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The sky was dull on the afternoon of June 9th 2014 and the infamous conservative prime minister Alan B’stard had died following a skydiving orgy incident which he was laid to rest after inhaling a final breath during a Polynesian massage.Sarah was a proud rich happy woman the swine she despised as a so called husband was no longer alive and the media didn't even report his death which didn't really affect anything in the world.Until Sarah remembered during the funeral that Alan’s mum had told her Alan used to be a sperm donator at a young age and that there was a recent scientific breakthrough where dead people’s memories could still be retained by making clones of them via fusing their dna.She knew Alan had 5 kids and the 5th child was like the spitting image of his father except he lived in a foster home but would occasionally stay over at Sarah’s she had learned “Adam” was in his mid twenties now and happened to do a political science course at his university Sarah had an idea that if she could make something about her late husband desirable it would be his offspring having Adam get a soul transfusion between him and his late dad's soul The operation was a success, Adam and Alan had now been fused, it felt like devilish massage (of Alan’s demons flying around him)Adam awoke, shook his head a bit and processed what memories had now entered his brain“Who are you”? Alan’s prideful baleful voice answered“Who do you think it is?”Adam was puzzled“Aren’t you dead?”Alan answered“Yes and it’s boring I’ll tell you that”Adam started asking questions “What was it like ruling Britain?”Alan boasted “Well I ruled the country better than May or Corbyn did”Adam was even more curious “True so tell me what you endured”Alan started his long anecdote “I got wrongly imprisoned in a California prison due to possession of cocaine which I actually got from a soap opera actor I was planning to shag”listing the meaningful events that had previously happened to him“I once spent time in a Siberian camp, Old Mumsy didn't know my gender until I was 15,Ive been with many girls,I once worked with Labour for a short time,I once got the BBC temporarily banned,I once worked with a trans woman accountant called Norma,I’m terrible in bed,I had to disguise myself as an anti fascist protester once,I used to have an assistant called Piers who was stupid beyond belief while there was one time one of the fellow politicians thought I was QueerAdam was taken aback that he could be related to such a person"Wow that’s a lot to have dealt with….compared to me am I inferior?"Alan tried to think "Well you are now part of me so of course not,I’m amazing who can deny that and Adam don’t be stupid you’re the son of a MP surely your popular at school aren't you I mean weren't you?"Adam frowned"Not really…not many people paid attention to me, considering the way things are now I’m too scared to talk to people sometimes because of my conservative views the world is more politically correct now, soldiers who fight terrorists are getting arrested,the economy is sinking,May is taking centre stage and America is ruled by an orange"Alan brushed Adam's woes off "Don’t be scared and politically correct what nonsense"he then read a newspaper article"Oh no that is bad which means you can save the day and defeat may"the corny line had made Adam cringe "Dad never say that again you’re a dead prime minister, not a kid"Alan doted"Can’t I say something that isn't sadistic or involving innuendo to my own offspring?"
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The next day Adam was at a cafe with a friendly bloke who offered him free ice cream Adam said "isn't it great that we are finally doing something about the overuse of political correctness" the friendly bloke nodded "I'm Alex I used to be apart of a far left anti-fascist organization but now I'm more center"Adam introduced himself "I'm center too I'm centre right the name's Adam B'stard I'm the nephew of the former MP Alan B'stard who ran against Thatcher in the mid-80s and 90s"Alex was curious at the mention of the now dead Margaret Thatcher "Thatcher? that's a bit conservative isn't it was he a Thatcherite?" Adam sarcastically said"No of course not he just used his manipulative ways to work with her just so he could get his way even though it was during that time despite how rich he was he kept getting screwed over but he had such pride and libido it didn't seem to bother him"Alex asked "were you close to him?" Adam explained "Well actually I'm a clone of him I carry his memories but I'm also his nephew because I'm related to his son that and his life was in a tv show called The New Statesman"Alex said"Interesting, my dad might've watched that I remember seeing VHS tapes of that show didn't Alan B'stard die 4 years ago?"Adam swallowed "Yes, but I plan to carry on his legacy not sure how that would work though he makes getting birds, seem so suave and easy I am no good at speeches or debates"Alex disagreed"You can try I believe in you let's have ice-cream again someday" they then left
