Work Text
January 23rd 2016
“You’re so amazing, I love you, thank you so much!” Christen kisses her fiancé on the cheek and drank from her hot chocolate she was recently given
Tobin grins widely and kisses the top of her head, “I love you, too. you earned it. Plus, you looked a little cold.”
It was 11:00 am on a bright winter morning and Tobin always thought Christen was insane when she went for a morning run out in the bitter cold like it was nothing. Christen always had a thing for morning runs; whether it’d be in the rain, blazing hot, or snowing, she never turned down a run. It was a weird obsession she had, but she rather enjoyed it.
The cheeks of Christen’s were rosy pink and cold to the touch when Tobin cupped her face and kissed her softly, “alright, my little penguin, drink up before you turn into an icicle”.
Rolling her eyes, Christen drank willingly on the freshly made hot chocolate, “oh hush, I do this all the time. I’m not even cold.” She gestured to herself as she’s dressed in yoga pants, undershirt and a tank top and Tobin chuckles at her.
“Yea yea, one of these days, it’s gonna get you and you’ll freeze into a Christen Ice Sculpture. And I wouldn’t like that to happen. Then who will I make hot chocolate for after there icy run?”
“Yea, it’ll never happen. I’ll always come back for your infamous hot chocolate, babe.” Christen was love with Tobin’s hot chocolate. Not too much chocolate and not too much milk. What made it even better; was that Tobin topped it off with whipped cream and just a small dash of cinnamon that made Christen’s heart melt, literally.
Tobin laughed at her lightly; but what Tobin didn’t know, was that this was the last time Christen would ever come back home for the hot chocolate….
January 22nd 2017The floors creak from the weight of Tobin as she walked along the porch of Kelley O’Hara’s house. She stared into the cold sky of stars; her breath becoming visible in the 4 degree weather. She left her jacket inside the house, she wasn’t going to be long. She just needed air.She can still hear voices and clattering from inside the house and Tobin rested her arms on the railing on the porch and played with the ring on her ring finger of her left hand. Kelley had contacted everyone on the team to a get together at her house. Something small, a gathering and Tobin had nothing else to do with her life. She was able to see everyone. People who she hasn’t seen in months. And she was glad she came. But it just feels different….shes not as chatty and audacious as she would be; something is missing...It was still winter, Still chilly, and still snowy. Tobin shuddered from a small breeze and she almost swore that her breath was going freeze out in the open from how deathly cold it was.She heard the sliding door from the house and the crunch of feet on the snow that fell on the porch, “Tobs, what are you doing out here?”“It was getting stuffy in there. I wanted some fresh air…” Tobin shrugged her shoulders.A freckled girl appeared from the corner of her eye, “you’re not even wearing a jacket, Tobin. You’re going to die out here.”Tobin kept her eyes trained in front of her, she already knew it was Kelley, “I’ll be fine.”“Tobin, I don’t want you to get sick.” Kelley pressed on, but Tobin shook her head.“I’ll head back inside in a few minutes. I can’t be around people right now. It’s hard,”There was brief moment of silence before Kelley spoke up again, “still have the ring, huh?” She shuffle her way to Tobin’s side.Tobin twisted the ring on her finger, “Yea. I can’t go anywhere without it…”A smile played on Kelley’s lips, “I can’t imagine seeing you without it.” She wrapped an arm around the midfielders shoulders.“Reminds me of her eyes…” Tobin whispered. The ring was gold, with a beautiful greyish green diamond sitting atop it. The glimmering sparkles it made when the sun struck it always made Tobin’s heart quiver. It was truly magnificent. She only wishes to see the eyes of the person who has the same color as the rock.“You always has a thing for eyes,” Kelley pegged and Tobin sighed deeply.“I long to see those eyes again…” her lip started to tremble and her eyes began to swell up with tears. And at that moment, Kelley felt Tobin’s body shake with sobs and she quickly gathered the broken girl into her arms in a tight hug. Shielding her from the cold and the unwanted sadness coming upon her.Cryin, Tobin clung to her friend, “I miss her so much! I miss her!” She weeped, cried her heart out in her friends shoulder.“I’ve got you, Tobin” Kelley whispered against her temple and held the back of her head as the girl continue to sob uncontrollably.This was a girl who’s been broken. The heart of a soft and meaningful girl crushed into bits of pieces. She had no more hope for herself. She’s given up on her own life. Something that’s been taken away from her ruined her forever. She can’t control it anymore, she can’t hide what she’s been suffering for 12 months. All the grief that has been building inside has finally broke through the girls walls.“I’m a fucking mess! I can’t do anything without thinking about her! I can’t think straight, I can’t sleep, I can’t even eat!” Tobin buried her face in her friends shoulder.Kelley backed up, and cupped the girls face in her hands; tear stained cheeks and red eyes looked back at her, “I know this is the most rough time in your life, Tobin. It’s only been a year and I know that you have lost something meaning so much to you. But right now, you have to be strong,” she swiped the stray tears falling from the brunettes face, “you need to be strong for your family, your friends, for her, and for you. You need push yourself past this breaking point, and as much as it will be painful to do so, you will get past this. No, you’ll never forget this, but you will be able to move on in life. You still have a heart, I know there’s still a part left in you that’s fighting right now. And what I need from you is the soccer girl who would never rest until she put in her final minutes in the game. I need you to push to the limits.” Kelley tried so hard to keep herself from breaking down in front of Tobin. She was supposed to be her rock. But it didn’t help because she felt what Tobin was feeling. She lost that special thing too, but she knows that she needs to keep Tobin’s head above the water to keep herself from drowning in her suffering.With Tobin still shaking, she covered her face, “she was supposed to come back. We were supposed to plan the wedding!”