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His head hurt. Everything hurt. His lungs burned for the breath he couldn’t seem to catch. He legs screamed at him, begging for a break that he couldn’t give. His joints ached each time he bent them. Tears threatened to fall but he held them back. It felt as if he’d been working for days even though, in reality, it had only been a few hours. He stumbled again. He tried to keep up but he couldn’t. It hurt. It hurt so much. Thankfully, they would be done soon. Once they finished this song they would go on to vocal practice. Then he could catch his breath and hopefully, the pain would fade. His hyungs noticed. They noticed every time he stumbled. He was tripping on air. His breaths were fast and heavy, almost as if he was hyperventilating. They stole worried glances at him every time they had the chance. They noticed how sloppy his movements were and how he winced with each step. He was usually able to get the movements perfectly, but not today. The song ended, Jungkook missing the ending pose by three beats, and when he did get to it, he nearly ran into Yoongi. He stumbled over and practically collapsed on the bench. He dug through his bag like a dog looking for a bone and pulled out a water bottle. He downed the entire thing in less than a minute but his throat begged for more. He massaged his shoulders, arms, and the back of his neck, hoping it would ease the pain. It didn’t do much. Everything felt hot, but cold at the same time. He debated whether he wanted to go get more water, or stay where he was and rest more. The painful cough that followed the mental question was answer enough. As he prepared to stand up and go find more water, he realized that everyone was standing around him with worried eyes. Namjoon knelt down in front of him. Jungkook looked down, nervous with everyone’s eyes on him and ashamed of his mistakes during practice. He fiddled with his, now empty, water bottle, turning it over and over in his hands. “Look at me,” Namjoon said. Jungkook obeyed, looking up at the leader. The moment he did, he felt a cool hand against his forehead. He suppressed the urge to lean into it. The hand was only there for a few seconds though. “Are you getting sick?” Namjoon asked. “You’re feeling a bit warm.” Worry was evident in his voice. Jungkook glanced at the others. Their eyes were shining with concern for their maknae. “I’m fine. Just really sore. Probably didn’t stretch enough,” he lied. They didn’t need to know that every inch of his body was screaming at him. They didn’t need to know that he was so tired he thought he would pass out. “I have some ibuprofen in my bag,” Seokjin said. “Do you want some?” Jungkook nodded in reply. They were all shocked for a moment. Jungkook is not one to take medicine willingly, even if he was in pain. He hated feeling like he was weak. It was worse than they thought. Seokjin walked away from the group. Namjoon was still knelt down in front on Jungkook. There was definitely something wrong. His breathing was still heavy and he kept wincing. Sure, they were all tired and sore, but it was Jungkook who had the most endurance of all of them. They had never seen him like this save for the few times that he hadn’t slept for a while. “Have you been sleeping?” Namjoon couldn’t help but ask. They all knew that getting Jungkook to sleep on a regular basis was difficult. He worked himself too hard. Jungkook nodded. He’d actually been sleeping a lot more lately. He just felt so exhausted all the time. “And have you been remembering to eat and drink regularly?” Jimin added. Jimin, having struggled and still struggling with his weight himself, had picked up on the subtle weight loss of their youngest member. Jungkook nodded again. He hadn’t really had much of an appetite lately but he tried to eat regularly. He really did. Seokjin walked back over with another full water bottle and two small maroon pills in hand. Namjoon moved out of the way. Jungkook took the water and pills with shaky hands. He took the two pills and drank all the water. They watched him with worried eyes, still surprised that he’d taken the medicine. “I’m going to ask the manager to cancel the rest of the schedule,” Namjoon said suddenly. Nobody disagreed. Not even Jungkook, which made them worry about his condition even more. He was obviously in pain. Namjoon walked off to call their manager while Taehyung went to check on Jungkook. Namjoon was right. He was really warm. “I don’t guess anyone has a thermometer with them?” he asked, already knowing what the answer was. Taehyung was kneeling in front of Jungkook and Yoongi had moved to sit next to the maknae. They were all surprised when he actually leaned against Yoongi. Jungkook’s eyes were closed, tightening every few moments as the pain in his joints worsened. He wanted to sleep but he tried to stay awake anyway. Hoseok sat on the other side of him, rubbing circles on his back hoping that it would ease the pain a bit. It didn’t do much but it did seem to comfort the maknae some so he continued. Namjoon came back a few minutes later. “The rest of today’s and tomorrow’s schedule are canceled. He said that we should get home and get him to bed.” Namjoon felt that there was definitely something wrong as he looked at Jungkook, who was now barely conscious. “The car is already waiting to take us back to the dorms,” he added. “Do you think you can walk on your own, Jungkook-ah?” What he had really meant to ask was do you need help, or do you need to be carried. It was obvious to all of them that he was not going to be able to walk without assistance. What shocked them more than anything else is when he shook his head. Jungkook was not one to reveal any weakness. If he was willingly admitting one, it had to be bad. Really bad. Yoongi and Hoseok wrapped his arms around their shoulders. They gave him a brief warning before they began to slowly stand up. Jungkook’s legs were not supporting any of his weight. Yoongi and Hoseok were supporting all of it. He was surprisingly light. His head refused to stay up anymore. Without really thinking, Namjoon stepped up, turned, and pulled Jungkook onto his back. He was the leader, after all. They were his responsibility. He was going to take care of them. “Let’s go,” he said casually, as if this was completely normal, which in a sense, it was. He was already heading out the door and towards the parking lot. Namjoon, with the help of Seokjin, put Jungkook in the back and went to the passenger’s seat as he usually did. Seokjin sat next to the maknae, who immediately rested his head on him. Hoseok sat on the other side of him. Taehyng, Yoongi, and Jimin took the middle row of seats, glancing to the back regularly. It was clear to them all that Jungkook had already fallen asleep. The ride was long and quiet, none of them wanting to disturb him as he slept. Once they reached the dorms, Hoseok gently tried to shake the maknae awake. He didn’t get any response, not that he was expecting one. Seokjin leaned over and shook him again. It was the continued lack of response that began to worry them. “Hey. Kookie. It’s time to wake up,” Seokjin said in a gentle tone. There was a small groan as Jungkook shifted slightly and went right back to sleep. They had to admit, it was quite cute. Jimin stifled a laugh in front of them. It had always been hard to wake the maknae up. “Kookie. We’re back home now. Let’s get inside and then you can go back to sleep,” Hoseok said. Reluctantly, Jungkook opened his eyes. Why did everything seem so bright? It made his headache worse. He squeezed the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes tightly. “Are you going to be sick?” Jimin asked, ready to go grab something if needed. Jungkook shook his head slightly. Seokjin, Jimin, and Hoseok helped him out of the car and Namjoon, once again, carried him. Yoongi had gone ahead with everyone else and unlocked the door for them. Taehyung was already getting a thermometer and heading up the Jungkook’s room to get the bed ready for him. Namjoon carefully carried Jungkook down the stairs and to his room. The maknae was already close to falling asleep again. He couldn’t help but smile as Jungkook nuzzled into his chest. It was quite adorable. Gently, Namjoon lay him down on the soft bed and covered him with the blanket. Seokjin rushed in and started fluffing pillows and tucking the blanket and such until he deemed it perfect. “Kookie,” Taehyung said gently as he ran his fingers through Jungkook’s hair. “I need you to stay awake for just one more minute so I can get your temperature alright?” He only got a groan in response but Jungkook’s eyes fluttered opened slightly. “Open up for me,” Taehyung said and Jungkook obeyed, opening his mouth slightly. Taehyung stuck the thermometer under his tongue and held it there for him, knowing he wouldn’t be able to himself. A few moments of silence filled there room before they heard the quiet beep of the thermometer. He took it out and looked at it. Taehyung cursed under his breath. “What is it?” Jimin asked as he walked over to where Taehyung was standing. He handed the thermometer to Jimin, who’s eyes widened upon seeing the temperature. Namjoon, who had been quiet the entire time, took the thermometer. “It’s 102.5. If it gets much higher we might need to take him to the hospital,” he said quietly, as Jungkook was already asleep again. “We should leave him to rest. Hopefully, the fever will go down,” Seokjin said as he started ushering everyone out. There were no protests. Hoseok flicked off the light as he left and shut the door quietly behind him. They were still worried. What really had them worried was how fast his condition had deteriorated. At the beginning of their practice, he had been fine. Nothing really happened until about halfway through. At that point, he had stumbled a few times but they all did so they weren’t worried. By the end though, he was practically stumbling through entire songs and unable to hit even simple moves and poses. That was when they had started to notice something was wrong. The most worrying part about it was his inability to walk. Sure, his legs were weak but he should’ve been able to walk with assistance, at least, since he’d been able to just moments before. His rapid energy loss and difficulty keeping his eyes open made things worse. For the next few hours, Jungkook slept. They took turns going to check on him every half hour or so. They didn’t wake him up, figuring that this would be a rare occasion for him to actually get a decent amount of sleep. The sun had set. Seokjin had made dinner for everyone and some soup for Jungkook. All they had to eat was the small breakfast they’d grabbed on their way out that morning and Jungkook needed to eat something now more than ever. He walked down to Jungkook’s room with the soup and a thermometer. He opened the door and walked in. Jungkook was still sleeping silently. Seokjin smiled to himself and sat the soup and thermometer down on the bedside table. He gently shook Jungkook, who mumbled something and turned over onto his side. “Kookie. I know you don’t feel good but you really need to eat something,” Seokjin said, shaking the maknae. Jungkook opened his eyes and looked up at him. There was a sheen of sweat covering his face causing his bangs to plaster to his forehead. His eyes were tired and unfocused. “Come on Kookie. It’s time to eat something.” Seokjin helped Jungkook sit up and walked away to turn on the light. Once the light was on, Jungkook immediately covered his eyes with his hand. “I’s too brigh’,” he slurred quietly. Seokjin immediately turned the light off, not wanting to cause him anymore discomfort, and turned on a dim lamp that provided just enough light instead. He then walked over to Jungkook and placed a hand on his forehead. “You’re still really warm,” Seokjin commented as he pulled his hand away. He grabbed the tray with the soup and thermometer on it and moved it closer. “I’m going to check your temperature again.” Jungkook opened his mouth slightly and Jin stuck the thermometer in. Silence, then a beep. “Your fever’s going up,” he commented. He looked at the dim screen showing the worryingly high temperature. “We might need to take you to the hospital if it gets any higher.” Seokjin looked up that Jungkook as already trying to go back to sleep. “You can’t go back to sleep yet. Not until you’ve eaten something.” Jungkook groaned in disappointment. “Bu’ ‘m na hungry,” Jungkook slurred. It took a bit of convincing but Seokjin was able to convince him to eat. He fed him upon seeing his shaky hand reach for the spoon despite the maknae’s weak protests. He only managed to get him to eat a fourth of the bowl before he said he couldn’t eat anymore. Seokjin wished he had eaten more but let him go back to sleep. He didn’t want Jungkook throwing up later so he figured it’d be best. Taking the tray but leaving the thermometer, he turned out the light and left the room and Jungkook went back to sleep. “How is he?” Yoongi asked when Seokjin walked back into the kitchen. “I got him to eat a bit, but his fever has gone up. It’s 103.6 now. If it gets above 104 degrees we should take him to the hospital,” Jin replied. Yoongi nodded. “Are we taking shifts tonight or does anyone want to volunteer?” Hoseok asked. “I can watch him for half of the night,” Namjoon offered. “I can take the other half,” Taehyung said. “Are you sure you guys can handle it on our own? I’d be glad to help,” Jimin offered. “Me too,” Seokjin said. “Don’t worry about it,” Namjoon said. “You guys need to get more sleep anyway.” Taehyung nodded in agreement. Seokjin looked unsure for a moment but nodded anyway. “Come get me if anything happens,” he said. Namjoon and Taehyung promised they would. After about an hour or so later, Namjoon went down to Jungkook’s room, several pillows and a blanket in hand. Taehyung went to sleep early so he would be well rested for his turn to watch over Jungkook. Namjoon lay out the pillows and the blanket quietly, hoping to make a somewhat comfortable place to lay down for a while. Jungkook was dead to the world. The blankets had been kicked off him at some point and were tangled around his feet. He was sprawled out, limbs askew. One arm was resting above his head while the other stretched to the side, hanging off the bed. Due to the position, his shirt was lifted slightly, revealing slightly pale skin and toned abs. His black hair was unkempt and sticking to him and his mouth was open slightly, letting out soft snores. Namjoon had to admit, even sick, Jungkook is still adorable. He pulled out his phone and took a quick picture. He knew it’d be going on Twitter at some point but for now, he just sent it to the group chat with all the members. His phone started vibrating a few seconds later with text notifications popping up on the screen. Namjoon ignored them and went to check on Jungkook. He was still worryingly warm. He left the room and got some more medicine, but decided to wait before waking him. He figured that he could see if the fever went down on its own first. He thought that would be best. He lay down on his makeshift bed. He knew his back and shoulders were going to be sore, but it was worth it. He played on his phone, looking up and Jungkook every few minutes or so to make sure he was still sleeping. This continued for an hour or so. It was 10:00 p.m. He could hear distant voices of the other members who would undoubtedly be up for another hour at least. He stood up and walked over to Jungkook’s bed. He leaned down and pressed a hand to the maknae’s forehead. It was still really warm but seemed a bit cooler than before. He sighed in relief. He debated waking him up or not. After a few minutes, he decided it would be best to wake him up. He leaned back down and gently shook the younger’s shoulder. This time, he woke quickly. “I’m going to check your temperature again,” Namjoon said quietly. “You probably need to drink some water too. You’re sweating pretty bad.” Jungkook nodded slightly in response. He was still half asleep and not one hundred percent sure what was going on. The only thing that registered was the pain in his joints and how tired he was. Namjoon brought the thermometer to Jungkook’s slightly parted lips and stuck it in his mouth. Once it beeped, he checked the temperature. It was 103 now. Not much of an improvement but better than before. “I’m going to get some water. Don’t go to sleep just yet,” Namjoon said before leaving the room. He walked into the kitchen which was, surprisingly, empty. He grabbed a cup and filled it with water before heading back to Jungkook’s room. Jungkook was already starting to drift off again. Namjoon shook him again. He had to hold the glass, seeing as Jungkook’s hand shook every time he lifted it. The maknae managed to drink the entire thing before falling asleep again. Namjoon went back to his ‘bed’ and got back on his phone. He woke Jungkook the next hour to check his temperature, which was now 102.7. It was definitely improving. At around 11:30, Namjoon felt his eyes growing heavey, despite his uncomfortable place on the floor. He wasn’t sure what time he actually fell asleep but he woke up about an hour later to someone shaking his shoulder. He opened his eyes to see Taehyung standing over him. He sat up, despite still being half asleep. “I’ll take over,” Taehyung whispered. “You go on to bed. You look like you could use it.” Namjoon didn’t argue. His right shoulder was sore as well as his back. He knew that moving tomorrow was going to be awful but he didn’t think too much on it. The thought of going to his bed sleeping for the next couple hours was too appealing to think about anything else. He nodded and stood up. Taehyung watched him leave the room before turning to the younger lying in the bed. He decided to try and take his temperature without waking him up. It wouldn’t be too difficult. Jungkook had always been a heavy sleeper. The temperature was a 102.1. Taehyung sighed in relief. None of them wanted to make a late night trip to the hospital. Especially with the grueling schedules they’d been having lately. Taehyung lay down on the ‘bed’ on the floor. He set an alarm for thirty minutes later and tried to get comfortable. That quickly proved to be impossible but he managed to doze for a bit. The alarm went off and Taehyung quickly checked the younger. Jungkook was, unsurprisingly, still asleep. Taehyung decided not to wake him for now. He dozed for a bit more but never actually fell asleep. After fifteen uncomfortable minutes on the floor, Taehyung stood up and walked around, hoping to loosen his already stiffening limbs. He checked on Jungkook again. His fever was still the same but he didn’t expect it to go down so quickly. The rest of the night went like that. Slowly, Jungkook’s fever went down. By dawn, it was 101.6. Yoongi woke up early that morning and took over so that Taehyung could get more sleep. Namjoon had also opted to sleep in that morning and nobody disturbed him. Seokjin made breakfast as he usually did. Only he, Jimin, and Hoseok ate. Seokjin went to check on Jungkook every once and while despite Yoongi insisting that everything was fine. Seokjin really could worry too much sometimes. Another two hours passed. Hoseok took over the job of watching the maknae. Another hour passed before Jungkook woke up. Hoseok was sitting on an office chair he’d brought into the room. He spun around as he waited for something to happen. He’d checked Jungkook’s temperature upon his arrival. It hadn’t changed much. After spinning around at least fifty times, he started to get dizzy and started to slow down. As he did, he heard a low groan from the bed. He practically slammed his foot down to stop himself faster. Everything spun for a moment. After the world settled, he stood up. He padded over to the bed and leaned over. He looked down at Jungkook, who was stirring in his bed. Slowly, he awoke. “How are you feeling?” Hoseok asked once Jungkook looked somewhat more awake. “Tired. Sore,” the younger replied wearily. “Not surprising. You probably worked yourself too hard,” Hoseok said with a small smile. Jungkook and Jimin had always been back about those kinds of things. “Tell us if you’re feeling sick before it gets this bad next time alright?” “Wasn’ ‘eeling sic’.” Jungkook’s words were slurred and a bit hard to understand but Hoseok got the gist of it. “Not until near the end of practice.” Hoseok was surprised. His worry from the pervious day started coming back. He placed a hand on the younger’s forehead. “Well even if the practice is almost over, tell us anyway. It’s not good to work through sickness. I’m going to check your temperature again,” Hoseok said as he lifted his hand and reached for the thermometer sitting on the bedside table. “It’s going down,” Hoseok commented after he pulled the thermometer out of Jungkook’s mouth. “Hopefully it’ll be normal again in a few hours.” Jungkook wasn’t listening. He had already turned over, trying to go back to sleep. Hoseok smiled again but didn’t allow him to sleep. “You’ve been asleep for a really long time, Kookie. We need to get some food in you. Some water too. Don’t go to sleep just yet. I’ll get Seokjin hyung to make something for you, alright?” Jungkook groaned in response. He just wanted to sleep. Despite having slept for over twelve hours now, he was still exhausted and his limbs ached. His eyes were very opposed to staying open. “I know you don’t want to but you have to eat something,” Hoseok said. “You can sleep after you’ve eaten something.” Jungkook was a little more awake now but only wanted to sleep. Even so, he kept his eyes open. Hoseok smiled at him and then left to get him something to eat. Five minutes later he returned. He had a tray with soup and water on it in hand. Jungkook was close to falling asleep again. It took a bit but Jungkook managed to drink all of the water and ate most of the soup. Hoseok was satisfied and sat the tray aside. As Jungkook turned over to go back to sleep, he noticed how sweaty the sheets and blanket were. “Jungkook-ah. I know I said you could go back to sleep but I’d like to change out the sheets on your bed first. You’ll be a lot more comfortable that way,” the elder said. “Can you get up for a few minutes please?” With a bit more convincing, Hoseok managed to coax Jungkook out of the bed. The younger ended up lying on the ‘bed’ that was still on the floor from that night and Hoseok didn’t stop him. Another five minutes and Hoseok had the sheets changed and had also brought a new blanket. He ended up having to pick Jungkook up and put him in bed since the younger complained about his legs hurting. He didn’t mind. They all loved taking care of their maknae ever once and a while. After having tucked him in and made sure he was comfortable, Hoseok left him alone to rest for a while. He didn’t think that Jungkook would be waking up anytime soon anyway. He went down to the living room to find everyone except Namjoon and Taehyung, who were still sleeping. He quickly explained Jungkook’s condition and took a seat on the couch between Jimin and Taehyung. They watched TV for a while, Seokjin going up to check that Jungkook was still sleeping every once and a while. Namjoon came down a bit later, still in pajamas and his hair unkempt. He joined them on the couch, which was starting to get crowded. The day went on like that, Taehyung having joined them at some point. Though they felt guilty for thinking it, they all needed the break and couldn’t help but thank Jungkook for getting sick when he did. Especially Yoongi, who was now sleeping on Namjoon’s shoulder. Jungkook’s fever was almost gone now. Only 99.2. The assumed it would be gone in a few hours or so. Jungkook continued sleeping. They didn’t disturb him since they all knew he could use the sleep. It wasn’t until nearly dinner time when the heard the door to his room open and close. They listened as slow, uneven footsteps made their way up the stairs. When the footsteps stopped, they looked towards the entrance to the living room. They saw a still half asleep Jungkook standing there. They smiled. His hair stuck up randomly and he wore an overly large white t-shirt with grey sweatpants. He looked cute with his eyes still delirious with sleep. Jimin snapped a quick picture, sending it to their group chat immediately. “Morning sleepy head,” Jin said. “You feeling better?” Jungkook rubbed his eyes. “Yeah. A bit. Still tired.” “I don’t see how,” Taehyung said. “You’ve slept more than Yoongi hyung.” Yoongi, who had only woken up a few minutes before, slapped Taehyung’s arm playfully. They all laughed. The couch was full so Jungkook sat on Jimin’s lap. Jimin pulled the maknae close and rubbed his finger’s through his hair. Yoongi, who was next to Jimin, pressed a hand to Jungkook’s forehead. “I think you’re fever’s almost gone kid,” he stated. “I’ll go get the thermometer,” Seokjin said as he stood up. He left and came back less than a minute later. After checking it, he smiled. “Yeah. It’s gone now.” He showed them the thermometer to them which blinked with the numbers ’98.6’. They smiled, glad that his fever was gone now. While they liked taking care of him, nobody liked dealing with a sick Jungkook. “Do you guys want me to make dinner or do you want takeout?” Seokjin asked after a few minutes. “Let’s just order takeout,” Namjoon said. “You need to relax some too.” Everyone was quick to agree. Seokjin called a good place nearby and said the food would be there soon. Jimin and Taehyung convinced Jungkook to go shower while they waited for the food. Around fifteen minutes later Jungkook was out of the shower, now wearing a large black hoodie and grey sweatpants, similar to the ones before, and a towel wrapped around his shoulders. The food had just arrived and they sat down at the table. Everyone dug in. Jungkook didn’t eat as much as everyone else but they assumed his body was still recuperating. They didn’t force him to eat more than he had. After they’d eaten, they all went back to the living room and curled up on the couch. Jungkook rested his head on Namjoon’s legs and his legs on Seokjin’s. Jimin sat on Hoseok’s lap and Taehyung sat next to them. Yoongi had grabbed a pillow and stretched out on the floor, already falling asleep. A few hours passed and Jungkook had fallen asleep as well. Jimin and Hoseok were following close behind. Even Taehyung was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. Seokjin and Namjoon talked quietly as to not disturb anyone. After another hour or so, the two woke everyone up and sent them to their beds. They had a schedule tomorrow after all. Within five minutes, only Jungkook, Namjoon, and Seokjin remained. “I’m going on to bed. Can you get him or do you want some help?” Namjoon asked. “I’ll get him. You go on to sleep,” Seokjin replied. Namjoon nodded and left the room. Seokjin knelt down to shake Jungkook awake. “Come on Jungkook. Let’s get you to bed.” Jungkook groaned. “M’ legs ‘urt. Carry m’ hyung,” he said tiredly. Seokjin smiled. He reached down and pulled the maknae into his arms. He couldn’t help but notice how light Jungkook felt. It wasn’t too concerning. With their schedules, they all lost a bit of weight because they simply didn’t have the time to eat. He would give the younger some extra food at meals. That should get him back on track. Still, Seokjin couldn’t help but feel worried. They had all noticed how tired he looked lately. Don't get him wrong, they were all tired, but Jungkook more so than the rest of them. He hoped that having slept all day would give him energy for the next day. He lay Jungkook down, tucking him tightly under the blankets. He placed a gentle kiss on the younger’s forehead. “Love you hyung,” Jungkook said, exhaustion lacing his words. Seokjin smiled. “Love you too Kookie. Sleep well,” Seokjin said before he left. He shut the door and went back to his own room. Thinking back, he couldn’t even remember why he had been worried. Jungkook was fine.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
A week passed since that day. Just one week. Seven days. One hundred and sixty-eight hours. Ten thousand and eighty minutes. Six hundred and four thousand, eight hundred seconds. A week had never gone by so slowly. He had counted down each and every second, hoping that by focusing on the time, it would distract him from the pain. The first two days he’d thought he was just getting over being sick. He’d woken up still exhausted and his limbs aching, protesting more and more with each movement. His nose had been running and he had a nasty cough. He took some ibuprofen hoping it would help. Thankfully, it did for a few hours. When asked about his slightly sloppy and sluggish movements during dance practice and his constantly cracking voice during vocal practice, he simply said that he probably was just still getting over the sickness. Nobody questioned it. There was no reason to. They had all wanted the maknae to have an extra day or two of rest before jumping right back into practice but their managers said otherwise. They gave Jungkook more medicine and the subject was dropped. When he woke up on the third day, he felt better, though still tired and sore. Though, he was surprised to find that his appetite had disappeared that morning at breakfast. He forced himself to eat so that none of them would worry. As they day went on, the exhaustion started coming back. He blamed all the pain medicine and ibuprofen he’d been taking. He was able to hide how tired he felt and went to sleep the moment his head hit the pillow that night. Another day of ignored symptoms passed. On the fourth and fifth day, he actually considered telling someone. His appetite had refused to return and everything hurt. Not like it had a few days ago but enough to have him wishing he could lie in bed for the rest of the day. His plans to tell someone where quickly halted when he walked into the kitchen that morning. They’d been working really hard that week and everyone looked exhausted. Possibly as exhausted as he felt. He didn’t want them to have to worry about him so he took more medicine and went to work. It was getting harder and harder to hide. For the last two days of that week, he worked through the aches and pains. The medicine wasn’t fighting off the pain and only adding to his weariness, despite having slept more in that week than he usually did in two. Near the end of the week, he had found that his appetite disappeared completely. So as to not worry his hyungs, he ate as regularly as he could force himself to, which was around once or twice a day, but he was losing weight left and right. He felt like his body was slowly decaying. The other members didn’t seem to notice that anything was wrong or they just didn’t say anything about it. Jungkook had always been good at hiding things. It didn’t help that in the span of one week, they had all become so tired that the could barely keep their eyes open. They were all surprised that none of them had passed out yet. When the week finally ended, they were given one day to rest and relax. Jungkook couldn’t have been happier. Taehyung had invited him out to lunch but he already plans involving a pillow, a blanket, and a comfy bed. That day, he woke up at around 10:30 to a nearly unbearable ache in his joints. Even when he wasn’t moving his bones seemed to scream at him. Everything felt hot, and cold at the same time. His chest ached and his heart pounded in his ears. His was nose was running more than the kitchen faucet and painful wet cough tore their way up his throat. He desperately needed something to keep the pain at bay but each and every step towards the bathroom was torture. He felt like a thousand knives were stabbing him. Each little bend of his knee or arm was unbearable. He felt like crying. Maybe he was. It seemed like it had taken hours for him to make it to the bathroom, he was surprised nobody had seen him. When he finally did make it to the bathroom, the door was locked. He heard the water running on the other side of the door. He wanted to fall to the floor and bawl like a child. He suppressed the urge and raised a fist to the door. Knocking took more effort than it should have. He vaguely registered how exhausted he felt, despite having slept for ten hours already. “How many times do I have to tell you Namjoon, I’ll be out when I’m done. Just be patient.” Jungkook recognized the voice as Yoongi’s. He was surprised. On their days off, Yoongi usually slept till around one in the afternoon. “It’s Jungkook,” he said, cursing himself for how pained he sounded. “I was gonna grab some painkillers but if you’re busy I can come ba-“ Yoongi didn’t let him finish. He creaked open the door just enough so that they could see each other’s faces. Jungkook assumed because of the older’s bare shoulders and dry hair that he was probably getting ready to shower. Yoongi looked Jungkook up and down a few times before saying anything. “You alright kid?” he asked. “You don’t look too great.” Jungkook nodded quickly. “Just slept funny and my back and shoulder are a bit sore.” Yoongi looked the younger up and down one more time. He looked awful. His legs were shaking slightly and there were dark bags under his eyes. The large sweatshirt he wore hid most of the weight loss but Yoongi could tell. His cheeks were flushed and he was shivering. His nose was red from rubbing it. He could also tell the Jungkook was in pain. “Go lie down. I’ll bring you some medicine when I get done,” he said quickly. He knew that Jungkook would not admit if he was feeling bad. What happened a week before proved that, but he could help even in Jungkook didn’t admit he needed any. The younger looked at him for a moment before nodding. He turned and started walking away, trying not to let his steps falter as he knew Yoongi was still watching. He managed to make back to his bed and collapsed into it without hesitation. Yoongi showered quickly. Usually, he would’ve liked to take his time and let the burning water run over his sore muscles but he knew he couldn’t do that today. Once he was out, he dried off and got dressed in record time. He grabbed some painkillers from the bathroom cabinet and, on an assumption, a fever reducer. He then went down to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water, two granola bars, and the thermometer. After he had everything, he walked to Jungkook’s room. He found the maknae tossing and turning in his bed with a pained look on his face. Yoongi frowned and walked in, shutting the door behind him. “I’m here, Jungkookie,” he said, not wanting to startle the younger. Usually, he would just plop down next to him but he knew better than to do that today. “I got some medicine.” He walked over to the side of the bed and Jungkook turned to look at him. “Oh, thanks,” Jungkook said. Yoongi noticed quickly how shaky his voice was. “I’m going to check you’re temperature,” Yoongi said. “But I’m not sick, hyung,” Jungkook protested immediately. The elder had been expecting it. “I don’t care. You look awful.” Yoongi grabbed the thermometer and forced it into the younger’s mouth. He waited impatiently for the quiet beep. He pulled it out and checked it. “100.3. You’ve got a fever. You probably didn’t get enough rest after being sick last week.” As if to prove his point further, Jungkook let out a painful cough that he’d been trying to keep back. Yoongi sighed and sat the thermometer down and handed Jungkook the water, painkillers, and fever reducer. He watched in silence as the maknae took them. “I’m calling Seokjin and telling him to come back to the dorm. You shouldn’t be alone,” Yoongi said as he stood up, reaching for his phone. “Please don’t,” Jungkook pleaded. “I don’t want him fussing all over me all day and I can take care of myself. It’s not that bad. Please hyung.” Yoongi stared at the younger for a few moments. He knew that he should tell someone but the look that Jungkook was giving him managed to convince him to do otherwise. He also knew that even if Jin didn’t come back to the dorms, he would be too worried about Jungkook to make any progress with his dancing, which he was currently working on. “Alright.” he sighed. “I won’t tell him for now but I’m setting a few ground rules,” Yoongi said sternly. “Namjoon and I are going to the studio to work on some lyrics. Seokjin and Hoseok are there going through some choreography. Jimin and Taehyung left a while ago to go out for lunch. I’m going to tell Jimin that you aren’t feeling well and to check on you when he gets home.” Yoongi picked up the two granola bars he brought with him. “I’m also telling him that if these aren’t gone by the time he gets here to tell me and I’ll tell Jin you’re sick. If your fever gets above 101 I’m telling Jin. Text me if no one’s here and you start feeling worse and I’ll come back here or get someone else to. Got it?” Jungkook nodded. He usually didn’t mind when they fussed over him but today he really just wanted to be alone. If Jin knew he was sick he wouldn’t be left alone for at least the next 24 hours. “Yoongi!” Namjoon called from the other room. “Let’s go!” “I gotta go. Remember to text me if you need anything,” Yoongi said as he left the room. “I will hyung,” Jungkook said tiredly. He just wanted to go back to sleep. With that, Yoongi shut the door, leaving Jungkook alone. Jungkook decided to go ahead and eat, knowing that if he fell asleep he wouldn’t wake up in time to eat them before Taehyung and Jimin got back. It took him a long time to eat them. He just wasn’t hungry. He managed to eat them both, leaving the wrappers on his bedside table, too tired to get up and throw them away. The medicine was already kicking in and he felt the pain starting to fade. Words couldn’t express the relief he felt. Only five minutes had passed and he had already fallen into a deep sleep, oblivious to the pain. _______________ Text message from: Yoongi
Jungkook wasn’t feeling too great this morning. He’s running a slight fever. I promised him I wouldn’t tell Jin unless it got worse. Could you check on him when you get home for me?
Jimin frowned at the message. He stared at his phone for a few seconds before typing a reply. Text message to: Yoongi
Of course
He received another message within seconds.
Text message from: Yoongi
Thanks. Check his temperature when you get there. I set out two granola bars for him to eat. If he hasn’t eaten them by the time you get there tell me. Jimin read the message quickly. He typed a reply.
Text message to: Yoongi
Got it. Thanks for telling me. Anything else?
Text message from: Yoongi
Not that I can think of. Thanks again.
Text message to: Yoongi
You’re welcome. Jimin put his phone away and turned back to Taehyung, who was eagerly devouring his food. “Hey, Taehyung,” Jimin said. The younger looked up at him. “I know you wanted to go shopping today but I think I’m going to have to take a raincheck.” “Why?” Taehyung asked in a whining tone. “Yoongi just texted me. He said Jungkook’s not feeling great and asked me to check on him when we get back,” Jimin replied. “Oh,” Taehyung said. “Is he alright?” “I think so,” Jimin said as he picked up his chopsticks. “Yoongi said he was running a slight fever.” Taehyung huffed. “If the managers had actually given him time to get better he probably wouldn’t have a fever at all.” “You’re probably right,” Jimin said after swallowing the bite of food he’d just taken. “But getting mad at them now won’t change anything. Let’s hurry up and finish eating.” Within fifteen minutes, they had eaten and were heading out the door. They had walked to a restaurant that, while being in a very desolate area, was very good. The entire group had been there on several occasions. The food was good and they didn’t have to worry about being swarmed by fans. It was a good thirty-minute walk back to the apartment. Mostly because they usually took backroads, and alleyways to avoid being the public eye, though, they never cared. It was always nice to get away from all the noise. They had, subconsciously, walked faster than normal, not wanting to leave Jungkook alone for too long. The thirty-minute walk was made in twenty with because of their pace and a few shortcuts along the way. Walking into the dorm, Jimin went straight to Jungkook’s room. Taehyung went to the living room and turned on the TV. Jimin knocked quietly on Jungkook’s door. He didn’t get a response so he opened the door. Jungkook was asleep. It didn’t surprise him in the least. He walked over to the younger’s bedside. He rested a hand on Jungkook’s paler than usual forehead and frowned. He wasn’t as warm as he’d been a week before but was definitely warmer than he should’ve been. He looked on the bedside table and saw an empty glass, a thermometer, and two granola bar wrappers. He was thankful that Jungkook had eaten them. He’d noticed how the younger continued to eat less and less. “Hey, Kookie,” he said in a gentle tone. “It’s time to wake up.” He lightly shook the younger, his frown deepening as he didn’t receive a response. “If you don’t wake up I’ll tickle you,” he said in a joking tone as he shook him again, a little harder this time. He got a response this time. Not one he was expecting, but he got one. Jungkook bolted upright and let out a fit of painful, wet coughs. He covered his mouth with his elbow in a futile attempt to muffle them. Jimin, not really one hundred percent sure of what to do, placed a gentle hand on Jungkook’s back. He tried saying comforting words, hoping that it would help the younger in some way but he doubted Jungkook heard him. Another minute or two passed before the coughing died down. Jimin slowly eased Jungkook back so that he was lying down as the maknae attempted to catch his breath. “You good now?” Jimin asked after it seemed like Jungkook had caught his breath. “Think so,” was all he got in reply. Jimin cringed at how hoarse and pained the words were. “I need to check your temperature,” Jimin said while picking up the thermometer he’d seen on the bedside table. Jungkook didn’t protest. He just wanted to get it over with so he could go back to sleep. He opened his mouth and waited impatiently for the beep. Jimin took it from him and looked at it. “99.6. It’s not too bad. Have you taken any medicine today?” Jungkook nodded slightly. “What have you taken?” “Not really sure,” Jungkook replied tiredly, his words slurring slightly. “Some painkillers and maybe a fever reducer.” “Alright,” Jimin said. “I’m gonna go get something for your cough. Do you need you need anything else?” Jungkook thought for a moment. He was suddenly aware of the desert starting to form in his mouth. His nose was also still pretty runny. “Can you get me some water and tissues?” Jimin smiled and ruffled Jungkook’s hair. “Of course. I’ll be right back.” Jimin turned and walked to the bathroom. He dug through the medicine cabinet before finding some cough syrup. He then walked down to the kitchen and got a glass of water and grabbed a box of tissues he found in a cabinet under the sink. He made his way back to Jungkook’s room and opened the door. The younger was attempting to sit up slightly. Jimin sat the items down and helped him. Once Jungkook seemed to be settled, Jimin reached over and grabbed the cough syrup. Jungkook groaned at the sight. “You know you have to take it,” Jimin said as he measured out the dosage in a small cup. “Doesn’t mean I want to,” Jungkook said with a still hoarse. Jimin handed him the cup and watched as he quickly took it. Jungkook then grabbed the water and downed a little less than half of that. “That stuff is disgusting,” Jungkook mumbled. Jimin laughed. Jungkook smiled weakly at him. “You should go back to sleep,” Jimin said. “I’ll be in the living room with Taehyung so just come get one of us if you need anything alright?” Jungkook nodded as he lay back down. Jimin helped him but made sure that he was still slightly at an angle. He knew it’d help him sleep better. He then went to fix the blanket. After that, he started doing other small things that he thought would help. He brought the trashcan over for the tissues that the younger was bound to use. He grabbed an extra blanket and put it next to the bed in case it was needed. He continued the small tasks until Jungkook had fallen asleep. He smiled then turned to leave the room. He made his way back to the living room, informing Taehyung on Jungkook’s condition. He sat down on the couch watching TV. __________________ Yoongi groaned. He and Namjoon had been working for hours even though this was supposed to be their day off. Though, he couldn’t deny, the needed to get the lyrics finished soon or they would never get done. His mind kept drifting back to Jungkook. The younger had looked so awful. Yoongi hoped that it was just whatever he had last week coming back. He was pretty sure he wasn’t the only one who’d noticed how Jungkook been acting lately. Namjoon had brought up several times how much more Jungkook had been sleeping the past few weeks while Seokjin insisted that he always looked a lot more exhausted lately. Hoseok had been quick to voice his concerns about how much the maknae had stumbled during practice in the last week or two. Taehyung had said that after even light, playful hits, dark bruises would show up on the younger’s arms. Jimin also seemed completely convinced that Jungkook wasn’t nearly as much as he should. It was getting to a point that they wanted to ask him about it. But Yoongi convinced them otherwise, knowing all too well that if they asked, Jungkook would just come up with some lame excuse. They had to trust that if something was really bothering him, that he would come to them. But they all helped in their own subtle ways. Namjoon would allow him a few extra minutes of sleep before waking him up. Seokjin would offer him a shoulder to rest his head on during breaks. Hoseok would go over the choreography when he couldn’t get it and threw in some extra breaks during practice. Taehyung had toned down the horseplay, joking with him verbally more rather than the playful punch he used to give so often. Jimin often kept extra granola bars in his bag or slipping Jungkook some of his food even if it went uneaten. At around 4:30, Yoongi’s phone dinged, pulling him from his thoughts. He picked it up and saw a text notification.
Text message from: Jimin
I meant to text earlier but I forgot. His fever isn’t too bad. 99.6. I’m not sure what it was this morning. He said he already took a fever reducer and some pain meds but he was coughing pretty bad so I gave him something for that. Yoongi internally sighed in relief. He quickly typed a reply.
Text message to: Jimin
Thanks. His fever was a little over 100 this morning so it’s going down. Namjoon and I should be home in a bit. I think Hoseok and Seokjin just left so if you need anything ask them. We should be done soon. Text me if anything else happens.
