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The first time Charles met Erik Lehnsherr was at a spring ball hosted by the MacTaggerts, where the new Earl of Suffolk had been the guest of honor. He had been polite if a little aloof with the others, though with Charles he had been nothing but kind and attentive. They spoke long into the night on various subjects of interest, and Charles had left the party in the highest of spirits, with the hope that the Earl would come calling as promised.But Erik did not come to Xavier Manor, nor did he send any word or reason; he simply retreated to his estate of Charlton Park after that night and withdrew from all manner of societal obligations. Charles, being an omega and from a family of lower standing, could hardly reach out to the Earl for an explanation, no matter how things had seemed—No matter that Erik had kissed him until he was breathless and Charles had allowed it, the intensity of the Earl’s focus having swept away all reservations and any sense of propriety.Even in the weeks and months after, when it became increasingly clear that Charles’ affections had not in fact been returned, he could not find it in his heart to regret meeting Erik, or the powerful - albeit brief - connection they had shared.As summer turned to fall, Charles resigned himself to his stepfather’s match making, for their livelihood was at risk due to years of poor management and debt. It was Charles’ place as both omega and heir to secure an alpha spouse of means, so that his family would not be evicted from their ancestral home. There had been more than a few who came calling, though all were rejected by Kurt for not being sufficiently wealthy to provide for the entire Xavier household.It was in their most desperate hour that Erik Lehnsherr returned to the scene.Charles did not know – not until he saw Erik again in his parlour, taking tea with Kurt and his mother – that a deal had been struck between his stepfather and the Earl. That in exchange for his patronage, Charles would join the Earl’s household – though not as his spouse as he’d hoped, for it turned out that Erik was already married.No, Erik was married to a beta with her own rank of Countess, and they desired the services of an omega to bear their offspring.And with a sister, mother and a house full of servants who depended on him, Charles had no choice but to swallow his pride and bury his humiliation, and agree to a life not of his own choosing.A week later he was in a carriage to Charlton Park, having shared a tearful goodbye with Raven and a more subdued farewell with the rest of the household. He rode beside Erik in silence and kept his eyes straight ahead, for he did not think he could bear to see the scorn – or worse, pity – on the man’s face. In truth, Charles hoped that Erik would provide some measure of assurances, both for his actions and for his new role, but the Earl simply sat and brooded, and did not seem happy at all to be in his presence.When they finally arrived at their destination it was to see Erik’s staff waiting as they pulled to a stop, and Erik veritably scrambled out of the carriage, leaving Charles to the tender mercy of strangers. He was guided into the vestibule by the steward Azazel – a sharply dressed gentlemen with impeccable manners – and introduced to key members of the household before being whisked away to his bedroom.He met the Countess not long afterwards.The Frosts had a lineage as old as the Xaviers, though they had done a much better job keeping their fortune intact. The Countess herself was beautiful if slightly remote, though at least she did not seem to resent Charles’ arrival. In fact, he noted almost relief coming from Emma as she welcomed him, and she attempted at least to explain a little of why Charles suddenly found himself in such a predicament.“I have never desired to bear children,” Emma said, as they sat and drank tea together in her private parlour, “nor to have relations with any alpha, omega or beta. So it would have been nigh on impossible for Erik and I to produce heirs to carry on the Lehnsherr name. Your presence here will alleviate both pressure and expectation from me, and our marriage can only benefit from it. You will be treated with respect by myself and the members of our household, and you are not required to perform any duties except that which you have already been given.”It made Charles uncomfortable to speak of sex with the woman’s husband, though she did not seem at all affected by her own words. She promised to send a servant to see to Charles’ needs, wished him well and bid him good luck, and then left him alone once more in unfamiliar surroundings, contemplating the why and how of his new life.Dinner was brought to him after he had a chance to freshen up, by a young man named Sean who was to be his personal valet. He would be joining the Lehnsherrs for meals going forward, it was explained, though the Countess thought to give Charles some time alone today to acclimate. It was a courtesy unexpected though much appreciated, for Charles could hardly stomach seeing Erik again, knowing how the Earl truly saw him, as one suitable only for pleasure and to impregnate with his seed.By the time night fell, Charles still had not seen or heard from Erik, and so he changed into his bed shift and readied himself for sleep. It was still warm enough that he did not need more than one layer of clothing, and so he climbed into the large four poster bed and settled quickly underneath the thick and comfortable blankets.He awoke some time later to the feel of a body pressing down on top of him, and almost hollered aloud if not for the fact that he recognized the voice calling his name. The smell of spirits permeated Erik’s breath, and his movements were noticeably slow and clumsy. It was not at all what Charles expected from the man who had once shown him such regard and keen interest, this awkward groping and slurred apologies as Erik shed his clothes and slipped beside him on the bed. And yet he could not deny that he yearned still for Erik’s touch; for Erik to kiss him as softly and tenderly as he did all those months ago under the moonlight.Instead, Erik’s hands were rough and his lips impatient, as he took Charles’ mouth with his own and sought to devour him. His shift was rucked up over his belly and under his armpits, and he arched against the heat as Erik all but enveloped him. Charles moaned when deft fingers wrapped around his shaft and stroked him, the pleasure coursing through his body like liquid lightning; and he whined pitifully when the same fingers breached him, gushing slick as they worked him open for the taking.Erik was still kissing him when he finally pushed in, smothering the startled cry that fell from Charles’ lips. He had not known what to expect for he had never been mated - or even experienced another’s touch before now - and the intensity of the sensations jarred and overwhelmed him. It was both strange and exhilarating to feel Erik moving inside of him, to feel the weight and girth of his cock driving in and filling him as he gasped and panted.“Charles,” Erik whispered, over and over as though the words were the only thing keeping him from fleeing. “Charles, I can’t believe you’re…you’re so beautiful. I’m so sorry…Charles, please. I need this…Charles…”He came abruptly when Erik’s knot swelled and locked into place, groaning even as Erik grunted and spurted his seed, filling Charles’ insides to overflowing. Erik then promptly slumped on top of him with a satisfied sigh, and kissed him again before he fell fast asleep. It was up to Charles to situate them more comfortably on their sides, as they would be tied together for as long as it took for Erik’s knot to subside.As passion faded, embarrassment remained, and Charles could barely contain the disappointment and sorrow that consumed him. It was now abundantly clear that Erik had never truly cared for him, at least not for anything other than to sate his carnal appetite. But even that revelation did nothing to diminish what Charles felt in his heart of hearts, and he could only curse his own stupidity for falling for a man forever beyond his reach.He fell asleep in Erik’s arms, with Erik’s knot inside of him still, and resigned himself to expect no more than what he’d already been given.When he woke the next morning the bed beside him was empty, though his shift had at least been pulled down and the blankets tucked carefully around his body. He had hoped that Erik would stay and spend the night with him, and perhaps they could wake together and somehow come to a better understanding. Instead, it was yet another blow to Charles’ already fragile dream; that they might build at least a quiet friendship from this inglorious beginning.He was sore all over from the previous night’s activities, as Erik had not had the wherewithal to be gentle, and Charles grimaced as the seed poured out of him when he shifted. It was a little mortifying, to know that he could not hide the evidence of time spent with Erik from the servants, and they would be ever reminded of exactly why their Master had brought him here.With time before breakfast Charles sat down and wrote a letter to his sister, praising the Lehnsherrs for their kind treatment and assuring Raven of his contentment. He had confided his feelings for the Earl to her soon after the ball, and so could not hide his disappointment from her as the months wore on. Charles knew that Raven would be anxious for his wellbeing at Charlton Park, and sought to ease her mind with a few carefully chosen, if not completely honest words.He wished he could set his own mind at ease thusly, with naught but a well-placed lie.Too soon, Sean came to usher him to breakfast with the Lehnsherrs, who were already seated in the dining room. The Earl and the Countess were seated on opposite ends of the huge oak table, with Charles’ own place set at equal distance between them.“Good morning, Charles! How did you sleep?”The tension in the room was thick and only got thicker as he entered, though the smile the Countess directed his way was warm and genuine. Erik on the other hand did not even look up or acknowledge his arrival; he sat with a hand propped against his forehead as he drank his tea, no doubt nursing a headache from the alcohol he’d consumed the night before.
He answered the Countess in the affirmative, though it was likely that she guessed the true nature of his evening, given his growing discomfort and the thunderous frown on Erik’s face. It was unbearable to be so close and yet so distant from the man he desired, and he almost excused himself after a few perfunctory bites of his meal. But Emma deftly drew him into a conversation about his knowledge and interests, and Charles found himself slowly relaxing in her witty and charming company.“Erik,” the Countess said, as they were finishing their breakfast. The tone was pointed, and yet filled with encouragement and understanding. “Perhaps you could give Charles a tour of the estate, and show him the grounds.”The Earl hesitated, and finally looked in Charles’ direction. He had the expression of someone who wanted to flee the premises, which only made his treacherous heart ache. “I’m…perhaps later. I have things to discuss with Azazel this morning.”“You do not, for I have already cleared your schedule for the rest of the day. Azazel and I can go over the household budget together. You will spend some time with Charles, and make him welcome in his new home.”She left the room then with a whirl of lace and perfume but not before passing by and laying a reassuring hand upon Charles’ shoulder. It helped to ease some, if not all of the anxiety he felt at being alone with Erik, who seemed incapable of even simple conversation with the omega who would bear his children.But then Erik stood and came around to where Charles sat, waiting patiently as he wiped his hands clean with his napkin. He leaned in a little and took a deep breath as Charles stood - though he kept his distance and did not touch – and let out a soft sigh that sent a shiver of want down Charles’ spine.“Shall we?” Erik asked, and Charles could only look into those steely blue eyes and nod in agreement.He followed as Erik led them out through the patio doors, and the two of them began a leisurely walk around the extensive grounds. Charles longed for a return to their once easy comradery, when their first meeting had felt akin to a reunion between old friends. That instant connection had been one of the things he’d cherished most, for Charles had never felt as close with anyone as he had with Erik that fateful night.Putting aside his own unease, he attempted to engage the man in conversation, asking occasional questions about the history of the mansion and the picturesque park land. And though Erik still seemed uncomfortable in Charles’ presence, he did gradually relax enough to answer him, the air of tension slowly dissipating the further they got from the mansion.Their return hours later coincided with the time for luncheon, and so they shared a second meal together in the dining room, this time without the lady of the house. Charles sat much closer to Erik at his behest and made meaningless small talk, trying hard not to let his thoughts stray to the events of the past evening. It did not help that Erik’s focus returned three fold after their walk, and he stared constantly at Charles’ mouth with a hunger that made his insides quake. He was mortified to feel the slick gathering in his small clothes, and wondered how his body could respond so viscerally to the alpha after only one hurried coupling.“Come, Charles. Let me show you the library.”The words lit an entirely different fire within him, for Charles had a great love of books that far outstripped his family’s humble collection. The Earl’s library though was revelation, and Charles found himself instantly enamored with every aspect of it – from the smell of old books that covered the shelves, to the many detailed maps that littered the ornate writing table.He was particularly entranced by the twin globes that held pride of place there, one terrestrial and one celestial and each on a beautifully carved wooden stand.So intent was he on the paper treasures that he missed Erik moving silently towards him, and did not notice until they stood mere inches apart. A shock rippled through Charles when Erik reached out and gently covered his hand, making him jerk back in surprise and drop the book he’d been pulling from the shelf.“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Erik said, withdrawing his hand and bending to pick up the fallen book off the floor. He looked most unhappy when Charles took it gingerly from his grasp, and turned and walked briskly to the other side of the room.He shook his head and grimaced. “You must think me a manner less brute, Charles, but truly I’m sorry, so sorry for what happened between us last night. I took liberties upon your person that you did not explicitly grant and now you…I did not mean to make you fear me.”“I’m not afraid of you,” Charles argued, though it did little to erase the misery from Erik’s handsome face. “But I am angry, and truthfully, rather embarrassed over this whole arrangement you made with Kurt. I thought…well I had hoped that you held me in higher regard, for you never once told me you were married, not when we danced, nor when you kissed me--”“I know, and you have every right to be angry. But I promise you I meant no disrespect! I just…didn’t have the words to explain myself that night. And afterwards, I was too ashamed of my behavior to seek you out.”His temper flaring, Charles could hide his anguish no longer. “Then tell me why? Why did you lie to me, and make me think we could have a future together? Why would you plot with my stepfather to buy my womb, to bear you children I will never be able to claim? Do you truly think so little of my worth that you would use me thusly, and have no care for how I feel or my love for you—”Erik gasped as the words tumbled unbidden from Charles’ mouth, and then shouted in surprise when Charles promptly turned and fled, too mortified to stop until he’d made it all the way back to his room and locked the door behind him.His hands were shaking as he sat down on the bed, berating himself for losing his temper and baring his innermost secret to the very person he never wanted to know. It pained him physically to realize that his feelings were indeed one-sided, and had been from the start, and he vowed to steel his heart against the Earl from this moment forward, no matter what falsities the man claimed for his callous behavior.“Charles?
Charles, please open the door.”He ignored it, taking deep breaths to regain some measure of control but then the soft knocking turned into loud pounding that echoed like thunder down the hall.“Charles! Please, you must let me explain; I need to tell you--”The words abruptly cut off when Charles flung open the door, and he pulled Erik into the room before closing it quickly behind him. It stunned Erik enough that he could only stand and gape for long moments, and Charles took the opportunity to speak his mind, and to lay the course for their interactions going forward.“Charles—““No, please, I don’t wish to hear your apologies or your excuses. Truthfully, you made me no promises that night; only that you might see me again some other day. It was I who inferred more from our interaction, and foolishly thought you felt something for me than simple lust. But you have no need to worry for I am well aware of my purpose here. I expect nothing but common courtesy from you, Lord Lehnsherr, and I shall do my duty as my stepfather promised. I will bear you and the Countess an heir and then be on my way.”It hurt him to speak so baldly of his pain but Charles wanted Erik gone from his sight. He needed time alone to wallow in self-pity, and to armor his heart for the agonizing weeks and months to follow.But Erik only looked at him with sad eyes brimming with unshed tears, before he dropped to his knees and folded his arms around an astonished Charles.“I love you,” Erik confessed, his words muffled against the fabric of Charles’ waistcoat. “I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you on the dance floor, that night at the MacTaggerts’ ball. I knew that I shouldn’t have…I should have left you alone and never approached you but my heart would not listen, Charles! I’ve loved you through every second and every kiss we’ve shared together, and I cannot tell you how it pains me to know that I have hurt you so grievously…”Charles shook his head and whispered, “Lies. You were married, before you ever knew me. You say you love me, and yet your heart was never free.”“I am married yes, but Emma and I are not in love. She and I have been friends from childhood but that’s all it’s ever been between us. We’ve never even shared the same bed.”Charles shook his head again, and tried unsuccessfully to pry himself from Erik’s iron grip. “Why are you telling me this? What does it matter, if you truly don’t love your own wife? It doesn’t change the fact that you’re still married, and that I can never have any real place in your life.”And this finally made Erik stop clutching at him and let go, for he could hardly deny the veracity of Charles’ statement. He watched as Erik picked himself off the ground with a weary sigh, and settle despondently into the armchair by the bed.“Emma never wanted to marry, and she’s never had the desire to bond or to bear any children, much to her father’s dismay. And I…I lost the omega I would marry to illness long ago, and had no intentions of finding any other. We thought it best if the two of us wed, to satisfy my uncle’s demands and her father’s wishes. It was always our plan to find a surrogate to carry a child for us…”Charles’ temper flared again and he snapped, “So you saw me and decided what? That I would make the perfect candidate for broodmare? You were attracted enough to my looks that it would not be a chore to bed me? How dare you—”“No!” Erik leaped to his feet and reached out to him, only for Charles to retreat to the other side of the room. “I met you and I fell in love and it was the last thing I ever expected. I know it was wrong to give you false hope, but I wanted so to hold you in my arms and kiss you, even if I knew in my heart I could never see you again.”“Then how am I here?” Charles demanded. “If you love me why reduce me to…this? Not spouse, and not even a lover; an employee to fulfill a contract, or some common who—““No, please! Charles, please! That’s not…” Erik tried, his fists clenching and unclenching as he pleaded for understanding. “I knew it was unfair of me, to let you think I could offer marriage. I was intent on leaving you alone, so you might fall in love with another who could give you what you deserved. But then it became known to me that your stepfather had turned away numerous suitors, and was even offering you up as a surrogate—“Charles snorted. “How serendipitous, that you could have me after all.”Erik frowned, his frustration clear though he bore Charles’ accusations without complaint. “No. Even then I was only upset for you, for you deserved to be loved, by one who could offer you the world. But we discovered that Marko was in final negotiations with
General Stryker for you to join their household and Emma convinced me to intercept and make a counter-offer.”He had not known about Stryker, or that Kurt had bartered Charles’ virginity and his womb with more than one alpha. The shame rose again like bile in Charles’ throat, and he turned away so Erik could not see his face. “So I should thank you then. At least I am here, at Charlton Park with an alpha who professes to love me.”“Charles,” Erik said, as he bridged the distance between them with great care. He drew Charles into his arms and held him close, and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. “You don’t have to stay here. I will release you from this arrangement, if that is your wish.”“My family—”“Has already been cleared of their debts, and it will remain so no matter what you decide. I know, I
know
that I’ve been selfish, Charles, and that my behavior has been deplorable. But I
do
love you, truly with all my heart and I would not hold you here against your will. It’s your choice to stay or go.”It was all too much information for Charles to process at once, and in the end he asked Erik to leave without giving an answer. There were so many revelations to digest and so many factors to consider, not the least of which was his own conflicted feelings for Erik Lehnsherr.He requested dinner in his room again, some hours later, unable to stomach the thought of taking a meal together with the Earl and his wife. Charles’ pride was too raw and wounded still, and even Erik’s ardent declarations of love could not take away the hurts inflicted by his actions. It might be best to take the offer and return home to Xavier Manor, he thought, until he remembered the weight of his sister’s pity and his stepfather’s machinations…There was simply nowhere Charles could go and still preserve what little was left of his dignity.It was a surprise when the Countess asked to see him after the dinner hour, and Charles was tempted to decline by feigning ill health. But Emma Frost had shown him courtesy unexpected, and so he would endeavor – albeit with some misgiving – to return the favor.She did not ask him any questions outright or demand any answers, something Charles was grateful for, given her own personal investment. And she made no pretense of justifying Erik’s behavior or plying Charles with pretty words; no, Emma simply looked upon him and took his measure, and offered him the truths that she thought he deserved.“Erik is my best and closest friend, Charles, and I love him and care for him, even if it’s not as a wife should for her husband. I have also known him most of my life, and he has never felt for another what he feels for you.”Charles sighed, but only regarded her in silence.“I know that you love him too, for it has been written all over your face from the moment you stepped through our front door,” Emma continued. “Nothing would make him happier than to have a child with you. I’m asking you to reconsider your decision, and stay.”He shook his head and laughed bitterly at her words. “You want me to stay and bear you and Erik a child. A child I would have to give up and never see again. Why? Why would I do this when he has given me leave to return home?”“Because a part of you wants to do this for Erik,” she replied, “and for you. He is married, Charles, and this is the only way the two of you can be together. You will have happiness here, at least for a while, and the opportunity to create a life that is of both your flesh and blood. A gift for the man you love, and a way for him to hold on to a piece of you forever.”Charles could not help it; he looked upon the Countess and scoffed, “How very poetic. Are you truly so desperate for an heir that you would try to sway me with a fairy tale?”Her gaze sharpened, but then Emma only sighed when she answered, “I am not the one in desperate need of an heir.”“I don’t understand—”“Erik’s inheritance comes from his uncle, who stipulated in his will that Erik must have an heir by the time he turns thirty. He is only months away from his thirtieth birthday, Charles, and if he cannot meet the will’s requirements he will lose Charlton Park and everything that belongs to him.”“There’s still time, isn’t there? To find another omega?”Emma shook her head. “I know Erik, better than he knows himself sometimes. He will never take any other, Charles, now that he’s fallen in love with you.”His heart sank, and though he knew that Emma meant to influence him he couldn’t help but be moved by Erik’s plight. “He didn’t tell me.”“He wouldn’t have,” she agreed. “He‘s been berating himself for hurting you, and for handling things so poorly. He doesn’t want to burden you with his problems, since he’s been the cause of so much of your pain. But, Charles, I have no such reservation, for though I am genuinely fond of you, I would do all that I can to help him. Especially as he refuses to help himself.”Emma’s words rang in his ears long into the night, after Charles retired to his room and turned in for bed. He tossed and turned and his heart would not stop racing, for he could not deny the difficult truth; that he was irrevocably in love with Erik Lehnsherr, and he longed desperately to be with him.He thought of Erik’s smile, and his kisses, and the way it felt to be touched; how the core of him ached to be penetrated and his body worshipped by the man he so loved. It would not be forever no – Charles knew now he could never have what he truly wanted, but could he say no to a chance at true happiness? Fleeting though it might be?Returning home now, he knew, would give Kurt a chance to force another match, to marry him to another alpha or even to sell his womb again to the highest bidder. He was too aware of his stepfather’s greed to trust that he had Charles’ best intentions, and it was only too likely that he’d find his way back to General Stryker’s household before the end of the year.Given the choice, he would rather bear Erik’s child, and know that some part of Charles at least would remain always at his side.He crept out of bed and slipped on his dressing gown, and made his way quietly along the darkened halls to Erik’s room. To Charles’ relief, the door was unlocked and he stepped inside and quickly shut it behind him.“Charles?”Erik was staring at him from the bed, sleep tousled and so beautiful under the moonlight. He stepped closer and watched as Erik’s eyes roved over his body, longing and desperation writ clearly across his face.“I love you,” Charles said, “and though I know we cannot have forever, it’s enough that I can be with you at all. I would stay and have you love me, and bear a child of our blood. Do you want that too, Erik?”“I never thought—“ Erik began, and then he huffed a shuddering breath and scrambled out of the bed. He wrapped his arms around Charles and kissed him, relieved and full of wonder as he said, “I would take any moment you deemed to give me, Charles. Even if it was but a second more to look upon your face. I love you, and only you. Now and forever, no matter what the future brings.”Charles smiled, and leaned into Erik’s warm embrace. “Then show me how you love me, my Lord Lehnsherr, and take me to bed.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Erik thought his heart might burst from happiness as he looked upon Charles’ face, staring at him with such adoration and love as to take his breath away. He could scarcely believe it, even with Charles in his arms; that his innumerable trespasses would be forgiven, and he would choose to stay at Erik’s side.“Then show me how you love me, my Lord Lehnsherr, and take me to bed.”The words lit a fire in his loins, and Erik could naught but kiss him again, moaning greedily as Charles all but melted against him.
