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Children generally spend their first few years, if not a whole decade or more, with their left forearms blank of their soulmarks. Some children with older soulmates are born with a word marked on their skin, a stark contrast of black script on brand new skin. There was a case even of a brand new baby only a few hours old with the word “boobs” in delicate script on its tiny forearm. Some soulmarks happened to be cute and smile worthy, some…happened to not be as poetic. That was the nature of soulmarks though; whatever happened to be someone’s soulmates favorite thing in the world would be branded on their skin, that is, until the next ‘favorite thing’ of their soulmate showed up. Hopefully one’s soulmate would not be particularly whimsical or easily fascinated. Anya Woods was five years old when her first mark appeared on her skin, she had woken up initially to the screaming of her baby sister from her nursery. A sleepy eyed bushy haired toddler Anya rolled out of her bed and promptly landed on her butt from her sleepiness (agility and finesses were something she learned later in life obviously); pulling herself up from the floor Anya saw it. She might not have truly understood what a ‘soulmate’ was, she had heard things from other kids in her class about their own soulmarks or their parents and on rare occasions she could hear adults talking about their soulmarks with smiling faces and happy eyes. Despite her young age, Anya knew that the word that had implanted itself on her forearm in the middle of the night was significant.
Normally when Anya would wake up to her sister’s crying should join her mother in coddling and singing soft lullabies, bargaining baby Lexa to sleep with softness and comfort. Tonight Anya couldn’t seem to do anything but stare at her arm. The silver moonlight filtering through her window made her feel like she was in one of the chapter books her teacher would read at naptime about magic and far away castles; it seemed like the word on her skin was glowing. For a fleeting moment, Anya wondered if the word would be cold because of the soft glow it seemed to be emitting. Not one for fear or apprehension, five year old Anya slapped her tiny hand against her forearm, her little finger nails dug into the dark foreign mark. Nothing happened. She came to two conclusions all at once; first, that the moonlight, no matter how magical in and of itself, did not make things it touched magic by proxy and secondly, that somewhere in the world, Anya’s perfect match and soulmate’s favorite thing was a ‘rockat’.***After Anya learned that she had a soulmate, she would incessantly check her arm. When she opened her eyes from sleep her arm would shoot up into the air and her eyes would rake across the skin to see if the words had changed. Though it was rare, the word would change from its almost constant ‘rockat’ to a select range of other words. On most of the occasions the word would change to ‘mama’ or some variation of the word, once it changed to ‘ruck ruck’ and Anya at freshly turned six years old swore that ‘ruck ruck’ was a real word. There might have even been a small argument at the play-ground one hot summer day when a boy named Roan said Anya was a dummy and her soulmate must have been a dummy too to think those were words…so Anya punched him in the nose under the monkey bars. Not once in the past five years since she got her soulmark had Anya thought about what could possibly be on her own soulmate’s arm; she had been so enamored with her own arm and their favorite things, she never thought that her soulmate would be seeing her own favorite things too. Lexa had actually been the voice to make Anya wonder. At all of six years old, Lexa was sitting cross legged (it’s called ‘criss cross applesauce Anya, not cross legged, duh’), staring intently at her own arm which was marked with the word ‘violet’, that Lexa wistfully asked Anya, “I think my favorite thing is brownies…do you think my soulmate will learn to make the best brownies ever?”.Truthfully, and all at once, Anya had never thought about the fact that their respective soulmates would also know their favorite things. A wave of worry and doubt, two feelings completely without words to a ten year old, washed over Anya at the thought of anyone, especially her soulmate, knowing something so intimate about her. Looking into Lexa’s bright green eyes though, Anya didn’t have the heart to lie or be blunt to her innocent and loving sister. Anya walked across the living room floor, which had never seemed so long before, and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s shoulders making sure to obscure both her arms, “Of course Lex, your soulmate has been staring at the word ‘brownies’ for weeks now, baking them from scratch with their mom and dad just to make sure you smile so big your cheeks crack right in half from smiling SO big is the only thing they are thinking about!”. Anya pushed Lexa into the couch cushions and started to mime baking brownies, making animated movements of whisking and baking and tasting the most amazing imaginary brownies ever made. Anya fell back onto the couch laughing, holding her baby sister tightly as her giggles stopped. Lexa had stars in her eyes, but Anya wondered not only about future brownies, but about what her favorite things were, and what those things would portray about her. All at once, Anya started to question who could be her soulmate and what they could do with her ‘favorite things’ knowledge. At ten years old, Anya realized that maybe her soulmate knowing her favorite thing at any given moment wasn’t….a good thing. Maybe her soulmate could use the words on their arm to hurt or force her to do anything. One time Anya stayed up and watched the news with her mom, that was the night she learned that people were mean, and that sometimes they liked to hurt one another. Her soulmate could turn bad and hurt her, or worse…Lexa could get hurt. Anya at this point realized she had to reel in any emotions she had towards any possible thing she liked, especially anything she could consider her ‘favorite’, her soulmate wouldn’t know anything about her. While Lexa was dreaming of brownies and violets (thanks to mom explaining what violet was), Anya was learning to control her mind. Lexa it seemed always had those wistful stars in her eyes, a solid head on her shoulders yes, but her eyes never dimmed of that certain glint in them that screamed wonder and love and excitement. Anya, even at ten years old though, saw the world more cynical and mistrusting, she had to be prepared for the both of them. ***The older Anya got, the more she realized that soulmarks tended to create three types of people in the world. The first, and in Anya’s mind the most annoying, were the people who obsessed over their marks clinging to any clue that could tune them into meeting their soulmate. The second type of people were more relaxed in regards to their soulmark. They knew they had a soulmate but they waited for ‘destiny’ and the right time to lead them to their perfect match, they never put too much emphasis on actively searching. The final group of people in the world were ones who happened to share Anya’s sentiment in regards to their soulmarks. Some would wear long sleeves so as not to be tempted to check their soulmate’s fascination of the day, others would go so far as to tattoo over the spot where their soulmark would brand their skin, marring any possible view forever. When Anya did choose to interact with the general public, she chose to surround herself with the third group of people; they never spoke of their marks or what they could guess would be on their respective soulmates’ arms as well. That’s where Anya learned the freedom that came with ignoring her soulmark, she was with people who could hold a real conversation about topics that didn’t surround destiny or soulmates, nothing of the sort.
Anya knew that people viewed her and the others as callous and apathetic, but she knew that she was just protecting herself and Lexa, she wasn’t going to be caught up in the doe eyed distraction of what her soulmate could possibly be favoring. Talking with the others who also didn’t distract themselves with their soulmates made Anya feel like a real person, like she could do more in her life than just wait to find her perfect match… she was still a living human with a life to live on her own. Despite Anya’s seemingly immense disinterest in her soulmark, she did find herself wondering at times. She never told anyone except Lexa, but she would find herself looking at her left forearm during what she called ‘moonlight times’, the times when she was most vulnerable and felt herself slip. For three months in a row, when Anya would break down and check her arm, it simply read, ‘stars’. Shaking her head at her own naivety, Anya would rip her eyes from her mark… never once would she acknowledge the almost imperceptible smile (some would call it a smirk) that would grace her lips during those ‘moonlight times’. One such moonlight time, Anya was swaying calmly in her hammock between the two huge oak trees in the darkness of the backyard, enjoying the crickets singing in the night when she felt a certain lightness enter her chest. As if by force of a habit she didn’t have, she checked her forearm….more than ever she wished she had never been forced to have a soulmate. Anya never asked to have a soulmate, she never wished to have a perfect match for her, Anya never asked for any of it. To say the least, Anya was most definitely bitter towards harboring someone else’s deepest feelings; she has known her baby sister her whole life and vice versa, but even she didn’t know Lexa’s favorite thing in the whole world while some stranger did. Some stranger, even if they were Anya’s soulmate, knew her deepest loves more so than her closest person, her Lexa. Too many thoughts were swirling in Anya’s mind as she was staring at the stars swaying in her hammock. Anya tried to focus on the crickets, she tried to focus on the stars, and she tried so desperately to focus on the calming sway of her weightless drifting and the stars her soulmate apparently loved so much. Anya ground her teeth and tried so hard to not focus on her soulmark…but she couldn’t. No matter what, each sway of her usually calming hammock mocked her with the metronome of one single name. Even her own breathing, in and out in and out, seemed to mimic the blasphemous name scarring her forearm. Anya’s soulmate seemed to favor, even love, someone else. Despite her apprehension and plain dismissive nature to her soulmate…nothing hurt more than knowing her perfect match in the whole world, the person she was meant to love and support and nurture forever, loved someone more than anything, someone else. Anya had experienced several names appearing on her arm over the years, but this time, this name felt different than the others. Looking at her own soulmark, her stomach churned with unease; what if Anya was never able to compare to the name currently occupying her soulmate’s thoughts and favor so clearly branding and mocking her? Anya slept in her hammock for three months straight that summer. Her left forearm never changed from THAT name for two years. A sharp bitterness grew in Anya’s chest during that time, she let it fester and crowd her body taking place as a part of her. At times, she felt like she was ten years old again and blatantly aware of just how deeply people, especially soulmates, could hurt.
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Between her learned distain towards her soulmark and the general constant busyness of her last semester of high school before she graduated, Anya had not once checked her left forearm. She focused on her exams and training the next string of her soccer team instead; Anya felt weightless and true happiness when her team won the state championship. The whole Woods family attended Anya’s graduation, rare yet full smiles graced their faces as Anya walked across the stage to get her diploma. Lexa, Anya, and their cousins, Lincoln and Tris, played football in the backyard as the bar-be-que was being prepared. The sun was shining bright and every person in the Woods household was full of love. Anya was struck in that moment with the realization that she only needed one thing in life: her family. A few days after the party Anya found herself scrolling through the unnatural amount of pictures that were taken during her gradation when she found quiet possibly her favorite picture of herself and Lexa they had ever taken. Anya had her right arm thrown around Lexa’s shoulders as she smiled widely in the middle of a laugh caught during the picture, Anya’s left arm was raised in a sky high fist bump. Slowly in disbelief she zoomed in on the picture…there on her left forearm was her soulmark, her new soulmark. In dark black script her forearm read ‘squirrels’. That night when the first rain of the early summer fell, Anya swayed peacefully in her hammock without a care of catching a cold, intent on watching the wildlife skittering in the treetops. ***Anya found that her life was enjoyable in the year after she graduated high school. During the morning she worked at the local boxing gym and enjoyed her own rigorous workout, the day time was reserved for her business classes at Polis Community College, then finally after class and picking Lexa up from school they would both work at their Uncle’s rock climbing gym. Her body was in constant motion building muscle and releasing tension while her mind was stimulated by free thinking and the candid conversations that college campuses fostered. Anya felt like she was finally finding solid ground in her life, creating her own destiny with hard work and tenacity. The freedom of each day to walk her own path along with the security of her routine helped Anya come to terms more so with her soulmark. Slowly she was realizing her soulmark, her soulmate, was not the severe burden she once thought but more of a secret tether that connected her to something tangible. She could have her own life without an absurd search for someone that she could potentially never meet; she was no longer forced into a life that revolved around her mark. Anya still though never let anyone know of her new found almost appreciation of her soulmark, she was perfectly content with others being slightly afraid of her…small talk made Anya contemplate murder anyway.
The sharp bitterness that had in the past taken hold in her chest was no longer as painful, her extreme dislike of others and general sunny disposition held constant in her personality, but she felt a certain lightness came with the thought that she was someone’s perfect match. Her person that liked rockets and the stars, they were apparently deeply fascinated with mechanics, but every once in a while a short and snort worthy bad joke would appear on her arm too. Sometimes though, the thoughts of the past that her soulmate could hurt her would creep in wrapping her head and chest with doubt and worry. Anya would take a deep breath and think about the stars in Lexa’s eyes when her soulmark would change, prompting her to learn every scrap of information about the word on her arm…Lexa was in love with her soulmate without even laying eyes on them. Anya would remind herself that once her soulmate’s favorite thing for two weeks without waiver was “intricately designed pancakes”. The mental and emotional worry surrounding her soulmark became an incredibly real fear for Anya though on her 21st birthday. Lexa and Anya were at the rock climbing gym, free climbing together enjoying a rare moment they had to spend without mom or work or school, Lexa even seemed to be ignoring her own soulmark for the occasion.
Anya was free bouldering, feeling especially like a mountain goat when Lexa yelled up to her, “Let’s top-rope on the main wall, Echo has a class coming soon for bouldering!”
Scaling her way down the wall Anya focused on her footwork and hand holds, she loved the way the rough grips dug into her fingers and knees on the downscale. Lexa grabbed their extra chalk bags and water bottles waiting to change their wall course. Hoping down the last few feet onto the ground Anya turned to her little sister, “I get top lead first.”
“Why do you get top lead?” Lexa flustered trailing after her sister.Stepping into their harnesses and chalking their hands, Anya hooked herself up in the belay system to be top lead and turned back to Lexa holding out the feed rope, smirking, “It’s my birthday Little Raccoon…of course I go first.”Lexa secured the feed rope grumbling to herself questioning ‘how would an eleven year know the difference between water-proof mascara and not’“Give me a warm up then next ring I’m going to break my record.”After seeing her sister’s eye roll, Anya started her ascent up the wall hiking her leg up scaling sideways then further up feeling the belay rope even out her weight slightly on each up-grip. Following the planned route after years of experience, Anya let her mind clear as she felt her skin sweat and her muscles pull taught aching with exertion. The chalky pseudo cliff side was the only thing to see Anya’s smile as she pulled herself sideways to avoid an overhang, she wondered what word her soulmate’s forearm was inked with currently. Just as Anya reached up to tap the top signaling her completion a blistering pain ripped through her chest spreading across her whole body. Crumpling in on herself Anya couldn’t hold her grip anymore causing her to free fall, the belay being the only source of protection against hitting the ground. Lexa was lifted up into the air from the force of Anya’s sudden fall, she had to harshly grip the free rope to stop her sister’s fall and bring herself back to ground. Ignoring the harsh red burns on her arms caused from the rope Lexa started to help lower and grab Anya as she got closer to the ground. By now the commotion of the fall mixed with Anya’s screams of pain, the gym’s attention was rapt on the sisters. Lexa rushed forward and cradled her sister, she had never seen Anya like that before, she couldn’t see any signs or a source for the pain. Anya couldn’t handle the pain rippling across her body, she started to claw at her chest and grab at anything solid, she felt like she couldn’t breathe and her vision was blurry. Anya could barely make out the soft echo of Lexa’s voice as she started to slowly gather her surroundings. Pain was the only thing she could feel; the pain felt like fire lapping across her legs and her chest was being crushed. Anya couldn’t even begin to think straight as a piercing whine cut through her head. “ANYA! Anya please, please look at me Anya! Echo get my Uncle Nyko and call Indra, NOW!” Lexa’s screams started to feel tangible in her bones, their mom was coming. Mom.
Anya swallowed her pain and grabbed her left wrist tight enough to cause bruising. Forcing her head up Anya stared at her soulmark. There, on her forearm where it had been the words ‘1983 Triumph Bonneville’ previously in dark black, they were now flickering between black, gray, and white. Anya forced her eyes open through the pain to watch as her soulmark not only flickered between gray scales but changed rapidly between multiple words, names, places, foods. Anya was witnessing her soulmate’s whole life’s worth of absolute favorites change and waiver right before her eyes. Suddenly, Lexa’s firm grip was gone and Anya was staring into deep dark brown loving eyes. “Mom?”“Yes little warrior, I’m here…I’m right here.” Her mom’s soft steady voice brought a certain amount of calmness to combat the rampant pain her body still felt. Feeling Lexa kneel beside her, Anya held up her arm bearing her soulmark for her mother and sister to see. Lexa couldn’t contain her gasp at seeing the state of Anya’s soulmark, Indra closed her eyes and rested her forehead softly against her daughter’s. The three Woods women didn’t pay attention to Nyko clearing out the gym nor to him laying a blanket over their huddled shoulders, all their attention locked on watching Anya’s soulmark. After an unknown amount of time, Anya reached out grabbing Indra’s right arm, her slender still chalk covered fingers grazed over the stark white lines that spelled out their father’s name. Indra had never heard Anya speak so softly until she whispered, “Did it hurt?”Lexa’s wide green eyes clearly stained with tears roved over Indra’s face, the same question etched into her features, “No. No, it felt peaceful.”Anya didn’t know when they got home, or how, but she was infinitely grateful to be settled onto the couch with her baby sister tucked in closely and her mom just feet away watching over them both. Never before had Anya felt such an innate need to know her soulmate, a need to know who they are…Anya needed to know only if they were going to live through the night. A few hours later Anya and Indra were woken by deep sobs coming from Lexa, she was curled deeply into Anya’s chest her tears dampening her sister’s sweatshirt. Fearing the worst again Anya ripped the sleeve of Lexa’s shirt up scanning her left forearm only to see the dark black soulmark on her sister’s skin, both Anya and Indra let loose small sighs of relief. “Lexa what are you feeling, what’s going on baby?”“My body hurts, I can’t feel anything but pain…and so heavy, my chest feels like it’s full of lead. Mom, I’m so, so sad.” Lexa’s body racked with sobs as she let the emotional pain hit her full force, Anya wrapped her arms around her baby sister trying to protect her from any kind of pain… regardless of whatever her soulmate was feeling. Indra once again wrapped her arms around her children trying to comfort them during the unimaginable pain of their soulmates’ apparent physical and emotional agony.Holding her arm tightly against her chest, Lexa continuously traced over the word ‘Dad’, Anya blatantly ignored the dark gray EKG line on her own left forearm choosing instead to grip tightly onto the white outline of her father’s name ghosting her mother’s right forearm.
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‘morphine’‘pillows’‘sleep’‘Papa G’‘lime jello’‘tramadol’‘fresh air’‘sleep’‘vodka’‘Sinclair Garage’‘walking’‘The-ultimate-completely-awesome-girls-trip’‘breathing’***Anya’s soulmark read ‘lime jello’ when she sat down across from her mother at their battered kitchen table. Indra sat relaxed, conveying indifference to her eldest daughter’s presence, taking small sips of her morning tea when Anya slid a packet of papers across the table. The silence between the two women was full, like it could be caught by cupping hands to catch the anticipation. Anya stared at her mother across the table, Indra continued to enjoy her tea.“When do you leave?”“Two weeks.”“Where?”“Parris Island.”At that Indra placed her tea mug down and took a small intake of breath to settle herself, her eyes landed on a small chip in the table top. Letting her fingers smooth over the chip, the memory of Anya and Lexa trying to trap the bat they were convinced needed ‘rescuing and rehabilitating’ after the creature escaped the over turned laundry basket turned cage. Indra enrolled the girls in archery lessons after the adventure so as to better their aim lest her kitchen table retrieve the brunt of their actions again. Anyone beside Indra herself would see Anya in this moment as a young woman full of conviction and self-determination…Indra saw her baby girl with full brown curious eyes taking her first steps, the little girl that tied herself to the stair banister in a short lived hunger strike (many chocolate chip cookies were baked that summer); in that moment, Indra saw past the straight spine and set face, she saw the slight crinkle in her daughter’s forehead and the tension in her jaw, she saw her baby girl trying to grow up. “I’ll put half my pay in a bank account for Lexa’s school loans, a quarter of it will go to you for bills or whatever else you need. The Corps will provide everything else I’ll need. When I deploy every penny will go straight to the bank…this…this is going to help us Nomon. Lex shouldn’t be punished because we can’t afford it. I already signed the papers nothing can stop me from going. You can be mad but I promise thi-”“Will you need a new tooth brush?”“…What?”“Will you have to take a new tooth brush to boot camp?”“Picture identification, ten dollars cash, and the clothes on my back only, Ma’am.”Indra reached forward and briefly squeezed her daughter’s hand, “I’ll make pancakes, goufa.”***There were only two real rules on Parris Island, the only ones that mattered among the recruits anyway. The first rule was to never give up at any point or during any task. Anya learned that if she couldn’t run or walk the last mile of a ruck march she would crawl through the mud until the end; if her arms stopped moving halfway through the obstacle she would take one step at a time or one climb up as she could, as long as she never gave up. Perseverance set Marines apart. The second rule, arguably the most important to the recruits, was to never under any circumstances look at the soulmark embedded on their skin. Love and soulmates were not things that the Corps was explicitly against, yet the rule was grounded in the idea that she could never truly support or protect her brotherhood in battle if she was potentially compromised by her soulmark or soulmate. To some degree Anya couldn’t disagree with the rules beat into the recruits with each drill. Marines could never once stop during a mission or deployment, so giving up during boot camp could not be a choice entertained. Secondly, despite Anya’s worry of her soulmate’s health through an apparent definitive trauma, she could not deny that her brotherhood of Marines was not only her current lifeline but also the people who would protect her during the most dangerous moments of her life. Aside from the obvious disciplinary actions brought on by superiors, Anya didn’t necessarily question the merit of focusing on missions and the people surrounding her and her safety more than the words on her skin detailing the intimate favorites of some unknown person in the world. Anya knew that for a significant amount of time her soulmate was infatuated with the idea of ‘rocket reentry’, but she also knew that Tommy Gilman from Texas was the oldest of six siblings and he had to get home eventually to his baby sisters, she knew that Ryan ‘Goggles’ Adams was waiting to go home when Family Day finally came to see his terminally ill mother, Anya knew that Ontari Queen only joined the Corps to make her cold dismissive mother even close to something like proud. Anya realized that she knew her brotherhood better than she knew her soulmate, yes she knew what her soulmark displayed across her forearm and what that meant of her soulmate, but she knew the reasons and depth of her brotherhood…her soulmate was nameless still. Through-out the long weeks of boot camp Anya didn’t question her decision to become a Marine, she knew she belonged in that environment in that life. The only moment she truly wanted to break down, where she thought she wouldn’t survive, was during the 38th hour of The Crucible. Her battalion was separated for the current drill, she was alone in the woods tracking her progress towards the final mark of the drill when she stopped. Anya didn’t know why she stopped walking, she just stopped, her brain was blank. In that moment Anya realized she had blisters on almost every inch of skin on her feet, she had eaten only about one MRE total in two days, she had not bathed in almost three days…that’s when she felt something bubbling deep in her body, she stared forward into the darkness of the night and laughed. Not loudly, her body shook slightly with the small noiseless laughs escaping her. Anya realized she was ALONE. Her brother’s weren’t around, her team was somewhere out of contact, all Anya had was a map and the trees around her. Then, Anya thought about something she tucked into the back of her mind since Week Two: her soulmark. Being alone and feeling alone were not one in the same she realized in that moment. Anya was currently painfully alone and completely without a tangible line to reality or comfort, but she didn’t have to feel alone. Her soulmate might have been anywhere in the world unknown to her, but they were also present in every single moment of Anya’s life and Anya was too for her soulmate. The soulmark on her forearm started to tingle and burn, her desire to look at her one connection to another human, her human, became insatiable. It would be the easiest task, simply pull her sleeve up to her elbow and gain the satisfaction of knowing she was never truly alone. Anya grabbed her forearm and threw her head upwards towards the stars. Just as Anya’s hand started to pull up her sleeve, she felt a strong arm grab around her neck roughly forcing the air out of her lungs. Her left arm was suddenly pulled harshly around her back, the force and awkwardness of the hold propelled Anya to stand on the tips of her boots. “Remember recruit, the words on your arm can’t save you, only you can save yourself.”Adrenaline started to pump through her veins as the hold on her throat got harsher cutting off her air supply and the words whispered heavily into her ear took hold in her mind. She didn’t need anyone else besides herself during the alone times, if anything her brothers needed her in this moment…they were all alone just like her. Taking a deep stuttered breath, Anya turned as best she could in the choke hold and said, “Sorry Sir, but this might hurt.” Anya threw her body weight upwards towards the heavy weight against her back then forward, flinging the person up and over her shoulders. As they landed with a loud thud on their back in the dirt, Anya found her feet again running forward toward the end mark of the drill. In that moment, sleep deprived and questioning reality, Anya realized that the only thing she needed to survive was her own self. ***Flying. If Anya cared enough, she would be sure that the word on her soulmate’s arm would be flying. Every day she had to log flight hours and that was her true form of therapy and happiness, being in the air seeing miles around with the naked eye, only the commands in her com helmet and the two birds in her unit to accompany her. Even with her every aerial move controlled and calculated by the higher ups, Anya felt like she truly belonged in that small cockpit in the air. These was a certain freedom that came with being in the air, the whole world seemed to be at her finger tips when she was flying, literally laid out in the small window in front of her eyes. Up in the clouds nothing mattered except her flight path and the weather. Completing the final practical of the day, her com started to crackle to life in her ear, “3 MAW 323 request to base, request to base. Land strip Bravo. Over.”Letting out a sigh, Anya maneuvered her plane in tandem with her unit backs towards the base. Once she landed her day would consist of overseeing her lower ranks, multiple meetings, PT, and then hopefully dinner before bed. Silently Anya thanked her past self for not calling a drill for the day. Anya held her breathe as her wheels touched tar, a superstition she picked up in primary flight training, then rounded into the hanger. As she exited the pit, several techs came to inspect her jet, Anya started to do her post flight check as well when she heard a commotion and the call for a ranking officer. Dropping her helmet Anya spun around and stood at attention.The Sergeant surveyed the hanger before eyes landed on Anya, a quick “At ease” left their mouth. “Corporal Woods”Anya stepped forward in line, “Sergeant.” “Your leave was approved and your paper work is ready. Be sure the proper replacements are in order.” A quick salute from Anya and the Stg turned heel and left the hanger. The busyness of the hanger resumed as if nothing interrupted the flow of the Marine’s various operations. The only thing holding back Anya’s smile threatening to reach her lips was the years of Corps staunch training. After almost three years, Anya was going home; she was going to see her family and her mother, and most importantly she was going to see her baby sister graduate from college.