He put his phone back down and leaned back in his chair. They only had a few more lines to finish and then they could leave. “Hey, Yoongi hyung. Come over here,” Namjoon called. Yoongi groaned but got up anyway. “What is it?” he asked. “What do you think of this for the bridge? Don’t say it’s good just cause you wanna leave. We’ll get called back here if it sucks,” the younger said. Yoongi read over the lyrics, taking in and considering each word in his head. He put them with the melody the wanted to use, seeing whether they would work or not. “I think we should change these two lines,” he said pointing at a section of lyrics on the screen. “Something with less syllables would fit better. Either that or we need to change the melody.” The two spent the next twenty minutes or so discussing what words would fit better or how they could modify the melody in order to make it fit. In the end, the had to change the lyrics as well as the melody in order to get something that would sound right. After declaring themselves done, they got up and left. They were thankful to finally have some free time. It was their only day off for a while considering they had a concert coming up soon. Yoongi had two things on his mind during the drive home. One being sleep, and the other being Jungkook. He had no doubt in his mind that Seokjin had already found the sick maknae and was, more thank likely, fussing over him. He would probably get scolded for not telling anyone but he honestly didn’t care. They reached their apartment quickly and went up to the door. The moment the door opened, they could hear the sounds of Jimin and Taehyung bickering and smell whatever Seokjin was cooking for that night. The minute Yoongi was in sight, Seokjin was, unsurprisingly, walking up to him. “Why didn’t you tell me that Jungkook was sick this morning,” he demanded. “Jungkook’s sick?” Namjoon asked. Yoongi ignored the latter question. “He asked me not to. I knew he didn’t want you fussing all over him all day. Besides, even if you didn’t come back here, you would have been too worried to actually get any practice done.” “He’s right!” Hoseok yelled from another room. Seokjin thought for a moment. “You’re probably right but that’s no excuse not to tell somebody.” His tone was less angry now but it sounded disappointed now. That was much worse. “He told me,” Jimin said from the living room. Seokjin sighed, clearly defeated. Yoongi smirked. Namjoon was still confused having been the only one who hadn’t been informed. “Can someone please explain to me what you’re talking about?” the leader asked. “Jungkook was running a fever this morning,” Taehyung started. “Yoongi told Jimin to check on him when we got home instead of telling Jin. He didn’t find out until he got home and now he’s mad at Yoongi for not telling him.” Yoongi then proceeded to get scolded by Namjoon for the next fifteen minutes. Seokjin jumped in at some strong points made by the leader. Jimin and Taehyung listened, laughing silently from the couch. Hoseok was in another room but he could still hear what was going on. Once they scolding was over, dinner was nearly done. Yoongi was given the task of setting the table as punishment and Namjoon went to check on Jungkook. He hoped that he could get the younger to eat something but there were no guarantees. He quietly opened the door. “Jungkook-ah? Are you asleep?” he asked though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer to that question. He walked over to the bed and gently shook Jungkook, thankful when he opened his eyes almost immediately. “It’s time for dinner and you really need to eat something,” Namjoon said gently. “Do you need help getting up?” Jungkook was silent for a moment as if he hadn’t heard what Namjoon had said. He felt like was underwater even though he could breath fine. At least a minute passed before he answered. “No,” his voice was hoarse and his throat was still sore. “I don’t think so.” Namjoon nodded but was still ready to catch or support him if needed. The process of standing was slow. Each movement sent waves of pain throughout his joints. Breathing was harder than it should have been. Each time he tried to get a full breath, pain would flare up in his chest. As he stood up, his legs wobbled. His first step was shaky and he stumbled. He felt Namjoon’s arm wrap around his waist and weakly tried to push it away. “Hey, let me help. I don’t want you falling,” Namjoon said. Jungkook stopped trying to push it away and relaxed into Namjoon’s grip. He allowed him to help him to the kitchen. Seokjin was quick to help him sit down. Namjoon took his own seat and everyone else was just coming in. Seokjin placed a cool hand against the maknae’s forehead. “It doesn’t feel like you have a fever,” the eldest said. “How are you feeling?” “Achy and my throat hurts. It’s a little hard to get a full breath,” he replied. Seokjin frowned. “Do you want me to go get some medicine?” Hoseok asked. Jungkook nodded. “Alright. I’ll be right back.” Hoseok got up and left as Seokjin and Jimin started filling up people’s plates with food. Taehyung was pouring drinks and passing them out to each member. By the time they were done Hoseok was back and set a few pills in front of Jungkook. Jungkook was sitting in between Hoseok and Jimin, each glancing at him every so often to make sure he was okay. The first few minutes were quiet but slowly, everyone was starting to go back to their usual nosiness. Jungkook joined in on the conversation every so often but for the most part stayed quiet. He tried to focus on forcing the food down his throat. It tasted amazing, but lately, nothing was appetizing. He’d only managed to eat a few bites by the time everyone else was done. He was just pushing the food around on his plate. Deciding that he couldn’t eat anymore, he pushed his plate away. Jimin frowned. “Are you done?” he asked. His frown deepened when Jungkook nodded. “You barely ate anything.” Seokjin glanced away from the conversation he was having with Namjoon and Yoongi to see what was going on. “Is that all you’ve eaten?” Jungkook nodded again. “You need to eat more than that,” the eldest of the group said. “I don’t think I can,” Jungkook said while looking down at his hands. “Can you try?” Namjoon asked, having picked up on the conversation. “Please?” Jimin asked sweetly. Jungkook was silent again. He just wasn’t hungry. He didn’t know if he could force himself to. He glanced up at their faces. The moment he saw their pleading look, he nodded. It took a while but he managed to eat a little more than half of the food. Everyone had waited patiently for him, encouraging him. They all wished he would’ve eaten all of the food but were grateful that he’d at least tried to eat more. After that, they found themselves in a similar position as last week. All of them managed to pile up on the couch and watched TV for the next few hours, half of them falling sleep. At around 9:30, they were all sent to bed. Jungkook’s fever was gone and they could all tell that, while he was still exhausted, he felt much better. Namjoon dragged a half-asleep Seokjin back to his room where the two would probably end up falling asleep in the same bed. Yoongi seemed content to sleep on the couch few days if he was allowed so they left him. Hoseok had left not long before to shower and was most likely, already asleep in his bed. Jungkook seemed to be unusually clingy, though, he usually was when he was sick. He seemed content to hold on to Taehyung like a koala and would protest the moment Jimin tried to move away from him. The two couldn’t help but smile. “How about we all go sleep in my bed?” Jimin asked. Jungkook nodded into Taehyungs shoulder. They managed to get the maknae onto his feet and dragged him up to Jimin’s room, where Hoseok was already out cold. They all piled in Jimin’s bed, Jungkook being squished in the middle. Taehyung ran his finger’s through the younger’s hair and Jimin hugged him close. They hoped that he would be better soon but they couldn’t shake the feeling that this was just the start of something worse. The next morning, when Jungkook awoke, feeling better than he had in the past two weeks, that feeling was quickly forgotten. If only they hadn’t forgotten.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Another week passed and it became more obvious that something was wrong. Their managers had given Jungkook an extra day off to recover from the sickness the, even though he hadn’t felt bad at all. The next day, he was sent back to work. Their schedules were even more hectic than the week before to prepare for their upcoming concert. They barely had a minute in between practices, lessons, and interviews. Sleep was pretty much the only thing on their minds whenever the had a break. After his one day break, Jungkook was given extra work to make up for his lost time. He wouldn’t have cared if it hadn’t been for the fact that his sickness seemed to come back this a vengeance. His head pounded and everything hurt. Even just one dance during dance practice had him winded and gasping for air. His chest constantly felt tight and his cough had come back, keeping him up at night. Singing only aggravated this further. Dark bruises would appear on his skin when he didn’t even remember hitting anything and even small accidental cuts that barely broke the skin would bleed profusely. He found that he couldn’t force himself to eat more than one meal a day and that was on a good day. He was also pretty sure he had a fever that came and went throughout the week. Of course, he didn’t tell anyone this. He’d already been sick twice in less than two weeks. He couldn’t be sick again. Especially with the upcoming concert. So, he dosed up on ibuprofen, painkillers, and cough syrup and hoped for the best. He found that hoping didn’t get him far and if this kept going like it was, he knew he’d have to tell someone. The other members were starting to pick up on how awful he felt. They were constantly throwing him worried looks and asking him if he was okay. They were even finding reasons to be by his side at all times. It was becoming more and more obvious to all of them that something just wasn’t right. Jimin seemed to be the most worried. It wasn’t surprising. He had always cared for the maknae. He had voiced his concerns to all of them, including Jungkook, but the younger always brushed it off as nothing. It made him even more worried. He was worried that Jungkook was following in his footsteps. He had noticed how little Jungkook seemed to eat almost immediately. He noticed how Jungkook would push his food around on the plate rather than eating it. He noticed how he avoided eating if possible. He noticed the weight loss and all of it scared him more than he liked to admit. At first, he had thought that Jungkook hadn’t meant to eat so little. Their schedules had been so chaotic lately that they barely had time to eat. That paired with getting over sickness was likely a cause. Jimin tried so desperately to convince himself that, that was the reason. But as time went on, he knew that it was something more. Jungkook was constantly exhausted even though he seemed to sleep so much more lately. He always seemed a bit weaker than usual. They only saw him eat a few times every couple of days. When Taehyung mentioned the easy bruising that seemed to seal the deal for him. He’d tried so desperately to help the maknae. He invited him out to eat whenever he got the chance. During breaks, he’d casually slip him some sort of snack as well as have one himself and the two would eat, though Jungkook’s snack was usually thrown away before it was finished. Sometimes, he would practically force him to eat if he needed to. Jungkook was still losing weight. That just made Jimin’s worry grow. The fear that Jungkook was not only avoiding eating but throwing up the food he did eat was impossible to ignore. He found himself staying up at night to see if he could hear anything from the bathroom that would confirm his theory. He, thankfully, never heard anything but that didn’t ease his worry in the slightest. Several times, he’d gone to the other members asking if they’d noticed anything. They all had. It wasn’t surprising either. The signs had gone from subtle and ignorable to prominent to a point where even some fans were starting to point it out when they posted pictures of videos. Jimin knew that it was time to discuss the topic now. He just hoped that he hadn’t waited too long. Another few days passed and nothing seemed to get better. Jungkook knew that the other members knew something was up. It was partly his fault. He cared less about hiding now, and more about dealing with it. They were all asking him if he was okay at least twice a day. Namjoon, Seokjin, and Jimin had dropped some not so subtle hints that they were there if he ever needed anyone to talk to. He almost tempted to. Everything was starting to bear down on him. He felt like he could pass out any moment. He wouldn’t care if he did. In fact, he wanted to. He just wanted to sleep. He was so exhausted. No matter how much he slept he was still exhausted and he didn’t understand why. He’d looked some of his symptoms up online but so many different things ranging from not serious to deadly came up. All the words they used in the articles that he did find didn’t make any sense. All his research had managed to do was confuse and frighten him further. Most nights, he fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow, sometimes before. He’d woken up on the couch or in another member's bed more than he’d woken in his own lately. He knew that if he kept acting like he was they would confront him. He was surprised they hadn’t already, though, he knew that they liked him to come to them first and he really wanted to. He actually had. Or, he tried at least. He'd tried telling Namjoon once but Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jimin came barreling into the room, excitement in their eyes and he hadn’t been able to force himself to bring it up in front of the three. He tried another time with Seokjin, but just as he was about to ask for help, the eldest had gotten a call to come to the studio and they were never alone long enough to talk about it since. The third time, he tried asking Yoongi. He’d gone to the older’s studio in the dead of night when they’d both been working late in order to ensure his success this time. Just as he started his first sentence, Seokjin called and demanded that the two come home and sleep. After that, he hadn’t tried again. He figured the universe was telling him that he was supposed to stay quiet and suffer on his own. Though, if this went on for much longer, he knew he’d be trying again soon. It was becoming too much, and he just couldn’t stand it anymore. If it kept going on like it was he would end up in the hospital. He was honestly surprised he hadn’t yet. He made a decision that he was going to tell someone by the end of the week. Even if he had to say it in front of everyone, something he really wanted to avoid, he would do it. He had to. He didn’t think he could go on much longer if he didn’t. Jimin knew he should be asleep but he needed to tell someone what he thought Jungkook was doing. He couldn’t let it go on. That’s why he found himself preparing to knock on the door to Namjoon’s studio 12:00 p.m. The elder said he’d be working late on some songs that night. When all the other members were already asleep, Jimin took his chance. He couldn’t let it go on. He took a breath and raised his fist. He knocked twice before dropping his hand back to his side and waiting for a reply. “Come in,” he heard a voice call. He reached out and opened the door a bit. He peeked in and saw Namjoon sitting at his computer. It looked like he was working on lyrics of some sort. “I need to talk to you about something,” he said. Namjoon was out of his seat and pulling Jimin into the room in less than a second. He could tell by the younger’s voice that it was serious. Lyrics could wait. He sat Jimin down in one of the chairs in the room and then pulled his own chair up and sat in it. “What is it?” he asked. He knew Jimin usually came to one of the members to talk when he was having trouble with his weight and eating again. It was normally Seokjin who the younger went to, but on occasion, he came to him and Namjoon was prepared to do or say whatever he could to help. He was the leader after all. “Have you been reading comments again?” Jimin eagerly shook his head. He was glad that Namjoon was worried about him but he couldn’t focus on that now. “No. I’m fine. I wanted to talk about Jungkook.” “Really?” Namjoon asked. Usually, it was Seokjin coming to him about the other members. “Yeah. I think . . .” The words were hard to get out. He hated talking about the other members behind their back but this needed to be done. He couldn't let it go on. “I think he might be starving himself.” There was silence for a few moments. Jimin was staring at the floor. Namjoon was staring at Jimin. The quiet tick of the clock was the only sound. Tick . Tock . . Tick . . . Tock . . . . Tick . . . . . Tock . . . . . . Namjoon took a deep breath. “Why do you think that.” Jimin looked up at Namjoon and only hesitated for a moment before he spoke. “He hasn’t been eating a lot lately. I know you’ve noticed it too. It also looks like he’s losing weight and he’s been so tired lately.” “Anything else?” Jimin thought for a moment. There was a lot he could say but he didn’t think they had time. “He bruises easily now. That can be a sign of malnourishment and he stumbles a lot.” Silence again. Tick . Tock . . Tick . . . Tock . . . . “This a serious accusation, Jimin.” Namjoon’s face was grim. “I know it is, Namjoon hyung, but I know the signs. I wouldn’t be bringing this up if it wasn’t serious.” Jimin stared into Namjoon’s eyes as he said the words. “I know you wouldn’t,” Namjoon sighed after a moment. “I think he tried to tell me something a few days ago but we got interrupted.” “Really?” Jimin was beyond surprised. Jungkook wasn’t the type to admit he was having any sort of trouble. “Not not one hundred percent sure but yeah, I think so.” Namjoon thought back to that night. Jungkook had looked so exhausted. “What did he say?” Jimin asked. “Just that he needed to tell me something. He never got to tell me and I’ve tried to talk to him since then but there hasn’t been any time,” Namjoon said. He had really tried but they were so busy lately. For the third time, silence fell. Tick . Tock . . Tick . . . Tock . . . . “You’ve dealt with this before,” Jimin flinched at the words as Namjoon said them. “How do you think we should go about handling this?” “I . . .” Jimin had to think for a bit before answering. “I’m honestly not sure. It’s different for everybody. It’d probably be best if he asked for help but we can’t wait for that to happen. After it failed the first time I’m sure he won’t want to try again. If we talk to him then it needs to be when not everyone is there. You know how he is. It’ll be harder for him to admit it in front of everyone.” “Alright,” Namjoon said, thinking over the information carefully. “Jungkook has a break in his schedule tomorrow. I can convince the managers to give you and me one too if you’re sure you want to confront him about it. If not, how long should we wait to bring it up?” This was by far the hardest question Jimin had been asked in a while. Jungkook tended to distance himself further when confronted but at the same time, they needed to discuss this if it was getting as he thought then they couldn’t wait any longer. If it could, how long could they wait before it got really bad? How long could they sit back and watch? No. He’d done enough waiting. It was time to act. He couldn't let it go on. “I want to confront him about it. I can’t just watch it happen anymore,” Jimin answered confidently. “Okay. I’ll call manger-nim in the morning about giving us a break. I’ll let you know what he says. If we can’t get the break, we’ll figure something out,” Namjoon said. “Thanks.” Jimin’s voice was quiet. He looked down at the floor. He was glad they were doing something but his worry hadn’t eased at all. “Hey,” Namjoon said, placing a comforting hand on the younger’s shoulder. “It’ll be alright. We’ll figure this out okay?” Jimin nodded. “Good. Now we should head on back and go to sleep. It’s really late, or rather, really early, and we’ve got a lot to do today.” Namjoon stood up and stuck out his hand to Jimin. Jimin gave a weak smile and allowed the rapper to help him to his feet. The two went back to the dorm and to their beds, but sleep never came. All the could think about is how long they ignored the signs. The weren't going to let it go on any longer. Later that morning, Namjoon got up. He had long given up on sleep. He figured if he couldn’t sleep he might as well do something productive. It was 5:30. Their manager would be up soon and he could call and ask for a break. He hoped that they would get it. They needed to sort this out before it went too far if it hadn’t already. He got up, showered, washed his face, brushed his teeth, and got dressed. By the time he was done, it was nearly six. He would be able to call soon. He walked down to the kitchen, unsurprised to find Seokjin already there making breakfast. “Good morning,” the elder said as Namjoon poured himself a cup of coffee. “Morning.” Namjoon sat down at the table and started scrolling through Twitter on his phone. It was a decent way to pass the time but he quickly found himself bored. His thoughts started going back to the conversation he’d had with Jimin the night before. He stopped scrolling and found himself staring aimlessly at a random tweet until voices brought him from his thoughts. He closed out of the twitter app and checked the time. Their manager would be up by now. “Morning Joonie,” Hosoek said brightly. He gave a grunt of acknowledgment in response. He was too busy trying to figure out how he would convince their manager to give them a break to answer. He could just tell him the truth. He could just say that they thought Jungkook wasn’t eating. But then they’d probably try to get involved and that wouldn’t help. He could make up a lie. But then if he got caught, dealing with the consequences would not be a pleasant experience. In the end, he decided to just wing it. He took his phone and left the room. Jimin watched as Namjoon came into the kitchen ten minutes later. They looked at each other for a brief moment. Namjoon gave the slightest nod as he sat down and the two looked away from each other. “There’s been a change in the schedule,” Namjoon said once everyone had sat down.Everyone groaned. They all hated last minute schedule changes and when they had them it usually meant more work. “This afternoon at 1:00 until 2:30 Seokjin and Hoseok are all needed in the dance studio to work on choreography and after that they have a thirty minute break. From 1:15 to 2:30, they want Taehyung to come in and work on vocals and rerecord a few things, and they want Yoongi to come in and discuss some of the lyrics he wrote and work on a few new ones from 1:00 to 2:00. You each have a break until 3:00 once you’re done. Jungkook’s break was extended and is now from 12:45 to 3:00 and Jimin and I have a break from 1:00 to 3:00. After that everyone has a one-hour dance practice and then we’re done for the day.” They were all pleasantly surprised. It wasn’t as bad as they’d thought. Usually, with schedule changes, they would have an extra few hours of dance practice or an interview would be thrown in last minute. With this schedule, they were actually getting done a lot earlier than normal. After that, they all talked happily and ate breakfast. Well, most of them. Namjoon and Jimin were all too aware of the few words Jungkook spoke and the two bites of food he ate before pushing his food away. They didn’t push it though. If they were going to talk to him later they had to give him space for now. They watched Seokjin look sadly at the uneaten food as he cleaned up. The eldest didn’t say anything and continued cleaning. The day went on as it normally did from there. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood from the schedule changes. Namjoon was thankful that none of them complained about the breaks they had or they break extension Jungkook had gotten. He had noticed a few jealous glances but he knew that they would get over it in a day or two. They always did and besides, this was for a good cause. Jimin was anxious all throughout the day but he let everyone’s excited voices and bright spirits distract him. Even Jungkook seemed to be perking up a bit, though he still looked absolutely exhausted. As the day went on, the exhaustion started to really show. Jungkook wasn’t sure if he’d make it until the break, even though it was only an hour away now. He would definitely try though. He had decided that during their break, he would tell Namjoon how he’d been feeling. Jimin too if he had to but he’d like to avoid that. He didn’t want him to worry just in case it wasn't that bad. They’d all been separated at lunch and Jungkook was glad. It was easier to hide the fact that he couldn’t eat that way. After lunch, he had to go and get a few photos done but it didn’t take long. Right after that, he was, finally, on his way home. The driver was quiet the entire ride home, which Jungkook was thankful for. It had been a particularly hard day and he needed to gather his thoughts before Namjoon and Jimin got home. They reached the apartment and Jungkook politely thanked the driver before making his way inside. Once he was inside, he made himself a cup of coffee and went straight to the living room and sat on the couch. Though, he didn’t turn on the TV. He just needed to think. He didn’t think that telling him would be this hard. It shouldn't be this hard. He should be able to just state how he’d been feeling and what his symptoms are, but, just imagining it made him nervous. He didn't want them to think that he was weak. A little over fifteen minutes later, the front door opened. He couldn’t put it off any longer. No more lies. It was time to tell them the truth. He heard shuffling as the two take off their shoes and jackets. He heard their footsteps as they approached. He heard them getting closer. He stood up, sitting his, now cold, coffee on the coffee table in front of him. He turned around to see Namjoon and Jimin both standing there, looking at him. Their gaze was serious. “We need to talk to you,” Namjoon said in a voice that they called his ‘leader voice’. At that moment, he knew he wasn’t the only one who was sick and tired of all the lying. “Actually, I need to talk to you too,” he said, his voice quiet and timid rather than confident as it usually was. Both gave him a surprised look. Neither had expected Jungkook to come to them, even though he had tried before. They both planned to force him to talk if necessary. Silence filled the air for a few, long, awkward moments. Jimin was the one to break through the quiet. “Why don’t we sit down,” he said, gesturing to the couch. The other two were quick to agree. Jimin and Namjoon sat on the couch, while Jungkook took a comfy chair next to it. He stared down at his hands, picking at his fingernails as he waited for them to say something. “What did you want to tell us, Jungkook-ah?” Namjoon asked, his voice gentle rather than serious now. There was a brief moment of hesitation before he spoke. “I . . . I haven’t been feeling well lately.” Jimin and Namjoon stared at him. That had not been what they’d expected to hear, but they weren’t sure if they relieved or not. “What do you mean?” Jimin asked cautiously. Whenever he’d been forced to talk about his bad eating habits, he sometimes described it as feeling unwell. “I just feel sick,” Jungkook replied his voice louder than before, but still nervous. “Can you tell us more?” Namjoon asked. “Like, how have you felt sick?” “I . . .” he hesitated. He wanted to tell them but it was so hard. He didn’t know why, but it was. Namjoon and Jimin looked at him expectantly. He forced his voice to work. “I’ve just been really tired lately. No matter how much I sleep, I’m always tired and . . .” He trailed off. “Hey,” Namjoon said. “We aren’t going to judge you’re anything. If you’re feeling sick we need to know what’s wrong.” He seemed to understand that Jungkook didn’t want to be seen as weak. He should after knowing him for so long. Jungkook’s voice worked now, still not as steady and confident as it should be, but more so than before. “I feel feverish a lot and it’s sometimes hard to catch my breath. Um . . . my joints are always aching. It’s hard to walk sometimes. I noticed that a bruise and bleed easier now and I’ve had a bad cough for a while . . .” “Is there anything else?” Jimin asked, not sure what he wanted to hear but knowing he needed to hear something else. “I haven’t been able to eat lately,” Jungkook admitted. “I tried to. I really did but I just can’t force myself to any more.” Jungkook looked at his two hyungs. They had unreadable faces. He put his head down. “Please don’t be mad. I know I should have told you sooner but I just didn’t think it was that it was that bad until recently. I really tried to-“ “Hey,” Namjoon cut him off. “We’re not mad, okay? We’re glad you told us.” Jimin nodded in agreement. Then he asked, “How long as this been going on?” Jungkook thought for a moment. “The exhaustion and the aching started about a week before I got sick the first time but I thought it was just because of the schedules. Everything else came after I got sick.” “So you’ve been hiding this for almost a month?!” Jimin exclaimed. Jungkook looked down, shame written all over his face. He nodded ever so slightly. “There’s no need to be ashamed. I’m sure most of us would have been hesitant to say anything. We just wish you would have told us sooner,” Namjoon assured. “Thanks,” Jungkook said quietly. Silence filled the air. Jimin was, once again, the one to break it. “How much have you eaten this week?” Jungkook had to think for a long moment. How much had he eaten? He couldn’t really remember. He knew he’d had at least a few meals during the week but he didn’t eat much of them. He vaguely remembered a protein bar being shoved into his hand that morning. He had eaten around half of it before he threw it away. “I’m not really sure. Maybe a few meals. I didn’t really eat much of them though,” Jungkook replied. “Can you lift up your shirt for me?” Namjoon asked. Jungkook just stared at him as if he had suggested they all go jump off a bridge. “I promise we won’t judge or anything. I just want to see how bad the weight loss has gotten.” Jungkook gave a hesitant nod before grabbing the bottom of his shirt and slowly lifting it. Jimin gasped. The once prominent, toned muscles, while still there, were much less defined. Ribs were starting to push against the skin, attempting to break free of their confines. A bruise was forming on his side where Yoongi had lightly elbowed him earlier that day. It wasn’t the worst case scenario, but still worse than they wanted to believe. After a moment of the two just taking it in, Jungkook let his shirt drop along with his head. He couldn’t force himself to meet their concerned eyes. After a few, long minutes of silence, Namjoon spoke. “I’m going to call manager Sejin and talk to him about canceling the rest of today’s schedule, for you at least, and getting you a doctor’s appointment.” Jungkook didn’t bother trying to protest. He didn’t want to practice. He was too tired. And even though he hated doctors with a passion, he knew it was time to find out what was wrong. He wasn’t the only one who wanted answers, after all. He heard the leader stand up and leave the room. There was more shifting and Jungkook felt a comforting hand on his back. “Don’t worry,” Jimin said. “We’ll figure out what’s wrong and you’ll get the help you need and then everything will be fine. Nobody’s going to be upset. We all just want you to be okay.” The words were comforting. Jungkook focused on them. He held on to them like a child holding onto its mother. Jimin continued speaking and Jungkook gripped onto every word. Namjoon walked back in around ten minutes later. His face was serious, but gentle at the same time. “The rest of today’s schedule has been canceled,” he said. “They’re sending everyone home early but they haven’t told them why. Do you think you’re up to explaining it all again, or do you want me to?” Jungkook didn’t have to think for long. There was no way he could explain it all again in front of everyone. Not even if he wanted to. Even just the thought seemed impossible. “I don’t want to,” he said, his voice barely audible. The two seemed to understand though. “Alright. Do you wanna go sleep for a little bit?” Jimin asked. Jungkook nodded. He was exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Jimin pulled him to his feet and was quick to wrap a firm, comforting arm around his waist. The two then led him to him to Namjoon and Taehyung’s room rather than his own. Namjoon got in bed first, getting as far to one side as he could, then opened his arms up. Jungkook was quick to slide in next to him and allow the older to wrap his arms around him. Jimin got in behind Jungkook and draped one arm over his waist, and used the other to play his hair. They always seemed to know when Jungkook didn’t want to be alone and he was grateful for that. Sleep came easily with Namjoon whispering words of comfort into his ear and Jimin, gently playing with his hair. He felt so warm and soon, his breathing evened out and he feel into a deep restful sleep. He didn’t wake up for a long time after. Even when Taehyung and Hoseok barged, noisily into the room and two voices quietly hissed ‘Be quiet!’ When he woke up the next morning, still wrapped his his hyungs embrace, he smiled, feeling well rested for the first time in a long time. He lay back down, snuggling closer to Namjoon and fell asleep once again. He sleep wasn’t as restful this time because rather than the deep voice of the leader, the ticking of the clock was the thing to lull him to sleep this time. Tick . Tock . . Tick . . . Tock . . . . Tick . . . . . Tock . . . . . . Tick . . . . . . . Tock . . . . . . . . Tick . . . . . . . . . . Tock . . . . . . . . . . .
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Namjoon woke to someone shaking him lightly. He grumbled in protest and pulled the warm body in his arms him closer. He wasn’t fully awake yet. He was too comfortable and too tired to be awake just yet. “Namjoon!” a voice hissed quietly. Then, shaking came so he opened his eyes. He turned his head and saw Seokjin standing over him. The eldest looked annoyed, but there was concern hidden in his eyes. Namjoon was defiantly awake now. “Let’s go down to the living room. We need to know what happened yesterday,” Seokjin said quietly. Namjoon thought for a moment. Still having just woke up, he didn’t really know what the elder was talking about. It only took a few seconds for everything to come back to him like a slap to the face. “I don’t wanna leave him alone,” Namjoon whispered, tilting his head slightly in the direction of the boy held tightly in his arms. “He’ll be fine. Jimin’s still in here and we won’t keep you long,” Seokjin replied. Namjoon sighed. He wished he could stay in bed but he knew that everyone needed to know what was going on. So, he slid out from under the blanket, the cold air making him shudder, and followed Seokjin down to the living room, where everyone, even Yoongi, was already waiting. He glanced at the clock on the wall, which read 9:23. He didn’t think he’d slept for that long but he wasn’t complaining. None of them ever complained about a little extra sleep. He sat down between Taehyung and Hoseok on the couch. The two both looked less than their normal cheerful selves. Yoongi sitting in the chair next to the couch and had the same emotionless face he usually did, but there was a hint of concern somewhere in it. Seokjin took the love seat but didn’t spread out across it like he usually would. All eyes were on Namjoon. “So why were we sent home so suddenly yesterday and why were our schedules for the next few days canceled, especially so close to a concert?” Yoongi asked, going straight to the point as usual. “What all did they tell you yesterday?” Namjoon asked, trying to figure out what he needed to explain. “Just that there was something was wrong and that you’d explain everything when we got home. You were asleep and we didn’t want to wake you up so we decided to wait till this morning,” Hoseok replied. That answer meant he had to explain everything. “So what’s going on?” Taehyung asked nervously. Namjoon had too think for a moment. He didn’t want to worry everyone just in case it wasn’t as serious as they were making it out to be but at the same time, he didn’t want to downplay the situation because it was obvious that something wasn’t right. He decided to start with the conversation he’d had with Jimin. “Two days ago,” he started,”Jimin came to my studio and said he thought Jungkook was starving himself.” A few gasps were heard. “I called manager-nim and asked him to give Jimin and I a break with Jungkook so we could figure out what was wrong. When we went to talk to him, he said he needed to tell us something.” He took a deep breath. “He said he hasn’t been feeling well lately.” “What do you mean?” Seokjin asked. “How ‘not feeling well’?” Seokjin was all too aware of how the youngest described how he felt. ‘Not feeling well’ could mean mentally, emotionally, or physically. Sometimes all three. It was always hard to figure out how he really felt. If he was coming to them for help it meant it was worse than he’d thought. “He said he’s been really tired lately,” Namjoon started. “But he’s been sleeping so much more. How could he be tired?” Taehyung said immediately. “I don’t know,” Namjoon replied. “He said he feels feverish a lot and tires a lot easier. Sometimes he can’t catch his breath. He also said his joints hurt a lot and that it’s hard to walk sometimes and he bruises and bleeds a lot easier. He said that he also hasn’t been hungry lately. He’s lost a lot of weight because of it. That’s all he told us but there could be more. We didn’t push it.” There was silence for a while. Everybody just seemed to be thinking. Sometimes, even if there is silence, people could have screaming matches in their head. Their mind could be so loud that they couldn’t hear anything else. It could be so loud that even if a bomb went off they wouldn’t hear it. That’s exactly what was happening to Seokjin as he sat in the silent living room. He didn’t know how he hadn’t seen how bad it’d been getting. He knew that the maknae had been a bit off lately but he hadn’t thought it was anything to worry about. He was internally scolding himself for not asking about it. He’d noticed the signs, yet he hadn’t done anything. “So, what are we doing about it?” he asked. “Manger Sejin said he was going to get him a doctor’s appointment. He’s giving us a break until then and he said to keep an eye on him for now,” Namjoon replied. Silence again. Hoseok resisted the urge to get up and run from the room so he could give Jungkook the biggest hug he’d ever received. Taehyung fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat, wanting to go and make sure that the youngest was okay. “I want to let him sleep for a while,” Namjoon added after a minute. “He was really tired yesterday and seemed pretty upset too.” “Alright, why don’t Hoseok and Taehyung go wake up Jimin and stay with Jungkook for a while,” Seokjin said, knowing that the two would want to check on him. He wanted to himself but he needed to keep his composure. “I’ll start breakfast and we can wake him up once it’s done.” The two were quick to nod and practically ran from the room. Namjoon was just stared at his hands, lost in thought. Yoongi kept an emotionless face but emotions swirled inside him like a whirlpool. Seokjin made his way to the kitchen, trying to suppress the worry that tried to show. It didn’t take him long to decide on something light for Jungkook at least. He wanted something that Jungkook would be able to eat and hopefully, that would make him feel a bit better. After looking through a few recipes, he decided on oatmeal for Jungkook, and bacon and eggs for everyone else, knowing that they would complain if they were all forced to eat oatmeal. He got everything he would need, reading over the recipe a few times to make sure he had everything he would need. He heard someone walk into the kitchen but didn’t pay any mind to it. There wasn’t any reason to. “You know it’s okay to be worried.” The voice made him jump. He hadn’t been expecting it. He turned and looked Yoongi straight in the eye. “We’re all worried and there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t bottle up your emotions. It’s not good for you,” the younger added. “I know,” Seokjin sighed as he turned back to the stove. “But I want to stay calm for everyone. We don’t even know if it’s anything serious and everyone’s freaking out. It may not even be anything to worry about so, at least one of us should try and keep a level head.” “But what if it is something to worry about?” Yoongi said with the same emotionless gaze. “What if it’s something serious? Then we’re all going to be freaking, especially you cause you bottled it all up now and Jungkook’s not gonna know what to do because none of us are gonna be able to help because we’re freaking out too much to even think straight.” Seokjin stopped what he was doing for a moment. That was the very thought he was trying to suppress. The very think he hoped and prayed didn’t happen but, he knew it could. He knew that it could happen and they had to be ready for that. They had to be ready for the best and the worst. “If you won’t worry in front of everyone else, do it in front of me,” Yoongi said after a moment. “Just tell me what you’re worried about. It’ll make things easier now and later on.” Seokjin didn’t really need to think before complying. He knew Yoongi was right. “I’m worried that it’s something terminal,” he said as he went back to cooking. “I’m worried that it’s something the doctors can’t fix and I’m worried we’ll lose him. I’m worried that he’ll be in pain. I’m worried that he might have to spend the rest of his life making hospital trip after hospital trip in order to stay alive. I’m worried for how everyone will react if we don’t get good news. I’m worried about what will happen to all of us if it’s something bad and if I’m being honest, I’m worried for about a million other things.” Yoongi was both surprised and unsurprised at the same time. He was unsurprised by how much the oldest was worrying. Seokjin was the oldest. It was natural for him to worry and want to care for the younger members. He was surprised by some of the things he was worried about. Yoongi hadn’t even thought about the other members and the group as a whole. He certainly hadn’t thought about how long this could take to get over. He had only thought about two things. Himself and Jungkook. It made him feel a bit selfish. Seokjin was turned away from him but that didn’t stop him from walking up to the older and wrapping his arms around him. Seokjin was only surprised for a moment, it was rare for Yoongi to do things that showed more affection than necessary. After the moment of surprise passed, he put down the spoon he’d been holding and placed his hands on top of the younger’s. The two stayed like that for no more than ten seconds. Yoongi let go first and left the room to check on everyone else. They were bound to be screwed up emotionally too. Even he was. They’d noticed the signs but ignored them and now that everything he was going through was brought to light, they were worried that they’d waited too long to step in. They were worried that Jungkook might die because they hadn’t noticed, or rather, chosen not to notice. They were worried that because of their refusal to accept the signs they might lose him. There was no thought more terrifying. The morning stayed pretty quiet for the most part. Seokjin finished breakfast and everyone came to eat. They tried to fall back into something that felt somewhat normal. Hoseok still talked loudly and excitedly but his voice was forced. Jimin and Taehyung both joked with Jungkook, but their jokes were half-hearted and Jungkook’s responses were less enthusiastic that usual. Seokjin, Namjoon, and Yoongi were silent like the usually were but rather than smiling and laughing along with the others, they watched worriedly as Jungkook ate a few bites of his food before pushing the bowl away. No matter how much they tried, they all knew deep down that things weren’t going to be the same for a while. They all knew that even if it wasn’t anything to truly be worried about, that they would all fuss over Jungkook anyway. They all knew that if it wasn’t anything serious, they would still worry. They knew that they would freak out at the smallest sniffle. They knew if it was something serious that they would never leave him alone again. The knew that if it was something that could take him away from them that he would be cared for and loved until his last breath. They knew. They all knew. After breakfast, they all went to the living room and watched TV. They seemed to be trying to test how many people the could fit on a three-person couch as they all cuddled close together on it. Once they were settled they put on some random show. Nobody was watching. About halfway through one of the episodes, Namjoon’s phone rang. It took him a minute to answer since it was in his pocket and Jimin was sitting in his lap. Once he managed to grab it without disturbing the younger too much, his face went serious, or more so than it already had been. “It’s manager Sejin,” he said. Yoongi was quick to grab the remote and press the mute button on the TV. Namjoon clicked the button to answer and everyone listened carefully. “Hello . . . Yes . . . . . . Alright . . . . We will . . Thank you . . . . . See you tomorrow. Bye,” Namjoon hung up and there was silence for a few moments. A minute or two passed before Namjoon spoke up. “The appointment’s tomorrow.” Silence again. Yoongi didn’t bother turning the volume on the TV back up. None of them cared about whatever show was playing. It seemed to be a mutual agreement that it was much less important than the situation at hand. A voice cut through the silence. “I might be overreacting. It might turn out to be nothing serious but just in case it turns out bad, can you guys promise me something?” Everyone turned towards the maknae. He had been so quiet they weren’t sure if he’d actually said it or if they were imagining things. Either way, they looked. “Anything.” It was Seokjin this time. His face was more serious than they’d ever seen it. Jungkook stayed silent. “What is it?” Hoseok asked after a minute. His usual smile was replaced with something serious, yet comforting at the same time. “Promise me . . .” Jungkook started but hesitated. It was difficult to speak with everyone’s eyes on him but he needed to say this. “Promise me that, no matter what the doctor says, that you won’t treat me like I’m weak-” “Jungkook-“ Jimin tried to say but was cut off. “No. I need to say this,” Jungkook said. He knew that if he didn’t say it now, he might not get the chance to later on. “Seokjin-hyung, promise me that even if it turns out bad that you won’t start treating me like glass. Promise me that you’ll treat me like you always have. You make me feel stronger than I really am. Yoongi-hyung, promise me that even if I can’t eat that you’ll take me out to go get lamb-skewers like you always have. Promise me that you won’t change the way we hang out just because it’s not easy. You have no idea how much those nights together mean to me. Hoseok-hyung, promise me that when we both go dance at the studio together, you won’t simplify the choreography just because I don’t have as much stamina as before. Promise me that you’ll always push me as hard as you always have. You’re the reason I’m as good as I am now. Namjoon-hyung, promise me that when we’re both staying late going over lyrics and melodies that you won’t send me away because I look tired and that if I ask you something, be straightforward with the answer like you always have. Promise me you won’t act like I’m a child just because I may not as capable as before. You’re the only one who doesn’t treat me like I’m the youngest. Jimin-hyung, promise me that if you’re having a hard time that you won’t hide it just because you think what you’re going through isn’t as important as what I’m going through. Promise me that you won’t hide your struggles just because of mine. You’re not a burden and you never will be. Taehyung, promise me that you’ll never stop joking with me. Promise me that when we’re goofing off that you won’t be afraid to give me a playful slap cause it’ll leave a bruise. You make those moments so fun and memorable and nobody wants to lose them. And all of you promise me . . . Promise me that even if I’m lying in a hospital bed taking my last breaths that you won’t treat me like I’m weak. Even if I am weak, make me feel strong. If it turns out to be bad, make me feel stronger than I ever have. If I’m weak, be my strength and make me strong again. If I can’t walk anymore, be my legs and give me the strength to stand again. If I can’t see anymore, be my eyes and help me open my eyes again. If I can’t smell anymore, be my nose and let me smell again. If I can’t taste anymore, by my tongue and let me taste again. If I can’t speak anymore, speak for me and help me find my voice so I can sing again. If I can’t hear anymore, be my ears and let me hear your voices again. If I can’t feel anymore, feel for me and let me feel your touch again. If I can’t move anymore, move for me and help me dance again. And if I can’t live anymore, live for me, give my life meaning, and let me live again.” Jungkook breathed heavily. He had said it. He had said everything he needed to say. He just wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to