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Adam was at a café meeting with another uni mate of his Kelsie, they took different subjects but they got along, he wasn't in his casual attire because earlier his class had a debate roleplay session so he was wearing Alan’s old suit”“Hello, Kelsie you wanted to see me?”Kelsie answered,“No I mean Yes I mean ugh I don’t know”Adam cringed,“you can’t be serious Kelsie we go to the same university”Kelsie remembered,“Oh yeah Adam you’re the political studies student I see at lunch sometimes”I guess it was my slavaboo guilt"Adam had no idea what slavaboo meant. "Kelsie, what on earth is a slavaboo?"Kelsie gave Adam the definition,"Someone who isn't Slavic who is over-obsessed with Slavic culture and anything to do with the soviet union the more extreme slavaboos fake Slavic accents to pretend to be Slavic themselves"Adam started to understand,“ I see so your feeling like your guilty of being a red?”Kelsie confessed, Adam made a kinky suggestion“would you like some relief?”Kelsie was a bit surprised by the sudden change of topic“since when did you become a doctor?”Adam brushed it off,“I’m not but my brother is and I know one of the reliefs that work for you is torture”Kelsie tried to guess what he was getting at. “so what are you going to do? bite me like a vampire?"“Just a bit of roleplay,” said Adam as he took Kelsie’s hand as they started walking somewhereKelsie asked,“ok, who am I then?”Adam cut them off“Last I checked you were my uni mate Kelsie”Kelsie rolled their eyes,“right, and I’m tired out due to studying can I skip the switch?”Adam simply said “I’m not using a switch”Kelsie then remembered,“Wasn’t your dad in a sitcom?”Adam replied “Yes, The New Statesman on ITVKelsie gushed,“I loved that show, Alan B’stard made me realize I could be aroused by people that weren’t anime sketches”“Oh,” Adam realized as he blushed.Adam and Kelsie had made it to their destination; it was his house inside his dad’s old office. “Have you guessed what role I’m playing?”Kelsie knew what he meant,“What, this is getting kinky and I already know you’re the master”Adam chuckled“Ha, my brother says that a lot “listen to your master”,Kelsie noticed the similarities between the late Alan and Adam“I’ve just now realised you have a slight resemblance to your dad in that cosplay”Adam smirked wider“I'm not cosplaying this is one of his old suits”Kelsie smirked back,“Well you still look handsome in that suit James Bond is overrated but I’d like Adam to give me plenty of Quantum and Solace”Adam then revealed what he had planned“that's not the only thing that will be red tonight”Kelsie tried to guess what he meant,“I do enjoy red velvet biscuits,” Kelsie said as they were then bent over a bench to which they knew exactly what was happening and they loved it.Adam could feel Alan’s sadism inside of him as he felt like a demon possessing his body and he was enjoying that feeling“ I’m a backbencher”. Adam exclaimed seductively as he took out a yellow rattan cane and smacked Kelsie’s behind with it while he was leaning on the “bench".Kelsie didn’t moan though, they were used to this while with Adam the part of his mind that Alan controlled was like“you're on the right track keep pleasuring until she says you can shag him”Adam had to explain “but dad Kelsie isn’t into sex”Alan responded “you can still pleasure them can’t you, look part of being good at BDSM is knowing what pleasures the submissive so if both of you enjoy it then it’s a pleasant experience for both of you”Adam asked"Kelsie, are you enjoying being at the other end of this backbencher?”Kelsie replied with “Yes but usually if I’ve thinking sexy thoughts I’m thinking them to music”Adam said, “what song do you think would fit the mood?” Kelsie answered“Maybe Bubblegum bitch and Sex Yeah by Marina and the diamonds”Adam cut him off “I actually have that hang on,” said Adam as he went to his cd shelf and got out Electra Heart and turned the stereo to those requested tracks.The experience was then even more enjoyable, as the spanking had finished, it was time for snogging”Adam chuckledKelsie chuckled back“do you think that my experience with hooks is like SpongeBob’s experience with them ”Adam got the reference“he was naked in that episode wasn't he?"Kelsie laughed it off “Me and my stupid obscure cartoon references”“it’s fine laughed Adam as they started kissing Kelsie answered back “and it’s not hooking up back in WWII it was acceptable for soldiers to exchange friendly kisses to each other”Adam smiled, “I might’ve made your ass red but you’re making my heart crimson”as they had their final kiss before Kelsie realized the time and went back to his flatIn Adam’s demonic mind a smirking Alan with an odd dark coloured outfit with wings and horns was sitting innocently congratulating his son on retaining his libido legacy and that cherries that aren't popped are still good cherries.