The guilt sat heavy in his gut for the manner in which he’d behaved, drunk and callous in his fumbling the night before, and he was determined to set things right. He would make love to Charles and worship every inch of his body, and bring him both passion and pleasure unending.“May I,” he asked, and Charles nodded, a little breathless as Erik gently peeled the dressing gown off his shoulders. The shift quickly followed, and then Charles was standing nude in front of Erik, skin soft and glowing and utterly ethereal.He shed his own clothes quickly, and then drew his lover onto the bed, laying him on the covers and spread out like a feast before him. Charles did not quail under his devouring eye, though he did gasp at every touch; Erik could not think of anything more angelic yet delightfully sinful, as the way Charles arched and quivered beneath him.They made love, slow and careful, and Erik took his time to explore, reveling in the noises he pulled from Charles with every teasing swipe of his tongue. He took Charles in his mouth and sucked him gently, and slid long fingers inside his body, marveling at the tightness that greeted him. It was wet with slick already, warm and welcoming, and it was Erik’s turn to shiver, the anticipation setting him aflame.It was akin to heaven, with Charles opening like a flower in bloom as he slid in with a muffled groan. His lover writhed and gasped and clenched tight with unbridled pleasure, and clutched at Erik’s back as though he were drowning. It took every ounce of control he had to stay still inside that velvet heat, basking in exquisite torture until Charles relaxed and bade him move with an almost desperate pleading.“Erik, my Erik,” Charles breathed, and Erik kissed his name from those perfect lips, driving his hips to the rhythm of his lover’s moans. Every hard stroke sent molten lightning through Erik’s veins and every slow drag made Charles keen and tremble, toes curling as he spread his legs with a wanton growl.He came with Erik’s knot inside of him, buried deep, crying out as Erik pulsed hot and sticky and filled him to the brim. It seemed to go on forever, or for mere moments as he emptied his seed, and then he all but crumbled on top of Charles with a sigh, and pressed a tender kiss upon his cheek.“I love you,” he whispered, as Charles held him close and brushed the matted hair from his forehead. “I could never begin to express how deeply I feel for you, Charles, if I had from now until the end of days. My heart is yours, for now and always.”“Now and always,” Charles repeated, smile soft as he kissed him. “My heart is yours.”The days that followed were the happiest of Erik’s life, and he spent every moment he could spare at his beloved’s side. They went riding often, and Erik found that his lover was an accomplished equestrian, who often beat him in their impromptu races around Charlton Park and beyond. They took long walks too around the estate and shared stories of their childhoods, learning much about their respective families and their various hopes and dreams. Charles told of a loving father who died too young and a widowed mother who was forced to re-marry, and about a budding interest in the sciences that was quickly deemed inappropriate by his new stepfather. It was Charles’ dream too to see all the lands of the British Empire, he’d said, so he could sate the wandering spirit that yet lived within him.In turn Erik told him about his own family; parents who died and left him beholden to a strict uncle with impossible standards and expectations. It was a relationship filled with disappointment and strife on both sides, resulting in long years where the two barely saw or even spoke to each other. And even in death the man endeavored to control every aspect of Erik’s life, setting conditions of both marriage and an heir to the inheritance he would bequeath to this only nephew.For the most part, Emma left them to their own devices, though they did join her each day and share the evening meal together in the dining room. It was clear to Erik that she had grown quite fond of Charles, a feeling that was readily shared in turn by his kind and ever affable lover. It was a joy that Erik had never hoped to feel in this lifetime; to fall hopelessly in love, and to share in it with his oldest and dearest friend.But Emma was pragmatic where Erik was impulsive, and soon enough he drew criticism from her that was both apt and upsetting.“You are being too careless, Erik,” she chided, as he played a composition from Mozart for her on the grand piano. Charles had turned in early for bed that evening, citing fatigue, though not before he insisted that Erik stay and keep Emma company in the parlour. “You’re being too overtly affectionate with Charles in front of the household, as one would only behave with their spouse.”
Erik snorted, and continued to play. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous, Emma, because that would be ridiculous. And I know you better than to think you actually care what the servants are whispering.”“Of course not,” Emma sighed with frustration, “but it is not me or my reputation that concerns me, or yours. It’s Charles I worry about, and what your blatant affair will do to his reputation, and his chances to marry someone suitable after he leaves this house.”His fingers stilled and he turned to Emma with a frown. “Why are we talking about Charles getting married? He’s not even pregnant yet! And what if I told you that I wanted him to stay? Raise the child with us, and give us many more children to love in the future? Surely that would be agreeable to us all?”It was asking a lot from Charles, he knew, to live with them with no status or title, but Erik was sure that his lover would be amiable if asked. He had faith in Charles’ total affection, for it was equal in measure to the magnitude of Erik’s own all-encompassing love.Emma rose from the sedan and made her way to Erik’s side, resting a gloved hand on his shoulder, massaging the tension away with a soft exhale. “Yes, he would stay, for love of you and the child to his own detriment. Do you really think it would be fair, Erik? For him to remain in our household forever, bearer but not spouse or parent? Doesn’t he deserve to have a family of his own? A spouse who loves him—““I love him,” Erik snapped, though he softened immediately, and reached to kiss Emma’s hand. “I love him, Em, and I can’t bear the thought of losing him. Of Charles being with any other…”“Oh Erik,” she sighed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and gently cradling his head. “His reputation, and that of the Xaviers would be ruined forever. Yes, Kurt’s agreement with us has damaged it some, but your title and mine offers an air of respectability at least to the entire affair; that we chose him specifically for his noble lineage. But if he stays and bears another, then that is all he will ever be - an omega bearer deemed unfit for marriage, forever ostracized by his peers. He and his House, his young sister…they’ll lose the last fragile bit of standing the Xaviers still hold in these parts. How could we be happy, knowing we brought his family name to ruin?”It stung him to hear it, but in his heart of hearts he knew Emma’s words were true. Yes, Charles would stay and bear them children, and happily endure all manner of malicious gossip for the rest of his days. And he would be shunned where before he would have been welcomed, by those who cared only for propriety and decorum.His own selfishness would doom Charles to live a life in the shadows, invisible and yet still subject to ridicule by his fair-weather friends. Erik’s devotion would not be a gift but a curse, he realized, one that spelled a life-time of humiliation and heartbreak for a man who deserved the world on a silver platter.When he returned to Charles’ room, he found his lover sleeping soundly under the sheets, though he’d left space for Erik to crawl in beside him on the bed. It was tempting to rouse him, sweep Charles into his arms and make love to him, though he knew it would not stop the sorrow that had already taken root within his chest. Instead he pulled Charles close and folded him in his arms, filing the soft breaths and the scent of his skin into memory for safe keeping.He did not fall asleep until the sun rose over the horizon.When Erik woke the space beside him was empty, and the sounds of someone retching dragged him instantly to full awareness. He found Charles bent over the chamber pot next to the bed, trying to be quiet as he vomited, and Erik immediately sprang to his feet.“Charles! Are you alright?”His lover groaned in response, and Erik ran to the door and wrenched it open, hollering for assistance. Sean arrived within moments of his call and they waited – fretfully on Erik’s part – for Charles to finish before situating him carefully back into bed.“Have the kitchen send something up to settle his stomach,” Erik instructed, “and have someone fetch Dr. McCoy.”“Erik please, I’m fine, there’s no need for a doctor,” Charles said, though his face was still pale and wan. He seemed embarrassed at the fuss being made on his behalf, as though the attention and care paid to him was unwarranted. Erik sought to disabuse him of the notion at once.“Indulge me,” he replied, pressing a kiss to Charles’ forehead as Sean disappeared to follow his instructions. “I would have the good doctor check on you to set my own mind at ease, to know that you aren’t suffering any illness that puts your wellbeing at risk. You are precious to me, Charles…let me take care of you as best I can.”That at least was sufficient to stem his objections, and they settled in to wait for the doctor’s arrival. Sean returned with water and a light broth for Charles, and food for Erik’s own breakfast. They played a game of chess and discussed the merit of Wordsworth versus Keats, and bid Emma good morning when she stopped by to look in on Charles’ condition.“I think Dr. McCoy will have good news to share with us,” Emma said, rolling her eyes when he and Charles both turned to her in puzzlement. “Oh don’t tell me you haven’t guessed! The nausea is a common symptom of pregnancy my dears, and I believe that to be the likeliest source of Charles’ sickness.”Erik didn’t know why it surprised him so - the idea that Charles might already be pregnant - but it rocked him to the core. It both thrilled and devastated in turn, this much expected outcome, for the child meant such contradictory things to Erik and Charles; proof of their love and a bond everlasting, coupled with a hastening of Charles’ inevitable departure.They spoke no more of it, until Dr. McCoy finally arrived in a flurry of nerves and excitement, and Emma and Erik left the room so he could examine Charles in private. They retreated to the parlour and waited, tea cooling and left untouched, sitting side by side in amicable silence as Emma gently held his hand.“How is he, doctor?” Emma asked, when McCoy reappeared some time later, looking reassuringly calm and pleased with his visit. “Do you have news?”“Congratulations are in order Lord Lehnsherr to you and your wife; Mr. Xavier is indeed with child, and nausea withstanding – in very excellent health.”“Are you sure?” Erik demanded, with such vehemence that the doctor cast Emma a worrying glance. “Charles is truly pregnant? And not sick with any illness?”“Of course I’m sure,” McCoy replied carefully, clearly discomfited by Erik’s outburst. “He’s perfectly fine. Is there…something the matter, my Lord? Are you not pleased by the glad tidings?”He fought back the urge to grimace, for it was not his intention to alarm the doctor, or worse – to make him question the care and comfort the Lehnsherrs were providing to their omega surrogate. It was just so difficult to contain his emotions where Charles was concerned, and his inner turmoil turned too often to outward frustration.But as always, Emma stepped in to smooth the feathers that Erik ruffled, and she guided McCoy onto the sofa with charm and grace.“Of course it is, Doctor! We are both delighted by the news! You must understand that Erik is very protective of Mr. Xavier, since he has so kindly left the care of his family to bless our own. I hope you’ll indulge the many questions we’ll have for you in the days to come….we want nothing but the smoothest of pregnancies for our friend.”McCoy smiled and his shoulders sagged with relief, taking the tea offered by the maid with a courteous nod of his head. “Yes, of course, I understand completely. Please be assured that Mr. Xavier is quite well, and I’ll check on him regularly to ascertain his progress. I will also leave further instructions for your staff, regarding diet and exercise to benefit both parent and baby-to-be.”Erik nodded and added gruffly, “Your assistance is greatly appreciated, Dr. McCoy. Whatever Charles needs, please let us know. We’ll spare no expense to see to his– I mean, the child’s good health.”McCoy didn’t notice Erik fumbling his words, but Emma was quick to shoot him a warning glare. The doctor’s censure would be far worse than the staff’s idle gossip, for McCoy could not be counted on to keep their true relationship secret. Sex between sire and bearer was strictly for procreation; anything more was deemed scandalous and so was roundly condemned.They spoke further on ways to help with Charles’ nausea, and the doctor provided his best estimate for the birth – most likely next June, as it was currently early December – but Erik had long stopped listening to McCoy’s incessant chatter. It was not that he disliked the young doctor or doubted his skill, but Erik was most keen to return to his lover’s side. He longed to hold Charles in his arms and kiss him, knowing that a new life of their making resided already in his womb.Perhaps Emma took pity on him, for she took McCoy by the arm and said, “Come Doctor. Let us speak with Mrs. Pryde, our housekeeper. You may leave your detailed instructions in her capable hands and she’ll make sure that the staff follows them to your specifications.”They stood, and Erik shook McCoy’s proffered hand again, before Emma steered the good doctor through the parlour door. Erik sighed and promptly followed, heading in the other direction up the stairs and towards Charles’ bedroom.He knocked, and could barely wait for an answer before he stumbled in and fell on the bed, drawing Charles into his arms in the tightest embrace.“A baby,” he whispered, and he heard Charles laugh, as joyful and disbelieving as Erik felt. Pulling back, he peppered Charles’ face with a dozen kisses, stopping only when he was yanked down beside his lover onto the bed.“A baby,” Charles agreed, and Erik could scarcely contain his joy at the quiet wonder in his words. He reached around and laid a hand against the warmth of bare skin, and imagined the swelling curve of his lover’s belly as the baby grew in the months to follow.“I have never been so happy in all my life,” he said, nuzzling Charles’ neck with a contented sigh. “I did not think it possible for me to have this…you, and the baby, to love with my whole heart.”“Nor did I,” Charles agreed, “know how blessed I would feel until this very moment, knowing you love me, and our baby as much as I love you both in return. I would do anything, Erik, to have this moment last forever. Give anything, just to stay here in your arms.”And that was when he knew beyond a shadow of doubt - what Charles would do if only Erik would ask it of him. For love, Charles would stay gladly and live with him in shame, and let the Xavier name and legacy fall utterly to ruin…Erik clutched him and kissed him tenderly and said nothing in return.The next few days were spent almost exclusively in Charles’ company, as Erik insisted on being the one to look after him while he rested. They took McCoy’s suggestions to heart and altered Charles’ diet, increasing the quantity of fruits and vegetables in his meals while decreasing the amount of meats and cheeses. His lover took the myriad changes in stride – and it did seem to help alleviate the worst of the nausea – though he balked most furiously at the restrictions imposed on his intake of coffee, tea and alcohol.He also took the opportunity to speak with Azazel and Mrs. Pryde, to ask for their help communicating his worries to the household. All of Erik’s servants had been with him since he was a boy, and he knew that they held an unnatural fondness for their Master. They were loyal and dedicated and could be counted on to exercise discretion, though Erik still felt the need to make clear his expectations as it pertained to Charles. For his lover’s sake more than his own, Erik had been more circumspect in showing his affection, though it was nigh on impossible to hide given that they still shared the same bed – and left ample evidence of it – even after the baby’s conception.When Dr. McCoy returned the following week, he was quick to comment on his patient’s marked improvement. Nausea still affected Charles on most mornings Erik had worried, but the doctor assured them that it was quite a normal occurrence. He even gave Charles leave to travel home and see his sister, for it was his lover’s wish to deliver the pregnancy news in person, and to visit his home during the Christmas season.And so, it was with great reluctance that Erik saw Charles off a few days later, departing by carriage and accompanied by his valet for their stay at Xavier Manor. He knew that Charles would only be gone a short while, and yet his heart already felt pain, for it could not escape the looming spectre of a more permanent parting.His foul mood persisted for the entire day and then into the next, causing an annoyed Emma to suggest that he take a spontaneous trip to London. Better to get out and make himself useful, she’d said, and see to his holdings, instead of pining for hours in the library like a love-struck fool.It was most certainly an exaggeration, Erik scoffed, though he acknowledged that it would be a good use of his time. He took Azazel with him, for company and for his financial acumen, and spent a productive day going over various business with his solicitors.
