Work Text
I can always pick up books
In the search of what I need
But that doesn't help me any
If you're impossible to read
So if you love me, if you love me
Come clean
Pulling the smaller boy to his chest, he shushed him soothingly. “It's alright, Jimin. I'm here. I'm here,” he repeated, making absolute sure the other heard him. He felt tears staining his white shirt as the thin boy clung to him. He could feel his chest rising and falling against his, faster than it should be. He tried keeping his voice as light as possible for the younger, though his entire being was filled with rage. Those assholes. I'll kill them. He could almost feel his blood pressure rising as he thought about it. He hadn't even seen it all. ~●~●~●~
Yoongi walked into the church to hear...horrible words. Words even he wouldn't repeat, especially not in a church. He wasn't even religious. He only came for Jimin. Just to see his friend, of course.
He looked around in the empty room, until he heard it. A snorting noise, like what a pig would make. He finds the source of it in a back room where the communion crackers and wine are held. Older boys had pushed Jimin to the floor and he was curled in a ball, sobbing, as they made pig faces and noises at him. They called him fat, gay, ugly, and other far worse things.
Yoongi saw red. His fist flew before his brain could process it, and before he knew it, he was running, pulling Jimin along. The punch had surprised them, thank goodness, and given Yoongi and Jimin time to run. Yoongi heard them yell similar things at him and it seemed to upset Jimin more than it did him.
The smaller boy led him to a little closet in the basement, surprisingly quick. Yoongi briefly wondered how many times he's had to hide here, before deciding he didn't want to know.
~●~●~●~ “Hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that. Breathe. That's all I need you to do for me.” He felt the other boy’s breathing slow, their hearts beating together. “I'm okay. You're okay. We're okay.” Jimin’s breath hitched at that. We. We're okay. He began to panic again, thinking back to the words of the boys from before, and trying to push Yoongi away. “No!” He shouted, too out of it to care. Yoongi’s eyes widened and pulled the boy back to him as he heard the footsteps rushing towards the small, dark closet they were hiding in, contained inside the basement of Jimin’s family’s church. Yoongi was panicking at this point too, more for Jimin’s sake than his own. What would his father, the pastor, think if he got word they were found like this? He knew he had to get Jimin quiet. His mind raced and he pulled Jimin close. As close as possible. Even now, their bodies fit like pieces of a puzzle. Yoongi connected his mouth to the younger’s and sealed it shut. His fingers danced across Jimin’s jaw and up through his hair to lightly massage his scalp and tangle his fingers in his soft, brown hair. Jimin had let out a small gasp and leaned into him after a moment of confusion, desperately holding onto the older boy’s shirt, still dampened with his tears from before. They stayed like that for a while, though Yoongi leaned back as he heard the footsteps recede. They stared for quite a long time, only able to see the faint outlines of each other. He heard Jimin sniffle and could tell he was probably going to cry again. Jimin felt around until he was able to turn his back to Yoongi, laying his head on his shoulder and grabbing one of his cold hands. Neither knew where to go from there. Neither knew what had happened, nor what it meant. But they knew they had to savor the moment. It was fleeting. Yoongi was ice. Jimin was fire. Touching Jimin warmed every part of Yoongi’s body and soul, and kissing his soft, warm lips for the first time was like living for the first time. For Jimin, it was the same, but different. Yoongi’s lips were cool and not quite rough, but a little chapped. Kissing Yoongi gave him chills he couldn't describe. An immediate sense of calm washed over him. That was the first time the thirteen and fifteen-year-old kissed: hiding in a closet in the basement of a church, safe from Jimin’s father and the boys who wanted to hurt him. It was the first, but definitely not the last. ~●~●~●~ Yoongi was ecstatic. It was weird. But it made Jimin smile. He'd been like this since Jimin told him he'd be going to the same high school as a freshman in the upcoming year. Jimin was a little hesitant at first. He went to a private Catholic middle school. It would be his first public school experience, but he knew he had Yoongi. He wasn’t too worried. Yoongi would only be a grade above him, so they might even be in some of the same classes. Jimin told the older boy as they were walking to their favorite place, and he hadn't stopped smiling that big, gummy smile that Jimin loved. He couldn't stop himself from laughing or at least smiling every time he saw Yoongi look over at him with that smile. And those eyes, usually so cold and analytical, looked at him in soft, warm wonder. As soon as they stepped through the line of trees into the woods, Yoongi reached out for Jimin’s small hand and linked his fingers with the younger boy’s. Jimin’s face flushed a bit as he looked at their connected hands. He glanced back up to Yoongi and gave