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PROLOGUE Getting on the train I sigh in relief – if I had gotten here only a few seconds later, I would’ve missed it. Looking around, I see that there are basically no seats left. Shit. Why the hell didn’t I take my car anyway? Regretting my decision, I walk to the very back, looking around me for a place to sit. Finally I spot an open seat. It’s next to a guy, he’s got dark hair, but that’s about all I can see since his head’s turned toward the window hiding his face. He’s wearing a black leather jacket and a red t-shirt under it.I gently tap his shoulder to ask, if I can sit next to him. Not expecting me, he turns around and takes off his headphones. My heart stops when we make eye contact. He has defined features, starting from his hazel eyes down to his prefectly sculptures lips. His dark brown hair, cut shorter on the sides, has strands that are lightly curled on the edges.I clear my throat. “Hi, um... I was wondering if this spot is free.” I say and not my head to the place next to him.He blinks a few times. “Yeah sure.”Happy to get out of the awkward situation, I raise my bag over my head and try to put it onto the shelf, if you will, but it’s too high. I try jumping, but that’s no good either.“Hey, let me help you.” The stranger says and gets up.“No it’s okay, I can do this.” I object too late though. He’s already taking the back from me and puts it in place without any effort. He’s taller than I thought.“Thanks.” I really did need his help, I wasn’t going to get it there without coming up with some ridiculous idea.He goes to sit down and I follow. For the first few minutes we don’t say anything, but he doesn’t put his headphones back either.“So where are you off to?” He breaks the silence.“Visiting some family in Franklin for Christmas.” It’s December, the 21st to be exact, and this year I’ve decided to spend some time where used to be my home. Besides, I didn’t really want to be alone on Christmas.“You’re from Franklin?” He turns his head to me, surprised.“Yeah,” I chuckle “why is that weird?”“I don’t know, I just didn’t picture you as a country girl. You don’t even have the accent.”“Oh I had an accent, believe me. I just got rid of it when I moved away.” I say and turn to him too, so that I could see him better.He tilts his head to the side. “Why would you do that?”“The kids at school made fun of me for it.” I say a little embarrassed.He laughs. “Seriously?”“I was 13. Do you know how much having an accent lowered your chances at being popular?” He just looks at me in amusement.“What do you do? Are you in college yet?” He asks me, seeming like he genuinely wants to keep the conversation going.“No, I...” I reply, not wanting to tell him that I’m in a band and trying to come up with something that’d make sense. “I’m a music teacher.”He raises his eyebrows. “Wait, how old are you?”“Nineteen.” I reply, already regretting that I didn’t just go along with the college thing. “My birthday’s a few days though.”“And you have a job at nineteen why?”“A lot of people have jobs at nineteen.” I defend myself.“Yeah. Part time, maybe.”“I’ve just always loved singing and when an opportunity presented itself, I took it.” I lie. “What, do you go to collage?” I mock him, trying to change the topic. I don’t usually tell people about what I actually do, at least not strangers. It’s not always a good idea.“I’ve actually already finished two years ago.” He replies.“Really?” I say, not actually believing him.“Yes, really.” He reassures me. “I got my diploma and figured I could finally be on my own. I knew a friend in Nashville, who was looking for a roommate, so I moved in with him and here we are.” He explains.“Did you not like where you lived before?” I ask, suddenly curious to know more about him.“It’s just” he pauses “my dad. He always wanted me to ‘follow the family tradition’ and become a doctor or at least some other fancy job, but that was never what I wanted to do. I spent days and nights drawing everything and anything in my room, just living in my head and I loved it. He could never understand that.” He says distantly.“What about you?” he asks, changing the subject “Do you have a parentally disappointed father too?” He says as a smile returns to his face.“No.” I shake my head and smile back, though I know he won’t see it. “I don’t see my parents that often, I’m away a lot. And the fact that they’re divorced doesn’t make it easier for us to keep in touch either.”“Oh. That must’ve been hard for you.” He says with sincerity in his voice.“No it’s okay.” I say. “Besides, it was a long time ago.”“What were you listening to?” I ask, not wanting to talk about my parents’ past.“The Cure.”A smile forms on my face. “Oh my god you are literally the only person I know, that listens to The Cure.”“So what, I like older music.” He shrugs.“Dude, I love them. There’s a huge poster of theirs hanging on my wall.” I say enthusiastically. It really is nice finding people with the same taste in music, especially ones so attractive.He grins. “Finally someone who can appreciate the greatness of that band.”I feel us slowing down as the train comes to a stop. I’ve still got two hours to go though, so I’m not getting off, but I feel the guy next to me move. I look his direction, suddenly afraid that he’s going to leave.“Where are you going?” I ask maybe a little too emotionally.“To the bathroom.” He chuckles at my frantic tone. “Calm down, Cupcake.”I frown. Did he just call me cupcake? “Okay, Button.” He laughs and walks away.He comes back a few minutes later and hands me a muffin. “I thought you might appreciate this.” He says with a teasing tone.“You do know that that’s not a cupcake, right?”“Oh I know,” he answers matter-of-factly “but it’s close enough.”An hour of us talking about pretty much everything flies by and I almost don’t notice an unknown female voice announcing we’ve arrived in Franklin. Sad that our time together’s up, I look into his eyes. He looks back at me and doesn’t say anything, but I know he remembers this is where I’m going.He smiles. “Guess this is goodbye then.”“It was nice meeting you, Button.” He grins and I turn to walk away.“Wait.” He pauses and gets lost in his head for a while. “What’s your name?” “Hayley.”He nods. “Taylor.”
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CHAPTER 1
Two months later.I open the door to my house, take my keys and my wallet out of my pockets and put them on the counter. I take out my phone and go through my contact list looking for J. There are only two people under that letter, those being Josh and Jeremy. I haven’t talked to either of them in so long. I press Josh’s name and start dialing his number. I hear it ring once, twice and the third time he picks up.“Hayley?” He asks, clearly surprised that it was me who called him.“Hey.”“Hi. Why... why are you calling?”“Well that’s a little harsh.” I comment.“Sorry,” he says not actually sounding sorry “but we haven’t talked in months, why now?”“I don’t know about you, but I have been writing. It’s almost been two years since Riot!, I thought we could come up with something new.”He pauses for a while and makes a frustrated sound. “I’m busy right now.”“Okay, how about next week then?”“Can’t you just ask Jeremy?” He asks, not trying to hide his annoyance anymore.“I was gonna ask the both of you.” I reply, getting angry too.“I just need more time.”“Oh that’s great. Yes Josh, the whole world will wait for you if you say so.” I say sarcastically.“Don’t lose your shit over this, not everything’s about you.”“How am I making this about me?!” I almost shout at him through the phone.“I don’t know! You always find a way.”“I have been walking on eggshells this whole time, ever since you became like this, but I am done. How did we get here?” I can feel the tears forcing their way to the surface.“You’ve changed, Hayley! You’re not the same.”“No Josh, I grew up!” I shoot back at him. “I’m not fourteen anymore.”There’s silence while I wait for him to reply. “I don’t have time for this.” He finally says, with no trace of emotion in his voice.“Don’t run away again.” I beg, but it’s too late, he already quit the call.I run my hand through my hair out of frustration and sigh. The fear of me loosing what I’ve wanted my whole life comes creeping back again, as real as ever. Feeling the need to relieve myself, I take out my notebook and start going through the pages, trying to find a blank one like my life depended on it and start writing.
You treat me just like another stranger – well I guess I’ll go, I best be on my way out.
In thirty minutes I put my pen down and look at the now full page. I’ve got two verses and a chorus. It sure will be fun singing that to the guys – though I’m starting to doubt that’s ever going to happen. I can feel the anger finally draining out of me and just then I realize I’m still sitting in my jacket. I take it off, throw it on the couch and walk upstairs.Once I get out of the shower, I look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are tired and my hair’s a darker shade of red than usual, because it’s wet. I put on a pair of clean jeans and a plain grey long sleeved t-shit. I look at my phone to check the time – it’s only 5:30 in the evening.I go downstairs and turn on the TV. There’s nothing new, just the same old gossip about which actress is dating a singer and which celebrity quit Twitter. I go through some more programs, hoping to find something interesting and when I don’t succeed, I just settle for some cheesy reality show.After what feels like five hours I look my phone again, hoping that I could just go to sleep now and forget about today. How can one phone call change my mood so much? It’s 6:21. How has it not been even an hour? I turn off the TV, finally shutting up the stupid TV show. The sun’s already set, so the only thing I can see is the dim yellow light of the streetlamps.When I can’t take the silence anymore, I get up off the couch and go my bedroom to change into something that I can go out in. Normally these days being in the shopping center with my mom once in a day would be way more than enough, but the call with Josh completely changed my mood. I need to get out of here.I get into the car and drive to the city, heading for a club I used to go to with the guys. The last time I was there was about a few months ago. We’d just come from the tour and we wanted to celebrate, so Jeremy said we should go clubbing, so he took us to this place. A few hours later all of them were drunk, even though only Jeremy and, at the time very recently, Josh, were of age. I of course stayed sober, since I don’t drink, but I had to call Taylor’s mom to come help me take them home. Needless to say, it was a great night.The streets are busy at this time of the day so it takes me some time to get there and by the time I do, it’s 7:15. When I find a parking spot, I get out of the car, lock it and put the keys into my pocket. I walk to the door and push it open. There more people in here that I thought there’d be, given it’s not really late yet. There’s a couple dancing to very loud electronic music in the middle of the dance floor, which should definitely go get a room.I go and take a seat behind the bar. A guy about thirty years old with jet black hair and with what looks like a towel over his shoulder walks up to me.“So what’ll it be?” He asks with a smile.“Club soda.” I say, not really wanting to start a conversation.He chuckles. “Good, I wasn’t going to give you anything different, since I don’t want the cops closing this place down for serving underage kids. Although you do look like you could use an actual drink.”In a minute he’s back with a glass of clear liquid in his hand and puts it in front of me.“There you go.”“Thanks.” I reply shortly.I start sipping on my soda when I find a familiar pair of eyes in a small group standing a few feet away from me. My heart starts racing. A smile spreads across his face when he sees me, revealing his perfectly straight white teeth. He excuses himself to his friends and starts walking toward me, which is when I feel a twitch of nervousness in my stomach.“Hayley” Taylor says, still smiling “I didn’t think I’d see you again.”“Yeah, me neither.” I reply, not knowing what else to say.He sits down next to me. I look over his shoulder to find all of his friends looking our direction. Great. God, I hate small talk.“Your friends are looking at me.” I say and watch them from the corner of my eye.“Ah, don’t worry about them, they’re just desperately trying to get laid. They look like that at every hot girl.” Did he just call me hot?“Wow, that made me feel so much better.” I say and look away. Now I regret that I didn’t wear something more than just a black tank top under my jacket.He chuckles. “They know how to take a hint.”“Okay well, you tell me if I’d be in any danger of having to go through a painfully long conversation, just to find out the person wants to have sex with me.”“You got it.” He says and smiles, but I don’t return it.“What’s going on? You seem sad.” When I don’t say anything he continues “What? Is it a break up?”I scoff. When I look at him and meet his warm gaze.After a few more seconds of our staring contest, I tear my eyes away and give in. “I think I might lose everything I’ve worked very, very hard for.”“What is it?”In my head I debate whether I should tell him.Whatever, it’s not like we’ll ever see each other again. “I’m in a band.” I begin, expecting some sort of reaction from him, since I lied to him about that the last time we saw each other, but he just raises his eyebrows and nods me to continue. Maybe he forgot. “Me and the lead guitarist, we’ve known each other a long time. Towards the ending of our last tour, he became different. We haven’t talked for a long time, until today, when I decided to call him,” I sigh. “which didn’t turn out to be the best idea.”“What, did he tell you he quits?” He asks, seeming genuinely interested.“No, the band means too much to him for him to do that. But if things continue going like this, he might.”He bites his lower lip and thinks for a minute. Then he gets up and extends his hand to me.“Dance with me.” He says.I shake my head. “I don’t think so.”“Why not?” I look up at him. He really is beautiful. “Please?” He says with a pleading expression.“Fine.” I say grumpily, which only makes him chuckle again. I get down from the chair and take his warm hand.We get to the dance floor and start dancing. At first I’m not really into it, but in a few minutes I, to my surprise, start enjoying myself. I can feel beads of sweat forming on the nape of my neck and the heat radiating from his body, as he gets closer. My hearts picks up the pace. I think about if I should put the distance back between us, but instead of doing that, I close it.What are you doing? I ask myself.The song ends and there’s a break, which is when I feel relief wash over me, because a few more minutes and I’d probably do something I’d regret.He starts walking towards a booth in the corner. He looks back and realizes I’m not following him. “Come with me.”I sit down across from him.“Don’t you pout on me.” He says, grinning.I realize I’m frowning and try to change my expression.“What’s up with you?” He asks.“I just don’t feel like clubbing today.” I don’t realize what I’ve just said until it’s too late.“Why would you go to a club then?” He chuckles.“Because the silence in my house was deafening.”He doesn’t say anything. “Wow this got depressing real fast.” I say, trying to break the awkwardness. He’s still looking away, deep in his own thoughts.“Taylor?” He looks at me, suddenly surprised. “What?” I ask.“Nothing, it’s just... that’s the first time said my name. I like it.” He puts his elbows on the table. “So you’re a music teacher, huh?”“I was kind of hoping you forgot about that.”“Oh no, I remember everything you told me. Why did you lie anyway?”“I want people to see me for more than just a ‘celebrity’, though I hate that word. When you tell someone you’re a singer, that’s basically all they’ll talk to you about.” I explain, hoping he’ll understand.He nods his head a few times. “So do you want a drink?”“You know you shouldn’t be asking me that, I’m not 21.”“I do. But I figured since you’re a rock star now, you drink anyway.” He says with a playful smile.“I’ve actually never had anything stronger than a beer in my life.” I reply, a bit embarrassed.“What?” He asks in disbelief. “Why?”“Because it’s bad for your voice, it dries your throat.”“I’m sure that once in a while it doesn’t hurt.” He argues.“Maybe.” I reply. “But I’m not willing to take that risk.”“Wow.” He laughs.“What’s so funny? You laugh at literally everything I say.” I say a little bit offended, but his smile is contagious.“You amuse me.”I frown and shake my head. “How do I amuse you?”“I don’t know, you just do.” He pauses. “I think this place is getting a little too much for me.”“What do you mean?”“The loud music, tight spaces, too many people talking around us... Do you mind going outside for a little while. To get some air.”“Sure, you can do whatever you want.” I say, not getting why he’s asking my permission.“I meant we’d both go.”
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CHAPTER 3
Hayley’s POVWhen we walk outside, I’m immediately hit by the cold, so I wrap my arms around myself and shiver.“You cold?”“Yeah, I should’ve worn more than just a tank top under this. God, I hate this time of the year.” I say and look around me.“Why?”“Because it’s like the weather can’t decide. One moment the sun is shining so you go outside and in two minutes it’s cloudy again and it feels like the middle of January.” I complain.“I actually kinda like it.”We walk in silence for a while and turn the corner, although I have no idea where we’re actually going – if we indeed are headed somewhere, that is, which I doubt.“So I saw a few girls looking at you in the bar.” I say and feel a strange twitch of jealousy in my belly.“So?” Taylor asks.“Oh don’t tell me that grin of yours doesn’t have girls just begging to get into your bedroom.” I say, still trying to play it cool as a joke.He stops and tilts his head. He seems to be taken aback. “What would make you say that?” He might even sound a little hurt.“I’m just saying what I think.” I laugh awkwardly, realizing that he probably didn’t get the joke, though I’m not ever sure it was one.“That’s not my style. Not anymore at least.” He says seriously.“Anymore?” I ask curiously.“When I was in college, I was your typical frat boy. Party every night, get really drunk, have sex with some random chick and repeat. But I’ve changed.” He says and continues walking, looking away from me.“What made you do that?”“More like who.” Taylor mutters.I just frown, not getting the point he’s trying to get across.“I fell in love.” He says, but there’s something off about his tone.“But...?”“But I’m not anymore.” He replies shortly.“What happened?” I ask, cautious.“It’s complicated.” He says and looks up at the sky.“Okay.” I say as I decide not to push it.“Have you ever been in love?” He changes the subject to me.“I think so.”“You think?”“We broke up two years ago, I was 18.” I say and trail off. “But I think I loved him. I mean, I still do, just not like that. Right now though, he’s at the bottom of the list of people I want to talk to.” I think back to the conversation I had with Josh and shiver at the memory.“And you haven’t been with anyone since then?”I look at my feet. “No.”“Do you have one night stands?” He asks jokingly, replicating my manners.I scoff and shake my head.“Did you notice my friend checking you out?”I’m taken aback by his question. “What?” I choke on my own words. “You mean when we were talking?”“No, before that, when you came in. He was all over you.”“Um, great to know... I think.” I say, still unsure how to reply to that comment.He chuckles. “You should pay more attention to that, you never know. Especially someone as short as you.” He adds.“Uh, excuse you? I am not that short.” I try to look offended.Taylor laughs. “You are.”“You know what? Your judgement is pretty bad on this, since you’re like seven feet tall.” I say and cross my arms on my chest.“Six two, thank you.”“Whatever...”There’s another long pause. I look around myself, to try and identify where we are. I haven’t heard any cars in some time, so we’re definitely quite far away from the bar, since that’s almost in the center of the city. I can hear the leaves of the trees shuffling with the wind, so that means we could be near the park. Then I feel something cold fall on my face. I look up at the sky and see only darkness. It takes me a few seconds to realize, that those are raindrops.I look to Taylor, who, or course, is smiling. “Why would you be smiling at the fact, that we’re about to get soaked?” I ask, almost angry. I’m already really cold.“Don’t worry, it’ll pass.” He says, but he has to raise his voice, because the drumming of drops of water splashing on the concrete intensifies.I look up again, but immediately have to look down. “I don’t think so. Please, let’s just get back.”He shakes his head. “That bar’s too far from here. My apartment’s nearby, you can wait the rain out in there.” Taylor says and starts walking.I stay where I am and bite the inside of my mouth, debating whether I should go with him. I have no idea who he is, he could be a serial killer, though he doesn’t seem like one. And why would he even be doing this? Out of wanting to help me...? Do I really believe that?I can feel the water seeping through my clothes onto my skin. I am freezing. I shake my head and decide that I’d rather take the risk, than have to go back to my car, so I jog a few feet to catch up to him.“C’mon.” He says and starts running. I do the same, but I have to put up a lot more energy than he does.We run through the streets, occasionally stepping into puddles of water. I’m panting, little white clouds escaping my mouth every time I do.“I thought you said your apartment is somewhere around here.” I say, completely out of breath.“It is.” He starts slowing down and I happily replicate his movements. He thrusts his hand into the pocket of his jeans, fishes out his keys and unlocks the door of the building which we’re standing in front of. He steps inside and gestures me to follow him. We get into the elevator and he presses a button with a three on it.I lean on the wall of the small space we’re sharing right now and try to calm my breathing. I’m completely soaked. I look up at Taylor, who’s standing just a few feet away from me. The dark strands of his hair are in his eyes, little drops of water forming on the ends of them. I can feel the heat of his body and my heart picks up even more than it already was. He looks at me and chuckles. I just roll my eyes at him.“You’re fast.” He says.“Not as fast as you are.”“Yeah, but I run a lot.” I’m not surprised. I’m over here feeling like I’m about to die and he’s acting as if he just came back from a walk. “Actually, I used to track race when I was in high school.”The elevator stops and the doors open. I’m grateful I don’t have to be in the tiny room with him any longer.“Oh, so you weren’t the typical quarterback dating a cheerleader?” I mock him as he leads me down the hallway. It’s pitch black, until the movement sensors turn on the lights.“Well I was thinking that you were the cheerleader dating a quarterback...”“I dropped out of high school when I was sixteen.” I probably shouldn’t’ve said that. That’s not really the kind of thing you want people you’ve practically just met to know about you.“Why? Because of the band?” He asks, but he doesn’t seem judgemental, which is new. Most people just don’t say anything and pretend like that’s totally cool. Once we get to what I assume is the entrance to his place, Taylor fiddles with a key, unlocking the door.“Mhm. “ I say and step in after him. The apartment’s bigger than I thought it would be. The second floor is only half the size the first one is, so the ceiling is really high in the living area. The kitchen is by my left, and a little closer to where I’m standing is the dining table, divided with the cooking area by a bar. The wall opposite to me is just huge windows and the floors are hardwood. On my right there’s a big couch with a flat screen on the wall in front of it. There are two doors a few feet away from the TV and then a staircase.“This is really nice.”“My roommate’s dad kind of owns it, so we got a pretty good deal.” Oh, now it makes sense. I’ve already made enough money to buy this whole building and my house is nowhere near this cool. I tilt my head to the side and squeeze my hair, trying to push the water out of it. Even though we’re inside, I don’t feel any warmer.“You’re so pale I’m afraid you might pass out right here.” Taylor tenses up.“I don’t like cold.” I comment sarcastically.He relaxes a bit and a smile tugs on his lips.“You can go take a shower if you want. I’ll get you something clean to wear.” That really does sound nice, but would it be too much? I thought I was just going to wait out the rain in here. I nod my head. “The bathroom’s there.” He says and points to one of the doors next to the TV. “There should be clean towels in one of the drawers. Just wait here a sec, I’ll get you something dry to wear.”He runs upstairs and disappears into one of the rooms. In a minute he’s back and hands me a white t-shirt and black sweatpants.“These are mine, so I hope they’re not too big for you.”“Thanks.”I go into the bathroom and lock the door. I take off my wet clothes and get into the shower. I turn the water really hot and moan.Once I’m done, I get out and go through the drawers underneath the sink. Indeed, there really are clean towels. I dry my hair a bit and then put on the clothes Taylor got for me. They are definitely too big. The hem of the t-shirt goes below the middle of my thighs, which means putting the sweatpants on would just make me look even more stupid, so I decide to go without them. I need to get home as soon as possible.I carefully unlock the door and open it. Taylor’s there, sitting on the couch. His brows are furrowed as he’s focused on the TV. I walk towards him and clear my throat, which startles him a little bit. When he spots me, I see his body tense up a bit and something flashes in his eyes.“Sorry, but you’ve got like twenty sizes on me.” I laugh awkwardly and throw the sweatpants on the couch.He shakes his head. “What?” He seems a little confused.“I said that your clothes are way bigger than anything I’d ever be able to wear.” I repeat myself.“Oh, yeah I figured that’d be the case. I don’t have anything else though, sorry.”“No it’s okay, I mean, you’re already doing way more than I could expect from you.”A kind smile appears on his face. I look outside through the huge windows in the wall opposite from me.“This rain isn’t going to stop anytime soon, is it?” I ask defeatedly.He turns his head the direction I’m looking and turns back to me with an apologizing look. “I don’t think so.”“How far is it from the bar?”“Like forty-five minutes, could be an hour, depends on how fast you walk.”“Damn it.” I mutter and bite the inside of my mouth. I really don’t want to go back there, but then again, I don’t exactly have a choice. “Do you have like a bike or something?”A smile spreads across his face. “A bike?”“Yeah, like a bicycle.”He chuckles. “You can’t be serious.”“C’mon, it’s not like going there by foot is faster. I swear I’d return it.” I say and rub my arm. I’m still a little cold, since my legs are almost completely bare.“No, I don’t have a bicycle and my roommate borrowed my can for today, so that’s not an option either.” I run my hand through my wet hair and let out a frustrated sigh. I guess I really will have to go there in the rain. “I mean, you could stay here if you want.” He suggests with a neutral expression. “There’s a guest bedroom that’d hardly ever used.”Stay the night with him sleeping a few feet next to me? I don’t think so. “No, that’s really nice of you, but I can’t do that.” I reply.“So you’re just going to walk to your car? It’s late-“ I cut him off “It’s not that late.” He clears his throat continues “It’s almost nine. ” he points to the TV “The rain isn’t supposed to stop until tomorrow morning and you’re not spending almost an hour alone in the dark at a time when there’s practically nobody on the street.” He finishes as if he’s already decided.“What’s wrong with nobody being on the street?” I ask, since I don’t really have an argument.“Nobody but sketchy people.”I laugh. “Look, I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”“Oh, so you don’t mind putting your wet clothes back on and going outside again?” He asks sarcastically.That is a good point. Am I actually considering this? “Why do you care so much about what happens to me?” That’s the question that’s really been bothering me.He thinks for a minute. “I don’t know.” He pauses. “For some reason I cannot stand the thought of you freezing again or something worse happening to you.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know...”“But we’re strangers.”“Wasn’t everyone a stranger to you at some point?” A light smile touches his lips.I guess since I’ve already taken it as far as taking a shower in the bathroom of a guy I practically met two hours ago, this isn’t all that crazy. There’s a look of anticipation in Taylor’s eyes. I nod. “Fine.” His smile grows wider.“Alright, well, do you want to go to sleep now?”“Yeah I’m tired.” I sigh. I’m exhausted. With everything going on with Josh and now this, I just want to fall asleep so that I can’t think about any of this anymore.“It’s that room on the right.” He points to the second floor of the apartment. “Nobody’s slept there in months, the sheets are clean.”“Thanks.”“Good night Hayley.”
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CHAPTER 4
Hayley’s POVI forced my eyes to open, only to have to close them again because of the sunlight shining through the windows. I roll over to my side, but something's different. Panicked, I harshly sit up and look around. This isn't my bedroom. The room I'm in is smaller, the walls are painted white and it's practically empty, except for a bedside table and a wardrobe on the other wall.My confusion slowly fades away as memories of the previous day start creeping their way back to my mind. I tug at my hair and let out a frustrated sigh. Luckily enough, I didn't forget to take my phone up with me before going to sleep yesterday. I check the time - it's two pm. How the hell had I slept for so long?"Damn it." I mutter.Pushing the sheets off, me I get up. I'm still not wearing anything except for Taylors t-shirt. I had to pray I'd get up before him or that he wouldn't say anything to me at all and let my underwear dry - it was still wet from the rain.A little more clothed, I slowly open the door. The apartment's quiet."Taylor?" I call out only to be awarded with more silence.I walk downstairs, still looking around for any sign of him. I walk over to the bathroom and listen for any sounds he might make. Nothing. I guess he really is gone. Why would he leave someone he hasn't even known a day in his apartment alone? I'm not sure if I should stay here and wait for him to come back, or rather leave now. Would that be rude? On the other hand, staying here'd probably be way more weirdI walk over to where I left my clothes yesterday, but they're not there."Shit."What the hell am I supposed to do now? I go around the place looking, when I notice my jeans and my tank top neatly folded lying on the couch with a note place on top of them. Relieved I walk over there and pick up the small piece of paper.
I figured I might as well learn how the washing machine works.
My heart flutters at the gesture. All of a sudden I hear the door clique as someone unlocks it. I can hear voices, which means if it really is Taylor, he's not alone. Crap. I want to run, but my legs refuse to move. It's not like that'd be any use anyway."What are you talking about, I thought it was next week!" An unknown male voice says frantically.Taylor shakes his head and chuckles, but his expression changes when he makes eye contact with me. He stops and a light smile starts forms on his lips.His friend's about to say something, but then he sees me. He frowns."I didn't think you'd still be here." Taylor says."Uh..." It takes me a while before I'm able to say something. "I woke up like five minutes ago."He raises his eyebrows and his gaze travels to my hand, which is still clutching his note."I see you found the clothes. It was actually quite hard getting that thing to work. Honestly, I was ready to wash them with my hands in the sink." He laughs."Yeah, um... Thanks." I don't get how he's being so cool about this."Okay" the other guy says suddenly "what exactly is going on here? I thought you didn't do one night stands anymore." He looks to his friend."Oh we didn't have sex - though I get why it might look like that." Taylor still has his stupid grin on his face."Dude, she's wearing your t-shirt, without anything else might I remind you, and she slept here. Sex is basically the only thing that could've happened here."I'm still too shocked to say anything. "We went for a walk, it started raining, her car was too far away, you had mine so I offered she could stay here." So this guy is his roommate, that makes sense.They’re about to argue some more when I break into their conversation. “I think I’m gonna go.” I say, desperately wanting to get out of this situation.“Hayley, wait.” Taylor calls out when I start walking away to get dressed. “I’ll drive you.”I turn around and want to reply that that’s not necessary, but the presence of the other guy’s preventing me from doing that.“Jason, can you give us a minute?”He lifts his hands up in the air. “Sure man, just make sure you know what you’re doing.” What is that supposed to mean? When he’s upstairs, far enough so that he couldn’t hear us, Taylor’s look goes back to me.“So you like to sleep in, don’t you?”“Doesn’t everyone?” I reply awkwardly.“I don’t.” He says, smirking.“Liar.” I shoot back at him. When he doesn’t say anything, I continue. “Thank you so much for letting me stay here, it really means a lot. I’ll get out of your hair now.”“I thought I said I’d drive you.”“I heard that, but I don’t need you to drive me.” I say sternly to let him know I’m not backing down from this. I don’t want any more favors from him, there’s a line that I don’t want to cross.He nods. “Okay, well, can I at least get your number?” He asks me as his usual smile’s starting to fade.I take a moment to think. “Okay.” He hands my his phone and I name the contact ‘Hayley Williams’. Without another word I go to the bathroom to change. When I come out he’s still standing there. “Thanks again.”“Anytime.” His grin’s back. “Until next time.”“Bye.” ------------------- Taylor’s POVGetting up in the morning’s always been easy for me, which is a very good thing if you’ve had a childhood like mine. With the constant rushing everywhere, my parents would just tell me that I have to make appearances. That was all their plan to get me to some way too expensive collage. Too bad for them, I guess.When I get dressed, I walk over to the room Hayley’s staying in and put my ear to the door. I don’t hear anything, so I very slowly push on the door handle and hope that she’s not gone yet. To my relief, she’s curled up in the center of the king sized bed, sound asleep.Her face is peaceful and her breathing a steady rhythm. She looks so young. Looking at her right now, she could be fifteen. Using the opportunity of her not knowing I’m watching, I go over all of her features, from the smooth skin, to her long lashes and finally her perfect lips. God, she’s beautiful. Her beauty is different. She’s not slutty, showing her body off, though the definitely could. Seeing her in nothing but my shirt yesterday was a proof of that. She’s not shy either, she’s just herself, so unaware of the way she could make people feel.Not wanting to wake Hayley up, I close the door and go pick up the clothes I’d washed for her. I go downstairs, fold them and put them on the couch with a note. For a while I debated whether I should say something more, but I didn’t want to seem desperate. After I finish breakfast I go to work. When Hayley leaves I hear Jason clear his throat behind me.“Want to tell me what exactly are you doing with that girl?” He asks and crosses his arms over his chest.“Chill.” I reply getting annoyed.“Look, I get it, but this story always has the same ending. You’ll break her heart.” When I don’t say anything, he sighs. “How old even is she? She sure looks younger than you.”“Twenty.” I say under my breath.“Dude, you’re four years older than her!” He raises his voice.“Like that matters! It’s different this time – she’s different.” Yell back at him and feel the blood starting to boil in my veins.“You say that now, but when it comes down to it, you won’t be able to move on.” He comes closer to me, his tone a lot calmer now. “Look me in the eye and tell me you’re over her.”I stare at him, and my hands clenched into fists on my sides. I hold his gaze, but then look away. He scoffs. “I thought so.” Then he turns around and walks away.Needing to get out of here, leave the place and shut the door behind me. I get into my car and drive, not sure where. I take a turn out of the town and when I end up on a dirt road, I stop the car. I stare out of the front window. I’m near the forest and there probably isn’t one person within twenty miles from here.Erin’s always been a shadow hanging over any relationship I’ve had since we broke up two years ago. At first I was completely mesmerized by her. Everything about her was just irresistible. The way she smelt, the way she could make me laugh, the way she looked at me. I was just so drawn to her I couldn’t help myself. All of a sudden, for the first time in my life, I wanted to be someone better. I stopped partying as much, I actually started doing my assignments, I just wanted to be someone worth being with someone like her. Before I knew it, I was in love with her.She was attending a dancing program at a collage very close to the one I went to. My friend forced me to go to a show she was performing in and that was all it took. She wasn’t as into me at first, but back then a big part of me was still the horny teenager I had been, so I made her like me. That year was the happiest I remember ever being. I had never felt anything like it – like I could do anything.Then one day she got a letter. Someone had seen her dance and was offering her a job, a big one. Unfortunately it was on the other side of the country. I of course, was thrilled for her, but I also knew what that meant. At that time I still had hope though. That we could do it, the long distance thing. But she wasn’t like that. In exactly two months I got a text, saying that maybe us being friends again would be for the best. I wanted to reply, but I couldn’t. I wanted to call her so many names for breaking my heart, like the old me would’ve done, but instead I just cried. That’s the only time in my life I remember crying.Out of frustration I punch the steering wheel and run my hand through my hair. I step out of the car and put my arms behind my head and growl. I just don’t know how to let her go. I might never. I slam the car door at the thought. How could she just do that to me? That’s the worst part – never getting any closure. But I’m not going to let her control my life anymore.I think back to my conversation with Jason. Was it really different this time? Yes, yes it was. It had to.