His steward made no comment at the new accommodations Erik added into his will – for both Charles and the baby – and only smiled knowingly when he later spent a tidy sum on the finest of drinking chocolate to take back to Charlton Park.His trip home was unexpectedly delayed by heavy snowfall, and he arrived hours later than planned, after the dinner hour and past Charles’ anticipated return. He was startled to see Sean – face pale and anxious – waiting for him when he stepped through the front door, making his gut instantly twist with worry for his pregnant lover.“Where is he,” Erik barked, shrugging out of his coat and handing it to the butler Mr. Quested. “Did something happen? Is he alright? Is the baby alright?”“Sir, Mr. Xavier is fine, sir. He’s in the parlour with My Lady, waiting on your return. I only wished to tell you that we experienced some difficulties on the way back—”“What difficulties? What happened?” Erik interrupted, already striding through the corridors to the east wing, Sean struggling to keep up without breaking into a run. And though Sean assured him that Charles was home and ostensibly unharmed, he would not be satisfied until he saw the truth of it with his own eyes.“Our carriage hit a rough patch on the road,” Sean explained, and Erik did slow down then to let him catch his breath, and to allow Erik himself to straighten his tailcoat. “The wheel was damaged, and we couldn’t continue without repairs. Luckily, a stranger came to our aid and escorted Mr. Xavier home in his own carriage.”Erik let out a sigh of relief. “That was lucky, and very kind of the stranger to offer assistance. Tell me, who was it that provided aid to Mr. Xavier? I would like to extend my personal thanks for the kindness shown.”“He introduced himself as Captain Steven Rogers, Sir, of His Majesty’s Royal Navy. My Lady is with him and Mr. Xavier now, taking refreshments in the parlour.”“Ah very good,” he replied as they neared the wide double doors, beyond which Erik could already hear Charles’ warm chuckle amidst the low buzz of conversation, “I can thank him directly, for bringing you both home safe.”Sean smiled to be included in Erik’s regard, and nodded as he turned to retrace his steps through the house. Erik took another moment then to adjust his collar before he stepped into the room, his relief almost tangible when his lover’s attention immediately turned his way. Charles looked the same as he ever did; perfectly groomed and impeccable, looking none the worse for having spent some undue time out in the bitter cold.“Erik! You’re back!” Charles exclaimed, and it was likely that he would have rushed into Erik’s arms if not for the presence of company. But it was Emma who stood to welcome him, looping her arm through his and directing his attention from Charles towards the third occupant in the room.“I’m glad to see you returned and in one piece,” she said, her lips curled in the slightest hint of a smile. He knew that she was greatly relieved to know Erik was also safe, for Emma loved him dearly, as he loved her in returned. “And we have the Captain to thank for escorting Charles home to us, when the carriage was broken down by the side of the road.”He turned finally to the blond man who rose to greet him and realized with sudden clarity who he was – Captain Steven Rogers was a frequent topic when conversing with Lord and Lady Stark, who liked to regale their guests with the heroics of their good friend. The Captain had led many battles in England’s ongoing war against the French and had only recently retired his commission to return home. By all accounts the man was a fine leader and a brave soldier, and now that Erik had seen him in person – every bit as handsome and impressive as the reputation that preceded him.“Captain Rogers,” he said, offering the man a sincere smile as they shook hands, “you have my thanks and my gratitude for your help today. Charles is very dear to us; it would have distressed our entire household if any illness or accident had befallen him on the road.”“Lord Lehnsherr, please, there’s no need to thank me. I was happy to assist a stranger in need, and happier still when it turned out to be Charles in the carriage. It was a quite welcome surprise to be reunited with young Master Xavier after so many years away.”Erik felt his enthusiasm falter at the revelation. “Oh…I did not realize you two were well acquainted.”“The Starks were good friends with my father, and so we visited Stark Manor often while he still lived,” Charles answered, returning to his place beside Captain Rogers on the sofa, as Emma led Erik to his seat across the way. “I profess to have followed Tony and Steve – that would be Lord Stark
and the Captain – on many misadventures in their youth, though I was but a young child then—”“Young, but utterly brilliant already,” Rogers interjected with an almost painful sincerity, “I’ve always thought that Charles had one of the brightest minds I’d ever known.”Charles did not flush, but it was evident from the way his eyes danced that the Captain’s words pleased him immensely. “And you are every bit as kind and gracious as I remember. I can’t tell you how glad I am to see you again…I know Tony must be just as thrilled to have you back in England where you belong.”“Oh, now I understand!” Emma exclaimed, “it’s you! You’re the reason the Starks are throwing a ball to welcome the New Year! They mean to re-introduce you to polite society I’m sure—”“And knowing Tony he is likely set on some unwanted match making, to try and get me to settle down once and for all,” Rogers groaned.Erik could not help but ask, “Then you are not married, Captain?”“I am not,” Rogers said, and at least he did not look to Charles as he answered, “I have been in the Royal Navy for many years, Lord Lehnsherr, and there was never any time or inclination on my part to find a spouse. Perhaps now though…”Charles laughed. “Perhaps now you will find someone like Tony’s Virginia, who can manage to keep you out of trouble.”“Perhaps,” the Captain replied good naturedly, “though it will be a tall order indeed.”The banter continued as they caught up on their respective families and Rogers’ experiences abroad, leaving the Lehnsherrs to feel slightly awkward – as though their presence was an intrusion upon the unexpected reunion. Erik did his best to be a good host, and even offered to have the Captain stay the night and wait out the storm, though it was admittedly difficult to watch his beloved smile at another and hang onto his every word.He knew well that his feelings were ugly and unwarranted, for Charles had given Erik no reason to doubt him or the love that they shared. But his own shortcomings proved glaring in the light of another’s merits; an alpha unmarried, with good reputation and a small fortune beholden to no one. Rogers was everything that Charles deserved, and perhaps their eventual union might have been the natural course of things if fate – and Erik – had not seen fit to intervene.It was two hours later before they all retired for the night, and another half an hour before Erik deemed it safe to make his nightly trek to Charles’ bedroom. As usual he slipped in quietly without knocking, and found his lover snuggled under the covers and reading by candlelight. The smile he gifted Erik with was both warm and inviting, and did much to ease the tension that had plagued him for much of the night.“I wasn’t sure if you would come,” Charles said, as Erik took the hand he offered and quickly joined him in the bed.“Why would you think that?” Erik mused, already distracted by the distinctive scent that Charles carried, which never failed to ignite a wild fervour in his blood. He pressed kisses against Charles’ neck and on any exposed skin he could touch, eager to reacquaint himself after too many days apart. “I have missed you more than anything. Wild horses could not drag me from your side.”Charles laughed. “I have missed you too, so very much, my darling. I only thought that you might have chosen to be cautious, since we have a guest staying with us overnight.”Erik stilled, and slowly eased himself back until he could look upon Charles’ face. “Why would I do that? I have nothing to hide.”“I did not mean—”“Perhaps you are the one that wishes for discretion,” Erik interrupted, “so that the Captain does not disapprove of us.”“Well…yes, of course we should be discreet, my love. Steve does not know our circumstances, or the true nature of your relationship with Emma. He would certainly assume us of adultery, and rightly judge us poorly for our actions.”“And you would not want the Captain to think poorly of you, I’m sure,” he replied, and though Charles stilled he could not stop himself from adding, “it would be better to stay in his good graces, should you choose to leave us after the baby’s birth. And though it pains me more than anything to say this, I must not be selfish and think only of myself…”“Erik, what are you—”“No please, let me say this,” Erik pleaded, and though he was clearly puzzled, Charles only smiled gently and squeezed his hand. “I love you more than life itself, and gladly would I have you by my side for now and always. But Charles, I cannot ask it of you – I will not, for in staying here with us you would forgo all hopes of a spouse and family to call your own. I…I would not blame you, or hold you to any words we’ve spoken in passion, should you choose to marry the Captain and—”“Oh,” Charles exclaimed, his eyes going wide with understanding, “Erik…you think that…with Steve? No, no! That is not what I want at all! Why would you think such a thing of me? Of us? Do you have so little faith in our love that you think I would throw myself into the arms of any random alpha who might marry me? While I still carry our child in my womb?”It was difficult to bear the full weight of Charles’ displeasure, and yet Erik knew he would bear it and much more without complaint if it meant his lover could choose the course of his own life; that he did not feel pressured or unduly swayed by Erik’s own self-interest. “No. You know that I hold you in the highest esteem, Charles. That is why I would not have you stay here now, and then live to regret me.”For long moments Charles did not speak, though he continued to cradle Erik’s palm gently within his own. Then he pulled Erik down with him until they lay facing each other on the bed, and placed Erik’s hand over the spot where the baby rested.“I love you, and only you, Erik Lehnsherr,” he said, with a hint of amusement in the reprimand, “I am not so fickle as to fall in and out of love so easily. Steve is my friend, and I am very fond of him, but what I feel for him cannot compare to my utter devotion to you.”Erik kissed him tenderly, and sighed. “I’m sorry, Charles. I only wish happiness for you, whatever it may be.”“I would have told you already, if you had not insisted on marrying me off,” he tutted, and Erik could not help but kiss him again, until Charles playfully shoved him back. “I would have told you that I spoke with Raven, and she encouraged me to stay here with you, forever.”“Truly? Does she…does she realize what it means for your family name? And her own marriage prospects?”“She does,” Charles insisted, “and though we argued for a long time in the end she made it clear. She does not want me to give up my happiness for her sake, for she is perfectly content to live as she does now without expectation.”He did not quite believe his own ears, and had to ask, “And you are truly going to stay here? With me and the baby? So we can love each other as a family and never have to be apart?”All his life Erik would remember Charles’ face in that moment, his eyes warm and smile soft as he cupped Erik’s cheek and whispered, “I will stay, and love you and the baby for the rest of our days.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
When Charles was a child he dreamed often of travel, to see the farthest reaches of the British Empire and experience the wonders of the world firsthand. He craved adventure, and had an insatiable hunger for knowledge, qualities that his father had indulged against his mother’s wishes. At the time it had engendered in him no small amount of resentment, for he had yet to understand the rules that existed for any omega of wealth or lineage, limitations that she tried to shield from him in her own way.You could hardly be disappointed, she reckoned, if you did not know what it was that you missed.
It was a lesson that Charles was learning now on a daily basis, small increments of a life he was half-living. He had love yes – loyal and true and better than he could have ever imagined – and carried within him the seed that would eventually bear fruit of their passion. But it was ever a hidden, secret thing that could not be shown or spoken of; he could not hold Erik’s hand, or even kiss his cheek in the presence of others. And while Erik doted on him, and the servants pretended not to notice their Master still frequented his bed, and Emma took great care to see to his comfort and welcome…Well, Erik was not his, not truly and completely, the way Charles didn’t even know he’d wanted until he fell hopelessly in love with a married man.He told himself it was enough, to be with Erik and know Charles had his whole heart, and tried not to be envious of the easy affection his lover could share so openly with his wife. It was not a lie when he promised to stay forever; that he would happily forgo a marriage of his own to stay at Erik’s side. But it was much easier to imagine the joy of it, and welcome the sacrifice in giving up so much for love; easier than to live it day to day and hour by hour, and know in his heart of hearts that he wanted more.
Erik for his part, veritably blossomed with each day spent in Charles’ company, and each night spent wrapped in his arms, cradling the slight swell of his belly. He sang lullabies to the baby that he had learned from his beloved mother, and breathed sweet words of tender devotion into Charles’ ears. They designed the layout of the nursery, and argued good-naturedly over the baby’s education, all as they lay laughing and spent under the covers of a bed that was his and not theirs.But these were the tiniest of blemishes in a sea of happiness, far outweighing the imperfections of an otherwise blissful union. And now that no more lies and misunderstandings lay between them, Charles could finally allow himself to embrace his new life at Charlton Park. Perhaps if his interactions had remained solely within the confines of the estate, with people who all adored Erik and respected his feelings for Charles, his convictions would not be so soon and so sorely tested.
The day before New Year’s arrived in a flurry of activity, with Emma spending much of it in her rooms getting ready for the big event. Even Erik and Charles found themselves caught up in the excitement, for the Countess had insisted that they all be outfitted with new clothes for the Starks’ lavish ball. In particular the Lehnsherrs’ tailor in London had been commissioned to produce a new tailcoat in royal blue for Charles, along with a custom pair of silk breeches to accommodate the growing swell of his womb. It was far too luxurious, he’d tried to argue, though Emma had only smiled at him fondly and patted his cheek.Erik on the other hand, could scarcely take his eyes off of him, and proceeded to strip Charles out of his finery, distracting them both rather thoroughly from their task. It took Sean’s discreet knocking to drag them from each other’s arms, the reminder that they were nearing the time for departure. Suitably embarrassed at being caught, Charles scrambled to dress himself, though not before Erik laughed and kissed him over and over again until Charles shoved him out the door.They piled into the carriage soon after, and set off through the lightly falling snow for the Stark’s country estate. It had been years since Charles’ last visit to Stark Manor and the last time he saw Tony, though not from any cooling of their fast friendship; rather, the young Lord Stark had been living and traveling abroad for years, and only recently returned to England upon the death of his father. It eased some of Charles’ worries about attending the ball, knowing that the host at least would be kind and welcoming. He had no illusions that the evening would be an easy one, for the surrogacy made him a prime source of gossip for everyone in attendance. But for Tony - and the fact that this would likely be the last ball he’d ever be invited to, once it became known that he intended to stay on with the Lehnsherrs -
Charles would bear the scrutiny of a few whispers behind his back.His assumptions though, were thoroughly dashed the moment they stepped through the ballroom door.“The Earl and Countess Lehnsherr, and Master Charles Xavier.”
The announcement drew the attention of everyone in the room, faces turned towards the new arrivals with barely disguised curiosity. Charles knew better than to think that they were looking at the Lehnsherrs, though they made the most striking of couples, with Erik sharply handsome in a maroon tailcoat and Emma resplendent in white. Easily the most attractive pair in the room, they were certainly no strangers to such open admiration, and Charles already felt rather awkward and plain in their wake. But it was immediately clear that all eyes were in fact drawn inexorably to Charles - and to the babe that was definitely not yet showing through his clothes - just a few steps behind the Earl and his wife.Oh how he wished that he was the one on Erik’s arm, and not Emma.Thankfully, their arrival also drew the attention of the Duke and Duchess, who greeted the Lehnsherrs warmly, before Tony proceeded to pull Charles into a not-altogether appropriate embrace.Not that Charles ever expected Anthony Stark of all people to have much use for rules and etiquette.“Charles! Charles, look at you! All grown up and so handsome! And you never told me; not once, not in any of your letters—”The Duchess
– who Charles knew of course as the lovely Virginia Potts – rolled her eyes and laughed. “Not everyone is so vain as you, Tony, to write about their own attractiveness to a friend.” She turned her attention then to the Lehnsherrs and added, “We’re so pleased to see you both, Lord and Lady Lehnsherr, and of course our darling Charles…it’s so good to have you all here with us to ring in the new year.”Erik merely nodded, though Emma was quick to reply, “We are honored to have been invited to such a splendid event.”Charles smiled. “Yes. Thank you for your invitation, Your Grace—”Tony snorted. “Your Grace, he says.”“Hush you,” Virginia chided, though her lips were curved in an indulgent smile. “Charles has always had impeccable manners, especially compared to you.”Now it was Erik’s turn to tease Charles as he added, “Charles has shown himself to be quite remarkable; well learned and well mannered. Indeed it has been a privilege to host him in our home.”Tony’s eyes bulged a little in disbelief, no doubt at the effusiveness of Erik’s compliment; Charles knew Erik well enough to know that this was surprising behavior from someone so normally stoic and taciturn.
But any jest he might have made was stymied by a light squeeze of his arm by the Duchess, and Tony closed his mouth abruptly, and then grinned.“I was looking forward to dancing with you tonight, Charles, like we used to as children,” Tony said, and Charles threw his head back and laughed as the others looked on with amusement. “My father made me take many lessons of course, as befitting a future Duke and I happily roped in my friends to keep me company. Charles was a wonderful dance partner, and more graceful than I could ever hope to be.”Charles smiled, and could not help but tease, “You eventually got the hang of it, though my feet suffered much abuse in the process.”Their laughter did much to alleviate Charles’ unease, with the Starks and the Lehnsherrs’ proving to be a suitable distraction from all the prying eyes. He knew however, that it would not be so for the rest of the evening, for the Starks had many guests to greet and the Lehnsherrs would be required to circulate amongst the various attendees.
Of course, Charles intended to spend most of his time at Raven’s side, and pretend not to know that his every move would be scrutinised and dissected with great interest.“Well, I’m afraid my host duties will keep me from proving what a great dancer I’ve become,” Tony said, and then his smile widened as his eyes flickered towards something just beyond Charles’ shoulder. “But don’t worry; I’m sure the good Captain will keep you suitably occupied.”“And it would be my pleasure,” a familiar voice answered, and when Charles turned it was to see the smiling face of his childhood crush, looking at him with such genuine fondness that it set his stomach aflutter. It did not help that Steve was in full dress uniform, sword hanging at this side and clad in the fine navy blue coat that signified his officer’s rank in the Royal Navy. With his blond hair and blue eyes he painted a devastatingly handsome picture, and for a moment all Charles could remember was how much he had dreamed of this as a boy of ten; to someday be swept away in the arms of this kind and soft-spoken man.Of course Steve knew nothing of his feelings, though Charles doubted that it would have made any difference if he did. There was the age difference of course – Steve and Tony were five years older, and Charles was the annoying younger sibling foisted upon them by their parents. He thought too that the two would eventually marry, close as they’ve always been, and harbored his admiration for Steve in secret so as not to affect his relationship with his friends. Unexpectedly, omega Tony had married the beta Virginia Potts instead, a scandal in its own day that had at once delighted the future Duke and exasperated his father Howard.And then Steve had shipped off to war, and eventually, Charles had fallen hopelessly in love with Erik Lehnsherr.“I remember those dance lessons all too well, Tony, and that of the three of us, Charles was the only one with any natural talent or grace.”Charles grinned, ignoring Tony’s knowing chuckle as he grasped the proffered hand and said, “Now you’re the one teasing me, Captain. I dare say some things never change.”“Some things change,” Steve murmured, with just the lightest squeeze of Charles’ fingers before he bent to kiss Virginia’s hand and then Emma’s in turn. “But in this case, the Duke is right. I hope you’ll honor me with a dance tonight, Mr. Xavier, though my skills may prove quite rusty from disuse.”At his side Erik cleared his throat, imperceptible to all but Charles who was acutely aware of his lover’s ever steady presence. Erik was sensitive to his friendship with Steve he knew, even without any knowledge of his childhood fantasies, and would not be pleased to see them spend time together at the ball. But he also understood his lover’s possessive tendencies, especially now that he was carrying their child, and that he would likely disapprove of any dance partner Charles picked that evening. And since etiquette – and their need to keep up appearances – demanded that they keep their distance in public, Erik himself could not be a viable choice.Though if Charles was being honest, he wanted to dance with the good Captain, if only to fulfil that long-ago dream, and maybe pretend a little that he was being properly courted……something he would never have the chance to experience for real, now that his heart and soul belonged to a married man.“Yes,” he replied, pushing down the sliver of guilt that threatened his good mood. If this was to be his last ball, and the last time he would be so welcomed amongst his peers, then Charles intended to enjoy every moment he could to its fullest. “I would be delighted to dance with you, Captain Rogers.”Having given his answer, which garnered him yet another warm smile, he allowed the Lehnsherrs to lead him away as the others continued to greet new guests that came through the door.
Erik’s unease was palpable as they crossed the room, his back noticeably stiff with tension that Charles wanted desperately to soothe, though of course it was impossible to do so without being seen by prying eyes.
