop from our room,” Dipper said. He was really looking forward to talking with his grunkles again. He'd finished the homework Ford had sent him on the extinction of klatoblepones in Europe a full three days ahead of schedule, and he couldn't wait to see the look on his face when – Dipper opened their bedroom door and stopped short. Their bunkbed lay on its side, the blankets shredded, the stuffing in the mattresses ripped out. Dipper's desk was smashed in half and several of the pins he'd used on his conspiracy board were jammed an inch deep into the wall. Their bean bag chair was covered in claw marks, the glitter glue from Mabel's craft kit dripped from the ceiling, and the standing lamp had been smashed against the closet door. Shards of broken glass littered the carpet. Whatever had attacked Luffy's house had followed them home.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Dipper and Mabel cleaned their room quickly, before their parents could see it. They couldn't do much about the holes in the walls without spackle, but Mabel solved that problem with a few well-placed posters. The internet modem was another concern. They'd found it on the floor, its casing cracked. Luckily, it wasn't unfixable, but they'd modified it awhile ago with an invention of McGucket's so they could talk to their grunkles anywhere on the planet. The modifications meant that it would take at least a day for the modem to reboot. Dipper persuaded his sister to go with him to StagBucks. They could use the free internet to talk to their grunkles on Skybe. Mabel didn't want to leave Waddles, but Dipper pointed out that the situation was getting out of hand, and they needed professional help before it got worse. Mabel, reluctantly, agreed. They went to the nearest 'Bucks and bought a bottled water so they'd have table rights. Then they found a nice secluded corner, turned on Dipper's laptop, and opened Skybe. The call connected. “HIII KIIIDS!” Stan yelled at the top of his lungs. The feedback pierced Dipper's ears and he slammed his hands over them. “Grunkle Stan!” Dipper gasped. “HIII, GRUNKLE STAN!” Mabel yelled, at twice the volume. Grunkle Stan's hearing aid let out a high-pitched whine. “Ow!” “Fair play's fair play,” Mabel said primly. Stan grumbled. (As did the nearest StagBucks waitress.) “Is that the kids?” said a voice from off-screen. A second later, Ford appeared behind Stanley, dripping wet. “Oh good, it is! Hi, kids!” “Agh, you're drippin' all over me!” Stan complained, edging away. By the look of it, the two of them were out on deck – Dipper could see the clear blue sky and the wheelhouse behind them. “Where are you guys?” Dipper asked. Stan scratched his chin. “I dunno. Coast of Brazil? Coast of that one country over Brazil? I forget.” “That's French Guiana,” Ford said, sitting next to him. “Whatever. Good fishin', anyway.” “How's the ghost thing?” Dipper asked. He'd already told Mabel about how Stan had drunk from a cursed goblet. “Still a problem,” Ford said. “I invented an astral disruptor to keep them at bay, but it seems to interfere with other electronic signals, as well. I had to shut it off to take your call.”“Yeah, that stuff was only fun for the first ten minutes,” Stan grumbled. “It's like getting mobbed by invisible paparazzi, everybody tryin' ta tell me how they died. 'I was kicked in the butt by the horse I stole!' 'I fell overboard and got eaten by a killer whale!' 'I was stabbed in the back by my own first mate!' What a buncha whiners.” “How are things going at school?” Ford asked.Dipper squirmed. “Well...” “We sort of blew up someone's house by ghost,” Mabel said. Stan blinked. “What?” “And then it followed us home like a really evil invisible puppy.” “What?” “Slow down,” Ford said. “Start from the beginning.”“One of Mabel's Thespian friends, Luffy, stopped us after school –”“You have a friend named Fluffy?” Stan interrupted. “It's just a nickname,” Mabel explained, as Stanley roared with laughter. “Although she does have fluffy hair.” “Me 'n' Mabel went over to her house to help her with this ghost,” Dipper continued. He related what had happened. About halfway through the story, Mabel got bored and started making silly faces at the camera. Stan made even worse old-man faces. This made it very difficult to concentrate. “And yet your own room wasn't cleaned up at all?” Ford asked. “What? Uh – yeah.” Stan had just pulled his worst face ever, bending the cartilage in his nose and revealing every single horrific nose hair. “What're you –” Ford turned and caught his brother's face. “Oh ugh, Stan! We're grown men!” “One of us is!” “Oooh, I just realized!” Mabel said. “My sewing stuff never got touched! Luffy's hadn't and neither had mine. I'm telling you, guys, it's allergic to synthetic fibers.” Dipper sighed. “Mabel...” “Let's not rule out the unproven simply because it seems unlikely,” Ford told him. “It could be anything from the dye, color, texture, even the origin of the yarn that keeps the creature from touching it. But I'm more interested in discovering what led it to Luffy's house in the first place.”“Well, we think the ghost got there by following Kyle home, but the other thing...maybe it was the milk,” Dipper said suddenly. Ford blinked. “The what?” “Luffy said they'd been putting out a bowl of milk for a stray cat. The night before our room got trashed, Mabel put out a bowl of milk, too. Maybe it's like some kind of supernatural raccoon, going only where there's food?” “Or it feeds on cats,” Stan said. Mabel gasped. “Kidding!” Stan said quickly. “Kidding, sweetheart. Actually, putting out the bowl of milk is probably what kept this from getting worse.” “R-really?” “Well, sure, you got yourselves a brownie.” The three of them looked at Stan, nonplussed.“What?” Stan demanded. “It's a brownie thing, isn't it? Laffy-Taffy's house had a brownie, and you probably lured one in when you put out the milk!” “Slow down, slow down,” Ford mumbled, whipping out a notebook and scribbling furiously. “Now go back over it again. Brownies.” “Yeah, you know – those little things that like milk and they're supposed to defend your house or something.” Mabel was starting to smile. “I am definitely a fan of anything named after a delicious confection!” “Hang on, I've heard of those,” Dipper said. “There's this book I read at the library – Grunkle Stan, how do you know about them?” “We had some at the Shack.” Ford gave a start. “We did?!” “Sure, like thirty years ago.” “Oh...” Stan smirked at Ford's disappointed expression. “Cheer up, Sixer – maybe the kids here can get you a photo.” “Definitely,” Dipper nodded. “But what should we –”“No wait, hold up a minute,” Mabel said. “There is an absolutely amazing and heartwarming story in here about how Grunkle Stan rescues a baby brownie and nurses it back to health with warm honeyed milk and I must hear it!” He grinned. “Sure! So there I was, fighting off a back of wolves from what looked like a baby rat –”“Seriously,” Dipper and Ford deadpanned. “Alright, alright, it was a couple of beavers, okay? And there was this smokin' hot babe going 'Save it, Manly Stan!' And –”Dipper sighed. “Grunkle Stan...” “Let him tell the story, it was just getting good!” Mabel pleaded. “It'll only help us if you stick firmly to the facts,” Ford said, tapping his notebook. “The events at Luffy's house made it clear that the creature has no qualms about injuring human beings. I'd rather we know as much as we can so Dipper and Mabel can protect themselves.” “Yeah, yeah,” Grunkle Stan said, but there was a hint of worry in his eyes. “Okay, so one night I was fixin' the portal – sweet Moses that feels weird to say out loud – and I heard this yowling like some gnome got stuck in the slats of the front porch again. So I go up to check, and turns out one of Lazy Susan's cats got preggers and scooted under there to squirt 'em out.” “Babies!” Mabel squealed, squeezing her own cheeks. Stan winced. “Volume,” he shot back. “Anyway, the thing kept scratching me whenever I got near it, but I figured I could sell those things at fifty bucks each, so I got out a bowl of cream and sort of pushed it close with a branch. And I do that every night for a week, right, and then I start noticing there's these weird dents all over my piles of Mystery Shack shirts, like I got some animal prowling around the Gift Shop makin' nests in 'em. So I look back at the security tape, and there's this weird image of this animal thing the size of a rabbit walking around, makin' nests in the shirts.” Mabel grabbed Dipper's arm and started shaking it. “The yarn!” she stage-whispered excitedly, eyes riveted to the laptop. “This is just like Luffy's yarn!” “Hey, I'm tryin' a tell a story here,” Stan said, but he was obviously enjoying the attention. “So I figure I've got this supernatural weirdness on my hands, I'm already sick a dealin' with the portal, so I gotta get this critter out before it does somethin' weird. Only the next night when I sit up waitin' for it to make an appearance, I hear this racket outside.” Mabel gasped. “The kittens!” “No, no, there was this bunch of weird beard things with mustaches all over the front lawn, tryin' ta grow facial hair on the totem pole and the rock that looks like a face rock and everything else. Now, I'm a pretty hairy guy –”“We know,” Dipper droned. “– but even I have my limits. So I go out there to make 'em leave, and they're all over me like green on money, and those suckers are heavy. They dragged me down by my mullet and I'm thinkin' I'm a goner, and next thing you know there's this oversized rat whizzin' around, chattering like a ticked-off mongoose and shavin' the 'staches offa every last one.“Fascinating,” Ford said, still writing furiously. “Perhaps brownies are a natural predator of beard cubes. I wish I'd known about it, but I'd never left any food out. That can be dangerous, especially living so deep in the woods.”Stan shrugged. “Paid off this time. The brownie hung around for a few days until this one tourist tried to pay me with a baby goat. I ran him off the place after I'd picked his pockets clean, but the kid started chewing on everything, even the shirts. Prob'ly scared off the brownie, 'cuz by the time I wised up and put the goat outside, the shirts were back to normal. No more brownie nests.” Mabel sniffed and wiped her eyes. “What a beautiful story,” she whispered. “It has kittens, Mullet Stan, and baby Gompers.” “So that's where Gompers came from,” Dipper said. “I always thought you'd stole him from the Sprotts farm for some kinda petting zoo.” Stan snorted. “Nope. Tried the zoo thing. Stupid animals kept whining and grunting about food alla time and they smelled worse than Dipper on a hot day.”“Hey!” Ford looked up. “Stan, did you have to keep putting out the milk for the brownie, or did it only drink once from your bowl?” “Uh...I dunno. It was only there a coupla weeks before the goat showed up, and I kept putting out the milk every night for that stupid cat. Didn't even get any cash out of it, 'cuz Lasy Susan came by for the cats and she was wearing this really pretty eyeshadow and I did not just say that.” Mabel beamed. “Grunkle Stan, you are such an adorably gross koala!” “I think Luffy was putting the milk out every night,” Dipper offered. “But Great-Uncle Ford, what if we're luring the brownie away from her house? It sounds like the brownie was the thing that attacked...the whatever-it-was. It saved our butts. I don't want to lure the brownie to our house just to have the thing go back and attack them. If it got past the wards, they'd be totally undefended.” “I don't think that's a concern,” Ford said. “You mentioned that Luffy's house has remained undisturbed. The creature seems to have lost interest in it, at least for the time being, and I'm willing to bet that her bowl of milk had been drained during the night, as well. I suspect there may be multiple brownies living in your neighborhood. A new one may simply have attached itself to your house. If that is indeed the case, then Luffy's house is still protected by her own brownie – as yours is now protected by another.” Stan's eyes had glazed over. “Are we done talking about science yet?” he asked. Dipper raised his hand. “Almost. One quick question. Grunkle Stan, you said you saw the brownie. But Mabel and I didn't see anything, before, during, or after the attack.” “It's possible that it has a defensive camouflage of some sort,” Ford mused. “I actually ran into quite a few creatures with similar abilities during my travels. There was one saurian mammal whose scales could –”“NEEERD,” Stan said loudly. “Also, “I wanna get to the part where we kick this thing's butt.” Dipper nodded. “Same. Brownie or not, our bedroom was really torn to shreds. Mom and Dad aren't gonna be happy if this keeps up.” “Although I have always wanted tassels on my blankets,” Mabel said thoughtfully.“Plus Luffy's living room was repaired right away, but our room wasn't. Is this thing getting more powerful?” “It could be.” Ford looked serious. “You mentioned that the ghost disappeared at some point during the attack. I suspect that whatever we're dealing with has the ability to absorbed the energy of spectral beings.” Mabel looked queasy. “It...ate him?” Dipper put an arm around her shoulder. “I could be wrong. But we don't know for sure.” Ford turned back to Dipper. “Dipper, you said your cameras couldn't detect it on any part of the light spectrum?” Dipper shook his head. “But my camera only measures light frequencies from 10-power-14 to 10-power-16.” “It sounds like we'll need more advanced equipment.” Ford chewed the cap of his pen for a moment, then nodded. “Alright. Kids, I need to hang up so I can call Fiddleford. He made a pair of omnispectrascopic glasses several decades ago, and they're still far superior to anything on today's market. I'm sure he can modify them to include an omnispectrascopic camera, as well,” he added. Dipper looked relieved. “Thanks, Great-Uncle Ford.” The plan seemed to cheer Mabel. She smiled a little. “I love the sound of them already. Omispectrscopic!” She smiled a little wider. “Hey Grunkle Stan, betcha can't say it five times fast!” “Omnispectrascopic omnispectrascopic omnispectrascopic omnispectrascopic omnispectrascopic. What're we betting again?” Ford leaned forward, reaching for the keyboard on his laptop. “Alright kids, I need to hang up so I can call Fiddleford. Let's check in tomorrow, at the usual time.” Dipper and Mabel waved. “Bye, Great-Uncle Ford, bye Grunkle Stan!” “Wait wait wait!” Stan shoved his brother's hand away. “I won the bet, I want a prize! Prize! Prize! Prize! Prize!” Mabel held up the sweater she'd been knitting on the way to Luffy's yesterday. “Tada! A seaworthy sweater for a swarthy sailor!” “Al-right!” Stan fist-pumped. Ford looked equal parts amused and exasperated. “Mabel, you're going to sink our boat at this rate! How many of those are you going to send us?” “Hey, you're the one who keeps going after monsters that spit slime,” Stan pointed out. “And I dunno what that last thing was, but whatever came out of that orifice was –”The screen abruptly turned black – the Skybe call had ended. “Guess they lost the signal,” Dipper said, tapping his laptop. “How long d'you think it'll take Mr. McGucket to make a pair of glasses?” Mabel asked. “Maybe a day or two. Plus shipping.” “What do we do in the meantime? Grunkle Stan said his brownie was the size of a rabbit, but whatever blew up Luffy's house and our bedroom seems way scary. There's gotta be some way we can help the little guy protect us...” She brightened. “I know! I'll make a special yarn nest for it, right in our room!” “It can't hurt,” Dipper said. “Meanwhile, we should probably put up whatever wards we can. I'm thinking candles, holy water, dream catchers, the works. The wards worked on Luffy's house, so maybe they'll work here, too. The extra stuff is just in case. We may need something a little stronger since our room is still trashed.” Mabel giggled. “Mom and Dad'll think we've started a cult.” He closed the laptop and stood up. “I'm heading to the library. Maybe there's some folktales specific to the Piedmont area that might point us in the right direction. We've gotta figure out what this thing is so we can stop it.” “I'm gonna head home early to work on my yarn nest.” Dipper looked worried. “I dunno, Mabel. This thing's targeting our house, and you saw what happened at Luffy's. It doesn't care if people get hurt. Mom and Dad won't be home for another few hours, and I don't think you should be there alone.” “But what about Waddles?” Mabel asked. “He's there all alone.” “Yeeeah, but...”Mabel smiled and hugged him. “Okay, how's this: I go home, get Waddles, and head back to the school to work on my play. A lot of us like to hang out at the school theater, so I won't be alone. And then you can come pick me up when you're done at the library and we'll go home together.” Dipper looked relieved. “Sounds good.” Mabel gave him an extra squeeze. “Don't worry, bro-bro, we haven't met a haunt we couldn't hunt yet!” Dipper was still a little uneasy about separating. But what was he going to do, strap them together and insist that they follow each other around until they figured this out? Besides, it was broad daylight, and if what Grunkle Stan said was true, there'd be a brownie protecting Mabel when she got to the house. And then she'd have Luffy with her so at least she wouldn't be alone. He headed to the library. The nearest one had been relocated to Piedmont Elementary School. It was a little weird, because school had let out and the campus was mostly deserted. The quiet classrooms, the swings moving slightly in the wind... It was a little creepy. He hustled inside. The librarian was hunched over the front desk doing a crossword. He went up to her. “Excuse me, Ms. Flatterly?” She looked up. “Hey, kiddo.” She never seemed to remember his name, but he figured she saw hundreds of kids every day. She called all of them 'kiddo'. “What're you looking for?” “I'm hoping for some ethnographic research or collection of folklore-slash-urban legends specific to the Oakland area.” She blinked a couple of times. “Well...you could try our periodicals, over in the back.” She pointed to a section hidden in the corner. “We've got national newspapers going much farther back, of course, but the Oakland ones start around the 1970s. And then the folklore section's over by the window.” “What about urban legends?” She rolled her chair over to the computer and looked it up. “Section 950s ought to have something, but I doubt it's anything specific to Oakland...I'd probably check online, there's a neat blog called 'Haunt Hunters' that's started researching this stuff not too long ago.” Dipper grinned. “Thanks, that's my blog.” “It is?!” She blushed and lowered her voice. “Sorry. Well, I'm afraid that's the extent of our resources.” “I'll try taking a look at the newspapers. Thanks.” He waved and headed off. He didn't expect to find much – any story involving inexplicable phenomena would've probably been shoved into a 2-inch article in the back of the paper, but it was still worth a shot. Then he went over to the folklore section and grabbed everything on Native American legends – Ohlone, Chumash, even Mojave – as well as a lot of Irish fairy tales. He was hoping to find out more about brownies. That might give him a clue as to what the brownies at their houses had been fighting. When he thought he had everything he'd need, he went over to a table spread it out, and sat down to read. He also took notes on anything that looked useful. There were quite a few interesting legends from the Ohlone, the people who originally lived in the area, as well as from the Chumash, specifically with some of the weirder magical creatures. There was even an interesting parallel between one of the Chumash creatures and a creature from Irish mythology. He wondered if that meant magical creatures had emigrated to the United States along with their human counterparts. He made a mental note to suggest it as a research topic to Ford. He read and wrote for hours. He was still hunched over, focused on his writing, when suddenly a hand waved an inch from his nose. “GAH!” “Sorry, sorry,” Ms. Flatterly said. “In my defense, I did call your name a few times, but you were really engrossed in what you were doing.” “Uh, sorry...what's up?” She gestured to the windows. Dipper blinked in surprise. The sun was lowering in the sky, casting long gray shadows across the library floor. “It's almost 5:30, and we're about to close. If you have any books to check out, we need to get that handled before I shut off the computers.” “Right, thank you.” There were only a few books he hadn't gotten to read yet. He checked them out, tucked them (and his journal) back in his backpack, and waved Ms. Flatterly goodbye. He started for the school. Mabel would probably be really absorbed in her play, but he wanted to make sure they got home before dark. He was starting to get a bad feeling in his gut. The streets were pretty empty, just a lot of cars whooshing by. Nobody really paying attention to a kid like him. That thing – it had attacked Luffy's house in the afternoon, and their bedroom at some point during the day, while they were at school. It had shown that it could attack in broad daylight. What if it decided it didn't want to confine itself to attacking them inside houses anymore? What if she'd never gotten home? “Don't be so paranoid,” he scolded himself aloud. “The empty elementary school's just got you spooked. And you're going to another school that's almost as deserted. You're still on edge from all that crazy haunt stuff yesterday, that's all.” He picked up the pace. He'd be at Piedmont Middle in twenty minutes. He'd see for himself that Mabel was fine and then they'd both go home together. No big deal, he told himself. And then the temperature dropped. He whirled around, grabbing for the first thing he could reach – his camera. He raised it, ready to strike, and something slammed into his back. He hit the ground so hard his jaw actually cracked on the cement and blood spattered on the pavement. Colors brightened and distorted, oversaturated, with fuzzy black loops around the edges of his vision. He struggled to get up, opened his mouth to scream – Something cold and painfully sharp sliced into Dipper's neck, like a pin slipping into his spine. There was a split-second where Dipper felt the numbness seeping into his body. He forced his fingers to move, just once, and then everything went black.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): GRUNKLE STAN!!KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): GRUNKLE STAN PLEASE ANSWER!!brassknucklegrunkle: mabelw hat's wrong? KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): DIPPERS GNONEbrassknucklegrunkle: what?brassknucklegrunkle: mabel what??[missed video invitation]brassknucklegrunkle: mabel pick up the blinky iconKOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): I can't i can't the internet's broken it's not lodingKOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): the modem KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): grunkle stan dipper's gone he's gone help me I don't know what to doScienceOwl66: Mabel what happened? KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): they came and asked us questions like have you seen him and I said no he was supposed to pick me up and school and we wlak home but he didn't he's gone nobody knows where he is we called all his friens lloyd says he saw him at the library but he was reading really hard so the police called the librariKOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): rarianbrassknucklegrunkle: mabel breathe or you'r gonna pass outKOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): called the librarianKOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): she said he was there but then he left!!!!!!!!!KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): He was supposed to pick me up at school but he didn't and we can't find him anywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!ScienceOwl66: How long has he been missing? KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): Since 5:30, it's 10:49 ScienceOwl66: When did you last see him? KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): At StagBucks, I told the police, our bedroom got trashed by the thing so we went and called you and then we decided to split up and I told him not to worry everything would be fine and I went to school while he did his reading thing and now he's gone what do I do?!?!!!brassknucklegrunkle: Go find him! ScienceOwl66: Mabel, I know this is difficult, but you need to be patient and let the police sdgbrassknucklegrunkle: Screw it Ford the kid's probably gotten involved in that weird energy thing even FOrd thinks that's what happened!KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): But we don't know what the energy thing even is! And what if he got kidnapped by a regular humanKOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): grunkle stan KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): grunkle stan i'm scaredbrassknucklegrunkle: MABEL SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO MEbrassknucklegrunkle: The two of you are the toughest kids I've ever seen. I'd bet the family fortune that kid's fighting to get back to you right now so find out what the cops are doing and you do everything else. You don't letbrassknucklegrunkle: You go find him and you bring him backScienceOwl66: Mabel, are the police conducting an investigation? Are they forming a search party? KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): I don't know, let me check KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): They said yes but mom said they only sent out two police cars and they'll go along the streets they think Dipper might've taken from the library to the school. brassknucklegrunkle: They're not gonna see YOU CANNOT CUSS ON THIS WEBSITE in the dark. And they sure as heck aren't gonna see something even Dipper never saw coming. ScienceOwl66: Mabel I want you to find a map of Piedmont and start tracing all the routes Dipper might've taken. I need to end the chat so I can contact McGucket. Do you know of anyone who could build the omnispecs if he sent you the blueprints? KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): I think so. I can ask Samirah from the science club, and Lloyd, he's the president. ScienceOwl66: Call them now and ask. brassknucklegrunkle: Kid I don't wanna scare you worse but when people get kidnapped it's best to find them fast. So you gotta shut up that part of your brain that's freaking out and freak out later. Right now you gotta think like Dipper. Feel that panic like it's an engine pushing you forward and you think one thought at a time until you get him back. KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): Im gonna find my brother. I'm gonna get him back. brassknucklegrunkle: That's my girl! ScienceOwl66: Message us immediately if there are any developments and if it is safe to do so. ScienceOwl66: I am going to send along the blueprints for the astral disruptor I developed. If anything of astral nature is responsible for this, the disruptor should weaken or destroy them, depending on how powerful they are. KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): Thank you Grunkle Ford. brassknucklegrunkle: Call nerd 1 and nerd 2 now and get them ready. KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): YES SIR!ScienceOwl66 is offlinebrassknucklegrunkle is offlineMabel took a shaky breath and signed off too. Then she dialed Samirah's number. The four of them – Mabel, Samirah, Lloyd, and Luffy – all met in Mabel's room for a sleepover. The police hadn't ruled out the possibility that Dipper could've been kidnapped by a human, but Mabel didn't think that was the case. It was way too coincidental that Dipper went missing right after researching the creepy whatever-it-was. So while she and Luffy made maps of the Piedmont area, Lloyd and Samirah Skybed with McGucket. He was going to show them how to assemble the omnispctrascopic glasses by hand, so they could track down whatever took Dipper. The four of them worked for hours. Mabel made frequent snack runs to keep them all alert, but they were all so wired they probably couldn't have slept anyway. Luffy and Mabel color-coded the maps – red for the most likely route that Dipper could've taken, orange for the next likely, all the way to purple. Mabel tried not to think about how long it would take to check each one. They would check them all, and they would find Dipper. Finally, at four in the morning, Samirah stood up and stretched mightily. “Okay,” she yawned, “it's finally done.” Mabel looked up. “We got working omnispecs?” “We got one-and-a-half pairs of omnispecs,” Lloyd corrected, rubbing his eyes. “Honestly, I knew I should've asked for that Intermediate Chemistry Kit but noooo, I thought lasers would be more fun and now we're stuck because I ran out of chemicals to treat one of the lenses...” “We still gotta try these out,” Samirah said. “But I don't know how to do that without, you know, actually looking at the thing we're trying to find.” “Why don't you try looking for the brownie?” Luffy suggested from her spot on the floor. “I mean, we couldn't see them, but both Mabel's and my houses were protected by one. So I'm thinking, maybe Mabel's brownie is still around?” “Then it's probably in the closet where I keep my yarn,” Mabel said. Samirah passed the omnis over. They were like big, bulky binoculars, with elastic straps that went around her head. She strapped them on and flicked the switch. They hummed to life. It felt sort of like her face was getting a massage. Everything had a weird rainbow shimmer, like she was looking out through a soap bubble, and there were wiggly ripples in the air she could barely see. “Whoa!” Samirah smiled. “I know, right?” Mabel grinned, stepped to the closet, and opened the door. And then she gasped. “What?” Samirah asked. Lloyd looked up. “Mabel? You okay?” “Guys,” she whispered, “it's so cuuuuute.” The brownie was curled up on the deep blue sweater she'd made for Grunkle Stan. It was like a cross between a rabbit and a mongoose, with a round head, a delicately pointed nose, and soft rabbit ears. It had a long, chubby body and an even longer tail, curled up under its head like a pillow. Its feet, like miniature mouse paws, were curled underneath it for warmth. And it was so tiny, small enough to fit in her cupped hands. A baby brownie.
No wonder it hadn't been able to fix up our room! It's probably still too little to do that!
The brownie opened one shiny eye. It looked up at her, blew a little sigh through its nose, and snuggled deeper into the blankets. Some of the fear in her chest melted. She cooed. Lloyd was grinning broadly. “I take it the glasses were a stunning success.” “You guys rock,” Mabel said, taking off the omnis. “Here, everybody take a look. Then we need to go over the maps. As soon as we've packed up, we'll head over to –”Knock knock. The door opened and Mabel's dad appeared. “Kids,” he said tiredly, “What're you still doing...up...” The room looked was a mess. There were bins lined up along the wall where Samirah and Lloyd had mixed chemical stuff to treat the lenses for the omnis. Nuts, nails, washers, circuit boards, and other machine parts were scattered across the carpet, mixed in with crumbs from their midnight snack runs. There were strawberry jelly stains on the blankets on Dipper's bed, which Waddles was eagerly trying to lick clean. And there were markers and scribbled-out maps littering the floor. Mabel had to admit, as far as messes went, it was pretty bad. Her father wasn't much better. He seemed to have aged five years in the last few hours. His usually crisp collared shirt was crumpled, his skin was sallow, and his eyes were bruised. He looked like he'd been hit in the face and was still trying to figure out what happened. He half-leaned, half-sagged against the doorframe. “Mabel, what is all this?” “It's our plan for finding Dipper,” she said, gesturing. “How's Mommy doing?” “She...she went to look for Dipper. She printed out flyers. The police...had an emergency...in Oakland.” He swallowed hard. “They said...they'll continue the search in daylight...” Her friends had gone very quiet. “Oh, Daddy...” She raced over and hugged him as hard as she could around the middle. He patted her back mechanically. “Don't worry, Dad,” she said into his shirt. “We're gonna get Dipper back. We've got a plan.” “Mabel...whatever this plan is, you should let the police...” His voice broke. Mabel looked up, and a single teardrop splashed on her cheek. She'd never seen her father cry before. Her own tears welled up in her eyes. She'd been so focused on rescuing her brother that she hadn't paid attention to how her parents were feeling. They were suffering. She squeezed fistfuls of her father's shirt in her fists. “Daddy, please don't cry. We're gonna get Dipper and bring him back.” She pulled away slightly, the better to look up at his face. “Why don't you help us? You'll feel a lot better if you know you're doing something to get Dipper back.”“Honey, I...”“Dad,” she said firmly, “just trust me on this one. Right now, you're panicking, and your brain's going in circles. Mom's out there going in literal circles, but she's still doing something, and that makes her feel better. You need something to do that will help, too. It will make you feel better, and it might even get Dipper back faster. Now take a deep breath...” She waited. “I will step on your foot,” she threatened. He gave a dry sob-laugh and then made himself inhale. “Now let it out.” It whooshed out. “Good daddy,” she cooed, and he laughed like she knew he would. “Alright,” he said, combing back his hair with one hand. “It can't hurt to try. So...what is your plan?” They pulled into the parking lot of Piedmont Elementary School, just as the janitor was unlocking the gate. Her dad parked the car and they all went around to the trunk. They'd needed to take the brownie with them, since it was the only thing that could fight off the creature. (They hadn't had the materials to make Grunkle Ford's projector thingie.) The brownie didn't want to leave the house, though, so Mabel had recruited Luffy to help her knit a nest the size and shape of a dollhouse. They'd lured the brownie into it with a bowl of milk. Mr. Pines popped the trunk and Mabel switched on her omnis. She was using the pair that only had one working lens. With her left eye, all she saw was the yarn house, with an odd lump in the middle like someone had sat on it. But with her right eye, she saw the brownie all curled up, watching her drowsily, its little body tinted like she was looking at it through a rainbow. She grinned. “Yep, still there. And wow that thing is cute.” She pulled off the omnis. “Okay, Dad, it's just sleeping like a really adorable invisible mouse. You ready?” “Sure.” Her father picked up the house, gently, cradling it with both arms. He looked down in surprise. “Amazing. I still can't see it, but I can feel the brownie's weight.” (Her dad had been really calm about the whole supernatural creatures thing, which Lloyd found hard to understand. But Mr. Pines said, “Kid, I'd believe in bat-winged eyeballs if it'd get my kid back faster.”) Mabel clapped her hands. “Alright, people, it's crunch time. We've got two pairs of working omnispecs –”“One and a half,” Lloyd corrected. “– so we'll do this in two groups. Lloyd, Samirah, you guys are used to working together, and you made the glasses in the first place, so you guys get the working pair. Whoever doesn't wear the glasses gets the walkie talkie. Lluffy, you're with me and Dad. Dad's got the brownies, I've got the omnis, and you've got the walkie talkie. Next come the maps.” She took out the maps she and Luffy had worked on and passed them around. They'd made enough copies for everyone. “Luffy and I traced out the routes Dipper might've taken to get to the middle school. Red's the one that's most likely, so we'll do that first. Then orange, all the way through to purple. We'll search here first, then move to the red route. Each team will handle one side of the street.” “And always stay within my line of sight,” Mr. Pines said firmly. “Radio immediately if you see anything suspicious.” Mabel held up her omnis like a flag. “Let's move, people!” It took them maybe twenty minutes to comb the whole school, even the sidewalk around it. They were thorough, but there wasn't much to find. So they started working through the first route, both teams heading towards the middle school. Mabel, Dad, and Luffy worked the left side of the street, while Lloyd and Samirah did the right. When that didn't work, they went back to the elementary school and started on the orange route, working their way down Grand Avenue. They checked the gutter, under all the bushes, the little spaces between houses, even looking into drainage grates. Mabel and Luffy took turns with the omnis, but while it was really cool looking at all the funny rainbows, neither one found anything besides the usual litter and bird poop. Samirah radioed in. “Guys? It's getting close to seven thirty.” Mabel clicked on her radio. “You want to stop for breakfast?” “No, but a lot of kids are already heading for school. We gotta hurry before a clue gets messed up on accident.” Mabel looked around. There really were a lot of people around now. More and more by the minute. “Roger that,” she said. “Be careful, but we'll try and check faster.” She looked around again. Still no police cars in sight...but there were plenty of fliers. Her mother had blown up a picture of Dipper's face and used it to cover every fire hydrant, telephone pole, mail box, even traffic lights. Anything that would hold still had been practically papered with her brother's face. The word “LOST” appeared underneath each picture, in big red letters. Mabel's stomach hurt. The flyers were a great idea, but there was something about seeing her brother's picture everywhere that made his actual absence more...real. More terrifying. “Mom sure was thorough,” she said uneasily, looking up at the nearest one. “Where is she?” “Probably went to the copier store to make more. Hang on...” Her father shifted the yarn house to one arm and reached into his pocket for his phone. As soon as he touched it, it buzzed at him. He picked it up. “Hello?” He paused. Then he stiffened. “Who is this?” he demanded. Mabel looked up. For a whole heart-pounding second, she thought that maybe she was wrong, maybe Dipper really had been kidnapped by a human, maybe this was a ransom demand, maybe they weren't going to give him back, and they'd never find him – Her father's expression changed to one of puzzlement. He looked at her. “Do you know anyone named McGucket?” She gasped. “YES! Yes, yes, put him on!” Her father passed her the phone and she hit the speaker button. “Mr. McGucket?” “Hi, Mabel! Ah was hopin' ta catch ya. What does Dipper's backpack look lak?” She blinked. “His backpack? Uh, it's navy-blue, with a bunch of alien stickers on it, and a green stripe up one side from when we made the Haunt Hunter posters and spilled some paint.” “Thought so! Ah didn't want ta getcher hopes up, but after Ah finished helpin' yer friends with the glasses, Ah went and did a little satellite-hackin'.” Luffy groaned. “Of course – Google Earth! Why didn't we think of that?” “This ain't somethin' ya could've seen with that,” McGucket said seriously. “Try that li'l triangle o' land, where Ronada meets Grand Avenue.” “Th-thanks, Mr. McGucket.” She passed the phone back to her dad. He held it up to his ear. “Who is this?” he asked again, quietly. “Friend o' yer Uncle Ford's,” Mabel heard him say. “I got a kid o' my own. Good luck to ya.” “Thank you.” Mabel looked down Grand Avenue. She could see the little meridian McGucket had talked about. She flicked on the radio. “Guys? We found something! We're heading down the avenue. Cross over and meet us at the meridian where Ronada meets Grand!” “Roger!” They ran for it, her father trying to keep the ride as smooth as possible for the brownie. The meridian was about the size of Luffy's living room. Aside from the street signs – also papered with Dipper's face – it had two small trees and a thick covering of weeds that reached up to Mabel's knee. She plunged into the grass. The rest of them were right behind her. They combed through the underbrush. Spiders, insects, even mice and rats fled from their fingers. The grass was so dense it protected the dirt from the sun, and the morning dew had made several watery mud puddles. It was like the place had been totally ignored for the past three years, left to grow wild. The plants had the usual rainbow glow through the lenses of the omnispecs, but there was nothing out of the ordinary, nothing but – “HERE!” Lloyd shouted, standing up sharply. Dipper's backpack dangled from his hands. Mr. Pines turned pale. “I'm calling the police.” Luffy held up a hand. “Wait, it's open, though. Where's all his stuff?” “Scattered around,” Lloyd said, gesturing to the grass. “Everybody help me look.” He didn't have to ask twice. Within seconds Mabel had unearthed the corner of a book, and she pulled it out of a mud puddle with a wet sucking noise. It was a library book called More English Fairy Tales. A muddied scrap of paper stuck out of the pages.