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Never being one for flare or attention, Anya would have rather spent her cross country flight to her home and ultimately Polis University, where her sister would be graduating, in her civilian clothes instead of her dress blues. The pilot of the plane made sure to shake her hand, the attendants made sure she was well taken care of, and several of the passengers on the plane took the time to thank her for her service or various other terms of gratitude. While Anya was deeply appreciative of their attitude and support of the armed forces, she was generally just against attention and well, other humans. Anya did notice though, that her ultimate form of discomfort ironically was from flying. When she felt the tell-tale signs of anxiety creeping in to her chest as the plane left the strip, Anya almost let loose the laugh bubbling in her throat; she was a pilot for fucks sake. To ease her worry and questioning the competence of the two pilots in the cockpit, Anya let her mind wander to her family. Lincoln, her cousin, would be waiting at the airport to pick her up, no doubt with some ridiculous sign or flowers. She imagined the look on her mother’s face or the way Lexa would react to seeing her. Anya reveled in the lightness of anticipation that settled in her chest. Feeling more at ease, Anya tore her eyes away from the small window and the land scape scene it offered to look around the cabin at the other passengers. Her trained eyes scanned every exit, person, and potential signs of danger. Eventually, Anya noticed an older couple two rows ahead and across from where she was situated. The man, as far as she could tell, was attractive enough with salt and pepper hair and a soft smile directed towards his soulmate; the woman had her head rested heavily on the man’s shoulder, they seemed to both be reading from a novel the man was holding out in front of them. Anya twitched the corner of her mouth into a small smile at the sight. Suddenly, the foreign feeling of the curiosity to look at her soulamark washed over her like cold water. How easily it would be to imagine that instead of going home only to her family, she could be getting off the airplane to hold her soulmate in her arms after a deployment, her anxiety would be soothed by looking their name forever inked onto her right arm. Anya had made it part of her personal pillars of character to not indulge in looking at her soulmark…and it worked. She steeled her mind and quelled her childhood curiosity that stemmed from her soulmark, making sure to actively ignore whenever the thought crossed her mind. Though, it was nearly impossible to completely disregard a part of the body. Anya would catch glances in passing, during a shower or changing; it was similar to the first few days of a new hair cut or getting a new tattoo or piercing, it seemed alien to her mind. Never did Anya dwell on her mark though; she would see the dark black ink and then go about her routine. Despite that, right now in the anonymity of being around civilians, she could imagine what going home to a soulmate would feel like. The golden cuff links of her uniform sleeve seemed to draw Anya’s attention, her white gloved fingers rubbed over the smooth surface. She imagined the butterflies of seeing her soulmate waiting hand in hand with her family as she walked through the gates at the airport, running forward fighting with Lexa for the first hug. PopShe imagined roaming hands and deep kisses, lying awake all night wrapped in each other until the sunlight filters through the windows.PopAnya imagined Sunday morning Woods family brunch, Mom sitting at the table talking with Lexa and her respective soulmate while they prepared food and pampered their family; a home full of love and laughter, her soulmate smiling at her from across the room. Pop The coat sleeve fell loose around her forearm, she slowly undid the shirt button to create an open pathway to her skin. Anya closed her eyes and took a deep breath in through her nose trying to both settle her nerves and convince herself to look at her soulmark for the first time in weeks. Everything she had learned in the Corps paired with her personal grievance towards soulmates fought explicitly with what she was about to do, she was going to focus on an unknown person and put her own childish emotional needs ahead of everything else. Despite the internal debate, Anya couldn’t deny the aching desire for the realness of the possibility of her imagination’s uncharacteristic day dreams. One last glance at the couple she saw earlier convinced Anya finally, if only in the small seat of the commercial airplane, to embrace her soulmark. A small chuckle, a real laugh almost, escaped the Marine’s lips upon seeing her soulmark. Anya didn’t know what she was expecting of her soulmate, she remembered in the past some of the more odd or interesting things plastering her arm due to her soulmate’s various interests throughout their lives, but what she saw on her forearm now undeniably drew a smile to her face. Of course, there were also words she remembers on her skin that, looking back now, her soulmate’s current favorite was no real surprise. Redoing the buttons on her shirt and dress coat so that she was back in proper uniform, Anya started to think about all the possible facts her brain could dig up about jellyfish. Thanks to Anya’s soulmark and the uncanny military trait of being able to sleep anywhere at any time, Anya dreamed through the last three hours of the flight home…about jelly fish. Sensing more than feeling the landing of the plane, Anya jolted awake in her seat. According to the pilot their landing time was 0800, right on time from what Anya told Lincoln to pick her up. Working at the small knot in her neck, Anya surveyed the plane cabin. She could feel the decline of speed of the plane and then finally the solid docking point and depressurization of the plane’s cabin. From head to toe Anya fixed all the small and possible imperfections her uniform had endured during the eight hour flight and her own three hour nap. Gathering herself, pushing all thoughts of soulmates and soulmarks out of her mind, Anya walked off the airplane to the terminal. She actively ignored the various stares her uniform attracted, though she did stop to return a salute a retired veteran would stop her for accompanied by a firm handshake and quick statement of their posts and MOS. Finally Anya gathered her duffle bag and made her way to the designated passenger pick up area, there she saw her baby cousin, though no longer was he the tall and scrawny sixteen year old she remembered. Now she saw the twenty-one year old Lincoln there to pick her up, he was a tall and bulky muscle filled man with a nearly shaved head. His smile was incredibly un-Woods like, his toothy grin stretched across his face ear to ear. Despite her excitement, Anya controlled herself and kept a steady pace to walk across the shiny floor and crowded hallway towards her cousin, and just as expected Lincoln was carrying a large hand drawn sign depicting Anya’s name. Lincoln and Anya finally came close, his hand reaching forward while Anya grabbed it to bring him into a solid hug. Several people around them started to clap, they both chose to ignore that potentially awkward connotation of them being more significant than cousins. “How does it feel to be home?” Lincoln’s deep strong voice vibrated against the small silent pocket they created in their hug. “Let’s see how it is.”Lincoln reached around to grab for Anya’s duffle bag only to be swatted away, harshly if you asked him, by one swift swat and push away from her while they both laughed walking towards the parking garage.Anya breathed deeply knowing that she was back with her blood family, she was about to hold her mother and baby sister, she settled into the light feeling in her chest that spread from the anticipation of seeing her family.***
The drive to Polis University was pleasantly silent, Lincoln was never one to pry for information and Anya was enjoying the familiar scenery passing by. She also enjoyed the rare slice of silence that was not offered by life in the barracks, military life always seemed to be one moving piece of a large machine, constantly in some type of noisy motion. Anya let her mind drift to memories of her and Lexa’s childhood and all the trouble they had put their mother through, Indra was obviously a saint; though the two were always incredibly respectful and followed the rules, they were always ones to bend the rules too. One of Anya’s favorite memories was when Lexa could not sleep one night no matter what trick Anya tried, finally she had the idea of a camp out. Sleeping outside under the stars and surrounded by nature was in their blood. They silently gathered all the supplies needed, the tent sleeping bags a flashlight and most importantly the marshmallows, “We don’t need marshmallows Lex, all the sugar will just keep you up longer” “It’s not a campout without mallows Ahn…besides, it’s already waaayyyyy past my bedtime anyway.” They stayed up trading stories in the safety of the tent until they finally fell asleep piled on top of one another marshmallows spread sporadically about. Anya had planned on waking up with the sun to get her and Lexa back inside the house before their mother found them. Instead of the sun though, Anya woke to a very angry Indra standing in the entryway of their tent. Every surface in the house was promptly cleaned via toothbrush per their mother’s ‘request’. Lincoln’s soft voice broke through Anya’s memories, “So, what do you think of Clarke?”Keeping her eyes on the road outside her window Anya raised her brow in answer, “Why do I care about someone named Clarke?”A long silence filled the air in the car. Lincoln drummed his fingers along the steering wheel in careful consideration. “I see Lexa hasn’t told you then.”“Obviously not, and if you don’t tell me I will punch you in the throat when you park this car.”“So you’ll only punch me when I park?” a sideways smirk was cast towards Anya.“Lincoln, I’ve been ejected from an airplane cockpit. I can handle a car while you try to realign your windpipe.”Lincoln inclined his head sideways in thought as his hand came up to rub at his neck, a worried look on his face, “Touché. You should care about Clarke because well…she’s…um, well, she’s Lexa’s soulmate.”Anya truly did not know which emotion to entertain, she felt shocked, a little betrayed, terrified, and a lot more shocked. Her stomach sank with fear at the idea of Lexa being hurt, no longer just a concept or hypothetical, her soulmate was real and tangible, and her name was Clarke. Then the doubt of her and Lexa’s relationship started to sink in as well. Why hadn’t Lexa told her own sister about finding her soulmate? How long had she been in the dark with Lexa’s life? Had she started to drift away from her baby sister? Most importantly though, Anya thought, ‘Was Clarke good enough for Lexa?’The rest of the car ride to the stadium that the students of Polis University were graduating in was completely silent. Lincoln was chastising himself while Anya internally sorted through her many erratic thoughts and fears.
Finally, Lincoln found a parking spot in the crowded lot, they were right on time with a few minutes to spare before the ceremony started. Anya slammed her door shut as Lincoln rounded the front end of the car, she fixed him with a withering glare and pointed finger, “She’s lucky it’s her graduation day or else she would be the one to have her throat punched in.”“Come on Ahn, I’m sure she had her reasons. I can’t imagine what they are, but I’m sure she had a good one. Give her a break. Give yourself a break too, you’ve always been the best big sister ever…maybe today you can just enjoy being home, ya know?”They walked a few more yards while Anya pondered his words and Lincoln checked his phone for updates as to his family’s section so he could find them.Anya turned towards her younger cousin and softly punched him in the arm, “When did you go and get so smart?”***Anya stood tall and proud on the second tier balcony patiently waiting for her sister’s name to be called. Her eyes continually scanned the sea of black square caps searching for her sister’s long brown hair. After about thirty minutes of several various guest speakers and the President of the university and their long winded speeches, the students started to line up to eventually walk across the stage. Her eyes steadily trained on the line up, Anya finally saw Lexa. A weight lifted off her shoulders she didn’t even realize was present. Despite herself, a large smile crawled across her lips and settled comfortably on her face. Even though they had video chatted several times over the last four years, seeing Lexa in person with her own two eyes was an extremely different experience. She had grown much taller and her face had become more slim too, her features becoming sharper. Just before Lexa was to walk across the stage she leaned over to a blonde woman standing behind her and leaned down to kiss her solidly on her lips, the blonde wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck.
Ah. That must be the soulmate…Clarke. Seeing the undeniably ‘gross and in love’ smiles plastered across both Lexa and Clarke’s faces, Anya let Lincoln’s words settle back into her mind. Maybe Lexa did have a good reason. Maybe Clarke, Lexa’s real true soulmate, wasn’t some lurking shadow bound to hurt her.As Lexa walked across the stage and received her diploma Anya decided that today she wouldn’t be the big sister, she would just enjoy being home surrounded by her family.
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Anya found the whole situation incredibly ridiculous honestly, she has not seen her family for almost four years straight except for video calls, yet she found herself pacing the random department store isles constantly checking her wrist-watch to count down the two hour wait before she could go home. Lincoln, it seemed, had not outgrown his dramatic flair, insisting Anya wait for the Woods Graduation BBQ to be in full swing before she made a grand appearance. Without her uniform Anya was sure that she would have been kicked out of the store by now for loitering, she had read every magazine, traveled down each isle twice, and even organized the cluttered discount section. Just as her boredom hit a new level to where she started to eye the bikes and weighed the possible consequences of riding one through the store she heard quick running footsteps screech to a halt on the linoleum of the isle she was in. Backing away from the bikes so as to not implicate herself, a short brunette scanned Anya up and down with a questioning look from her end of the isle. Anya raised her eyebrow while looking at the brunette before saying, “Yes?”“Are you Anya?”Recognition registered in Anya’s mind, this girl must be Lincoln’s soulmate, Octavia Blake. Her cousin had called and talked until Anya’s phone began to burn against her ear, love filled his voice as Lincoln told her everything he could possibly think of about his soulmate. Glancing at the girl’s right forearm, there in black ink was her cousin’s name proudly displayed. Turning heel towards the store’s entrance Anya waved her arm beckoning Octavia forward, shouting back to the girl, “Come on then Blake, I’ve been hungry since I landed.” The brunette quickly gathered herself and chased after Anya through the store. During the ride Anya learned that she could half listen to Octavia and that did not really deter the other girl from talking…and talking…and talking. During the short fifteen minute car ride, Octavia did not once stop to breathe, between talking about herself or school or Lincoln and singing various songs on the radio; Anya wondered if there was a battery she could take out of the girl’s neck to stop her. Despite the incessant chatter, Anya found that there was something about the girl that she liked and once she filtered out the filler stories she enjoyed what Octavia had to say as well. Unsurprisingly, Lincoln’s soulmate seemed to be a good match so far for him. Cutting directly through the middle of Octavia’s sentence Anya had to know, “Did you love Lincoln before you met him?”The question seemed to physically stop Octavia’s whole body, her mouth snapped shut and her eye brows shot up into her hairline. Then a soft smile graced the girl’s lips. “Yeah, I think I did honestly. I remember growing up and always staring at my mark, just wondering who my perfect person was. My brother was…is, very protective, so he would always try to downplay the importance of our marks, of mine specifically. He thought he could protect me from some unknown pain that came with loving someone, but I knew that my soulmate, wherever or whoever they were, would never hurt me. How could the one person in the whole universe destined to be for me and me for them, hurt me, ya know? So yeah, growing up I had this type of deep love for my soulmate in theory. When did I truly love him though? One day I woke up and there, on my arm at age fourteen, was the word ‘chinchilla’. That just kind of got me, it was such a strange thing to love, and it made me wonder what about that did my soulmate find to be their favorite thing in the whole world? This feeling just kind of settled inside my chest then, because my soulmate seemed like a real person for it. All my friends thought I was absolutely crazy.” A soft laugh left her lips when Octavia finished the story. Anya remembered a time years ago when her own soulmark stamped on her the word ‘squirrels’. She refrained from saying anything to Octavia, buy yeah…Anya could begin to understand. The pair finally crawled to a stop outside Anya’s childhood home, the driveway and surrounding street was full of cars, the doorway was marked with an obscene amount of balloons. It was definitely a Woods BBQ. As Octavia turned off the car and started to unbuckle her seatbelt, Anya turned towards the girl and asked, “How long have Lexa and Clarke known each other?”Octavia’s face immediately blanched and Anya could tell her brain was working overtime on how to delicately navigate the situation she suddenly found herself in. After a few seconds of an impressive interpretation of a fish Octavia gathered herself and looked Anya straight in the eye. Good, Anya thought, she’s going with the truth. “They met a year and a half ago.”At that, Anya let herself out the car and walked to the back gate leading to the yard where her family was gathered. Once again, Octavia was forced to chase after the Marine. “Wait wait wait wait. I have to go in first, Lincoln has it all planned out!” Octavia all but hissed towards Anya as she grabbed her outstretched hand. A well pointed glare had the brunette dropping her wrist like she was burned. “Okay, the plan is that I go in, say I couldn’t find the right beer at the store but that I found something better. That’s your que to walk in and then everyone starts crying.” “Yeah, that has Lincoln’s dramatic stink all over it. Okay okay, go in. I wasn’t kidding about being hungry.”Octavia let loose a small squeal of excitement as she turned away from Anya towards the gate, the only thing between Anya and her family. Dutifully, Anya waited for her que, hearing Octavia barely contain her excitement when saying, “No, but I found something better!”Taking a deep breath, Anya upended the latch of the gate and walked through to the backyard. That moment stood still and ingrained itself in her memory. Octavia was to her right clinging to Lincoln who was smiling holding up his phone recording everything. Her uncles were gathered around the food table laying out heaping portions of food for the feast that was about to start. Sitting under Anya’s favorite tree was her mother, happily sipping her lemonade, if Anya guessed, and enjoying the shade the large oak provided. Sitting by her mother was an older couple that that Anya did not know. The man was clean cut with an easy smile and obvious charm. The other woman had her arm casually placed on the man’s thigh, she looked a bit uptight but otherwise her face was loving and happy. Aden and Tris, her youngest cousins, were running around the backyard playing a game that seemed to be a combination of tag and wrestling. Lexa’s soulmate, Clarke, was just walking into the backyard through the screen door holding a large bowl clearly intended for the food table. Then Anya saw her baby sister, the reason she was home, there was Lexa standing by the end of the table with a soft smile on her face as she took in her family enjoying their day. That was the scene that Anya walked into when she crossed the threshold of her backyard. As soon as everyone realized that she was there though, it was like the whole party exploded. Her mother dropped her glass of lemonade when she saw Anya, her uncles let loose a loud chorus of screams. Aden and Tris sprinted towards Anya pushing and pulling each other to get to her first. Anya faintly noticed Clarke gasp loudly, but Anya mostly kept her eyes peeled on Lexa. As soon as Lexa saw her sister she immediately lost her breath and let a toothy grin spread across her face. Anya took the few long strides towards her baby sister with outstretched arms, Lexa fell forward in to the embrace with glassy tear filled eyes. Suddenly Aden and Tris were wrapped around Anya’s legs and waist squeezing tightly. Indra slowly made her way over to her daughters with a full smile on her face still in disbelief at the scene before her. Anya and Lexa opened their arms for their mother encasing her inside the love filled hug. Anya was sure that in that moment her soulmate’s mark would read something akin to ‘family hugs’. “You’re home?” Lexa’s voice cracked with emotion. “I missed you little Lex.” Eventually Anya hugged every member of her family at least twice before she was able to control the large smile that was plastered across her face. Anya noted that Clarke and her parents hung in the background for the family moment, choosing not to step forward until Lexa held her hand out to them, ushering them towards where the Marine was being assaulted by her family. “Ahn, this is Mr. and Mrs. Griffin. Jake, Abby, this is my sister Anya.” Anya reached forward and shook both of the Griffin’s hands, noting that they were both firm and confident. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both.” Anya inclined her head as she looked the elder Griffins in the eye. Mr. Griffin offered her an easy smile, “Happy to meet you, kid. Glad to see you’re home too.” His wife, Abby, spoke right after him, “Thank you for your service too, hopefully this means we can get to know you better too, Lexa and your family have been absolutely delightful.” Smothering the slight pang of guilt and jealousy that stemmed from these strangers, however nice, having bonded with her family while she was away, she graciously smiled at the kind words. Anya noticed then that Clarke started to shuffle both awkwardly and excitedly behind Lexa, shifting from foot to foot while waiting her turn to be introduced. Lexa finally turned around to settle her arm around the blonde’s waist pulling her forward into the conversation. “This is my-”“Hi I’m Clarke Griffin and it’s nice to meet you Corporal, Lexa has told me so much about you it’s amazing to finally actually meet you. We’re obviously so happy you’re home too, this is such an amazing surprise, wow. This is…wow you’re actually here and real. Hi Anya, Corporal, sorry, I’m Lexa…wait, I’m Clarke. She’s Lexa, that’s your sister. But you knew all that already. Hahahaha can literally anyone else say something else right now? Please.”Holding a hand up to stop her sister from saving her soulmate, Anya met the woman’s eye as she shook Clarke’s hand. “Don’t worry Clarke, hopefully in the next few days we can actually get to know each other.” Despite herself and her inner monologue to ignore that Lexa didn’t tell her about her soulmate, Anya let some of the bitterness slip through. A turned head and raised eyebrow towards her little sister was all it took for Lexa to realize that Anya knew and that she wasn’t happy that Lexa kept not only a secret, but the biggest secret ever from her sister, her supposed to be favorite person in the world. Making a noise similar to a grunt Anya broke off from the group and started to heap food onto the paper plate, the rest of her family and the new additions watching her. Just as Anya put a second scoop of potato salad on her plate she turned towards the group, “Well, I thought this was a party?” ***As the sky grew dark the party started to dwindle down, the uncles and young ones left for the night, enveloping Anya in warm hugs and congratulating Lexa and Clarke. The two couples and Anya settled around the bonfire Lexa made to fight the early summer chill. Leaning back into her chair with a fresh beer Anya stretched her legs, happy she changed into her civilian clothes. Laughter filled the air as Clarke and Octavia told stories from their past, Anya found herself liking the girls more and more. She also learned that Lincoln and Octavia met during an art class that her cousin was enrolled in.Lincoln wrapped his arm tighter around Octavia as he told the story like a well-worn book, “I’m sitting there and in walks the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Cliché I know, but so true. Anyway, I start setting up my canvas, taking out my charcoals, then I see she starts to take her clothes off. I just about died, she was the nude model for the class!”Octavia interjected, “It was tasteful! Plus they paid double.” At that Clarke leaned over and high fived the girl while saying proudly, “Paid the rent too.” “Immediately I just felt something in my chest when I looked at her. Halfway through the class I saw her soulmark said ‘hazel eyes’ and I just had this weird feeling, like something clicked in my head. So, I spent the next few minutes convincing myself that shoelaces were the best invention ever. The ‘utmost important tool to humanity’s survival’, I think is what finally did it. Then, literally right in front of my eyes, her soulmark morphed to ‘shoelaces’. I snapped my charcoal pencil right in half.” Lincoln’s laugh echoed around the backyard and Octavia’s smile reached ear to ear. Octavia took over the story at this point practically bouncing in her seat. “I heard this snapping sound, right? So I look over and boom” she punctuated this by clapping her hands together, “I see Lincoln, felt like my heart was going to pop out of my chest. He gets up and grabs the robe for me, walks right up and drapes it over my shoulders then holds his hand out to shake and says, ‘I’m Lincoln Woods and I love shoelaces’.”“She looked at me like I grew a third eye right there!”“My brain kicked back on, I look down at my arm and there it was, the word ‘shoelaces’ plain as day on my forearm. So I say, ‘I’m Octavia Blake and I love macaroni and cheese’.”“Right as she shook my hand it was like the whole universe took a deep sigh and everything settled into place. I felt my right arm tingle and then, there on my arm was her name sitting perfectly.”Lincoln and Octavia leaned over and shared a chaste love filled kiss. Lexa and Clarke smiled at each other while Anya made a gagging noise, “I’m happy for you both, you all actually, but that is some sappy Nicholas Sparks shit.” The group all laughed loudly and clinked their beer bottles together. Lexa stood up from her chair and raised her bottle into the air, “I propose a toast! To love, the future, my sister, and us.” The rest of the group stood and toasted, Anya finished her beer in two large gulps. Suddenly a phone ringing cut through the post toast silence, Clarke almost choked on her beer as she realized it was her phone, she ran to the table to grab it. Octavia yelled to her friend, “Who’s more important than us Griff?”Turning around Clarke flipped Octavia her middle finger, “Float you, O. It’s Raven, my real best friend.” Clarke swiped to accept the facetime call from someone named Raven, making sure to position the camera so the whole group could be seen. Anya stood up to grab another beer since she had no clue whoever this person was, no doubt another loud childhood friend of Clarke’s. Popping off the cap Anya counted the ones collected in her pocket already, she would have to definitely take a nice long run tomorrow morning. She started to collect various bits of trash that had escaped the first clean up crew earlier in the day, she could hear Clarke and Octavia ask this Raven person about her job and how she was enjoying Florida, in kind the girl on the phone asked about the graduation that took place today. Doing one last roaming look over the yard, Anya deemed it acceptably cleaned and rejoined the group around the bonfire. “So there I was, stuck in the shark cage ass first with this huge fuc- woah woah woah, who is that?” Clarke tilted the camera so Anya could be seen better, the Marine simply raised an eye brow at the phone.“Oh yeah, those cheekbones and a glare like that? That’s a Woods right there. Hey hot stuff, which one are you?”Lexa and Lincoln could barely contain their laughter while Clarke and Octavia shared mortified looks at Raven’s forwardness. Anya was intimidating to say the least, so Raven’s particular type of character was worrisome when it came to the Marine. Just as Clarke opened her mouth to answer Raven, Anya spoke first, “I’m the big sister, Anya.”“Ahhhhhh the original Woods, we finally meet.” The smaller version of Raven that the screen displayed kicked her feet up onto a desk and laid back. “So tell me General, are you really a fighter pilot in the Corps or do you just say that to get laid?” Raven wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. Anya took a long sip of her beer while staring directly at the girl on the screen. The group waited with bated breath for the reply, Lexa had to physically bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing out loud.Then Anya spoke low and slightly seductive, like a predator talking to prey, “Do you want to take a ride in my cockpit and find out?” A wide smirk spread across Raven’s face and without missing a beat she shot back at Anya, “Wanna come to my place and form a covalent bond?” “I’ll bring my flight suit.”“Kinky! Oh you’re officially my favorite Woods now. I’ll start melting chocolate for the-”“NOOOOO, no no no no no no no. Putting my foot down, I cannot listen to my sister talk about sex! Bye Raven it was pleasant, enjoy NASA!” Lexa jumped up from her seat and tried to snatch the phone from Clarke’s hands as she danced away from her soulmate. Clarke and Raven’s laughter mingled together at Lexa’s antics. Anya simply smirked and clinked her glass against Octavia’s at the girl’s insistence because ‘it is a rare day that someone can keep up with Raven Reyes so that deserves celebration’. That night, settled in her childhood bed surrounded by childhood memories, Anya fell asleep with a soft smirk on her face and… for some odd reason, newly familiar brown eyes on her mind.
