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“Hyung.” Changkyun peeked into Hyunwoo’s room, curious expression on his face, only to see both Hyunwoo and Jooheon on the floor, studying.

Jooheon’s face was scrunched up, lips forming a frown as he stared at the paper in front of him. If Changkyun didn’t know any better, he would’ve sworn that Jooheon was trying to set the thing on fire with his mind.

However, Changkyun did know better. He knew very well that Jooheon was struggling with a class and that Hyunwoo, who had taken the class in a previous year, was helping him.

It stung a little that Jooheon didn’t go to Changkyun for help. They were taking the same exact class and Changkyun was excelling it. Jooheon knew

that

because they would often share scores on papers and assignments.

Changkyun had seen the downward trend of Jooheon’s scores while Changkyun’s stayed at the rather high A’s and B’s range.

It didn’t matter, he quickly told himself. It only made sense that Jooheon asked Hyunwoo for help. Hyunwoo was a better teacher anyway. Jooheon would learn much more easily from someone who wasn’t an automatic genius.

Plus, it wasn’t as if Changkyun offered to help him study. He just offered to read and correct Jooheon’s papers. Changkyun should’ve been more specific about being willing to help Jooheon with studying too.

Not that Jooheon had taken him up on the previous offer either.

When neither of them had answered him and he had lingered far too long at the door, Changkyun tried again “Hyung, are you guys going over material for the test next week?”

This time, Hyunwoo looked up but there was a hint of annoyance in his expression “Yes, Kyunnie, did you need something?”

Changkyun’s heart almost soared when Hyunwoo finally started paying attention. He quickly steeled his expression, though, and, instead, answered “Well, I was wondering if I--”

“You can’t study with us.” Jooheon spoke up even without looking to Changkyun and his words felt like a knife plunged straight into Changkyun’s heart.

Slowly, Changkyun straightened and his feet moved as if readying to leave “Oh, uh, really?”

Hyunwoo had turned his attention to Jooheon, something unreadable in his expression. If Changkyun hadn’t known any better, it would’ve been indifference. But, he did know better. Why wouldn’t Hyunwoo feel bad for him?

Didn’t he care for Changkyun? What Jooheon had said definitely crossed the line and it was obvious Changkyun felt hurt. Instead, however, Hyunwoo said nothing.

Jooheon continued “You’ll distract me. I need to ace this test, okay?”

“Well, it’s just that, I had a question on the review sheet and I thought maybe…” Changkyun trailed off, lie leaving his lips easily. These days, it felt like lies like that were becoming easier and easier to make.

It wasn’t a surprise that he needed to lie either. If he didn’t lie like that, he felt like he’d never get the opportunity to hang around Jooheon and the others. They always seemed to do this and that, leaving him out. He always had to procure some sort of falsehood as an excuse to join in.

Changkyun knew the review sheet backwards and forwards. He knew the

subject

like the back of his hand. He didn’t need help. Maybe it was selfish of him but he just wanted to be around them, be near them, just have their attention even if it was just for a second.

He felt pathetic.

“Changkyun-ah, I’m sure you can figure it out on your own.” Hyunwoo answered, that unreadable expression on his face still present. Instead of fighting it, Changkyun just felt tired, like he didn’t want to keep pushing.

He tried to keep from looking pitiful which was, coincidentally, how he felt. He also ignored the way his heart seemed to clench, weighed down by some sort of load. He wondered if it was the sadness he felt but then quickly pushed away that thought because wasn’t that overdramatic of him to think?

Instead, he gave a curt nod, awkward laugh forcing itself out of his throat “Yeah, you’re probably right, hyung.”

Then, without even looking back, he left, nails digging into the palms of his hands. Maybe someone else would have time for him, would give him some attention. It made him feel needy, like he was only bothering people whenever he insisted on hanging out with them.

He wondered if that was normal.

Instead of dwelling on those thoughts, he turned his attention to where he was headed. Maybe there was something to entertain him in the kitchen.

He knew that eating because he was bored (and not because he was hungry) was a bad idea. It would definitely cause him to gain weight and he didn’t need that extra fat. Changkyun couldn’t help it, though. There was nothing else he could do.

Maybe it wasn’t even because he had nothing to do. Part of him knew thought that, perhaps, if he lingered in the kitchen, he would bump into someone else. Maybe Wonho, maybe Minhyuk. Someone who would ask him to do something with them.

Pathetic

.

Just as he entered the kitchen, he spotted Hyungwon and Wonho. Both of them were crowded around the microwave. From the popping sounds coming from the microwave, Changkyun quickly deduced that they were about to watch some movie or perhaps a TV drama.

Changkyun would bet his money on the TV drama. He would’ve happily asked them what they were up to, which would have lead to them inviting him to watch the TV drama with them, but he couldn’t lie about wanting to watch the drama.

It wasn’t as if he wasn’t

willing

to. At this point, Changkyun was willing to do just about anything to hang around Hyungwon or Wonho (or, really,

anyone

). It was just that he had established, early in their relationship, that he hated those kind of TV dramas.

He  didn’t like the ‘plot twists’ which weren’t exactly ‘plot twists’ and were more excuses to extend the drama past its expiration date. Most dramas that Hyungwon and Wonho watched were enjoyably cheesy and romantic but too drawn out.

“Oh, Kkukkungie.” Wonho spoke up just as Changkyun opened the refrigerator door. Suddenly, a feeling of not exactly dread but something similar filled Changkyun’s heart.

Instead of dwelling on that, Changkyun simply turned to his hyung and gave a small smile “What’s up, hyung?”

“We were going to watch that TV drama. You know which one, right?” Wonho’s lips pulled back into a broad grin and Changkyun felt as if he was supposed to be in on some sort of information. Except, he wasn’t so he only felt even more left out.

Instead of replying, Changkyun raised an eyebrow. Thankfully, Hyungwon responded “It’s about these two childhood friends who are in love--”

“Ah, wait no, I think I do know that drama.” Changkyun quickly interrupted, not wanting a play by play of whatever drama they were currently watching. The lie slipped easily enough and it wasn’t a surprise that Changkyun had been so convincing.

What was a surprise, however, was how easily Wonho and Hyungwon accepted the lie. Like both Hyunwoo and Jooheon, they didn’t suspect a thing.

With Hyunwoo and Jooheon, it wasn’t as big of a disappointment because, yeah, they knew that he was good at the subject but even the best geniuses got stumped on a problem or two. No, the fact that Hyungwon and Wonho didn’t suspect his lie was much more disappointing.

Changkyun wanted to think that, maybe, they believed that there were certain dramas that he was into. Another part of him wanted to think that he hadn’t been that adamant about hating dramas so, perhaps, they just forgot.

Telling himself that felt like he was lying to himself. The worst part about that was that, unlike everyone else, Changkyun couldn’t believe in his own lies.

Either way, what he had said seemed to please both Wonho and Hyungwon. As the microwave dinged, Wonho grabbed the bag of popcorn and Hyungwon kept his gaze on Changkyun “Did you want to watch it with us?”

Instead of saying no like he wanted to, Changkyun felt himself nodding almost subconsciously. The grin on Hyungwon’s face was almost big enough to eclipse the heaviness in Changkyun’s chest.

Almost

.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Kihyun wandered out of his room, immediately spotting the person he was about to look for sitting on the communal sofa in the middle of the living room.

Changkyun was curled up, leaning slightly against Hyungwon who paid the boy no attention. Hyungwon himself was watching some sort of drama and, like Wonho beside him, he was absolutely into it.

The boy leaning on him wasn’t. In fact, Changkyun’s eyes were solely glued to the phone in his hand. His thumbs were typing fast and he was absolutely enthralled with whatever he was doing. These days, it felt like he was always on his phone, just like this.

At first, Kihyun hadn’t minded. After all, Changkyun solely focusing on his phone wasn't new. He always got too into whatever new game he had downloaded. It didn’t matter how simple the game was or how hard, he always got too obsessed.

It was when Changkyun started being

too

focused on his phone that Kihyun started being suspicious.

Instead of interacting with everyone during dinners, he would have his face glued to his phone. That wasn’t rare in the household. Jooheon and Hyungwon did it often enough. So did Minhyuk at times.

What made it suspicious was that Changkyun never used to do it until recently.

Changkyun also started cancelling on them, time and time again. Hyungwon joked that he couldn’t believe that Changkyun had other friends. Kihyun, on the other hand, had his suspicions.

He wasn’t being weird. He was just concerned for Changkyun. The kid was never like this before. He was sweet like that, always telling them where he was going and with who and when. Just in case they were looking for him, he said.

This time was different. Changkyun had

plans

, he already had

something

going on. It was all so vague, so mysterious.

It wasn't just

what

Changkyun was hiding, either. It was also

why

he was hiding it. After so long of trusting them, he was suddenly keeping secrets? It didn't make sense.

The seven of them were close. Closer than friends. Closer than anything. Kihyun was sure of it. Even if they didn't have a name for what they were, Kihyun could at least say they were intimate.

Just before Kihyun was about to step forward to somewhat confront Changkyun, Minhyuk suddenly entered through the front door of the dorm, nervous grin on his face. That was weird. In fact, Kihyun actually hesitated, one eyebrow raised at the rather odd behavior.

Usually, Minhyuk only acted like this when something was up. He wouldn’t be acting like this unless he was in trouble or something.

The last time he acted like this was when he, Changkyun and Jooheon had snuck a cat into the dorm, despite the fact that the college obviously didn't allow it. The entire group got in trouble for that one.

So obviously, Kihyun had the right to be suspicious.

Minhyuk gave a giant wave and, at the sight of Kihyun, he started walking faster and faster. Which was, yet again, suspicious. “Kihyun! Just the guy I wanted to see!”

Kihyun was about to ask exactly what the

hell

Minhyuk wanted when he was pushed back into his room rather roughly. Minhyuk was scrambling now that it was just him and Kihyun. The door to the room was closed and Minhyuk leaned against it as if he was barricading them in.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” Kihyun grumbled, rubbing at his chest, right where Minhyuk’s palm made contact with his body when he was pushed.

Minhyuk fumbled through his pockets for a second before he pulled out his phone, scrolling through it almost frantically. He pulled something up and shoved the thing into Kihyun’s face.

Kihyun’s first reaction was, of course, to back away “What the fuck, Minhyuk--”

“No,

look

.” Minhyuk insisted a bit more forcefully, shaking the phone a little to make his point.

Kihyun squinted a little bit since the phone was too close to his face. With a ragged sigh, he took it, blinking slowly as he stared at it “What is this?”

“It’s Changkyun.” Minhyuk stated a-matter-of-factly as if saying just that should make absolute sense to Kihyun.

