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“Iruka-sensei, what’s gay mean?”
Iruka’s mouth went slightly dry as he looked carefully up at Naruto. “Well,” he said slowly, glad the classroom was empty except for the two of them, “It means that somebody is attracted to somebody of their own gender.” When Naruto clearly didn’t understand, Iruka clarified, “It means that a man who is gay would fall in love with a man, and want to kiss men, while a woman who is gay would want to kiss or fall in love with another woman.”
Naruto stared at his arm, then said slowly, “So if my soulmate is going to be in love with me, and I’m a guy so if they’re gay then they’re a guy, and if I’m supposed to fall in love with them then…
I’m gay?”
“Well, yes, probably or possibly bisexual, so you like both boys and girls,” Iruka said. “What makes you think they are?”
Naruto held out his wrist and saw in small but clear script
I’m gay.
“You know what this means?” Iruka asked, closing his fingers around Naruto’s wrist. “You know that this is your soulmate’s biggest secret, right?” Naruto nodded, so Iruka crouched in front of him and said, “Well, then, this is something very precious, and you must always protect it.” He wrapped a bandage around Naruto’s wrist and made sure the boy understood never to let anybody see. He resisted the urge to touch spot on his knee that said
my friends are dead because of me.
There was also the strike-through that indicated the secret was incorrect, and Kakashi had almost cried when he saw that.
It wasn’t as bad as it could be, admittedly. At least he wasn’t the one with
I’m not a girl
written across the bridge of his nose. At least Kakashi had never had doubts about his sexuality either, not since Iruka was old enough to look in a mirror and decide the clothing he’d been put in was wrong.
Being gay was slightly more acceptable than being trans in Konoha, but that was only just. If you were important enough people would look the other way for the occassional fuck, but it wasn’t something people went around announcing to the world. People were happy enough to believe he and Kakashi were roomates, and they had a two-bedroom apartment for show. But there were dirty looks and hushed comments, that people made sure were just loud enough for Iruka to hear. Iruka frowned as he watched Naruto run away to play in the schoolyard. The boy didn’t need another reason for the village to hate him.
Shikamaru was lying in his bed when he felt the sting on his bicep that told him his soulmate had just been told their greatest secret. Curious, he rolled up his sleeve, and then his eyes practically popped out of their sockets.
I have the nine-tails sealed inside of me.
Of course Shikamaru had heard stories of the nine-tails. He also knew it was something that wasn’t to be spoken of, but he could probably get a few questions out of his father.
But the nine-tails is dead,
he thought. But there wasn’t the strikethrough to show his soulmate was incorrect about their secret. No, the nine-tails was alive and sealed inside his soulmate.
After that, Shikamaru wore long sleeves and learned to henge any time he had his shirt off. He spent most of his free time in libraries, researching seals and any information that was available on the nine-tails. Mostly, he gathered information by listening in to conversations.
The chunin exams interrupted Shikamaru’s reconnaissance, but once the village got back to mostly normal he resumed his research. Shikamaru found the best spot for gathering intel on the top of a roof near the main market. It was a decently good spot to watch clouds so nobody questioned why he was there, but it was also well within earshot of the streets below. Soon he heard a familiar voice.
“Instant ramen! I have enough money for… 10 please,” Naruto practically shouted. Shikamaru chuckled. By all rights Naruto should annoy him, but he liked the boy, and sometimes wished they were better friends. Not that he would do anything about it. That was such a bother.
“Get out of my store, monster,” the shopkeeper shouted.
“But I need it,” Naruto whined.
“You’d better leave or I’ll make you leave.” Shikamaru frowned. He never understood why the villagers treated Naruto the way they did. He heard muttering about him all the time, but he didn’t do much other than some mostly harmless pranks.
“Miko, you must never talk to that boy,” a woman whispered.
Shikamaru peered over the edge of the roof to see a man throw a rock at the back of Naruto’s head and shout “Monster!” Naruto ran away, clutching his scalp, blood seeping through his fingers.