But then the light touch of Emma’s hand seemed to bring his lover back from the edge of a brewing storm, and he was once again struck by the depth of their bond, and how so much of Erik was still unknowable to him, even if his love for Charles was assured.When they were suitably situated – off to the side of the ballroom, where they could not be overheard – Erik leaned into Charles’ space and then hesitated, a frown masking the array of complicated emotions that flit across his face. When he finally spoke it was with an air of resignation, and perhaps no small amount of disappointment, and Charles realized belatedly just how much these first few minutes of interaction had already begun to weigh on his lover.“You will remember to rest? And not to push yourself too hard, yes?” Erik murmured, and he looked rather desperate, as though he had to physically restrain himself from gathering Charles into his arms. It was difficult to stifle his own instinct to respond, and only a warning look from Emma kept Charles from gently reaching to clasp Erik’s arm.“I will. Now go and enjoy your evening.”Erik shook his head, even as Emma sighed. “I could not. I wish only to be by your side and to dance with you all night.”“Oh, Erik—”“You must stop this nonsense at once,” Emma said, and though her words were sharp her tone was not unkind, “or do you want Charles to feel guilty for enjoying himself? You know what this evening means to him, in the company of his family and friends. As difficult as it is for you both it will be over soon enough, and we will all be home again in just a few hours.”Whether it was Emma’s candid reminder or the thought of returning later to Charles’ bed he didn’t know, but Erik smiled then, small but genuine as he answered, “Emma is right, as she often is much to my annoyance; it is selfish of me to want to keep you all to myself, Charles. I want you to enjoy the party, and know that your happiness is what matters the most.”Charles smiled, and wished he could hold Erik’s hand as he said in return, “As yours is to me, darling. I will be careful, with myself and the babe, I promise.”He watched then as Emma led the way, guiding Erik towards their mutual friends the MacTaggerts, newly arrived at the ball. Charles himself took a deep breath before heading towards his own family, though by then Raven had already crossed the length of the room to meet him, throwing her arms around him in a tight embrace.“Charles! Oh, you look so handsome tonight. Is that a new jacket? Was it a gift from your lo—”“Shh Raven,” he chided, shooting her a warning glance even as she rolled her eyes.“I was just asking if it was a gift from your lovely sponsors,” she said with exaggerated patience, “please do give me some credit for knowing what is and isn’t appropriate discussion at a ball.”Charles grinned. “Sorry. It’s hard to remember you’re not a child anymore, dear Raven, since you still act like one.”“Oh, is that any way to speak to your favorite sister?”“You’re my only sister, though I concede that you are indeed my favorite.”Bolstered by Raven’s presence the two set off arm in arm towards mother and Kurt, who gave Charles no more than a perfunctory greeting before turning back to their discussion with Christopher and Katherine Summers. Instead of disappointment, Charles was relieved by their lack of interest; his current arrangement with the Lehnsherrs meant that he was free from their match making attempts now and for the foreseeable future.Luckily, Raven was also largely safe from their meddling, for she was both a beta and younger than Charles, and therefore not expected to marry to ensure the family’s continued fortune. It gave her a degree of freedom as well as the luxury of choice, though she had been adamant that neither marriage nor children suited her sensibilities.Charles wondered if it might change her mind if she met the right person; someone who intrigued her as much as Erik had instantly captivated him all those months ago at the MacTaggerts’ ball. But the thought came and went rather quickly, as Raven was already pulling him to the middle of the ballroom floor, to join in on the first of the evening’s dances.He danced first with Raven, and then with Moira MacTaggert who was dressed in a cream coloured gown that highlighted her lustrous dark brown hair. Moira had been one of the alphas who came to Kurt with an offer of marriage, only to be turned away in favor of General
Stryker’s – and then Erik’s – surrogacy request. And though Moira herself was still interested in Charles, he knew that her family no longer deemed him a suitable choice to be their son-in-law.It was likely that even their continued friendship would be forbidden, once Charles made it known that he was staying permanently in the Lehnsherr household.When the dance ended and Moira excused herself politely, Charles returned to Raven’s side and took the opportunity to rest. They admired the latest fashions on abundant display, and shared gossip about various feuds and potential courtships, and all the while Charles’ eyes followed Erik around the ballroom, wondering how it would feel to be escorted openly on his lover’s arm.Eventually his musings were cut short by the appearance of Dr. McCoy, who smiled warmly, if a little timidly when Charles introduced him to his sister.“Dr. McCoy, this is my sister, Raven Xavier. Raven, this is Henry McCoy, the kind doctor who has been looking after my well-being at Charlton Park.”Raven smiled as McCoy quickly offered a respectful bow. “Dr. McCoy, it’s a pleasure to meet your acquaintance. I cannot thank you enough for watching over my big brother. You must let me know if he gives you any trouble; he’s always been a notoriously poor patient.”The doctor – who had always seemed to Charles just a little shy and socially awkward – positively beamed at Raven’s jest. “The pleasure is all mine, Miss Xavier. Your brother speaks most fondly of you during our sessions together. And I must say that he makes a most admirable patient. You can be assured of my dedication to providing the very best care possible to Mr. Xavier.”“That is kind of you, doctor,” Raven said with great sincerity, and McCoy veritably glowed under her appraising words. “Charles is lucky to have you. And the Lehnsherrs too of course, for securing the services of such a capable physician. How is it that you’ve acquired such an impressive reputation already, Dr. McCoy, at such a young age?”
It was fascinating to watch their interaction, with Charles all but forgotten as McCoy launched into a thorough if modest re-telling of his education and apprenticeship in London’s largest hospitals. He spoke passionately and eloquently of his work with children, and in turn Raven showed a genuine interest and admiration for his life’s calling. And when McCoy – or Henry, as he insisted being called by the siblings – finally asked Raven to dance, she was practically vibrating with excitement. Charles could only stand back and watch with fond amusement, as his sister and McCoy made their way eagerly onto the dance floor.But he was alone for no more than a few minutes before
General
Stryker appeared suddenly at his side.“Mr. Xavier, what a pleasure it is to see you,” Stryker said, with a slight gleam in his eye that set Charles immediately on edge. “And where are your sponsors? Lord Lehnsherr and his lovely wife? It seems rather discourteous to abandon you in your condition.”“My ‘condition’, General? I’m not sure I understand,” he replied, feigning ignorance in the hopes that Stryker would take his hint and leave off any mention of surrogacy. It was highly inappropriate to discuss these matters openly, and certainly not in the midst of a ball, surrounded as they were by so many friends and acquaintances.But the
General only grinned, and tapped his cane absently against the marble floor. He was an admittedly distinguished man in his fifties, with graying hair and a confident demeanor, and eyes that were now scanning up and down Charles’ body, sharp and considering. They came to rest for long moments on the slight curve hidden carefully under his jacket, before he looked up and smiled again, and then leaned ever closer.Charles had to fight the urge to take a step back and wrap both arms around his stomach.“Now, now, let’s not pretend you don’t understand my meaning,” Stryker said, “I am referring of course, to the Lehnsherr heir you already carry. I’m a bit surprised, that’s all…I would have expected the Earl to keep you closer at hand, Mr. Xavier. For the babe’s comfort and safety of course, as a proper alpha should.”“How did you—”Stryker laughed. “Your stepfather shared the good news with me just now. I must say that I’m still quite disappointed with how things turned out….though I suppose I can’t blame Lehnsherr for outbidding me for the privilege—”“General Stryker, I don’t think—”
“—of siring a babe with such a young
and attractive omega,” he continued, oblivious – or more likely – uncaring of Charles’ growing discomfort. “You made quite a sought after surrogate, Mr. Xavier, and as it turns out, rightly so! Pregnant already! So young and fertile…”Charles scanned the ballroom, looking first for Erik, who unfortunately was deep in discussion with the Duke, and then for anyone else he could signal to intervene; to extricate him from Stryker’s conversation without drawing undue attention or offering the General insult.“…though I expect the Earl must have been quite diligent with his duties, to see his seed take hold so soon after planting.”
Cold panic surged up Charles’ spine, enough to overwhelm the indignation he felt at the General's crass insinuations. He could not tell if Stryker somehow knew of his relationship with Erik, or even of the man’s intentions; why he would choose to approach Charles here of all places and make such crude remarks in his presence. It
angered him to be treated so, as though the Xavier name did not deserve his respect, and it frightened him too, the thought of being shamed publicly in front of his family and his closest friends.He could not think of a response that would not infuriate the
General and cause a scene, and so said nothing, even as Stryker chuckled at his now obvious discomfort. It was becoming clear to Charles though that the man’s pride had been wounded when his surrogacy agreement was rescinded, and perhaps – with the way the General was looking at him – harboring a very real desire to have Charles in his bed.“I’m sorry, General, but I’m afraid—”“—that you must excuse us,” Steve interrupted, and Charles almost collapsed with relief at the sight of the Captain, lips pressed uncharacteristically in a tight frown. “But Mr. Xavier has promised me the pleasure of his company for this next dance.”Stryker did not seem to notice the stiffness of Steve’s shoulders or the way he was half shielding Charles with his body and said, “Captain Rogers! How good it is to see you! My son Jason is here tonight…you remember, don’t you? He’s recently come of age and I’m sure he would love to meet a war hero like you.”Steve, bless his composure, only smiled thinly at Stryker’s blatant matchmaking. “Of course I would be happy to speak with Mr. Stryker, though I’m afraid it must wait until I’ve danced with Mr. Xavier. Now if you’ll excuse us,General,” he said, and then he gently escorted Charles away with a light squeeze of his hand.They did not stop on the dance floor as expected, skirting the line of smiling dancers as Steve guided them out of the ballroom and down the hall, putting some much needed distance between Charles and Stryker. The Captain did not let go of his arm until they entered the empty library, the terse cut of his lips softening with worry as Charles took a seat on the sedan and sighed.“Thank you for your timely rescue,” he said, as the tension slowly dissipated from his shoulders. The anger had burned away with each step taken, leaving only embarrassment over Stryker’s sly digs and his own foolishness. He should have expected his stepfather’s blatant indiscretion, and properly armored himself for just such a confrontation.
Steve smiled, and sat down beside him on the sedan. “I’m sure you needed no rescuing,” he replied, his smile growing a little wider when Charles huffed in disbelief. “You would have put Stryker in his place, I have no doubt. Only, I did not want your evening ruined on his account, and thought to spare you any more time in his boorish company. I hope you’ll forgive me if I overstepped.”Charles laughed. “Please, you did me the greatest of favors,” he answered, though he sobered quickly at the next thought that crossed his mind. “Did you…how much of our conversation did you overhear?”“Enough to know that the General behaved poorly,” Steve said, “and nothing else that shall ever be repeated. Your business is your own, Mr. Xavier; you can be assured of my utmost discretion.”Shame, hot and visceral curdled in his gut, the thought that Captain Steven Rogers, hero of the British Empire and one that Charles had looked up to all his life knew everything that had happened to him in the years since their parting; his surrogacy bought and sold by his own family, and his pregnancy by one who was not his spouse. No, he was not sorry – would never be sorry – for loving Erik or for bearing their child, but oh how his pride stung at the thought of losing Steve’s good opinion or to see any pity and censure in those kind blue eyes.“I did not tell you of my arrangement with the Lehnsherrs, when I first saw you again and you escorted me back to Charlton Park,” he murmured. It felt like an unburdening, to reveal all that discomfited him to someone so removed from his circumstances. “We were newly reunited, and I thought to keep my surrogacy secret for just a little longer. I wished to be seen as your friend Charles, as you remembered me from long ago, and not as the scion of a disgraced House and a social pariah. Even tonight I had hoped to continue the illusion, to pretend that my life and my choices were still my own.”“Charles--”“I was foolish to think that I could have this; one last night of dancing and good companionship before…” He shook his head and sighed. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll be fine Captain; you should go back to the party and attend to the Duke’s other guests. I’ll be in shortly.”He closed his eyes and waited, unwilling to watch the Captain leave even if he was the one who encouraged the exit. It surprised him then when Steve took up his hand instead and replied, “You are not foolish for wanting happiness, Charles, and I shall not abandon you, tonight or any night hereafter. You are my friend, and you may count on my support in all things. I only wished I could have done more…”Charles turned to him and blinked, confused by his words and the deep furrow in his brow. “I don’t understand. What could you have possibly done for me when you’ve only newly returned to England?”The Captain sighed wearily, and squeezed Charles’ hand. “I already knew, about your family’s troubles before your surrogacy was set. Tony wrote to me while I was abroad, and we discussed ways we could possibly assist you. But things happened too fast for our intervention…I’m sorry Charles. It pains me to see you so unhappy.”
It was a shock to hear Steve’s revelation at first, until his mind slowly absorbed all its implications. His heart warmed to know that his childhood friends had not forgotten him, though their lives had drawn them inexorably apart, as did the news that Steve had been aware of the surrogacy during his visit to Charlton Park. The Captain had not treated him differently then – or now
–
knowing his role in the Lehnsherrs’ home, and did not appear to judge him poorly as he’d previously feared.
It made him feel brave, and he squeezed Steve’s hand gently in return. “I’m not unhappy, at least not for the reasons you think.”Steve shook his head. “You owe me no explanation, nor should you feel the need to lessen the burden on my conscience by hiding your own discontent.”“No Steve, you don’t understand,” Charles said. He smiled, joyous and relieved at being able to share his secret with his friend. “Truly I have never been happier. For I have found love – true, all-abiding love with Erik – Lord Lehnsherr, and we will soon expect a child together. It is a long story, but please trust me when I say that he does not dishonor his marriage for love of me, and that the Countess is in full support of our bond.”For a moment Charles worried what the Captain would say, as he stared fixedly at Charles for long seconds without comment. No doubt he was working through the cause and effect of Charles’ declaration, and the challenges he would face after the baby’s birth. But then he smiled, and it was an honest one, and Charles took it for understanding if not outright support.“If the Earl makes you happy then I offer you my sincerest of congratulations,” Steve answered with a warm smile. “You have always been wise beyond your years, Charles, so I know I don’t need to ask if you’re certain of your choice. Instead I offer a promise of continued friendship in the days ahead. You can count on us – on Tony and I both – to hold you always in the highest regard.”It was more than Charles had ever hoped for, and as good as an oath from someone as loyal and honorable as the Captain. “I can’t tell you what this means to me, and to Erik too. You are a true friend, Steve, and I’m so pleased to have you in my life again.”“And I with you,” Steve answered, before he stood and offered Charles his hand. “Now, Mr. Xavier, I do believe that you owe me a dance?”“It would be my pleasure, Captain Rogers,” Charles said with a grin. “Shall we?”They left the library arm in arm, the incident with Stryker all but forgotten as he led Steve back into the bustling ballroom. With Charles’ spirit restored it was easy to get swept up in the lively music; in the palpable excitement of the other couples that shared the dance floor. He could spare only a quick moment to send Erik – standing alone now, his eyes glued to Charles – a reassuring smile, and then lost himself in the merriment of one, and then a second turn with Steve at his side.The rest of the evening went without further incident, as Charles kept his distance from
General Stryker and any others who he deemed more interested in gossip than in his actual wellbeing. He spent time with Raven of course, and with Dr. McCoy who scarcely left her side, and conversed with the Duke and Duchess again before dinner was served. Then the guests all convened in the huge dining room for a scrumptious meal at the stroke of midnight – everything from soup to pigeon pie, to the tenderest lamb and veal and a multitude of delicious trifles for dessert. Only Erik’s presence could have made it better, though Charles was content to sit and make merry, reveling in his sister’s company so sorely missed.
It was well into the early morning hours by the time the ball officially ended, and Charles was exhausted as they bundled into the carriage for the ride home. He fell asleep on Erik’s shoulder almost before they’d left the Duke’s estate grounds, and woke only as they pulled up to the front doors of Charlton Park. Somehow, he managed to make his way to his bedroom before he collapsed, too tired to do much more than kick off his shoes and shrug out of his fancy waistcoat.When he opened his eyes the sun was shining through the windows, and he was warm and snug beneath the covers, cradled gently in his lover’s arms. Charles smiled and pressed a kiss against the hollow of Erik’s throat, nuzzling and inhaling his scent in a haze of utter, contented bliss. The long sleep had served to rejuvenate his tired muscles, and desire now stirred fervently in his groin. Just the thought of Erik’s hands on him was enough to make him ache with want, his body already slicking itself in anticipation as he climbed atop his lover’s still sleeping form.And then - “If all mornings could begin this way,” Erik murmured, “I shall go to my grave a happy man.”Charles laughed, and kissed the drowsy smirk playing upon his lips.
“Do not worry, darling. I shall be gentle so as to keep you in good health for the long years to come.”They divested their night shirts and quickly fell upon each other with joyful enthusiasm, though Erik took great care not to jostle Charles’ slightly rounded belly. But he could do not much more than tense and then moan pitifully, as Charles sank down and took the entirety of his prick within his warm and willing body. Their coupling did not take long at all, their mutual need driving them near to desperation, though they had sated their desires last in the hours
leading up to
the ball. Charles clenched and writhed while Erik panted and bucked his hips, until Erik’s knot pulsed and swelled and pushed them over the pleasured edge with echoing cries.In the quiet aftermath Charles shared with Erik the myriad events of the previous night, lazing contentedly as a warm hand brushed lovingly against his cooling skin. For the most part Erik listened attentively without comment, though his grip on Charles tightened at the mention of Stryker and his inappropriate taunting. He tensed too for long moments as Charles recalled his conversation with Steve, and only let out a deep sigh when Charles relayed the Captain’s promise of friendship in the difficult days to come.“I carry much guilt over your unhappiness,” Erik said, brushing his lips with affection upon Charles’ unruly curls. “For the poor treatment you endured from Stryker, from your family, and from people like the MacTaggerts whom you counted as friends. And I fear it will get worse and no better as long as you’re with me, Charles. I wish…I wish there was something – anything – I could do to make things right.”“We’ve had this conversation already; too many times–““Yes, but you didn’t know until last night,” Erik interrupted harshly, from worry and helpless anger directed outwards; not at Charles but at the rest of the world. “You did not experience it until you came face to face with Stryker’s uncouth words. Do you truly believe you can live an entire lifetime this way? To have no one and nothing but our love, mine and that of our unborn child…I fear it will not be enough.”“But don’t you see?” Charles explained, turning to face Erik so they could see eye to eye. “I also have my sister’s love and the support of good, loyal friends. Last night only proved to me that I can weather anything, knowing that I’ll always come home to you.”“Charles—”“Trust me,” he said, accentuating his statement with a sweet and lingering kiss. “There’s nothing in the wide world that could ever make me leave your side.”Erik smiled, and kissed him tenderly in return.Mere months later Charles would be proven wrong, and these same words would come creeping back to haunt him.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Too soon the chill of winter melted into the warmth of spring, as the household busied itself with preparations for the arrival of the Lehnsherr heir. One of the estate’s many bedrooms was taken over as the baby’s nursery, and filled with beautiful furnishings procured from London’s most renowned master craftsmen. The Lehnsherrs spent weeks too interviewing suitable candidates for the newly created role of head nurse, a position in the household that would be dedicated entirely to the baby’s welfare. Charles did not think it necessary, as he had every intention of being the child’s primary caretaker, though both Erik and Emma insisted that help would be needed and welcomed, especially in the days immediately after the baby’s birth.Never had Charles experienced such care and concern as he did at Charlton Park, in those waning days and months of his blessedly easy pregnancy. Sean followed him like a dutiful shadow, guarding and anticipating his every need with the fierce attentiveness of a mother wolf defending her cub. Mrs. Pryde sought to fill him with all manner of delicious and healthy foods, directing the kitchen to secure the necessary ingredients for all of Charles’ favorite dishes. The Steward Azazel made trips to London personally to bring him new books and more of the rich drinking chocolate he craved, while Emma herself kept him company in the parlour for hours each day, once the inclement weather – and his increasing size –
made it impossible to venture outdoors for even a short stroll of the estate grounds.But none could compare to the attention lavished upon him by his devoted lover, who spent his days gazing adoringly at Charles and his nights caressing the growing roundness of his swollen belly. Hands entwined and splayed across Charles’ skin, they delighted each time the babe shifted or kicked, their hearts filled to the brim with joyful eagerness for their imminent meeting. They whispered potential names to one another as they lay in bed, for this child and many more still to come, to fill Charlton Park with such happiness as they’d known when Erik’s mother and Charles’ father yet lived. And Erik made love to him frequently yet ever so gently, making him squirm with each deep and steady thrust, coming apart to sweet promises of fidelity everlasting.It would have been more than enough, to have just Erik and Emma and the household’s warm regard, for they made sure that Charles never wanted for anything, big or small. But he found himself becoming fast friends with Dr. McCoy over his many visits, and the two enjoyed rousing talks around Henry’s schooling in the sciences and his medical training. His sister too came to Charlton Park often, and alternately stared in awe and teased him mercilessly when his weight gain finally forced him to waddle around like a child taking his first steps.