him a look. They didn't quite know what they were. They didn't quite know what the occasional holding of hands, short kisses, and drawn out hugs meant. But as they got to their spot with the tall grass and flowers in the big clearing by the lake, it didn't matter anymore. They didn't care what they were because they didn't have to be anything. They were just them. And that was all they both needed then. ~●~●~●~ When Jimin started school with Yoongi, he was fourteen. Yoongi was sixteen. Jimin loved the school, and immediately made friends in his theatre and choir classes. He got pretty popular and had lots of good friends. But he always made time for Yoongi, who was more of an outcast. He had a much smaller circle. No more than three friends, excluding Jimin. Because Jimin was different. Jimin didn't feel like a typical friend. He had always been closer to the younger boy. Yoongi was less innocent now. He had begun to wonder what those moments they had shared said about each of them. Yoongi obviously couldn't make any assumptions about Jimin. He could barely figure himself out. But, he knew he had never really been into girls. He had never really been into anyone, matter of fact. Except for Jimin. He had kissed Jimin. He had held his hand. He had hugged him. He never had any...weird thoughts about him. He was just a kid, after all, despite how much he would whine, claiming to not being one when this was addressed. Yoongi only ever thought of him as that sad little kid in the church that day. Yoongi looked through his locker at the end of the day, lost in thought, when a pair of soft hands covered his eyes. “Guess who?” an equally soft voice lilted, totally derailing Yoongi’s train of thought when he recognized it. Funny how he couldn’t ever seem to focus when Jimin was around. He let out a slight chuckle for the younger boy’s sake, then grabbed his hands and pulled them down, holding on just a second too long. He turned his head to look at the boy who had moved to lean against the wall of lockers next to Yoongi’s. The small brown-haired boy tried to form his lips to a pout through his smile as he stared up in adoration at the other, who was just a bit taller than him. “You didn't guess.” “Didn't need to. I knew it was you.” Yoongi retorted, pretending to be uninterested as he finished grabbing his things from his locker. He closed it with a slam, chuckling as he saw the other boy jump. “Don’t you have, you know, stuff to do today?” Yoongi paused for a second before continuing, seemingly a little uncomfortable. “Church stuff.” Jimin gave him a far-too mischievous grin. “Nope. The choir practice got canceled today. I’m free.” “And? Shouldn't you be doing stuff with your other friends?” Yoongi quipped, not realizing it may have come off as something other than a joke until after he had said it. He shoved his things into his bag and slung it over his shoulder. Jimin frowned. “Is that what you want me to do?” “No.” Yoongi blurted out in response. “I-” He stumbled over his words before finishing in a mumble. “It was a dumb joke. Sorry.” Quickly brushing it off, the younger boy soon perked up again and absentmindedly linked arms with the other boy. “We should do something!” He cooed, laying his head on Yoongi’s shoulder. Yoongi couldn’t help but notice the way his heart jumped a little when Jimin touched him.“Fine.” He scoffed and rolled his eyes, starting to walk. Jimin stood up straight and slid his hand down the taller boy’s arm to meld their hands together, with his signature smile. The real one. He smiled with his whole face, his eyes turning into charming crescent moons. It made Yoongi melt.
Goddamnit. I think I love Park Jimin.
~●~●~●~
Mochi ChimChim
[6:38 AM]
Yoongi hyung! Do you remember the date?
<3 Genius Min Yoongiyah <3
[6:39 AM]
Jimin. Do you know what time it is?
Mochi ChimChim
[6:39 AM]
It’s a Friday, shouldn’t you already be up and getting ready for school anyway?
Mochi ChimChim
[6:40 AM]
Plus, this is important!!!
<3 Genius Min Yoongiyah <3
[6:42 AM]
I was enjoying my beauty sleep.
<3 Genius Min Yoongiyah <3
[6:42 AM]
And what’s so important?
<3 Genius Min Yoongiyah <3
[6:43 AM]
Someone better have died or something
Mochi ChimChim
[6:43 AM]
Hyung, you said you knew that date, right?
Yoongi knew the date, and why it was important, of course. But he couldn’t help but tease Jimin a little.
<3 Genius Min Yoongiyah <3
[6:45 AM]
Yeah. October 13th.
<3 Genius Min Yoongiyah <3
[6:45 AM]
Happy Birthday, Jimin.
Mochi ChimChim
[6:46 AM]
I knew you knew!!
Mochi ChimChim
[6:46 AM]
Thanks!
Mochi ChimChim
[6:47 AM]
Anyway, are you busy tonight?
Yoongi’s heart thumped more and more. He decided to take a risk.
<3 Genius Min Yoongiyah <3
[6:47 AM]
Park Jimin. Are you going to ask me on a date? Stop stealing my thunder
Jimin could’ve sworn that for about five seconds, his heart stopped. He stopped breathing for a minute, staring at the message the seventeen-year-old had sent him. Yoongi regretted the message the instant he sent it. He forced himself to turn off his phone screen as he got a pop-up saying that Jimin had read his message and tossed it aside as he went to get dressed. Jimin swallowed hard, trying to combat the heart pounding in his throat that was making it hard to breathe, and typed a response.