Which, obviously, it didn’t. Instead, Kihyun squinted at the photo. It

could’ve

been Changkyun. One of the blurry figures was definitely wearing a very familiar hoodie. One that looked a lot like a hoodie Changkyun owned. Kihyun had seen Changkyun wear it pretty frequently. However, the picture was taken from the back so,

really

, it could be anyone.

“Okay, for the sake of the conversation, I’ll bite: So what?” Kihyun pushed the phone back to Minhyuk who still looked frantic and a little upset.

Minhyuk didn’t take the phone though. Instead, he insisted Kihyun looked closer “Who is that beside Changkyun?”

Kihyun’s eyebrows scrunched a little but he decided to humor Minhyuk. He glanced back down at the phone, squinting a little and even zooming into the already rather blurry picture.

“I--” What Kihyun had expected to be an easy question was, in fact, harder than he thought “I don’t know.”

That couldn’t be right. Were Kihyun’s suspicions actually founded? Was this the person that Changkyun was trying to hide from the rest of his friends?

“Who is this?” Kihyun grew nervous and a little angry, eyes locked on Minhyuk for an explanation.

Minhyuk, sadly, didn’t have one “Changkyun said he didn’t want me to walk him to his next class today. I thought he was feeling sad so I didn’t listen to him and brought him coffee. That’s when I saw this guy walking Changkyun to his class.”

“They were even laughing and holding hands. He got super close to Changkyun and Changkyun didn’t even mind.” Minhyuk continued to explain, growing more and more frustrated, hands gesturing wildly as if to further prove his point.

Kihyun had to take a small step back, still confused and rather concerned “You know, he hasn’t been hanging out with us lately.”

“Exactly! He’s always on his phone! And he keeps cancelling on us!” Minhyuk practically confirmed Kihyun’s worries.

Kihyun didn’t know what to think, though. There was no reason for Changkyun to hide this sudden friend. After all, the group had an open and understanding relationship. Nobody would judge Changkyun, no matter who the person was.

Unless

.

“What if he’s kind of sort of cheating on us with this guy?” Minhyuk beat Kihyun to the question.

Kihyun’s head snapped to the door then. It wasn’t as if that was against any agreement that the seven of them had. Though they had an open and understanding relationship, they didn’t exactly have a

name

for it.

They weren’t dating, not

really

. They all had a…

mutual understanding

of sorts. So, in a way,

technically

, Changkyun wasn't doing anything wrong.

Yet, Kihyun’s heart still ached.

“I mean, we didn’t say that the seven of us were…

exclusive

.” Kihyun tried to defend Changkyun which felt more like an automatic response than anything else.

Minhyuk couldn’t disagree. Kihyun knew he couldn’t. All they did was sit down and confess to each other. There was no answer of what that meant or what they were.

Kihyun liked to think it had been implied. He didn’t just confess his feelings to anyone. He had opened his heart out to six guys and he had expected that they felt the same way, that the seven of them had become exclusive.

It felt that way after the Talk, that was for sure. But, now, a few months later, apparently, the Talk hadn’t been so clear.

“But it was

implied!”

Was Minhyuk’s argument and, even then, it sounded a little weak “If he didn’t think that, why would he be hiding this guy?”

Kihyun didn’t know the answer to that one. He didn’t know the answer to a lot of the questions that ran through his mind at that moment in time. Everything felt a little jumbled, a little mixed up.

“He must have a good explanation.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Changkyun glanced at Hyungwon and Wonho, both of the absorbed in the drama in front of them. Despite Changkyun’s attempts at cuddling with Hyungwon, the older actually curled up towards Wonho. Looking at the two of them, it was almost like they were boyfriends.

Something in Changkyun’s heart wrenched a little at that thought.

That happened often these days. Changkyun always felt his chest hurt too much, felt his heart twitch painfully. He wanted to say he didn't know why it did that but, then, he would be lying if he did.

He glanced down at the phone in his hand. On the screen, his KakaoTalk messages were up. It was his conversation with a very close friend, Choi Youngjae. The last message was Youngjae asking if he wanted to hang out. There was something Youngjae wanted to show him.

Changkyun didn’t hesitate and quickly sent a message saying he would love to go.

These days, ever since he met Youngjae in a class they both had, Changkyun couldn’t stop hanging out with him. They were always messaging each other, talking to each other, spending time with each other.

Whenever Changkyun was with Youngjae, his heart didn’t hurt as much.

“Hyung, something came up, I need to go somewhere.” Changkyun sat up, phone in hand and eyes still directed at Hyungwon and Wonho.

At that point, he didn't even know who his words were directed to. Maybe just to whoever actually paid attention to him first. The answer to that was,

technically

, Hyungwon.

He hummed in response to Changkyun “Okay, Changkyunnie.”

“Tell Kihyun-hyung I went to go out with a friend.” Changkyun added but that was just to try and get some sort of reaction. Maybe, if he mentioned a friend, the two of them would actually look over at him, would demand to know who his friend was.

He’d been trying to do this for weeks now. So far, there were little to no results. He was sure Kihyun was starting to suspect something but, even then, he still paid almost no attention to Changkyun.

It was the same with Hyungwon and Wonho. The both of them just simply nodded. Honestly, Changkyun couldn't be sure if they were nodding to what he had said or to something that happened in the drama.

That wrenching feeling in his chest returned but, this time, double the pain. Changkyun just wanted to leave. So, he did.

It was much colder outside than he expected. Even with the thick hoodie he had on, he could still feel the chill of the air conditioning. How stupid was that? It was already cold enough outside. They didn’t need to make the hallways of their building cold too.

He pushed his hands into his pockets, trying his best to stay warm.

When he felt that his pocket was empty save for his phone, his wallet and his charger, a realization hit him. He forgot his keys inside, didn't he?

That was fine, his roommates would be there and he'd just knock. They could do at least that much for him. It wasn’t as if they could ignore him then could they?

As he finally exited the dorm building, Changkyun shivered a little. It was much colder outside than it was inside. He could practically feel winter coming. Maybe he should go back, get a thicker hoodie, something warmer--

“Kyunnie.” There were suddenly arms wrapping around his waist and, despite himself, Changkyun jumped in surprise.

Looking over his shoulder, he sighed, pout on his lips and eyes a little narrowed “Jae-ah, don't give me a heart attack like that.”

Youngjae only laughed, blonde hair ruffled by a sudden gust of wind. Changkyun couldn't help but think that Youngjae’s smile was beautiful, as bright as the sun itself.

If he wasn't already in love with six idiots and if Youngjae wasn't in love with a different set of six idiots, Changkyun could clearly see the two of them working. He could see a happy relationship between the two of them.

Sadly, of course, life never chose the easy way. It always had to be the hardest road, the most difficult choice, the ending that needed the most work.

Youngjae unwrapped his arms from around Changkyun and, instead, looped their arms together “Hey, I wanna show you this cool place. You okay to walk?”

Changkyun’s mind flittered back to the dorm, to where everyone was, minding their own businesses and keeping Changkyun out of all of it. If he didn't go, he'd just be ignored.

Hyungwon and Wonho were busy watching their stupid drama and cuddling with each other. Hyunwoo was too busy teaching Jooheon how to do his physics homework, something he said no to helping Changkyun with. Minhyuk was doing god-knew-what with Kihyun in Kihyun’s room.

That pain in his chest returned, this time accompanied by a sort of breathlessness. He needed to get those idiots off of his mind. He needed some sort of distraction. He needed to get out of here.

Honestly, if he left for an hour or two, nobody would notice.

Changkyun glanced up at Youngjae’s expectant face “You okay to walk?”

Another thing Changkyun loved about Youngjae was the fact that he was so expressive. He never had a poker face, not like Changkyun who couldn’t really show his feelings through his face.

At that moment, Changkyun could tell from Youngjae’s grimace that it was the same for Youngjae too. He wouldn’t be missed as well.