And true to his word, Steve continued to be as great a friend to Charles as he’d promised that night at the ball, and attended him regularly along with the Starks. In their company he felt a lack of judgement and disdain, as though his role as a bearer held no sway over their opinion of him. Often he felt the Captain’s eyes follow him from across the room, as they listened to Tony regale them all with another adventure from his time abroad; each time Charles would smile to reassure Steve of his contentment, and be greeted with a comforting smile in return.
So blissfully happy was he, in the month before the baby’s due date that news he should have clearly foreseen managed to take him completely by surprise.
“How is the babe, Henry?” he prompted, a little amused at the way Henry immediately jolted back from where ever his mind had been wandering. They were good enough friends now that Charles did not feel bad for prodding him; only curious to the reason behind the doctor’s obvious distraction.“Fine, perfectly fine. Everything is progressing beautifully” Henry replied, which was reassuring to hear as everything seemed to ache now from the extra weight he carried. “Sorry Charles…please excuse my poor manners. You and the babe have my full attention, I promise.”Charles waved away his apologies with a smile. “Think nothing of it, though I would have you tell me what’s troubling you. Won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”The struggle was plain on Henry’s face as he began pacing the length and breadth of Charles’ bedroom, debating the need to unburden himself with the effect it might have on the wellbeing of his pregnant friend. Finally, he shook his head. “It’s nothing. Please don’t worry about me, and concentrate on staying well rested and off your feet. Labor is very strenuous, and I want you to be in your best—”“Henry,” he said, effectively cutting off his friend’s protests as he tried to ease carefully up and out of his bed. McCoy yelped and scrambled to offer a steady arm, and did not let go until Charles stood securely on his slightly swollen feet. “Tell me. I wish to help.”It was difficult to remember at times that Henry was younger than Charles, with the accomplishments he’d already made in his chosen field. But his youth was glaringly apparent now as he unconsciously chewed his lip, eyes darting nervously from Charles to his hands and back again.He seemed so much like a child caught stealing a sweet that Charles had to stifle a laugh.“Listen, if you’re not—”“I asked your sister to marry me,” Henry blurted, resuming his pacing back and forth as Charles stood stiffly, shocked silent with disbelief. “I was so sure she would say yes, after all the time we’ve spent together and how much we—” He stopped and shook his head again. “I don’t know what I could have done to make her refuse me so completely.”Charles swallowed, his throat suddenly dry and said, “I did not realize that…you and Raven.”Henry at least had the good grace to flinch at the unstated reproach. “We did not mean to keep it from you - that our friendship had blossomed into something more in the months since our first meeting at the New Year’s ball. Your health was paramount of course, and for a while, neither of us really understood what it was that was growing between us. But now…”“Does Raven feel the same way?” he asked, his mind having already constructed the path of their courtship to the reason for its seemingly abrupt and inexplicable end. “Do you…do you love each other, Henry?”“Yes.” The response was fervent and full of undisguised longing, and it drove a sorrowed pang deep within Charles’ own heart. “I love her, with all that I am and all that I have! Her happiness is everything to me! Can you begin to understand how it feels, Charles? To finally know a love such as this and be denied?”Charles heaved a quiet sigh. “I can indeed.”“And she loves me too!” Henry continued, so caught up in his turmoil that he scarcely heard his friend’s reply. “But she insists that she cannot marry me, and refuses to give me a reason why! If she would only explain I could at least try to make things right.”Charles thought back to his conversation with Raven – a lifetime ago it seemed now – when he had first confided how deeply he’d fallen in love with the married Earl of Suffolk. How Raven had supported his desire to stay on permanently at Charlton Park, regardless of the stain it would bring upon the Xavier name. That she had no intentions of ever finding love or being married, and did not want Charles to give up his happiness for some possible future Raven had no desire to claim.Though Charles of all people knew how quickly circumstances could change, and how love swept away both reason and caution as inexorably as the tide.“If she told you that she was being disowned—”“What! Why? How did she—”Charles raised his hand. “Peace, for that’s not why she refused you. I am asking you to humor my line of questioning however, for I have my reasons. If you do, I will promise to speak to her on your behalf, and get an explanation for her refusal. Do you agree?”“Yes,” Henry acquiesced readily, and the hope that glimmered in his eyes was plain to see. “I’ll do anything, yes.”“If my family were to disown her, and she became penniless with no claim to the Xavier name, would you still love her? Marry her?” Charles asked.“Yes.”“If the Xaviers were somehow disgraced, and it would affect your standing in the community to be associated with our name, would you still want to be her mate?”Henry made to reply, but Charles cut him off with a shake of his head. “Think carefully on this, before you answer. Would you still marry Raven if it meant that your own livelihood was affected? If people like the MacTaggerts, or the Summers no longer came calling for your services? What would you give up, my friend, for love of my dear sister?”To his credit, young McCoy gave his question the careful consideration it deserved, his forehead creasing in consternation as he pondered the scenario through its eventual outcome. Then he took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders.“I do not love Raven for her name, or for whatever legacy or fortune may come with it,” he stated, with such fire that Charles could not doubt the veracity of every word expressed. “I would gladly forgo the patronage of the English gentry, and be a simple doctor for the common folk if it meant having your sister by my side always. Our lives would be full of laughter and joy, for I swear to care for Raven and cherish her, if she would agree to be my wife.”Charles forced himself to smile, so that Henry would not guess how his devotion to Raven threw into question his own life and that of Erik and their unborn child. He was certain now, based on Henry’s words that Raven loved him in return, and just as certain that Charles was the reason for her refusal to marry him. His baby sister, who had been his best friend and confidant for all their lives, was giving up her own chance at happiness for Charles’ future at Charlton Park.“I believe you,” he said, and Henry grasped his hand, clinging to him with relief and wordless hope. “I’ll talk to Raven, for her sake and yours.”That night Charles tossed and turned for hours, as the conversation with Henry replayed over and over in his mind. His thoughts tumbled from one extreme to the next – from genuine happiness for Raven and Henry, to sorrow and dread over their predicament. It made him feel worse to lay safely enfolded within his lover’s arms, with the taste of Erik’s mouth still emblazoned upon his lips. He should not have such contentment – did not deserve it – when his beloved sister’s heart was broken in two.“Charles,” Erik whispered, jostled awake no doubt by his restless shifting. He pressed a soft kiss to Charles’ temple, and gently squeezed their entwined hands. “Are you uncomfortable? Would you like me to return to my own room and leave more space for you in the bed?”“No! Don’t leave me,” he said, the words coming out much sharper and more desperate than he intended. Charles leaned back and relaxed against Erik’s chest, taking a deep breath, and let their connection help loosen the coiled tension in his body. “It’s hard to get comfortable, being this size…I’d rather that you stayed though, if it’s not too much trouble. I find I’ve gotten rather used to having you here, in my bed and sleeping by my side.”He could feel Erik smile as he nuzzled Charles’ neck with a soft chuckle. “Good. I was so afraid you would ask me to go. I’m quite used to being here too, my love, and will never sleep well again all on my own.”Charles laughed, and wished he could turn and bury his head against Erik’s chest – an impossible feat in his current condition. “Well I suppose you must stay put then my dear Lord Lehnsherr, for how could I possibly deny you the benefit of my calming presence? If it means something so critical to your wellbeing as a good night’s sleep?”In lieu of a reply, Erik merely grinned and pressed their mouths together, drawing a heated groan from Charles’ greedy lips. It was easy, letting Erik distract him from the myriad doubts that plagued him; for his body’s need to eclipse his worries as he was teased and touched and driven over the edge. He scarcely heard Erik follow him over before promptly falling asleep, and did not open his eyes again the next morning until well past the breakfast hour.And though she was constantly on his mind he did not see Raven until three days later, when she arrived for her weekly visit at Charlton Park. She looked lovely as ever, and greeted Charles with a warm smile and a mild jest at his expense, and gave no indication whatsoever that her life had irrevocably changed because of one Henry McCoy.He waited until the two were alone in the library, after they had taken their regular tea with Emma before revealing his conversation with the good doctor. Raven’s expression did not change in the retelling, not even when Charles relayed Henry’s great distress over her refusal of his marriage offer. He thought perhaps he’d misjudged Raven’s interest in Henry after all, that is until he noticed how straight and still she sat as he talked, and how tightly she was clenching both hands around the armrests of her chair.“Henry loves you dearly,” he said, as he leaned over to grasp Raven’s hand. “Whatever happens in the future with me and…well, I’m entirely convinced that he truly loves you for you, and not for the Xavier name. He’ll marry you no matter how my choices affect the family’s standing. You must know this.”Raven scoffed, but twisted her hand around to gently squeeze his in return. “Of course I know. Henry is a good, kind, loyal man…I could think of no one better, with whom to fall in love and share a life together.”Charles hesitated for a moment before he prompted, “And yet…”“And yet I can’t ask him to give up all that he’s worked for his entire life; his career and his standing in the community for love of me. It is too large a sacrifice—”“But he would offer it readily and with his whole heart!” Charles interrupted, for he could not bear to see Raven deny her own happiness for what Henry would so willingly give. “He told me, most sincerely that he would rather be with you and practice medicine for the common folk, than to live a life of luxury and acclaim without you by his side! You are worth any sacrifice, Raven…at the very least you should allow Henry the courtesy of making his own choice!”Instead of being angry with Charles’ outburst, Raven only sighed deeply and got up out of her chair. She refilled their tea from the pot with a slow and steady hand, taking time to collect her thoughts before she finally answered.“I know, dear brother, better than anyone what Henry wants, and what he would do if I said yes. And we could be happy indeed, for I too have no use for riches or fair weather friends, and would gladly live the simple life of a country doctor’s wife. But Charles, the guilt would be too much for me, if not now than some day in the future, when I think of the obstacles he’s overcome to have accomplished so much at such a young age.” She took a sip from her tea cup, her eyes glimmering with unshed tears that she tried valiantly to hide. “His parents lost when he was just a child; brought up unwanted and unloved in a relative’s home. Only his natural intelligence and aptitude for medicine rescued him from a life of obscurity. Did you know that his mentor asked him to come back and work at the hospital in London? To train under him directly and eventually take over as head of the department? Think of all the people he could help with his knowledge and his research, in such a role. How can I live with myself knowing all the good he could have done if not for me?”He understood all too clearly the conflict in Raven’s heart, and how easy it would have been to just take without thought what Henry freely offered. Charles had always loved his sister’s spirit and her strong sense of right and wrong; seeing her now, heart sore yet full of fierce determination, Charles did not think he’d ever loved or admired her more.Charles took a deep breath and shuddered. “If I came home, after the baby is born, then you and Henry—”Raven started shaking her head before he could even finish the thought. “No. No, I don’t want you to do that! For goodness’ sake, you and Erik are having a child together! You can’t just leave them—”“It’s no different than what you’re doing for Henry,” he insisted, ignoring her exasperated huff and familiar glare. “You’re my sister, Raven. I love you more than I can say. I couldn’t live with myself, knowing that my happiness caused you pain.”“And you expect me to be alright with marrying Henry, knowing that you’d be miserable and alone forever, without anyone at your side?”“It’s hardly the same, Raven! I’m not—"“If you choose to come home than it best be for the right reason, Charles. Because you want to marry and have a family and be acknowledged as a parent to the child you carried! Otherwise you and I will live out the rest of our lives in that big house, proudly unwed and driving Mother and Kurt mad, for I won’t marry Henry either way and you can’t make me.”He laughed, completely caught off guard by Raven’s words and her imperious tone, so reminiscent of their various and frequent arguments as children. Raven grinned before she too burst into laughter, the tears falling freely now down both their faces.
“Aren’t we a couple of bird witted fools,” Charles sighed, offering his handkerchief with a wry smile. “How lucky we are, to be so unlucky in love.”“And how unlucky are we,” Raven replied sardonically, “to be so lucky in love.”In the end she agreed to tell Henry the truth after the baby’s birth, but could not be swayed to change her mind about the proposal. It did little to assuage the guilt that Charles felt in his heart of hearts; though he understood it was Raven’s decision he could not help but feel responsible for her unhappiness. His appetite suffered as did his sleep, but luckily, Charles’ growing discomfort and the baby’s size were reason enough to ease most of Erik’s concerns.
And though he tried he could not bring himself to confide in his lover; to tell the man he so loved that their life together had again been thrown into question. Charles knew that his wishes would be respected, whatever they may be, which surprisingly made it harder and not easier to share the extent of his turmoil. Why bring unnecessary worry and sorrow to Erik in these happiest of days? When Charles could give him such unbridled joy for these precious and monumental weeks of their lives?More importantly, could he bear the weight of Erik’s pain on top of his own, when he was veritably drowning in indecision and self-reproach?A bit of relief came just two weeks before his due date, when Captain Rogers paid him a welcome, if unexpected visit. They spoke briefly about the warmer days of May, and Steve asked after Charles’ and the babe’s health, before he relayed best wishes from the Starks who were away on business in London. If he noticed Charles’ anxiousness he made no note of it, though he was rightly surprised when the whole story – Raven and Henry, and his indecision about staying with Erik – came tumbling out after their second cup of tea.Charles sighed. “I don’t know what to do. My heart is torn over the two people I love most in the world. It seems no matter what happens I’m doomed to cause one of them pain.”His hands were shaking, though he did not realize it until Steve reached over and gently grasped them within his own. “I have heard you speak much of Raven, and Erik, and even Henry’s happiness today. But I’ve heard no mention of your own, Charles. What would make you happy and set your heart at ease? The happiness of others should not rest upon your shoulders alone.”Perhaps the lack of sleep made him bold, for Charles snorted rather inelegantly at Steve’s encouraging words.“I am happy, and deliriously in love, though nothing of my relationship with Erik has ever set my heart at ease.” It felt a little like betrayal, to admit his misgivings out loud, and yet he could not stop the deluge of hurtful truths now if he tried. “I wish we’d met when he was yet unwed, and I did not have to hide my feelings for a married man. I wish to be his spouse, in a marriage of equals, instead of the one who merely warms his bed. I want to claim any children I bear as my own, and for us to be a true family. And I want my sister to have all the things I want for myself!” He chuckled mirthlessly, and scrubbed his face with both hands. “I want it all, and I cannot have it, so I must make the best of what’s been given to me.”His eyes stung as he struggled to maintain some semblance of control, for he could not bear the thought of the Captain pitying him, or worse. He was grateful for the silence when Steve simply sat and held his hand, and did not try to offer useless platitudes or empty promises that things would miraculously be alright.Instead, he offered a revelation of his own. “I cannot say that I comprehend the extent of your anguish, Charles, but I too know what it is to love one who could never be mine. It was years ago, and yet it grieves me still…perhaps it always will.”The news shocked him, for Charles had never heard mention of the Captain in any relationship, and none that made him look as he did now, a small, wistful smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He was instantly annoyed for being so self-centered; for taking solace in Steve’s friendship and providing little comfort and succour of his own.“I’m so sorry, my friend, to know that you’ve suffered so. You must think me naïve and foolish, going on and on as though I’m the only person in the world to have—”Steve interrupted with a smile and a light squeeze of his hand. “I think you’re a good person, with a kind and open heart, or you would not be so concerned for the wellbeing of others.”It was difficult not to bask just a little under the warm appraisal, for Charles had dreamt of such a moment often when he was a child in awe of Steve’s mere presence. He grinned. “You flatter me with your kind words, though you’ve always been a gentleman and the worthiest of friends. I confess that I may have fancied marrying you someday, all those years ago, as ridiculous as that must seem.”The Captain did not respond, and Charles immediately cursed himself for his blunder; for making Steve uncomfortable with what he thought was a funny anecdote about his childish fantasies. “I didn’t mean anything by it, what I said. I beg your pardon if I’ve offended.”“You did not,” Steve replied, and when Charles refused to look at him, still embarrassed by his admission, he stood from his seat and got down on one knee. “For I too have thought of you the same way. I did not think it appropriate to share such a sentiment with you, given your feelings for the Earl, but know that I esteem you greatly, and would be honored to marry you.”Charles gasped. “You cannot mean it! You! You’re Captain Steven Rogers! There are a dozen omegas more suited to be your spouse! With better lineage and wealth and untouched by scandal—”To his surprise, Steve laughed, and pressed a chaste kiss to his hand. “Charles, this may come as a surprise to you, but I too would prefer to marry someone for reasons other than lineage and wealth and whatever else the nobles think should be of great importance to me.”“And what of love,” Charles countered, for he still could not believe in the sincerity of Steve’s claim, especially in light of his pregnant condition. “Do you not want someone who will love you with their whole heart? That cannot, and will never be me.”To that Steve only smiled again, which, coupled with the way his eyes crinkled made Charles more than a little flustered. “My heart could not be yours either, not entirely, for I too carry a love for one who is married to another. But we are friends now, good ones, with mutual regard and understanding. Who is to say that it cannot grow into love, eventually? I can think of no other person with whom I’d like to try.”“You mean this? Truly?”“I do.”Charles took a deep breath, and shook his head. “I cannot give you an answer now, or anytime soon. The baby is coming in just a few weeks, and Raven…I don’t know…”“You need not give me an answer now, or ever,” Steve answered, as he slowly got to his feet. “If you wish we will never speak of it again, and our friendship will not suffer for it, I swear. In the end, you must make your own choice, and your own happiness.”“Yes,” Charles agreed, “it is a decision I must make and soon.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Erik remembered the first time he saw Charles Xavier, arm in arm with the eldest MacTaggert as she escorted him off the crowded dance floor. Eyes sparkling and cheeks flushed from exertion, he was positively awash with happiness and good cheer; a beacon of light that radiated across the room to capture Erik’s immediate and rapt attention. It had been impossible to ignore the pull of Charles’ smile, or the unexpected allure of his laugh, and Erik – in just a few short hours on a fateful spring evening - found himself falling completely and helplessly in love.