say. Everyone had been shocked into silence. Nobody spoke. Nobody moved. Nobody breathed for fear that making one wrong move would knock them all of the fragile tightrope they seemed to be walking on. It was only then that they truly realized how bad the situation had gotten. Jungkook wasn’t one to exaggerate often, save for when he was joking. If they symptoms were so bad that he believed he could die, he probably could. If he was feeling as though whatever sickness had latched on to him could drag him away from them forever, then it could and that was a more than terrifying thought. “I promise.” A voice cut through the suffocating silence that seemed to have engulfed them. They all sucked in the breath that they hadn’t been able to get moments before. “I promise,” Taehyung’s voice came again. “I promise. I promise. I promise. And I promise a million times over.” Taehyung stood up from his place on the couch and walked up to Jungkook. He wrapped his arms tightly around the younger. He was nearly in tears. They stung his eyes, threatening to fall, though, he refused to let them fall. He didn’t want to cry until he felt that it was absolutely necessary. He wouldn’t cry until they knew what was wrong. Tears of joy if it was good news, and tears of sadness if it wasn’t. But now was not the time to cry. They all knew that. They knew that they couldn’t cry now even if they wanted to. Even if they could feel the tears stinging their eyes. They knew that they might need those tears for later and they couldn’t waste them now. “I promise too.” Hoseok’s voice this time. “Me too.” Namjoon. “And me.” Jimin. “I promise, kid.” Yoongi. “Of course I promise.” Seokjin. Jungkook felt himself being wrapped up in the embrace of all his hyungs. He had never felt so warm and comforted before. He wished he could stay where he was forever, but he knew he couldn’t. That didn’t keep him from sinking into the embrace and allowing the steel walls built around his emotions crumble. They didn’t know how long they stayed like that. It had apparently been long enough for the show they’d been watching to end and for the next one to start. It had also apparently been long enough for Jungkook to fall asleep. The maknae was currently clinging on to Taehyung like a koala, even in his sleep. Everyone thought it was adorable and were able to smile and laugh at the situation. They took pictures which would possibly go on social media in the future but for now, was just for the group to enjoy. They were grasping on to every single moment because they knew that moments like these might not last forever. Seokjin had gone to the kitchen to start preparing lunch, again something light for Jungkook and something else for the rest of the group. Namjoon and Yoongi had disappeared into the leader’s bedroom to discuss lyrics and melodies they were working on. Hoseok and Jimin had both disappeared to the elder’s bedroom, assumably initiating in some form of cuddle pile for comfort since they were both still pretty worried. Taehyung was content to stay on the couch, watching any show that came on, with Jungkook sitting in his lap, arms wrapped around his neck, sleeping peacefully. Occasionally, the maknae would make a noise and shift as if he were going to wake up but Taehyung was quick to lull him back to sleep every time. He knew that the younger desperately needed rest since he was probably exhausted both physically, and emotionally. Taehyung found himself close to falling asleep several times. He didn’t, though. He stubbornly kept his eyes open, which was steadily becoming harder and harder. Thirty minutes later the two could be found, fast asleep, on the couch. When Seokjin went to go get the two for lunch, he was, again, cooing at how cute it was. He snapped another photo, which was sent to their group chat, before waking the two up, deciding to start with Taehyung since it didn’t look like Jungkook was going to be too keen on waking up at the moment. He gently reached out and shook Taehyung’s shoulder, who mumbled something incoherent before turning his head and going back to sleep. Seokjin shook his shoulder a bit harder the second time whispering quiet words as to not wake the youngest. It seemed to work as Taehyung opened his eyes and looked at him blearily. His eyes were a bit puffy from sleep and everything was a bit blurred but it didn’t take him long to figure out where he was and who had woken him up. “Lunch is ready,” Seokjin said quietly when he was sure that Taehyung was awake. “Do you want me to wake him up?” Taehyung asked, attempting to gesture to the boy in his arms. “No. Let him sleep if you can get up without waking him up. I’ll put his food in the fridge and warm it up later,” Seokjin said. “Do you need help?” Taehyung shifted slightly before nodding. The two managed to move the maknae so that he was laying on the couch without waking him up, though he didn’t seem to happy about the loss of Taehyung’s warmth. Seokjin gave him a pillow that had been lying around to hug instead and threw a blanket over him. It seemed to keep the youngest happy, for now at least. Taehyung was sent to wake the other members while Seokjin finished setting the table. Lunch was an unusually quiet affair without the maknae. Taehyung, Jimin, and Hoseok tried to start up a conversation but it was too tense and forced to keep it up for long. The could hear Namjoon taping his foot nervously on the floor as they ate. Yoongi had an almost angry look on his face which confused everyone. Seokjin didn’t chide the younger members for things like eating loudly or putting their elbows on the table as he usually would. It was an almost depressing sight. They all ate quickly and went back to what they’d been doing before. Taehyung took the pillow Jungkook had been squeezing and curled up with the maknae instead. Yoongi and Namjoon went back to working on songs. Seokjin busied himself with doing the dishes and cleaning the already clean dorm. Jimin and Hoseok were both curled up in the elder’s room, searching for some form of comfort. The two dancers were both hugging each other tightly. They both knew that they were a bit more emotional than the other members and found comfort in each other’s arms. It wouldn’t work forever, but at least for now, it kept the tears at bay. “I’m scared,” Jimin mumbled quietly, sinking further into Hoseok’s arms. “Me too,” Hoseok said, hugging the younger a bit tighter. “What if it’s something bad?” Jimin asked. “Then we’ll get him the treatment he needs,” the elder replied. “And if that doesn’t work?” Jimin asked. Hoseok sighed. “Then we hope.” Hoseok was always hoping. It was the reason his stage name was ‘J-Hope’. He wanted to give everyone hope. Hope that tomorrow would be a better day. Hope that everything would turn out alright. Hope that everything bad would just blow over and be replaced by everything good. Sadly, hoping couldn’t work miracles. You could hope for a cure for all the sicknesses in the world. You could hope for end end to world hunger. You could hope that people would stop hurting each other. You could hope for a day when people are judged solely on character rather than skin color, clothing or hair style, grades, and religion. You could hope for world peace. You could hope for anything and everything. But hoping can only get you so far. Hoping is simply a wish. A desire. An expectation of things to come despite having no evidence to back up that expectation. The only way to make that thing you were hoping for happen is to do something. Hoseok knew this better than most. He knew that if he was going to hope for something then he had to do something in order to make it happen. He didn’t just hope to become a great dancer. He let that hope spark something in him and he worked. He worked for hours and hours going over each and every move, studying every technique he needed to know. He didn’t just hope to debut in an idol group. He let that hope motivate him to work harder. He spent hundreds of sleepless nights working on his rapping and dancing. He didn’t just hope to become part of a popular group, touring the world and performing in front of millions of fans. He allowed that hope to push him harder than any person ever could and spent day after day and night after night practicing and performing to get to where he was, where they all were. He didn’t just hope to gain six wonderful friends, family members, in the process of it all. He spent hours getting to know them, inviting them to practice, taking them out to eat, and growing closer to each and every one and eventually growing so close that they considered each other brothers. Hope was his best cheerleader. It was constantly pushing him harder and harder, testing his limits, helping him climb higher and higher. It got him through hard times. It made him be the best person he could be for his friends, family, fans, and himself. It was most likely his greatest ally. At the same time, it was his most dangerous enemy. Hope got him nowhere the nights when Seokjin would come back to the dorm, nearly in tears because the managers were telling him he wasn’t working hard enough. All he did was sit there and hope that everything would be better the next day and the managers would see that the eldest already worked as hard as he could. Hope got him nowhere the nights he listened to Yoongi argue on the phone with his parents. He’d lay in his bed hoping that everything would turn out alright and that Yoongi would make up with his parents and be happy again. Hope got him nowhere the days when Namjoon would question his position as the leader of BTS. All he did was watch hoping that the leader would see how much they all looked up to him. Hope got him nowhere when Jimin would refuse to eat and spend hours overworking himself under the impression that he was ‘fat’. All he did was sit around and hope that Jimin would see how perfect he was and that he didn’t need to lose any weight. Hope got him nowhere when Taehyung’s sun didn’t shine as bright as usual. All he did was watch and hope that the younger would go back to his happy self after a good nights sleep. All of these situations did get resolved eventually, but all came back on occasion. Those were the worst days. Those were the days when everyone was miserable. Those were they days when something needed to be done. But all Hoseok could do was hope. He sometimes wondered that if he had let that hope motivate him to take action during these times like it did when he was working if they would go away completely. He liked to think that it would, but problems don’t just disappear. They’re like a cut. And after a while, that cut starts to scar and becomes a constant reminder. You can’t get rid of it, but you can use it. You can let it make you stronger. You can learn from it and let it make you a better person. It was at that moment, lying in bed with Jimin, that Hoseok realized that they all had scars. They all had scars forever engraved into their minds, reminding them, teaching them, and making them better. And at that moment, Hoseok can’t help but wonder that if he hadn’t spent so much time just sitting by and hoping that maybe, just maybe, those scars wouldn’t be so prominent. He couldn’t help but wonder if he hadn’t taken action of some scars could’ve been prevented and with that thought, a darker one followed. Maybe if he hadn’t spent so much time watching Jungkook stumble during practice and struggle to get through the day, hoping that it would be better the next day, they wouldn’t be in this situation. Maybe he could’ve prevented the scar that he knew that they would have when this was over. He wanted to push that thought from his mind. To make it disappear but it wouldn’t go away. He had spent most of his life hoping. He spent most of his life letting that hope push him to take action. Sometimes he didn’t act immediately, other times he did. Sometimes he let the hope nag at him and nag at him until he gave in after weeks or even months of trying not to. Sometimes he felt like he hoped for longer than he should. And this time, no matter how much he wanted to deny it, he knew they’d all spent too much time hoping. And he also knew that they were probably going to leave this battle with more scars than they’d went in with.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The next morning, Jungkook woke up, surrounded by his hyungs. He couldn’t help but smile. He thought back to yesterday. They’d let him sleep until dinner and even though he felt more rested than usual, he was still tired. He had managed to eat half of his meal with his hyungs encouragement and patience, though, it was still difficult. After that, they’d all went to Jin’s and Yoongi’s room. They pushed the shelf out of the way and then pushed the two beds together. The seven of them had piled into the two beds, squishing the maknae in the middle. He wasn’t complaining. He sat up slightly, being extremely careful to not wake anyone up. He glanced over at the small digital clock sitting on the bedside table. The bright green numbers screamed 8:47. He was a bit surprised. They didn’t often sleep so late, with the exception of Yoongi. He was getting ready to try and get up when something stopped him. “Go back to sleep,” a voice said behind him. He turned around to see Seokjin looking at him with half-lidded eyes. He couldn’t stop his smile from widening at the sight. It was often he got to see the eldest after just waking up since he always woke up earlier than the rest of them. “Your appointment’s at noon. We’re sleeping till then.” At the mention of the appointment, Jungkook’s smile faded. The nerves from the day before came flooding back. He was about to say that he didn’t want to sleep anymore when he felt someone, or someones, pulling him back down. Hoseok and Jimin had both managed to get the spot closest to the maknae and were now hugging him tightly in their arms. He hadn’t even realized that the two were awake until they started whispering comforting words into his ear. The flood of nerves quickly washed away into an ocean of other, much more pleasant emotions, and was quickly forgotten. He allowed the two voices to lull him back to sleep and as he sunk off into darkness, he smiled, because he knew that, no matter what news they got, they would be okay. As long as they had each other they would be okay. He woke up later to someone shaking him gently. He grumbled something, trying to sink back into the warmth he had fallen asleep to when he realized it wasn’t there anymore. At that realization, he, reluctantly, opened his eyes. The room was blurred with recent sleep but everything quickly came into focus. Yoongi was standing over him, talking to him quietly. He glanced around and saw that he was the only one still in bed. The room was brighter than before and he guessed it was later in the day. “Time to get up, Kookie. Your appointment’s in forty-five minutes,” Yoongi said. His voice was unusually soft. Jungkook slowly sat up, his limbs aching in protest. He raised his hands and stretched, wincing slightly as he did. His joints weren’t too happy with him. “You okay?” Yoongi asked. “Yeah,” Jungkook replied groggily. “Just a little sore.” “Do you want some medicine or something?” the rapper asked, sounding slightly concerned. “Can you get me some painkillers?” Jungkook asked, knowing that if he didn’t take any now the ache would only worsen as they day went on. “Sure. You should probably start getting dressed while I get them,” the elder suggested and Jungkook nodded. Yoongi left the room and Jungkook stood up, wincing as he did. Rather than going to get clothes from his room to get clothes, he grabbed one of Seokjin’s hoodies and a pair of Yoongi’s sweatpants. It wasn’t really an uncommon occurrence so he knew that the two wouldn’t be mad. Only moments after he’d finished getting dressed, Yoongi walked into the room, two small pills in one hand, and a glass of water in the other. The elder let a rare smile grace his lips at the sight of the youngest. The sleeves of the hoodie went over his hands and it was adorable. He handed him the water and the pills and watched as he took them. “Jin-hyung made lunch. There’s still time to eat if you want,” Yoongi said, taking the, now empty glass from the younger. “I don’t really want to,” Jungkook replied, not feeling hungry. “Let me rephrase that. You’re eating before we leave. I don’t care if you’re not hungry. You need to eat,” Yoongi said as he pulled the maknae to his feet. Jungkook groaned. He didn’t want to eat but he knew he needed to. He could already feel his stomach protesting. It had been getting worse and worse with each passing day. In the beginning, it had just been him not being hungry. It had escalated to the point where the thought of eating made him nauseous. Even so, he allowed the older to lead him to the kitchen. Everyone was already sitting at the table, except for Seokjin, who was setting the food down. Again, the eldest had made a lighter meal for Jungkook, hoping that it would help. They were all helping as much as they could. “Morning Kookie,” Taehyung said brightly as Jungkook took his seat between him and Yoongi. “Morning Tae,” Jungkook replied groggily. “Did you sleep well?” Namjoon asked. The question, which was usually a normal, casual thing to ask in the morning, had everyone on the edge of their seat. “Yeah. Better than I have in a while,” Jungkook replied honestly. “That’s good to hear,” Hoseok said with a smile, reaching across the table to place his hand on top of the younger’s. “We’ll have to leave soon,” Seokjin started,”Someone should be here in about fifteen minutes to pick us up. You might want to eat quickly.” The eldest took his seat and they all started eating. Well most of them. Jungkook mostly just picked at his food, taking small bites every so often. He knew that the food tasted great. It sure smelled amazing, but each bite was tasteless to him and felt like acid going down his throat. By the time everyone else was done, he had managed to force down four small bites and his stomach was already angry with him. He pushed his plate away, indicating that he was done. “You didn’t eat a lot,” Jimin pointed out sadly. “I can’t,” Jungkook said quietly, looking down. “I’m sorry.” “It’s okay,” Yoongi said, placing a comforting hand on the maknae’s shoulder. “It’s not your fault and at least you tried.” There was silence for a few moments. They heard a car pull up outside and all seven stood up, Taehyung and Yoongi both watching Jungkook like a hawk to make sure he didn’t have any trouble. The car ride was silent. Namjoon took the passenger’s seat like he usually did but kept glancing up at the review mirror to see them. Seokjin, Jungkook, and Jimin had taken the middle row. Jungkook’s head was resting on Seokjin’s shoulder while Jimin took one of his hands, holding it tightly in his own. Yoongi, Hoseok, and Taehyung were in the back row. Taehyung was bouncing his leg nervously, staring off into space. Hoseok was sitting on the edge of his seat so he could reach up and run his fingers through the maknae’s hair. Yoongi just stared out the window. The ride was short, only around fifteen minutes long, but to the group, it felt more like fifteen hours. Their driver dropped them off at the entrance to the hospital then drove away to find a parking space. The group of seven walked inside, masks placed over their faces to hide their identities. Their manager was already in the waiting room filling out the necessary papers. He barely spared the group a glance when they walked in. He muttered a quiet ‘hello’ before going back to what he was doing. A few minutes later, the papers had been handed back in. Ten minutes after that, Jungkook’s name was called. Their manager was the only one who was allowed to go in with him was their manager. The rest waited in the waiting room. They hated it. They hated the too white walls and bland colors of the waiting room. They hated the smell of too strong cleaners. They hated to voices of nurses and doctors discussing test results and patients, using terms most of them didn’t understand. They hated the fact that they had to be here. They hated that they hadn’t done something sooner. They hated that they had to leave Jungkook alone. They hated everything about the situation they were in. They just wanted it to be over and to hear the doctor tell them that Jungkook was fine but they were smart enough to know that you don’t always get what you want. Jungkook was terrified, though he would never admit it. He looked nervously at the machines and gadgets around the room. He flinched when hands touched him, pressing here and there, asking if it hurt. He gripped his leg tightly as the took his blood. He held back a whine and choke when they looked down his throat. He shuddered as cold metal objects were pressed against his too warm skin. It was all really nerve-wracking and he was ready for it to be over. He did everything the doctor told him, not wanting to do anything that might keep him there longer than necessary. More tests were done. More hands poked and prodded his body. More blood was taken. More machines were attached and detached from his body. More lights were shined in his eyes and down his throat. More cold objects were pressed against his warm skin. More, more, more, more, more. He just wanted to be done. He didn’t think he’d ever been more relieved than when the doctor told him that they only needed to do one more test. Once it was done, he quickly changed out of the hospital gown and back into his clothes. He felt significantly more comfortable. After that, he and their manager were sent back to the waiting room while they waited for the results. The minute he had walked in, Taehyung had pulled him into the seat between him and Yoongi. The two each took one of the maknae’s hands, giving them a reassuring squeeze. Namjoon had stretched his arm behind Yoongi to rest a hand on the younger’s shoulder. Jimin, Seokjin, and Hoseok all pulled up chairs to sit in front of him, trying to reassure him that everything would be alright. Their manager stood off to the side, allowing them to have some privacy. They stayed like that for at least twenty minutes. They only separated when the doctor walked in, clipboard in hand. His face was serious, but it had been the entire time so nobody was really sure whether they should be worried or not. He walked up to the group and quickly began speaking, getting straight to the point. “For those of you who don’t know, I am Dr. Oh. I don’t like to beat around the bush so I’ll just tell you what we know right now. So far all of the test results we’ve done have come back good. There are some that will take longer to come back and we’ll contact you once we have the results. The way you described your symptoms, it’s possible that this could be the cause of being under severe stress and overworking yourself. Even though you said you’ve been resting more and aren’t too stressed, we aren’t going to rule that out as a possibility just yet. We have a few other suspicions of what it could be but we can’t confirm anything yet. It should take us around two to three days to get the results. Until then, I can prescribe some medicine that might help with the symptoms. I’d also suggest that you don’t participate in anything too taxing. Dancing and exercise is out of the question for now. If you have any questions or if anything gets worse I’ve given my contact information to your manager and you can always bring him in if you need to.” They all thanked the doctor politely, and their manager, Namjoon, and Jungkook all shook his hand before turning to leave. They were feeling slightly better than before, hearing that all of the test results so far had come back good. It made them feel like they had just made a mountain out of a molehill. They had a schedule for that day though it wasn’t anything big. Just a short vocal lesson and recording session and a quick meeting. After that, they had the rest of the night off and would be able to rest. The rest of that day passed quickly and before they knew it, they were at home. And even though they had been slightly reassured by the doctor’s words, they found themselves all sleeping in Yoongi's and Seokjin’s bed’s again, this time, Jungkook being squished in between Namjoon and Seokjin. They all slept peacefully that night. Three days later is when they got the call. Apparently, some of the results weren’t coming out right and he needed to go in for a few more. The doctor didn’t seem too worried so they weren’t either. Because there was a schedule that day and there was a concert coming up, nobody could go with him except for their manager. They dropped the two off at the doctor’s office and went on to dance practice. Jungkook was a bit nervous. All the machines, needles, and gadgets intimidated him. Though, it wasn’t as nearly as bad as the first time. This time, he knew what to expect and Dr. Oh was being very nice. It made things go smoothly and he didn’t feel the need to worry so much. More blood was taken. They took his blood pressure, listened to his heart rate, weighed him, measured him. It seemed very normal, like when he went to see the doctor before school each year. It wasn’t anything like the first time, where he’d been hooked up to machines, IVs, and thoroughly poked a prodded with metal instruments that made him feel uncomfortable. He was done in less than half of the time it’d taken the first time for which he was really thankful. Once again, Jungkook and their manager were sent back to the waiting room. The only difference was that his hyungs weren’t there. He wished they were but he knew that they needed to practice. They’d already missed several days of practice because of him and the concert was a little over a week away and he knew that they wanted to be with him. He’d heard them arguing with their managers about it, trying convince them to let at least one of them go with him but they all knew that their managers were stubborn, more so than him sometimes, and they all knew they needed to work on choreography since they were going to be doing a few older songs they hadn’t done in a while at the concert. He and their manager sat in silence. It wasn’t really awkward but it wasn’t comfortable either. He knew the manager but he wasn’t close to him. He’d talked to him on many occasions but they never got into anything personal. They were both fine with that. Jungkook subconsciously fiddled with his fingernails. The ticking of the clock was the only sound and it was starting to give him a headache. It seemed like time started to slow down. Each minute passed like molasses as they waited for the doctor to return. Each tick of the clock was another second of time wasted. After around fifteen minutes, the doctor returned. His face was grim. They both knew that something was wrong. “I’m dying!” Taehyung exclaimed, over-dramatically falling to the ground. Their clothes were soaked through with sweat and they were exhausted. Their breaths came out in short huffs as their lungs forced them to replenish lost oxygen. They’d been practicing for an hour without a break. Once one song was done, the next followed immediately. They were finally allowed to have a short break and all they wanted to do was curl up on the floor and go to sleep. Jimin laughed, collapsing to the floor next to Taehyung, Hoseok being quick to follow. Yoongi was using his bag as a pillow, attempting to get a short nap before going back to practice. Namjoon was wiping the sweat from his face with a towel and guzzling down a water bottle. Seokjin sat down next to Namjoon and pulled out his phone. He was surprised to see that he had three missed calls from their manager and six from Jungkook. He felt his heart drop a bit, remembering the younger’s appointment. “Do you guys have any missed calls from Manger-nim or Jungkook?” he asked, wondering if he was the only who’d gotten the calls. Yoongi sat up and quickly pulled out his phone. He found that he had a missed call from their manager and four others from Jungkook. The fear and worry from a few days ago came back, gripping his mind and heart in merciless grip. “Yeah. I did.” Namjoon was next to check. He too found that he had more than a few missed calls from their manager and Jungkook. “Yeah.” “I do too,” Hoseok said. His face was contorted in a mix of worried and fearful. “I’ve got three missed calls from Manager-nim and five from Jungkook,” Jimin said. “I don’t have any,” Taehyung said, leaning over to look down at Jimin’s phone screen, comparing it to his own. Just as Taehyung finished his sentence, his phone rang. “Never mind. I’m getting a call from Jungkook right now.” “Put it on speaker,” Seokjin said as he walked over. Taehyung answered and quickly pressed the button to turn on the speaker. “Hey, Kookie. What do you need? And you’re on speaker-phone by the way,” Taehyung said. His voice was energetic as it normally was but there was concern evident in it. “H-Hyungs.” Something was wrong. They heard it in his voice. They heard all too well how the maknae’s voice shook even through the phone’s small speaker. Something was wrong and it made their hearts drop. Something was wrong and they hadn’t been there. Something was wrong and it scared them. “Hyungs . . .,” Jungkook’s voice cracked,”C-can you c-come t-t-to the hospital p-please.” There was silence for a few moments. Their hearts shattered in their chest. Namjoon broke the silence. “We’ll be there in less than ten minutes.” His tone was firm, serious, and yet still comforting. He looked like he wasn’t worried and that he wasn’t terrified but on the inside his mind was in a frenzy. He did his best to keep his voice steady. He didn’t fall to the floor and scream like his mind wanted him to. He couldn’t. Not yet at least. Not until he knew what was going on. He was the leader after all. His actions directly affected the other members. He couldn’t let them know he was worried because then they would worry to. At least, that’s what he told himself. Taehyung doesn’t remember the call ending. He doesn’t remember the words that had been spoken before. He doesn’t remember his phone being take from his hand. He doesn’t remember being pulled to his feet and ushered out to the car. He doesn’t remember the ride to the hospital. He doesn’t even remember walking into the hospital. All he remembers is walking into the mostly empty waiting room and finding Jungkook leaning over in his seat, hands tugging harshly at his hair with tear stained cheeks. They were by his side in moments. “It’s okay.” “Shhh. Don’t cry.” “What’s wrong?” “Don’t cry baby.” “It’ll be okay.” “Please don’t cry.” Six voices rushed to comfort him. Each one was different but equally as comforting. Jungkook allowed himself to be comforted by the voices. He sunk into the arms embracing him and let their warmth engulf him. They stayed like that for a while. They didn’t know what was wrong, but they comforted him because that’s what he needed. Knowing what was wrong didn’t seem nearly as important. The doctor’s voice was the only reason they separated. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but we should start discussing our plan,” Dr. Oh said. “Right,” their manager said. “I guess I should explain what’s wrong first,” Dr. Oh said. His face was grim. They still couldn’t believe this was happening. “I’ve already told Jungkook this, but the test results came back and he tested positive for Acute Myeloid Leukemia also known as AML.” Namjoon took in a shaky sigh. Hoseok and Jimin were already crying. Taehyung was following close behind them and Jungkook was crying silently. Dr. Oh gave them few minutes to take in the news before continuing. “There are seven stages of AML. Jungkook is currently in it’s fourth.” “How could we not have noticed,” Seokjin whispered quietly but the doctor heard him anyway. “AML is a fast working disease and spreads quickly. The first stage almost always passes before it can be detected. Some people don’t even notice it or get it checked out until it’s sixth stage.” Those words were meant to ease their guilt but it didn’t. “It usually starts off as getting sick and not being able to get fully over it. With the added stress of your career and the physical exertion, it’s likely that the symptoms were reinforced which is why it seemed more prominent than it usually would be.” Yoongi thought back. He thought back to when Jungkook had gotten sick the first time and he suddenly realized how the symptoms never went away. The guilt was beginning to drown him. “It is, thankfully, still treatable in this stage,” the doctor continued. “There are two treatment options at this point. The first is some strong chemotherapy. While it normally works, there is a chance that it won’t. Side-affects include: mouth sores, nausea, vomiting, fatigue, hair loss and some of the more intense ones are bad verbal memory, trouble speaking, and bad memory. The other treatment option is a bone marrow transplant, though it’d be best if we could avoid that since it’s a dangerous operation. It’s also hard to find a donor. We can go ahead and put you a list it that’s what you’d like but it’s entirely your decision. We normally don’t like considering surgery as and option until late in the fifth stage or early in the sixth stage. Also, and this is your decision, you can choose not to undergo any treatment. The overall five-year survival rate for people with AML under sixty is 26%. Even with treatment, survival is no guarantee. It could only lengthen your time.” Once the doctor finished explaining, there was silence. No one dared to speak. They would surely cry if they did. So they stayed silent. “Could you give us a few minutes please?” their manager asked. Dr. Oh nodded and left the room quietly, allowing them to take in the information. Silence filled the room for a few more minuted before any of them spoke up. “What should we do?” Hoseok finally asked. His face was grim and tears were still streaming steadily down his face. “This isn’t a ‘we’ decision,” Namjoon said. His eyes were starting to fill with tears. “Jungkook, this is entirely your decision. You choose what path you want to take and we’ll support you no matter what.” He gently lay his hand on the younger’s leg, hoping it would provide some sort of comfort. “Namjoon’s right,” Seokjin agreed. “You pick what you’re most comfortable with.” Jungkook didn’t answer. He just stared down at the floor, tears falling silently down his cheeks. He honestly didn’t know how to feel. He was scared, and yet at the same time, he wasn’t. He’d been thinking about the possibility of it being bad. The thought hadn’t left his mind once since it first showed up. But he hadn’t thought about the possibility of death and now, it was the only thing he could think about. Death didn’t necessarily scare him. He was old enough to understand that everyone died at some point, some younger some older. But that didn’t mean he was ready for it. It didn’t mean he would be fine with walking outside and getting hit by a truck. He wasn’t ready to die. He didn’t want to leave. He couldn’t leave. He had to live for his hyungs. He had to. “I want to try chemotherapy,” his said, his voice shaking and cracking as he did, and he said it so quietly that they could barely hear. Even so, they seemed to understand. Yoongi lay a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Alright kid. Do you want to me to go get the doctor?” Jungkook nodded slightly. The elder stood up and left the room. Not even a minute later, Yoongi was walking back in with the doctor behind him. “Have you decided?” Dr. Oh asked. His face was serious but gentle. “He wants to try chemo,” their manager answered for them. He seemed to know that their emotional states weren’t in any position to be speaking. “Alright. We should schedule the first round now. It’d be better if we could start sooner rather than later, but I understand if you can’t,” the doctor said. They let their manager figure out the scheduling. He asked them questions every once and a while but they only responded with slight nods or shakes of their heads, not really paying much attention to the conversation. It didn’t really matter to them at the moment. They didn’t care whether it was right then or another month from then. As long as Jungkook got better, it didn’t matter. In the end they decided on the day right after the concert. After they figured out the schedule, they were herded out of the hospital in a daze. They didn’t remember a lot of trip home. It didn’t seem important. Not as important as Jungkook, who was trying too hard to stop the flow of tears that fell steadily down his face. The atmosphere in the apartment that night was tense. Nobody knew what to do. They didn’t know whether they should try to go back to normal, whatever that really was, or if they should just cry. That’s what they really wanted to do. “Do you guys want me to make something, or just order takeout?” Seokjin asked. He didn’t really feel like cooking, or doing anything for that matter, but he felt that he might as well ask. “Just order something,” Yoongi replied with a sigh. Seokjin nodded and grabbed his phone before leaving the living room. They could hear him talking on the phone but the words were muffled and they honestly didn’t care about what he was ordering. If they were really being honest, they didn’t even want to eat but they knew better than to argue. The eldest reentered the room a few minutes later, sitting down next to Hoseok. Hoseok was sitting next to Jungkook, gently rubbing his hand up and down the maknae’s back, hoping to stop the silent tears that were falling down his face. Taehyung was on the other side of Jungkook, holding his hand tightly in his own, reminding him that they were there. There was silence for a long time. They didn’t care. The silence was welcomed. It gave them time to quiet their minds and try to wrap their heads around all the information that had just been thrown at them. Ten minutes passed, silence. Fifteen, still, no one made a sound. Twenty, the food arrived and Seokjin quietly paied and thanked the delivery man, then abandoned the food on the kitchen counter. Twenty-five, they got a phone call from the company. Thirty, they concluded the phone call. Thirty-five, the food was cold and so was the atmosphere. Forty, Namjoon and Seokjin cried silently as their minds finally seemed to wrap around the seriousness of the situation. Forty-five Yoongi and Hoseok had joined them. Fifty, they were all crying. Fifty-five, they still cried. Sixty, they had no tears left. Sixty-five, silence again. Sixty-seven, Jungkook spoke. “I don’t want to cry and mope anymore.” Everyone turned to look at him. “We can’t change the situation so we shouldn’t cry. We should accept it. We don’t have to be happy about it, we should just accept it.” Nobody spoke. Jungkook continued. “If this does end up killing me, I don’t want to spend my last moments regretting everything I’ve done. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life moping. I don’t want to die miserable because I didn’t live my life to the fullest. I want to be happy with the life I’ve lived whether it’s long or short. Please, help me make that happen.” “Of course we will,” Taehyung said. His answer was said without hesitation. His voice didn’t shake. His tears were gone. He understood. He understood wanting to live life happily. He understood wanting to live a life that they wouldn’t regret. He understood wanting to have fun. He understood exactly what Jungkook was saying, and he would do anything and everything to help him achieve that. “Yeah,” Jimin agreed. “You don’t even need to ask.” He reached around Taehyung and rested a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder. “Whatever you want to do,” Hoseok started,”we’ll do our best to make that happen.” He was smiling. Yoongi, Namjoon, and Seokjin just gave silent nods of agreement. They weren’t really sure they were ready to speak just yet. They were still in shock. Even so, they wanted Jungkook to be happy. They would agree to whatever made him happy. “Thank you,” Jungkook said. “You don’t need to thank us,” Yoongi said quietly. “Yeah,” Seokjin agreed. “We just want you to be happy. “But I want to. I want to thank you for everything you all have done for me. You’ve practically raised me. So let me thank you,” Jungkook said. There was silence again for a few moments. Namjoon was the one to break it. “Then let us thank you too. We wouldn’t be where we are without you. We wouldn’t be the people we are today without you. You’ve given us so many good memories so I want to thank you too.” Namjoon’s face was serious but his tone was gentle and soothing. Jungkook smiled. “You’re welcome.” “And you’re welcome too,” Taehyung said, throwing and arm around the youngest. They were all smiling now. The events from earlier that day washed away. They weren’t afraid anymore. They weren’t worried anymore. They weren’t sad anymore. They just wanted to enjoy the moments they had now and be happy because they didn’t know how many they had left. So they smiled and laughed the night away. They reheated the food and ate happily. They played games and teased each other. They joked and hit each other playfully. They ran around like children, not caring about all the noise they made. They watched movies and TV shows, laughing at the characters and cracking jokes that they only understood. Life is too short to waste it. They knew that now and they planned to live every last moment to the fullest. That’s all that mattered now.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The next few days were hard, to say the least. They’d decided to tell fans at the concert since so many people would be streaming the concert and it would allow them to tell the fans themselves rather than through Twitter. After a bit of discussion, it was decided that Jungkook would be the one to tell them and another member would take over if needed. They were all emotional and none of them wanted to break the news to the fans but it needed to be done. They had all prepared something to say just to be safe. Jungkook had spent hours awake at night just trying to figure out how he would tell them. He wracked his brain, worsening an already bad headache, for the right words to say. It wasn’t until the sun was peaking out of the horizon that he realized there were no right words to say in this situation. He just had to say it. That realization made his heart sink and brought tears to his eyes. This was going to be a lot harder than he had originally thought. His day was made even harder by all the last minute changes. The choreography was being toned down a bit and most of their songs, despite his protests. His doctor said it would be best if he didn’t exert himself more than necessary but that’s what he wanted to do. It’s what he needed to do. It made him feel like he was actually doing something rather than just sitting around. The other members had fought his defense, asking the managers and choreographer to just keep the songs as they were but they weren’t having it. They were forced to ease up the choreography and they all hated it. They spent hours upon hours in the dance studio going over song after song, making sure that Jungkook could do it with ease. Making sure that he wasn’t out of breath after everyone, calling extra breaks. They all hated it but were happy with it at the same time. Jungkook despised everything about it but his body didn’t. His body was thankful for the breaks he was given, allowing his sore joints to rest and his lungs to regain lost oxygen. The members hated it because they knew it made the youngest feel weak. At the same time, they were grateful for being forced to change the choreography because it assured them that Jungkook wouldn’t overexert himself, something his doctor had highly disapproved of. Any lifts he would have done before were taken out. In some songs, like in ‘No More Dream’, the part was taken out completely since it had mostly just been added for the performance aspect of the song and deemed unnecessary to the actual song. In others where it had been during an important part of the song, it was either replaced by a dance break done by other members or another member would do the lift and Jungkook would take the spot that member would have taken. There were some things they managed to let him keep though. He still had his part of the dance break in ‘We Are Bulletproof Pt. 2’. They fought hard to keep some of the more complicated and technical moves since they weren’t as energy draining as a lot of the rest of their choreography. They managed to convince them to replace overly tiring choreography with more complex moves that, while they weren’t difficult to execute, looked cool on stage and would improve the performance. After six hours of dance practice, they were sent to work on vocals. Not only had the choreography been changed, but lines were being distributed differently so that Jungkook wouldn’t have be in the spotlight so much and wouldn’t have to worry as much about performing perfectly. These, unlike the changes in the dances, were changes that they were extremely happy about. This was because Seokjin was getting a lot of the lines that Jungkook wasn’t singing anymore. They all knew how hard the eldest worked on his vocals to become part of the group and they were all happy that he was going to get to use them rather than just standing in the background. Seokjin was both extremely excited and nervous about the new changes. He was going to in the front a lot more often than he was used to which not only meant he would need to focus more in his vocals, but his dancing as well. He convinced himself that he was doing it to help Jungkook so he was willing to work harder, but deep down, he was thrilled at the chance to finally use his voice, which he’d worked so hard on improving before and during his career. They spent a few hours working on the vocals. The new line distribution worked out well. A lot of them thought it was better than the original distributions on a lot of the songs and they were excited to perform it. The fans had always asked for Jin to have more lines and everyone knew that they would be ecstatic that he was finally given them. The vocal practice only took around three hours before they’d worked everything out and were on their way to the next thing on their schedule. They had a short twenty-minute meeting with management to discuss plans for the future and treatment plans. This was definitely the most difficult part of their day. Especially when one of the managers asked the question they’d all knew was coming but had all been dreading. “In the event that Jungkook is . . . no longer able to perform, what would the rest of you want to do?” They all noticed his avoidance of the word but they all knew what he meant and they absolutely loathed it. They didn’t want to talk about it. Not yet, at least. They weren’t ready. Nobody knew what to say. Another one of their managers spoke up after a minute or two of silence. “Let’s not talk about this now. No reason to kick someone when they’re already down. We can discuss it if the situation arises but for now, we should focus on what we know is coming, not what we fear is coming.” They were all thankful for the manager's words. It saved them from an extremely painful conversation that they weren’t ready to have. The meeting went on but the air was still tense. The members didn’t speak much, preferring to just listen. They only spoke when they were spoken to, saying as little as possible. The meeting ended after around another hour. None of them really remembered what all they’d spoken about. They vaguely remember talking about treatment plans and what times would be the best to fit their schedule. There was also something about having to postpone an international tour. They felt bad for all of their fans in other countries but they knew that it was the best option considering their situation. They were sent back to the apartment after that. Once they were home, they were all too drained both physically and emotionally to worry about cleaning up. Seokjin just ordered takeout and they lay down on the couch. Taehyung, Yoongi, and Namjoon had all been pushed to the floor, the other members claiming that there wasn’t enough room for all of them even though they’d managed to fit all of them on the couch more than a few times. Most of those times had been quite recently, all of them needing the comfort. Tonight, they were simply too tired to deal with an overly crowded couch and just wanted to sleep. When the food arrived, it took all the strength he had for Seokjin to get up and pay for the food, knowing that it would, most likely, go uneaten. None of them had the energy to eat. They should’ve been a bit surprised by how exhausted they were. They’d had much more taxing schedules before and, while they had been tired, they weren’t nearly as tired as they were now. They blamed the days prior for their exhaustion, knowing that the emotional stress was taking a big toll on their mental and physical health. The food was forgotten, just like they knew it would, and in the end, they all fell asleep in the living room, knowing they’d be waking up with aches that would plague them throughout the next day, but not caring enough to do anything about it. The concert was drawing nearer and with its proximity came more stress. They were working harder than ever to remember and perfect the new choreography. Seokjin had spent hours and hours in the recording studio, making sure his vocals were perfect. Namjoon and Hoseok were practically living in the dance studio, the elder trying to help their leader learn the new moves. Yoongi locked himself in his studio, living on caffeine and only and hour or two of sleep. Taehyung was trying to hard to lighten the mood, knowing that nobody would be cheering up anytime soon. Jimin was working himself too hard, wanting to forget the situation and Jungkook was falling apart at the seams and nobody seemed capable of putting him back together at the moment. The youngest had spent several sleepless nights just thinking. He would never