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CHAPTER 4
Hayley’s POV When I get out of my car, I notice something in my mailbox. I walk over to it to find a thin envelope inside – probably just some bills. Not thinking much of it I go inside my house. Everything’s untouched, just the way I left it. My notepad is still lying open on the counter. I place the envelope next to it and go change into some new clothes, but I decide to keep the tank top on – it smells like him. This is getting way out of hand.The ringtone of my phone breaks into my thoughts. I take it out of my back pocket to see Jeremy’s name on the screen. Scared of what he might say, I pick it up.“Hey.” He says not seeming angry. I was afraid he might be mad at me too.“Hi.” I’m actually quite happy to hear from him again. Out of the 4 of us, he’s the one I kept in touch with the most.“So are you going to the wedding?” Jeremy says as if I know what he’s talking about.I frown. “What wedding?”“Josh’s wedding, which one would I be talking about?” I freeze. What did he just say? I knew Josh had a girlfriend, but that’s a pretty recent thing. They haven’t been together for even a year.“Josh is getting married?” I blurt out in shock.“Did he seriously not send you an invitation?” He raises his voice. An invitation? Wait a minute. I run towards the counter and pick up the envelope I had gotten from the mailbox earlier. Inside there’s a delicately decorated card, titled ‘The Farro-Rice wedding’.“He did. I... I just got it.” I say distantly.“Oh, good. I swear if he wouldn’t’ve...” Jeremy pauses as if considering whether he should continue the thought “never mind.” He doesn’t say anything for a moment and I’m still too stunned to talk. “So are you going?”I’m not sure how to feel about this. I don’t think I’m jealous, we broke up two years ago – we both knew that we had no other choice and at the end of the day I am happy for him, he deserves happiness. But I have a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. He’s moved on. So much so that he’s engaged. I haven’t even kissed a guy since him. Is it anger? It could be. My life’s just running away in front of my eyes.“Hello?” He asks when I don’t answer.I shake the thoughts away. “Yeah, of course I’m going, he’s my best friend.”“Okay, great. I’m really happy to hear that.” He seems relieved.He’s about to say goodbye when I cut him off. “Hey Jerm, do you want to come over to my place sometime? I think it’s time we write something for a change. Tell Zac maybe?”“Okay, I’ll give you a call.” I can hear him smiling on the other side.“Bye.” I say and end it. The happiness that the band might be okay quickly fades, when I let the rest of our conversation sink in. Josh is getting married. Is that why he went off on me so much when we last talked two days ago? How could that lead to him being so angry though, I mean, if anyone should be acting like that, it’s me. He should be thrilled. Isn’t it supposed to be the best day of his life?I was always afraid of love because of my parents, but when the two of us got together, it almost made me believe that that maybe I could have what they never did. But then the fear creeped its way back into my head and I made sure that any relationship I might’ve had never happened. This is exactly the wake up call I needed. -------------- A few hours later someone knocks on the door. I rack my brain for any options of who it could be - I’m not expecting anyone. Unwillingly I get up from the couch and turn the TV off.“Hi.” Josh says, nervously stepping from one foot to another when I open the door.Surprise quickly takes over my face. “Hi.” I pause. “I’m sorry, but why are you here? You certainly didn’t seem in the mood to talk to me the last time we spoke.”He looks up from the ground. “Can I come in?” I nod and walk a few feet further into the house and protectively cross my arms over my chest.“I wanted to apologize.” He says as he closes the door behind him. “What I said, the way I acted... I didn’t mean it. I was just stressed out about everything going on with...” he trails off.“The wedding.” I finish for him. He’s still acting as if we’re in high school.“Yeah.”“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I ask him not understanding.“I don’t know, it’s weird to talk about it with you.” Josh answers and puts his hands into the pockets of his jeans.“Look,” I take a step towards him “I want us to be able to move past this. Our past is just that, our past. Can’t we just be friends again?”The corners of his lips curl up a bit. “Okay. I’d like that.” He says and I pull him in for a hug out of the relief. For a moment he just stands there, but then he gives in and returns it. When he leans away, he looks towards the guitar lying on my couch.“Were you writing?”“Some.” I say and pick the acoustic up and hand it to him. “I have a melody that I can’t get out of my head. Play me a chord.” He’s probably not expecting this to turn into a writing session, since he stares me for a while, but then he sits down and taking a guitar pick that’d been lying on the table he starts strumming. I hum the melody.“Do you have any lyrics?”I shake my head. “I don’t think any lyrics would fit this, it’s too fast.”“Okay, well why don’t you just sing na’s or la’s or something?” That’s actually not a bad idea.He starts playing again. “Ba da ba ba da ba ba da” A smile makes its way onto his mouth as I sing.“Yeah, we can use that for an intro or an outro, maybe a bridge.” He has the familiar spark in his eyes he had every time he was passionate about something.“Wait a sec.” I get up and run up the stairs for my notepad. While I’m in my bedroom, it crosses my mind that I could get a guitar for myself too. When I get back, Josh’s eyebrows are furrowed as he plays something.“Hey can you play this for me?” he shows me some chords when he notices what I’ve brought with myself. I keep repeating what he showed me as he starts playing a melody over it.“That’s great Josh.” I say with a wide smile.“I’ve actually come up with this a few months back, but kind of forgot about it until now.” He says and looks and the table, where the notepad is. “Did you bring lyrics?”“Mhm.”“Let’s hear it then.”Going through the pages I debate which ones I should sing. Probably the least angry ones, since almost all of them are directed towards him, but finding that proves to be hard. Pretty much all the feelings I’ve had the past few months weren’t really happy. The ones I wrote when we were still on tour aren’t as bad at the beginning, but that quickly changes towards the end of it, which is when the two of us really started drifting apart. Then I settle for something I wrote more about myself than anyone else.“Okay I’m ready.”Josh looks up from his guitar. “Do you have a melody?”I shake my head. “I’ll just make something up as we go.”“Alright.” “I think it’s finished.” I say with a grin.“Yeah it’s good.”“Are you kidding me? It’s great!” I reply enthusiastically. A light smile touches his lips. “Yeah you’re right.” He leans toward the table a picks up his phone. “Wow, did you know it’s 3 in the morning?”“What?” It cannot be that late. I look over at the clock in the kitchen and indeed, it’s 3:05 am. “Well, music requires sacrifices.”“I just hope Jenna’s not mad.” He says and runs a hand through his hair.Right. I almost forgot about that. “About that...” I begin “I wanted you to know that I’m happy for you, I really am. I know that things haven’t been all that good between us since we broke up, assuming that’s the reason, but I want to be able to move on.”“I think that’d be best.”
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CHAPTER 5
Hayley’s POVI wake up late, since me and Josh stayed up writing. I’m pretty happy at how yesterday went and I was not expecting myself to be. Apart from writing an amazing song, I think Josh and I might actually be okay, which is something that in my head was basically impossible. I remember just how anxious I was to even talk to him last tour. Every time after a show he’d just get on the bus and go to sleep without saying a word.Getting up I check my phone, to find a text from an unknown number.
Meet me in the park in two hours, hope you’re not afraid of heights. – T
It takes me a few seconds to realize who the message’s from. Taylor, of course, I gave him my number. I feel a twitch of nervousness in my stomach at the thought of seeing him again. Should I go? As my memories of yesterday start revealing further, I remember just why Josh had come. A month ago, I’m pretty sure wouldn’t’ve gone, heck I probably would’ve left him hanging even a few days ago. Today I don’t care.I look at when he sent the text to know what time I should get going and my heart sinks. Damn it. He sent it at 11:00 which means I have 30 minutes to get up, take a shower, eat breakfast, though I’ll probably skip that, and get ready to go out. Rushing around the house I have to stop and think what to wear. Why do men never specify that? He did say something about me being afraid of heights, so we’re probably not going to the city. I really hope we’re not going to jump out of a plane or something similar to that.I finally make up my mind and settle for a pair of Converse, jeans a tight hoodie and pull my hair up in a bun. It seems pretty sunny outside, so it’s too warm to wear a jacket. When I finally get to my car, it’s 12:57, so I’m definitely not going to make it on time.I get to the park about 15 minutes later and start looking for Taylor. Of course, he didn’t specify where I should meet him either, so I just go to the fountain, that being the most predictable place since it’s in the center of it. My heart starts racing at the thought that he might’ve already left and I start running.When I get to it, I look for him as I try to calm my heavy breathing, but he’s nowhere to be found. I check my phone for any more messages he could’ve sent, but there’s nothing new.“Hey. I wasn’t sure you’d show.” A familiar voice says from behind me and startles me.I turn around and look up at Taylor. He’s wearing all black except for a red beanie. “Yeah I wasn’t sure either.” I say sarcastically. “Couldn’t you just tell me where to meet you?”He grins. “And what would be the fun in that?” I roll my eyes at him, which just widens his smile. “Come with me.” He says before I even get the chance to ask what he’s got planned for the day.We walk and when we get to the parking lot, he stops next to a BMW and unlocks it with a key that was in his pocket.“If we’re taking your car, couldn’t you just text me where we’re going in the first place?” I question as I sit down onto the passenger seat.“If I told you, you’d ask me why and then I’d have to explain, which might’ve lead to you declining the exhilarating experience, that you’re about to have.” He explains, almost sounding like a commercial.I can’t stop a small chuckle from escaping my lips. “You know, that did not make me feel any better about getting into your car.”“It wasn’t supposed to, besides, you can’t back out now.” Taylor says as the engine of the car roars to life.We’re silent for most of the ride. He turns on the radio and leaves it in some country station, which I don’t mind. I watch the blur of trees on the side of the road as we head out of the city. I’m still a little shocked that this is actually happening. It sounds a little crazy if you look at it from afar. I’m on what I assume is a date with a guy I met months ago on a train, to whom I never thought I’d talk again, who I happened to run into three days ago, got soaked in the rain with and spent the night at his place. A typical Saturday if you ask me.In about 45 minutes we start slowing down and we stop next to a pretty steep, rocky mountainside. We get out of the car and Taylor takes a deep breath.“Isn’t it beautiful? I’ve always loved spending the days in the forest when I was a kid.” It really is beautiful. Spring’s just begun, the sun melting what little was left of the snow and everything seems to be waking up.Taylor walks over to the trunk and opens it.“Is this the part when you take out some knife out of there and kill me?” I joke.He looks at me with a frown and starts searching for something, making frantic movements with his arms.“Bullshit.” I mutter and stride in his direction. The only things in there are two helmets, rope and something that might be a piece of clothing, but I’m not completely sure.He laughs when I let out a breath. “Did that really get you?” He asks, his eyebrows raised.“No.” I shake my head, but change the topic because that’s not completely true. “What’s this stuff for?”“We’re going climbing.” He says as if it’s absolutely normal.Oh no way in hell is he getting me to do that. “You mean that giant mountain?” I wave my arm in the direction of it. He cannot be serious.“Yeah, which one would we be climbing?”“Taylor! What if we fall, we’re going to die!” I argue.“We’re not going to die, that’s what we have this for.” He points to the things in this trunk. “See that rope? That’s to make sure you don’t fall down.”“Well what if it fails?”He chuckles and puts his hands on my shoulders. “It’s not going fail. I’ve done this before, it’s completely save, I promise.” Taylor says and offers me a reassuring smile, one that actually manages to make me give in.“If I die, it’s your fault.” I say and cross my arms over my chest.“Understood. Now come here.” I do as I’m told and he holds out a wired set of fabric and carabiners and gestures me to step in it. He locks everything in place and tightens it around my thighs and waist. Then he puts a helmet over my head and attaches the rope to my body. When he’s done, he does the same things for himself.“So what you don’t know is that this place is actually meant for climbing, meaning that there are anchor points along the way up.” When I look closely at the mountainside, I can see little pieces of metal drilled into it.After a long safety talk we finally get to the actual climbing, though I can’t say I’m too happy about that. I wait for him to start, but he doesn’t.“You’re going first, not me.” He finally asks after our staring contest is over.“What? I’ve never done this, you should go first.”“Hayley, if I’m below you I can watch your step and maybe even catch you if you fall.”Okay that does actually make sense, but I’m not telling him that. Without another word I put my hand in what looks like a stable crack and push myself up. The beginning is not as bad, but as we get higher, nervousness takes over my body. My hands start trembling and I have to keep telling myself not to look down every second.It’s by far not as easy as they make it seem in the movies. The worst part is the wind. My hair is all over the place since I had to undo my bun in order to put on the helmet and I feel like if it was a little stronger, it’d blow me off to the ground.“You okay? If this gets too much, just say the word and we’ll get down.” Taylor says from beneath me.Panting, I swallow the lump in my throat. “Yeah, I’m good.”The wind gets more intense the further we go and I shiver at the sudden chill that takes over my body. Every step I take is more nerve racking than the previous one.I get stuck for a second not being able to find a place to put my foot. Once I finally spot one that looks stable enough, I lean in the direction of it. The second the tip of my shoe scratches it though, little rocks fall down the mountainside and I slip. My life flashes in front of my eyes. This is it. All of a sudden my back crashes into something hard, but definitely not hard enough to be the ground, which turns out to by Taylor’s chest. His hands grip my waist and in some places my clothes are lifted up so his fingers are touching my skin. The cold I felt before is quickly gone.“See? I told you, you should go first.” He says in between breaths, but I can’t focus on what he’s saying, because of the closeness of his body. “Can you stand on your own now? This isn’t the safest position.” When he says that, I realize that he’s supporting my entire body weight. I get off him when I find a good place to put my legs.When we finally reach the top I immediately hug the ground.“Never in my life have I thought that the sight of grass could be to appealing.” I say and turn on my back so that I’m looking at the sky.Taylor chuckles and takes a backpack off his shoulders which I haven’t even noticed he had with him. “Don’t forget we still have to get down.”My mouth falls open. Shit. That didn’t even cross my mind. I sit up to see him looking at me with a grin. “Please tell me you have some other way for us to get down.” I beg.“Wait, are you trying to tell me you didn’t enjoy that?” He pretends to be offended.“A little, but that doesn’t mean I need to do it again. It’s like one of those bucket list things, like bungee jumping, that you do but never want to repeat.” Apart from the constant fear for my life, I did genuinely enjoy the climbing. I like the adrenalin rush and honestly, I haven’t felt this alive in a long time.“Too bad for you I guess.” He says, clearly amused by my suffering and puts a blanket on the ground. “Are you hungry?”I sit down next to him. “Did you actually prepare a picnic?”“Maybe.” He says and hands me a sandwich.“So how am I doing so far?” When I look at him confused he continues. “Not bad for a first date, is it? Well, technically second, but that’s not important. I can be very creative.”“This is a date?” I question, though I have been hoping it had been one.“Of course, what did you think this was?”“I don’t know... I guess I just haven’t been on a date for so long I kind of forgot what it’s like.”He frowns. “When was the last time you’ve been on one?”I laugh awkwardly. “A long time ago.” He keeps looking at me, waiting for me to answer him. “Three years.”Taylor’s eyes go wide with shock. “That’s exactly why I didn’t want to tell you.” I comment on his reaction.“I just don’t get how someone like you doesn’t get asked out.”I look at the ground. “I’ve just been... afraid.”“Because of your ex?” He asks cautiously.“Partially, yes.” I say as I pick at the grass peeking from below the blanket.“And because of your parents?”Wait, how does he know about that? That never came up in the conversation we had two days ago, so I must’ve told on the train when we first met. “I can’t believe you remember that.” I almost whisper.“I remember things.” He says softly and pauses “You know, I wasn’t being serious when I said we have to get down the same way we got up.” Taylor says and turns his head so that he’s facing me, but I keep staring at the sky.“What do you mean?”“We can totally hike to get back to the car, it’s just a few miles.”“Oh,” I let out a sigh of relief “Good, I don’t think I would’ve made it.”He chuckles. “You actually did pretty well.”I scoff. “Yeah right.”“No, I’m being serious.” he says honestly “Except for that slip up, you did way better than I’d expected.”I tilt my head to meet his face. “What did you expect?” I ask, trying to sound offended, though I’m not. I wouldn’t expect myself to do well either.“I don’t really know. I had no idea how today would go, but so far it’s better than I thought it would be.” Taylor answers with a smile.When we’re done eating, Taylor lies down and rests his hands behind his head. I’m still sitting a few feet away from him when his eyes gaze into mine longingly.“What?” I ask, a small smile tugging on my lips.“You just have really pretty eyes.” He answers, not looking away.I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks as I try to dry the sweat from my hands on my jeans. Needing to break the eye contact, I change from my sitting position so that I’m lying next to him. The birds are chirping around us and the leaves are shuffling in the wind, but besides that, there’s silence.I feel myself getting comfortable and my eyelids getting heavy, so I close them. When I open them again, I look around myself to see Taylor sketching something down very intensely. He’s frowning, but there’s fire in his eyes.“What’re you drawing?” I say and prop myself on my elbows.A bit startled, he looks up. “Well hello sleepyhead. I wasn’t sure you were going to wake up.”I fell asleep? “How long has it been?”“About an hour.” He says and puts his sketchbook along with the pencil down.How has it been an hour? It feels like I closed my eyes a few seconds ago.“I didn’t know you draw.”“It’s actually my job. Well, sort of.”“Really?” How do I now know the most basic things about him?“Yeah, I work at a tattoo place.”Now, that’s strange. “But you don’t have any tattoos.”“I do, you just don’t see them.”We look at each other for what feels like hours. I break the moment by standing up when the wind gets more intense again. The sun’s about to set, covering everything in orange, almost red light. The view is astonishing.“We should get going.” I hear him say behind me. “It’s about to get dark, which means it’ll be pretty cold.” With a nod I help him fold the blanket we’d been lying on.“So which way do we go?” I ask.He frowns. “I thought we were going to climb back down.”I stare at him like he can’t be serious, but his expression stays the same. Finally he starts laughing and points his hand to a pathway leading into the forest.“This way.” He says not doing a very good job or suppressing his smile.“I hate your stupid jokes.” I say under my breath.When we get to the car the sun’s already gone behind the horizon causing the temperature to drop. There’s still light, but not much. I open the door to the passenger seat and get in. Taylor puts his things in the trunk and gets in the car a second later.We don’t talk really on the drive back and when we’re back in the city it’s completely dark. The parking lot in the park is almost empty by now.I really did like this day, probably more than I should have. I still don’t know if I want to do this – date someone, I mean, because I’m pretty sure that’s what Taylor wants from this, whatever this is. After being single for so long, I kind of got used to it. And what if it ends the same way it had before with my heart getting broken? Yes, Josh has moved on, but he’s obviously found ‘the one’, if you want to use that term. The chances are Taylor probably isn’t that for me... but then again what if he is? I push the thoughts away as he pulls into a spot.“Here we are.” Taylor says when he stops the car.“Thanks.” I say and consider what to say next “I had a good time today.”He smiles and then nods. “So does that mean there will be a second date?”“I’ll have to think about it.”“Wait.” Taylor says when there’s a pause and I start getting out. He leans over to the back seat, gets his backpack and starts digging through it. Once he finds his sketchbook, he opens it, rips out the latest drawing and hands it to me. It’s a butterfly sitting on someone’s hand. The detail is amazing. From the smallest hairs on the insect’s head to tiny wrinkles covering parts of the hand.“That’s beautiful.” I say dumbfounded. I had no idea he could draw like this.“You’re welcome.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
CHAPTER 6
Taylor’s POV I push open the door of the café, the strong smell of coffee instantly hitting me. I scan the place expecting I’ll have to wait, but to my surprise I find my brother already sitting a few feet away from me. Happy to see him, I walk towards him and use the empty chair tucked under the table.“Hi T.” Justin says opposite from me, sipping on the hot brown liquid in front of him.“Hey.” I reply. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other. We both moved out of our childhood house the second we got the chance, since neither of us lived up to our father’s expectations. He’s always loved playing the guitar way more than anything our dad’s tried to force him into doing and when he realized Justin wouldn’t change, he started doing the same thing to me. But since I’m the younger son, he was determined that he wouldn’t fail that time, so his attempts were a lot more intense, which pretty much ruined our relationship.“How’ve you been, little brother?”“As well as can be expected, I guess. What about you?”Justin’s expression changes to a more serious one. He looks down at the table and starts fidgeting with the two unused sugars next to his coffee. “I need your help.”I frown. He’s always hated asking other people for help, because his pride’s always stood in the way of that. I think he wants to prove to the world he can take care of himself like he couldn’t convince dad, I know I do. But judging by the way he’s acting, this is probably serious.“What is it?” I ask, still a little taken aback.“The band broke up a few weeks ago. I don’t have a place to stay, since we all stayed at Andrew’s place or the bus.” He pauses. Justin’s been in a band for the 4 or 5 years or so, so to hear that they broke up is quite the surprise. They’ve never made a lot of money, but they’ve always seemed really happy to do what they were doing. “Do you think I could spend the night at your place? Just for a few days, until I get a job.” “Um,” I clear my throat “sure. There’s a spare bedroom, so you can stay as long as you want. I’ll have to talk to my roommate, but he’s cool.”“Thanks.” He says which is when the tension in his shoulders I didn’t notice before disappears.“How come you guys broke up?” I ask the question that’s really bugging me. As I said, he and the band never seemed unhappy. They’ve been friends forever, so I definitely did not see this coming.He frowns as he thinks about his answer. “It just wasn’t working out. I don’t think any of us wanted to be there anymore. We’ve been waiting for a breakthrough for so long and it didn’t seem like that was ever going to happen. Just being a band stopped being enough for us.” He trails off, the sadness overtaking his voice. “Breaking up was the right thing to do; I just don’t know what now. Playing the guitar is the only thing I’m good at and I can’t see myself spending the rest of my life working as a cashier or something like that.”“You’ll work something out.”We drive to my apartment. It’s empty, since Jason’s away and won’t be back for another week. I help Justin get his things from his car and unpack a little in the guest bedroom.“This is a nice place you have here.” He comments and flops on the couch with a sigh. He seems a lot more himself now.“Yeah, I’m aware.” I say and sit down next to him.He lets out a low chuckle. “Hey thank you so much for letting my stay here. You were my last option before calling dad.”“Anytime, brother.”“So how are you, really. We didn’t even get a chance to talk and we haven’t seen each other in how long?” Justin asks in a familiar tone. When we were kids, we spent all of our time together. Whether we were outside playing basketball or just talking about life, we were inseparable. I was 16 when he went to collage which was the last time we properly kept in touch and two years later he dropped out because of his band.“I’ve been doing alright.” I say and smile to myself at the memory of the past few days.His eyebrows furrow at my expression. “Anything I should know about?” “Nah.” I lie.“There’s only one other time I’ve seen that smile.” he trails off “Oh my god you have a girlfriend.” he says raising his voice.I laugh at his reaction. He’s like a 13 years old teenager when it comes to gossip. “I don’t have a girlfriend I just met her.”“Yeah right.” He scoffs. “So what’s she like? Does she like dancing?” Justin teases, referencing the only girl I’ve actually loved.“Oh shut up.” I reply and throw a pillow in his direction. “She sings for a band.”“A singer? I hate to break it to you, but those two aren’t too far from each other.”“She’s nothing like Erin. Erin was shy, quiet, always too reasonable and unable to have fun.” I say and think back to the time we were together. If there’s one thing she wasn’t, it’s spontaneous. She’d plan things like doing her homework months before they were due. Anytime I suggested we go somewhere, even something as mundane as a bar or one of the million parties happening on campus, she’s just beg me to stay in, to which I of course obeyed.“So what, is this girl likely to come up to you and tell you all the things she wants you to do to her?”“No, she’s not that kind of outgoing. She’s just...” I search for the right word “I don’t know. She’s the type of person who will make your day just by smiling at you.” I get lost in my head thinking about the way she looked when she smiled.“Oh wow.” Justin says with an amused grin “You are in too deep my friend.”When I snap out of it, I realize I’ve been biting on my lower lip when and let go of it. “I know, it’s crazy. We’ve been on one date and I can’t stop thinking about her.”He doesn’t respond to my comment and keeps on questioning me. “So what’s the name of her band? There’s a pretty good chance I might know them if they’re local.”I think about all of our conversation searching for the information, but I can’t seem to find it. “I don’t know, actually.” I reply, surprised at the fact that it didn’t occur to me to ask her that.“Well what’s her name?” Justin asks, determined to find the answer.“Hayley.” I say simply.“I need her surname you idiot.”“Williams.”His eyes widen. “Wait, you mean from Paramore?”My hands shoot up in surrender. “I just said I don’t know the name of the band.”“Red hair, around 20, maybe 19...” He says, the pace of his speech pattern getting faster rapidly.“Yeah.”Justin laughs out of disbelief. “Dude! They’re huge! Their last album went platinum.”“Wow I had no idea.” How did it not cross my mind to just google her name will probably forever be a mystery to me. I’m not really surprised that Hayley’s band is this successful, though. Now I’m just really interested in hearing their music.“I cannot believe my brother’s been on a date with a Paramore member.” He says still in shock. “Well, when you see her again you can ask her if they need a new guitarist.” Justin adds, clearly not being serious, but that’s when I get an idea.“That might actually work.” I say quietly still going over my options in my head, which stops him from laughing.“What? No, I was joking.” He clears up.“But think about it.” I contemplate “That could be my reason to talk to her without showing just how desperate I really am.”Justin chuckles sarcastically. “Well if you get me to play with Paramore, I’ll forever kiss your ass.”“I’ll hold you to that.”---------------------I text Hayley when I get home from work the next day.
are you free today?
She replies almost immediately.
that depends on how much danger my life’d be in
I laugh under my breath.