It was a far different picture Charles painted now, hair matted with sweat and body wracked with pain, from a delivery that was taking them from early evening into the late hours of the following morning. Erik paced nervously through the width and breadth of Charlton Park, after McCoy arrived and banned him from the birthing room, his nerves frayed and temper short as he waited anxiously for news. Even Emma’s steady presence did little to ease his worry, though it warmed him to see the rest of the household nearly as eager as the Lehnsherrs for the safe arrival of their master’s heir.
The clouds did not dissipate until close to the lunch hour, when McCoy finally exited the room with a tired, if triumphant smile. He clasped Erik’s shoulder and shook his hand, the young doctor’s relief and genuine happiness evident to all. Erik could scarcely refrain from running into the room, his racing heart calming as he gazed upon his lover holding their newborn babe in his arms.
“Erik,” Charles greeted softly, and his smile was broad though his eyes were red rimmed and wet. He looked wan and exhausted; Erik did not think he had ever been more beautiful. “Come, darling, and meet your daughter.”
He hovered for a moment, in awe and a little unsure, until his feet carried him unthinkingly across the room to settle beside Charles on the bed. The babe was swaddled in a soft blanket of white, impossibly tiny, and a swell of such fierce and abiding love swept through him as he gazed upon her scrunched up face.
“A daughter,” he breathed, reaching with the tip of his finger to brush against her downy cheek. Tears welled in his eyes as Charles slid her carefully into his arms, and he let out a long, shuddering sigh. “Our daughter, my brave, wonderful Charles. I can scarce believe that she’s really here after everything…it’s like a dream come true.”
“A dream indeed,” Charles agreed, as a lone tear slid unbidden down his cheek. “You cannot know the joy it gives me to see you together…the two people I love most in all the world.”
“I know it, for that is how I feel about you too,” Erik replied, and he kissed Charles gently, with reverence and great care. “I have been blessed from the moment I met you. You have given me everything I’ve ever wanted…things I never dared to hope for in all my life.”
The smile fell abruptly then off Charles’ face, and he closed his eyes as he squeezed tightly at Erik’s hand. He looked pained, and trying stoically to hide it and Erik cursed himself for neglecting to ask after his lover’s well-being, so enthralled as they were over their new baby.
“Are you in great pain?” he asked, as Charles groaned and leaned back against the pillows. “Shall I call McCoy in to check on you? I’m so sorry…I should have asked right away I didn’t mean to—”
Charles laughed softly, and shook his head. “It’s alright. Henry already gave me some herbs to take. There’s nothing more to do now, he said, but try to get some rest.”
“Is there truly nothing else? Shall I have the cook make you something to eat? Let me speak to McCoy and—”
“Erik,” Charles interrupted, as he brushed the light dusting of hair that covered the baby’s head. “We should give her a name.”
They had spent months going through dozens of names for both boys and girls, settling on one for each and then changing their minds again until they finally narrowed the list down to a few suitable choices. He thought he knew what it should be, now that Erik could actually hold her and see her face, but still--
“Tell me. I want you to decide our daughter’s name.”
Charles smiled then, and pressed a sweet kiss to her forehead, breathing her in. “Edie,” he whispered, “she looks like an Edie to me.”
His mother would be so pleased, Erik thought, not just to have a grandchild as namesake, but to know that he’d finally found the happiness that had eluded him for years. While Erik had despaired after Magda’s untimely death, Edie herself had never given up hope that he would find another omega to cherish and to love.Erik grinned, and gently squeezed the babe’s tiny hand. “She does indeed.”“You should take her to Emma now, and the others, so they can meet her,” Charles said, and of course he would be concerned for those waiting anxiously outside the door, while Erik was still too overwhelmed to think of anything beyond his newly formed family. “And then Ms. Salvadore will need to properly dress and feed her. I’m sure Henry will want another look at her too before he goes.”He was right of course, but Erik was loath to leave him on his own, after Charles had suffered so many hours of painful labor without his lover at his side. But the thought of being parted from his daughter was equally distressing, for he did not think he could bear – at least for the foreseeable moment – to let Edie out of his sight.“Go,” Charles urged, aptly reading the conflict that must be writ all over his face, “I’m going to try to get some sleep. Doctor’s orders.”“Alright, but I’ll be back to check on you soon,” he acquiesced, and let Charles press another kiss to the top of the babe’s head before he got up from the bed. “I’ll bring you something to eat too…I’m sure the cook is already working on a feast of your favorites.”Charles sighed and rubbed his temple. “I’m very grateful to Mrs. Fergus but the thought of food right now is… Perhaps you can let her know not to rush anything? Or to go to any unnecessary trouble please?”“Mrs. Fergus adores you and it’s no trouble at all. But yes, I’ll relay the message, and bring you something later when you’re up for it.”“Thank you.”He hugged Edie close and crossed the room, glancing back once more when he reached the threshold. “Sleep well. I’ll be there when you wake up.”Charles cleared his throat and offered Erik a watery smile. “l’ll be right here.”Something struck him as slightly off about Charles’ expression as he watched Erik carry Edie away, but he had no more than a moment to think on it before Emma was upon them, cooing softly over the tiny creature in his arms.“Oh Erik,” she breathed, her entire face transformed with quiet wonder, “she’s perfect.”“She is,” he agreed readily, and they both chuckled at Erik’s enthusiastic response. “Darling Emma, meet Edie Lehnsherr, future Mistress of Charlton Park.”Emma smiled at him and winked, and brushed a manicured finger across the baby’s cheek. “It’s an honor to meet you, Lady Edie. Welcome to your new home.”They giggled and cooed over the babe until Ms. Salvadore came for her, promising to return Edie as soon as she had been fed, bathed and then dressed in her new clothes. It was difficult, not to immediately follow when the nurse took the babe and disappeared from their sight, but Emma managed to distract him with tea and a light meal from the kitchen – the first food or drink he’d taken since dinner the evening before.The thrill of his daughter’s arrival sank deep into Erik’s bones, tempering a disposition that had always tended towards pragmatic and even a touch pessimistic. But it was not just Erik who was affected by the new life in their midst, for Emma and even the servants seemed to be caught up in her spell. Joy, simple and full of hope carried him through the first hours and then days after her birth, infusing Erik with unadulterated happiness and the household with new energy, blinding them all to the subtle signs that all was not quite right with his convalescing lover.It began simply, with a perfectly reasonable request, for Erik to return to his own room at night instead of joining Charles in his bed. He agreed immediately and without hesitation, for McCoy himself had prescribed sufficient bed rest as the best route to Charles’ speedy recovery. It would also allow Charles to sleep undisturbed, Erik reasoned, while Ms. Salvadore – and Erik and even Emma, unorthodox though that had seemed to their nurse – to wake throughout the night to help tend to the baby’s needs.Then it became routine for meals to be delivered to Charles in his room, after the first day when Erik himself had brought his dinner. With Charles still in pain it was difficult to get dressed without help, and the energy required to get ready for a meal in the dining room seemed better spent on relaxing and being pampered without concern over appearances. Erik found too that he had little reason to worry with the return of Charles’ appetite, as every meal that Mrs. Fergus lovingly prepared for him was consumed wholeheartedly and without complaint.
And finally, when Charles was able to leave the room again for some much needed exercise, Sean was ready and waiting, and eager to help him resume his daily walks through the grounds. They spent a few hours outdoors each day in the June sunshine, and Erik was glad to see a healthy glow replace the tired pallor of Charles’ countenance. If ever Erik thought it strange that his lover did not often request his company on these walks—Well his attention was quickly and easily diverted by Edie, or business that he had all but let fall to the wayside in the final hectic weeks of Charles’ pregnancy.As ever, it was an astute Emma who saw it first, and mentioned it to Erik one night as they rocked Edie to sleep in the nursery.“Have you seen Charles today?” she asked, as she reached into the cradle and brushed the baby’s tiny hand. “I had hoped to see him return to taking meals with us in the dining room. It’s been days since I saw him last.”“Of course, I saw him this morning at breakfast,” Erik said, “we even managed to play half a game of chess before I was called away. He seems to be recuperating quite well, from what Dr. McCoy said. I’m sure he’ll be up to taking dinner with us again soon. I’ll ask him.”“Hmm,” was Emma’s reply, which told Erik that her question hadn’t been answered to satisfaction. “You haven’t noticed anything strange about Charles? Since the baby was born?”“Strange?” he echoed, tempted to immediately dismiss the comment out of hand. But then he thought about the admittedly little time that he’d spent with Charles in the past weeks since Edie’s arrival, and noted that perhaps his lover had been a little distant. Charles had asked for time alone to recuperate and Erik had willingly given it, thinking only to please him, and to support his recovery.It did not occur to him until this very moment that there might be more to his request.Even so, he replied, “Perhaps he just needs time to feel himself again. After all it’s been nine months of carrying a child inside his body, and then a rather strenuous delivery. I’m sure things will go back to normal when he’s ready. You’ll see.”“Erik, he’s barely interacting with the household, except for Sean, and takes his meals in his room even after Dr. McCoy had deemed him ready for being outdoors. And…he’s barely spent any time alone with Edie, for all that he loves her with all his heart.”“He sees her when she’s with Ms. Salvadore! He told me just this morning how he thinks Edie has my eyes—”“Erik, listen to me,” Emma said, as she reached to clutch his hand. “We’re losing him. Day by day and minute by minute. You must speak to him and convince him to stay, or I fear it will be too little too late.”
The words stayed with him long into the night, and Erik found himself unable to sleep, his mind dissecting every moment he’d spent with Charles since the baby’s birth. Stubbornly, desperately he clung to Charles’ fervent promises, that he was going to stay forever, and they would fill the manor’s halls with many more children to love. But the tiny seed of fear bloomed ever larger as the hours wore on, until he could hold back no longer, and made his way as quickly and quietly as he could to Charles’ bedroom. He slid under the covers and wrapped his arms around his lover, and held his breath when Charles stirred slightly and murmured, “Erik?”“Shh, I’m sorry to wake you. Go back to sleep.”He didn’t know what to expect, for Emma’s forewarnings still weighed heavy in his heart, but Charles only sighed and settled against him, and nuzzled his head against his chest. “Mm. Missed you.”Throat tight, Erik stifled the urge to cry out in relief, knowing that Charles wanted him still, and longed too for his presence. He pressed a gentle kiss to Charles’ head then, and let the tension seep from his shoulders with a slow, calming breath.“I’ve missed you too. I love you.”Charles did not answer, his breathing steady as he slept on, unaware of the uncertainty that had plagued Erik through the night. Erik himself lay in the dark for some indeterminate time, letting Charles’ presence comfort and sooth him, until he drifted finally into a dreamless and much needed sleep.Sunlight streamed through the drawn curtains when Erik opened his eyes, making him groan and roll onto his side. It became apparent immediately that he was alone in the bed, the spot beside him vacant and cool to the touch. He kicked the covers back with a sigh and tried to squelch his disappointment, for Erik had planned to steal a few quiet moments alone with Charles before beginning their day. It felt like an eternity had passed since they last shared a bed, and he was eager to return to their established routine.It was Sean and not Charles who met him in the hall, after Erik had returned to his own room and changed into a fresh set of clothes. The boy had developed a great attachment to Charles, since his assignment as the man’s valet, and was likely waiting now with a message from his wayward lover.“Good morning, Sir.”“Good morning,” he replied, “and how are you today?”“Very well, Sir.” Sean smiled, and followed him as he made his way further down the corridor. “My Lady and Ms. Salvadore are with Miss Edie in the parlour. And Mr. Xavier asked me to tell you that Mrs. Fergus made your favorites for a late breakfast.”Erik grinned, for he knew that Charles must have been the one to ask her on his behalf. “Thank you. Where is Mr. Xavier at the moment?”The smile on Sean’s face dimmed just a little, before he schooled his expression and led Erik into the dining room. “On a stroll in the garden with Captain Rogers, Sir. The Captain arrived an hour ago to call on Mr. Xavier.”His back stiffened involuntarily, and he willed himself not to react outwardly to the news. Erik cleared his throat and answered, “How good of the Captain to visit. I’m sure he’ll be pleased to see how well Charles is recovering.”Sean nodded, but he didn’t meet Erik’s eyes. “Of course, Sir. Will there be anything else?”“Thank you, no.”“I’ll have Mary send up breakfast,” he said, and promptly left Erik on his own.Sean was barely out the door when Erik’s feet took him in the opposite direction, towards the library which had large windows that overlooked the gardens behind Charlton Park. He was not proud of it, and knew that Charles had never given Erik cause to mistrust him, but he could do nothing to quash the burgeoning dread in his gut. And what he saw only added to his growing paranoia, for Charles was indeed standing quite close to the Captain - the two half-hidden by the rose bushes - and holding his hand.Erik turned and stormed away, eager to put some distance between himself and the embodiment of his worse fears come to life. No, he did not think that Charles had been untrue or unfaithful, for he was too good – and the Captain too virtuous – for such a betrayal. Yet he could not deny how it pained him to see their close friendship, and how well matched they seemed, and how much better Charles’ circumstances would be if he chose Steven Rogers as his mate. There was nothing in the world Erik wouldn’t give to his beloved, except the one thing Charles had ever wanted or needed – a true marriage of equals.He was alone, nursing a glass of brandy when Charles found him in the study, seated in front of the chess set they’d abandoned so many nights ago for languid kisses by the fire. Charles reached for the bottle and poured a glass for himself, before taking the seat across Erik with a sigh.They sat in silence for long moments, and Erik watched as Charles took a fortifying sip, grimacing from the burn. He looked uncomfortable, glancing nervously around the room, his lips pursed in a frown as he rolled the crystal back and forth between his palms.“You have something to tell me.”It pained him, knowing what news he might hear, but Erik had no desire to draw out the inevitable. Some part of him had always known that this day would come, when Charles would finally realize that he deserved better than Erik Lehnsherr.“Yes,” Charles replied, his voice catching as he stared at Erik, his eyes already glistening with unshed tears. “I must break my promise to you, after all. I cannot stay here at Charlton Park.”Erik could not meet his eyes, for fear that he might fling himself upon Charles’ feet and start to cry. Instead he asked, “Will you tell me why, Charles? What has happened to change your mind? Is it—” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I have always said that the choice is yours to stay or go, only…please tell me you still love me? And Edie? I could bear anything but that; to know that your feelings for us have changed.”It was Charles who sprang to his feet and knelt in front of Erik, and clutched their hands together with a startled gasp. “Oh no, no! Of course I love you still! And Edie with all my heart! I could never stop loving you, Erik. Oh, my love.”And then it all came spilling out, McCoy’s courtship with his sister Raven, and the proposal she refused, so as not to tie the doctor’s reputation to the Xavier name. The conflict was plain on Charles’ face, as he relayed her plan to sacrifice happiness with McCoy for love of her brother. And of Charles’ conscience and his moral dilemma, and how his own joy would forever be marred by Raven’s loss.In the end it made perfect sense to Erik, why Charles would choose to leave. He was too kind and loyal to hold his own happiness above others, especially over a sister he cherished and adored. But it was no less excruciating to bear, and Erik could not begin to conceive of it - the life he would now have to lead without Charles at his side.“I’m sorry, my love. I’m so, so sorry,” Charles whispered, and Erik could do nothing but cling to him, as hot tears rained unashamedly down his face. He fought the urge to plead for Charles to change his mind, knowing it would only add to the crushing guilt he undoubtedly carried. And so they held each other tightly, and wept in each other’s arms, as Erik’s aching heart shattered and his hopes turned to dust.When their tears were spent and their bodies ached from the strain, Erik pulled back and brushed the dampness tenderly from his lover’s cheek. “How long do we have? I mean until…”He could scarcely say the words out loud, and Charles in turn could not look him in the eye when he replied, “Tomorrow. Raven is coming for me after breakfast.”“No!” Erik could not believe it, that Charles would give them – give him – so little notice of his departure. “It’s too soon! I’ve only just realized…you can’t leave us tomorrow! You have not told Emma, or Sean, or any of the others! And Edie! You can’t possibly—"“Erik—”“No, please it’s only been a month since the delivery! You’re meant to be recuperating still! I can’t believe McCoy would allow you to travel—”“Erik,” Charles pleaded, flinging his arms around Erik again and holding him close. “Please my love, listen to me. The longer I stay the harder it will be, for you and for me! If I stay another week, another month it will only prolong the torture, for every moment will be filled with the dread of my leaving. The beautiful memories we’ve built will fade into nothing, all but consumed by the inevitable pain to come.”Bitterly Erik replied, “You would deny me the chance to say a proper goodbye? To spend time with you and Edie together? To hold you in my arms and make love to you one last time?”“Don’t you see?” Charles entreated, his voice trembling with emotion. “I would stay, and deny nothing that you asked of me, and every second that I remain my resolve will weaken—”“And you’ll stay! Stay with us as you promised!”“And I would stay yes, and be happy, yet filled with guilt and self-loathing to the end of my days.”It was impossible to argue, even as his heart railed against the unfairness of Charles’ logic. He
pulled Charles onto his lap as he slumped onto the ground with a defeated sigh. “What will I tell Edie? When she’s old enough to ask about you? How do I make her understand how much she means to us both when you are not here?”It was Charles’ who chuckled bitterly now, though he pressed himself tighter against Erik’s chest. “You don’t have to tell her anything about me at all. She won’t miss what she doesn’t remember—”“Charles, no! Of course I will tell her everything, for she must know how very much we love each other, and how that love brought her into our lives.”“Then tell her—” Charles stumbled over his words a little as he heaved a great sigh, “tell her that I needed to do what was right, so she could be proud of me.”