Mochi ChimChim
[6:55 AM]
My dad is throwing a birthday party for me at the Church. I promise it’ll be more fun than it sounds. You should go. It’s at six tonight. There will be food and stuff.
Mochi ChimChim
[6:56 AM]
Please?
Mochi ChimChim
[6:56 AM]
Well, I have to go. My doorbell just rang. Jungkook and his mom are probably here.
Yoongi came back to see this and took a deep breath, assuming (hoping) that Jimin had just thought of what he had said before as a joke. He chuckled a bit to himself upon seeing the last message, imagining Jimin trying to squeeze into a car with Jungkook and Taehyung as Jungkook’s mother drove them to school, all the while trying to text Yoongi with a straight face and not get his phone taken by the other boys.
<3 Genius Min Yoongiyah <3
[7:00 AM]
See you then, Jiminie.
Jimin grabbed his bag and shouted a departing sentiment to his parents and little brother as he jumped into the backseat, climbing over Taehyung’s lap to sit between him and Jungkook. Taehyung was tapping away on his DS, undoubtedly playing a Pokémon game. He heard the vibration of his phone the same time the other boys did. They shot him a glance as he looked at his phone, and Jimin subconsciously smiled as he read the message that the older boy sent. Then, Jimin caught they look they gave him. The smile dropped from his face as Taehyung and Jungkook, in unison, released a loud, obnoxious, “Ooooh!” Jimin slipped his phone into his pocket and looked at the other two boys, stumbling over his words. “What?” “Jimin has a girlfriend!” Taehyung all but screeched, his game almost entirely forgotten. Jimin’s face paled and he looked at Taehyung incredulously. “No, I don’t! That’s gross!” “Oh? Who is it? Is she cute?” Jungkook’s grabby hands reached to try and snatch Jimin’s phone, but before they knew it, they had arrived at the school. Jimin reached to unlock the door while he unbuckled, then opened the door and lunged out of it before the car had even rolled to a full stop. ~●~●~●~ Yoongi had awkwardly avoided Jimin almost all day at school. His mind was reeling.
What the hell am I going to do at a Church party? What do I wear? How do I act? What if I mess up and offend someone? Shit. I'm screwed.
He was sitting in his last class of the day, a history class, while his friend Hoseok sat next to him. To be honest, he usually would've been having a hard time not starting to doze off as the teacher played some uninteresting video. However, because of the whole party situation, he was kind of panicking. The boy sitting next to him immediately noticed his strange level of alertness. After a fair amount of probing questions from Hoseok, they had decided that he would help Yoongi get ready for the party.
Oh yeah. This is gonna be a disaster.
~●~●~●~ Upon arrival to Yoongi’s home, Hoseok proceeded to tear apart his closet looking for something for him to wear. They argued for nearly an hour about what he should wear. This consisted mostly of Hoseok claiming that nearly all of Yoongi’s clothes were “too edgy for a Church party,” and Yoongi getting frustrated at him. Eventually, they decided on a plain black shirt with a pink button-up over it. “Here we go! Simple and nice.” Hoseok exclaimed gleefully. “You look great! I would recommend your cute silver earrings, but I don't know how…strict Jimin’s dad is about that stuff.” Yoongi paused. “Yeah. I probably shouldn't.” He sighed, looking in the mirror and obsessively adjusting his black hair. “You really think I look alright?” He mumbled, his arms falling to his sides as he stared in the mirror. “Of course! You look great!” Hoseok checked the time, spun Yoongi around and gave him a big hug. He only let go after Yoongi gave him a small, awkward pat in acknowledgement. Hobi smiled and pushed the corners of Yoongi’s mouth into a grin, looking a little smug as he noticed Yoongi now trying to keep a straight face to spite him. “Well, I should go.” Yoongi took a deep breath, taking one last glance at the mirror before walking outside to his motorcycle. ~●~●~●~ These monsters in my closet
Are watchin' over me
The days are getting shorter
And at night, it's hard to sleep
The combination of all of this
Is the death of everything
So if you love me, if you love me
Hurry As he approached the Church, he slowed his bike and parked it, haphazardly taking off his helmet, setting it on the seat and shaking his head a bit to fix his hair. He slipped the keys into his pocket and took his phone out, seriously considering texting Jimin and coming up with some lame excuse to bail last minute. He felt his heart rate speeding up uncomfortably and he tried to take a few minutes to compose himself, but he was ultimately unsuccessful. His hands started to tremble, and he tried willing it away. Jimin can't see me like this. His mind screamed at him. He almost dropped his phone as he retrieved it from his pocket. I can't do this. His head repeated that in a mantra that repeated until he could think of nothing but embarrassing himself in front of Jimin or offending Jimin or his family or his family’s friends or getting Jimin in trouble, or- “Yoongi!” The