say it out loud but he was terrified. He was terrified of how the fans would react. He was terrified of what was going to happen to him. He was terrified of death. It all terrified him, leaving him unable to sleep, so he spent all night thinking and he was exhausted because of it. The concert was only three days away but he didn’t know if they’d be ready. He didn’t know if he’d be ready. He knew he wasn’t. He didn’t think he’d ever be. No amount of preparation would make him ready for something like this but he was trying anyway. It wasn’t really a surprise to anyone when he finally collapsed. It had been in the middle of dance practice. The choreography was by no means tiring but he was just so exhausted. They’d only been thirty minutes in before black spots started clouding his vision and his limbs started feeling weak. Three songs later found him on the floor, unable to stand back up. The other members had rushed to his aid. They asked him if he was feeling sick or if he could stand. In the end, he ended up leaning up against someone’s chest, he assumed it was Hosoek, with two other people at his sides, each holding one of his hands. He was too tired to really make out who but he was pretty sure that it was Taehyung and Jimin. He was pretty sure Namjoon and Seokjin were scolding him for not telling them how he felt but he couldn’t be sure. He felt cool air hit him in short, broken waves. He guessed someone was fanning him with and, by using the process of elimination, figured it was Yoongi. His vision was too blurred to really make anything out. He felt as though he was underwater as he listened to the muffled voices of his hyungs. Everything seemed too confusing at the moment and he was so tired. He just wanted to sleep but the voices were getting louder and less muffled. He could pick out a few words here and there. “-Should’ve told us — feeling well.” “-okay? —thing hurt?” “—ook? Answer m-“ “—he fall aslee—“ “-really warm. I think h—“ “-think we - take him back home.” At the mention of going back home, he tried to open his eyes. Home sounded much more appealing than wherever he was now. “Hyungs?” he said blearily, trying hard to focus on them rather than the dull pain growing in his body. “Hey Kookie,” a sweet voice behind him said. It took him a minute to remember that it was Hoseok. At least he thought it was. “How are you feeling?” “Tired’n achy,” he managed to slur. “Do you wanna go home?” another voice asked. He was almost positive that it was Seokjin but he would be even more positive if he could get his eyes to focus. He nodded in reply, not really caring that the concert was only three days away. He just wanted to sleep. Worrying about the concert was much less appealing. “Alright. Can you walk or do you need someone to carry you?” This was a different voice. It took him a minuted to figure out who it was. It was deep, but not as deep as Taehyung’s and it wasn’t as bright as Hoseok’s was. It was more serious and concerned. He knew it couldn’t be Jimin so that left Yoongi, Seokjin, and Namjoon. He didn’t think it was Yoongi or Seokjin. He didn’t really know why but he was pretty sure it wasn’t either of them. In the end, he decided that it was most likely Namjoon In response to the question, he simply put his arms in the air, almost like a child would. Normally, he wouldn’t exhibit such behavior but at the moment he really didn’t care. He just wanted to go to sleep. He felt someone lift him up, one arm under his legs and another behind his back. He instinctively wrapped his arms around the person’s neck as he was carried from the dance studio and, presumably, out to the car. They were telling him to stay awake so it would be easier to get him into the car so he tried to focus on something to make sure he didn’t fall asleep. He decided to try and figure out who was carrying him. One glance told him that he wasn’t as far up off the ground as he’d originally thought which meant that it couldn’t be Namjoon. The person’s arms were smaller, but he could feel the muscles through his clothes. The position he was in was somewhat awkward, he had to crane his neck and lean up more than he would’ve liked to lay his head on the person’s shoulder so that ruled out Seokjin. He was positive it wasn’t Yoongi since, while he wasn’t weak by any standards, the rapper had never been able to carry him before. That left Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jimin. Thinking back to how far he was off the ground, he decided that it was Jimin who was carrying him, especially since he was pretty sure he could see the other two walking beside them despite the blurriness of his vision. By the time he figured out who it was, Jimin was loading him into the van and Taehyung was buckling him in. Everything after that was blurred and confusing. He was laying on someone’s shoulder and another person was gently running their fingers through his hair. Someone else was whispering sweet nothings into his ear and music played quietly in the car. All of it was slowly lulling him to sleep and he didn’t feel the need to fight it anymore. He closed his eyes and gave in to the pull of sleep, letting it make him forget all the stress he’d felt less than twenty minutes ago. Namjoon kept running his fingers through Jungkook’s hair, even after the younger had fallen asleep. He’d managed to suppress his worry but now that the initial shock of what happened calmed down, it came at him full force. He’d managed to handle the situation calmly, despite the panicking of the younger members, which Jungkook had seemed oblivious to. He felt somewhat responsible for the situation, even though he knew that, logically, it wasn’t his fault. He knew Jungkook hadn’t been sleeping. The dark bags under his eyes were proof enough and he had worked with him long enough to know when he was getting good rest. Considering the situation, it didn’t surprise him but he knew that because of the younger’s condition that he should be getting more rest now more than ever. He’d thought about confronting him about it, forcing him to sleep if he needed to, but if he did, that would make him a hypocrite because he hadn’t been able to sleep either. None of them really had. Not peacefully at least. The ride back to the dorms was short but definitely not sweet. Seokjin had carried Jungkook inside and to his own room rather than Jungkook’s. They were all aware that the maknae liked sleeping in the eldest bed for some unknown reason. He often took naps in there when there was time. Sometimes he would sleep with the eldest if he was having a particularly restless night or had a bad day. Namjoon couldn’t count the number of times he’d went to wake the Seokjin only to find the younger curled against the eldest, clutching his shirt like his life depended on it. Those were the days that someone else would handle breakfast and they would be thirty minutes late to practice. Namjoon went to the kitchen and grabbed the thermometer, glass of water, and the pain medication that the doctor had prescribed. He knew that Jungkook would need him when he woke up. Especially after what happened. He walked into the bedroom to find Seokjin tucking Jungkook, who seemed oblivious to everything, in. He sat the thermometer, water, and medicine on the bedside table and sat down on the edge of the bed. Seokjin joined him a few moments later. Everyone else had opted to go to their own rooms or the living room to allow Jungkook to rest. “That was scary,” Seokjin said after a few moments of silence. Namjoon only nodded in response. When the eldest realized he wasn’t going to say anything, he continued. “When he collapsed, I immediately thought that we lost him.” Namjoon looked at him. “I know it sounds stupid but . . . It’s just I’m so afraid that this is going to take him away from us that that’s the conclusion my mind jumped to.” Namjoon didn’t speak for a moment, allowing the words to register in his head. He took another moment to think of a response and once he had one, he spoke. “It’s not stupid. I felt the same way. I think we all did.” Seokjin laughed bitterly. “I guess this is how it’s gonna be for a while. We’re gonna be so afraid he could drop dead at any moment that we’re gonna smother him. Wouldn’t surprise me if he died from suffocation rather than this disease.” Namjoon was surprised. Even in the serious of the situation, the eldest was still cracking jokes. He was still trying to make him smile. It angered him for a short moment when he realized that it was exactly what Jungkook begged them to promise. They promised not to change how they acted, how they treated him and that’s what Seokjin was doing. Namjoon admired him for that. Namjoon chuckled at the joke, even though there was no humor in the situation. Yoongi lazily scrolled through his phone. He was tasked with watching Jungkook after Namjoon and Seokjin had got him settled. He sat in a chair near the bed, glancing up every few minutes or so to make sure he was alright. Making sure he was still breathing. Still alive. Still with them. The incident had scared him a lot more than he’d let on. He had been right next to the younger when it happened. He’d seen it happen. He watched as the younger crumbled to the ground in a broken heap. He’d wanted to do something, but the shock of the situation had kept him frozen to the spot. Only when everyone else had already reached his side did he react. He grabbed a small stack of papers nearby and used them as a makeshift fan. It hadn’t been much, but it was all he could manage to do in the situation. He felt so helpless. He could see how miserable Jungkook was and he could do nothing to help him. He couldn’t just give him some medicine to make it go away. He couldn’t do anything but sit and watch him suffer and he hated that. While he normally didn’t show it or showed it in subtle ways, he cared. He cared so much. He loved all of his bandmates so much. He hated seeing them suffer. He hated seeing them in pain. And what he hated even more was not being about to do anything about it. All he wanted was to make Jungkook’s pain go away. At the very least, he wanted to provide some sort of comfort but he wasn’t even sure if he as capable of that. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t realize he’d dropped his phone until it hit the ground with, what seemed to be, a louder than necessary thud. He jumped, not expecting the sound. Instinctively, he looked up towards Jungkook, he was now stirring slightly, mumbling something softly. He grabbed his phone and set it on the bedside table before sitting on the edge of the bed. Jungkook, while still half asleep, looked somewhat awake now. “Hey Kookie,” he said gently. He started running his finger’s through the younger’s hair. “How are you feeling?” “T’red,” Jungkook slurred. His voice was quiet and scratchy and Yoongi winced internally. “I know baby. Do you want to go back to sleep?” Yoongi asked though he was pretty sure he already knew that answer. Jungkook nodded slightly. Yoongi gave him a small smile and spoke. “Okay. Let me take your temperature first and I need you take some medicine. Then you can go back to sleep.” Jungkook, being too tired to protest, agreed. He would do anything if it meant he could go back to sleep. Yoongi quickly took Jungkook’s temperature. He was thankful to find that, while he did have a fever, it wasn’t very bad. He helped the maknae sit up and take the medicine. He also got him to drink the entire glass of water before laying down which he was grateful for since he was pretty sure he hadn’t had anything to drink since practice had started. After that, he helped him lay back down and get comfortable. “You go on back to sleep. I’ll go get Seokjin hyung and tell him you woke up,” he said as he walked towards the door. What surprised him was Jungkook’s immediate protest. “Stay hyung.” Jungkook’s voice was quiet. Yoongi turned back around and looked at him. “Please. I don’t want to be alone.” Yoongi had said ‘no’ plenty of times in his life. He’d refused requests more times than he could count on a hundred hands. He’d rejected an offer so many times in favor of sleeping or just being lazy. There were many times where Yoongi had said ‘no’ in his life. This was not one of those times. Without hesitation, he turned back around and went straight back to the bed. He crawled under the covers without even having to ask because he knew how Jungkook felt. He knew the feeling of not wanting to be alone, even if he’d never admit it. He knew the feeling of wanting someone’s arms wrapped around you in a comforting embrace, even if he pretended to despise it. He’d denied it over and over but he knew he longed for it. He longed for the times with Jimin, Taehyung, or Hoseok would force cuddles and hugs on him even when he avoided them like the plague. He longed for the nights when Seokjin would invite him to sleep with him when he’d been isolating himself for too long. He longed for the times Namjoon or occasionally Jungkook would throw an arm around his shoulder or waist before a concert or interview. Because, even though he pretended to hate it, loathe it even, they all knew how much needed it, especially during those times. And Yoongi knew that that’s exactly what Jungkook was longing for at that moment. The younger wasn’t much for physical contact, much like Yoongi, but he was a bit more comfortable with it now than he had once been. Though, he usually let someone else start it, usually Jimin or Taehyung, though it wouldn’t surprise anyone if Hoseok did either. He only ever asked for it when he was sick or upset and since the maknae was determined to seem stronger than he was, those times rarely came. It also meant that when they did, those were when they were needed more than ever. Yoongi wrapped his arms around Jungkook, pulling him close. The younger buried his face into Yoongi’s chest and allowed the elder to comfort him. The rapper had a way with words and Jungkook knew that, so when he started whispering words of comfort in his ear, the negative feelings faded. Jungkook already felt himself growing tired. The ache of his limbs was now just a dull throb that was slowly disappearing. The stress was a forgotten feeling as his eyes closed. The fear faded to nothing as Yoongi’s words chased it way. The exhaustion that had built up inside of him was satisfied as he slipped away from reality. Within a few minutes, he was sleeping soundly. Yoongi was quick to follow, preferring whatever reality his mind created in his sleep rather than the one he was living now. The two slept peacefully, Jungkook wrapped up safely in his hyungs arms and Yoongi with the reassurance that the maknae was still there. And that’s exactly how Seokjin found them an hour and a half later when he went to get them for dinner. He made sure to snap a picture before waking them up. The next day was difficult. They only had two days to finish preparing and just because Jungkook had nearly passed out the day before didn’t mean they could stop. They still weren’t ready and that meant they had even more rigorous schedules, running straight from one thing to the next without time for resting or even eating. They still hadn’t memorized the new choreography and they found themselves trying to do the old dance out of instinct. Seokjin’s voice, while it sounded amazing, shook every time he sang as he was still terrified about suddenly having so many lines. Jimin was close to passing out from spending hours in the dance studio or the gym. Taehyung had given up on bringing everyone’s mood up and focused more on keeping himself from passing out from exhaustion and stress. Yoongi was so tired, the hours in the studio finally starting to take their toll and the caffeine refusing to be helpful. Namjoon was growing more and more stressed and frustrated at not being able to get the new dances and being unable to help his members. Hoseok was trying his best to help the other members with the choreography but it just wasn’t clicking because the new choreography was just so different from what they were used to. Jungkook was getting increasingly angry, exhausted, stressed, and achy as he pushed himself harder, thinking that it was in some way his fault that this was all happening even though deep down he knew that it wasn’t his fault. It was too much in too little time. They tried to keep the fans thinking that everything was alright. They posted statements about the concert, saying how excited they were, but never pictures. ARMYs had immediately noticed the lack of pictures on twitter. It didn’t help that the company made them cancel all the Vlives they had planned to make more time for work. That obviously didn’t go unnoticed as many fans looked forward to them. Fans were starting to express their concern on all social media platforms, spreading the news quickly. That was when the company decided to release a short video of the boys dancing during practice as well as a photo. The members had wanted to protest but they realized that it was the best course of action to calm the fans. They were going over the new version of the choreography for ‘Fire’ when the video was taken. It featured Seokjin in the front singing during the chorus. The moves were simpler now but not much. Only the choreography at the end was changed drastically so they hoped the fans wouldn’t think much of it. They only recorded the chorus for the video. After that, they went to get a picture together. It was meant to look like a big selfie. Namjoon was taking the picture, holding the camera high and far out in front of him. Jungkook was conveniently hidden in the back in hopes to hide is ever thinning cheeks and exhausted eyes. Everyone else was crowded close together, pushing to get in the frame or to at least make it appear that way. The picture and video were posted right after with a statement saying that they were sorry for not posting pictures and that they hoped this made up for it. The also briefly mentioned being really busy and didn’t have much time to take photos. They got a response almost immediately. The thing with being famous and posting images or videos is that you always get two different types of responses. The happy fans, excited to see even just a photo, and the concerned, critical fans, the ones who always pointed out the hidden messages and noticed things that most did not. BTS was no exception. They got comments like: ‘They look soooooo good!!!’
‘Can’t wait for the concert!!’
‘Jin finally got more lines! YAY!’
‘Why are they all so perfect!? Take care of yourselves! Can’t wait for the concert!’
‘You guys are going to do great!! Thanks so much for the post! You all look great!’
‘Jin is rocking those lines!!!!’
‘The concert is going to be great!!’
‘It looked amazing!’
But the majority of the comments went more like this. ‘They all look so tired!! Take care of yourselves!’
‘Don’t feel pressured to post if you’re busy. We just want you all to be happy and healthy!
‘They all look completely exhausted!’
‘Jungkook looks so thin! Don’t worry about posting and worry more about your health!’
‘Did anyone else notice how awful they all look?’
‘Taehyung and Hoseok both look so sad!’
‘Yoongi looks like he hasn’t slept in days! No wonder they haven’t been posting! Please keep yourselves healthy! We love you!’
‘Namjoon looks like his limbs are about to fall off!’
‘Jin is doing so good but he looks so stressed. He shouldn’t because he sounds amazing!’
‘Jungkook is almost as thin as Jimin now and both of them looked ready to collapse! I hope you all are alright!’
‘Jungkook looks like he’s sick or something and they all look so tired and stressed. Please take care of yourselves and don’t feel like you need to post just because the fans are a little impatient.’
The members, of course, were not supposed to read comments. At least not excessively. But of course, they had to see what the fans thought. It was really no surprise. The fans had always been good at finding things that weren’t supposed to be found, often overanalyzing a simple part of a music video, photo, or song. They all scrolled through the comments when they thought no one was looking. They frowned at the fans concern. That hadn’t been their intended response but it couldn’t be helped. They simply had to keep moving forward even though the fans were suggesting that maybe it was time to take a step back and take a break. They wished that they could do what the fans were suggesting but life’s full of disappointment. There was no time for a break and it was way to short notice to postpone the concert. All they had time to do was work, work, and work a bit more. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Every last second down till the concert they had to work because even though they were exhausted, stressed, and frustrated, they had fans to please. Fans who supported them. Fans who screamed their names and traveled around the world just to see them. They loved their fans and their fans love them, and they weren’t about to let their fans down. Not only that but they couldn’t let each other down. They depended on each other, admired each other. It was well known within the group that Jungkook, while he teased them a lot, looked up to them as if they were the only people alive, especially Namjoon, and they couldn’t let him down. They relied on one another to get through the trials they went through every day and they weren’t going to let this take them down. They’d climbed over mountains taller than Mount Everest to get where they were now and this mountain was not going to stop them. They weren’t going to take the easy path. They weren’t going to find an alternate route. They were going to walk straight up to that mountain and trudge right over it, no matter how many bumps, bruises, cuts, and scars they received in the process. Even if all the other mountains they’d climbed seemed like molehills in comparison to this one.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The morning of the concert finally arrived. The moment he’d woken up, Taehyung hoped and prayed that everything would go right. He couldn’t stand seeing everyone so down and stressed and he thought that maybe if everything went well, they would all relax a bit. He did everything he could to help, even though he was exhausted himself. He’d woken early to help Seokjin with breakfast and even did the dishes for him. He offered to wake the members, and though it was turned down, he insisted on waking Yoongi who was rather unpleasant in the morning. He started the laundry and cleaned up a bit. He even made everyone lunch for that day knowing that they wouldn’t have time to stop anywhere. Despite all that he’d done, the day took a turn from bad to worse as soon as Seokjin woke Jungkook up. The maknae’s joints were hurting so much that he could barely move, let alone walk. He was running a fever that was up in the hundreds. He had to be carried down to breakfast by Seokjin, too exhausted and in pain to walk on his own, and only ate around half his plate before he’d nearly thrown it all up, only barely managing to keep it down. His stomach was protesting absolutely anything he put in it, including the small glass of water and painkillers he’d taken earlier that morning. Namjoon and Hoseok had to help him get dressed because he was in so much pain and so weak from the fever and lack of nutrition. It seemed impossible that he would be ready to perform that night but he insisted that he would be able to do it, saying that he just needed a bit more rest and then he would be ready. Taehyung hated it. He hated it more than he could describe in words. He hated the Jungkook was pushing his health aside to perform. He just wished that he would admit that he wasn’t ready to perform. The fans would understand but then again, Jungkook had always been stubborn. Taehyung can’t count the number of times they’d scolded him for hiding any form of sickness or injury, major or minor. He remembers when the maknae had collapsed and been rushed to the hospital after hiding the fact that he’d been unable to sleep for almost two weeks. He remembers him looking nearly ready to pass out at any moment. He can vividly picture the way he crumpled to the floor after days of hiding dark bags and pounding headaches. And he can especially remember the way Namjoon and Seokjin had scolded him after they got back from the hospital, taking away more than a few privileges and he also remembers how gentle they’d been with him after. He, Hoseok, and Jimin had done everything he could do the make Seokjin and Yoongi’s room as humanly possible. They lit a few candles, creating a gentle orange glow around the room. They took the comforter off of Seokjin’s bed and replaced it with Yoongi's, which was undoubtedly the biggest and fluffiest since the rapper liked to sleep so much. They’d covered the windows as best they could considering it was the middle of the day. By the time they’d finished, Namjoon and Seokjin had decided he’d learned his lesson. They’d passed him off to Yoongi, who was arguably the best at getting the maknae to sleep, and they went up to the eldest’s room. Hoseok joined them and with the combined efforts of the two, they pushed the thoughts keeping the youngest awake away. He’d slept for a good twelve hours and only woken for a short time before sleeping for another eight. For the next week, he was told to rest and he did so happily, catching up on the hours lost and then some. He let them all take care of him, only doing any form of physical activity when he absolutely needed to. When he’d started doing schedules again, he was much more energetic than he’d been in weeks and it made everything worth it. Thinking back to the incident, Taehyung wished that Jungkook would act like he did then. He wished so desperately that he would just admit that he was too sick to perform and rest because if he kept going on like he was he was going to collapse again. He was ready to force him to rest if he had to. He didn’t want to see him make himself worse than he already was but Jungkook had always been stubborn. So, so stubborn. So, since he couldn’t make him rest, he did whatever else he could to make the day go as smoothly as possible. He started off by getting his bag together for him, filling it with everything he thought he’d need and a bit more. He prepared a light lunch for him, (with the help of Seokjin) knowing but not really caring that not much of it would be eaten. He made sure to grab some double strength painkillers that were hidden away in the medicine cabinet and grabbed an extra baggy sweatshirt (probably not his own) and shoved it in his own back since he’d already stuffed Jungkook’s to the brim. When the driver got there, he made sure to get Jungkook in window seat since he seemed to be much more comfortable there. He did every little possible think he could, hoping that it helped even in just some small, minuscule way. And he decided that everything was worth it when Jungkook leaned his head on his shoulder in the car and whispered a small ‘Thank you hyung’ before falling asleep. Thankfully, things did get better as the day went on. Jungkook’s short nap in the car had him feeling more well rested by the time they reached the venue and his fever was starting to go down. The painkillers from that morning were finally starting to kick in and his stomach was feeling significantly better. He even managed to eat and keep down the protein bar that Jimin had handed him. He was looking a lot better than he had that morning and even had enough energy to joke around a bit, though, he wasn’t running around like Hosek, Taehyung and Jimin were. He was all pretty sure he wouldn’t have the energy to do that for a while. He had to spend a long time getting his makeup done. They’d managed to hide the dark bags under his eyes and the unnaturally pale color of his skin but every part of his skin that was showing was covered with layer upon layer of makeup. They took over twenty minutes just trying to hide how much his cheeks had hollowed out because, while being skinny was fine, he looked outright unhealthy. He knew his acne would flare up in the next few days because of all the makeup but there wasn’t much he could do about it. His hair didn’t take nearly as long as his makeup, but his outfit was a different story. The stylists kept complaining that the clothes were too big. He’d only been fitted for them a few weeks before and it honestly shocked everyone when they realized how much weight he’d lost. The pants, which were originally meant to hug his legs tightly, were now too loose, especially around his thighs. They threatened to slip down, even though his belt was pulled to the tightest notch. His shirt, also meant to fight tightly and accentuate his muscles, now hung off him loosely, the sleeves drooping when he raised his arms. They’d tried to cover it up with a jacket that he hadn’t originally planned on him wearing but it was far too loose on him and only worsened the problem. In the end, they’d had to do a last minute outfit change. He was wearing clothes that were only a bit bigger than Jimin’s now. They fit, thankfully, but they could see his ribs poking through the shirt and it worried everyone. Even the stylists, who didn’t know him personally, were worried. They’d asked several times if he was alright but everyone was quick to assure them that everything was fine, even though it wasn’t. After around two hours of getting ready, they were sent on stage for soundcheck and a few run-throughs on choreography they were having difficulty with. They hoped and prayed for nothing to go wrong because they just couldn’t handle that at the moment. They were already stressed enough as it was, they didn’t need anything else making it worse. Thankfully, soundcheck went smoothly. Only a few adjustments on the mics and earpieces and they were set. The run-throughs weren’t as smooth. There were still a few trouble spots in the choreography, though, it wasn’t anything big. A position would be forgotten for a few seconds or less before whoever had forgotten would get to the right spot. Trying to fall back into the old choreography before realizing the mistake and continuing with the new version. Stumbling on some of the new, more technical moves, before getting back in sync with the rest. They were all things that could be overlooked had they only been once every song or two. Sadly, mistakes like these were happening up to five times a song and everyone was frustrated. The just didn’t understand why they couldn’t get it right. They’d changed choreography so many times before and never had this much trouble trying to get used to it. Even Hoseok was having difficulty. There was just this one part that he couldn’t get right. Namjoon and Seokjin were having the most difficulty. They were just so used to the old choreography and they’d spent weeks learning it. Seokjin was having difficulty with remembering that he was supposed to be in the front more often now, trying to sink to the back out of habit. Jimin was having the least difficulty, but if someone got off by too much, he would try and follow them instead of the music. Yoongi stumbled every now and then but overall, he was neck and neck with Jimin on how well he had the choreography. Taehyung wasn’t having much difficulty though he was struggling with the smaller, more technical movements since he was much more comfortable with large, simply moves. Jungkook remembered the choreography but continued to mess up because he was so tired, and he was the most frustrated because he felt that it was somehow his fault. They spent two hours going over song after song before they were finally given a twenty-minute break for lunch. Taking their lunches, they searched for a place to eat. They were thankful to find a quiet corner that wasn’t too cluttered. The quickly sat down and started eating, knowing that they didn’t have much time. Lunch was somewhat normal. They cracked jokes and talked happily but they could all feel the slight tenseness in the air. Hoseok and Taehyung did whatever they could to distract from that. The two managed to make everyone forget about the stress, even though it was just for a few minutes. Jungkook, thankful for them trying to cheer them all up, tried to thank them by eating his entire lunch. He almost quit halfway through but the encouragement from his members made him continue. He managed to eat almost all of his lunch, only leaving a few bites behind. They’d only just finished lunch when they were told to go back on stage. Their smiles disappeared and the stress was back. Walking back onto the stage, they tried to imagine that they were getting ready to perform. The fans always managed to motivate them so they thought if they could imagine they were performing for them at that moment, they would be able to do it right. The strategy worked for the most part. There were still a few mistakes here and there, but it was considerably better than before. They all had more energy now, especially Jungkook after finally eating a full meal since he’d barely managed to eat one a few days before. After another two hours of going over the dances and a few final adjustments to the mics and earpieces, they were told that they were done. They had a two-hour break before they would have to get their makeup and hair redone. They found that the best way to spend that break was a two-hour nap on one of the couches backstage. The couch was definitely not made for seven people but in their time together, they’d found ways to fit them all into places that were not meant for all of them. They imagined it looked somewhat like a clown car would. Namjoon was sitting down, resting his head on Seokjin’s shoulder, who was also sitting down. Taehyung and Hoseok took the arms of the couch and lay across the back, their arms resting in uncomfortable looking positions. Yoongi managed to squeeze in between Namjoon and Seokjin, though it didn’t look very comfortable. Jungkook and Jimin both managed to stretch across the laps of the other members, being the only ones to lay down fully. At first glance, it was quite comical. All seven boys, squished onto a couch made for two. Taehyung and Hoseok were both very slowly slipping off the sides. Namjoon was snoring loudly, making it impossible for a passerby to ignore them. Yoongi was barely visible, being pressed down into the couch. Seokjin’s mouth was open wide, a thin stand of drool dripping down his chin, and he was trying to move around. Jimin’s neck was craned in a way that could not be comfortable and would leave him very sore when he woke up. Jungkook’s legs were pressed to his chest in order to fit, making him look smaller than he really was, curled up in Namjoon’s arms. It was impossible not to glance at the group and laugh at them as they truly looked like they were trying to fit in a clown car. But, a closer look would reveal how heartbreaking the sight really was. Taehyung and Hoseok were both clutching tightly onto whatever or whoever they could get their hands on, not wanting to slip away. Namjoon’s snores kept pausing and hiccuping as though he wasn’t breathing evenly and he held on to Jungkook as tightly as he could. Yoongi looked as though he hadn’t slept in weeks and it looked as though he was being drowned by the other members as he sunk further into the cushions. Seokjin was obviously not sleeping peacefully, as he tried to toss and turn, but kept still by the members surrounding him. Jimin looked as though he was breaking, he body bent in abnormal ways to stay on the couch and Jungkook looked so small, so sick. He looked as though he could just turn to dust at any moment. When looking at all this, the sight wasn’t as comical anymore. Stylists frowned at the dark bags under their eyes that the makeup hadn’t been able to hide. People paused to make sure that they were all alright before moving on. Managers frowned deeply at the heartbreaking sight, being the only ones who really knew what was going on. Staff members whispered words of concern to each other as they passed. They weren’t hiding anything at that moment. They could hide anything and everything they wanted to when they were awake. When they were aware of who and what was around them, hiding things like exhaustion and pain was quite easy. It was almost second nature to hide a sprained ankle or bruised arm even if it was just the seven of them around. But when they were asleep, they could hide nothing. Everything was on display. Every sleepless night, every aching joint, every tear shed was all there for everyone to see. Almost like a painting. A white canvas covered with swirls of emotions and feelings that could only be seen when you looked past the initial picture. Because a picture is worth a thousand words, maybe more. Almost definitely more. And a moment in time, one quick snapshot, could reveal what was hiding behind the closed door. And at that moment, the seven boys on the couch were revealing everything they’d felt in only a few short weeks and it was all messy swirls of colors. Abstract. No real picture but at the same time there were thousands of pictures saying millions of words. Yellow mixing with blue, creating green. Green contrasting with pink, mixing unevenly. Pink swirling into brown, which then swirled into black. Black trying to combine with gray only to get another shade of black. Gray mixing back with brown only to clash but now unable to separate. Brown fading to green, creating a swampy color in the middle. Green to red, which then mixed with yellow to make orange. Orange trying oh so desperately to become orange only to fall short of its final goal. It was sloppy and messy. None of it made sense but at the same time, it made more sense than all the sense in the world. There was no logic in it but it was the only thing that was logical. Everything contrasted but it all went together so well. They all fought but at the same time, they held hands in unity. They all needed to be alone but could not exist without one another. They were all so confused. They didn’t know what or how to feel in the situation that they were in. They never expected they would ever need to feel the emotions that they were feeling. They never expected anything that was happening to happen. Especially not to someone who was so close to them and even more so, not to Jungkook. Jungkook was perfectly healthy for the most part. He ate well and got a lot of exercise. He managed his health well, though he overworked himself on occasion. He didn’t smoke or do drugs and didn’t drink often, usually drinking very little when he did. He’d never done anything too overly risky, save for a few times he decided to be a bit rebellious. It didn’t seem that there was any reason for him to get sick. Too them it seemed as though Jungkook should be perfectly healthy, but he wasn’t and it took them all by surprise. That just made the emotions more intense. They just hoped that for all of their sakes, that the shock of the situation would all pass soon and the emotions would calm down. If not, they weren’t sure how much longer they could go on. Two hours passed and their manager begrudgingly went to wake them up. Some, like Namjoon and Seokjin who had practically been trained to snap to attention at any moment, woke quickly. Others, like Yoongi and Jungkook took a while. Within five minutes, almost all of them were off the couch and were going to get their hair and makeup redone. They were just starting to let the fans in but they still had another hour before the concert would start. Jungkook was being very reluctant to wake up and Namjoon, being trapped under him, was forced to stay put. The dark bags under the maknae’s eyes were obvious explanations as to why he wasn’t waking up but it didn’t give him any excuses. The leader’s legs were asleep and they both needed to get ready because it always took longer than expected. Even so, he managed to convince their manager to allow the youngest five more minutes of rest, even though they both knew it wouldn’t make much of a difference. For the entire five minutes, Namjoon gently ran his fingers through Jungkook’s hair and whispered sweet words of comfort into his ear, even though the maknae didn’t hear them. He just wanted to do whatever he could to comfort the younger and maybe, just maybe, make him somewhat prepared for the concert. But deep down he knew, there was really no way to be prepared. Not fully. Things never went exactly how they planned so the plans always changed and they were never prepared for that so the plan kept changing and changing until they were so far off the script that they couldn’t even remember what the original plot line had been. But, that was life wasn’t it. Always throwing curve balls. Never a boring moment. Constantly changing and flip-flopping around so that nothing every truly went exactly to plan. It added notes and changed things as it went, not caring about the people it hurt along the way as long as it was entertained. No matter how many weeks they spent preparing, they could never prepare for life because life never told them what to prepare for. Five minutes passed too quickly. Namjoon reluctantly shook Jungkook, who seemed so young at that moment, awake. Of course, the youngest had always been a heavy sleeper and he almost wanted to give up when Jungkook didn't wake immediately, but he knew better than to do that. So he tried once more. Another five minutes passed and he managed to wake him up. Then it took another five to convince him to stand up to get his makeup done, where he promptly fell asleep again once they started. And before he knew it, a quarter of their quickly passing hour was already gone and he had less time to prepare. Normally, it wouldn’t have mattered. Normally, he would prefer having something to distract him before so he wouldn’t have to constantly worry about not being prepared. But this was definitely not a normal concert. This was going to be one of the hardest concerts they’d ever done. Therefore, it also had to be one of the best. Namjoon was smart. Logically, he knew that it was impossible for it to be the best. With all the last minute changes, it was going to be impossible to get everything like they wanted, but it wouldn’t stop them from trying. They always gave their best and this concert, no matter how many times the planned changed, would be no exception. They would work harder for this concert than they had and would for any other. Because that was what they always tried to do. They always strived to be better and this would be no different. The concert had finally started. The fans were screaming as they came out on stage. The music blasted. The lights went insane. The room practically shook with all the noise. They managed to let all of it distract them. A little over halfway through the concert, after some of their slower songs, is when Jungkook was scheduled to tell everyone. After that, they would do a few faster, more upbeat songs to bring everyone’s spirits back up. To say they were nervous was an understatement. Thankfully, mistakes were very few in number. Some were noticeable and other weren’t. Seokjin once tried to fall to the back again before Yoongi caught it and gave him a gentle push to the front during a transition. Namjoon forgot the choreography for a few seconds but managed to get back in sync quickly. All in all, not a lot went badly. Each song passed with very few problems and before they knew it, the time had come. They had just finished singing ‘Save Me’. The crowd had lovingly finished the last chorus with them and they were already emotional. They knew they weren’t going to be any better when Jungkook started talking. The crowd screamed and cheered as Jungkook walked to the middle of the stage. The continued cheering even when no music came on. Everything Jungkook had planned to say was forgotten. His mouth was suddenly so dry that he couldn’t speak. He felt frozen as he looked out at the crowd. He felt like a deer caught in headlights. A gentle hand on his shoulder managed to snap him out of his daze. He looked back to see Jimin behind him. He was giving the younger a sad, but supportive smile. Seokjin was behind him and he gave him a small nod. A glance to the right revealed Taehyung and Hoseok, who were both giving him looks of support. And when he looked to the left, he could see Namjoon and Yoongi who both had serious faces but there was definitely concern in them. He suddenly had the courage to speak. Looking back at the crowd, he started. “About a month ago,” he said, and the crowd quieted. “I got sick. It didn’t seem like anything bad at the time. Just a bad cold but then, even when I seemed to get better, I didn’t. I don’t really know how to explain it but it was like . . . the sickness was just always there. And recently, it got a lot worse.” The crowd ‘awed’ and many fans shouted words of support that jumbled in with all the other noise. “I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t bad but . . . I just couldn’t ignore it anymore. I eventually told the rest of the group how I felt and I got some tests done at the hospital. I kept trying to convince myself that I was just overreacting and that whatever it was would just go away, but I think deep down, we all knew that that wasn’t the case.” Jungkook was getting emotional. “A-a few days later, I went in for s-some more tests and t-the results weren’t good.” The crowd was already screaming words of protest. Jungkook drew a shaky breath. He could see Yoongi out of the corner of his eyes. The rapper was crouched down, head hidden in his hands. Namjoon looked close to tears, as well as Taehyung and Hoseok. Jimin and Seokjin had already passed that stage as he could hear them sobbing behind him. It took all the strength he had to continue. “T-The doctor told m-me that I have AML, o-or Acute M-myeloid Leukemia.” He was crying now and he was pretty sure that, by the crowd's reaction, that they were too. “T-thankfully, in the s-stage that i-it’s in, it’s s-still treatable, b-but the doctor g-gave us some scary facts. I w-will be starting chemo t-tomorrow b-but there isn’t a-any guarantee.” He could tell that both Hoseok and Taehyung had succumbed to the tears and Namjoon was really close as he tried to hide choked sobs. The crowd was all shouting, some with despair, others with anger, many with confusion. “I-I don’t k-know i-if this is a b-battle I’ll b-be able t-to win b-but I k-know that I-I won’t have to f-fight it alone.” He looked back at his hyungs. They were all sobbing now. Their image didn’t matter at that moment. All that mattered was each other. “A-and I k-know that even i-if lose this b-battle, that m-my hyungs won’t h-have to fight the next one alone. T-they have e-each other a-and they have y-you. You guys h-have supported u-us through thick a-and thin and I d-don’t expect you t-to go slacking o-off on me n-now,” he said with a teary laugh. He could hear the fans shouting promises to continue to support them and the tears started to pour down his face. “I-I love y-you al s-so much. T-thank you f-for supporting u-us and I-I promise that I-I’ll f-fight as h-hard as I-I c-can.” He couldn’t go on anymore. The tears were coming down too heavily. He turned, not really knowing why, not knowing what he was trying to do, only to have warm arms wrap around him. It took him seconds to recognize Taehyung’s voice in his ear, whispering words of comfort, even though they were both crying. More arms wrapped around him and soon, he was wrapped in the arms of his hyungs. He sobbed, not caring that he was on stage in front of thousands of people. They all did. They all cried and none of them cared. A minute passed but they refused to separate. They needed the comfort of each other and the concerts original schedule didn’t matter. The fans would understand if they got home late or if a few songs had to be cut out. They would understand because they could all see the way the seven boys clung to each other. Five minutes passed. They still clutched onto each other. They still sobbed. Time was something that they now realized they didn’t have a lot of and they wanted to spend every moment together. Ten minutes passed, and they finally separated when a voice in their earpieces told them that they needed to. It hadn’t been quick, though. They whispered ‘I love you’ s as they did. Once they’d all finally separated, they just stood for a minute. Jungkook was trying to wipe away the tears. His hair and makeup was a mess but it didn’t really seem to matter. He looked at his hyungs who all looked back. He gave them all a teary smile and the smiled back. The music for their next song, ‘Fire’, came on and as though it was a telepathic agreement, none of them did the planned choreography. Instead, they ran around the stage like lunatics. They ran, they jumped, the hopped and hollered, the screamed, they sang off key, and they goofed off. Taehyung even jumped off the stage and ran into the crowd but the staff had quickly got him back on stage, much to his disappointment. Jimin and Hoseok ended up having a freestyle dance battle at one point, with Seokjin declaring it a tie. They all switched parts at one point, with Namjoon and Yoongi but failing to do the vocals. Jungkook became tired quickly but continued to perform but it didn’t matter because the adrenaline kept him going. At some point, Namjoon pulled him onto his back and they two performed as the leader gave him a piggyback ride around the stage. They performed like that for the rest of the concert. Nobody bothered to stop them. At the end of the concert, they even sang a few songs, they hadn’t planned, despite not having the music playing. As soon as they got off stage after saying their goodbyes to the crowd, they realized just how much they’d strayed from the original plan, but they quickly decided that they were okay with it. Because they’d never had as much fun during a concert as they had at that one. And once they were in the van, heading back to their dorms, they knew that they would have to change the plan more often.