She opened it. It was bookmarked on the story “The King of Cats”, with an illustration of a pitch-black cat dancing on its hind legs. It had a disturbingly long neck and a white spot on its chest. The paper stuck inside the book had Dipper's handwriting on it: Same as Cat Sith?
A hum of excitement ran along her skin. Maybe this was just like in Harry Otter, and the adorkable nerd was leaving her clues!
“GUYS GUYS GUYS!” she shouted, springing to her feet and waving the paper. “Treasure hunt time! Everyone find every book and scrap of paper and bring 'em here!”
“I got one!” Lloyd said.
“Here!” Luffy picked a crumpled paper out of the grass. “I found a – ew, it just has a wad of gum stuck in it.”
“Nobody touch anything!” Mr. Pines barked, so sharply Mabel jumped. “The police might need every clue they can get to find him.” He stepped away to make the call.
“HEY!”
Mabel whipped around just as Samirah took off like a shot. Two kids on the sidewalk squealed and tried to dodge her, but she was too fast and she caught one of them by the shoulder. She wrestled something from his grip and held it up.
Mabel gasped. “Dipper's camera!”
Samirah grinned, letting the kids go. She headed back over. “Maybe he got a video of whatever took...ugh.” She frowned at it. “Batteries dead.”
Luffy edged slightly away. “Mabel? Why are you smiling all big and creepy?”
“Because this is it, Ladies and Gentledorks! Dipper always keeps that camera on full battery. If it's dead, it means he hit record, and it's been running all night! Quick! Batteries! Find! Go!”
“Hang on.” Lloyd took off his omnispecs and popped open a panel on the side. He dumped out a double-AA battery. “Maybe just one'll work?”
They put it in the camera and clustered around it. Her dad was still on the phone with the police. Samirah pushed the power button and navigated to the last recorded video. Mabel pushed the omnispecs up to her forehead to get a better look – the camera wouldn't have been able to record the creature anyway.
The video started to play. There was a loud staticky feedback noise and a blur of color, then the video settled, aimed at the meridian behind them.
“That's when it fell out of Dipper's backpack,” Lloyd whispered.
There was a weird murmur, like a sound the camera wasn't built to record. And then Dipper's knee appeared, dragging over the ground, and then his foot, all limp – and then he was gone. Cold fingers squeezed Mabel's heart. Samirah put an arm around Mabel's shoulder.
They kept watching the video, but nothing happened. Samirah thumbed it to fast forward, but the whole video was like that – nothing happened, the camera just stayed where it was. And then the video ended and the screen went black.
“We gotta watch it again,” Lloyd said. “There might be a clue we missed the first time.”
Samirah hit play. They stared intently at the screen. There was the feedback, the blur of color. The video cleared –
“Wait,” Luffy said suddenly. “There, by the grass. What are those?”
Samirah zoomed in. There were muddy footprints coming out of the grass. Small, round-toed. Recent.
“What is that?” Mabel asked, squinting. “They look like...doggy footprints? Or maybe a ca –” She broke off with a gasp.
Lloyd jumped. “What? What is it?!”
“The cat!” She held up Dipper's note. “The Cat Sith!”
Samirah wrinkled her nose. “But, what if it's just some reference to Star Wars?”
“No, no, it was in a book of fairy tales! Look!” She opened the book and held it out. “Obviously Dipper has been taken to become the human pet of the Cat King!”
All the blood drained from Luffy's face. “That's the cat?” she whispered.
“Luffy, what's wrong?”
“The cat!” She pointed at the book, shaking. “My mom – remember? Leaving out the milk? The only reason she did that is because – because Kyle's parents said they saw a stray cat hanging around the funeral home! And it looked just like that!”
Suddenly a low hiss caught Mabel's ears, barely audible over the small movements of the grass. She spun, smacking her omnis back over her eyes.
The brownie was slowly emerging from its nest. Its long back was arched, and its fur stuck out all over its body, like a very angry porcupine. Its eyes glowed blood red. It was staring at the picture of the Cat Sith with undiluted hatred.
Lloyd, wearing the glasses, saw it too. He backed up. “Uh, is the brownie going to –?”
Faster than the eye could see, the brownie took off like a shot, cutting straight through the weeds so fast it actually mowed them down.
“Nocomebackweneedyou!” Mabel tore off after it.
Mr. Pines looked up. “What? Wait!” He tried to grab for her but she dodged him. “Mabel, NO!”
“MABEL YES!”
She sprinted away, pumping her legs as hard as she could, following the rainbow-colored streak in front of her. Her friends were struggling to keep up.
“It's going for – cemetery!” Luffy gasped. “Meet you there!”
“Got it!”
Lloyd was wheezing hard, too. “Gimme your glasses, Lloyd!” Samirah barked, and she ran to catch up with Mabel. “Where's it going? Why'd it leave the yarn house?”
“Dunno!” Mabel said out between breaths. “Dipper's the – science nerd! Not me!”
The brownie led them straight through people's yards, over fences, through busy streets. Mabel nearly snagged her sweater on a fence post and her cuff tore, the Wicked sequin flashing as it dangled from a loose string. She ignored it and kept running.
St. Mary's Cemetery was actually really pretty, with freshly-cut grass, huge shady trees, and beautiful tombstones weathered and softened with age. The sun warmed the air and filled it with buttery yellow light.
The brownie ignored it all, cutting a straight line right over the graves like a magic bullet. Mabel saw it disappear over a hill and gathered one last burst of energy, reaching the top with Samirah at her side.
Below them, at the bottom of the hill, the brownie stood with its tail bushed up, teeth bared, its eyes glittering with rage.
The Cat itself stood in front of an open grave, mere inches from the brownie. It looked almost exactly like Dipper's illustration – a pure black cat, the size of a huge dog, a white spot shaped like a jagged leaf over its chest. Its head bobbed and weaved on its long neck, moving like a snake's, its yellow eyes glinting, its white teeth like fangs. Its long tail curved over its back like a scorpion's, the end of the tail swollen like a club.
Mabel looked down at the grave behind the cat. From her vantage point, she could see about half of its bottom, cast in deep shadow. She saw an arm – a shoulder – her brother's head, turned face-down and very, very still.
She screamed. The sound triggered the Cat and it lunged, fangs bared, for the brownie's throat.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Through her one-lensed omnispecs, Mabel's left eye saw nothing but red and black lights flashing through the air. But her right eye saw a different story. The Cat and brownie raged at each other, moving so fast they were just furious blurs of claw and tooth and fur, inches from the open grave. And in the grave, lying so, so still, was her brother. “DIPPER!” she screamed, running down the hill. “DIPPER, WAKE UP!” “DOWN!” Samirah slammed into Mabel's side only a few feet from the fight. They hit the ground a split-second before the brownie went zooming overhead, the Cat lunging after it. Mabel scrambled out from under her friend and sprinted to the grave. “Dip–”
KHSSSSSS!
Sharp pain exploded across her face. She fell back with a cry, covering her head with her arms as the cat attacked. Its sharp nails shredded her skin and clothes to ribbons. Suddenly the brownie was back, streaking over the Cat's body, hissing and chittering furiously. The Cat yowled and backed off of Mabel, twisting furiously as it bucked and slashed and tried to throw the brownie. Sharp claw, red tooth – the air crackled with sheer fury. Mabel staggered to her feet, wiping smears of blood and dirt from her face. Samirah dragged her back. “We can't get close!” Samirah said. “We just have to wait for the brownie to win and drive it from the grave!” “But it's just a baby! And that cat is huge!” The Cat's huge front paw lashed out and struck the brownie, hurling it to the grass. Before it could move or run, the Cat buried its teeth deep in the brownie's belly and flung it. The brownie hit a nearby tombstone with a dull thud and fell to the grass. Mabel and Samirah grabbed each other, but the brownie was moving, struggling to get to its feet. The Cat stalked towards it, its yellow eyes gleaming. “NO!” Mabel tore away and sprinted down the hill, waving her arms. “NO NO NO NO NO!” “Mabel, stop!”The Cat turned toward her with a hiss – and then froze. Its pupils grew huge. Mabel skidded to a halt, confused, and the brownie took the opening and shot straight towards the Cat's throat. The Cat snapped its neck around, barely missing the brownie as it snapped its jaws shut. The brownie screamed its fury, shooting through the grass to lunge for the Cat's belly. As the battle raged, Samirah grabbed her arm and yanked her away. “Mabel, what the heck are you doing? We need a plan here!” “Uh, a plan. Right.” Mabel's eyes were still on her brother. One thought at a time.“Guys!” They turned. Lloyd was running over the hill, Dipper's fairy book in one hand and Luffy's wrist in the other. He reached them and Luffy collapsed, gasping, her face flushed. “Guys, the book!” Lloyd panted. “It says – says the Cat Sith – eats souls out of – corpses. People distract it by playing – games and – oh geez I can't breathe – dancing and singing and –” He doubled over, wheezing. “Souls?” Samirah grabbed Mabel's arm. “This is great!” Luffy stared at her. “Say what now?” “Look! The Cat's down there defending its prey. That means it hasn't eaten Dipper's soul yet! It's waiting for its meal! And if it's waiting, that means Dipper's probably – just unconscious or something!” A huge smile broke over Mabel's face. “Samirah, you're a genius!” “Okay but how're we – supposed to save him?” Lloyd demanded. “You and Samirah are the only ones with glasses! If we get help what're we supposed to say? 'Please come 'cuz there's a giant demon Cat about to eat Dipper's soul?'” “Excellent point, Substitute Dipper!” “Sub-what now?” Mabel pointed at him. “Lloyd! You're gonna go get my Dad since he's the only adult that will believe us.” “Got it.” He spun and took off like a shot, pumping his skinny nerd legs. (Definitely a quality Substitute Dipper.)She turned to the rest of them. “Luffy! We need a cat toy, stat!” “Huh?” Mabel whipped off her sweater and held up the sleeve, the Wicked sequin glittering at the end of it. It was what had made the Cat pause when Mabel ran towards it. “Our fierce feline foe is weak against the awesome power of the shiny,” she explained. “You got your sewing kit?” Luffy almost looked affronted. “I always have my sewing kit.” Mabel tossed her the sweater. Luffy took a slim silver case out of her jeans pocket and started working. Snippets of yarn went flying.Mabel turned to Samirah. “Okay! When I tell you, you're going to go around to the grave and rescue the Dipper In Distress!” “You want me to jump into an open grave?!”“Willingly and cheerfully!” “While you do what? Play with it?! Mabel, that's crazy!” “Crazy but necessary.” She glanced down the hill, and the others followed her gaze. It was clear that the brownie was tiring. “We'll only do this if the brownie needs help. But from the looks of things, that's going to be sooner rather than –”“Done.” Luffy held up her creation. She'd cut the cuff from her own jeans, sewed on the Wicked sequin along with the shiny buttons from Luffy's own shirt, and attached it to a rope made of the yarn from Mabel's sweater. It looked like a clumsy glittery ball on a string. Mabel smiled. “Excellent work, Luffy! Now – prepare to dance and sing!” The moment came only a few seconds later. The brownie still hadn't been able to drive the Cat from Dipper's prison, and it was no longer hissing and spitting. The Cat got in a lucky shot, scoring the brownie's side and leaving several long red scratches down its back. The brownie stumbled. A second blow sent the small body flying, and it hit the ground so hard it actually bounced several feet. It stayed down, mewling and whimpering in pain. The Cat lashed its tail, crouching, preparing to spring – “NOW!” Mabel yelled, racing down the hill. The Cat whipped around at Mabel's voice. She and Luffy skidded to a stop, the Cat toy swinging from Mabel's hand. Instantly the Cat froze, its pupils going wide, watching the swing of the sparkly toy. Mabel and Luffy spun, left foot out, snapping and clapping their hands in unison. They open their mouths and sang.
The gray-eyed morning smiles at night,
Playing checkers in the clouds with streaks of light.
And when Day wins the Night reels back
Like it's just had a heart attack!
Me-ow, me-ow,
Watch out 'cuz
It's coming for you! The lines came straight from Mabel's play, Cat Romeo and Juliet: The Musical. Luffy was the costume designer, but she'd been around the rehearsals enough to know the song. It had taken her only a few seconds to learn a few basic dance moves. Mabel checked over her shoulder as they sidestepped and sashayed. The Cat looked somewhat stunned, like someone had hit it in the face with a hammer. Its furry lips were pulled back, but its jaw hung open loosely. The cat's long, looong neck stretched out to follow them. Its pupils kept getting big and then thin again, trying to fight the ultimate Cat instinct: Catch the shiny. She grinned. It may be big, and deadly, and waaay creepy, but a cat was still a cat.
Before the sun gives a hot stink-eye
And makes the sparkly dew all dry,
I gotta fill this bowl of ours
With some nasty weeds and flowers!
Me-ow, me-ow,
Watch out 'cuz
It's coming for you!
The fur on its back was slowly smoothing down. And its eyes were following the progress of the swinging cat toy as if it was made of pure catnip. It mewled softly, its club-like tail moving slowly back and forth, in time to their dancing. It wasn't leaving the grave yet, but it was still just a matter of time. Out of the corner of her eye, Mabel saw Samirah slowly belly-crawling from tombstone to tombstone, waiting for Mabel's signal. Mabel danced like Dipper's life depended on it.
The earth is like a great big tomb
From which all the pretty flowers bloom
Like children stretching up their heads
For us to pluck and use instead.
Me-ow, me-ow,
Watch out 'cuz
It's coming for you!
The Cat inched forward. It whined, still fighting between the desire to stay put and play with the toy. Samirah poked her head out from the tombstone next to the open grave and gave Mabel a thumbs-up. She was ready to go. So was the Cat, almost. Just a little more...Mabel motioned for Luffy to move back, inch by inch, luring the Cat away. They started tossing the cat toy back and forth, still singing and swinging it, like the world's most musical game of catch. The sequin and the buttons flashed through the air, and the long string of yarn caught the breeze and waved like a ribbon. There's so much power in these plants,
Just a little happenstance
To choose the wrong one and you'll see
What's bad for you is good for me!
Me-ow, me-ow,
Watch out 'cuz
It's coming for you!
That did it. The Cat pounced, a look of pure bliss in its eyes. Mabel yanked Luffy neatly out of the way and grabbed the toy from her hand, swinging it – and the Cat – around in a circle. “NOOOOW!” she trilled, so it sounded like part of the song. She saw a blur of movement that had to be Samirah diving into the grave, but she was too busy dodging the Cat to look. The Cat had the same look on its face that Lazy Susan's cats did, that one time they got into the catnip. Its pupils were huge, its tail was practically tying itself into bows, and it was leaping and twisting in mid-air, desperate to catch the glittery shiny goodness that was the Dangly Toy. Mabel flicked that sucker like a professional cow girl, doing loops, S-shapes, snapping it like a whip – anything to keep it just out of the Cat's reach. She kept one hand on Luffy's shoulder as they spun, twisted, dodged and danced, trying to keep her out of the Cat's long reach. “What's happening, what's happening?” Luffy asked, nearly slamming against a tombstone. “We're fine, everything's fine! Just keep singing!”
Petals, pollen, roots and leaves
So pretty no one will believe
The deadly drink that lurks inside
The flower's wide and lovely eye.
Me-ow, me-ow,
Watch out 'cuz
It's coming for you!
There was a soft thumping and scuffing noise off to their left, and Mabel realized Samirah was dragging Dipper out of the grave. If they could just keep the Cat distracted for a few more seconds –
Mew?
The sound was so quiet, yet so utterly unexpected, that everybody turned at once to look. Samirah had her arms wrapped under Dipper's armpits, dragging him over the grass. They were both sweaty and covered in dirt, and Dipper had a lot of weird scratches all over him and he was missing a shoe. The way Samirah was carrying him, his head was squished forward onto his chest, which was moving – Mabel could see it from where she stood – steadily up and down. And sticking out of Dipper's vest was a small, whiskery, pitch-black kitten. Her first thought: OH MY GOSH THAT IS SO CUTE I MUST PET IT!!Second thought: OH NO WE JUST TICKED OFF A MAMA CAT. The Cat actually screamed, its ears laid flat against its skull, its teeth bared like daggers. It shot towards Samirah like a bullet.Mabel reacted instant. She whipped the cat toy and the end of it snapped around the Cat's tail, pulling tight as it shot past her. The yarn went taught but Luffy's ropework was good and the Cat screeched as its momentum nearly yanked Mabel off her feet. She dug in her heels and pulled. The Cat snapped around, its eyes burning with rage. “What's happening?” Luffy cried, staring at the cat toy, apparently suspended in midair. “Mabel? What's happening?!” Mabel opened her mouth to reply – and then her guts turned to slush. The bulbous end of the cat's tail split open, revealing a jaw like a snake's, with four gleaming white fangs dripping a milky poison. She blinked. “Ooooh, I did not see that coming.” “MABEL!” Samirah screamed. “LUFFY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING – RUN!” The tail struck. “– to listen, please!” “Kid, calm down.”“Where's Mr. Pines? Where is he?!” Lloyd looked around wildly. There were four cop cars surrounding the entire triangular meridian, but no Mr. Pines in sight. Had he been taken in to the police station? Was he giving a statement? Or did he run off trying to find Mabel and the rest of them? Lloyd had spent the last five minutes trying to tell the police what was happening, but Mr. Pines was the only one who would believe him! One of the officers put a hand on Lloyd's shoulder. “Now listen, son, why don't you calm down a minute? You say you've got some information on the missing kid –”Lloyd's blood boiled. “His name is Dipper!” “Dipper, right. So we're definitely interested in what you have to say. But you need to calm down so we can understand you.” Lloyd gritted his teeth. You CAN understand me, you just don't want to, and my friends are all in danger RIGHT NOW! This is as useless as talking to my mother about ghosts!The thought made him pause. It really was like talking to his mom. How would he get his mom to listen? Lloyd took a deep breath. “There is a wild animal,” he said slowly, “taking refuge in an open grave of the St. Mary cemetery. It has Dipper. My friends, Mabel, Samirah, and Luffy sent me back for help, but the animal is very dangerous.” “What sort of animal, kid?”
I already told you!
“Big,” he snapped. “Black. And obviously dangerous enough to keep Dipper knocked out. Where is Mr. Pines? Dipper is his son, he should know!” The taller officer nodded. “I'm calling him now. Cecil, you take the kid, I want a statement from him.” He walked away, speaking rapidly into his radio. The shorter officer crouched down. (That was a laugh – they were practically the same height.) “Look – Lloyd, right? I know you think we're being patronizing, but we can't go into a situation without knowing what it is.” It was all he could do to keep his mouth shut. Mabel was covered in dirt and grass from dodging the Cat. She dove to the side and banged her arm against a tombstone. The snake-tail just missed her and crashed fang-first into the rock, so hard chunks of it actually broke off. “Guys give the kitten back!” she shouted. She still had the Cat by the tail but the yarn was starting to fray and it was getting harder and harder to dodge. “We're trying, we're trying!” “TRY HARDER!” Mabel zipped around the tombstone as the Cat sped around the other side, trying to reach her. The yarn leash pulled taught and started to fray. The Cat was crazy with anger, its pupils almost invisible, its yellow eyes glowing manically as it dug at the earth, its venomed tail writhing. It started to gain purchase in the rock and moved towards her, an inch at a time. Mabel screamed as its claws sliced cleanly through the tips of her sneakers. “GUYS PLEASE!” “It's here!” Samirah darted into view, the kitten held out at arm's length in front of her. It mewled, but the Cat didn't even hear it. Mabel saw bloody murder in its eyes. The leash snapped. She'd been pulling so hard on the leash that she fell back, tucking and rolling with her momentum and feeling the razor-sharp claws cut into her arm. Samirah was screaming but the world was nothing but blur and color and Cat. Mabel didn't even try to get up. She kept rolling, jumping, twisting, barely missing strike after strike from the venomous tail. The Cat's lips had pulled back in a hideous snarl – no cat would ever look totally cute after this – and its tail was a nightmare of fang and speed. The only reason she'd lasted this long was because the Cat was getting tired, but it was still too fast for her to keep dodging. Mabel took a desperate leap for the tombstone but the Cat slammed onto her back. She hit the ground hard with the full wait of the Cat crushing her into the ground. There was an almost-silent hiss and she knew the tail was coming and –
YOOOOWWWWWWWW!
The cat screamed and the weight on Mabel's back disappeared. She sat up, gasping, clutching the chunk of broken tombstone in her hand. At the last second she'd grabbed it and shoved it over her neck, using it like a shield. The Cat was shaking its head in zig-sags and circles, obviously in pain. The jaws in its tail hung open, the fangs broken, thin ribbons of red running along the broken toothy stumps. Mabel swayed at the sight, slumping back against the tombstone. As the Cat backed up, it caught sight of its baby, still in Samirah's hands. Samirah put it down quickly and hurried to Mabel, scooping up more rocks and standing in front of her like a warrior princess, ready to fight. But the Cat simply shot them a look. If I ever cross your path, you're dead. Then it took its baby gently in its normal cat-jaws and bounded off, its club-like tail still lashing as it disappeared over the next hill. Samirah dropped the rocks. “Oh my god oh my god oh my god I thought we were gonna die oh my god –”“What's happening?!” Luffy called. “Guys?!” “It left!” Samirah called back. She turned. “Mabel, you – oh, no, Mabel, your hand!” She looked down. Through slightly fuzzed vision, Mabel saw that her hand was still holding the rock she'd used to protect herself. Her hand was shaking, and one of her fingers had a very tiny cut. The Cat had bit her. “I'll be fine,” Mabel tried to say. Or she thought she said it. Her hearing was going weird now, too. “The brownie...” Samirah looked. “I'll get it, okay? Let's take care of you first.” Mabel grabbed the tombstone and tried to pull herself to her feet. Samirah caught her when she almost fell, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Whoa! Okay, we need to go for help.” “Lloyd went,” Mabel mumbled. “Want Dipper.” “Him too. Luffy! Can you help me out?” Samirah pulled one of Mabel's arms over her shoulder and they staggered over to Dipper. Luffy was still hovering over him, shooting nervous glances all around, like she wasn't sure if it was really safe. “He's – he's still breathing fine,” Luffy said shrilly. “I – positioned his head, so –”“Hello?” They all looked up. Three tall figures were cresting the hill, two of them with silver badges on their chests. The third figure saw them and broke into a run. “DIPPER! MABEL! KIDS!”“Hi, Dad,” Mabel murmured muzzily, trying to wave. Her arm felt really heavy. And then she lost all feeling in her legs and suddenly she was lying on the grass. “Haha, whoops...” Samirah and Luffy's faces hung over her. They were saying something. It's fine, guys, Mabel thought. Poison's not scary. It just makes you...really sleepy, is all...Her eyes closed. Maybe she should feel scared, but she wasn't. Not with Dipper right next to her, only a few inches away. Things would be alright. She forced her fingers to move, just once, so they were touching. Then she fell into the black.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Dipper became aware of the darkness slowly. It seemed to move around him, as if he were at the center of a vast anthill in the the hot, suffocating earth. He couldn't feel where his body ended and the darkness began. It was difficult to think. The darkness sucked at him, pulling him deeper. “...nothing to do with it,” someone said. “Luffy's always packin'. You shoulda seen this one time Adam Thresher ripped his shorts in PE, he went to the bathroom and Luffy stitched them right up. I mean the girl is genius.” Mabel. Dipper focused on her voice, dragging himself up out of the heavy black. It was hard to hear what she was saying because his head hurt so much. “Totally.” Samirah's voice, groggy but strong. “Saved out butts back there, that's for sure. I can't believe we took on a friggin' Cat demon.” Dipper forced his eyes open. He was lying on his back, staring up at a white ceiling, a crinkly pillow under his head. There was a blue curtain drawn around part of the ceiling. That, plus the funky cleaning smells, meant he was in a hospital. Mabel was lying next to him, shoulder to shoulder. She had a World Class Knitting magazine spread across their laps. She was talking, but not to him. “Don't forget the Gremlins!” Mabel said. “You did that, too! You're like, super-Samirah. In fact, this shall become your new title from this moment forth!” “No arguments here.” He could hear the smile in her voice.A sudden stab of pain shot up Dipper's left leg and he jerked. Mabel squealed. “DIPPERRRR!” She threw herself onto his chest, burying her head into his shoulder, squeezing him tight. “Agh! Mabel you weigh a ton,” Dipper gasped. He felt her smile against his neck. “Deal with it, Dip Dop, I am never letting go!” “Seriously, Mabel,” he wheezed. His chest really hurt. She sat up and wriggled slightly away, practically hanging off the edge of the bed. He made his stiff neck turn so he could look at her. She was grinning, but her face was all covered in scratches her eyes were really red. And she was wearing a hospital gown. “Mabel what happened!? Are you okay??” “I'm fine, I'm fine,” she told him, still smiling as tears rolled down her cheeks. “You're gonna be fine, too – they said if you woke up then you'd be fine, and you woke up, so you'll be –” She hiccuped and swallowed her words with a sob, rubbing at her eyes. He tried to reach for her but his arms were really sore. “C'mere, I can't sit up yet.” She lay back down and hugged him, this time carefully, and he worked one hand loose from the blankets and forced it up to rest on her arm.“Hi, Dipper.” Samirah waved at him from a visitor's chair next to the bed. She looked tired and scratched up, too, but other than that she seemed alright. “Am I ever glad to see you.” “Same. Uh, what happened?” “Oh, right – okay so you were out for this part, but we tracked you down to the cemetery and found you in an open grave where the Cat Sith was holding you hostage.” “An open what?” “Yeah, it was twice as creepy as it sounds. Also the Cat had like this weird snake mouth thing at the end of its tail and it bit you and Mabel.” “It what?” “I'm fine,” Mabel repeated. “It only bit me a little bit.”“Also,” Samirah continued, “according to the doctors, whatever the venom was put you into an induced coma that you never would've woken up from without medical intervention and we think the Cat was waiting for you to die so it could eat you.” At this point Mabel put one hand firmly over Dipper's mouth. “If you say 'what' one more time I will force-read you my entire knitting magazine.”He pulled away. “Mabel, are you saying you were in a coma?!” “Only for like an hour. They got us to the hospital pronto. Dad and Mom were – well actually they were pretty upset when I woke up, and when you first went missing...” She trailed off for a minute. Then she shook herself. “But now they're fine! Ish.” “The 'ish', for future reference, is not comforting,” Samirah said drily. “Your mom put up flyers and your dad was the one who drove us around so we could look for you. You've been out for a couple of days now. It took a while to wake you up since the venom was in your system longer.” “And I called Grunkle Ford and Grunkle Stan already,” Mabel added. “I caught 'em just before they were getting on an airplane. They know you're safe, so they're gonna keep going by boat to get here.” Dipper frowned and scrubbed at his face, trying to concentrate. “Airplane? I thought Grunkle Stan was banned from those.” “How on earth do you get banned from airplanes?” Samirah asked. “You try to get a day legally removed from the calendar,” Mabel said cheerfully. Dipper's eyelids were growing heavy. “But...the brownie...”Mabel winced. “That...wasn't as good. Our house does have a brownie – we made omnispecs so you can see it when you get home, that's also how we found the Cat. It...got hurt. Pretty bad. But it's home healing up, and it'll probably be okay because it keeps drinking milk and sleeping. Like you should be.” “You do look more nerd-zombie-like than usual,” Samirah put in. “Gee, thanks.” He yawned. Mabel crawled up on the bed and lay down next to him, snuggled up along his side like a warm fuzzy heater. “Go to sleep, Dip-Dop. I'll still be here when you wake up.” It took a few days for Dipper to be released from the hospital. Mabel went home sooner and told him she was planning a welcome-back party at school, but until then all Dipper had to eat was creamed corn and Jell-O cubes. He also had to drink a ton of water, both to help flush the venom out of his system and to help his kidneys. Apparently poison and kidneys did not mix. Go figure. Lloyd, Samirah, Luffy, and even Ryan from Mabel's Drama Club came to visit him. Plus a bunch of people sent him flowers, which made him feel like an old lady, but was still pretty cool. (One kid, Cesar Chuong, sent him a book on ghost hunting equipment. Dipper made a mental note to track him down and befriend him at once.) Unfortunately, Lloyd's mom had grounded him on a permanent basis, at least for the foreseeable future. She was convinced – correctly – that he'd been doing something that involved the supernatural. She only allowed him to visit Dipper once. “I'm dying, Dipper,” Lloyd said, practically collapsing into the visitor's chair. “No science club, took away my tools, locked everything in the garage. Even my laptop! It's like being slowly suffocated in a deep dark pit.” Then he winced. “Uh...sorry.” Dipper shrugged. “Hey, man, I was in a coma. Not like I remember anything.” “Probably a good thing. The Cat thing, whatever it was, was the absolute creepiest thing I have ever seen.” Lloyd shuddered. “Like a big dog, all black except for a spot on its chest, and it had this snake mouth at the end of its tail and why the heck are you grinning like that?” “I know what this was!” Dipper said excitedly. “There was this – I was doing research, right, and I found something called the Cat Sith –”“Yeah, we found your backpack,” Lloyd said flatly. “No wait, just listen!” Dipper pushed himself into a sitting position, his face shining with excitement. “The Chumash – they're this group of Native Americans that live along the Southern Californian coast. And they had this legend of this thing, a malaxsisnis? It was like this woman with a long tail with a stinger at the end!” “That sounds...terrifying.” “Yeah but no, here's the cool part! I think, I mean based on what you're saying – I think maybe some Cat Siths immigrated with Irish humans over to the United States, and some of them maybe blended with other supernatural creatures, including the malaxsisnis, and that's where the fangs on the tail came from!” His excitement faded slightly. “What I can't figure out is, why the venom didn't kill me right away. I mean, the malaxisnis' sting is instantly fatal, and based on what we saw at Luffy's house, the Cat Sith likes to eat souls. So why didn't it just kill me and eat my soul? Had it just not developed the right kind of poison to do the job? Like it didn't evolve enough?” “Oh, it definitely evolved enough.” Lloyd looked slightly sick. “You okay?” He sat upright and leaned on one armrest, looking queasy. “That grave you were in...I guess nobody told you, but Samirah said there was a little cat thing on your chest. Like a little monster kitten. And, uh, since you said those cat things eat souls...I think the idea was that the venom was supposed to put you in a coma, so it had time to take you back to its den. And then when you...you know...its kitten could eat.” Dipper swallowed. He remembered Samirah mentioning something about that. “Oh.” Lloyd's fingers twitched like he was building something. He clasped them together. “I dunno, Dipper. This stuff is really dangerous. I mean, I hate to say it, but I can sort of see where my mom is coming from. I don't – I know it's your thing and all, and I get that, but...I'm not sure you should be messing with it.” The bad vibes didn't stop there. As soon as Dipper came home, their parents sat him and Mabel down in the living room and asked them to Skybe their grunkles. Dipper and Mabel glanced at each other nervously. This was a new and ominous development.They made the call. Great-Uncle Ford picked it up first. “Dipper, Mabel!” He was sitting in the kitchen/living area of the Stan O' War, looking tired but happy. “I'm so glad to see you up and about, Dipper. I hope you've been drinking plenty of fluids and resting well.” He nodded at their parents. “Brian, Lacy. How are you?” “Very well, thank you,” their mom replied, nodding stiffly.
Uh-oh.