Shaking his head, he quickly changed the subject to spare his friend the misery of answering “Let's go and have some fun, bro.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Kihyun had called a Talk between the seven of them to address this sudden issue. The Talk would fix this misunderstanding between Changkyun and the others, it always managed to with any of their problems.The seven of them had came up with this system of dealing with problems together, after several issues between a couple of them. It was mostly for whenever they felt as if they needed to talk to someone or even to everyone. They called it the Talk system and, whenever anyone wanted to have a Talk, they would have their Talk.It was how they managed to confess to each other, too. Hyunwoo had called that Talk and they did talk. At first, it had been about things they needed to get off their chest. As the night had progressed, it slowly turned into a discussion of something more. That something more, however, wasn’t enough.That something more was just unsure declarations of love and lose ends. They admitted feelings for each other that were more than friendly but, really, they left it at that.Maybe that was why this current Talk was unavoidable. They needed to clarify this unspoken thing between the seven of them. They needed to know if everyone else was on the same page.Kihyun was pulled out of his thoughts by the slow shuffle of everyone entering the living room. Wonho and Hyungwon had already been there and Minhyuk sat down at the same time Kihyun had. Then, Jooheon came, looking rather confused. Hyunwoo followed right after that.“What’s this talk about?” Jooheon was the first to speak up from his seat on the sofa, his tone concerned “Did something happen?”Minhyuk, who sat on the arm of that same sofa, pouted, grumbling “You could say that.”Everyone’s eyes were obviously drawn by that answer and the apparent emotion behind it. Kihyun would’ve told Minhyuk to keep the salt down but, really, would that have stopped Minhyuk?Looking around the room, Kihyun frowned, realizing something he had hoped wouldn’t be the case “Where is Changkyun-ah?”“Oh, he left…” Hyungwon trailed off, lifting his head from Jooheon’s shoulder and looking to Wonho perhaps for an answer.Wonho shrugged, leaning further against the back of the sofa “He didn’t say anything before he left. But he should be coming back since you texted about the Talk to the group chat, right?”“What is this about again?” Jooheon moved his gaze from Minhyuk to Kihyun, the actual person who called the Talk.Kihyun sighed at that but shook his head, shifting from one foot to the other “We can’t start until Changkyun gets here.”“Did something happen with Changkyun?” Wonho looked even more concerned at the mention of the youngest’s name. In fact, it was the same for Hyungwon, Jooheon and Hyunwoo. All of them looked more than a little worried.Kihyun could understand. Talks really were reserved for the most serious of things. So, having called a Talk and saying it was about Changkyun would, obviously, cause a little unease among their group.Kihyun couldn’t say anything, though. Not yet. He also understood that it would be unfair for Changkyun if they had started the Talk without him.Minhyuk, apparently, didn’t because he crossed his arms, continuing to pout “Something like that.”“Minhyuk, stop sounding petty and just tell us what the hell is going on.” Wonho was completely off of Hyungwon now and, instead, was leaning forward to look at Minhyuk who was on the opposite side of the couch.Hyunwoo, who sat at the armchair next to that side of the couch, simply held his hand out, gently pushing Wonho back. Everyone knew Wonho wouldn’t do anything but they also knew that Wonho tended to go over-the-top sometimes.“Changkyun has some boy toy he’s seeing and he’s trying to hide it from us, okay!” Minhyuk cracked easily and, once he had let the confession slip from his lips, he groaned and curled up a little into himself.Kihyun looked incredulously at Minhyuk “What part of waiting for Changkyun--”“He what?” Jooheon looked just as skeptical as everyone else though his eyes were wide with surprise and his lips were slightly parted as if he hadn’t expected that outcome.In fact, Kihyun doubted any of them did.“But--” Hyungwon paused, eyebrows furrowed a little “I thought we--”“Apparently that didn’t cross Changkyun’s mind.” Minhyuk wasn’t even hiding the irritation behind his voice “Or, maybe, it did and he decided to do it anyway.”A feeling of perhaps pain bloomed in Kihyun’s chest at both Hyungwon and Minhyuk’s words. So, the thought of them being exclusive hadn't only occurred to Kihyun and Minhyuk. Hyungwon also thought there was some sort of thing between the seven of them, something that Changkyun managed to completely ignore or miss.That didn't matter, though. Kihyun quickly decided to put a stop to this. He stepped forward, hands held out as he shook his head “Okay, stop. First of all, none of us agreed to anything so, technically , if this was true, Changkyun isn’t doing anything wrong.”The unconvinced expressions on everyone's faces would've made Kihyun laugh if it weren't for the fact that they were all directed at him.He sighed “Secondly, this hasn’t even been confirmed.”That piqued everyone's interest.“The proof Minhyuk has is a blurry picture.” Kihyun explained a little bit more, sending a pointed look at Minhyuk.Minhyuk didn’t seem to like that because he quickly sat up straight, phone already in hand. He didn’t even have to fiddle with it to pull up the picture “I was there! And how is this not Changkyun? ”Without hesitating, Jooheon took the phone, squinting at it “This is… Changkyun?”“That’s his favourite hoodie.” Hyungwon leaned over, looking at the phone from over Jooheon’s shoulder “And that is his hair colour.”“Brown isn’t a rare hair colour. And that hoodie isn’t that rare either.” Kihyun continued to defend Changkyun, his irritation showing in his tense words and the way his eyebrows scrunched together.He only grew more irritated when nobody paid him any attention and, instead, started crowding around the phone. Wonho looked at it over Jooheon and Hyungwon’s shoulders, Hyunwoo had gotten up to take a glance and even MInhyuk was leaning towards the thing despite the fact that he had been the one to take the picture.“That backside… looks familiar?” Jooheon had zoomed onto the other person in the picture, squinting heavily at it “But I don’t know from where.”“You might know this mystery boy toy?” Minhyuk perked up at that “How many blonde haired people do you know?”“Probably a lot.” There was a little growl in Kihyun’s voice this time and he didn’t hesitate in snatching the phone up “Also, please stop calling this guy a ‘boy toy’.”Minhyuk seemed reluctant but he didn’t say no so Kihyun took that as a confirmation that he would stop. After all, it was disrespectful for them to call someone nicknames like that that when they didn’t even know them. It was even worse to just assume things about them.“Where is Changkyun?” Wonho himself sounded a little concerned and, really, Kihyun couldn’t blame him.Checking the time, Kihyun bit his lip “I sent that message a while ago…”“Do you think he knows what we want to talk about and he doesn’t want to talk about it?” Jooheon, the King of absolutely making a big deal out of nothing, suddenly spoke up, looking to Kihyun before glancing at everyone else.Though they didn’t want to believe it, Kihyun could see in their solemn expressions that a part of them did. Hell, even Kihyun couldn’t help but wonder.“I’ll call him.” Hyunwoo offered, pulling his phone out of his pocket.He dialed the number quickly and, when the line started ringing, Hyunwoo quickly pressed the speaker button so everyone could hear. He held out the phone a little so that it was in the very middle of them, just in case.“Hyung?” Changkyun answered, voice slightly static-y through the line “Wassup?”“Changkyun-ah, have you checked your messages recently?” Hyunwoo was gentle with his question which didn’t surprise anyone in the room.What also didn’t surprise anyone was what Minhyuk followed up with “I mean, with the amount of time you stare on your phone, it would be unbelievable if you hadn’t.”Minhyuk earned a small smack on the shoulder from Kihyun for that one. Honestly, out of all of them, Minhyuk really did seem to get the most emotional. They haven’t even discussed anything and, yet, here Minhyuk was, salty as all hell.“Oh, no, hyung, I’m sorry, I haven’t.” There was a sound of shuffling as if Changkyun was moving then a second of silence before Changkyun continued “Ah, Kihyun-hyung called for a Talk?”“Yeah, Kyunnie, I did. Can you get home right now?” Kihyun spoke up, leaning a bit towards the phone.There’s another shuffle and, if Kihyun hadn’t known any better, he might’ve said that there was whispering in the background. However, he had to push that thought aside when Changkyun answered “Uhm… No, I don’t think I can make it.”That absolutely floored Kihyun and, from the look on everyone else’s faces, it probably surprised them too. Changkyun, one of the number one supporters of the Talk system, couldn’t make it to a Talk. Kihyun didn’t think it could ever happen.“Do you need hyung to pick you up, Kyunnie?” Wonho leaned closer to the phone, head between Jooheon and Hyungwon, expression crumpled like he was worried or disappointed or, maybe, even both.Changkyun wasn’t helping himself in this case. Maybe because he wasn’t taking the situation as seriously as it actually was. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was Changkyun needed to listen to them.Kihyun didn’t think Changkyun got that though so he decided to explain “Kyunnie, listen, this Talk is important. Really really important.”“Oh.” Changkyun seemed to get it now and there was more shuffling “Yeah, no, I understand. Uhm, I do need a ride then, hyung.”“Changkyunnie, where are you?” Hyunwoo didn’t hesitate as he asked and Wonho didn’t hesitate in scrambling away to get ready.There was a pause before Changkyun spoke “Where are we?”That didn’t seem to be directed at the phone, though, and something in Kihyun’s chest twisted a little at the knowledge that Changkyun really was with someone else.It took Changkun another second or so to really answer Hyunwoo’s question “We’re a cafe, really close to campus, I can--”“Who are you with, Kyunnie?” Kihyun suddenly interrupted Changkyun which, of course, gained the attention of everyone in the room.Kihyun couldn’t help it, though. He knew he had no claim over Changkyun. The kid was his own person, was an adult . He didn’t need Kihyun to look over him. Kihyun knew all of that. Yet, he still couldn’t help it.He had thought that Changkyun only ever needed the six of them, would be satisfied enough with their affection, and the revelation that he might not be made Kihyun feel like his chest caved in on itself.“Huh?” Changkyun sounded surprised by the sudden interjection but, continued anyway “Oh, just a friend. I’ll send Hyunwoo-hyung the address to the cafe I’m in, okay?”“Okay.” Kihyun tried not to sound disappointed, he really did “I’ll see you soon, okay, Kyunnie?”“I’ll see you soon. Love you guys.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Changkyun laughed, almost snorting coffee up his nose. He covered his lower face with his arm, coughing a little as the warmth of the coffee slowly went down his throat and maybe a little up his nose.

Youngjae laughed too. His laugh was loud and cheerful, accompanied by his usual clapping. Changkyun often teased him about it. He would say that Youngjae looked like a cross between an otter because of his face and a seal because of his clapping.

Changkyun’s comments were never appreciated but he thought they were funny.

“That’s so stupid.” Changkyun muttered after finally calming himself down, coughing replaced with soft chuckles.

Youngjae nodded enthusiastically, his laughs dying down in intensity and his hands finally stopping. “

He’s

so stupid.”

The way Youngjae had said that phrase made Changkyun’s heart melt. He just had this way of saying things endearingly, especially when they were about people he cared about. Youngjae was always like that, soft and expressive, never hiding the way he felt, always showing it through his expressions or the way he said everything.

He wished he was like that.

Before Changkyun could reply to Youngjae, however, his phone started vibrating. He fished it out of his hoodie pocket, expression showing exactly how confused Changkyun felt.

The screen displayed ‘Hyunwoo-oppa ♡’ in bright white letters with Hyunwoo’s contact photo--a selfie he took with Changkyun--in the background.

“Oppa?” Youngjae laughed as he leaned over, checking out Changkyun’s phone screen.

Of course, Changkyun’s immediate reaction was to push Youngjae away. He felt embarrassed by the odd personal nickname for his friend and immediately went into explaining himself “It's an inside joke--”

He was quickly cut off by Youngjae’s disbelieving expression and by the obviously mischevious smirk on Youngjae’s face.

Instead of continuing to defend himself, however, Changkyun simply answered the call, narrowing his eyes at Youngjae “Hyung? Wassup?”

“Changkyun-ah, have you checked your messages recently?” Hyunwoo sounded like he usually did, almost emotionless with a bit of something in there. Changkyun had always wondered what it was but he hadn't come to a conclusion about it yet.

“I mean, with the amount of time you stare on your phone, it would be unbelievable if you hadn’t.” Minhyuk had suddenly followed up, his voice the exact opposite of Hyunwoo’s in that it was full of an emotion Changkyun didn't exactly understand.

That made Changkyun’s chest ache again, just like it usually did. It made him angry to hear those exact words leaving Minhyuk’s mouth. Yes, he was on his phone a lot but he had a good reason for it. It was irritating that Minhyuk didn't see that.

He didn't explode on Minhyuk, though. Youngjae’s teasing expression and the expectant grin on his face prevented that.

“Oh, no, hyung, I’m sorry, I haven’t.” Changkyun decided to answer honestly, before putting the phone on speaker and scrolling to his KakaoTalk messages “Ah, Kihyun-hyung called for a Talk?”

“Yeah, Kyunnie, I did. Can you get home right now?” It was Kihyun’s turn to speak and he sounded just a little bit upset which, of course, worried Changkyun.

Changkyun opened his mouth to, of course, say yes. However, before he could, Youngjae covered his mouth, making gestures with his free hand that frantically tried to convey the word ‘no’.

Pushing Youngjae’s hand away, Changkyun glared at his friend as he put the phone back to its normal setting, voice a sharp whisper and hand covering the bottom part of the phone “What?”

“Tell them you can’t. Don't you want to make them jealous?” Youngjae’s whisper wasn't as sharp or as quiet and part of Changkyun feared that his friends would hear. After a moment of silence, he took that as a no.