actually I need to talk to you about something
There’s a pause. I guess the request might be a little strange, since there isn’t much I could need to talk about with her. I think about whether I should specify why exactly I want to talk to her, but then I get another text of her agreeing to meet me.I step from one foot to another impatiently waiting for Hayley to show up. She was supposed to be here 10 minutes ago and given our last encounter, I’m guessing it’s not that unusual for her to be late. I look at the people passing by me, searching for the bright red color of her hair. Why am I so nervous?I breathe out in relief when I finally spot the flame headed girl walking in my direction me 5 minutes later. She’s frowning as she searches the crowd for me. This is one of the busiest streets in Nashville and it’s a Friday night so it’s bound to be crowded here. Her face lights up when we our eyes meet and we close the distance between us.“Taylor.” She says looking up at me.I tilt my head down a little to adjust her height. She seems to be in a good mood. “Hi.” I reply studying her face. She’s wearing more make-up today then she was a few days ago when we last went out and I can’t say I’m complaining.“So what is it?” Her voice brings me back to reality.I start walking and Hayley follows me. “Want to get something to eat?”She cocks her head to the side. “I didn’t know you wanted to go get dinner when you said you needed to talk about something.”“Would that be so bad?” I ask deciding to not to make this about Justin. I am eventually going to ask her for him; though I know the probability of him actually getting the job is almost nonexistent.She smiles brightly and shakes her head. “No.”“What got you in such a good mood today?” I continue the conversation as we turn the corner towards the Italian place not far from here.“You know how I told you about the guitarist I was fighting with?”“Yeah.” Maybe we will talk about that after all.“Well after months we finally made up in a way wrote a new song together. We showed it to the rest of the guys and everyone loved it.” she pauses before continuing ”Now we just have to send it to the label to see what they think. I was so worried about everything and now it finally feels like we’re all back on track. I honestly can’t wait to write more music.”“That’s great.” I say sincerely. “But you have to sing for me now.”“Oh but I can’t. You see, the song’s not been released yet, therefore I can’t show it to anyone.” She answers clearly faking sounding sorry.When we get to the restaurant and find a table, the waiter brings us the menus. As we’re picking what to eat, I notice a group of 3 guys sitting not far from us. They could be around my age, maybe younger. One of them, a black haired guy with an eyebrow piercing, is looking at me. When he looks me in the eyes his expression changes to a bored one and he goes on talking to his friend. Something about him seems familiar, like we’ve met before.“Taylor.”I turn my attention back to her. “What?”“Where’d you go?”“Nothing.” I’m not going to let some random guy ruin this for me. “I mean it’s nothing.” I correct myself.“Okay.” She lets out a nervous laugh.I debate whether I should ask her about Justin’s problem. On one hand, I want to do this for my brother, but on the other, what if she gets me wrong and thinks that that’s the only reason I wanted to see her today.“Hey so, I do actually want to ask you something.” I say deciding to go through with it. I think my reasoning’s been very clear the few times we’ve seen each other.“Okay.” She leads on to continue.“I have a brother,” I begin “his name is Justin, and he’s a really good guitar player. His band just broke up and he doesn’t have a job. Do you think your band would want a new touring guitarist? I swear to you he’s great and he can sing pretty well too.”Hayley looks down and frowns. “Uh” she clears her throat “I don’t know, I’d have to ask the guys, but there might be a place for him.” She sounds disappointed.When she trails off I take my chance to explain. Rather safe than sorry. “That’s not the only reason I’m here today. I’ve been thinking about how to talk to you the whole week and when Justin told me what happened, I finally found an excuse.” I say hoping that she’ll understand.She nods. “He also said that you’re really big, the band, I mean.” I add trying to lighten up the mood.“I guess.” Hayley answers in a tone that indicates my explanation had indeed been enough. Good.“He said your last record went platinum.”“It did.” She says as if it’s nothing special.I chuckle to myself. She really is something else.We make our orders and wait. We cover pretty much every topic you’d think of; starting at ‘how was your day’ to a very heated discussion about gorillas and in about 45 minutes the waiter is back with our food.“The chef’s sorry that you had to wait so long, but we’re full tonight.” He says the rehearsed apology in an uninterested tone.“It’s okay.” Hayley answers politely, but he’s already walked away. “Wow, someone’s in a bad mood.”I chuckle at her comment. “Yeah, well being a waiter isn’t the most fun job in the world.”She frowns. “How would you know?”“It was my part time job for three years when I was in high school.” I explain. “Why does that surprise you so much?” I ask when I see her reaction.“I don’t know, I just didn’t picture you as that kind of guy. I always thought you were the ‘dark and mysterious’ type.”“I guess that’s partially true, I didn’t do much talking back then.” I say and focus my attention on the food in front of me. “Start eating before it gets cold.”She picks up her fork and digs into her spaghetti. When we’re done it’s already 8pm.After I pay for our food, we decide to head out and enjoy the city at night. We turn into a quieter street, one without any people. Then I spot the guy from earlier walking towards us. Somehow I forgot about him during the dinner, but I still can’t shake the feeling of familiarity when I see his face.“Hey did you-.” Hayley stops when she notices the stranger followed by his two friends inevitably nearing us.“York!” He almost shouts. I don’t have to smell the booze to see that he’s drunk. Something about him screams that he’s trouble.I turn to face him. When he notices the confusion in my eyes, he wears a smug smile. “You don’t recognize me, do you?”My frustration grows as I try to place him somewhere in my life. I don’t think I know him from collage, since the one I went to isn’t connected to Nashville so the chances of us meeting here are almost nonexistent, which means we must’ve met in high school. Then it clicks. He was the leader of the Coopertown high’s athletic team. We raced against each other.“Thompson.” I mumble his surname as the memories of our encounters flash through my mind. We went against each other in the state championship finals, though there’s more history between the two of us. He was good, but I hadn’t lost one race the whole season and he knew he wouldn’t win. Apparently his dad, who also happens to be friends with my dad, was just as much of a dick to him as mine was to me, even more so, so he couldn’t loose. When I finished first, the staff told me my tracker wasn’t activated, therefore the person who finished second was announced winner. That person was Logan Thompson.I was sure I had activated my tracker though, so I looked through it and found out someone had messed with it. It didn’t take me long to realize who it had been. I wasn’t really capable of controlling my anger, so to say I was furious is an understatement. I got so mad, that one day I waited for him after school and beat the crap out of him and that was the last I heard from him until today.“Would you look at that.” he continues making a scene “Two old friends meet after so long apart. Isn’t it beautiful?”“What do you want?” I say through gritted teeth and protectively take a stand in front of Hayley. I’m really not in the mood to talk to him. I’d react to what happened differently now, but he’s still an asshole I have no interest in knowing.“What? Are you going to beat me up again?” Logan mocks me. When I just hold his gaze and don’t answer, he continues: “And who do we have here?” He gestures to a little scared, but mainly confused Hayley.“None of your business.” I answer as I take a step closer to him, our bodies now just inches away. “You were a coward then and you’re a coward now. Why don’t you just go home?”All of a sudden I feel a sharp pain spread through me, as his fist makes contact with my jaw.“Taylor!” Hayley screams when I stumble to the ground. I feel something wet on my fingers as I clutch my mouth and it takes me a second to realize that blood’s pouring from my bottom lip. When a hand touches my back I prepare myself for more pain, but it’s gentle. Then her other hand turns my head towards her and she’s terrified as inspects my injuries.“Hate to say it York, but I expected more from you.” Logan says from above me and grunting I try to get up. Hayley doesn’t waste any time though and gets in his face immediately. That’s not good.“Why the hell would you do that?” She asks him in fury.He stands up taller to demonstrate the height difference between the two, but before he gets a chance to say anything I manage get on my feet, ready to take another hit.“If that was all you’ve got, then I recommend you get ready to run, Logan. Not like that’d help you though, if you know what I mean.” I say and shoot a look towards his accomplices, which seems to scare them. I guess they know why his nose isn’t straight anymore.He’s about to throw another punch, which I would’ve blocked if his friends hadn’t stopped him.“He’s not worth it, let’s just go.” They almost mumble as they drag him away from me.He scoffs and focuses his attention to Hayley. “You might want to find out who he really is, before you let him fool you.” And then he walks away.We both stand there for a moment, processing what just happened. Hayley turns around and reaches her arms out to my face, which is throbbing by now, and get a better view of it. Her touch is soft, her thumb barely touching my skin as it brushes over my bottom lip and then my chin, rubbing some of the blood off. I don’t feel the pain anymore.“I think you might need stitches, but I can’t be sure.” She says, worried and I let out the breath I didn’t know I’d been holding when her hands drop back to her sides.“I’ll be fine.” I answer, but speaking’s getting harder as the swelling starts.“No you won’t. You need to get this checked out.” She persists, determination in her voice.“I’ve been in a fight before, I can handle this.” I really don’t want to go to the hospital.Hayley looks at me, almost startled and the dim light of the street lamp reveals she’s smiling. “Are you scared?”“No.” I defend myself “I am not scared, I just really don’t like needles.” I try to keep a neutral expression, but her smile is intoxicating.“Okay then, no doctors.” she pauses, but she doesn’t look like she’s finished “But you have to let me take a look at this.” she points to my mouth.“Fine, but I don’t have a first aid kit.”“Lucky for you, I do.”She drives me to her place. The neighborhood she lives in consists mainly of families with kids, so it’s quiet here. When we enter the house, she sits me down on one of the bar stools.“Stay here.” She commands and goes upstairs.I use my chance to look around. The house isn’t that big, which isn’t really surprising, since she’s the only one living in it. There are a lot of colors that are definitely a reflection of her personality. I’m about to get up to find out more when I hear her steps getting near.“I really don’t think this was necessary.” I say as she opens a box and takes out what looks like wash cloth.“Too bad.” She answers and goes over to the sink to soak it in water. When the fabric makes contact with my face, I wince and pull away immediately. “Don’t move.” She says in a calm voice and uses her other hand to hold my face and starts dabbing the blood away.I’m still waiting for her to bring up what Logan had said and honestly it does have me worried. Though I’m not the person I was when it happened, I’m not sure just how easy it’ll be to prove that to her.Once the wound is clean, she puts the now red piece of cloth down next to the box.“So the good news is you don’t need stitches,” Hayley starts going through the things in her first aid kit and pulls out a plaster “but you’ll need this.”“Are you not going to ask me about what that douchebag said?” I get out of myself when I’m not able to hold it in anymore.She starts cutting thin strips away from the plaster and takes her sweet time before answering. “I will, eventually.” Once she has three of them, she carefully sticks them onto my face. “But I’m not here to get to know the person you were.” When she’s done she puts the scissors down and looks me in the eyes. “Your past is just that – your past. The Taylor I’ve gotten to know is very far from a bad person. So either he made it up or you’ve changed.”We stare at each other, waiting who will break the eye contact. Once again I can’t help myself going over her features, admiring every single inch, until I rest my gaze on her lips. She shifts nervously when she realizes where I’m looking. I get up from the chair and take a step closer, expecting her to put the distance back between us, but she doesn’t. One more step and I’ll be able to feel her breath on my skin. I’m almost certain she can hear my heart beat going a 100 miles per hour.Then I hear the familiar sound my phone makes when I get a text. I mutter a few curse words and take it out of the back pocket of my jeans, to check who I’ll have the pleasure of killing tonight. Justin. Of course.“That’s my brother wondering where I am. I should probably get home.” I manage to choke out.“Yeah, sure.” her expression’s unreadable.“It was good seeing you, really. And thanks for fixing me up.” The only thing left from the moment is pure awkwardness.“You’re welcome.” there’s a hint of a genuine smile. “I’ll call you about the thing with your brother; maybe we can see each other then.”“I’d like that.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
CHAPTER 7
Hayley’s POV"Are you sure this Justin guy's going to show up?" Jeremy asks me dangling his feet from the somewhat of a podium in our rehearsal room. The floor’s just lifted where the drums are, but that’s what we call it.Since Taylor left my house two days ago I keep going back to the situation. I want to be glad that the moment had been interrupted by his ringtone, because I'm pretty positive I wouldn't've stopped him or myself, for that matter, but on the other hand I can't ignore the disappointment I felt when he stepped away.There’s this battle raging inside me. It was the same with Josh. I didn’t want to give into him because of the inevitable hurt that would come if and when it stopped working out, but he convinced me that that wouldn’t happen. And so I did give in and that ended up in me getting burned. Now there’s this guy I hardly even know, doing god knows what to my head and I don’t know what to do.“Hayles.” Jeremy waves his free hand in front of my face and clutches his yellow bass to his chest with the other when I drift off.I shake the thoughts away; I’ll deal with that later. “He’s only like three minutes late, give him a break. It’s not that easy to find this place either.” The building we’re in is big. Apparently it used to be a music school, but it got shut down. There are a lot of different hallways leading to this room that are easy to get lost in – I would know.“How do you even know him?” Zac adds into the conversation, sitting behind the drums and occasionally playing a random rhythm.‘I don’t’ is the answer I can’t say out loud. I don’t think they’d be very thrilled about me bringing a guy I haven’t even met in here. “He’s my friend’s brother. He used to be in a band that broke up recently.” I reply, trying to gather the little information Taylor had told me about him.“And why are we looking for a touring guitarist now? Don’t we need to write something to tour with?” Zac continues his questioning.That is a good point. It’s obvious we won’t need him for at least a few more months until we release something, which might take a lot longer than that since all we have is one demo. I’m not completely sure why I did what I did, I didn’t think about it. All I thought about was that he was connected to Taylor, which meant the chances of me running into him were pretty good. So I called the guys and didn’t tell them my reasoning until they got here.“Can’t we do something in advance? It’s better to have someone now, than start looking later and have to delay the tour.” He shoots me a confused look. It’s not like me to do things before I have to, I’m aware of that. So is he. I was always that kid at school that would turn in their homework the day after the deadline. I know my excuse is trash, so I’m left with hoping he’ll let it go.“Hayley’s right.” Josh finally speaks up. I’d like to think the two of us are on good terms now. After we brought the new song to the rest of the band, we spent a lot of time figuring everything out together and it almost felt like we were back to the friendship we’d had before, one that I so desperately want to get back. “Besides, it’d be nice to have someone around for writing. It’s annoying to always have to record the rhythm guitar before I can try to come up with the leads.”“I didn’t say she’s wrong, I just think it’s strange.” His brother defends himself. There goes my hope of him letting it go.“The one time I don’t do everything last minute.” I say and get up off the podium.“Where are you going?” Jeremy asks and I can hear him smiling.I turn around to face them and start walking backwards. "To go look for Justin, this place is a maze." When I'm in the hallway and they can't see anymore, I'm about to turn back around, but my back hits something hard. I let out a shriek as I feel my balance slipping away and close my eyes shut, bracing myself for the pain, but two hands grip my hips tightly, the person's fingers sinking into my skin."Don't hurt yourself." I hear a male voice I recognize instantly say from behind me, a deep chuckle resonating in his chest.When he puts me down and I can stand on my own again, his voice is the same tone of amusement as usual. "Who're you running from?""You're late." I ignore his question in between pants. Why am I breathless?"That's real rich coming from you."I roll my eyes, but I can't stop the corners of my mouth from curling up. I know I shouldn't feel the way I do when I see him, but I can't help myself. The amount of time I spent thinking about him has made the days we spent apart feel like months, it's almost surreal to see him standing in front of me. I don’t know how I’m going to stop myself, but I know I have to, because soon I won’t be able to control this.“What are you doing here? I didn’t know you play the guitar too.”“I came with Justin. Believe me; he wouldn’t’ve gotten here if it wasn’t for me. And he kind of doesn’t have a car at the moment.”"Well where is he?"He opens his mouth to answer, but someone cuts him off. He's about the same height as Taylor, but his hair is a little longer. When he looks at me, I can see the resemblance. Yup, this is definitely him."Here." he walks over to me and offers me the hand that's not holding what I assume is a guitar case and I shake it. "I'm Justin. Thank you so much for giving me a chance." his voice is calm."Hayley. And you're welcome." is all I say at that moment. I hadn't really thought about what I'll say to him. After an awkward moment that lasted way too long for my liking, I decide to speak up. “So I guess I should go introduce you to the guys.”I expect him to give me some kind of an answer, but he just nods. “Come with me then.”“You’re back early.” Jeremy calls out still sitting in the same position he was when I left, but when he sees the brothers he hops down and puts his bass on the floor and walks over to us.The rest of the band follows his suite. “So this is Justin,” I turn to my left where he’s standing “and this is Taylor.” They’re both wearing polite smiles.“I didn’t know you were bringing two guitarists.” Josh says with his arms crossed over his chest.“Oh I’m just moral support for my big brother here.” Taylor answers for me, but Josh’s body is still tense.“Hey man.” Jeremy shakes his hand with them. “I’m Jeremy,” he points behind him “this is Zac and the angry one’s Josh.” They all introduce themselves. “So why don’t you show us what you’ve got?”“Sure.” Justin puts his guitar case down on the floor and takes his guitar out. “What do you want me to play?”“Do you know any of our songs?” Zac asks him as he’s sitting back down behind his drum set.“Yeah.” He goes and plucks his guitar into one of the amps in the back that weren’t being used at the moment and starts fiddling with the settings. “Which one do you want to play?”“Why don’t we start with ‘For a pessimist’?” when Justin agrees, Zac looks to me “Hayles, you okay with that? It’s not one of the easiest songs.”“It’s okay, it’s not like anyone’s going to see me mess up anyway.” I answer him, but realize that’s not really true. I turn around to see Taylor standing in the back, leaning against the wall and staring right into my eyes. I cock my brow as if asking him what he’s looking at and he answers with a nod in my direction, never breaking the eye contact. The guys have probably already forgotten about him, judging by the looks of them laughing at something Justin said.“Everyone ready?” Jeremy asks finishing tuning his bass, still smiling from their conversation.We all agree and Zac counts us off to start the song. It’s a rehearsal, there’s no head-banging or jumping around like I do in our normal performances, but forgot just how much I love this. We haven’t done this since our last tour, which at the end of the day was a long time ago. When we finish the song, I’m surprised at how well Justin’s done. It’s not like the rhythm guitar in this song is hard, but it’s still his first time playing with any of us.“Nice job man.” This time it’s Josh to say something. He seems genuinely satisfied, which is not what I expected, not from him. “Can you play this for me?” Josh shows him a riff and he repeats it and all of the guys start playing their instruments along with it. I decide to give them some alone time and go get some water. As I’m walking away, Taylor’s still in the same position he was before.“You guys are good.” He comments and catches up with me when I don’t stop to talk to him, trying to get out of earshot. “Hey where are you going?”“Getting some privacy.” I finally answer when we the distance should be enough, getting him to smirk mischievously.“If you wanted some alone time with me, all you had to do was say so, honey.” When he finishes he winks with one eye.“Did you just wink at me?”“I don’t know, did I?” I slap him on the shoulder, which only satisfies him more.“You” he points his index finger at me “have one helluva voice. Like I thought you were good, but you’re good.”I’m not exactly sure how to respond to that other than the simple word. “Thanks.”“So I’m not here just to be moral support for my brother, I wanted to talk to you.” Taylor’s head’s down and his gaze is trained on the floor, stepping from one foot to another. Is he getting nervous? “Every year my and a couple of my friend spend a week on a sort of a skiing trip to Utah. One of the friends owns a cabin there, well okay, it’s a little bigger than your usual cabin, but that’s not important.”He pauses as if expecting me to say something. “Okay and that’s got something to do with me because...”“Well I was wondering if you’d want to come with me.” He looks up from the ground.I raise my eyebrows. He wants me to come with him to some trip? “A week in Utah with you and a bunch of guys I’ve never met?” I ask him. He can’t be serious.“Okay well when you say it like that it doesn’t sound as good, but I promise you it’ll be fun.” The confidence is back.“I don’t even ski.” I argue. I’ve never been skiing in my life.“It’s okay, I’ll teach you. I snowboard though, but don’t worry; it’s a lot more fun anyway.”I can’t do this. I have to draw the line somewhere. I’ve been unsuccessfully trying to stay away from him and this doesn’t seem like a good idea at all. He’d be the only person I’d know there, which means he’d be pretty much the only person I’d talk to and I only have so much self-control. Not to mention the fact that I’d spend a week with people I’ve never met. Besides, what would I tell the guys?“Look, I’m sorry, but that’s too sudden. I hardly even know you.”My response doesn’t seem to make him give up. “That is not a valid excuse anymore. I bet I know more about you than some of the people that have been around you for way longer than I have.” I guess there might be some truth to that. I don’t even remember the last time I’ve talked so much to a person.When I don’t say anything he continues. “C’mon,” Taylor’s voice softens “when was the last time you went to sleep and didn’t know what you were going to do the next day?”I don’t know. My life’s been the same every day since the tour. I don’t remember the last time I did anything just for the sake of doing it.“Please.” He almost whispers.I sigh. I guess it’s time to do something really stupid for once. I need to get out of my house anyway, or I’ll go crazy in there. “Fine.” He gives me a wide smile. “When do we leave?”“Uhh...” he runs a hand through his hair “right.” I shoot him a questioning look “Tomorrow morning.”My eyes go wide. “Are you kidding me?”“The plane leaves at 10 in the morning.” I laugh sarcastically. This is just brilliant. “Are you still coming?” His voice is once again careful, like it was before.Thinking about it, maybe this is what I need. Like Taylor said – go to bed and have no clue what’ll happen the next day. My life hasn’t exactly been exciting lately and I do miss it. “Fine.” I say trying to sound mad.“Really?” He asks as if he doesn’t actually believe me.“Yes.” I’m smiling too now.“I’ll pick you up at 8. Just pack what you’d need for a week, maybe more; sometimes we stay longer if the snow is good. Don’t worry about anything else.”“Alright. I think I should get back to the guys now, see how Justin’s doing.”He nods and I turn to go to the bathroom. I drink some water, since my throat’s still a bit dry from singing and when I get back to the rehearsal room 10 minutes later, both Justin and Josh are still playing their guitars together.I go to sit on the podium and watch them. Jeremy comes to sit next to me and wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me close.“This guy’s pretty good. He’s been working on something with Josh and even he seems to be satisfied.”“That’s good to hear.” I look at the two of them. If Josh had prepared some test for him, it sure looks like he’s passed it.Jeremy decides to chime in to whatever they were playing. Since I know I probably won’t be singing anymore, I go and turn on the keyboard and improvise with them. An hour passes by and I don’t even know how. Justin honestly seems like a great player and I really like his personality. He’s different from Taylor – more open, outgoing, the kind of like the guy that’s everyone’s best friend, which makes me think he’ll get on with Jeremy the most.I check my phone for the time and see it’s 7 pm. I realize I should probably get home and pack my things if I’m leaving for Utah tomorrow.“Hey guys, I think I’m gonna go. I won’t be home next week, so I should and make sure I have everything and stuff like that.” I try to sound as casual as possible. Justin looks at me, his eyebrows furrowed. He definitely knows about Taylor’s trip“Going to Mississippi?” Zac asks.“Yeah.” I don’t even know why I just lied. It’s not like it’s their business who I spend time with, but it’s too late to change my mind now. Justin narrows his eyes, but doesn’t say anything, which I’m grateful for.“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Josh says, confused.“I guess it didn’t come up in any conversation and it didn’t cross my mind. Sorry. I’ll be back soon though, it’s just a week.” That’s not completely a lie. “See you guys.”They all wave me good bye and when I’m about to leave, Taylor’s still standing there. He doesn’t say anything as he watches me leave. I don’t even know why he was still there, probably to give his brother a ride back, I recall him saying something about him not having a car.When I get home I pack the warmest clothes I own, which isn’t much. It does get cold in the winter in Nashville; I’ve just never been one to go out in the snow. It’s not like I’m a stranger to last minute packing – not in the least, but I have no idea what clothes you ski in. I also found out that I don’t have anything that would even slightly resemble skiing pants, so I guess I’ll have to use my jeans, which’ll be fun.When I go to sleep that night, I recap what had happened, or more importantly, how it had happened. Just a simple conversation and in a few hours I’ll be sitting on a plane. Is this what I really want? I know Taylor wants more than a friendship, but am I able to give him that, to open up to him? I don’t think I even know how after so long, but I also don’t think I’ll be able to resist him. I don’t know how to feel about this. One side of me is skeptical, worried, but that side seems to be losing the fight with the part of me that’s barely holding the excitement inside.I try to clear my head – it doesn’t matter. I’ll just make sure to make the most of the next few days of my life.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
CHAPTER 8
Taylor’s POVI pull into Hayley’s driveway at 7:55, 5 minutes early just to stress her out a bit. The plane doesn’t actually leave at 10 but 11, I just wanted to make sure to have some time to spare, since I know how she’s with being on time. I woke up three hours ago, but it’s not like I was able to get any sleep anyway. I was up all night wondering about today, tomorrow and the days after that. I’m not exactly sure how I got her to agree to go with me, but I sure as hell won’t complain.About 15 minutes later she opens her front door with a surprisingly small suitcase, given we’ll be there for more than a week. I get out of the car and walk up to Hayley, stopping and looking down at her green eyes.“Hi.” She says softly.“Hey.” I reply and offer to take her luggage. She goes to sit in the passenger seat while I’m putting it in the trunk along with my things.When I get back to the car, Hayley’s staring straight ahead, refusing to look at me. Her expression’s changed, now it’s unreadable. Does she not want to go? Am I going too fast for her? I asked her to spend a fucking week with me after two dates; of course I’m going too fast. It has occurred to me that it might be too much, but all I could think about was that time we almost kissed.“What are you thinking?” I ask, careful not to sound pushy or too curious.She takes a moment before answering me. “That maybe I shouldn’t be doing this.” She’s still looking in the same direction she was before.My heart sinks. Fuck. So I was being too much. Cursing at myself, I decide not to give up just yet. “What do you mean?”I hold my breath, waiting what she’ll say next. “It just dawned on me, that the last time I did anything similar to this, it didn’t end well.”What the hell does that mean? “Look, if you don’t want to go, that’s okay, I know I can be-““That’s not it.” she cuts me off “This is my baggage, it’s got nothing to do with you.” Hayley finally turns her gaze to me. Her eyes are sad, not the best sign. “You’re great, Taylor. You did nothing wrong, quite the opposite actually.”“Okay, now confused.”She smiles for the first time today. “I like spending time with you. I’m just... scared, I guess.”“Of what?”She shakes her head. “Nothing, it’s not important. Let’s focus on getting to the airport on time.”“Actually” I begin and scratch the back of my head, which catches her attention “we don’t have to be there until another two hours.”She frowns, clearly not getting what I mean. “But the plane leaves at 10, don’t we have to be there for boarding?”I smirk. “It leaves at 11.”I watch her eyes intensely, so that I’m able to pinpoint the exact moment it she realizes I lied to her. “You’re an asshole.” she punches me, which gives me sweet satisfaction.“I’m surprised you only realized that now.” I comment and start my car back up.When we reach the airport, I try to take all of our bags, but I guess I’m not as good at packing as Hayley is, because I have way more stuff than she does. After a minute of struggling I hear her giggle behind me.I turn around to see her standing with her arms crossed over her chest. “Oh, I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.”“Good luck.” She says and walks away to sit on a bench inside the building.Once I’m able to somehow hang all of my things on pretty much every part of my body, I take Hayley’s suitcase, which I did genuinely consider leaving here, and my snowboard in my other hand. I enter the huge building of the airport and immediately spot the bright red hair in the crowd. I try to get behind her and scare her, but the 10 bags have made that quite hard for me.“Took you long enough.”“Yeah I wonder what I was doing all that time on the parking lot.” I pretend to think “Oh yeah, now I remember.”We get through the gates and now have an hour and a half to do nothing, so I offer Hayley to go sit at some cafeteria and get something to eat when I find out she didn’t have anything for breakfast, for which she blamed me. We both got a stack of pancakes and coffee. It wasn't the best, but it's airport food so it'll get a pass.“So what's the plan?” she asks across from me when she's done eating.I don't exactly have a plan. As I said, I wasn’t exactly thinking about much when I decided to ask her to come with me. "Well" I begin trying to remember some of the things I do know "I can teach you snowboarding, but if you want to learn how to ski, I can't exactly help you with that." I'm pretty bad at skiing.I do really hope she won't choose skiing, because that'd mean she'd spend half the time we'll be there with someone who's not me. I'm aware just how arrogant that is, but I've never pretended to be a good person."What's easier?" She asks, taking a sip of her coffee."In the begging snowboarding. A lot of people disagree with me, but gaining confidence on skis takes way longer than on the board. At least that's my experience." Honestly, I learned snowboarding in a week. I was definitely slow, but to get to that level on skis took me longer.Judging by the look on her face, I probably convinced her. "Alright then, but you better not be mean to me when I mess up. And believe me that will happen.""Me?" I gasp and pretend to sound hurt "I'd never."Hayley jumps up from her chair when we finally hear someone calling us for boarding and this time she even helps me with our stuff.We get to our seats and my anxiety starts creeping in as they announce the plane's about to leave. My knuckles go white as I grip the armrests of my seat. Flying's always scared the shit out of me. I don't know why, but my reaction to it's been like this ever since I can remember.Hayley looks at me and notices the tension in my body. The corners of her mouth curl up at the sight of me. Of course."Are you scared?" her eyes are wide and she's clearly entertained. Great for her.I swallow loudly as we start speeding up. I fucking hate this part. When she sees my expression, she probably realizes that I'm not in the mood to laugh right now and her hand covers mine, which gets me to loosen the grip on the seat, but I harden it again once we're not touching the ground anymore.I start panicking and get a sick feeling in my stomach. I close my eyes tightly, just waiting for it to be over, completely unaware of my surroundings. After what feels like hours later I carefully look around me when the plane's not in an angle towards the ground anymore. Hayley's big eyes are full of concern and her hand's resting on my forearm now. I hadn't even realized she'd moved it.I consider giving her a hard time about it but decide against it, since I'm very much enjoying our current position and give her a small smile to let her know I'm okay."I didn't know you were afraid of flying." she says playfully when she picks up on my smile."I think the question should be: how the hell are you so calm?"She chuckles as if I'm a kid that doesn't know anything. "I do this all the time, remember? 90% of our tours are spent in planes. Well okay, that’s a lie, only the ones that aren’t in the US.""Oh." Right. That should've crossed my mind.We talk for the next few minutes when Hayley announces she wants to go to sleep. There are still 3 hours to go, so I get my phone out and start listening to some music and watch her as her breathing calms down, telling me she'd fallen asleep. Am I being creepy? Probably.Halfway through my next song I feel her head on my shoulder. I know she probably wouldn't do it if she was awake, but what kind of a person would I be if I woke her up? I welcome the pressure on my shoulder and can't help my fingers going through her flame colored hair. It's soft and smells of something sweet.She sleeps for the rest of the flight and I let my mind wander. I haven't considered one thing yet and that's what if my friends will be a little too much for her. We all met in collage, but that’s a whole another story. None of them even know she's coming, since even I didn't know that. I like most of them, obviously, it wouldn't be my 5th time doing this with them if I didn't, but there are a few people I’m not looking forward to seeing again.The one I'm worried about the most is Mason. He's a dick. I've asked the guys multiple times if we could not include him for once and Emmet, who happens to own the place we'll be staying at, agreed, but he's always somehow squeezed in. He'll definitely come onto Hayley; I have no doubt about that. He won't be satisfied until he's had her, which only makes me wonder if I'll have to punch him again. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to make that smug face of his bleed, but I don't need her to see me getting into another fight.Emmet, the owner as I've mentioned before, is probably one of my favorite people there. His girlfriend Alex, a really good friend of mine, will be there too just like every single year before and I her and Hayley will get along.Then there's Jason, my roommate. I've known him the longest and he's been my best friend for a few years now. He, I and Emmet are probably the tightest friends there. He's two years older than me, making him 26 and he's the only one there who's seen Hayley before (except for me of course). They've seen each other only once though and that encounter was not the ideal way to meet her. But I know he won't be an ass about it. He’ll definitely have some snarky comments, but all of them will be directed towards me.Then Natalie, she'll definitely want to play strip poker, without a fucking doubt. Or anything that's got something to do with stripping really. She's good friends with Mason and that worries me. She can be a real bitch sometimes.Luke will be there too, he's the only one with a snowboard except for me. He's really good at it too, he's the one who taught me. He’s probably the most honest person I know, but that’s not always a good thing though,The last ones are Aaron and Caroline, the only other couple besides Emmet and Alex.The lady breaks me from my thoughts and tells us we'll be landing in ten minutes. I gently whisper into Hayley's ear, careful not to startle her. "Hayley."She just groans and shifts, putting even more of her body weight on me. I smile to myself. "Hayley." I say again, louder this time.Her eyes flutter open and there's confusion in them. "We'll be landing soon."When she realizes her position, she jumps from me to her own seat, letting the cold air on my shoulder. "Oh." She says clearly embarrassed as the blood rushes to her cheeks. "Sorry." She's probably a addressing the way she slept."I don't mind." I reply with a smirk and her cheeks redden even more. "So there are some things I should probably prepare you for." I look for some sort of reaction in her.She's still sleepy and yawns, which I find adorable. "Go for it.""As you know, there'll be other people with us there. Most of them are cool, but I want you to be" I pause and reach for the right word, one that won't scare her too much "cautious about someone in particular." she's frowning now "His name is Mason. He doesn't like me that much and he's a fuck boy, so both of those things combined; he'll definitely try to seduce you.""Don't talk to Mason, got it." she waves my warning away."I'm serious; please watch out when it comes to him." I plead."I already said I would.""Can't say that you sounded particularly convincing." my comment makes her roll her eyes."Chill, I just woke up."Shit. I'm being pushy again. "Right, sorry. Oh and one more thing. Emmet, he's the guy who organizes this whole thing every year, is waiting for us here. He'll pick us up. He's cool though.""Okay so Mason's bad and Emmet's nice.""Yes." Hopefully she'll remember that. I know Emmet would defend her if Mason was bothering her.The plane lands, which almost gives me a heart attack, but Hayley holds my hand again, so it's not that bad. When we get our luggage I get my phone to text Emmet and prepare him for the fact that I didn't come alone, which now that I'm thinking about it I probably should’ve done that sooner.Before I get the chance to send the message I'd just written, I spot him standing with his hands in his pockets. He smiles when he sees me and I start towards him."Taylor." He says still smiling wide. I pull him into a hug, we haven't seen each other in a long time."Hey dude." His eyes wander around and land somewhere next to me. I look to where his gaze is and realize Hayley's standing behind me. I completely forgot about her when I saw my friend. He looks back at me with an evident question in his eyes."Um" I clear my throat "this is Hayley," she gives him a tight smile and waves at him "my friend." His eyebrows go up at my choice of words. "Hayley, this is Emmet.""Hey." Hayley says as they shake hands."It's a pleasure to meet you. Any friend of Taylor's is a friend of mine." he shoots me a suspicious look. He'll definitely tease me about this later. "Let's get going then."We when we get to the car, debate whether I should sit in the passenger seat, or in the back with Hayley. What the hell, I don't think that it'll be awkward after our airplane ride. Surprise is clear in her eyes when I climb in the car after her."So Luke, Aaron and Car arrived yesterday." Emmet says as we pull into the driveway of his house; though it's more like a mansion and he doesn't even live here permanently. "Jason and Natalie should be here sometime today and Mason didn't tell me anything, as usual."I can see Hayley quickly turning her gaze towards us at the mention of his name. When we get out of the car, she immediately wraps her arms around her body in an attempt to stay warm. I don't think she was expecting the temperature to be so low here. It does get cold in Nashville, but not nearly as cold as in Utah, especially in the mountains.I think about offering her my jacket, but we're literally a few feet away from the main door, so that wouldn't do much."I'll get the stuff; you can go inside. Wouldn't want you freezing to death the first day. Just go with Emmet." I'm not wearing much more than her, in fact I'm probably wearing less, but I don't really mind. She gives me a grateful smile and turns around.When I get in a minute later, she's sitting on the bench you use to take of your shoes, looking at the ground. I'm about to say something to her, when Alex walks in."Hey Alex." She gives me a peck on the cheek and hugs me."It's been a long time T." she looks me up and down. She's a friendly, kind person which goes well with Emmet, who usually doesn't talk much. Not because he's shy, but because he doesn't want to. Her smile softens when she sees Hayley. "And who's this?""I'm Hayley." She says as she gets up from the bench and they shake hands."Well Hayley, my name's Alex. I'm glad Taylor's finally brought someone. Took him long enough." she looks at me now, making it evident to me what, or who, she’s referring to. What a way to make this awkward. “So” she continues when silence fills the air “Taylor, you know where your room is and...” she trails off and questions me with her eyes.“Can Hayley have the one next to mine?” I ask before she says the question out loud “I mean, is it empty?”“Yeah.”“Great, let’s go then.” I say and can see the relief in Hayley’s face.“I’ll meet you here once you unpack, so that we can catch up.” I nod, but I know she doesn’t really want to do that. She was there when Erin broke up with me; we lived in the same dorms. I became someone I didn’t recognize that summer, someone I never want to be again and Alex was there through all of it, until I eventually realized I was waiting for something that’d never happen.Hayley and I walk upstairs to our rooms. Most of this house is made out of wood, so it definitely suits the mountains. I don’t even want to know how much this place cost. It’s big – three stories big. There’s even a basement, if you can call it that, with a hot tub and a pool.