voice called to him, and he looked to where it came from. Jimin had a smile on his face as he ran from inside the church, going to hug Yoongi. “You came!” Yoongi felt his face flush a little, and was instantly worried that Jimin could hear his surging heartbeat from where he had nestled his head on his chest. “Hey. Honorifics, kid. Respect your elders.” He stumbled over his words, stuttering far too much. Jimin giggled. “Sorry, hyung.” The taller boy rolled his eyes at this and happened to see a man lingering in the doorway of the church. He was watching the two of them with a scrutinizing gaze and suspicious eyes. Yoongi recognized this as Jimin’s father, though it had been a while since he had gone to the church. A pang of annoyance filled his chest as they made eye contact over Jimin’s shoulder. The man narrowed his eyes at Yoongi, then turned and retreated back into the building. Jimin noticed that the older boy’s attention had wavered, and frowned, trying to turn and follow his line of sight. Yoongi didn't want him to worry, and without thinking, put a hand on Jimin’s cheek to prevent the turning of his head. “It's fine, and of course I came. Were you worried? You know I keep my promises.” He felt Jimin’s cheeks warm a bit. The other boy just stared at him, eyes scanning over his face. Jimin looked the black-haired boy up and down before he raised his eyes to meet his. All of a sudden, the nice, crisp fall air felt hot and thick. Jimin fluttered his eyes shut and subconsciously leaned towards Yoongi. His lips parted slightly as he did so, and Yoongi was rooted in place, staring. In that moment, Yoongi did something akin to praying. He begged. Please, whatever is out there. Just let me get my shit together for like five minutes. I'll try to get around to church more often. Yoongi didn't know long they stood there, captivated by each other. Finally, Yoongi took a shuddering breath and leaned in to give Jimin a quick peck on the forehead. “Let's go inside, okay? It's kinda chilly.” The older boy rattled off, not stuttering. Thank God. He lifted his hand from his cheek to his hair, ruffling it and smiling at Jimin as his wide, too-innocent eyes looked up at him, cheeks beginning to grow red. “Hyung!” Jimin whined as Yoongi started to walk to the church, going in and stopping at the entrance, letting the shorter boy catch up. They walked together until Jimin stopped momentarily.“My dad is starting a sermon soon, but he said since it's my birthday, I can hang out with my friends out back until it's done. Taehyung and Jungkook are already here,” the brunette explained, before continuing to walk. Yoongi nodded and followed. “Min Yoongi.” The man from before, Jimin’s father, stepped in front of them. “How are you? It's been...quite a while since you've visited us. Has your family been visiting another church?” He questioned. Yoongi felt an awful lot like he was in some sort of interrogation. “No,” he responded simply. “I see. Well, Jimin tells me you play the piano. Our pianist was recently injured. Our choir is suffering without her. Would you stay through the sermon and play the piano for us?” Strange how this feels more like a demand as opposed to an inquiry, Yoongi thought. “Dad.” Jimin tried to protest. “No, it's fine.” Yoongi forced himself to put on a polite smile. “I wouldn't mind at all.” “Wonderful. Jimin, bring Taehyung and Jungkook in? You can all sing in the choir. Let them share your music book, since you know all the songs by heart.” A sly smile grew on the older man’s face as he walked away. An uneasy feeling grew in the pit of Yoongi’s stomach as he walked over to the piano and sat down. At first, the service went off without a hitch. The first few songs were even a little fun, though all Yoongi really did was play piano and listen to Jimin sing. Then the sermon started. The words Jimin’s father spoke took Yoongi back to the hateful words of the boys who used to bully Jimin. Yoongi looked over to see Jimin stiffen in the choir stands, and he had to set his jaw and bite his tongue as Jimin’s father went on and on. Yoongi swore he saw Jimin glance over at him with a pained look. The preaching lasted far too long for Yoongi’s comfort. He played one final song, and Yoongi knew he was visibly shaking with rage. After the service wrapped up, Jimin went over to Yoongi as he got up and almost slammed the piano shut. Taehyung and Jungkook trailed after him. Jimin’s father went to Yoongi and thanked him for playing the piano, then asked what he had thought of the sermon. Yoongi had to rack his brain to say something that could be perceived as a compliment for this horrendous man. “You're a good speaker,” Yoongi said, rather monotonously. He honestly couldn't bring himself to care about what Jimin’s father thought of him at this point.The man chortled. “I should hope so.” It seemed like he was going to say something else, so Yoongi simply looked at Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook, gesturing for them to follow him as he went out the back door. Immediately, Taehyung and Jungkook each grabbed one of Jimin’s