“IZZAT THE KIDS?!” All five of them winced at the feedback and Stan shoved his face into the camera. “Wow! Dipper looks even worse than usual! How ya doin', kid?” He rolled his eyes. “I'm about to go deaf, thanks for asking.” Stanley laughed, but Mr. and Mrs. Pines looked grim. Their mom leaned forward, looking straight into the camera. “I'm afraid that, due to recent events, Dipper and Mabel will no longer be allowed to continue their investigation into supernatural phenomena. Furthermore, since this interest seems to have been encouraged by the two of you, all further Skybe calls will need to be supervised by one of us.” The room went absolutely still. Even Stanley looked stunned. “M-mom...?” Mabel's voice was a tiny mouse squeak. “You can't be serious!” Dipper blurted. Their father looked at him. “Dipper, you and Mabel just ended up in the hospital. And until you disappeared, neither your mother nor myself had any idea that you were investigating anything dangerous at all.” “Then we'll keep you informed! If you get us a phone, we can text you –”He held up a hand. “There would still be a delay between any time you texted us you were in danger, and the time that we could get to you. You're our children,” he said gently. “We love you. We just need to make sure that you're safe.” “On that note, we'll be arranging for you to get rides home from school with some of your friends,” said their mother, sitting back. “If for some reason you can't get a ride, you'll need to wait at school until your father or I –”“Now just WAIT A MINUTE!” Stan shouted. They jumped. “You can't tell me you're gonna watch our every move like this is some kinda custody garbage!” “I'm afraid I agree,” Ford said sternly. “Restricting further investigations and monitoring future calls is nothing short of Orwellian.” Their mother's eyes went hard. “These are our children's lives you're talking about,” she said coldly. “We are trying to protect them from whatever evil forces might be out there.”“But this stuff is already out there right now!” Dipper burst out. “It doesn't matter if we investigate it or not! It's the same as learning about coyotes or wild bears or something, we need to know about it to know how to keep ourselves safe!” “Then let someone else investigate,” their father said. “I will be speaking with your school tomorrow as well. If I can't persuade them to disband the Haunt Hunters, I will certainly ensure that club activities will be limited to school grounds only.” “But –”“This is final.” After the called ended, Stan and Ford sat there for several long seconds. They both looked – and felt – like they'd been hit in the face with frying pans. “What just happened?” Stan said. “I think we were all but forbidden to talk to our niece and nephew.” “Ugh, I can't believe this!” Stan stood up angrily and started stomping around the kitchen. “I told Dipper not to go messing with the paranormal! Then he opens up a whole club for it and I think, 'Fine, school clubs are lame anyway, it's not like he's going to get into any real trouble!' Then he does and somehow we're getting blamed for it!?” Ford frowned at the screen. “It's extremely narrow-minded of them. Dipper is a budding scientist with excellent investigative skills that should be encouraged. The cat creature alone was a fascinating discovery!”“What?! Did you forget the part where he almost died?!” Stan spun around and stuck a finger in Ford's face. “Dipper isn't you, Ford, he doesn't have thirty years of experience under his belt like you do! Don't make this some weird thing about the two of you being nerdbots together!” “It's not a 'nerdbot' thing, both he and Mabel are incredibly bright and fully capable of handling the paranormal on their own!” “That doesn't mean he should and WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE RATIONAL ADULT THAT'S YOUR JOB!!” Ford held up a hand, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Okay. Alright. The one thing we can agree on is that neither of us want to be restricted from seeing Dipper and Mabel. We just need to stay calm and think of a plan.” Stan folded his arms. “I say we send a coupla ghosts over to check on 'em. Make sure their parents haven't gone all 'Big Brother' on their butts.” “That's...actually not a bad idea. But I believe evidence of paranormal activity would only increase their parents' resolve. We'll keep that plan in reserve – I've got to have something that could help...” Ford got up and went to the supply closet, a narrow space in the small hallway leading from the kitchen to the bedroom at the back. He opened the closet door and started rummaging through it, grunting when some fishing poles fell on top of him. “Ow! Oh, for Sagan's sake...” Stan sighed. Usually that kind of thing was pretty funny, but right now he just didn't feel like laughing. He walked over and grabbed one of the fishing poles, picking some misplaced hooks out of Ford's hair. “You do your brainy plan thing and I'm gonna get us some dinner, huh?” “Mm,” Ford said. Stan threw on his coat and headed up on deck. Only reason they got Dipper back so fast in the first place was because Mabel knew she could contact them and ask for help. That's how they got McGucket to build those fancy glasses so fast. What would happen if they got into trouble again and couldn't call for help? Because he knew Dipper and there was no way that kid could keep his sweaty nerd self out of trouble. What if next time...He baited the line and cast it. He was probably worried about nothing, right? Ford's big brain always got them out of trouble. And Stan had seen the look in his eye, like he was gonna solve an unsolvable math problem or die tryin'. Heck, at this rate Ford probably wouldn't even stop to eat until they figured out a way to talk to the kids – without supervision. And maybe Stan could think of an idea or two, himself. And he'd bet his last dollar that Dipper was already working on a solution on his end, with Mabel right there next to him, decorating Dipper's list-y things in bright pink glitter glue. The four of 'em were going to figure a way out of this. Things were gonna be fine. Right?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It was a quiet dinner. At least on Mabel and Dipper's end. Normally Mabel would've loved this. Since they were all home anyway, Mom and Dad decided not to go back to work. Mom made homemade spaghetti – one of Mabel's favorites – and even said she'd let Waddles hang out under the table.But Mabel wasn't really hungry. The Skybe call had left a cold feeling in her chest, like her lungs were full of crushed ice. She didn't have much of an appetite. She and Dipper sat down mechanically as their mother set out the plates. “By the way, Brian,” said Mom, “where are your lunch dishes?” “Oh, I forgot them at work.” She rolled her eyes and joined them at the table. “Of course. Well, we're running out of tupperware, so unless you want a lunch stuffed into a spare shoebox, please remember to bring them back. I can't imagine your coworkers are very happy with you hogging the fridge.” “I just keep all the containers in my cubicle. I pretend I'm building a castle with it.” He smiled, looking over at Mabel. But Mabel didn't say a word. She and Dipper just sat there, heads down, quietly eating their meals. Their mother frowned. “Guys, we're trying to have a nice family dinner, here. The least you could do is participate.” “Spaghetti tastes good, Mom,” Dipper said tonelessly. Mabel nodded. She twirled her fork in the noodles and then just put the whole thing in her mouth, not even slurping it up. Their father set down his fork. “Listen, I know this may take some adjusting, but we're just trying to keep you safe and be more involved in your lives. I don't think the two of you understand what a big deal it is that your mother and I to came home early today. Our jobs are highly demanding, but we're trying to make time for you – the least you could do is appreciate it!” Dipper looked up, his eyes sparking with anger. “We love you both, but we don't like the way you're treating us. It's like you're watching our every move! We can't even call our Grunkles to talk to them, and they didn't do anything wrong!” “Watch your tone, young man.” Mabel's squishy parts twisted in her gut. Now Dipper and Dad were fighting? “I'm full,” she announced, standing up. “May I be excused?” “Fine,” their father snapped. “Go to your room. You too, Dipper.”They left. Waddles followed them to their room. As soon as they shut their bedroom door, Mabel climbed up to her bunk and pulled up her mattress. She had a secret stash of junk food for when she wanted a late-night snack without having to get out of bed. “Hey Dipper, want a bag of chips?” “Sure.” She tossed one down. She still wasn't all that hungry, but she took out a candy bar and crammed a piece of it into her mouth. Chocolate always made her cheer up a little. Dipper climbed up to her bed and they sat eating in silence. Mabel flicked a chip down to Waddles every few bites, and he oinked and grunted, trying to catch them in his mouth. Finally her brother put down the chip bag, twisting the edges of it anxiously. “Mabel...you don't think Dad's really going to shut down the Haunt Hunters, do you?” She hesitated. “It sort of sounded like he meant it. I just don't get how they can go from shipping us off for the whole summer to – to this.” Dipper looked miserable. “This is all my fault. If I hadn't gotten got by that stupid Cat Sith...” He groaned and flopped back on the bed. “I wish I could call Grunkle Ford and ask for advice...but I can't even do that.” Mabel reached over and shoved the last piece of chocolate into his mouth. He choked and sat up immediately, spitting gobs of saliva-y chocolate into his hand. “Agh – ptg, pfft! Mabel! What was that for?!” “Chocolate is the answer to many problems, Dipper,” Mabel said seriously. “And this is a problem of epic proportions.” She stood up on her bed – sort of, because the ceiling was low so her head was pressed to her shoulder. “Okay this isn't really an action pose 'cuz of the head thing but PRETEND IT IS! The two of us didn't give up at the end of the world and we're not giving up now!” “What're we supposed to do though?” Dipper asked, wiping his hand on the chip bag. “I mean, the cutest, most harmless thing I can think of to show them is the Brownie, but you said Dad's seen it already and he's still going along with this, so I don't think it's going to convince Mom, either.”“We'll just have to think of a plan! Something that shows our parents how important the Haunt Hunters and our Grunkles are to us. Dipper!” She pointed at him. “Pull out your longest sheet of paper and make an overcomplicated list-y thing the size of Texas! Waddles!” She pointed to the pig. “You will be our cute and adorable inspiration! Mabel!” She pointed to herself. “You will be the leader, pep-talker, snack-provider, and co-planner extraordinaire! Now let's quit moping and get to work!” Unfortunately, although Mabel unleashed nearly all of her chocolate supply, they still couldn't think of a single idea. By the next morning Dipper felt tired and even more discouraged. At least, he thought, today was Thursday, and they had a Haunt Hunters meeting at lunch. So he had something to look forward to. If it didn't get cancelled. Their father stayed home late so he could drive them to school. Dipper and Mabel sat in the back seat, with Waddles squished onto Mabel's lap. “I won't be able to do this every day,” their father said, pulling up to the school's drop-off zone. “So make sure you make arrangements with your friends. And get a ride home from school. If you can't, just stay here, and either your mother or I will come get you.” “That's like seven at night!” Dipper protested. “Yeah, how will we even tell you we're still here?” Mabel asked. “These.” Their father reached down into his briefcase and pulled out two brand-new cellphones. He handed one to each of them. Mabel's eyes went huge. “Oh. My. Sweatersocks,” she breathed. She held hers up like it was made of solid gold. “The doorway to portable internet access has opened. Pig videos shall cement my future reign over Piedmont Middle School.” Their dad raised an eyebrow. “Interesting reaction, but no. The internet on both of them has been disconnected. As has the video. And the app store. These things are basically phones – like actual phones. You can call, and you can text, but that's it. And you can only use these to contact me, your mother, and each other.” Dipper's jaw tightened. Disconnecting everything? Their father have just told them not to use it. That wasn't about keeping them safe, it was like he didn't trust them!Even Mabel deflated a little. “...Oh. But I can decorate the case, right?” “Sure. Now hop out and have a good day at school.” They scooted out of the back seat. (Waddles oinked with relief, happy to be out of the cramped space.) Mabel waved at their dad as he pulled away, and they started up the steps into the main building. Dipper stuffed the phone into his pocket, scowling. Before they'd made it halfway up the door, someone slapped Dipper on the back and he nearly jumped out of his skin. “Hey man!” said a tall red-headed kid. “Nice to see you off the milk carton!” Dipper blinked in surprise as a dozen or so other students joined in, calling out to him and waving as they headed towards the school. “Heeey, Poster Boy!” “Weird kid's back!” “Nice to see you, Dipper!” He looked around, bewildered. “I do not know who half of these people are.” Mabel laughed. “Yeah. That's probably because Mom practically papered Piedmont with your posters. Ooh! An alliteration!” Dipper opened his mouth to reply and accidentally bumped someone. “Watch it,” snapped a voice. “Sorr – Randy?” Randy glared at him. “I said watch it, Dipstick,” he snapped, and stomped up the steps to meet the red-headed boy from before. Dipper realized the tall kid looked like an older version of Randy. “I didn't know Randy had an older brother,” he said aloud. “Or a Samurai Squids backpack!” Mabel glanced at him and caught the look on his face. “Hey, you okay? You're doing that thing with your hat.”Dipper stopped tugging on the front of it. “Sorry. This is just kind of – a lot to handle today.” She took his hand and squeezed. “Cheer up, Dipper! Today's the day we come up with an a-Mabel-mazing plan to change our parents' minds and get to see our Grunkles! PLUS! Dad didn't mention shutting down the Haunt Hunters at all!” “Yeah, that's true.” Dipper smiled a little. “Maybe he forgot? Or this'll all blow over in a couple of days.” “That's the spirit! Now come on, Mabel's got a surprise for you!” “What does that mean?” “It means RUN, YOU ADORKABLE NERD!” Still holding his hand, she sprinted into the building, dragging Dipper with her. They ducked and weaved through the other students heading to their classes. Waddles ran after them, little legs motoring to keep up. They made it to their classroom just as the bell rang. “Mabel,” Dipper panted. “I know you mean well, but – when you say 'surprise' –”“Shhhh!” She knocked three times, blew a raspberry, and banged the door open. “Okay – CUE THE CONFETTI!” “Welcome back Dipper,” chanted the whole class. Dipper gasped. Mabel had had the classroom decorated in huge blue banners covered in the missing posters his mother had made, but the “missing” parts now covered in glittery stickers. The whole class had gathered around his desk, which was laden with a massive three-tier cake decorated in tiny origami flowers. Their teacher, Ms. Healey, was standing behind the class, and some of the kids threw actual bits of confetti at him. Dipper batted the sparkly plastic out of his hair, laughing and grinning from ear to ear. “You guys! You didn't have to do this!” Ms. Healey beamed at him. “It's good to have you back, Dipper.”“Yeah, you know how long we've had to stare at this cake without eating it?” someone said, and everybody laughed. “I trained them to say the 'Welcome Back Dipper' thing on command, too,” Mabel said proudly. Then she whipped out a pie server. “Alright everyone – IT'S CAKE TIME!” Ms. Healey had the students return to her seats. She had a couple of helpers pass out napkins and plates while Mabel deftly cut the cake into equal slices. (It was dark chocolate with chocolate chips in it and cream cheese icing – Dipper's favorite.) Dipper helped Ms. Healey pass out the pieces to other students. Pretty soon the classroom was full of the rich smell of chocolate. Dipper returned from passing out slices, smiling as Mabel cut him an extra-big piece. “When did you even have time for this?” he asked. “What about your play?”She shrugged. “I just used my Home Ec class! It took a few tries, but Mr. Rogers said this cake was so good it'll count as extra credit. Tada!” And she scooped up a finger of frosting and booped him on the nose with it. He laughed. Ms. Healey clapped her hands for attention. “Alright, it looks like there'll be enough for everyone to have seconds –”The class cheered. “As long as,” she continued loudly, “you actually pick up after yourselves. The school does have ant traps, but we're not technically allowed to have food in any classroom but Home Ec. So no one tell Mr. Baumann.” “Tell you what, give me a slice of that later and we'll call it even.” They turned to the door, where their principal stood smiling at the class. “Morning, Ms. Healey. I'm sorry to interrupt your party, but may I borrow Dipper for a moment?” “Of course, of course.” She made an ushering motion with her hand. Dipper glanced at Mabel, a sense of dread building in his chest. Then he followed the principal out the door into the hall. Why would the principal talk to him – unless his father had already called? Was the club going to be disbanded? Was that even legal?!The principal turned to face him. “First, Dipper, let me just say that it's good to have you back at school. If there's anything you need, I hope you'll let me know.”“Th-thank you, sir.” “Now, I've spoken with your father – ”“Please don't disband the club!” he blurted. The principal grimaced. “Ah, so he talked to you about that. Well, as I told your father, our school campus is meant to be a safe place to explore your interests, and it is not within our policy to cancel a club merely at a parent's request. As I have also told certain parents of the science club,” he added in a mutter. “That being said, it is our policy to cancel a club that has less than three members at the end of its first month.” “What?!”The principal raised an eyebrow and Dipper subsided, still tense. “You have until next Wednesday,” Mr. Baumann continued, “so I encourage you to begin your search today. Once you have an additional member, you can go to the office for a Club Authorization Form and re-submit it with the third member's name. Good luck.” Dipper realized he'd been dismissed. He walked back into the classroom, his face numb. The cake he'd eaten sat like a lump of lead in his stomach. His parents really were trying to take the club away from him. What if they took away their Grunkles, too? “We could hire the marching band to march around school chanting 'Haunt Hunters! Haunt Hunters'!”“Except that our school doesn't have a marching band.”“Well, what if we staged a huge fake UFO landing in the soccer field and waited to see who showed up?” “I think more than just kids would show up if we did that.” The two of them were sitting in the Art Room, in the corner now reserved exclusively for the Haunt Hunters (and Waddles). They were having their usual lunchtime Haunt Hunters meeting. Which, unfortunately, still included only two members. They'd snuck in their lunch trays so they could brainstorm ways to get new members while they ate. “I could do a campaign,” Mabel said. “I could make a huge poster! A billboard! SEVERAL billboards! D'you think we could find Sev'ral Times to be our poster boyz?!” Dipper sighed. “Thanks, Mabel, but I don't want to take too much time away from your play with this. It's coming out next weekend, right? I know you've been working really hard on it.” At least their parents hadn't shut that down. She wagged her spoon at him. “Don't give up, Dipper! This school is huge – there's gotta be someone who'd be willing to be a warm body for our third member.” “Yeah...I mean, I'd take it, but I don't really want a token member, y'know? I want someone who's actually, genuinely interested in – ” He broke off with a gasp. The image of a certain book flashed through his mind. He jumped to his feet. “That's it! Cesar Chuong!” “Is that a kind of crouton?”“No, he's the guy who sent me that book on ghost hunting equipment! I bet he'd join!” “Great! How do we find him?” “Uh... Good question. I don't even know what grade he's in, and asking people could take forever...” He looked around. Waddles was snoozing in a sunlit corner of the classroom. “Perfect!”He dug the book out of his backpack and grabbed the applesauce from his lunch tray. “Waddles! You want a treat?”Waddles opened one eye, saw the applesauce – and then went back to sleep with a grunt. Mabel rolled her eyes. “You gotta sweeten the pot a little there, broseph. Allow me.” She pulled a fresh-baked cupcake out of her sleeve, complete with perfect mint-green frosting. The frosting hadn't even been smushed inside her sleeve. “How did you – ”“Waaaddles,” Mabel called, waving the treat. “It's cupcake time!”The pig squealed and rolled to its feet, nose twitching. Its eyes fixed on the cupcake. Dipper got down and held the book in front of Waddles' nose. “Here, Waddles – find Cesar, get cupcake. Okay?”The pig grunted and then made straight for the classroom door. Dipper and Mabel grabbed their backpacks and followed close behind. Waddles led them out of the building and into the playground at the back of the school. He ran right through a tetherball match, a game of hop scotch, and some game a girl was playing on the ground with wooden discs. Dipper and Mabel dodged and weaved through the crowd, apologizing as they ran. There were some kids playing soccer on the field. Waddles ran right onto the grass, almost bowling over one of the players, and headed straight for the goal keeper. The keeper was a shorter kid with close-shaved light brown hair and a broad face, which currently had a very surprised expression on it. “PIG!” he shouted. “Waddles!” Mabel called. “Hey – HEADS UP!” The three of them looked up as the soccer ball shot over the field. Cesar leap-frogged over Waddles and rammed the ball with his forehead. He landed in a tumble on the grass. Waddles squealed and braked, spinning around. Dipper waved his arms frantically. “NO NO BAD PIG BAD PIG!!” “Waddles!” Mabel shouted. “CUPCAKE!” The pig oinked loudly and zoomed back towards Mabel. Dipper hurried over to the goalie box, where some of the other players were already gathering to check on Cesar. “You okay man?”“Where the heck did that pig even come from?”“Dude, you have got to stop hitting the ball with your face. Wicked save, though.” “Yeah it was!” Cesar said, grinning and flushed with the praise. “Cesar?” Dipper asked, coming up to the group. “Uh, sorry about the pig. It's my sister's.” “Just tell me it's not named Brutus and we're fine,” he joked. “I'm Dipper.” He offered his hand. “Thanks for the killer book you sent me. Hospital would've bored me to death otherwise.” “Oh – OH! Forgot I sent that! Sure, man, anytime!” They shook hands. Another player called out. “Hey, Cesar, we playin' or what?”“I was actually wondering if you'd want to join our new club,” Dipper said quickly. “The Haunt Hunters? Paranormal investigation?”“I'm kind of in the middle of a game right now –”“After school?”“Uh, sure! I have to bring my sister though, but she can just hang out or whatever. That okay?” “Yeah!”“Great.” Cesar's eyes slid to the field. “So I gotta get back to the game – ”“No problem, no problem – we'll meet in the auditorium after school!” That way Dipper could run his club while Mabel did her play. Cesar waved and Dipper hustled off the field.Mabel and Waddles were waiting for him at the edge of the grass. Waddles was licking frosting from his snout – and Mabel was checking her phone. “What's up?” he asked, squatting next to her. “It's...it's Dad. He just wanted to know that the phone was working.” He frowned. “He texted us during school hours?” “Haha, I guess...” She stuffed it into a pocket in her sweater. “So! Any luck? Do the Haunt Hunters have a new Hunter for our Haunted Hijinks?” He grinned broadly. “Better – I think we might have two!”Mabel shrieked with joy and leapt to her feet. “YES! YES TIMES A MILLION! The Haunt Hunters are back in business, baby!”“Now all we have to do is turn in that paperwork, persuade our parents that the club shouldn't be shut down, get them to stop being paranoid about our Grunkles...” His smile fell a little. “NOPE!” Mabel grabbed his cheeks and squished them between her palms. “Hang onto that smile and also your miniscule sense of fashion, Dipper, because we just solved one problem and we will solve all the other problems or my future name isn't Queen Mabel, Supreme Ruler of Piedmont Middle School!” The auditorium – which was basically the gym with the stage pulled out – had been transformed. Pink banners festooned the walls, advertising “Romeow and Juliet: the Meowsical!” Plastic balloons and streamers printed with paw prints framed every door, and the chairs had actually been spray-painted pink to match. Dipper sat in the back row of fold-out chairs, enjoying the show. The stage was a chaos of creativity. Backgrounds of freshly painted hills and meadows vied for attention with cardboard castles and actual cat scratching posts. Luffy and her costume team were sitting to the left of the stage, scraps of cloth piled around them like multi-colored snowdrifts. A few painters were working on another backdrop to the right of the stage. The remaining members of the drama club were on the stage itself, rehearsing their lines. Mabel stood on a chair in the front row, shouting orders and encouragement through a megaphone. “More emotion! Tybalt, you have just seen Romeow, a rival from the enemy's house! Act like someone has just given you a bath and your fur is wet and itchy! FEEL THE ITCHINESS WITH YOUR SOUL!” Dipper smothered a laugh. He started taking out the Haunt Hunters investigative supplies – along with a Club Roster form he'd picked up at the office. Dipper wanted it to look like he knew what he was doing to he could hopefully get Cesar to join right there on the spot. “What're those?” asked a voice. “They're –” Dipper looked up and his voice died in his throat. There was a seriously cute girl bending over him. She had really long golden hair, like caramel streaked with honey. She wore a light blue sun dress with a matching necklace and carried a large canvas bag over her shoulder. “Well?” she prompted. Dipper realized he'd sort of frozen in place. He cleared his throat. “They're, uh, they're standard equipment for paranormal investigations. I'm part of the Haunt Hunters Club. I'm the the leader. The President, actually –”“Angela, wait up!” They turned. Cesar came running through the door, a soccer ball tucked under one arm. “Sorry I'm late,” he painted. “I was practicing soccer in class and the teacher wasn't too happy about that, so she had me stay after a few minutes late to talk to me.” “Fine, fine, that's fine,” Dipper said. He cleared his throat. Cesar took that as a cue. “Right, so this is my sister Angela. Angela, this is – what's-his-face, Flipper?”“Dipper. Pleased to feet you.” He turned red. “I mean meet you! Meet you.”“Sure!” She and Cesar sat down next to Dipper. “Cesar mentioned something about a ghost hunting club, sounded kind of interesting. Do you guys always meet in the gym?” she asked, looking around. “Not really, but my sister's in the Haunt Hunters and she's also head of the Drama Club. She's been working on this play for weeks, and I didn't want her to miss a rehearsal. Hey Mabel!” He waved her over. She practically bounced up to them, beaming. “Are these our two newest victims!?” she shouted through the megaphone. Dipper winced. “No, no victims – this is Cesar and his sister Angela.” “Nice to meet you!” Angela raised her hand. “Question. Is the club, like, only ghost hunting? Or do you do other stuff, too?” “Not this again,” Cesar groaned, rolling his eyes. “She's been going on for like a month with this whole 'let's play rune' thing.” “It's not 'playing'.” “What runes are you talking about?” Dipper asked. Angela brightened. “These.” And she pulled over an empty chair and immediately dumped her bag onto it. A bunch of broken chalk and a notebook fell out, along with what looked like coasters – small flat disks with dark edges, each decorated with a different shape in the middle. “Hey! I've seen those!” Mabel said suddenly. “I think my pig ran through your rune thingies earlier! Sorry.” She shrugged. “No worries. I should've expected something like that. I was using them to tell the future, and Freya's Eight kept popping up.” “Freya's who?” “Please do not get her started,” Cesar begged. “Seriously, do not. They're just coasters with little stick things carved on them.” “They're not stick things, they're runes! And like you should talk – the only things you're interested in are soccer balls and ghosts.”“Yeah, about that.” Cesar turned to Dipper. “Do we get to hunt some actual haunts or what?” “There's not a lot we can do here on campus,” Dipper admitted. “I mean, we've seen some supernatural activity, but – oh!” He snapped his fingers. “There's that shadow thing we saw at the back of the gym once. You guys wanna check it out?” Cesar jumped to his feet. “Beats sittin' around here! Let's go!” Mabel told her club she was taking a quick break, and Dipper led the way out of the gym and around to the back corner. They'd reached the boundaries of the school. Chainlink fence spread out in both directions. There was a strip of grass about two feet wide that ran between the fence and the back of the gym. The sun's position was perfect – it was aimed right at the gym's back wall, but it was still high enough in the sky so the fence wouldn't cast a shadow on the wall itself. They'd have a clear shot of the shadow, if it was there. “Okay,” Dipper said, keeping his voice low. “We're going to peek one at a time, because this thing will disappear if it sees us.”“Then we'd better get a photo!” Cesar whipped out his cell phone and leaped around the corner.“Wait!” They rushed after him. The grass behind the gym was littered with snack wrappers and empty soda cans. A broken hockey stick leaned against the wall, and on the wall itself was – Angela squealed. “I see it!” The shadow was dark, clear, and in the vague shape of a man. There were two eyes were the holes would be, and the edges blurred and undulated, as if it was made of a lot of smaller shadows piled together. It was only there for a split second. The instant Angela spoke, the shadow collapsed, zipping down the side of the building until it sank into the grass, gone. “Aw, c'mooon,” Cesar groaned, staring at his phone. “All I got was a blur.” “I told you to wait,” Dipper reminded him. Then something in the grass caught his eye. “Hey – what's that?” He stepped forward and moved some of the chip bag wrappers aside with his foot. There was a stone set into the ground, flat and rectangular, kind of like the covering used for high-voltage stuff. But this stone had a strange, stick-like marking on it, and it was cracked in half. The others gathered around him. “What is it?” Cesar asked eagerly, crouching down for a better look. “Some kind of secret grave marker? Is the school built on a cemetery?! IS THIS PLACE HAUNTED?!” “Dude, chill.” Mabel put her hand on Dipper's back and peered over his shoulder. “I don't remember this being here before.” “It might've been covered up or something,” Dipper said, dusting the dirt off of the stone. “Look – there's little nicks in the stone, and the dirt around it's been disturbed, like somebody dug it up...”He felt around the edges of the stone and realized it was light enough to move. He picked it up. The flat stone was the lid of a small granite box set into the ground. The box was empty, but there was a place in the middle of the box that looked cleaner than the rest, like something had been lying in it. “Is this where the shadow was hiding?” he wondered aloud. Angela gasped. “Wait – that mark on top, I've seen it before! Hang on –” She dug in her bag and pulled out a rune. She held it up for them to see. It was a vertical line with two smaller lines coming out of it on the right, forming a triangular flag. “I knew it, it's Thurisaz!” “Thoory-what?” Mabel asked. “THOOR-ee-sahz,” Angela repeated. “It's a rune that's supposed to be a picture of a thorn on a branch, or Thor's hammer. It can mean thunder and lightning, or breaking down barriers, or new beginnings, or protection.” Cesar sighed. “Aaand there goes the cool.” “So which meaning is it here?” Mabel asked.She grimaced. “I don't know. I'm too new at this. Maybe it means that whatever's in here was some kind of weapon, something that's supposed to protect us?”“Or maybe the lid was supposed to protect us from whatever used to be in there,” Dipper said, eyeing the stone box uneasily. “We should totally take it out and check!” Cesar said. “We should definitely not,” Dipper said firmly, replacing the lid. “I don't get it though,” Angela said thoughtfully. “I mean, whatever was in there had to be something magical, right? Who would put something magical and possibly dangerous right next to a school?” “I can think of a few people.” Dipper stood up. “C'mon. We should leave until we know a little more about what could've been buried here. I don't want us to accidentally invoke something dangerous.” Randy had been hiding around the corner of the gym. He heard the four of them coming and hurried away. He didn't want anyone to see him – or the small stone statue clutched in his hands. He hadn't expected Dipper and Mabel to show up, especially with an entourage. It was a good thing he'd decided to duck out here when he did, or the two of them would probably have found the statue and kept it all to themselves. He hustled to the spot behind the home ec room. Somebody'd burned a cake or something in there and they'd left the windows open to vent. It smelled so bad he was sure he wouldn't be bothered. Randy crouched behind the bushes under a window, hidden from view. Then he opened his hands. The statue wasn't really a statue. It was rounded and lumpy, with curves and ridges in odd places. It was like someone had taken a bunch of beetles, worms, and snakes, balled them together, twisted them like clay, and then burnished the whole thing to a dark, almost slimy shine. The bumps seemed to move and twitch as he watched. He could almost feel insects moving against his palm. He breathed on it. Immediately a dark shape flowed out of the stone, dripping like dark water from between his fingertips. The shadow rose up until it formed the vague silhouette of a man against the building. “Crouch down, someone'll notice,” Randy snapped. The stone seemed to twitch in his hand and the shadow bent reluctantly. It buzzed at him. “I got you free, didn't I? Shut up and let me concentrate.” He squeezed the statue in his hands, thinking. Normally he'd be on his way home now, but he wasn't worried about anybody wondering where he was. All of his brothers were too wrapped up in their grades and their clubs to notice. And his so-called “friends”, Samirah and Lloyd, were probably off doing their next big science project and planning how best to ignore him. He gritted his teeth. The shadow buzzed again. “Not yet. You're not powerful enough to make 'em really suffer. But I know the perfect people to do a few practice runs.” He held up the statue. “Let's get out of here.” The shadow burst apart into a hundred silhouettes of beetles, ants, snakes, spiders, and scorpions. They swarmed down the wall, along the ground, and up Randy's body, sucked back into the weird little statue. He could feel them in there, eager, waiting, and hungry. He smiled.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Two?! One's plenty!”“There are two of them, Stanley,” Ford reminded him. “Brian and Lacy. It makes sense to give them each a scale.” “Yeah but not from that!” They were arguing over a fish Ford had caught that was currently swimming in a homemade fishbowl on the deck. The fish looked pretty much like an average flying fish – except that it had rounded, almost comically large scales covering its body. And each of the scales was covered in a thin crust of actual gemstones. Rubies, sapphires, calcite – the thing was a living jewelry store. And Ford wanted to take a couple of scales and give them to the kids' parents as a peace offering. Stan gestured to it. “You realize we could fund our treasure-hunting for decades with it, right? At least sell 'em or something! We don't even know if the scales grow back!” “Then this will be a fascinating experiment in its regenerative properties,” Ford said firmly. “Talking to Dipper and Mabel is far more important than a few flakes of rock.” “You realize you're basically bribing Brian and Lacy, right? You're gonna show 'em we are are people who bribe other people to get their way.” “Well what do you expect me to do?!” Ford burst out. “Every idea I've had you shot down for one reason or another! Why don't you come up with an idea for once?! I haven't even been in this dimension for the last thirty years! I don't know how anything works! If it hadn't been for Fiddleford's prototype I wouldn't even know what a computer is, let alone how to Skybe or use the internet at all!” Ford broke off and stomped across the deck to grab a fishing pole. “Why don't I get us dinner and you be the idea guy for once.” Ford stalked to the rail and cast the line so hard he the fly flew clean off and landed about half a mile away. “GROGOR MOG BLIGGITS!” Alien swears. Ford was really upset. Stan crossed the deck and put his hand gently on his brother's shoulder. “Hey, Ford. We'll thinking of something.” Ford glared at his hands, gripping the fishing pole. Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “You're right. You're right. We just need to stay calm and think of a plan. I just...” He waved a hand. “I don't know how this family thing is supposed to work. I've been traveling on my own for the past thirty years. I barely know anything at all about families, least of all ours. At least you had the whole summer with them. I've barely known them for a month.”Stan shrugged, readjusting so that he was leaning on the railing and they were touching arm to arm. “Be grateful you weren't here for the toddler years.” Ford looked surprised. “You visited them?”“Oh, sure. They had this birthday party when they were three – or maybe four? Whatever, they were just waddlin' around like little balls with feet. Mabel's spittin' out words left 'n' right, but apparently Dipper hadn't talked at all yet. It was kind of a big deal since Dipper had been born with his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. Brian and Lacy were worried he'd been brain damaged, but I told 'em he was just thinkin' things over, like Einstein. And since they thought I was you, they bought it. “Now I wasn't gonna spring for some fancy presents, 'cuz at that age I know they're probably just gonna chew on it. And then I thought, 'Hey! Chew toys!'”“You did not get them dog toys.” “Heck no, too expensive. What I did was, I got 'em bananas and called 'em 'Edible Weapons'.” Ford burst out laughing. “Fruit? As a weapon?” “Obviously you've forgotten what pineapples look like,” Stan said shortly. But he liked that he'd made Ford laugh. “Anyway, so Mabel's running around and swingin' her banana like a sword, and Dipper's holding onto his like it's made of solid gold. And I tell him, 'If you squeeze it hard enough, there's edible ammunition inside!'” “I can't imagine Brian and Lacy were particularly happy with this,” Ford said, grinning. Stan grinned right back. “They weren't. But the other guests had started showing up, so they couldn't lecture me outright in front of them.“And then comes this one kid, Lars Somethin', a real brat. When it's time to eat the cake, everyone sits down at the kiddie table, with Mabel and Dipper at the head of it. Lars goes up to 'em and yells at Dipper, 'You can't sit there, you're a crust!'”“As in...a crust of bread?” “Weird, right? Anyway Lars' mom thinks he's the sweetest thing since prepackaged sugar, and she's not doin' anything about it. So Mabel stands up and goes, 'You're a crust!' and starts hitting him with her banana.” Ford's eyes twinkled with laughter. “That must've been a sight.” “So now Lars' mom finally noticed her little angel isn't getting his way. She starts yellin', and I'm yellin', and Brian 'n' Lacy are yellin'. And then Lars does something and a second later Mabel's on the ground, crying.” It was years ago, but Stan's jaw still tightened at the memory. “I'm thinking, 'Screw it,' and I'm about to go turn that kid into a small side of ground beef. But Dipper stands up on the chair, and he yells real loud, 'EDIBLE AMMUNITION!' And he grabs a glob of cake with his bare hands and nails Lars right in the face.”“He started a food fight?” Ford asked. “Wait – his first words were a seven-syllable phrase?” “Yep, and yep,” Stan said proudly. “It was pure chaos. Ten kids, a three-tiered cake, and a lot of shouting. The twins wielded those bananas like friggin' fruit jedi, and everybody was throwing handfuls a cake like it was goin' outta style. It got everywhere – clothes, hair, trees, even the roof! I swiped some lady's camera and took photos that sold for $20 a piece. Betcha I still got the negatives somewhere...” “What did Brian and Lacy say?” Stan's grin broadened. “That's the best part – they actually thanked me! Guess they'd been more worried than they let on about Dipper's not talkin', but after that he talked just as much as Mabel! They said I could come back whenever I wanted – as long as I checked my fruit at the door.” Ford shook his head, laughing. “Amazing. You really have had a powerful influence on the kids. And what a perfect example of irony – I would've expected their parents to be furious with you, but they actually...” He trailed off and his eyes widened. “Wait – Stanley, that's it!” “What is?” “Brian and Lacy should have been angry, but they weren't because they saw how much you helped them! All we have to do is figure out how to help Dipper and Mabel with something important – homework or Latin or something – and their parents might change their minds about supervising our calls!” Stan nodded. “It's worth a try!”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It was Friday. Math class. And only 38 more hours until they Skybed with their Grunkles. Dipper chewed on his pencil. The Haunt Hunters club was still going strong – both Cesar and Angela had signed the club roster – but he still couldn't think of an idea to get their parents to trust Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford. It felt like an eternity before the lunch bell rang. Dipper grabbed his things and met Mabel at the door. The plan was for them to head to the cafeteria for lunch, then maybe to the art room to do some more brainstorming. “Hey, bro!” Mabel chirped. “What's – oh wow you look way pastier than usual.” “Gee, thanks.” They pushed their way into the stream of bodies funneling down the hall. “Seriously, you shouldn't worry so much,” Mabel told him. “We're the Mystery Twins! I'm sure we –”“Dipper! Mabel!” They turned. Angela was heading down the hall, smiling and waving excitedly. She was blushing rose-pink and her long caramel hair practically glowed under the cheap fluorescent lighting. Dipper turned bright red. Mabel gasped. “Omigosh Dipper, you like her!” “What? No-no-no, I barely know her!” “You're redder than the wrappers on those little round cheeses!”Angela caught up to them, holding up her bag excitedly. “Dipper! Mabel! You got a second? I did some more research on the runes and I think I might be able to figure out what it was used for!” “Wait, really?” Dipper said eagerly. “Yeah! My grandma sent me a dictionary of Old Norse, plus I stayed up like half the night reading these ancient texts off the internet!” Mabel squealed. “ANOTHER INTERNET NERD HAS BEEN SPOTTED!” She grabbed Dipper's arm and shoved him at Angela. “You! Nerds! Go do nerdy things together AT ONCE!” “We are not 'nerds'!” Dipper and Angela said. Mabel giggled. “Wooow, it's like you're twins! Well, one of you is, and this twin's got a lunch date with a pig! Now skidaddle before I get so hungry I confuse Angela's runes with chocolate chip cookies!” “But –”“Nope! Thank me later!” And she darted away, laughing, before Dipper could say another word. “Sorry about that,” Dipper said, as he and Angela headed across campus towards the gym. “Mabel just tends to get excited. Don't worry about the matchmaker thing, she does that to everyone.” Angela grinned. “No problem. You should hear the ribbing Cesar gives me. By the way, check out what I found in my grandma's dictionary!” She held up her right hand. She'd written out six runes in black ink. “I know you said we shouldn't go messing with the box, so I found this phrase that means 'protection'. Normally it's inscribed on metal or wooden talismans, but this should still work until the ink washes off.” Dipper nodded. “Makes sense. Can you do one on me?” “Sure!” He fished a pen from his pocket and she wrote it on his skin. She didn't check her own hand once, but the inscriptions matched perfectly. “Hey, you're really good at this!”“Thanks, I've been studying them for like a month.” “And you already have them memorized? Impressive.” She blushed. “Yeah, well...my friends think it's just a cute fortune-telling thing, but these runes are hundreds of years old, you know? It's not just some superstition thing, it's history. It matters.”They reached the back of the gym. Except for a few bottle caps blown onto it by the wind, the broken stone box looked untouched from yesterday. “So what's the plan here?” Dipper asked, squatting down. “You think there's other runes on the box?”“I do. Each rune has multiple meanings. It seems weird that whoever made the box would leave just one rune on it – if you're going to carve a rune for a spell or something, you're going to want to make sure it's specific enough to do the job. And that means using more runes.” She knelt down, picked up the broken pieces of the lid, and started dusting them off with her fingers. Dipper did the same to the stone box. It was surprisingly heavy for its size. It was only about half as big as a shoebox, but it felt like it weighed thirty pounds. The edges were pretty worn, but there were sharp cuts near the top of the box where a shovel had probably nicked it. Dipper smoothed the dirt away, frowning at a little stubborn bit towards the bottom. Then he blinked and looked closer. It wasn't dirt at all. There were clear marks all lined up along the bottom of the box, mostly vertical lines with a few diagonal ones thrown in. They were too regular to be an accident. In fact, they formed a pattern – three repeating symbols separated by a vertical line.