“So this is my room” I say as I put my bags down when we reach the end of the hall “and this is yours.” I point to the hardwood door next to us.“Okay. So what do I do now?”“Unpack your things and then I’m not sure. We usually eat dinner together the first night at around 7, so there’s still a few hours to go. You can just come downstairs with me and get to know everyone.” I suggest.“Sure.”“Take your time; I’ll be in the living room. Just follow the voices if you can’t find it.” Then she disappears into her room and I do the same.Mine’s pretty big, bigger than the other ones. I asked Emmet if I could have it when I stay here when he first bought the house. It’s got its own bathroom, though some rooms do too, that was one of the reasons I wanted Hayley to get the one next to me. There’s a TV, a king sized bed and the stuff I’ve brought here the years I’ve stayed here before.I try to unpack quickly, so that I’m downstairs faster than Hayley is which I seem to have succeeded at. I say my greetings with Luke, Aaron and Caroline and the very next second I feel Alex’s arm grabbing me and pulling me to the side.“Want to tell me about that Hayley girl?” her eyes are suspicious.I take a deep breath. “Look, it’s different this time.”“Wonder where I’ve heard that before.” she says, her voice full of sarcasm.“I get why you’re worried,” I start, making the anger as audible in my voice as possible “but why don’t you get to know her before jumping to conclusions. Besides, you said you’re happy that I finally brought someone.”“Oh I’m not worried about her being the bad one.”I’m about to ask her what the fuck is that supposed to mean, when I remember the multiple short-lasting relationships I’ve been in the past few years.“You can’t commit, Taylor.” her tone is softer now “When things start getting serious, you run for the hills. What makes you think that this time will be any different?”“She does.” is my simple answer. I can see it in her eyes she still doesn’t believe me. “Look, I’ve never met anyone like her; I promise it’s not the same as before. We only met like two weeks ago and I offered her to go here, doesn’t that say something?”“Well it is true that you usually didn’t get past the two weeks with your last girlfriends...”“Hey!” we both chuckle.“Okay” she pauses “but don’t be an ass.”“You know some things never change.” I turn around and as I’m going back to the living room I spot a certain redhead going down the stairs, looking nervous. Her face lights up when she sees me.“I’m so glad to see you. I thought I’d have to go in there alone.”“Oh please” I go a few stairs to get to het level when she stops “judging by your performances I doubt you’re the quiet kind of person.”She frowns. “What performances?”“The ones with your band, I looked it up.” I answer. Yesterday after I’d watched her sing on the ‘tryout’ or whatever for Justin, I was very interested to hear more. It’ll forever be a mystery to me how such a small person can have a voice like that.“You did what?” she asks in disbelief.I shake her question away with my head and lead her to see everyone. When we enter the living area, Caroline and Alex are doing something, probably preparing for dinner, in the kitchen that’s to my left, while Emmet, Luke and Aaron are sitting on the couch watching some sports game. There’s a big chimney next to it, but it’s not lit up right now and a piano on the opposite wall.Everyone looks up when they notice us. “Hey everyone, this is my friend Hayley. She’s my plus one this week.” I introduce her for the second time today.“Hi.” Hayley says, wearing a timid smile.She shakes hands with Aaron and Luke, but Caroline doesn’t hold back, no surprises there, and hugs her tightly, as if they’ve been friends forever. I can see Hayley’s discomfort at her actions and grin to myself - my reaction was pretty much the same. Caroline drags her towards the couch, unwillingly sits her down and starts talking to her and asking her questions very intensely so I go to the kitchen and take her place next to a frustrated Alex.“I swear to god I love her, but I don’t think I’ve seen her finish something she started once. She asked if I needed help, which I do by the way, no more than two minutes ago.” she says, putting way too much strength into chopping the carrots and gesturing to Caroline.“You know how she is.” I take the knife from her hand and start doing what was her job “I just feel sorry for Hayley.” I look up from my work to see her laughing at something Luke said. I knew they’d like her, I mean, how could they not? Tiny dimples form at the sides of her mouth when she smiles. How had I not noticed that before?“Taylor.” Alex’s voice is amused as she brings me back to reality.“What?” I try to sound casual.“I said I like her. She looks genuine, which is a rare trade in your partners.”I chuckle. I guess that’s true, I didn’t really take the time to notice that. I didn’t used to be really picky about who I wanted to date. I might’ve said I didn’t do one night stands, which is true to some extent, but I usually didn’t know the ‘girlfriends’ I had more than a few days before I slept with them. But this was not going to be the case. I know Hayley doesn’t want to let me in just yet, and I’m okay with that, but one day she will. “Yeah, I like her too.”An hour later I’m still in the kitchen helping Alex, while Luke’s explaining something, probably something about his job, because he never gets so serious about anything else, to Hayley. I’ve still got no idea just what we’re cooking, but it smells pretty good. Emmet walks into the room, his phone in one hand as he makes his way towards the kitchen. I didn’t even notice he left.“Jason just called.” he says and wraps one arm around Alex’s waist, pulling her close to him “Gotta go pick him up.”She nods and kisses him. I love how happy they both are; it didn’t used to be that way. The first time I met Alex she was a terrified freshman while I was a sophomore in collage. She wouldn’t talk to anyone, and I do mean anyone, her first few months in there. Out of everyone here she’s the only other person who majored in art, so one day she asked me for help with something, since I’d tried to talk to her before, and that’s how we became friends.I learned about her past. Apparently her mother became an alcoholic after her dad had left them, so she’s had to take care of herself since she was just 9 years old, meaning she had to get her own food and even started paying the bills when she was older. Apparently they’re on good terms now, but because of what happened, she’s never been able to make any friends – she’s never had any time for that. It was only when she and Emmet started dating that I actually saw what she’s like when she’s happy.“Thanks a lot for the help; I can take it from here.” Alex says once Emmet’s gone “Your ‘plus one’ on the other hand could probably use you right about now.” I turn my head towards the living area to see Hayley in a heated discussion with Aaron and Luke.“Guys go easy on her.” I say as I approach their group. Hayley’s expression softens when our eyes meet.“Hip hop or rock?” Aaron asks me, still fired up.They’re all looking at me now, awaiting my answer. “Rock, obviously.” I say and sit down next to Hayley.“Thank you!” she scoots the side to make space for me.“Come on T, old school rap is the best of music.” Luke supports Aaron.“I don’t think so. Today's rock is great.” they sigh in defeat “Hayley would know.” I mumble under my breath, not thinking they’ll hear me.“What do you mean?” Alex chimes in.I can feel Hayley's body stiffen next to me. I slightly turn my head, silently asking her for permission, but her face is unreadable. “Nothing.” I answer as if I actually didn’t say anything.I can tell she knows I’m lying, but to my relief she lets it go. I know Hayley’s not all in to telling people about that part of her life the first time she meets someone. I remember when she told me she was a music teacher, which I totally didn’t buy. I guess I understand where she’s coming from, but I don’t think I’d act the same if I was in her place, but then again I wouldn't know what it’s like.Jason and Emmet are back shortly, and Alex asks Hayley to help her set up the table for dinner. They talk about something, but I can't make out anything of their conversation. The moment Jason sees Hayley he stops in his tracks. I should've said something, at least to him, since he’s the only one who’s actually seen her.I get up quickly so that nobody notices something's out of the ordinary, I don’t want him telling everyone about that morning. Not for me, I couldn’t care less about him saying something about a girl staying the night at our place, but for her.He grips my forearm. “Are you serious?” he whisper-shouts.“What’s your problem?” I don’t need to hear this bullshit again.“Is that the girl you ‘didn’t have sex with’?” I look around us to check if anyone heard him and keep my gaze on the floor “Look, I know most people don’t tell you this, but you can be a jackass to girls you dump. No actually scratch that, you’re always a jackass to girls you dump.”“Why don’t you give me a fucking chance first?” I say as my annoyance for him grows. He’s my best friend, but he has the bad habit of looking out for everyone. “Besides, as I’ve said before, it’s none of your business.”Leaving him behind me and go to the now set dining table. I sit down next to Hayley, who’s sitting next to Luke. I thought she’d like him, he’s one of the funniest people I know. When she sees Jason, recognition flashes through her eyes and she looks the other way from him.When everyone in their seats, we decide not to wait for Natalie and Mason, since neither of them are answering our calls and like every year before Aaron speaks up, he’s always the one to ‘start' this trip. I guess it should be Emmet, because he owns the place, but he’s not exactly a welcoming person.“So, everyone, well not everyone, but I’m not that bothered to be honest,” I snort “I’m not going to bullshit you with a speech this year, because I was too lazy to come up something and nobody gives a fuck anyway, so let’s hope this year will be better than the last one, that we all survive and lastly, let’s all pray to god that Taylor will shave by the end of the week.” he comments my growing beard, which gets a chuckle out of everyone and I just play along with it as I run my fingers through it. I haven’t shaved for one particular reason – my lip. If I did get rid of the facial hair, I’d have to explain and I’m not really in the mood for that.We all, except for Hayley of course, drink the alcohol that’s been poured in our glasses and both Alex and Caroline start coughing and I have trouble not to do the same.“What the hell is this?” Caroline asks as she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.“Only the good stuff.” Luke replies with a grin and she shoots him a disgusted look.“Now before you all get too drunk to be able to talk about this” Emmet takes over “everyone will be here tomorrow at 8 in the morning for breakfast. If you’re late, I wish you good luck getting downtown to get some food without a car.”The dinner goes better than expected when it comes to Hayley. At first I thought she was reserved, that she’d have a hard time adjusting new environments, but she’s actually the opposite. The whole night she talks with everyone like she’s always been a part of the group. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, not everything will be as easy when Mason and Natalie get here. I’ll have to talk to him the second he gets here, make sure he knows where he stands and that I have no problem showing him his place again.Before we go to sleep that night, I wait in front my room in hopes of catching Hayley. When I see her turn the corner I stand up straight and stumble in the process. I’m pretty drunk right now, so I probably shouldn’t, but I don’t have that much self-control. “Hey.”“Hi.” she smiles and tugs on her sleeve as silence fills the space between us “So I wanted to say thanks for bringing me here. I know I had my doubts, but don’t take that as me saying I don’t want to spend time with you. I’m just careful.” Good. That’s really good. “And your friends seem really cool too.”“Yeah well, you haven’t met the devil and his little helper yet.”“Wait, who’s his little helper?”“Natalie” I make an effort not to slur on my words “she’s a bitch.”She starts chuckling. “Why are you laughing?” I ask, not understanding what’s so funny.“You’re cute when you’re drunk.” she answers and swipes a loose curl from my forehead, but quickly retracts her hand. “So about the other night...”“What night?” I’m not exactly sure which night she could mean, but I really hope she won’t want me to talk about my past and why that guy who punched me.“The night some guy recognized you and sort of wanted to kill you.”That sobers me up. Oh come on, not now. “What about it?”“Were you about to...” Hayley trails off as if I know what she means.“What?” What is she talking about?“Were you about to kiss me?” Oh, that’s what she means. I try to picture the moment, so that I can see it clearly in my head. Yes I was, if she would’ve allowed it.I stand there, not knowing what to say. I wasn’t expecting her to be so straight forward. “Uh...” I search for something to say “I’m not sure what you want me to say.” I answer truthfully. Is this a test? Maybe.“The truth.” Her voice is soft, almost a whisper.“Yes.”She nods her head. I try to read what she’s thinking, but it’s impossible, especially in the state I’m in right now. She doesn’t seem to be angry. Is she happy about it? No, I don’t think that’s the case, besides, it wouldn’t be that easy.“Okay.” is all she says when she’s done torturing me with her silence. She steps closer and places her hand on my shoulder. Is she about to what I think she’s about to do? She leans forward and I close my eyes as brace myself for what I think’s about to happen. Her lips make contact with my cheek, leaving my skin on fire and her smell fills my nostrils when she steps back. She smells sweet, like candy. I open my eyes and let out the breath I’d been holding. “Good night.” and the next thing I hear is her closing the door to her room, leaving me unable to move. What the fuck?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
CHAPTER 9
“I hate getting up in the morning.” I yawn as Taylor and I enter the place where I’m supposed to get a snowboard. Everyone else’s already left and we’re the only ones that stayed behind, since I’ve never done this before. Luke really wanted to teach me, but I could see Taylor exactly didn’t want him to, so wouldn’t let him, even though apparently Luke’s a lot better than him when it comes to this.“I’ve been up since 5:30.” he replies with a smirk, clearly enjoying my torment.“Who would willingly get up before they have to?” my experience from touring pops up in my head. We’d have to leave for flights at 4 in the morning, which I didn’t think was humanly possible and actually doing it was just as bad as I’d anticipated, probably even worse. “That just makes no sense.”“I travelled a lot when I was a kid. I remember a particular week when my dad would wake me up at 5 in the morning every day and I haven’t been able to sleep past 7 since then.” Taylor says. That’s one of the things I noticed he doesn’t talk about – his childhood, I mean. He’s slipped me a bit of information about him having a bad relationship with his dad, but he always seems to zone out when any of that comes up in a conversation.“Can I help you?” a kind man in a uniform with the store’s logo approaches us. I read the tag on his button-up shirt; it has the name ‘Richard’ written on it in black letters.“Yeah,” Taylor answers before I even get the chance to consider what to say “I need to borrow a board for my friend here.” he points to me with his thumb.“Alright, how tall are you?” he turns his gaze away from Taylor and directs it to me.“Five two.” I answer and see the corners of Taylor’s mouth twitch next to me, as he’s trying to hold his amusement in.“Okay then, I’ll be right back.” he walks to the back of the shop and disappears in some room.“That’s real original, you making fun of my height.” I cross my arms on my chest.“I’m not making fun of it,” he leans his shoulder into the wall and cocks his head to the side “I think it’s adorable.” his smirk grows wider as I roll my eyes.A minute of a staring contest between the two of us passes and the guy’s back. “I thought this one’d suit you.” he points to the bright red color of the snowboard “Also, I assumed you needed a helmet and boots too. These ones might fit you, but it’s no problem if they don’t, I’ll just bring another pair.”When I try it all and everything seems to fit I’m about to pay for the stuff, but Taylor stops me pulling out his own wallet, insisting that he’s paying. When I realize that it’s a fight I won’t win, I give up.“You know, I can afford playing for myself.” I say as we get into the gondola going up to the very top of the mountain with the borrowed boots already on my feet, which to my surprise are actually not as uncomfortable as I thought they’d be. “I do make quite a bit of money, you know, being a rock star and all.” I joke.“I’m aware, but I brought you here, therefore you’re my responsibility.”That’s a bit weird. “Your responsibility?”He shakes his head. “Can’t you just let me do something nice for you?”I don’t respond, hoping he’s not mad at me. He could be though, judging by his tone. He lets out a sigh and runs a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry if that was mean. I’m just really not good with heights. I feel like I’m going to throw up any second now.” his tone is apologetic and I’m reminded of the effect the pain had on him.“Oh right, I forgot.” I feel relieved. He wouldn’t get mad at me for that, Josh would. We’re a lot better now, at least I hope so, but he used to be annoyed even when I asked him something as simple as the time.When we get to the top I take a look around myself. The scenery is gorgeous. The tips of the mountains rip into the clouds and the untouched snow all around us is sparkling in the sun. I’ve only seen something like this in the movies. Sure, it snows in Nashville, but that’s got nothing on this. We’re practically alone as we’re almost the only one’s here; I guess not a lot of people go skiing on a Monday morning.“The view never gets old.” Taylor comments, while looking straight ahead and squinting because of the strong sunlight.“I bet.” I say, still staring.After a moment of silence he continues “So do you want to start now? The slope here doesn’t seem too steep.” It takes me a second to realize, that he’s referring to the snowboards we’re both holding. “And there are basically no people here right now.”“Yeah sure.” I answer and we walk for a little while, until Taylor stops and puts his black snowboard down on the snow.“So first off, when you’re putting your snowboard on the ground, always put it so that the base is up, meaning it’s lying on the bindings, otherwise it’ll just ride away.” I chuckle at the idea of a snowboard just going down on its own. “I’m serious, it’s happened to me before and believe me, you won’t be able to catch up to it.”Of course it’s happened to him. I do my best at calming myself so that he can continue. “Okay so what now?”“Now put your snowboard on the ground, but with the base facing downwards, I’ll hold it for you so that you can fasten your boots in the bindings.” Taylor kneels before me, taking my board from me and holding it in place with both his hands, while I try to figure out how the bindings work.When I manage to get one of my feet where it’s supposed to be, my second foot leaves the ground to do the same at which moment my body starts leaning forwards way too fast for me to stop myself from falling, but luckily Taylor gets up from the ground and supports me with his hands on my shoulders.“Easy.” he says as I collect myself “I didn’t realize that’d happen. Why don’t you sit down for this, it’s not as hard that way.”I do what he tells me and indeed, it’s way better. When I’m done Taylor speaks again “Alright now give me your hands and slowly try to stand up.” He holds both my hands and I push myself upwards, which proves to be way harder than it looks and I clutch onto him like my life depends on it, which it actually kind of might.“Remember to always have your knees bent.” he says when he’s standing below me and I’m barely holding myself up, my feet already aching “The second you feel yourself falling, bend your knees. Snowboarding is all about balance and it’s very easy to lose it.”“That made me not regret doing this.” I laugh nervously.“Don’t worry” he responds to my laugh with a genuine one “it’s not that scary, it’ll just take you a while and a some falling to be confident on this.”“Okay.”He goes on explaining “So this edge” he points to the one in the front “is called frontside and this one” he points to the edge in the back “is called backside.” That’s logical enough. I nod in response. “So what I’ll want you to do now is bend your knees, lean on your heels and let yourself slide downwards on the backside.” he uses the terms he just explained to me.He takes my hands again and nudges me to do what he said, so I do my best not to fall while trying out whatever I was supposed to do and to my surprise, I start slowly sliding downwards.“Look up.” Taylor says and I look at him, still continuing going down while he’s walking with his back to the slope and holding my hands “That’s another thing; you always have to look the way you’re going.”“Alright.” is all I manage to say while putting all my focus into not falling on my face.“Okay, you can sit down.” I immediately put the pressure off my knees when he tells me I can. I was not expecting my legs to hurt so much after doing this for literally no more than two minutes.I sigh “Hey, you’re not doing bad.” Taylor tells me standing above me.“Oh really?” I try to sound as skeptical as I can. “It’s been like a minute, how can you be so sure?“The first few seconds determine everything.”"I don't think that's how it works, Taylor." I say as I force myself to get up and somehow I don't fall. "Okay what now?”"Now you're going to do the same except you'll use the frontside." he says like it's obvious what I'm supposed to do. When he notices the confusion on my face, he goes on to explain "You'll be facing upwards, basically as if you were walking backwards, except you won't really be walking, obviously.""Right, and how the hell am I supposed to get on the other edge of this thing?" I point to my snowboard, having no idea how to do that."Lie down." he says simply.Did he not hear what I just asked him? "I think that's the opposite of what I'm trying to do here.""Lie down on your back, that's how you'll get 'on the other side of that thing'." his voice is still as calm as it was a few seconds ago, so he probably didn't pick up on my tone or maybe he just ignored it.I give up arguing and do just that. I can already feel the snow melting to water, seeping through my clothes and the cold is proving to be harder to bear than I'd anticipated."Turn around so that you're lying on your stomach."When I do that, I realize he wasn't messing with me for once. "Alright fine." I say when I push myself from my knees, now in the position I wanted to be and see a 'told you so' look on his face. "You're always messing with me, how am I supposed to be able to tell when you're actually serious for once? Besides, telling me to lie down was pretty weird, you have to admit that.""I don't mess with you" he starts "that often.""Sure.”We spend the next few hours practicing and more frequently taking breaks, since Taylor insists I have to get this right before I try to do something else, until my legs can't take it anymore. There are still no people around, so far I've seen like ten skiers pass by us, but that's it. I sit down, not caring anymore if I'll be cold, because my clothes are now completely soaked from the constant falling.“Hey what time is it?” I ask Taylor when he gets down next to me with his snowboard already on his feet.He keeps staring ahead, not acknowledging my question. “Taylor?” I call out his name, but there’s no answer. Then he reaches next to him and start doing something with the snow. Great, it’s one of his jokes again. I think back to what could’ve triggered him not talking to me, but can’t quite come up with anything that’d make sense.I open my mouth to ask him what’s going on, which is when something hits me in the face. A snowball. The not really circular object breaks into pieces, some of which fall behind my neck and into the upper area of my jacket. I tremble at the unexpected feeling of ice against the skin I thought had been protected against the cold.I turn around still shocked “Oh let's go.” He smiles mischievously and I do the first thing that comes to my mind, which is gather as much snow as I can and throw it in his general direction. Unfortunately for me, he was expecting the attack so he ducked down making my attempt at revenge unsuccessful.That gives him time to prepare another snowball that finds its target in the middle of my chest. I giggle and quickly unbind my legs from the snowboard and start running towards the edge of the slope that leads into a forest, which means trees that I can hide behind.I find a wide enough tree trunk and stand with my back to it, hardening the snowball I made while running and listen for even the slightest sounds, since I’m pretty sure he followed me. When I hear a tiny crack, I force myself to partially leave my hiding spot and with my snowball prepared to be thrown, in one quick motion I turn around and toss where the sound came from, but I don’t hit my objective, because there is none.Not knowing what’s going on I frown and look around, because I know I heard him. My shoulders sag as Taylor’s nowhere to be found, so I walk towards where I left my snowboard. Something’s not right here. When I step onto the slope again some force knocks me down. Not knowing what’s going on, I try to get up, but there’s something heavy preventing me from doing that.I hear a deep chuckle, which is when it cliques to me that it’s a person, because of course it is. Taylor lifts some of the weight off my body as he hovers above me with his hands gripping my wrists above my head.“Now that” he lowers his voice and my breathing starts becoming unsteady “is a game you can’t win, darling. Not a lot of people have managed to out run me, nobody that I remember, actually.”I stare at him and get the twitch in my hands to get the snowflakes out of his hair, but his grasp on my hands is too strong for me to break out of. “That’s not fair, I wasn’t prepared either time.” I answer when the silence gets dangerous, referring to the first snowball and now this.“See that’s something else you should’ve known by now;” his voice gets husky and his lips are only inches from my ear “I don’t play fair.” he whispers and I shiver as his breath tickles my skin. He’s so close I can smell his cologne and the tension between us is getting thicker by the second. Then when I think he’s about to do something, he backs away, stands up and clears his throat, which gives me a chance to escape, a chance I don’t hesitate to take.I immediately miss the feeling of him above me, the warmth, the smell. I know I shouldn’t be thinking like that, but I can’t stop myself. I remember very well where those thoughts got me last time. But at the end of the day, maybe all that needed was some time. I wouldn’t say Josh and I are on good terms just yet, but we’re talking. That’s way more than I could’ve said a few weeks ago.He’s a few feet away from me with his eyes trained on the ground. “So do you want to try to this snowboarding thing, but a little more advanced now?” Taylor says, acting as if nothing had just happened.“What do you mean? Like ‘normal’ riding or whatever?” I ask, going along with the casualness.“Yeah, I think we’ve done enough boring stuff.”“Sure, so what do I do?” finally we’re moving on from the stupid two things he had me do all over again for literally hours.“So you start going down on the backside like you did before” he does what he’s explaining when he’s on his board again “and then you put more weight on your right leg and when the moment’s right, you lean on your toes and switch to frontside” he’s now quite far from where I’m standing, so I can’t hear him that clearly “easy.” he finishes. Yeah, totally.“Yo Taylor!” someone yells from afar before I get the chance to try what I’ve just been shown, which I’m actually relieved about, because I’m not sure that wouldn’t’ve ended well.My head turns in the direction of the sound and I’m surprised to see Luke making his way towards me, while Taylor unbinds his snowboard and starts walking up to talk to his friend. The rest of the group starts emerging from the horizon.“Hey redhead.” Luke snaps my attention back to him “How’s it going?”“Oh great, actually. Taylor’s had me repeating the same thing for the past few hours. I’m having so much fun.” I joke, trying to make sure the both of them can see I’m just kidding."I was just showing you something new like one second ago and you have to get the basics right, or else you’ll never learn this.” the curly haired boy argues on his behalf.“You know T, it’s nice that you’re careful and all,” Aaron starts when he reaches us, his voice as sarcastic as it gets “but sometimes you just gotta let go” he intentionally doesn’t put any effort in sounding serious “and actually enjoy things.”The group laughs at now defenseless Taylor, who’s probably given up on arguing with his friends.“You have to try riding the other side of the mountain. There’s no sun so the snow’s so great.” Alex says with so much pure joy in her voice, she sounds like an eight-year-old who’s just gotten a new toy.“We’d just slow you guys down, this is Hayley’s first time standing on this.” Taylor replies, much to my relief.“I can teach her while you go enjoy the snow, it’s not going to be like that for long, especially once people figure out that this place is way better than that new resort.” Luke offers while explaining why I haven’t seen anyone here the whole time.Taylor narrows his eyes as he bites the inside of his mouth and looks at his friend, not quite with what I’d call a friendly expression. “Do you want to?” he looks to me. I did come here for him, but Luke seems like really genuine person and I’d definitely be up to making new friends, since the relationships in my life have been as unstable as they have.I can’t tell what he wants me to say, but I decide to give him some time to himself, since we’ve pretty much spent yesterday and half of today together. “Sure, why not?”Luke’s cocky grin grows as he steps over to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders a little too tightly. “See, I knew I liked you.” I can’t help but laugh at Taylor, who doesn’t look too thrilled.“I’ll race you T, do you think you can beat me this time?” Aaron proposes a challenge that immediately sparks a fire in Taylor’s eyes.“Oh you mean like every time before?” he asks with his newfound confidence.“It is so on.” Aaron replies and wastes no time getting a head start, which unexpectedly enough doesn’t really worry Taylor, who hasn’t even equipped his snowboard yet.“He’s slow.” he goes on to explain when he notices I’m confused and in a few seconds he’s gone too.Emmet says a few things out of my earshot to Luke and then the rest of the group takes off.“So what’s the deal with Taylor’s dad?” my curiosity gets the best out of me after a while of small talk between me and Luke once we take another break after him teaching me quite the useful things.“What do you mean?” he asks, obviously taken off guard by not expecting a question like the one I just asked.“Well he always says something like: ‘my dad’s kind of a dick’ and then he changes the topic.” I clarify.Luke takes a deep breath as his gaze drifts off from me. “Well you pretty much said it yourself, he’s a dick.” I wait for him to continue “His dad’s side of the family is rich. Like really rich. I don’t think I’d be far from the truth when I say his grandfather was just as hard on his son as he was on Taylor, maybe even more, given how Peter York junior turned out.”“Okay...” I attempt to make him tell me more information that’d probably be very hard to get otherwise.He sighs and carries on. “Ever since Taylor was a kid, his dad put immense pressure for him to ‘make something out of himself’ as he liked to say, most preferably to become a doctor like him, but I don’t think he would’ve minded a lawyer or anything that makes a lot of money either. So he forced Taylor to these stupid meetings and parties with his also very rich friends to make appearances, to be known amongst the snob culture back there. Taylor, of course, hated it and did his best to sabotage his father in essentially making him become a younger version of him, which did not make his dad happy. Apparently once after he didn’t show to a very important meeting with some guy from a very fancy collage, he went nuts, went into his room and destroyed all of Taylor’s drawings and there was a lot of those.”“Wow.” I manage to get out of myself after hearing all of that. I had no idea his family life had been like this. I imagined it wasn’t great, like mine, but that’s a whole another level of ‘not great’.“Yeah, that was also the first time he ran away, but he was only 16 so it didn’t last long. He told me all this one night after Peter showed up at his dorm and told him he was going to stop giving him money to pay for tuition, food and just living I guess, if he didn’t transfer, which I don’t know about you, but that sounds kind of ridiculous to me. Like not to say Taylor’s dumb, because he isn’t, but you can’t make it in these schools if you haven’t dedicated your life to studying, or at least spent a good portion of it preparing.”“And his mom?” I ask, still completely stunned that someone like Taylor’s father exists.“I’m not sure; he doesn’t say much about her. I wouldn’t even know this much about it if he wasn’t drunk off his ass that night. You should ask Alex though, she’ll know the answers. Those two have told each other everything ever since I met them.”“Are they in contact now? Taylor and his dad, I mean.” the questions keep slipping past my lips, even though I have way more of them than we have time for.“Not really. Justin, that’s Taylor’s brother-““I know.” I interrupt him. He opens his mouth to probably ask me about how I know about him, but then he closes it.“Of course you do.” he says and laughs to himself “So as I was saying, Justin tells me it’s better between them, they see each other a few times a year, but he also said they’re both pretending and that he can tell it drives Taylor crazy, but he keeps quiet for the rest of his family.”“And what about Justin? What’s his relationship with their father?”He chuckles and looks down at the ground before answering. “You ask a lot of things, green eyes.”“You can use my name, you know.” I say when his nicknames start getting a bit too much.“I do, but this is more fun.” there’s another pause before he speaks “From what I hear, and me and Justin don’t know each other all that great, his childhood wasn’t as bad as Taylor’s. He was the older one, so when in his teenage years he made it very clear he hated studying, their dad started focusing on the younger son. But then there was nobody to take the pressure off Taylor, so that’s why they dislike each other so much.” he stares straight ahead “I probably shouldn’t be telling you all this. Sometimes I just don’t know when to shut up.”“Do you think Taylor will mind?” I start to worry that I’ve gone too far.“He usually doesn’t care about other people’s opinions on him, but he likes you.”I frown at his comment. “How can you tell?”“More like how can anyone else not tell.” he laughs “He’s never taken anyone here, anywhere actually, and let me tell you, he dated a lot of girls. And yesterday when he and Alex were making dinner he didn’t take his eyes off you the whole time and what that dude was thinking was definitely not friendly.”I gulp “Is that a good thing or...?”“Taylor loves fiercely. I know you haven’t exactly known each other that long, but when he falls for someone, he falls fast and most importantly he falls hard. I’ve only seen it happen once, really, and it took him like 5 minutes to be in love with that girl and she didn’t even want him at first.” he smiles and I feel a twitch of jealousy go through my body at the mention of the girl. “And when she left him it completely broke him. He became a person no one recognized. I was honestly not sure he’d ever be the same and I’m sorry to say I was right.”“What does that mean?” the jealousy is immediately replaced by sorrow for what Taylor’s had to go through.“He’s different. He still values the same things and is the same inside, but he’s changed. Ever since then he’s been more... chained, I guess. He got a lot better as time passed by, but he’s never truly been happy, I can see that.”“What are you, a psychologist?” I try to lighten the mood up.“Nah, but I can read minds.” we both chuckle, but then his face turns somber “That freeness, that look in his eyes like he could do anything if he set his mind on it, I’ve seen it again in the past few days. With you. Do you think you want the same things as Taylor? Because if you don’t, you better tell him soon. I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole, but I’m looking out for my friend here. I’m pretty sure Jason already gave him an earful about him hurting you, but he can’t see what I see. What he wants with you isn’t temporary.”“I-” I’m at a loss for words when all that is laid on me. I had no idea about any of this, how could I have had? “I really don’t know. I’ve been dealing with a pretty nasty break-up for the past two years of my life and frankly it’s still hanging over my head, waiting to strike. It could very well end up doing twice the amount of harm it’s already done.” when I finish I realize my tone might’ve been a little too harsh talking about Josh. “Sorry.” I apologize.“It’s okay, I’m the one who’s sorry, I didn’t know you were going through that. I just-“ he tries to find the words “don’t break his heart, please. His life’s been full of shit long enough. Granted, some of it he brought upon himself, but he’s the last person on Earth who deserves it.”On the drive back to the cabin it’s just me and Taylor again. It’s weird being around him after quite the conversation I had with Luke about his past. I do feel a little guilty for asking about him behind his back and knowing things he might’ve not wanted me to know, but I’m really glad I do.The sentence ‘What he wants with you isn’t temporary’ has been on repeat in my head since I heard it. If that’s true, then I better make a decision, because I genuinely do not want to hurt him. Should I let go of the walls? I feel like what waits on the other side of them is both amazing and terrifying. I’ve done the calculations in my head over a billion times now. The first option is that me and Taylor stay friends and I keep my heart safe, or I can give it a shot and risk getting hurt.I’d never think he’s someone who’d hurt me, but I was so certain me and Josh would last forever and yet here we are. I still don’t think I deserve the amount of blame he puts on me over our break-up. The worst part is though, that I don’t think I could forgive myself if I didn’t give it a shot. What if this is my one chance and I blow it?“You’ve been awfully quiet.” Taylor breaks me away from my thoughts, a thoughtful expression on his face.I giggle nervously. “I’m just tired.” I lie to avoid explaining why it’s suddenly weird for me to talk to him.“Did Luke drain all your energy?” I nod and just go along with it “Wait, did he make you do those stupid exercises with the ball?”“What? No.” I reply with a snort, since I have no idea what the hell that is.“Oh.” he trains his gaze back on the road. “So what’s going on, I know you’re not being like this because you’re tired. You’re like the one person who doesn’t get tired.”I turn in head in his direction and right there it hits me just how handsome he is. His dark brown hair that right now is very messy from wearing a helmet all day, but that just might make it look better, along with the hazel eyes, the refined jawline covered with the now slightly longer facial hair make his face perfect.“Do I have something on my face?” Taylor asks with an amused expression that’s become all too familiar to me.I realize I’m staring and close my slightly open mouth and the blood rushes to my cheeks. “No, I’m sorry I was just thinking about something.” I answer as convincingly as I can. “Hey I forgot to ask, how’s your lip?” I change the topic before he gets a chance to say anything else.I can tell that he’s not happy with me dodging his questions, but he goes on to answer anyway. “It hurts a bit sometimes, but I’m fine. That’s why I kept the beard too, so that I don’t have to explain it to everyone, but thanks for patching me up that night.”“It was nothing.” I say as I celebrate the victory of successfully avoiding talking about why I’m acting this strange.My triumph doesn’t last long though, as Taylor gets back on track with his questioning. “So what’s going on? Did you get into a fight with Luke or something?”I look away to come up with something believable, when Taylor’s phone starts ringing. He groans as he accepts the call on his hands-free that’s got Emmet’s name written on it. “Hey.” his voice resonates through the car.“What’s up?” Taylor asks, not sounding thrilled to be talking to him.“So we just got to the cabin a few minutes ago and I’m calling to tell you that Mason and Natalie are here. I know you guys are just a few minutes behind us so I wanted to warn you.”He runs his hand through his hair as he lets out a ragged breath. “Anything unusual?”“Not really. I just wanted you to know in advance, given how things between you and Mason are.” Emmet’s voice sounds annoyed.“It’s not my fault he’s an ass.” Taylor’s hands are gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles have gone completely white.“I know.” he says simply as his tone goes completely neutral again “But I also know it’s hard for you to be above him and walk away when the situation calls for it.” the accusation in Emmet’s voice gradually becomes more apparent as he speaks “So when he says something you don’t necessarily like, I’m asking you to count to three and let it go.”“I’ll do my best.” Taylor manages to get out through his gritted teeth after a short pause and quits the call.“What was that about?” I ask Taylor, who’s sitting next to me, not acknowledging the existence of anything else besides the road. There was definitely more going on than Emmet just wanting Taylor to know Mason and the girl had gotten there. Their history is so much more complicated than I originally thought it was.“I told you, Mason’s not a good guy. I wasn’t either when we met, which is how we became friends in the first place, but I’d like to think I’ve changed for the most part when he’s exactly as childish as he was years ago.” Taylor answers with a sigh. “Just try to avoid him. Natalie too, she’s not really the friendly type when it comes to meeting new people.”It’s pitch black outside when we get to the house. All the chatter fills my ears as we walk towards the living area. I feel a little sick to my stomach as I search for unfamiliar faces. My eyes land on a tall guy standing next to a slightly shorter girl, who’s talking to Alex. Before I get the chance to do anything, Luke grabs my arm and pulls me towards Aaron, whose hand is wrapped around Caroline’s shoulders and he’s holding a beer with the other one.“Hey girl! I was just telling everyone how much better of a student than Taylor you were.” he says, but his eyes keep darting off to the side.“Who’s this?” the guy I assume is Mason asks as he runs his gaze from my head all the way down to my feet, already making me uncomfortable.Luke takes a breath to answer, but I don’t let him. “My name’s Hayley, I’m Taylor’s friend.” I say with the most polite smile I can force out of myself and offer him my hand, which he shakes.“Mason.” he tells me the name I expected to hear, which is when Taylor steps in front of me, appearing out of thin air.“I think I know what ‘Taylor’s friend’ means.” the girl says with a laugh. Yep, the two of us probably won’t be friends.Both of the guys straighten their backs as tension fills the room. There’s definitely a lot of complicated history between the two. “Mason,” Taylor nods at him “Natalie.” she gives him a little wave along with a fake smile.