“Oh my love,” Erik said, and his heart broke again for Charles, who would not only lose Erik, but Edie too from his life. It was a stark reminder of the sacrifices that his lover had already made – had been making since he first arrived at Charlton Park – for love of a man he could not claim. “You are the best person I’ve ever known. I would never let our daughter forget you.”He wished there was more he could offer, to the man who had given Erik everything he’d ever desired – friendship, love, and a child of their blood. And yet what Charles truly needed now was his understanding and support, and for Erik to stop making the situation worse by refusing to let him go.“It’s enough to know you won’t forget me,” Charles replied, and then he visibly steeled himself and slowly got to his feet. “Come, let us not spend these last hours here, on the floor of the study. I should like to speak to Emma and the staff and make my farewells.”“And Edie?”Charles smiled ruefully, and squeezed Erik’s hand. “Perhaps we could spend the evening together, just the three of us? I know it will be difficult, so if you’d prefer not to I would understand.”There was nothing Erik could do but to pull Charles close, surging to his feet and into breathless kiss that made Charles sag against him with a groan. He yearned to drag his lover to bed and caress him from head to toe; to strip Charles and bare him for Erik’s eyes and lips to devour. Instead he only cupped Charles’ cheeks with gentle hands, and pressed their foreheads together with a defeated sigh. “I would take every moment – any moment - with you, any way that I can.”“Oh Erik. I’m so sorry.”Shaking his head, he gently but firmly nudged Charles towards the door. “Go. Take whatever time you need. Edie and I will be waiting.”Charles inhaled roughly, expression inscrutable, staring at Erik for long moments before he turned and quickly exited the room. And though he longed to follow, to spend every last second they had left together, Erik forced himself to stay put. He needed a bit of time to steel himself for Edie’s sake and his own, willing his hands not to shake as he poured another glass of brandy. But it did nothing to settle the maelstrom in his stomach or his heart, and Erik was tempted to drain the remainder of the bottle; to lose himself in a drunken haze to try and dull the pain. In the end he thought better of it, and went instead to the nursery to wait with Edie for Charles’ return.The evening was as painful as anything Erik had ever experienced; as full of helplessness as when he had sat as a young man at his dying mother’s bedside, and as much pain and regret standing over Magda’s freshly hewn grave. His conversation with Charles was stilted as it had never been since the beginning of their acquaintance, with Edie the only subject that no longer seemed forced or irrelevant. They took dinner together, eating quietly as their daughter slept, and did not give voice to the hurts that now filled the yawning chasm between them.A somber Emma came to the nursery when the hour grew late, and took their place beside the baby’s crib. She made no comment around the redness of Charles’ eyes or the devastation upon Erik’s face, close as she was to losing her own tightly held composure. Charles kissed her cheek and then bent over to kiss Edie, his expression colored with pain and longing as he stroked her tiny fingers. He was memorizing her, Erik knew, every crook and curve of her face to the sweet scent that lingered on her skin, a treasure to be buried alongside their ill-fated love affair.“Stay with me?” Erik asked, once the nursery door was shut behind them, with Charles looking so lost and broken that he felt it like physical pain. “Tonight. Be with me, so I can touch you, and kiss you, and hold you in my arms. I want…Please, let me take care of you.”
Charles pursed his lips unhappily and shook his head. “I’m not fully recovered yet. It’s still too soon after the delivery for—”“No Charles,” he said, pulling his lover into a tight embrace, “that’s not what I’m asking. I just…I’ve missed you so much, sleeping beside you and being able to hold you in my arms. I just want to spend this last night together, while we still can. While you’re still mine.”“It might make things harder, in the morning.”Erik scoffed, unable to hide the bitterness that was threatening to overwhelm him. “Nothing will change that now, Charles, no matter what happens tonight. My broken heart will not be any less broken, and you will still have to leave me.”He stood and waited, silent as Charles clenched and unclenched his fists, his face haloed by the warmth of the candlelight in the hallway, timeless and beautiful and infinitely sad. Would Charles ever truly smile again, he wondered? Or had Erik broken his spirit irrevocably, their love to be a remembrance of hurt and regret?“I’m sorry, I can’t,” Charles breathed, and promptly fled from Erik’s side, disappearing towards his own room without a backwards glance. Surprise slowly morphed to resignation as Erik stared after him, his feet seemingly rooted to the floor. He wanted so much to beg Charles for just a little more time, and share their last hours together instead of apart. Instead he made his way slowly to his own room, where he shed his waist coat and shoes and sank dejectedly onto the bed.He would leave Charles alone, as he should have from the very beginning, that first night they met at the MacTaggerts’ ball.There was no way to know how long he sat there in the dark, unable to sleep or even to close his eyes without seeing Charles’ expressive face. It was a prelude to the long and lonely nights that awaited him, though no different from the ones that he’d lived contentedly before Charles’ arrival. And yet the man’s mere existence – his everything – had changed Erik forever, and he did not think he’d ever be happy again without Charles at his side.The door to his room creaked open some indeterminate amount of time later, the glow of a candle casting dancing shadows on the wall and across the bedspread. Erik’s breath caught as Charles came into view, dressed in his nightshirt and wrapped in his familiar blue dressing gown. They stared at each other, and Erik did not speak, too afraid that any word might send Charles running out the door. But he could not help but cry out when Charles set the candle down and then lunged for him, tumbling them both onto Erik’s bed.They made love in silence, unwilling to break the spell, letting their hands and lips convey what mere words could not. Erik touched and kissed as Charles arched beneath him, etching every inch of his lover’s body forever into memory.
And though they could not be joined again so soon after Edie’s birth, Erik took great care to please his lover, determined to make Charles fall apart with Erik’s name upon his lips. It was akin to heaven, watching the pleasure roll through and over Charles in cresting waves; Erik had no choice but to follow, letting Charles drag him over the edge too with complete and utter abandon.“I cannot regret this,” Erik said, as they lay entwined on the bed, bodies sated and hearts sore, sweat cooling on their heated skin. “I cannot regret meeting you, or loving you, or every single moment we’ve ever had together, no matter how much this hurts. I was meant to love you, Charles Xavier and no other, now until the day I die.”“No regrets,” Charles agreed, and the grip he had on Erik’s hand stiffened until it was just shy of painful. His voice sounded hollow, and Erik clutched him all the tighter. “I was meant to love you too, my darling, just…not to keep you.”Erik said nothing, for nothing could be said in reply.The morning dawned both wet and grey, a light summer rain falling gently upon the carriage as it pulled before the Manor door. Charles had already spoken with most of the household and said his goodbyes, though a few still came out to see him off – Azazel, who had grown fond of Charles and shared with him a love of literature; Mrs. Fergus, who saw in Charles a son to dote upon, in place of her own; and Ms. Salvadore who carried a sleeping Edie in her arms, swaddled in white.Emma stood at Erik’s side, an iron grip on his arm to help anchor and support him. They stood and watched as Sean loaded Charles’ things onto the carriage, before taking his place beside the driver for the trip to Xavier Manor. At Erik’s request – and Sean’s enthusiastic agreement – he had been tasked to accompany Charles home, to continue serving as his valet. It was the only concession his lover was willing to make, refusing all else that Erik tried to give him, leaving with not much more than what he’d brought with him all those months ago to Charlton Park.
“I thank you for your generosity and your hospitality,” Charles said, his voice steady and turmoil indiscernible, revealing none of the anguish that bubbled beneath the surface, “I wish you and your new family great happiness, my Lord and Lady Lehnsherr. Edie…your daughter…she is truly blessed.”The words were like a knife to his heart, and try as he might Erik could not formulate the expected reply. He could only stare dully as rivulets of water beaded on Charles’ skin and slid down his face, his clothes dampening as they stood – face to face and already miles apart – in the rain.It was Emma who moved first, pressing a kiss to Charles’ cheek and squeezing his hand with great feeling. “We owe you a debt that can never be repaid. Be well, Charles, and know that our gratitude and friendship go with you, from now to the end of days.”Charles smiled. “Goodbye, Emma. Thank you. For everything.”She turned then and led the others back inside, leaving Erik alone with Charles on the front step. Raven, who had been watching from inside the carriage, moved away from the window to give them some privacy, though of course they were still in full view of Sean and the driver. It hardly mattered, for Erik did not want to say goodbye, and had not the wherewithal to muster simple platitudes when his whole world was being torn asunder.As always, it was Charles – his brave, brilliant Charles – who found the courage Erik lacked, and pulled him into a tight embrace.“Goodbye, my love,” Charles whispered, carefully extricating himself from Erik who was reluctant to let go. “Take care of yourself, and Edie. You’ll be in my heart and my mind, always.”And then Charles was turning and making his way to the carriage, where Raven greeted him with a blanket to dry off and keep warm. He spared only a quick glance at Erik before disappearing inside the cabin, and moments later, left Charlton Park and all of its inhabitants behind.“Goodbye, Charles,” he said, ignoring his tears that mingled freely now with the warm summer rain. “Goodbye.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
To Erik it was as though the world ended on that rainy June morning, as the love of his life disappeared over the horizon, heartbroken but still resolute in leaving his new family behind. It seemed impossible then, that Erik would ever heal from the loss; that there was any life worth living without his beloved Charles at his side.But life moved forward regardless of his pain, as bit by bit the inhabitants of Charlton Park returned to their daily routine. Emma took pity on him, and allowed him space alone to mourn, spending much of her time with Ms. Salvadore seeing to Edie’s every need. Azazel too, knew that he desired solitude above all else, and gladly took over the administration of Erik’s various investments and holdings. Yet their kindness served only to foster his hurts, resulting in broken furniture and more than a few angry, drunken nights. Stricken with grief, Erik felt little remorse or embarrassment over his appalling behavior, and turned a deaf ear to the staff’s whispered concerns.Of course it was Emma who eventually broke him from his haze, unwilling to see Erik withdraw completely from Edie’s life. Her sharp words cut through where understanding could not, drawing him finally from the deepest pits of his own regret and self-loathing.“You dishonor your bond with Charles by neglecting your child,” she chastised, after he’d been dragged to the bathing chamber and ordered to take a long bath. “What would he think to see you this way, when he entrusted Edie to your care? He’s given you a great gift…a precious part of himself he’s left in your keeping.”“Well he’s not here is he? To question my failures as a father,” he snarled, the bitterness pouring forth though he knew the words were undeserved. “It’s been almost a month and we’ve not heard a single word from him! No letter or message or even a polite inquiry into Edie’s well-being! And he’s ignored every attempt I’ve made to reach out to him--” He broke off abruptly when Emma sighed, disappointment and censure clear upon her face, and his anger deflated then as quickly as it appeared. “I don’t know what I thought, Em, I just…maybe I thought we would remain friends and he could still be a part of our lives, however distant. I did not expect to lose him so completely, or for Charles to so easily let us go.”Emma shook her head in disbelief and reached to grasp his hand. “You know it’s not true in your heart of hearts; Charles loves you and Edie both, and he could never forget you. But he must keep now to the choice he made and behave as any surrogate would, for our reputation’s sake as well as his own. Our agreement is concluded, and so he returns to his life – a life that cannot be tied closely to ours in the foreseeable future.”“I don’t care about my reputation—”“We can afford not to care,” Emma rebuked, her lips twisting unhappily as she ignored Erik’s glare. “Our titles, our wealth, frees us from the fickleness of our neighbors’ appraisals, and insulates us from their pettiness; Charles and his family can hardly say the same. Those who relish in gossip will accuse him of being too greedy, parlaying his surrogacy for favors and insinuating himself into our lives beyond his agreed upon role. He returned home for his sister and McCoy; he would not risk their happiness by drawing unflattering attention upon the Xavier name.”It was Erik’s turn to sigh as he squeezed Emma’s fingers lightly and then kissed her hand. “I hate this place and these awful people…tell me again why we didn’t move to France to live with your brother? Christian doesn’t have to deal with all these false platitudes and fake friendships—”Emma huffed and rolled her eyes, though Erik could see the tiny smile curving the edge of her lips. “Because father disowned him, you dolt, and threatened me with the same if I didn’t stay in his good graces! Nor could we leave while your uncle still lived and controlled your inheritance! And now we have Edie’s future to think about, and her place as heiress to Charlton Park.”“Yes, we have Edie,” he agreed, sharing with Emma a soft and rueful smile, “so we must put away our childish dreams of being pirates on the open seas. Instead we must live an even more precarious existence, amongst the ruthless cutthroats of the English aristocracy.”
His words made Emma laugh out loud, her blue eyes sparkling with mirth and what he hoped was absolution; Erik felt his own heavy heart lighten just a little at the sound.“We’ll take good care of her, and keep her away from all such danger,” Emma said with a smirk, “together, like we promised.”Erik nodded, and allowed himself a genuine smile in return. “Just like we promised.”Indeed the days became easier as he made up for lost time, spending hours doting on a growing Edie with Emma at his side. So much had already changed in the few weeks he’d stayed away; Edie was smiling now, gripping their fingers with her tiny hands, and growing more and more aware of the world and the people around her. With relief they noted that she had a calm disposition, and did not cry unceasingly as some babes did for reasons unknown. It was easy to love her and to be charmed by her presence, and Erik could feel the veil of gloom gradually dissipate, from his own spirit and eventually from the entirety of Charlton Park.His tears were truly happy ones, the day he heard the sweet sound of his daughter’s laughter for the first time.He wrote of her progress each night in a journal he kept by the bed, addressing them always to Charles though he knew not when – or if – they would ever be read. It grieved him still, that his lover was missing so much of Edie’s life, and being deprived the joy of seeing in person every milestone she met and new skill that she learned. But the sharp pain of that absence ebbed gradually into a dull ache, the separation made more bearable whenever Charles’ sky blue eyes looked up at him from Edie’s precious face.As the warm days of summer edged slowly into fall, Erik found his mood steadily improving, and each new morning seemed less onerous than the next. It was not the same without Charles – and Erik knew that he would never recover fully from that loss – but every moment he spent in Edie’s company brought him great joy and a much needed sense of purpose. He even managed some goodwill towards McCoy when word reached them of his engagement to Raven, though a part of him would always begrudge their happiness gained at the expense of his own family’s future.“Perhaps it is time that we called on the Xaviers,” Emma said after dinner one evening, soon after McCoy’s most recent appointment with Edie. “I think it would be most appropriate to extend our well wishes in person, and offer our congratulations. We are indebted to Dr. McCoy after all, for delivering Edie safely, and of course I’ve grown rather fond of Raven over her many visits here at Charlton Park.”Erik stilled even as his heart leaped painfully in his chest, clamoring eagerly at the thought of seeing Charles again after months apart. It would be difficult he knew, to be in the same room and not be able to speak freely or to touch, but Erik would suffer any discomfort or awkwardness to see for himself that Charles was content and in good health.
“How soon can we go?”Emma smiled. “I’ve sent word already that they should expect us tomorrow. Does that please you, oh husband of mine?”“Indeed it does,” he answered, laughing as he swept her up into a spontaneous and heartfelt hug. “I do not know what I would do without you in my life, dearest Emma. I am lucky to have such a friend as you.”“On that I can certainly agree,” she teased, though she made no further remark on his obvious excitement. He slept barely a wink through the night, so anxious was he over the impending visit, and it was barely morning before Erik was springing out of bed.It felt like hours later before he and Emma finally set off in the carriage, with messages from some of the household specifically for Charles. Though Erik wanted desperately to bring Edie along it was not appropriate for a social call, and so she was left in the capable hands of Ms. Salvadore for the afternoon. He thought instead of the precious gift he carried in his jacket – one he’d procured solely with Charles in mind – and hoped it could be a small consolation for their daughter’s absence.Their arrival anticipated, they found themselves ushered quickly though with great formality into the study by the Xaviers’ butler, into the room where he had negotiated Charles’ surrogacy with Kurt Marko just a year ago. The man was already waiting, along with both Charles and Raven, though Erik had eyes only for the lover he’d so missed.“Welcome, welcome, Lord and Lady Lehnsherr, to my home,” Marko said, and Erik made a valiant effort not to roll his eyes at the ownership claim over a place that did not bear his name. He caught a glimpse of a smirk on Charles’ face - as though he knew exactly what Erik thought of his stepfather’s words - though it was there and gone again in a flash.“Thank you Mr. Marko,” Emma returned, and Erik was content to let her deal with the pleasantries, his attention focused entirely on Charles who stood at the other end of the room. He looked even better than Erik remembered, skin flush with colour and his eyes sharp and blue, and when Charles smiled at him - a little shy, but still warm and affectionate - Erik’s poor heart threatened to burst from his chest.“—congratulations on the engagement. You must be so very pleased with the match.”Marko waved away the servant who brought in tea for the party, and gestured for Raven to serve in her stead. “Ah yes. I have to say it came as a bit of surprise, though I can’t say I’m displeased with the choice, given the circumstances.”Emma frowned. “I’m sorry, but what circumstances? I assure you Mr. McCoy is a most respectable choice for Miss Xavier, and he has a great future ahead of him in London’s finest hospitals.”“Oh no, I wasn’t referring to McCoy,” Marko answered, sending an impatient glare towards Raven when her hand trembled slightly as she poured his tea, “I was talking about Charles and Captain Rogers. Wasn’t that the reason for your visit? I thought, given how well you’ve always treated my stepson that you came for him? To extend your well wishes on his engagement to the Captain?”The silence roared in Erik’s ears, deafening him to all but the sound of his own breathing as Marko’s words slowly began to sink in…Charles was engaged, and planning to marry Steven Rogers; any last hope he might have clung to were completely dashed, that his lover might change his mind eventually and return to his family at Charlton Park. In his heart he’d always known this moment would come, fearing and dreading it even when they’d been together planning their future, never truly trusting that their happiness was meant to last.It felt like all of the air had been knocked from his lungs, and he would have staggered had he not been sitting on the sofa, with Emma clutching him tightly by the hand.“No…we were not aware of Charles’ engagement,” Emma replied, her voice calm and steady even as the room veritably choked with tension, though Marko appeared wholly unaware – or more likely, unconcerned. “Of course that’s wonderful news for your family! You and your wife must be very pleased to have two such handsome matches.”Marko scoffed. “A poor doctor and a retired army Captain? Hardly suitable for a lineage as old and storied as the Xaviers, though I suppose it’s better than the alternative. Having these two unmarried and living off the family’s remaining fortune for the rest of their lives.”Even in his haze Erik couldn’t help but bristle at Marko’s insinuations, knowing exactly what sacrifices Charles had made to ensure the wellbeing of the Xavier household. Any other time he would have jumped immediately to the siblings’ defence, and even now his indignation on Charles’ behalf threatened to bubble to the surface, shattering what remained of his tenuous composure.
Instead, his mounting ire was defused abruptly by Charles’ interjection. “I was going to tell you,” he blurted, sounding both panicked and apologetic as he tugged anxiously at his waistcoat. “Both of you. I was in the midst of composing a letter, you see, and I didn’t… I wanted to… It happened only a few days ago.”“Yes, Charles wanted to convey the information to you as soon as possible of course,” Raven added, as she stepped closer to her brother and looped their arms together in support. “You must understand that he wanted to find the right words to convey such important news, since he holds you both in such high esteem.”“Well now there’s no need for a letter,” Marko said, dismissing the entire exchange with a wave of his hand. “I’m sure there are many more interesting things to discuss with the Earl and Countess than your pending nuptials!”It took great restraint on Erik’s part not respond to his rudeness, though Emma was quick to divert Marko’s focus by playing on his vanity. “Well, if it pleases you Mr. Marko, I’ve heard so much about the history of Xavier Manor; perhaps you would agree to give me a tour of your beautiful home?”Visibly pleased, Marko promptly stood and offered Emma his arm. “It would be an honor to show you my home, my Lady. And the Earl too of course,” he added almost as an afterthought, already moving with Emma towards the door. “It cannot compare to the grandeur of Charlton Park I’m sure, but I believe that you’ll find the design to be quite impressive.”“Oh, Erik would appreciate little of the craftsmanship that goes into a fine building like this,” Emma answered, and Erik could not love her more than he did at this very moment, for distracting Marko so he could speak privately with Charles. “Darling Raven, I would love for you to join us too! You’d only be bored staying here I think, since I know Erik would rather lose himself in your library’s collection, or indulge in a chess game or two.”