“Hey, Angela – I think I found a line of runes!” “You did?!” She dropped the lid and leaned in for a closer look. Her hair smelled like strawberry shampoo. Dipper hoped he wasn't sweating.“Oh my gosh you did! Four runes, in a repeating pattern –”“Four? You mean that vertical line is a rune?” “Yeah, it's Isa, which means something like 'stillness' or 'ice', because it looks like an icicle, see? Hang on –” She rummaged through her bag and came up with an old faded hardcover book in her hands. She flipped through it. “Ok...it looks like the last one, 'Isa', isn't really part of the word, but the first three together say 'otta', which means –” She gasped and dropped the book. Dipper was about to ask her what was wrong when his right hand suddenly turned ice-cold and a shooting pain stabbed up his arm. He gasped, clutching his wrist – and saw the runes Angela had written glow a bright purple before fading back to black. Chilly fingers crawled down his neck and he jerked his head up. It almost felt like someone was...watching them. He shivered. “Well that was normal,” Angela said faintly. Dipper wiggled his fingers. “I'm guessing that was the protection spell. Is your hand okay?” “I – yeah.”“Good. Let's rebury this box.” They worked quickly, even covering it up with clods of dirt and pulling bits of living grass over the lid. He was really glad Angela had thought of a protection rune, but whoever came along next probably wouldn't have one. He didn't want anyone else finding it or messing with it by mistake. Not until Dipper knew how to neutralize it. They finished burying it. Angela grabbed her bag and her book, and they started to walk away. “Oh – what did the runes spell out?” Dipper asked. “Isa was just 'ice'. But the other three...” Her voice got very quiet. “'Fear'. The runes spelled 'fear.'” “Fear and Ice...not a good combination. We really have to figure out what was in that box.” “I-I could try fortune-telling,” she offered. “You really can use runes for that. It might tell us where the thing in the box is or how we could find it.” Dipper nodded grimly. “Let's do it.” Mabel fairly skipped down the hall, still bubbly all over from her recent matchmaking masterpiece. It was just the thing her nerdy bro needed to get his mind off of things and recharge his happiness batteries!She rounded a corner – smashed full-body into another student. The two of them went sprawling and papers flew. “Oww,” Mabel said, sitting up. “Sorry, I – Samirah?” Samirah was sitting up, too, and she looked awful. Her clothes mussed like she'd slept in them, and her eyes bloodshot, with two bruise-colored bags under each one. Mabel helped her to her feet. “Are you okay?” Mabel asked. “You look worse than Dipper after that time he was convinced aliens had made a crop circle in our back yard.” “No, I – I'm fine, just not sleeping well.” She scooped up the files. “I, uh, I have to go to math class.” “But it's lunch.” “Right, lunch class.” “Hold on a sec.” Mabel dug into her backpack and pulled out her emergency granola, enhanced with three cups of Lucky Farms marshmallows. She pushed it into Samirah's hands. “Here! Emergency Energy!” Samirah smiled weakly. “Thanks. See you around, okay?” She hurried off.
Hmmm...Samirah did not look sufficiently cheered. Maybe I should make a motivational poster for her! Something with lots of color! And buttons! OOOH – I could paint Waddle's snout and make adorable little snout stamps all around the poster! GENIUS!
Mabel detoured to the art room and leaped through the door. “WAAADDLESSSS!” she sang. “It's your favorite Mabel!” Waddles, however, was fast asleep in his “Swine Shrine” – a big green doggie blanket with rubber duck toys and a pink dog bowl full of water, which Mabel had bedazzled herself. Her pig was currently sprawled on his back, snoring gently, the sunlight glowing on his fuzzy pink tummy. “Oooh,” she cooed, very quietly. She tip-toed over and took a picture with her new phone. (The adorableness could not go uncaptured.) Then she lay down next to him and wrapped one arm around his chubby body. She knew she'd have time to whip up something amazing for Samirah when she got up. Right now she just wanted to bask in the cuteness.She yawned. Seeing her pig all snore-y and snoozy made her feel snoozy, too. Plus naps with Waddles were her favorite things in the world, Skybing with her grunkles and floofing Luffy's Hair. She meowed softly to herself, her eyes drifting closed. She'd rest for just a few minutes... The Shadow was a seething mass of angry black on the other side of the gym. The talismans had repelled it. It tried to form the shape of a man and collapsed, silhouettes of scorpions and snakes falling away and crumbling to nothing, too weak to hold their shapes. The remaining members of its being buzzed with anger. The feedings from last night had not been enough. It was hungry, still so hungry. For fear. For power. It slipped down from the wall and moved noiselessly through the grass, its members crawling and slithering from shadow to shadow. The heat of the sun warmed it. It moved faster. There were children – other children on the grass, and on the hot black tar. The Shadow could smell them. It could feel the lush heat of their flesh. The seeds of fear it could grow in their souls. It quivered. But it had orders. The sting of the talisman had repelled it from its first victim. But there was another – the Shadow's snake-selves flicked out their forked tongues – yes, another it could taste. Such sweetness in that one. And such fear. Angela and Dipper had sat down on one of the outside lunch benches, all vacant by now as the other kids had gone out to play. She pulled something out of her bag and spread it out over the table. It was a piece of canvas cloth, about two feet square, with a huge picture of a circle in the middle. The circle was cut into four equal pieces, like a pizza. Dipper leaned forward. “What's this design called?” “It's called 'Finn's Window'. The way it works is, you put an object that represents your question in the middle of the window – since we don't want to use the actual box I took a rock from the area where we found it. You put it in the middle of the window and then just dump all the runes on top. The way they fall tell you how to read them. The runes that fall outside the window can be ignored. Anything in the window that falls facedown is unexpressed potential – it could be relevant, but probably isn't. “For all the other runes, if they're grouped in the top half of the circle, that means it's a positive thing. If they're grouped in the bottom half, that's for warnings. The left half of the circle represents emotional solutions to a problem, and the right half represents logical solutions.” “Like the left and right hemispheres of the brain.” “Exactly.” She grabbed her canvas bag and pulled out a smaller bag, a sky-blue one that matched her dress. She held it up. “Okay, now we just dump – oh wait, do you want to include the Odin stave?” “The what?” “The Odin stave. It's not part of the traditional Elder Futhark alphabet, it's a modern addition. It's basically a disc that's blank on both sides. It's supposed to represent possibility or something, but I just have on because I wanted an extra in case I messed up making the others.”“If it's not part of the runic alphabet, let's leave it out for now.” “Sure.” She fished a disc out of the bag and then set it on the bench next to her leg. Then she handed him the bag. “Okay, you're going to do the casting. Just focus on the question in your mind, and toss the runes when you're ready.” Dipper opened the bag, concentrating on phrasing a specific question: Where is the thing from the box, and what can it do?(Technically that was two questions, but it was still one sentence.) He tossed the bag. He was expecting something slightly magical – a humming in his fingers, a stiff wind, something. After all, the runes on their hands had lit up and glowed purple. Instead he just tossed the runes a little too hard, and almost all of them went flying over the table and the ground around it. “Agh! Sorry, sorry. ” Dipper scrambled to pick them up. Angela waved a hand, already focused on the canvas cloth. “Don't worry about it, they're not part of the reading.” Dipper was definitely sweating as he deposited the rogue runes in her bag. His face felt hot. “Sorry.” “Weird.” “What?” “Oh – not you, the reading. Look.” She pointed.
Most of the runes that had landed in the circle were face-down or sprinkled at random around the outer edges. But five of them had grouped almost perfectly in the middle, one in each quadrant, face-up. The fifth was dead center, right on top of the piece of stone. It was the only one of the cluster that was still face-down. “I've never seen one land smack in the middle like that,” Angela said. “What does that mean?” “I think it means we're about to get a fairly specific reading.” She started with the top left. “So the top-left is Ehwaz, the 'M' shape, meaning horse/harmony/twins. Bottom-left is Tiwaz, the arrow one, meaning justice/order.” “I thought you said the left side was for emotions. What does Tiwaz have to do with emotions?” “Maybe that you have to think very carefully about how to use them.” She continued with the right side. “Top-right is Thurisaz – that's the one on the lid of the box, like a hammer – which means 'protection'. And the bottom-right, the 'F' one, is Fehu. It's the primal energy that flows through the universe, the one that can create or destroy everything, like a cosmic fire.”Oh, yay, Dipper thought. A triangle right over a fire rune. That doesn't sound ominous at all. He shook himself. Bill was gone and he had to stay focused. Angela was still talking. “Keep in mind I'm new at this, but I think all this means that twins – you and Mabel – have some emotional problems that need to be put in order, so you can protect yourselves or someone else from getting burned. Figuratively or literally. And this –” she tapped the fire rune “– is one of the runes associated with Freya, the goddess of fertility.”“So whatever's coming, there's going to be a lot of it,” Dipper guessed. “Right. Or it might have to do with some kind of animal, too. But then there's this rune in the middle.” She tapped it. “I know if it's face-down, it's unexpressed potential. But potential means it could still happen, plus it's smack in the middle. So I think this one's going to be pretty important in the very near future.” She flipped it over. Dipper gasped and shot to his feet. “Thanksforthereadinggottagocallyoulater!” And he took off at a dead run. “Wait – Dipper?!” Dipper didn't even look back, sprinting for the main buildings as fast as he could. The fifth symbol wasn't a rune. It had been the blank Odin disc. But when Angela flipped it over, it wasn't blank anymore. Burned on its surface was the image of a shooting star.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Mabel woke up from her nap slowly, as the sun shifted and the light from the windows moved off of her and into the rest of the room. She felt Waddles stir. She sat up to give him room and yawned, stretching and arching her back like a very happy cat.“That was a sensational siesta,” she sighed. “And I didn't even hear the bell ring, which means I still have time for lunch!” Waddles oinked in agreement, then started trotting towards the door. “Whoa, hold up there, boy! Lunch is this way!” Mabel called. She held up her backpack with their food inside, but the pig just trotted out the door. She hurried after him. He probably just smelled the food from the cafeteria or had to use the Little Pig's room outside. But when she reached the doorway, he was gone. She checked both directions. The art room was in the middle of the hall, but she didn't see her pet pig anywhere. She saw Samirah hurrying down the hall on her left. “Hey, Samirah!” she called. “You see a cute li'l oinker round these parts?” Samirah just went around the corner and disappeared.
Um...okay.
“Alright, Mabel, if you was the cutest, greatest pig in the world, where would you be?” She headed for the cafeteria. If she couldn't find Waddles there, maybe she could recruit some friends to go on a pig hunt. She set off at a trot until she reached it and threw open the door. The room was empty. The tables were actually clean, too, which was definitely weird. “Um...hello?” Mabel looked at the clock. It was definitely still lunch time. “Guys? Are we having like, an assembly in the gym or something?” She poked her head into the narrow little corridor where kids filed in to choose the items for their lunch trays. Nobody was in there, not even the service ladies. She took the opportunity to shove eight chocolate milks into her backpack, then she headed outside. Nobody was out there, either. The playground was totally empty. “Okay, either everyone has disappeared off of the face of the planet, or the clock wasn't working and I am waaay late for my next class.” She marched herself straight back to the main school building and down the hall. But when she opened the door to the Home Ec room, it was empty. No teacher. No students. She even checked in the tiny little ovens, just in case. But there was no one there. Something was really wrong.She hurried out and went to the classroom next door. Also empty. And the one after that, and the one after that. Her skin prickled and she fought down a rising sense of itchiness. “Okay, Mabel, no need to panic. You just gotta go find Dipper before he disa–”
RRRRING!
Mabel jumped, but it was just her cellphone. She quickly dug it out. “Hello?” “Mabel!” “Candy?” Mabel pressed the phone to her ear. Her friend's voice was shrill as if she'd been screaming – the bad kind of screaming. “Candy, what's wrong?” “We – Grenda and I went into the woods – science project – the statue, Mabel, the statue of you-know-what is gone!” Blood drained from Mabel's face. “Where's Grenda, is she with you?” “No, she – I turned around and she'd disappeared!”Mabel squared her shoulders and started heading for the end of the hall – she had to see if she could find Dipper. “Okay Candy, stay calm, and keep the phone on. The two of us are going to figure out a plan to stop him. But first, we'll need my Grunkles' help. Can you get to a computer? One with Skybe?” “I – yes.” “Good. Tell me when you've got the app open, I'll give you the phone –”The line suddenly exploded with static, the noise grating against her ear like a knife on a cheese grater. Mabel shrieked and pulled the phone away from her ear. “Candy? Candy, are you there?!” She stopped to glance at the screen, but the timer on the call was still going – and then suddenly the screen went blank. Before Mabel could react at all, the entire screen lit up again with a Facetime connection. The background showed a pristine blue sky scuffed with ribbons of cloud. But most of the screen was filled with a scruffy, square-jawed face topped with a slightly faded beanie. Mabel recognized that face instantly. She also recognized the wide, crazy smile. And the yellow eyes. “Oh, no...” “HEYA, KIDDO!” Bill/Stan grinned even more widely until it looked like Stan's face would crack. “LOOKIN' FOR ME?” Mabel gripped the phone tightly. “You can't – this is a dream, you can't be here!” “HA! YOU THOUGHT USING A MEMORY GUN WOULD STOP ME? REALLY? DIDN'T WORK FOR MCGUCKET, DIDN'T WORK FOR STAN! THE FEZ AND I MADE A DEAL, KID! MATTER OF FACT, SO DID FORDSY, BUT THAT PUPPET'S A LITTLE BROKEN AT THE MOMENT!”Fear turned her bones to jelly. “You get out of my Grunkle!” Mabel shouted. “We beat you before and we'll do it again!” “'WE'?!” Bill laughed horribly. “YOU'RE ALL ALONE, SHOOTING STAR. OOPS – YOU'RE ALMOST ALL ALONE, BUT I CAN FIX THAT! HEY! YOU WANNA HEAR A RIDDLE?” He leered at Mabel. “WHAT'S THE ONLY THING MISSING FROM 'ROMEOW AND JULIET'? A CATWALK! ALTHOUGH I'M PRETTY SURE THE GYM ROOF WILL WORK JUST FINE!”The phone slipped through her fingers and clattered to the floor. She ran outside as fast as she could, the hall doors banging behind her. Bill's laughter echoed in her ears. She rounded the corner of the building and the gym came into view. She didn't see anything on the roof yet – she just had to reach Dipper, had to find him before anything happened – And then something she'd thought was just an air conditioner stood up on the top of the building. Mabel's right foot landed in a hole and she hit the dirt chin-first. “No!” She scrambled to her feet. Her ankle throbbed but she ignored it. “Bill, don't do it, we can make a deal!” Bill laughed. “OH, MAN, KID, YOU SHOULD HEAR YOUR BROTHER'S VOICE RIGHT NOW! 'NOT IN FRONT OF MY SISTER! NOT IN FRONT OF MY SISTER!'” Mabel was so light-headed she could hardly breathe. He's going to do it, he's really going to – “Bill, please, please don't! I'll do whatever you want!” “HEY! YOU WANNA HEAR ANOTHER RIDDLE?” Bill leaned down gleefully, dangerously close to losing his balance. His – Dipper's – toes hung off the edge of the roof. “WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN A PINE TREE FALLS?” “BILL, PLEASE!”
“NOPE! YOU SAY – 'TIMBERRRRRRR!'” He plunged over the side in a swan dive. Mabel screamed and sprinted forward, hoping to at least cushion his fall. Her broken ankle crunched. She fell to the grass with a thud. So did Dipper's body. Hot thick horror filled her lungs. Her vision fractured. There was her brother's face, turned away – his elbow – the way his vest hung funny over his body – her hand was on his cheek, his cheek was warm, he had to be fine because he was warm, her fingers came away red, red and wet and someone was screaming someone was screaming someone was screaming – “Mabel – MABEL, WAKE UP!” She jolted awake. Dipper was holding her by the shoulders, his face deeply etched with worry. The world reoriented violently. The classroom – she was still in the art classroom, lying on Waddles' Swine Shrine. It had just been a dream. “Dipper,” she croaked, and then launched herself at him, burying her face in his shirt. He sat back with a grunt and his arms came around her, hugging her tightly. “Dipper, Dipper, Dipper, Dipper...” “Are you okay?” Dipper asked urgently. “Mabel, seriously, there was this creepy Shadow-thing covering you, are you okay?” She was crying too hard to breathe, but she forced herself to nod. She hugged Dipper as tightly as she could, her arms wrapped all the way around his skinny nerd self. She could feel his heart thumping beautifully under her hands. She cried harder. “Mabel, you're okay,” Dipper whispered into her hair. He rubbed her back in slow circles. “It's okay, everything's okay. I'm right here.” She couldn't stop sobbing, huge gulping sobs with tears and snot running down her face. “I h-had a bad dream,” she choked out. “There was you – Grunkle Stan and Grunkle F-Ford – and him and – you were – you –”“I'm okay, Mabel, I promise. Bill is gone, and he's not coming back.” “B-but it felt so real this time! I was all alone in the school because Bill had made everyone disappear, even –” She noticed she was alone on the Swine Shrine and looked up in panic. “Waddles? Dipper, where's Waddles?!” “He's fine, he's over there.” Dipper gestured with his head. Waddles was crouched on the other side of the classroom, pressed against the wall. His head was down and he was shaking and oinking fearfully. Mabel stumbled to her feet and hurried over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Shh, Waddles, it's okay. Mabel's here.” He oinked and pressed into her, licking her tears with his rough pink tongue. A spurt of laughter worked its way out of her chest. Who needed tissues if you had a pig?“Hang on, I'll get you some water.” Dipper went to the sinks at the back of the room, where they usually washed out their paintbrushes, and filled up a glass with water. He brought it over and she took it with shaking fingers. Then she caught the design on the cup and almost dropped it. Triangles. “Mabel...?”“I-I'm fine.” She covered the design with both hands and took slow sips of water. Dipper crouched next to her and continued rubbing her back. She glanced up at him, smiling gratefully, only to find him glaring darkly at the window she'd been lying under. She glanced at it nervously. “What is it, is something there?” “There was,” he said grimly. “Mabel, can you – oh, geez.”She looked down. Her sleeves had bunched up when she hugged Waddles, baring her arms, and she were covered with bug bites. Bad ones, too – huge nasty red welts ringed with paler skin, some of them still dotted with a pinprick of blood in the middle. She pulled back the neck of her sweater. There were more of them all up and down her torso, and her legs, too. She winced. She'd been too upset to notice before, but they were so itchy they actually hurt, like she was covered in miniature dwarves determined to dig gold out of her body with razor-sharp shovels. “Oh, Mabel...” She laughed weakly. “Well, hey, even the bugs think I'm sweet! Also, ow.” “These aren't ordinary bug bites,” Dipper said grimly. “You remember the Shadow we saw the other day? Angela and I found runes on that box that spell 'fear' and 'ice,' and when I came into the room just now, I saw something dark slither away from you and out the window.” “The Shadow?” “Had to be. Only it didn't look anything at all like a man anymore. It looked like a bunch of insects and snakes and bugs.” He put out a hand so he was almost touching the bug bites. “I think this Shadow thing works like a mosquito. It got out of the box and came to bite you, and that's why you had a nightmare. Maybe it even feeds off of fear.” “But why did it come get me? I mean, I'm awesome, but there's plenty of other kids between here and the gym.” “I don't know. Maybe it's just because you carry around so many snacks, and bugs like snacks? Whatever it is –”The bell rang, cutting him off. Dipper scowled. “Well this is poorly timed. You've got home ec and I've got robotics –” “NO!” Mabel grabbed Dipper's sleeve. A horrible feeling of panic threatened to make Mabel's chest explode. “Don't – not – I don't want us to get separated.” Dipper looked startled. “We're won't, Mabel, don't worry.” Tears leaked down her cheeks. “I'm sorry, I know it was just a dream, but I still feel really scared and I don't want you to leave and get p-possessed by B-Bill and he'll – he –”Now Dipper looked slightly alarmed. “Okay, relax a second before you pass out, alright? Here...” He knelt and took one of his thinking pens from his vest pockets, then drew a series of funky lines on the back of her hand. The lines seemed to glow a little on her skin.“What are these?” “Protective runes. I'm hoping they'll keep those bug things from coming back.” He stood and pulled her to her feet. “C'mon. We're not going to class yet. We need to get you checked out by the nurse. And then we need to get you out of here until we find a way to keep you safe.” Lacy Pines strode down the hallway, her high heels clacking sharply against the tile, barking orders left and right. “Kaitlyn, I need the spreadsheets for our last three clients, get the invoices out by tomorrow and file the copies. Has anyone seen Mike? Thanks – tell him I said yes to the white banners if he can get them screen printed, not heat pressed. Where's Kim?” Kim, her graphic designer, ran up to her with a thumb drive clutched in her hand. “I did it, I finished the presentation for our client,” she panted. Her face was flushed and she was sweating.“Well you're not presenting looking like that,” Lacy snapped. “What, did you run here?” “My car broke down again so yes.” A pause. “Ah. Clean up in the bathroom and grab a boa or something from the supply room. Go for the artsy look and the client won't even notice. Come and get me when you're done.” “Yes ma'am!” Kim ran off and Lacy made a beeline for her office. Lacy was the sole owner of Pines Party Planners, and though her business was small, it was finally getting a stable client base. It was also half the reason she had sent the twins off to summer with their great-uncles. She'd needed every minute of those two months to get her business off the ground. She'd also thought it would also be a nice way to reach out to the part of the family they barely knew. What a mistake that had been. She entered her office and shut the door behind her, glancing at the wall to her left. Two diplomas and a business license hung on the wall. The only other personal touches were the photos on her desk – one of her honeymoon, another of Lacy's own parents, and a third of the twins as infants. There was a reason those uncles weren't in the pictures. For most of their lives, they literally and figuratively hadn't been in the picture at all. Shermie was the one who suggested they stay with Ford, citing his multiple PhD's as proof that the man would at least be a responsible caretaker, and possibly give the kids some free education to boot. Instead, both Mabel and Dipper had sent back postcards with increasingly crazy and disturbing reports, everything from fairies to zombies to government-grade conspiracies, and then their long-lost uncle had mysteriously arrived in what sounded like fairly suspicious circumstances. Hardly the model of responsible care taking. And then the twins had returned – unscathed, to her relief – but so driven to investigate the paranormal that Dipper had nearly been killed!The night she'd spent driving through the city, putting up posters, knowing her boy was out there, knowing someone might be hurting him... It had turned out to be some kind of wild animal, not a human kidnapper, but Dipper never would have gotten hurt if he hadn't been investigating paranormal activity in the first place. She never wanted to live through that again. She never wanted him to live through that again. Lacy forced herself to focus. She sat down at her desk, popped the thumb drive into her laptop, and skimmed through Kim's presentation. It was based on a template they'd done for a soiree three months ago – same theme, same caterers, with just a few design tweaks based on the client's individual tastes. Presenting this would be a cinch. The phone on her desk rang and she picked up. “Hello, you've reached Pines Party Planning Service.” A warm, motherly voice spoke into her ear. “Ms. Pines? This is Amber Campbell, the school nurse at Piedmont Middle School.” Lacy blinked in surprise. “'School nurse'? Is everything alright?” “I'm calling because your daughter, Mabel Pines, seems to have been rather badly stung by – well to be honest I'm not sure what kind of insect would sting her this much. Possibly wasps. The poor dear is literally covered in welts from head to toe.” Lacy's straightened in her seat. “Is she alright? Is she having some kind of allergic reaction?” “She's having some kind of reaction. Honestly, this is the girl who brings me orange-scented paper flowers and a new knock-knock joke every day, and now she's practically in tears, refusing to let go of her brother. It's like some kind of panic attack. I highly recommend that she be sent home for the day – possibly with her brother, to keep her calm. Is there any chance you can come by and pick them up?” “I'm – I can make some calls, yes.”“Thank you, dear.”Lacy hung up the phone and sat back in her seat, already scrolling through a list of contacts to arrange for a ride. Stinging insects? It had to be all those sugary snacks Mabel carried around. And it had to have been pretty bad for the school nurse to call and send them home. She wished she could pick up her kids herself. But her company was still small and she was budgeting month to month. She literally couldn't afford to lose business, any business. She found a contact who looked likely, sent a text, and got an affirmation in reply. Good, the kids had a ride. Then she reached for her ipad and tapped a quick note to herself. If she couldn't be there right now, the least she could do was pick up some cupcakes or something on the way home – and make a batch of her grandmother's Special Recipe tonight. Mabel and Dipper could take baths in the stuff. That would keep those bugs away for good. There was a knock on her office door and Kim stuck her head in. Her face looked much less flushed and her hair was combed back. She'd draped a purple tablecloth around her shoulder like a shawl. Sequins and rhinestones were glued to the edges in a zig-zag pattern. “Ma'am? Is the shawl okay?” “Perfect. It hides the sweat stains in your armpits.” She reached over and pulled the drive from her computer. “Are you alright, Ms. Pines?” Kim asked timidly. “It's just that you look a little worried.” Lacy smiled slightly and rose to her feet. “Thank you, Kim, but I'm fine. Let's head to the conference room. I want to be there before Ms. Haskins arrives – we only get one chance at a good pitch.”That goes for those “Grunkles”, too, she thought. My kids have been through enough. Those Grunkles have one more chance, and if they put my kids in any more danger, we are done. Dipper scrolled through pages page after page of blogs, Wikipedia posts, and scholarly articles. He and Mabel were sitting on the sofa at home. They'd been dropped off three hours ago, and in all that time Mabel hadn't left his side once. She kept glancing at him like she thought he was going to disappear, and whenever she saw anything resembling a triangle – a Yield sign, the corner of a bookmark, Doritos – she turned white as milk. Initially he'd tried to cheer her up. At one point he'd told her to look at her bug bites as a golden opportunity. “You're your own connect-the-dots art piece! And look!” He'd pushed up his bangs. “You could draw out all the constellations. We could totally match!” Mabel had smiled weakly, even gotten out her sparkly gel pens, but after a few minutes she'd stopped and gone back to glancing at Dipper when she thought he wasn't looking. Dipper knew that the Shadow had probably injected her with some kind of venom, that made a person feel fear for a prolonged period of time. It definitely fit with the whole “Feeds on fear” theory. But that didn't make him feel any better when he saw Mabel with her pens untouched in her lap, listlessly petting her pig. She wasn't even knitting.Dipper returned his attention to his computer. He had to figure out what the Shadow was and how to stop it. He had to keep his sister safe. He'd started with runes, since they were the only lead he had to possibly containing the Shadow's power. He found plenty of information, but it was kind of confusing because the runes all had different meanings and could be interpreted in a lot of different ways. He was newly impressed that Angela had learned so much about the runes in just a month. That made him remember one of the four runes in the reading she'd done – the one shaped like an arrow, for justice and order, in the emotion side of the circle. Mabel's emotions were definitely not in order, thanks to that stupid Shadow. He moved on to researching the Shadow itself. That didn't come up with as many results, although he got a lot of hits for witch's familiars. Apparently the black cat was more of a stereotype. Familiars could be anything from little yellow birds to big black dogs, and that included hives of stinging insects. But those were regular, living, three-dimensional insects, not creepy masses of insect silhouettes. Was the Shadow really a witch's familiar, but all the bugs were trapped in some kind of creepy shadow dimension? Was the Shadow a ghost of a witch's familiar? Or had a witch died and left her familiars' souls behind? But then who would have buried the box?
BRRRRING!