arms. “Hey, hyung. Did you know Jimin has a girlfriend?” Jungkook exclaimed, way too loud, when he looked at Yoongi. For some reason, Yoongi felt his breath catch in his throat as this question washed over him. He was still felt off from how angry he had been. Jimin has a girlfriend? He didn't tell me? No. Surely he would've told me. His thoughts raced. Wouldn't he? “Oh, real-?” Yoongi started, before... “I do not!” Jimin yelled, obviously a bit more than aggravated. “I don't like girls.” He continued, quieter this time, seemingly unsure of himself. Yoongi would've sworn his heart stopped. Jungkook might've been the only one who looked even a little surprised, before shrugging it off. It almost shocked Yoongi how quickly the other two boys dismissed this. Though, he silently thanked the fact that they didn't respond negatively or run to tattle. A woman he recognized as the choir director came out and hooked up a radio to play some music. Other people followed not soon after, some men even pulled a grill up and started making food. More people were talking to Jimin’s father than anything, and Yoongi despised the man for making Jimin’s birthday about himself. Though, Jimin seemed happy to just dance around with Taehyung and Jungkook while Yoongi sat against a tree near them, smiling to himself as he watched Jimin. Yoongi hadn't quite realized how big the church was until all the people had flooded out into the backyard. He frowned as Jimin’s father came over to reprimand him for dancing in front of everyone. He said one more thing that Yoongi didn't quite catch, and all the joy seemed to drain from Jimin’s face. Yoongi stood as the boy’s father disappeared back into the crowd and went to him. “Hey, you okay?” Yoongi asked, clearly a little worried. Jimin nodded a bit, and was quiet for a moment before he whispered to Yoongi. “Let's get out of here.” The black-haired boy furrowed his eyebrows in slight confusion. “What?” “Let's leave. We can sneak off,” the shorter boy continued, keeping his voice low. There was a voice somewhere deep inside of Yoongi that said, Hey. This is a bad idea . However, there was another, far louder voice screaming about the idea of spending time with Jimin. Yoongi glanced around before turning back to the brunette and giving a small nod. “Alright.” A small smile slipped onto Jimin’s face and he told Yoongi he would be right back, going over to Taehyung. Yoongi looked away as he saw Jimin speaking to the other fifteen-year-old, now noticing that far too many prying eyes were on him. He scoffed and shoved his hands into his pockets as Jimin went back over to him. Yoongi was immediately suspicious of the mischievous look Jimin wore. “Taehyung and Jungkook are going to create a diversion and cover for us.” “What do you mean by create a-” His half-developed sentence was interrupted by the sound of shattering of glass. Taehyung had ‘accidentally’ knocked a glass off the table, and this caught the attention of nearly every adult in the vicinity. It had an instant effect. Men yelled. Women screeched and went to pick up or stop their children, most of whom had been running around and playing barefoot. Jimin and Yoongi ran through the church and out the front doors, finally feeling free. They got to Yoongi’s motorcycle and the older carefully put his helmet on the other boy, laughing at how big it looked on him. “Wait, where are we going?” Jimin asked as Yoongi got onto the bike and pulled out the keys. “It's a surprise.” Yoongi grinned and patted the seat behind him. “Get on, kid.” Jimin pouted and crossed his arms. “I am not a kid.” Yoongi looked him straight in the eye. “Then prove it.” ~●~●~●~ After a few minutes of driving, a quick stop at Yoongi’s house, and a little more driving, Yoongi pulled to the side of the road and stopped. He looked at Jimin. “Hey, you can let go now.” He chuckled at the tight grip the younger boy had on him. The brunette slowly released his grip on Yoongi and stumbled oh-so-gracefully off the bike. Yoongi got off, removed the helmet from Jimin, and carefully rolled the motorcycle down off the road and into the treeline a short ways, before concealing it in some brush. “Are you ready?” Yoongi asked, gazing into Jimin’s eyes. The other boy simply nodded before grabbing the black-haired boy’s hand and smiling. They started walking, Yoongi leading the way, until they got to the surprise destination. It was a gorgeous, clear lake, still illuminated by the sun that had barely begun to set. Steam was rising from the lake, and if you stood close enough to it, you could feel heat radiating from it. Jimin’s eyes sparkled with interest. “A hot spring?” He kneeled by the edge of the lake, and sure enough, it felt like a warm bath. Yoongi smiled a bit at him before walking to a tree near the edge with low branches, taking off his shirt and hanging it on a branch. This drew Jimin’s attention from the water and as the younger boy saw him stripping, the brunette felt his face heat up. “Hyung! What are you doing? It’s too cold to get in!” He exclaimed. “No, it isn’t. The water is really warm. Plus, I grabbed towels and blankets