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Yugyeom scrolled through his phone. He and the rest of GOT7 had an off day and were all just lazing around. BamBam and Youngjae had opted to have a sleepover the night before since they’d been too tired to go back to their separate apartments. They’d all piled onto the couch and were watching pretty much anything that looked interesting. Some of them had fallen asleep since they’d stayed up late but most of them were awake and on their phones. The only one who seemed to be paying attention to the movie playing was Jinyoung and even he looked bored of it. Yugyeom was looking at youtube, trying to find something interesting to watch. He added videos that looked interesting to his watch later, not wanting to disturb anyone who may actually be watching the movie. He couldn’t find much. It was all just random videos. He used youtube to keep up with other groups at times so it wasn’t unusual for something about another group to pop up on his recommended list. He saw a few videos for groups like ‘Seventeen’ and ‘NCT’ but none of them looked like they were worth watching. Just some facts about the members that he probably already knew. He was about to give up his search and do something else when something caught his eye. The video was fairly new, only posted a few hours before. The thumbnail was a photo of Jungkook, who seemed to by crying and another one next to it with all the members surrounding him with a hug. The title of the video was ‘Jungkook delivers heartbreaking news at Concert’. His curiosity was immediately peaked. Jungkook was one of his best friends and he couldn’t help but wonder why whatever news he delivered at the concert wasn’t told to him first. He turned down the volume on his phone, hoping that the video had subtitles, and clicked on the it. The video did, thankfully, have subtitles so he turned his phone sideways to make the screen bigger. The video was a bit grainy probably having been filmed on a cell phone or something along the lines of that. He imagined the audio wasn’t great either but he honestly couldn’t bring himself to care. He, subconsciously brought the phone a bit closer to his face, watching as Jungkook turned and looked at the rest of the members before turning back to the crowd and bringing his microphone to his mouth. He started speaking and Yugyeom stared intensely at the screen, reading the subtitles as they popped up.“About a month ago I got sick,” the elder started and Yugyeom felt his heart drop. He knew that Jungkook would never admit to anyone about being sick unless it was really serious. “It didn’t seem like anything bad at the time. Just a bad cold but then, even when I seemed to get better, I didn’t. I don’t really know how to explain it but it was like . . . the sickness was just always there. And recently, it got a lot worse.” Yugyeom continued watching the video, each word feeling like a stab to the heart. He didn’t want to believe it. He honestly didn’t think he could. Jungkook lived a healthy life. He couldn’t be sick. But when he thought a bit more about it, he had to believe it because of the way Jungkook had been acting. How exhausted he sounded on the few occasions that they called or got to speak to each other. How little he texted and using the excuse that he was too busy. How sick he looked in recent videos the group had posted. It all made sense. When the video ended with all the members embracing their maknae, Yugyeom stared at the screen in shock. He was feeling a confusing mix of emotions. Disbelief. Disbelief that he was really sick. Confusion. Confusion of how Jungkook could’ve managed to get sick. Fear. Fear that he would lose one of his best friends. Anger. Anger that Jungkook hadn’t told him sooner. Hurt. Hurt that the elder hadn’t even mentioned not feeling well. Guilt. Guilt that he hadn’t noticed his friend’s change in behavior immediately. Worry. Worry about his condition and how he was dealing with the news. Hope. Hope that the disease could be cured. Understanding. Understanding that Jungkook didn’t want anyone to see him as weak. Happiness. Happiness that it’d been discovered before it was too late to be treatable. That was just the tip of the iceberg. There were hundreds of other emotions swimming around inside him and it was almost too much to take. All the contradicting feelings screaming and fighting for dominance over one another. He didn’t even realize he was crying until he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw Jaebum looking at him with worried eyes. “Gyeom-ah,” the elder said. “What’s wrong.” Silent tears made their way down Yugyeom’s face. Everything was just too much. All the emotions were taking hold and he couldn’t bring himself to care, despite being in a room with all the members. He just wanted it all to be a dream. Actually, a nightmare would be more accurate. “Yugyeom?” Mark asked. Everyone was looking at him now and before he knew what he was doing, he threw himself into Jaebum’s arms and sobbed. Almost instantly, he felt comforting arms wrap around him and soothing words in his ear. Someone was rubbing his back and another was running their fingers through his hair. He could hear people shuffling around, someone was asking what was wrong, but he just kept crying. He honestly didn’t understand why he was crying. It wasn’t like Jungkook was dead. He was still alive and fighting. His disease was treatable and he had a fighting chance. Jungkook was strong and was not one to let some silly sickness kill him. Not without a fight at least. But then, all the raging emotions had him sobbing even harder than he had before. The hope that Jungkook would live conflicted with the fear that he’d loose him. The anger from the elder not confiding in him conflicting with the understanding of not wanting to be seen as weak. Hurt and sadness from hearing about the younger’s condition conflicted with the happiness that he still had a chance. His mind just couldn’t seem to agree with himself and he decided that that was the reason he was crying. “Gyeomie?” Jinyoung asked once the maknae had calmed down enough to hear and understand him. “Can you tell hyung what’s wrong?” Yugyeom said nothing. He just sniffed and buried his head deeper into Jaebum’s chest. “Can you please tell us what made you cry?” Jackson asked as he gently rubbed the younger’s back, hoping that it brought some form of comfort. Yuygeom just pointed at his phone, which had fallen to the floor. The video was over and had switched back to the thumbnail. Youngjae picked up the phone, confusion written on his face, and showed it to Mark, who took it and read the title. “Youngjae, BamBam, why don’t you two take Yugyeom to his room for a bit,” the eldest said, thinking that it would be a bit easier to figure out the situation if Yugyeom was calmed down and he always calmed down faster when he was in his own bed. The two immediately helped the maknae to his feet and led him to his room while Mark, Jaebum, Jackson, and Jinyoung all gathered around his phone to watch the video. They only had to watch half before they figured out what was going on and by the time it was over, everything had made complete sense. Jackson had quickly noticed when Namjoon stopped messaging him like he normally did. When he asked about it the younger said that they were just to busy. Yugyeom and BamBam had also mentioned that Jungkook had stopped texting them and their ’97 liners’ group chat. All of them had seen the video that the group had posted on twitter and were easily able to see signs of exhaustion on all of their faces. All the pieces fell into place and their hearts broke. Jaebum, Mark, and Jinyoung weren’t as close to the BTS members as some of their other members were but they were still friends. The group had always been one they could look up to and they liked hanging out with the members on occasion. It was nice to be able to hang out with someone who understood the pressures of being and idol. “I’ll go up and talk to him. Do you want me to send BamBam and Youngjae down?” Jinyoung asked, standing up as he did. He was often considered the motherly one of the group and was very good at calming the maknae down when he was upset. “Yeah. We’ll tell them what’s going on,” Jaebum said. Jinyoun nodded and started towards Yugyeom’s room. He felt awful for the younger. He often had trouble making friends and Jungkook was one of his few close friends. They’d all been so happy when he came to them saying that he’d made a friend and even more so when he seemed to come out of his shell a bit more. Now thinking that he could lose the friend that managed to help him through so much, his heart broke for him. He made it to the maknae’s room and gently knocked on the door. Almost instantly, he heard the shuffling of feet on the other side as someone made their way to the door. He heard the knob turn before the door opened and revealed a worried and confused Youngjae. “What’s going on?” the younger asked, clearly worried for Yugyeom. The maknae didn’t cry often, especially around them. It was only logical that he would be worried. “Go back to the living room,” Jinyoung said. “BamBam too. Hyungs will explain. I’ll take care of him.” Youngjae hesitated for a moment. He wasn’t really sure he wanted to leave Yugyeom in the state he was in, only just having stopped crying but still sniffling and upset, but he trusted Jinyoung. And, he couldn’t deny his curiosity slowly pulling him farther and farther away from the youngest. He really just wanted to know what was going on and there wasn’t much he could do unless he did. So, in the end, he nodded his head. “BamBam,” he said, walking over to him. “Let’s go.” At first, BamBam immediately wanted to protest. He and Youngjae had only just started to calm him down. He didn’t want to leave him, but the moment he turned back and saw Jinyoung, the words got caught in his throat and he agreed. He allowed the elder to take his place on the edge of the bed and followed Youngjae out of the room, both of them sparing one last glance before closing the door behind him and heading to the living room. “Hey Gyeomie,” Jinyoung started. The one in question was lying on his side, facing away from him. The elder gently started rubbing the younger’s back. “I saw what happened. Is that what made you upset?” Jinyoung asked even though he already knew the answer. He figured it would be better that way. He was proven right when the younger turned over to look at him. Tears silently started falling down his face once again but Jinyoung didn’t try and stop them. Sometimes, it was okay to cry and sometimes, it was the only thing that really made sense to do at the moment. Jungkook was the first friend Yugyeom made outside of the group after their debut. He trusted him. It was only natural for him to be upset at the prospect of losing that friend. Jinyoung could see Yugyeom desperately trying to fight the tears that forced their way from his eyes. He just pulled the younger into his arms. “It’s okay. It’s okay to cry. I know it’s hard baby but it’s gonna be alright.” he comforted. “Jungkook’s strong. You know that. You know he’s gonna put up one heck of a fight before he lets some stupid sickness take him down.” Yugyeom just kept crying with the same vigor as before. He clutched onto Jinyoung’s shirt like a lifeline and bawled. He normally didn’t like crying in front of other people. Who does? But he honestly didn’t care anymore. He could lose his best friend and that was more important than his pride. “Jungkook’s gonna beat this just like he beats everything else,” Jinyoung continued. “He’s gonna give it all he’s got, and if that doesn’t work he’ll give more. He fought his way to the top with his group and he’s gotten through so many tough times. This is just another tough time. Just watch. I bet you by next year, he’ll be back to goofing off with you and annoying his hyungs.” Yuygeom gave a tear filled laugh at the joke. Both of them were known for being ‘evil maknaes’ and annoying their hyungs. They both prided themselves on that because it meant they were close enough with their members to tease them without fear of punishment or rejection. They never had to be afraid that one of them would suddenly become angry with their teasing because it was just part of their relationship. Jinyoung smiled. “There’s that laugh I’ve been looking for,” the elder teased. Another laugh made it’s way up Yugyeom’s throat as he jokingly pushed Jinyoung. The two of them laughed and joked a bit more. Jinyoung continued to bring comfort, even when it wasn’t as obvious. He’d always been good at that but, then again, that was probably why he was considered the mother of the group. Always trying to bring comfort, even when he didn’t make it known. A few more minutes of just talking and Yugyeom had calmed completely. There was just something about the elder that made him feel at ease and he trusted him. He trusted his words and he also trusted Jungkook. He trusted that Jinyoung wouldn’t lie to him and he trusted Jungkook to fight his hardest because now it mattered more than it ever had before. “We should probably go back downstairs,” Jinyoung suggested. “Everyone was pretty worried and I bet BamBam is upset.” Yugyeom was quick to agree. He hated worrying his hyungs and the faster he showed them that he was relatively okay the better. He allowed Jinyoung to guide him back to the living room. The other five members where now surrounding BamBam, whose red eyes immediately told the two that he’d either just stopped crying, or was dangerously close to it. The minute the rapper was alerted of the two’s presence, he shot up from his place on the couch and ran to Yugyeom. He practically tackled the younger as silent tears ran down his face. Yugyeom hugged back and felt his eyes burn once more. He tried to stop the tears but it was no use. He honestly was completely confused. Yet again, he couldn’t understand the tears making their way down his face. He knew that Jungkook would fight and was comforted by that thought but now that he was around someone who understood how he was feeling, he felt as though that didn’t matter. Because both of them could lose a friend and neither of them wanted to. None of the members tried to stop the tears because all of them knew from personal experience, that sometimes tears are the healthiest way to deal with emotions. The two cried in silence for almost ten minutes before breaking apart. They were then guided to the couch by Mark and Jaebum and were given tea from Youngjae. Jackson and Jinyoung went on a hunt for the fluffiest and most comfortable blankets and pillows in the dorm and came back with more than enough for all of them. The five eldest members then want to work on making the two as comfortable as possible. Less than five minutes later, the two youngest were covered with so many blankets and pillows that the could barely be seen. To anyone else, it would honestly look quite comical, but none of them cared. They were just comforting people they cared about, even if it did look a little absurd. It was the thought that counted in the end. “Do you want me to text Namjoon and ask him about Jungkook?” Jackson asked. “Can I just call Jungkook?” Yugyeom asked quietly. He really just wanted to hear him. At least then he would have a better gauge on how bad his condition was. “I don’t think that’d be a good idea,” Jaebum said, though he knew it wasn’t what the younger wanted to hear. “Why not?” BamBam asked, his voice cracking at the end. His voice was still scratchy from crying and his eyes were still red. It was obvious that he was upset. “Jungkook’s supposed to start his first round of chemo today,” Mark began to explain in a gentle tone. “He’s probably already really overwhelmed and upset. We don’t need to risk making that any worse.” All of BamBam’s and Yugyeom’s other protests died in their throats. Mark was right after all. “So do you want me to text Namjoon? I know it’s not as good as actually talking to Jungkook but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind to give me some information,” Jackson asked. BamBam and Yugyeom both agreed almost immediately. It wasn’t what they wanted to do but it was better than nothing. “Let’s put in a movie while we wait,” Youngjae said as he made his way to the TV. “I’ll make popcorn,” Jaebum offered before making his way to the kitchen. Jinyoung sat next to Yugyeom on the couch. He took part of one of the blankets and covered himself with it while Jackson sat next to BamBam. He was typing on his phone and wasn’t paying much attention to what was going on around him. He wanted to make sure he didn’t send something that sounded insensitive. After almost six minutes of typing, he decided on something and sent it. Text Message to Namjoon: Hey. We just found out what’s going on. Yugyeom and BamBam are both pretty upset and I was wondering if you could tell me how Jungkook is? We didn’t want to let them call since he might not be ready for that but if you’d rather not tell me then that’s fine too. Even though he’d already sent the text, he read through it once more to see if had any mistakes. He then started to set it down as he waited for a response when he saw the three dots indicating that Namjoon was typing. He only had to wait for a little less than a minute before a response was sent. Text Message from Namjoon:
No, It’s fine. We meant to tell you sooner but we only found out about a week before the concert and Jungkook just wasn’t ready to. He’s . . . okay for now I guess. Pretty tired and sore but he was worse yesterday morning so I guess it’s something. His first round of chemo isn’t until later today but I think he’s already pretty nervous about it but other than that he’s relatively okay. Physically at least. But the doctor has high hopes that he’ll respond well to treatment based on some of his lifestyle factors.
Jackson was about to tell Yugyeom what he knew but got another message only seconds later. Text Message from Namjoon:
And thanks for not letting them call. I know it sounds rude but Jungkook’s phone was already being blown up with notifications and I think he’s feeling a little overwhelmed. We’re going to take away his phone for a few days, just until everything calms down a bit.
Jackson typed a quick response. Text Message to Namjoon:
Okay thanks. And I’ll tell them about the phone thing. How are you and the other’s holding up? I’m sure this can’t be easy.
Another message came about a minute later. Text Message from Namjoon:
We’re all still trying to process I think. It’s just hard to believe, ya know? When you think of someone getting sick like this you always think of someone older or something like that. Jungkook . . . He’s only twenty. You don’t think of a twenty year old having to deal with something like this. It’s been really hard on all of us.
Jackson read over the message a few times. It was true. Jungkook was only twenty. He didn’t smoke or do drugs or anything like that. No one would ever think that Jungkook was sick by looking at his life. Text Message to Namjoon:
I bet. If there is anything, anything at all that we can do to help, don’t hesitate to ask. We’d be happy to.
Again, a response came quickly. Text Message from Namjoon: Thanks I will. I need to go for now but I’ll message you later about how it went. Jackson sent a quick goodbye before setting his phone down and turning to the two youngest. A movie had been put in and they were waiting for Jaebum to return with the popcorn before they started it. “Namjoon said that Jungkook’s doing well. He’s just really tired and sore. They’re going to take away his phone until everything calms down so he’s not overwhelmed by everything,” Jackson said. He didn’t include that it was only Jungkook’s physical state that was okay but he figured that it would be best for the moment. “He also said that the doctor think’s that he’ll respond well to the treatment.” The faintest of smiles made it’s way to Yugyeom’s lips and BamBam visibly relaxed. Jinyoung smiled and put a hand on the maknaes shoulder. “See. I told you it would be alright,” Jinyoung assured. Just after that, Jaebum walked in with two large bowls of popcorn, giving one to Jackson and keeping the other as he went to his seat next to Jinyoung. Youngjae started the movie before sitting next to Mark on the floor. And that was how they spent the rest of their day. Just watching random movies and stuffing themselves full of popcorn. They honestly didn’t care about the strict diet they were supposed to be on. They were on break and they decided that the break would also apply to their diet. Yugyeom fell asleep halfway through the third movie and BamBam followed suit during the fourth. It wasn’t long before Mark and Jaebum joined them in the fifth, only leaving Youngjae, Jinyoung and Jackson awake. When the fourth movie ended, none of them putting in a sixth. Youngjae had already decided to stay the night once more and they decided to just go to sleep with the rest of their members. That, after all was much better than watching cheesy romance movies on TV. So, they turned off the TV and covered themselves with the leftover blankets before falling quickly falling asleep. Jungkook was feeling awful. He’d just got back from his first round of treatment and they’d told him he’d start feeling the side affects soon, but he never thought it would be so quickly. His head was pounding like someone was playing drums on the inside of his skull. His stomach churned dangerously, the small breakfast and lunch threatening to make a reappearance. He felt weak and tired and just wanted to go sleep. He knew the other affects, like the mouth sores and hair loss would come soon. Seokjin was trying to get him to eat something but he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to again. Each time someone even mentioned food, his stomach flipped and he found himself nearly having to rush to the bathroom. Namjoon was there encouraging him as well, but the two of them were starting to understand that their attempts were futile. Every time they brought food to his lips, hoping that by feeding him maybe he would give in and eat, he groaned and he was nearly in tears. He was too tired to eat. “Please Jungkookie. Just a few bites,” Seokjin begged. The elder had made a small, light meal, in hopes that it would be easy on his stomach but it didn’t matter if Jungkook refused to eat. “I can’t hyung,” Jungkook said, nearly in tears. He felt awful that he couldn’t just do it but he felt way too sick to eat. He knew if he tried, he would just throw it all back up. “I can’t do it. I’m sorry.” “Just a little bit. Please try,” Seokjin tried again. He wasn’t about to give up. He’d always been the mother of the group. That wasn’t about to stop. “Hyung, I’ll throw up if I do,” Jungkook defended. He knew there was no way he’d be able to keep anything down. He could barely keep down the food he’d eat earlier that day. There was silence for a minute or two. Seokjin held the food up with chopsticks as if the show that it was always there. To show him that if he wanted to try he could. Namjoon broke the silence when it seemed to go on for too long. “You’ll never get better unless you eat. I know you’re not hungry but at least try and eat a few bites. It doesn’t matter if you throw it up later, you’ve got to give it a chance at least. You’ll never get better unless you put in the effort to, and it’s not going to be easy but you need to try. Please. Just a few bites. That’s all we’re asking.” That definitely seemed to spark something in Jungkook. He gave a quick glance at the food. He wasn’t really sure what it was, but it looked good, to his eyes at least. His stomach would disagree, but he knew he would have to eat something at some point, and after a few minutes of contemplation, decided to get it done sooner rather than later. He allowed Seokjin to feed him, even though it made him feel like a child. He didn’t think he’d even be able to do it himself. Not with the way his stomach was churning. He felt as though he’d be lucky to chew the food for more than a few seconds before throwing up. And he knew that the eldest needed reassurance that he was doing something. He needed the reassurance that he was able to help even if it was something small. The first bit was extremely difficult. He chewed for at least two minutes before he managed to force it down his throat. The minute the, unnecessarily small, bite made it’s way to his stomach, it flipped angrily. He leaned forward in his chair, clutching his abdomen tightly. There was a gentle hand on his back, attempting to distract him, but it didn’t do much. He was so nauseous that he couldn’t move. He knew if he did he would throw up. So, he stayed as still as possible until it calmed down enough. Seokjin and Namjoon encouraged him the entire time. He sat up and allowed Seokjin to feed him another small bite. The second bite was considerably easier. And so was the third, the fourth, and the fifth and all the bites up until a little less than half the food was gone. It was a small feat, but Jungkook felt accomplished. Only a few days before, he hadn’t been able to force himself to eat a few bites. Today, he’d eaten breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and even though all of them were small and unfinished, he felt as though it was something he could be proud of. “Good,” Namjoon praised while Seokjin took the unfinished plate of food the kitchen to watch it. “You did really good, Kookie. I know it wasn’t easy.” Jungkook didn’t say anything. He had finished half the plate and eating had gotten easier as he ate more, but now that he’d stopped, his stomach was taking revenge.Every little movement tossed his stomach to one side or the other. If he opened his mouth he knew he would throw up. Even keeping his eyes open was worsening the nausea. “Do you think you’re going to be sick?” Seokjin asked once he returned. Jungkook shook his head. He was determined to keep the food down. He’d worked so hard to eat it in the first place. He wasn’t about to let all of his hard work go to waste, even if it was making him miserable. The three of them stayed at the table until Jungkook’s stomach calmed down enough for him to move without nearly throwing up. He was still nauseous but it wasn’t as bad as it’d been before. All he was really able to do was shift around a bit. Standing up and walking were out of the question. “Are you tired Kookie?” Seokjin asked. Jungkook nodded. He was exhausted, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to sleep with they way his stomach was acting. “Let’s get you to bed,” Namjoon said, standing up. “Can you walk?” Jungkook shook his head, a little too quickly causing his stomach to flip. He groaned and Seokjin placed a soothing hand on his back. “I’ll get him,” the eldest said. “Why don’t you go check on Jimin and Tae. They seemed pretty upset earlier.” “Okay. Is he sleeping in your room?” the leader asked. “Yeah. I think that might be better, for now at least,” he replied. Jungkook seemed to have tuned out of the conversation. “I’ll meet you up there in a bit,” Namjoon said before leaving the room. Seokjin turned to Jungkook, who was hunched over in his chair. He walked around and knelt down in front of him. “Hey Jungkookie,” he said, hoping to get the younger’s attention. “I’m going to carry you to bed alright? If you think you’re going to be sick I need you to tell me.” Jungkook nodded slightly, closing his eyes in hopes that it would help. Seokjin scooped his arms under the younger’s and started to lift him up. Jungkook wrapped his legs around the elder’s waist and clung to him tightly. His eyes were shut tight as his stomach flipped angrily at the movement. The trip to the bedroom was slow but short. Seokjin quickly got him into bed and covered him with the blankets, tucking him in like a mother would. Normally, Jungkook would protest but he really didn’t think he had the energy to. As a precaution, the eldest grabbed the small trashcan that was in the room and put it next to the bed. He hoped it wouldn’t be needed but he figured it was best to be prepared. “Hyung?” Jungkook said quietly. “Yes, Kookie?” Seokjin asked. “Can you stay here? At least until I fall asleep.” Jungkook asked. His voice cracked. He hated crying in front of the other members but he didn’t care at the moment. “Of course. I was already planning on it,” Seokjin said, wiping away a stray tear that trickled down his face. “Thank you hyung.” Jungkook whispered. “You don’t need to thank me,” Seokjin replied, placing a gentle kiss on the younger’s forehead. He started running his finger’s through Jungkook’s hair “Get some sleep now, okay?” Jungkook smiled and did just that.
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Two weeks passed. Jungkook had several more treatments during that time and they side affects were becoming much more prominent and difficult to deal with. Their manager had canceled all their schedules and put the group on hiatus for a while, at least until, or if, Jungkook got better. In the short amount of time he’d started his treatment, he’d changed quite a bit. Both physically and mentally. His hair was starting to thin and he’d barely been able to eat. His ribs were becoming more and more prominent than when he’d first told Jimin and Namjoon. Most of what he did manage to eat was thrown back up and his stomach was constantly in turmoil. The fatigue was starting to make it hard for him to move around for too long without tiring himself out. It honestly surprised all of them how quickly the treatment was affecting him. They wondered how he could ever get better when it seemed as though the treatment was only making him worse. At the same time, they all knew he was much worse off mentally than he was physically. It was obvious that the sudden change in lifestyle was having an affect on him. He wasn’t allowed in the dance studio until he showed improvement, or at least finished his first round of chemo. He was itching to dance, even if it hurt him. He just needed something to get his mind off of everything and they all saw the negative affects it was having on him. There was obvious fear at the fact that he was having to fight for his life at only twenty years old. Depression at not being able to do something he loved. Pain as everything slowly became more and more difficult. It was awful and they all hated it. For him. For themselves. They just wanted him to be happy and healthy though it seemed that he wasn’t going to be either of those things for a while. Yugyeom and BamBam visited not long after he went for his first shots. They’d been overjoyed to see each other and Jungkook was more than happy to have a distraction. It’d been a fairly normal visit. They talked, played video games, and teased each other. For the most part, nothing seemed off. That was until Jungkook’s stomach suddenly decided to reject the small breakfast he’d managed to force down. Jimin and Taehyung, who were the only ones home at the time, rushed to his side and not long after sent Yugyeom and BamBam home. Jungkook spent almost an hour kneeled in front of the toilet, his two hyungs providing comfort every step of the way. Namjoon and Seokjin had both been out taking a class on giving a chemo injection so they wouldn’t have to make as many hospital trips and so that Jungkook would be more comfortable. Hoseok went to the dance studio to try and get his emotions under control and Yoongi had went to his studio, presumably to do the same. It probably wasn’t the smartest thing to leave the three youngest at the dorm alone. Especially since Taehyung and Jimin were among the more emotional ones of the group and Jungkook was very emotionally unstable. But all three of them had grown up a lot since they’d first debuted and they knew that Jimin and Taehyung would call them if anything serious happened. When Jungkook’s stomach finally calmed down enough for him to stand without needing to throw up despite still feeling like it, even though there was nothing left in his stomach, they helped him to the couch. They lay him down on his side, getting a trashcan and bringing it close just to be safe. Jimin let Jungkook rest his head on his lap while Taehyung sat on the floor and gently rubbed Jungkook’s protesting stomach. It didn’t take him long until he fell asleep, or at least into something close to that, the treatments only having intensified his exhaustion. Taehyung got up the text everyone else what had happened, and informed Jungkook’s family. Jungkook’s parents were distraught about their son. They’d tried to come visit him immediately but were unable to because they’d been away on vacation and couldn’t get their flights changed to an earlier time. Junghyun had taken the news better than his parents but was still extremely upset. He promised to visit as soon as possible but he hadn’t been able to make it, though he was trying. He’d stopped posting on instagram, save for one he posted right after he heard the news to ask his fans to give support. His parents and brother all wanted him to come back to Busan once they were all back but they decided to let him stay in Seoul. There was a better hospital there since it’s a big city and better treatment. The group promised to keep them informed about everything, both serious and not. His family all tried paying for the treatment but they and their manager insisted that the company or group do it instead. In the end it was decided that his family would pay half and his group members would take care of the other half. Jungkook had felt guilty about causing so many problems but everyone was quick to assure him that he didn’t need to be. It wasn’t like he could control getting sick or not so there was no reason for him to feel that way. Jungkook, not being the smartest in the group but being able to understand what was logical and what wasn’t, understood this. He knew there wasn’t a reason to feel guilty, but he did anyway and something he’d learned very quickly was that you couldn’t always control your emotions. They’d all had to learn that and it hadn’t been an easy lesson to learn. Especially since they had to learn the hard way. Yoongi and Hoseok came home the minute Taehyung had texted the group chat about what happened. The two of them had been out all day and would’ve probably stayed for the rest if they hadn’t gotten the message. Knowing Yoongi, he probably would’ve stayed all night, but he knew he couldn’t leave Taehyung and Jimin alone in the situation they were in and Hoseok wasn’t the best at handling stressful situations. So, he decided it would be best to get back as soon as possible to avoid any panicked phone calls. He wasn’t sure if he could take that. He was already having a hard enough time dealing with things since they got the news. He’d never admit it, but the concert had been extremely difficult for him. He’d struggled a lot with his depression throughout the entire week leading up to the concert. He’d hoped that writing music would help him deal with the emotions like it always did but it didn’t help this time. At least, not like it used to. He felt like every time he tried to write instead of spending time with the group, he was wasting time. So the moment he had and excuse to go back without showing any weakness, he took it. Hoseok, on the other hand, wasn’t as afraid to show weakness as some of the other members. He’d always been very open about his emotions and had never been the one to try an hold back tears. If he had to cry, he cried. Because he understood that he couldn’t always have that sunshine attitude. He was old enough to understand that things weren’t always going to be easy and he knew that sometimes, the best way to accept that was to just let the emotions out. He didn’t need and excuse to go back. He honestly wanted to stay. He wasn’t really sure what he was feeling and he didn’t want to snap at any of the other members because of it. Dancing had always been an outlet for him and he wanted to keep going, but at the same time he knew he needed to go back. He had to make sure Jungkook was alright, and if that meant trying to hide what he was feeling for a few hours then he would do it. But, as he walked out, he saw Yoongi turn the corner, heading for the buildings exit. At that moment, he almost considered turning back. Yoongi was older and more responsible. He would be able to help Jungkook perfectly fine, and Taehyung and Jimin were there too. He didn’t need to go back. But then he remembered how exhausted Yoongi looked, not only having to deal with his own emotions, but also having to help the younger members deal with theirs. He remembered the nights were the elder looked ready to scream, cry, punch someone, laugh, and pass out all at once as he tried to figure out what his mind and heart were trying to tell him. He remembers all the quiet sobs he could hear late in the night and he decides that he needs to go back too. He had to run to catch up with him, but he managed to catch him just before he started pulling out of his parking place. “You going back too?” Hoseok asked, attempting to hide his breathlessness. Yoongi nodded. “Mind to give me a ride?” “Hop in,” Yoongi replied, secretly thankful that the younger had caught him before he left. Being alone had never been something that bothered Yoongi all that much. Normally he preferred it and nobody blamed him. They all like to be alone sometimes, but in light of recent events, he felt like loneliness was drowning him. He would never admit it, but for the first time in forever he wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by people. At this point, he didn’t even care who it was anymore. But, he couldn’t help but be glad that it was Hoseok riding back with him. The two of them were complete opposites, but it suddenly felt like they’d switched personalities. With Hoseok hiding away himself and his emotions and Yoongi wanting nothing more than to cry and be surrounded by his members. They both understood what the other was feeling without even speaking. Neither of them spoke the entire way back. There was no need to. It seemed to be a mutual understanding that, while they both wanted or needed to company of the other, they didn’t need to speak. Just having the other there, knowing that they weren’t alone in what they were feeling was enough. As Yoongi pulled up to the dorm, they gave each other a small, understand smile, before taking a deep breath and heading inside, bracing themselves for what they might have to deal with. Vomiting, crying, headaches, or arguments. They were just glad they didn’t have to face it alone. Namjoon and Seokjin both didn’t get home till later that evening. They’d taken a few tests to make sure they actually knew enough about the human body before even getting to the injection part. After that they’d spent hours having to learn about where and how deep to put the needle, what to do if they missed a vein, and how to properly clean and store the syringes. Seokjin was a bit queasy by the time it was over. They’d felt bad about not being able to go back as soon as they got the message that Jungkook wasn’t feeling well, but they had to stay. If they’d left early, they would’ve had to repeat everything and neither of them wanted to do that. The longer they waited to lear, the more hospital trips they would have to make and they knew how much Jungkook hated having to go for his treatment. They also knew it would be easier on all of them. Several photos of the group having to help a sickly Jungkook, just having gotten treated, had found their way onto the internet. They’d tried to keep that hidden from Jungkook but he managed to catch a glimpse of one while Taehyung was scrolling through Twitter. The maknae hated to have the fans see him in such a back state so they wanted to do everything they could to keep more pictures like that from circulating. Jungkook would only have to go for one or two more treatments at the hospital so that Namjoon and Seokjin could watch it get done and prove to the doctor that they would be able to do it without assistance. At least that’s what they hoped. The only reason for him to have to continue treatment at the hospital was if his condition got worse and they hoped and prayed that it didn’t. They hoped that as they walked in the house they would find a happy Jungkook, not retching into the toilet or unable to walk. They hated seeing him so weak and tired from the treatment. He was hardly even bothered by the symptoms of his sickness anymore but it felt like the chemo side affects were about ten times worse. They tried helping him with it. They gave him the pain medications prescribed by the doctor. They helped him through meals as he tried to force down food, nausea nearly forcing him to stop, and rubbed his back when he wasn’t able to hold the food down. They made sure he rested a lot and got plenty of water. They tried to get him up and walking as much as they could, knowing that he didn’t like staying in bed all day and that it wasn’t good for him. No matter how much they did, it only helped so much. There was no way for him to live a normal life while on his treatment. That’s why, as the two walking up to the door, the prepared themselves to here retching or crying. The two had become worryingly common since his treatment had started so it was completely logical for them to expect that. But, the minute they opened to door, the were shocked to here laughter coming from somewhere in the house. It took them a minute to completely register it. Laughter seemed impossible for them at the moment, but it was clear, bright, and genuine as it bounced off the dorm walls and filled their ears. It was happy. Somewhere in their dorm, despite what they were going through, someone was happy. “Yah, you brat!” the heard Yoongi call, followed by a fit of giggles. “Did I tell you you could pass me?!” “Not my fault you’re too slow hyung,” the heard Jungkook say and there was more laughter. At that moment, Seokjin and Namjoon both decided it was best to just go join the laughter because it was better than just standing by in shock. It was much better than the dread that they’d been feeling as they came back. It was ten times better than the hopelessness they’d felt all that day, so why wouldn’t they join. They speed walked into the living room. There they saw their other five group members sitting in front of the TV with a box of pizza sitting, neglected, nearby. Jungkook and Yoongi were playing Mario Kart and it seemed as though the Jungkook had just passed Yoongi for first place. Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung all happily cheered for both of them, not caring about choosing sides and just wanting to enjoy the situation. Everyone’s faces were stained with tears, but they were sill laughing. Seokjin and Namjoon were a bit surprised to say the least. Just that morning, everyone had been sulking like someone had just died. “W-What’s going on?” Seokjin asked, still trying to shake off the shock. Only Hoseok turned back to look at him. “Family game night. You were running late and we were bored so we started without you. We’re having a Mario Kart Tournament. Tae and Jiminie are going next. You joining?” “Yeah,” Namjoon said quickly, answering for them both. It’d been a stressful day for all of them. With all that’d been going on, even before the diagnosis, they figured this night was long overdue. Seokjin and Namjoon took off their jackets and shoes, not bothering to put them up, and set down their things on the floor before making their way over to the living room. Taehyung and Jimin were both standing up on the couch, cheering continuously, especially when something exciting happened. Hoseok was sitting on the love seat by himself so Seokjin joined him and the two of them joined in with the cheering when something exciting happened. Namjoon grabbed a chair from another room and sat in that, not wanting to risk sitting on the couch. Jungkook and Yoongi were both sitting on the floor, faces contorted into ones of concentration. Nothing about the situation seemed odd, or significant in any way, but a closer look would prove other wise. If you looked closer you would see tired figures and tear-stained cheeks. You would see sickly paleness from lack of sleep or actually being sick. You would see thinning figures as they tried to keep up with the new lifestyle that they’d been forced into. You would see stress and exhaustion, then and only then did the situation seem more significant than it originally had. Because, even in the face of an awful situation, they were still managing to be happy. They were still living their life, or trying to at least. Even if it had put their career and many other things on hold, they were still trying to live life, even if they hadn’t known how before. In the end, Yoongi lost to Jungkook, who was now jumping up and down and cheering with Jimin and Taehyung. Yoongi had tried making the excuse ‘I let him win’ but no one believed him. Jimin and Taehyung went next and the only way to describe it was loud. The two shouted at each other almost the entire time. Trash talk and insults that they didn’t actually mean were thrown around like a ball and there were several times that they actually gave small shoves. Of course, none of it was done out of real malice or anger. It was just fun. “You’re so slow Jiminie-hyung!” Taehyung shouted about halfway through his second lap, leading the race in first. Jimin was not far behind in fourth place, quickly making his way back up. “Just wait!,” Jimin retorted. “You’ll be eating your words here in a minute!” Taehyung did in fact have to eat his words when Jimin passed him in the third round and won the race. The elder’s character went around for another lap while Taehyung’s had to stay behind and sulk for losing the race. Everyone else in the room, excluding Yoongi, cheered. They honestly didn’t really care who won. Next, Namjoon and Seokjin played rock paper scissors to see who would play against Hoseok and who would automatically move on. Namjoon won and would be facing the winner of Hoseok’s and Seokjin’s match. Hoseok and Seokjin’s could only be called interesting. The two of them shouted at each other, but none of it really had to do with the match. They were just shouting nonsense but it made them all laugh none the less. It seemed that they were trying to distract each other and it was working since the both slowly started to fall behind the computer generated characters. Neither of them did well in the end, Hoseok getting eleventh place and Seokjin getting ninth, but the elder was still the winner and got to move on. Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung were all quick to tease the three of them on their failure. “Disrespectful brats,” Seokjin had muttered under his breath, but there was fondness in his voice. Jimin and Jungkook went next. They were both competitive, the younger even more so than the rest of the group, so it didn’t surprise any of them when trash talk started as soon as they started. Even so, they both managed to keep their head in the game, unlike Hoseok and Seokjin. They were neck and neck for most of the race. Taehyung and Hoseok were unnecessarily loud the entire time with shouts of “You can do it Kookie!” or “Go Jiminnie!” been screamed throughout the entire race. Yoongi despite his quiet personality, even joined in, deciding that it was okay to come out of his shell every once and a while. Jungkook came out the victor. His hyungs cheered, even Jimin, but only after giving a pout at his loss. He hadn’t really cared about winning or not, he was just glad to see everyone smiling. The next match proceeded and, despite his terrible first round, Seokjin came out the victor, happily boasting about his victory. “For once I’m glad you destroy everything,” the elder had commented after the leader had run his car over a cliff for the third time. Everyone had laughed happily. After that, it was time for the final round. Jungkook versus Seokjin. Hoseok found a comb that’d been lying in the room and started using as a mic to commentate the final match. “And now for the event we’ve all been waiting for!” the dancer shouted loudly. “The youngest versus the oldest! It’s bound to be a heated match! They’ll be racing on Rainbow Road! Who will come out the victor?! I bet we’re all excited to find out!” It was obvious that the two were very serious as soon as the race started. Neither of them spoke a word, trying to tune out Jimin’s and Taehyung’s shouting. Namjoon was now on his feet, cheering them both own loudly. Even Yoongi was getting in on the action. The first lap went by quickly, nothing really interesting happening. Jungkook was in second place, getting closer and closer to first, and Seokjin was not far behind him in third. The second lap Jungkook managed to run the elder off the track and make his way up to first place, leaving Seokjin behind in seventh. In the third, he managed to catch up at the last moment, but only in time to see Jungkook cross the finish line, claiming victory. “And the victor his Jungkoooooook!” Hoseok bellowed, grabbing once of the maknae’s hands and thrusting it into the air. There was laughing, cheering, and sulking on Seokjin’s part. It was amazing. They were just having fun and it didn’t stop there. They put in a comedy, but didn’t really watch it as they talked happily, joking around with each other. Jungkook even managed to forget about his angry stomach and eat two pieces of pizza, which had to be reheated after having been neglected for so long. After the movie was over, they went on to play ‘Uno’. It hadn’t been nearly as loud or chaotic as the previous game but it was no less fun. They were just enjoying their time together. Hoseok came out the winner of the game and they moved onto the next thing even though it was late into the night, possibly even early morning. It didn’t matter to them. Time seemed to be insignificant when they were with each other, just getting to have fun together. And when the clock ready 3:47 a.m. and they deemed it way past time to go to bed, they didn’t separate. They just got all of the pillows and blankets they could find, along with a few mattresses and quickly build a fort that would no doubt fall apart some time during thing night. Many would see it as a childish thing to do but sometimes it’s good to forget the struggles of life and just act like a kid again. Jungkook was, unsurprisingly, the first to fall asleep, curled up against Namjoon’s chest, who was not far behind him. Hoseok was laying behind Jungkook, arm thrown over him casually. The rest of them were finishing up the last few touches on their fort, leaving a window to see the TV, which had been muted, so if anyone wanted to they could watch. In the end, none of them did, thinking it better to just got right to sleep after exhausting themselves with all the activities. And even though they knew they would be exhausted the next day, the didn’t care. It was so worth it. Seokjin didn’t wake up till after ten the next morning. Exhaustion had kept him from following his normal morning routine but it didn't matter. They didn’t have anything to do that day. They could all afford a few extra hours of sleep and they all needed it. He didn’t think he'd be able to go back to sleep so he slid the blanket off of him, being careful not to wake any of the other members, he got out of bed and crawled out of their sloppily built fort. To his surprise, it had actually survived the night despite some of the other’s members habit of moving around during the night. After successfully making it out, without waking anyone, he made his way to the bathroom, quickly getting ready. He threw on a clean hoodie and sweatpants before heading back down to the kitchen and started on breakfast. By then, it was almost second nature to make something light that Jungkook could handle, but it didn’t make it any easier. He hated that the younger could barely keep anything down. Even so, he sighed, and started breakfast. He decided to make something quick, still too tired from the night before to put much energy into anything. He’d only just started to get the ingredients from the cupboard when he heard a voice behind him. “Morning hyung.” Seokjin swore that his heart leaped from his chest in that moment. He dropped what he was holding and spun around, nearly falling as he did. When he did, he saw Jimin standing there. “You okay hyung?” the younger asked, seeming to be genuinely concerned despite the underlaying amusement in his voice. “Give me a warning next time!” Seokjin exclaimed, still trying to keep his voice down. “You almost gave me a heart attack.” Jimin laughed quietly. The elder was only second to Hoseok when it came to getting scared. It shouldn’t have surprised him when he jumped. “Sorry hyung,” he said, still smiling. “Do you want help with breakfast?” “If that’s your way of making it up to me then yes I would love help with breakfast,” Seokjin said with a smile. “Can you grab the eggs from the fridge for me?” “Sure.” Jimin walked to the fridge to get the carton out. “Did you sleep well?” “Yeah.” Seokjin smiled at being able to reply to the question honestly for the first time in a while. “Did you?” “Like a rock,” the younger replied. “Probably would have slept longer if Namjoon hadn’t been snoring so much.” The two of them chuckled quietly. It was nice to be able to joke around again. It felt like all the tension built up in the dorm had disappeared. They were finally able to smile again, even though it didn’t seem like they were in a situation for smiling. There was silence for a few moments. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it wasn’t awkward either. It was just silence. Only about a minute of that passed before Seokjin spoke up. “So what happened yesterday?” he asked, very curious as to what caused everyone’s sudden chang of mood. “What?” Jimin asked. “I mean . . . how did you get everyone to just . . . I don’t know . . . forget about everything I guess. Joonie and I have been trying to get everyone to act like that for weeks and it hasn’t worked. Normally I wouldn’t care but . . . I don’t want everyone to go back to how they were before yesterday. It’s just been so tense and gloomy lately and I just want to keep the mood up,” the elder explained. He was tired of all the the sadness and tenseness in the dorm. “Oh . . .” Jimin said, seemingly a bit surprised by the question. “I’m . . . I’m actually not really sure how it started . . . but it happened not long after Yoongi hyung and Hobi hyung got back. Jungkook just woke up and it . . . just kind of happened.” “What did?” Seokjin asked, unable to hide his curiosity. “I’m not really sure,” Jimin replied solomenly. “Young hyung seemed really upset and when I asked what was wrong he just started crying for some reason. I think he’s been wanting to for a while now. I’ve never seen him cry so much before then. I think it upset Jungkookie for some reason. He’d just woken up so he was a little confused. That might have something to do with it but we didn’t want to take any chances so we started talking and . . . I think we all just decided to finally be honest about how we felt about the situation. By the end, I think we cried enough to fill a pool.” Jimin chuckled softly but there wasn’t much humor behind it. “After that, I think we just accepted the situation. There isn’t anything we can really do about it but help him through it so we decided to have fun while we have time. We even helped started a bucket list for Jungkook! He seemed really excited about it but we’re not done making it yet. It . . . It just got better from there I think.” Seokjin just stood in silence for a moment. How something started with tears and ended with a room filled with laughter and happiness was beyond him, but he couldn’t help but be glad that it happened. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Me and Joonie missed out didn’t we?” he said with a small laugh. Jimin laughed and nodded. “We’ll have to have another one,” the younger said. “We have to finish making Jungkook’s bucket list anyway and I’m ready for another Mario Kart tournament. I have have to get a rematch.” They laughed whole heartedly and for the first time in weeks, it didn’t feel forced. It felt real. It felt amazing and they weren’t afraid to laugh anymore. Because, sometimes crying is the only thing to do, and the same goes for laughing. Sometimes, even in the face of an awful situation, one just needs to laugh and then the situation doesn’t seem as awful anymore. And they’re learning that. It was slow coming, but they were learning and they were so glad they did. It was much better than tense silence and solemn words. It was a whole lot better that crying and it felt good. They knew that there would be more tears. It was pretty much a guarantee, but they also knew there would be more laughter and suddenly, the tears didn’t seem as significant as before. If anything, just the day before they proved that tears could lead to something good and if that was the case, then they would cry a million tears. They were just glad that they understood that they could laugh now. Even if it seemed like they should be crying.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Another two weeks passed since the night they’d all decided to accept the situation. Things definitely weren’t getting any easier, but they weren’t getting much worse either. Jungkook’s condition did seem to get worse but the doctor assured them that it was completely normal. His hair was incredibly thin now and he barely managed to keep any food down. He was constantly exhausted to the point where he was barely able to get out of bed. Despite all that, he was still happy. His hyungs constantly provided comfort and distractions from his situation and he couldn’t be more grateful. They played games almost every night and Hoseok and Jimin had even taken him to the dance studio for a bit, despite the company forbidding it. They’d only stayed for around thirty minutes before Jungkook became too tired to continue but he was grateful nonetheless. Namjoon and Seokjin both qualified to give the injections at home and he was glad he wouldn’t have to make as many hospital trips. Yoongi was helping him learn to compose music and Taehyung played Overwatch with him whenever they had time. Despite everything that they were going through he was glad that he was going through it with his hyungs. He didn’t think he’d be able to face it otherwise. His parents still hadn’t been able to visit which was slightly disheartening, but he brother had messaged him the day before to say that he was on his way. Jungkook had been more than happy about that and was unable to sit still since he’d heard. He really just wanted to see his family. His hyungs had been more than happy to provide a place for Junghyun to sleep while he stayed. They were just happy that Jungkook seemed to be excited. It filled the entire dorm with more positive energy and it suddenly felt like they were ready to face the illness. The day Junghyun was supposed to arrive, Jungkook seemed to try harder than ever to fight the exhaustion plaguing him. He ate his entire breakfast, and even some of Jimin’s, and managed to keep it all down. He walked around the dorm, knowing that while he needed rest to get better, he also need to keep getting exercise or else he’d be even worse off. He took a short nap after but it had him feeling more refreshed for his brother’s arrival and he couldn’t help the way he felt like bouncing off the walls. Taehyung played Overwatch with him for a bit to occupy his mind. Jimin joined in a bit later but not for long as he went to go help Seokjin with lunch. The eldest had decided to make a large lunch for Junghyun’s visit. He wanted to make his visit as pleasant as possible, which wasn’t going to be easy considering the reason he was visiting. Even so, they hoped that they would be able to have a good time. Namjoon had somehow managed to convince Yoongi and Hoseok to help him clean up the dorm while they waited. It wasn’t too overly dirty, but defiantly could be better. There were quite a few dirty dishes and clothes were strewn throughout the dorm but nothing that they couldn’t handle. There were a few small game pieces that they’d lost on had to search for but other than that there really wasn’t much to do. At around one o’clock, there was a knock at the door and Jungkook nearly jumped to his feet. It’d been a while since he’d seen his brother, or any of his family for that matter, in person. He had reason to be excited. Though the run was short, he was breathing heavily by the time he’d reached the door. He didn’t seem to care as he flung to door open, not even flinching as it slammed against the wall. Everyone else in the dorm wouldn’t be surprised if there was a dent in the wall judging by the loud sound it made. Once the door was out of the way, he threw himself at his brother. The elder stumbled a bit, but happily accepted and returned the embrace. He’d been worried sick his entire trip to Seoul and he was more than happy to see his brother was, at least somewhat, well. He’d changed a lot since he’d last seen him but it was still his brother. “I missed you,” Junghyun whispered into the younger’s ear. “I missed you too,” Jungkook whispered back hugging the elder tighter. They stayed like that for a moment, not wanting to break apart even though they knew they would have to at some point. “I’m sorry a didn’t visit sooner,” Junghyun said as he pulled away. “I know you’ve been busy but I should’ve came by to see you earlier.” “Don’t worry about it,” Jungkook replied, leading his brother into the house. “I’m just glad I get to see you now. So how have you been?” “I’m . . .” Junghyun trailed off. He wasn’t really sure how he’d been. Ever since he’d found out about Jungkook’s condition, he’d been and emotional wreck. He hadn’t let those feelings be conveyed to anyone other than close friends and he wasn’t sure if his brother was ready to hear about it yet. He was sure the younger was probably still coming to terms with it himself. In the end, he decided that it’d be best not to worry him. “I’ve been good. How are you feeling?” There was a hint of caution in the elder’s voice. Jungkook didn’t answer until they reached the living room and were both settled onto the couch. The rest of the members decided to give the two some time alone and went to occupy themselves so they didn’t have to worry about anyone listening in on their conversation. Jungkook took a deep breath, still being slightly tired from his short sprint to the door a little over a minute before. “I’m . . . I don’t really know actually. I’ve been really tired and I haven’t been able to eat much. I’ve also had a fever that comes and goes, but I’m happy I guess. Hyungs are helping me keep my spirits up and the doctor seems hopeful so we’re hoping that we’ll be able to switch to a less intense chemo soon.” Junghyun gave a small smile. “That’s good. I’m glad they’re all taking good care of you. I was afraid I’d have to give them a good talking to, maybe a few smacks here and there, but they seem to be doing a great job,” the elder joked lightly. Jungkook chuckled quietly. He didn’t realize how much he missed his brother until this moment. “Have you heard from mom and dad?” Jungkook asked. He hadn’t been able to talk to them much as the place their were in was having some bad weather and the connection was bad. “I talked to them on my way here. They’re trying to get back as soon as they can but they couldn’t get an earlier flight because all of them have been canceled. The weather’s supposed to clear up soon and they’re going to get the first flight back but they aren’t sure how long it’ll take. They’re hoping maybe only a day or two more.” Junghyun replied. Jungkook nodded in response. He hated that he couldn’t see his parents sooner but there was nothing he could do about it. Unless he could force the weather to clear up sooner, which he couldn’t, he would just have to wait it out. It wasn’t and ideal option, but it was the only one he had. “Are you hungry?” Jungkook asked. “Jin-hyung’s making lunch. He’s probably done by now.” “Sure,” Junghyun replied and the two of them stood up. Namjoon walked in just as they did. “Why don’t you help him set the table, I’m going to talk to Namjoon for a bit.” Jungkook nodded, not liking the feeling of being left out but understanding that there were somethings he probably wanted to go over and ask. He made his way to the kitchen, subconsciously trying to hear what the two were talking about. He walked into the kitchen where Seokjin was just starting to set the table. “Do you want any help?” he asked, already heading to the cabinet to grab plates. “I’d love some help,” Seokjin said with a smile. Jimin was supposed to help him but the younger had went to go play video games with Taehyung while they waited. Wordlessly, he and Jungkook set the table, Seokjin having to go search for an extra chair while Jungkook finished. They brought the food to the table and finished up with setting out chopsticks and other silverware. “Could you go get everyone while I finish up?” Seokjin asked. “Yeah, I’ll be right back,” Jungkook replied as he left the room. As he walked by he couldn’t help but pick up on bits and pieces of Namjoon’s and his brother’s conversation. It made him feel guilty but it wasn’t like he could help it. He had to walk by the room to get to the other’s so he really didn’t have much of a choice. “I’m just really worried about him,” he heard his brother say as he walked by. “We all are, trust me,” Namjoon said. He didn’t hear anything after that but he knew it was about him. He didn’t like the fact that they were talking about him but he couldn’t blame them because in the situation they were in. He simply clenched his jaw and continued walking by, trying to ignore the urge to go back and listen to their conversation. Once Jungkook left the room, Junghyun turned to Namjoon. “Hello,” he said politely, reaching out his hand. He didn’t honestly think that he needed to be so formal, but he hadn’t seen Namjoon in a very long time, and it was never for very long. Just short interactions that usually got cut off halfway through. Namjoon took his hand and shook it awkwardly. “It’s nice to see you again.” “You too,” Jungkyun replied. He felt a bit uncomfortable. He didn’t know Namjoon all that well. “So . . . How is he?” he asked after a moment. Namjoon sighed deeply. “He’s . . . I don’t really know. The chemo has been messing him up pretty badly and I think he’s still trying to grasp the situation. I know I am. I want to try talking to him but I doubt he’ll be honest. He prefers keeping things to himself and there isn’t much I can do about that.” “I could try talking to him,” Junghyun said. “I mean, he probably won’t tell me anything either but it’s worth a shot.” Namjoon gave a short laugh. “He’s always been stubborn, hasn’t he?” Junghyun smiled. “He really has . . .” There was silence for a long moment but it wasn’t as awkward as they’d expected it to be. It wasn’t really comfortable, but not awkward either. Junghyun spoke after about two minutes of this silence. “I’m just really worried about him.” Namjoon’s smile, which had been slowly fading before, dropped fully. “We all are, trust me.” “The entire way here I kept wondering if maybe I’d noticed something sooner from videos, or came down and visited, maybe It wouldn’t be as bad as it is now. I know there wasn’t really anyway to avoid it but at least maybe I could’ve seen something and it could’ve been caught it in the earlier stages. I feel like an awful brother,” Junghyun said, unsure why he was suddenly telling the leader this. “I’ve been think thing’s like that a lot lately,” Namjoon said. “I keep asking myself if maybe I’d been a bit more attentive then maybe we could be avoiding this situation but I always come to the same conclusion; it’s in the past now and I can’t go back and redo it. I shouldn’t focus on what I could’ve done but what I can do now.” He paused for a moment, as if the find what he wanted to say next. “And I promise you, you’re not a bad brother. Jungkook has always spoken highly of you. I don’t think he’d wish for anyone else.” Silence followed. Junghyun wasn’t really sure what to say. He had a lot of things he wanted to say, but wasn’t sure how to put his thoughts into words. In the end, he settled for a simple,”Thank you.” “No need to thank me,” Namjoon said. Voices could be heard from the kitchen. “I think lunch is ready. We should go on in before they start without us.” Junghyun nodded, and followed him to the kitchen, feeling much better than when he’d first arrived. He didn’t know how long he was going to stay, or how much time he would have left with his brother, but he was going to make the most of it, whether it was a few months, or fifty years. Lunch went fairly well. Jungkook, being encouraged by his brothers visit, managed to eat his whole plate, though it took him a while. It took him longer than the rest but none of them minded having to wait. They were just glad he was eating. After that they all went to the living room and just started talking. Not really about anything in particular. Just random things. Junghyun told the group members stories from when Jungkook was younger, to which the younger protested greatly. His fellow group members seemed to love it, encouraging Junghyun to tell them more. In return, they told Junghyun more recent stories about his brother. No matter what it was about, they all ended up in laughter and they found that, despite training away from home for years, then debuting, that Jungkook hadn’t changed all that much. Still stubborn, that was for sure. Hardworking, though more so in recent years than when he was younger. Passionate about things he really liked. Kind but still had his bratty rude moments. But there were some things that did change, and mostly for the better. He wasn’t nearly as shy as when he’d first started training. He had been a bit selfish when he was younger but that was almost completely gone now. He’d learned to be grateful for almost everything he had and was working harder than he ever had when he was little. Jungkook, throughout the entire story-telling section of their story, hid behind his own hands or a blanket. His cheeks were flushed from embarrassment but he was laughing to. He himself found amusement into stories, even though he was embarrassed by them. Eventually, the conversation shifted from story telling to just general life. They talked about what they did in their daily lives. The members talked about grueling schedules while Junghyun talked about his daily life and when he did in his freetime. Junghyun remembered Jungkook telling him how tiring the schedules could be but hearing it from all seven of them made it more real. He wondered how they could get through schedules and manage to deal with screaming fans, but he could see in their eyes how much they truly loved what they did. Finally, the conversation took another turn. It went from simple, harmless talking to talking about treatments, hospitals, and survival statistics. Jungkook knew it wasn’t the ideal thing to talk about with his brother, but he understood that it needed to be done. His brother needed to know these things, even if it wasn’t what he wanted to talk about. They told about how he was now allowed to do his treatment at home as long as he went to the hospital for regular check-ups on his condition. How, if it got to a certain point, he would be admitted into the hospital. They also told him about how, if his condition didn’t improve soon, he was going to be put on a bone-marrow transplant list. They told him Jungkook’s chance of survival. Junghyun had broke down in tears at that point. He’d cried several times since he’d found out, but he never seemed to run out of tears. Every time someone had asked him about his brother since he’d heard about his condition, he felt his heart ache. He couldn’t help but wonder why it was happening to Jungkook of all people. Sure he wasn’t a saint, he’d done things wrong. He’d messed up but everyone does. No one’s perfect, but at the same time, Jungkook is just so kind. He would never intentionally hurt someone unless they hurt someone he cared for. He would never actively try and cause difficultly for others. If anything, that was the thing he tried to avoid the most. Sure he teased the elder members and his brother a lot but it was all out of love. It just didn’t make sense. To any of them. None of them judged Junghyun for crying. They all had cried a lot themselves so there was no reason for them to judge. They were even tempted to cry with him, but held back. They’d only just learned to laugh again and they feared that if they cried again they’d have to relearn how to laugh. So they suppressed the tears and ignored the burn behind their eyes. Junghyun cried for around five minutes, not seeming to care that he was surrounded by others. He was terrified. His brother had left home at a young age for training so they never got to spend a lot of time together during his teens and now he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to make up for that lost time. When he finally calmed down, Namjoon spoke. “Why don’t we show you where you’ll be sleeping and you can lie down for a bit,” the leader suggested. He understood that Junghyun would probably want to be alone. Junghyun only nodded and stood up. Jungkook stood up as well and went to help the elder with his luggage. He knew he didn’t need to help, but he wanted to. He felt he was the reason for his brother’s tears and he wanted to make up for that. Nobody stopped him. Junghyun allowed him to help, but only let him take the smallest and lightest suitcase. Jungkook didn’t complain. He knew Junghyun was just worried about him, and while that was something that used to bother him, he accepted that people worrying was a fact of life. He tended to worry a lot about the older members so he coudln’t say anything. There wasn’t anything he could do about it other that accept it. Jungkook motioned to Namjoon that he would show his brother where he would be staying since he was sleeping in his room. They’d set up and air-mattress, which wasn’t ideal but it was the best they could come up with. The distance from the living room to his room wasn’t long, but Jungkook was still out of breath by the time they reached it. He was exhausted and the meal from earlier that day had been threatening to come back ever since he managed to force it down. He could feel a wave of nausea coming on and sat down on his bed the minute they got to his room. Junghyun noticed, but decided not to say anything. It was obvious that the younger didn’t want him worrying too much, so he pretended to not see him nearly keeling over or hear him breathing heavily. Jungkook was grateful. He quickly showed Junghyun where he could keep his things while he stayed. He had planned to show him around the dorm a bit but he was much too exhausted. He felt like his heart would burst out of his chest if he tried to move anymore. “Why don’t you lie down for a bit,” Junghyun suggested. He knew that Jungkook hated showing weakness but he was looking worse and worse by the second. Even so, Jungkook shook his head, hating the way the room spun after. He knew if he moved anymore he’d probably throw up, and he’d been doing so well at keeping the food down. It hadn’t been easy, but he’d done it. He wanted to keep it up if he could so he stayed as still as he possibly could as he waited for the feeling of nausea to pass. “Do you feel like you’re going to throw up?” Junghyun asked, kneeling in front of the younger, apparently forgetting the tears he’d shed only a few minutes before and how he’d tried not to show his worry for the younger’s sake only moments before. Jungkook nodded, shutting his eyes tightly. He could feel bile rising and swallowed thickly, hoping he’d be able to keep it down. He pressed both hands to his stomach, hoping it’d somehow stop his stomach from tossing and turing like it was. He could hear his brother shuffling around the room for a few minutes. A minute later, there were rapid footsteps and a small trashcan was placed in front of him. Junghyun seemed to understand that if he really had to throw up, he wasn’t going to be making it to the bathroom anytime soon. A moment later, there was a gentle hand on his back. “Just try and breathe,” his brother encouraged quietly. “Come on. Deep breaths.” Jungkook focused on his brother’s voice. It was enough to distract him from the tossing and turning inside his abdomen. He grasped onto every word as he waited for the awful feeling to pass, which took much longer than it should have. “You’re doing great,” Junghyun whispered. “Do you think you can lie down or should we go to the bathroom if you’re going to throw up?” Jungkook took a few deep breaths before answering. Even trying to focus on one thing for too long was physically exhausting so trying to put the words together was more difficult than it should’ve been. “Lie down,” he panted out after a moment, finally accepting that he needed to rest. It had almost hurt, trying to get the words out, but he didn’t care. He was determined to keep the food down. “Alright,” Junghyun said. He grabbed one of Jungkook’s arm and slowly guided him back and into a laying position on his side. His stomach flipped angrily at the movement. He probably should’ve stayed still for longer but it didn’t matter now. “I’m going to put the trashcan right by your bed if you need it, okay?” Junghyun asked quietly, gently raking his fingers through Jungkook’s hair. The younger nodded to show that he understood, even though he wasn’t really sure if he did. Everything was starting to become blurred. “Take a nap,” Junghyun suggested a moment later. “I’ll tell your members that you’re resting.” Jungkook nodded, but whined in protest when the fingers massaging his scalp went away. Junghyun chuckled lightly and knelt back down. “Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?” Jungkook nodded again. “Alright.” Junghyun started rubbing his head again and smiled at the way the younger leaned into his touch. He’d missed getting to spend time with his brother. They never really got to talk much. Sure, they called each other every once and a whole but there was never really time to say anything other than a quick ‘Hi! How are you doing?’ getting a response, then having to hang up with the promise of visiting soon. “Hyung?” Jungkook said, sounding very close to falling sleep. “Yeah, Jungkook-ah?” Junghyun asked. “Thank you,” was all Jungkook said. Junghyun gave him a small smile. “You’re welcome. Now go on to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.” Jungkook smiled back, tiredly. He gave a quiet, contented hum before allowing himself to sink into the the bed and drift off, glad knowing that his brother would be there when he woke up. When Jungkook woke up later that day, the first thing he noticed was that it was dark. At first, he assumed it was night, but a glance at the window told him that the sun was only just starting to set. He assumed Junghyun turned the lights off after he’d fallen asleep. The second thing he noticed was his brother sleeping on the air mattress next to his bed. It seemed as though the elder had been on his phone, but drifted of at some point since it was held loosely in his limp hand. Jungkook smiled weakly, debating what he wanted to do. If he was being honest with himself, he just wanted to go back to sleep. That seemed a lot more appealing than anything else he could do, but judging by the yellow-orange light coming through the the crack in the blinds on his window, he’d already slept for quite awhile and his doctor had told him to move around a little throughout the day to keep his muscles strengthened. He started to sit up, fatigue making the process more difficult and slow than it should’ve been. More recently, he’d noticed that everything was starting to become more difficult. Even simple tasks, like walking around, standing up for more than a few minutes, or even just trying to get out of bed in the morning would make him ache to his bones. The treatment and disease were slowly taking their toll on him and each day he found that he could do less than he could the day before. In the early part of his treatment, he’d at least been able to go to the dance studio and keep up for around two hours before he was forced to quit. Now, he could barely make it through a half hour of dance practice before feeling exhausted, even if they just did simple songs, and walking from his room to the front door had him feeling like he’d just walked a mile. He hated it. He hated that, as he tried to sit up he felt his joints ache in protest and his head scream at him angrily as if he’d shot out of bed to quickly. Every atom of his being told him to lie back down and go back to sleep, even though he’d only woken up a few minutes before. After around twenty failed attempts of trying to get up, he was forced to accept defeat, no matter how humiliating or embarrassing it was. “Hyung,” he said, somewhat quietly. He didn’t get any response, so he spoke a bit louder. “Hyung, are you awake?” For a second time, there was no response. He shouldn’t have been surprised since his parents had always told them that they were both heavy sleepers. “Hyung, I need some help,” he said a little louder. Junghyun shifted, mumbling,”What?” as he did. It seemed as though he was still, unsurprisingly, half-asleep. “Can you help me?” Jungkook asked, hating how weak it sounded. It wasn’t really uncommon or surprising anymore. He’d been feeling bad all week, and was pretty sure the only reason he hadn’t keeled over was because he knew his brother was coming to visit, but, now that he was here, he felt like the things he’d been trying to suppress were all crashing down on him all at once. “I’m having trouble sitting up,” he finished eventually. Junghyun woke up very quickly at those words. “Of course,” he said as he sprung to his feet. The elder had always been quick to wake up, even though he was a very heavy sleeper. The moment he woke up, he could spring up and be ready for the day only a few minutes later. He quickly made his way over to the younger’s bed. “Can you tell me what’s wrong first?” he asked, wanting to try a decipher whether or not he should make Jungkook rest instead of getting him out of bed. “I’m just really achy and tired. Moving around for a bit sometimes helps,” Jungkook replied honestly. The ache and exhaustion never went away fully, even when he slept for a long time, but getting to move around a bit did make him feel a bit better on occasion. It tended to tire him out if he tried to stay up for too long, but it allowed him to stretch a bit and it sometimes relieved the ache some, which was normally more bothersome than any form of exhaustion. “Alright,” Junghyun mumbled, leaning down and hooking and arm under the younger’s back and using his other to grab his hand. “Ready?” he asked. He didn’t want to move too quickly of Jungkook wasn’t ready. Jungkook gave him a quick nod and, with his brother’s help, sat up. He really didn’t have to put much effort into it but, for some reason, he was still left slightly winded. He slowly moved his legs over the side of the bed, wincing at the way his knees popped. Taking his brother’s hand, which the elder had offered to him, he stood up, making sure to get his balance before he tried to move. He was feeling dizzier than usual but dizziness was something he’d grown used to by then. Once the room stopped spinning and he’d caught his balance, he realized how utterly awful he felt. His head was pounding, which was something he’d noticed before, but not fully acknowledged. Every bone in his body was screaming at him and it felt like he had not strength left. Everything was freezing and nausea was overcoming him. He felt so bad that he honestly forgot where he was for a moment, but when he remembered, he was shocked by how he hadn’t noticed how awful he’d been feeling before. “Jungkook? Is something wrong?” Junghyun asked worriedly. Jungkook couldn’t see it in the dark, he probably couldn’t have seen it even if the light was on, but it was as though he could hear the furrowed brow on his brother’s face as he tried to gauge what was wrong and how bad it was. “I - I don’t feel too good,” he managed to say. He didn’t know what had made him feel so awful so quickly but he did know that he just wanted it to go away. “What’s the matter?” Junghyun asked. Jungkook hear worry being replaced with panic and he felt guilty. “Do you need to lie back down?” “J-just give m-me a minute,” he mumbled. He knew the smart thing would’ve been to just go back to bed but he didn’t want to cause his brother to panic. “You sure?” Junghyun asked. “Y-yeah,” Jungkook replied. He vaguely wondered why the room seemed to be getting darker than before. He didn’t think the sun could set so quickly. Suddenly, everything spun again, not that he could really see much of anything, but it sure felt like it was spinning. Nausea crashed over him like a tsunami and his head screamed at him in agony. The next thing he knew, the room, from what he could see, had tilted sideways and there was shouting from somewhere, but it sounded far away. He felt tired and just wanted to curl up in a ball and go to sleep but there was more shouting and it kept him awake. He didn’t even realize he was throwing up until someone forced him to sit up and had him kneel over a trashcan. “What happened?!” someone shouted. He recognized the voice but he couldn’t seem to pair it with a person. “I don’t know!” another voice shouted,”He just collapsed!” That was definitely the voice of his brother, but it didn’t sound right. The words didn’t register right in his head, which continued to pound angrily. He felt like he was going to pass out. “Jimin! Call an ambulance!” a third voice shouted. He couldn’t remember who exactly it belonged to. “Jungkook,” another said. It sounded closer than the others, but still muffled, as though they were on the other side of a wall. “Jungkook, I need you to try and stay awake alright?” He tried to nod, but he was too tired. His vision was darkening and the last thing he heard before he blacked out was someone telling him to stay awake. He only managed to mumble “‘M sorry,” before passing out completely.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Junghyun bit at his nails as he paced the dull beige colored waiting room. To say he was worried would be an understatement. It had been less than an hour since his brother had woken up and had to be rushed to the hospital. He’d barely even had time to comprehend the situation before he was climbing into the ambulance with his brother while the rest of the BTS members promised to meet him at the hospital. After the ambulance arrived at the hospital, he was escorted to a waiting room by a nurse, who seemed incredibly kind though he hadn’t been paying much attention. He'd started biting his nails after about five minutes of waiting and started pacing when the other six members joined him five minutes later. He knew if he didn’t get any news soon, he’d probably resort to tears next. The other six in the room didn’t try and stop him as they tried to deal with their own emotions. Namjoon and Yoongi, as usual, seemed to be completely calm but there was a storm raging behind their eyes. Taehyung and Hoseok both looked on the brink of tears or panic, it was hard to tell which. Jimin and Seokjin both sat with concern written on their faces. It was hard knowing that someone they cared about was having to fight a battle on his own only just down the hall and they couldn’t be there to help him. Junghyun had tried to call his parents several times, searching for comfort, but the call never went through. He assumed the bad whether was messing with the connection. Still, he didn’t stop trying. He pulled out his phone for what seemed like the hundredth time and dialed his mother’s number. He gripped the device so tight that his knuckles turned white but he didn’t seem to notice. He brought it up too his ear, listening to it ring once, twice, three times before he heard a series of beeps indicating that the call had failed. He bit his lips so hard that he was surprised he didn’t draw blood and looked at the floor. He’d stopped pacing but tears were starting to burn the back of his eyes. They filled his eyes before he could stop it, one rolled silently down his cheek, leaving a warm trail in it’s wake. Another followed and more after that. He knew there was nothing he could do to stop them know and he found that he didn’t really care. His brother was dying, could even already be dead for all he knew. He couldn’t find one good reason to try and stop them. He’d spent weeks trying to man up and try and convince himself that everything would be fine. He’d tried holding back the tears that always eventually found their way down his cheeks. Even when he expressed his worry to close friends he wanted to hide the tears that burned his eyes. He didn’t see a point in any of that anymore. Not as he he stood in the waiting room, crying silently as he waited to hear what was wrong with his brother. Whether he would be okay or if he even had a chance anymore. His brother was far more important than his pride after all. Why should he care about how people saw him when he might not be able to see his brother alive again? The seven of them waited for almost three hours before they heard anything. By that time, it was dark outside and the dinner that they were supposed to have eaten was cold back on the table at the dorm. Despite that, none of them had any appetite. The group’s manager, Sejin, had joined them and was standing next to the door. Junghyun had finally sat down and Seokjin had taken his place, pacing back and fourth around the room. Taehyung, who had been crying before, had fallen asleep on Jimin’s shoulder at some point. Namjoon was tapping his foot nervously on the tile floor, the normally quiet sound being extremely loud in the quiet room. Yoongi was getting restless as he fidgeted in his seat, glancing at the clock every few minutes only to see that not much time had passed. Jimin, on the other hand, sat completely still other than his hands, which shook so much that it was almost hard to keep the rest of him still. The tense energy in the room was impossible to ignore. When Sejin joined them, he’d tried to start up a conversation to relieve some of the tension but it hadn’t worked. Most of them weren’t paying attention, and the one’s who did gave short, vague answers. He tried for about five minutes before realizing that it was probably futile to try and finally stopped after around ten. Sejin was just about to find a nurse and ask for information when the waiting room door opened and Dr. Oh, Jungkook’s doctor, walked in. He looked at the group, who all looked back at him expectantly. “Those here for Jeon Jeongguk?” he asked and was unsurprised when everyone in the room, except for Taehyung who had only just woken up, stood up. The second youngest stood up only moments later to join the rest. “How is he?” Namjoon asked quickly, sucking in a breath, hands shaking wildly. Dr. Oh looked at him with a look of sympathy. “He’s stable,” he said and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. “So what’s wrong with him?” Junghyun asked, glad to hear that Jungkook was at least somewhat okay for the moment, but still worried. Dr. Oh sighed and hesitated before speaking. “AML weakens the immune system. It seems he’s caught a pretty bad virus, but we’ve got it under control for now. In the state he’s in now, he probably won’t be able to fight it off on his own, even with medication so we’re going to need to keep him for a few days.” The doctor seemed to hesitate once more, but after a moment, started speaking again. “There’s something else.” Everyone’s hearts seemed to drop at those words. “We went ahead and did some blood work to see if anything had changed and . . . it seems that the cancer has progressed into the later part of the fourth stage. It hasn’t gotten to the fifth stage yet but it’s close.” “What does that mean?” Seokjin asked. “It means that the chemotherapy alone won’t be enough to save hime anymore,” Dr. Oh said sadly. “At this point, if he’s up for it, we can put him on a bone marrow transplant list and start looking for a match. He doesn’t need to right now if he doesn’t want to, but there’s no telling how long it’ll take to find a match so it’s better to do it sooner rather than later. Also, if it progresses into the fifth stages, then he will most likely need to be hospitalized until his condition gets better, but at this point, I’m almost positive that his only chance the transplant.” “What if they can’t find a match in time?” Jimin asked, looking close to tears. “Isn’t there a stronger chemo he can try?” He felt like his heart was shattering. He couldn’t believe that Jungkook probably only had once chance at survival and he wasn’t even guaranteed to get it in time. “There is but trying it at this point will make his body too weak to fight against the cancer,” Dr. Oh explained. “It’d just make things worse. It’s probably best to put him on a less intense chemotherapy. It won’t save his life but it’ll buy him time until we can get a match. Or, if he chooses, he can stop all form of treatment and live out the rest of his life as normally as he can with the cancer. That might be the most humane option at this point. Even if we find a match for the transplant, it’s a long and painful procedure. The recovery will take a while and even if it does work, he probably won’t be able to do as much as he could before. This form of cancer can take a huge toll on the body, even after it’s cured.” “I see,” Sejin said. “Is there anything else we should know?” “As of now, no. I will keep you updated and let me know what you decide to do,” Dr. Oh said. “I’m going to assume that you’d like to see him now?” Everyone nodded. “Alright then. Follow me. He was unconscious earlier but we expect him to wake up soon. Around two hours at the most.” Dr. Oh led the group of eight down the white halls. Nurses walked by them pushing carts or holding clip boards. They could hear people talking in some rooms as they passed and some crying in others. In some places, people stood outside rooms, drinking coffee to try and stay up at the late hour for whatever reason. Jungkook was going to hate have to stay in a place like this. They all knew it. He’d never really hated hospitals but he didn’t like them either. He’d much rather be at the dance studio dancing his heart out some ungodly hour than stay in a hospital. They knew he’d want nothing more than to go to the recording studio and sing until he destroyed his throat than have to spend what could be his last few months or weeks in a place that was so depressing. It was hard to fathom that he might have to until the moment the doctor stopped at a room and opened the door to let them inside. Jungkook lay motionless on the hospital bed, skin an sickly color of gray and and IV in his hand providing him with the nutrients he couldn’t get on his own. He seemed so small, despite his height. The muscle he’d spent so much time building had slowly started to disappear and he was left with limbs that were as thin as twigs and ribs that they could even see through his hospital gown. His cheeks had sunken in and there were deep bags under his eyes. As much as it hurt to admit it, he looked like he belonged there. Like it wasn’t out of place for someone so young to be where he was. Junghyun was the first to make his way over to the bed, grabbing a chair and dragging it over with him. He got as close to the bed as he could and sat down. Out of instinct, he reached out to grab his brother’s hand and gently held it in his. Even though the doctor assured him that Jungkook would wake up soon, it felt and looked like he’d left them forever. Taehyung and Jimin were second. There were only a few chairs left in the room so they opted to leave them for the other members and both sat on the edge of the bed near his feet. Silent tears were falling down their cheeks and they didn’t try and stop them. They were probably the ones who were closest to Jungkook. They suddenly felt like a part of them was missing, even though Jungkook was right there in front of them. Hoseok was third, grabbing a chair and pulling it up next to the bed. He took the maknae’s other hand, being careful to avoid the IV there. His eyes were red with tears he tried to force back but couldn’t. His stage name was ‘J-Hope’ because he wanted to bring hope and have hope for them when they couldn’t, but he couldn’t even hope enough for himself. Seokjin was fourth. He made his way over and stood behind Hoseok, placing his hands on the younger’s shoulders. He felt like there was a two ton weight on his back. He wished he could take away all of the others’ pain and protect them. He felt completely and utterly useless and he hated it. Yoongi and Namjoon went up next. Yoongi took the last remaining chair, knowing Namjoon would probably prefer to stand up, and sat next to Junghyun. Namjoon stood next to him and they both looked down at the youngest member. They’d both seen him as indestructible before the disease but now it seemed like destructible was all he was. Sejin stood awkwardly next to the door. He felt out of the place in the room. It wasn’t that he didn’t care for Jungkook, he just didn’t know him as well as the members did. He decided to let them have their space and silently slipped out of the room to get coffee for him and everyone else. He had the feeling that it was going to be a long night. Thirty minutes later, everyone had calmed down a bit. Hoseok ended up falling asleep in a position that was sure to leave him sore when he woke. Jimin and Taehyung weren’t far behind, having moved to the couch in the corner of the room and leaning heavily on each other. Seokjin and Namjoon took their spot on the end of the bed, both struggling to stay awake for when Jungkook woke up. Yoongi seemed to be lost in his own bed as he stared at nothing in particular with glassy eyes. Junghyun was still wide awake and refused to let go of his brother’s hand but his seemed to be less restless than when they’d first arrived. Sejin slipped back into the room, unsurprised with how he found it. “Do any of you want any coffee?” he asked, already setting down the drink carriers and pulling out two cups to hand out. “I’ll have some,” Yoongi answered immediately. “Us too,” Namjoon said, answering for Seokjin, knowing that he would want some. “I’d like some,” Junghyun answered. Jimin and Taehyung, who were both still awake, were both barely awake and it didn’t surprised any of them when neither gave a response. Hoseok seemed almost dead to the world so they didn’t bother asking. They would need the sleep. The five who were still awake sat in silence. They each quietly sipped their coffee, waiting for Jungkook to wake up. They knew once he did, they would have to break the news that his condition had gotten worse to him. It wasn’t going to be easy but it needed to be done and they were somewhat thankful that he was still sleeping so they had time to figure out what they were going to say. Another thirty minutes of silence passed. Jimin and Taehyung were both asleep at that point, snoring quietly. Seokjin looked ready to pass out, despite the caffeine in his system while Namjoon, on the other hand, was wide awake. Yoongi had gone back to staring at the wall at some point and Junghyun still sat by the bed, clutching his brother’s hand, leaving his coffee mostly untouched. A quiet groan filled the room and everyone looked at the bed. Seokjin, who seemed somewhat out of it, perked up when he felt Jungkook’s leg moving next to him. Junghyun was already on his feet, moving to get closer to the maknae. “Jungkook-ah? Are you awake?” he asked. He still gently held the younger’s hand as he waited of a response. “Yeah,” Jungkook said quietly, his voice sounding scratchy and slurred. “Wher’ m I?” Junghyun glanced up at Seokjin, then to Yoongi, and then Namjoon. He wasn’t really sure how to deal with the situation. Namjoon seemed to understand as he moved closer to Jungkook’s head and crouched down so he was closer to him. “You’re in the hospital,” he