“Why don’t you guys tell me about your trip here?” Caroline saves the situation and gives Taylor a look of disapproval while doing so.Later that evening we’re all sitting in the living room and as expected, there’s a sports game on TV, one that the male part of the group is taking way too seriously, which immediately reminds me of the nights we’d spent in the tour bus when Jeremy would get a heart attack every time there was even a remote chance of any of the two teams scoring.Jeremy. I’ve completely forgotten about him and pretty much everyone at home on this trip. I’m not sure why I didn’t say the truth about where I was going when they asked me, but something in me was maybe worried that they wouldn’t understand. At least that’s what I’ve tried to convince myself of. That they wouldn’t get it, not that what I’ve gotten back with Josh could be ruined if he found out I was doing this.I know I shouldn’t feel this way, he has no right to be bothered by this, especially not with the way he ended things with me, but I can’t ignore how I felt when I found out about him seeing Jenna so soon after we broke up. As much bad blood as there might’ve been, as there still might be, I’d never wish for something bad to happen to him.“No way! That was a foul!” Luke yells at the flat screen, almost ripping his hair out of his head as the enemy team scores.“This is fucking bullshit.” Aaron murmurs.Besides him watching the hockey game I spent the big majority of the time talking to Luke. I’m realizing I like him way more than I initially thought and I also found out he lives pretty close to me, so I’m hoping we’ll keep in touch once this trip is over.Natalie shakes her head and Aaron looks at her, seemingly annoyed by her, yet again revealing there’s more history than it might seem at first glance. From what I’ve gathered, nobody really likes either Mason or Natalie. Taylor’s made his feelings about both of them very clear to me, I can tell Luke’s been avoiding them nor Jason or Emmet have really acknowledged they’re even here. The only ones actively talking to the two are Caroline and Alex, though I’d say it’s more because they feel obligated.“Why don’t we play a game of truth or dare?” Natalie says out of nowhere a few seconds after Taylor and Emmet enter the room, laughing.Like before, Aaron’s reaction to her isn’t one indicating happiness. “Why?” he asks, yet again annoyed.“Because,” the points at the TV “you have been staring at that thing for the past two hours. It’s boring. Isn’t the whole point of this trip to be with your friends?”She looks at Caroline, expecting her to support her idea. “I think that’s a good idea.” Caroline succumbs to the pressure.Aaron groans and directs his gaze to his girlfriend, who’s got apologies written all over her face. “Fine, whatever.”There’s no resistance from anyone else, which is unexpected. I thought at least Taylor or Emmet would object, but for some reason they just gather around everyone else, Taylor taking a seat on the couch next to me. Maybe they’re used to their friend having similar ideas more often than not. He doesn’t say anything, but he gives me a smile that says whatever he might’ve wanted to tell me.“Okay I’ll start.” Alex begins “Luke,” he looks up in surprise, probably not expecting to hear his name “truth or dare?”“Dare.” he answers after a moment of debating in his head.“Alright” an evil smile spreads across her features “I dare you to drink that.” she takes a mysterious bottle from under the table and hands it to him. “It’s what you poured us yesterday at dinner, right?”For a brief moment he doesn’t react, but his expression remains neutral as he takes the bottle, unscrews the lid and slowly raises it to his lips. “I wouldn’t-“ Aaron tries to warn him, but it’s too late, since Luke’s already taking large gulps from the bottle, putting effort into looking directly at Alex.Everyone’s, including my own, eyes go wide at how much of the still unknown liquor he’s already drunk, though it’s clear he won’t be able to take much more. After one more gulp he sets the bottle down on the table and start coughing uncontrollably. Caroline’s worried voice is quickly interrupted by laughter.At first I’m hesitant, but Taylor whispers to me: “He’ll be fine, don’t worry. It’s not the first time he’s done something like this.” I try to loosen the rigidity in my body at his comment.“Taylor,” Emmet says his name once we all, including himself, settle down “truth or dare?”“Truth.” Taylor responds quite quickly, probably not wanting what happened to Luke to happen to him.Emmet takes a moment to think about his question, when he says: “Senior year in collage we were at a new year’s party.” Taylor nods, but his body goes stiff as his friend brings up the event “We were all having a good time, when all of a sudden you disappeared and the next day pretended like you didn’t know what any of us were talking about when we asked you where you went. What really happened?”“Yeah that’s true.” Caroline adds to the conversation “You kept going on telling us you have no idea what we mean, that you were there with us, when nobody saw you almost the entire night.”Taylor seems to be at a loss for words. “I uh...” he begins and stops himself from explaining further, but the silence in the room forces him to go on “I... I hooked up with Miss Evans.” he mumbles, but it’s still clear enough for everyone to understand.“Oh my god.” Jason, Taylor’s roommate, says in disbelief. “Wasn’t she like 45?” he asks him, while everyone, including myself, is still too shocked to say anything.“40.” Taylor’s still refusing to look up from the ground, as his face goes completely red.“I cannot believe you did that.” Alex says, starts laughing and so does everyone else.“Nice one man.” Luke says, his voice still raspy from the alcohol and pats Taylor on the back.Taylor finally raises his gaze and out of everyone his eyes find mine. The embarrassment his face shows he’s feeling forces me to suppress the laughter, but small giggles escape occasionally. “Aren’t you supposed to be... I don’t know, proud of this? I thought that’s like the ultimate thing you can do when you’re at school.” I ask, mocking him, when other conversations pick up, so that it’s only the two of us hearing what we’re saying to each other.“You don’t know Miss Evans...” he answers, clearly relieved to have all the attention of his friends directed somewhere else. “She was uh” he pauses “different. Okay well, not different. She’s just not someone you’d be particularly interested in hooking up with.”I consider whether I should investigate more, but I decide to drop it, since it doesn’t matter anyway and I’ve already asked more questions that I should’ve today.“Hayley,” Natalie says and the room goes quiet again. Taylor sits up straighter and I know he wants to stop her from asking me anything, but I’ve been expecting this. I’m pretty sure one of the main reasons she wanted to play this game was the chance to put me on the spot. It’s amazing how I haven’t even said one word to her and already there’s about zero chance we’ll ever be friends. “truth or dare?”“Truth.” I say, willing to do pretty much anything to avoid drinking whatever’s left in the yet to be identified bottle.She asks me the question so fast it’s clear she already had it prepared. “What’d the worst thing you’ve done? One thing you’re ashamed of the most.” her voice is laced with venom and maliciousness “Something you’ve always wanted to go back go and change.”“Oh come on Natalie.” Luke defends me, while I try to come up with the answer, though I already know it. I can spend hours or a minute coming up with something, but my efforts would always have the same result.“Are you being such a bitch because she’s been here for two days and everyone already likes her better than you?” Aaron chimes in, and though I’m thankful to him for standing up for me, I don’t think that was necessary.“I thought the rules said you can ask the person anything. This qualifies as anything, doesn’t it?” she doesn’t look even one bit hurt by what the guys said to her. She turns back to me “So?” she demands the answer.“I cheated on my boyfriend.” I say without thinking and victory overtakes Natalie’s face as the silence in the room becomes deafening. “It wasn’t...” I pause as the memories flood my vision and I do my best to keep staring at the flames in the fireplace, which have now become the only source of any kind of sound “It was just a kiss, one that I stopped as soon as I realized what was actually going on. I didn’t initiate it, nor did I engage in it and I pulled away the second I became conscious to the situation, so there wasn’t really anything I could’ve done different in that moment, but it still happened.”I think back to the hurt I saw on Josh’s face when he witnessed Chad kiss me. I know I should stop talking, but I can’t stop myself. “And it’s caused so much pain, not just to me. I know now we weren’t going to last, me and my then boyfriend, I mean.” I let out a humorless laugh “He’s getting married in less than a month. But the way we ended things, it still haunts me.”I go to my room early, not long after we played a few more rounds of the game and fortunately, my name wasn’t called out after my confession. I was afraid to even look anyone in the eye. I change to my pajamas, which consists of a pair of light pink shorts and a pain white t-shirt. Not wanting to go to sleep yet, I decided to really take a look around the space I sleep in, since I spent only about 10 minutes awake in it.I discovered a spare room that serves as a closet, which was convenient enough, so I emptied my suitcase, which is not something I do often, and unpacked all my clothes in there. As I crouch down to use the bottom shelves, I find a guitar case so I pull it out of there and low and behold in it lies a guitar. Who would leave a guitar in here? I’ll talk to Emmet about that tomorrow, but for now I want to make the most of it.Maybe that’s what I need – music. That’s the one thing that never failed to get me out of my misery. I doubt anyone will hear me, given how huge this place is. The only person who could is Taylor, because his room is next to mine, but he didn’t look like he was going to leave the living room any time soon. Once the guitar is in tune, I start playing some random chords, before deciding on a MewithoutYou song, hoping I’ll be able to let go of all the frustration.A soft knock interrupts me in the middle of ‘In Between Days’ by The Cure some time later. In a second the door opens, revealing Taylor leaning against the door frame. He’s already changed into his PJ’s too and there are drops of water dripping from his hair, revealing he’d just taken a shower.“I never thought I’d see that guitar again.” his voice is light, as if being careful not to scare me.“This is yours?” I had no idea he could play the guitar.“Yeah.” he answers and sits down next to me on the bed “Your voice is beautiful.”My heart flutters at the simple statement and heat rushes to my cheeks. “Thanks.”“Doesn’t hurt you were singing that song too.” I recall the very first conversation we had, when we found out we both liked The Cure “Sing with me with me?”I hand him the guitar, curious to see him play. During the intro he switches between the lead and the rhythm guitar, only to reveal just how good at this he is, definitely better than me and music is my job. At times as I’m singing and he’s playing we make eye contact and there’s a huge grin on his face, one filled with pure happiness, one that I haven’t seen in so long.When we finish the song, Taylor puts the guitar back into the case and closes it. “You know, maybe we should’ve started a band.” he jokes and I laugh along with him.“You’re way better at playing the guitar than me, which is kind of embarrassing, since it’s literally what I do for a living.”“Yeah maybe, but I can’t sing for shit.” that’s fair enough. After a moment of silence, Taylor’s the one to break it again, which is what I’ve been worried about. I thought there was a different reason he came here except for the music. “So what happened with that guy?”I look down. I could stall and ask him which guy he’s talking about, but that’d only be delaying the inevitable, since I know exactly who he means. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but back there you seemed like you could use a pair of ears to listen.”He’s right. The only person I’ve really told is Jeremy and that was a long time ago. “Well I never really believed in love, seeing what it did to my parents when they separated. I promised myself that I’d never go through that. But Josh, he made me believe that maybe I could have it. He’d do everything for me, he’d prepare me breakfast, when we didn’t see each other he called me just to ask me about my day and I woke up one day and realized I loved him. We were together for three years and after about two years of your relationship he stopped being so... thoughtful, I guess. He stopped doing the little things - that was pretty much the beginning of the end.”I take a deal with the old and yet still fresh pain “He went from sweet to mean to straight up ignoring me in a few months. At that time we were on tour with a band called New Found Glory and I became good friends with the guitarist. He was just so easy to talk to, it was refreshing after what I got from Josh. And one night on the tour bus, we were talking and he kissed me. I had no idea he felt like that towards me and I stopped the kiss as soon as I could, but it wasn’t soon enough to stop Josh from seeing it. He wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to explain to him there was nothing going on, because there really wasn’t.”“Wait what was he going in your band’s tour bus?” Taylor’s question reminds me that I missed out a very important piece of information.“Josh, my ex, is also the guitarist of Paramore.”Realization takes over his eyes “I knew I recognized that name. That’s the guy with a lip piercing? The one who pretty much hated me the few seconds he saw me?”“Yeah, that’s why it was so bad, because I wasn’t just putting my friendship with him in jeopardy, but the band too.” I feel hopeless as the words escape my mouth. Even though I think we’ve managed to move past that, it still sucks that we spent two years like that.“You know” Taylor starts and scoots closer to me “I’m aware I don’t really let it show all that much, but I’m scared too. I got my heart broken just as bad as you did a few years ago and the thought of that happening again terrifies me.”I look him in the eyes and get a glimpse of the pain he’s been through. “But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that when something has the potential to be great, you owe it to yourself to give it the best shot you can. Because the what if’s and the regret” he looks away, but quickly looks back “it’s not worth it.”As I take in his words I don’t notice him leaning towards me, but I do notice his lips against my cheek, brushing it lightly and even that light touch sends shivers through my nerves, shivers that make my whole body tremble. “If you want me to stop, tell me now,” he whispers and my eyes close without me having any control over it. The protective part of my brain is yelling, screaming at me to tell him that, to stop, but that part is completely drowned out by my heartbeat that would do anything to get more of his touch. When I say nothing, he brushes his mouth against the hollow of my temple. “Or now.” He traces the line of my cheekbone. “Or now.” His lips were against mine. “Or-“But in that moment I lose control, knit my fingers through his still wet hair and pull him closer to me as the rest of his words get lost against my lips. His kisses are gentle, careful, but the hunger I had felt for him, the lust I so desperately tried to suppress, all of it is now coming to the surface and there’s nothing I can do about it.I let go of his hair with one of my hands and grab a fistful of his t-shirt. Hesitantly he picks up on the intensity of my actions and his kisses become hungrier, more urgent and a muffled moan escapes my mouth, though that’s the last thing I’m worried about right now.His tongue traces my bottom lip, a gentle yet demanding touch, which I know there’s no point in resisting, I don’t want to resist it, so I open my mouth and let him is. He groans as he explores me. His taste probably the most incredible thing I’ve ever tasted and I savor it as much as I can. He holds my waist with one of his hands and starts leaning my body backwards with his other hand on the mattress as support, until I’m lying on the bed with him above me.His hands start running up and down my body. His lips leave mine as he leaves a trail of kisses leading to my neck, where he caresses and sucks on the skin. I raise one of my legs and hook it behind his waist, so he cups my thigh with his hand.His touch starts an ache in between my legs, which is when I realize I’m not ready for where that might lead “Hey um...” I say when we’re finally able to break away from each other “Take it slow okay?” I ask him, since the kissing’s about as far as I want to go tonight.As I’m anxious to see what his reaction will be, a grin forms on his lips. “I love slow.”
So I really hope you liked that. It took a very long time to write, so I hope you can tell. Btw if you want to 'be more in touch' I guess with everything going on, I'd recommend reading the story on Wattpad. Thanks!
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CHAPTER 10
Hayley's POVA noise coming from outside forces me to open my eyes, though I have been half awake for what seems like hours now. I stare at the ceiling for a moment and then reach for my phone to check the time. 9:05 am. Shit. I curse at myself for forgetting to set an alarm, but then again, I'm not sure I can really blame myself.I quickly forget reality as a dopey grin slowly goes over my features as last night's events start racing through my mind again. It's been so long I'd almost forgotten what it feels like to kiss someone and I had no idea it could feel that good. Sure, Josh and I did kiss, but it was nothing like what happened yesterday with Taylor.Finally, I force myself to get up, but by that time I've already given up on hurrying - there's no point since everyone's already long gone by now. I put some clothes on and carefully knock on Taylor's room. The house seems to be completely silent. When there's no answer, I open the door, only to find his neatly done bed empty. Of course, he's not there; he's probably been up for hours now. It is strange though that he didn't tell me it was so late. Maybe he forgot I was still there... No, he wouldn't.As I'm walking downstairs to check if I'm really alone in here, a sound interrupts the stillness that used to be in the air."Hello?" I call out as the calmness in the building takes over again, slowing down and cautiously stepping on each stair so that I don't make a sound.I frown as I get no reply. I take a few more steps until my feet make contact with the cold hardwood covering the floors here. Entering the kitchen as well as the living room I let out a breath as I spot the back of a head covered with brown curly hair sitting behind the dining table, fiddling with something in front of him."Taylor?" his name escapes my lips, but he still doesn't seem to have heard me.The thought that maybe he's got headphones on comes to my mind and once I'm near enough I lightly tap his shoulder. Startled he almost jumps from his seat, but the surprise on his face is quickly replaced by a grin when he spots me awkwardly standing there, hugging my body."I'm sorry, I kind of zone out sometimes when I draw or stuff like that." he gets up and takes something red off the table, which makes me assume that's what he's been working on "This is for you." he hands me the red object.Warmth spreads through my body starting in my heart all the way to my toes. It's a paper rose, one that looks so real I couldn't've told the difference between it and an actual one if I took one step back. "You made this?" I say as I inspect it, careful not to ruin the thin paper.He scratches the back of his head "Yeah, I went through um..." he laughs "I guess you could call it an origami phase a few years ago, I turned literally every paper that came my way into something, sometimes even important stuff. Caroline made me swear I'd never do origami again after I turned her 7-page essay into unicorns. If anyone here were to find out I made you this, they'd freak."I can't hold back a chuckle as the image of Caroline finding paper animals instead of her essay forms in my mind. "It's amazing, thank you.""I'm glad you like it." his answer remains simple."Why are you here?" I ask when I realize he seems to be the only one who hasn't left yes "I thought everyone leaves in the morning.""Look outside." he points to the tall windows covering an entire wall "There's a snowstorm, so no skiing today." I turn around to look where he's pointing to see a full raging storm. How had I not noticed that? "Everyone left in the morning when it wasn't so bad and you could actually still see where you're going. I'm not exactly sure what everyone's doing, but I'm pretty sure Emmet and Alex are visiting his parents. Luke told me to wake you up to ask if you wanted to go with him do whatever Luke does in his spare time, which is still a mystery to me, but you looked so peaceful I could bring myself to.""And when are they coming back?""I'm not sure, they didn't specify, but it'll probably be a while," Taylor answers as he makes his way to the kitchen."So, what do we do now?" I smile to myself at the idea of a whole day with just me and him."First I'll make us breakfast," he says while opening a cabinet and taking out a frying pan "because I do make some killer bacon and then we can do whatever you want." one of the corners of his mouth curl up when he finishes the sentence."Do you want some help?" I offer."You can set the table, but it'll take a little while before it's done," he says and continues in cooking, so I just sit down and watch him put all his focus into preparing the meal, which just becomes another me staring at how good looking he is session.As promised, the food is pretty good, but I had suspected he was a good cook. Although I guess judging someone's cooking skill based on their bacon and eggs isn't the most reliable source."So, what do you want to do?" Taylor asks."I don't know..." I look down and try to come up with something. I forgot what people do when they're in a relationship, or I guess the type of relationship I previously had was to different from this one. We never had time to just be together, there was always something, which is a fact I'm realizing just now. It almost seems crazy I didn't notice it before. "Is there like an Easter egg here? Like a room or a place nobody knows about."Taylor bites his lip but stops when his eyes light up. "Come with me." he gets up and grabs my hand. I force my legs to move so that I can keep up with him, though it's not as easy as I thought it'd be since his strides are much longer than mine.We go towards the staircase, but instead of going up we go behind it, only to find an almost invisible door, one that he definitely couldn't've found if he didn't know exactly where to go. There's a different, this time stone staircase that we go downwards on. As we're getting further away a strange smell of chlorine starts filling the space, getting stronger and stronger until we enter a big room with a pool.My jaw drops at the fact that there's a pool here in the mountains. I don't even want to know how much this must've cost. "There's a pool here?" my question comes out in a surprised, almost stunned voice."Yeah, that's kind of what sold the house to Emmet" he holds his arms up and spins around "this place.""What the hell does he do for a living to be able to afford this?""Various things." Taylor's voice trails off.I frown, and he starts laughing "It's nothing illegal if that's what you're thinking." yes, that was my first assumption "It's just a lot of things; it's not easy to explain. But he does make a big amount of money, as I'm sure you've noticed."I take a few steps until I'm standing right at the edge of the pool "I most certainly did."I open my mouth to tell him I don't have a swim suit if that's the intention he lead me here with, when an unexpected force pushes me, still fully clothed, forwards and the next thing I know I'm in the water. Laughter erupts from where I was standing just a few seconds ago. I gather myself and while adjusting the slight coldness of the water I swipe the now soaked red strands out of my face, only to see an entertained Taylor."Why would you do that?" I put all my focus into seeming mad, but I already know I'm not succeeding. He's standing there with his hands at his hips seeming happy with himself."Why wouldn't I?" his grin grows wider as he starts into a run and then jumps at the very last moment, landing somewhat behind me into the pool. His head dives below the no longer still surface and in a few swift movements, our bodies are only inches apart."So about last night," his voice suddenly drops lower "I had a really good time." I shiver as I feel his hand creeping up my side, touching my bare skin since the environment underwater doesn't allow my tshirt to stay where it's supposed to.I can feel my cheeks getting red. "Me too." I manage to answer. He smiles and tilts my chin up so that he doesn't have to lean down so much to softly brush his lips against mine. I can't help myself from gripping the fabric of his clothes, getting as close as I can. As much as I don't want to admit it, this is what I've longed for so much since yesterday.The water feels a hundred degrees hotter as he deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue past my lips and we both moan at the same time. His arm wraps around the back of my stomach, pulling me to him, even though there wasn't any space between us to be closed.His lips devour mine and I allow my hands to roam his hard as a stone chest, which is when I discover just the effect my touch has on his body. He growls when I move away from his mouth and nibble at his earlobe, which makes his already pretty intense hold on me only tighten."God, you drive me crazy." he sort of whispers and I move so that I'm facing him again."We should..." my words are occasionally interrupted by pants as my source of air had been cut off until now "we should get into something dry." I refer to the fact we're standing in a pool dressed in our casual clothes.He slowly nods, let's go of me and swims to the ladder that he uses to get out of the pool. I go to do the same when the sight of his tshirt sticking to his body outlining the refined muscles of his chest strikes me and I can't do anything but stare. His broad frame already suggested he works out, but I wasn't expecting this."You coming?" his voice brings me down from whatever I was just doing, the smirk on his face telling me he'd noticed what just happened and once again the embarrassment makes its way back, so I don't answer and just follow him.We spend the rest of the day watching movies and talking. At first, it was a bit awkward, with the two of us sitting a few feet apart, but it wasn't long until I was lying on Taylor's chest with one of my ears above his heart, listening to the steady soothing rhythm. At times he would press a kiss to my hair or play with it, so I don't think it mattered to either of us what was happening on the screen.It feels strange to be experiencing these feelings again. I doubted I ever would, but here I am. Maybe we're moving too fast, maybe I should've never come here. I've been so protective of my heart, it's almost unbelievable I let my walls go down so fast. I hate doubting Taylor like this, but I feel like I have to, if not for me, then for him, given what he told me yesterday about us going through similar things. I don't think I'll ever stop being skeptical after Josh, even though I know the two of us should've never even gotten together."Hey what time is it?" I ask Taylor, who reaches for his phone to be able to give me the answer."A little after 7." he murmurs in a sleepy voice and lies back down on the couch with his arm stretched out, waiting for me to re-take my position on him, which I happily do.After a while, I start thinking about the rest of the people staying here and sit up. "Shouldn't we call them? It's been a long time, what if something's happened to them?" I can't stop myself from ruining the moment as worry overtakes my thoughts."No" Taylor whines and pulls me back down, which combined with his sleepiness might just be the most adorable thing I've ever seen "they'll be fine. Luke's not 12, he can take care of himself and so can the others. I think he said something about an arcade and shopping and other stuff that doesn't matter. Let's just stay here.""As much as I want to, we should at least try to get in touch with them. The storm's just as bad as it was in the morning, what if they're stuck somewhere?"He finally seems to have woken up from his half sleep as he sits up and holds my gaze. "That's exactly the point. There's already bad reception here and with the storm full force, I doubt you'd be able to reach anyone."I nod realizing he's right and the very next moment a click interrupts the silence followed by the sound of voices coming from the main door. Taylor grabs the pillow that until now had been below his head and presses it to his face with an annoyed groan."I hope you lovebirds aren't doing something you don't want us seeing because if you are, this is your last chance to hide the evidence." Luke's voice carries over to us.My relief that he's okay doesn't last long when the shrieky yet low voice of the person who sent me down memory lane last night fills the room, demanding attention. "You're not giving Taylor enough credit to Luke, he knows how to be subtle. Jason would know, given how many times he's had girls over at their apartment." I don't even have to see her to know I was the one she wanted to hear her.Nobody follows up on her comment and the next one to speak is Aaron as he's the fastest to enter the living room. "Shrek 3? Really?" his tone is a mix of angry and sarcastic when he sees what we've been watching, which makes a few of the others snort or unsuccessfully suppress a laugh."Well it's not my fault Emmet apparently watches this stuff and the internet's not working because of the storm." Taylor defends himself, sounding annoyed at his friends' presence."Speaking of" I attempt to lift the tension "how the hell did you get here? You almost can't see your own feet out there."Before Aaron gets the chance to answer, Luke comes into the room with his cocky grin and hooks an arm around Jason's neck. "Me and Jason are some helluva drivers.""Wait you drove here?" Taylor chimes in."Yup," Jason answers proudly. It's one of the first times I've heard him talk. So far, he's been really quiet around me and at first, I thought it was just the good old disapproval and thinking your friend can do better, but after Luke told me he's actually mad at Taylor, everything became that much more complicated and most importantly confusing."You guys are going to end up killing yourselves if you keep this up." The curly haired boy's voice still doesn't seem too pleased to see his roommate along with his other friends."What got you so grumpy, T? Not happy we interrupted your time with your friend?" Natalie's voice is laced with venom.For some reason, it really bothers when she uses the shortcut of his name. She hasn't shown to be particularly interested in him the way that could bother me, but then again, I have no idea about what might be going on in her head.Taylor shoots her a look, that I wouldn't call angry, more accurately fed up, given he didn't give her an answer and started focusing on the screen of his phone, which was definitely not the response she was hoping for.As I'm walking to my room a few hours later, I turn the corner leading to the hallway where I'm trying to get and spot him standing at my door. His slightly longer black hair is swept away from his eyes and the way he's staring at the wall like he couldn't imagine doing anything more boring reveals the part of him I had been warned about. This is one of the only times he's shown this side of himself - when he thinks nobody's watching."Mason." I say his name after a few seconds of wandering what he could be doing here, since everyone else seemed to be having fun downstairs and it's still pretty early."Hey." he replies and waits for me to get closer to where he's standing until continuing "It's crazy out there isn't it?" Mason gestures towards the window, probably referring to the storm "I honestly wasn't sure we'd make it out alive given how Luke and Jason drive.""Yeah." I laugh awkwardly. What does he want? I doubt he came up here just to make awkward small talk with me. I had expected him to dislike me like Natalie does, since the two are supposed to be close and I'm the closest to Taylor, who is the person he seems to have the most problems with, but he's been nice to me. I really did take the warnings seriously, which is why I hadn't really allowed him to talk to me, but so far he's not given me any reason to not like him."You know," he takes a step forward, to which I react by not letting my guard down and taking one in the opposite direction, keeping him at a safe distance "me and Taylor used to be best friends, until he lost his sense of humor." What? That doesn't even make sense. His tone suggests that he just said something funny, but I don't laugh."What's that supposed to mean?" the question comes out rather harshly, but I'm not really bothered by that as I cross my arms over my chest."See, I like this part of you." he doesn't lose one ounce of confidence as he goes from the mostly sweet person he'd been around me to the arrogance I saw until he noticed me."What part of me, you don't even know anything about me." I finish hoping that's the end of our talk, but a tiny voice in my head tells me it won't be that easy."The angry you that thinks you have everything under control." This, this it what Taylor talked to me about."Look, I'm tired and need a lot of sleep." I take a step to the side to get to my door, but he replicates my movements, blocking me "Would you mind?" I ask, now pretty annoyed.Instead of explaining why he won't leave me alone he raises his hand and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. I wince at his touch and immediately back away. "What the hell are you doing?" my heart starts racing."Oh come on." he keeps walking forward until I can't back away anymore because I've hit the wall "Don't be like that." I can smell the booze from his breath."Leave me alone." I put in all my strength to push him away from me, but the way he stays completely still and doesn't move one inch makes it very apparent to me that that's not the way to go.I completely stick myself to the wall as much as possible while looking for a way to escape as panicke overtakes me. "Hey!" a voice I have yet to connect with a face half shouts from a distance.Mason looks in the direction the word came from, which gives me an opportunity to slip away from the wall. Once I consider to be at a safe distance from him, I turn to look at the person who might've just saved me from something really bad and see Jason's frowning face."Chill." Mason says when he notices the other guy's expression. Jason doesn't reply and just keeps looking at him with so much intensity and another emotion I can't quite place in his gaze. "We were just taking." Mason's hands go up in the air as he speaks the lie."Yeah I bet you were." Jason replies and judging by his tone, he knows Mason's not telling the truth "You don't need to put up a façade in front of me, I know you. Besides," he sighs and runs a hand through his hair "I'm not the one you should be worried about. Once Taylor hears about this he'll go ape shit."Mason just stands there, looking at the ground with his hands loosely at his sides, probably accepting he's lost the argument. "Just go." Jason suggests.After another second his back disappears as he leaves, while I stand there, processing the past 5 minutes of my life and how this could've ended if we hadn't been interrupted. I stand there with my feet nailed to the ground, my breathing still not having calmed down."Are you alright?" he asks me and for the first time I see him feeling something else than anger towards me and I nod, though I'm not completely sure I meant it."Would he have..." I can't bring myself to finish the question, my voice is shaky as I deal with the shock."No, I don't think he would have." Jason sounds remorseful "He just doesn't understand people that aren't him. And when he sets his mind on something, he won't let it go unless he has a very good reason, which he will once Taylor finds out."Taylor. How do I tell him about this? I don't want him to get into a fight because of me, I don't want to see him hurt. "Are you seriously considering not telling him?" he somehow reads my thoughts."How the hell would I tell him this?." My voice cracks at his is all a little too much for me to deal with at the moment."You have to." I feel tears forming in the corners of my eyes, threatning to spill and I'm not even sure what I'm crying about. I can see the moment he notices that, because his hard frown softens into an ever so light comforting smile "I have no idea what you're going through right now, but you're not the one that should feel bad about it, he should. And as big of an ass he is, he wouldn't've... gone through with it, that's what I honestly think."I'm pretty you know that Taylor's reaction to this won't be a pretty one and I don't want to be the one to cause a fight." I still keep on arguing although I know he's right. Me and Taylor have just started building something I don't want the base to be hiding things from him."I'm aware he'll probably want to smash his face and I'm although that reaction would be appropriate, I'm not on board with it. But more importantly than all of that, he deserves to know, he'd want to know." I already knew that without him having to tell me, but I needed to hear someone say it."Can I be the one to tell him?""Of course, that's how you tell him is completely up to you, it's just important that he knows."------"Why have you been acting so weird today?" Taylor's question leaves me defenseless as we come to a stop in the exact same place I did with Mason yesterday. Just thinking about it makes shivers go down my spine.It's been almost a complete 24 hours since the incident. After Jason convinced me I have to tell Taylor one way or the other, I've been coming up with a way to describe it so that the two won't kill each other. Mason was probably sure I've already told Taylor, judging by the way he kept glancing at us the entire day from brearfast until now. He hasn't said a word to me, which I'm definitely thankful for, I'd maybe go as far as to say my presence made him uncomfortable, which I thought would be the other way with me having to keep my distance from him."I haven't." look away as I deny the truth, not having an explanation ready yet.I know I'm just delaying the inevitable here, but I still haven't co completely processed last night's events myself, so telling someone else about it just doesn't seem like a good idea."I can tell you're lying, Hayley." he sounds disappointed more than anything "You've been avoiding talking to me the entire day. Why?"For a split second the words almost come out of my mouth but I change my mind in the last moment. "Have I done something wrong? Are we moving too fast for you? Please talk to me." at this point he's almost begging. I look at him and immediately hate myself for being the reason hurt's there."You're not doing anything wrong, Taylor." I finish the sentence hoping to undo what I did, but the effect seems minimal."So what is it then?" I still can't bring myself to say the words "I'm not good at this okay? The last time I was in this situation I clearly did something wrong, given how that ended up, so I've been doing everything I can for this story to be different. I know something's wrong, I can tell this isn't your usual self, so if it's me, just please say so, so I can do something about it.""I already told you it's not anything you've done." I answer and take his hand with both of mine "I promise." I say after staring in his eyes long enough so that he can see I'm being honest this time."Okay," he nods his head in a way that tells me my attempt was successful "but I'd still want to know what's happening, because you've been weird around me, nobody else so it's got to have something to do with the two of us."I had hoped he'd drop this, but I was obviously wrong. "Okay don't freak out." I take in a ragged breath as I give up the fight and decide to suck it up and put honesty above my discomfort "Last night after I left to go to sleep Mason was here, waiting for me."His reaction upon hearing the name is immediate. His back straightens and the worry in his eyes goes to anger, almost fury, in one single moment, which means I have to sugar code this as much as possible. For now I have to put my feelings about it, and I don't even know how I feel about it, aside for Taylor's sake.For a second it seems he's going to say something, but he keeps silent. "So we talked for a while, but then he started acting a bit strange like..." I take another pause without looking at the boy in front of me, because I'm afraid I won't be able to continue if I did "a little too friendly, I guess." my statement comes out as a question. "Nothing happened, don't worry." I quickly add when I hear the sharp inhale, still keeping my eyes down.Once I finally muster up the courage to see his face I'm hopeless in trying to figure out his thoughts. "Tell me exactly what happened." before I get the chance to speak he cuts me off again ruining my plans "And don't defend him." he sounds surprisingly calm which given his personality cannot mean anything good."He was talking about how the two of you used to be best friends before..." I search for a fitting word "you changed, I guess and then things got a bit weird." I trail off."Like how wierd?" the emotion Taylor's feeling starts coming through in how demanding and urgent his questions are."He was just getting a little too close for my standards." he opens his mouth to say something, but this time it's me who cuts him off "But as I said, nothing happened. Jason sort of told him to leave me alone.""Wait, Jason was there?" I nod "Damn it." he mutters under his breath and starts pacing the floor."Are you mad at me?""What?" he turns around abruptly when the words leave my lips "No, I mean, you could've told me a little sooner, but no, of course not." his hand caresses my cheek "I'm mad at myself." I frown. Why would he be mad at himself for something that doesn't really have anything to do with him? "It should've been me to stop him, not Jason. I expected him to do this." he pulls at his hair Wait, he thought this was goin to happen? I don't get enough time to ask him about is as he continues "Dont worry, I'll show that asshole he is to never even fucking look at you again in his lifetime." he starts walking away and I grab his forearm as the panic takes over.For a second I get a glimpse of the rage within him before his expression softens when he realizes it's not me he's angry with. "Please don't, you'd regret it later."He lets out a humorless laugh. "Oh I can promise you I wouldn't." his shoulders rise and fall at a fast pace."Please can you just talk about this with Emmet or someone and figure out something that doesn't involve blood?" I plead, the desparation thick in my throat as I speak."Hayley, this is not a good time to talk to me." he is literally fuming.With that he gets out of my grip and I'm met with the sight of his back. Oh hell no am I giving up that easily. "Taylor, stop!" I half yell, but he ignores it.Just when he reaches the stairs to go find Mason, he trips and almost falls when he bumps into someone he didn't notice while blinded my the anger. Taylor doesn't even acknowledge Aaron as he keeps going forward. The pent up tension in my body loosens a bit at the sight of another person who's not Mason, who might have a chance at talking some sense into Taylor."Dude." Aaron calls out and Taylor finally comes to a stop, cursing "What's going on?"I don't give him a chance to answer. "You've gotta stop him, or they'll seriously hurt each other." I attepmt to put as much urgency in my voice as possible, although I don't really have to try that much, so that he gets the seriousness of the situation."What? Who?" A crease forms in between Aaron's eyebrows as he seems to have no idea what I'm talking about. Righ, he doesn't know what happened.Before I have the time to tell him, Taylor speaks, with his fists clenched at his sides. "Mason hit on her. And you know what that fucker does when he hits on someone." Aaron takes a deep breath as he gives him a knowing nod."Okay." the blond male keeps on nodding "We'll make sure he leaves, but you're not going there and getting into a fight" he finally speaks with reason and pauses before adding a word to complicate everything even more "again.""Come on, Aaron. You can't expect me to not do anything about this and you know exactly why." I don't interfere in their conversation, although I'd love to ask the ever increasing number of questions forming in my mind, and decide to wait for them to finish the argument."You're not going to do nothing, but you're also not going to 'talk' to him. Just stay up here, I'll talk to everyone and we'll solve this." he's looking at me now. I can tell that by the way his eyes flicker quickly from me to Taylor this situation is as serious as I thought it was. "Please keep him from leaving this floor."When Aaron disappears downstairs, Taylor's just standing there, staring at the ground, his chest rising and falling at a fast pace. "I'm sorry." he says all of a sudden."Why?" of all people he's the one who doesn't have anything to be sorry for, so him apologizing is a bit strange.He gives me a guilt filled look. "Because I screwed up." he takes my hand into his "I knew I was going too fast and I knew I shouldn't've brought you here. What was I thinking? Of course something bad was going to happen if I threw you to basically live with a group of people you've never once met in your life for a week. Especially when some of them are who they are." I want to tell him that he's not the one to blame here, but he leaves no room for me to talk "I just really wanted this to work and this is what I do when I really want something – I mess it up for myself before it can even really begin. And this-""Taylor." I stop his rambling with a small chuckle and reach up to cup his face "You didn't mess anything up, okay? Literally nothing happened with Mason, he didn't even get to lay a hand on me. And I couldn't be happier to have come here. I've needed to escape my life back home for a long time and this is exactly what I needed." I stand on my tiptoes and softly brush a kiss over his lips "To just be somewhere. With you."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