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Anya’s rhythmic breathing kept pace with her long strides as she broke into the sixth mile of her morning run. As her feet found the familiar trail she ran during high school Anya’s mind became clouded with the previous day’s events. There was undeniably a new dynamic to the group, the shift coming from the addition of two soulmates. Clarke and Octavia. Anya did like the women, they seemed perfect matches for her sister and cousin. Her apprehension came from the new group they seemingly formed without her. Their whole lives growing up Anya, Lexa, and Lincoln were a unit who knew the dynamic of their relationship. Those two scrawny kids were her original team. Now though, not only are there new additions to their family, their values and relationships changed with the implications of soulmates. The fact that, for whatever reason, Lexa hadn’t even told Anya that she met her soulmate was testament to Anya’s gnawing fears of loss. The fear of soulmates Anya harbored her whole life was rooted in the idea that they would hurt her or Lexa based off their soulmarks…now though she realized in a blindsiding moment that she should have been worried about losing her favorite people.Anya felt out of place and without purpose with the two people who were always her anchor, her reason to succeed. The next three miles towards her home Anya desperately tried to quell the anger rising in her chest.The fact that Lexa’s car was in the driveway when Anya finally got home was something that the Marine couldn’t decide between being good or bad. She knew she needed to talk to her sister but right now with anger bubbling in her chest could potentially be more detrimental than just going back to base across the country and acting like everything was perfect between them. As Anya walked into the kitchen to grab a water bottle she realized the decision was stripped away from her if the look on Lexa’s face as she leaned against the island was any indication. Her sister’s signature mask was on full display, no trace of emotion slipping through as she eyed the eldest Woods crossing the kitchen. Clarke walked into the kitchen to see Lexa and Anya staring at each other from across the island, if she didn’t know Lexa so well she would wonder about the scene before her. When it came to her soulmate though, Clarke could see the signs that escaped Lexa’s mask: the almost imperceptible brow furrow, a slight purse of her lips, the tight clench of her jaw. Lexa was preparing for a fight. For her part, Clarke had to admit, that she finally understood why Anya had a reputation for being incredibly intimidating. The older woman seemed to emit an air of nonchalance while also portraying with a single unreadable look that she could quite literally take a life…and there’s nothing really stopping her either. Clarke wondered if ‘The Look’ was a Woods family trait or if the two younger Woods simply learned if from Anya. Without breaking eye contact with her sister Lexa addressed Clarke, “Babe, would you mind giving Anya and myself a moment?”Just as Clarke turned to leave, not quickly enough though, Anya interrupted her retreat, “Oh no Clarke, it’s fine, you can stay.” A stern yet pleading look from Lexa had Clarke backing out of the kitchen again. Anya harshly set the now empty water bottle on the island as she stepped towards the doorway Clarke found herself caught in, “Clarke, I insist that you stay. Besides, I barely know you this could be bonding time for us.” “Ahn, please, let me explain.” Lexa’s mask of indifference didn’t falter, but she did sigh deeply as she realized the daunting task ahead of them.Completely ignoring her sister, Anya walked closer to Clarke as she spoke, her voice was low and serious, “So Clarke, you’ve known my sister for a while now, yeah? How did you meet? Which of her favorites has been your favorite? Go on Clarke, I know literally nothing about you.” “That’s enough Anya!” Lexa’s shout echoed around the kitchen. It seemed like time stood still in that moment. Clarke was completely unaccustomed to Lexa raising her voice in anger. Lexa herself seemed surprised at her own outburst, whether because she yelled or that she yelled at her sister, that didn’t seem to matter in the moment. Shock colored Anya’s face at first, her eyes grew large as her head tilted in disbelief. After a moment of recovery, the Marine gathered herself and let her signature smirk cross her face. “No. No it’s not Lexa.” Anya fixed her little sister with a deadly stare as she stalked around the island towards the brunette. Clarke noticed that her soulmate straightened her spine while jutting her chin upwards preparing for her sister’s assault. “I am your sister Lexa, the person who has had your back your entire life. Do you realize how hurtful and embarrassing it was, fucking is, to realize that your baby sister, the person I promised to protect the day you were born, fucking lied to you? What the actual fuck Lexa? Do you realize how stupid I feel? Do you understand how embarrassed I was to walk into my own fucking backyard with strangers there, strangers that everyone besides me knew? A stranger that is your soulmate, someone you actively chose to hide from me. I should have been the first person you called when you met Clarke! But you didn’t, you ignored me. So no Lexa, I have every right to be mad.”In barely more than a whisper Lexa responded, her mask finally breaking, “I couldn’t handle you hating Clarke. That’s why I never told you.” Anya let loose a sharp laugh at Lexa’s words, “Excuse me?” “You have always hated soulmates Anya! I spent my whole life seeing you denying or ignoring your soulmark. After a life time of seeing you dismissing the most important thing in the world, of course I was afraid to tell you about my own soulmate. How could I possibly deal with my big sister, my best friend, hating my soulmate, the perfect person meant for me? Anya, I couldn’t handle you not accepting Clarke, it would break my heart. So no, I didn’t tell you….and honestly, there has to be a part of you that can’t be mad at me about that because you know I’m right. A part of you knows that I have had to grow up in your shadow of hating soulmarks. Anya, meeting Clarke was the happiest moment of my entire life, like my whole world fell into place. I love you, I love you so much Anya, but I could not handle you ruining this for me.”“Ruining something for you, Lexa? My whole life has been about protecting you, or supporting you, it’s always been you and Lincoln. Yeah okay, I’ve always been skeptical about soulmarks because I was scared. What if Clarke wasn’t great? What if your soulmate hurt you? This fight, this whole fight, because you didn’t tell me about your soulmate, just makes that more applicable. You didn’t trust me Lexa, your own sister.”“Of course I didn’t trust you Anya!” At that second outburst Anya whirled around to face her sister again. Before Anya could respond, Lexa continued her onslaught, “You fucking left! You left Anya, me, mom, Lincoln, Tris, Aden…you just left us all without even an explanation. Just fucking gone one day, Mom had to tell me that you just up and joined the Corps without telling anyone, like we didn’t even fucking matter. Does anything or anyone actually matter to you Anya? Because you sure don’t act like it.” “Do you want to know the only reason I enlisted, Lexa?” Anya took a few steps away from her sister, putting them both across the kitchen island once again. “I don’t need to know Ahn, you wanted to run away from anything and anyone that actually meant something to you, so you did. You fucking left us all to be by ourselves, to learn everything alone… you left and I was alone, Anya. You left, and you didn’t even look back to me or Lincoln once you signed the line on that contract. I love you, Anya…but that doesn’t mean you didn’t hurt me more than my soulmate ever could or will.”After that admission, Clarke started to bounce foot to foot, the only people Lexa had admitted that to was herself and Lincoln about a month after Anya left for boot camp. Lexa squared her shoulders after her admission, waiting for her sister’s lie to cover her reason for leaving. Lexa spent four years waiting for this moment, the moment when her sister finally came clean and admitted that she abandoned her family…abandoned Lexa. Anya’s jaw clenched so hard that Clarke was worried her mandible would crack in half from the effort. Both Lexa and Clarke noticed the Marine’s hands tightening so hard her knuckles turned white against the dark island counter. Anya started to shake her head as she tried to form the words to respond to her little sister, furrowing her brows angrily at the loss of response. “Lexa how do you think-”“STOP”Indra’s calming yet authoritative voice cut through the tension of the kitchen created by the Woods sisters, her own daughters…only a mother could properly stop an argument of this magnitude between siblings. Both Anya and Lexa immediately held their tongues, looking like thoroughly chastised children in the presence of their mother. “Alexandria.” Indra’s tone offered no room for argument. Lexa stepped forward and looked her mother in the eyes in the most respectful way she could, “Yes ma’am?”Indra looked her daughter square on, taking a small inhale before she spoke, “Your sister has been paying for your school, whatever the scholarships haven’t covered of course, since your first year. Anya joined to Marines to pay for your university. I didn’t tell you because I did not want you to feel embarrassed or that you owed your sister.”Indra let Lexa absorb the new information as she turned towards her oldest daughter in a quick motion. “Anya.” Immediately the Corporal stood at attention.“You have always had my support in all things you strive to achieve, I was not surprised by your decision to join the Marines; in fact I was extremely proud. You have accomplished a great deal in your life. You are an exemplarily daughter and sister. Lexa is correct though, when you left, even with your admiral intentions, you failed as a sister as well. We had to learn what life without you was like, we were disjointed. Anya this is the first time we have seen you in four years. When you left, Lexa lost her sister and I lost my daughter. That is something you are required to take responsibility for.”Lexa and Anya felt the weight of their mother’s words fall on their shoulders. Both women realizing the blind eye they turned to the pain they caused one another. Their eyes met from their positions across the kitchen. Suddenly Anya didn’t care that Lexa kept her soulmate, Clarke, a secret for so long. While Lexa still felt the embers of resentment in her chest, she looked at Anya not as her over protective stubborn sister but as her selfless best friend.Crossing the kitchen in two strides Anya held her right arm out towards Lexa, without hesitation her sister grabbed the proverbial olive branch. Their strong grips on each other’s forearms was quickly traded for a hug. Clarke stepped closer to Indra with teary eyes, both women watched Anya and Lexa envelope each other. Holding Lexa by the shoulders at arms length, Anya dipped her head slightly to meet her eye, “I will never abandon you.”
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The Woods women started to create a small routine over the next few days. Anya woke with the sun and worked her body before taking a shower. Indra would wake and make coffee for herself and her daughter. Anya and Indra enjoyed their morning coffee with Indra looking over her case files for court, the younger Woods would read the morning paper. Eventually Lexa and Clarke would join them, sometimes Octavia and Lincoln accompanying them as well. The tension between Lexa and Anya was still tangible at small moments, they were slowly relearning their new relationship to one another and they knew that would come with time. Anya found that she enjoyed the new routine her family fostered during her short leave. She liked her morning coffee that she was able to actually sit and enjoy, she looked forward to her sister’s and her soulmates loud entrance into the house usually around lunch time, Anya’s favorite though were the days she was able to swing in her hammock watching the sun set over the back fence. Yes, Anya’s life best fit around a set routine, whether it was her life in the military or the simple mechanics of sharing coffee with her mother Anya strove for the comforting familiarity schedules brought. Because of her welcomed complacency Anya was slightly surprised when one Raven Reyes seemingly inserted herself right into her routine without even noticing. It was simple at first, the girl’s name in conversation between Clarke and Octavia, or a funny story revolving around her, Anya was sure she only noticed because she had just learned the name a few days prior. As the days passed though Clarke would be nestled up in an arm chair or leaning on the kitchen island, phone in hand with the screen displaying the small version of Raven from across the country. Each time Anya would walk into the room while said video calls were taking place, she would hear either girl laughing or most often Raven would scream into the speaker to gain Anya’s attention. Depending on her mood, Anya would occasionally stand next to Clarke and entertain the loud genius (‘General, I am literally a rocket scientist…why else would a genius like me be in Florida?’). Anya had gotten used to Raven being in the background of her time spent at home. Then suddenly Raven Reyes propelled herself out of the background, firmly front and center in Anya’s scope of life. The two eldest Woods women had just sat down around the table, coffees in hand with legal papers strewn across the surface. Just as Anya reached the comics of the morning paper her phone blared completely shattering the peaceful atmosphere usually experienced during the time shared between mother and daughter. Ignoring the interruption both women went about their routines, every so often Anya would tell her mother about an interesting part in the paper or Indra would chuckle at some antic of the defendant she would see in court. Once again the peace was disrupted by the phone, only now it seemed to be an onslaught of notifications as the ding ding ding became incessant the longer Anya didn’t check the incoming messages. One solid glare from her mother and Anya flipped her phone to vibrate before checking to see who could possibly be responsible hoping it wasn’t a superior officer. Not recognizing the number currently barraging her phone Anya paid no mind once it was flipped to vibrate. Three cups of coffee later brought with it the entrance of Lexa and Clarke into the Woods home. The two new comers brought with them loads of bags, both girl’s arms holding their capacity. Clarke huffed to the kitchen island and threw the bags on top while blowing ruffled hair out of her face, Lexa brought her bags straight to Anya dropping them unceremoniously. “A little of help would have been nice Ahn.”Anya raised a single eye brow at her sister. Surveying the multiple bags at her feet Anya could make out various groceries intermingled with clothes and other objects. “Am I mind reader now and no one told me?”“We called you like ten times to help with all these bags when we got here. Obviously, you didn’t answer. Aren’t you supposed to always have your phone as like a rule?” “Not my regular phone, just my call phone.” Anya stood up from her seat and set down her coffee cup, reaching into her pocket to pull out the clunky flip phone that facilitated her professional and emergency calls. “I hid my regular phone. Damn thing kept making noise.”Clarke could barely be heard from behind the open fridge door as she grumbled something about ‘that usually means people are trying to find you’.The two siblings started to sort through the bags, an efficient system of sorting, stacking, and storing between the three girls once Clarke joined. Indra watched with her coffee cup still in hand, Anya’s phone in the other, setting it down on the island Lexa grabbed the device to prove how many times she called. “See Anya, I called…oh, woah. Someone really wants to speak with you.” Lexa held the bright phone screen out to her sister showing an incredibly long display of various texts from an unsaved number and several calls from Lexa.Swiping across the screen Anya unlocked her phone to the text thread of the mystery number, “This is just an obscene amount of little moving pictures.”“GIFs is what those are called,” Clarke poked her head out from around the fridge door, “and I think I know exactly who your mystery number is. Only one person in the world would be that extra. Well, besides Lexa with a coupon for candles.” Anya let loose a snort resembling a laugh while Lexa flushed a deep red. Clarke walked over to grab the phone in question, looking at the number, “Just who I thought.” Handing the phone back to Anya, Clarke shook her head coyly, “Anya, you have yourself a real bad Raven problem. Once she’s in the electrical system? No way to get rid of her.”“Wait…what?” Lexa stepped forward while Clarke was laughing, “Raven Reyes? She somehow, in her own Raven way, got your number. That’s who the mystery number is.” “Why?” Anya’s face contorted in confusion at Raven’s supposed antics. Finally controlling her laughter Clarke wheezed out to Anya, “She seriously had Lexa’s number before I did. Raven heard that I found my soulmate and then ‘boom’ she was texting Lexa more than I was.” The air quotes Clarke inserted around the word boom were slightly concerning to Anya. “She’s like a puppy…a little attention goes a long way.” Lexa’s stage whisper to her sister had Clarke doubled over in laughter again, even Indra could be seen sporting a small smile at the joke. Thinking of the best ‘worst dad joke’ she knew, Anya responded to the mystery number, the blue text bubble settled on the screen, then right before her eyes Anya watched three bubbles appear on screen foretelling Raven’s reply. The Marine wasn’t too sure what compelled her to respond, much less with an awful joke that would undoubtedly further the conversation, but when Raven’s reply appeared on the tiny screen she wasn’t upset about her decision. That was how Raven successfully inserted herself into the everyday routine of Anya’s life. ***With only two days of leave time left Anya decided it was time that her and Lexa went out and had a drink. After the family dinner Clarke started to clear the dishes with Indra, the two of them silently working in tandem. Lexa and Anya did their part by clearing the dishes and putting away left overs before they left for the bar. The siblings parted ways after Lexa kissed her soulmate deeply while Anya promised their mother an easy night with a guaranteed cab ride home if they drank too much. With the dishes done and promises made, the Woods siblings made their way to a small dive bar Lexa suggested called Arkadia. Walking in first, Anya was not initially impressed by the dingy bar, cigarette smoke hung in the air and multiple patrons sitting at the bar turned to stare at their entrance. Anya fixed them with a hard challenging glare, a part of her knew that Lexa was throwing her own Woods glare towards them as well. Taking two seats at the end of the bar Anya ordered herself a whiskey neat and for Lexa a gin and tonic. The two sat in silence for a bit of time, long enough that Anya considered ordering another drink soon, before Lexa drained her glass in one long gulp before she turned to her sister. “Why did you leave?” The question hung heavy in the air between them. The lingering previous argument they shared in the kitchen coming to mind in both sisters. Anya had every excuse she could fathom ready for her family or Lexa when this inevitable question came about, but for some reason when Lexa asked facing the bar with a voice so small it was almost a dead whisper, Anya couldn’t tell a lie. Looking into her baby sister’s eyes Anya felt the truth being pulled out of her. Swishing the dark amber liquid lingering in her glass Anya focused her gaze on a naked nail protruding from the back bar wall where a picture once hung, “I was scared.”A pregnant pause filled the air between them, “Don’t make this into a movie cliché, Ahn.”In one motion Anya emptied her drink while turning towards her sister, “Lexa, I left for a lot of reasons, but I can’t lie that I left because I was scared. For myself, for you, your soulmate…for my soulmate. Do you remember my birthday we spent at the gym?” A small nod from Lexa spurred her speech forward. “I was apprehensive of soulmates before that moment, but when I felt the pain they were, a tangible connection more than some magic ink on my skin, it scared me. I felt so vulnerable and broken just hanging in that harness, at the whim of whatever was happening to someone else in the world. It felt like my whole life was controlled by someone else, by the mark on my arm... I couldn’t take it anymore. So I left. I did what I thought was best for my life and what I knew would help yours too.”“You didn’t even say goodbye.” Lexa’s small voice broke through the effort of holding back emotion. “All I got was a note and your empty room.”“I didn’t know how to.”Lexa let out a scoff so loud the bartender turned towards the pair, taking advantage Anya ordered two more drinks…looks like they will need them. “Is that really all you have to say?”“No, there’s more you need to hear from me.” The fresh drinks were set in front of the siblings, both taking up the glasses and taking a drink. Lexa waved her hand towards Anya, signaling for her to continue. “After I realized the degree that we all are connected to our soulmates I got even more scared. You know we were always a team, you and me against the world and that’s all we needed. I got scared because I realized I could never compete with your perfect match, even if they hurt you, I could never replace the stars in your eyes when you thought of your soulmate. My whole life revolved around other people, you or Mom, my soulmate, I needed to make a life of my own before you found your soulmate and didn’t need me anymore.”Lexa set down her drink with a soft clink against the bar. Anya watched her little sister clench her jaw repeatedly and the blank mask she had donned started to break as Lexa’s brow furrowed down and her mouth thinned into a single line across her face. “You have no idea just how mad I am at you right now. For leaving me, for not coming home this whole time, for making me think I wasn’t even worth a goodbye from my sister…my favorite person in the whole world. Yes, even more than my soulmate. Clarke is my best friend, she is the love of my life and my everything, but she can never replace you. Fuck, I wish you would have just talked to me Anya! Can you even begin to imagine how much you leaving hurt me? How was I-”“Lex I never meant-”“No….no. It’s my turn to talk you’ve had the past four years to try.” Lexa’s voice was stern and left no room for argument. “I didn’t understand why you left, had no clue at all. Mom had to tell me and even then she didn’t explain anything, just that you left to go be a Marine. I felt so abandoned, like I didn’t even matter to you anymore. Eventually I just started making excuses for you, why you left and why you never came back, we all just learned how to live with you, like being a ghost. The video calls and letters are the only way we’ve been able to talk and it all just felt so fake and so obligatory, it’s like you became a whole different person. Over the years it became normal for us and I just let it go because I could see flashes of the old you, of my big sister, I missed you so much I convinced myself that we just grew up. We can’t always be eight years old again and hide in your big sister’s bed anymore, we grew up and became who we are.”Lexa stopped to take a deep pull of her drink, her eyes closed momentarily before she continued.“Seeing you walk into the backyard the other day…it was like my whole world turn upside down in the best way possible. You were back and you were here, you were finally back just for me. But we both know you’re going back in two days. Then it’ll be exactly how it was before.” At Lexa’s words Anya felt her chest start to cave in with guilt and sadness settle low in her stomach like a brick. She had never given deep thought to the consequences of her actions all those years ago, she was just trying to be free from her soulmark and help her baby sister. Anya blew out a short puff of air at the heaviness of the conversation, mulling over what she could possibly say to her sister to rectify her short comings over the years.“I made you a promise the other night, that I will never abandon you, and that still stands. I’m going to be leaving in a few days but we are not going to be strangers anymore. I want to know about your life and Clarke’s life…well, maybe mostly your life,” Anya let herself playfully smirk at her sister who returned the small smile, “I don’t want to be a ghost, I want to be your best friend again. And Lexa, words won’t fix anything, but I am sorry for the pain I caused you. You will see me being better for you.”Anya couldn’t be sure whatever emotion she saw cross her sister’s face, but before she could dwell, Lexa gave her a short curt nod then finished her drink to lift the empty glass. “Looks like you’re footing the bill tonight then, Ahn.”