At first, the jealousy thing was a joke, something the two of them dreamed they could do.

After all, wasn't that the life? To finally be able to get the attention of the six boys that they so helplessly loved? To have them dote and worry and finally pay attention? It would’ve been, yes, but it also wasn't.

Changkyun felt bad about it. Jealousy was a negative feeling and the last thing he wanted to do was to make his friends jealous over something so petty as him not getting enough attention. He needed to be mature about this, to deal with this like the adult he was.

“Uhm… No, I don’t think I can make it.” He said the words into the phone before he could exactly process it in his head. Changkyun’s cheeks burned and the pleased expression on Youngjae’s face made it even hotter.

There was a pause on the other side of the phone. Changkyun was absolutely panicking. He was coming off as a hypocrite, a

douche bag

. If they barely loved him before, they definitely didn't love him now that he'd managed to come off as a complete jerk.

“Do you need hyung to pick you up, Kyunnie?” Wonho was next to speak and Changkyun couldn't help but remember how Wonho hadn't paid attention to him just before he left.

That heart wrenching feeling doubled and it took all of Changkyun not to give in to his friends. Yes, he wanted them to pick him up. He wanted them to pick him up and pay attention to him and love him like they said they did. Changkyun wanted a lot of things.

Kihyun’s voice pulled Changkyun out of his thoughts “Kyunnie, listen, this Talk is important. Really really important.”

“Oh.” Changkyun pretended to have a little mind-changing revelation to which Youngjae almost laughed “Yeah, no, I understand. Uhm, I

do

need a ride then, hyung.”

There was a little shuffling in th background of the call “Changkyunnie, where are you?”

Changkyun had to pause, eyes scanning around the cafe. It was his first time there, though, so he wasn't exactly sure where he was. Youngjae saw him looking around and raised an eyebrow as if to ask what was wrong.

Changkyun hesitated a little but, in the end, he had to ask “Where are we?”

Youngjae shrugged before grinning “I don't know. All I know is this is near the campus.”

“Oh. Do you at least know the address?” Changkyun hoped that Youngjae had the answer he was looking for and, thankfully, Youngjae seemed to.

He pulled out his phone, swiping here and there, before showing the screen to Changkyun. Youngjae was right, that address should be close to their college campus. Changkyun shouldn't be so surprised, he had walked here with Youngjae.

Changkyun turned his attention back to the phone “We’re a cafe, really close to campus, I can--”

“Who are you with, Kyunnie?” Kihyun suddenly interrupted Changkyun which, of course, took him off guard.

“Huh?” Changkyun stuttered out, sounding almost like an idiot before just saying the first thing that came to his mind “Oh, just a friend.”

“I’ll send Hyunwoo-hyung the address to the cafe I’m in, okay?” Changkyun quickly tried to change the subject, embarrassed by his own words. Youngjae just looked at him with a curious expression.

“Okay.” Kihyun sounded obviously disappointed or, perhaps, upset “I’ll see you soon, okay, Kyunnie?”

Changkyun furrowed his eyebrows but nodded “I’ll see you soon. Love you guys.”

The other side hung up first, something that happened but not before excessive goodbyes. Nobody even returned his ‘I love you’. Changkyun could definitely feel his heart hurting.

“What happened?” Youngjae’s expression morphed from a curious one to completely concerned “Did they… say something?”

“Uhm, something happened back at the dorm and they want me to come back?” Changkyun went straight to the point, something that wasn't exactly odd when it came to him “Kihyun sounded upset when I said I was with a friend.”

Youngjae brightened a little at the second part “Do you think he's jealous?”

“Hmmm, I don't know? He didn't say I love you back.” Changkyun felt like he sounded a little too childish when he said that but saying I love you never came easy for him. They knew that and so, whenever he said it, they always said it back. However, this time was different.

Youngjae’s expression went back to being extremely concerned “Kyunnie.”

“It's not a big deal, I guess.” Changkyun quickly moved to dismiss Youngjae’s pity as he laughed bitterly, shaking his head before reaching for his cup of coffee “They've been ignoring me for a while now. It was going to eventually lead to this.”

“Lead to what?” Youngjae couldn't follow Changkyun’s logic.

Changkyun sighed “Isn't it obvious? They're calling me in to tell me they actually don't love me.”

The scandalized expression on Youngjae’s face told Changkyun that he completely didn't believe what Changkyun was saying. Youngjae was a hopeless romantic like that. He believed that love was endless, that if you truly loved someone, it lasted forever.

Changkyun was the exact opposite. He was jaded, broken. He didn't want to believe in love anymore because he knew the consequences.

This time was different. He had believed. That was his fault. Now, he had to live with the consequences.

“C’mon, we should wait outside.” Changkyun wasn't going to wait around for Youngjae to gather his thoughts so, instead, he stood and and started walking out.

It was when he finally got outside that Youngjae quickly scrambled to follow. Changkyun would've laughed if it wasn't for the fact that he dreaded leaving.

“Kyunnie.” Youngjae suddenly grabbed Changkyun’s hand as soon as he caught up, their fingers intertwining and their shoulders pressed together.

Changkyun glanced at Youngjae as if to humor him despite knowing that Youngjae couldn't say anything to convince Changkyun.

Youngjae either didn't notice this fact or he didn't care because he continued on anyway “You know, if there's no hope for you, there's no hope for me, right?”

That certainly surprised Changkyun and his face scrunched up a little in concern “What--”

“If they can't love someone like you, how are my six idiots going to love me?” It was Youngjae’s turn to laugh bitterly, sour smile and everything on his face.

“Listen, that's not--”

“You listen. I know we started being friends because we're both polyamorous and bisexual or whatever, I don't care. Now, we're friends because we care for each other.” Youngjae was firm with his words, something that happened almost rarely for Youngjae who always had to make a joke out of everything.

Youngjae then sighed before adding “That and because we're basically the same person.”

Changkyun definitely couldn't be convinced of that. Youngjae and Changkyun were exact opposites. Where Youngjae was expressive, Changkyun was bordering unemotional. Where Youngjae was bright, Changkyun was subdued. Where Youngjae was loud, Changkyun was shy.

Yet, Youngjae continued still “We're not exactly the same but we're at least two sides of the same coin.”

“I feel like our lives are the same way.” Youngjae looked almost desperate, as if he really wanted to convey this fact, before he sighed again.

“It's not.” Changkyun quickly disagreed before looking down at their intertwined hands. “You have a chance. An honest to God chance.

I don't

.”

He took Youngjae’s other hand, reveling in how warm it was, how comfortable it was, how it felt so natural to have their hands pressed together like this. There was a silence then, where the two of them just stood there in the harsh cold, hands still warm and breaths fogging the air in between them.

“Wouldn't it be so much easier if it was the two of us?” Youngjae let out another bitter laugh that made Changkyun’s heartache with the wish to take away whatever it was that caused Youngjae sadness.

What irony, then, since what was causing Youngjae sadness also caused him his happiness.

Changkyun glanced up at Youngjae, mulling the thought over in his head. It was a thought that he had found himself wondering all the time. Before he could say anything in response, however, Youngjae was pushed, their hands separating. All Changkyun could do was gasp.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Wonho, are you okay?” Hyunwoo noticed how jittery Wonho seemed in the passenger side of the car even without taking his eyes off the road.

He could hear the thump of Wonho’s tapping foot and he could sense the rush of thoughts and panicked feelings. He knew Wonho that well. Wonho was predictable for him.

Wonho didn't answer, just continued with his tapping and fidgeting. Hyunwoo sighed before reaching over and placing his hand on the back of Wonho’s neck.

He then gave Wonho a little shake and a soft squeeze before smiling, never once taking his eyes off the road “Everything will be alright.”

Wonho finally stopped tapping after that before he leaned into Hyunwoo’s grip “I… I really love him.”

“Changkyunnie?” Hyunwoo chuckled a little, nodding slowly as he continued to drive. It wasn't a surprise that everyone dearly loved Changkyun. The boy was an absolute gift to mankind.

However, that didn’t seem to be Wonho’s point because he continued “All of us love him just as much.”

Hyunwoo nodded again, urging Wonho to continue which he, of course, did, finally getting to his point “If that's the case, why… why does he need a seventh person? Are we all not good enough?”

Hyunwoo couldn’t answer that question for Wonho. He thought he knew Changkyun well enough but this revelation about the boy’s friend proved that wrong. If he couldn't see this coming, what else was he ignorant about?

Instead, Hyunwoo sighed and gave the back of Wonho’s neck another squeeze “We have to have faith in him, don't we?”

“Faith.” Wonho laughed almost bitterly which, in turn, made Hyunwoo frown. “What, I'm supposed to trust him after all of this evidence?”

“Wonho.”

Wonho looked over at that, shrugging Hyunwoo’s hand away. Hyunwoo, of course, glanced over. Wonho’s face looked as if he was trying to say ‘Go ahead, prove me wrong’. Hyunwoo wanted nothing than to do just that.

He couldn't, however, because the evidence really was against Changkyun.

“If you really did love him, you’d give him the benefit of your doubt.” Hyunwoo settled on saying as much, eyes turning back to the road in front of him.

“I don't know why you love him but I love him because, no matter what, he always tries to do right by the people he cares about.” Hyunwoo continued, making a left at the road they were on with swift turns on the steering wheel

He then sighed, shaking his head as if to try and clear his mind so that he could better convey his thoughts “Him ‘cheating’ on us seems pretty out of character, doesn't it?”

Wonho either didn't have an answer or didn't care enough to answer.

“Does it seem like Changkyun to hurt us? Intentionally?

Changkyun?”

Hyunwoo continued to ask, same rather monotone voice still there despite the rather emotional questions he was asking “The same Changkyun that would literally rather be inconvenienced than inconvenience other people?”

Wonho finally opened his mouth to retort and Hyunwoo honestly thought he would agree, that Wonho would come to the same conclusion as Hyunwoo.

Before Wonho could say anything, however, they started to pull up in front of that cafe that Changkyun was supposedly in.

In front of the cafe was their Changkyun which was good. The bad part was that he was right in front of some other dude, their hands intertwined. They were so close that Hyunwoo would've thought they were about to kiss.

“Yes.”

Hyunwoo was surprised by the sudden word from Wonho but, before he could defend Changkyun or even completely stop the car, Wonho scrambled out an suddenly pushed the other guy.

It was almost like something from an action movie. The door burst open, Wonho managed to jump right out and land on both his feet. The other guy flew back before Hyunwoo could truly register what just happened.

Changkyun looked absolutely floored. Hyunwoo probably didn't look it but he definitely

felt

floored.

Not just by the fact that Wonho did

that

but also by the fact that he recognized the boy Changkyun was with.