CHAPTER 11
Hayley Entering our rehearsal room, I greet the only person who seems to be here and that is Jeremy. I decided to come a little earlier today because I know in particular that he's here always before we're supposed to meet and I need to clear up the air with him, otherwise I'd undoubtedly be late."Hey Jeremy." his face lights up when he sees me, clearly surprised that I'm here so soon. I forgot how much I missed him, how nice it is to have someone you can talk to and he's always made me feel so safe."Hi." he hugs me tightly "No to be mean, but I definitely wasn't expecting you to come" he tilts his wrist upward and checks the time on his watch "30 minutes early." he almost exclaims "That's like never happened."I laugh awkwardly and tug on the sleeve of my sweater. "I thought we could use some best friend time."He gives me a big smile revealing his teeth "Well I'm always up for that. How was your trip to see your folks?"I take a deep breath and go sit on the 'stage'. "About that..." I trail off preparing an explanation in my head. You'd think that after me having this much time to think about it I'd have something, but I don't. "I kinda lied to you." I look away to avoid seeing his expression."What? Where did you go then? You know if you want some time off all you gotta do is ask for it." he jumps up and with a thud sits next to me. For what it's worth he didn't sound nor hurt neither angry, so things aren't as bad as they could've been, or more accurately as they were in my head."No I don't need time off it's..." I pause searching for a right way to phrase this "So you know how Justin, the guitarist I brought to rehearsal that time-""Yeah I remember." he cuts me off."Well I'm not sure if you remember, but he brought his brother that time." I finish, carefully inspecting him for his reaction. "His name is Taylor.""Vaguely," he answers definitely not having a single clue where I'm going with this."Well, I was with him," I answer slowly, making long pauses.He frowns and looks straight ahead, trying to make sense of the situation, though I know he won't be able to. "How do you even know him?""I met him long before I saw his brother." I can see Jeremy's confusion grow by the second. I know this doesn't make sense to him, but I'd rather he ask the questions."So you met Justin through his brother?" he says it more as a statement, not a question.I nod as an answer. I don't really feel the need to add that I know basically nothing about Justin and that I met him one time which was also the first time he, as well as Josh and Zac, met him."And what were you doing with Justin's brother a whole week?" okay now he's just doing this for his own amusement.I blush and hope he doesn't notice even though it's probably already late for that. He gasps. "Hayley Nichole Williams what are you not telling me?" he's grinning widely "Are you and" he searches his memories "Taylor was it?"I hop off the podium look around me "I don't know what we are." I can't stop myself from replicating Jeremy's grin thinking about Taylor. "But I really like him.""Have you..." he leaves the question unfinished as if I know what he means."Have I what?" he cocks his head to the side and raises one eyebrow. My eyes narrowed to slits, trying to figure out this oh so funny joke of his when I realize who I'm talking to and it makes sense "Oh really Jeremy, are you really 12?"He starts laughing and I roll my eyes. "Have you?" he continues with his stupid humor, enjoying every moment of watching me suffer.Half stunned I quickly answer. "No, sorry to let you down.""You know you could've told me right?" his voice gets more serious once he stops laughing. "You can tell me anything, I won't judge you.""I know it's just that Josh was there." I leave it at that. He doesn't need more to understand; he knows exactly what I'm trying to say."And you think he'd be mad at you?""That's the thing, I don't know what he'd do." I honestly have no clue what do expect from Josh when he finds out. I'm glad to even have him talking to me at this point. I know he has no reason to be mad at me since at the end of the day he's getting married in less than a month, but our relationship is so fragile at the moment I'm scared to do anything."He's grown up too, you know. I know the way he acted towards you back then was wrong, but I think he'd be fine with it. We're not kids anymore." I debate whether he's right. Maybe he is, maybe Josh's reaction really would be a rather pleasant one, but then there's the quite recent phone call we shared that would mostly deny Jeremy's opinion."So you think I should tell him?" for a moment there I considered showing him the lyrics I wrote after my and Josh's call, but later decided not to. I'm not sure how he'd react since the song is partially about him too, which is something he'd probably notice."I think you shouldn't do anything just yet and if the thing with that Taylor guy gets serious then obviously tell him the truth." I nod my head a few times in agreement. That makes sense.There's another pause until Jeremy speaks again. "So you're dating someone. I didn't think I'd live to see the day." a goofy grin forms on my face and he starts laughing. "I'm happy for you Hayles, I really am."I'm prepared to correct him that me and Taylor aren't dating, but change my mind. I guess we are, I'm honestly not sure. I just know that I haven't been this happy in some time. "Thanks."When Josh and Zac arrive a bit later, exactly on time of course, but I've never expected anything else of them, we greet each other with hugs. There's a bit small talk until we decide to play Brick by Boring Brick, a song that we have yet to hear from the label about its approval.After we play a few more songs to warm up we take a small break and I use the time to go grab my notebook with all the lyrics I have stored that could probably make more than 30 songs. All of the guys start randomly playing their instruments and I listen if I can come up with a melody to any of it, which is our usual way of writing songs when it's not just me and Josh.Walking over to him I hear him playing a riff followed by a chord progression that catches my ear, so I ask him to repeat it and hum something along. It doesn't take long until both Jeremy and Zac add-in and the song starts coming along.I pick a song that I think works with the music we've got. I almost didn't realize how much I needed this, how much better it is to get what I'm feeling out of my system. Sure writing lyrics definitely helps but actually singing the words is completely different.When we're leaving the building a few hours later the song is close to being finished. It could definitely use some more work, but it sounds like us which is the most important thing.Knocking on the door of Taylor's place I step from one foot to another in nervousness. I haven't seen him since we got back from Utah and I'm not sure what to expect. We did text a couple times, but he said he was busy with work, so we haven't properly talked in a few days which is a bit of a change from spending basically the entire week with him.The incident with Mason was solved without me even noticing. I woke up the next morning and he was gone. I asked Taylor what happened but unfortunately, he was out of the loop too, although that was definitely for the best. Apparently, all of the guys cornered him and he wanted to leave himself, without them having to tell him to, which they would've.I didn't see Natalie again either - Luke told me she made a scene about me making it up and didn't believe anyone even when Jason talked to her for 10 minutes straight explaining to her that he saw everything and that it was true. After they left I could see the tension slowly disappear and even Taylor started having fun.He opens the door with a grin on his face and the smell of something cooking carries along with him. He leans down to kiss me and I can't help but smile into his lips as the countless butterflies fill my stomach. I feel like I'm 16 again.Jason shouldn't be home, even though I told him I don't mind his friend Taylor was pretty contempt on the apartment being empty when I come to see him. I haven't been in this apartment since the night I stayed over so I can't help but feel a little awkward stepping in here."I've missed you," he mumbles into my hair as we hug. I giggle like a kid."It's been like 3 days, Taylor.""So what am I not allowed to miss you?" he chuckles as he pulls back and leads his way into the kitchen.I follow him and watch him as he checks up on the food. I'm not a great cook so it's really good that this one of his qualities. "I was just kidding. Besides," my cheeks redden and I look away "I missed you too.""I hope you like Mexican food," he says after a moment of silence, wearing a smirk."So long as it's good then yeah," I say as I sit at the bar and lean on it with both my elbows supporting my head. I have to admit that it smells delicious."Oh, it's good alright. I learned that cooking is essential the moment I moved out and realized that my initial plan that consisted of me eating takeout pizza every night wasn't going to work."When the food is served it truly is one of the best things I've ever eaten. I had the same plan as Taylor when it came to living on my own except for the difference that I still do it most of the time since I can't cook for shit."So I need to tell you something," Taylor says, sounding awfully serious given he made a joke less than a minute ago."Okay." I nod him to go on, surely it can't be that bad. I look outside to see the scenery of Nashville at night. The entire wall on one side is one huge window and the view is amazing."My mom called me yesterday and..." he takes a break and sips on his drink. I know he's trying to stall telling me whatever's so bad and he's not going a great job of that. "she invited me to dinner at home."I frown. If that's what she told him why the all the fuss? "And you're acting like it's the end of the world because you have to see your dad? You know you can always say you're not coming, right?""Right." He clears his throat. "Except she told me to bring you along. She was kinda mad at me that I didn't tell her I had a girlfriend and now they want to meet you, her and my dad I mean."Excuse me what? I almost choke on the food in my mouth and start coughing when he says I'm supposed to come with him. I stare at him blankly, blinking way more than average deciding to think about the fact that he just called me his girlfriend later. Taylor's parents want to meet me? But we haven't even been together longer than a week. "How do they even know about me?" He said his mom was mad at him for not telling her, so someone else must have."Justin told her, he slipped up. He does that a lot though, he can be such a teenager sometimes." he looks at me with apology written all over his face "He said she was asking him about his job, he said he might have something with your band and she kept interrogating him about how he got the tryout and he said something he wasn't supposed to. He says he's really sorry."There's another pause. I bite the inside of my mouth and process the information. If his parents want to meet me, then they can't hate me too much, right? On the other hand, hearing stories about Taylor's father seriously changed my view of him and I doubt he likes anyone when he's capable of doing what he did."If you don't want to go, I'll talk to them. I'm 24 for god's sake they can't order me around anymore, I thought I made that clear a long time ago, so I'll make it work." I know how hard that'd be for him. Arguing with his mother is one thing but explaining it to his father would be something very different. "It's okay, I'll go," I say when I make the decision, sounding way more confident than I actually feel.A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. "Really?" He asks and I nod in response. "Wow okay thank you so much I really didn't want to explain to my mom why you weren't coming. Besides, she'd hold it against you for the rest of your life."I like that I'm the reason for his smile, although I have to question what I've just gotten myself into. I know his family is really rich and that his father is quite the unlikable person, but that's where my knowledge about the Yorks ends."So I'm your girlfriend now?" I mock him once I push my worries aside and can't think about anything else anymore.He smirks. "Well I don't know about you, but I don't make out with my friends.""Okay, boyfriend." I put emphasis on the word, which only makes his grin grow wider. "So when is this dinner happening? I need to mentally prepare myself." I chuckle, but his smile disappears as he scratches the back of his head."That's the other thing." He says unwillingly."Taylor." my tone is a warning one as I say his name, hoping he's not about to say what I think he's about to say."Tomorrow.""Taylorrr," I whine. He can't be doing this to me. I've already agreed to go see his scary, actually scratch that, terrifying family only to find out I won't have any time to prepare myself for the judgment I'll undoubtedly receive from them."I'm sorry, my dad's leaving for some work event soon so it had to be tomorrow." He tries to explain but I don't feel any better."Well, couldn't the dinner happen when he returned?" He presses his lips together making them a thin line and shrugs."You don't know my mom, Hayley. She's definitely better than my dad, but that can be said about almost anyone. It isn't much use arguing or trying to reason with her." I groan out of frustration. This is gonna be so great."And are your parents the only people that are going to be there?" I ask, surrendering the fight. Knowing Taylor's childhood, I definitely don't want to put him through more of that, so I guess I'll have to somehow survive this experience."As far as I know yeah. Justin's busy which is really funny, because when I said I can't come she didn't allow it." well that's not good, he was the only ally I was counting on having except for Taylor obviously. I know we don't know each other, but what I've heard about him and remembering the time we met I think he would've been on my side.He probably spots the worry in my face as he puts his hands on my shoulders. "Look," he puts on a comforting smile for me "if my dad or my mom say something" he turns his gaze away, looking for the right word "impolite about you I will not hesitate to make it crystal clear that that will not be repeated again or we're leaving. Besides my dad dislikes me enough not to have time to focus on you, since he'll be too busy with insulting me." he chuckles, but it's not real.Not feeling a lot better I still have a lot of questions. "Just how rich is your family? I'm asking to know what to wear.""Wear whatever you want, you'll look beautiful just like you do now." He says completely casually and I can't hold his gaze anymore. Not many people have told me I'm beautiful. He's got it all wrong though, he's the beautiful one.Before meeting Taylor the next day, the fight in me to call it off is raging full force. I don't think I've ever been so nervous about anything in my life. He didn't tell me much more about his family the night before, except that they own a yacht which I'm still not sure why he thought that's an important piece of information.I tried to get more facts out of him, but he kept on telling me that there isn't anything else to know. I don't think he wants me to see it, but he's more nervous than he lets on. Whether it's about me or him it sure doesn't me make feel any better about going.I've been very close to getting my phone and calling him to tell him I can't come and I don't even know why. Of course, I'm nervous about meeting Taylor's parents and they're supposed to be… mean, but it's not like I haven't dealt with rude people in my life before. Something about the idea of seeing my boyfriend's parents scares me to death. I can't really compare this to Josh's parents, because they've known me since I was 11, but I don't think me not having enough experience is the reason.I end up not chickening out and tap my leg at a fast pace the entire drive. We spend way more time in the car than I expected. Somehow I forgot Taylor's not from here.I talked to Jeremy again last night and told him about what's going on. I'm really glad I told him yesterday because it is the best thing to have someone to talk to about all of this. I described him the situation and although he tried to sound serious I know he was thoroughly enjoying himself. He told me to just be myself and if they didn't like me they were dumb, which did not help at all, as I'm sure that isn't hard to imagine.When we get off the highway it doesn't take long until we're slowing down and driving through blocks with houses that are about 10 times the size of mine. I can tell this neighborhood is only for people like the Yorks by the BMW'S and Audi's parked in the driveways of these mansions. Taylor's childhood must've been really something if he grew up here."I know right?" he keeps his eyes on the road, scanning the places I'm sure he's seen a million times when he was a kid. He must’ve noticed the way I was looking around. "The people here really didn't know what else to buy with their money. This house for example." he points to a light yellow house to the left "The guy living here with his wife owns a chain of restaurants and some years ago he bought an island just because he could. Not that he's ever been there obviously.""Why does it sound like that makes you really mad?" I ask carefully."I wouldn't say mad, it's really none of my business, but you could say disgusted, because I used to be a part of it too. These people hire other people to clean up after them. They might be okay with that, I'm not." he runs one of his hands through his hair and lets out a heavy sigh "I'm just really glad to be out of here. Well, not for this very moment obviously." He tries to make a gag that seems to have entertained him, but the lump in my throat is back. This is happening way too fast.Maybe two miles later the car slowly comes to a stop. I look to my right and see a huge house, although I wasn't expecting any less from someone living in this area. Its walls are mostly white but sometimes change to grey as that's the main color of the stony bricks covering some of them. From here I can see a little bit of the pool that's almost bound to be at every residence you come across here and what I assume is a very big garden in the back, but I can't get a good view of that."Am I being too dramatic worrying practically worrying for my life?" my intention isn't exactly to lighten the mood, but it works for Taylor."Maybe a tiny bit," he says, the amusement creeping back into his eyes. Well, I'm really glad he's enjoying himself. "It'll be fine, Hayley. It's just dinner. They might ask you a few uncomfortable questions, but that's it." now that doesn't make me feel a lot better. "And for what it's worth whatever might happen tonight will not change the way I feel about you, not even a little."Okay, that might've made me feel a little better. He gets out of the car and I follow in his suite doing the same. Brushing down my dress he takes a hold of my hand and holds it. I'm really glad I took the dress I did given the wealthiness of this family that, although I was expecting, still surprised me.Taylor presses the small button next to the huge gate and soon a crackling sound comes through the speaker."Who's there?" an unknown male voice says."It's Taylor." the very next second I hear a buzzer and he pushes the smaller gate next to the bigger one for cars open, pulling me and my hand with him.We walk on a stone pathway towards what I assume is the main door, which does make me regret the high heels. There's no need for knocking as it's already open when we reach it."Taylor." says a woman that looks to be in her forties, which is way too young to be his or the 5 years older brother's mother, but that's probably thanks to the makeup because there's no denying she's his mother. I study his expression and it's not one that suggests what I was expecting it to suggest, which anger or annoyance. I don't know if it's genuine or not but he seems normal."And you must be Hayley," she says once she's done hugging her son and the smile on her face isn't fake either. Wow, I really am paranoid worrying so much. I shake her hand and that's when I notice the diamonds that she definitely doesn't have a shortage of. Her necklace is golden with big clear stones decorating it and she's wearing a matching pair of earrings. I might be rich myself but not having grown up in it it's so foreign to me."Hello, Mrs. York." I offer her a kind smile and wait whether she'll go for a hug like she did with her son or a handshake. Not to my surprise, she holds out her hand. That's what I thought she’d do, I don't necessarily want to say it's avoiding contact, but Taylor told me hugging isn't standard among this group of people."How lovely to meet Taylor's girl." she clasps her hands at her chest "Come. Peter should be somewhere around here." that's the father. I don't even need to see Taylor to notice the rigidness that overtook his body at the mention.The interior is pretty much what I thought it was going to be. Modern, but not overly modern which is done by the old, and I'm sure original, paintings hung on the walls throughout the hall and other small details.When we reach the dining room I hear another, deeper voice and its intensity increases which each step we take. Right now I don't hear anyone else though, so the person would have to be talking to himself. My suspicions of who it is are quickly confirmed as Taylor's fingers intertwined with mine. A tall, gray-haired man stands in the middle of the room with a phone pressed to his ear. His clothes are more casual than his wife's as he's wearing a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and denim jeans and, unlike Taylor, he's cleanly shaven.While chuckling, probably at something the person he's talking on the phone with said, he then later quits the call and slips his cell into the back pocket of his jeans. When he looks in our direction I'm met with the same amused expression I'm used to seeing from Taylor. Damn it if he's an asshole but his son looks just like him. If someone asked me what a 20 or 30 years older Taylor would look like his father is definitely the right answer."Hello, son," he says after a moment since. I can tell he was expecting the younger male to be the one to speak up first but had to drop that conclusion. His tone isn't one that I expected from what I've heard about the man consisting of him pretty much trying to ruin his son's life if he didn't do what he wanted him to do. There is something more behind his expression though and it might be what I'm looking for to see in him, the side that would let himself do all the bad things he's done."Dad." Taylor simply nods his head in the man's direction, his grip on my hand tightening so much I'm almost sure that if I'd look down his knuckles would be as white as the walls around us. "This is Hayley, my girlfriend." he takes the initiative this time.I have to let go of Taylor to be able to shake the hand I was just offered. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. York." I do my best to be as polite as I can.He smiles and I see how good he is at pretending, assuming that's what's going on here. The man standing in front of me is almost incomparable to the one I was told I'd meet today. "Likewise." I look him in the eyes and that's when I see the coldness that the rest of his body language did a very good job at hiding. I don't think anyone would've noticed it, as he's probably good at keeping that part unseen if they weren't looking for it, but I'm on high alert right now."Well don't just stand there and come sit down. Dinner should be ready any minute." Taylor's mother speaks up again, taking hold of her husband and leading him to take a seat next to her at the huge table that could host at least 12 people. Taylor and I do the same sitting down opposite the older couple. I wonder if one of the two of them actually cooked the meal or if they had someone else prepare it, but judging by the fact that they're both here and not in the kitchen, I'd say the second option is correct."Would you like anything to drink?" the woman asks with the seemingly unbreakable smile I've been seeing on her the past few minutes."Just water." Taylor answers and I follow with the same request.When dinner is served the tension around us is getting thicker by the second. Taylor is mostly having bitter-sweet conversations with his parents, though his father participates rarely, so it's mostly just the boy's mother asking him mundane questions and him answering uncomfortably. I'd like to say that I feel bad for him for having to face that, but I'm not sure I can, because if they’re asking him they’re not asking me."Where's Justin?" Mrs. York asks the question after quite the awkward silence."Shouldn't you know?" Taylor answers sarcastically and the deadly look his father sends him goes unaddressed. I can tell he noticed it though by the grip on my hand under the table increasing each time something similar happens."He just told me he was busy, nothing else." her satisfied, happy expression is completely still, not shaking one bit "But I thought he was staying with you in Nashville, so I expected you to know where he spends his time.""He is staying with me." Taylor confirms "But I'm his brother, not his parent, I don't know about his every move, I thought that’s your job.""Well you know how the both of you are. Telling your parents things about your lives has never been either or your qualities and although you're the more secretive one, Justin keeps to himself too.""Yeah, I wonder why we don't feel comfortable telling you things." Taylor trails off and I hear his father intake deep breath. I knew he didn't like his parents, but so far he hasn't said one nice thing to them, especially his mom who I thought was innocent in the bad events of his childhood. But then again I guess she isn't much better if she let all of it happen."And how is he doing, Hayley?" Mr. York says while I'm sipping on the glass of water I was given and almost choke on it as I wasn't ready for the conversation to focus on me and if that were to occur, which was kind of inevitable, I was hoping it'd be with the less scary parent. Just my luck."I'm sorry?" I ask when I finally swallow the water I was on the verge of spitting out from the surprise."He mentioned he might have a job, if you want to call it that, with your band." I frown. What does he mean by the 'if you can call it that'? I can tell Taylor notices my confusion and he speaks up for me."It is a job, father, so yes, you can call it that." now I see more the disdain the two men feel for each other.To prevent any bigger arguments from arising I decide to answer the question I was initially asked. "He's only practiced with us once, but he seemed good. The guys liked him too, so once the new record's out we'll probably need him." I say, although I have no idea what I meant by 'new record', since we only have one song and an unfinished one. "Obviously everything could change very quickly, so really nothing's final. It's just that we've sort of been in need of a touring guitarist for a while and Taylor offered so we tried it out." I talk as long as I can to avoid the silence."And how did that come about? Your band, I mean." the man asks me something once again."Well..." I begin, debating whether I should take up as much time possible with what seems like harmless conversation or shorten the story "I've always wanted to be in a band and when I was 12 I moved to Nashville where I met some guys at school who had a band. So for some time I just hung around them and one day they asked me to be their singer. Sometime later I brought my friend who played bass along and that was it.""And how did you know things would work out? I mean," he chuckles as if the idea of doing music for a living is completely ridiculous to him "you have to admit that the chances of your band making it in the industry are very low.""We didn't." I'm a little hesitant as to what he's expecting me to say "We were just kids and then all of a sudden I was offered a contract that I managed to extend to the band and we were signed. I was only 14 then and when things started working out I just decided to trust it, because at the end of the day it's always been something I dreamed of."He seems slightly taken aback by my answer. "How did you manage both music and school? If you were so young that had to have been an issue." now that's something I was hoping not to be asked today. It's very apparent just how much education is valued in here so admitting I didn't even properly graduate is a conversation I was hoping to avoid."Um..." I look at Taylor for advice, but he looks just as hopeless as I feel "At first it wasn't that big of a problem and when things did get too time consuming, which was around the release of our first album, I was 16, all of us dropped out. We had planned a tour and there was simply no way we'd have time for all of it."The silence at the table when I finish is excruciating. I don't dare look up to see the facial expression my last statement just left on either of Taylor's parents. "You didn't even graduate high school?" the accusing tone doesn't make me feel any better about this."Technically I did. I took these online tests on the tour bus and I eventually did get a diploma that I finished high school, I just wasn't there every day. That would've been kind of impossible." I attempt to explain this as casually and confidently as my mind will allow me."What did your parents think about that?""They were supportive of her own decisions about her own life, father. Not everyone feels the need to force their kids to do what they hate." Taylor answers for me before I even have the time to open my mouth. I give his hand a squeeze as he'd probably like to be anywhere but here right now. The, before almost subtle, dislike, hatred even, between the two has become very apparent."You mean to give them a good future? To make sure they have a good, stable job and can provide for themselves and eventually their families? Because that's what I offered you but you were too stubborn and unappreciative of what I did for you." that's the man that matches the description I was given. Not the almost even charming person I got a glimpse of before.Letting go of my hand Taylor leans forward, placing both his elbows on the table. That's not good. "Unappreciative? I'm sorry is you ruining my childhood supposed to be something I should be thankful for? Because if so than thanks a lot." he spews the words and for the first time I see the hurt behind the anger. The way his voice quivers ever so slightly with the last sentence tells me he's not as over it as he lets on."Why don't we move on from this argument? You two have had it countless times and it always ends the same." the mother breaks up the fight only seconds before it was about to get ugly. I can see in the annoyed look she sends Taylor's way though and it clearly says she thinks he's the one to blame, not her, dare I say borderline psycho, husband, which explains the bitterness he seems to feel towards her. "Hayley, you mentioned you were working on a new record with the band. How's that coming along?"What a way to keep the small talk going. Once again I was completely unprepared for her question. "Well we have one song that we recorded a demo of and sent it to the label, but haven't gotten a response yet. Oh and we started working on a new song yesterday that seems to be coming along well. It'll probably take a few, if not more, months before we can talk about something specific, so far it's just ideas.""Oh really? What's the new song about?" I can tell the interest she puts on isn't actually there, but don't react to that "I'm assuming since you sing you write the lyrics as well.""Yeah I do." I trail of, racking my brain for a way to explain what I wrote about "It's about... the way I felt during a certain time period." she cocks her head and her brows furrow. I wasn't expecting this explanation to be enough, but at least I tried. "It's not about a specific event. Well that’s not really… it’s hard to explain." I attempt to close the topic, since I don't feel like talking about this to neither her nor her husband."I just got a great idea." she exclaims out of nowhere.Taylor sighs as if he's completely given up on this evening, which I for some reason find funny. "And what would that be?" he asks, completely uninterested by whatever she'll answer."Peter and I are hosting a fundraiser in a few weeks, why doesn't your band play for us? We were about to get someone else to take care of the music, but since our son's girlfriend is in a band we should use the opportunity. And it's be even better if you got Justin to play with you."Well that sounds terrifying. It's already way more than enough for me to handle Taylor's parents and the idea of performing in front of I don't even want to know how many more people like them petrifies me. "Yeah I don't think so." Taylor states, his voice strong."Why not?" his father gets into the mix "You barely visit home, everyone's been asking about you and this would be a great opportunity. Especially since it's for a good cause, raising money for charity and all." great now he's playing the guilt card with raising money for charity.For one moment Taylor ignores his parents and turns to me, the question he's not saying written in his eyes. I know he can say no to them and they really wouldn't be able to do anything about it, but the truth is we could use a show. It's been a long time since we've performed anything live and I can't really do anything about the charity part of things.I shrug, letting him know it's okay. "Fine." his teeth are slightly gritted, probably because he has to agree to something his dad said, which generally seems to be something he struggles with."Great! Since I don't have your phone number I'll send the details to Taylor, which means you'll have to start reading my messages." so that's what her agenda here is, to get closer to him. But I guess that shouldn't be anything new. "Obviously we'll take care of things financially with you, Hayley. Or any of your bandmates, whatever will be more convenient." for a moment I consider turning the money down, but decide against it. If I have to suffer through that at least I'll get paid."You'll probably talk about that with our manager. None of us are fond of the business side of things, so when it comes to money, we have someone else take care of that." the fact that none of us had any idea about anything that had to do with money when we started might have something to do with it too."Ah, yes, I should've thought about that, I didn't realize you had a manager." is that an insult? Her voice wouldn't suggest that, but then again her tone hasn't changed at all since we crossed the threshold. “Well none the less we’re looking forward to seeing you play and meeting our friends.” Oh yeah I can’t wait to meet more people like them.The rest of the evening goes by in similar fashion. It’s awkward with Taylor’s mother keeping the conversation going the most, Taylor himself having actual talks with his parents rarely and more often just making remarks about their past. I wasn’t asked much else other than the most basic things like my age, which was another worry of mine, but seemed to have passed fine, my hobbies and things like that, so just bad small talk. I think overall we were just all uncomfortable which has me wondering why they had asked me to perform on their fundraiser.I later found out that the food we had, which was good by the way, but I didn’t really get to enjoy it because of the situation I was in, indeed wasn’t made by either of the parents and they do have people at their house taking care of things, which also explains the who answered the buzzer when we first got there.When Taylor announced we were leaving, his mom wasn’t too happy about it, saying how it’s too early and how she wants to talk to him more, but he wasn’t backing down. I don’t know what she thought she was going to get out of him. He clearly doesn’t want to talk to neither of his parents and I doubt that’s a onetime thing."So that was terrible." Taylor says and follows with a light but real chuckle as we walk through the streets of Nashville. The sun's set a few hours ago so if it weren't for the dim yellow light the lamps cast we wouldn't be able to see anything."There are worse things in life." I begin my lecture "Like hunger, war, natural disasters, death-""Ha-ha you're really funny." he cuts me off from continuing in an unsatisfied tone, but I can hear a slight hint of him cracking up, which makes me laugh."Hey you seemed a little strange tonight." I comment suddenly remembering the person he became around his family. I was prepared to see anger and hurt, but there was something else. He sounded like the events in his past that include both him and his father were getting to him way more than he wants people to think."You mean like the world's worst son? I hate to break it to you but I've been that way before we met, so I'm surprised you haven't noticed it until today." his mood immediately drops from the happy one to a more of an annoyed one."No I mean..." I don't quite know how to put this "like defeated. Like what's happened actually still bothers you and not just a little." I try to be careful about the whole situation, given he's not one to enjoy talking about these kinds of things.He doesn't look at me and keeps walking. In the moment of silence I beat myself up over asking him this, obviously he's still hurting, I don't need him to confirm that to me. "Of course it bothers me." he begins and his tone doesn't suggest he's mad at me which lets me calm down a bit. "The worst part is that he still thinks what he did was right and so does my mother, neither of them think they did anything wrong. I'm almost a hundred percent sure that if he had another kid he'd treat them the same he treated me and she'd let him." he pauses "It's sick, really.""Are you sure? Don't you think he'd see what that did to your relationship and maybe change things?" I question. Peter York's a lot of things, but I doubt he's stupid. I'm pretty sure he can see that his relationship with his sons isn't an ordinary one."But that's the thing." Taylor raises his voice "He thinks I'm the problem, not him. In his eyes he did everything he could to make sure I had a good life. And yeah, maybe if I did have the same interests as he did then things would've worked out and right now you'd be looking at a surgeon with a paycheck as long as a novel. But that's not who I am, it's never been and he couldn't make me change. And that's something he could never get though his head, no matter how many times I've told him, not matter how much I begged him to just let me be myself.""You have no idea how many arguments we've had, how many times we've yelled at each other and every time for the same reason. And yet I still have so many things I want to tell him, things that I haven't been able to tell him, because the boy who just wanted his dad to love him won't let me. That's just so unfair.""And now, years later, years from the last time we slept under the same roof he still has the ability to make me crumble with one look. I don't show it, I won't let him know he has that over me, but it makes me feel hopeless. And I hate it, I hate that he can do that to me without even trying whatsoever and what's worse is that I'll always feel that way. I thought that when I move out and finally tell him to shove it he'd stop having that effect on me, but it's always gonna be there, no matter how much time's passed and I'm completely powerless to do anything about it.""Hey look at me." I step in front of him and try to get his attention. When he finally seems to have stopped rambling he looks at me and my heart hurts for him when I see the pain in his eyes "You're not hopeless." I half whisper "Or powerless for that matter. You can't move on from something until you accept that it happened. I think you're still searching for the time you can't get back because of him, but that time's lost. Now you just have to stop thinking about what could've been and focus on what's ahead.""I think you desperately want your dad to see what he did, to admit he was wrong but that might never happen. That boy you mentioned, the one who wanted his father's affection, he's always going to be a part of you, he's still in there," I place my hand above his heart "but at the same time you have to realize that he grew up. You have just let go or things will never be different."He starts shaking his head. "God, you're right, I know you're right I just-" he takes a deep breath "I don't know how. How do I let go of my fucked up childhood?" that's about where my therapy knowledge ends."I don't know, but I'd love to help you figure it out." all he does is smile, but it's more than enough as an answer. "The dinner actually wasn't that bad." I comment changing the topic, but that's not really true. I've never had any other experience with 'meeting the parents', but I'd say this one ranks pretty high on the terrible list, given all that happened. But that was also expected."You're right I could've gotten into a fight and I mean the physical kind." he jokes and I hit him in the shoulder. "Ow," he laughs "what was that for?""What is it with you and punching people?" I question. This boy seriously needs to calm down and stop talking about hitting others or worse, actually doing it."I admit," his hands go up in the air as a sign of surrender "I am a little hot headed.""A little." I snicker and he pretends that that hurt him."But," he takes my hand "all of my latest rage outbursts have been for you, have been to defend you. So if you wanna complain I suggest you think about that for a moment."I smile to myself. He's right, the only time he was actually about to hit someone was because of me. I know that shouldn't make me happy, but I can't help but love the feeling that he cares so much, nobody's ever cared so much."Why are you smiling like an idiot?" the question brings me out of my daze. I didn't realize I was so taken away by my thoughts that I forgot about reality.I shrug and shake my head, unable to get the foreign yet familiar warm feeling out of my chest. I know what it is all too well. I've only felt that way once and although it hasn't been that long it feels like a lifetime ago. "Nothing." he shakes his head and seems to have taken the answer. Yup, I am definitely falling in love with this boy.