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The last two days of Anya’s leave went by peacefully, full of easy conversations and full dinners spent with a crowded family table. Lexa started to let her walls down around Anya again, laughing more casually and teasing without fear of an outburst from either of them. Home started to feel like home once more. Anya ignored the small ache in her chest that settled during the car ride to the airport. When she left for boot camp her mind was set and she didn’t allow herself to feel homesick, now though, she felt like she was leaving behind her real life. She spent so long building her own life as a Marine she didn’t realize that she already had a life that she walked away from. Seeing the way that Octavia and Clarke easily melded into her world; she wondered if she was the stranger, not the two soulmates, who would have to try and find her place in her own family once she retired from the military. The goodbyes were fast but love filled, each person giving Anya a hug and words of affirmation and sentiment buried into her neck. Even Octavia and Clarke received a firm handshake and reassuring hand on the shoulder. The hug from Indra though was arguably the hardest thing Anya had ever to experience. She felt like a small child again, clinging to her mother’s legs as fat tears rolled down her cheeks while screaming in defiance, that’s what Anya wanted to do as she felt her mother’s arm tightly squeeze around her shoulders. Saying goodbye to Lexa, for the first time really since she left years ago, was something she wasn’t sure how to navigate…and judging from Lexa’s face and stiff body language she was worrying all the same about the inevitable goodbye. Anya picked up her ruck, thankful to be flying in regular civilian clothes this time, and shouldered it out of the way. Lexa stepped forward with an outstretched hand and set in stone green eyes, Anya took in her baby sister for the first time as the adult she had become and not the six year old who couldn’t sleep one night so they camped in the back yard. Lexa was an accomplished adult that Anya didn’t really know; in that moment Anya promised herself that she was no longer going to be a stranger to Lexa. Reaching out and accepting Lexa’s proverbial olive branch, grabbing onto Lexa’s forearm firmly and she did the same. It was not lost on either sister that Anya was holding a name while Lexa held bare skin. “I’ll call you as soon as I land.”“I look forward to it…and, Ahn, be safe out there. You’re in the sky yeah, but please don’t go and do something stupid on your deployment.”Confusion flashed across Anya’s face at Lexa’s words, she hadn’t told anyone except their mother about her impending deployment. Anya suddenly felt like she had gotten caught with her hand in the cookie jar.“Raven accidently let it slip to Clarke.” Lexa admitted.Oh. Well, she told their mother and Raven. “I was waiting to find out where we were being sent before I told anyone.”Lexa simply pulled her sister into a hug instead of answering, wrapping her arm around the Marine’s neck. Anya let herself sink slightly into the hug as well, leaving Lexa right now seemed an impossible task. Softly she whispered so only her sister could hear, “I will never abandon you.”With that, the Marine turned and walked through the doors, turning around at the last moment to send a short lazy salute to her smiling family just outside the doors. Getting through security and finding her gate for her flight was a simple task, with time to burn through she sat down at a small café to indulge herself with a coffee while she waited for her flight board time. She idly watched the various café patrons and the frazzled travelers rushing to find their gates or an outlet to charge their phones. The sights made Anya particularly thankful for her routine life, she never really had to deal with any surprises, though sometimes she questioned if any of that out-weighed the stresses of military life. Her thoughts were interrupted by a familiar beep coming from her pocket, reaching down she pulled her phone out to check the notification. Raven Reyes of course. The girl had become a surprising constant in her life during the last week, Anya wouldn’t be lying if she didn’t mind the new addition. The woman was fierce and determined yet had a certain childlike wonder and sense of humor that brought small smiles even to Anya’s face. Raven was not afraid to speak her mind or settle into a self-made spot into wherever she wanted, and that’s exactly what she did with Anya. Raven Reyes (8:47): Knock knockRaven Reyes (8:50): Anya says ‘who is there’Raven Reyes (8:51): A little old ladyRaven Reyes (8:59): Anya says ‘a little old lady who?’Raven Reyes (9:01): Gee Anya I didn’t know you could yodelRaven Reyes (9:45): Cheekbones you better not be responding because you died of laughter at my jokeAnya Woods (9:47): You almost got me in troubleRaven Reyes (9:52): It’s a specialty of mine honestly Anya Woods (10:00): Seriously. Lexa called me out on my deployment right after we argued about me being secretive.Raven Reyes (10:10): I didnt realize Anya, I’m sorry…it just slipped out when Clarke and I were talking about her meeting you. Raven Reyes (10:11): Besides…Lexa is a string bean you could throw her with one arm across the room. Anya Woods (10:14): Just…please be a little more careful when it comes to them and everything. Me and Lexa are on thin ice and I don’t want anything to ruin it before we even got a chance to fix it. Anya Woods (10:15): …we both know I’d be better off throwing you across the room insteadRaven Reyes (10:16): Well I nevah, did Anya Woods just imply scandalous behavior?Raven Reyes (10:17): Image JPEGShaking her head as she sipped her black coffee, still warm thankfully, Anya opened the picture that Raven sent. The selfie she received had Anya smiling softly at the woman’s antics, in the picture the brunette had an offended gasp stuck on her face and her hand clutching her chest in disbelief. Anya had to admit that she didn’t mind Raven’s antics or jokes or even her slip ups that almost got her in trouble with her baby sister…Raven seemed to have found a welcome spot in Anya’s life, not just one she forced herself into. Anya Woods (10:40): Just boarded the plane, taking off in a few minutes. I hate when I’m not the one flying a plane. I’ll let you know when I land.After sending a similar text to her sister and cousin and without waiting for a response from Raven, Anya turned off her phone and tucked it into her jeans pocket then pulled out a book to read on the long flight back to the California and her military life. Despite herself, Anya let her mind wander to thoughts of soulmates and easy smiles instead of focusing on her book; the anonymity of her civilian clothes gave her the chance to be think a little more freely…she didn’t dwell long about how often Raven Reyes filled her thoughts on the long plane ride. ***With only two short months before her deployment, Anya spent her time training in the sky or training on the ground, training in the library. Training training training. Anya wanted to make sure every part of her was prepared for deployment, she had heard stories about soldiers coming back broken from their deployments…she wasn’t going to let that happen to her. In addition to her own training, mental emotional and physical, Anya made sure to supplement her life with Lexa and her family to make sure they were in touch and connected. There were countless text messages, endless phone calls, too many video calls to count, and even several hand written letters. It finally seemed to Anya that her family was her family, her and Lexa were slowly yet surely building back their relationship, for that Anya was undeniably ecstatic. During one such video call, Anya was sitting in her room leaning back in her desk chair with her feet perched on the edge of the desk as she balanced on the back legs of the chair, phone held aloft in her right hand as Lexa and Clarke’s faces filled the screen. Anya could tell that the couple was hiding something, Lexa for her part was the image of self control, Clarke though was nearly jumping out of her skin on the right side of the screen during the whole conversation. Anya could feel her own nerves start to tingle at Clarke’s anxiousness. “Alright alright alright, stop. Please. Lex, your…Clarke, is about to bust at the seams, so if you two don’t tell me what’s going on I’m back on a plane and beating it out of you.” Anya sighed into the phone exhausted from the day but also curious of her sister’s news. The couple on the phone screen could be seen stiffening in surprise, caught in the act, before Lexa relaxed and nodded at Clarke who let out an ungodly loud squeal right into Anya’s ear even a whole country apart. “Ahn, you are my best friend aside from Clarke. You and I have been through hell and back…and then some even, we’ve yelled and screamed and that one time we even cried. You are the only person besides Clarke… well and Mom… who knows me inside out better than anyone. So. What I’m trying to ask is, will you be my best woman at Clarke and my’s wedding?”Lexa could be seen on the screen slightly nervous, something only another Woods family member could see the signs of. Clarke shoved her left hand into the screen showing off the large diamond ring that only Lexa’s extra self could produce for her fiancé. Lexa’s smile was so wide Anya wondered if her skin hurt from the effort of her muscles, Clarke’s face also just exuded happiness in the form of pure sunlight. Anya felt her heart flutter at the idea that her sister is so happy, and even at the idea that Clarke would be officially part of the family. Holding her mask intact, Anya only let a small smile grace her face as she asked her sister and newly dubbed sister-in-law, “So, when’s the big day then?”“Well, we figured we have two options. Either when you get back stateside from your deployment or when your contract is over...even with your deployment being nine months we can plan the wedding in that time, then your contract being up in a year and a half we would have more than enough time to plan. We think it would be best for your input.”Anya blinked a few times while she processed the onslaught of information her sister threw at her, Clarke’s face was full of anticipation and love while Lexa had her eyebrows raised in wait for Anya’s answer.“How could I say no to my baby sister?” Anya leaned forward and set the phone on the desk, leveling her own face with her sister’s and her soulmate. A full smile spread across Lexa’s face at Anya’s words, Clarke immediately grabbed her own phone and started to feverishly text someone…several seconds later Anya’s phone started to ding, signaling that Clarke most likely texted Raven. “I don’t want to be the main decision on when you two marry, but maybe when my contract is up? It could work well for everyone that way.”Once seeing that Anya was intrigued and ready to talk about the wedding, Clarke launched into a full blown rant about the wedding while taking out various samples and several binders of obvious wedding ideas. Taking a deep breath and meeting Lexa’s eyes, they both settled in for a long winded love filled wedding talk with Clarke Griffin-soon-to-be-Woods. ***Anya stood in her small Spartan-like room looking at the emptiness surrounding her. Her ruck was packed and settled against the bed waiting for the morning, she took down the few pictures from her wall and placed them in her wallet to keep safe during the long months of her deployment. Looking at her wrist watch Anya noted that she only had twelve hours until her unit was scheduled to leave, some of them flying in the transport directly to their off base while Anya a few others were personally flying their jets to a Navy vessel to refuel and meet the command communications. Nervousness and anxiousness were two feelings that Anya were completely unaccustomed to, yet as she stood in the middle of her room she could feel electricity course along her skin and a light feeling fill her chest. This feeling, Anya knew, at least was not fear…no she wasn’t afraid of leaving or what would happen, it felt more like she was anticipating something bigger. Just as Anya decided to unpack and repack her ruck a phone call blared through the air stopping the Marine immediately. Anyone who would be calling her lived on the other side of the country, well into the late night and should be sleeping. Picking up her phone, Anya couldn’t decipher if she was surprised or not at the name displayed on the small screen.“Pretty late in Florida, isn’t it?” Anya’s voice was uncharacteristically soft. “I can feel your nerves across the whole damn country.” Raven’s voice is thick with exhaustion and her personal brand of sarcasm. Hearing those words though caused Anya’s blood pressure to sky rocket and her heart to beat rapidly in her chest…could she really feel what Anya was?Anya’s voice, now short and sharp cut through the line, “What?”“Even the big bad Marine pilot is allowed to get nervous Anya, I would be blind to ignore that. Plus, I figured with all the wedding planning that Lexa didn’t get a chance to call, so…hey.”“Lexa’s been busy with the wedding and starting at the law firm.” Anya’s tone was dismissive as she covered for her sister. Raven, as always, saw right through Anya’s tactic. “Ya know, it’s okay to say that Lexa messes up...she’s only human. Well. As much of a human the godly Woods family can be. Have you even seen your family’s jaw lines?”Despite herself, Anya smiled at Raven’s words, feeling anything but anxiety for the first time that night. Maybe Raven was right, maybe it was okay for Anya to admit that Lexa wasn’t perfect and that she herself wasn’t perfect either, mistakes happen. Apparently she had a bad habit for putting her baby sister on a marble pedestal, especially after their rekindling relationship. Her inner monologue was cut short though by the girl on the other end of the phone, “Are you nervous?”Anya barely caught the words, between her mind wandering and how softly they were spoken into the end of the receiver across the country. To answer, yes...Anya was nervous. But she battled with letting Raven knowing something so personal, so weak, about herself. Chewing softly on her lip while her hand tangled into her hair, Anya decided. “Yeah, Raven...I’m nervous as hell.”The space around Anya fell silent, her phone offered no noise from Raven either. She started to question her honesty in the situation, Raven was probably laughing internally at how weak Anya was for being scared, how weak she was in general. Just as the signs of anxiety filling her chest started Raven spoke, “It’s okay to be scared.”“I can’t afford to be scared over there, or when I’m in my plane, or when I’m face to face with death. I can’t afford to be scared if one of my brothers needs me to be brave.”Raven took a deep breath in, heard even by Anya on her end of the phone...though it could have been due to the stark silence in her own room. Anya waited for what seemed like an eternity before Raven spoke, “Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something is more important than fear; The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. So you being scared is okay, but you have to remember this moment when you WERE scared and make sure you hold onto it to know when something is worth being scared for.”“.....Raven?”“Yes?”“Did… did you just use a Princess Diaries quote?”Anya’s heartbeat seemed to skip when she heard the full and unhindered laughter coming from Raven over the phone. She quickly allocated the thought into the back of her mind.“Damnit! I thought I could sneak that one in!” The girl once again fell into a fit of laughter leaving Anya to wait for it to subside. Looking at the clock Anya chastised herself for how late...early it was, she had a long flight tomorrow and a longer nine months ahead of her; she couldn’t really find a reason to end the conversation with Raven though. Eventually the woman stopped laughing and the two fell into idle conversation, Anya was glad for the distraction to be honest. After about another hour Anya found herself laying in her bed with her phone perched on her chest so it didn’t burn her ear from the heat of use.During a slight lull in conversation Anya jumped on the chance to quell something she thought about earlier, “Raven what are you doing up so late?”“Oh. I had to stay up and re check some flight calculations and projections for a test the lab is running tomorrow, or yikes...today I guess.” Anya could tell the girl was holding back something, she wasn’t telling Anya the whole truth. Waiting the other girl out paid off as she continued speaking in a rush, “It’s not the first all nighter I’ve had to pull, figured you might as well not be alone either.”The sentiment struck Anya more than she thought it would, a part of Raven had chosen to stay up before her own important day to make sure Anya wasn’t alone. Feeling a turn in the conversation due to the sudden admission Anya chose to open up to Raven as well, “Did you get the package I sent you?”In response Anya heard not words but the tell tale jingle of dogtags being shaken from the scientist’s side of the world. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.” Anya chuckled slightly into the emptiness of her room.“You know Corporal, as far as I’m aware, it’s fairly illegal to copy government issued...anything.” Raven’s teasing lilt to her voice made the excruciating punishment she had to endure when telling her commanding officer she ‘lost’ her dogtags in the laundry worth it.“Good thing I have inside connections then.”“I would have rather you sent me some secret military jet packs or something but I guess your tags will have to get me through.” Raven let out a wistful sigh at the end followed by a small laugh, “seriously though, thank you.”“Something to remember me by, not too sure how often you’ll get to hear my god like voice while I’m away.”“I won’t need to remember you because you’re coming back safe and in one piece.” Anya noted the slight irritation lacing Raven’s words. Despite that though, Anya knew she needed to be real with the woman about the possibilities. Sometimes people didn’t come back the same. Some people never came back at all.“Raven, you know there’s a very real possibility that I could get hurt, or...or worse even. We can’t act like-““No. Stop. We don’t ‘have to act’ like everything will be okay because it will be Anya. You’re going to come back home and that’s that.”Anya could easily hear the sharp bitterness and anger thrown her way by Raven, clearly upset by her cynical yet very real take on the situation. Choosing not to fight with her over the ‘what ifs’ of deployment again, Anya sighed into the phone, “Okay Little Bird. When I get back I’ll send you a whole military tank to tinker on just for you”Anya wasn’t sure exactly when Raven became so important to her, not that she would ever admit it, but she never found herself complaining about the fact. More so though, Anya couldn’t find it in herself to begin to question just exactly what they were to each other...that was something she definitely didn’t want to think about, choosing just to enjoy the woman who found a way into her life while she could. Anya has a soulmate. Raven had a soulmate. That much was clear when quick flashes of dark ink on bare forearms would grace the screen during a video call or peaking from under a shirt sleeve in a picture sent. Anya couldn’t dwell on any of that, her mantra through her whole life wouldn’t change. Raven was her friend, her best friend arguably if they were honest with each other...nothing would force Anya to lose that. Maybe when she found herself home she would explore the possibility of Raven’s place in her life…she just had to get through this deployment first.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Clarke woke to the sound of their en-suite shower running signaling that Lexa was back from her morning run, figuring it was just before eight in the morning the blonde snuggled deeper into the nest of covers she created during the night. Clarke thought about the past four months, how long Anya had been in her deployment, and how Lexa seemed to change slightly during that time. Her fiancé seemed more tense and quick to check her phone when it would chime with a notification in hopes that it was Anya. At first Clarke thought she had been growing away from Lexa or that something was wrong, then she realized that Lexa was scared. The sisters had just patched up their slightly shaky relationship, only to be a whole country apart again, and then even more a whole deployment too. Obviously the brunette would never admit it, but Clarke knew better. Plus, she found the small pocket sized calendar hidden safely in her lover’s work desk with red X’s gradually marking down days until her sister was officially safe, counting already the three months she was deployed. Clarke and Lexa never spoke of it, but when Clarke came home with a large wall calendar to hang up in their bedroom Lexa’s eyes grew soft as she accepted a warm hug from her soulmate. Hearing the water finally shut off Clarke huffed as she threw back the covers, finally accepting defeat and throwing herself out of bed. Reaching for the red marker on their nightstand, Clarke marked off the day.
“Another one bites the dust.” Clarke sighs as she caps the marker. Walking out of the steam filled bathroom Lexa was, in Clarke’s eye, the vision of absolute perfection with wet flowing hair and her towel thrown casually across her body. “What was that baby?”“Oh I was just fawning over my insanely-unbelievably-hot-wife-to-be.” Clarke let her voice slip into a sultry tone, watching in glee as Lexa’s eyes turned hungry. Clarke yelped in surprise as her fiancé pounced across the room, grabbing her round the middle to fling them both onto the bed. Lexa littered kisses and small nips of her teeth across Clarke’s skin, apparently she had no qualms of getting sweaty again. Oh yes, Clarke smiled to herself, today was going to be a good day for them. *** Walking into Indra Wood’s home would never cease to leave Clarke slightly breathless and undeniably happy. Of course, her own home was love filled and beautiful, nothing truly lacking that she sought out in the Woods, but she couldn’t deny that she felt a certain spark of love when she crossed the threshold. She could just imagine little Lexa and Anya running through the halls, bounding off furniture, flourishing swords in elaborate battles. The whole idea made Clarke’s heart flutter and feel a sense of home and belonging. In her own opinion, anyone would be blessed to share this feeling of belonging that seemed to be attached to the Woods family. As Lexa and Clarke crossed into the hall leading to the kitchen, that warm feeling was still present as it settled into her chest, especially since she detected the signature scent of Indra’s world famous brown sugar pancakes. Leaving her fiancé in the dust, Clarke literally ran into the kitchen to find exactly what her nose knew to be true, Indra sitting at the island with fresh coffee and a comically large stack of pancakes. “Hello Miss Indra” Clarke gave the matriarch a full smile as she practically attacked the food, Indra gave her own lilting smile in return. Lexa walked in after her soulmate, eyebrow raised at her antics as she met her mother’s eyes. “You would think that after almost every Sunday she would lose the excitement.”“I have to admit my dear, those pancakes are worth every sentiment.” Indra’s response was spoken into her coffee cup, Lexa was sure it was to hide the prideful smile on her face.With her mouth already bulging full of food Clarke pointed her syrup covered fork at the pair, “Hey, you had your whole lives of these pancakes, I’m just making up for lost time.”“Oh I see, you’re marrying me for the pancakes then?” Lexa’s smile reached her eyes as she laughed at her soulmate. “Obviously, why else? I’m texting Octavia because she’ll back me up, we’ve been plotting since the first time we tasted them.” Clarke’s maniacal laughter filled the kitchen, causing both Woods women to smile in return. All three women had come to fall into their own routine over the past months, since Anya had left that is, every Sunday they would eat and talk, catching up about the various interesting parts of the week that had passed. Recently the Sundays had been filled with wedding talk, Clarke talking most of the conversation after she ate, Lexa of course filling her mother in on the more practical side of their planning. She loved her soulmate, but sometimes Clarke had a way of letting the conversation running away from her. Indra would ask questions in a clear way of directing the talks in certain directions, dropping sage advice only a mother could know. This particular Sunday though, right as Clarke and Lexa were discussing the pros and cons of butter cream icing, the door-bell interrupted. Lexa and Indra shared a look of momentary surprise while Clarke looked at the door questioningly, they weren’t expecting any visitors…anyone who would be calling on the Woods house would walk in the door without reserve. Seeing the apprehension in her new family’s eyes, Clarke rose from her seat on the couch to approach the door. Lexa’s soft grip on her arm stopped her in her tracks though, turning she looked Lexa in the eye.Clarke’s stomach dropped and her mouth went dry…Lexa’s face was set with an iron clad mask. Stepping back to let Lexa answer the door, Clarke looked over her shoulder at Indra to gauge her response, she saw where Lexa and Anya had learned to wear their iron mask from. Clarke could hear her soulmate take a shallow breathe in as she squared her shoulders and tilted her head upwards. Lexa opened the door. In the doorway, standing in their pressed and lint free uniforms were two obvious officers in the military, Clarke almost lost her breakfast on the living room carpet. She couldn’t look over to Indra, but she would have seen the normally stoic woman pale at the sight, her hands starting to shake slightly. Clarke could barely make out her soulmate speaking, her hearing having gone fuzzy as normal sounds were replaced by the blood in her veins becoming an orchestra booming in her ears. “Gentlemen, how can I help you?”“Is there an Indra Woods home, ma’am?”“I’m Lexa Woods, her daughter, why do you need her attention?” Clarke could hear through her rushing blood her fiancé’s breaking voice, the slight break on certain syllables, the tightness of her words.“Ma’am, we are required to speak to Mrs. Indra Woods. Is she here?” Indra slowly stood up from her spot on the chair she usually inhabited, her hands still shaking as they gripped the arms. She stepped forward, putting a hand on her younger daughter’s shoulder, Indra guided Lexa back as she stepped towards the two men in her doorway. She noted their crisp uniforms and well groomed attire, obvious military men, even the chaplain was well within regulation. Indra noted somewhere in the back of her mind, if the men weren’t here to deliver devastating news she would have complimented them. “I am Indra Woods gentlemen, how may I help you?” Clarke felt her lungs constrict as one of the officers stepped forward, “Mrs. Woods, may we come in to talk?” Indra stood still, as if she was struck by lightning and cast into marble, Lexa stepped forward now and ushered the men into their home. Stepping into the room just across the threshold of the happiness Clarke preciously associated with the first few steps into the Woods home, the men stood tall and looked at Indra. No one sat down. “Mrs. Woods, we’re here-”Lexa’s voice cut through the tension, “Is Anya dead?” Indra gripped her own hands so hard her dark skin turned red and stressed, Clarke let out an odd choking sound at the words. The men visibly tensed at the words. They shared a look between themselves, seemingly trying to figure who would deliver the news that would undoubtedly shake the Woods family to their core. Finally the man on the left stepped slightly forward, clearing his throat before he met Indra’s eye, “Mrs. Woods, your daughter Corporal Woods, as far as we know, is alive. We cannot guarantee that, but we have no news that she was killed in action. As of now, Corporal Woods is classified as Missing In Action.”The news washed over the family like a brisk winter chill as they each absorbed the words from the officer’s mouth. If Clarke didn’t feel the undeniable ache in her chest linked to Lexa’s own pain she would have run to the bathroom to vomit at her own feelings, but she staid still and strong for Lexa, not allowing herself to feel anything besides the residual emotions coursing through her body. Indra was the first to move, choosing to finally let her shoulders sag as she turned towards the interior of the room to seek refuge on the couch. Lexa hadn’t even blinked her eyes at the news, only moving to close the door in robotic movements as the two men stepped even further into the house. Eventually all people present in the room sat down, the Woods all sat on the couch while the two officers sat stiffly across from them. Indra spoke first, “What exactly does ‘Missing In Action’ mean, gentlemen?” “Like I said previously Mrs. Woods, as far as we know, she is alive. The information we have is that she and her unit were on a mission flying to protect a very sensitive drone when her unit was attacked. Her jet was shot down by natives, one in her unit was killed in action, the other was able to escape and transmit their position. The United States Military is doing everything in our power to find her and successfully retrieve her.” A pregnant pause filled room after the officer finished speaking, just as the chaplain leaned forward to speak Clarke launched herself off the couch, “What the fuck do you mean you’re trying to find her?!”Lexa reached forward to grab Clarke, trying to calm her soulmate, the blonde shook her soulmate’s hand off to stalk towards the men, “You’re telling me, that the whole military doesn’t know where she is? Doesn’t know how to find her? That you haven’t gotten her yet?!” “Ma’am, I apologize, but sometimes when planes land it’s difficult to locate their exact landing site in these situations. We know approximately where she is, and who she was taken by, but ultimately we are following the clues we were left with before she crashed, as well as prepping an extraction plan.” Indra spoke, cutting off Clarke’s inevitable verbal attack, “How long has my daughter been missing?”“Corporal Woods has been officially been classified as Missing In Action for five days.”“You did not answer my question…how long has my daughter been missing?” Indra’s voice shot across the room like ice into the men’s veins. Even Clarke shivered at the words.“Ma’am, your daughter was shot down ten days ago, five days after the incident and two days of searching, the military officially classified her.”At those words Clarke felt her whole body crack, she could not believe the words that came from the officer’s mouths. They couldn’t even find Anya? It was the fucking military for fucks sake…how was she just… missing? Finally reaching her breaking point Clarke, ignoring the pulling hands of both Indra and Lexa, stepped within two feet of the officers as she pointed her finger in their faces as her voice lowered into a soft yet menacing whisper, “Do you know who the Griffins are, gentlemen? Do you know the name?”The men shook their head honestly, no one questioned their steadfast resolve in the face of a small blonde compared to a drill sergeant. Clarke was undeterred though by their lack of reaction. “No, I’m not surprised you don’t, it’s not a common name to be honest. Do you know what is a common name though?”Now Clarke was bordering on hysterical, her voice lowering even more as she stared into the officers’ eyes, “Did you know that the Griffin family is incredibly close with Marcus Kane? Do you know Mr. Kane?” Clarke saw recognition cross not only the officers’ faces but also Lexa and Indra’s as well. She smiled at them, “My father, Jake Griffin, is best friends with Marcus Kane, the Speaker of the House, third in line to the Presidency…I can call his personal cell phone number right now and make sure that my sister-in-law, Corporal Woods, is found within the next twelve hours. So why has it taken you over a week?”The two officers seemed to swallow their doubt and fear, the elder of the two, the chaplain if Clarke had to guess, spoke, “Ma’am, I apologize personally, but we really are doing everything in our power to find Corporal Woods.”Hearing those words Clarke stalked towards the kitchen where her purse and phone were, grabbing her phone she stormed back into the living room holding the device up to the officers. Before her soulmate started to furiously search through her phone, Lexa stood and grabbed Clarke’s hands, softly forcing her to look directly into her eyes, Lexa nodded to her soulmate in hope that she understood. Backing down Clarke threw her phone across the room aiming to the unoccupied seat as she threw herself onto the couch next to Indra. The blonde deflated with an angrily whispered, "fuck", her adrenaline and anger starting to dampen. Lexa turned towards the officers who sat with wide eyes, “When you know where she is, you will tell us? We want to be updated at every new scrap of information you find.”“Of course Ma’am, we’re here to tell help and counsel you through this time, you will not-”“No, we will not be left in the dark. You will tell us everything you know, when you know it. Is that clear?”, Lexa’s court room attitude flashing through her usual demeanor as she stood imposingly over the officers.As Indra and Clarke stood to match Lexa’s intensity, the two officers stood as well, nodding to the family before them. As they stepped over the threshold to the outside world they hadn’t just broken, the most likely chaplain turned to them, “If you need anything, please call me. Otherwise, we will be keeping you in touch with our efforts to find your daughter, Mrs. Woods.”The door closed with a solid finality, the Woods family felt the final click of the lock echo through their bones.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Raven was never too sure about her soulmark if she was being honest. When she was young, before she found a home with the Griffins, she thought her soulmark was a lifeline that she would hold gingerly close to her heart. The idea that somewhere out in the world was Raven’s perfect person, her best friend, future lover, her safe haven from all the pain, propelled her through the agony she dealt with at the neglectful hands of her mother. Once she found a home and a family though, her soulmark didn’t resonate so deeply within her as it once did. Raven would find herself wondering about the dark ink on her arm whenever it would change, or doing incredibly thorough research when the mark displayed words she didn’t understand, but she no longer needed the mark for support, she was no longer a helpless child. She promised herself that she would never be helpless again.There was only one time when Raven truly hated her mark, a deep resentment towards the treacherous words settling into her life taking over the normal nonchalance she usually felt. When she met Finn, she was convinced that he was her soulmate. Finn made her head spin and her heart flutter, she finally felt safe in the comfort of his arms, that’s what a soulmate is supposed to feel like. Her heart broke though when they looked at their arms and saw no change, Raven’s mark hadn’t changed from ‘The Bell Jar’ and Finn’s still read ‘fresh cut grass’. Despite not being soulmates, they threw caution to the wind as any teenager in love is prone to. Raven wished more than anything that the mark scarring her skin would change one day, that Finn really was her soulmate and it was just one big test for them overcome. That day never came though. The day Finn’s mark not only changed but spread to his right arm broke Raven in ways she didn’t think possible. His toothy smile reached ear to ear, his hair falling slightly in his sparkling eyes, Raven realized that he never smiled like that with her. Her heart broke as she hugged Finn once he told her the news, they shared promises and tears as he walked away. Her success can be linked to that day if Raven was asked. That’s when she decided that she didn’t need a soulmate, she only needed herself and a few scholarships. Raven launched herself into schoolwork and studying, taking every opportunity she could to learn more and hone her genius. A part of Raven questioned her own motives for her sudden desire to be even more successful. Was she trying to make something of herself to be successful for herself? Would her success prove her worth to make up for years of neglect from her mother? To make the Griffins proud? Maybe deep down she was building herself and her success so when she did find her soulmate, they wouldn’t have a reason to leave her. Regardless of all those swirling questions Raven didn’t let her mind cloud or impair her future. She worked her ass off during college and then through her masters programs, gaining her doctorate too, ultimately leading her to being the lead technical engineer and designer for NASA. With all that Raven never really had a chance to think too hard about her soulmark, much less spend precious time searching for a soulmate or following the words like a map. She loved Clarke but a part of her thought the blonde was slightly naïve for obsessing over her mark her whole life, she would stare at the words on her arm for hours letting her mind get lost in fairy tale day dreams. Raven didn’t have time to eat some days, much less stare at slightly mythical words on her skin linking her to some unknown person. Her general disregard of her soulmark seemed to make a complete flip though one day, much to her dismay, which filled her with burning curiosity. It was subtle at first, she would catch herself checking the words every so often, much more than she normally would, then it progressed to thinking intently about her mark and the morality of soulmates. Raven even found herself day dreaming, an incredibly uncharacteristic trait unless it revolved around mechanics or breaking a lengthy mathematical equation. Raven was starting to feel like Clarke and Lexa when they got mushy about their own marks. A part of Raven questioned where the sudden intense interest in her soulmark stemmed from. The day dreaming and staring seemed to happen out of nowhere, nothing spurring her desire that she could track down, the scientist in her was determined to find the source of this new habit. Reality struck Raven much later than it should have, much later than she was willing to even admit her genius mind didn’t figure out right away. Anya had just laughed her own little breathy-barely-there response into Raven’s ear through the phone speaker when something just….clicked. Electricity coursed through her veins and made her heart thump uncontrollably in her chest. Anya. It was Anya. Raven felt her whole body tense with the realization, running through every memory she had of the girl, every mark that crossed her skin, even more so Raven felt it all. She tossed aside the facts her brain was so keen to hold onto and focused on every feeling that beat in her chest whenever Anya was involved. The Marine made her laugh and feel safe with even small secrets, Anya fueled feelings of warmth and support, gratitude and trust. Raven dove deeper into the strange times when she felt emotions that were clearly attributed to her soulmate, the times she was anxious or indescribably happy, all seemed to line up directly with situations that coincided in Anya’s life.At the realization Raven abruptly ended the phone call with Anya, she couldn’t deal with her emotions with the woman creating them listening intently. She had to take a deep breath to steady the rattling emotions in her body, her heart hammering against her rib cage. Did Anya know? Would Anya be okay with Raven being her soulmate? What if she was wrong again, Raven thought Finn was her soulmate too long ago. Raven shook her head, even as she questioned that she knew better, Anya was so different in every single way. Raven worked through every emotion and thought she could, slowly coming to terms with the monumental discovery. Even if Anya wasn’t her soulmate, she did love her. Raven decided right then that she would enjoy the moments she had with Anya before she deployed, she wasn’t going to ruin her bond with Anya with ‘maybes’ and ‘I think so’. So Raven went along just as normal, hers and Anya’s relationship only growing stronger the closer she got to her deployment. When she received the package from Anya that held an obvious illegal copy of her dog-tags, Raven’s heart soared and her fingertips tingled with excitement. The lie slipped off Raven’s tongue easily when she accidently said that she could feel Anya’s nerves across the country, the Marine was obviously taken by surprise, causing the engineer to think quickly to cover her tracks. The night before Anya’s deployment was not the time to start admitting major feelings and possible soulmarks. So Raven waited. She would wait until Anya got back home safe and they could finally meet, hopefully they could finally experience their soulmark burning into their rights arms. Raven’s stomach flipped happily at the possibility. All she had to do was wait. ***Lexa couldn’t sleep, so she sat in the dark waiting until the rest of the house stirred once the sun broke the horizon. Every time she closed her eyes from exhaustion she was plagued with thoughts of Anya. Sometimes she would smile at small flashes of memories or she would be racked with sadness at the possibility of Anya missing or being tortured, her chest would constrict with paralyzing fear at the thought that she could very well never see her sister again. The uncertainty of the words ‘missing in action’ caused Lexa’s new insomnia, she found that the looming question mark over the Woods family seemed to settle tangibly inside her chest.It had been three days since the officers crossed into the Woods home to effectively change their whole lives. Once they left, Lexa, Indra, and Clarke simply sat in silence absorbing the information, trying to swallow the new reality they found themselves in. Wondering what they were supposed to do next. Clarke was the first to move after that moment, leaving Lexa and Indra on the couch as she walked in a daze to the kitchen. Lexa smiled now in the darkness of the living room, Clarke had made coffee for them all. Such a simple act made Lexa’s heart constrict at her soulmate’s ability to genuinely care. Indra was the one to call Lincoln and Octavia, her voice cold and hallow in an attempt to fight off the emotions as she told her young nephew. The two arrived less than twenty minutes after the call and they hadn’t left the house since, only to go to work. The family unit had never been more important, each member, blood or soulbound, taking care of each other and offering silent unwavering support. Lexa jolted at the sound of Octavia placing a fresh coffee cup on the table next to the chair she inhabited. She wasn’t too sure what she looked like, surely disheveled and exhausted, but looking at Octavia now, Lexa saw the exhaustion etched on the young brunette’s face. Her face was pale and there were clear shallow bags under her eyes, she moved slowly and Lexa doubted that it was the early morning stiffness causing her such pain. The two women sat in silence for a bit, content to just exist in their own realms together, before Octavia whispered into the soft darkness, “How long do you think we’ll be able to keep this up?”Lexa internally balked at the question, she had only been able to take the reality of Anya missing minute by minute…she never thought that she might have to live with this emptiness in the future. The words that left Lexa’s mouth surprised even herself,“As long as we have to. We survive.”Octavia let out a shuttering breath but seemed to accept the answer, there was no other answer really besides that. They had to survive. The silence once again settled in the air between them only broken by the few sips of coffee that they could stomach. Lexa knew that she could count on one hand how much food she had been able to keep down in the past three days. Soft pink and orange light started to flood the room through the window heralding in a new day full of unanswered questions, Lexa sighed. A few moments later she could hear the rustling of life as someone started to shuffle their way through the hallway. A calming wave of love filled Lexa’s whole body as she saw disheveled blonde hair poking out of the thick comforter that Clarke draped over herself. Without words Clarke joined Octavia on the couch, both shifting to allow for Lexa to sit as well; all three cuddled underneath the thick blanket, taking refuge under the barrier. Once again Octavia broke the silence, her voice only a whisper to match the mood of the room, “Hey Clarke, remember that game we always played in the hospital?”“The name game?” “Yeah, that’s the one.” Lexa perked up, she had never heard this before, “What’s the name game?”Turning to Lexa, Clarke answered, “It’s a game we used to play when my Dad and Raven were in the hospital. The night of the accident, me, O, and Bellamy were just stuck in the waiting room, then eventually the ICU waiting area. We were going crazy just waiting for answers, anything. Raven and Dad were in surgery for so long. A woman waiting with us could tell we needed something to distract ourselves, so she taught us the name game.”Octavia took over here, “So, the way you play is you say a word, a noun preferably, then the next person in the circle has to come up with another word that starts with the last letter of the word previously said, but you only have a few seconds, if you can't answer you lose. Like, if I say ‘dog’ then Clarke would say ‘goblin’ then you would say ‘nest’. We could play for hours until we were laughing so hard we had to stop.”So they started to play, bouncing words and soft laughs around the room as the sun continued to rise. Lexa could see why Octavia had suggested the game, she felt slightly guilty for it, but in that moment she didn’t feel devastated about Anya. Lincoln and Indra eventually joined the trio once they were roused by their laughter or the inability to sleep, Lexa didn’t ask. She instead set to explaining the game and insisting they join. For a moment of time everything went back to normal, like they were just their normal family enjoying a game night. Lincoln’s soft laugh complimenting Octavia’s echoing joy, Lexa and Clarke trading small smiles when they met eyes, Indra even crinkling her eyes in a smile at her family’s joy. Reality though dropped on top of them like an avalanche. Lincoln had just shouted the word ‘cap’ before the time allowance was up followed by Octavia’s own word ‘pilot’. All at once the laughter and joy seemed to be sucked out of the room, everyone realizing what just happened, guilt filling their chests for their laughter. Lexa’s stomach lurched painfully, threatening to upend the coffee she drank earlier. Silence once again filled the room.