It was his friends’ boyfriend, Choi Youngjae.

“Changkyun, let's go.” Hyunwoo heard Wonho bark out, voice not exactly uncharacteristically mean but there was definitely an edge to it Hyunwoo wasn't used to.

Wonho really only used that voice whenever he was

really

upset. For someone as patient and kind as Wonho, times like that came rarely.

Usually, Changkyun listened to Wonho when he was like that. Changkyun knew his boundaries and knew Wonho almost better than Hyunwoo. He was obedient, soft, always put others first.

Hyunwoo even saw Changkyun turn to Wonho and he could see the gears moving in the boy’s head. Instead of turning to Wonho and taking Wonho’s hand, though, Changkyun scrambled for Youngjae.

Youngjae was Changkyun’s friend. Hyunwoo couldn't blame Changkyun for doing that. They were friends and his friend was hurt. At least, Hyunwoo told himself that. It hurt but he managed to stamp down those negative feelings.

Wonho seemed to think differently. He looked completely angry that Changkyun chose his friend. Wonho was like that sometimes. Instead of thinking things over, he tended to let his feelings get the better of him. It often led him to do things he would absolutely regret later.

See, Hyunwoo knew Wonho, knew what type of person Wonho was and what he would do and what he would say. Changkyun, on the other hand, Hyunwoo quickly learned, was an enigma.

Hyunwoo thought Changkyun would quietly help his friend, all unemotional and awkward like he usually was. Like Hyunwoo had said before, Changkyun would rather be inconvenienced than inconvenience others. He would never raise his voice against people he cared about, would never fight or argue with people he cared about. He was like that.

Hyunwoo was good at reading people, he had thought he could more or less read Changkyun like a book.

Not only would this situation with Changkyun cheating prove that wrong but so would this.

“What the fuck!” Changkyun turned his glare to Wonho, his arms helping Youngjae up. There was a similar edge to Changkyun’s voice, like the edge in Wonho’s, but, unlike Wonho’s, Changkyun’s deep voice rumbled with something unfamiliar.

“What the actual fuck, Shin Hoseok!” He yelled again and he looked about ready to march over to Wonho and give him a piece of his mind if not for the fact that Youngjae depended on him for support.

Changkyun then turned to Youngjae with the latter whispering things to him. Changkyun’s expression displayed concern but also fury.

Wonho, as well as Hyunwoo, was downright shocked though Wonho definitely showed it more than Hyunwoo.

He stood there, slack-jawed, eyes wide. It was like someone had told him that something he knew as a fact all his life was actually wrong. That example wouldn't be far from the truth.

“How dare you disrespect me? Get away from that man and get in the fucking car.” Wonho barked out in a voice so fierce and angry that Hyunwoo couldn't recognize it. Apparently, Changkyun wasn't the only one who was acting differently.

Changkyun looked like he was about to retort something nasty or perhaps clever. Youngjae stopped him though and Changkyun looked even angrier.

He complied, however, and looked reluctant to let Youngjae go. Youngjae just smiled nervously but gestured for Changkyun to continue to the car.

Of course, Changkyun did get in. Hyunwoo looked at him from the rearview mirror. He looked distraught or maybe just a little broken.

After Wonho got in and slammed the door, Changkyun noticed Hyunwoo’s gaze in the rearview mirror. He then surprised Hyunwoo for the third time that day, saying words he thought he would never hear come out of Changkyun’s mouth.

“I hate all of you.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“We all really like you, you know.”

“You what?” Changkyun’s eyes widened at the confession, mouth slightly open in absolute disbelief. His eyes seemed solely fixated on Kihyun who, apparently, had said something Changkyun couldn’t wrap his head around.

Kihyun himself was surprised that he managed to say what he wanted to say out loud. His cheeks felt hot and his ears even hotter. He couldn’t hold Changkyun’s gaze. He was too flustered, too nervous. Instead, he directed his gaze to the floor “Yeah.”

“Is there something wrong with liking you that way?” Kihyun quickly added, readying himself for what was, obviously, going to be a heart wrenching rejection. Already, his stomach twisted uncomfortably and his heart beat twice as fast.

Maybe that had been the wrong decision. They were having this Talk because of how uncomfortable Changkyun felt in the dorm. Why, then, did Kihyun decide to make it even worse?

Changkyun would never feel comfortable with Kihyun much less the rest of his dorm mates now that he knew they all had an odd crush him.

It seemed like everyone felt more or less the same, now that Kihyun was looking around their makeshift circle. They all either looked uneasy or nervous, eyes shifting here and there as they moved to get comfortable. Kihyun couldn’t blame them. They, too, probably wished Kihyun hadn’t opened his mouth.

“No.”

It took Kihyun a second but, at Changkyun’s answer, his head snapped up, eyebrow raised and expression questioning. Had he heard Changkyun right? He shifted in his seat on the floor, suddenly feeling restless or, maybe, something else.

It was Changkyun’s turn to look flustered. He leaned back against the sofa, pulling his legs up closer to his chest, his chin resting on his knees. He was slightly hiding his mouth against the crook of his arm, most likely because his face felt red.

Changkyun didn’t exactly look uncomfortable but, with the way he curled up like that, it almost seemed like it.

“I mean… Hyung…” Changkyun lifted his head up a little and he fumbled with his words which, surely, was a first “I really really like you too, all of you.”

Kihyun’s heart burst. It was like a levy was lifted and everything just flowed out. His body didn’t feel as heavy and there was just something so liberating about what Changkyun had said.

“Changkyunnie! Do you really mean that?” Minhyuk spoke next, arms wrapping around the ball that was Changkyun.

Changkyun didn’t even hesitate as he nodded “Yeah… Is that okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s okay.” Kihyun quickly answered, suddenly wanting to reach across the circle to their youngest friend. “It’s more than okay.”

Seemingly fuelled by Kihyun’s assurance, Changkyun sat up a little straighter, face still red but his expression morphing away from flustered and more towards a shy smile “I’m glad then that it’s okay… to like guys… to like

you

guys.”

“I can't believe… you like me too. That… all of you do.” Changkyun’s next words were more than a little hesitant and he seemed to feel that way too, seeing as he looked around the room, eyes shifting from one person to the other, looking for some sort of assurance.

“I fell in love with you at first sight, Changkyunnie.” Minhyuk declared boldly, arms tightening around Changkyun “You had been so cute when you came into the dorm! It was hard not to.”

“It’s… different for me. The reason I like you is because you always take care of me,

of us,

even though you're younger.” Hyungwon was the next to admit it, lips upturned in a shy smile.

Jooheon laughed a little in response to what Hyungwon said, eyes almost like crescent moons because he was smiling so much “Those two reasons are basically the same for me. Our Changkyunnie is too cute.”

Changkyun whined a little, hiding his face again but, this time, he was tucking his face into his hoodie and covering his cheeks with the sleeves “Ahh, hyung! All of you are so embarrassing!”

Wonho laughed a little at that, scooting just a little bit closer to Changkyun “I agree with Minhyuk, it's really easy to fall in love with you, Kyunnie.”

Kihyun couldn't deny that. It had happened so naturally for him that, before he knew it, he couldn't remember a time where he didn't love Changkyun, where he didn't want to always be by Changkyun’s side.

The rest of his crushes on everyone else followed promptly after that.

Changkyun had been the one to start everything, to start whatever this was between them, and Kihyun was thankful for that.

“I'm sorry I was really dense. I hadn't realised…” Changkyun trailed off, voice muffled but loud enough for them to hear it “I just-- I hadn't realised that I was-- That I--”

“It's okay, Changkyun. We can take this at your pace.” Hyunwoo’s smile towards Changkyun was gentle and understanding, a smile that really fit his usually caring personality.

Changkyun lowered his hands at that, lips forming a pout that had Kihyun’s heart aflutter. In fact, Kihyun was pretty sure that he was either extremely smitten with Changkyun, their cute maknae, or he was having a heart attack with all these palpitations.

“It's not that I want to take it slower or anything. That's not it. I really really…

love

you, all of you…” Changkyun was bold with his words despite the fact that he looked rather shy while he said them, eyes trained to the ground, fingers fiddling with each other. “I just… can't wrap my head around… this being real. It's like… a dream?”

Kihyun laughed at that “I know exactly how you feel.”

“You okay, Kihyunnie?”

Kihyun was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts. His eyes moved from the floor in front of him to Minhyuk, who sat right next to him.

Though Minhyuk got onto Kihyun’s nerves at times, Kihyun knew that, when it really counted, Minhyuk was trustworthy. Which was why he didn't hesitate before he leaned against Minhyuk, sighing loudly.

“I'm going to take that as a no?” Minhyuk almost sounded like he was joking but, from the way he intertwined his fingers with Kihyun’s and the way he squeezed his hand, Kihyun could tell he felt just as anxious.

“It's going to be fine.” Hyungwon waved away everyone's concern which wasn't a surprise since Hyungwon had always been like that, looking at the bright side, assuring everyone that everything would be alright.

Jooheon was the exact opposite “What if we lose Changkyun to whoever this guy is?”

Kihyun shifted uncomfortably at that, mouth twisting into a grimace. He didn't want to think about that, didn't want to even

consider

it. Kihyun had been so close, all of them had, and he’d rather be damned than lose Changkyun this way.

“I mean… it wasn't just me, right?” Hyungwon leaned back, ruffling his hair as if to try and calm himself “We all thought… that Changkyun… that we… I don't know,

had something? Were something?

”

Minhyuk nodded, of course, and so did Jooheon but a little more hesitantly. Kihyun himself was about to open his mouth to agree.

However, the door opening roughly interrupted their little conversation. There were loud scuffles, the slamming of shoes. The door had been closed with a booming thud.

Everyone in the living room stood up then, all confused or concerned, maybe even a mixture of both, their gazes pointed to the front door where Wonho, Hyunwoo and Changkyun had just entered. Kihyun certainly felt both as he looked expectantly, wondering what was going on.

He didn’t have to wonder for too long.

“I can't believe you right now, hyung. I just

can't

.” Changkyun’s usually calm and even voice was uncharacteristically raised and, as he entered the living room, it was easy to see he was angry.

“He was touching you! How else was I supposed to react!” Wonho quickly moved to defend himself, scowl deepening.

Changkyun didn't like that answer, though, because he ran his fingers through his hair, irritation showing “Maybe try being a decent person?”

Kihyun’s heart wrenched at the response. It was hard to believe that Changkyun was acting like that, talking to

Wonho

like that. If he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes, he would’ve never believed it. Yet, here it was.

“Don't talk to me in that way. I'm your hyung.” Wonho snapped right back and his words didn't feel like they were from him.