He and Mabel jumped. A quick glance at his laptop told him it was already four o' clock. School was out, but his parents were still at work. Who would be calling them now?It rang again. “I got it,” Dipper said, getting up. Mabel glanced up at him but stayed on the couch, which Dipper considered progress. He picked up the phone. “Hello?” “Dipper?” The voice was breathless, scared – and familiar. “Randy?” Dipper said, surprised. “Are you okay?” “No I am not okay! I need your help.”Dipper quickly motioned to Mabel. She hurried over and he put the phone between their ears so they could both hear him. “Okay, Randy, take it slow. What happened?”“I sort of broke a magic rune seal at the back of the gym and let a monster out.” “You're the one who – dude, seals are there for a reason! Why would you go messing with it?” “I was mad! There was this shadow-bug thing inside that feeds off of fear, it told me it used to be a witch's familiar and it would work for me if I let it out. And you got me kicked off the science club, and I thought I could use these things for revenge, so I sort of sent them to give Mabel a nightmare –”Dipper snarled. “You did that to her on purpose?!” “I'm sorry! Please – I'm at the school, in the gym, I can't control them and they're going to get me and – and – and I don't know what they're going to do!” Randy's voice shook. “Please, just get over here before they get me and kill me!” Dipper glanced up at Mabel. The fear he still saw in her eyes was Randy's fault. A nasty little part of Dipper's heart wanted to leave Randy to deal with the monster on his own. Not to mention that helping Randy would mean sneaking out of the house. If their parents found out, especially since they'd be sneaking out to do something supernatural, they'd probably never get to talk to their Grunkles again. But. Randy was still a guy in trouble. The Shadow could still go after someone else when they were done with Randy. And Dipper and Mabel were probably the only two around who knew enough to help. Your call, he mouthed to Mabel. She set her jaw and nodded. “We gotta help him. Nobody should face fear alone.” “Alright, Randy,” Dipper said. “We're on our way.” Dipper's phone buzzed when they were halfway back to school. Mabel jumped. “What?” she asked, her eyes wide. Dipper glanced at her. He'd had nearly told Mabel stay behind – she still looked pale and shaky, way worse than he usually did when he pulled all-nighters on conspiracy forums. But she insisted that they stick together. After he'd gotten abducted by a cat monster, he couldn't exactly blame her. At least she'd left Waddles at home. He took at his phone. She looked at it nervously. “Is it B- Is it Mom?”“No, it's Dad. Our phones must have GPS in them,” he said with disgust. “Cat's out of the bag now, he knows we're not at home. Hang on...” He sent a quick text and then shoved the phone back into his backpack. “We gotta take care of this quick.” “Do we, um, do we know how to take care of this?” “Not exactly, but Angela said Cesar had a game at our school today. She'll be on hand if we need help.” His phone buzzed at him angrily and he groaned. “Man, we're gonna be in so much trouble...”“So is Randy,” Mabel whispered. “Look.” They turned the corner and the school came into view. They could see the boxy buildings shaded with leafy trees, and Cesar's soccer match was going strong on the field behind the office. It looked pretty normal. Except for the gym. Dark shadows swarmed and writhed over the building, like a phantom kraken trying to swallow it whole. Even the air around it looked darker, like night itself was seeping from walls of the gym. They ran. It took several minutes for them to reach the it, and when they finally came close the shadows funneled into the gym's main entrance so fast the doors banged open. They creaked on their hinges, halfway open, halfway closed. The interior of the gym was utterly black. “Okay,” Dipper said. “Mabel, you go get Angela. I'll stand guard and make sure no one else gets near this place while you're gone.” She turned white. “What?! We can't separate!” “Mabel –”“Help!” Randy's voice echoed from deep within the gym. “Someone, help me!” Without thinking, the two of them dashed inside. It took a minute for Dipper's eyes to adjust. The lights were off and the only illumination came from the open door behind them. Light glinted off of the fold-out chairs, puckering around odd dings in the metal, so it looked like they were being watched by a million glittering eyes. Beside him, he felt Mabel shudder. Dipper pulled out his flashlight and clicked it on. They stayed in the doorway as he swept the pale circle of light back and forth. The shadows of the chairs were utterly ordinary, but he could still feel the Shadow itself - an oppressive, malicious, greedy presence, like hundreds of hungry mouths waiting to suck him down a dark wet throat. He swallowed. Mabel gripped his shoulder more tightly. “Randy?” Dipper croaked. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Randy, are you here?” No answer. “Dipper,” Mabel whispered. “You don't think the Shadow already...” He motioned her to be quiet. He propped the door open with a spare fold-up chair, then roped it to the door's handle to keep it in place. They might need a quick escape. Mabel got out her spare flashlight and, holding hands tightly, the two of them inched down the aisle between the chairs, going deeper into the gym. They'd nearly reached the stage when a spotlight flashed on. In the dark of the gym it was like staring at the sun. They jumped, blinded, throwing up their hands to shield their eyes. Mabel screamed. “Oh, shut up,” a voice snapped. Dipper forced his eyes open. They watered badly in the glare, but he made out Randy sitting on top of Mabel's giant cat-scratching-post balcony. His legs dangled casually over the side. The Shadow was moving over his body, thickest and blackest over his hand, separating out into individual bug shadows farther up his arm and across his chest. Mabel shrieked. “It's got him! It's got him!” Randy glared at her. “Oh, just shut up already!” The Shadow writhed even faster, splitting apart into more and more insects. Randy didn't looked bothered in the slightest. Dipper's gut turned to lead. “This was a trap.” Randy sneered. “No duh. I even told you I sent the familiar after Mabel and you still came. Were you born stupid?” “Alright, we're out of here.” Dipper grabbed Mabel's hand and sprinted for the door.The Shadow exploded across the walls, a seething mass of legs, claws, and stingers, buzzing and chittering. It reached the door first and slammed it shut, swarming over the handles. Dipper shouted and swung the beam of his flashlight like a sword, slashing at the doors. But instead of falling back, the bugs ignored the light and plunged to the floor, rolling toward them in a black wave. Mabel screamed and Dipper thrust her behind him, flashlight still extended – And then his hand turned ice-cold as a shock of pain zapped his arm. The protection runes on his knuckles lit up with purple light. The Shadow bugs gave a dry hiss and withdrew to the walls, some of them hiding from the light in the shadow of the fold-out chairs. “What's happening?” Mabel asked. “The runes – keep going!” Dipper said, inching towards the door. A lot of bugs tried to keep it covered, but the closer Dipper came, the more the bugs scrambled away from the runic spell. “No!” Randy yelled. “I said get him! Get him!” Dipper whirled around. Randy was on his feet, his face cast in harsh shadows, brandishing what looked like a turd-shaped statue in his right hand.
That's how he's controlling the Shadow! I have to stall and get it away from him!
“Randy, that was you earlier, wasn't it?” Dipper shouted. “When Angela and I were looking at the box! Why are you after us? We literally just came to help you!” “You took everything from me!” Randy screamed. “I have five older brothers! FIVE! Chess champions! Varsity athletes! Science club was the one thing I had that was mine, the one place I could stand out – and you got me kicked out!”“It's not our fault if you chose to cheat!” “SHUT UP!” The bugs buzzed louder and swarmed again. Mabel gave a yelp as the protection on her own hand activated, but Dipper's own runes were already starting to fade, the light growing dim. He had a nasty suspicion they wouldn't last much longer against so many Shadow bugs. “Mabel, your gel pens, quick!” Dipper whispered. “We need to rewrite the runes!”Mabel scrambled for her pack. Randy jumped down from the cat post and stalked toward them. In the purple light his red hair glowed like fresh blood. “How do you think it feels,” he hissed, “when your own family doesn't even notice if you come home or not? And then I come to school and I see your face – your face – plastered everywhere in the whole fricking school, in the whole fricking neighborhood, while no one even knows you exist?!” Dipper's runes went out. The bugs moved closer and Mabel shrieked, dropping her backpack. Her pens went skittering over the floor, swallowed under a mass of Shadow scorpions. The runes on her hands were already growing dim. Randy raised his fist. “Dipper, what do we do?!” Mabel squeaked. “I –”
Bang.
They spun around. The gym door was forced open and a blinding wedge of light poured in, backlighting two adult-sized figures. “– be doing in the gym?” one asked. “I don't know, that's just what the GPS on their phones said.” Their dad stepped into the gym, followed closely by their mother. “Dipper? Mabel?”
Oh no.
“Mom, Dad!” Mabel let go of Dipper's hand and stepped towards them. “Guys, get out of here!” Dipper yelled. “He's got a supernatural weapon!” “What are you talking about?” their mother said. She squinted, but the bugs on Randy's body camouflaged him almost perfectly. “No one's even there!” “'No one'?!”Dipper glanced back in time to see Randy's eyes glint red with rage. He slashed the air with the statue and the bugs swallowed them, screaming, in the darkness.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He was six and the other boy was five times his size, Dipper's thin arm in the boy's clenched and sweaty fist.
“Think you're so funny showing us up in class?” the boy snarled. He shook Dipper until his head flopped back and forth. “Think it'll be just as funny tomorrow? Think it'll be even funnier if I break your arm?” His grip tightened. Dipper's free hand scrabbled to peel off the thick fingers. He could feel the bones in his wrist creaking, squeezed together, he could feel it when they broke – “No,” Dipper gasped. He struggled to bring himself out of the nightmare. There was pain all over his body, he was being bitten, he was being stabbed with forks –
Bill squeezed Dipper and Mabel in his fist, his pupil morphing between a shooting star and a pine tree. It landed on a shooting star and Bill pressed his fingers together.
Stan shouted –
Bill snapped his fingers anyway.
She went still so fast, like she was just pretending but she was limp and still and she wasn't breathing. Dipper screamed and lunged for her. CPR, he could do CPR, she'd be okay, she had to be!
Bill laughed and ripped Mabel away from him, her fingers slid out of his grasp and she fell Dipper was screaming –
Terror filled Dipper's mind, hot and heavy and thick until he was literally blind with it. The bugs dug at his eyes, poured into his mouth as if to rip the screams right out of his lungs.
He was in a dark hole in the ground and his whole body burned with the poison. Something hard and heavy landed on his chest and two yellow cat eyes glowed in the dark.
“No!” Dipper yelled, but the Cat shoved him down. He felt two needle-sharp teeth pierce his neck, sucking his soul right out of his body. He struggled but his limbs barely moved. He was still paralyzed, he could feel himself dying and he was lying in his own grave and he'd never see Mabel ever again –
“– to WAKE UP!” Something slapped his face. He choked and coughed up the bugs. Mabel's face swam into view. “Mabel,” he gasped. She squeezed his hands. “That's it, bro-bro! Now come on, we need to get out of here!” She dragged him to his feet. Fear hammered at his brain but he stayed focused on his sister's hand, forcing it back. The bugs seemed to have used their fear to acquire some semblance of physical bodies – instead of just two-dimensional shadows, they formed a living, gelatinous mass over the floor of the gym, like an evil alien jello. Dipper and Mabel forced their way through, stomping as many as they could, heading for the open doors. “Where's Mom and Dad?” Mabel asked. “There!” He pointed to two lumpy shapes close to the door. Their parents were cocooned in the bug goop.“You get Dad, I'll get Mom!” Mabel said. They squeezed hands and then sprinted towards their parents. The bugs hissed and tried to swarm up Dipper's legs. With a cry of anger Dipper took a flying leap, landing on his father with a wet smack. He plunged a hand through the goop and hauled his father upright. “Wha – Di...what?” “Mabel! Get to the door!” “On it!” Mabel had already pulled out their mom and the four of them hurried for the exit. “You're not getting away!” Randy thrust the statue into the air and it blazed with purple light. Dipper grabbed Mabel's hand. “RUN!” Up until then, the soccer match had been going fairly well. There were the parents, the players, and the scoring table off to one side. It even looked like Piedmont was winning. And then Dipper and his family ran towards them, a wave of homicidal evil at their heels. People started screaming and running onto the field, trying to grab their kids and leave. A few people actually ran in circles, like they were too afraid to think straight (or run straight). Dipper veered towards them. “Angela! ANGELA!” She cut through the crowd, eyes wide, canvas bag banging on her hip. “Dipper! What –”“RUNES! NOW!” The Shadows lifted up in a huge wave behind them, casting an actual shadow over the field. Angela plunged her hand into the bag, thrust three runes into the air and shouted. A purple-white light shot out of the lines of the runes and the wave gave a crackling hiss, dividing in two and crashing around them. “What is this, what's going on?” Cesar shouted, running up to them.“Just get inside!” Dipper shouted back. “All the buildings have ant traps!” Lacy gave a hysterical laugh. “Ant traps?! How are ant traps going to stop –”Several hundred Shadow scorpions detached themselves from the main wave and shot towards them, their curved tails dripping with venom. Dipper didn't have to convince his mom to go inside after that. The six of them – Angela and Cesar included – made it into the nearest building and darted into a science classroom, slamming the door shut behind them. Angela darted forward, dug a house key out of her backpack and quickly started scratching runes in the door's metallic surface. The scorpions buzzed outside, but for the moment it seemed to stop them. “What are those things!?” Brian panted, leaning heavily on the nearest desk. He was sweating badly and his face was tombstone gray. “What even – how –” “Did you see those things?!” Cesar asked eagerly. “They totally ruined my soccer game! Was that like the mystery pudding from the school cafeteria or what and are we in an action-horror movie because that would be SO COOL!”Angela thwacked him.Mabel started explaining and Dipper left her to it, looking around. This was the same classroom where they'd fought the gremlins. Everything was pretty much the same – except for a green crate over in one corner – and even better, this building had the home ec room in it, which meant this was the most ant trapped building in the whole school. Perfect. He set down his backpack and took something out. “Dipper, what are you doing?” their mother asked sharply. “Getting help.” Dipper powered up his laptop and opened the Skybe app. “'Help'?” his mom repeated. “Those things are – those things are like demon insects! Who could possibly know how to help –”“Oh, Dipper! This is a surprise!” They turned to the screen. Ford was sitting in the cabin of the Stan O' War, smiling at the camera, a pile of papers stacked to one side. “I wanted to ask, are you taking robotics as an elective, or have you joined a chess club? I have expertise in either area, although of course –”“Actually, Great-Uncle Ford,” Dipper said, “we could use your expertise with this.” He held the laptop up to the window. The field had now been completely overrun with the Shadow bugs. Not even the grass could be seen. A few unlucky souls had been caught and covered in gelatinous cocoons, shuddering and trembling under the weight of their own fears. The bugs were gaining more physical definition as they watched – Dipper could see the glittering carapaces on the cockroaches, and the mandibles on the larger spiders glinted like slivers of steel. They swarmed and scuttled, hissed and clacked, spreading out to search for new prey. There were so many of them that the classroom window actually rattled with their buzzing. “Is that...a witch's familiar?” Ford asked. “How in the Multiverse did it get so powerful?” “What's going on?” came Stan's voice. Suddenly they heard a shout. “HEY!” Randy stormed across the campus, fist still clenched around the statue, glaring at the bugs on the field. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I told you to get the Pines twins! Hurry up before they get away!” The buzzing intensified – and this time they heard words in it. “YOU HAVE SERVED YOUR PURPOSE.” Randy stopped short. “What?” “WE HAVE FED ON THE FEARS OF OUR ENEMIES. WE HAVE ONLY ONE MORE USE FOR A WEAKLING LIKE YOU.”It happened almost too fast to follow. The Shadow bugs surged forward and buried Randy, screaming, in a sea of glittering black bodies. The tide of bugs boiled and writhed as he struggled, trying to get free. Then struggling stopped. Randy's head broke through the bugs. Angela screamed. Randy's body was covered in black from head to toe, as though he'd been dipped in ink. Actual black steam rose from his skin. He literally radiated hatred and malice. He stood slowly, awkward at first but with increasing coordination, as if the bugs were getting used to controlling his human limbs. When he turned his head to look at him, his eyes glowed red as blood. Stan blinked. “Oooh, that's not good.” Shadow/Randy snarled and thrust out his hands. A wave of bugs rose up and slammed against the classroom windows, so hard the glass cracked. Dipper yelled and they scrambled back. “I take it back!” Cesar shouted. “This is not cool, NOT cool!” “Don't worry, there's ant traps!” Mabel said, even as another wave slammed against the window. The glass cracked and the bugs trickled through. Several of them hit the traps and started going crazy, running in circles, but more bugs were coming and crawling over each other and across the floor. Everyone quickly backed up. “We need more runes!” Dipper said, stomping a Shadow-cockroach. “Angela, hurry and write –”“Wait,” Ford said quickly. “Runes and traps won't work for long. The witch's familiar now exists on both a magical Shadow plane as well as our three-dimensional reality. You need – ah...” He stopped short, glancing at Lacy.“Spit it out, man!” she barked. “You need to work in pairs and combine magical and physical approaches. Find a wide flat space and draw out a magical diagram, but you must draw it with something extremely toxic to regular insects.” Lacy and Mabel looked at each other. “GRANDMA'S SPECIAL RECIPE!” Ford blinked. “Special – ?”“WE GOT IT COVERED MEET YOU IN THE PARKING LOT!” Mabel grabbed her mom's hand and the two of them raced down the hallway to the home ec room. Dipper thrust the laptop at Angela. “Here! Grunkle Ford, this is Angela, she knows runes, you guys go do what you need to do once you get the recipe. Dad and I'll distract the bugs.” Brian blanched. “We'll what?!”
CRASH!
The windows finally shattered and the bugs poured through the window en masse, flooding through the window, over the traps and down to the floor. “You know what to do! GO!” Dipper grabbed his father's hand and sprinted into the hall. Mabel and her mom reached the home ec room and shut the door. Lacy grabbed the nearest canister of cinnamon, dumped it across the threshold, then hurried to the nearest cabinets and started rooting through them. “Where – is – anything?!” “Quick, Mom, what do you need?” “Chili peppers, and I mean hot, plus peppermint, cinnamon, clorox –” She rattled off the list as Mabel darted from cabinet to cabinet. Lacy grabbed a blender off a shelf and plugged it into the wall. Mabel dumped everything on the counter. “Wow, this is gonna be like Mabel Juice's evil twin!” Lacy worked fast, dumping ingredients into the blenders. “Can't believe this,” she muttered. “I mean I really can't believe this. Magic? Spells? Am I still dreaming?” “Don't worry, Mom, Ford's plans always work! He's a total expert on the supernatural!” “'Expert'? What kind of –”Brian's and Dipper's screams echoed in the hallway. The door rattled as the bugs swept, hissing and buzzing, intent on their prey. Suddenly Mabel gasped and leaped for the door. Lacy grabbed her arm. “Stop! Ford said to stick together!” “That's the problem! I just realized – I'm here for you, Dad's there for Dipper, and Cesar's there for Angela. But Mom, who's there for Randy?” The school building pulsed with purple light like a very scary jack-o'-lantern. Stan watched it uneasily while Ford talked the blond girl (Apricot? Ajax?) through drawing the spell thing. “...in chalk so that Mabel and Lacy can simply trace over the lines with the juice,” Ford said. “Got it.” By this time she'd sketched out a wide circle, about 3 meters across, with two lines cutting through the center. She started writing out the little stick thingies on the rim of the circle. The laptop sat at the edge of it. “Why are we out here?” Stan asked. “We need to do something to help the kids!” “We are, Stan, this is the most we can do from here.” “Not on my watch.” He scanned the surroundings. It was hard to see from the ground, but if he saw just a hint of what he was looking for...“I'm with the crusty guy,” the boy-Ajax said, messing with his soccer ball. “I wanna be where the action is, not babysitting my nerd sister!” Angela straightened with a sputter. “'Babysitting'?! You're the one who –”“Angela!” Mabel and Lacy came running up to them, bogged down with as many pitchers and tupperware containers as they could carry. “Perfect!” Ford said. “You'll need to pour it as neatly as possible, exactly where Angela marked it out.” Angela stepped forward to take a container and instantly recoiled. “Ugh! What is that stench?”Lacy opened her mouth – and then an unearthly sound rent the air, like ice cracking and iron shredding and a cat's hiss all rolled into one. The nearest building was now flashing with pure black light.
There!
“GET GOING!” Stan roared. “Gone!” Cesar took off like a shot.“Not you, kid! Hey!” “Cesar, come back!” Angela shouted, but he was already yards away and running straight into the building's open doors, dribbling the ball in front of him. He ran inside. The lights flashed faster and the grass around the building shriveled and died. “III WIIILLL KIIILLLL YYOOOUUUU!”Ford turned pale. “The spell – finish the spell!” Dipper and his father were hiding out back in the science classroom. They'd pushed all the shattered glass near the door, hoping to at least slow the bugs down, then crouched behind the teacher's desk next to the green crate. If they had to, they could jump out the window, but the pointy glass stuck in the sill did not make that option appealing. “Okay, okay,” Dipper muttered. “The good news is that they're definitely focused on us and not the others.” “And the bad news is that we're gonna die any second!” Brian whispered hoarsely. “Dad, it's okay. We just gotta stay calm and think –”The door rattled and they froze, listening. They could hear Shadow/Randy muttering darkly, riding on a wave of evil jelly bugs...then the wave passed on.Dipper let out the breath he'd been holding. He put a hand on his father's shoulder. “Dad, don't worry, we're gonna get out of this. Mabel and I've been in way worse situations before.” His father stared at him. “I mean, uh – not like, way worse, but –”“All the time?” “No? Like seventy percent of the time. Or sixty! Sixty is a much better number!” “How did we not know about this?” “Well, I mean you and mom work really hard. With like, really long hours. It's not a big deal.” “It is. When we get out of –”“FOUND YOU!” The classroom door ripped off its hinges and the bugs poured in, chewing up everything in their path and spitting it out like a rorotiller. Shards of glass and wood and metal went flying. Brian shouted, shoving the desk over as a barricade, but the bugs surrounded them easily. Dipper threw himself back with a yelp, hitting his head on the green crate. A chill ran down his back.
Wait. A chill?
Shadow/Randy appeared in the doorway, riding the wave of bug demons, his head scraping the ceiling. His red eyes burned with rage. “B-back off!” His father grabbed a fire extinguisher off the wall and pointed it at Randy. His hands were shaking. Shadow/Randy sneered. “YOU FOOLISH MORTAL –”A soccer ball beamed Shadow/Randy on the back of the head and he snarled in rage. Cesar stood in the doorway, legs apart, fists up like he was prepared to punch his lights out. “YEEEAH, BOI! COME GET SOMMA –”“RAAAAAGH!” Dipper grabbed the crate and threw it as hard as he could. It skidded across the floor and smashed open, but the ice inside was sealed up in tiny white packages! Shadow/Randy lunged for Cesar – And suddenly ten packages at once rose into the air and burst open, showering the bugs in a burst of steaming ice cubes. The bugs froze on contact, shattering as soon as they were touched by other bugs, and the rest of the wave drew back. Shadow/Randy roared with rage, but its movements were slow and sluggish. His father stared. “How –”“Ice slows bugs!” Dipper shouted. “Quick – go go go!”They sprinted for the door. Dipper scooped up a couple of bags of ice, Cesar grabbed his soccer ball and they shot down the hallway, Dipper's dad still holding the extinguisher. They heard an unearthly howl behind them and ran faster. “Cesar!” Dipper gasped. “How – is – the spell?” “I think it's done!” “You – think?!”“I wasn't paying attention okay!?” They sprinted outside and angled around the building to the parking lot. Angela had drawn out the spell on the ground, including the lines that matched the four directions. Angela stood on the North line, Dipper's laptop (with Ford and Stan) on the East, Lacy on the South. Mabel was standing with her back towards them on the West line, but she turned and started jumping up and down. “C'mon, hurry!” “Dipper!” Ford called. “Everyone! Find your partner and stand on the circle!” “Got it! Dad, quick – make a wall to funnel it to the trap!” Dipper swerved to the left and started pouring out ice. Brian used the fire extinguisher to make a wall of foam on the right, while Cesar ran in the middle shouting insults over his shoulder. “HOW D'YOU LIKE THAT, SHADOW PUNK?! YOU WANT SOME MORE?! COME AND GET SOME!”“KIIIILLLL YOOOUUU!” Suddenly Mabel screamed. “DUCK!” Dipper hit the ground and a swarm of evil grass hoppers zoomed over his head. They crashed head-first into the ice cub wall and shattered like glass on impact. Cesar whistled. “Nice one!” Brian dragged Dipper up and they raced to the spell – but as they got close Dipper gagged and his eyes watered. Mabel reached out and caught his hand. Brian hurried to Lacy's side, and Cesar cut across the circle and grabbed Angela's shoulders, spinning himself around. “What is that smell!?” Dipper gasped, trying not to vomit.“About ten pounds of chili and Clorox!” his mother called. “If I can smell it, so can the bugs, and I don't think they'll get too close!” Evidently the bugs agreed. They stopped at the edge of the asphalt, churning sluggishly because of the ice and frozen CO2. Shadow/Randy's bright red eyes glared daggers at them, and waves of evil rolled through the air until Dipper's ears popped. But as much as it wanted them, it wasn't coming any closer. It started to back up, working its way around the ice. “What's it doing, what do we do?!” Lacy cried. “It's just gonna go around!” Stan shouted. “I can't believe this – we made a mystical trap thing and WE FORGOT THE BAIT?!”“I'm on it!” Mabel tore away from Dipper and ran to the center of the circle. Stan and Dipper screamed. “MABEL, NO!” “Just trust me! Randy!” Mabel planted her feet and held out her arms. “Come on, Randy, I know you're in there! Bring the bugs here! You can do it!” “Mabel!” Lacy started to step into the circle. “No wait!” Ford cried. “Stay in your places or the spell won't work! Mabel, please, you have to –”“C'mon, Randy!” Mabel cried, leaning towards him, arms still outstretched. “We can't do this spell without you!” “FFIILLLLTHYYYY CHIIIIILD,” the bugs buzzed, but the sound was strange and distorted, as if it was coming from underwater. Shadow/Randy crouched, its hands twitching as if to wrap them around her throat. “YOU CAN DO IT RANDY! RAN-DY! RAN-DY! RAN-DY!” Shadow/Randy snarled and his face twisted horribly, but as Dipper watched, one leg kicked out almost spastically and landed on the parking lot asphalt. “It's working!” he shouted. “Everyone! RAN-DY! RAN-DY!”The others added their voices. Dipper could even hear Ford and Stan chanting loudly (and off-beat). Shadow/Randy made an inhuman gargling noise and his second food grated over the pavement. The bugs around him seethed and writhed, but they clung to his legs and angles in a single mass, as if unable to separate from him completely. Even the other clumps of bugs that had been sent off returned, drawn back magnetically as Randy forced his legs over the ground. Mabel started clapping her hands and jumping up and down. Finally Randy reached the edge of the circle, right between Dipper and his parents. Randy's limbs spasmed so badly Dipper could hear his joints crack, but he didn't take another step. The Shadow pulsed over his body, bugs piling up as if to cocoon him rather than let him drag them into the circle. “You can do it, Randy!” “We're counting on you!” “Just do it, kid!” “Randy, hurry!” “Here!” Mabel screamed, stretching out her arms as far as she could. “HERE, RANDY! THE CENTER! BRING IT HERE!” With a strangled cry, Randy stepped over the line. The whole diagram blazed with red and white light. Wind roared around them, whipping at their clothes. Streaks of lightning sizzled along the ground. “She's activated the spell!” Ford shouted. “Mabel! Get out of there!” She started to shift but the spell's power had caught hers and Randy's feet like flypaper. “I can't! I can't move!” “I got you!” Dipper called, but when he started forward a huge jolt of energy sent him stumbling back. “Agh! Mabel, hang on! Mabel!”Stan gave a shout. Suddenly Mabel came flying through the air, slamming into Dipper's chest. He grunted but stayed on his feet. They found each other's hands and held on tightly.Lightning arced over the circle, enclosing them all in a dome of pure light. The air filled with ozone and the hair on Dipper's arms stood straight up. The bugs gave a drawn-out howl and started to spiral upwards like a tornado. “It's getting loose!” Cesar yelled. “Not today!” Angela shouted something and flung out her arm, tracing a rune in the air.The circle blazed with light so powerful it nearly knocked Dipper off his feet. Mabel clung to his arms, anchoring him to the ground. He forced his eyes open. A rich, silky, golden light poured out from the ground in creamy waves, like a flower with ten thousand petals. A warmth spread through Dipper's chest. He glanced to the side and gasped. Cesar and Angela had changed. They looked taller, older. Cesar held himself with the easy energy of an athlete, and Angela's face radiated regal self-possession. He looked ahead. Stan and Ford had changed, too. Ford looked more at peace, as if the light had washed away all the years of fear and tension. Beside him, Stan's face was softer, happier, full of a love so deep it touched Dipper's soul. He was almost afraid to look at his parents. But when he did, they were holding hands tightly, his mother's face bright with energy, his father's radiating a quiet, unmovable strength. I get it, Dipper thought. The light washes away all the parts of us that are rooted in fear. These are the best and strongest parts of us.His mother looked up and caught his gaze. Her eyes widened. He knew she was seeing him through the golden glow and wondered what she saw. And then, slowly, the light began to fade away. The wind died down to nothing. The warmth in Dipper's chest disappeared, leaving him with a feeling of vertigo. He held Mabel's hand a little tighter, blinking, adjusting to the dusky light of the coming sunset. After a beautiful light like that, any sunset would pale in comparison. Beside him Mabel gasped. “Randy!”Randy was lying in the middle of the diagram, covered in so many bug bites he looked like a human raspberry. He was shaking badly and making soft animal noises. Mabel rushed to him and the rest of them quickly followed. “He doesn't look so good,” Mabel said. She knelt and took his hand. “It's okay, Randy, we're here for you.” Ford leaned forward. “Angela, try using Uruz.” “I don't have anything to –”“I got a spare glitter pen.” Mabel handed Angela the pen and she drew the rune on his forehead. It was shaped like an 'n' with a slanted top. The rune sank into Randy's skin with a sound like a popped bubble. A few of the bug bites disappeared, and his face looked slightly less swollen, but nothing else seemed to happen. “I...think what I shouted earlier used me up,” Angela said. “I'm sorry.” Randy's puffed lips moved. Brian knelt. “Kid? Randy? Can you hear me?” “N-no one,” Randy muttered. His eyes opened, wide and unfocused, staring up as if he was seeing straight through them. “No one, no one, no one, no one...” Mabel squeezed his hand. “It's okay, Randy, we know who you are. You're a hero.” She looked up. “Mom, Dad, we need to take Randy home.” “Honey, with this many bites? He needs a hospital.” “Home first,” Mabel said firmly. “His brothers should take care of him. And give him chocolate. Lots of chocolate.” “I've got this.” Brian stepped away to make the calls. “Hey, what's that?” Cesar asked suddenly. He pointed at something lying next to Randy's hand. It was the small statue Dipper had seen Randy holding earlier. But it didn't look like it was made of stone anymore. It looked crumbly, almost like sand, and the outside of it was covered in a thin layer of ice. It was making quiet cracking noises. Cesar bent to touch it, but before any of them could react, the statue cracked in half and then dissolved completely, turning to a harmless white steam in the deepening twilight air. “It worked,” Lacy said quietly. Cesar puffed out his chest. “Yeah, well – ow! Angela!” She turned to the laptop. “Ford and, um –”“Stan,” said Ford and Stan.“Right. Thanks for showing us the spell. And Mrs. Pines, thanks for the bug juice. Even though it smelled really bad.” “It really does,” Brian agreed, hanging up the phone. Lacy's mouth tweaked up in a smile. “That's sort of the point.” She looked up, glancing from Dipper to Mabel and back. Again Dipper wondered what she'd seen when she looked at them. “You two – no, all four of you were incredibly brave tonight.” “Randy, too,” Mabel said. “Randy, too.” For a moment the six of them were silent. “So,” Stan said brightly. “Does this mean we can talk to the kids?”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
skeptical_spectacles: So they're really letting you keep the club?Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Pretty much! skeptical_spectacles: so waitskeptical_spectacles: these bug things gave them their worst nightmaresskeptical_spectacles: drove about 20 people into hystericsskeptical_spectacles: destroyed MULTIPLE school buildingsskeptical_spectacles: AND THEY'RE STILL LETTING YOU KEEP
THE CLUB?!?!?!Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Um, yes? Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Also did I mention we have a guardian
ghost now? Stan says he sort of got one of his ghost stalkers to come out here and spy
on us. Mom and Dad were all set to be mad about that, but it turns out the ghost
saved our butts – it scattered ice when Dad and I were cornered, and it dragged Mabel
out of Finn's window when the spell activated. Mom said it could stay as long as it
stopped clogging the kitchen sink with ecto goop. skeptical_spectacles: asgedgaghfs?!?!?!Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Haha yeeeahskeptical_spectacles: At this point I am honestly not sure if I should
admire or fear your whole family. Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Mabel says both is goodDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: (Sorry she started reading over my
shoulder.)skeptical_spectacles: And they're actually fine with your grunkles, too??Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Yep! I think it was partly because of
the spell we did to get rid of the bugs. Or maybe not the spell exactly – Angela shouted
something and there was all this weirdly beautiful light, and in the light we could see –
I don't know, like the best versions of ourselves. Me, Mabel, our Grunkles, everybody.
It was...really something. Anyway, they took us and our Grunks a lot more seriously
after Angela did that. skeptical_spectacles: Wait which Angela is this? skeptical_spectacles: Is this Angela Russo or Angela Chuong? Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Angela Chuong, why? skeptical_spectacles: I missed hanging out with Angela Chuong??