Indra cleared her throat gaining the room’s attention, she looked directly at Clarke when she spoke, “How do we survive this endless waiting?”Though vague, the question resonated through the room. Lexa laid her hand across Clarke’s as her soulmate spoke, “By living. By laughing and remembering that your life hasn’t stopped, even though it feels like you’ll never breathe right again. After the first night, when Dad and Raven were moved to ICU, Dad was bad but alive and Raven was in a coma. No one had concrete answers, barely even ‘maybes’. All we could do was wait and wait and wait. Four days worth of limbo, the name game and each other were the only things we had to keep us sane. Eventually, Bellamy laughed at something, a loud belly laugh out of nowhere, and then we all just starting laughing and crying at the same time. We started telling awful jokes that Raven had told us over the years, talking about our favorite memories with my Dad. It still hurt, the reality of it all was still looming, but we didn’t feel suffocated by it anymore. We just lived again.”The words filled the empty air, swirling around in everyone’s minds, settling and battling their guilt. Indra closed her eyes and let loose a curt snort of air through her nose, Lexa knew it was a calming technique her mother employed through their childhood. Octavia and Clarke pressed together, the latter with her head laid on the brunette’s shoulder. Lincoln simply stared out of the large front window, cars starting to pass by on their way to work, going about their every-day lives, completely unaware of the shattering hearts in the home they pass daily. Suddenly the silence was cut through by the jarring sound of a phone ringing, everyone jumping slightly at the interruption. Lexa noticed Clarke start to get up then hesitate, she offered a questioning look. The blonde answered, “It’s Raven, I haven’t talked to her since…in a few days. I don’t know what to say.” Lexa nodded in understanding, how do you break bad news?Lincoln was the one to answer though, “Tell her the truth, we can’t act like it’s not happening by lying or avoiding the truth.”With that Clarke unearthed her phone from under the blanket and herself, swiping to answer the call and putting Raven on speaker phone like she usually does. Before Clarke could even say a word Raven’s worried voice spilled from the speakers, “Clarke what the hell is going on?”Taken by surprise Clarke could only utter out a simple, “What?”“Am I on speaker?”“Yes, the whole family is here. Say ‘hi’”“Clarke take me off speaker.” Raven’s voice cut through leaving no room for argument. Everyone seemed to tense at the woman’s tone. Pressing the button on screen, Clarke obliged and held the phone to her ear on her left, next to Lexa’s space. “What’s going on Ray?”“I don’t know, but something is wrong, I can feel it. Anya hasn’t contacted me in over two weeks and you’ve been avoiding me for a few days too. So start talking.”Clarke could hear the fear laced in the undertone, hidden well within the determined voice of Raven. Hearing the conversation, Lexa gripped lightly onto Clarke’s thigh to give her strength, the news about to be broken, another life filled with dread and worry. “Ray, um…”, Clarke took a deep breath to continue, “we just found out that Anya is missing in action.”***The whole world seemed to shift around Raven when she heard those few words. Her heart immediately started slamming into her chest, threatening to break free; the moisture in her mouth dried causing her tongue to feel like sandpaper against her teeth. Raven felt like she had been slammed into by a physical wall, her chest heaving in effort to keep breathing even though the air in her lungs became stagnant. Distantly Raven could hear Clarke on the phone calling her name, trying to gain her attention, though her only thought was to look at her arm. Reaching down slowly, so slowly, she pushed back the sleeve of her shirt to look at her soulmark. She wasn’t sure what she expected or wanted by looking at her mark, maybe some confirmation that Anya was alive, or that she was wrong and her soulmate was going to be enjoying their favorite beer right now. Raven removed her shaking hand from over her soulmark and looked down at the dark ink on her skin.‘home’An uncontrollable sob escaped Raven’s body at the word marking her skin. The weight of reality bearing down on her seemed light as a feather, in a way, once she saw the word. At least Anya was alive…and she was thinking of home. Which meant that she was fighting, fighting to get back home, fighting to stay alive. Raven’s racing mind was called back at hearing the shout of her name from the other end of the phone. “Raven?!”“I’m here Griff…I’m here.”“You’re scaring me Raven, what’s going on? You’re crying.”She reached up to wipe her cheeks, she didn’t even realize that there were tears steadily streaming down her skin. Fear and sadness settled low in her belly and she felt her fingertips start to buzz with anxiety as well. Raven had to tell Clarke of her soulmate suspicion; if anything, maybe her mark could help to offer some calm to everyone’s minds, a safety net to know that Anya was indeed breathing somewhere in the world. With a shaky breath and whispered words, Raven answered, “I think Anya is my soulmate.”
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Anya stopped counting the days long ago, partially due to the fact that she was in a windowless room and could not see the sunlight. She also knew that she wasn’t being fed at regular intervals to count on marking days due to the tinge of hunger she would feel lurch in her stomach every so often; with nothing else to do she counted in seconds to minutes to hours on hours after being fed several times, once she got to five hours and the next was two whole days’ worth of seconds. One of the two men that were apparently sanctioned to watch and feed her stepped into the artificial light illuminating the small room she was recently moved to. He kept his distance, choosing to slide the plate of pita with his boot clad foot towards her, they learned to stay back after she broke one of their noses trying to escape. When the plate was close enough to her she reached out (with her non handcuffed hand) and grabbed a slice of the thick pita only to throw it into the man’s face then flip him off. He let loose a string of curses she barely understood as he walked away from where she was cuffed. Anya sighed and grabbed the other slice, knowing that she needed to eat something. She thought back to the first days after she crashed…well, she knew that she was actually shot down, but still crashed none the less. She stayed with her plane for as long as she could, hoping that she would be extracted, but with her communication system shot to hell she was stranded. Eventually she was forced to walk, she walked through the sands with her gun in hand and her undershirt tied around her face to avoid sun and wind burn. After another day of walking, delirious and dehydrated, she stumbled upon a goat herding family who took mercy on her. She slept for however long she could, waking to eat and drink. They gave her goat cheese and meat cooked perfectly with native tea. Her heart clenched at their generosity. All the good they did for her and all she gave them in return was a quick death at the hands of her current captors. They ambushed the small house of the family, knocking out Anya before she could attack. So that’s how she found herself now, at the mercy of the enemy, hand cuffed to the wall in a dingy dank room without a clue for how long she had been there nor how long she was staying either. There were only two things keeping her truly sane, her soulmark and another American soldier. Anya’s soulmark had spurred a surprising amount of hope in her. The ink burned in her skin, yelling to be noticed on the first ‘night’ she was captured, she fought the temptation but eventually her deep need to be safe and connected won over, forcing her to sneak a glance to her mark. Her heart beat calmly in her chest as she read the words ‘ion propulsion’, somewhere in the world her genius soulmate was safe. The American solider she had made eventual friends with was cuffed somewhere else in the area she was in, down the hall and out of sight. Although they couldn’t see each other he called out to her after she broke one of the men’s nose when they first attempted to shackle her down, “Good one dude! That’s gunna fucking be a shiner!” Anya fought the other men as they grappled her to the ground, the other soldier’s shouts echoed through the room, cheering her on. After all was finished and Anya was sufficiently hand cuffed, she called back to the soldier, “If they want me, they’ll have to work for it.”“Oh shit, I like you. We might stand a chance to get out of this shithole with you fighting. Yo, what’s your name? I’m Murphy.”The man sounded young and in incredibly high spirits for being caught with little chances of escape, Anya wondered how long he had been there before her. “Woods. But my call sign is Skaigona, call me that until we get home.”She could hear the man shuffling before he called back, “Call sign? You a pilot?”“Yeah, 3rd MAW Marine branch….the fuckers shot down my damn jet.”“Damn, that’s badass for real. What’s your call sign mean?”Anya wasn’t usually one for all the talking, but she couldn’t think of a reason not to indulge either one of themselves, they were in the shithole together. “Skaigona…it’s from my family’s native language. I think it would directly translate as ‘sky warrior’? More like a bird of prey in my language.”Her and Murphy had quickly created a certain bond between them, they would talk about their lives back home or simply to keep themselves from going insane. Anya learned that Murphy had a soulmate somewhere in the world, Emori was her name, and that he was willing to kill anyone to get back home to her. He said those exact words and Anya didn’t doubt them, hearing the malice lacing his voice, eerie among the darkness. Murphy learned about Anya’s family and how badly she wanted to see them, she told him about her soulmark even if she hadn’t met her soulmate yet. After one conversation, full of silent tears and loud fear, Anya and Murphy promised to each other that they were getting out, together. ***Gunshots rang violently throughout the stale air surrounding Anya, she jolted at the jarring intrusion. Murphy yelped at the sound, clearly taken by surprise if Anya guessed by the soft snores coming from his area earlier. They could only wait for the outcome. Was it friendly fire? Were their captures simply shooting at a rat? Were they shooting at fellow American soldiers? Could Anya and Murphy finally be free?Several more gunshots rang loudly, the echoing sounds getting closer to wherever they were cuffed. Minutes of silence later, just as Anya was about to call out to Murphy, the door to the room holding them clicked open softly, barely able to be heard. Anya could hear measured boot steps coming towards her, knowing they would reach her before Murphy she called into the darkness, “USA friendly! USA friendly!” Then Anya saw a three man team, clad in gear and guns, round the corner aiming at her before giving the clear. “Get us the fuck out of here. There’s another American somewhere to the left.” One of the soldiers came forward and picked the lock on the handcuff around Anya’s wrist. She followed the soldier when they gave her a nod of affirmation, waiting for the others in the unit and Murphy to meet them and hopefully their extraction helicopter. Anya didn’t know what she expected Murphy to look like, but she couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face when she saw him for the first time. He had shaggy brown hair and his face was sunken in around his bones, his lip was split which complimented the dark black eye he was currently sporting. Anya wondered how she looked to him, she knew that she couldn’t be far off though, they both got roughed up on several occasions. Before they could properly celebrate though, Anya and Murphy were put into formation and they followed the team through the building, seeing it properly for the first time. Anya couldn’t care less what it looked like, she just wanted out of it. The fresh air hit Anya in an inconceivable way. A part of her expected the sunshine to hit her skin and warm wind meet her, instead they were met by a cool breeze and the light of a full moon. She could hear the loud thrum of a helicopter, her heart skipped at the freedom within reach. Though they were starving and dehydrated, Anya and Murphy sprinted towards the open bay door with fellow Americans beckoning them into safety. When her boots hit the solid steal plate ground she threw herself into a seat and started heaving, her chest burning and her eyes wide. She didn’t look at Murphy until she could feel them being lifted high into the air far away from where they were. Anya and Murphy’s eyes met across the small interior, they reached forward and grabbed each other’s forearms, throwing safety and protocol to the wind, Anya unbuckled and launched herself forward to grab Murphy by the back of his neck forcing their foreheads to rest against each other. They didn’t say a word, they simply smiled and laughed. They were finally free. They were finally going home. ***When Anya woke up, she saw white walls and felt white sheets, the steady beeps of a monitor filling her ears. The last moments she remembered were of her and Murphy escaping, laughing in the helicopter, then hearing landing access at Camp Bastion; Anya figured that she was currently in the medical bay of the base now.She blinked deeply a few times, letting her eyes adjust to the bright light, a stark contrast to the darkness she was in before. Her mind flashed back to the darkness and being shackled to the wall, the needle in her hand and the tape on her skin felt like iron around her wrists, her chest started to heave and her heart beat wildly against her ribcage. Suddenly Anya couldn’t catch her breath and she could hear the pounding footsteps of heavy boots making their way down the hall keeping time with the blood rushing in her ears, a gun clinking against his chest echoing in the empty room she was shackled in. Refusing to be beaten again, Anya ripped her shackles off, launching onto her feet and away from the boot steps. “MURPHY?!”Anya turned to the left where she knew the American soldier’s voice always came from, though all she encountered were endless dark hallways, Murphy’s voice filling her ears calling out to her. “Murphy, where the fuck are you? I’m free, I’m coming for you so we can go home! Where are you?”Hearing only the deafening sounds of boot heels hitting concrete and the loud silence of Murphy’s missing voice, Anya sank to her knees waiting for the boots to finally find her and shackle her back to the wall. ***The next time Anya opened her eyes, she was sure that she was actually strapped down…to her medical bed. Her arms and legs were strapped to the silver bars along the stiff cotton she was laying on, the buckles looking infinitely difficult to undo. She forced her arms upwards trying to test the actual functionality of the straps, she found that the straps were highly effective in keeping her locked to the bed. Feeling entirely trapped, Anya forced her breathing to be even and steady, hopefully her heart would follow to calm her. She was in the hospital, not in the dark dank room like she was before. She forced herself to rationalize that Murphy was probably in another part of the medical bay getting treatment for his various injuries. Anya cataloged her own injuries and aches, her lip seemed to be healing thought it was still tender as she ran her tongue across the thin skin, her ribs ached under the tight bandages she could feel, her right leg was in a soft cast while being elevated.Eventually a nurse walked into her room with a clipboard in hand, eyes roaming over the information written in ink across the pages. Anya watched the nurse flip the pages and check her vitals on the small screen above her bed. Finally the nurse looked at her, his brown eyes were warm and open, Anya was struck with a vision of a young Lincoln smiling at her after he caught a frog from the creek by her house, proud of his accomplishment…her heart clenched at the memory. Anya forced her view to the small window showing only the brick face of another building. “You’re healing well, Corporal Woods.” His soft voice carried over her sheets and into her mind. “Where is Murphy?”“Private John Murphy? The man who was rescued with you?”“Yes. Where is he?” Anya’s tone left no room for any type of argument. Despite her tone and sharp glare, much like Lincoln, the nurse seemingly ignored her scathing aura, tilting his head in a soft way before he answered, “Private Murphy is in another room in this wing, he’s recovering nicely and should be cleared for physical duty soon.”Anya processed the information while watching the nurse tinker his way through her room and across her various tubes and dressings across her body. His hands were soft and tender, not disturbing her or causing any discomfort. Just as he turned to leave Anya spoke, “Did I hurt anyone?”The nurse turned to meet her eye, an obvious confusion clouding the usual soft brown hue.Sighing, Anya answered his unasked question, “When I had an episode...I-I thought I was…back. Trying to escape. Trying to find Murphy. Did I hurt anyone?”The nurse shook his head, offering Anya some type of peace knowing that she didn’t injure anyone during her unwanted episode. He spoke once more before he turned to the open door, “The psych will be here soon to talk to you Corporal.”Anya closed her eyes and stuffed her head back against the hard medical pillows to wait for the psychologist coming to talk to her. She started to make a plan, whether she wanted to be honest or bend the truth. She could act like she was perfectly fine and go through the eventual physical test to be cleared for active duty, being back in her plane by the time her leg heals. Or she could be painfully honest, admit that her episode earlier was buried in the depths of her recent apparent fears. She knew that either decision would have long lasting consequences, affecting her in so many ways that she didn’t even want to think about as she was strapped to the medical bed. Just as Anya wanted to drift off to sleep, her eyes blinking slowly and deeply, the psychologist walked into the room, his uniform pressed neatly and his hair parted at a ruler’s markings. “Good afternoon Corporal Woods, I’m here to talk to you a little bit, see what’s going on, what you’re thinking.”“I’m thinking that I want to be out of these fucking straps.” Anya’s voice was blunt and without emotion as the psych sat down in the chair across from her bed. “Well, as much as I would like to undo those straps…it’s hospital protocol to keep you in after you rip out needles to start roaming the halls in the middle of the night.”Anya almost let loose a feral snarl at the man’s words, instead she took a deep breath to steady herself, “I was looking for Murphy, that’s it.”“Looking for Santa’s cookies or Murphy, you gave the nurses a real fright going down the halls screaming in the middle of the night. Was Murphy the only person you wanted to find?”Thoughts raced through Anya’s mind, was she really looking for Murphy or was she scared and walking through a PTSD nightmare?“I was only looking for Murphy. We spent all that time together, talking and keeping each other alive…of course I woke up looking for him. That man was my only life line for years!” Anya’s voice raised as her temper flared at the man questioning her. “You don’t understand, you won’t EVER understand what it feels like to wake up alone, or to be hand cuffed, or beaten, or questioning if the voice you’ve been leaning on has somehow disappeared. You won’t ever fucking understand.” “Do you mind if I call you Anya instead of your rank?” The psychologist looked at Anya with a neutral expression, but she could tell that he was deep in thought trailing an idea. “No, you can call me Corporal. I sweat and bled too much for anyone to not call me by my rank.” The man nodded his head, eyes cast down before he looked up and caught Anya’s attention, “How long were you captured for Anya?”“I told you not to call me by anything except my rank.”“Alright, Corporal…how long were you captured for?”“You stop counting after the fifth beating. But. You tell me, my file is right in your hand.”The psychologist smiled just slightly, shaking the file in his hand slightly, he glanced at the papers seemingly making a decision before he finally met Anya’s eyes, “Your plane crashed three months and twelve days ago. You’ve been here for two days now.”“Have you told my family yet?” Anya’s hold on reality started to slip once she heard how long she had actually been missing for, she needed to know at least that her family was real and knew she was alive.“Not at present as far as I’m aware, I would like to talk a little bit more with you before-”“-before I go on a bender and you’re suddenly responsible.” Anya’s words bit across the small space between them. To his credit the psychologist didn’t seem to be entirely effected by her words. He simply tilted his head and stared at Anya. She was starting to think he was a bird with how often he cocked his head sideways at her. “I’m surprised you’ve made it this far in the military with that disposition against authority you seem to have.”“Following orders is easy, being dissected is something I’m not a fan of.”“Are you uncomfortable?”Anya rolled her eyes at the man and forced her arms up to show him the straps keeping her detained, “It’s a fucking five star hotel here, Doc.”That earned a chuckle to escape the psychologist’s mouth. He started to shuffle around some papers, apparently finding the one he wanted, flicking it straight as he crossed his legs casually. “I have your release form right here, all I have to do is sign it and you’re back in the pit. Convince me why I should sign it.”“Because I’m a damn good pilot.”The psychologist nodded his head slightly. He stood up and leveled Anya with steady eye contact. “I’ll give you two more days to come up with a better answer.”*** Her head was buzzing and her mouth was dry, the light coming through her eye lids caused a wave of nausea to rip through her stomach. Bringing her hand to her face she desperately tried to shield the light as she blinked her mind back into reality. “Coming off the good shit hurts doesn’t it?”For a moment Anya froze, she heard Murphy’s voice clearly, the same lilt of a laugh hiding in the corner of his smile that she heard in the darkness so many times. If she knew how to pray she would have sent up a plea that she wasn’t imagining his voice right now. Taking a chance, she tilted her head to the left and forced her eyes open. Once her body adjusted she could clearly see Murphy there, in his own hospital bed and wires connected to him too.“If you told them to keep me off the good shit, I’ll kill you myself.” “No, but I did finally convince them to take those damn straps off your wrists. Can’t believe that shit, strapping a real life American Hero down like a fucking animal.”“Why are you here?”“I don’t get a ‘thank you’ or even a ‘damn Murph it is good to see you’, nothing?”Anya stared at Murphy just a little longer, comfortable silence filling the space. “Am I talking to a hallucination right now?”She wasn’t sure if the softness that crossed Murphy’s face was uncharacteristic or not, she’s only seen his face two times now really, but judging from his sharp words and natural presence she could guess that he was never really soft with anyone. “No, it’s really me Skaigona….I asked them to pull some strings and wheel me in here. Being alone…it, it didn’t suit me well.”“Good, it’s been too damn quite without your loud mouth cracking jokes.”The two settled into their comfortable silence once more as a show played almost on mute on the television, neither one seemed to be paying attention; content just to be in their own minds and with the safety of each other. Anya thought about her life and what she was going to do. The thought of going home forever made her almost as sick as going back to her duties. A part of her knew that if she couldn’t even get through a night without screaming for Murphy, how could she handle being back, how could she put not only herself in danger but her unit too? Though Anya tried desperately to imagine a life if she went back home, she couldn’t. She had a life before she left for the Corps, and she even had a glimpse of what home would be like during her week long leave, but having to create a whole new foundation of life? She wasn’t sure that she could do that. Her eyes wandered over to Murphy’s forearm to wonder about his life instead of her own, his left one since she couldn’t see the name that she knew would be there marking his right. His arm was showing the word ‘Blackfoot River’. Something sparked in Anya’s mind, derailing her previous tortured thoughts. “Murphy?”“Yeah?”“Where are you from?”A short snort left Murphy’s body as he responded, “A little shithole town called Arkadia. You know Polis? It’s about a forty-five minute drive north from there. Me and Emori have plans to leave actually, when I get back. She wants to move down to Polis.”“No shit?”“No shit Woods.”“If I ever make my way back home, you and me can be neighbors.”“You still high over there, Woods?”“I’m from Polis. You can buy the two story white wash next door to mine, get a dog. I’ll yell at you from over the fence about your dog shitting in my front lawn or your demon kid playing ding dong ditch. Emori will bring over some failed baking attempt and a bottle of whiskey, we’ll spend all day bitching about life. Maybe grab a movie once in a while.”Murphy almost full on smiled across the small space between their beds, he shook his head still laughing, “That sounds like a whole different kind of hell to walk into, send me back into the sand.”Anya met Murphy’s eyes and laughed out loud, a full and happy sound echoing through the room, Murphy seemingly catching the laughter as well, his own mixing with Anya’s. They could both feel the stress pouring off them, the fear and anxiety being washed away with their shared laughter. Eventually their breath ran out and the laughter waned to small sounds of air escaping intermittently.“Ya know, sometimes I think that I wouldn’t mind living that kind of hell with Emori. Maybe not exactly like that, but settling down and starting a new life…it doesn’t seem so scary if I know I’ll have her with me.”“Have you been able to talk to her yet?”“No, but I don’t really need to. She knows I’m alive and okay.” At that Murphy held up his forearm and tapped the ink there. Anya gave it some thought, that soulmate link was helping Emori stay sane, knowing that somewhere her soulmate was actually alive and breathing. Her family didn’t have that luxury, if she so dared called a soulmark a luxury, they just had to wait day in and day out for her safety status. “You going home after this?”Murphy didn’t answer for a while, Anya gave him the time to think. She wasn’t sure it was a question that could be easily answered. Eventually Murphy turned back to Anya, his black eye starting to fade just a bit, she wondered what he would look like outside of the hospital, happy and healthy. “Yeah, I’m going home. Honestly, I’m not sure I could handle going back. I’m tired.”Anya hummed in response to his words and he turned back to the window seemingly drifting off to sleep…yeah, Anya thought she was tired too.