Shikamaru felt anger rising in his chest. Naruto had done nothing wrong except exist. “I wish they wouldn’t let that demon walk around like that.” A woman whispered. “He’s dangerous.”
Monster? Demon? Shikamaru hit his hands together and thought. After a minute his eyes popped open as the realization hit him.
Naruto was sitting at home moping. He didn’t have money for ramen. He could go by after closing and see if Teuchi would give him the leftovers--he usually did--but it was several hours until Ichiraku closed, and Naruto was hungry. He was interrupted by a knock on the door. Hoping it wasn’t an angry villager, he went to open the door and saw Shikamaru holding two bags of groceries. Shikamaru walked past him and set the groceries on the counter. “I had to carry these all the way over here. It was such a drag.” He pulled out ten cups of instant ramen, and then some apples, bread, meat, milk. He opened Naruto’s fridge, sniffed the milk, and promptly threw it out. Naruto stared in confusion. “Shikamaru, what are you doing here?” Naruto asked.
“Getting you food.” Shikamaru said. “You’re my soulmate, so I guess I have to make sure you don’t die of starvation or anything before we even fall in love or whatever.”
Naruto pinched himself and then wondered if he was in some sort of genjutsu. Shikamaru didn’t pull these kinds of pranks, so he seemed dead serious. “You’re my soulmate?” Naruto asked.
“Yeah. You’ve got the nine-tails in you, right?” Shikamaru said casually.
“How--how did you know?” Naruto demanded. Shikamaru took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves so Naruto could see. “It wouldn’t make sense for it to be anybody else. It explains your fight with Neji if you’ve got a separate chakra in you.”
Naruto reached out and traced his fingers over the words on Shikamaru’s biceps. Soon there were tears in his eyes. “Look, I may not be your first choice of soulmates, but you don’t have to get that upset about it,” Shikamaru said. The next moments, Shikamaru found himself holding an armful of Naruto.
“I never thought somebody would love me,” Naruto cried. “And you--I’m glad it’s you.”
Shikamaru smiled and patted Naruto’s back. “I’m glad it’s you also,” Shikamaru said.
Naruto broke away and said, “what does this mean. I mean, do we kiss or whatever.”
Shikamaru frowned. “We’ll probably want to at some point. Right now I just want to teach you how to play shogi and watch clouds together. Eventually we’ll probably fall in love, but there’s no point in rushing. We can do things our own way. Right now I just want to teach you how to play shogi and watch clouds together.”
Naruto hugged Shikamaru again and said, “I want to watch clouds with you too Shika.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Shikamaru’s puzzle arrived on his doorstep on the morning of his seventeenth birthday. Nobody knew exactly where the puzzles came from or why, but what they did know was that if you finished your puzzle, it gave you a hint to your soulmates identity. Shikamaru’s was large with an incredible amount of pieces. It was mostly swirls of orange that reminded him of Naruto’s old orange jumpsuit, but he couldn’t guess what the finished product would be. It probably wouldn’t take him very long, but the whole soulmate thing didn’t seem worth the effort. His parents were soulmates, and he didn’t want to find someone like his mother who would only nag him. He tucked it in the back of his closet, with the decision that he would work on it later.
Later never came because Shikamaru’s puzzle was blasted away with the rest of the village when Pein attacked. He was a little disappointed, but he figured if he found the right person it really wouldn’t matter if they were his soulmates.
“Shikamaru! Shikamaru! SHikamaru!” Shikamaru groaned when he heard Naruto run towards him. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Naruto--he liked him quite a bit--but he was sure Naruto was going to ask him to
do
something.
“Yes, Naruto?” He sighed.
“I got my soulmate puzzle,” Naruto said, “Only… I can’t exactly put it together.” he gestured to his missing arm and grinned, scratching the back of his head. “Anyways, it’s kinda hard, and I know you’re good with puzzles and things.”