Seriously???Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: AAAAAAH!!!skeptical_spectacles: UmDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: That's not me that sDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Maabel aDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: OH MY GOSH YOU HAVE A
CRUSH ON ANGELA DON'T YOU I AM SO HAPPY!!!! * * * :D * * * <3 <3 <3 Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: MABEL USE YOUR OWN
USERNAME ALREADYDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: I SHALL ARRANGE A DATE AT
ONCE~~~!Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Mabel I will cut off your sugar packet
supply.KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): LLOYD YOU CUTE LITTLE NERD I AM
SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!skeptical_spectacles: I've made a huge mistake, haven't IDipper_Paranormal_Investigator: Yep.KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): I know! Me n Dipper were going to visit a
haunted house with our whole family – why don't I invite Angela and the two of you
can go exploring? It'll be like seeing a scary movie but in REAL LIFE and then the girl
cuddles up next to you and BAM instant match made!skeptical_spectacles: You want me to go explore a haunted house. On my
own. For a DATE. In what way is that not a disaster in the making? KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): I called Angela just now and she said she's
coming! skeptical_spectacles: Wait what??KOALA_PIG_QUEEN))): YOU CAN THANK ME LATER BYE~~~! skeptical_spectacles: MABEL WAIT!skeptical_spectacles: Dipper, help me!Dipper_Paranormal_Investigator: It's next weekend at 10 AM, that house
on the corner of Beach and Elm.skeptical_spectacles: I hate you.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Randy opened the door and blinked. “What're you doing here?”“Delivering experimental candy.” Dipper held up the bag, colorfully wrapped and tied with a bright pink ribbon. “Toffee peanuts, courtesy of Mabel. Our grunkles are coming over in two days and she's trying out a recipe for them from, like, the sixties. You get the first batch. Can I come in?” Randy hesitated, then stepped back. Dipper walked inside. Randy's front door opened onto the living room, with two couches, a coffee table, and a TV unit against one wall. Most of it was buried under an assortment of magazines and used socks, but the coffee table and the floor around it were also piled up with what looked like robot parts. There was also what looked like a trophy case standing in the corner, full of shiny gold trophies. Dipper turned back to Randy. His face and hands still looked pink and puffy, but the swelling had gone down a lot. “You're looking better.”“Thanks.” Randy closed the door and stood there awkwardly. “Um...” “Candy,” Dipper reminded him. He put the sack in Randy's hands. “Fair warning, she might've added some unusual ingredients. Are your brothers here? You could torture them with it.” Randy snorted. “No. Jordan's hung out with me a couple of times, but I've mostly had the house to myself.”“What is all that stuff, anyway?” Dipper asked, looking curiously at the coffee table. “It looks like you're building a...robot turtle?”“Uh, yeah. You wanna see?” Randy stepped over to the table and held up what looked like a large metal turtle shell. “See this? I got it online, it's the shell to an actual fighting bot! I'm going to house the engine underneath, and weld these pointed nozzles here to the side, so any bot that comes near 'em just gets sliced!” “So this is for robot fighting? Sounds intense.” “It is! I've been playing around with designs for ages, and I finally got the shell I needed a few weeks ago! I was gonna show it to Lloyd after the – well, after the drone race, but...”He trailed off. They stood in silence for a solid sixty seconds. Dipper cleared his throat. “So...demon bugs, huh?”
Ack! Bad topic, BAD topic!!
Randy winced. “Sorry.” “No, no, I – I mean some good came out of it, right? Today was supposed to be Mabel's play, but Stan and Ford aren't even here yet and they would've missed it. It's been rescheduled for next weekend, which is plenty of time for them to get here! And in the meantime, we get the whole week off from school!”“'Cuz I destroyed it,” Randy said flatly. They both knew the school had been closed for repairs. Randy sat down on the couch, knit his fingers together and squeezed. “You guys don't have to keep being nice to me. I mean...I literally tried to kill you...” “No, you tried to give us soul-scarring nightmares, there's a difference. The bugs were the ones trying to kill us.” Dipper shrugged and sat down next to Randy. “Look, I know how it feels to get suckered by nasty supernatural weirdness, alright? Plus, you're the one who forced the bugs into Angela's rune spell. We're just lucky we got rid of it before anyone else found out it was there and tried to mess with it.” Randy frowned. “You know, I'm pretty sure someone else got there ahead of me and was trying to find them.” Dipper started. “What? Who?”“I dunno. Hang on –” He leaned over, reached into the sofa cushions and pulled out a magnifying glass. It was black, but not plastic; the light seemed to gleam on the handle and the rim, like oiled wood. “So it was after I got kicked out of the science club. I was cutting gym, because who doesn't, and I found this in the grass by the boy's locker room. And I was just messing around with it, right? But then I held it up and looked at the gym through it, and I saw this weird sign – all glowy and lavender, really high up on the wall. Like graffiti but done in glittery paint, and I could only see it if I looked through the magnifying glass. I started poking around, and that's when I found the bug stuff underneath it. The bell rang, so I had to leave, but I went back for the bug thing later, the same day you and Mabel did.” “And you could only see it through the glass? Are you sure? What did the sign look like? How how up? How big was it? Did you say lavender?” Randy leaned slightly away. “Um, yeah? I tried taking a picture with my phone, but it didn't come out.” Randy reached back into the cushions, pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Dipper. “Here.” The sign had an oval with small lines inside it at the top, like a mouth full of teeth. It was positioned over a large “T” which had an x crossed over its stem.
A growing excitement was building in Dipper's chest. “I've never seen anything like this before! It could be anything – I mean someone marked the bug box with runes, but this is a completely different symbol! It could be aliens or fairies or no wait it's probably fairies I mean there's tons of folklore I read in my English Fairy Tales book about seeing stuff through glass or –”Randy looked slightly alarmed. “Dude, chill.” “Can I see the magnifying glass!?”He quickly passed it over. Dipper turned it around to check it from all angles, then held it inches from his eyes. The magnifying glass was much heavier than it looked, and the texture – “I GOT IT!” Randy jumped. “What, what?!” “It's not a magnifying glass at all!! Well I mean it is, obviously, but the ring part is made out of a single piece of onyx, and I'd bet anything there was already a hole in the middle when this was carved! It's not just a magnifying glass, it's an adder stone!” “A what?” Dipper jumped to his feet. “I gotta try it out, can I borrow this?” “Keep it. As a thank-you.” Randy stood up, too. “Lemme know if there's anything else, okay?”“Thanks, man!” An adder stone was a rock with a hole in the middle, naturally formed by wind or water. Looking through the opening let you see supernatural things normally hidden from the eye. Dipper had brought his old one with him to Gravity Falls, but it had gotten lost at some point (plus all the Weirdness was fully visible anyway, so he didn't need it). Now, though – if he was right, the magnifying glass was an adder stone with glass in the middle – perfect for revealing the paranormal!He raced through Piedmont, backpack slamming on his back, the magnifying glass in one hand and Randy's picture of the sign in the other. The sign didn't look like anything he'd read about in Ford's journals. What if he'd discovered a brand new code system used by supernatural creatures? He absolutely had to get a better look at the gym! The school was closed, of course, and a bunch of construction equipment was parked everywhere. Piles of dirt, broken concrete, and plaster surrounding the bashed-up buildings. A bunch of construction guys in bright orange vests were yelling at each other and doing general construction-type things. Dipper ran around the back and went right up to the chain link fence behind the gym, holding the magnifying glass up to his eye. He scanned the left wall, then the back wall, then the right. But he didn't see anything at all. “Oh, come on, come on...!” He glanced left, then right, but no one else was around. He threw his backpack over and climbed the fence, then circled the building, slowly. Then he saw it – faint, but definitely there, glimmering lavender about two feet above his head. It was right over where the demon bug thing had been buried in the ground. Dipper quickly took his camera out of his backpack and started taking pictures using a variety of filters. He couldn't see the sign at all through the lens, even when he held the magnifying glass in front of it, but supernatural stuff sometimes showed up later on film. Then he sat down, took out his journal, and wrote down as many notes as he could. Finally he snapped the book shut. “Okay, now to find – hey!” A sharp, cold gust of wind nearly yanked the journal from his hands, and the scrap of paper went flying. Dipper stood up to grab it and his a chill zipped down his spine. He knew that feeling. Eyes. Someone was watching him. He turned to look –“Hey! Kid! What're you doing over there?!” Construction guys! Quick as a flash, Dipper zipped over the fence and took off at a dead run. “Okay okay, but here me out: toffee jelly beans!” “Sweetie, there is no way some chewy bean is gonna beat an actual peanut.” “But Grunkle Stan, it'll totally match your personality – hard and crusty on the outside, warm and gooey within!” Mabel was sitting at the kitchen table, Skybing with her Grunkles. Her parents were away at work, and she'd sent Dipper off to visit Randy, so she had the house to herself. She was cooking up a storm – the counters were already laden with every bowl, tupperware, and giant salad plate she could find, all filled with various batches of toffee peanut candy. Some of them looked like the classic recipe, while other batches were covered in melted marshmallows or oozed strawberry jelly. Grunkle Ford raised his hand. “About the beans. If you're going to cover them in toffee...do they have to be regular jelly beans?” She grinned broadly. “I am SO glad you asked! Waddles, if you please!” Waddles rolled over at her feet, oinked, and then picked up a ribbon from the floor. She took it from his mouth and gestured grandly. “Ladies and gentlegrunks, may I present...THE WEIRDEST BEANS BONANZA!” She pulled it. A cloth fell away from the counter behind her, revealing a huge glass vase filled with weirdly shaped jelly beans. Ford's jaw dropped. “Are those – how did you get so many?!” “Me 'n' Dipper wrote like a million letters to every jelly bean factory in the USA! It's all part of our Pines Twins Reunion Party!” She ticked off on her fingers. “We're gonna go Haunted House Hunting, sing karayoke, and have a picnic with all of our favorite foods! I can't WAIT until you guys get here!”“Don't go too crazy,” Stan cautioned. “Remember, ten cups of Mabel Juice a day is your limit!” “Yeah, yeah.” Mabel waved a hand. “The ghost lady you sent to stalk us knocks down the pitcher when I overdo it. I still wish we could figure out a way to talk to her. Although sometimes she leaves little doodles in the mist on the bathroom mirror. Yesterday we played Tic Tac Toe!” “Can'tcha buy one of those Weegie boards?” Stan asked. Ford frowned. “Stan, those things are dangerous. Any spirit could try to communicate through them.” “Don't tell that to Dipper, you'll have him at 'danger'. Where is the sweaty dork, anyway?” he asked, glancing behind Mabel. “Haven't seen him around in a while.” “I sent him to visit with Randy while I made the candy. Ooh! Bonus points to Mabel for the rhyme!” She glanced down at the clock on her laptop. “Actually, he should've been back by now. Maybe they're doing science-y stuff or something?” Ford looked concerned. “You said your phones have GPS locks in them, right? I can hack into it and double-check.”Stan rolled his eyes. “And there's the paranoia we all know and don't miss.”“Excuse me, but –”“Yeah, yeah, better safe than cat kibble, I get it.” He waved a hand, but Mabel could tell he was a little worried, himself. “Just find the dork so we can sic Mabel on him. Sweetie, if your brother got himself in trouble in the cemetery again, I give you full permission to punch him in the face.” “Yes, Grunkle Stan!” So he was in the cemetery again. He'd had no clue for where to find the next sign, so he'd walked in a spiral pattern starting from the school. He did actually find two more signs that way, and they formed a straight line from the school right to St. Mary's. Maybe it was coincidence, but that rarely happened with supernatural stuff, so he'd decided to take his chances. He edged over the grass, magnifying glass in one hand, book in the other. No big deal, right? Just another cemetery in the daytime. Plenty of sunlight and birds and crumbling stones. Most of the graves didn't even have headstones, just little plates or whatever sunk into the ground. No creepy shadows, no ominous cluster of crows. Nothing scary at all.
Except for the fact that I almost died here.
Dipper forced himself to walk casually through the tombstones. He held the glass up to his eye. If he was right, the next symbol should – “Help me!” “GYAAAAH!” Dipper jumped a full foot in the air and nearly banged his skull on a stone cherub. “Hello? Ma'am? Is someone there?” Dipper's face flamed, but he spun around slowly, looking for the source of the noise. It sounded like a little girl's voice. “I'm here,” he called back. “Where are you? Are you okay?” “I'm stuck.” It sounded like she was crying. “Please, please help me.” “It's okay, I'm coming. Just keep talking so I can find you.” The girl was definitely crying now. “Please hurry, I'm stuck and it hurts, it really hurts.” He followed the voice over a small hill. At the bottom of the hill was a dark gash in the earth, as wide as a coffin, cutting deep under the branches of an evergreen. Two cracked but massive tombstones framed the gash, casting it into even deeper shadow. He couldn't see inside it at all. “You're here!” the voice cried. The relief was almost palpable. “Please, there's rocks and I can't get them off me!” Instead of answering, Dipper slung his backpack off and took out a flashlight and his video camera. He aimed the camera at the gash and hit record. “What are you doing? Just come help me! I can't get out!”“I'll bet you can't,” Dipper muttered, and he turned on the flashlight. The thing in the cave shrieked and flung itself backward, shielding its eyes. It looked like a supersized gremlin, with gnarled green skin, a body like an upside-down lightbulb, and long, stick-like limbs. It was wearing ragged pants and a scuffed-up jacket, but they were so caked with filth and dirt Dipper couldn't even tell what color they were. The thing glared at him with bloodshot eyes from the depths of the cave. “You little snot-picker! That light could've killed me!” “Pretty sure you were trying to kill me first,” Dipper said, sweeping the flashlight over the tiny bones littering the bottom of the cave. “What are you, anyway? Some kind of ogre/goblin combo?” It actually sputtered. “Ogre?! OGRE?! I'm a troll, you pink-fleshed nitwit!” “This from the monster that thought he could actually lure a kid into a dark hole in the middle of a graveyard. Like anybody'd ever fall for that.” It snarled at him. “If you're such a know-it-all, why'd you come this close even though there's a sigil right there?!” He blinked. “A what?”“Hello?” The troll pointed straight up. Dipper took out his magnifying glass and looked. A bright purple sign practically blazed on the tree's rough bark, exactly the same as the one he'd seen on the gym. “Wow, I knew those signs were pointing me here!” The troll rolled his eyes. “Like I said, nitwit. This whole area's a fairy migration line. Why do you think I moved here anyway?”“Huh?”“'Huh?'” The troll mimicked. “Fairy migration? Four days from now? They follow ley lines? The adult fairies leave signs behind them to guide their hordes and hordes of tasty little offspring? Ringing any bells?” “Fairy...ley...lines...” Dipper had taken out his journal and was writing as fast as he could. “You said adults leave signs here? Wait, wait, I think I get it!” He looked up excitedly. “This is just like those signs homeless people draw to help each other out! Like 'food here' and stuff! I didn't know there was a supernatural version of it! But why would they put a sign right over you? No offense.”The troll grinned, showing sharp and mossy teeth. “I told you. That sign's to tell the little butterballs, 'Steer clear, danger here!' Like that'd help.”“Well I mean, you do seem like you're stuck in there,” Dipper pointed out. “You tried to lure me in there, you're not coming out, and you hate flashlights. So you're clearly allergic to sunlight or something. Fairies could just float right over you.”The troll's grin widened. “They could, but fairy migrations happen at night. Which, you'll notice, is coming very soon.” Dipper blinked. Now that the troll had mentioned it, the sky was already fading from blue to a washed-out lint color, and a stripe of orange lit up the western skyline. “Oh, man, I can't believe I took this long! My sister's gonna –”“Diiipperrrrr!” A voice rang out over the cemetery. It was Mabel! Dipper opened his mouth to reply – “HELP!” the troll screamed, in what was clearly Dipper's high-pitched voice. “THERE'S A MONSTER HERE, HELP ME!” “Ignore that!” Dipper shouted, but Mabel came flying over the nearest hill. “TAKE THAT, DOPPLEGANGER!” she shouted, and socked Dipper right in the jaw. He fell so hard he actually bounced back a couple of feet. “Ow! Mabel, it's me! And that hurt!” “Oh, sorry.” She reached down to help him up. “Although I was totally gonna punch you anyway, if that's any consolation!”“Please,” said the troll, back to its little-girl voice. It had retreated to the shadows so Mabel couldn't see him. “I'm in the cave! Dipper wouldn't help me and I'm stuck and it's dark and –”“What!” Mabel rounded on him. “Okay first you don't text me when you've left Randy's house, and now you found another graveyard monster to poke with a stick?!”“I didn't poke it with a stick!” “Why is no one falling for that?!” The troll poked its head into the lighter shadows and scowled. “If one of you doesn't get in here in five seconds I'll – oooooh, dinner!” They looked up. Waddles had trundled over the hill after Mabel and was grazing on the grass. “Oh no you don't!” Mabel hurried to her pig and scooped him up. (Sort of. Actually she was only holding his front half up in the air, since he was now too heavy for her to pick him up all the way.) “Don't you dare eat my pig, you – you – I'm sorry what are you again?” “He's...” Dipper stopped. “Actually, I never got your name.” The troll scowled at them. Mabel gasped and put her hands over her heart. “Oh my sprinkles, do you not have a name?”“I have forty sharp teeth that can snap your bones like a toothpick!”“You don't have a name! Okay hang on, I got this.” She whipped out a notepad from under her sweater and opened it. “Perfect – I've been brainstorming names for our brownie all week and I've got tons of names to pick from! Frank, Pookie, Haggus, Merlin – also how do you feel about asterisks in your name?”“No!” “That's it!” She snapped her fingers. “BARTHOLOMEW!”“I am not a Bartholomew! That's not even a little bit threatening!” But Mabel just nodded in satisfaction. “It's perfect, trust me. Bartholomew the...um, ogre-slash-goblin?” “He's a troll that eats small children and only comes out at night,” Dipper said, grabbing his backpack and rubbing his jaw. “C'mon, let's get out of here while I figure out how to protect the house from him.” “Maybe a ring of soap? Because he smells like he's allergic to soap.” “I am not!” the troll called after them. “It's called cologne and it's very troll-y!” “You're not wrong but I'm bringing soap next time!” Mabel called back. “Bye, Bartholomew!” “AND STOP CALLING ME THAT!” “As for you, sir –” Mabel bopped Dipper rather hard on the head. “Ow!” “You were supposed to text us whenever you went somewhere else. I was so worried I knitted three more sweaters on the way here!”
“But you're not carrying any sweaters.”
“They were for squirrels and don't change the subject!”
“Mabel, I'm sorry but you won't believe what I've discovered!” He flipped open his journal and showed her the most recent entries. “Look! They're fairy hobo signs to guide their migration! Randy found the first one, and troll said –”
“Whoa, whoa, back up, did you say fairies?!”
“Yeah! There'll probably be a whole swarm or flock or something! Would you call fairies a swarm?”
“Oooh! We should totally do our reunion picnic at the same time!”
“That sounds great! C'mon!” He picked up the pace. “I can't wait to tell Great-Uncle Ford!”
Bartholomew waited until the sun was well and truly set before he crawled out of his den. (He'd had a cousin once who was too impatient to wait for dark, and after that they had a seriously creepy lawn ornament until some human hauled him away.) He stretched his limbs until his elbows cracked and bared his sharp teeth in a grin.
Most trolls never bothered mimicking voices anymore, not when humans travelled in packs and were way too suspicious for a troll's own good. Not that those two mini-meals had been any more persuasive.
His grin widened. Normally all he got to eat were some mice, vole, owl, maybe an occasional cat. Kids weren't generally on the menu. But something about that pink one smelled really good, like she'd been rolling around in a candy store. Even the sweaty one hadn't smelled too bad. And even if they warded their house, that pig had smelled like a four-course meal plus desert.
He had their scent. Now all he had to do was follow it.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Mabel yawned hugely and then rolled over. And over and over until she was hanging half out of bed, an arm and leg dangling down to the lower bunk. Her brother was sitting cross-legged on his bed, bent over his computer. “Guess those wards worked,” she said sleepily. “Hey, when Grunkle Ford and Stan get here, you think we could take them to meet Bartholomew?”“Uh-huh.” She raised an eyebrow. “Your back is gonna get stuck like that and then you'll look like a candy cane for the rest of your life and I shall paint you white with red stripes so everybody can see the resemblance.”He grunted. She rolled her eyes, swung down, and sat on his bed, yawning with her eyes closed. Automatically she held out her hands to be greeted by pink-noses kisses, but there was no pink porker coming to kiss her. She opened her eyes. “Waddles?” she called. “Dipper, have you seen Waddles?” “Sure, Mabel.”Mabel got up and headed out to the kitchen. If their parents had been in a super-big rush to get to work that morning, then maybe they left the trash open by accident and Waddles had gone rooting for a snack. But all she found when she got there was a note on the table:
Waddles out back, call of nature, love you XOX Mom
That explained it – sometimes Waddles had to use the little pig's room before she was up, so anyone awake would let him out early and then she'd let him back in. She went to the back door and opened it. “Waddles!” she called. “Waaaa-ddleeeeeees, where are yAHHHHHHH! OH NO NO NO!” There was a crash from inside and Dipper came running out, wielding a ball-point pen like a sword. “What is it?! Mabel?! What, what?!” “Mom let Waddles outside, Dipper!” Mabel said shrilly. He blinked and lowered the pen. “Isn't that normally what happens, though? So what?” “SO WE ONLY WARDED THE HOUSE LAST NIGHT, NOT THE YARD!” She grabbed his head and turned it. There was a very large, very Waddles-shaped hole in the side of the fence. It took them exactly seventeen seconds to get changed, grab their gear, and sprint to the Troll's creepy den. Mabel reached the it first. She whipped out a flashlight and shone it at his face. “PORK-PURLOINER!” “Agh! What, what?!” Bartholomew jerked awake scrambled back from the light. “Quit pulling that flashlight stuff! I'm hungry and I don't have the energy to deal with you!” “Yeah, right!” Dipper caught up, panting, as she grabbed a second flashlight and shone that into the den as well. “You followed us home last night and stole Waddles, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?!”“Give up the pig, man,” Dipper growled, standing next to her. “And for your sake he better be in one piece. You know, like, alive.”“What are you even talking about?” Bartholomew demanded. “And turn off that light already! It's broad daylight, you don't need it!” “Not until you relinquish my beloved oinker!” “I didn't take your pig! I have no idea what you're talking about!” “Easy.” Dipper stepped forward and jabbed a finger towards the troll. “Last night you followed us home, and when you couldn't get past the wards on our house, you broke through the fence in our yard and took Waddles for a late-night...well, maybe not a snack, he's kind of big for that, but –”“Dipper, focus!” Bartholomew glared at them. “For your information, I did follow you partway to wherever you kiddie meals hole up, but then outta nowhere this flyin' hottie comes shooting out of the ground and gets all up in my face!” Dipper blinked. “Flying what now?”“That!” He pointed angrily at the air over Mabel's left shoulder. “Yeah, I'm talkin' ta you, you ya ectoplasmic mosquito! You cost me my dinner!” Mabel leaned in. “Dipper! It must be that ghost Stan sent after us! Also Bartholomew did I just hear the word 'hottie'?!”“N-no you didn't!” Dipper frowned. “Yeeeah, but he could've just gone like, through the ghost, right? No offense, ghost-person, but that wouldn't exactly stop him.” “Aw, come on!” Bartholomew stood up, and automatically both twins stepped back. But the troll just swept both hair arms out to the side. “Look, if I did take your pig, there'd be bloody bones everywhere. They'd make a nice addition to the possum skulls. But I don't have 'em, see? Also, I wouldn't be so –” He was interrupted by a very loud noise from his midsection, like a dying lawnmower. “...hungry.” The twins took another step back. Mabel swept the flashlight over the inside of Bartholomew's lair. “Well...I don't see any Waddle-sized bones...” Bartholomew sat down with a huff. “Told you. Now get out of here before I practice throwing mice bones at your eyeballs.” Dipper ignored him. “Wait, if the ghost was watching the house at night, maybe she saw who took Waddles. We gotta ask her. Mabel, can you reach into my backpack and grab my Ouija board?” “You're gonna do this here?” Bartholomew said. “Unless you wanna tell us what she's saying,” Dipper shrugged. Bartholomew grumbled, shooting nervous glances at the air behind them, which Dipper took as a 'no'. Mabel caught him at it and grinned. “Awwww! Bartholomew, don't tell me you're actually shy?!” “I am not!” “Mabel, focus!” Dipper laid out the board, set up the pointer, and directed his sister to place both of her hands over both of his. “Okay, spirit, we respectfully ask you to tell us what happened last night with Waddles.” Their hands started to move. Mabel gasped. “Oooh, what's she saying, what's she saying?!” “1...a...1...b...2...wait, what? Are these supposed to be coordinates?”“Maybe they're bingo squares?” She squinted. “Are you sure we're doing this right?” “Yes I'm sure!” Behind them, Bartholomew rubbed his stomach and snorted. Dipper glared at him. “Okay, fine.” Dipper turned back to the board. “Ghost, could you please point the pointer in the direction we can find Waddles?” The pointer turned, very slowly, to point southwest. “Yes!” Mabel sprang to her feet. “Hang on, Waddles, we're coming for you!” They pulled out the ouija board every time they came to a new street. The ghost turned the spinner and they ran due west, then northwest, then slightly northeast, then south. For the next six hours they raced up sidewalks, darted down meridians, and cut through alleys. (Mabel was so upset she didn't even stop to pet the stray cats she found in them.) They made a quick pit stop at home to grab some lunch for the road, and then it was back out again, combing the neighborhood. “Maybe it really wasn't the troll,” Dipper said, combing through a bush. They were searching the parking lot of a McRonald's restaurant. “I mean, Waddles is pretty big. Maybe he charged through the fence himself?” Mabel was checking under a car. “The only reason he'd do that is if –” she broke off with a gasp. “He found a girlfriend! Maybe the circus is in town with a lovely lady pig who can backflip off an elephant! Maybe the pig is a fairy with a dainty little tutu! Maybe it's a VAMPIRE PIG!” “A vampire pig. Mabel.” “It could happen!” “Wait a minute...” Dipper drew back with a frown as he held something up. “This is the silver mirror I packed this morning. What's it doing here?” Mabel's face fell. “Oh, no, don't tell me we've already been here!” “But I don't remember searching here at all.” Dipper looked around suspiciously, then he sighed. “I guess we did. Sorry, ghost, but apparently you have a terrible sense of direction.” The ouija board rattled in his backpack. “It's okay,” Mabel assured the ghost. Dipper slipped the mirror back into his pocket, thinking. He'd been assuming that whatever had Waddles was moving around as they searched. But the ghost was just leading them – unintentionally, but leading them nonetheless – on a wild Waddles chase. Mabel tugged on his sleeve, and when he turned to look at her there were tears in her eyes. “Dipper, how're we going to find Waddles now?” He shook his head slowly. “I'm sorry, Mabel...but I don't think we can.” Bartholomew woke up from a lovely dream of fresh cat meat. Two high-pitched, girly voices were calling his name. He rolled over with a groan and glared at them, hoping his eyes looked bloodshot and murderous. “Do you mind?! It's still two hours 'till sundown, and I stayed up all yesterday and this morning talkin' to you!” The sweaty kid and – what's-her-face, Mayonnaise? – were standing full in the sun. Sweaty was holding a big white package. “Sorry we accused you earlier,” Sweaty said. Bartholomew grunted. “You find your pig yet? I could use a four-course meal or two.” “We figured,” Mayonnaise said, and Dipper tossed the white package into the cave. He eyed it suspiciously. It wasn't moving. It didn't look animal shaped. “The heck is this?” “Deli meat,” said Mayonnaise. “It's not anything fancy, 'cuz we bought it on our allowance, but you did say you were hungry earlier.”
Deli what?