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After the initial shock of learning that Anya was missing in action, Raven found that she was much more calm than she thought possible. The constant dread and fear of the possible future was still present, lingering over her head or settling in her chest like a barbed wire covered brick, but she knew that her soul mark was still there too. Whenever her body felt heavy or the tell tale sting behind her eyes showed, she would hurriedly rip the sleeve of her shirt up to look at her soul mark. The relief that flowed through her body was tangible whenever she saw her mark, still dark black and firmly in place. Over the course of the last three months Raven had essentially formed a habitual tick out of the process of checking her mark. Wake up, mark. Left turn out of her complex parking, mark. Walking away after her security check, mark. Raven had never felt this level of dependency regarding her mark, even when she was a small child looking for a life line she had never felt then what she did currently looking at her mark. Now, her mark truly was a life line, not for Raven per say, but a direct line to Anya and the relief of knowing that she was at least alive somewhere in the world. Those thoughts were running through Raven’s mind the whole morning, from when she woke with a start and seemed to be unable to remove them from her mind since. Her morning coffee was a second thought to her body, slowly sipping the liquid while at her kitchen counter but her eyes were glued to her mark. She looked for any line out of place, any fuzzy part, any type of imperfection in the odd mark on her skin. There was none. The thin lines of lazy script depicting the word ‘flying’ was perfectly stamped onto her skin, as if the ink bled into her skin from underneath and trapped into a perfect cutout. Raven’s heart felt warm for the first time in almost three months since she learned of Anya, because apparently wherever she was the Marine was currently thinking about flying, which had been marked on Raven’s skin more times than she could even count. Hearing a loud beeping from her timer, Raven sighed and moved towards the door to leave, double checking for her keys and her NASA security badge. She learned that mistake…twice. The Florida sun was hot against her skin and the salty air settled into her lungs nicely, Raven might have hated being away from her home and her best friends, but she would be lying if she didn’t admit that she loved certain parts of her new home too. Raven tried to push the thoughts of her soulmark and possible soulmate out of her head by turning up the radio as loud as her morning brain could handle. Despite her best efforts of singing along to the radio, she still got distracted, her eyes catching the passing palm trees. Her heart ached at the nostalgia missing the large pine trees surrounding Arkadia, her home, and the sprawling meadows she would sneak off to, in awe of the star filled sky.Raven walked through the security check point and the large building headed to her office while trying to name every tree that she could, anything to distract her already distracted mind today. She finally found her way to the safe-haven of her office, she let out a deep breath as the automatic lights clicked on, she shucked off her red leather jacket and sat down heavily in her chair. The chain around her neck that once felt like a noose now was again a happy reminder of Anya. She dug under the shirt and brought the tags to the light, letting her thumb run over the small indents along the metal. Clarke had called three days ago saying that Anya was finally safe, she was alive.Anya was alive. Raven’s world seemed brighter when she heard Clarke’s words. Though, Raven had to admit she was truly convinced that Anya is her soulmate, so the words didn’t carry the weight that the Woods family felt behind them. Raven had her soulmark to keep her calm. Raven’s worries now were transformed from about Anya’s safety to wondering when Anya would get in touch with her. Raven gave Anya the benefit of the doubt though, the woman had been captured and Goddess knows what else…Raven wasn’t even sure where the Marine actually was, much less if she had access to her phone. So once again, since the night before Anya left, Raven waited. Putting the tags back under her shirt and taking a settling breath Raven clicked on her computer and ran through her emails. The routine of her day made her mind focus on more than just soulmarks and Anya, for that she was glad…she actually had work to do today. Right on schedule her co-worker, Niylah, walked through Raven’s door holding a fresh mug of coffee, setting it down softly on the edge of her desk like she always did. Smirking, Raven looked up, “You know, if you weren’t already geared up for a promotion, I’d bet money that you were trying to brown-nose me lately.”The tall dirty blonde laughed gently before taking a small sip of her own coffee, looking for a place to sit Niylah gingerly picked up a stack of blue prints to clear one of the chairs in Raven’s cluttered office. “Coffee can cure a lot of problems, and I can tell you’ve been in a funk lately.”“Raven Reyes does not get into funks.” Raven’s eyebrows raised in a challenging way. Niylah held up her coffee free hand in a show of innocence, “Hey, I’m just saying that our fearless brilliant leader has seemed a little distracted lately.”The air in her office suddenly seemed stagnant and the brace on her leg was much too tight, her knee aching under the pressure. Raven forced herself out of her chair and around the office, very aware of the other woman’s eyes following her every move. The brunette shuffled through various piles of papers or erased and rewrote the equation on her white board. Her breathing turned sharp and heavy, out of habit she reached up to trace the solid outline of the tags hidden under her shirt. Sighing her defeat, both in being caught having an almost panic attack and knowing that she needed to just talk about it all, Raven turned towards Niylah.“I think I found my soulmate.”Niylah didn’t immediately react, something Raven was grateful for, instead she slowly and deliberately raked her eyes down to Raven’s arm, asking for permission to see her mark. Raven showed her right forearm blank of any name. “Wouldn’t be my life unless it was complicated right?” Raven chuckled. “Of course not, but please do go on. A Reyes story is always guaranteed to be good.”So Raven told her….everything. Niylah kept a straight face the whole time, she nodded and sipped her coffee. Didn’t react strongly to anything she heard. Raven told her of how she felt an instant connection to the woman from the moment she saw her on FaceTime at the bar-be-que all those months ago. How Raven’s mark suddenly seemed to finally make sense, all the words she had seen of the years on her skin were Anya through and through. She ignored the soft smile on Raven’s face as she whispered how safe the Marine made her feel too. The only time Niylah reacted, shock etched across her face, was when Raven pulled out the tags from under her shirt and explain that Anya had been MIA for a few months now. Raven could feel the smile on her own face when she retold the conversation with Clarke about Anya being rescued. Niylah let a silence settle over them a while, taking in the words and the story that Raven just told her. A story indeed it was. She took several sips of her now almost luke-warm coffee before she looked at Raven and said, “When you get married, I’m telling this story.”For some reason, Raven felt laughter bubble in her throat threatening to escape…then she let it happen. She just laughed uncontrollably to the point that tears rolled down her cheeks and she had to hold her sides. Niylah let herself laugh too, it was an infectious thing. The two eventually settled down, the dirty blonde woman laughed softly and calmed, the brunette’s laughter seemed to die quickly and her eyes settled on a piece of paper glazed over and distant in thought. Raven’s whisper broke through the air, “Do you think I’m wrong? That she isn’t my soulmate and I’m just…being a teenager again?”Niylah shook her head softly and then proceeded to raise her own right forearm and pull the sleeve, tapping the inked name on her forearm, “I can’t say for sure, but I can say this…when you know, you know.”She stood then to leave Raven to her own thoughts and work, they had been talking for almost an hour and space waited for no man, before she walked out of the door she turned back and said, “She’ll call Raven, it seems like she loves you too.”***Raven’s whole day was one big distraction after the conversation with Niylah. Of course she didn’t let it deter her from her work, but she found herself day dreaming or her mind wandering, she even replayed every interaction she had had with Anya since they met over FaceTime. Raven even indulged herself in thinking about what it would be like to actually see Anya’s face in person, hear her voice in her own ears without the help of a phone, could actually touch Anya. She could only imagine the feeling of seeing her mark spread with the name of her soulmate…she pictured what Anya’s name would look like marked dark and clear against her skin. An email alert jarred Raven from her thoughts, she could feel the heat of embarrassment crawl up her neck and face, she felt like a little girl getting caught with her love struck head in the clouds. Raven Reyes was not some love struck teenager. With a new determination, and slight embarrassment, Raven set to work dutifully for the rest of the day. The moment the brunette stepped into her own apartment and the safety it provided, Raven almost cried. She had buried herself in work, both mountains of paper work and standing at her whiteboard working through so many equations that numbers started to lose meaning. All she wanted to was get her brace off, get into soft sweat pants, a cold beer in her hand, and a nonsense funny movie playing on Netflix because she wasn’t sure she could handle much else in the few remaining hours of the day. Of course, Raven rarely gets what she asks for it seems. Right as she was half way through getting her brace off, taking time to rub the area around her knee, her phone started buzzing. Patience shot and her nerves on edge, Raven picked up her phone without even looking at the screen.“Yeah?” Her tone was curt and clearly exasperated. “It’s good to hear your voice too, Raven.”Her blood turned ice cold instantly then started to thunder in her ears as her heart hammered in her chest making it hard to breathe, Raven could barely hold her phone because her hands were shaking so badly. The whisper that escaped her mouth was broken with emotion, “A-Anya?”“Hey little bird.” Raven swore her whole body seemed to melt, every ounce of stress and tension in her muscles just evaporated. After nearly four months Raven finally heard Anya’s voice, and it was a magical moment for her. She could feel the tears start to build in her eyes and her throat constrict. “Raven?”“You just had to give me a heart attack didn’t you? Who would want a simple deployment? Not Anya Woods, nope. Had to just make me wait, and worry, and-and..fuck Anya…I was so worried about you.” Raven’s voice was soft and low despite the harsh words.“I came back. You were right, back all in one piece.” Anya’s tone was matching with Raven’s.A sniffle escaped, “Of course I was right, Woods. Have you even met me?”“I want to.”The answer, the conviction behind it, the truth and emotion in Anya’s voice was enough to floor Raven. Then the implication behind the statement itself, that Anya wanted to actually meet Raven in person was a substantial admission. Since they had known each other, they had never really talked about actually seeing each other in person, they both knew it would eventually happen but they never pushed the idea. Both women found a comfortable space in the gray area they created, they were close yet never had to deal with the possibilities of meeting just yet, they never had to speak openly about the clear connection between them. Even if they weren’t truly soulmates, meeting would be a turning point that they couldn’t go back from.“I would like that…when you roll into Florida with that tank you promised me.”Raven’s heart stuttered against her ribs at hearing Anya’s laugh, it was full and happy, though she could tell that something was missing from the sound she had heard so many times before. “You got it Little Bird, I’ll just roll off base when I pack up all my stuff.”“Where are you? Not in a stalker way, I just need to know where in the world you actually are.”“Back in California.”“California? Don’t you have time in your rotation left?”Anya cleared her throat and took a deep breath in before she answered, “Yeah… I did.”“Did?”“I…I couldn’t…” a shuttering breath, “Home. I wanted to come home. After…situations like these, like I went through, they allow you to be honorably discharged.” Anya’s voice was almost unable to be heard between the whisper level and the pure emotion in the words. The silence stretched between them, neither knew what to say or do. “Anya, you are so incredibly beyond brave. Being macho man solider is one kind of brave, we already knew that you’re a badass…but this? Coming home, changing your whole life, admitting that you needed home…that’s the most incredible and brave thing you could ever do in life.” Raven was shocked by the words that came from her mouth, but judging from the soft watery laugh and accompanied sniffle from the other end of the phone that she had somehow said the right words.“Thank you, Raven.” After that, Anya asked Raven to fill her in on everything and anything she could think of, and as much as Raven just wanted to hear Anya talk, she figured that the Marine needed to be distracted… a part of her hoped that Anya wanted to hear her own voice as much as Raven wanted to hear hers too. So, Raven talked well into the night choosing to ignore her tired bones, both women ignored the small yawns that filtered through the conversation. They laughed and talked and shared, Raven sent videos that made Anya laugh so hard she almost cried, Anya told Raven stories about the small safe moments on her deployment that Raven was thankful that she had good memories too. Finally, around 3am Anya called Raven out on a particularly loud yawn that escaped, eventually after another fifteen minutes of back and forth the two finally conceded. After the fourth ‘goodnight’ between them, Anya finally said more than just the sentiment, “Raven…don’t hate me for bringing this up but…how did you get through life after your accident…and…your leg?”She was slightly struck by the words, Raven never really talked about the accident that almost killed not only her, but also almost took the life of Jake Griffin as well. It was something that just happened in the past, everyone still carried the memories and the wounds but Raven personally shouldered them and moved on with her life, she made a habit to not dwell on tragedy. Despite that though, Raven heard the need in Anya’s voice, heard not curiosity, but the true desperation to know that trauma didn’t have to end lives, that trauma could propel someone into success and the next step into the future. Swallowing her fear and opening another layer of herself, Raven answered, “My life was just…different. Everything I knew before was so incredibly different after. Once I woke up, everything was blurry and out of focus, literally and figuratively, it was all so strange on so many levels. I had no idea what to do. But I had Clarke and Octavia, Mamma and Pappa G, they all helped me realize what was important. They stayed with me through all the pain pills and all the alcohol, all the times when I wanted to die and all the times I lashed out at them for even trying to love me. I felt broken, and lost, and alone…they… my family, they never left my side. It took forever, and a lot of convincing, but I opened up to them about what I was feeling, and how important they were to me. After that, as a family we got through it all. I wish I could say that I got through the trauma and the rehab all myself, but I can’t deny the role my family had…and not only getting me healthy, but keeping me alive.”“Do you think I can survive it all?” Anya’s voice was small and scared, something Raven had never heard before, even on the night leading up to her deployment.“Of course Anya, you can survive anything…the past few months have proven that beyond a doubt. But, with this family, with your family and mine who have all become one, you will never be alone, and you will always have the support you need to be the best person you can be after everything you went through.”“You won’t leave me?”“Never Anya, I would never leave you.”“I won’t ever leave you again either, Raven…thank you for all of this.”“Goodnight, Corporal Cheekbones.”“Night, Little Bird.”Raven sighed wistfully once the phone call ended, like a love struck teenager once again, and laid down in her bed for at least a few hours of sleep. She kept replaying their conversation, Anya’s voice filling her head. When she got the courage to look at her mark…in the soft moonlight filtering through the window Raven could barely make out her soulmark. Then she did finally decipher the words that seemed to glow in the moonlight, she had to catch her breath from the shock yet at the same time it was just the second to last piece of the puzzle that she needed. Because there on her arm in the moonlight was her mark proudly displaying the words, ‘Raven’s voice’
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When Anya stepped off the plane she felt her heart clench at seeing her whole family there waiting for her. She had to regain her composure to stop herself from dropping her belongings and sprinting to Lexa. She walked solid steps to her family, her face almost impassive to anyone else that happened to be looking in on their moment. She stepped first towards her mother, Indra had tears in her eyes when she held her arm out to grab Anya’s, which quickly turned into a full and aching hug. The process was repeated with Lexa and Lincoln, though with Lexa a few tears were actually shed when they hugged, Anya’s resolve finally breaking. She vaguely heard a chorus of clapping and whistles in the background, people getting their emotional fill of the ‘soldier coming home’ moment. Anya now though was laying in her hammock, still hanging between the oak trees in her backyard. She let the soft sway of the cool spring air lull her mind and calm her heart. Like she had in high school, Anya sought out the safety of her hammock in moments of discomfort. She found within the first few days of being back home, in a house surrounded by strange noises and essentially alone after years of constant motion, she couldn’t sleep inside. The bed was too soft and the walls were too decorated, and she felt guilty for it. She was home while so many people were praying to be back with their family and in a soft bed, safe. All Anya felt was trapped. When she was home on leave before, being in the comfort of home was something she reveled in because she knew it wasn’t permanent, she had a different home she would eventually go back to. Now though, she was stuck, and that thought made her skin crawl. She and Murphy had laughed at first when they said it was a different kind of Hell they were headed into, but now Anya started to realize just how real that statement felt. The first night she was home, after a dinner with the family and hours spent together in the living room, she started to feel trapped. Her family had become more touchy, taking any opportunity they could to lay hands on her in fleeting moments, like they were making sure that she was really there in front of them. Every touch took all her will power not to flinch under their fingers. She knew why they needed it. She just wished they could understand that it made her skin crawl, like she was waiting for the softness to fade and the fist to come right after. The touches were one thing she could deal with, but Anya found a whole different problem when she lay down in her old bedroom to sleep. The darkness felt like she was enclosed in a wood box, the house was silent except for a distant tick of the wall clock down the hall, and she hated to admit it but she still needed Murphy because all she wanted to do was scream out to him to know he was alive. After a fitful amount of time Anya eventually fell into a restless sleep, her dreams were filled with screams and darkness, her trying to constantly run through the halls she was previously shackled in. She woke with sweat drenching her whole body, her hair sticking to her face and shoulders. Right as her eyes focused she saw her mother standing by the end of her bed with wide worried eyes, her robe wrapped tightly around her body. Before she could stop herself, Anya felt the tears crawling down her cheeks, causing Indra to rush forward to the bed to put her arms around her daughter. That first night Anya spent hours wrapped in her mother’s arms, neither Woods woman saying a word. A restless sleep once again found Anya, fitful and just barely there until the morning light broke through her window. Indra had never let her hold falter through the night causing a pang of guilt to rip through her chest at the thought of her mother losing sleep over Anya’s inability to get over the nightmares. A brisk wind stirred Anya’s thoughts as her hammock started to sway a little too much, she rocked with the momentum and snugged down deeper into her hoodie and the pile of blankets she brought with her. No one had really questioned her when Indra and the rest of her family realized that she went back to her old high school days of sleeping outside. They knew that she was more comfortable with the stars and trees, the swaying of her hammock and the sounds of the nature comforting her. Currently it was the only way she could sleep over the past week. The soft pinks and yellows of the morning sun were starting to color the sky and bring life back to the green trees protecting Anya, she sighed happily at the peace that mornings brought, nothing yet to stain the day, so much hope bleeds into the day with sunrise. Plus, today she got to see her whole family, and Murphy, and meet Emori. The two Woods soulmates, Clarke and Octavia planned a huge family bar-be-que to celebrate Anya coming home, Murphy and Emori quickly added to the guest list once Anya told her family what he meant to her. Not the specifics of what happened to them, but the fact that Murphy and Anya kept each other alive when they needed it most.Anya waited for a few moments longer before she heaved herself out of the hammock and trudged towards the patio doors to the kitchen. She had coffee to make for her and her mother, then eventually the rest of her family as they filtered in to help set up and then start the party planed for the day. Sighing again to the smell of strong coffee being brewed, Anya put on her best Woods mask to face the day ahead. ***Lexa and Lincoln seemed to be tasked with distracting Anya while the house was being decorated by Clarke and Octavia…which honestly, Anya was slightly worried about that fact if it was cause for Anya to be distracted. But, after the touch football game in the park and a generous amount of frozen yogurt later, when Lincoln and Lexa brought Anya back to her home she had to admit that the two energetic soulmates put in the perfect amount of effort to put together the whole affair. The decorations were over-done only in the fact that everything was red white and blue, otherwise they were tasteful and well thought out. The food was well on its way to being perfected by her uncles, all of whom attacked her with almost bone crushing hugs, her baby cousins dog pilling her too. Anya made sure to take as many pictures as she could, off the record obviously to hold up her badass reputation, to send to Raven. The woman had given Anya her space since their phone call when she got stateside again, for that she was grateful, but at the same time Anya found that she almost craved the connection she had with the brunette. That realization worried her, the idea that after years of keeping everyone in her life at an arms length that suddenly one person came into her life and broke that mantra. Raven was the one person that undeniably tipped Anya towards starting to depend on things she had never needed before. Which is how she found herself tapping her foot in her chair with her third beer of the day, burger almost untouched on her plate, wishing Raven was there (or even texting her back honestly) and waiting for Murphy to finally show up. Just as Anya set her empty beer bottle on the ground at her feet, Lexa came up to the chair next to her, silently sitting down with her own burger and two beers, handing one to Anya as she did so. The two sisters were silent for a moment, Anya enjoyed being with Lexa as just the two of them, no strings attached and no obligations between them either. Finally, Lexa spoke, “I am glad you’re home, Anya.”The elder blonde took a long drag off her beer before she answered, “I’m glad to be home too little Lex.”“You know that I’m always behind you, no matter what you need Ahn.”“I appreciate that more than you know Lex, but I’m not even sure what I need right now.” The pair sat and watched their family interact and laugh together, the love was almost tangible when you looked from the outside in. “But I can say, this party does help. Don’t tell Clarke and Octavia I said this, but they sure do know how to plan a party.” Lexa laughed softly between them before she answered, “Yeah, it’s something they’ve always been good at honestly.”“I hope we can all start to learn these things about each other…Clarke and Octavia are family now, I won’t ever tell them this, but I look forward to being a family together.”As a car horn signaled a new arrival, Lexa took the chance to turn to her sister, “Ahn, I will never know what you went through, or what you’re experiencing now, but like I said, please know that I always have your back, nothing will ever change that.”Anya turned towards her little sister as she heard the admission, “And know that I will always have your back too Lexa, I made that promise before I left and I intend to keep it. Nothing I ever go through in my life will take you away from me…and nothing will ever take me from you either.” The pair were interrupted as a scrawny Murphy walked through the back gate with a woman following him, she had a small frame that was deceiving in the fact that Anya could tell the woman was lean, she had a large tattoo covering the left side of her face too… both fierce and striking at the same time. Anya was impressed by the pair. “Murphy, you better come here and say hello to my mother!” Anya yelled across the yard. Murphy turned at the sound of her voice, a small lightness filled Anya’s chest at the idea that he too felt grounded by her voice as much as she did his. The soulmates walked across the lawn to where Anya met them halfway, the two soldiers shook hands. Afterwards, Anya turned to Emori, comically pushing Murphy away from her as she stepped towards the woman with her hand extended, “Obviously you’re the much better half.” Emori laughed then shook Anya’s hand as well. Murphy barged in and semi tackled Anya at the sight, a huge grin spread across his face as he jumped onto her shoulders. Anya acted like Murphy was a heavy as she ‘struggled’ to throw him off, the man playfully hanging on her. Eventually Anya threw Murphy on the ground with a loud laugh, the rest of her family staring with wide eyes at the actions of their family member who was typically incredibly stoic. The two wrestled for a moment before Anya heard her mother clearing her throat loudly above them. Anya stood up and grabbed Murphy up by his collar in an instant too, fixing his shirt to make him presentable for her mother.“Nomon, this is Private John Murphy and his soulmate Emori. Murphy and Emori, this is my mother, Indra.” The pair held out their hands to the woman, Murphy even grabbed Indra’s forearm in the traditional Trikru way based on Anya’s guidance, Emori followed suit. Indra seemed to be impressed by the couple at their apparent knowledge of her first culture and language, however crude it was, the passage of her heritage was something to celebrate.
