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Sam has just escaped to the living room from Elvis’s bizarre questions when Bucky says something about Jody and Asa going off together for some “sweet, sweet time alone.” His stomach drops.
“You, Jody? You didn’t tell us you were in a relationship with Asa.”
Jody looks over, “Oh, it was just… it was just a casual thing.” She looks back down at the beer in her hands. Sam tries not to look as gutted as he feels, as the conversation continues and only gets worse from there.
Every time he finds out about another guy that she had a thing with, he just feels worse. Because it's always someone older, isn't it? Always someone grizzled and impressive. Someone like the kind of guy his dad would have aged into. And thats something he DOES NOT want to think about- would Jody want to be with John, if he was still alive?
On the drive up to the funeral, Sam had been so excited. He was sad that Jody was sad, of course, but there was an excitement about being emotionally supportive of her too. For once he could take care of her, be the rock that she always was for him.
And now there is just a pit in his stomach getting bigger and emptier by the minute. He nurses his homemade beer. He’s had a bit more of it than he’d like- someone keeps saying Wendigo every time the conversation dies down.
And people keep talking to him like he’s a rock star. He can tell Dean likes it, likes feeling like a legend, likes spending time with these other warriors. Sam doesn’t feel like a warrior or a rock star. He feels more like a freak with demon blood than he ever has. He feels more like the guy who Lucifer wore to the prom. He feels more like the guy who broke the world, over and over.
Jody said that Asa was a good man, and Sam is not a good man.
He wants to reach out for Jody’s hand, but then from upstairs someone screams.
The rest of the party, if you can still call it that, is predictable in its awfulness. It’s terrible to be possessed, and it’s terrible to watch someone you love be possessed. Sam’s seen this situation from both sides, and it never gets better. But this is a demon reaching into Jody’s secrets and insecurities and sharing them with people who never should have known. This is Sam getting his heart broken.
Jael is wearing Jody, and mocking her, saying, “This meat-suit you all seem to care so much about. She actually fantasized about a life with Asa. Can you believe that?”
Sam wants to shout that he does care. But that definitely wouldn’t help their current situation. He feels supremely grateful that Jael can’t possess him and share his secrets with the group.
One of the upsides to being surrounded by hunters is that they can all perform a basic exorcism. It's tricky for a moment, but Jael is outnumbered and they manage to send the son of a bitch back to hell. Jody falls to the ground, but Sam is there to help her back up.
He takes her to the bathroom afterwards. They’re silent as Sam looks around for first aid supplies and Jody leans against the sink. Silent as Sam takes a wet cloth to the blood and dirt on Jody’s skin. She’s not even really injured. Knocked around a bit, but she won’t need stitches, or even bandaids or anything.
She laughs breathlessly. “Well, that was fun. I think I’ll try to get possessed every weekend. It would really liven things up for me. Better than online dating.”
“Jody-“
“You have a tattoo right? I guess I should get one of those.”
“Jody.”
He grabs her arm and she looks up. He doesn’t know what Jody sees in his eyes, but something in her gaze changes. “Sam.” She touches his shoulder, his arm, and drops her hand back down to her side. And then they’re kissing. He doesn’t know who started it, but they’re kissing, his hands in the short hair at the back of her neck, her hands clutched in his t-shirt. Jody makes a noise into his mouth and he moves his hands to the crease of her hips, digging his thumbs in. He picks her up. He's always wanted to do this, and now he is, has her sitting on the counter in her stupid rich dead ex-lover’s bathroom, with her legs wrapped around his waist, and he can practically feel the adrenaline coming off her in waves.
He gets a hand between them, pushes her back, “Jody?” He can’t think of what to say, “Um. Are you sure we should be doing this right now? Are you ok?”
She’s breathing heavily, and she gives him a look like, are you kidding me? “Sam. Don’t be stupid. Of course I’m not ok.” Her gaze hardens and she pulls him back in to bite at the bolt of his jaw and lick down his neck and holy shit he can barely breathe, but then they’re kissing again and it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t care if he ever breathes again.
Sam can’t stop touching her, which seems to be what Jody wants. Her back muscles are tense and he loves the feel of them moving under his hands, loves the feel of her heartbeat and breathing as he mouths at her collarbone. She has her hands in his hair, pulling, and twisting, and it feels so good, no one ever touches his hair. She moves a hand to his belt, and he pulls her closer, grabs her ass to grind harder into her crotch. This is getting out of control, Sam has no control-
There’s a crash from downstairs, and they can hear Asa’s mom yelling at someone to get a broom.
Jody freezes. Sam still has his face buried in her neck.
“Sam.”
He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to slow his breathing.
“Sam.” She’s the one who pushes him back this time, takes her hands away and gets down from the counter. Sam puts his hands on the edge of the sink, and holds on like it's the only thing keeping him upright. Maybe it is.
Jody buttons her shirt back up and flattens her hair in the mirror. Sam’s hair is messy, but it was messy before, so that’s alright. Then she pulls him back to her, but Sam hates everything that he sees in her eyes.
“Sam. You’re something special, you know that, right? You’re not like anyone else I’ve ever met. But I can’t fantasize about a life with you.”
She takes her hand away from where it was playing with the collar of his shirt, and looks away, stares at the door handle.
“That would be like fantasizing about death. And I can’t do that.”
She squeezes his shoulder once more, and turns away, and walks out the door.
He follows Jody back down the stairs to rejoin the group, and Dean is standing in the front hall waiting for them.
“Jody, you feeling ok?”
“Yeah Dean, a lot better.” She gives a quick smile and walks into the living room.
Dean looks at Sam, and raises his eyebrows in question. He looks happy.
Sam just shakes his head and looks away. He doesn’t want to talk about this. Dean looks confused but seems to let it go.
Words are coming back to him, words he’s said, said to Dean. You don’t ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But… Something? You know, with a hunter? Someone who understands the life? When he said it he thought he was talking about Dean, but now he’s thinking that he was maybe talking about himself. Because all he can think is that the hope he felt when he said those words is gone. And maybe Dean can still have that. But clearly Sam can’t.
Their lives have ruined any chance Sam ever had of happiness.
The morning is awkward. No one has slept, and everyone wants to leave but isn’t sure how. It's clear that Jody isn’t riding back with them. Dean keeps giving Sam these big concerned looks, but Sam knows that he won’t actually start a feelings conversation unless Sam says something, so that’s a relief.
Sam is glad about a lot of things this morning. He’s glad that nobody he loves has died in the past week. He’s glad that his mom and Jody like each other. He’s glad that it's sunny, and that the drive back to Kansas isn’t too long, and that it's almost like a normal morning. Except that Sam fantasized about being with Jody, and now that fantasy is just as dead as fucking Asa Fox.
And Sam is glad his mom is having breakfast with them. Dean always says that bacon can fix anything, and maybe it can do something towards fixing things with Mary. But today Sam knows that it can’t fix him.