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Lance was sad. Everyone always felt a little sad every once in a while, but Lance seemed to be in a perpetual state of crippling sadness, anxiety and turmoil that always sent him spiraling deeper and deeper into whatever pit he’s been falling into since he could remember. What Lance needed though, was theraphy. He came to that conclusion while hanging in his dorm with Hunk, the two talking about anything and everything that came up. They were talking about an old friend who’d passed away when it happened.“He was so young ya know? Its horrible.” Hunk said, running his hands through his hair. Lance mulled it over for a moment, turning his next words over and over in his head, silently editing and revising his next words very carefully.“He’s kind of lucky though.” He murmured. His eyes were trained in the floor but he felt Hunk’s gaze locked on him. He sighed before going on. “I mean, life’s a bitch man. He was having a hard time, saw a way out, and took it. A lot of people don’t have the resolve to do that.”Hunk stood and slowly made his way to his best friend and kneeled in front of him. "Do you,” Hunk paused, “Do you really believe that?” Lance finally took up, his cold eyes finally connecting with Hunk’s warm ones. He saw so many things: worry was the most noticable. So, Lance smiled and shook his head.“No. No, of course not, buddy.” He grinned and squeezed his friend’s shoulder. Hunk still looked apprehensive, so he sighed and shook his head. “I’ve just been feeling a bit down lately. Sorry.” He brought his hands to his face and roughly rubbed at his eyes. Hunk quickly shook his head.“You have nothing to be sorry about. If you ever want to talk about anything feel free to come to me about it okay?” Lance slowly nodded and smiled up at his friend. He really didn’t want to hurt Hunk....The next day in class, Lance couldn’t find it in himself to be his usual bubbly self. Everything he did that day was completely subpar and half-assed, and of course, today was the day his professor decided to take note.“McCain!” Iverson bellowed from his desk. Lance’s head snapped up and he was met with the full force of Iverson’s glare.“Front and center.” he said , gesturing in front of his desk. Lance swallowed thickly and made his way to the front of the classroom, eyes trained on his shoes as he walked.“Eyes forward!” Lance brought his head up and stared blankly ahead. “Why are you here, Lance?” he growled into the Cuban boy’s ear. At this point the entire class had stopped what they were doing to watch what was unfolding before them.“I am here to learn to pilot so I can ser-” Lance started before being cut off.“No, Lance. Do you know why you were accecpted into this academy?” Lance’s mouth snapped shut, his eyes glossing over.“McCain!” The professor snapped again.“Because your best pilot dropped out, Sir.” Lance stated, emotionless.“Its a damn shame too, but if youre going to be here you are not going to sit in the back of my class screwing up. Do you know why, McCain?” Lance shook lightly.“No, Sir.” Lance replied, his voice dropping. “Because we have hudrends of applicants that will not only replace you, but can and will excel farther than you ever could.”...Later that night, Lance found himself in his bathroom, sobbing. He’d left Pidge and Hunk at the café with some story about trying out new face products and needing more beauty sleep. He shook as he pulled his legs up to his chest.He just wanted to go home, where he mattered. Where he wasn’t so easily replaced. But here he was disposable and so easily forgotten. It was only a matter of time until his friends realized that.He banged his head against the wall behind him. He didn’t want these thoughts. He wanted out. He needed a way out of this hell he always found himself in.He wanted to leave. He needed to leave. He wanted to be happy. He needed someone. He needed help.