“Listen to me Tobin, I may not know the amount of pain you’re going through right now, but it still affects me because she was apart of my life too. I’m hurt and broken also, but I keep building myself up. I’m doing this for her and you need to start doing it for her too. That what she would want from you. It’s what she’d want from all of us. She loved you. She loved you because you were there to pick her back up when she fell, she loved you because you went through hard times with her. You’ve taught her so much. But now you have to do it for yourself. You need to take care of yourself.” Kelley brought Tobin’s hands down from her face, “it hurts me to see you in this amount of pain, but it hurts even worse that you’re beating yourself up. I know we all won’t get over this, but the least we all can do is heal ourselves and accept the scars that will come. I don’t want anything to happen to you, Tobs. She wants her Tobs to be strong. She wants the Tobin who was always pushing to the end. I know you can do it, please Tobin. I don’t want to lose you either…”Tobin couldn’t speak, she didn’t have the power to, she just fell back into Kelley’s arms again; crying until there were barely any tears left in her body.She cried the whole night wrapped in Kelley’s embrace. She passed out in Kelley’s bed that night, she didn’t even take a chance to say her goodbyes to everyone in the house. She was so wiped out from crying herself to sleep. But Kelley made Tobin’s rounds for her. She looked after her for the night and took care of her like any mother would to their child when they had a broken heart.Kelley was not going to lose her.January 23rd 2017Tobin sat in the car. She took in a deep breath and killed the engine. She swallowed the lump in her throat and closed her eyes; preparing herself on what was about to come. She made a quick prayer into the sky before she hopped out of the car with a bouquet of flowers in her hand. It was still as cold as ever. But it’s not as bad in the afternoon where the sun shines down and makes the snow look like it’s glittery.She made small steps in the snow that blanketed the ground, the soft crunch beneath her feet as she approached a tombstone of her beloved.
Christen Annemarie Press
1988-2016
A sister, a friend, a lover
Always in our heartsJust reading the first line had Tobin choking up, she blinked back the tears and clutched the flowers in her hand tightly that she was afraid she was going to snap the stems.Her burial site has been untouched, no signs of disturbance. Just covered in snow.When Tobin finally got the courage to speak, she breathed in deeply, “hey, Chris. Tobin here. I-uh…. well, I don’t even know. I don’t know how to start this.” Tears dripped from her eyes and she made no move to stop them.“I can’t believe you’ve been gone this long. It feels like an eternity… everyday… I feel so lost. I feel hopeless and useless to the world. I-I can’t go anywhere. I’m trapped. I can’t get out of these thoughts. I can’t escape this emotional and mental pain that’s happening to me. It’s been a year since you’ve left and… I’m so scared…” Tobin broke down. She fell to her knees and dropped the flowers in the cold wet snow. Not giving a care in the world that the snow seeped through her pants, not bothering that she was starting to lose feeling in her feet.“I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m so sorry couldn’t save you. I should’ve stopped you from going out on a run. I can’t go a second without thinking of you. I miss you so much. I wish you were here to help me. I wish you were here to stop this pain. I can’t eat or sleep. I don’t talk to anyone. I shut them out. Whenever I close my eyes I see you… you’re gorgeous face and your stunning eyes. But when I open them…. you’re gone.” Tobin stayed on her knees for what seemed like forever. Not saying anything or moving. She tore her eyes to the flowers she carelessly dropped on the ground and picked them up; brushing the snow off the petals and placing them right next to Christen’s tombstone.“I went to the flower shop today that you always loved to go too. Right down the street from our favorite coffee shop. I went there this morning to get myself some coffee and a bagel… i had your favorite… it was really good…” Tobin picked at her now dry and cold hands.She wiped away the tears on her cheeks, “I love you so much, Christen. Every Day, not a second goes by without me thinking about you. You’ve taken my heart, baby. You’ve shown me love like no one has done before. I…. I want to thank you… for everything you’ve done. Not only for me, but for everyone you’ve helped. You have done so much in this world and… I’m so proud of what you’ve done. I will always love you, Chris. I’ll never stop…”Tobin slowly started to bring herself in her feet again, wiping off the snow from herself, “I know you’re somewhere safe now. I know the big man in the sky is taking care of you…” she looked up into the clouds and smiled, “you’ll always be in my heart, Chris. I’ll see you in paradise soon, my love…”