from my house. They’re in the bag I had you carry,” Yoongi retorted, removing his shoes and shucking off his clothes, hanging them on the branches, until stopping at his black boxers. He stepped into the water with a sigh, moving to sit in a shallower part where the water came up to his chest, just below his shoulders. Jimin took a few nervous glances around. “Alright. Just...no peeking!” He spoke, waiting until Yoongi rolled his eyes, but looked away and covered his eyes. The smaller boy hesitantly took off everything but his underwear then made sure his things got put in a dry spot. He took a deep breath and got into the water, quickly sitting next to the other boy. “Can I look now, Jiminie?” He questioned, teasing with the affectionate nickname. Jimin anxiously looked down at himself, being made even more self-conscious after seeing Yoongi’s body unclothed, but still replied with a quiet, “Yes.” Yoongi uncovered his eyes and glanced at Jimin, who had almost entirely curled in on himself, having brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them. The black-haired boy could feel how uncomfortable he was. “Hey,” he began, slowly wrapping his arm around Jimin’s shoulders and drawing him in. “You trust me, right?” He smiled and pushed some hair away from Jimin’s eyes after the other boy looked at him and nodded slowly. He extended his legs and let his arms fall to his sides. Yoongi did his best to look away from the boy’s small frame, so he wouldn’t be any more uneasy than he already was. Jimin laid his head against Yoongi’s shoulder and closed his eyes as he took in the warmth of the water and his best friend. Yoongi didn’t dare move, fearing that the boy would move from the spot he was in. Their breathing slowly matched one another’s and they felt closer than they had ever been before. After who knows how long, Jimin lifted his head and looked ahead of them, between the line of trees, to the sunset. He gasped a bit and the smile that he wore warmed Yoongi even more than the water had. “It’s so beautiful.” The smaller boy mumbled in awe. The skyline was gorgeous, painted with the most marvellous colors. Orange mingled with the yellow and the pink clouds transitioned it from the swath of the setting sun’s brilliance. The remains of the sky blue from the day that clung to the great canvas. The clouds continued wisping up to the dark blue of the night sky. A small crescent moon rose slowly above the trees, and in the distance, the pair could see power lines stretching across the sky. This provided a sense of realism amongst the beauty and calm. It was a gentle reminder of where they were and who they were. Neither of them quite wanted it, but knew they needed it. The reality that they thought they had escaped was pushing up against the edges of their otherwise beautifully isolated world. “I could look at it forever. It’s hypnotizing,” Jimin whispered like it was some intimate secret. Yoongi looked at him with a bittersweet smile. And maybe, if it was some alternate universe where he thought this would be alright, Yoongi would’ve said what he felt. That’s how I feel every time I look at you. Maybe if Yoongi thought there was even a chance that Jimin felt the same, he would’ve said what he felt. You’re more beautiful. Maybe if he knew Jimin was thinking the exact same thing as him in that moment, he would’ve said what he felt. He instead stood up and stretched, pulling the younger boy up with him. “We should dry off, get dressed, and lay the blankets out. The stars will come out soon.” The other boy simply nodded. By the time they had gotten dried off and put their clothes back on, the stars were beginning to show themselves. There was a small clearing near the lake, and Yoongi found a dry spot to put their blankets before he laid down and stretched his arms out to the other boy. Jimin smiled and snuggled up next to Yoongi, head on his chest and looking to the beautifully clear sky. The small wispy clouds from earlier were but a distant memory. Jimin silently watched the darkened sky with a melancholy look as he feels the black-haired boy ran his fingers through his damp, brown locks. Yoongi finds himself Jimingazing more than he was stargazing, and every so often, when the other boy would shoot a glance his way, he would casually avert his eyes and look back to the sky, only to immediately look back when Jimin did the same. Not soon after, he felt Jimin’s breathing slow. He’s asleep . Yoongi thought, chuckling to himself. He couldn’t help but bask in the way the other boy had trustingly curled into him. He sighed as he stared at the sky, finally tearing his eyes from Jimin. His mind began to slowly wander. All of the sudden, without Jimin, their isolated world had become lonely. He barely felt the warmth of the other boy next to him as he started thinking about the thoughts that had recently been almost consuming him in these dark hours of the night.
Why am I like this?
Why can’t I just be satisfied with spending time with Jimin as a friend?
Why can’t I just find someone else?
…
That’s what I’ll do. I can find someone else.
He can be happy.