Out of everyone in the dorm, Wonho was the most relaxed about honorifics and that was saying something. Now, he was demanding it from Changkyun? It didn't make sense, at least not to Kihyun.

“Calm down.” Hyunwoo finally stepped forward, eyebrows furrowed and a small frown on his face as he placed a hand on both Changkyun and Wonho’s chests.

“You’re at fault too!” Changkyun pushed Hyunwoo’s hand away as if he didn’t want anyone to touch him, another thing that was so uncharacteristic of him “Why didn’t you stop him?”

Hyunwoo’s face crumpled and he looked torn “I didn’t-- I--”

Wonho didn’t like this attitude from Changkyun and, of course, moved to step forward, anger only increasing “Don’t take this out on him. You’re the one running off God knows where while we’re stuck here worrying about you, wondering what’s happening with you, wondering what the fuck is going on.”

Changkyun didn’t react at all to Wonho’s anger. In fact, he continued with his loud tone and his rude words “Maybe if you guys--

I don’t know

--pulled your heads out of your asses then you’d know.”

“

Changkyun

.” Kihyun had enough of the fighting, had enough of this imposter that was obviously pretending to be Changkyun. Out of the years that they’ve known him, the years that they’ve been living in this dorm, been going to the same college, Changkyun had

never

acted like this.

Changkyun’s face snapped over to Kihyun and, suddenly, his face scrunched up. Kihyun could see tears in his eyes, could see how hard he was trying not to cry.

All Kihyun wanted to do was pull Changkyun into his arms.

“I’m sorry, hyung, but I don’t care how important your Talk is. I don’t want to talk to any of you right now.” Changkyun’s voice was so unlike his expression, tone almost cold and unfriendly.

Minhyuk had let out a small gasp at that, eyes slightly widening. Jooheon looked like he was about to cry too. Hyungwon just looked absolutely bewildered and in disbelief.

The worst part was that Changkyun didn’t stop, didn’t apologise for his rudeness, didn’t even bat an eyelash at them. Instead, he turned and practically ran to his room, slamming the door behind him.

Kihyun’s mind went blank save for one thought “Who the fuck was that because

our

Changkyun would

never

act like that.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The slam of Changkyun’s door felt final. Kihyun’s question went unanswered, mostly because it had been rhetorical but also, maybe, because they didn’t know what to say. They, too, felt confused, felt frustrated, felt

lost

.

“I know who the boy is.” Hyunwoo’s voice cut through the silence, surprising everyone in the room. They all turned to him, watching him and wondering what he exactly meant.

Hyunwoo just sighed, running his fingers through his hair “His name is Choi Youngjae. He’s… taken.”

“That bastard.” Kihyun spat out, obviously not thinking through his words. Jooheon reached over, placing a hand on his shoulder for comfort. Kihyun leaned into it but the comfort he got from Jooheon didn’t lessen the storm that brewed inside of him.

Minhyuk seemed just as irritated but for a completely different reason “Why are you angry at Youngjae? Isn’t it Changkyun’s fault?”

“

Changkyun’s fault

? What’s Changkyun’s fault? He hasn’t

done

anything.” Kihyun turned and directed some of his anger at Minhyuk, slightly surprising him.

Wonho stepped forward too, his irritation from earlier still lingering “He’s

cheating

on us.”

“I don’t know if you realize this,

Wonho

, but there wasn’t even an

us

to cheat on.” Kihyun turned to Wonho with the same level of irritation he had let out on Minhyuk. Unlike Minhyuk, Wonho wasn’t surprised.

Kihyun growled a little, hands rubbing at his face as if to get rid of his anger. He shouldn’t turn all of this worrying and this concern into anger, shouldn’t be taking it all out on his friends. He needed to calm down.

“Listen.” Hyunwoo spoke up again which, of course, attracted everyone’s attention

again

“Whether there’s an

us

or not, Changkyun hasn’t done anything wrong.”

Minhyuk scoffed which made Kihyun want to hit him. However, neither of them said anything, wanting Hyunwoo to elaborate.

Hyunwoo saw this and quickly continued “The reason that I know Youngjae is taken is because he’s dating my friend.”

Everyone raised an eyebrow, confused as to what that was supposed to mean or what Hyunwoo was trying to get at.

“In fact, Youngjae is dating

three

of my friends.”

It didn’t click for Kihyun but, apparently, it definitely clicked for Hyungwon who took a sudden sharp breath.

“Changkyun… he probably needed to talk to someone about… our

situation

and he turned to Youngjae.” Hyungwon continued for Hyunwoo who nodded in agreement, looking glad that at least Hyungwon could understand him.

Jooheon sniffled a little, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill out of his eyes “That sounds way more plausible than our sweet Changkyunnie cheating on us.”

Wonho, on the other hand, didn’t seem that easy to convince “You can say that because you weren't there. You didn't see how close and intimate they were.”

“Oh, so Minhyuk can drape himself over all of his friends but Changkyun can't?” Kihyun quickly pointed out, even going so far as actually

pointing

at Wonho.

Wonho looked appalled by that and he quickly scoffed, scrambling to find a response. Minhyuk, too, tried to defend himself, tried to say that he was just an overly affectionate person in the first place. Kihyun either didn’t listen or didn’t care.

“Even if there's the possibility of Changkyun truly ‘cheating’ on us…” Hyunwoo interrupted all of the fuss as he stepped forward, gently pushing Kihyun’s hand down as he tried to calm the room down “Wouldn't you rather give him the benefit of our doubt?”

“If we accuse him of all of these things, we'll just push him away. It's already starting to happen.” It was then Hyunwoo’s turn to point but, instead of pointing at anyone, he gestured to Changkyun’s closed door.

“I don’t think he even realises we think he’s cheating on us.” Hyunwoo added, expression just a little grim as he retracted his hand and crossed his arms “To him, Wonho pushed his good friend without a good reason.”

There was a moment of silence then as everyone considered Hyunwoo’s words carefully. All of them couldn’t deny it. His words were backed up with logic. It all made sense when he put it that way. Changkyun had always been so soft and caring. There was no way he was cheating on them.

Yet, the image of him yelling at Wonho, pushing away Hyunwoo, disregarding Kihyun’s feelings; the events of tonight made Hyunwoo’s words harder to swallow. If Youngjae really was just a friend, if Changkyun really wasn’t cheating on them, then why had he been so wound up from Wonho simply pushing Youngjae?

“I just…” Wonho is the first to break the silence, obviously frustrated just like the rest of them were “I just want to know what's going on.”

“I want to trust Changkyunnie, I really do.” Minhyuk was next but, rather than frustrated, he looked more desperate than anything. “But what if… what if…”

“There are so many what if's. Who cares about that? After all that Changkyun’s done for us, shouldn't we give him our trust?” Kihyun interrupted Minhyuk, his anger softer but still noticeable from the way he frowned and from his furrowed eyebrows.

There's another silence after Kihyun’s angry words. Eventually, though Wonho turned his head to look at Changkyun’s closed door, face scrunched up in an emotion that wasn't easily read. To Kihyun, it looked like a mix of confusion and regret.

“What happened, anyway?” Hyungwon tried to gain Wonho and Hyunwoo’s attention, serious expression on his face.

Hyunwoo turned to Wonho to see if he would answer the question but, when he said nothing, Hyunwoo decided to answer the question himself “We were going to go pick Changkyunnie up but, when we pulled up in front of the cafe, he was there with Youngjae-ssi.”

“Wonho saw it, got out of the car and pushed Youngjae-ssi really hard.” Hyunwoo continued before sighing and shaking his head “I think it made Changkyunnie really angry.”

“He was so close to Youngjae.” Wonho added after Hyunwoo finished but he didn’t take his eyes off of Changkyun’s door “It took us months to get him to stop flinching when we reached for him.

Yet

, there

Youngjae

was, holding his hands, looking like he’s about to kiss Changkyun.”

Kihyun hadn’t been there when they saw Youngjae and Changkyun. Still, even though that was the case, he could feel something boiling in his chest. It was definitely jealousy.

He wanted to be the one who was that close to Changkyun. He wanted his friends and himself to be the only ones that Changkyun let in, that Changkyun trusted enough to hold hands with, that Changkyun

loved

.

“I mean, Minhyuk-hyung has definitely been in more provocative situations and we never really bad an eyelash at that.” Jooheon pointed out, seemingly not affected by either the situation Wonho described or Wonho himself “We always give hyung the benefit of the doubt.”

At Jooheon’s words, Minhyuk flinched a little. It would’ve been easy to miss had it not been for Minhyuk’s change in expression. He went from angry to irritated to something like regret or maybe sadness. Kihyun couldn’t help but wonder if Minhyuk wanted to take his words back now.

Hopefully, Changkyun hadn’t heard them. The walls of their dorm were very thin and Minhyuk had been loud when he yelled about how much Changkyun betrayed them.

It really seemed like those were Minhyuk’s thoughts because he opened his mouth, obviously distressed “Maybe we made a mistake.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Changkyun laid down, mind full with thoughts just buzzing around in his head.

It’s okay. You’re okay. Everything’s okay. Everything will be perfectly fine.

Youngjae’s voice floated through his head and he remembered the way Youngjae looked, so broken and hurt. He still managed a smile though, still managed to encourage Changkyun to leave.

Changkyun had just been so full of anger because of that. Youngjae already had to go through so much. He didn't deserve that. The anger just bubbled inside of him, built up, until it just burst.

The words that came from his mouth were uncalled for and uncontrolled. He didn't understand where they come from, they just kept coming.

It was so unlike him. He was never like that, never turned on people he cared about like that. He was usually sweet and made sure to take care of his friends. The attitude he had out there, the attitude he showed all of his friends, wasn't

him

.

Changkyun supposed that it was the anger he had for all of them. They never really paid him any mind, always doing whatever they wanted. Yet, suddenly, when he was doing what he wanted, he wasn't allowed.

It was also his fear of being rejected. That was the reason they had called for the Talk, right? They were going to tell him they didn’t love him anymore. That was why they had been distant, why they hadn’t really interacted with him a lot, why he was an outsider again.

All of that was partly his fault, though.

His throat suddenly felt tight or, perhaps, scratchy. The anger that constricted in his chest slowly turned into something else that took his breath away and squeezed at his heart. This new thing made his eyes prick, made his mouth taste like bile, made him sit up in surprise.

It

was

his fault. He kept trying to gain their attention instead of just telling them how he felt. They were just concerned for him, worried,

something.

He was the one that prompted this jealousy, was the one that didn’t say anything and just let them drift away, and now he had to face the consequences.

The consequences, of course, being absolute heartbreak and loss of home. He wouldn’t be allowed to stay in the dorm after that whole get up. Wonho would never forgive him.