“Fine,” Shikamaru said with a sigh and followed Naruto to his apartment. Naruto’s soulmate puzzle looked to have about 100 pieces, all of which were a combination of green and black. Shikamaru thought the shade of green looked familiar, but it wasn’t until he had turned half the pieces upwards that he realized what it was. “I’ve got to gay,” he shouted, jumping to his feet. “I mean, go.”
Shikamaru found a nice patch of grass to lie down and consider the relative merits of Naruto being his soulmate. Cons: the noise, the energy, expectation to
do
things… did he mention the noise? As for Pros: Naruto had a nice smile; his eyes were blue and all shiny; under his jumpsuit he didn’t look half bad (no Shikamaru hadn’t been staring that one time at an onsen, and he had just been
surprised
by Naruto’s muscle definition, not turned-on); and Shikamaru had said himself he wanted to walk by Naruto’s side. He groaned and covered his face with his eyes. Apparently having a soulmate turned you into a sticky glob of disgusting gooeyness.
He’d always been interested in Naruto, but then Naruto was inspirational, and surely everybody thought about Naruto and admired him. Shikamaru wished he could have asked Asuma or his father about what to do. Not every soul pair were romantic, and maybe it just meant Shikamaru was destined to help Naruto realize his dream. And really, that wasn’t bad, because he
did
want to stay by Naruto’s side, but now he considered it, it might not be so bad to stay by his side in other ways too.
Shikamaru was wondering if it would be worth the trouble to talk to his mother, or--God forbid--Ino when he heard the sound of footsteps rapidly approaching. He sat up and groaned when he saw Naruto running towards him. He had wanted more time to think about this, devise a strategy, make some calculations, but if Naruto was his soulmate he really had no chance of approaching things slowly and logically.
“Shiiiika!” Naruto called, running towards Shikamaru. Shikamaru didn’t say anything, just rolled over to face the blonde. Naruto sat before Shikamaru, then looked a little sheepish. “I had Sakura help me with the puzzle. She told me it’s the Nara clan logo.”
“It is,” Shikamaru said with a nod.
“And you’re a Nara,” Naruto added.
“I am,” Shikamaru confirmed. His mouth had gone dry, and even Naruto looked a little nervous.
“You know,” Naruto said. “I always wondered who my soulmate would be. And for a while now I kind of hoped it might be you. I just like being around you, you know? I really hope you don’t hate me or anything, because I know I’m loud and bothersome, but I
did
save the world so I think that’s a point in my favor, and--”
Shikamaru cut Naruto off with a kiss, and Naruto blinked at him in stunned silence. “I definitely don’t hate you,” Shikamaru said. “I’m not sure how I feel exactly, but I want to be with you. Whatever that means.”
Naruto grinned, then pulled Shikamaru in by the chin until they were kissing again. Naruto broke away then whispered, “You’re the one I want by my side.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Naruto wasn’t known as the most well-mannered person, but even he thought his soulmate could benefit from some better manners. He’s heard his soulmate’s voice for the first time in the Forest of Death when he had faced Orochimaru.
Ugh, I guess you’re one of those idiots who doesn’t know when to retreat. Well, if you’re all about never going back on your word you can’t exactly become Hokage if you get killed by that creep.
Those weren’t the comforting words one expected from their soulmate, but somehow it did help, and Naruto pulled through.
Being incredibly reckless, but also having the chakra reserves to pull through it, Naruto found himself in near-death situations quite frequently--even for a shinobi. And everytime he almost died he heard that same asshole.
Summon a fucking frog you idiot.
Look, Sasuke is kind of a dick, but if you’re so set on getting him back you can’t exactly let him kill you.
I can’t believe you managed to get swallowed by a massive turtle you troublesome idiot.
The words always reminded Naruto a bit of somebody, but he was never sure who. He didn’t even have a real hint until he was held down by chakra disruption blades and about to be killed by Pain.
Damn, isn’t it like you to get in situations like this. You always have to go on your own and be the hero. If it weren’t for my damn leg I’d be beside you.
“Sakura-chan,” Naruto said, grinning at his teammate.
“What do you want Naruto?” she sighed. With Tsunade in a coma, no hospital, and half the village injured, she and Shizune were under particular strain.