Murphy extended his arm towards Indra once again, “Mrs. Woods, I would like to thank you, Anya saved me when I needed it most. There are no words for how grateful I am for you.”Indra took in all of Murphy’s words as she held onto his forearm, “Son, you might be thanking me for what my daughter has done for you, but please, thank you for the safety you have provided my daughter. You both saved each other.”Throwing her arms around her mother’s shoulders, Anya tugged her away while saying, “Okay, enough with all these emotions, it’s a party after all.”***Once introductions were made, and realizing that Murphy and Emori went to high school with Clarke and Octavia in Arkadia all four greeted each other like old friends, the whole group ate to their hearts content and games were played. Laughter filled the air and to Anya it felt like she finally was not only among family, but an active part of her own, no longer on the sidelines but on the field. In a nostalgic moment to when she was last home on leave during Lexa’s graduation party, the party started to dwindle, her uncles and baby cousins leaving for home, Indra retiring with a firm look that told everyone to clean up after themselves. They got the bonfire to crackle with life, beers flowing more freely and jokes coming more often, Lexa and Clarke, Lincoln and Octavia, Emori and Murphy all sat around the fire with Anya nestled between Murphy and Lexa on either side of her. She reached into her pocket to count the bottle caps, seven in total…maybe she’ll actually be able to sleep through the night for once. Anya was disrupted from her thoughts by Murphy leaning over and giving her what she’s quickly learning to be his signature smirk, “Hey Skaigona, let’s have some fun.” He reached over to Emori’s satchel purse and pulled out a bottle of vodka calling to the group, “Alright kids, it’s time to really have some fun, the parents are in bed and the voices are creeping in, so the vodka flows.”Clarke and Octavia high fived, obviously their high school days with Murphy were coming to the surface, Lexa caught Anya’s eye with clear worry etched on her face. The eldest Woods shook her head slightly, trying to reassure Lexa about the situation. Truth be told, Anya knew what Murphy was talking about, sometimes its dreams and sometimes its over crowded spaces, and then sometimes its voices creeping to the forefront of consciousness. So, after the group’s agreement, some enthusiastic and some less so, they all passed around the vodka to fill their red plastic cups. After a few round of various drinking games, the group started to loosen up and enjoy the warmth brought on by the alcohol and safety of family, the bonfire helping too. Lexa and Lincoln were telling stories about their childhood trying to embarrass Anya, Clarke and Octavia seemed to be catching up with Emori. Anya had never really been a heavy drinker in her life, even when after turning of age she usually spent the parties with the other Marines watching grown men drink themselves into a stupor; so what Anya was feeling now, warm and relaxed with a small smile plastered on her face from being surrounded by her family and alcohol in her veins, she started to wonder what she had been missing all this time. ***Anya bolted straight up, finding only darkness surrounding her, the blankets over her body starting to tangle among her legs as she tried to free herself. She eventually rolled off whatever she was on and landed on the floor, her chest heaving with effort. Her hands found purchase on the soft carpet and the rough texture of the couch she realized where she had apparently been sleeping. Pulling herself up to her feet Anya’s world tilted and her stomach seized, she realized at once that she apparently was still drunk, she clutched her chest as she struggled to breathe and make sense of the world around her. Outside. She needed to be outside. She let her feet follow the muscle memory path engrained after years of practice to the sliding patio door, she fumbled with the lock which only made her breathing come out more harshly. Then all at once her feet felt soft dew covered grass and her lungs opened to welcome the fresh night air. Despite the momentary reprieve her chest started to heave again and her skin began to tingle like she was being watched from somewhere in the darkness of the yard. She couldn’t breathe. She felt trapped. She needed Murphy. No. Anya needed Raven. Fumbling with shaking hands Anya checked her pockets to find them empty, she drunkenly launched herself forward ignoring the burning sensation of her knees and arms scraping roughly against the grass. She barreled into the living room running her hands along the coffee table, praying that her phone somehow ended up there the same unknown way she ended up on the couch in the first place. Finally her fingertips found the smooth surface of her phone and she almost cried in relief. Dialing the familiar number she waited for the ringing to stop and Raven’s voice filter through, she tried to even her breathing out without much success. Then, like magic, Raven’s sleepy voice filtered through the phone, “Anya?”She tried to talk, force her throat to make some sort of sound but she couldn’t, each time her mouth opened the only sound to escape was the ragged breathing her lungs forced out.“Anya, I need you to listen to me. Answer when you can, okay? Just listen for now though…My bedroom is painted a light blue, and my bed covers are brown. There is a red canvas above the fireplace, Clarke painted it. My socks are yellow. My phone case is navy blue. My favorite color is red. The bath-”“My favorite color is green.” Anya’s voice sounded foreign to her own ears, raspy and weak. “Green? I love that color too. Can you tell me a color that’s right by you?”“Blue…the blanket is blue. And the couch is brown. The walls are light yellow. Lights are off, but they’ve always been yellow.”“Good Anya, I can see all that. Can you breathe better now?”Anya gulped mouthfuls of air into her lungs, nodding to herself, then telling Raven so, hoping to hear her voice. “Yeah, I’m trying.”“Just keep trying Anya, I’m here…I’m not going anywhere.”After another few minutes, Anya’s not too sure how long it was actually, her breathing evened out and her vision started to clear. She realized that the alcohol was still in her system but the adrenaline from her panic attack lingered, helping sate the anxiety and vodka in her veins. “Raven?” Her voice was horse and shaky, but she needed to tell let Raven know she was there and okay.“Hey Cheekbones, you with me?”“Yeah, I’m here….I’m so sorry. You were probably sleeping…I don’t even know what time it is. I..I just woke up and I was alone, it was so dark and I’m still a bit drunk…I couldn’t breathe.”“Hey hey hey, no shhhh it’s okay. You can always call me, I don’t care what time it is…unless I’m accepting an award for my brilliance.”“Do you think I’m crazy?” Anya’s whispered voice cut through the darkness of the room she was curled up in.“No, I know you’re not crazy Anya.”“I woke up alone…everyone left and I was alone, and it was dark. No one at all. Where were you Raven? You were gone all night.”“Oh Anya, I didn’t leave you…I promise I didn’t leave you, my phone died in the office, there’s a huge launch in a few days, I was swamped. You are not alone, Anya. I’m still here.”“We can blame the night terrors and the vodka tomorrow for what I say…but Raven, I need you. Please don’t leave me.”“I think you’re pretty much stuck with me Anya, and I’m happy about it too. I’m not going anywhere.”Anya stood on shaky legs, eventually forcing herself out of the patio doors to throw herself into her hammock, rearranging the covers to form a warm cocoon around her body, phone still nestled safely against her cheek. She listened to Raven’s even breathing mixed with the crickets in the distance, between those sounds and the soft swaying of her hammock Anya felt herself start to drift to sleep, her body finally succumbing to exhaustion. With one last thought, Anya asked into the phone, “How much longer?”“Only eighty-five more days Corporal Cheekbones, that’s all before I’m in Polis.”Anya’s sleepy voice barely could be heard over the noises of nature as she spoke to Raven, “Eighty-five, Raven…that’s it.”
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The Woods household seemed to explode all at once…the mystery and glamour surrounding weddings withered away as soon as the newest wedding detail crossed the threshold. Clarke and Lexa’s wedding was only a mere month away from happening, the whole family on high alert for any problem that seemed to arise…and there were plenty of them apparently. Each day brought with it a new disaster. Lexa would text Anya during the week with whatever new drama happened to befall the Woods-Griffin ceremony, a barrage of texts that Anya would simply offer logical solutions to and then all would be fixed. Then there were the weekends. Saturday and Sunday were reserved for Clarke’s own personal wedding related disasters; the blonde would fly into the kitchen with several binders full to the brim and an anxious face. Indra would flick her paper closed and Anya would pour two cups of coffee for her sister and soon to be sister-in-law, awaiting the onslaught of information to leave the blonde’s mouth. Anya sighed as she lifted her coffee cup to her lips desperately trying to ignore the pounding headache threatening to split her head in two. She had to drown her thoughts last night, the safety of her hammock failing miserably; the only way she could finally find sleep after four consecutive days awake was to unearth the hidden bottle of whiskey in the hallway closet. Normally when she searched for sleep at the bottom of a bottle she felt nothing more than relief, but today she felt guilt and anger.Today was special. In a few hours Anya would accompany Lexa for the final fitting of her wedding tux, then they would share a lunch with Lincoln, afterwards was Lexa’s bachelorette party. Anya was needed today, she had to be present and helpful and the big sister, everything she was not only expected to be, but what she wanted to be. That was why she was so upset, for drinking herself to sleep instead of trying to fight the voices and nightmares plaguing her. She had chosen to be weak. The loud echoing sound of the front door opening and closing alerted Anya and her mother to the soon –to-be newlyweds arrival. Anya shook her thoughts away as she focused on the work out regimen she wrote for the week, going over the torture she was about to force her body to endure. Then in a blonde flurry, Clarke rushed into the kitchen throwing down the newest binder full of wedding details on the counter, she immediately grabbed the cup of coffee Anya poured for her. Lexa for her part grabbed her own fresh cup and sat on the stool between her mother and Anya, all three Woods women listing to Clarke’s rushed and anxiety ridden words. Eventually the blonde took a breath to sip at her coffee, Indra leaned over to her daughters and said, “Lexa, do you remember when Clarke rushed into the kitchen for my brown sugar pancakes? Now she ignores them only to rant about the difference between cream and beige.”The two daughters took in their mother’s words, Lexa’s eyes bulged as she tried to bury her face in the coffee mug, Anya had to physically bite her curled fist to stop herself from smirking. Clarke at this point seemed to realize what was happening, she looked between the three women as she took in a deep breathe, deciding to sit down at the other side of the kitchen island to place one pancake on her plate. Lexa grumbled at the sight, “Babe, take more than one pancake. Please.”Clarke waived her soulmate off, “It’s okay Lex, I only need one. My dress fitting is today and then the party later…one pancake is perfect.”Lexa sighed deeply as she got up to move around the island, her hands reaching up to rub softly at her soulmate’s shoulders and placing a soft kiss to her neck, “Love, please remember that you are perfect beyond belief and I’ll love you until the day I die and we’re both hunched over ready to be dust in the ground.”One dejected yet love filled sigh later Clarke slid another pancake onto her plate, Lexa leaned over and kissed her soulmate fully on the mouth. Indra decided at that moment the paper was the most interesting thing to grace her eyes. Anya threw a fork right at her sister’s head. Lexa simply flipped her sister off as she continued to kiss her soulmate. A part of Anya wanted to be sick at the sight, then another part of Anya felt the soft pang of jealously at watching her sister and her soulmate. There was an undeniable part of Anya that wanted the scene before her…maybe not the gross amount of public affection or kissing in kitchens, but she wondered what it would feel like to feel so utterly and undeniably in love with the only person truly meant for her. Her fingers traced across her forearm, knowing that the ink there was a tangible clue that she could indeed have that type of love one day. Anya took her fingers away from the mark, actively ignoring it like she had been for the past two months, choosing to stand from the island instead.Having enough, Anya wrapped her long arms around her sister’s waist to wretch her free from Clarke’s grasp. “Hey, that’s my fiancé! Let me go!” Lexa’s voice held only laughter as she let her sister carry her around the kitchen island, reaching her arms out like a child towards Clarke. Anya deposited her sister unceremoniously on the seat she recently vacated then swatted her sister lightly on the nose, “Bad Lexa, bad!” Looking thoroughly chastised, a perfect act on Lexa’s part, the youngest Woods nodded. “Anya has spoken, off to the tuxedo store.” ***Anya’s head was pounding and her stomach churned threatening to spill its contents, her limbs felt heavy and achy with every movement she could muster. She sat in the small leather chair that occupied the far corner of the shop while she waited for her sister to come out and show her wedding tuxedo. Anya herself was dressed in the suit she would be wearing during the wedding, a slim and slightly feminine dark stone grey color with black trim, her hair was thrown lazily over her shoulder as she lounged. While Anya felt what she would call sexy, her body was rebelling, the hangover from drinking herself to sleep raging war within her now that she was awake and active. The small flask she kept in her pocket for this very purpose, in case she needed a small nip to carry her through the day and quell her hangover, started to burn against her skin as if it was calling her name. She let her hand lay against the cool metal in her pocket, it would be so easy to take a small sip or two before Lexa came back from her fitting room, Anya had time and it would help her through until the party tonight. In the end, the pounding headache and the small space with walls that seemed to be closing in on her won the fight; Anya reached quickly into her pocket and slipped out the small flask. Just as she unscrewed the lid and took two long pulls from the top, Lexa walked through the threshold into the small room Anya was in. Immediately the eldest Woods sibling closed the flask and put it back in her pocket acting as if nothing happened, Lexa though saw the whole thing, deep frown lines etched on her face paired with the square set of her jaw and shoulders. Anya knew she was in trouble. Lexa stood on the small platform in front of the floor length mirrors, adjusting her cuff links and pulling slightly at her belt to straighten the pants. Sighing and accepting her fate, Anya stood from her seat and slowly walked to stand behind her sister watching her fidget with the clothes and the various emotions flash in her green eyes. “Just yell at me, Lexa.” Anya straightened her spine in preparation for the harsh words that usually accompanied her being caught either sipping from her flask or even being drunk well before an acceptable time. Lexa stopped working with the clothes on her body, choosing instead to stare at Anya through the mirror and clasping her hands behind her back. “I am tired of yelling at you Anya, we all are. It’s time that you stop just accepting any type of reprimand you receive, you obviously cannot deal with yourself or whatever you are fighting…I can’t begin to imagine it, honestly. Though, I am tired of dealing with the person you are becoming because of it.”Anya raised her eyebrows and felt her body tense at the words from her sister’s mouth, she hadn’t expected this tone or reaction, like Lexa had given up on her. Turning around finally, Lexa looked Anya directly in the eye with her hands still clasped behind her, “Not only do I want better from you, I expect it. How you prove that to myself, or mom, or even your soulmate that you refuse to acknowledge, is up to you…but we all need that from you. It’s up to you to make it happen.”After the words left her mouth, Lexa stepped down from the platform after a scathing look to her sister and walked off with only the solid clicks of her polished shoes chasing her retreating form. ***Lunch with Lexa and Anya was a small and fairly tense affair, the air between Lexa and Anya was thick and noticeable to Lincoln immediately. With good intentions the man tried in vain to lighten the mood, small conversations, anything he could think of but to no success. Lexa ate silently only giving short responses to her cousin, Anya barely touched her food while straight out ignoring Lincoln all together. After the bill was paid Lincoln ushered his cousins to their car, noting that the air around them only seemed to intensify as time went on. Risking a soft hug, definitely not the time for his signature bear hugs, he leaned into each woman noting that Lexa held on a little tighter and Anya even wrapped one arm around him to his surprise. After the two women slid into Lexa’s car and turned on the ignition, Lincoln leaned his head down to the open driver’s side window, Lexa’s green eyes questioning him. “I’ll be at the house in a few hours to pick you up so we can get the night started. Octavia and I still have some errands to run for both of the parties.”“Thank you Lincoln, you and Octavia have put in a great amount of effort…Clarke and I appreciate it.” The man barely caught the pointed look Anya threw her sister at the comment. Letting out a small sigh her ran his hand over his stubble covered head, vaguely noting that he will have to get it cut before the wedding, “I am not sure what is the tension between you two…but remember, we are all in this together. Family bares no judgement, only shoulders to lean on.”With those words Lincoln patted the top of the car signaling for his cousins to leave, Lexa nodded as she drove off and Lincoln caught Anya sharing a thought filled expression. He sighed once again when the car was out of sight. His feet brought him to his own Jeep, his mind lost in thought. He was not sure of their tension but if he had to guess from Lexa’s steely demeanor and the slight sway to Anya’s words that the elder Woods had been drinking again, most likely caught in the act by Lexa. His heart hurt to know that there was an obvious rift between his cousins, but he felt even more pain at the thought of what Anya was clearly struggling through. She had never been one to abuse substances or be unable to shoulder her troubles choosing to move past them instead. Not only Lincoln saw the struggle in Anya’s actions, Clarke and Octavia were set on the idea to stage an intervention for the retired Marine (Lincoln convinced them that if they wanted to keep their lives they would not go through on that project), Indra stayed stoic through the thick of it choosing to support her daughter in silence. Lincoln could see the pain in his aunt’s eyes whenever she looked at her daughter clearly drunk or barely functioning from days of not sleeping. He only wished that he could help Anya, or even find something that could take her pain away. Lincoln missed his family and it was very clear to him that everyone noticed that they were no longer whole like that had been. ***During the car ride Anya made a decision that she knew…hoped…would change not only her life, but those that she loved too. Lexa’s words at the shop and her icy silence at lunch caused her emotions to churn. Then Lincoln’s simple yet reassuring words settled into her chest, family was not there to judge but to help. She never expected or even asked for their help, but she realized in that moment that they had all been silently supporting her.Her mother always made sure to have a light breakfast ready in the morning, something to help settle Anya’s stomach. Lincoln would sit on the couch with her for hours on end in silence well into the night, offering his calming presence for when her mind would take over, causing her nothing short of panic attacks. Clarke and Octavia even bought her a new hammock a few days after she mentioned during dinner one night that hers was getting old, starting to fray and thin. Lexa offered her own unwaivering support as well, always pushing Anya during their morning run or boxing sessions and setting aside time to go rock climbing twice a week like they had in high school growing up. Anya felt the guilt creep up her spine at the thought that her family had been supporting her through everything since the day she landed back in Polis, since before then even. All she had done for them was become a budding alcoholic and shut them all out, running away from any type of emotional connection or support they offered. Yes, in that moment Anya made a decision and during the car ride watching the passing trees and buildings of her home in the silent car it became a promise in her heart. So, when Lexa pulled into the driveway of their mother’s home Anya left the car without a word and entered her home. With silent determination she walked through the house, noting in the back of her mind that she heard her sister and mother talking lowly in the kitchen. She unearthed the spare full bottle of whiskey in the hall closest. The small bottle of vodka at the bottom of her dresser. The thin flask slipped between her mattresses. Several small shooter bottles hidden under the couch. A bottle of wine that was nestled in the far corner cabinet that only Anya could reach because of her height. Each bottle was set down on the kitchen island one at a time. Anya ignored the hard set frowns on both her mother and Lexa’s faces. Once she had unearthed every ounce of alcohol she had hidden over the past few months she gathered her strength and looked to her family. Without a word, she reached forward and unscrewed the tops off all the bottles then set to start pouring each one down the drain. Her shame crept up her neck at how long the process was taking, she watched each drop swirl in the drain and thought about all the harm the liquid had done to her mind and body, and what harm she had done to her family because of it too. Once the last drop hit the drain and all the bottles were empty, Anya met her mother’s gaze first then Lexa’s. The air around them was no longer tense, but held a lightness of hope and trust. “I’ll do better. You have my word.”***Raven Reyes was a sneaky little shit.Pranks and flawless surprises were always her specialty, she enjoy planning and playing the long con game with her friends and family just to see their faces at her antics. So, that is how she found herself at the kitchen table of the Griffin household, coffee in hand and laughs filling the air at a particularly bad dad joke thanks to Pappa G. She had arrived the night previous, only the elder Griffins knowing her stealthy plan to surprise her best friends. Soon, she would make the drive from Arkadia down to Polis to surprise Clarke and Octavia during the bachelorette party. Raven could barely sit still in her seat with the anticipation. Abby’s voice cut through Raven’s thoughts, “You know you always have a home with us, Raven. It’s so good to have you back.”“You know me Mama G, can’t stay in one place for too long. How else will I conquer the world?” “Oh you would find a way Raven, there is no doubt about that.” Jake Griffin’s deep and calm voice settled in Raven’s mind, he always had that effect with her. Standing up from the kitchen table, stumbling slightly from her tired leg being cramped during the long flight, she set her cup in the sink, “Well you old farts, this girl has to start getting ready for your daughter’s totally awesome stripper fest!”“RAVEN” Abby’s mouth hung comically open as her eyes filled with confusion…the voice that just filled the house was not her own. Before Raven had a chance to turn she was tackled by two sets of arms wrapping tightly around her waist and body. She smiled and dug happily into the necks of her best friends, her vision clouding from blonde and brunette hair…definitely not from tears.“What are you doing here?!”“You losers really think I was going to sweat down in Florida all alone while you party it up? Absolutely not. This is a night worthy only of the Great Raven Reyes’ presence. You may bow now.”“Thank you, oh Amazing One for gracing our lives.” Clarke deadpanned as she bowed. “When did you get in?” Octavia’s squeal almost pierced several ear drums.“Last night, Papa G picked me up from Polis. I was supposed to surprise you two! But here you are scaring the shit out of me!”“I asked Mom to pick up my little white dress from the cleaners up here for tonight, we were just dropping by to pick it up.” Clarke’s smile beamed from ear to ear, matching Octavia’s as well. “Well girls, you better get going or else you’ll miss the ‘stripper fest’.” Jake’s voice was full of teasing but it didn’t stop the dark blush that crawled up Clarke’s neck at the comment. Several hours later after many outfit changes, a few make up disasters, one close call with the hair straightener, and a long drive back to Polis all three girls were off in the cab that was hailed to take them to the club where all their other friends were. “Alright ladies, here is the game plan.” Octavia shut her compact mirror with a sharp snap as she continued, “Bellamy, Wells, Monty, Jasper, and Harper are all at the club right now. City of Light, it’s called, I think you’ll like it Raven. The Woods group should be headed to Grounders right now based off what Lincoln told me. Then, per the grossest couple alive request, we are all going to meet up at the end of the night at that little dive bar, Nightblood.”Clarke turned towards the middle of the cab so she could look at both of her best friends, a question clearly etched on her face. Raven spoke first, “If you’re having a cold feet right now Clarke, I will personally stink bomb every toilet in your life.” “Actually, I’m worried about you.”“Why would you be worried about me Griff?”Clarke sent a pointed look at Raven’s forearm, deliberately covered by her red leather jacket, and raised a knowing eye brow. Octavia shifted nervously in between the two women. It was no secret that they knew Raven was convinced that Anya was her soulmate. Clarke and Octavia believed their friend, but they also knew what happened with Finn in high school, how it broke something inside Raven for a long time. They didn’t know if Raven could handle a second heart break like that if she was somehow wrong. With a shrug, much too stiff to be casual, Raven answered, “We’ll find out tonight if my record of being right still reigns, that’s it. Nothing to be worried about.”Octavia placed a hand on Clarke’s leg to stop her retort, choosing to address Raven instead, “I think what Clarke means is that do we have a game plan if you do end up being wrong?”“Of course there is a Plan B you guys…if Anya isn’t my soulmate I will get roaring drunk and enjoy my best friend’s wedding, beg NASA for my old positon, move back to Florida and forget it ever happened.”Before Clarke or Octavia could respond to their friend the cab pulled up to The City of Light, the club was almost pulsing with bass and bodies intermingling. The driver turned around and announced their total, allowing Raven to slip out of the door and into the club before the other two could say a word. As Raven walked into the club she noticed her heart beat was erratic and almost matched the fast tempo of the bass causing the floor to vibrate under her feet. She was determined to enjoy the small amount of time she had left with her friends before her whole life changed.***Anya was painfully sober, the water bottle in her hand receiving the brunt end of her anxiety. Usually crowded and loud spaces were not her triggers, being alone and in the dark were what set her off, she made sure to be self-aware of potential panic attacks and where her weaknesses were. A very hard lesson to learn, she never before accepted or admitted any weakness in herself, now though she was forced to for the good of herself and family. So that is why she was slightly surprised to find that the club was making her skin crawl and her heart race. Normally she would have ordered a strong drink to quell the lightening in her veins, but she no longer had that option, or even wanted it to be honest. Yes the bar still called to her, but she forced herself to stay strong. Her eyes scanned the crowd searching for her group. Finally they landed on a very intoxicated Lexa and Lincoln jumping up and down in a circle around Luna, an old family friend, full smiles plastered on their faces. Anya could almost feel the joy that they were emitting from their little group. It helped her to stay focused. She checked her phone for the time, nearly midnight, she would have to round them up now to get to Nightblood on time. Just as she thought crossed her mind, her phone chimed with the text from Octavia saying that Clarke is on the verge of tears if Lexa doesn’t get there in the next fifteen minutes. Sighing, Anya clicked her phone locked and went to round up her drunk ducklings for the night. Secretly, she was more than happy to leave the loud and bright space for the small haven that Nightblood offered in being a dive bar. She could already breathe a little easier knowing she would soon be surrounded by family and not sweaty drunk strangers. She took out her phone and sent Raven a quick text, letting her walls down in the face of her anxiety, saying that she wished the brunette were here to make fun of all the idiots dancing instead of locked in her office in Florida. If Anya had registered the slight prickle in her skin or not mistaken the flutter in her chest for anxiety, she would have seen her soulmark change a few minutes later to say ‘sober Anya’.***The soft music filtering out of Nightblood was a welcome sound, Anya focused on the bright neon in the windows as she led her group of very drunk ducklings to the safety of the bar. Once Lexa realized where they were and who they were close to, she let out a loud scream and ran towards the door mumbling Clarke’s name repeatedly. Soon Lincoln and Luna were following her, with less enthusiasm but the excitement clearly spurring them forward too. Anya chuckled to herself as she watched all fight over who would get through the door first since Lexa was clearly not comprehending ‘push vs pull’ door dynamics. Finally Anya pushed them all through at once, a loud laugh leaving her mouth at seeing them all stumble through into the bar causing a scene. Her sister popped up from the floor and frantically scanned the area, eyes landing on Clarke she launched towards her soulmate. The picture Anya captured of them drunkenly hugging was definitely going to be one of her wedding presents to the couple. Seeing Lincoln and Luna make their way over to group safely Anya waved to them and pointed to the bathroom, ignoring the alarmed look on Octavia’s face she walked off in the direction with thoughts of splashing some cool water on her face to calm her nerves from before. Anya’s thoughts never came to fruition though, because just as she reached out for the door handle someone yanked the door open from the inside, causing Anya to stumble a bit. That is the moment that Anya’s whole world changed. She knows that for a fact because her whole body froze in shock, her mind going completely blank. Then all at once her heart started to beat wildly in her chest and her hands shook uncontrollably. She could almost hear the blood rushing around her body, taste the adrenaline that coursed through her veins. Her vision seemed to fade and everything was black, no sound from the bar reached her ears. The only thing that her mind could focus on was what was right in front of her.Because there in the bathroom doorway stood Raven Reyes.