Before

, when he still considered himself as the freshman outsider of the dorm, he had so many opportunities to get closer to all of them, to take the hand that they had held out but, instead, he was too shy, was too

scared

. He thought they hated him.

Changkyun had vowed that it would be different after the night they all confessed to each other. He had always been shy and withdrawn but, for them, he was willing to venture far beyond what he was comfortable with. For them, he would do anything.

That promise he made to himself had been a lie. Now, as he sat there at the end of his bed, he still refused to take the hand they reached out to him. He still refused to talk to them. Now, everything had blown up.

Changkyun forced himself to lay back down, frown only deepening and eyes feeling even wetter. He blinked rapidly, trying to get rid of the tears. He needed to calm down, be an adult, accept the consequences.

If only he acted like an adult earlier, if only he went to them, told them how terrible they were making him feel, told them how lonely he felt. Lonely like before, when he was the outsider of the group, the new freshman that got assigned to their dorm room, the one that they wanted to get rid of.

He didn’t know how long he spent just lying there, staring at the ceiling, simply thinking of

what if

s.

A knock at Changkyun’s door snapped him out of his thoughts and he slowly made his way there, making sure to be silent all the while. He obviously didn’t want to open the door. If he tried to talk to anyone right now, he would burst out crying.

“Kkukkungie?” It was Wonho. Something clutched at Changkyun’s chest, making his heart feel like it had completely stopped. It felt painful and made him feel breathless. It was like that feeling he had earlier but even worse.

“Kkukkungie, please answer.”

Changkyun shook his head before realizing how stupid he was for doing it. Wonho couldn’t see him. Why did he even shake his head in the first place?

“Kkukkungie, hyung is sorry. I didn’t-- I didn’t mean to hit… to push… I just--”

Changkyun already knew what Wonho wanted to say even before he said it. He knew Wonho better than he knew himself. He knew

all of them

better than he knew himself. Which is why he understood. Wonho had been full of anger and didn’t think it through. Wonho was impulsive like that a lot of the time.

“Kkukkungie, please, I-- We-- We need to know… Who that person was…”

That made Changkyun pause. What did Wonho mean by that? Who that person was? It was obvious that Youngjae was his friend, wasn’t it? Who else could Youngjae have been?

“Hyunwoo-hyung says he knows him. That his name is Choi Youngjae. He has boyfriends, you know. He’s boyfriends with Hyunwoo-hyung’s friends.”

Why did that matter? Why did who Youngjae was matter at all? Why did they need to know something so unrelated and trivial like that?

“Did you know that? Was that why… Was that why… it was

him?

That you picked… him?”

At this point, all Changkyun could feel was confused. He didn’t know what Wonho was trying to insinuate. He couldn’t even guess. It just didn’t make sense in his head.

“Is that why you decided to cheat on us with him?”

There was a pause as Changkyun tried to put the pieces together, tried to put this new information into a coherent thought. Suddenly, everything started to make sense.

Changkyun’s eyes widened in disbelief as he stared at the door. There was a thump that Changkyun could guess was Wonho. He didn’t know what Wonho was doing, though. All he could focus on was his speeding thoughts that travelled a mile a second.

They weren’t angry because he wasn’t spending time with them. They weren’t angry because he was choosing a friend over them. They were angry because they thought that he had found someone else.

They thought he had decided to be with Youngjae instead of them.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

He just couldn’t believe it. They thought his love for them was

that

shallow. They didn’t have faith in him. They didn’t

believe

in him, didn’t

trust

him, didn’t think--

Before he could even think about what he was doing, Changkyun grabbed the door handle and yanked it open. On the other side, Wonho had leaned against the door. So, when Changkyun opened the door, Wonho stumbled a little.

“Is that what you think?” Changkyun tried to calm the hurt in his chest, tried to calm himself down. He didn’t want to snap again, didn’t want to show them a side of him that wasn’t really him

again

.

Yet, the words still left his mouth. It was like before. They just slipped so easily and the pain made his tongue too loose. He couldn’t think clearly. He should leave, should shut the door, before he did anything else he regretted.

Instead, he stood his ground.

Wonho’s eyes were wide as he looked down at Changkyun but, still, he nodded. Changkyun looked away from Wonho, like staring at him only made things hurt more. Which was true.

So, rather than that, Changkyun looked to the other people in the room, too Jooheon and Minhyuk and Kihyun, to Hyungwon and Hyunwoo. All of them looked sad but there was something beyond that in their expressions.

They looked guilty. Like the same thought had entered their minds too.

Just seeing them like that made Changkyun feel like he was some sort of criminal, that he had done some disgusting deed that he needed to apologise for. That feeling just fueled the flame that crackled in his chest.

It made him so angry that this entire situation had gone so far. It made him angry that they, the people he had loved so dearly, made him feel so shameful.

Part of him wanted to place the blame on himself. After all, he was the one that had left, the one that decided to put Youngjae first, to spend more time with Youngjae. He understood what it looked like, now that he looked back on it.

It would’ve been easy to mistake them for something more. The two of them had been so close, after all, and it wouldn’t have been such a stretch to call them more than friends.

That part of Changkyun, however, was quickly overtaken by the part of him that was furious, the part of him that stoked the fire that burned so hotly in his chest, the part of him that craved some sort of

redemption

.

“You don’t have the right.” Changkyun’s voice wavered as the words left his lips and his fists clenched so tightly that he could feel his nails digging into his palms. Distantly, he thought it would’ve been nice if his nails dug deep enough to bleed.

It would’ve been a relief to feel something more than anger.

In any case, Changkyun saw the way they stared at him, half in confusion, half in hurt, as if they couldn’t understand his words but they could definitely understand the emotion behind them.

After all of this time that he’d spent being faithful to them, being at their beck and call no matter what, always being there. Now, they had the gall to tell him that they thought he was cheating on them?

He was there, always there, always ignored. No matter how much Hyungwon preferred to pay attention to Jooheon more than he did to Changkyun, no matter how much Minhyuk cancelled on him to hang out with Wonho, no matter how much Kihyun and Hyunwoo always helped each other out even though Changkyun could help just as much.

Even when they kept pushing him away, he was there.

Like some sort of dog that just couldn’t learn his lesson

, Changkyun supposed.

That part of him, the part that had wanted desperately to pin the blame on himself, the part that wanted peace, that didn’t want that

anger

, spoke up in his mind again. It urged him to think rationally.

Maybe, they hadn’t been aware of how much time they’d spent away from Changkyun or ignoring Changkyun. Maybe, they didn’t mean to

hurt

him.

But, wasn’t that worse? They had promised never to make him feel like an outsider again and, yet, they still did it. They still avoided him and stayed away from him and preferred each other more than they preferred him.

Maybe it was his fault. Maybe it was his fault for believing them, for being so foolish and

naive

. They

loved

him? They could barely show that they

liked

him, much less

loved

him. None of them had ever been alone with him, none of them really got to know him, none of them every

really

spent time with him.

How could they ever love him like that?

Changkyun pushed those tormenting thoughts away and turned his eyes to Wonho “I want you to think of the last time you hung out with me. The last time you spent time with me.

Really

spent time with me.”

Kihyun flinched at the lack of honorifics but, unlike before, it seemed Wonho didn’t mind.

“We… We spent time together today, Kkungie.” The confusion on Wonho’s face increased and he chuckled nervously as if he was unsure of where the conversation was about to go “Hyungwon was there too.”

“No.” Changkyun’s voice was firm and Wonho flinched at the sound of it. All of them did as if unused to him being so assertive.

Hyungwon stepped forward as if to back Wonho up but Changkyun shook his head and took a step back, into his room “You were watching that drama that you and Hyungwon-hyung like.

I

don’t like that drama.

You

know I don’t.”

Yet, when Wonho had excitedly discussed the drama with Hyungwon, even though Changkyun wasn’t interested in it, he still listened, ears perked

like some sort of hopeless puppy

. He still agreed when Wonho halfheartedly invited him. He still sat there on the couch next to them, desperate for affection.

Wonho didn’t have anything to say so Changkyun continued “You guys weren’t even paying attention to me. I told you I was going somewhere with a

friend

and to tell Kihyun-hyung. Did you even do that?”

Changkyun’s tone continued to be informal, like he wasn’t younger than them, like he was

older

than them, like he was the one that was lecturing them on the crime that they had committed the mistake

they

had made.

He wasn’t going to let them make him feel like the villain.

There was silence until Kihyun took a shuddering breath and turned to Hyungwon “You said he didn’t say anything before he left.”

Hyungwon scrunched his face up as if what Kihyun had said was untrue but, after a moment, his face relaxed as if he was willing to take the blame “I didn’t… I didn’t hear…”

“Which, I guess, is okay.” Changkyun dismissed Hyungwon’s excuse and, instead, turned to Wonho, head tilting a little to the side “When was the last time you truly hung out with me, hyung?”

Changkyun quickly took Wonho’s silence as his answer because even Changkyun couldn’t recall when the last time was. Which was, of course, saying something since Changkyun was sure he wouldn’t forget something so rare and precious like that.

This only fed the raging fire in his chest, made him feel like he was choking on smoke, like he was being destroyed from the inside out.

He couldn’t continue like this.

Suddenly, Changkyun felt something hot and wet against his cheeks. His shaky hand reached up and his fingertips felt something like water.

Tears

. He was crying.

The tears seemed to have brought the flame in his chest down, dampened it so that it just a small flicker of what it used to be.

Instead of wanting to fight, instead of rage and anger, all Changkyun felt was tired. He felt tired and hollow and hopeless. Like nothing was worth so much passion and work, like nothing could change what was in front of him.

Kihyun was the first to move and it wasn’t away. Instead, he moved towards Changkyun, hands held out as if ready to hold him in his arms.

Changkyun wanted to fall into Kihyun’s arms so

desperately

. He couldn’t even begin to explain the desperation, the

need

, for comfort from one of them.

Yet, even with that, Changkyun took one step back and then another and another. His hand reached out for the door knob again, just as instinctively as before.

“Changkyu--”

He closed the door before Kihyun could even finish saying his name.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Changkyun was familiar with the feeling of not belonging.

Deep inside, he knew for a fact that the dorm room was just as much his as it was any of theirs. He paid for his rent after all. The dorm room was under his name too. He had things in the bathroom, he paid for some of the food in the fridge, he got that sofa for everyone.

Yet, he couldn’t get past the fact that, for some reason, he felt like he was in enemy territory and that his room was the only safe space here. It was safe because it was far away from their prying eyes.

There was just this instinctive feeling of fear. He couldn’t be

seen

by one of them. Of course not! It would be game over once that happened.