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With the new months meant new political scandals,however Adam being the procrastinator he was he spent most of it at festivals and red carpet film premiereswhile he was watching one of those talking head channel 5 documentaries about old television actresseshe could feel something erupting,he felt his cybernetics connecting with a demonic aurasoon someone appeared who looked like and sounded like his dad Alanhe looked like a old vampire,his hair grey and short and a poncy looking vest and tie"Hello" he said proudly holding his hands out Adam was confused,"Who are you?"Alan introduced himself "have you forgotten it's Me,"Adam started to realise it was the late Alan B'stard "Dad?""or as you know me your sweet daddy" Alan said smirkingAdam was still puzzled"I thought it was only your mind I didn't know you still had a physical form"Alan joked"Demons and technology go together like Piers Morgan and Good Morning Britain it's complicated"Adam pondered"What about me if your a demon because your dead does that mean I'm one too?"Alan explained"Indeed but your demon form is more like what I looked like when I was your age""great" Adam groaned before he could feel himself floating away from the ground,shielding himself with bat wings and a blazer suit that had suddenly changed his appearance.Adam's voice changed a bit too from the soft spoken adam to a loud voice like that of what Alan sounded like back in the dayAdam loved his new appearance"I look irresitable and oh so lecterious""Well my libido is legendary" Alan said proudly Adam didn't think this would effect him too much personality wise until he had another meet up with Kelsie"so you've been taking up poetry I see?" Adam noticedKelsie said "Yep I love writing"Adam read through some of the poetry, "Kelsie do you wanna dance?" Adam asked trying to sound seductive Kelsie answered "I really enjoyed the experience we had a few weeks back and what? dancing sorry Adam I'm crap at dancing"Adam danced with him anyway they danced around Alan's old office even if most of it involved Adam leading the dance Kelsie's alternate dream self was trying to stab alan again but he was having none of it that unfortunately got Adam's mind messed upand Adam swore Alan thought that would've scared Kelsie off but Kelsie just licked her lips and said "I didn't know you could swear like that" smiling widely Adam at this point was blushing red until he continued blushing and breathing,a bit too fasteven Alan knew that wasn't right and tried to calm Adam down when he overheard Kelsie say something"Is it because you feel like because of our equally confusing minds and procrastination that you feel like you'll never live up to your late dad it's ok Adam I understand" Adam eventually calmed down while Alan responded "She's a good bird keep her" Kelsie said "did you say there are birds and kipper?"Adam tried to think of an excuse "Um no it was look at that bird over there" looking to someone in short shorts close by Adam saw Alex he hadn't talked Alex for days Alex was leaning against a wall licking a icelolly while a crowd nearby were chanting Adam chatted up Alex and they were soon having some good banterKelsie had walked off Alan was questioning if Adam was queer or notAlan brushed that thought off he was just cared that his son/sucessor was happy "what a interesting world this place is" Alan soon realized that nothing sexy was going on and Adam was simply chatting away to Alex making him think back to the conversations he would have with fellow politicians before he remembered he barely spoke positively to any of them he felt pathetic for getting angry and jealous of his own sons social life.he could feel money from his pocket falling out as he cried only for the money to not land on the ground but to land on Kelsie's umbrella.