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CHAPTER 12
Hayley I turn down the volume of my TV and listen to the sound seemingly coming from upstairs, but it's not repeated. Maybe it's just in my head. In a few seconds, I hear it again. A small crack, that'd easily be overheard. Is someone knocking on the door? No, I'd hear that, since it's no more than a few feet away from where I'm sitting. Maybe someone's trying to break in. My heart starts hammering in my chest at the thought.I hear it again, but it's louder this time. Terrified I get up and frantically look for something that could be used as a weapon. I know I can be paranoid sometimes, but better safe than sorry. I go upstairs and hear the crack again, which only makes me walk faster. Opening my closet in my bedroom, I see my guitar lying at the bottom. Good enough. I walk towards the source of the sounds and if my heart beats any faster I'm afraid I might have a heart attack.The sound rips through the silence once more and I realize it's coming from the guest room. I see a small stone contact the balcony window making the same noise I've heard this whole time. Well, that's strange. If someone wanted to break it, they probably wouldn't throw tiny rocks at it.Swallowing the fear, I tighten my grip on the neck of the guitar. In one big stride, I get to the window and look down and see who, or what is down there. You have got to be kidding me. My heart still beating fiercely in my chest I lean the guitar against a wall and slide the glass door open, letting the cold air in and wrapping my arms around my body I step on the balcony."Jesus Taylor, what the hell are you doing here?" I put my hands on my chest trying to catch my breath. I can feel my heartbeat in my throat, I haven't been this scared for my life in a long time. He definitely never fails to surprise me with whatever stupid thing he's going to come up with next.He's standing there in just a shirt, shivering, but still grinning. "I'm coming up." Before he gives me a chance to argue, he's already climbing the tree next to my house. Using the little time I have before he gets here, I run to my bedroom and put the guitar away. Picking up the clothes lying on the floor I try to clean the place up a bit.I turn around and see Taylor just barely holding on to the balcony. Using all his strength he manages to lift himself up and get over the railing. Dusting off his black button up shirt he walks inside turns on the light and closes the glass door behind him. I have to admit that he's really fast in doing so, it'd take me 20 minutes to even get on the first branch."Hi," he says flashing me one of his smiles as if he wasn't expecting to see me there."What is going on?" I could not be more confused as to why he thought this was a good idea."I needed to see you," he answers as if that was completely obvious."At this time?" I wave my arms around in frustration."Yes.""Okay well, can't you just use the door like a sane individual would?""What, do you have something to hide that you don't want others to see?" I want to punch that smug smile off his face. How can he be so sweet sometimes and then become the most annoying person I know?"No," I answer, attempting to make my voice sound as strong as it'll allow me. "But I'm also not interested in being murdered in the middle of the night by people breaking into my house, which is most definitely what whatever you just did sounded and seemed like." I would really like to see inside his head sometimes. In what universe did he think that he wanted to get in touch with me, and this was the best option he had?"I needed to see you and I knew you wouldn't want to go do anything with me if I asked you in advance, so I came to the conclusion that I had to just show up here. And as to why I didn't use the door, that's quite simple really – I'm fun, unlike someone here." he proclaims with a proud smile. I have so much to say to him, but I already know it's no use arguing.I sigh letting out the air I didn't realize I was holding in. "Okay so what was so important you couldn't just tell me over the phone and had to break into my house in the middle of the night?" that comes out a bit harshly, but it doesn't bother me. He's still got a lot of explaining to do."I need you to come with me." he doesn't wait for my answer and grabs my hand, pulling me towards the exit."Wait for what? Where are we going?" I somehow manage to get out of his grip and stop. "You can't just show up here and drag me God knows where with you."He cocks his head. "But that's exactly what I'm doing. Now come on, we've got a few hours of driving in front of us and by the time we get there it could be too late. We have to hurry.""I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on and what you're talking about." he finally stops making me go downstairs, but I can already tell that's just a momentary thing."It's a surprise, you'll like it." for the first time tonight he really looks me into my eyes. "Do you trust me?" this time it's finally him speaking, not the dude bro he can be sometimes."Yes." I don't hesitate to answer. I do trust him, completely."Okay then, good, we should get going. I promise you’ll love it.”“This is so reckless.” I let out while blowing out some air, close to giving into him. I don’t know who I’m kidding it’s not like I’ve been able to say no to him before.“That’s exactly the point.” unexpectedly enough there’s no hint of sarcasm in his tone. “When’s the last time you did something for the first time?”“I’ve been doing a lot of that lately, actually. I’m not sure how good your memory is, but this isn’t the first time you’ve come up with something stupid.” Ever since we started hanging out all Taylor’s done is bring me on his ‘adventures’, as he likes to call it. This is a new thing though; he’s never gone as far as to show up at my house like this.He grins. “The fact you said makes me happier then it probably should.” this time I don’t resist when he takes a hold of my hand. I would ask him why he’s rushing so much, but I know it’s no use. When he sets his mind on something, it takes a lot to make him let go.It's been three weeks since we went to see Taylor’s parents. I already told the guys about out gig and they were surprisingly happy about it, but I still haven't had the guts to tell them just how I got it. I know I have to tell Josh soon though. I talked it over with Jeremy and he tried to calm me down saying I have nothing to worry about.And maybe he's right. We started getting close again and it's almost the same as it used to be with us being best friends. We've spent a lot of time at my house writing just like we used to, and we've got a lot written, but I still haven't shown them songs like Ignorance, which is what I've decided to call possibly the angriest song I've ever written.While driving my questions as to where we’re going became more frequent the more time went on, but he, of course, wouldn’t tell me anything, so I decided to go to sleep. A part of me wants this to be the way things are always going to be between the two of us, I love how alive I feel around him, but it’s moments like this I wish he’d be a little subtler.“Wake up.” the seemingly urgent voice says, while someone’s shaking my shoulder. “I was serious when I said I’m not sure we’ll make it in time, we gotta go.”Confusion causes a crease to form on my forehead. I look around me, but it’s almost pitch black I can hardly see anything. The tiredness of being woken up in the middle of the night makes it very hard for me not to go back to sleep.“Hayley.” someone repeats. Oh, that’s right, my boyfriend’s crazy. Him borderline breaking into my house and later making me go wherever the hell we are with him start coming back.“I hate you so much sometimes,” I admit while really opening my eyes. It has to be really late, given we must’ve spent a few hours in the car and we left long after the sunset. When I finally gather the strength to get out of the car, we’re surrounded by trees all around us. This is awfully similar to the climbing experience, which most definitely doesn’t make me feel better.“Is this how you finally murder me? At 2 in the morning in a forest that has to be very far from any civilization?” he chuckles at my question.“Shit why didn’t that cross my mind?” he jokes. “I guess it can seem a little creepy taking you here, doesn’t it?” he gets going, entering the darkness of the forest and I have no choice but to follow him.“Taylor, after today nothing you’ve done seems strange anymore. So, I’m not even going to bother questioning anything.” I rub my eyes and yawn while answering. I have to run my hands up and down my body to avoid freezing to death. Damn it’s cold.“Here,” Taylor pulls the hoodie I didn’t notice him putting on over his head and hands it to me “take this, that should keep you warm.”“Thanks.” I gratefully take the piece of clothing and put it on, absorbing the heat from Taylor. As expected it’s huge, but it definitely keeps out the cold.He wraps one of his arms around my shoulders and pulls my body to his, now probably more to his comfort, since he’s only in his shirt once again. “Can I just say that I wouldn’t last two seconds here alone?” I ask after no more than two minutes of walking. The only light we could’ve gotten was from the moon, but that’s safely blocked out by the tall trees. The occasional crack or a bird sound makes me jump each time in interrupts the deafening silence.“Don’t worry, we’re almost there.” he pauses “I haven’t taken anyone here, never. All the places I’ve taken you I’ve been to with someone, but this is an exception. I found it when I was going through my ‘running away from home’ phase. I actually spent the night here.”“I’d say you telling me that caught me off guard, but it really didn’t.” he laughs, and I join in with him. It’ll take a long time for me to be surprised by something he’s done or said. But I have no doubt that something down the line will.Just as I’m about to ask how much longer we’ll have to wander around here, I see a soft, dim glow in the distance. I guess we aren’t the only ones who decided to go take a walk in the middle of nowhere.“Yes,” Taylor mutters, relief in his voice as we’re nearing the light.“What? Are you planning on meeting someone here?” the light doesn’t seem like one from a flashlight though. Maybe it’s a building, but then again, I really don’t think anyone would build anything here.“Not a who, a what.” okay now I’m really confused.Before I get the chance to ask more questions I quicken my pace as the source of the glow starts slowly revealing itself to me. It seems like it’s many tiny lights that from the distance look like one big one. My eyes widen at just how many there are. No, it can’t be, I’m not sure if that’s even possible. I’m almost running at this point since I don’t believe what I think I’m seeing is true.Fireflies. Hundreds, if not thousands of them swirling just about everywhere you look and the sight truly is breathtaking. I look up at the sky and finally, there’s nothing blocking away the moonlight without any stars behind it, although it’s almost unnoticeable given the countless tiny insects. They soar the sky, flickering and twittering in reminiscence of the planets thousands of light-years away we’re used to seeing above.I wave my arms around to catch one, careful not to hurt the little creature. Gently peeking into the trap that are my hands I spot a yellow pulsating body, looking for a way to get out, so I give it the freedom. I’ve only seen fireflies once in my life, but that’s nothing compared to this.“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Taylor says making me turn around and I realize how lost in the moment I’ve gotten. His facial expression isn’t too different from mine, though I’d say mine is more dumbfounded and not actually believing this is a real place.“It’s incredible.” I manage to say. “How do you know about this?” I can’t wipe the smile off my face.“Like I said I first saw this back when I was a teenager, so I’ve come here every year since. But you can only see this a few days in a year, heck sometimes it’s just hours and the past three springs I wasn’t so lucky. I was just doing nothing at home when I remembered this is the time this happens, so I got into my car and drove to your place, you know I don’t really think things through beforehand. I was really scared I was dragging you all the way here for nothing, but as you can see,” he spins around “this spring was a lucky one.”“How are there so many of them?”“No idea.” is his simple answer. “But it’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen, and I really wanted you to have the experience too.”I hang myself on his neck, attacking his lips. For some reason, we both start laughing, but it’s not long until Taylor’s hands are in my hair and the kiss deepens. This time it’s different though. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but this time it feels more intimate, more real. Like he’s someone I’ve known my entire life and would trust him with it in a heartbeat. Everything about this moment is perfect.His movements are as urgent as I feel. I know it’s almost freezing, but I’ve never felt this much heat between us. A sensation I know exactly what means starts spreading through my body, which makes me tug on his shirt and his response to that is immediate as his lips move faster like this is the last kiss we’ll ever share.Suddenly I feel him pulling away, so I let the contact break. In the faint, yellow, almost green, light his normally hazel eyes are so dark with lust and want I can’t tell his pupils and irises apart. I’ve never seen him like this before. Biting my lower lip, I realize that’s exactly what I must look like right now. He closes his for a moment while taking a deep breath and when they open again it’s partially back to normal.“We should probably get going.” his voice is shaky and unsteady.When we get back to the car I know the moment we shared is ruined, at least from his side it is. I still have no idea what happened, but it sure has me confused.“I guess it’s too late to drive back now so…” he scratches the back of his head, keeping his gaze on the ground “I don’t know, the best option probably is to go get a room in a motel.” the sentence comes out as a question, not a statement. I can tell he’s unsure and the most probable option is, that it might be because of what happened just minutes ago. Like I mentioned, this isn’t the first time he’s pulled something like tonight, although never quite like this, but he wasn’t this uncertain the times before.“Yeah, I don’t have anything with me though, so if you don’t have money we’re probably screwed.” I agree. I could’ve gotten sleep in the car, but that’d mean that Taylor would have to spend the entire night awake and that’s not my intention. Especially since it’s a Tuesday and I know he has work tomorrow.“I brought my wallet, I’m not that irresponsible.” the way he chuckles makes it seem like he’s back to his usual self. “I know a nice motel just a few miles from here.”When we get there the parking lot seems surprisingly full given the place doesn’t seem like a small one. The glass windows showing a bit of the main hall reveal that it’s fully lit up and there really are people working here so late.“Do you have any empty rooms?” Taylor asks the clerk in the lobby. I found out that we’re not that much in the middle of nowhere as I thought since you can see some city below the horizon.She looks at him utterly uninterested, but I guess I can’t blame her, given she’s at work at this ungodly hour. “Only one on the second floor, other than that we’re full.” the woman answers after typing something into her computer.“Okay that’s fine, we’ll take that one,” Taylor answers, and I fully understand the relief he talks with. It’s not just about them actually having a room, but about the fact that if they had more than one we’d have to face the situation of whether we get separate rooms or not. After some boring conversation with her, he puts some bills on the desk and gets handed a chain with a number and a key.I wonder what we must look like to the woman, getting a room like this. Well okay, I’m pretty sure I know what this looks like. It takes us a while before we find the door that matches the number on the key chain since the motel isn’t all that small.Going inside I’m instantly hit with the smell of fresh laundry, which is something I welcome. There’s a big closet right at the entrance and another door opposite that, that I’m guessing leads to the bathroom. Other than that, there’s an armchair and a queen-sized bed. Just one. I don’t know why that catches me off guard, obviously there was going to be only one bed, but it still comes as a surprise to me.“You can go shower first,” Taylor tells me.“Okay.” I don’t say more than that. Why does it suddenly feel so awkward talking to him? Maybe because you’re about to sleep in the same bed as him, dumbass, my brain answers.Once I step out of the shower, I face the problem I’d do just about anything to avoid right now. What do I wear? There’s no way I’m using the same underwear but sleeping in jeans doesn’t sound comfortable at all either, which leaves me with only one option and that’s my t-shirt. It’s a bit oversized which I could not be more grateful for right now, but it still barely goes below my waist. I pull it over my head and stretch it down so that the hem almost reaches the middle of my thighs. I guess that’s as good as it gets.When I walk out of the small room, the situation feels oddly familiar to one of our first encounters when we saw each other at the bar. If someone told me this is the way things would go back, then I wouldn’t believe a word they said. He’s lying on the right side of the bed, which is good, because I was hoping to sleep on the other one, focused on his phone.“You can go.” I don’t need to look at him feel his gaze on me and my reaction is to pull the only piece of clothing I’m wearing lower. I normally I’d study his face to decode his thoughts, but right now I’m afraid of seeing the darkness in his eyes I saw back in the forest.When he gets out he’s in his boxers and the shirt he took the time to button up. That’s good since I’m not sure how I’d do if he wasn’t wearing it. I’m already safely tucked under the covers, but when he lies down, he doesn’t bother to use them, which I what I thought he was going to do, he hardly ever gets cold.“Hey,” I say getting his attention after a minute of silence of both of us staring at the ceiling “thanks for tonight. I loved it.” One of the corners of his mouth twitches, curling up in a smile. “You’re welcome.” he puts both his arms behind his head. “You’re really good for going with me in that situation. You passed the test.” he grins.“What test?”“You have to be at least half as reckless as me if you and me is something that’s going to last. You passed, congratulations.” I can tell he’s not being serious.“I’m about 99 percent sure you just made that up.”“Well, in that case, the probability of you being right is rather high.” we both laugh.“Goodnight, Taylor,” I say, glad the uneasiness I felt between us before is gone.“Night,” he answers, and I close my eyes.That’s when it starts getting to me. Taylor. Next to me. In the same bed. The heat radiating from him all the way to me. How he’s literally inches away. The kiss from before. The way it felt. The way he looked at me. The pure need and lust in his eyes. I want to tear the hair out of my scalp. Frustrated I toss and turn, desperately wishing for sleep to take over.“If you turn one more time, Williams, I swear I’ll tie you to the bed,” Taylor says not looking in my direction.“Sorry, I just…”“Can’t sleep?” he finishes the sentence for me, lying on his side to face me.I nod. When we make eye contact he must notice the thoughts that I’m guessing were written all over my face as something in him changes too. The sarcasm is gone as quickly as I appeared. He leans in, his lips touching mine ever so slightly, but I instantly get closer as I’m trying to relieve the craving that’s been building up in me.He catches up quickly with his tongue tracing my bottom lip, demanding entrance that I grant him with no hesitation. The kiss that happened an hour ago is nothing compared to this. This kiss is the kind that leaves you breathless on the spot, it makes you give up all logic and just let your instinct take over. His lips are soft, but still demanding and move so well against mine it seems effortless. His breath is warm, unlike the rest of the room, and at one point I could feel him smile against my lips, sending shivers all over my body.Needing more I roll us over with my body above his not once breaking the kiss. His hands are gripping the back of my thighs, slowly making their way upwards, sending sparks through my body, while our tongues are fighting for dominance. God, he tastes incredible. I let go of his lips and start tracing light kisses along his jawline, stopping at his neck, and taking my sweet time enjoying myself, even more, when the vibration of deep groan pulses through the area I’m kissing.I almost gasp as jolts of electricity shoot through me when the growing bulge touches my core and return to his lips. One of his hands leaves my legs and pulls at my hair almost painfully, which strangely enough feels amazing. I need to get closer. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know I’m too far to stop now. My hands start frantically and unsuccessfully unbuttoning the shirt he’s wearing and, in this state, getting one takes about as much time as getting ten would under normal circumstances.“Wait.” he sits up abruptly, catching his breath. Oh God, what did I do? Does he not want to? The embarrassment shows as crimson runs to my cheeks, although I doubt he can see it in this lighting. It’s times like these I wish I could just disappear.“I’m sorry.” my voice comes out small.He frowns and takes a moment before talking again. “Why are you sorry?”“I shouldn’t have done that.”“Oh, you think I didn’t-“ he doesn’t finish “I can assure you, Hayley, that that’s definitely not what just happened. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something as much as I want you right now.” I swear I could almost hear the rock falling off my heart. “It’s just that this is a big deal. Are you sure?”“Yes,” I say the one word. I’ve waited a long time for the right person and if there’s one thing I got from him it’s that sometimes I just have to go for it.Taking a deep breath, he nods a few times. “Have you ever had sex?”Something hitches in my throat. For some reason, I didn’t see that coming. “No,” I shake my head “but I want it to be you,” I admit and the smile tugging on his lips erases any doubts I might’ve had.“It’ll hurt, you know that, right?”“I thought all guys want is sex, how come you’re coming up with ideas to avoid it?” he chuckles.“I just don’t want you to feel like somehow I rushed you. This should be completely your choice, especially if it’s your first time.” there’s a pause “Besides not all guys are after sex, for example me. I’m after deep emotional connection and sex will always come second after watching cheesy romantic movies together, going shopping and most importantly deep talks about our feelings. So please, get out of here with your unjustified assumptions.” the second part is completely sarcastic and has me cracking up.We start kissing again, but this time around we take our time. It’s not as urgent as before, it’s more passionate and personal. I go to unbutton his shirt again doing a much better job than before and when I’m done with the last one I push the fabric over his shoulders, throwing it somewhere on the floor.I pull away, breaking the kiss and admire the sight of his almost too perfectly chiseled chest. I can’t help biting my lip and running my fingertips down his hard muscles, which makes them tighten and then relax again. Then he leans forward again and claims my lips his own once again. Things get more heated as his mouth moves hungrily against my own. I love the way the rough surface of his chin and jaw covered with short but sharp hairs feels against my skin as he moves onto my neck.He pulls my waist forward, ensuring the position of me straddling his lap making me gasp at how abrupt the movement is. I’m almost sure I’ll have a hickey on the spot he’s working on right now, but I couldn’t care less. He starts slowly, almost painstakingly slowly rocking his hips back and forth, his member making only very little contact with my entrance each time he does so.With one of his hands holding me in place, the other one draws circles on my stomach, moving upwards. My skin feels scorching hot everywhere he touches me. When he starts tugging at the only piece of clothing I’m wearing I realize he’s been trying to tell me he wants to rid me of it, so I help him by raising my arms above my head. He immediately pulls the t-shirt off my body when I give him the opportunity.I’d feel self-conscious about being naked in front of him, but I don’t even have the opportunity as I let out a moan when one of his hands cups my breast, massaging it. My grip on his torso gets a lot firmer when he takes the nipple between his fingers, playing with it and making me go crazy.Leaving my chest unwelcomely alone his strong arms pull me downwards, changing our position from a sitting one to lying down with him hovering above me. He gently nudges one of my legs, making it go upwards until it’s safely wrapped around his back which he seems to be satisfied with. The hand that’s not playing with my hair carefully makes its way along my inner thigh towards my core, but never quite make it there and I start getting impatient.Finally, he reaches my core and runs a finger down the middle, causing every part of my body to shake. “Fuck you’re soaked.” his eyes are filled with lust as he gently, too gently, rubs the overly sensitive skin in the area as him talking dirty to me is an all too arousing sensation.He slowly, too slowly, presses his finger against me and I gasp as he swirls is against the outside of me before pushing it inside. It’s an odd feeling having to adjust around him, which makes me wonder how I’ll deal with his entire length in me if just his fingers are doing this to me. He starts moving his finger back and forth and I unconsciously move against his hand as I can’t get enough of the addictive feeling. That seems to have encouraged him as his pace gets a bit faster. Our lips make contact, but that’s only for a very brief moment as he adds a second finger and curls them inside me and I break the kiss, inhaling sharply.“Is that okay?” he slows down again, the little light covering his features showing concern.“It’s amazing,” I reply, completely breathless.He smirks. I guess nothing boosts a guy’s ego as telling him he’s good in bed. “Do you think you’re ready?” he arrogance is quickly gone.“Yeah, Taylor. I’m ready.” I answer with more confidence than I actually feel. His finger pulls out and the absence I feel is immediate. “Alright, baby I’ll go as slowly as possible. If at any moment it gets too much you have to tell me immediately and I’ll stop, okay?” warmth spreads through my chest at the fact that he called me baby.“I want this.” I try to get the worry off his face, but it doesn’t work. “I want you, all of you.” Pulling his head towards mine I brush a kiss on his lips, letting him know I mean it.He nods and pulls at the waistband of his boxers, rather clumsily getting rid of them and strokes himself. My eyes go wide at the size of him and I can’t help but feel afraid. That is way bigger than his fingers. Is that even going to fit inside me?I decided the best thing to do would be to lean back against the pillows and let him be in control while positions himself at my entrance. Before doing anything, he entangles his fingers with mine, pinning one of my arms above my head and that simple gesture makes the worries swirling around in my head disappear. Finally, I feel the head lightly touching my core and the need for him keeps building up inside me.Taylor takes a deep breath before pushing in slowly. I can tell he tries to hold it back, but the deep, almost animalistic groan resonates through his chest. I hold my breath and bite down on my bottom lip, feeling him stretch me out as he enters. It’s painful, but in a good way. After he’s in what feels like about two inches, there’s a barrier.He looks at me, the same worry in his eyes I’ve been seeing on him. I nod to let him know I’m fine and give him permission. “You just gotta relax babe, that’s all. If you’re tense it’ll hurt a lot more.” I make a mental note to follow his instructions.He lowers his head to kiss me once again and as my thoughts start to scramble while getting lost in him, he cautiously pushes into me. I’m grateful for the distraction of his lips, but the sharp stinging pain when he goes through the barrier is almost overwhelming and I clutch onto his waist, but then I remember I was told to relax, so I do my best to let go of the tension in my muscles.“Do you want me to stop? I’m about halfway in so if you don’t think you can handle that I’ll stop.” Halfway? There’s no way that’s only halfway.“No, I’m okay,” I answer not really sure that’s true. I guess he must’ve seen me wincing and inhaling sharply to be asking me that question, but none the less I don’t want him to stop. “I’m fine, Taylor, I promise.”This time he’s looking at me as he goes deeper. One of his hands is still intertwined with mine above my head and he caresses my cheek with the other, his thumb softly brushing over my skin. I find that when I’m relaxed the pain truly is a lot easier to stand than before.He groans again, and I notice his eyes going into the back of his head. “Hayley that feels fucking incredible. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to contain myself.”I feel full in a way. I mean a part of me is filled and it still hurts, but my body’s slowly adjusting to him, each second the pain gradually going away. I move my hips a bit, hoping he’ll get the message he can move and indeed it he most certainly understands as he pulls back and slowly forward again while letting out a ragged breath and then gently repeating the motion.There’s a last pang of pain before it seems to have gone away and I find myself enjoying it. He keeps on softly going in and out and I can’t stop the moan from going past my lips, although his pace is becoming too slow for me. He probably notices by the sounds I’m making as his thrusts quicken just a little and chills go up and down my body when he growls deeply. He starts going even faster, occasionally kissing my lips lightly. That feels too good.At last, it gets to a point where both our bodies are moving against one another and we find a good, natural rhythm. My hips moved against his in a sort of a circular motion and he pounds himself into me, causing pleasure to course through both of us.With each thrust something inside me builds up, I become tenser and I can’t even tell where my body ends and his starts anymore. Taylor moves his hand to my lower back, slightly raising me up and pressing himself into me with more ease. The tension inside me keeps on building up the deeper and faster he goes until I feel as though I need to release it. I open my mouth to say something, but the only thing that comes out is another moan.Taylor beats me to it when he’s nearly slamming himself against me. “Just let go, Hayley.” his voice is rough and husky when he says the words, reading my thoughts. Or maybe he just looked at my face, I don’t think I’m that hard to read at the moment.After a few more thrusts what sounds like a small cry escapes my lips and I choke out his name, unable to contain it anymore. He encourages me to let go again and I don’t even have the time to think about it as I feel myself contracting against him tightly and then finally reaching my release. He grunts and thrusts in as deep as he can get one last time before spilling into me and letting out a sound I can’t identify.For a moment all I can hear is our heavy breathing while he slowly pulls out and lays down onto the mattress next to me. Both of our chests are rising up and down quickly and I almost can’t hear anything because of the blood pumping through my ears so loudly.Then, for no reason whatsoever, Taylor starts laughing. A part of me goes to the conclusion that it’s because of me, at me, but I know better. Unable to resist the infectious laugh I join him. “What’s so funny?” I turn to my side so that I’m able to see his face and he does the same a few seconds later.“Nothing I just…” he averts his gaze from mine “I’ll have to break into your house more often.” I blush and look down. He scoots closer and wraps his big arms around my small frame while brushing one last kiss on my lips before I drift asleep, feeling completely safe and happier than I’ve ever been.----------------------------------I take another look at the dare I say perfect sight next to me when I try to come up with words that seemed to have been pouring out of me this morning. The bottom half of his body is covered in white sheets and the rest is exposed to the sun getting to him through the windows. He’s sleeping on his stomach, his arms hugging the pillow and taking up a good portion of the bed, leaving little space for me to sit on. I can’t believe he’s still asleep. It’s almost 11 and Mr. ‘I’ve never slept past 7’ is still passed out.I get an idea for the last line and scribble it down into my notebook. I still can’t believe I wrote a love song. I’ve never written a song like this, ever, but having so many words swirling around in my head this morning I thought this would be a good time to start.I take one final look at the lyrics I’d just finished writing, reading over them and smile to myself. “Why are you grinning like that?” Taylor asks in his tired voice and I instinctively close my notebook as fast as possible, not wanting him to see anything yet and put it on the bedside table.“Well good morning to you too, sunshine.” he chuckles and abruptly pulls at my hand towards him, making me lose balance, but he has no problem holding me in place, which is right where he is.We kiss deeply and just when I’m about to lose myself he pulls away. I pout, which he finds funny. “How were you up before me? I thought you sleep like the dead.” now he seems confused.“Oh, I am so glad you asked. It’s actually 11 in the morning right now, so I think your long-time record has been broken.” I enjoy every second of it being me having something on him this time, not the other way around.He frowns and reaches for his phone. His go wide when he confirms for himself that I indeed wasn’t making it up. “I swear to you that has not happened in literally years.” he seems completely dumbfounded “I guess you just exhausted me.” his smile turns mischievous and my natural reaction when he mentions what happened last night is to blush.We start to kiss again, but not long after I hear some chatter getting louder by the second and then a click. Unwillingly we tear away from each other and see a shocked maid standing in the door, unmoving.“Sorry,” Taylor says completely casually as if what just happened isn’t possibly the worst moment of his life which is how I’m feeling. Luckily, I got dressed when I woke up and Taylor’s bottom half is hidden by the sheets otherwise she’d see pretty much everything. “We kinda forgot to put the ‘do not disturb sign’ on the door.”Then he gets up and walks towards the bigger table completely naked and I have to hide my face with my hands. I can’t tell whether he’s doing this for his own amusement or that’s just who he is, but I think a little bit of both since he seems to have no shame and loves to make others uncomfortable. But if there’s someone I’ve learned not to be surprised by, it’s Taylor. I start giggling when I see the poor woman’s face, who was just trying to do her job and was met with this.He grabs the red ‘do not disturb’ sign off the table and hands it to the maid, who seems to have finally woken up from the shock and quickly turns around. The next thing I hear is her loudly closing the door.“You’re unbelievable.” I can’t stop laughing. I do feel bad for finding this funny, but I can’t help myself as Taylor’s standing there, looking genuinely confused.“Why did she run away? I doubt she’s never seen a naked dude.” he sounds completely serious.“Maybe she’s not used to the people staying here flashing their junk in her face.”“Well, I think you’re just jealous.” I can tell he knows that’s not true and is doing that just to tease me.“Why would I be jealous of that poor girl? How does that even make any sense?”“I don’t know, you tell me.” in moments he’s close enough for me to be able to feel his breath on me again. Without answering I shake my head.“I forgot to say something last night.” he says a second later.“And what would that be?”He looks between us, takes my hand, and holds it above his heart. When his eyes are on mine again there are so many emotions in them it takes me a while to adjust. There’s happiness, joy and when he opens his mouth and no sound comes out, the carefreeness turns to something resembling fear.“Taylor, what is it?” the anticipation in me as to what’s so hard for him to say grows.“I- “he cuts himself off again. He swallows and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and when they open the fright’s been replaced with something that makes me glad we’re lying down because otherwise, I don’t know how my knees would’ve done with how weak it makes them. “I love you.”Something spreads through my entire body, something I can’t describe, but I’ve felt it before, just never this strong. It’s like that feeling you when you think you’ve lost something and years later find it in a place you initially wouldn’t’ve expected it to be, but then kick yourself for not thinking about looking there in the first place.“I love you too.”