He didn’t know exactly what bad thing would happen if they saw him (whether it was spotting him in the kitchen while he got something to eat or watching him as he left the house) but the anxiety that seemed to swarm in his chest told him how bad it would be if he got caught.

So, he laid there, on his bed, staring at the window on the opposite wall. He got little to no sleep last night for

obvious

reasons and his stomach felt empty and achy. He wanted to get breakfast or, perhaps, brunch.

Instead, he laid there, wondering how exactly life had gotten so bad.

His mind was buzzing with thoughts about his situation, about how, despite all of this, all he wanted to do was run into their arms. He wanted to go back to them, to be surrounded by them, to let them apologise to him.

But another part of him couldn’t bring himself to let them, couldn’t

believe

them.

He had known from the very beginning; he had always been lesser compared to everyone else. He wasn’t as cute as Minhyuk, wasn’t as handsome as Wonho, wasn’t as loveable as Jooheon or cool like Hyungwon, wasn’t as reliable as Hyunwoo, wasn’t as capable as Kihyun.

He was nothing. Just Im Changkyun, the outsider, the leftover, the boring one with no redeemable features.

Was it such a wonder that they didn’t want to spend time with him? Was it such a wonder that they were slowly pushing him away?

Part of him then wondered why they would do that when, obviously, they seemed upset enough at the fact that Changkyun had, potentially, ‘cheated’ on them with Youngjae.

Which, of course, rounded the problem back to the root question: what was Changkyun to them?

That would answer everything. What was Changkyun to them? How did they feel about him? Did they truly love him?

If they could answer the question for him, let him know that

yes

, he was loved, the entire problem would be solved. He would be willing to forgive them, be able to trust them to take care of him like they had always promised.

Then again, however, another problem was the fact that he didn’t know if the question could ever be answered. Not, at least, to a believable degree.

They could say yes, could say that they loved him. But, really, what did that mean when they had all but paid attention to him a mere few hours ago?

Changkyun sighed and turned so he faced the wall instead of the window. He was too tired to stare at the bright light and the pretty blue sky. He wanted downpour, wanted torrential rain and stormy skies.

Why couldn’t the weather match his mood?

Suddenly, the sound of clanging metal perked his interest and Changkyun found himself sitting up.

Right outside of his window was a rusty old fire escape. It wasn’t really of any use now. They had fire routes in the building and the fire escape was so rusted that it was

technically

structurally unsound.

Still, students would climb up and down them all the time. Usually, it was to avoid the RAs who, thankfully, knew about them but always chose to ignore them. Other times, it was because students would forget their keys or perhaps they were trying to avoid someone.

Either way, Changkyun was just about ready to brush it off as a stranger trying to get somewhere they needed to go when Youngjae’s face popped into the window.

Youngjae grinned at him through the window but Changkyun couldn’t return the cheery expression. Mostly, it was because of the bruise on his cheek, the colour already a reddish purple as it mottled one side of his face.

Changkyun felt anger, rage, could only see

red

.

However, before Changkyun could do anything he would regret, Youngjae gestured to the latch of his window and Changkyun obliged by walking over and unlocking it.

The window squeaked but, thankfully, easily opened without much of a fuss. Youngjae sighed in relief, probably because the outside was much colder compared to the suffocating warmth of Changkyun’s room.

Once Youngaje had closed the window back up, he turned to Changkyun, mouth open as if to say something but Changkyun beat him to it “What happened to your face?”

The grin on Youngjae’s face quickly faded and he sighed, less relieved and more troubled “Hyunwoo-ssi, your muscular boyfriend.”

“Huh?”

“He texted Jaebum-hyung…” Youngjae explained, waltzing over to Changkyun’s bed and plopping down “He wanted to apologise for what Wonho-ssi did.”

Changkyun still felt wildly confused, even as he stood in front of Youngjae, so Youngjae continued “Jaebum took it the wrong way. They’d been suspicious for a while now so…”

“So… they ‘connected the dots’” Changkyun said the phrase with a strong tone of distaste, irritated by how similar their fates were. He didn’t want Youngjae, such a bright and wonderful boy, to be going through the same thing.

Youngjae waved away the resentment “No, don’t be angry. It’s what I wanted. I just… didn’t expect it to be like this.”

“What you wanted?” Changkyun scoffed, sitting himself right beside Youngjae and nudging the boy with his shoulder.

“Yeah, what I wanted.” Youngjae reaffirmed, falling back to lay against the soft bed, his head narrowly missing the wall “I wanted them to pay attention to me, to be jealous. I just… didn’t expect them to…”

“Not trust you when you tried to explain?” Changkyun beat Youngjae to it and, when Youngjae looked up at them, they shared a look of… pity? Sympathy? Something more that seemed to chase away the darkness that creeped inside of Changkyun’s mind?

Youngjae nodded to show that, yes, Changkyun had been right in his guess “Yeah… and I hadn’t expected to… get so…”

“Carried away?” Changkyun finished for Youngjae yet again and they shared another look. Except, this time, Youngjae’s eyes suddenly started tearing up.

Changkyun made a noise like he was hit by a bullet (it surely felt that way) before he laid down next to Youngjae. He didn’t even hesitate to pull Youngjae into his arms, intertwining them so their legs tangled and Youngjae’s head fit comfortably against the nook of Changkyun’s neck.

He wanted to stay like that forever, wrapped up in Youngjae’s hold.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Kihyun sat at the breakfast table, hands clutching at a cup of coffee. By then, it had already gone cold but Kihyun couldn’t find it in himself to get up and grab a fresh cup. Instead, all he could do was look back and forth from the cup in front of him to the door to his left.

Since last night, the entire dorm room had been tense.

Wonho was practically inconsolable. He felt as if this was his fault, that the reason Changkyun didn’t want to talk to them anymore was because Wonho had pushed him to the edge and watched him fall.

Minhyuk was almost the same. He blamed himself for stoking the fire, for encouraging the others into thinking that Changkyun--

their

Changkyun--would ever cheat on them. He had been the one that showed the picture, that started the doubt.

Even Hyunwoo was trying not to despair. Their usually cheerful hyung seemed almost subdued. He had tried to patch things up with Youngjae by contacting Jaebum, his friend and Youngjae’s boyfriend, to no avail.

Jaebum never replied and Hyunwoo seemed restless, trying to find other ways to make it up to Changkyun as if it was on his shoulders to fix everything.

Kihyun wouldn’t say that he disagreed with their sentiments. He had told Minhyuk to wait, had told Wonho to calm down, had tried to comfort Hyunwoo. However, his thoughts were far from ‘I told you so’ and more towards the fact that it wasn’t just their faults.

Minhyuk, Hyunwoo, Wonho; they all played a hand but they weren’t the only ones.

Even Kihyun found himself doubting Changkyun. He had voiced that they should trust Changkyun, that they shouldn’t jump to conclusions, but those were just words he used to comfort himself. He knew that even he had suspicions about Changkyun’s loyalty.

That was the problem. Each and every one of them were so busy trying to blame themselves that they didn’t really stop to think what they could do as a group to make up for how they’ve neglected the person they loved the most.

Suddenly, just as he thought that, a chair scraped beside Kihyun and Jooheon sat down, eyes slightly puffy and expression morose.

Then, someone walked into the kitchen and leaned forward against the breakfast table counter. Looking up, Kihyun saw that it was Minhyuk whose eyes were also red and whose lips were pulled into a tight frown. It was rare to see Minhyuk so upset.

“So, you guys finally done with your pity party?” Kihyun asked, trying to keep the irritation from his voice but failing. He knew that he shouldn’t be so petty but he was angry at himself and even angrier at everyone else.

They were taking time to mourn and to be sad as if there was nothing they could do to fix the situation at hand. The longer they took to cry, the longer it would take to get Changkyun back on their side.

Minhyuk seemed to understand this because he nodded but Jooheon sniffled, a fresh wave of tears hitting him. He struggled to hold it in and, feeling bad, Kihyun wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer.

Jooheon relaxed at that, head resting on Kihyun’s shoulder and his tears quickly streaking down his face. There were only a few before he forced himself to stop. With a small sniffle and a quick wipe of his face, he too nodded.

“Where are the others?” Kihyun asked, referring obviously to Hyunwoo, Hyungwon and Wonho.

Minhyuk gestured with a tilt of his head “They held their pity party in Hyunwoo-hyung’s dorm.”

Kihyun made a noise like he was acknowledging Minhyuk’s answer before giving Jooheon a couple of pats on the shoulder “We should go there, have a talk with all six of us.”

When Jooheon stiffened, Kihyun continued as if to explain “We need to talk about how we’ve been treating Changkyun.”

Slowly, Jooheon nodded. Of course, he understood that they needed to talk about what had happened, what they can change, how they can make it up to Changkyun. However, part of him feared that they’d never be able to make it up to him.

Changkyun had just been so angry and he looked so broken last night. Just remembering it made Jooheon almost sob again.

“If we don’t talk about it, if we don’t

fix

it, we’ll lose him for good.” Kihyun explained, hand carding through Jooheon’s short locks as he looked to Minhyuk.

Minhyuk seemed to be taking it well but not well enough because there were traces of tears threatening to spill from the corners of his eyes.

Minhyuk had always prided himself in being a good

hyung

. He bragged that he was the best in the dorm, that he did his best to take care of all of them.

Part of him knew, deep down, it wasn’t possible. Hyunwoo was the greatest hyung out of all of them. He always seemed to know what to say and how to comfort the others.

However, Minhyuk could never have imagined he was

this

bad. How could he have looked past everything, ignored how Changkyun was suffering, ignored his favourite dongsaeng? Changkyun was so

hurt

and Minhyuk looked past that? Despite the fact that he had promised he would always be there for Changkyun?

It was unforgivable and part of him thought that there was no way to fix it.

“We’ll find a way.” Kihyun seemed to read Minhyuk’s expression perfectly before gesturing to Hyunwoo’s room “If we love him, we’ll find a way.”

It was Minhyuk’s turn to slowly nod and the three of them made their way there, all clinging to each other.

Kihyun didn’t think they deserved to have each other. At least, not when Changkyun was in his room, feeling God knows how horrible. Kihyun wanted to push all of them away, wanted everyone to feel how Changkyun felt.

He couldn’t bring himself to.

When they entered the room, Hyunwoo was sat on the floor, back against his bed. Wonho was sitting beside him, back bent as if he wanted to curl up into a ball. Hyungwon wasn’t any better. He laid on the floor, face red with tears.

“We’re going to fix this.” Kihyun stated calmly and, though he wanted to cry and his voice threatened to break, he forced himself to be strong.

Hyunwoo, who looked the least broken, nodded “We will.”