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It was the new year, a lot had changed, Kelsie kept on with the poetry, Alex took up Drag and Adam took a different route. Adam paced around his room, adjusting different chains on the trousers and bracelets he had on, he put some music on his record player as the sounds of Pulp took over the room. Alan was surprised that his offspring was making such a change, Adam was dying his hair, putting on jewellery and making strange videos on social media of him sending social-political messages in the form of flashcards and improv. Alan's physical form emerged in the form of a ghostly aura as he snapped his fingershe had short grey hair, still wearing his dark red vest and tie but this time with a vampiric looking suit"What on earth are you doing Adam?, you're dying your hair, your wearing strange clothes, What's going on, is there something your not telling me?" Adam couldn't hear Alan as he pulled on a decorative t-shirt to go with his chains,Alan raised his voice slightly "YOUNG MAN, I'm talking to you!" Adam looked confused as he sighed "What is it, Dad?"he scratched his chin while looking at his son's *new look* "You're hanging out with a drag queen, you've changed your look and your making these strange internet videos, are you watching Porn?, or is this a social media thing I need to know about? Are you a....he whispered, "homosexual?" Adam whined like he was suddenly a teenager again, "Dad Leave Me Alone!" Alan spoke in a softer voice, holding his hands out to his son, "Please Adam, I just want to understand, what is all this, I wasn't doing this when I was your age" Adam shouted, "Because you're a 61-year-old Tory git, of course, you wouldn't understand, I don't want to continue your legacy, I want my own legacy, I don't care about Brexit and all that crap, I just want to live my life, Adam yelped as he leaned on the wall dropping to the floor, "I don't want to be stuck in a stuffy old office where I continue the outdated regime that has only just continued to plague this country since the elections happened, people are dying, people, my age are dying from the policies that your party implemented, people just want to party and explore the world, I want to be me, not you, I know your soul is literally implanted into me because Sarah wanted it, but I don't want to be you, I don't want to be a washed-up gene wilder looking hoe, who only cares about money, sex and nothing else, Yes, politics is important, the world is in shambles right now but I want to have my own path, instead of just following yours" Alan was shocked, his own offspring had drastically different ideas, beliefs and interests than he did, he knew Adam had signed up for the soul transfusion but he didn't know it was Sarah who forced him into it, times had changed a bit since 1987, he had a few social conservative views still, but generally he was more a centrist, on reflection he always was, he did work with labour on a couple of occasions and he had more liberal views on pornography laws and some other issues he then received a sudden flashback. *FLASHBACK TO 1990*It was loud stormy rain on the streets of London, as the sound of droplets of rain pattered outside 10, Downing Street, Alan was in his office, looking through paperwork when someone had arrived to talk to him....it was Norma. Alan groaned to himself "What do you want Norma?" Norma stood in a shoulder pad suit and a briefcase in hand "I don't want anything Alan, because I'm leaving" Alan got out of his chair, and walked over looking concerned, "Your leaving?, your my accountant, I never said anything about this, why are you doing this?" Norma gathered some old documents "It's a new policy Alan, since Maggie's no longer in office,I'm no longer under my contract, it's expired" Alan raised his eyebrows, "What? it's expired, your no longer working with me?, who is going to sort out my financial issues then?" Norma put the documents in her briefcase "Your gonna have to figure it out yourself or get a new accountant, get Piers to do it" Alan was beyond confused, cringing and groaning "Piers Fletcher Dervish can barely figure out how to work an Abacus let alone, government finances" Norma was about to make her way out until Alan dashed after her, "Norma, Norma I need to tell you something!" Norma scoffed, "about how your thankful that I gave you so much money" Alan looked sad, he rarely genuinely looked sad about events but this was an exception, he frowned like a upset puppy "No, No, I just want to say thank you for what you have done for me and the party, your work has helped us many times if it wasn't for you, I don't know what we would've done,I'm going to miss not having our meetings" Norma gave a mixed reaction, "Alan it was a pleasure working for you, but I just don't agree with your policies, your policies have given people like me more harm than good,I'm going to see if I can work for the Liberal Democrats or some other party, it just doesn't sound right working with the same people who would prefer to see me dead than working," just as Norma was about to walk back into the rainy city she gave one final message "However, I would like to say thank you for accepting me when I was still going through my transition, when I was working with you, you have treated me like a lady and that's all I wanted, I'll miss you Alan and your bold determination and spirit," she picked up and umbrella and stepped out, "You Bastard," she said affectionately as she put her briefcase in her cab and drove away Alan gazed out into the pouring cold London sky, thinking the accountant he had worked with for so many years was now no longer working with him, he actually felt kind of sad as he folded his hands staring out into the rain.Piers loudly walked down the stairs in his wellington boots, donning his big raincoat and rain hat "Did something tragic happen? Alan, you look upset, you're not usually upset" Alan continued gazing out the window, "It's Nothing Piers, now go away" he casually said, as Piers made his way home Adam sat leaning on the wall, his face still sniffled and teary-eyed after his outburst, he looked up at the ghostly figure of his father who was suddenly acting very quiet, he was looking out the window, emotionless, usually, his father would be either very angry, very revolting or very arrogant, but now he was simply just observing the atmosphere...