“Is there anyone with leg injuries?” Naruto asked, tailing her between tents.
“What do you think, airhead?” Saura demanded and hit Naruto in the head with her clipboard. He may have saved the village, but he was still an idiot. “Half the people on this list.”
“Yeah, but anybody I know,” Naruto clarified. “Anyone close to me?”
“What’s this about?” she asked, her eyes narrowed.
“It’s nothing
bad.
” Naruto said. “It’s just--it’s important ok. Something I felt in sage mode, and I need to check on, but I wasn’t sure who.” Naruto was pretty impressed with himself for thinking of a plausible lie so quickly, and Sakura seemed to believe him.
“Well, let me see,” she said, looking down her list. “A few people you might know and--oh, there’s Shikamaru. I think he’s in a tent that way.”
Shikamaru. The made sense now Naruto thought of it. His soulmate was always rude and sarcastic, like he didn’t want Naruto to get the idea he actually cared. But he knew Shikamaru well enough to know he did care about a whole lot more than he let on. And Naruto didn’t know exactly how he felt about his new soulmate, but he did know he cared about Shikamaru.
“Naruto if you leave your mouth open like that you’ll catch flies,” Sakura said, waving her hand in front of Naruto’s face. “Is there something about Shikamaru the medics should know?”
“No,” Naruto said. “I’ll fill you in later, but I think he’s my dumb soulmate.”
Shikamaru was lying back with his foot elevated, studying the ceiling of the tent when he heard a rustle outside.
“Ino, I’m not moving my leg,” he called. “You know I don’t need an excuse to lay still.”
“Wrong blonde,” Naruto said, pushing open the tent flap. “I heard you hurt your leg.”
“I didn’t think my leg is interesting for news of it to be circulating,” Shikamaru said. He’d been told Naruto was alive, but seeing him took off the weight of tension Shikamaru hadn’t known he’d been holding.
“I asked Sakura,” Naruto admitted, and Shikamaru froze for a moment. If Naruto had been asking about him, did that mean… “My soulmate mentioned a broken leg,” Naruto said, sitting next to Shikamaru. “He said I didn’t need to stand alone.” Shikamaru had always thought he would spend his life watching Naruto’s back, but more and more he’d been wanting to train harder to become somebody who could stand beside Naruto. Somebody who could be depended upon. Because Naruto needed someone beside him, no matter how strong he got.
“Your soulmate sounds pretty smart,” Shikamaru said.
“A genius probably,” Naruto said with a grin. “He might even have an IQ over 200.” The corners of Shikamaru’s lips quirked into a smile. “You don’t seem surprised,” Naruto said.
Shikamaru sighed and said. “Back when we were trying to get Sasuke back I almost died fighting Tayuya. My soulmate told me never to give up,
dattebayo
.”
“You didn’t say anything,” Naruto pouted and glared at Shikamaru.
“I was thirteen then,” Shikamaru said. “And I was just figuring out how I felt and then you left. It’s stupid, but when you went away it felt like you left me. I could have told you when you came back, but I didn’t want you to feel a certain way because soulmates are supposed to fall in love. I wanted…” Shikamaru shut his mouth and looked away. He had wanted to continue watching Naruto from the shadows, because Naruto was blinding, and even a piece of him was enough. But he was the kind of person who would give everything he had and more, and Shikamaru didn’t want to just be somebody else for Naruto to take care of, not until he had something he could give in return.
“What did you want?” Naruto asked.
Shikamaru shut his eyes tightly, then admitted, “I always thought it would be convenient being told who I was supposed to be in love with, and then I found out you my were mine, and I didn’t love you at first. But we got closer, and now… I want a lot of things, but most of all I don’t want it to be just convenient.” Tears leaked down his cheeks as he voiced feelings he had never put to words before. “Because really I’d rather have nothing than some sort of fake love.”