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Lance would be the first to tell you that there’s no help in space. With all of the excitement of finding Shiro, then Blue, and finally being ejected into space and onto a forgin planet only to meet two real, living, breathing aliens, Lance hadn’t had time to really think. But once he did, everything came crashing back down on him.They’d been in space for about a month when he’d first messed up. They had been on the training deck for at least four hours and were all waiting on Lance to complete level thirteen of the combat simulation before they could all retire to their rooms. Everyone, even Pidge, had already surpassed the level but there was Lance, panting and getting beaten and bruised by the drill. The robot knocked Lance’s bayard out of his hand and swung its sword over its head before bringing the blunt end down on Lance’s side. The boy fell to the ground with a yelp and still crawled backwards, away from the bot. He heard his fellow teammates sigh and glanced over just in time to meet their disappointed gazes before the bot stomped on his stomach, planting his back to the ground. The bot raised his sword one final time and began to plunge it down toward Lance’s chest. His eyes widened before he yelled, “End training sequence!” The bot disappeared and Lance curled up in a ball, trying to feel out all of his bruising.Allura stormed down from the control room, completely livid. “What was that, Paladin?” she snarled. Lance’s eyes widened again as he stared up at her. “You did not even attempt to destroy it!” she was fuming at this point. Lance began to shake, but an easy smile pulled across his face.“Nah, Princess. I’m just getting warmed up.” he said, slightly strangled. Everyone rolled their eyes. Lance’s smile faltered for a moment before regaining its cockiness. Allura shook her head before turning to the other paladins.“You can all go to your rooms for the night. Great work today.” she said, clapping her hands once. Everyone turned to leave Lance began to get up and follow them out before her heavy foot came down on Lance’s fingers. He harshly bit the inside of his cheek before looking up at her, tears threatening to fall.“Not you.” she said through her teeth. “I will not let your incompetence bring the rest of the team down. You will train until you can complete this level. Is that understood?” he quickly nodded his head, no trace of a smile across his face at all.She spun on her heel and left Lance alone on the floor....It was almost two in the morning when Lance finally stumbled into his room, his body aching and bruised. He’d completed the level but only after being excessively sliced by the simulation’s sharp sword. He grabbed a clean pair of pyjamas and a towel before slipping into his bathroom and running the shower. He stepped in and let the hot water run down his skin, taking dried blood and sweat with it. He didn’t notice when the tears started to fall, but he felt when his body began to shake. He couldn’t stop replaying the events of the day over in his head. His failure to complete the level, his failure to make his teammates proud, his failure to live up to the standards of a true paladin- it weighed him down. He was the failure. Everything he did was a complete and utter failure. He just wanted to go home. He could never be a failure in his mother’s eyes. She loved him no matter what. But now hes lightyears away from her and her warm hugs and soothing words. He might never hear her voice again.And he broke.He sobbed loudly. He called for his mamá. If anyone heard they didn’t care enough to knock on his door. He was left alone to wallow in his self hate and cold depression until the water ran cold....“G'morning! How did everyone sleep?” he said, sitting down next to Keith who haistily scooted his chair to the end of the table. “Just fine, Lance.” Hunk said as he placed some food in front of his friend. He looked tired. Lance examined everyone else and came to the same conclusion. He felt anxiety tighten in his stomach as he leant down to pick around at his goo. Soon, Allura and Coran entered the dining room. Coran clapped a hand on the boy’s shoulder, giving a light squeeze as Allura took her seat across from Lance. “Good morning, paladins.” she greeted before turning to Lance. “Did you manage to complete the level?” He kept his eyes on his food as he answered. “Yes ma'am.” She let out a breath. “At least you finally did something right.” she muttured. Lance gripped his fork in his fist, taking in a long breath before letting it go. “Alright,” he said, a smile lighting up his features again. “I’ll see you all at group training later. I’m going to relax in my room for a bit.” When no one replied, he slowly rose from his seat and walked to his room, the only noise accompanying him was the loud scraping of his chair against the floor.They all hated him. They all wanted him gone. They would all be so happy to have a strong paladin who followed directions- who wasn’t in his damn feelings all the time. He was sure that someone else could pilot blue- someone better. Maybe he could leave in an escape pod and finally go home.But then he thought of his mother’s dissapointed gaze aimed at him because he abandonded his team. He cringed. On second thought, maybe he should just eject himself out of the airlock. Maybe then he’d finally feel the dread leave him as the oxygen left his body.He heard a soft knock at the door. At this point he was lying face down on his mattress, fingers interwoven into his hair. He called that he’d be at the door in a minute as he straightened out his clothes and fixed his hair. He answered the door to find Coran. He smiled and leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms across his chest.“Coran, my man. What can I do for you?” Lance grinned. Coran hesitated, but smiled before walking by Lance and into the room. He sat on the bed and patted the spot next to him. Lance’s smile dimmed slightly, but he closed the door and sat next to the man. Coran took a breath before speaking.“I was awake last night, running diagnostics on the ship when I heard the strangest noise.” Lance’s throat went dry. “Lance, are you okay?” The boy kept his gaze trained on the floor. Coran continued softly. “I know Allura was hard on you yesterday, but she just wants the team to be as great as possible.” Coran put an arm around Lance’s shoulders. “We all believe in you, you know that right?” And Lance was crying, sobbing into the man’s chest. Coran lightly ran his hand up and down Lance’s back.The boy always reminded him of his son back on Altea. He was always so bubbly and happy and caring, but he also knew that the happiest people carried the biggest load.Lance was completely cried out but he remained in the man’s embrace, relishing in the familar warmth of a hug that he hadn’t felt since the Garrison. They stayed like that until group training.Lance had never performed so well.