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The world around Anya stood completely still….all she cared about was the women in front of her. Her body was buzzing with electricity yet she had never been so calm before in her life, like the mere presence of Raven Reyes set her world at ease. In that moment Anya finally understood it all, the heart eyes she made relentless fun of, the lingering touches, the long kisses shared between soulmates. She understood the unwavering affection and support she had witnessed first-hand from her sister and cousin.Anya realized in that moment, laying eyes on Raven for the first time, that while a part of her knew that this woman was her soulmate, she knew one thing for sure aside from that certain suspicion. Anya Woods was in love with Raven Reyes. As time seemed to stand still Anya took in the sight before her, Raven was wearing a red leather jacket and a short black cocktail dress and modest heels, her thin small knee brace could barely be seen. Her body seemed just as frozen as Anya felt, her warm brown eyes were wide with shock and her mouth was slightly open, as if she couldn’t believe the sight in front of her either. Breathlessly and on shaky legs, Anya stepped forward, just barely in Raven’s personal space, far enough back that the other woman could step away if she wanted. “Hi.” Anya’s voice barely could be heard over the music and the sounds of laughing in the bar behind her. Raven though definitely heard her, because Anya witnessed a heart clenching smile spread across her face as she spoke.Instead of saying anything, Raven stepped forward to close the small gap Anya gave them earlier, her eyes were wide still and she motioned just barely to ask permission. Anya nodded and opened her arms to find them immediately filled with the body of Raven. She had never experienced a hug so perfect, or a body melt into hers so well that it was clearly meant to be. As Raven nuzzled into her collar bone, Anya had a nagging feeling to check her soulmark, just to be sure, but then Raven’s nose brushed across her skin where her shirt didn’t cover and, oh never mind the mark. Raven pulled back slightly to tilt her head up to just stare at Anya, then she finally spoke and Anya knows she’s never heard a more beautiful sound, “I think you’re my soulmate.”The laugh that left Anya was small but still jostled the small brunette in her arms, “Looks like you’re stuck with me then, Little Bird.”***After a hastily thrown down handful of cash on the table for a cab to take her friends and family home, Anya and Raven practically ran from the bar. They didn’t notice the huge smiles on their friends’ faces or the exchanging of cash from previous bets, nor the loud cheers coming from their group. Neither woman were concerned about where they ended up, just that they were alone somewhere together. Anya clutched Raven’s hand tightly finding that she couldn’t fathom the thought of ever not touching her for the rest of her life, and judging by the tight squeezes she received from Raven, she felt the same way.In the car Anya couldn’t contain herself, letting a smile stay permanently on her face, especially as Raven tangled their fingers together on Anya’s lap. Barely a word was even said between them as Anya drove aimlessly. After almost a year of slowly falling for one another, always out of physical reach, words weren’t needed because they just needed to finally be together. At a red light in the middle of the city Anya turned towards Raven simply to look at her only to find that the woman was doing exactly the same. After the light turned green, bathing the car with an otherworldly feeling, Raven whispered, “Anya, take me home.”So Anya took Raven to her home. She watched as Raven walked through the dark hallways, hands trailing the furniture and tracing the walls, stopping to look at several framed pictures. Anya watched her every movement like she was in a trance, Raven was enchanting, catching Anya easily in her spell. Eventually Anya grabbed Raven’s hand and led her outside to be under the stars and surrounded by the magic of trees in the moonlight. As the pair found themselves in the middle of the yard, Raven smirked softly and pointed to the far end, “Is that ‘the hammock’?”“How do you know about my…” after a second thought Anya stopped herself, it was actually not surprising that Raven knew about her hammock, it must have been on her forearm several times in her life, “Yes, that’s my hammock. I have spent many nights laying under the stars.”Raven curled herself into Anya’s arms and leaned her head firmly against the taller woman’s chest. Anya wound her arms around Raven’s small frame, content to just stand there holding her soulmate under the stars. Eventually Anya felt Raven’s hands graze upwards along her sides finding a home at the base of her neck and along one side of her face. Anya looked Raven in the eyes as she slowly dipped her head down, Raven’s breath could be heard hitching in her throat. Then once again, Anya’s whole world was flipped upside down and everything around her seemed to fade away that wasn’t Raven. Her skin was on fire wherever she was touching the woman, her lips tingled as they moved against her soulmate’s; Anya swore that she felt as if she would float away were she not connected to Raven.“Lay with me in the hammock, Woods.”Once again, Anya marveled at how perfectly Raven’s body melded against her own. The brunette’s attempt at hoping into the hammock was not smooth, she struggled and almost fell, the hammock swaying dangerously threatening to throw Raven to the ground. Anya watched her determined soulmate in silence; after another failed attempt, Anya scooped the women up and gently rolled them both into the hammock. The blankets created a soft cocoon around them. Raven turned and pressed her body against Anya’s, the woman curling into Anya’s chest as their legs tangled. The retired Marine had never before felt so…happy. Their easy silence was broken by the brunette’s soft voice mumbled against Anya’s neck, “You’re much taller than I thought.”“You are much shorter than I expected as well, so we are even now.”The crickets filled their ears again. Anya felt the soft rhythmic sway of their movements start to pull her into sleep, she was interrupted though again by her soulmate’s voice, “Don’t let this go to your head…but, I don’t think anyone has ever made me feel this way before.”Anya instinctively held Raven righter, the urge to protect her and the small course of anger at the idea of anyone else taking her place in Raven’s life, causing her become protective. Swallowing the unpleasant emotion, Anya took a moment to find comfort in the fact that Raven was her soulmate and no one else’s. Nothing could ever steal the mark inking her skin. “Good, I want no one else to take this from us.”“I felt safe with you before, but now…now it’s like there can’t be anything wrong in the world. Everything made sense when I saw you, life just suddenly made sense.”“I assure you Raven, that I feel the same way, probably even before this moment. You have anchored me to a real life…one I never knew I wanted.”Raven somehow snuggled closer into Anya letting her face fully bury in her soulmate’s neck, like she couldn’t be physically close enough. “No one will ever know how gross we’re being right now, right?” The pointed look Anya received was more than enough to convince her. Just to be sure, Anya shifted and planted a small gentle kiss to Raven’s hair, the woman responded by trailing her free right hand along Anya’s body and neck to finally settle at the soft hair at the base of neck. A content hum left the blonde’s body at the gentle scratching of her soulmate’s nails along her skin and hairline. In a brash moment, Anya trailed her fingers along Raven’s arm that was currently draped over her body, making sure to trace her thumb over the unseen mark…praying that it was actually her name etched across Raven’s arm. Slowly, so slowly, Raven started to twist her right arm and Anya swore her heart would beat out of her chest in that moment. Dread filled her whole body at the sudden thought that maybe…just maybe...that her name wouldn’t be there. Then the soft moonlight filtered through the sparse clouds to bath the soulmates in the silvery light. Anya caught the exact moment that Raven’s skin seemed to glow, she was starkly hit with the memory of seeing her own soulmark for the very first time. The fluttering excitement and slight apprehension she felt when she was five years old and saw her mark in the middle of the night. Now though, she was about to see for the very first time her own name emblazoned on the skin of the woman she was already in love with. Raven pressed a feather-light kiss to the underside of Anya’s jaw once the mark was in full view and she reveled in the feeling, because she would never forget seeing Raven’s soulmark spread to now include,‘Anya Woods’The feeling that coursed through her body was one of complete and unadulterated happiness, something that Anya knows she had never felt before. Closing her eyes she hugged the small brunette, her soulmate, currently wrapped around her impossibly closer and let them once again be swayed in the hammock. After some time Raven reached up to drag her fingers along Anya’s jawline, “Take me to your room, Anya…what I have planned for you shouldn’t be done in a swaying piece of fabric.”***In her life Anya admittedly had sex with a multitude of beautiful women, she was not inexperienced in the area. Yet, as she stood in her room watching Raven slowly undress from her tight black dress, Anya could feel her insides tighten and her hands tremble at the sight. A part of her was undeniably nervous…the much stronger part of her though was watching her soulmate with awe and anticipation. She watched the black dress pool around her ankles, she held Raven’s brown eyes as her hair was pulled up from being loose, she held her breathe when her soulmate bit her lip in a clear challenge. Anya surged forward and grabbed Raven into her embrace, the brunette wrapping her legs around lithe hips and tangling her hands into long blonde hair. With two long strides Anya was at the foot of her bed and gingerly laying her soulmate down, Raven hummed her pleasure as the blonde pressed languid kisses along her skin. Anya took her time in mapping out Raven’s body, after all they did have forever together now, dragging her lips along the curves of hips and nudging her nose through the valley of her breasts. A quick nip to Raven’s collarbone had fingers gripping Anya’s body and hair as the woman below her bucked slightly upwards. “I want all of you, Anya.” The whispered words traveled across heated skin settling into her chest.The response was a bruising kiss, each woman trying to desperately convey their feelings as their bodies moved against each other. Anya lost herself then, lost herself in the heat, the scorching fingers trailing her body, the soft sounds escaping her soulmate…Anya especially lost herself once her face found a new home at the apex of Raven’s thighs. The taste of her soulmate invigorated Anya, spurred on further by the fingers tangling in her hair, the strong embrace of thighs around her head, the loud moans filling the room, her name escaping in breathy reverence. Raven’s orgasm was the most beautiful thing Anya had ever experienced.Her soulmate’s taught muscles and silent scream captured in her throat, the almost violent crash and wild buck of hips against her face was forever burned into her mind. Anya prayed that she would never have to live without Raven’s body pressed against her own.Being lost in her thoughts and the feel of Raven, Anya was taken by surprise by the brunette’s sudden ministrations along her inner thighs and hips. The blonde dipped her head to lean her forehead against the woman below her, their lips only a breath apart as Anya felt indescribable pleasure once Raven’s obviously talented fingers set to work inside her. This was a position Anya was not used to, she rarely let anyone touch her in a sexual way, not wanting to share that part of her with anyone…now she understood why. Her body needed only Raven, wanted only this for the rest of her life. She only wanted Raven against her, inside of her, teeth scraping along her neck, burning lips pressed against her own, swallowed moans accompanying thrashing hips and dilated pupils. Anya all but collapsed against Raven once her own orgasm ripped across her body, causing tremors to infect her muscles and fog her mind. Once reality set back in, Anya felt her arms occupied by Raven and their bodies melted together as if they were at one time cut from the same stone and finally found their way back to each other. The thought spread through Anya’s chest and filled her with a certain lightness. Raven slowly pulled the blanket across their bodies, snuggling impossibly closer, peppering slow kisses all over Anya’s neck. “I love you.”Doubt gnawed at Anya’s mind as soon as she uttered the words, fear followed quickly…she was going to scare Raven away before she even truly had a chance to fight for her. She had already fucked up the most perfect thing in her life. A small and quick nip against the thin skin of her shoulder stopped Anya’s mind from its spiral. Looking slightly down at the woman in her arms she held her eyes as Raven simply said, “I’ve been loving you.”***Anya’s eyes flew open and her body tensed as she was conscious and realized darkness surrounded her. Her chest clenched as her lungs refused to work, the air being caught in her body and choking her, she started to claw at her chest in an attempt to cause something beyond the paralysis she was experiencing. Slowly Anya started counting down numbers, she took in the small light coming through the window, the sheets against her naked body, the woman tangled among her limbs. Chest heaving yet steady and working, Anya stared up at the ceiling to trace the intricate patterns of the tapestry hung since her sophomore year of high school. Her mind wandered…how could Raven ever love someone as broken as her? What kind of life could she offer her soulmate? Anya was a recovering budding alcoholic, she couldn’t sleep through the night without terrors ripping her from dreams, PTSD episodes deterring her from so many things in life. How could someone like Raven, even being her soulmate, love someone as broken as Anya?Swallowing the pain in her heart and the regret already settling in her bones, Anya carefully untangled herself from her soulmate’s grasp and set her feet on the cold hardwood floor of her room. Anya got up and slowly paced the width of her room making sure her footing was soft to not wake her soulmate. Suddenly, the emptiness of the house, how silent it was, came thundering into Anya’s ears…she could hear the sickening crunches of punches against her own ribs and the ones thrown into Murphy’s face. She flinched at each popping echo of the gunshots that scarred her memory. She could feel the pounding boot steps down the hall creep closer to her bedroom door. Her face felt ashy and burned from the desert sun after days of wandering.
It was all too much. Anya started to gather any type of fabric she could find to cover her body, throwing socks and shoes across the room, Raven’s dress filled her hands which caused guilty tears to fill her eyes, she threw the fabric away and stumbled into her closet for at least sweat pants. With shaking hands she finally covered her body to try to start stumbling downstairs. No, she couldn’t leave Raven…even if she saw her like this, no matter how badly she wanted to run. Anya rushed to the window of her room with her hand clutched against her still tight chest. She threw open the window and immediately reveled in the fresh air that rushed into the room, striking Anya directing in the face and chest, filling her lungs. After gulping in lungful amounts of fresh air into her body, Anya finally started to calm down. Then, after some time and when she started to actually enjoy the moonlit darkness and fresh air, Raven stirred in her bed to stretch slightly and bury deeper into the space Anya recently vacated. From her small perch on the thin windowsill Anya noticed the slight crinkle in Raven’s forehead once she realized the bed was empty, she heard the low moan of frustration leaving the brunette’s throat, she witnessed the moment that Raven thought that Anya had left her all alone.Anya’s heart broke. Then from under the cocooned blankets came Raven’s voice, “If you’re thinking of pulling a runner on me…that’s incredibly rude. I’m in YOUR bed and YOUR house.” A sleepy grumble and yawn interrupted, “Most of all though, you would be the absolute biggest asshole in the world if you leave right now.”A pause between them… “Plus, you’re my fucking soulmate. So get your hot ass back in this bed and we will work through whatever you’re feeling right now.Anya saw the covers raise in an obvious invitation (demand) for Anya to join. Sucking in one last mouthful of air, Anya shook her arms out and swayed towards the bed. Her heart was hammering in her chest at the prospect of being so intimate with Raven, so close that she could hurt her…so close that Raven could break her even more than she already was. Despite her worries, once Anya was under the warmth of the covers surrounded by not only Raven’s crisp scent but their shared smells post sex, she found that her heart settled its relentless beating and her lungs relaxed as well. Anya found herself burying her face into Raven’s chest, accepting the comforting embrace of her soulmate’s arms wrapping around her shoulders and waist. Once again she noted how effortlessly their bodies seemed to melt together, it was easier than breathing…easier than anything in the world. “What’s going on Corporal?”“Please don’t call me that.”“I’m sorry.”“How can you love someone like me?”“How could I not?”Anya released a heavy sigh against the brunette’s chest, “I don’t deserve your love, Raven. I might be your soulmate…but you… Raven you deserve so much more than I can give you. You deserve someone whole, not broken like I am. I can’t even sleep through the night with my soulmate wrapped in my arms without having a nightmare, without freaking out.”“I want you, Anya. No matter what. Only you.”“Raven…you don’t know what this is like, what I go through every night. I can’t ask you to suffer through this all with me. I can’t hurt you. You deserve better…more.”The grip around Anya tightened and she could feel Raven start to slightly tremble, “No. Do you really think I care about waking up to you in the window, or you freaking out in the dark? Do you really think I would ever leave you, Anya?”Despite herself, Anya let loose a small sniffle against Raven’s skin as she cursed herself for showing weakness to the woman she vowed to protect long ago. Shaking her head, Anya whispered, “What if I hurt you? What if I’m too broken? I’m not enough for you.”“Anya….shut the fuck up.” The words were punctuated by only the soft tracing of Raven’s fingers along her back and a soft kiss to her hair. “Don’t let anything give you any doubt about me or my devotion to you. Anya, I literally moved from Florida to here for you and for what we could be. I’ve been convinced you were my soulmate for so long, I couldn’t even wait until the wedding to meet you. I’m here for myself, and for you, and what we can be. Like we said before…You can’t get rid of me now, Anya…I am yours.”Her breath hitched in her throat at Raven’s words…she still wanted her, Raven even moved back because she had known Anya was her soulmate. Raven wanted Anya. After only a paralyzing moment the ex-Marine took in a shuttering breath and began to accept that maybe, just maybe, Raven wouldn’t leave. “I’m going to be the best version of myself for you, Raven.”“No…I want you to be the best version of yourself for you, not for me. I’m here for you for any version, you can’t get rid of me. I just want you to be happy for your own life and for yourself because you can’t do that for me…I’ll always be here. I’ll always be at your side, Anya.”At those words, Anya lifted herself from the warm embrace of Raven to kiss her deeply, trying to show her how much she trusted the woman. Words escaped Anya, but she hoped that Raven could feel her love and devotion, her trust and fierce loyalty to her soulmate. Anya knew she was broken, and that Raven wanted her to heal for herself…but inside, Anya knew that whatever recovery she made from that point forward was for not only herself, but for both of them and their future together.***Waking in the early morning light was not uncommon for Anya, she had been roused by the soft sunrise many mornings of her life; what was new to her though, was waking to a warm body nestled in her arms. Once Anya woke peacefully, a rare occurrence, she knew immediately that she was safe…she felt in her bones that Raven was there and in her arms breathing evenly in sleep. The brunette’s arms were tucked against Anya’s body and her hair was splayed perfectly across the pillow to catch the soft light of the morning. Anya was in love. For a long time she simply watched the woman in her sleep, she couldn’t imagine waking her soulmate from such a peaceful experience. Anya thought of the almost disaster that happened merely a few hours before, Raven waking to an episode and thinking Anya was going to run away…disappear from her as if they were not soulmates, nothing more than a one night stand. The thought made Anya’s skin crawl, the idea that she could ever leave Raven. Now that Anya had tasted happiness, slept in her lover’s arms, felt the mighty embrace of support and love, she knew that she would never falter from Raven’s side. Anya would walk through Hell endlessly for Raven. Breaking through the ex-Marine’s morning thoughts Raven stirred slightly as consciousness started to churn through and rouse her. Anya ran her free hand through her soulmate’s hair in a soothing manner hoping to comfort the woman. Slowly, brown eyes cracked open and a silent yawn crept through the air as Raven woke. “Well, this is already a damn good morning.”Anya huffed a small laugh at the woman’s words while she tightened her hold slightly, the brunette blinked lazily as she burrowed deeper into the embrace around her. “Good morning, Little Bird.”“I like when you call me that.”“That is good…I plan on waking you every morning of our future like this.”Those were apparently the correct words to say because Raven sighed happily as she pressed a delicate kiss to Anya’s neck before whispering, “So you still love me in the morning light?”Anya drew back slightly, her chest aching when Raven clung to her in hopes of stopping the action…she made sure to look directly into her soulmate’s eyes as Anya said, “I will love you in the soft light of sunrise and in the glow of the moonlight, Little Bird.”Raven trailed her free hand along the front of Anya’s body to settle comfortably on her chest, the name of her soulmate clearly marked on her forearm visible and demanding attention, “Good, because I don’t need these soulmarks scrawled across my arms to know, without doubt Anya, I belong with you.”
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For the first time since they met, Anya woke to the sound of her soulmate rustling around their shared bedroom…Raven had never once in the time since they met woke before Anya. Though, as the blonde lazily stretched along their large bed and watched her beautiful love run around the room, she knew that they had only experienced lazy mornings filled with languid kisses and soft whispered moans. Today was different for the pair.There was a wedding today. Anya smiled softly as she watched Raven, the woman was pacing back and forth across the length of their bedroom while she buttoned her shirt and muttering to herself going through a mental checklist. Smirking to herself, because Anya wanted to play dirty, she pulled down the sheets from her body so her chest was on full display for her soulmate. “Your diamond earrings are in the back of the second drawer in the dresser, Little Bird.”Raven stuttered in her steps as the words reached her ears, she quickly pivoted as best her leg would allow to wretch open the drawer. Anya almost laughed as she saw the successful smile cross her lover’s face at finding the earrings. Once the jewelry was set in her ears the brunette finally turned towards Anya who was still lounging comfortably on the bed. Anya raised her eyebrows and let a devilish grin spread along her face at seeing her soulmate completely stop and drink in the sight she was displaying. Raven stopped her whole body and gapped at her soulmate. “Come here and mess up your makeup on my thighs.”“Anya, you are so fucking tempting…but I have to be pre-wedding ready in like, thirty minutes.”“Those two idiots are getting married with or without us being there right on time. Come here, my love.”“I do like when you talk dirty like that.”With that, Anya freed her body from the sheets completely as Raven practically launched herself across the bed to lay along Anya’s body. Excited fingers made quick work of the endless buttons of Raven’s shirt and Anya felt deft fingers leave hot trails along her thighs leading towards her core. “What was that about leaving my makeup on your thighs?”“They’ll redo it before the wedding…make me scream your name.”Anya started her day with three orgasms and Raven could barely walk after her own two debilitating orgasms. The two soulmates barely made it safely out of their shared apartment on time.*** Anya had never been an active part of a wedding before so she was slightly taken by surprise of all the little details that could go so wrong. Apparently, the woman hired to take care of the whole wedding party’s makeup was stuck in morning traffic and would be incredibly late. The flowers had been delivered to the wrong reception venue, all the way across town of course. All three ties to be worn by Lexa, Lincoln, and Anya had somehow been left out in the sun and were now faded from their original color, no longer matching the exact colors of Clarke’s wedding party. Anya swore that she saw a blood vessel pop in her sister’s eye when they received that news. Despite the mishaps, some of which were handled expertly by Abby Griffin because “a mother has her ways, dear”, the ceremony was well on the way to getting started. With one final text to Raven saying that they were almost all set and ready, Anya shut her phone off and turned to her sister and cousin. Lincoln looked incredibly strapped in his suit as his muscles were clearly struggling to be contained, he was no longer the gangly baby cousin following her every move. Then Anya looked to her baby sister.Lexa embodied a regal aura. Her hair was down and styled in the traditional intricate Trikru braids, Indra had the honor of slipping into their suite to complete the task hours earlier. Lexa’s suit was crisp and tailored perfectly to her body, every angle and line was in place. Anya felt a kick in her chest when Lexa turned to look at her, their eyes met and a soft smile graced her face. In that moment Anya could almost reach out and touch the happiness that was radiating off of her sister. Even if Anya hadn’t met Raven, she would have never once questioned the legitimacy of soulmates after seeing her sister smile like that at the prospect of marrying her own soulmate. “How are you feeling, Lex?”“There are no words to describe this feeling.”Humming her approval, Anya stepped towards her baby sister and enveloped her in a strong hug. Tears welled in her eyes as she felt Lexa wrap her own arms around her waist. Anya detached herself so she could hold Lexa by the shoulders at arms length away, looking her in the eyes again she said, “You know, Clarke is one lucky kid.”Laughing she responded, “No, it is me the universe graced with luck for a soulmate like Clarke…and a family like you two. Thank you both for everything leading to this moment, and for the future we all will share.”In typical Lincoln fashion, the man flung his arms around both sisters and very nearly picked them both up from the ground. “Stop with all these feelings, where did my two brooding cousins go?”Anya leaned over and flicked Lincoln in the forehead, “Oh I have not gone anywhere, I am still as brooding and unapproachable as ever.”“And if a certain ‘Little Bird’ were to walk in here and ask for the moon would you not reach out to hold it in your hands for her?” Lexa sent her sister a wry grin, knowing that Anya was not-so-secretly-whipped for her soulmate.Pushing Lexa slightly she scoffed, “Yet here we are at YOUR wedding.”Before the bride to be could respond, Lincoln held out his hand which held a very specific velvet box. Two sets of eyes grew impossibly wide once they took in the sight, Anya and Lexa both turned to their cousin, “Well, show it to us!”As Anya tried to deftly snatch the box from his hand Lincoln whipped it back to the safety of his pocket, “No no, I want Octavia to be the first person to see it. Don’t worry Lex, I won’t be stealing your thunder today, I just wanted to share in the happiness.”“This is fantastic Lincoln, we are so very happy for you and Octavia. Who would have ever thought we would all be lucky enough to find soulmates in three best friends?”Anya barked out her laugh at her sister’s words, “You mean how did we fall victim to the biggest cliché ever?”Lexa stuck her tongue out in a childish manner as Lincoln responded, “A cliché I am very happy to indulge myself in, thank you very much.”Three quick knocks on the room’s door stopped the trio in their banter, the reality of the day rushing back to them. Lexa was set to be married in an hours time and those knocks signaled that it was finally time for the ceremony to start. Reaching out for Lexa’s forearm, Anya gripped her sister tightly.“Let’s get you married.”***Anya’s breath nearly left her body as she took in the sight of Raven in her dress, she was absolutely stunning. All she could do was simply stare at her soulmate as she sauntered over from the other side of the room. As Raven reached her Anya struggled to find words, but she didn’t need to because Raven leaned forward, easily clearing the usual height difference due to the heels, and kissed Anya softly. Blinking owlishly after the kiss Anya really could not speak now, Raven started to touch up her lipstick then say, “You were starting to drool.”The soft string music picked out by Clarke started to fill the hall…it was time. Anya watched as Raven rubbed Lincoln’s head, ‘for good luck’, then take his extended elbow. Then Octavia gingerly touched Anya’s own arm to take. As the doors opened and Lincoln and Raven made their measured way towards the officiant at the end of the isle Anya felt her heart clench at seeing her soulmate on the arm of someone else. A strange mixture of emotions swirled in her chest. Halfway down the aisle with Octavia on her arm, Anya realized that, oh shit maybe one day she wanted to do this with Raven. Then Raven reached her spot she was directed to stand and turned back towards the people filled room, yet her eyes immediately found Anya’s and her stomach apparently started a butterfly factory in that moment. Yes, Anya wanted to marry Raven one day. Today though, they first had to make sure the love struck idiots that are Lexa and Clarke didn’t forget to say ‘I do’. ***Lexa was so nervous that she said ‘Do I’.***By the time the wedding party finally arrived to the reception venue Anya was craving to touch Raven, her fingertips buzzed at the thought of holding her soulmate. Between the excitement of the ceremony and the endless flurry of wedding pictures the two had barely been able to speak more than a few words to each other, much less touch. Though, Anya suspects that there will be a photograph of her holding Raven in the park arms wrapped around one another and heads buried together, a rare moment of public displayed affection but neither woman could handle it at one point. In a tragic swoop of fate before she could talk to Raven the party was called in for their entrance to start the reception off, the people were hungry and waiting. ***Anya definitely did not have tears in her eyes or feel tightness in her throat during her speech.***The first dance as a married couple was a magical sight, Clarke and Lexa flowed across the dance floor effortlessly as they were lost in each other. Anya’s heart swelled as she saw her mother and sister dance afterwards, then trading places with Abby and Jake eventually. The dance floor was littered with tears of pure happiness.Anya was in no way a dancer, but when the band called for couples to join and Raven held her hand out Anya thought maybe for one night she could dance. Finding their rhythm was much easier than expected, though Anya thought, everything with Raven was seemingly proving to be effortless. As with their shared life so far, the two swayed and melted into each other, both delving into the sensation of finally being in the hold of their soulmate. After the second song Raven pulled back her head slightly to stare at Anya, unable to control herself Anya kissed her lover fiercely. “Hi.”“Hello.”“This is so stupid, but I missed you so much today. Being so close to you drove me crazy. You look criminally good in a suit by the way, Corporal Woods.”Anya spread her hand across the small of Raven’s back and pulled the woman even closer to her body to emphasize her point, “I felt it too. My chest ached at not being able to have you.”“Today has been so exhausting…and I have the energy of a caffeinated toddler. Can we stay in bed all day tomorrow? I’m thinking sex marathon and as much pizza we can eat.”“I believe my soulmate is mind reader.”Anya felt Raven’s steps falter slightly during the kiss they shared again while dancing. With the thought of a tired soulmate and a sore knee, before Raven could even process, Anya scooped the woman into her arms and started to carry her towards the main table. “Everyone is staring at us Anya.”“So let them, I have no shame in caring for my soulmate.”“Fuck, that was cheesy…but I love you.”***Octavia caught the bouquet and Raven might have a suspiciously elbow shaped bruise tomorrow.Anya caught Clarke’s frilly garter solely because of her height…she gingerly returned it to Lexa. *** Raven and Murphy greeted each other like the old friends they were. Anya received a light punch on the arm from the man she was so dependent on not that long ago, “I should have figured you would be the only person in the world able to handle Raven, Skaigona.”The arm Raven had wrapped around Anya tightened at the words. ***Much later in the night, after the champagne was drunk, dances were danced, and the happy couple was sent off on their honey-moon, Raven and Anya found themselves tangled together in their bed, much like the first night they shared together. Anya traced her fingers along Raven’s soulmark, the words currently etched into her skin read ‘Anya’s scent’, though only a mere moment ago she watched the word transform from ‘weddings’. “Would you want a wedding of that scale?”“I don’t think you could handle a wedding that large Corporal…you would murder someone.”“Based off today that is an accurate assumption to hold. We would do well with a much smaller gathering. My sister does tend to have a flair for dramatics...there were so many candles.”Raven pushed up from the bed slightly to look at Anya with wide eyes, “Anya Woods…did you just inadvertently ask me to marry you?”“I believe I did, yes.”The kiss that Anya received from her soulmate was answer enough for her, Raven’s smile broke their lips apart and Anya found herself mirroring the woman above her. “We’re renting a llama for our wedding.”***As the pair started to drift to sleep, Raven rearranged herself for access to both of Anya’s arms. The brunette first grabbed Anya’s right arm and kissed her wrist where the start of Raven’s own name began. Next the woman grabbed her left arm and kissed directly onto the words marking her skin,‘Loving Raven’