“You think too much,” Naruto said. “You really think I’d pretend to be in love with somebody because I’m
supposed to
? When have you known me to say anything I didn’t feel.” Shikamaru’s eyes widened, and he hoped for just a little too much until Naruto smiled sadly and said, “I don’t think I can say what you want you hear right now, but I can promise you that when I say I love you it won’t be a lie.” Shikamaru closed his eyes and nodded. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but it was enough.
While they rebuilt Konoha, Naruto and Shikamaru watched clouds and went to Ichiraku’s when it opened back on, watered plants and played shogi. They were sitting on the porch of the newly built Nara Clan house, looking up at the stars when Naruto said, “Shikamaru, I love you.”
Shikamaru turned his head to stare at Naruto, who was still staring into the sky, stars reflecting on his eyes. “With everyone else I have to be the hero they see me as, because I feel like if I’m not everything will fall apart and they’ll hate me again. But you never cared if I was a hero or dead last, so I know when I stumble or come up short you’ll be there. Because you’ve been there for me for a long time now, even if you were quiet about it when I’m so loud. We’re so different, but I think that’s why I think we’re like two puzzle pieces that fit together. And most of all when I’m with you I feel happy and safe, and it’s like nothing matters but the way you look at me. And I guess I’ve known all of this since after the chunin exams when you stayed back to fight all those sound-nin, I just never really thought about it until now. And now I know that I love you Shikamaru.”
Naruto was facing Shikamaru who turned to face him. “I love you too,” Shikamaru said, and mostly he believed when Naruto said he loved him so he leaned in for their lips to meet. Naruto wound his arms around Shikamaru’s waist while Shikamaru’s hand found its way to Naruto’s cheek. Kissing Naruto and being held felt so right, and Naruto was right: they really were two puzzle pieces that fit together.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Shikamaru and Temari laid beside each other in bed, catching their breaths.
“Well that was…” Shikamaru began.
“Awful,” Temari finished.
Shikamaru groaned and covered his face with his hands. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make you… you know…” he trailed off.
“To be fair I didn’t make you come either,” Temari pointed out.
“Fuck, that’s worse,” Shikamaru complained.
“I just don’t think this was ever supposed to work out,” Temari said.
“It’s supposed to!” Shikamaru insisted. “You’re my soulmate. The marks match. So we should be compatible but--”
“You’re gay, Shikamaru,” Temari all but shouted. “And so am I. It doesn’t matter what marks we have: I’ve never wanted a man, and I’m pretty sure you don’t want any woman.”
Shikamaru shut his eyes firmly. He had been fully expecting to meet his
male
soulmate, and then Temari had shown up. Logically, it stood to reason that despite a general preference for men, he was in fact bisexual, at least enough to fall in love with Temari, but that wasn’t what had happened.
Shikamaru did love Temari, but he wasn’t
in love
with her. He’d tried, but he just couldn’t make himself feel that way about her, but it was a relief to know she felt the same way. “Well I just thought I was the world’s shittiest soulmate,” he said. “But I don’t… I’ve never heard of anybody having the wrong soulmate.”
“I don’t think it’s wrong,” Temari said, rolling over to face him. “You’re important to me, Shikamaru. I feel like you’re meant to be in my life, but it’s not…”
“I know,” Shikamaru admitted. “You’re important to me too, no matter what. You’re the most troublesome woman I know,” he added with a grin.
“Women are only troublesome when men are idiots,” Temari said, hitting Shikamaru’s arm, and he laughed. That was one thing he had learned from her. Even if things between them weren’t what they thought it should be, she was still the person who told him the things he was too stupid to see.
Months later, Shikamaru and Naruto went on a diplomatic trip to Suna. They sat at a table, talking about trade and building roads for easier civilian migration. Shikamaru did most of the negotiating while Naruto fiddled with his pen. Kakashi had insisted Naruto needed to learn these things, and Shikamaru agreed. He was going to make Naruto into a great Hokage, and to do that, he needed to be realistic about Naruto’s weaknesses (because lord knows he had them) and do what he could to make up for them. He glanced over at Naruto, wondering what he would look like in Hokage’s robes.