said, brushing his fingers through the younger’s hair. “Do you remember what happened?” Jungkook looked at the leader and shook his head slightly. “Don feel good hyung,” he slurred. “I know you don’t baby,” Seokjin said, joining them. “The doctor said you caught a virus, but you’ll be better soon.” Jungkook seemed to be a bit more awake now. He was more aware of the nausea overcoming him and how his head pounded. Every time he tried to remember what happened, the feeling worsened. “What happened?” he asked after a few moments of silence. “You passed out,” Yoongi replied. They were somewhat surprised to hear him speak since he had been silent ever since Jungkook had been loaded into the ambulance. “Junghyun said that you felt bad after you stood up and then you started throwing up. Do you not remember any of that?” Jungkook thought for a moment. It was hard to focus but he tried. Eventually he got bits and pieces of what happened and managed to figure out what happened. He couldn’t stop the guilt that overcame him a moment later. Logically, he knew that there was no way he could’ve avoided it and therefore no reason for him to feel guilty. He’d been worse than usual the entire week leading up to his brother’s visit and the doctor had warned him that his immune system would be weakened by the cancer. There wasn’t really much he could do about it other than fight through it but none of that mattered. He hated the fact that his hyungs were all worried and stressed because of him. He felt guilty that he’d had to make things harder for his brother when he’d only shown up earlier in the day. He hated the fact that he was sick and had to deal with it all but there wasn’t anything he, or anyone really, could do. “Jungkook? Are you alright?” Seokjin asked and he snapped out of his thoughts. “Yeah,” he replied. “I just got lost in thought.” “Okay, but you need to tell us if you start feeling worse. We’ll get the doctor if you need us to.” “I will but I’m okay right now,” he lied. His head was splitting and he felt like he was about the throw up but he didn’t want to worry them anymore than he already had. Silence filled the room for a moment. Jungkook could feel the tension radiating off of everyone in the room and he knew that something else was wrong. He also knew that it probably had to do with him but he didn’t say anything about it. They would tell him when they were ready to. “Jungkook-ah,” Junghyun said finally. “Yes hyung?” Jungkook asked. “Your . . . your doctor told us something while you were unconscious,” Junghyun replied cautiously. Jungkook’s heart dropped down to his feet. He had already been suspecting something alone this lines of that but it didn’t make the words any harder to hear. He forced himself to keep his voice steady as he spoke. “What did he say?” “I-It’s . . . Your condition,” Junghyun said after a beat. “It’s getting worse.” Jungkook took a shaky breath. “H-How much worse?” Namjoon took over when Junghyun didn’t respond for a few moments. “You haven’t gotten into the fifth stage yet, but he said you’re getting closer.” “I-is there a-anything else?” Jungkook’s hands were shaking now. Namjoon glanced up at Junghyun, who was staring at Jungkook with red eyes. He looked to Seokjin, hoping for some help as he was unable to find the words to break the news to the maknae. In the end it was Yoongi who spoke up. He’d always been the among most blunt of the group so it wasn’t a surprise that he just went out and said it. “The chemotherapy won’t be able to help anymore.” Jungkook snapped his head towards the rapper, ignoring the dizziness that tried to overcome him when he did. “W-what does th-that mean?” Jungkook asked, hating the way his voice cracked as he did. Yoongi sighed, whether out of frustration, stress, or dread it was hard to tell. “The chemo isn’t going to be able to get rid of the cancer on it’s own. It’ll buy you some time but it isn’t going to save you. Dr. Oh said that your best bet was to have your name put on a list for a bone marrow transplant and stay on chemo until they can find a match.” Jungkook looked like a kicked puppy. His eyes were starting to turn red and he was shaking. What Seokjin said next didn’t help any of that. “Or . . .” Seokjin started. Namjoon gave him a warning look, as if he knew what the eldest was going to say but didn’t stop him. “Or you can stop all forms of treatment if you want. I’m not saying you should or you shouldn’t, but . . . there’s no telling how much more time the chemo would give you and how long it’ll take to get a match for the transplant. Also, the recovery will take a while and you won’t be able to do as much as you could before. I’m not saying any of this to pressure you, but I just thought you should know. We’ll support you in whatever decision you make.” Everyone in the room who was still awake started at Seokjin in disbelief. No one had expected him to say it so bluntly, or at all for that matter. And even though it needed to be said, they couldn’t help but wish he hadn’t. Not when Jungkook seemed to actually consider it. Jungkook was silent for a long time after that. His eyes were still red but they looked glossed over, as if he was staring off into space. His hands were no longer shaking and they weren’t sure if that was a good sign or not. “Do I have to decide right now?” he asked, his voice sounding scratchy. “Of course not,” Junghyun answered. “Take all the time you need.” No one mentioned that they weren’t sure if they had much time at all. Jungkook went silent again. The room was silent with him, the only sound being the voices of doctors and nurses outside the room. He stared at the IV in his hand, watching as it pumped nutrients into his system. “Why don’t you get some rest?” Namjoon suggested after a long while. “It’ll be easier to think once you’ve slept.” Jungkook only nodded in response and they were all unsettled by his silence. Even though he was more on the introverted side, he was normally very talkative when there weren’t many people around. Nobody bothered to point it out, understanding that he was probably to drained, physically and emotionally, to talk. It only took Jungkook around ten minutes to fall asleep but they could all tell that it was going to be anything but restful. The next day, Jungkook woke up early. His head hurt and the nausea was definitely still there. Thankfully, it wasn’t as bad as it had been when he’d fallen asleep. He squinted at the bright light flooding through the hospital window and glanced around the room. Everyone else had fallen asleep and seemed content to stay that way for a while. He didn’t bother trying to wake them up. He had already caused them to lose a lot of sleep so he wouldn’t take anymore away from them. It took him a long time to fully wake up. A lot longer than usual but he found that it was slowly becoming harder and harder to wake up. That scared him more that he thought it should’ve. Once he finally did, the conversation from the night before made itself known. He couldn’t stop the tears from pricking his eyes. The doctor had told them that the chemotherapy had a high chance of succeeding. They told him it would help him, that it would most likely work and yet here he was. Slowly dying and the chemo just dragging it out, making things worse. More painful to deal with. The words from Seokjin and Yoongi rang through his mind like a broken record. His mind jumped back and forth between his two options and it only worsened the head ache he’d woken up with. He could either continue suffering from the pain chemotherapy brought him with a chance to continue on with his life. He take a chance to try and live even though he would never be the same even if he did. He could attempt to add a few extra months to his life in hopes that someone out there might be able to save him. Or he could just stop. Give up. Let the cancer run it’s course and live out the rest of his short life. He could die surrounded by his hyungs and family. He wouldn’t have to prolong his suffering and he would know the outcome. If he was being completely honest, the second option sounded much more tempting that the first. He tried weighing the pros and cons of it in his head. He could only think of a few things that kept him from making that option. He wasn’t ready to die. At least, he didn’t think he was. There was still so much he wanted to do and see. So many things he’d had planned for his life and never got to do. He wasn’t ready to just give up on those things. Also, he didn’t think he could just let his hyungs, family, friends, and fans down like that. They were all counting him to fight and make it past this. They wanted him to survive and live a long life. They wanted him to see the day when he got to go back out on stage and dance and sing his heart out like he always had. And most of all, he didn’t think he could do that to himself. He had never been one to give up easily. He always kept going at it even when he failed a hundred times. Whether it was a dance, or a song or even a game, he always did his best and kept trying until he got it. He never took the easy way out. None of them did, and he wasn’t ready to give up on himself. Even though the reasons were few in number, they seemed to outweigh the pros of choosing to give up. For some reason, that didn’t make the decision seem any easier. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t realize that Taehyung had woken up. He just kept staring up at the ceiling, trying to make his decision. He only noticed the elder when he spoke. “Hey, Jungkookie,” Taehyung said, startling Jungkook. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” “It’s okay hyung,” Jungkook said, his voice shaky and rough. “H-how did you sleep?” “Ah, it was okay. I’ve got a crick in my neck but it’s alright,” Taehyung said with a weak laugh. Jungkook knew that the elder was just joking, but once again, he felt guilt wash over him like a wave. He felt like he was just making things harder for everyone. Maybe it would be easier on everyone if he just gave up. He was starting to get lost in his thoughts again when Taehyung spoke up again. “I’m not sure if you heard but . . . You’re . . . It’s . . .” Taehyung trailed off but Jungkook was fairly sure he knew what he was going to say. “I know,” Jungkook answered even though the question had never been asked. “They told me last night while you were asleep.” “Oh,” was all Taehyung said. Neither spoke for a long time and tense silence filled the room. Around ten minutes of silence passed and neither spoke. Neither was quite sure what to say. They both wanted to speak, but they weren’t quite sure if what they planned to say was the right thing. They were already very emotional and they didn’t want to make things worse. Finally, Taehyung spoke up. “Hey. I want you to promise me something.” Jungkook gave him a confused look. “What is it?” “I want you to promise me that, whatever path you choose from here, that you don’t make it because of us,” Taehyung said. “Make the decision that is best for you and that you’re happy with. Don’t have any regrets about it and don’t make it because we want you to take a certain path. I know you don’t like to see us hurting but if you make the decision I want you to make rather than the one you want to then we’ll hurt much more knowing that you suffered for us. So please, don’t make your decision based on us.” Jungkook just stared at him. He already knew that was a promise he couldn’t make. If his hyungs wanted or thought he should make a certain decision, he was more likely to pick it than his own. He loved his hyungs and he trusted their judgement better than his own, and Taehyung knew that too. “Y-you know I can’t promise that right?” he replied after a moment. He hated how close the elder looked to crying. “I-I know but p-please just say i-it. Even if y-you don’t mean it. J-just say it,” Taehyung pleaded. He needed to know that Jungkook wouldn’t choose the path he wanted just because he wanted him to. He needed to know that Jungkook would be happy with his decision. That way, whether he died in a few months or in a hundred years, he would die without any regrets. Jungkook sighed, feeling his own eyes starting to water. “I promise.” It was all he could say. Anything else he’d planned or wanted had all gotten caught in his throat as a tears slipped down his cheek. It wasn’t long until they were both crying. Silent tears ran down both of their cheeks leaving wet trails in their wake but neither bothered to wipe them away. They simply cried in silence. Taehyung crying for fear that Jungkook would choose a path he wasn’t confident in and Jungkook because he was afraid and unsure. Ten minutes later, they felt the bed shift as Hoseok awoke but neither bothered to try and stop the tears. The elder wordless walked around to the side of the bed that Taehyung was on and wrapped an arm around him as he sat down in the other chair there. With his other hand, he reach out and took Jungkook’s. He didn’t speak or try to stop their tears. Instead, he cried with them. He felt like there was no hope in him and if he didn’t have hope, he felt like he had nothing. His hopes were the things that got him through life. Hoping that he would be a dancer made him practice to get better so that he could pursue that dream. Hoping that he would debut made him work harder, not only for himself but for his group. Hoping got him through life and now that he didn’t have any, he felt lost. Jungkook rolled onto his side, trying to get as close to the other two as he could. He felt like the hospital bed was a world away from them even though they were both right there in front of him. Hoseok seemed to understand as he tried getting his chair closer to the bed. Taehyung leaned into Hoseok’s arm and reached out to lay and hand onto of the other two. Suddenly, the hospital bed didn’t seem like the hospital bed was so far away and he gave them a tired smile. They smiled back. None of them spoke. There were no words that needed to be said. The tears and the smiles spoke all the words they couldn’t say for them and, for a moment, that seemed like enough.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Three days later, Jungkook was released from the hospital. He was sent home with medicine that he would have to take with food and an order to get lots of rest. It was safe to say that the latter would be much easier. He knew that it was going got be a hard couple of days already. There was only one thing that he was really looking forward to. His parents had finally called to say that they got a flight back,though, it wouldn't be for another day before the got there. Still, it was better waiting, unsure of when he would get to see them. Junghyun was still staying with them at the dorm, at least until his parents got there. He was trying to help out in any way he could. Jungkook didn’t try and stop the elder from helping with the simplest of tasks. He knew he was just worried, especially after he’d ended up in the hospital. He didn’t say anything about being able to do things on his own, even though he was starting to get annoyed. He would’ve been the same way if the situation were flipped. The other six members were similar, but were helping in more subtle ways. Seokjin continued making light meals for him to eat, and even though he was hardly able to keep them down, he never stopped trying. Yoongi was helping him distract himself by teaching him how to compose music, something he was picking up fairly quickly. Jimin, Taehyung, and Hoseok all played a part in cheering him up when he seemed down and made sure he was always surrounded by love. Namjoon, most likely being the most helpful of all, even if he didn’t know it, talked to Jungkook about his decision. He still hadn’t decided and nobody was rushing him but he, along with everyone else, knew that he wouldn’t have much more time to decide. After he’d been released from the hospital, the leader had pulled him into a separate room and closed the door. At that moment Jungkook knew what they were going to talk about and even if he wasn’t looking forward to it, he was grateful that Namjoon was the one talking to him about it. Sure, he trusted his brother, who had asked him several times about his decision, but he hadn’t seen him in so long. Yoongi was never much of a talker so it wasn’t as easy to talk to him about it. Seokjin already seemed stressed enough, trying to comfort the rest of the maknae line as well as Hoseok, as the three tried to deal with their emotions. Those weren’t the only reasons. He’d just always trusted Namjoon more than he trusted most. He’d chosen Bighit simply because he’d heard Namjoon rapping. He looked up to him, and trusted his judgment a great deal more than he trusted his own. So, when Namjoon pulled him away from the rest of the group, he knew the elder would help him. While he was still unsure of what he would choose, he had a better idea of how each one would affect himself, and others. He and the leader had spent at least and hour looking at stories of people or relatives of people in situations like him. They looked at the pros and cons of each one and he felt better after he knew more. Still, it didn’t stop him from spending hours at night, lying in bed, weighing his options. It was like they were actually on a scale, wobbling back and forth but never leaning fully to one side. He wished it would so he could just pick but he knew it wouldn’t be that easy. The minute he’d realized that something was wrong, before he’d even been diagnosed, he knew things weren’t going to be easy. He’d been right but he hadn’t been prepared for how hard it was. Just deciding that he wanted to try chemo had been difficult. Starting it had been even more so. Telling the fans had been like trying to break down a brick wall and getting a tearful call from his mother had been heart shattering. He had been right when he’d thought it’d be hard, but he’d been wrong when he guessed just how hard. He had underestimated life and it’s ability to absolutely bash people into the ground and now he was paying the price, feeling like he wasn’t able to fight back. Before he was diagnosed, he’d felt like he was on the top of the world. Their popularity was skyrocketing with no end in sight. They were not only popular nationally but all over the world. People were screaming their names as the dance on stage and it was amazing, but it was hard. Dance practices droned on for hours and vocal lessons weren’t any better. Promotions took a large chunk of their sleep and they stressed for days on end about interviews. None of it had been easy, but it was so worth it. He wondered if fighting would be worth it too. He wondered if it would be worth it to continue, unsure if he would make it or not. He thought about how miserable it would be to die in a hospital, hoping that some miracle would save him but at the same time he thought about how utterly amazing it would feel to walk out if he made it. He imagined what it would be like to walk back out on stage with his hyungs, getting to see their fans again, and assuring them that he was alright. That he was better, healthy, cancer-free. That thought alone was enough to make his heart race with anticipation and a smile tug at his lips. Those were the times when the decision seemed simple, but just before he could decide, that dark voice in his mind whispered words of discouragement in his ear. There was no guarantee that he would make it. There was no way for him to know. It was just a guessing game. And, this was one that he definitely didn’t want to guess wrong on. He did not want to die in a hospital. If he was going to die, if the disease was going to kill him, then he wanted to die surrounded by his hyungs. If he was going to die he didn’t want to be hooked up to beeping machines, waiting for the moment when they finally stopped. He didn’t want to die waiting for the doctor to bring good news. He didn’t want die while clinging on to false hope. But at the same time, he at least wanted a chance. He didn’t think he was ready for death. He wanted to live. He wanted to survive and scream to the world that he’d fought and he’d won. He wanted to laugh at death, saying he’d beat it. He wanted to prove to other people like him that there was still a chance. Every time he thought about it, it just made things harder. He found reasons for both choices but couldn’t seem to find the one that tipped the scale. He couldn’t find that one reason that just outweighed to rest, but he knew if he could find it, the he’d be able to decide. So, even though it was 2:00 a.m., he lay awake, thinking and thinking, hoping he’d be able to come up with that one reason. He fell asleep, still unsure, hoping and praying that he still had enough time to make a decision. Jungkook’s parents finally came. His mother had ran to him, tears streaking down her face, leaving wet tracks in their wake. His father, while he wasn’t crying, looked very close. His brother had joined his mother in hugging him and the rest of the members stood awkwardly in the corner of the room. They’d only met Jungkook’s parents a few times before so it was no surprise that they didn’t quite know what to say. After greeting them, the rest of the members left the four to catch up. I’d been so long since they’d bent together as a family and nobody wanted to interrupt them. The four of them went out for a few hours, just walking around the city. Occasionally, they would stop in shops along the way and take a look around but no one ever bought anything. Jungkook showed the other three around his favorite places in the city, talking rapidly through the mask he’d been forced to slip on before they’d left. It was wonderful, he realized quickly. Just spending his time with his family. Not worrying about hospitals or treatments or being spotted by fans. He just got to be himself. Even though he was tired, and they’d had to stop several times for him to rest, he still loved it. He loved every second. His mother, father, and brother seemed to be feeling the same as they smiled the entire time. They never once mentioned his treatment or decision. They just spent time together like any normal family would. They didn’t get back to the dorm until late that night. Seokjin had prepared dinner for them and, though his parents politely refused, Seokjin insisted on them staying. None of the members knew the Jeon’s well and they assumed they’d be spending a lot more time together in the near future. Thankfully, no one brought up anything up and dinner went smoothly. The table was a bit cramped with all ten of them but there was an air of closeness to it. More family like. Seokjin and Jungkook’s mother seemed to connect over their love to cook and his father seemed to enjoy joking with Hoseok and Taehyung. Junghyun talked comfortably with Namjoon, the two having connected a bit over the few days he’d been there and Jungkook, Jimin, and Yoongi seemed to be content with watching as it all when on. It was really quite nice. It was only after dinner when that mood was shattered. It wasn’t ideal, but necessary. Namjoon had invited the Jeon’s into the living room. He sent all the other members except for Seokjin and Jungkook to their rooms. He didn’t miss the reluctant looks on their faces but he felt that it would be better if they weren’t there. Jimin, Taehyung, and Hoseok were the most emotional of the group and Yoongi, who wasn’t great at expressing emotions, just tended to look scary when he was upset. Seokjin, while he wasn’t the best at controlling his emotions either, was his best choice since he didn’t want to be alone. “I think we all know why I asked you to come in here,” Namjoon started once everyone had settled. “This isn’t really a decision that I can make. Really, only one of us can make this decision but I figured it would be best to talk about it. Since you’re his family, I thought he might want to hear what you have to say.” Jungkook’s father just stared at the floor, lips tight and shoulders tense. Junghyun, who was sitting next to Jungkook, could only place a comforting hand on his brother’s shoulder, watching as their mother tried to hold back tears. This was not something any of them thought they’d ever have to talk about. A few moments of silence passed before Jungkook’s dad spoke up. “Son,” he started,” I know that I can’t make this decision for you, you’re old enough to decide for yourself and I think I’ve already shown you that I’m not the best at making decisions either, but I want you to fight this. I’m not saying that that’s what you should do. I think you should pick the path that makes you the most comfortable, but I’m not ready to lose you. If I’m correct, I don’t think anyone in this room is, but if you are more comfortable with . . . leaving, knowing that that is what’s going to happen, then you do that.” Jungkook didn’t say anything. He didn’t even look up. He just kept staring at the floor like he hadn’t heard anything. Jungkook’s mother spoke up next, her voice shaking and cracking as she stumbled over her words. “I-I wish that y-you were st-st-still a child.” she said. “T-that w-w-way I c-could f-f-force you to g-go on with-th the treat-ment. B-but y-you’re a-a-an adult kn-n-n-now and I-I ha-ve to tr-trust you to m-make y-your own dec-isions. Ju-st, w-whatever pa-th you ch-choose, b-be at p-p-peace wi-th i-it a-a-alright?” Jungkook, once again, did not respond as he listened to his mother’s attempt to choke back her sobs. He was shaking so hard that Junghyun feared he would throw up. Junghyun waited for someone else to speak, and when no one did, he guessed that it was his turn. “Jungkook, I’ve been supporting you since the moment you told us you wanted to be a singer. That isn’t going to stop now. If you want to go on with the treatment, I say go for it. If you don’t, then don’t. Even if it’s not the decision I want you to make then you still have my support. Just, whatever you decide to do, make sure you don’t betray yourself. Don’t go against what you believe and what you want just because it’s what we want you to do or what you think will make things better. If you aren’t 100 percent comfortable with your decision then it isn’t worth making it only to regret it later. Make sure whatever you pick is going to let you leave this world without any regrets whether it’s now or in a hundred years. If you can’t say that then it’s the wrong decision. Remember that.” For the third time in a row, Jungkook didn’t speak. His silence was somewhat unnerving but no one pushed it. It was hard enough for the rest of them to talk. “I think” Seokjin started after a moment,”that everyone already said what needed to be said. You can talk to any of use about what you want to choose. There’s still time for you to think so please don’t rush yourself, okay?” Finally, Jungkook gave indication that he was listening. All it was was a slight nod, but they were glad to know he hadn’t spaced out on them completely. “I think that’s all for now,” Namjoon said when he was sure Jungkook wasn’t going to say anything. He could easily see how much the maknae was shaking and how his head seemed to droop more and more as each second passed. “Are you tired? Do you want to go to bed?” Jungkook, nodded a second time. He seemed to sway ever so slightly and none of them were really surprised. He’d been eating a lot more since he’d learned about the cancer, especially since he needed to to take his medicine. While it was a good thing, it was making him incredibly dizzy and nauseous. He was managing to keep everything down but it was a battle. “Alright,” Seokjin started. “I’ll- Jungkook’s mother cut him off. “I’ll help him, if you don’t mind.” There was no malice or distaste in her voice, even if the words made it seem that way. Only concern. “Of course,” Seokjin complied quickly. It was understandable that his mother wanted to help him. She hadn’t seen him in person in almost a year. Namjoon and Seokjin left the room, allowing the three to help him to bed. The two busied themselves with the dishes as they waited for the sounds of quiet voices to fade. Neither of them spoke a word, feeling as though breaking the somewhat uncomfortable silence would make things even worse. After a few minutes, they could hear the sound of Jungkook’s bedroom door closing, then footsteps heading towards the front door to the dorm. There was more quiet talking before the sound of a door opening, then closing once more rang throughout the dorm. Junghyun poked his head into the kitchen and cleared his throat in order to get their attention. “My parents just left to head to their hotel. They said thanks for dinner and that they’d probably be by tomorrow to check up on Jungkook if it was alright.” “That’s fine,” Namjoon replied. “He also has another appointment in a few days. I wasn’t sure if they wanted to take him or not but I figured I’d ask.” “I’ll ask them when the come by tomorrow but I’m pretty sure they will,” Junghyun said. “I think I’m going to head on to bed.” “Alright. Come get us if you need anything,” Seokjin said. He knew he didn’t need to say it. Junghyun was definitely old enough to care for himself but he was saying it in fears that something would happen with Jungkook in the night. Ever since he’d been rushed tot he hospital, they’d all been a bit more observant of him than usual. “I will,” Junghyun assured before slipping out of the room. He seemed to understand the singer’s concern. Junghyun walked up to Jungkook’s room, being sure to be quiet as he went inside. Jungkook was, unsurprisingly, already fast asleep. He’d heard the younger tossing and turning for hours every night since he’d been told his condition worsened. Though, he was also having trouble sleeping, he made sure his brother didn’t find out. He didn’t want to cause him to worry about more than he already was. He knew the moment that he climbed onto the air bed he probably wouldn’t be sleeping much that night but he was happy that at least Jungkook would. The next day, Jungkook’s parents came by, but not until late in the afternoon. They quickly agreed to take Jungkook to his appointment. They even offered to take him out shopping that day. Jungkook declined, no matter how tempting the offer was. He knew he most likely wouldn’t have the energy for it. He hardly had much energy anymore and no one blamed him for it, but it didn’t stop him from blaming himself. Still, he was grateful for it. He was grateful for almost everything the group and his family was doing for him. Even the company was doing a lot more than he’d ever expected them to. Everyone had been doing so much for him and he almost felt like he was taking advantage of them. Logically, he knew that wasn’t true. He knew that the group was supporting him because they cared. He would’ve done the same for them. He knew his family was supporting him because they wanted him to be happy, but it still didn’t stop him from feeling bad. That night, he hadn’t been able to eat. Not only was he feeling nauseous, and the thoughts in his head left a bad feeling his his stomach. He knew that if he was even able to eat he wouldn’t be able to keep it down. The other members and his brother tried to get him to eat. Seokjin had made the excuse that he wouldn’t be able to take his medicine if he didn’t but they all knew it was because he was concerned. No amount of encouragement gave him the motivation he needed to try and eat. After they’d all eaten, they kept trying for another few minutes before realizing it was futile. Seokjin took the food and put it in the fridge, hoping the maknae would eat it later on. The rest of the group along with Junghyun had settled into the living room to watch TV. Eventually, Jungkook excused himself before heading to his room to try and go to sleep. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to, the odd feeling in his stomach having not left, but he was going to try. He was so exhausted even though he hadn’t done anything that day but that had started to become something he was used to. It was a bit scary, but at the same time he felt numb to it. Things like that were becoming easier and easier to accept as time went on. He did, eventually, manage to fall asleep, but by that time it was around midnight and Junghyun had joined him in bed. When he woke up the morning he was equally as exhausted as he’d been the day before. Two days later, his parents picked him up from the dorm to take him to the hospital. To say he wasn’t looking forward to his appointment was an understatement. Dr. Oh would most likely want to know what he’d decided but he wasn’t even close to a decision. He’d talked about it more with his members and family but he hadn’t managed to choose. Neither choice was easy. He didn’t feel like he could ever bee completely comfortable with one, even if that’s the one everyone was telling him to pick. He wasn’t ready to give up and die but he also didn’t want to die waiting for a miracle that wouldn’t come. He’d tried so desperately to just pick a side and go with it but he never felt fully comfortable with either. He just didn’t know what to do. “Have you made a decision yet?” Dr. Oh asked him after taking his blood. Jungkook had hesitated for a few moment before answering, as if he thought he could just pick one on the fly. “No. Not yet.” The doctor sighed before looking down at his chart. “I don’t want to rush you but, if I’m being honest, I don’t think you have much more time to decide. The chemo is only going to slow down the progress of the cancer. Without the transplant you probably only have a few months left. It could take twice that to find a match. The sooner we get you on a list would be the best but, I can’t choose whether you do that or not for you.” “I understand. I’ll try and make a decision soon,” Jungkook said, staring at the floor. He felt his hands shaking but did his best to hide it. He assumed he’d failed when he mother grabbed one of them and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He gave her a weak smile but he really didn’t feel much better. The rest of the appointment went by in a blur. He didn’t really pay much attention, focusing all of his brain power on trying to make a decision and stick with it. He was never able to and he knew that trying was mostly likely futile but it was better than listening to whatever the doctor had to say. By the time he finally snapped back to reality, he was being ushered out of the hospital by his parents. Ten minutes later he was back at the dorm. It barely felt like two had passed. Once inside, he was greeted with a tight hug from Jimin as his parents and brother talked to Namjoon about the appointment. He was thankful when the elder pulled him out of the room so he wouldn’t have to listen. He really just felt like he needed a distraction. Jimin pulled him along to his shared room. Taehyung was already there, a game controller in his hand. He gave them both a bright smile before grabbing Jungkook’s hand and pulling him to sit down next to him. Without any explanation, Jungkook grabbed a controller than Jimin offered to him and the three started playing whatever video game it was that Taehyung had chosen. The was shouting and trash talk. Occasional but playful punches to the arm or slaps on the back of the head. There was jumping up in down on Taehyung’s part and high pitched screaming from Jimin at some point. There were friendly rivalries and competitions. It went on for hours and no one stopped them. Not even when the sun set and the moon was high in the sky. It was around 1:30 before any of them even got tired and 2:00 when Jungkook started to fall asleep on Jimin’s shoulder as the older two continued the game. At that point, they finally agreed that it was time to go to bed. They all squeezed into one bed, Taehyung and Jungkook not having the energy to walk to their rooms. Junghyun probably wouldn’t be too happy about it but Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to care. He was far too tired to. That night, he fell asleep within only a few minutes, sleeping peacefully for the first time in awhile. It was late, or rather early. Yoongi hadn’t been able to sleep. He blamed it on the maknae line, who had finally decided to go to bed. Once they did, he lay in bed, waiting for sleep to finally overtake him but it never did. After and hour of just laying in bed, trying to go to sleep, he gave up. He realized it was futile to continue trying so he got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen. He made himself a cup of coffee, knowing that its wouldn’t help him sleep but ignoring the thought. He wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon so it didn’t really matter anyway. He sat at the table, slowly nursing the cup. He watched to clock on the oven as the minutes went by. Before he really knew it, the remainder of his coffee had gone cold and it was nearly dawn. He was tired but his mind was too active to rest. He knew everyone would be up soon so he knew that even if he managed to fall asleep, it wouldn’t be for very long. The members normally weren’t the quietest people, not even in the mornings when they were half asleep. Hoseok was normally the most energetic in the group and if the younger was awake then most other people would be too. “You’re up early,” someone said from behind him. Yoongi didn’t bother with turning around. He recognized who it was immediately. Seokjin walked into the room, already starting to make more coffee. “You look like crap,” the elder continued. Yoongi gave a half amused, half annoyed huff. “You don’t look to great yourself,” he retorted. The eldest’s hair was sticking out in all directions and his pajama shirt was wrinkled and twisted, as if he had been tossing and turning all night. “Couldn’t sleep,” Seokjin explained quickly. “That makes two of us.” Yoongi pinched the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache starting to come on from lack of sleep. It’d probably been there for a while and he just hadn’t noticed. “Why couldn’t you sleep?” “You know me, worrying too much as usual. How about you?” Seokjin grabbed Yoongi’s mug and dumped out the cold coffee and grabbed another mug from the cabinet. Yoongi sighed. “I don’t really know. It’s just been hard to sleep lately.” Truthfully, he was pretty sure he knew why but he didn’t have the brain power to explain it. “I know that’s a lie,” Seokjin said. “Want to tell me the real reason or am I going to have to force it out of you?” Yoongi smiled weakly. There wasn’t much emotion in it. “I . . . Is it selfish for me to want Jungkook to go on with the treatment?” Seokjin didn’t say anything so he continued. “I mean - I don’t - I just don’t think that . . . that I’m ready to lose him yet, you know? At the same time, I don’t want him to suffer if he doesn’t - if he doesn’t make it but I really want him to try. There are times when I want to force him to try. Is that wrong of me?” Seokjin took a shaky breath. “Honestly, Yoongi, I think we’re all asking ourselves that. I know I can’t force him, he’s way too stubborn, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to. And as for if it’s selfish, I don’t think I can answer that right now. I’m trying to figure that out for myself. I think that right now our best option is to not dwell on it. We just need to support Jungkook with whatever he decides, whether it’s the one we want him to make or not.” There was silence after that. Seokjin poured them both a fresh cup of coffee and they sat at the table, neither saying a word. The minutes continued to tick by but neither of them made a move to get up or speak or do anything. It seemed like only two minutes had passed before Namjoon woke up and was walking about the dorm. Soon, he’d woken both Hoseok and Junghyun up, leaving the maknae line to sleep a bit more since they’d stayed up late. “I should start on breakfast,” Seokjin said. He felt like he’d procrastinated as much as possible and everyone would be nagging him if he didn’t start. “Do you want anymore coffee?” Yoongi nodded and Seokjin took his and the younger’s mug to refill it. He also got a third cup down for Namjoon, knowing that the leader would want a cup. The two of them had spent almost two hours talking to Jungkook’s parents and he seemed incredibly stressed by they time he’d gone to bed. It wasn’t long before the smell of food started to fill the dorm, luring everyone who was awake towards the kitchen. Hoseok had attempted to get Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook up but Taehyung was the only one out of bed. Jimin and Jungkook went right back to sleep and the he decided to let them be. There’d be plenty of time for them to eat later in the day. Breakfast was unusually silent. Even Hoseok, who was normally a chatter box at all times stayed quiet. There was nothing more than a few awkward ‘Good morning’s. No one tried to start up conversation, knowing it would most likely be futile. Junghyun offered to do the dishes. Seokjin immediately denied to offer but he’d insisted on helping. He felt awkward being there and not doing anything to help out. Eventually, Seokjin gave in. As Junghyun did the dishes, Seokjin went to try and get Jungkook and Jimin out of bed. Only, when he walked in to wake them up, he was surprised to see that they were already awake and talking to each other. However long they’d been up was a mystery but he was glad he wouldn’t have to wake them up. Neither of them were really morning people. Neither of them seemed to notice when he walked in so he knocked gently on the door to get their attention. They both quickly turned to look at him. “You guys probably need to get up. There’s leftovers from breakfast if you’re hungry.” He hoped Jungkook would be up to eating since he hadn’t eaten the night before but he highly doubted it would happen. The maknae could still barely keep anything down. “We’ll be out in a minute,” Jimin said. Seokjin couldn’t help but notice the odd tone in the younger’s voice and the way Jungkook refused to look at him. “Is something wrong?” he asked. Jimin went silent and Jungkook tensed. Seokjin could hear quiet, hiccuping noises from him. He definitely knew something wasn’t quite right at that point. He made his way over to the bed and sat on the edge, placing a comforting hand on Jungkook’s shoulder. The maknae jerked up, turning to look at him. His eyes were wide and red with unshed tears. “Hey, what’s the matter?” Seokjin asked. He pulled Jungkook into his chest as he did. “I-I’m scared,” Jungkook hiccuped. Seokjin could feel his shirt starting to dampen with tears. “Why are you scared?” “I-I think I-I kn-know what I w-wanna d-do.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“I-I think I-I kn-know what I w-wanna d-do,” Jungkook stuttered, his voice hiccuping and cracking as he spoke. “W-what do you mean?” Seokjin stuttered, his heart sinking. “I-I w-want t-to go on w-with treatment b-but I’m s-scared!” Jungkook said, nearly bursting in to tears. “I d-don’t want t-to die in a h-hosptial b-but I want t-to try to l-live.” Even though Jungkook’s tears broke his heart, he couldn’t stop the way hope fluttered in his chest. Jungkook wanted to fight. He wasn’t giving up. There was a chance that they weren’t going to lose him. “I-I want t-to go on w-with the treatment,” Jungkook stated, his voice still shaking but sounding more firm than before. Seokjin couldn’t help but smile. “Alright,” he said, gently rubbing Jungkook’s back. “I’m proud of you Kookie. You’re so so strong. I know you can fight this.” Jimin sat up and joined them, wrapping his arms around Jungkook’s waist. “Seokjin hyung is right. You’ve never given up before and I know you can win this.” Jungkook just kept sobbing. He was so terrified. He knew he wasn’t ready to die, he’d known that for a while. Even so, the thought of suffering and fighting only to die in the hospital was almost even scarier. He didn’t want to go out that way. “It’s okay Kookie. It’s okay,” Seokjin kept whispering in his ear. Jimin whispered similar phrases as well and soon, they jumbled together. He couldn’t really pick out what either was saying, but at the same time, it was still comforting. They two voices blended like in a song. Soon, the tears stopped falling but none of them moved away. Five minutes passed, then ten, then twenty and none of them moved. Eventually, Jungkook started falling asleep and Seokjin decided it was time to get up. The maknae still need to take his medication and they needed him to eat something. With his arms around him, it was far to easy to feel Jungkook’s spine and ribs pushing against his skin. “Hey Jungkookie? Do you think you can try and eat for me?” The eldest asked. “I understand if you’re not hungry but you need to eat a few bites if you think you can.” Jungkook nodded, eyes red and nose runny. Seokjin and Jimin both helped him to his feet and guided him to the kitchen. Junghyun was still there, putting the last dish in the dishwasher. He turned back just as the three walked in. His eyes immediately went to his brothers and he threw and alarmed look towards the other two. Jimin shook his head as an indication that he probably shouldn’t ask. Junghyun pursed his lips and didn’t say anything. “I’ll get you some breakfast Kookie. Jimin do you want anything? There’s still leftovers.” Seokjin said, already making his way to the fridge. He’d made Jungkook a light breakfast as normal but stuck it in the fridge while the two slept and, thankfully, he’d managed to save a few small portions for Jimin as well. “Sure, I’ll have some,” Jimin answered as he helped Jungkook into his seat. After that, he took the seat next to him. “I’ll help,” Junghyun offered immediately. As he grabbed two plates down from the cupboard, he turned to Seokjin and whispered quietly. “What’s wrong? Is he okay?” “He’s alright for now. I think so at least. I’ll tell you what happened later,” Seokjin whispered back. He took the leftovers and scooped them onto the plates, putting Jungkook’s in the microwave first. Soon, both plates were done. He carried them both to the table, being closely followed by Junghyun. Seokjin put the two plates on the table before sitting next to Jimin and Junghyun sat next to Jungkook, placing down two small pills that Jungkook was supposed to take. They both ate in silence. Jimin ate slowly while Jungkook pretty much only picked at his food. Occasionally, he would take a small nibble but not much more. By the time Jimin finished, Jungkook had eaten the equivalent to four bites. They could all see his discomfort as he forced down another small bite. His stomach was being very vocal about it’s displeasure, but Jungkook just kept on going. Seokjin could see the fight in Jungkook’s eyes as he forced the food to stay down. It assured him once more that he wasn’t giving up. He knew that Jungkook probably didn’t want to eat, not with the way his face contorted with every bite, but he was trying and that was what mattered. In the end, he only managed to eat half the plate before swallowing down his pills. It was a silent way of telling them that he was done. Jimin took the two plates, putting Jungkook’s leftovers back in the fridge before putting the dishes in the sink. They could wash them later. Jungkook was their priority at the moment. Junghyun and Seokjin were already helping him to his feet and Jimin was quick to see if they needed any help. They didn’t, but he still tried anyway. He walked behind them as they guided Jungkook to the living room, being ready to catch him in case he fell. Logically, he knew the other two wouldn’t let that happen but he was still ready. Jungkook had gotten a lot weaker physically, but mentally, he was still going on strong and they could all see it. Even when he cried, they could all see it in his eyes. He didn’t want to just give up and die, even if he seemed like he did. Jungkook had never been one to give up. Even when the group had just debuted and people were laughing at them and mocking them, Jungkook was the one who was confident. He always assured them that they’d make it someday and that they shouldn’t give up. He was always going on strong, doing whatever he needed to do, even when he was tired. He never gave up. Soon, they made it to the living room. Everyone else was already there, watching some random drama that Taehyung had put on. Even though it seemed to be a comedy, none of them were smiling. “Do you want to tell them now?” Seokjin asked quietly so that the rest wouldn’t hear. “Can you call my parents to come over first? I don’t think I’ll be able to say it twice.” Jungkook stared at the floor nervously. His stomach was twisting worse than it had before. He wasn’t nervous about telling everyone. He knew they would support him, they’d all told him that several times. What he was nervous about was making his decision final. Once he said it, there wasn’t any going back. Even if he had the option to stop the treatment later on, he didn’t want to disappoint anyone. After his decision was made, they were all going to expect him to fight until the end. That was what he was going to do but he was still terrified. Junghyun called Jungkook’s parents and around fifteen minutes later they arrived. Not long after that, they all sat in the living room in silence. The TV had been turned off and all eyes were on him. “I . . . I want to go on with the treatment,” Jungkook said while looking at the floor. Because of that, he didn’t see the way that all of them seemed to relax. Namjoon placed a hand on the maknae’s shoulder. “I’m honestly really glad to hear that,” he admitted. “I knew you wouldn’t give up.” Jungkook didn’t say anything. He just kept staring at the floor. Even if everyone was happy with his decision, he still wasn’t sure if it was the right one. Even if he’d thought a lot about it, he just couldn’t be sure. He wasn’t fully comfortable with his decision like everyone told him he should. If anything, after he said it, he was feeling even more anxious. It would be so much easier to just let the cancer take it’s course and die in peace, knowing for sure that that would happen. He would have time to make peace with it and just move on, not hooked up to machines and IVs in the hospital. At the same time, it was so terrifying. It was terrifying to just give up and accept it. To die knowing he’d given up his only chance at survival. In the end, that had been the thing that tipped the scale for him. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t realize he was being spoken to until someone shook his shoulder. “Jungkook? Are you alright?” He looked up to see Taehyung looking at hims with concerned eyes. “I’m fine. I just spaced out,” he replied quietly. The elder looked skeptical but accepted the answer anyway. He sat down next to him, putting and arm around his shoulder. “I’ll go call your doctor and tell him,” Jungkook’s mother said. “He said if you wanted to continue with treatment then you needed to get put on a list as soon as possible.” She stood up, pulling out her cell phone before leaving the room. Silence fell after that. Jungkook’s father had moved to take Namjoon’s spot at some point and rested his hand on the younger’s leg. It was a simple gesture but to Jungkook it meant the world. He’d been away from home so long that he hadn’t really gotten to speak with his parents much. It hadn’t bothered him too much in the past but now that they were there with him he never wanted them too leave. Jungkook’s mother walked back in a moment later. “Dr. Oh said he wants you to come in as soon as possible. He said he needs more information before he can put you on the transplant list,” she explained. “Do you think we could go in today or do you want to rest?” Jungkook took a shaky breath. “L-Let’s just go today. I want to get it over with.” Jungkook’s mother tightened her lips and nodded. “Okay. Do you want us to take you or your members?” his dad asked. “I want you to,” Jungkook mumbled quietly, staring at the floor. The members did their best to hide their disappointment. They understood that Jungkook wanted to go with his family. He was finally getting to catch up with them so it was completely normal for him to want to spend time with them. Still, they’d been with each other for years and they felt somewhat let down that Jungkook chose to go with his family rather than them. “Okay,” Jungkook’s mom said. “I’ll give your doctor the message while you get ready.” Junghyun helped Jungkook to his feet but didn’t say anything when the younger refused his help while walking to his room. They all understood that he wanted to prove to the rest of them and himself that he wasn’t helpless. None of them thought that he was but they would’ve all felt the same way if they were in his position. Even so, Junghyun made sure to follow Jungkook to his room to make sure he got there safely. Once they reached the room, the elder hovered outside the door and listened for anything that would indicate that something was wrong. Around ten minutes passed and all Junghyun had heard was the opening and closing of drawers. The door finally opened and Jungkook stepped out in a pair of loose jeans and a white t-shirt. “You ready?” Junghyun asked. Jungkook only nodded and walked past him towards the door. Junghyun took quick note of the way he seemed to sway as he walked and made sure to be ready to catch him if something went wrong. Thankfully, nothing did and Jungkook made it to the front door where his parents were already waiting without assistance. It wasn’t long before they were out the door and on their way to the hospital. When he got in the car, Jungkook had put his earphones in and blasted the music as loud as it would go. It was a clear indication that he didn’t want to talk so none of them tried. Still, they made sure to keep an eye on him during the ride. When they reached to hospital, Jungkook had slipped out his earphones but didn’t say anything. He got out of the car and made his way inside. Even while they were talking to the doctor, he hadn’t said anything, letting his parents and brother answer all the questions for him. During the testing, he’d been worryingly unresponsive, not doing anything unless he was told. The appointment only lasted for around thirty minutes. Before they’d left, Dr. Oh said that Jungkook would probably need to be hospitalized soon and they could all see the way his face fell at those words. Still, Jungkook remained silent and when they got back to the dorm, he’d gone straight to his room and shut the door behind him. They all understood his need for alone time. Yoongi especially since he’d locked himself away in his own room not long after. Junghyun made sure to go by his brother’s room every once in a while just to make sure everything was okay. He never went inside, he just stood on the other side of the door and waited for a few moments to see if he could hear anything. All he ever got was the faint sound of music, the occasional shuffle of a blanket, and something that sounded suspiciously like crying. Around three hours later, Jungkook still hadn’t left his room. Junghyun still checked regularly but the times he went were getting farther and farther between. He was sure as long and the younger didn’t over exert himself he’d be okay and it didn’t seem as though he planned to get out of bed any time soon. Though, he still couldn’t stop that tinge of worry that forced him to go up and check. When another hour passed, he considered going inside but decided against it. He knew Jungkook would probably not be up for any conversation and probably just wanted to be alone. It was understandable. Namjoon went to check on Yoongi every once in a while as well. He even knocked on the door once. He knew that the elder was listening but just chose to ignore him. The sudden rise of the volume of the music inside was enough of indication that he didn’t want to be bothered. After that he stopped trying. At that point, Seokjin had started on dinner. He started on Jungkook’s first, since he wanted to make him something light. Occasionally, Jungkook would be able to eat heavier foods but that was only if he was having a good day. It was pretty obvious to all of him that he hadn’t been feeling good all day, both physically and emotionally. After he’d gotten Jungkook’s started, he moved on to making something for everyone else. He didn’t really feel like making anything fancy, he was far to exhausted emotionally for that, so he made something simple. He knew that the rest of the members wouldn’t care. If he was being honest, he was fairly sure they wouldn’t even pay attention to what they were eating. Recently, most of them mainly focused on getting Jungkook to eat rather than eating themselves. They’d lost a bit of weight because of it. He finished cooking dinner then went to find everyone else. He found Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung sitting on the couch in the living room. “Hey,” he said, getting their attention. The three looked back at him, looking tired. “Dinner’s ready. Jiminie, could you help me set the table? Hoseok, Taehyung, could you both go get everyone else?” “Yeah,” Jimin said, standing up. His voice was quieter than usual. The other two stood up without a word. It was so odd. Normally they were both the loudest in the dorm. It just didn’t feel right that they’d gone from that to being the quietest. Jimin followed Seokjin back into the dining room and they started to set the table. No words were spoken as they lay out the plates and the food. The silence said enough for both of them. A few moments later, Hoseok walked in. “Namjoon is trying to get Yoongi out of his room. I think Taehyung and Junghyun are helping Jungkook.” That was all he said before slipping into his seat, silently waiting for the rest. Around three minutes later, Taehyung and Junghyun walked in behind and upset looking Jungkook. They weren’t helping him but they looked ready to. By the way Jungkook was swaying, it looked as though he would collapse at any given second. The elder two were both looking at him with concerned eyes with every step. It took longer than it should have for the youngest to get in his seat. He looked awful. His hair was a mess and his eyes were red. It didn’t take them long to figure out that he’d been crying at some point. Probably fairly recently as his cheeks were still damp with tears. They waited a few more minutes for Namjoon and Yoongi. The food was starting to go cold but they kept waiting. Seokjin busied himself with getting plates ready for everyone while everyone just sat and waited. Five minutes later, Namjoon walked down, but Yoongi didn’t. It didn’t take them long to figure out that he wasn’t coming. He was most likely lost in his own world making some song. That’s what usually caused him to miss dinner, but then again, it seemed more like he was avoiding everyone. Normally, he would tell them if he thought he was going to miss a meal, but this time, he refused to speak to anyone at all. When it was clear that he wasn’t coming, they began to eat. Dinner was a very tense affair for reasons unknown. They’d all thought they’d be happy if Jungkook went on with the treatment, but there was an undeniable heaviness in the air. It felt a bit different for all of them. For some of them it felt like sadness, and others like fear. For some it was anxiousness or just confusion about what they were feeling. Why they were feeling these things was a mystery to them all. They felt like they should’ve been happy and celebrating. Jungkook had decided to take his shot at living, when the fight wasn’t going to be easy at all. Perhaps, it was the fear that the only reason he’d chosen that was because of them. That he’d chosen to try and live because they wanted him to rather than his own thoughts or feelings. Jungkook only managed to eat a little less than half of his meal. It was clear that he was still unsure of his own decision. They could all see it in his eyes and it only made them more fearful. None of them wanted to die, but they didn’t want him to die in pain just because of them. Just because they wanted him to. It wasn’t long before Jimin excused himself from the table, leaving his plate mostly untouched. He’d barely eaten more than three bites but every one felt like a two ton weight in his stomach. Eventually, he gave up on trying, ignoring the concerned looks everyone shot in his direction. Jungkook wasn’t the only one who’d lost their appetite with the recent events. They’d all had trouble eating without feeling just a little odd but Jimin had been the most concerning. With his past eating habits, it wasn’t difficult for him to ignore hunger and he seemed to be doing that now. Still, none of them stopped him. They couldn’t force him to eat unless it started to get serious, and it hadn’t even gotten close to that yet. Not with how it’d been in the past. They all made sure to keep an eye out anyway. One by one, they all declared themselves finished, even if none of their plates were fully cleaned. Jungkook was given his medicine before they helped him to his feet. He insisted that he didn’t need help walking, despite the way that he wobbled as he stood. He looked exhausted. Still, he started his way to the living room without assistance. His room was much further and he didn’t feel up to going there, even if he really wanted to be alone. He ended up on the couch curled up next to his brother, Taehyung sitting on his other side. A movie was playing and he tried to watch it. He hoped it would distract him from the overwhelming doubt in his head. He still wasn’t sure if the decision he’d made was the right one. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it and he desperately needed something to get his mind off of it. Eventually, he found himself lost in the plot of the movie. It was a mystery, crime themed movie. It didn’t really stand out much from other movies of its kind but he didn’t care. It distracted him and that’s all he could’ve asked for. Though, when the movie ended, everything came rushing back. The doubt, fear, and anxiety that had plagued him crashed over him like a wave against a rocky shore during a storm. Hard, violent, and dangerous. He couldn’t force it from his mind, no matter how hard he tried and before he was able to stop it, silent tears streaked down his face. He was pretty sure that everyone could see them, judging by the way Junghyun seemed to pull him closer, but no one said anything about it. All indication that they’d noticed was through small, physical gestures or words that were’t directed at him. Taehyung seemed to scoot a bit closer to him. Seokjin simply put on another movie, turning up to volume knowing that Jungkook wouldn’t want everyone’s eyes on him. Namjoon walked behind the couch, resting his hand on the younger’s shoulder for a moment, letting it linger for a bit before moving on as if he’d been going to the kitchen. Hoseok was joking about something that was going on in the movie, Jungkook wasn’t quite sure what it was. At that point, he’d given up on using the TV as a distraction. After a bit, he felt himself starting to grow tired. He hadn’t realized how late it was getting until he glanced to the window. The sun had set completely and it was dark out. The only light was the bright ones of the city, which were somewhat hard to see since the blinds were pulled down, only leaving small cracks to peak through. He looked away from the window and back to the TV. There was some sort of action movie playing. He wasn’t quite sure which one but he was fairly sure he’d seen it before. The actors looked familiar, as well as the setting on costumes. He was really too tired to try and figure out which movie it was. It didn’t really matter anyway. He wasn’t going to watch it. He felt his eyelids starting to droop and he didn’t fight it. He was exhausted. Far too exhausted to ignore the pull of sleep. It was much to tempting and it wasn’t long before he gave in. Nobody bothered to try and wake him up once the movie ended. Hoseok, without a word, took him from Junghyun and carried him up to his room. He’d been able to carry him before, though it wasn’t easy since the maknae was 145 pounds of pure muscle but now he felt like he was carrying a feather. Jungkook had lost a lot of weight in a very short time and even if it could be blamed on the cancer, it was still extremely worrying. Junghyun helped him get the younger into bed and pulled the blanket over his chest. Hoseok lingered in the room for a bit longer than necessary. He looked at the bed, watching as Jungkook’s chest rose and fell. After looking for a good long minutes, he left the room without a word, his usual smile replaced with a frown. Junghyun also watching his brother’s chest rise and fall, but for much longer than Hoseok had. Logically knew it was probably creepy to stand over his sleeping brother just watching him breath but the didn’t care. He needed the reassurance that Jungkook was alive and still fighting. Even it was just the sight of his chest rising and falling it was enough to quell the fear that’d settled in his stomach. He watched for a good twenty minutes before finally getting onto the airbed and lying down. It wasn’t long before he joined his brother in sleep. Yoongi didn’t sleep all night. He’d barely slept at all the past few days. Even with Jungkook deciding to fight he still felt uneasy and afraid. He feared if he slept that he would miss something important. That if he slept he would wake up and Jungkook would be gone. He wasn’t going to risk that so he stayed up, doing anything he could to keep his eyes open. He’d snuck out of his room after everyone else had gone to bed to make coffee. While it brewed, he peaked into Jungkook’s room. They’d started leaving the door open at night incase anything were to happen. He was glad to see that Jungkook seemed to be sleeping peacefully. He watched from the doorway for a few minutes before he could here a faint beep from the kitchen, indicating that the coffee was done. He poured himself a cup before going back to his room and sitting at his desk. He was working on some new songs to keep him distracted. He looked at the notepad in front of him. Notes were scribbled out messily over the page. Some were marked out with a pen, leaving large dark spots in some places. His songwriting process had never been neat. His laptop was opened and he clicked on it to play the track he’d put together. It was a slow song. Most of the music was composed of strings. The vibrato of the violin made his ears tingle and the low ring of the cello gave him goosebumps. The gentle plucking of the harp settled in the back of his head and the harmonies made with the viola sent chills up his spine. Thee deep strum of the contrabass vibrated within him and the way it blended with the subtle beat of the drum calmed his nerves and fears. He didn’t often compose music like it. He preferred more upbeat songs with heavy bass. Though, he couldn’t deny that the sound of strings was hard to dislike. They always brought on a softer feel and, while he normally paired them with more modern sounds, he thought they sounded better on their own. He’d taken inspiration from classical music in order to compose it. He had to admit that he’d really enjoyed it. He was incredibly happy with how the song turned out. Sure it needed small tweaks here and there but overall he loved the way it turned out. It had a melancholy sound. It was said, but hopeful. It reflected out he felt. The pre-chorus almost sounded fearful. It switched to a minor key at that part, building up slowly while still keeping a slow steady beat. The fear of losing someone of something precious. The versus were sad and confused. The melody jumped up to high notes then back down to low notes randomly. It was organized chaos. The chorus, however was much different. It was in a major key, and while it didn’t sound exactly happy, it wasn’t like the versus or pre-chorus either. It quieted down. There wasn’t much going on other than the harp, gently playing the melody and the drums keeping the beat. The bridge, however was the most unique. All the feelings from before combined into one and it built up. The strings were violently playing and the drums were chaotic. Yoongi felt like the bridge matched his own feelings perfectly. Confused, said, fearful, hopeful, and happy. He wanted to be happy, he was happy, but at the same time he was afraid. He knew that Jungkook knew they wanted him to fight. Jungkook, while he could be a brat at times, was horrible at refusing requests or letting people down. If one of them asked him to help them with a song or learning a dance move, he’d agree even if he already had plans. If one of them wanted to work out with him, he’d go even if he’d just come back from his own intense workout regimen. If a fan asked him to do of a cover of a song, he’d do everything in his power to cover it, even when hundreds of other people were sending in requests. Yoongi was sure that, if one of them said they wanted him to fight, which they had several times though not directly to his face, he would do it. He was terrified that that was Jungkook was doing and that scared him even more than losing him. He didn’t want Jungkook to suffer when he just wanted to go peacefully. He was so lost in his own thoughts and the track that he had playing on repeat that he didn’t notice his eyelids starting to droop. It wasn’t long before he finally fell asleep, coffee gone cold, track still playing, and the sound of the strings echoing throughout the room.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Only two weeks later, Jungkook was taken to the hospital. He’d started the new chemotherapy immediately after he made his decision and had been put on a list for a bone marrow transplant. He’d also been put through several more tests in order to confirm some things before putting him on the list. Only, his condition depleted rapidly not long after. He could barely get out of bed anymore and he could barely eat anything. Waking him up had become a difficult task, much more difficult than it’d been before. He was constantly exhausted and it just kept getting worse and worse. It didn’t take them long to decide that it was time he was taken to the hospital. Jungkook was honestly too exhausted to care anymore. The days were just starting to blur together in his mind. It really made no difference whether he was in his room, or in a hospital one anymore. Jungkook’s doctor decided to admit him immediately. Not long after they were told that he’d entered the fifth stage of cancer. The situation was getting more dire by the day. The company put out a message about it, explaining to fans that Jungkook was in the hospital and that they were hoping for a match to come soon. Fans were showing and incredible amount of support. Most through comments, saying that they were praying for him. Others had donated to charities to support people with cancer and some even put themselves on donation lists. When they told Jungkook, he promptly burst into tears. Even if he was exhausted and perhaps not 100% aware, but just the amount of support had overwhelmed him. He knew their fans were loyal, but he never expected some of them to act so strongly. It had taken twenty minutes before he ended up crying himself to exhaustion and passing out in the hospital bed. The rest of the group stayed with him until visiting hours ended later that night. Only family was allowed to stay during the night. The argument that they were practically family hadn’t been enough to convince the nurses, who had seemed sympathetic, but got annoyed when they wouldn’t leave. Eventually, they had no choice but to give in, making Junghyun promise to call them if anything happened. None of them got much sleep that night. They woke up early the next morning so that they could be there as soon as visiting hours started. Jungkook was still asleep and no one bothered to wake him. Dr. Oh told them that rest was probably the best thing for him at the moment. Yoongi, who had barely said a word during the entire two weeks before, hardly ever left the maknae’s side throughout the day. His family had gone back to their hotel, Junghyun had started staying with them, to rest. They were obviously exhausted but didn’t want to leave Jungkook alone, grateful that his bandmates were staying with him. Seokjin went out and got them lunch, which went mostly uneaten. Jungkook was still asleep, letting the hospital food that had been brought to him go cold. Jimin and Taehyung were sitting on one of the overly firm couches in the room, trying to find comfort in one another. Namjoon was sitting next to them, leaning his forward, arms on his knees and head down. Hoseok was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the bed from Yoongi, watching the heart monitor next to him in silence. The quiet beeping was sickeningly comforting. It reminded them Jungkook was there, but at the same time it reminded them of the situation that they were in. Jungkook, in a hospital bed, growing weaker and weaker by the day. His body slowly starting ti fail him. Waiting for a donor they weren’t sure would ever come along. Survival rates dropping lower and lower as he progressed further into the disease. If that wasn’t enough to have them all terrified then nothing was. Jungkook shifted slightly in his sleep and everyone’s head shot towards him. They were all hyper alert of what was around them, especially the maknae. They were ready to get help at any sign of distress, fearing the worst. The doctor had promised them that Jungkook had at least a few months left but they still feared losing him. How could they not? He was their maknae after all. “Hyung?” Jungkook asked blearily. “Hey Kook,” Yoongi said, voice gentle. They were all surprised but no one said anything. It was the first thing Yoongi had said in days. “How’re you feeling?” “Tired, achy,” Jungkook replied. It was how he’d been feeling most of the time so no one said anything about it, even if he had just woken up from an fifteen hour sleep. “Wan’ go back to sleep.” Yoongi brushed his hand over the maknae’s hair. “Do you think you can stay awake just for a bit. Your doctor says you need to eat.” Jungkook shook his head slowly. “Not hungry, he mumbled, trying to turn over and go back to sleep. “Please Kookie?” Hoseok asked when the maknae was facing him. “You really need to eat a little bit.” Jungkook frowned, shaking his head again. The two kept pushing, Seokjin joining in, hoping he would eventually give in and, thankfully, he finally did. It had taken a lot more coaxing than they originally thought would but they managed to convince him to eat. His lunch was a bit cold, but they knew the maknae wouldn’t care. He hardly seemed to care about what he ate anymore since it all made him feel sick. He didn’t eat much, only a few bites of mashed potatoes and a bit of bread. They did get him to drink all of the water that was provided with the meal which was a plus but other than that they couldn’t get him to eat anything more. Once he said he was done, they stopped trying to push him, thinking it best to just let him go back to sleep like he wanted. The few days leading up to him coming to the hospital, he’d been absolutely exhausted but unable to sleep. He’d been sick to his stomach and incredibly achy all over pretty much the entire time which left him into much pain and discomfort to get proper sleep. Most nights he was only able to drop off with the help of another member, which usually took at least an hour. They figured his body was just trying to make up for lost time. It probably took less than five minutes for Jungkook to fall asleep again and for the rest of them to go back to the uncomfortable silence like it had before. Only, it felt even worse than before. Even more tense, but still, nobody bothered to say anything. They feared whatever balance they’d managed to get between them would fall apart as soon as they did. They sat in silence for the rest of the day. They stayed silent as they left, letting Junghyun and Jungkook’s parents take over watching him during the night. The only words the spoke were quick and mumbled ‘goodnights’ before they all went to their rooms. That night, they found it hard to sleep without all the familiar noise that usually flooded the dorm, but they forced themselves to anyway. They had a feeling it was going to be a long few weeks. A few days later, Yoongi woke early just like he had the past few mornings. Far earlier than he needed to be up. The sun hadn’t even started to rise but, he didn’t care. He’d woken in a cold sweat, the nightmare he’d had replaying in his mind like a horror movie. He tried everything he could to shake it off. A cold shower, coffee, or music. None of it seemed to be able to get the nightmare off his mind. Jungkook had died. There hand’t been enough time and he died. He left them all and they attended his funeral. They looked at his dead body and carried his coffin. They were crying, he was crying. Everyone was crying because Jungkook died. Because someone he loved wasn’t able to fight long enough. Just the thought of it was leaving him more shaken than he thought it should’ve. He tried to convince himself that the reason his eyes were watering was because of the shampoo in his eyes but he knew the real reason deep down. He knew that he was afraid. He was terrified, but he refused to admit it to himself or others. After the shower failed to work, he made himself a cup of coffee. It did wake him up a bit but it wasn’t enough for him to drive off the thoughts. So, he shoved in his earbuds and played his music on full-blast. It was all heavy with bass or drums. He was sure he was going to have trouble hearing for a while after but he really just needed something to block out the thoughts in his head. It didn’t work. Not even close to help actually. If anything, it just gave him a headache. So, after about of thirty minutes of listening to music, he gave up and went to find some pain killers. He knew the headache would probably only get worse if he didn’t get something for it and a headache was something he knew that he just couldn’t deal with. He already had enough on his mind. “Hyung? Why are you up?” Yoongi jumped back from the medicine cabinet he was digging through. He turned around to see Jimin standing behind him, looking exhausted and worried. Probably just as much Yoongi was himself, or maybe even more so. “I could as you the same thing,” Yoongi said, regaining his composure and leaning against the counter. “I thought I heard someone walked around so I came out to see who it was. What’s your excuse?” Jimin asked. “Woke up,” Yoongi said. “I had a headache and I couldn’t go back to sleep so I went to get some pain killers.” “Then why do you look like you’ve been up for hours?” Jimin asked. He knew he was probably aggravating his hyung but Yoongi had been even quieter than usual during the past two weeks. He wanted to try and figure out what was going on in his head so he could help him. He definitely looked like he needed it. Yoongi obviously looked aggravated, but did his best not to let it show in his voice as he spoke. “It’s none of your business.” he shot back. He knew he probably sounded childish but honestly he was just glad he hadn’t started shouting. He’d been keeping what he wanted to say inside for so long that he was surprised he didn’t just blurt it all out. “Hyung, you’ve barely said a word these past two weeks. I know it’s hard. It’s been hard on all of us, but the last thing we need is you closing in on yourself,” Jimin said gently. He knew all too well what it was like to start blocking everyone out and focusing on what you’re mind was saying, even if you knew it was hurting you. “You’ll just end up making things worse.” He sighed. “I know you don’t want us to see that it’s bothering you so much, but you need to talk about what you’re feeling.” Yoongi was silent, staring at Jimin with slightly surprised but otherwise emotionless eyes. Jimin wasn’t the best at giving comfort. Really, he was normally the one searching for it in during hard times. They all knew that which is why whenever things started to get difficult, they usually made sure to keep an eye out on him. It was really a surprise to see him be the one to comfort someone else when they were struggling. “I woke up a few hours ago,” Yoongi finally admitted. Jimin walked up to the elder, wrapping his arms around his waist and looked at him with wide concerned eyes. “Why did you wake up? Bad dream?” Yoongi hesitated a moment before responding. He hated admitting weakness, even if he’d comforted the other members several times, telling them that they weren’t weak if they asked for help. “Yeah.” “Do you wanna talk about it?” Jimin asked gently. “Not really, but I probably should, shouldn’t I?” He looked at Jimin who was looking at him with expectant eyes. The younger nodded at him, seeming eager to help. Young sighed. “Jungkookie died.” Jimin didn’t look surprised at all. Instead he looked sad. Like he understood. “I think we’ve all thought about that. Taehyungie had the same dream about a week ago, and Seokjin hyung had a panic attack because he was afraid it would happen.” Yoongi frowned, feeling guilty. He didn’t know about that. He’d been locked away in his room for pretty much the entirety of the two weeks. “But, Jungkookie is a fighter. He’s not going to just give up. He’s not just going to leave like we all think he is. He’s going to fight down till his last moment. I know he will. Even if he makes it past this I know he’s going to keep fighting. It’s just the person that he is.” Yoongi just looked at the floor, feeling skeptical. He knew that Jungkook was a fighter, they’d all been saying it over and over again like some sort of mantra to convince themselves that Jungkook would be okay. But, he couldn’t stop the doubt from settling in his stomach. It had been there from the moment that Jungkook had been diagnosed, perhaps longer. Perhaps it had been there since the moment he noticed that something wasn’t quite right. Whenever it had first made itself known, it was stronger now than ever. “Not long after we debuted,” Jimin started. “and when people were mocking at his, did Jungkook give up?” Jimin asked. Yoongi paused a moment before shaking his head. Jungkook had probably been the most adamant about going forward and continuing during that time, always telling them that if they kept going that they would have a chance to show those people that they were wrong. “When we were at dance practice, and we were all exhausted and ready to just give it up, did Jungkook let us stop.” Yoongi shook his head once more. Jungkook had always been encouraging when they were tired. “All the times I tried to shut you guys out when I was struggling and I stopped eating, did Jungkook let me.” Again, he shook his head. Jungkook had sat outside his room for a full day once until he agreed to go out to eat with him. “When your depression and anxiety were at it’s worst and you stopped sleeping and you stayed in your studio whenever we weren’t doing schedules, did he just leave you alone.” He shook his head once more. Jungkook had been adamant about getting him out of the studio, annoying him until he agreed to go out for lamb skewers. They both ate until they were too full to do anything but sleep. “So then what makes you think he’ll give up now?” Yoongi was silent. He could clearly remember each time Jungkook had told them to not give up. To keep on going till there was nowhere left to go. To keep fighting until it was over. The weight in his stomach seemed to lighten a little for the first time in weeks. “Why don’t we go back to sleep hyung?” Jimin asked gently. “There’s still about an hour and a half before visiting hours start so we can at least get another hour.” Yoongi smiled at him. The first genuine smile he’d managed in weeks. “Sure, lets go.” “Should we wake them up?” Hoseok whispered quietly to Namjoon. Visiting hours at the hospital started in less than thirty minutes and Yoongi and Jimin had yet to get out of bed. They all knew how angry the two would be with them if they didn’t wake them up to go see the maknae but they’d all seen how little sleep Yoongi had been getting, or they’d heard him up wandering about the dorm in the middle of the night. It was honestly a pretty big surprised that Jimin managed to coax him to bed. “Let them sleep for now,” Namjoon said. “I don’t think either of them have sleep well these past few days. I can stay here while you guys go on ahead. We’ll meet you later.” “Are you sure? I don’t mind to stay if you want to go ahead,” Hoseok asked. Deep down, he really wanted to check on Jungkook. He wanted to see him so desperately that it was taking all of his self control to stay where he was but he forced himself to. “I’m sure. I know you and Seokjin want to go see him and Taehyung’s been a wreck. He needs the two of you,” Namjoon answered. He really did want to go see Jungkook. Even though he knew there would be time to see him later in the day, he was just as afraid as the rest of them. But, he was the leader and he needed to act like one, even if it was hard. “Alright. I guess I’ll see you later then. Text me whenever you’re on your way. We might be able to get Jungkook awake before you get there,” Hoseok said, trying to sound hopeful, even if it was forced. “No. Let him sleep if he is, but, if he is awake, I’d like to see him,” Namjoon admitted. Hoseok smiled tiredly at him. “I’ll make sure to tell him that.” He then turned to leave the room, placing a comforting hand on the younger’s shoulder as he left. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make Namjoon feel better about the situation. He left the room not long after. The last think he wanted to do was wake Yoongi and Jimin up. If he woke them up before they needed to be up he would feel awful. They were all exhausted and were grateful for any extra sleep they could get. He shut the door as quietly as he could before going to the kitchen for a second cup of coffee. All of them had been running on pretty much caffeine only for the past few days so Seokjin always made sure to make a pot first thing in the morning. Normally, it would be gone within only a few minutes and more would need to be made. Seokjin was there, pouring himself a cup in before screwing the lid on. He looked rushed and more than a little tired. He probably hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. He jerked around, smacking straight into Namjoon. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t hear you come in,” Seokjin said, speaking so fast that it was almost impossible to understand him. The elder didn’t really seem to eager to hear if he was forgiven or not as he rushed straight towards the front door. “Hey, hyung,” Namjoon called, somewhat surprised he was able to get his attention. “It’s gonna be okay.” Seokjin’s once frantic looking eyes softened. “Thanks,” was all he said before turning around and walking back towards the door, this time at a much slower pace. Hoseok had his arm wrapped around a tearful Taehyung as they waited by the front door. Namjoon waved goodbye and he got halfhearted waves in response. At least he was getting a response. It was better than what he’d been getting from Yoongi in the past few weeks. After he heard the door clothes, he poured himself a large cup of coffee, downing it in less than two minutes. He knew that having so much caffeine was probably bad for him but he couldn’t really bring himself to care. He was too tired to care. After he’d drank his third cup, he decided it was time to cut himself off. The last thing he wanted was to be jittery when they went to the hospital. There was never anything to do and having too much energy was probably the worst thing for that. Instead, he went ahead and started another pot for Jimin and Yoongi, who would undoubtably wake soon and occupied himself with scrolling through twitter. It was a place that he use to fear looking at because he knew what kind of comments would be on there. He hated the hate that they’d gotten around the time of their debut and had tried his best to avoid it during that time. But, now, it was a place where he’d started searching for comfort. Sure there was the occasional hate comment or two as he scrolled, but most of the comments held nothing but support. Fans all of the world were promising to stay by their side through it all. People who he didn’t even really know other than the fact that they liked their music were telling him it would be okay. He found it a bit odd that he was going to it rather than to his members, but, he knew that they all already had enough on their plate. They were all sorting out their own emotions and probably wouldn’t be able to give much comfort. Thankfully, their fans continued to insist that everything would be okay, despite the news that Jungkook was getting worse and worse and it was enough to keep him believing to. It was just enough to keep him believing that they would make it through it. Hoseok and Seokjin held hands with Taehyung as they walked into the hospital. The second youngest had been an absolute wreck the past night. He’d been a wreck the past two weeks but had been trying to hide it, but he’d never been the best at hiding his emotions. “It’ll be okay Taehyungie. You’ll see. It’s gonna be okay,” Hoseok whispered in his ear as they walked towards the hospital room. He tried to hide the fact that he was trying to convince himself of the same thing. They walked into the room, knocking softly as they entered. The lights were off and the curtains were pulled closed. Junghyun was resting his head on the wall, sleeping in a position that would surely leave him with a crick in his neck, and his parents were sitting next to the bed. “Good morning,” Jungkook’s father said quietly. The three of them gave a short bow and saying their hellos. “Is he okay?” Taehyung asked as he looked at the bed. “As good as he can be,” Jungkook’s mother answered, looking as though she’d been crying. “Dr. Oh says he still needs a lot of rest but he was up for a few minutes last night after you left.” “That’s good to hear,” Seokjin said, sounding relieved. “Was he talking any?” “Not much. No more than he had to. He was really out of it,” She explained. “He’s been like that a lot lately,” Hoseok mentioned sadly, and then silence filled the air. It was incredibly awkward. Even if they’d become acquainted with Jungkook’s parents, they were by no means close. There wasn’t really much for them to say to each other. “Well,” Jungkook’s father said finally. “We should get going. The bus will be hear any minute now. Honey, will you get Junghyun?” Jung kook’s mother nodded who went to get here son. No more words were spoken as they left. Junghyun was barely even awake before he was leaving the room with his parents. It made sense that he was tired. He probably wasn’t getting any sleep at night and he doubted he was able to get much sleep during the daytime either. Hotels aren’t known for being silent during the daytime. Seokjin gave them a tight-lipped smile as they left before pulling Taehyung over to the edge of the bed. The younger plopped down in the seat there without hesitation, taking Jungkook’s hand in his own. Seokjin took the seat across from him and Hoseok went to sit on the couch. Silence fell upon them once more. A few minutes passed a nurse came in. She checked Jungkook’s vitals before giving them each a sympathetic smile and leaving. The atmosphere was incredibly dull. No one knew quite what to do. They were all a bit jittery, the caffeine from that morning running through their system, but none of them wanted to leave. Even if their body was begging them to get up and just walk around for a few minutes they refused to leave. Jungkook was more important than that. Twenty minutes of silence passed before the hospital door opened once more. They all looked up, expecting to see a nurse, some other hospital staff, or the rest of the group. Those were pretty much the only people that had come in since Jungkook’s hospital room was being kept a secret to avoid fans getting in, but were surprised to see that it wasn’t them. “Hey,” Seokjin said, standing up and walking over to Jaebum, Yugyeom, and BamBam. “I didn’t know you guys were coming.” “We convinced our managers to let us come by,” Jaebum explained. “Namjoon told us the room number a few days ago but this was our only chance to come by.” Yugyeom and BamBam seemed to not care about giving any sort of formal greeting as they walked straight to the bed. They were both unusually so loud and energetic. It wasn’t like them to be so quiet. “Is he gonna be okay?” Yugyeom asked, his voice unusually quiet and scratchy. He was clutching BamBam’s hand in his own and his knuckles were white. “We . . . We don’t know right now. If a match comes in soon then, yes, he should be okay, but it’s hard to know if he gets into the sixth stage,” Hoseok explained. “How far along is it?” BamBam questioned. “They told us he just reached the fifth stage a few days ago so there’s still time. They’ve started him on a new chemo and they’re doing everything they can to slow it down,” Seokjin answered. BamBam nodded, accepting the answer, but not looking at all happy about it. His eyes were glassy and they could all see that he was close to tears, but doing his best to hold them back. Any of them could easily recognize the expression. They’d seen it on each other two many times to count. Yugyeom had long passed the stage of trying to hold the emotions back. Tears were running down his face leaving his cheeks wet and shiny. He seemed to not care about the rest of the people in the room, probably because he knew they’d all cried about it just as much as he had. “They took the news pretty hard. They wanted to come as soon as they heard but we were in the middle of schedules,” Jaebum explained. Seokjin just nodded sadly, staring at the bed. “From what I’ve heard, the rest of the 97 line group chat is planning on coming by later on.” “That’s what I thought too,” Seokjin said. “Jungkook hasn’t been on his phone a lot but he gets a lot of messages so checked in case it was anything important.” They didn’t say anything more after. They didn’t really have much to say. They weren’t close like Yugyeom and BamBam were with Jungkook or like Namjoon was with Jackson. The most interaction they had was congratulating each other at awards shows or brief meeting backstage. They stayed for about an hour. Neither of the two youngest said anything, standing next to the bed in silence, clutching each other’s hands like their life depended on it. BamBam had finally let the tears fault while Yugyeom seemed to run out of them. “We should go,” Jaebum said finally. “We have to start schedules soon.” Yugyeom and BamBam made no move to leave. The leader gently reached out and took their clutched hands in his own. “Guys, we need to go.” His voice was much more gentle than before. “H-Hyung, wh-what if we don’t g-get the chance t-t-to see him again?” Yugyeom asked, his voice cracking as he spoke. Jaebum just looked at them with a sad eyes. “You will,” he said. “I’ll make sure you get to see him again. I promise, but we really need to go or management may not let us come back, okay?” Neither seemed keen on leaving but let Jaebum lead them out nonetheless. He saw BamBam take a quick glance back at the bed as he left. Seokjin could see worry clearly reflected in the younger’s eyes. He vaguely wondered if he sported that same look. He shook off the thought when Hoseok spoke up. “Namjoon just texted. Jimin and Yoongi are up. They’ll be here soon.” Seokjin just nodded in response. Taehyung didn’t react at all, almost as if he didn’t hear him. Neither of them were surprised that he hadn’t been paying attention. He didn’t even seem to notice when Yugyeom and BamBam had arrived, nor did he seem to notice when they left. Hoseok walked over and place a gentle hand on the second youngest’s shoulder. It wasn’t much but he hoped it provided some sort of comfort. He couldn’t tell if it did because Taehyung, once again, seemed to not notice. Seokjin went back to his seat at the edge of the bed and Hoseok stayed standing next to Taehyung. It was like that for a few minutes. Peaceful but not quite comfortable silence. That was until Taehyung suddenly stood up leaning over the edge. “Kookie? Are you awake?” he asked, much louder than necessary. Hoseok was about to scold him for being so loud. Jungkook was sleeping after all, or at least it looked that way from first glance. But, as he looked closer, he could see the maknae shifting in his bed and, slowly, open his eyes. The relieved smile on Taehyung’s face was impossible to miss. Even if waking up wasn’t really anything big to any normal person, it had become something they all looked forward to with Jungkook. With how much he’d been sleeping, even before he was admitted to the hospital, any time he was awake was cherished. “It’s good to see you awake,” Seokjin said, holding Jungkook’s hand in his own. “You’ve been out for awhile,” Hoseok added. They waited for Jungkook to respond, but he didn’t. He was definitely awake. His eyes were open and he blinking up tiredly at the ceiling. His hand moved and twitched every few seconds, squeezing Seokjin’s hand loosely. They held their breath as they waited for him to say something. The silence that filled the room was so much worse than it had been all the other times. It was so suffocating that they weren’t sure they would be able to breath. With each passing second the silence grew worse and worse until . . . “Hyung,” he said finally. He didn’t look at either of them, still looking up at the ceiling with empty eyes. “Yes Kookie?” “Do you think this was a mistake?”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I know in the last chapter that I mentioned that I wanted to work hard to finish up this story so I could start on future projects (at least I think I did) but now I'm not sure if I can. During my short break a family member of mine was diagnosed with cancer. I'm not particularly close to her, but she's family nonetheless. I didn't think that something like this would affect me so heavily, and really it didn't start to until recently. We recently received bad news and it's been harder to grasp than I thought it would. While I don't know her very well, she's such a sweet person from what I do know and even though she only joined our family through marriage a few years ago, I've gone to church with her for most of my life and, as a christian, that makes her family on a spiritual level for me as well. When we first heard about it, everyone had high hopes. Nobody really seemed super worried about it. She did have to have a surgery, and it went well, she was even back home and walking around a few days after the surgery and everyone was feeling good, but a few days later we received bad news and as I said before, it's hit me harder than I thought it would. I tried to continue writing for this at first, but I only got halfway through the chapter before I realized it was useless to try. I just wasn't motivated to write it and everything I managed to get out just sounded wrong in my head. I think that writing that something so sensitive in my life right now is just going to make things harder. All of this happened in less than a month and I think I just need time to grasp the situation before I can try to continue. I really want to finish this story, I really truly loved writing it so far and when I first started, all I wanted to do was write and write and write so I could get the next chapter out for you guys but after all this happened I just can't do it anymore. The last thing I want is to put out chapters that I wasn't able to put my all into. I really hope you all understand. I will try to continue my series, as it is much more light-hearted than this and maybe start on some future projects, but I just can't write this story right know. I hope to finish it and I'm so sorry for the hiatus, especially since it's so close to the ending of the story. Thanks so so so much to all of my readers, all of the support you've given me up until now has really motivated me to write more and more, but this story is just going to hurt me if I continue to write it at this point. Bye for now. I promise I'll try hard to finish this in the future.