~●~●~●~ 'Cause I don't think that wasting
A second of this time
Would benefit the outcome
Of the life I had in mind
I'll refer to you as my special love
The one that set me free
So if you love me, if you love me
Come clean Yoongi came out of the closet on the day of his eighteenth birthday. He had gotten the reaction he expected. He had already packed his things. His father was angry, and his mother, she had cried. She cried quite a lot. She lamented, wailing about how she wondered where she had gone wrong. His older brother came to help him move out before his parents even got the chance to tell him to leave. But he knew. He knew he was no longer welcome. It was a relief to him, moving out. He had been planning it for so long, and he had a job that was good enough to keep him stable. He could really do it now. He could follow his dreams. He would graduate high school soon, and he could finally ditch his small hometown. It had been his plan since he was young. He was ecstatic, and he had called up Hoseok to help him unpack in his small apartment. For once, Yoongi was being enthusiastic. He didn’t care about the little cracks in the ceiling. He didn’t care about there never being enough hot water. He didn’t care that there was the occasional cockroach in his cabinets. He knew this was only temporary. He knew this was a part of the process to get where he wanted to be. Yoongi had purposefully been spending less and less time with Jimin, knowing that he threw a wrench right into the plan he had. Regardless, his father had caught wind of what had happened. The pastor’s fears about him were all confirmed when Yoongi’s mother had started going to church again after he moved out, because of course she did. Jimin’s father had strictly told him not to have any sort of contact with Yoongi. The eighteen-year-old knew that the younger boy wanted to see him still, if the frequent texts were any indication, but he knew Jimin would face the ninth circle of hell if his father found out they spent time together. Even at school, when he saw Jimin, he would veer in any other direction to avoid him. Eventually, the younger boy got the hint. The amount of texts Yoongi received from Jimin decreased more and more until they stopped altogether. Then, it was time. He graduated. Without Jimin, the days had crawled by uneventfully up until that point. That was when everything started rushing. With Hoseok’s help, he packed his life into two bags and went to his best friend’s house to stay the night before the day of the train ride that would change his life. He was ready to leave. He was ready to get away from these small-minded small-town people. That’s what Yoongi kept telling himself. It was what he knew to be the truth. Then why? The question burned at the forefront of all his other thoughts as his feet were cemented to the sidewalk in front of the church. He didn’t know what he expected as he stared at the dark, empty church. He expelled a deep sigh, forcing himself to turn and walk back toward Hobi’s house. Yoongi walked in quietly and checked the time displayed on his phone.
10:37
The dull light emanating from the device illuminated everything in a sickly glow. He kicked his shoes off at the door and made his way to Hoseok’s room, rolling into the bed next to him. The other boy groaned, but seemed to stay asleep. Yoongi laid on his back and glanced over where he knew Hoseok was, having the brief, remorseful thought, why couldn’t it have been you that I fell in love with? He shook his head at the idea, turning his head back to the ceiling. He felt sick. It was so dark, and it was the kind of darkness he hated. It was the kind of darkness where you couldn’t tell if your eyes were open or closed. It was a disgusting, suffocating cloud that swirled around him, enclosing and shrouding everything he knew and loved. It was an evil, viscous ink that threatened to seep into his lungs every time he took a breath. Yoongi just stared blankly, lying in the darkness of this small room from his own personal hell. The blackness blocked out everything, the light, and sound, and Yoongi would’ve sworn that night, he thought about everything. Every mistake he’d ever made, every chance he’d ever missed, everything he was doing wrong. He didn’t know when he had started crying, nor when he stopped. He figured that at some point he must’ve run out of tears. His eyes stung. He gulped for air he couldn’t take in. Immediately sitting up and swinging his legs off the bed, the black-haired boy felt around, grabbing his phone and making his way to the door, sprinting out of the room and out of the house. He ran until he made his way to one of the ugly fluorescent street lamps that adorned the side of the road. His legs gave out from under him and he crumpled into the damp grass, pressing his back to the cool metal at the base of the lamp. His breathing slowed and he calmed down, feeling like he had been able to breathe for the first time. Yoongi pulled his phone from his pocket and turned it on. The bright screen was a welcome burn to his eyes, providing more light. He slowly became accustomed to the light and he looked at the time.
2:52
He took a deep breath and tried to swallow the lump in his throat, clicking on one of the contacts and putting the phone to his ear. The dial tone seemed to last an eternity before the boy he had called picked up. “Hyung?” Jimin murmured, sleepily. The older boy almost started crying again, feeling the tears well up from just hearing his love’s voice again after what had felt like so long. “Yoongi, are you alright?” The boy asked quietly, sounding a bit more awake. He heard the quiet sound of doors opening and closing. That was when he lost it. Yoongi sobbed before he could stop himself, his body trembling as he clamped a hand over his mouth to halt any more embarrassing sounds. “What’s wrong? Can you please talk to me?” He talked a bit louder this time, and Yoongi barely registered the faint sound of wind on the other end of the call. His black-haired boy’s breath hitched and he shuddered an exhale, breathing deeply once more before he could respond. “Jimin…” He started, unsure how to say what he wanted to. He had loved the boy for years. All of the sudden, he couldn’t bring himself to do or say anything deep and intelligible like he had meant to. He simply rattled off, “I love you. But please, don’t try to find me.”