He poked the package, then sliced it open with a nail. A mouth-watering aroma rose up to his snout, fresh and juicy and sweeter than squirrel meat on a cold winter's night. He tore open the package, grabbed a quivering glob and shoved it into his mouth. Chicken! He didn't even know they had chickens in the city! He was a third of the way through the meat when he looked up, both hands smeared with meat goo with grease around his mouth. The two kidlets were already walking away, kinda saggy-looking. “Oi!” They turned and he stood up, leaning just a little farther out of his cave. He sniffed. “Try that way,” he said, jerking his head. He could definitely smell pig, but it was in the opposite direction they'd started from. Mayonnaise looked hopeful. “Really?” “Kid, don't insult the nose.” Her grin widened. “Okay! Thanks, Bartholomew!” “And my name's not Bartholomew!” She grabbed her brother's hand and they raced away, talking a mile a minute. Bartholomew huffed and went back to his meat. 'Course, he didn't tell them what else he smelled, but whatever. Kids wanted the pig, they'd get the pig. And hey, if they didn't make it out, he could still date that Victorian vixen! Dipper and Mabel sprinted through the cemetery, cutting straight across the small roads that twined around the lots until they hit Moraga Avenue. Dipper glanced up at the sky as they ran. “We have to hurry. We only have about an hour till sundown and then Bartholomew could come after us.” “Not to mention – our parents – will worry!” Mabel panted, as they took a hard right onto Monticello. “Where are we running again?” “I don't know – I think maybe – ugh, hang on –” He pulled out his magnifying glass and held it up to his face. “Ok! This is right – around the trail for the fairy migration route, so – if something dangerous did take Waddles – THERE!” He passed the glass to her and pointed. Ahead of them, over the rows of houses, rose the treetops of Dracena Quarry Park. The park actually used to be a quarry before it was converted to a public space, complete with a playground, dog run, and even a climbing wall. Clinging to the treetops, glowing brighter with the falling twilight, was a bright purple sign, almost identical to the one above the troll's den. “Don't tell me there's – another troll!” Mabel gasped with dismay. “I don't – think so! There was one over the – the bugs, too. I think it – just means danger!” “Oh well that's even better!” They cut through people's backyards, knocking over three lawn gnomes and disturbing an extremely ornery cat, before the park came into view. The park was shaped a little like three blocky rectangles stuck together in a three-point star. One leg of the park was thick with pine trees and redwoods, and the sign glittered brightly among the dark foliage. They headed towards it. This was the part of the park that used to be an old quarry. Walls of sandstone and basalt jutted abruptly from the rough ground, then sloped back down again in ragged hills of grass and moss. The place was thick with pine trees. A lone copse of redwoods rose up from near the edge of the area, and the sign glittered from tallest of the branches. Just to the left, cut into the base of a low wall of rock, was an almost perfectly rectangular opening leading deep into the earth. Dipper caught her arm. “Mabel, wait. I think whatever's in there will be even more dangerous than anything we've faced so far.” “What? Why?” “Look at how high up it is.” Dipper pointed to the sign, but of course they couldn't see it without the magnifying glass. “Ugh, you know what I mean. The sign above the troll was on the tree right over his den, probably because the fairies who put it there knew that they'd be safe getting that close in broad daylight. The sign I saw above the bug thing was much farther up the wall, as if they were afraid of getting near it – apparently for good reason. But this sign is the highest one yet. I think the fairies were afraid to get any closer to...to whatever is down there.” A draft of cool air touched Dipper's neck and he shivered. “But Waddles, Dipper! He's gotta be in there!” “I know, I'm just saying we need to go in prepared.” He set down his backpack and started pulling stuff out – two spare silver mirrors (tarnished, but workable), a couple of candles, and two spray bottles of holy water. He went to pass her half of the supplies and found her texting someone. “Just telling our parents where we are,” she said, tucking her phone back into her skirt pocket. She took the stuff and then pulled a second headband from her sweater.“What's that for?” “Never underestimate the power of a headband boomerang, Dipper.” “But a headband can't...never mind. Let's go.” They entered the tunnel. Dipper held a flashlight in one hand, casting dark shadows along the rough walls. The floor was soft earth – no footprints – and their steps were almost silent. The air was cool, dry. He could feel the weight of the rock overhead, solemn, inevitable, suffocating. It was like walking in a tomb. He froze. The nightmare from the demon bugs flashed in his mind. The terror. The helplessness. The chill as his body cooled, his soul was sucked out. His chest pounded. No, no, he was with Mabel, he was fine. (I'm gonna die.) Stop it, just a regular monster hunt. (I can't breathe in here.) It was just like the closet at the Shack. He'd be fine, seriously, there was nothing wrong, he could handle this. My chest hurts it's crushing me get off get off get off GET OFF I CAN'T BREATHE – Mabel stopped and looked back when she realized her brother wasn't following. “Dipper?” He looked at Mabel. It was like he was seeing her from far away. “I'm...yeah. I was just thinking I should go first.” “Really? 'Cuz you stopped all the way back there.” “Sorry,” he said. But he still didn't move. She went back and took his hand. He was clammy and trembling a little. “Look, Dipper, you don't have to be in the lead all the time. We can take turns being the hero, okay? I'll go first and you watch my back. We beat Bill together, so we can totally handle a grouchy old troll!” He blinked like he'd forgotten all about the troll. Then he seemed to come back to himself. “Right,” he said, his grip on the flashlight steadying. “Right. Sorry. We got this.”They moved further down the tunnel, Mabel going slower so Dipper could keep up. She had a sneaky feeling the Cat Sith had made him afraid of creepy grave-type tunnels. She made a mental note to dig a whole maze of creepy grave-type tunnels to cure him. For now, though, they stepped silently over the earthen floor, Dipper gradually dimming the light to avoid giving their positions away. Suddenly they heard noises up ahead, past a bend in the tunnel. Dipper grabbed Mabel's arm and motioned to the flashlight, mouthing, 'Surprise'. She nodded. He flicked it off, they waited for their eyes to adjust to the darkness, and then they crept forward, feeling their way along the wall. Mabel quietly slipped one of her flashlights out of her pocket, the holy water in her other hand. If it was a troll, based on Bartholomew's hygiene she suspected it would be their most deadly weapon. The tunnel curved and came to a solid door of what felt like wood or plastic; it was hard to tell in the darkness. There was an iron ring on one side for pulling it open or shut. Beyond it they heard ominous noises: shuffles, soft oinks...and the muted scrape of cutlery. Mabel grabbed the iron ring and threw it open. “LET GO OF MY PIG, YOU...whaaaaa?”The door opened onto a chamber about the size of a living room, with what looked like a coffin against the far wall, a big pile of very fine sawdust on the left, and a jet-black elaborately carved dresser on the right holding several flickering candles. In the middle of the room was a trough filled with fresh-cut grass and vegetables. On one side of the trough sat Waddles, looking extremely full and happy. And on the other, with a black velvet cape, hooves as delicate as a lamb's, and two needle-sharp fangs, was – “A VAMPIRE PIG!! I knew it!” Dipper stared. “Wait, it really was a vampire pig? Seriously?!” The sow whipped around at the sound of their voices. Her eyes glowed blood-red and she screeched, something unfurling from her back as she zoomed through the air, heading straight for Dipper. He whipped a wooden stake from his pack and leaped forward with a yell.“No, wait!” Mabel shoved Dipper back. Just as the sow reached them, Mabel sidestepped the charge and scratched its back right on The Spot. The sow stopped instantly, hanging in midair, looking stunned. Then, as Mabel dropped spray bottle and used both hands, the sow floated to the ground with a groan, head tilted up with its eyes closed. Dipper got up from where he'd fallen against the wall. “Um, Mabel?” “It's pig magic, Dipper,” Mabel said confidently, still scratching. “Besides, it's bad manners to stake your pig's hot date!”“Hot what now?” Waddles oinked and wiggled in his seat on the floor. The pig opened an eye and cast a glance over her shoulder, oinking as if to reassure him. A warm fuzzy feeling whooshed through Mabel's whole body. “Awwwwww! They're in love!!! Waddles I am so happy for you! Dipper, look at her little bat wings!” She flapped the vampire pig's tiny bat wings up and down. The pig grunted. “Maaaaybe you should stop doing that.” “She's even got one of those little black lace chokers!” She knelt to take a look. “Oooooo, it comes with a name tag! Hello, Felicity! I totally need a picture!” Dipper hid an eye roll (she could totally tell when he did that) and lowered his weapons. “Don't vampires not show up in photographs or something? I'm assuming that's why you didn't take any of the vampire you dated in Gravity Falls.”“But picture!”“Plus it's probably getting dark outside.” He looked at the vampire. “Excuse me, um...Felicity...but there's this troll in a cemetery that would love to have us on the menu and we gotta get home before it finds us. Could we maybe have my sister's pig back?” Its nostrils flared and it spun to face them, fangs bared, but before anyone could do anything Waddles squealed and head-butted her gently in the side. He nuzzled her until she turned to look at him, and they accidentally touched noses. Mabel squealed so high Dipper winced. “Cuteness overlooooooad!”Then Waddles oinked. Then he trotted past them and stood a few feet into the tunnel, waiting. “Coming, Waddles! And you are so invited to our house for date nights!” Mabel told Felicity. Dipper nudged her. “Ask her if she'll walk us home. It's probably dark out by now and I don't want Bartholomew turning us into an early dinner.” Felicity oinked her agreement and swooped gracefully into the tunnel to lead the way.“Looks like that's a yes!” Mabel said, and she skipped after them until she remembered Dipper's new thing with the tunnels. But when she turned to check on him, he was writing feverishly in his journal. “Vampire...pigs...sigil...underground – no, don't focus on that – fairies...sweaters...” She grinned and fell back to skip next to him. That way she'd be ready to help, just in case, but it was nice to see him back to his usual Dippering. They surfaced and headed for the street. It was definitely dark – not completely dark, with the velvety edge of twilight still lingering in the air, but the street lamps cast long lacy shadows through the trees. They were two blocks from home when a sudden movement caught her eye. A long, lanky, troll-shape shadow skulked at the far end of the street. “HIIIIII, BARTHOLOMEW!” Mabel yelled, waving frantically and startling everybody. “THANKS FOR THE DIRECTIONS!” A disturbingly long row of teeth suddenly glinted in his face. “Well, well, two ham dinners.” Felicity started growling low in her throat, hair bristling, baring super-cute fangs. “AGH! Alright, alright, I'm goin', ya undead pork chop! Geez!” He skulked out of sight, muttering about hot ghosts and demon pigs. Mabel smiled. “He seems nice!” “Except for the part where he wants to eat us,” Dipper said, and Felicity oinked in agreement.“He just needs a good matchmaker! Don't you remember Robbie?! As soon as I hook Bartholomew up with our guardian ghost he's gonna melt like moldy butter on a fresh piece of toast!” Dipper cracked a smile. “Yeah, but I don't think she'd been too keen on the idea. Am I right?” They both looked at his backpack, but the ouija board didn't so much as creak. “...Huh. Guess she went home ahead of us.” Mabel grinned widely and scooped Dipper, Felicity, and Waddles up in a Mega-Mabel hug. “I am so excited, you guys! This is turning into the most romantic school year ever! Felicity and Waddles, Bartholomew and Lady Ghost, and very soon Angela and Lloyd at a certain haunted house! And if the house really is haunted, I'm sure I could find dates for them, too! THIS IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN!”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Mabel dropped her spoon for the fifth time. It bounced off the table and landed on the floor, splattering milk and Lucky Sugar Marshmallow Loops in all directions. “Honestly, Mabel,” her mom said, as Waddles happily vacuumed up the mess. “How much sugar did you put in your milk today? I told you the limit was three teaspoons!”“I didn't use any this time, really!” Her mother gave her a stern look and Mabel wiggled in her seat. She really hadn't added any extra sugar, though – not even the fancy powdered kind. Today would be thrilling enough all on its own!“She's probably just excited, honey,” Brian said absently. He picked up his spoon and newspaper, took a bite out of the newspaper, and started to read the spoon. Lacy threw up her hands. “Honestly!”Mabel laughed and glanced at her bro-bro, but Dipper hadn't even touched his breakfast. He was trying to sit as tall as possible so he could look out the small square window above the sink, watching the street. “They said their boat would dock this morning, right? How long do you think it would take a taxi to get from the bay to Piedmont, going at an average speed of 40 mph if they left the boat at 6 AM?”Mabel grinned. “Neeeeeerd.”“At least I know what they're teaching you in school,” Lacy grumbled, as Dipper calculated under his breath. “And Brian, stop examining your spoon for headlines. You have met one of your uncles before, you know. And you've seen both of them together when we Skybed.” “Yes, but that was different. And when we met my uncle I thought he was dead! I mean – that Stan was – and that Ford was – you know!” He gestured too wildly and knocked over his orange juice.By now Mabel was literally vibrating in her seat. “I totally do know, Dad! This is going to be the greatest moment of my ENTIRE LIFE! In a very short time –”“Two to ten minutes!”“Thank you, Nerdipper – in two to ten minutes we shall have an emotional family reunion, and I shall take pictures, and then we're going to go Haunt Hunting-slash-matchmaking, and then I'll cheat at poker with Stan while Dipper shows Ford that child-eating troll we found in the cemetery!”Lacy did a double-take. “What was that last item?”Suddenly voices drifted through the window. “...leave my pheonix droppings, but you could take the gem fish.”“My fish ain't gonna spontaneously combust, that's why.”“I took precautions!”“You burned off my eyebrows.”Mabel gave a shriek. “THEY'RE HERE!” “Wait – Mabel!” Lacy calledBut she and Dipper had already dashed for the front door, Waddles at their heels. Mabel reached it first, flung it open, and charged down the walk. “GRUNKLE STAAAAAAN!” “Great-Uncle Ford!”Stan looked up. “WhOOF!”She knocked him flat, sending his suitcases flying, and wrapped her hands around Stan's big panda gut. Waddles took advantage of the opportunity and frantically licked Stan's face. “YOU'RE HERE YOU'RE HERE YOU'RE HERE!” “Hearing aid, hearing aid!” “I SAID –”“OW!”“It's so great to see you guys!” Dipper said, breaking away from his own hug to beam up at Ford. Then he glanced down at Stan and his grin widened. “Wow, Grunkle Stan, did I get taller or did you get shorter?”“Easy fix for that!” He reached up and mashed Dipper's head in a noogie. “Ow, uncle, uncle!”“You mean grunkle, baby! POW!”Ford and Mabel laughed. Waddles oinked in agreement. “It's nice to see you again,” Lacy said, coming to the door. She glanced at Ford. “Or, well, meet you, as the case may be.”Ford nodded. “Greetings.” They shook hands. Mabel grinned. She knew that both Stan and Ford were checking her reaction to Ford's fingers, but her mom didn't even do a double-take and passed the invisible test with invisible flying rainbow colors! Mabel squished her own cheeks with pride. “We've prepared some blankets for you,” Lacy continued. “The living room doesn't have a lot of storage space, but we've cleared out a couple of shelves in the hall closet for your things.” She gestured to their suitcases, scattered over the lawn. “Is this all the luggage you're bringing?” “I'm afraid so,” Ford sighed. “It isn't nearly a tenth of my materials, but Stan insisted I leave some of the more volatile experiments on the boat. They should be fine as long as no one plays the Purple Dinosaur theme song too loudly.” “Don't ask,” Stan said, as Lacy opened her mouth. He pointed to the smallest of his suitcases, which was oddly wet and had kelp sticking out of the zipper. “I do have a fish that could use a glass bowl or something, so let's hurry this up, huh?”Mabel sat up and looked around. “Hey, wait, we're missing one! DAA-AAD! COME ON OUT AND MEET YOUR OTHER GRUNKLE FORD, FOR REAL THIS TIME!”Lacy sighed. “He's probably hiding in the kitchen. Honestly. Ford, Stan, why don't you come inside, and we'll find a bowl for your...suitcase.” She turned. “Oh, Brian, there you are.”Brian stood just inside the door, eyes bright, face pale, lips pressed together, staring at Ford. “Er...” Ford glanced at Stan and then moved forward, hand extended. “Gree–”Brian slammed into Ford so hard he nearly knocked him off his feet. Mabel whipped two cameras out of her sweater and started snapping pictures, shrieking with excitement. “It's you!” Brian said into Ford's shoulder. “I can't believe it's you!” Ford coughed and patted Brian's back awkwardly. “Erm, yes, hello. I see where Mabel gets her hugging from.”She grinned and snapped another photo. “You'd better believe it!”Brian was still talking. “It's just that I thought you were Stan and Stan was dead and no one would ever talk about him and now I've met Stan and I have this whole other Uncle I didn't know I still had and I know we've Skybed but it's the first time we're actually meeting and I can't even –” “Breathe, honey,” Lacy said, patting his back. “You'll have to excuse him, he's a bit overwhelmed.”“Ford's got that effect on people,” Stan grumbled. “Again, fish? Bowl? Free food? We docked at 4 AM and I'm starving over here.” It took a while to get everyone inside. Brian didn't want to let go of Ford, Waddles kept running underfoot, and a couple of Ford's suitcases had split open when he'd dropped them. Dipper had gotten distracted asking many Dipperish questions about their contents. One of suitcases that had stayed shut was making a highly suspicious whistling noise, but Ford refused to let them see what was inside it “before it had been properly de-sporked.” Mabel could literally see Dipper making a mental note to investigate later. While Lacy went to the kitchen to get the grunkles some breakfast, the rest of them collected in the living room. Mabel and Dipper sat on the floor, while Stan, Ford, and Brian took the couch. Ford was sitting in the middle, looking adorkably uncomfortable with all of Brian's attention. “It's just hitting me that you're actually here,” Brian kept saying. “No one would ever talk about Stan – I even tried asking Grandpa once, you can guess how well that went. Dad didn't know either, he'd heard Stan was in a car crash but the evidence was inconclusive and we thought he'd just disappeared somewhere. But this whole time I did know Stan and it was you who'd gone missing –”“How long is he gonna keep babbling like that?” Stan muttered to Mabel. “Sh! It's precious!” “I've got a suitcase and I'm not afraid to use it, 's all I'm sayin'.” “Here we are,” Lacy said, walking in with a tray of toast and a large glass salad bowl. She set the tray down on the coffee table and went to sit on the armrest next to Brian. Stan grinned. “Finally, food that doesn't have fins on it!” “Speaking of – fish first,” Ford said firmly, and Stan groaned but grabbed for the glass dish. He dumped open the suitcase, pouring a fish (and a whole lot of saltwater) into it, then went straight for the toast. Mabel gasped. The fish was like a beta, only bigger and sleeker, with long fins that coiled like elegant streamers and scales that glittered like multicolored jewels. “OMIGOSH OMIGOSH!” Mabel grabbed Stan's arm and shook it so he almost dropped his toast. “GRUNKLE STAN IT'S THE RAINBOW FISH!”Dipper leaned in. “Wow, it totally is! What is this thing, Great-Uncle Ford?”“It's an Exocoetidae gemma, a saltwater fish capable of living in temperatures as low as -30 Celsius.”“It's beautiful,” Lacy said, her voiced hushed. Ford nodded. “It does have certain highly pleasing aesthetic qualities. Stan found it in the same place we discovered the cursed Cup of the Dead. It was actually trying to eat the cup, probably for the corundum in the alloy.”Lacy blinked. “Excuse me?”“Well, most of its scales are precious gems, so the corundum –”“Not that! There's a curse? Is Stan cursed?!”“It's not that bad,” Dipper said quickly. “Drinking from it just means you can hear ghosts. Not all ghosts are powerful enough to make themselves known to living humans, but Stan can hear them just fine. That's how he got our guardian ghost to come protect us.” Mabel grinned. “Yeah! Isn't it awesome? Hey Grunkle Stan, what's she saying right now this very second? She's totally loving the rainbow fish, isn't she? Right? Right?”Stan shrugged. “I dunno. Haven't heard a word out of her this whole time.” Ford leaned forward. “Does she usually make herself known around this time of day? If so, how? And have you noticed her activity coinciding with any unusual electrical or celestial events?” Mabel tapped her chin. “No, but – OH! Maybe she's off romancing Bartholomew! Awww, I knew they were a match made in...wherever they are right now! I hope she comes with us for the haunted house, though. She could meet other ghosty friends and start a book club!” “Speaking of which,” Lacy interrupted, “Brian and I would love to go with you all, but we truly can't afford to miss any more work. If you'd like to wait until the weekend, we could all go to the haunted house together. Don't you want to take the day to relax here at home? Settle in?”Ford and Dipper looked at each other. “But...ghosts,” Dipper said, just as Ford answered, “No, it's fine with me!” Stan rolled his eyes. “Never try to take the nerd out of a nerdbot.” “Besides,” Dipper added, “this is the last day the owner said I could have the key. After this it's probably going to open for the tourist season, and I promised we'd go and check it out to make sure the ghost isn't too dangerous.”“'Too dangerous'?!” Lacy repeated. Mabel tugged nervously at her collar. “We did agree to it,” Brian said, looking uneasy. “But, Uncle F– I mean Stan – well, all four of you, really –”“Whether or not that house is haunted,” Lacy said, “we want you to contact us at any time if you encounter anything even slightly dangerous. And if you go anywhere else – a coffee shop, the park, wherever – please send us a text to let us know.” Stan frowned. “Send a what?” “Don't worry, guys,” Dipper said. “We totally know what we're doing. Between the four of us we've got literally decades of experience, and the house probably just as a garden-variety poltergeist, anyway. Plus, our friends Lloyd and Angela are gonna be there, too!” Stan grinned. “So if there is a bloodthirsty ghost, we can offer them as sacrifices!” “No,” said Ford, Lacy, and Dipper. Mabel hugged her parents. “Don't worry, guys! You just go sew sequins and code computers. We'll send TONS of selfies, especially if we see any ghosts!” She paused. “I mean, if the ghosts even show up on camera. Then you'll probably get a picture of us with some wood floor or a chair or something.”Brian touched the crown of her head and she looked up. His gaze had steadied and he was looking between Ford and Stan, his hand still warm in her hair. “We're giving the two of you a lot of trust with this. Uncle Ford, I know we just met, but if you have any idea what these kids mean to us...you won't let anything happen to them.” Ford nodded seriously. “I do. And we won't.” After their parents left for work, Dipper and Ford grabbed their supplies and the four of them set out for the haunted house. They decided to walk there, partly because Stan and Ford needed to get their “land legs” back, but mostly because Mabel wanted to show Stan all the squirrels she'd forced to wear her sweaters. Dipper and Ford lagged behind, taking turns looking through Dipper's adder stone magnifying glass. “I was wondering if there'd be more signs, but I haven't found any,” Dipper was saying. “I did find another one over the lair of this troll in the cemetery.” “You found a troll in the cemetery?”“Yep! Mabel named him Bartholomew. He smells pretty bad, and if you get too close he'll chomp off your leg, but other than that he's alright. He even helped us sniff out Waddles when he got kidnapped by his new girlfriend, Felicity. She's a vampire pig.”Ford's eyes lit up. “Fascinating! Does she sleep in a coffin like her human counterparts? Or will only a grave suffice? Perhaps her den qualifies as a grave the way a mausoleum would!”“It's definitely creepy enough,” Dipper said, tugging at his hat. The image of Felicity's long, dark tunnel popped up in Dipper's mind and he pushed it away. “Actually, our guardian ghost lady helped us out a little, too, and I was wondering – why can't we actually see her? It's been over a week, but we've never got a glimpse, even at night. We saw ghosts all the time up in Gravity Falls.”“Gravity Falls' Natural Law of Weirdness Magnetism greatly increased the abilities of all supernatural phenomena, including ghosts. Your home does lie quite close to a ley line, but ghosts generally don't draw power from natural phenomena. Most of them only become visible in certain atmospheric conditions – and within confined boundaries.”Dipper grinned. “Like a haunted house?”“Of course!”They rounded the corner and the house came into view. It was a two-story building with a peeling black roof and faded light yellow paint. There was a wide porch in front and one of the posts had been tagged with graffiti, but it was wide enough to provide decent shade. Cesar was there, kicking a ball around on the sidewalk out front. Angela and Lloyd were sitting on the porch, two feet apart. Even from several houses down Lloyd's face was clearly bright red. And standing next to Lloyd, looking distinctly uncomfortable, was – “LUFFY!” Mabel bellowed. “I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WOULD BE HERE!!! WE BROUGHT OUR GRUNKLES WITH US! THEY'RE SWEET AND CRUSTY LIKE A HOT PUMPKIN PIE!”“Oi! You owe me royalties for that!”“What're you doing here?” Dipper asked. “That's what I would like to know!” She pointed emphatically at Lloyd. “He told me he had a clothing emergency and lured me here! I've been kidnapped!”Angela raised her hands. “Hey, don't look at me. And for the record, I did not kidnap Cesar, he followed me here chanting 'ghost, ghost, ghost' the whole way.”“Yes I did!” “Wait, wait,” Stan said, turning back to Luffy. A slow grin lit his face. “So you're the one named Fluffy?”“No, it's 'Luffy'. Short for 'Love-Free-Or-Die-Hard'.”“Short for what?”“My parents had a phase!” she protested, while Stan roared with laughter. “Why did I say that? WHY did I say that?!”Mabel solemnly patted her back. When Stan was done laughing (which took a while), Dipper made quick introductions and passed out supplies – silver mirrors, flashlights, cameras, walkie-talkies. Luffy agreed to share supplies with Mabel. Mabel herself bounced on her toes the whole time, grinning hugely and looking back and forth between Angela and Lloyd, while Lloyd's face got redder and redder, barely listening as Dipper introduced him to his grunkles. “It's a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Pines,” Angela said finally, shaking hands with Ford. “I hope you don't mind, but Dipper told me you're something of an expert on the paranormal, right? Have you ever handled a haunted house before?”“Indeed! And I'd like to ask you a few questions about your experiences with runes, since I doubt we'll be seeing much paranormal activity today. I've used runes myself in the past, but only for barriers, and the formulae –”“Wait, wait, wait,” Cesar said, dropping his soccer ball. “What do you mean, no paranormal activity? This place is supposed to be full of them!” “Supernatural phenomena is generally reduced during daylight hours,” Ford explained. “But even if a ghost is strong enough to do so, it would face a good deal of interference from the bioelectrical fields of eight living humans.”“Fine. Then we're splitting up – and I'm going first!” He ran for the door, threw it open, and vanished inside. “Hey – Cesar, WAIT!” Angela shouted. They ran in after him. The inside was...surprisingly normal. In fact, the house plan matched Luffy's house almost exactly. There was a small area in front of the door for taking off shoes, then the living room, and two hallways, one on the left and one on the right. The left hallway ended in a stair case going up to the second floor, but that was the only difference – there was even a window on the opposite wall of the living room that looked out into the back yard. But it was clear that no one had lived her in several years. The rooms were pretty bare – the living room just had a couple of stiff wooden chairs in it, and there were a few nails sticking out of the wall paper where paintings would have hung. But the walls had a greasy look to them, cobwebs hung from the ceiling, and a couple of floorboards had started to buckle and warp. Even with the light from the window, the place was gray and dingy. And there was no Cesar in sight. Dipper clicked on his walkie talkie. “Cesar? Hello?”Angela grabbed her own walkie talkie. “Cesar you better come back here or else!”“No way!” Cesar said. “I finally –”His voice dissolved in a crackle of static. Angela groaned. “Sorry about this, guys. I swear if he did that static thing just as a joke I'm gonna let Mabel draw cat faces on his soccer ball in permanent marker.”“YAY!” “Should we split up?” she asked, looking back and forth at the two hallways. “I kind of don't want to, like at all, but maybe if we stay in each other's lines of sight it'll be fine? If it's really haunted, I kind of want to find him before anything happens...”Dipper nodded. “Agreed. Mabel, Stan, you guys take the living room. Me 'n' Luffy will check the right hall. Ford, Lloyd, and Angela will take the left.”They split up, Mabel chanting, “Flirt, flirt, flirt,” and Lloyd under her breath. Stan poked under another warped floorboard, squatting on his heels. It was the fifth one he'd checked. Yeah, he was supposed to be looking for the ghost harasser wannabe, but he doubted the building was haunted in the first place, which meant Stan could do more interesting things with his time. “You think there's a valuable heirloom under one of these?” he asked. “Preferably priced in the quadruple digits? Because I could really use a valuable heirloom.”“Not unless it's a beating heart.” He stopped and stared at her. “The heck are they making you read in school?”“Not enough romance, that's for sure!” She grabbed his arm and squeezed, staring down the hallway where his brother and the two other kids had gone. “Oh Grunkle Stan, I'm so excited to finally ship my friends! Angela's a supernatural nerd and Lloyd's a science nerd, so they're perfect for each other!”He grunted. “Thought that salad kid was the supernatural nerd. He sure took off fast enough."“Yeeeeah, Cesar really likes ghosts. He got Dipper this neat ghost book when he was in the hospital.”“Right. Like he hasn't got enough already.” Stan stood up and Mabel hung on, clinging to his back like a monkey. He gave her a look. “Unless you're gonna pay for my chiropractor...”She laughed and slid off. “Wouldn't it be cool if this place really was haunted, though? I wonder if I could get it to scare Angela and Lloyd so they'd hold each other close and feel the sudden intense love inspired by mortal peril!”“Better a ghost than some hobo, anyway.”She blinked. “Huh?”“C'mon, I haven't heard a single ghost this whole time. And didn't you see that little sign under the mailbox?” Stan jabbed his thumb toward the front door. “I've seen stuff like that when I was – well hobos have these little signs that tell you stuff about a place, like if the cops hung out there or if you could get free food, whatever. And the door to this place wasn't even locked. Soccerhead just ran straight in, right? So I'm guessing this is a squatter's nest.”Mabel frowned. “Wait...on the way here, when Dipper was talking to Ford, didn't he mentio–”“Hey! HEY!” It was that floofy-haired kid. Mabel immediately ran for the hallway. Stan ran after her, with Ford and the soon-to-be-engaged-lovenerds hurrying to catch up. They found Luffy was standing alone in front of the second door at the end of the hallway.“What is it?” Mabel asked. “What's wrong? And where's Dipper?”“I – I don't know! I was standing right here and Dipper was against the wall” – she pointed to the end of the corridor – “and then I looked up and he was gone. There's no way he could've gotten past me! I'm not playing tricks like Cesar, really!” “We believe you,” Lloyd said quickly. Ford clicked on the walkie talkie. “Dipper? Come in, Dipper! Where are you?” “The third room,” Dipper said instantly, and Stan heaved a sigh of relief. He hadn't even realized he'd been holding his breath. “The heck did you think you were doin'?” he demanded. “Free Love over here nearly had herself a heart attack!”Luffy put her face in her hands and muttered about the dark void that was her life. Dipper's voice came on again. “Sorry, I got distracted. I'll be right –”“Wait,” Ford said quickly. “Dipper, which room did say you entered?”“The third one, why?” They looked around the hall. There were only two doors. “That's...ominous,” Lloyd said tightly. There was a rattling sound over the walkie talkie. “Uh, hey, guys?” Dipper said. “I ca–”A sudden shriek of static shredded the air and they all covered their ears, shouting. The temperature dropped so fast Stan's ears popped – and then he felt something brush the back of his legs. He spun around, already swinging, but there was nothing there at all. “Grunkle Stan!” Mabel cried, and his hand shot out and grabbed her shoulder just as Ford's walkie talkie gave another ear-piercing burst of static. Then, as suddenly as it started, the static shut off. Silence.Angela swallowed. “What...was that?” “Grunkle Ford,” Mabel said quickly. “Earlier I heard Dipper telling you about these signs fairies were using to warn of danger and I think maybe Stan saw one outside the house.” Ford looked up at him. “You did? Where?” “Under the mailbox. You didn't see it?” “No, show me!” “Hang on a second!” Luffy said, holding up her arms. “We can't split up! We can't just leave Dipper and Cesar in here with – with whatever it is that's doing this!” “We're not,” Stan said shortly. “The mailbox is right next to the door. Heck, you don't even have to step outside the house to take a look.” “It might give us a clue as to what's happening,” Ford said. “Stan, lead the way.” Stan saw Luffy cast one last glance over her shoulder and then headed down the hall with the others. And then they stopped short. The living room was exactly the same as they'd left it, except for one tiny little detail.The front door was gone. Same old faded wallpaper, same greasy-looking sheen, just...no door. He swallowed. Well that's not creepy at all!Ford moved forward quickly and ran one hand along the wall, tapping against it with the other. Nothing seemed out of place. Luffy swallowed and stepped closer to the group. “Are – are we trapped here with a crazy ghost? Are we next?”Angela grabbed her arm. “What if my brother got taken just like Dipper?!” “Relax, kid.” Stan told them. “Ford's got it handled. Right? Sixer?”Ford opened his mouth to reply.Then Mabel's walkie talkie crackled, and a voice cut through the static.