Shikamaru paid attention to the meeting, but his gaze drifted to Naruto periodically as he wondered if Naruto was listening, what decisions he would make, and mostly Shikamaru imagined them together in the Hokage tower, going over documents and analyzing reports, then maybe going out for ramen and maybe some drinks…
Shikamaru held in a gasp as a foot made sharp impact with his shin, and then looked up to see Temari smiling sweetly at him--a concerning thing in and of itself. He looked over to see the others standing up while Naruto bounded over to hug Gaara. Gaara was clearly put off from the hug, but relaxed because it was Naruto, and nobody could really resist him. He had something about him you just couldn’t look away from.
“Good view?”
Shikamaru jumped a little when he heard Temari’s voice in his ear. “I’m trying to figure out how to make Naruto a decent diplomat. He can’t rely on the other kage being his best friends.”
Temari hummed, then said, “Is that why you’re looking at his ass?”
“What? I’m not…” Shikamaru spluttered.
Temari laughed and rested her hands on Shikamaru’s shoulders as she leaned in and whispered, “You know I’m your soulmate because I tell you the things you’re too stupid to see. You never can make up your mind about what you want, but it’s right in front of you.”
Shikamaru rolled his eyes and said, then said, “Oh yeah, and what’s that?” he said, before looking up to see Naruto. “It’s just the same boring people, and Naruto of course.” Temari raised her eyebrows at him and Shikamaru laughed. “You can’t honestly believe… Me? In love with….
oh.”
“Sasuke is my soulmate.”
Shikamaru watched his friend as he set down his beer and stared at the bar. Naruto frowned, then continued. “I always thought that would be enough for him to come home. And he did come home, but I guess I wasn’t enough to keep him home.”
“It wasn’t you,” Shikamaru said trying to be comforting. “Sasuke is… he’s different than you when it comes to people.” Shikamaru gritted his teeth, then said, “I’m sure he’ll change his mind one day.” Shikamaru knew that his case was strange: most people were in love with their soulmates, and he really couldn’t expect Naruto not to be in love with his just because Shikamaru had feelings for him. Naruto deserved happiness, and if that was Sasuke… well Shikamaru would just have to adjust.
“I don’t think he will,” Naruto said sadly. “He says we’re only soulmates because we’re reincarnations of Indra and Ashura--because he’s the moon and I’m the sun or something. According to him we’re too sides of the same coin and he’s going to support me from the shadows.” Naruto shook his head. “The idiot doesn’t see I just want him here!”
“He could still come back,” Shikamaru said grudgingly. “Once he sees how much you love him.” He didn’t think there was anything else Naruto could do to show his love for Sasuke.
“It’s not even as simple as that,” Naruto said with a sigh. “I do love him, and when he’s gone it hurts me,” Naruto gripped his shirt as he spoke, then added, “I don’t want to date him or… you know,” Naruto made a hole with his finger and pushed a finger in and out of it, to which Shikamaru rolled his eyes. Naruto could act like he was thirteen half the time. “I can’t really explain it,” Naruto said. “It’s like, he’s meant to be in my life, like I can’t breathe without him, and it’s not some dumb bullshit like being Indra and Ashura. It’s like he’s all the parts of me that I’m missing.”
“I think I understand,” Shikamaru said. “It’s like that with Temari. It’s not romantic, but she’s still very important to me.”
Naruto nodded, then turned to his friend, then said, “Do you think I can find someone who will love me, even though they’re not my soulmate.”
Shikamaru looked at him and said, “I know you will. And when you do it won’t be because of fate. It will be because you chose one another, and I think that’s better.” He held Naruto’s gaze for a while, hoping to communicate his feeling without needing to say anything. The next thing he knew, Naruto had leaned in and kissed him on the lips, not caring that the bar was full of people. Shikamaru also forgot where they were and gripped Naruto’s neck as he deepened the kiss.
“Get a room!” Someone shouted, while another person whistled.
Shikamaru broke away from Naruto, but before he had a chance to get embarrassed, Naruto grinned at him and said, “Well, how about it?”