Call ended.
~●~●~●~
Waiting around 'til things grow old
I'm feeling lost in towns that were my home
And if everything was easier before
Then we'll go back to who we were
Min Yoongi was going absolutely insane. In the two years he had been gone from his small hometown, he had made a decent name for himself. He worked at a small producing company, but made good money for his work there, and the underground rapping that he did off and on provided decent money too, but that was mostly for fun. He loved his job. He got paid for doing what he loved, and he got to decide his hours. As long as he got work done, he only had to go to work once a week to submit his work to his boss. Though, he ended up spending most of his time in the studio. It was more of a home than anywhere he’d ever been. He felt at ease when he was there, despite how quickly he may have deadlines approaching, or how stressed he was. When he hooked his over-ear headphones to the system and slid them on, the melody flowed with his blood and gave him energy, no matter how tired he was. His heart seemed to match the beat. The hours would tick by like mere seconds. Normally, at least. Today, something was throwing him off. No matter how loud he blasted the music and tried to dial in, his thoughts still cut through. He knew what it was, too. It was something that consistently poked and prodded at the back of his mind. The same thing that always did.
Park Jimin.
Yoongi sighed and pulled his headphones off, unhooking everything and standing up. He made sure he had everything and his hand through his mint green hair, taking a deep breath. He went to the studio next to him and knocked on the door. When he got no response, he opened the door and paused, seeing his friend recording something on the other side of the window in front of his desk. After a minute, the other boy took off his headphones, stopped the recording and stuck his head into the office. “Hey, what’s up?” Hoseok asked with a smile. “I dunno,” he lied, “I can’t focus. I need some coffee.” “Oh! You should go to that new place on the corner. And grab me something!” He exclaimed, “I’m starving!” Yoongi couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the antics of his brunette best friend. “Fine,” he relented with a dramatic sigh. Hoseok immediately went to hug him. He paid no mind as afterward, Hoseok suspiciously quickly slipped his hands into his pockets and pulled out his phone, flopping into his desk chair and texting relentlessly. He grabbed his coat from the coat rack near the entrance, slipping it on before stepping outside. It wasn’t too cold since it was still early October, but it had been raining that day. He made his way to the coffee shop, getting there just as it began to sprinkle again. Wind chimes on the door jingle pleasantly. The heavy smell of coffee and baked goods fill the air as Yoongi walked up to the counter. The barista is a tall, handsome man wearing a tan sweater and a cute smile. While Yoongi was still totally in love and infatuated with Park Jimin, he gave a brief hum in pleasant surprise as the brown-haired barista asked what he can get for him. Everyone can appreciate a cute barista. He ordered two coffees and something sweet looking for his whiny best friend. The barista, Seokjin according to his nametag, rang up the cost for him. Yoongi heard the chimes on the door again as he reached for his wallet. The wallet that wasn’t there. “Oh, well,” Yoongi started to speak as he felt a presence come up behind him. “I’m paying, hyung.” Yoongi froze as this soft, familiar voice spoke up from behind him. His eyes widened as the younger boy, now with hair dyed orange, stepped up and puts the appropriate amount of money on the counter and smiled that smile that always made Yoongi melt. The barista was trying to make polite conversation and Yoongi felt like he had died. “You two know each other?” He asked, preparing the coffee Yoongi bought and handing him Hoseok’s pastry. Jimin nodded from next to Yoongi, finally looking at him. Yoongi realized he had been staring and quickly looked away. He didn’t know how he was holding onto the pastry. He felt entirely numb. Jimin smelled like freshly washed laundry and sweet, floral candles. Yoongi didn’t know how he hadn’t bolted out of the coffee shop yet. He took the coffees in the drink carrier from Seokjin and turned around, mumbling some sort of thank you to Jimin before walking swiftly from the building. He heard steps pursuing him as he started to head back to work. “Yoongi!” That voice shouted after him. Yoongi could just drink that up. Jimin calling his name was close to everything he needed. His vision became blurry as he picked up his pace. Eventually, he was stopped in his tracks with a hug. At that point, Yoongi couldn’t tell if it was raindrops or tears dripping down his face. It was probably both. But he couldn’t care less. He didn’t even care about the onlookers who seemed to be scandalized as Jimin turned Yoongi around and kissed him. Yoongi let his eyes drift shut as he returned the kiss. Yoongi felt like his soul was seeping out his lips into Jimin. He was at ease, and as Jimin pulled back and gave him that smile, he knew it was over. Jimin pressed his forehead to Yoongi’s. The younger boy seemed to be glowing with joy as he stared the other in the eyes. “I love you, too.”
So I'm picking up a book
In the search of what I need
From religion, to fiction
Being lost about at sea
And all I can imagine
Is being brushed against your cheek
So if you love me, if you love me
Come clean