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“Hello? Hellooo-ooo?” Luffy blinked several times at the walkie talkie. “Is that...your voice?” she asked Mabel. “Oooh, spooky Ghost Mabel!” Mabel leaned forward eagerly. It had been ages since she'd met one of her other versions! “I bet she popped over from Dimension &12 to say hi!” Lloyd stared. “What do you mean, 'Ghost – '”“Hello?” the voice came again. Strange noises and static burst in the background, almost drowning out the words. “Can you hear me? Who is this?”“This is the one-and-only Human Mabel!” Mabel chirped. “Actually, is it okay that I say 'Human Mabel,' because a lot of other Mabels were human and you might've been human before you went all ghost-y and the other Mabels never gave me an actual label so –”“I'm not a –” a burst of static cut in “– girl's voice? I'm not Mabel!” Mabel narrowed her eyes. “Could it be...Anti-Mabel?” “Just a moment.” Ford took the walkie talkie and held it up, examining it closely. He tapped a few buttons, then pressed the 'on' switch. “Hello?” “Yes? Hello? Can you hear me?” Now the voice sounded exactly like Ford!Lloyd looked interested. “I didn't know ghosts could mimic voices. Why's it doing that?”The ghost huffed. “I'm a 'he', young man, not an 'it'. Show some respect for your elders!” “Uh...sorry.” A huge grin spread over Mabel's face. Awww, it was a crusty old-man ghost with etiquette lectures and everything! That was so cute!“Wait – that's the ghost? It's actually haunted here?” Luffy looked nervously around the living room. “Did he, um...die in this house? His body's not under the floorboard or something, is it? Please tell me his body's not here.” “It's not,” Ford assured her. “If it was, we'd be smelling it by now.”“We'd be what?!”“I've been trying to make you hear me,” the ghost said, “but I'm just so tired. I didn't realize how different Piedmont would be from L.A., but –”“L.A.?” Ford asked eagerly, whipping out his notebook. “I'm amazed that your spirit has remained cohesive over such a vast geographic distance. You must have had some kind of powerful emotional connection to this house!” “What? No, no, I've never even heard of this building in my life.” Stan burst out laughing at the look on Ford's face. Mabel covered her mouth to keep from giggling, too, and Ford gave them both a dirty look. “I'm sorry, but I have somewhere I need to be,” the ghost said. “Is there any way you could help me leave the house? Er – quickly? This is going to sound a bit silly, but I can't even find the front door.”“Us either,” Lloyd said drily. Ford took out a little boxy thing and was turning a bunch of dials on it. “It would help if we could figure out where your spirit is located within the boundaries of the house. It's no wonder you're tired; you've traveled a great distance without a sustainable source of human emotion to feed on.”“A source of – what?”“Ghosts thrive on human emotions. I suspect that our presence alone is what enabled you to speak to us at all.”“It's – eating us?” Angela said uncertainly. “Cool!” Mabel squealed. “Hey, what do I taste like? Do I taste more like kumquats or those weird jelly rolls? I ate both for breakfast!” “It's not actually eating us,” Ford said. “More like absorbing some of the electrical energy naturally created in our auras. But it's so weak that it still needs to borrow our own voices to communicate. I can't even get a fix on the direction of the spirit! Unless...”He suddenly swung the box in a wide arc, forcing the rest of them to jump back. His face lit up with excitement. “Ha! I knew it! The ghost isn't just haunting the house – he is the house! It's as if the house has literally become his new body!” Mabel gasped. “REALLY!? Quick! Mr. Ghost! Wiggle your ears!” Two windows popped up on the back wall and their sills moved up and down. “Now your toes!” The living room floorboards popped up and down like piano keys. Mabel jumped up and down, clapping enthusiastically. “That's so COOL! Now do the Macarena!”“NO!” Stan barked. “I really am the house,” the ghost said, sounding equally amazed and dismayed. “No wonder everything feels so strange. The only thing I can feel for certain is the basement...” Ford scrambled for his notebook and started writing furiously. “What do you mean by 'feels strange'? Do you still have visual capabilities? Or auditory ones? How exactly are you perceiving us? Does distance between us matter? Can you see Dipper and the other one?” “OH OH OH!” Mabel waved her arms frantically. “CAN YOU SEE ME WAVING?! I'M THE ONE IN THE BRIGHT PINK SWEATER! HIIIII!”“I don't know how I'm sensing anything!” the ghost said, sounding upset. “I just know I want to leave, but I can't find my way out, and every time I try to find the door I – oh!” A regular front door appeared under Lloyd's feet and opened. He dropped with a shout. Angela lunged for him, but the door swung shut and melted into the floorboards just as her nails scraped the wood. “Lloyd!”Mabel slapped her own cheeks. “Oh, no! Mr. Ghost, how am I supposed to matchmake if you keep eating all my nerds?!” Angela turned bright red. Stan snorted, then glanced at the walkie talkie. “Teenage embarrassment is funny, but we kind of need those kids back. Well, one of them, anyway. Any chance you could pop open another door and dump 'em out?” “No wait!” Ford said quickly. “We don't know how far the spirit's spatial manipulation can extend. He could accidentally turn this place into a labyrinth, or deposit their physical forms into exactly the same spaces as our own. That could lead to unintentional...splicing.” Luffy turned a very interesting shade of green. Ford smiled. “Luckily I know a spell that serves to separate an astral form from its physical vessel. With a few tweaks and some additional runes” – he nodded to Angela – “we should be able to separate you, the spirit, from the house, restoring the original architectural parameters.” “Er...alright...?”“He means we're gonna splice ya from the house and put everything back,” Stan translated. “But, uh, what's with the 'should' bit?” “Nothing, the spell should work fine! But, ah...let's determine where Dipper and the other two are before we complete the spell. Just in case. Stan, that'll be your job – “Great! DIIIPPEERRRRR!” Stan bellowed. There was a horrible burst of static and Mabel realized the ghost was trying to shush him. “SHHHHH – quiet, quiet!”Stan stopped, scowling. “What? I'm not waiting until you splice them into a wall or something!” “I promise to try and hold as still as I can. But so far I haven't woken him up, and I don't want –”“'Him'?” Luffy asked suddenly. “Who's 'him'?”“There's...someone else here,” the ghost said, his voice low. “Another spirit. Maybe he was pulled into the house, too, but I get the feeling it was a long time ago. I didn't mention it before because he's been asleep, but...”Ford nodded. “Not to worry, we can always work around it in the spell. Or perhaps even include a clause for its extraction, as w–”“No!” the ghost said, so sharply that they jumped. “You can't wake him up, not with children in the house! I don't know how I'm sensing this, but this spirit is far more powerful than I am – and he's very, very angry.” Stan and Ford glanced at each other. “Can you determine the other spirit's whereabouts now?” Ford asked, sounding strained. “Down in the basement, I think. And if I'm feeling this right, the other two boys are somewhere on the second story, nowhere near him. But whatever you're going to do to get us all out, please do it, and do it quickly. I'd rather none of us be inside this house when he wakes up.” Dipper had quickly realized that something was wrong. He'd left the bedroom only to find himself looking down a completely different hallway. No one was around, and he couldn't get anyone on the walkie talkie, either. He tried going into the bedroom and then back out again, but he found himself looking down another new hallway. Hmm. It was probably the ghost, but he didn't even know ghosts could do that. Staying put wasn't an option: opening the bedroom door had seemed to trigger some kind of relocation of the room. If he stayed inside it, even if his family found him, opening the door might move him to a completely different place. That meant it was up to him to find them. He made his way down the hallway, carefully, just in case the ghost jumped out of nowhere. The style of the hallway was a bit off – the width maybe, or the wallpaper or something? It didn't match the style of the first floor, so he guessed he was on the second. If he could just find a window, maybe he could get his bearings and figure out where in the house he was. He checked the other doorways in the hall as he went, but they were all identical to the bedroom he'd been in, right down to the watermark on the ceiling. He was getting the weirdest feeling he was caught in some kind of loop. Finally he came to the end of the hallway, where it dead-ended in a T-shape and branched into a hallway on the left and right. He took out his chalk, marked the left wall to leave a trail, and began to turn the corner. He heard footsteps and a split-second later was knocked into the wall, hard. “OW!” The other boy staggered back, arms out to keep his balance. “Di– Dipper?!” “Cesar! We've been looking for – what happened?”Cesar's face was pale, almost translucent, except for blotches of red on his cheeks. He was breathing hard, like he'd been running all-out. Sweat beaded on his forehead.He stared at Dipper, eyes slightly wild. “What – what are you – where –”“Hey man, hey. Just sit down a sec, okay?” He reached out cautiously and took Cesar's shoulder, guiding him to the floor. Dipper knelt next to him. “Sorry, I don't have any water. What happened? Did you see a ghost?” “I – I don't remember.”“What? What do you mean?” “I don't remember, okay?! It was like one minute I was fine and the next I was breaking out in a cold sweat and all shaky and I didn't know where AAAAH!” The house rumbled under their feet and they immediately moved closer, holding perfectly still until it stopped. “Soooo, haunted,” Dipper said. “Let me OUT!” Cesar shouted, lashing out and kicking the walls. Dipper yanked him back. “Stop it! You're gonna get it mad!” But Cesar wasn't listening. “I don't get it! This place didn't look that big from the outside! Am I going in circles? Are we going to be trapped here forever?!”Dipper got in front of Cesar to get his attention. “Cesar. Look. My Great-Uncle Ford is probably the greatest paranormal expert on the planet, I'm not even exaggerating. He'll get us back. And if it gets too intense, we could always break a window or something and jump out.” He meant that last part as a joke. He didn't think the windows would break, not if they were reinforced with malevolent supernatural energy, but somehow he didn't think pointing that out would be helpful. Cesar stared at him for a moment, breathing hard. Then he scrubbed at his face with both hands and muttered something under his breath. “What?”“I said this is going to be really cool – after it's over.” He looked back at Dipper, his eyes hard. “Is this why you didn't invite me? You thought I couldn't handle it?”“What? Of course not!” “Don't be fake. You realize you only told Angela about the house? Not me? Even though I'm the one who's actually interested in ghosts. What was that even about?”Dipper grimaced. “Oh man, Cesar, I'm sorry. I guess I got caught up in Mabel's matchmaking thing between Angela and Lloyd, and I just –”“Forgot.”He winced. “I'm really, really, sorry.”Cesar took a deep breath. “I'm sorry, too. I was kind of mad about it, and I wanted to hurry up and see the ghost. And now I'm scared for no reason and we're both going in cir–”The house shook again, so hard that dust rained down from the ceiling. The edges of the floor buckled and Cesar yelped, jumping to the middle of the hallway. They caught each other's arms to hold them steady until the ground stopped shaking. Goosebumps broke out on Dipper's arms. The temperature was dropping. A low moan reached their ears. It was impossible to tell if it was the creaking of the old house, or something far more sinister. “Why is it doing that?” Cesar whispered. “Is it going for creepy points? Because this is 10/10 right here.”“Ghosts never do anything without a reason,” Dipper said, keeping his voice low. “If we figure out what the reason is, maybe we can get it to let us go. I have an ouija board in my backpack. Help me set it up.” Mabel had to admit, the haunted house was not as fun as she'd thought it would be. Ford had shown Stan how to do some kind of spell thingie using his silver mirror, some squiggly symbols drawn in his own spit, and a sprig of dried holly. While Stan crouched in the corner muttering Latin in a New Jersey accent, Ford and Angela were using pencils to draw a huge Finn's Window in the middle of the living room floor, with several bigger circles of symbols and runes along the outside. The walkie talkies were piled in the middle of the circle, to represent the ghost or something. As Ford and Angela drew it out, Mabel and Luffy were supposed to trace over everything in chalk, making sure it didn't smudge. It was rather hard to do, though, because the floor kept shaking – and then the rafters gave a low, eerie moan. “Don't worry!” Mabel said, as Luffy turned paper-white. “I'm sure the other ghost is just snoring or something! Ghosts can snore when they sleep, right?” “Try to calm down,” Ford said tightly. “The more anxious you feel, the more energy you LOOK OUT!”Luffy had smudged a symbol and a bright streak of lightning snapped through the air and struck the floor like a whip, right next to Angela's hand. She jumped back with a shout. Luffy dropped the chalk. “Sorry, sorry!”Ford pinched the bridge of his nose. “It's fine. But I strongly suggest you attempt some meditation exercises before continuing. Stan, how's the – no, no, don't draw faces in the mirror!”“You said to breathe on it!” “And draw the pictograph, not a happy face!”“How is it not the same thing?!” Ford hurried over to Stan to boss him around, and Mabel wrapped both arms around Luffy in a big squishy sweater-hug. “Don't worry, Luffy. My grunkles totally know what they're doing. And you didn't see Angela's runework, but she's practically a pro at glowy circles! This won't be anything like last time.”“What happened last time?” the ghost asked. “A cute little Friendly Calvin ghost followed her baby cousin to her house and fought a nightmare cat that can suck your soul right out of your body.”“That does sound rather...disturbing.”“Right?! The worst part was we think the Calvin ghost got eaten. It tried to eat my brother's soul, too. I gotta tell ya, I will never look at a cat monster the same way again. Whaaaat?” she protested, when Ford shot her a look over his shoulder. “I'm helping Luffy calm down!”“And the conversation is helping me stay still,” the ghost offered. “See! It's helping Mr. Ghost!” Angela looked up. “Actually, Mr. Ghost, what is your name? We're going to need it for a couple of places in the diagram.”“Oh – it's Lemminkainen. Pleasure to meet you.”“Lemon...what?”“Lemminkainen,” the ghost repeated patiently. “It means 'Love' in Finnish.” Stan looked over and smirked. Luffy covered her face with her hands. Mabel grinned. At least now she was too embarrassed to be scared. “Luffy's name has 'love' in it, too, but she has yet to accept the awesomeness!”Lemminkainen laughed. “I understand. My grandson also took an impish delight in calling me 'Grandpa Love'. Now that did get me some strange looks, even in L.A.!”“Aw, he sounds so sweet!” Mabel squealed. “Yes... He was...”Angela paused. “Was?”“Yes,” Lemminkainen said quietly. “He died when he was six.”Mabel's heart gave a painful lurch. “Focus, please,” Ford said, coming back over. “Mabel, Luffy, keep working. Dipper finally stopped moving around and it would be best to complete the ritual before his location changes again.” “What happened with your grandson?” Mabel asked, picking up her chalk. “My grandson and I both got leukemia at the same time,” Lemminkainen explained. “He lived up here in Piedmont, but his parents took him to visit me in the hospital down in L.A. They were trying to help him prepare for what was coming. But it only terrified.”Luffy put her hand to her mouth, and Mabel's eyes had filled with tears. “That's so sad...” “It was. So I made him a promise. Whichever one of us died first would wait for the other, and then we'd go see Grandma together. I died first, but apparently I still get turned around even in the afterlife. Took me ages to find my way over here.”Mabel squeezed her cheeks. “That is the most tragically sweet story I have ever heard. No wonder you want to get out of the house so badly! You have to go find him!”“We could conduct a séance or something,” Angela offered. “That way we could find him faster.”“That would be wonderful, thank you!” Lemminkainen said. “I can't imagine how lonely he's been, waiting for me all this time. Heh, I wonder if he'll still be wearing that little propeller hat.” Luffy and Mabel froze. “Pr-propeller hat?” Luffy asked. “Yep! Got it for him on his fourth birthday. He was still wearing it when he came to see me at the hospital. He told me that if we didn't grow our angel wings, he could still fly us up to Grandma.”Luffy's face had turned an ashen gray. The floor started to shake. Ford looked up sharply. “Luffy, calm down. Remember, ghosts feed on emotional energy.”“I-I can't – I need some air.” She stood up, swaying. “We need a window up in here!” Stan shouted, and before Ford could stop it, Lemminkainen opened a curtained window in the living room's front wall. Luffy rushed to the glass and threw the curtains open, striking the glass – and then jumped back with a shriek. The windows didn't show the front of the house. Instead, it should a perfect, crystal-clear image of Luffy's living room, seen from the perspective of the front door. Before anyone could react, three figures appeared in the image: Dipper, Mabel, and Luffy, still wearing their backpacks from school. Dipper and Cesar put their fingertips on the pointer. “Spirit of the house,” Dipper said, slowly and clearly. “Please tell us if you are present.”For a second nothing happened. Then the pointer grew cold, almost icy under their hands. It slowly turned to point to 'Yes'. “That is freaky,” Cesar breathed. Dipper nodded. “Spirit, we respectfully ask if there is a way we can help you.” The pointer jerked across the board, actually dragging them, as if their hands had been glued to the wood. Then it slowly moved back to 'Yes'. “Okay, good,” Dipper said. This was definitely progress. “Can you tell us your name, please?” The pointer began to rattle violently. There was a sharp bang and the pointer cracked right down the middle, then zig-zagged over the board, jerking them so hard their heads banged together. “Ow!”“Hey! Dipper! What're they doing?”“I don't HEY!” The pointer jerked right off the board with a horrible screech and rammed into the wall, embedding itself deep in the wood and smashing their fingertips. Pain shot up Dipper's arms and he and Cesar fell back with a yell. “Well that's not normal,” Dipper gasped, his eyes watering. “Dipper, look!” He looked. The board was rattling and shaking. What looked like steam was rising from the letters, as if every letter were being freshly burned into the wood. A woman's laughter ghosted on the air and they shivered. Then an icy hand gripped Dipper's arm. Mabel jumped to her feet. “Grunkle Ford, turn the window off, hurry!”“I didn't mean to!” Luffy moaned, backing up. Ford looked fascinated. “Amazing! Since ghosts feed off of human emotion, contact with Lemminkainen's vessel must've let him draw out –”“Grunkle Ford, FOCUS!” The memory was playing out. Books and snacks went floating around the living room. Then memory-Dipper pulled down the miniblinds, and suddenly the image of a ghost showed up, crystal-clear, its chubby six-year-old face topped with a tiny propeller hat. The walkie talkies crackled with static. “Is that...Allen...?”Understanding dawned on Ford's face and he jumped to his feet. “Quick! Angela! Wards!” The walls were starting the shake and warp. Chalk rolled across the floor as some of the boards popped up, the nails zinging up to strike the ceiling. Stan threw up an arm to shield himself. “Agh! Sixer, what's happening?!”In the memory, whole pieces of furniture were whizzing around the room, swept up in the terrible fight between Allen and the Cat Sithe. But this time Mabel could see the cat, its dark claws flashing. Then the horrible tail struck, its fangs sinking deep into Allen's neck. There was an ugly flash of red and he disappeared. Lemminkainen screamed. Something slammed Dipper to the ground and he lashed out on reflex, hitting nothing but air, clawing at the place where he felt fingers digging into his neck. “Hey – Dipper – GET OFF!” There was a horrible screech and Dipper looked up to see Cesar standing over him, breathing heavily as he planted both feet on either side of Dipper's head. “YEAH THAT'S RIGHT SUCKAH! HOW'D YA LIKE THAT MIDFIELD SHOT, HUH? COME AND GET SOME!” The smoke rising from the board turned blood-red and poured out like an oily smoke, forming long, greedy fingers that clawed at the walls, dragging themselves and the board closer and closer. Dipper yelled and scrambled to his feet, the two of them stumbling back. “What – what do you want?”Crazy laughter rang from all around them. “YOUUUUUU!” The living room broke open like an shattered ice crust. Huge chunks of wood floor tilted at crazy angles, crashing into each other while gaping chasms yawned between them. Stan gave a yell and leaped, grabbing on to the edge of his chunk of wood before it dropped him into the fathomless black. “Ford! Get the kids!” “I got 'em! Don't fall!”“Ya think?!”Stan hauled himself up. The whole room was shifting, the corners inverting and branching off into infinities of broken floor and yawning shadow. Oily smoke poured from the ceiling, coiling in the chaos like it was almost alive. “ALLEN!” Lemminkainen's voice was raw and full of pain. “ALLEN! ALLEN!” “Stanley! JUMP!” Stan jumped automatically at the sound of Ford's voice, leaping into empty space right before the wood dropped into the shadows below him. He grabbed onto the edge of another chunk of wood and wished he hadn't eaten all that toast this morning. A six-fingered hand popped over the side and dragged him up. “Where's – where's Mabel?” he panted. Ford pointed to another raft of wood twenty yards away, where Mabel and the other two were crouched and clinging to the floorboards as hard as they could. “I thought you told me you had 'em!” Stan barked. “I did! The floor just –”“We're slipping!” Luffy screamed, as their rafted banged repeatedly against the living room wall. “Hang on!” Stan whipped out his grappling hook – never left the boat without it – and Ford wrapped his arms around Stan's waist. Stan fired. The hook shot through the air. Then it took a sharp right in the middle of the room, like it had suddenly decided straight lines were for nerdbots. “What the heck?!” Stan shouted. “It's warping space!” Ford yelled. “Grunkle Stan!” Mabel shouted, panicked. The oily smoke seemed to drip down and grab for their ankles. “Grunkle Ford! HELP!”“I'M COMING, PUMPKIN!” Stan grabbed something from his pocket, shoved it over the grappling hook's claw and fired. This time the hook flew straight and true, slamming into the wall next to Angela's head and holding fast. She ducked and Stan hit the retract button. He and Ford shot through the air. Lemminkainen's wailing rose to an unearthly shriek that made the windows crack and Stan's hearing aid scream in his ear. He shouted, nearly losing his grip – and felt something hit his gut so hard it knocked all the air from his lungs. A hallway corner had jutted up from the floor, punched him in the stomach. He spun as the hook's line reeled him on, only to catch sight of his brother trying to cling to the steeply slanting living room floor. The stupid wall had knocked his brother loose, and now it looked like he was gonna get dumped right into the basement!“Agh, wait!” Stan landed hard against the wall and the kids latched onto him. “Sixer!” “Grunkle Stan!” Mabel shrieked, as the wall under their feet completely dropped away into a pitch-black hole. He grabbed her by the sweater and kickd out with his feet to stop the other two from falling. They clung to the grappling hook until a staircase shot up out of nowhere, then kept going, carrying them right up through the ceiling to the second floor. They were rapidly going out of sight of the living room – and it looked like Ford's grip on the floor was slipping. The floor tilted more sharply, like an iceberg trying to send him to the shadowy depths. Stan yanked viciously at the gun but it was stuck fast in the wall. He could see his brother's grip slipping. “No wait, wait! Sixer! SIXER!” “I'm okay!” Ford shouted. “I'll find Dipper, just get the kids out of here! Finish the circle! I'll meet –”The floor under Ford disappeared. The staircase carried them out of sight, just as his brother fell into the black.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“No, no, NO! C'mon, open up!” Stan stomped on the wooden floor as hard as he could, but the spooky staircase vanished like it had never even been there. The house shuddered and groaned around them. They'd ended up in some big room nearly as spartan as the living room, with just a dusty picture next to a window. The view told him they were on the second floor, which meant there was probably at least one full story between him and his brother and maybe Dipper too, and the stupid floor wouldn't open up!“Grunkle Stan, watch out!” Mabel yanked him back as a wall sprouted from the ground, cutting the room in half. A staircase suddenly dropped from the ceiling and nearly clipped Fluffy in the head. She jumped back with a shriek. “CUT – IT – OUT!” Stan bellowed, and rammed the staircase with his fist. The staircase screeched to a stop in midair. Then it descended more slowly and stayed put, although the wood groaned in complaint. He snarled at it. “H-how'd you do that?” Angela asked shakily. “Silver knuckles.” He held up his fist, glaring at the staircase and popping the other silver knuckle off the grappling hook. “Ford's always sayin' ghosts don't like silver mirrors. Guess that works for knuckledusters, too.”“But – the hook – where did you even keep –”An ear-splitting howl cut through the air. Angela and Luffy jumped and grabbed his arms, but Mabel just stood there with huge tears rolling down her cheeks. “That's Lemmenkainen, isn't it?” she whispered. “He sounds so sad. Grunkle Stan, we have to help him!” “We're getting out of here first,” Stan said firmly. He hung the grappling hook on his belt and started moving toward the window, stepping carefully in case the floor did more weird origami. Mabel grabbed his shirt and all three kids held hands in a chain. When they reached the window, Stan pulled back a fist. “Wait – don't!” Luffy shouted, but Stan punched the glass as hard as he could. “AAAGH!” He stumbled back, shaking his hand. That was like hitting a rock! “It's gotta be the second ghost!” Angela cried. “Dr. Pines said ghosts feed on energy! The second ghost woke up, and the silver's not enough to stop them both!”“Nobody panic,” Mabel started. “Panic? PANIC?! WE ARE SO PAST PANIC RIGHT NOW! We're stuck in a haunted labyrinth, my brother's missing and I forgot to draw protection runes on us which makes this ALL MY FAULT!” “Watch out!” Stan grabbed Angela and yanked her back as a bookcase shot out of the wall. It went screeching across the floor and phased right into the wallpaper. “Draw the stick things, quick!” Stan ordered.
Mabel whipped out a gel pen and Angela quickly scribbled on everyone's hands. Stan kept an eye on the walls while she did it, clenching and unclenching his fingers, just in case a lamp or something came swinging out of the walls. The house was shaking under their feet like they were in a giant blender."Hurry up," Stan growled, glaring at the floorboards. "This stuff usually gets worse the longer it goes and I am not ending up with as part of the plaster.""I'm done, I'm done!""Grunkle stan!" Mabel tugged at his arm. “Grunkle Stan, something's not right!” “Which part because I have a list!”“No, listen! Luffy's memory showed the Cat Sithe sucking up Allen's soul, but we never actually saw that happen!” She whirled around and pounded on the wall. “MR. LEMMINKAINEN!” Stan yelped. “Kid, what're you doing?! Don't get his attention!” “But I don't think his grandson was eaten by the Cat Sithe!” “You don't?” Stan turned. The dusty picture in the corner was now occupied by an old guy with a blunt jaw and a narrow, pointed head. Basically he looked like a hardboiled egg. But lines of sorrow bracketed his mouth, and his eyes were full of pain. “But, I saw Allen...I felt Allen...” “No,” Mabel said sternly. “The last part of the memory never WHOA!” A banister – without the stairs – zoomed up through the floor right under Mabel. Stan snatched her off before it rammed into the ceiling. “Stop with the renovating!” he snapped. “You heard Mabel, kid's probably fine! Which means you're being conned!” Lemonhead blinked. “Conned?”“Yes! No ghost I've ever heard of messes with memories! Something freaked you out just to wake up the ghost, I know a con when I see one!” “Are you saying...that my boy...” Stan opened his mouth to answer and stopped.The floor above them echoed with Dipper and Cesar's screams.“Dipper!” Mabel shouted.Stan spun to Lemmy. “Drop 'em through the floor, hurry up!” “I can't, I can't, the other ghost has more control of the house than I do!” “Then help us get there!” “Uh – I think – it's this way!” Picture frames popped out of the wall like mushrooms and the egghead zoomed through them, moving right down the nearest hallway. Stan shoved his other silver knuckle over his fist and ran after him. Mabel, Stick Figures, and Q-Tip were right behind him. The house cracked like thunder and shuddered under their feet. The hallways twisted left and right, and more frames popped out to lead the way. Good, Stan thought, I always sucked at those stupid cereal mazes. Suddenly Lovey gave a loud shriek. Stan looked back. The hallway behind them was collapsing on itself, the walls crunching like a fist trying to squeeze out the last bit of toothpaste. And it was closing in less than two yards away.“IT'S GONNA KILL US!” Luffy bawled. “We're with Stan, we'll be okay!” Mabel said. The heck am I supposed to do here?! Stan thought, gasping for breath. He tried to listen for Dipper over the oncoming crunch of toothpaste death. He could hear a low moan reverberating through the walls – that had to be the other ghost – but Dipper's screams had stopped. He ran faster. Ford moved through the darkness as quickly as he dared. The air in the basement was stale, earthy, and very, very cold. The dirt floor muffled his footsteps. He could hear the house creaking and groaning above him. He only had his silver mirror left from the fall. The second ghost had no doubt awakened, and he was likely to run into it at any moment. But the more he thought about it, the more he was sure some other malevolent force was also at play. No ghost he'd ever heard of could manipulate space to such an extent, let alone memories – and both he and now Stan had had quite a bit of experience with ghosts. Something had to be augmenting its powers, but what? Whatever it was, he'd investigate after he found Dipper. If whatever was out there found his nephew first – Something swung from the dark and struck his forehead. He staggered back with a grunt, fists up, but it struck again, moving right through his hands and clipping him so hard his metal plate vibrated on his skull. He fell to one knee, but a nasty hiss made him smile with satisfaction. “Silver mirror,” he said, holding it up. He'd hidden it in his right hand. “Care to try for Round 2?” The whole house grumbled and groaned. Ford rose to his feet, scanning the dark. Had that been the ghost? He had to stall it. If he exorcised it before his family was safe, the house could crush –
ZZZZACK!
Lightning struck and he fell, gasping for breath. The ceiling cracked apart, raining bits of wood. Shards of light cut through the darkness. Ford covered his eyes as they adjusted – and then he noticed the ground. He leaped to his feet. The dirt floor was rolling together, forming humanoid bodies with long, crumbling fingers. Constructs! He'd never seen a ghost make constructs before! “How are you doing this? Show yourself!” Mocking laughter reached his ears.The constructs grabbed his legs. He kicked and stomped at them, knocking them back, but they reformed almost immediately and there were too many to stop all at once. They backed him into a wall. Immediately wooden arms sprouted from support beams. They wrapped around his torso and squeezed, crushing him until he felt two of his ribs crack. Pain shot through his chest. The laugh rang out, louder. A breath of cold air touched his neck. “Let go,” he gasped, slamming the mirror against an arm. A screech of pain and the arms shoved him away. He fell to his knees, but something caught his eye – a strange sigil burned in the baseboard of the far corner. Every line burned hot orange, as if freshly branded. Or freshly activated. Suddenly the dirt floor softened and he started to sink. Dirt hands reached up and grabbed him as he tried to stand, dragging him down. Hitting them had no effect; the reformed faster and faster, and the ground was like thick syrup, swallowing him an inch at a time. He hit the earth with the mirror but his fist just sank into it and he pulled it free. He was up to his knees, his waist, his chest. The pressure on his broken ribs was agony. Loamy fingers dragged at his face. Now only his head and right arm was free. He couldn't breathe – in a minute he'd suffocate – “Prohibere et suspendat!” He thrust the mirror as high as he could. Light blazed from its surface. Blue ectoplasm gushed out of the brand. The other ghost! It was only vaguely humanoid, like the constructs, with a shapeless head and long, spidery arms. But it had been dead for so long it was literally losing its humanity. It had no clothes, no hair, and no face except for three vacuous holes for its eyes and mouth. It almost looked like it was leaping for Ford, its toothless mouth open in a soundless howl, but the mirror sucked it in. Its fingertips struck the surface and a hurricane exploded in the room. Splinters and rocks sliced through the air. The incantation had prevented the exorcism's completion: the ghost was suspended midair and the house was trapped in place, but the brand was trying to suck the ghost back into the walls. The mirror grew hotter and hotter. Ford gritted his teeth and held on. “Ah, ah, ah.” The mocking laughter sounded in his ear. “It's not nice to harm someone's servants.”
Lightning shot through his body. He screamed, head snapped back. It felt like the plate in his skull was on fire. Triangles flashed through his mind and he nearly dropped the mirror. No - have to keep hold – if it hits the ground it'll shatter – “My, my, you are a stubborn one. Let's see how long you last.” Something condensed in front of him like candle smoke, forming the outline of hands, arms, a face. Ford's eyes widened. “You! You're a –”Lightning seared his bones and his words dissolved in screams. Lloyd sighed and tried again. “So. Mom. I know you hate the supernatural, but I may or may not have gotten kidnapped by a ghost while investigating a haunted house. No big deal. Although I might be late for dinner.” Even to himself, that sounded lame. He stared around the room. He wasn't sure where in the house he'd ended up, just that it was some kind of bedroom with nothing in it but a window. It looked like he was somewhere on the third floor. Which made zero sense, because he'd dropped in from the ceiling (and the wood floor had not been a soft landing.) He'd been sitting there for about half an hour now. His walkie talkie didn't work and he didn't have bars on his cell phone, so he couldn't even play games to pass the time. He wasn't about to go wandering around, though. For all he knew he'd end up in...well, he didn't know where he'd end up. Which meant he was just sitting there, waiting to be rescued. Because that would totally impress Angela. He groaned and flopped down on the floor. This was not only boring, it was embarrassing. Suddenly he heard a faint yelling from the hall. He sat up. Was that...“Cesar! Cesar!” Angela! He rushed to the door and threw it open. “Gu– WHOA!” Angela, Stan, and the other girls were sprinting down the hall, which was imploding inches from their heels!“GUYS! IN HERE, QUICK!” “SHUT THE DOOR, SHUT THE DOOR!” Stan shouted. Lloyd leaped back as they darted inside and slammed the door shut. There was a horrible cracking like snapping bones and the wall started to warp and buckle, as if trying to crush the door. Lloyd slammed his shoulder against it the door, as if that could help prop it up – but then Stan did the same thing, both hands pressed against the wood. Silver knuckles on his hands started sparking.“Ow, ow, ow! C'mon already!”Mabel spun around. “Angela, runes!”“Got it!” She rushed in and slapped a rune disk against the door, frantically drawing more runes around it in white chalk. Lloyd stepped out of the way. The second she was done the chalk began glowing white and there was a hollow scream, but the door held. Then the runes began to burn. Stan jumped back, rubbing his arm. “Ow! Warn a guy, that burned my shoulder hair!” “That won't hold it long,” Angela panted. Even now the door was rattling and straining. She turned and grabbed Lloyd's arm. “Lloyd, Cesar and Dipper, where are they?!”Lloyd stared. She was really close. “Um...not here?” “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” Stan pounded on the nearest wall. “HEY EGGHEAD! You got the wrong room!” Lloyd's jaw dropped. A picture frame literally popped out of the wall, complete with a painting of a very bald man. “I'm trying! I'm not used to being a building and all I could feel was that there was something strange in this room!” “The only weird thing in this room is –” He glanced at Lloyd. “Oh. Never mind.”Lloyd sputtered. “Wh– just – will someone tell me what the heck is going on?!”Mabel pointed to the painting. “This is Mr. Lemminkainen, whose ghost grandson was maybe-but-probably-not eaten by the same cat that tried to eat Dipper, and there's another ghost in the house that woke up and started trying to kill us, and we're trying to find Dipper 'n' Cesar and Mr. Lemminkainen led us to you.” “...What?”“Focus! Cesar and Dipper!” The look in Angela's eyes made Lloyd's gut twist. “They were screaming, Lloyd, please! Where are they?!”
Screaming?
He swallowed. “I – I'm sorry, I really haven't seen them. Or heard them, or anything. Nothing's happened since I got dumped here. It's been like waiting in an orthodontist's office, but without the fish.” Luffy stared at him. “'Nothing'? Are you serious!? Did you not even feel the ground shake?” “What? No, I –”“AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!” The scream ripped through the air and they jumped. Stan turned white.“Sixer! There has to be a way outta here!” “There's just the window!” Lloyd said, then leaped back as Stan rushed at it and pummeled the glass. It warped and rippled like water but didn't break. Vague images floated and disappeared on its surface. What the heck?! No one told me the windows were TV screens!Luffy gasped. “Guys, the door!” The doorframe was slowly bending under an unseen weight, splintering and cracking. The glow of the runes was fading by the second. “Mr. Lemmenkainen!” Mabel cried. “I can't stop it! I can barely do anything! I'm not even keeping this room intact!” Lloyd thought fast. House haunted, check – trapped in room, check – wait, the room, hadn't there been – “Mr. Pines, over here!” He raced to a corner. “This one, the floorboard's darker and the wallpaper's stained like there was water damage! Punch that!” “You got it!” Stan reared back and punched the floor as hard as he could. And again, and again. The door was practically bent in half and the others backed up, hands raised in defense. Luffy was practically dancing on the spot. “Hurry, hurry! The door's gonna break any seco –”
CRACK!
Lloyd's head jerked up just as the doorframe snapped and the ceiling smashed down on it. The rest of them dove for the opening, clawing at it, grunting as they peeled back floorboard. The room's ceiling was starting to buckle over them, groaning, as if they were standing in a protective bubble that was slowly being crushed.
SMASH!
Stan punched a hole right through the rotted wood. Screams poured out and Lloyd jerked back with a gasp. Dr. Pines! Was that lightning down there!?“EVERYBODY IN THE HOLE!” Stan grabbed Mabel and jumped. Lloyd and Angela grabbed Luffy and they jumped too, just as the ceiling came crashing down. They landed in the basement. (Hadn't they been on the third floor? And what was the thing with dropping through ceilings?!) Lloyd rolled to his feet. Dr. Pines was shoulder-deep in the ground not five feet away. A ghost was stretched between his outstretched hand and the wall like a ghastly rainbow, and a lightning cloud was covering his face! Stan shot towards him, fist pulled back. “Get OFF!” “No – Stan!” Ford gasped. Stan's fist punched straight through the cloud. It dissolved in an explosion of air, knocking a mirror out of Ford's fist. It hit the ground and shattered. Immediately the ground around Ford began to crack apart. Stan grabbed his shoulders and Mabel grabbed his sweater. Lloyd leaped forward to help and they pulled Ford back as a huge chasm split the basement in half. Dirt and dust filled the air. Lloyd coughed, swiping at his eyes. On the other side of the chasm, the ghost rose like smoke out of the broken mirror fragments, which fell down into the fathomless depths. The ghost's torso trailing back to something burning in the corner. Stan blinked. “Hey – that's the sign under the mailbox! It means this house is cursed, doesn't it?! It does, I shoulda said something!” “No.” Ford coughed, one hand on his ribs. His face was ashen. “That's a – sigil for – binding a spirit to a physical object. I think – kkgh – I think she feeds on –”“Who're you wait did you say 'feed'?”“Watch out!” Luffy cried. Mocking laughter filled the air and Lloyd looked up. Through the settling dust and light from ceiling cracks, a shape was slowly condensing on the other side of the chasm. Lightning crackled all around it. Lloyd realized it was a woman – no, the ghost of a woman, with the wall of the basement clearly visible behind her. Then she smiled, and Lloyd saw the glint of fangs. Not just a ghost, then. A vampire ghost. Mabel's first thought was that she was going to go all ninja on whoever hurt her Grunkle Ford. Her next thought was that the woman looked like the villain in Vampire Love High School Anime. She was tall and slim and bonelessly graceful, with black hair that floated in a perfect cloud around her face without ever getting tangled. Her pale skin glowed like a living icicle. Which would've been almost pretty, except that her eyes glittered with malice, and her smile was cold as death. The worst part was her dress. The dark fabric was alive with human faces, soundlessly screaming, roiling over each other, trapped in the cloth. And among the faces – “Allen!” The house shook to its very foundation. Stan forced Mabel's head down as Lemmenkainen's voice boomed over them. “Allen! You took him! You killed him! Give him back!” The ghost glanced up, paused luxuriously, and snapped her fingers.Instantly the rumbling stopped. Something fell from the crack in the ceiling, hitting Lloyd smack on the head. Mabel caught it on the rebound. It was Lemmenkaine's picture frame! She'd sucked him right out of the house! Ford struggled to sit up, gripping Stan's shoulder. “Everyone stay back –” Lightning exploded from the vampire's fingertips and whipped through the air. Mabel shrieked as the protection on her hand blazed white-hot. Her friends cried out too and they clustered together. The runes glowed like tiny stars, but the lightning snapped and sizzled hungrily around them, barely held at bay. Mabel now knew exactly how bacon felt and vowed never to eat it again. “She feeds on memories!” Ford said quickly. “She can't take mine – the metal plate – but don't let her get too close, or you'll forget why you're here or even what species you are! The house itself is a conduit for her power, that's how she saw into Luffy's mind! She needed Lemmenkainen to bring us down here so she can eat our memories herself!”“Yes,” the vampiress purred. Mabel shuddered. Her voice was like a serrated knife dipped in poisoned honey. “But for a corporeal form, I required...souls.” She raised her arms. There was a sudden whoosh and something streaked through the crack in the ceiling, landing next to its mistress. Its silky black fur rippled into view, the patch on its chest as white as bleached bones, its club tail lashing behind it. It looked at Mabel, its eyes literally glowed with hatred. “The Cat Sithe,” Mabel whispered. Luffy whimpered. The vampire paused, glancing at the ceiling as if waiting for something else. Her face tightened and she turned slowly back to face them. “You've taken quite a few of my pets, little hunters. Even my precious familiar has lost its power, after so many years of loyal service. Yet the souls it brought me were never quite enough. Never quite...potent enough. “But I have them now. The little spell-seeker, and the spell-breaker...” The ground boiled at her feet. Dipper and Cesar rose from the earth. Oily black smoke oozed from their mouths, ears, and eyes. Their bodies were oddly limp, like they were held up by strings. Dipper held an ouija board loosely in one hand, more smoke pouring from every letter. Angela gasped and Mabel turned white. “CESAR!” “DIPPER! GET AWAY FROM THEM!” “Wait!” Ford caught Mabel, jerking her back. She hadn't even realized she'd started running. “Your runes are already fading, she'll just take you next!” Mabel glanced down. He was right – the runes were barely glowing at all!Stan clenched his fists. “If you touch one stinking hair on that stupid nerd's head...”The vampire's smile widened. “There is no way out of my lair, little children. It would take days for you to die, for your flesh to cool, for your blood to nourish the soil. I have only to wait, and our souls would be mine. But you know, I've been waiting for centuries to hear my victims scream.” The runes snuffed out.