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CHAPTER 13
Hayley"So what's up?" the familiar sound of Josh's voice interrupts my thoughts. I realize I'm biting my lower lip and quickly stop the nervous action."What do you mean?" I play dumb. I can tell he’s aware exactly of what I'm doing though, as the knowing look spreads over his features while cocking his head. Yup, he has no problem reading me, he's never had. He was always the one I couldn't hide anything from. Being a good liar was never one of my qualities, but when he was involved I don't know why I even bothered."There's no point in denying, you should know that by now," he says the words knowing full well I'm aware of that.I don't answer and let out a breath. I have been dreading to tell him about Taylor and everything and have been mentally preparing myself for today being the day I finally tell him. But to nobody's surprise, I still haven't been able to spit it out."Hayley..." his tone is almost like a warning."I know, I know," I surrender. I'm still not sure why I'm so scared of his reaction. "I want to tell you something."He puts down his guitar, leans it on the side of my couch and sits cross-legged. "I'm listening.""I'm dating someone." I blurt out before I get the chance to talk myself out of it, but instantly regret it none the less.His eyebrows rise up, but other than that his expression doesn't waver. "Okay..." I try to see what he's thinking, but his face seems completely natural which could be both good and bad signs. "Is that why you've been so strange today?"I nod, bracing myself for what he's about to say, as this is what could very well determine how things are going to be between the two of us."And I'm guessing you were afraid to tell me because of our history?"I nod again, this time actually saying something. "Yeah." I look him in the eye and see a hint of confusion."I thought we established we were over that. My wedding is in a few days, Hayley, I'm not going to be mad at you for wanting to be happy." with that I let out a deep breath, already knowing what the 'I told you so' look from Jeremy will look like."Okay great, you know I can be a little paranoid at times and I just don't want the two of us to go back to the place we used to be.""You do overthink things," he says with a chuckle and I jokingly hit him in the arm. "So how long has this been going on?" his question comes out genuinely interested, ensuring that he's really okay with it.I pull at the sleeve of my sweater as the answer to that probably won't make him very happy. "Well, we've been together for almost a month."He does his best to hide the shock I thought I'd see or he simply isn't as surprised with his only reaction being the very slight widening of his eyes. "You know you could've told me. I'm not a fan of being kept out of the loop.""I know I'm sorry, I was just afraid.""No, I get it. I didn't really make it easy for you. I was unfair to you when our relationship sort of started morphing into something neither of us liked anymore and then I didn't even give you the chance to explain. I'd like to think I'd act differently now. I know I never really apologized to you for all of that, so I want you to know I realize the blame I put on you for the two of us simply falling out of love was unjustified. It seems crazy now that it took me so long to see that. I'm sorry."I sit there dumbfounded by his confession. I honestly didn't think we'd ever have a conversation like this. I had hoped to hear something like what I just heard from him, but I didn't really think it would actually happen. This feels like truly the first time I got my best friend back. Things were getting better each time we saw one another, but this is the boy who defended me against the people picking on me at school, not the guy who kept going on about me not being who I used to be while doing his best to talk to me as little as possible."Thanks." I get out and he chuckles at my shock, but he doesn't seem too glad about that being my reaction."Was I really that much of an asshole to you that me saying sorry does that" he points in the general direction of my face "to you?" I purse my lips, thinking about what to say, but he speaks again before I get the chance. "Actually don't answer that, I'm not sure my ego can take it." At that moment I start laughing and he joins me."So who's the lucky guy?" he questions."Justin's brother," I say, knowing I don't have to explain who Justin is to him as he's practiced with us on multiple occasions now. Since the gig at the York mansion was coming up and we didn't have anyone to play rhythm guitar we decided to call up Justin, who was more than happy to help out. He wasn't so grateful though when I told him just where we'd be playing, but beggars can't be choosers."That Taylor guy?" he doesn't seem to not have seen that coming. Since we started dating and Justin started playing with us sometimes, Taylor would very unnoticeably attend our rehearsals, mostly just staying in the back and listening from where we couldn't see him. But as always nothing escaped Josh as he questioned who he was right away, although the two had met before. Taylor almost told him then and there, but luckily I was there to stop him, explaining that he's the other guitarists' brother as the reason for him being there."Yeah." I answer and not to my expectations his face is lacking the 'wow really?' effect I thought this information would have on him. "Why does it seem like you thought I was going to say that?""I had my suspicions the first he showed up, so I can't say I'm shocked to find out." I frown. How did it occur to him back then when we weren't even dating?"He said he thought you hated him the first time you two saw each other," I comment, remembering the conversation Taylor and I had when I told him about me and Josh's past.Josh laughs before talking again. "I didn't hate him, I don't know anything about him except for the fact that you find him to be a good person, at least I hope that's the case, so I think he's alright. I was just giving him the disapproving look for my best friend.""Well, you don't have to do that anymore.""And Justin knows, right?""Of course he does." despite me having almost no idea as to who he is when I invited him to our rehearsal, we've spent quite a lot of time together since. It was mostly just surface conversations, but I already like him 20 times more than either of his parents, although I guess that doesn't really say much. "The brothers are pretty close, so apparently he knew before I even did.""Wait so if we got the gig at Justin's parents' house, that means..." he doesn't finish the sentence, because he's too busy laughing at me."Gee thanks for the support, friend." I put emphasis on the last word."From what I've heard they're a pretty intimidating bunch." I give him a hopeless look while he properly enjoys the cruel sense of humor my life seems to have.I'd be lying if I said performing in front of Taylor's parents and their rich friends doesn't scare the shit out of me. I know it doesn't matter as much since Taylor himself feels about as much desire to talk to them as I do. But at the end of the day, they're still his parents so it has to matter to some extent."You have no idea. The only good thing is, and I know how bad this sounds, that Taylor's relationship with them is almost nonexistent so it won't be as bad if they hate me.""That's a very interesting way of looking at it. Have you met them though? Maybe they're not as bad as you've heard."The memories of what was talked about at the dinner table are still fresh in my mind. "I have and I'd say that it is as bad. I mostly just don't understand how the father thinks, given how he basically made Taylor's childhood a living hell and doesn't feel bad about it one bit.""You've got to really like him if you went out of your comfort zone so much that you spent time with his parents." he seems genuinely happy."I'd say so." I answer, not really feeling the need to tell him about the 'I love you' experience. "What about you? You're getting married in a few days, how's that feel?"He looks at his feet, his smile turning into a grin. "Honesty?" I nod "I thought I'd be worried about how everything's going to go down, but I don't think I've ever been so excited about anything. I know it's not very manly to say that, but right now I couldn't care less."I let out a breath while replicating his expression. The true, real joy I feel from him and I is all I've ever wanted for there to be between us. "I really hope you'll have that too, Hayles.""Thanks." I don't manage to say more."Hell, maybe you do, what do I know." he contemplates and my mind wanders to the night in the motel as well as the morning after, but I don't let his words sink in. I don't think I'm quite in a place where I could do that without not hearing the skeptical voice in my head telling me that it won't last."So I need your help." I somewhat change the topic after a moment of silence."Okay." he looks amused by the abruptness of my words."I wrote some lyrics recently that I want to put into a song. Can we do that?" I don't realize what the question sounds like given we're in a band together until I've already said it. It's weird how nervous I still feel about everything concerning my love life around him when he's just told me we're in a good place."Yeah I think we can," he answers in between chuckles "actually I think we've done that a couple times in the past.""This one is a bit different though, words wise, I mean." I clarify and go through the pages of my notebook, looking for the one I wrote three days ago and absentmindedly smile at the little heart I drew next to the name of it."How different?" he doesn't seem to have picked up on my grin as he's leaning over the couch and the next second I hear him tuning his guitar, making a particularly interesting face when he plays the G string that's almost a semi-note out of tune."It's a love song," I say quickly, going with the same strategy I went with when telling him about Taylor in the first place.He slowly looks up from the headstock of his guitar, eyebrows raised and once again an expression I can't read. "A love song?" he repeats and I nod in response."You wrote a happy song?" he talks slowly "I don't think that's ever happened in the years I've known you. That Taylor guy's really got to be special.""I guess you could say that." I blush while answering."So I'm guessing you want something slow for the musical part of this love song, would that be correct?" he asks and I grab my own guitar."I kinda already have something that we could use," I say and he signals me to play the parts I've already come up with.I start strumming the chord progression I settled on, repeating it a few times before I start singing the words that now might feel even more real than they were when I first wrote them.At the end of the first verse, I stop, as I haven't come up with the chorus just yet. That's where I was counting on Josh to help me."Is that where you got stuck?" he asks with the expression I've come to know so well. It means he's passionate about something, he usually gets it when we're writing when the song starts forming itself."Yeah. I kinda have the lyrics, but it's just one line." I explain the situation. I didn't really feel like I needed to write more, to be honest."Well, what's the one line?""You are the only exception." I quote the words written in dark blue ink in my notebook.He squints his eyes as he looks at me, a wide grin on his lips."What?" I question, not understanding the sudden change of expression from the focus I saw a few seconds ago to him looking at me like I just said something hilarious."You," he points his finger at me, his face not changing "are in love."I inhale sharply and pretend to laugh, but the sound doesn't come out naturally at all and I just end up making a fool of myself. "Where did you get that idea?""Come on, Hayles. You might not say a lot of things directly, but your lyrics always gave me a way better idea as to what's going on in your head."I guess I can get a bit too honest with our songs. "Whatever." I don't fight anymore as he's right.We finish the song way sooner than I was expecting and it's exactly what I want it to be. Josh agreed that the one line indeed was enough for the chorus as it's basically the entire message I'm trying to get across.The relief I feel about how everything Taylor and Josh connected went down is immense. He reacted way better than I could've imagined. I was scared of the worst case scenarios I had in mind, with him starting to ignore me again, more than I'm willing to admit. But now that just feels like a silly product of my imagination, although the reasons for that even coming to my mind are still all too real."So have you talked to your mother yet?" I ask Justin, who's standing next to me in the room at the York mansion we were given to put our things in and prepare.Jeremy's on the phone in the other corner of the room, Josh is doing usual Josh things, which means practicing the songs although he absolutely doesn't need to do that as he could play all his parts perfectly in his sleep and Zac said he's going to check out the food.We’re supposed to get on stage in a bit over an hour and I'm already sweating profusely. There are so many people here and I swear just going the few feet through the house they judged me. Fortunately, I haven't seen either of Taylor's parents yet, which is the only upside to this day, but I'm sure that'll change soon enough."I did." the older York brother replies, taking a sip out of the beer bottle in his hand. The knot in my stomach tightens."What did she say?" I ask my attempts at hiding the nervousness unsuccessful.He doesn't react to it though, which I'm grateful for. "Nothing much. She told me how great it is to see me and that I needed to visit more often," he scoffs and his lips touch the bottle again and this time he drinks longer "Like that's ever going to happen.""Should I be worried about them hating us?" I asked carefully as I can't hold the question in anymore."What? Of course not." he puts the beer down and places both his hands on my shoulders "First of all; we're going to do amazing so that question is irrelevant and second believe me it doesn't matter what my screwed up family thinks about you, I promise." he smiles encouragingly which makes me calm down a bit."Are these fundraisers common in here?" I ask since he grew up here, so he should know the answers."Fairly, yeah. My family not so much, but there's something like this in the neighborhood once every one or two months. They mostly do it to feel better about themselves, which isn't the best reason but at the end of the day it's money being donated to charity, so I can't really complain. Our parents never missed one and of course made us go with them, which always drove Taylor crazy." he chuckles and my heart reacts to his name by fastening its pace.I haven't seen him today yet and the few hours since yesterday night when he left my house feel like weeks, even years. It's had me thinking, more than once, about how we'll cope when I'm on tour. I literally can't stand being away from him more than a day and the thought of being apart for months at a time is becoming more and more real the more songs we write and the more get approved by the label."Where even is he?" the need to see him is stronger than my worries as I push them aside in my head."He was setting up our stage, the last time I saw him he was asking where to put the mic stands, but that was like an hour ago so I don't know about now," he answers and on cue, the very next second the door opens and Taylor comes through.He's wearing a baseball cap backward so some of his curls are peeking through the front as sweat runs down his neck to the half-soaked black t-shirt. "Where do you guys want the box that has Paramore written on it?" I almost can't make out his words as the sight of him like this is all too perfect."Been working, brother?" Justin's wearing a grin while mocking his younger brother who looks exhausted, yet so good at the same time."Shut up," he says breathlessly and tucks something behind his tool belt. Oh my god, he has a tool belt."That thing usually goes in front of Hayley," Jeremy answers, not looking up from his phone.He nods and smiles at me with his eyes. "Hi, Taylor," I say, thrilled to finally see him."Hey," he answers but doesn't do anything else. Right, I told him not to around the band, mainly because of Josh. But now that he knows and is indeed okay with it, I figure this is a good time to start with the PDA, so I get on my tiptoes and brush a soft kiss on his lips.When I lean away I instantly regret it as I need to feel him close to me again. At first, there's a frown on his face indicated by the crease in between his eyebrows since he's probably still thinking the band doesn't know we're together. But when he looks into my eyes, his darken.I don't dare look behind me since I know both Jeremy's and Josh's gazes are burning into my back. I know Josh's looking mainly because the guitar playing slowed and even completely stopped for one second before continuing again.Justin's standing next to us with a stupid grin on his face, but I ignore him too when I grab Taylor's hand and drag him out of the room to the only other place I know in this house, which is the bathroom. It's probably way too clear as to why I'm doing that given how much I'm rushing him, but the desire in me is growing way too fast.We manage to slip into the overly too big place for a bathroom without being noticed by anyone. Once the door is shut I attack Taylor's lips and his kisses are just as intense as mine until he pulls away."You told the guys about us?" he's slightly out of breath while he speaks, his chest rising and falling fast. I know that by 'the guys' he mainly means Josh given our history.I bite my lip and nod while grinning. I know it bothered him when I asked him if we could keep our relationship quiet in front of my band. He said it wasn't a problem, but I could tell he wasn't happy about it.This time it's him who leans down and gives me a long kiss. I run my hands over his sweat-soaked chest, the outlines of his muscles as clear as if he wasn't wearing a t-shirt since the fabric clings to him."I didn't know you build stages," I comment when I de-attach our mouths."It was either that or talk to my parent's friends who," he imitates his mother "would love to see me, it's been ages. Plus," his hands trail down my sides to my hips "I get to be sweaty and not wear a suit, so my decision was made a long time ago.""I do like the way that tool belt looks on you," I say and surprise myself when I don't blush at all."Yeah?" his smile is mischievous, slightly revealing his teeth "I'll have to wear it more often then. I can build sets for you all over the world, Ms. Williams." after a small pause he continues "If you'd like.""Love to," I say and then there's more kissing. A lot of kissing. My lips part for his tongue, a touch I've missed all too much since we last saw one another. I knit my fingers through the slightly wet hair on the back of his head that's not covered by the baseball cap and he groans when I pull at it.I haven't even really warmed up my voice yet and now there's probably less than an hour left before we have to play. At first, I wave it away in my mind since there isn't enough space in my head for those thoughts, but a part of me is becoming more and more worried by the second."I need to warm up," I mumble against his mouth as he refuses to let me go."Trust me, you're plenty hot," he says in between kisses and I giggle."We have to get on stage soon." I protest, but it's no use. His grip on my body is too strong and my will to fight is getting weaker too fast."Fuck the stage.""But you built it.""That's exactly my point." his hands slip into my t-shirt and shivers run through my entire body as my self-control slips away.I hear a snap and then a sound that could be identified as a shriek the very next second. Letting go of one another's lips both of our heads turn towards the source of the sound. An elderly woman is standing in the doorway, her hand clutching at her heart.Oh no. My face color changes to one of a tomato as I bury my head in Taylor's chest, wishing I was invisible."Taylor?" the woman speaks and her tone indicated it's not the first time she's seen Taylor."Hi Mrs. Andrews." as expected, his voice completely calm, as if he saw her at a coffee shop or something, never mind the fact that both his hands are still under my t-shirt, gripping my bare stomach."You might want to lock the door next time," she comments and then I hear her footsteps echo as she walks away. Or at least that's what I assume is happening because my face is still pressed into Taylor's body.I look to where the woman must've stood and nobody's there. "The door, Taylor," he's laughing "why do we always forget about the door?" I question, still too embarrassed to think straight."Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself," I comment when his only response it the laughter."You wouldn't be able to breathe either if you saw your face," he answers and my annoyance grows."Who even was that? How did she know your name?" I ask, not having the strength to convince him that he shouldn't be even a little bit happy about this."Oh, that was my mom's friend."I freeze, blinking a few times. "What?""Yeah, she used to come over to our house a lot to see her. They'd always drink coffee on the porch. I haven't seen her in years though." he answers matter of factly."That woman that just caught us making out in the bathroom knows your mom?""Your point is...?""My point is that if they're friends, the first thing she's going to do now is go tell her what she just saw!" I whisper yell."So what? My mother knows she can't do anything about what I do or who I date, the only thing she can really do is act a bit weird around us. Which to be frank won't matter anyway since the amount of times I visit them a year is somewhere around 0.4.""You might not care what they think, but I do." I continue, trying to believe the bit of comfort his words just offered me."Been there, done that," he begins "Trust me, I've tried. I've tried for a long time to believe they're good people, but they're not. I know this sounds bad, but it's the truth. The sooner you learn to accept it, the better. I'm their son, so I'll always be connected to them whether I want to or not, but you should definitely enjoy the freedom of not having to worry about them. Whatever they might say to you won't be as bad as what they've said to me, their child. I think that says more than enough about them." when he finished the air between us feels thick."I gotta go," I say in an attempt to break the tension while placing my palm on his upper chest and enjoying the solidness his body presents to me."Hayleyyy," his fingers that have yet to get from under my shirt don't loosen and the way he almost whines says he's not tense anymore either "Come on, I've heard you sing before, you'll be more than fine.""Yes but each time I've sung I've warmed up and if you're talking about the In Between Days back in Utah, that song doesn't count.""What do you mean it doesn't count?" he sounds entertained."It's nowhere near as intense as some of our songs, especially the new ones," I explain."Okay whatever," I can tell he's trying to seem mad, but it's pretty easy to see through it.The next time I enter the room we were assigned is 15 minutes before the start of the performance. Having been doing vocal warm-ups for the past a bit below an hour I walk into the room that's reserved for us and am relieved to see only Jeremy there."So you guys are public now?" he wiggles his eyebrows in a way only Jeremy does.The redness the mention of Taylor now brings to my face after a recent turn of events makes me avert my head and pretend I'm looking for something just to avoid him seeing the blushing."Yeah," I answer simply."When did that happen?" his question isn't direct, but I know he means me and Josh."Yesterday.""How was it?""Better than expected," I answer while searching for the small headphones that are a necessity for every non-acoustic show."Here," he says walking towards me, probably having noticed what I've been doing "there you go. I took care of them for you." he hands me the two orange headphones and I place them around my neck, the little speakers hanging onto it by the thin wire connecting them."Where's everyone?" I ask."Oh, they're already on their way to the stage I think. Zac stopped by five minutes ago to get his spare drumsticks, Josh left half an hour before we're supposed to get on with the words "I don't want to be late" and Justin's talking to his family most likely."I think about Jeremy's words. It's very unlikely that Justin was talking to his family, given he already talked to his mother once today, which leaves a high probability that he's talking to his brother."Shouldn't we get going then? I mean Josh is going to lose his mind if we’re not there a full 24 hours before the deadline.” the mood lightens with Jeremy’s chuckle.“Yeah you’re probably right.” with that he picks up the yellow bass and leads the way out of the room.On our way outside I can’t help but think everyone’s staring at me – which they probably were, given all the people here are the York family’s friends, so the word about me most likely did get around. Walking through the garden I’m yet again taken aback by the enormity of it, not even wanting to imagine the money that went into it.In between the expensively dressed couples holding champagne glasses, I spot a clearly nervous Josh stepping from one foot to another, looking around at everyone and probably looking for us. He waves at me and the frown on his forehead softens only a little bit.“Where are you? We’re supposed to be on in 10 minutes,” he says more loudly than necessary while grabbing my wrist, causing a few looks to be sent our way.“That’s exactly the point, Josh, 10 minutes, not now.” I say, suddenly scared that the ‘I’m fine with you seeing other people’ thing wasn’t actually true and twist my hand out of his grasp.His shoulders sink a bit, meaning the tension is leaving his body, which is a good sign. He nods and gestures for me to follow him while walking away to some corner without people. Before going after him I look around for Jeremy, but he’s already chatting with Zac by the, very well build might I add, stage.“Sorry,” he says while running a hand through his hair “you know I get on edge if I’m not in places with a little time to spare.” he offers his explanation, but it’s quite obvious that’s only a part of why he’s acting the way he is.“Is that really all of it?” I question, hoping for him to be honest with me, rather than ignore the problem again and pretend like it’s not there.“No,” he sighs heavily “I don’t know why I’m like this.”“Like what?”“You know how I said you should be with other people,” I nod, not liking the way this is going “well I meant that I truly did. I mean,” he laughs with no humor “it would be so messed up if I got married while telling you not to date anyone.”“But…?” I leave the question open for him to finish since it sounds like there’s more he wants to say.“I don’t know, I guess I’m not that fine with it as I try to convince myself I am,” he pauses and I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything. All I know is that this is not looking good. “This is my baggage, not yours, but I want to understand it.”“I’m so confused,” I admit, being at a loss for words.“Me too, I guess I haven’t gotten used to the idea of you being with someone just yet. I mean, after we broke up you didn’t date for 2 years while I got together with someone else pretty soon, at least compared to you,” he takes a step closer and his hand rests on my shoulder “But don’t worry about it, please. I know you’ll want to fix this, but I’m asking you to not do that. Forget I said anything.” before I have the chance to argue, he nudges me towards the stage “Let’s go, wouldn’t want to keep these people waiting.”“Josh, we still have like 5 minutes what are you in a hurry for?” I go along with changing the subject, but both our efforts to do nothing for killing the elephant in the room.“I really don’t think these people are the target audience for us.” Zac says when we get back while playing with his drumsticks, one side of his body leaning into the base of the stage “I mean, four words you could use to describe pretty much everyone here is rich people over forty.”Justin snorts. “Welcome to my childhood, man,” he says and the guys laugh.“Must’ve been terrible,” I add in.“You don’t know the half of it,” he says but quickly corrects himself “Actually you know all of it now that I’m thinking about it. Maybe even more than I do.” he gives me a smirk and I roll my eyes.The guys keep the conversation going when the topic changes to how good the food here is, something both Jeremy and Zac heavily contribute to, while I spot Taylor’s mother making her way towards us. Straightening my back I elbow Justin who’s got his back to her, to alert him she’s coming so that I don’t have to be the one to talk to her, in case she says something, that is.“Hello.” she greets us, her smile seeming too honest and too genuine for me to believe it.Everyone except for me and Justin turns around at the sound of her voice, not having expected it. “Hey,” Zac says casually and jealously fills me about the fact that he doesn’t have a reason to be petrified of this woman.“Hayley.” she nods at me, her high heels making her already quite a lot taller body basically towering over me.“Hi,” I say, realizing it’s only the second time we’re actually seeing each other, which does seem a bit strange, given how much Taylor and I have talked about her and her husband. It seems like I know her a lot better than actually talking only twice in our entire lifetimes.I pray her friend hasn’t told her about the bathroom situation, or at least not yet, while I have to see her, but judging by the way a part of the warmth in her face was replaced my coldness when she looked down on me, my guess is she knows.“Are you guys ready?” she asks, her expression going back to the exact way it looked like before our little stare down.“As ready as ever,” Jeremy answers enthusiastically.“Well then,” she looks around and then checks her watch “I’ll go introduce you guys, I’m sure you’ll be wonderful.” and with that, she walks up the few stairs and to the sound of steady clapping gets on the stage and towards the microphone stand.“Is she always like this?” Jeremy asks, his question directed towards Justin.“Like what?”“Like ’I’m sure you’ll be wonderful.’” he does a terrible job of imitating a British accent He chuckles.“No, that’s her ‘I’m around people’ self, she’s usually much more ‘Why can’t you be more like your father?’, you know?” everyone except for me laughs. I force a smile, but can’t bring myself to laugh at what brought Taylor so much pain in his life.Mrs. York starts her speech with the usual thanking everyone for coming and how great it is that they’re all contributing to a good cause, saying how happy she and her husband are about their participation, earning way more of those lights applauses than necessary.While she’s talking I lean on my tiptoes to make myself taller, searching the crowd for Taylor. I just realized I have no idea where he is. When I can’t find him for a solid minute or two, I ask the only person he could’ve talked to in here. “Justin,” I say the brother’s name “where’s, Taylor?”He frowns and after a moment of silence shrugs. “Don’t know, I haven’t talked to him since he came to ask where to put the Paramore box.”Worry fills me at his statement. If he wasn’t with Justin, what else could have he been doing? I really hope he didn’t get into a fight with his father or something like that because that could not have ended well.Something hits my side while I’m still thinking about the possibilities of Taylor’s location. Looking up I see Jeremy’s face. “Snap out of, girl. Time to get on.”My brows furrow while I follow him on the stage being the last one to climb the few stairs. I must’ve phased out, given I had no idea our queue had already been said. The light clapping fills the air once again as we take our usual spots on the stage, now my left side being extended by one more person, that being Justin.While walking to the microphone I squint my eyes, still unable to find the familiar face I’m now almost desperate to see. When I fail to find him, I let out a deep breath, trying to calm myself while preparing to speak. The first impression is always very important.“Hello,” I say enthusiastically, but leave no room for clapping, since it’s pretty obvious this crowd won’t give it to us “we’re so glad to be here, we think it’s great you guys to all of this. We’ll play a few songs for you tonight, a lot of it is new stuff, so I hope you like it.” there is an awkward moment of silence in which I was expecting cheering for some reason and when I realize the crowd we’re performing for isn’t people who will bang their heads to the rhythm of the song I look behind myself, signaling Zac to count us off.We start with Brick by Boring Brick and about halfway through the song all the uneasiness leaves my body and I allow myself to get lost in the feeling I get when we’re performing.When the song finishes, the ever so calm applause begins, but after a few seconds, it’s almost interrupted by the reaction we’re used to a bit more, which is loud cheering and almost as loud clapping. I search the crowd for the person so enthusiastic about the song and find Taylor’s beaming face, not caring even a little bit that he’s receiving more than a few looks from people who don’t quite share his interest. I grin back at him and we got into the second song of the night, which is Decode.Once we finish our set, which consisted of 11 songs, I feel so alive I could run a marathon. I thank the crowd, although more than half of them stopped paying attention some time ago, but that doesn’t bother me at all. Being on stage is what I need tonight, more than anything. And, God, did I miss it.When walking off the stage, I spot Taylor waiting there for me, his hands in the pockets of the hoodie he’s put on during the performance since the sun set more than half an hour ago, which means it gets chilly, although for some reason I didn’t notice that while singing.Remembering the very confusing conversation I had with Josh I only hug the boy and holding his hand walk away so that I’m not around the two of them at the same time.“You were amazing. I mean, the others did alright as well, but you were great.”I gently jab his ribs, knowing he’s joking. “Come on, that was your brother up there,” I argue and he laughs.“Yeah, that’s kind of the point,” his smile is still glowing “but seriously though, you never cease to amaze me.”“Where did you disappear to?”He looks straight ahead, not answering for a short moment, probably not having expected the question. “Nothing just had to take a couple of calls.”“Should I be worried?” I ask, suddenly doing just that. He’s doing a very good job of hiding it, but the shakiness he spoke the first few words with didn’t escape me.“No.” he says simply, but doesn’t look at me.“Taylor- ““I mean it,” he cuts me off and stops us from walking, looking straight at me, the dim light from the house not quite reaching us only slightly illuminating his face “it was just some work stuff, nothing serious.”“Okay.” I make the decision to believe him.“Besides I just realized I don’t even have to tattoo flaming letters on edgy dudes with a man bun saying ‘only god can judge me’ since I have a rich girlfriend. We all judge you for getting a tattoo like that.”“What tattoo would you give me?” I ask in between chuckles.“I don’t know, something pretty,” we start walking again “like you.” he finishes and the crimson in my cheeks is safely hidden by the darkness.“Did you talk to your dad at all today?” I question while he leads the way into the house that’s still filled by guests who have taken the so called party inside because of the sudden change of temperature.His body goes a little rigid as his fingers tighten a bit around mine. “I said hi,” he answers while frowning.When walking inside the house we draw some attention, probably because of Taylor’s parents were the hosts of this fundraiser and me having just gotten off stage. “Anything else?” I know me asking him these questions is walking on dangerous ground, but whether he wants to admit it or not, it’s way better to talk about it with someone than holding it all in.“He told me to hurry up with the stage building, but I walked away not saying anything.” we make our way upstairs, not paying any attention to the whispering around us.“So you spend an entire day at your childhood home with your parents around and the only thing you say to your dad is ‘hi’?” I ask in a careful tone.The second floor is basically empty of people as we go through the seemingly endless hall. “Hayley,” he sounds a bit irritated, but that was expected “he doesn’t care about anything I have to say, unless it’s ‘I’m sorry, you were right.’, or something like that. I don’t know how many stories; how many horrible things he’s done or said to me you have to hear about for you to understand he is a bad person, not worth a billionth chance and most certainly not worth talking to.”“I know that,” he shakes his head and looks away “I do, but he’s your dad, you’ll never be able to change that. ““No you don’t.” finally we stop and I notice we’re in a room. Certainly not the biggest one in this house, but still very spacious. Its walls are white, covered in posters, almost all of them with bands I recognize and the king-sized bed by my right has black sheets. The place itself seems familiar somehow, the smell definitely one that I’ve smelled before – a nice combination of woodiness and fresh laundry.“This used to be my room,” he says while entering behind me and closing the door. The realization hits me – of course, this used to be his room. It’s his scent I’ve been inhaling the entire time, not being able to place it in my memory.“Come here.” I oblige, walking towards him, one of his hands holding the handle of the huge door to what looks to be a closet. When I get close enough, he sighs and opens it. Hundreds of papers start falling out, only a few staying in as most of them were held in by the closet’s doors.I frown, not understanding why he’s showing me this. I crouch down, picking one of the papers up, and only then realize just what this is. There’s a drawing on it, a beautiful one at that, but halfway through it’s cut off as the paper was ripped in two. A bit frantically my hands search the seemingly endless pile of sheets, searching for one that’s whole, but failing to find any.I stand up slowly and look into Taylor’s eyes, hoping that maybe that way I could get rid of the pain. “Are these yours?” I ask, my voice not stable.“Yup, every single one of them.” he looks strangely calm, which is definitely far from my reaction, but I guess the years he’s had to deal with this are why that’s his expression right now.I suddenly remember the story I was told about when Taylor’s dad went into a rage fit and destroyed all of his son’s drawings. I had no idea there were that many of them though. “Your dad did this?”“Yeah,” he sighs, not angry but sad “there were more, but he was more creative when he was angry, so after he ripped most of it up, he went downstairs and started throwing them into the fireplace.”I almost let out an audible gasp when I hear about there being more than the hundreds of drawings and artworks lying on the floor next to my feet. “I’m so sorry, Taylor.”“Like,” he ignores my comment “I’m not sentimental, but I kept every single thing I drew or painted ever since I remember, so that stuff meant something to me.”“I can’t believe he’d do that,” I say, unable to take my eyes off the huge pile of papers, slowly inspecting each drawing.“I can,” he shoots back and cups my face, making me look up at him “I know you don’t want to believe he’s who he is at least because of the fact that he’s my father, but he doesn’t care about me. I realized that after he did this. He didn’t see me as a son, he saw me as something he could show off to his friends.” I can see the tiny red wains showing up in the otherwise white of his eyes just a little bit “He doesn’t love me, Hayley. Maybe he did a long time ago, I don’t know, but that’s gone.”My heart breaks at the last sentence. A son being fully convinced that his father doesn’t feel one bit of affection towards him, that he doesn’t love him. “But I do,” I say the only thing that in my mind could make him feel better.The sinking of his shoulders as the tension leaves his body as well as the way he looks at me confirms I succeeded. “Yeah,” he says after a pause while letting out a breath. The redness in his eyes is gone now. He kicks the door of the closet in an attempt to shut it, not bothering to put the torn papers back in. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”