“Yes of course,” Raven said, reaching for Charles’ hand and squeezing it once, before trailing after the others out of the study. She offered a weak smile as she walked by, and then darted a last, reassuring glance at her brother before she hurried off, leaving Erik alone at last with a silent, somber Charles.
For long moments neither of them spoke, and then Charles quickly crossed the room to shut the study door, before throwing his arms around Erik and dragging him close. He managed – only barely – to hold back a choked sob as they held each other tight, pitiably grateful that Charles appeared equally moved by their reunion.
He moved instinctively, his mind still reeling, body pressing Charles up against the door as familiar hands looped around the back of his neck. Charles sagged into his arms and shuddered, before leaning close to breathe in his scent, as he’d done often during his pregnancy, seeking reassurance and safety in his alpha’s arms.It broke Erik’s heart into pieces, even as it made his blood sing.
And then they were kissing as though they’d never been parted, desperate with longing and tinged with despair, lighting the spark within Erik that had been dormant since Charles’ departure. It had been so very long since they’d been intimate, and Erik wanted badly to throw caution to the wind by taking Charles right there against the study door.But Charles was already gentling their kiss and pulling away, forcing a smile onto his face as he shifted awkwardly out of their embrace. “I’m sorry, darling, but I can’t. I can’t.”Erik sighed. “Because you’re engaged.”Charles’ eyes watered as he took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Erik. I had planned to tell you and soon. I never meant for you to find out this way.”Ugly, hurtful words threatened to burst forth from Erik’s lips, accusing Charles of any number of things; of being unfaithful and untrue, capable of moving on so soon and so easily from those he claimed to love. Instead, Erik bit his tongue – though he could not stand to look another second upon Charles’ sad, earnest face – and crossed the room briskly to gaze out upon the Manor grounds.“Congratulations to you and the Captain,” he said, every word like a dull knife slicing into his flesh. “I wish you and Rogers a lifetime of happiness.”It was impossible to keep the bitterness from colouring his words, and behind him Charles made a wounded sound, before he came closer, and pressed his forehead against Erik’s shoulder. Warm fingers curled into his own, nearly undoing Erik completely, and for a moment he considered falling to his knees and begging Charles to come home.Instead he took a deep breath and waited, willing his tears not to fall.
“Raven did not want her happiness to cost me a lifetime of sorrow, and she refused to accept Henry’s proposal and leave me here alone. She said…”“What did she say?” Erik prompted, when long moments passed and the silence became unbearable.“That I needed to find some happiness for myself,” Charles answered, huffing an affectionate sigh at his loyal, if somewhat demanding sister. “That I shouldn’t waste the rest of my life here at Xavier Manor, lost in my books with no one but Mother and Kurt for company. That…I build a family of my own like I’ve always wanted, or she would refuse Henry’s proposal and stay here with me.”Erik swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. “Of course. Of course you should be happy, Charles. You deserve a family…children… and someone who can love you as you deserve. I only wish I could have been the one to give it to you.”“Oh darling,” Charles whispered, gentle as he turned an unresisting Erik around to face him, “you’ve given me everything. Your whole heart; a love I never knew was possible, or would ever happen to me. And a daughter I love with everything that I am. Let us forgive ourselves, for the things that we cannot change, and cherish the time we had together with no regrets.”Erik said nothing in reply, for no words could describe the crushing loss that came again in a rush; instead he took Charles by the hand and led him to the sofa, and then reached for the surprise he had hidden in his jacket pocket.“I brought you a gift,” he said, placing the small velvet box gingerly into Charles’ hand. “It’s…well it’s something to remind you of us. Of how much you mean to me and to Edie, and how we’ll think of you every moment of every day.”He watched Charles avidly, holding his breath as Charles gripped the box and took the cover off with great care. A wondrous smile bloomed across his lover’s face when he saw what was nestled inside; a beautiful pocket watch gilded in gold, etched with a map of the world on it’s cover. But it was nothing compared to the astonished happiness Charles radiated when he popped it open, and found the tiny portrait of Edie that had been placed inside.“Do you like it?” Erik asked, when Charles gasped and stared fixedly at their daughter’s face. He looked positively overwhelmed and seconds from breaking down, and Erik thought that perhaps he’d made the wrong decision, reminding Charles of what he could never have in his life except for a mere image rendered in ink.“I love it,” Charles breathed, and though his eyes were wet they did not spill over, and he only clutched tightly at Erik’s hand. “She’s so beautiful! And she’s gotten so big!”Erik smiled, and sighed in relief. “She is. Though I do believe she is showing signs of the Lehnsherr temper already.”Charles laughed, and clutched the pocket watch to his heart as though it was Edie herself in his arms. “This is perfect, Erik, truly. To have a piece of her to carry with me every day. Thank you for such a wonderful gift. I will cherish it, always.”Their ensuing conversation became both easier and lighter then, as Erik shared stories about Edie and their daily activities at Charlton Park. Charles devoured every detail and asked for more, and Erik found himself all too happy to oblige him.
By the time the others returned, much of the earlier tension had dissipated, and he was able to return Emma’s inquiring look with a small, tentative smile. Raven too seemed relieved at the sight of them, sitting calmly together in the study, and sent a reassuring smile to her brother from where she stood by the door. Marko was oblivious and uncaring as ever, though Erik chose this time to ignore his bluster, and only watched impassively as Emma accepted the man’s invitation to attend Raven and Henry’s wedding in two weeks’ time.They left Xavier Manor soon afterwards, as Erik could stand Marko’s insipid ramblings no longer, and needed time alone to process the news of Charles’ engagement to Rogers. In truth, it was not a surprising development, with what he knew of their friendship, and Erik could even acknowledge that it was the best alternative to their own unattainable future. And yet Erik was incapable of being magnanimous, being jealous and possessive by nature, and found it impossible even now to be happy for his beleaguered lover.He did not think he could be in the same room with Rogers ever again, knowing that Charles would be his to cherish; to have and to hold and to sweep tenderly into bed for the rest of their lives.Fortunately – for Erik at least – their return home coincided with the arrival of unexpected news, providing him with a much needed distraction; Emma’s father Winston Frost had taken ill and wished to see his daughter as soon as possible. The prognosis was dire, the message said, and there was little time to spare, forcing Emma to pack her belongings and set off immediately for London. Erik would stay behind with Edie at Charlton Park, for Winston had no great love for his son-in-law, and their daughter was yet too young and vulnerable to be around the sick and the dying.“I shall keep you apprised of my father’s condition,” Emma said, as Erik kissed her cheek and then helped her into the carriage. “And I’ll be back as soon as I can.”“Be well,” he answered, “I will take good care of Edie, with Angel’s help.” Then he squeezed her hand gently and added, “Let yourself grieve, Em, for what’s about to happen. No matter what…I know you still care for him.”Emma sighed. “Perhaps once, years ago, I would agree, Erik. But so much time has passed since I lost a brother because of him; because Christian would not marry and bear him heirs and allow him to shape the course of his life as I have. Terrible as it may sound, it’ll be a relief when he…when he’s gone. Then perhaps you and I can finally live our lives as we see fit, free of the conditions and obligations that brought us together.”
“I do not regret our friendship, Em, or your place in my life.”“Nor I, darling husband,” Emma replied, her eyes blazing with determination as she patted his cheek with a perfumed hand. “You are my family, Erik. And I’ll always be on your side.”He did not have the chance to ask what she meant, for Edie squirmed in his arms and drew his attention, and the carriage pulled away just a few moments later.Winston Frost died on a Tuesday afternoon, almost two weeks after Emma’s departure and only two days before the McCoy/Xavier wedding. A letter from Emma instructed Erik to go on his own, for she had to stay for the reading of her father’s will and to administer his holdings. She even anticipated Erik’s instinctive reaction to join her in London to provide his support, and sought to dissuade him from missing out on Raven and Henry’s wedding. It was important that at least one of them attend, she wrote, for the bride and groom who had become such cherished friends to the Lehnsherrs. And of course Charles would be there as brother of the bride, and Erik would not want to miss any opportunity to see him.Emma was right of course, this time and many times before, as she liked to remind him often and with great delight. And so Erik got up Thursday morning and donned his grey jacket and waistcoat, and set off on horseback for the church where the wedding was scheduled. It was a beautiful late September day, with the leaves just beginning to turn, the vibrant greens of summer morphing into the vivid oranges and yellows of fall. So lovely was the ride that Erik found himself whistling an old tune, his mood greatly improved, that is until he arrived to find Charles arm in arm with Steven Rogers at the church yard gate.Pulling the horse to a slow trot, he circled around until his fists unclenched and he could breathe again, swallowing the urge to turn and bolt down the road from whence he came. By the time Erik dismounted his hands at least had stopped shaking, and he hoped that Rogers would not discern his inner turmoil, for he wanted neither the man’s pity nor his understanding. Instead, Erik swallowed his impulse to lash out, and simply offered his greeting with a cool politeness he couldn’t quite mask.“Captain. Charles. Good to see you both on this happiest of days.”“Lord Lehnsherr,” Rogers said, devoid of the triumphant glow Erik imagined the man would be wearing for having secured Charles’ hand. Instead, the Captain’s expression was solemn and concerned as he continued, “I heard of your father-in-law’s passing. Please extend our sincerest condolences to the Countess for her loss.”“Thank you,” he murmured, and did not miss the use of ‘our’ in his words. Nor did he miss the way Charles clung to Rogers’ arm, as though the Captain was the anchor keeping his ship tethered amidst the waves. “I will be sure to convey your regards. And she asked me to give your family her apologies in turn, for having to miss Raven and Henry’s wedding. I’m afraid you all must suffer my presence today without the usual balm of Emma’s grace.”The jest seemed at last to make Charles’ anxiousness ease a little, and Erik was gratified to see a small if genuine smile curve his damnably red lips. “You are not so bad as all that, my Lord Lehnsherr.”“Please do not--” he exclaimed, his voice husky with barely restrained emotion, and it was suddenly of the utmost importance that Charles use his given name. “You must call me Erik always, and never ‘Earl’ or ‘Lord Lehnsherr’. I should not want titles to come between us, my…” He took a deep breath then and exhaled. “My friend.”Time seemed to stand still as they all stood mutely in the courtyard, the silence becoming increasingly awkward as the moments ticked by. Finally, Rogers took up Charles’ hand and gave it a comforting squeeze, and then excused himself with a quick nod of his head.“I shall leave you to catch up, before the services begin,” he said, and Charles looked so very relieved and grateful that it made Erik’s gut churn. It was uncharitable he knew, to feel unkindly towards the Captain, as it was hardly Rogers’ fault for holding on to what Erik could not. Still, it was a great reprieve when he turned and headed for the church’s entrance, allowing the two of them the opportunity to exchange some honest words.“I’m glad you came,” Charles started, beckoning Erik to follow as he crossed to the other side of the courtyard, away from the door. “How is Emma doing? Truly?”“She’s as well as can be, all things considered,” Erik replied, and then added what he saw as the truth of it, based on Emma’s own words. “They were not close, and Emma has long been resentful of Winston’s demands. I doubt she would have married at all, if he had not threatened to take away her inheritance, as he had with her brother Christian.”Charles sighed as he fidgeted absently with the hem of his waistcoat. “It is sad to note how very little of our own lives we control, no matter rich or poor. I hope for Emma’s sake that she has the freedom now to choose her own fate.”“I’m sure that things will be—”“We’ve set a date for the wedding,” Charles blurted, and he looked both pained and resolute as the words gushed forth with great feeling. “Next Wednesday, here, to be exact. A very small gathering of family only. My parents. Raven and Henry of course, for they will not leave on their wedding tour to Brighton for a few weeks yet. And the Starks, for Steve has no other family who could attend.”“But…” He did not know what to say, for his mind had gone blank and his tongue thick and unwieldy. “So soon? Why?”“It must be soon,” Charles replied, his expression betraying none of the sadness and guilt Erik could see in his eyes. “For Steve and I are moving to America. To New York. We leave in a week’s time.”Erik had thought it impossible before, to experience again the kind of devastation he’d felt in the early days of Charles’ departure from Charlton Park. But here now, as he stood in the near empty courtyard, Erik found himself floundering again, grief threatening to drag him back into the abyss; an endless litany of morose days and drunken nights where he abandoned his own daughter to wallow in his pain. He could not allow it to happen again, no matter how much it hurt, for their precious Edie should not have to suffer for the sins of her fathers.Instead he let anger and not sorrow fill his veins; a blistering, white hot rage that swamped his every inclination to hold back, uncaring of the hurtful words that threatened to pour from his lips. Erik could forgive every promise Charles ever made and then broke with him, but he could not countenance his lover deserting the child they both so cherished.“Is it not bad enough that you left us?” he rasped, making Charles rear back in shock at his forceful reply. “That you promised to stay and make a family with us and then you left us anyway? And now you tell me you are moving an ocean away to America! Are we never to see you again, Charles? Or perhaps we’ll get a letter from you once a year, to inquire on our health as fond acquaintances do? Are you truly so eager to build a life with the Captain that you would willingly leave us behind?”Charles shook his head, eyes wide and so very blue as he tried to placate Erik by taking his hand. “Erik, please listen to me. I’m not leaving forever. Steve and I will return in a few years’ time, after all our hearts have had time to mend. It’s better this way, to put some distance between us, for I fear that my marriage will never work if I continue holding on to the impossible.”“So our love is to be your greatest regret? Our child?” he snarled, ignoring the way Charles’ eyes pleaded so desperately for understanding. “To lock away and forget as you build a new life with Rogers in a new land? You choose to flee to this place where no one knows your past! And then pretend that the last year never even happened!”“Please, you’re being unfair,” Charles said, face pale and his eyes wet with unshed tears. “You know I love you; you and Edie both and I could never forget you. But staying here is…I would miss you and long for you every day and never give of myself to my husband the way he deserves. I know that it hurts you, Erik…it hurts me too. But I must do something to end this stalemate; your life can not include me, and I must find a way to live a life that does not include you.”It was in that moment that Erik finally realized, that he and Charles no longer wanted the same things. Where Erik had hoped to maintain ties and some form of friendship – one that welcomed Charles and even Rogers into their lives for the occasional visit – Charles had no such intent.
Charles would leave, and marry the Captain and bear him children, and have that happy family he both wanted and deserved.“I’m sorry but I cannot attend the wedding after all,” Erik said, for he was suddenly desperate to return home to his daughter, and hold her in his arms. “Please give my congratulations to your sister and McCoy. We’ll be sure to arrange a visit once Emma returns home.”
“Please Erik, I would have us part as friends after everything we’ve been through. I know you’re angry but you must understand that—”He did not hear the rest of it, whatever reassurances or placating words that Charles thought would make his decision more palatable; Erik turned and crossed the courtyard at a brisk half-run, to the post where his horse waited patiently for its master. Ignoring the plaintive sound of his name falling from Charles’ lips, Erik quickly unhitched the reins and then hopped into the saddle, desperate to get away from the church, from Charles, and yet another painful, heart-rending goodbye.Like a coward he galloped away, and did not look behind him as he fled.Letters arrived every day thereafter, from Emma, who should have returned by now from sorting her late father’s affairs, and from Charles, who was likely writing to admonish Erik for the manner in which they’d parted ways. Whatever the reasons Erik had neither energy nor the inclination to care, letting the pile of correspondence gather unopened on his desk. Instead he busied himself with Edie during the day, and spent evenings reviewing the matter of his own holdings with Azazel’s help.It was early Wednesday morning when Emma finally came home from London, arriving in a flourish of perfumed lace as Erik was just finishing his breakfast. She took one look at him and promptly scowled, as though greatly surprised by his presence at the dining room table.“What are you still doing here, Erik?” she asked, uncharacteristically nonplussed as he rose to welcome her. “Didn’t you get yesterday’s letter? It’s all done, except for your signature on the papers. I expected you to leave at the crack of dawn for Xavier Manor.”He slumped back into his chair with a sigh. “It’s Charles’ wedding day, Emma…I would not want to intrude on his special day.” It was truly a miracle Erik thought, that he was able to say the words without any obvious bitterness or pain. “And then he and Rogers will be busy finalizing their affairs, for they take ship to America tomorrow, to begin a new life far away.”Emma still looked confused, staring at Erik as though he sported a second head. “And why have you not rushed to stop the wedding? With our marriage annulled, you and Charles can properly marry now and live here at Charlton Park!”It seemed to Erik that all the air had suddenly been forced from the room, for his chest seized and he could scarcely breathe from the shock of Emma’s unexpected pronouncement. “You…what? When did you… Emma, how?”Confusion turned promptly to annoyance, as Emma stepped close and swatted his arm. “Did you not read my letters? I did not want to get your hopes up until I was sure, but my lawyers finally secured for us an annulment, on the grounds that I entered into marriage fraudulently, with no intention of ever performing my spousal duties in the bed chamber. That you had to secure a surrogate actually
lent weight to the argument, for it made clear that you had to seek help elsewhere to produce a much needed heir.”Erik shook his head, for though his heart was bursting with happiness, his head told him the ugly truth that Emma’s words did not. “The very idea, that Charles and I can marry, and love freely and openly without fear…it brings me such joy that I have not the words to describe it. But Emma, your reputation will be ruined beyond repair! What kind of friend would I be if I let you do this, knowing you sacrificed your good name so Charles and I could be happy?”“Oh my darling Erik,” Emma replied, as she cupped his cheek tenderly and smiled. “You and I have never cared about reputation, or the so called friendships of fair weather friends. I only ever wanted to break free of my father’s control, and have the freedom to live as I wished. Now he is gone and I have secured my inheritance once and for all; I tell you, that is all that I need.”“Emma, I don’t—”“There’s no time to argue! Erik, you have to get to the church and stop the wedding! I swear if you let him get away I will never forgive you!”And that was enough make Erik scramble to his feet, his heart racing at the thought of seeing Charles and telling him the news. He hoped desperately that he would be in time to stop the wedding, and that Charles would deign to forgive his rude and hurtful behaviour.He pulled Emma into a tight hug, and kissed both of her cheeks. “Wish me luck.”“Go get him,” she ordered, “and bring him home.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Charles watched until Erik disappeared over the horizon, the trail of dust visible from afar as he galloped at full speed for Charlton Park. It was apt he thought, that his love should leave in the same manner in which he’d entered Charles’ life, like a veritable whirlwind that turned his world upside down.His hands were shaking, and he had to take a slow, calming breath, forcing the hurt and frustration inwards until he was sure he wouldn’t break. This was not the time or the place, to wallow in self-pity over their ill-fated affair, even as his heart throbbed painfully and his insides quaked. No, Charles did not want anything to mar his sister and Henry’s special day, nor would he tarnish their wedding with any overt or shameful display.And he had no tears left to cry over Erik Lehnsherr, whose heartbreak eclipsed any compassion he might have had for Charles’ own pain.A hand grasped him gently by the elbow, and then Steve’s face came into view, his body angled deliberately to block the sight of the road on which Erik had just fled. He did not ask any questions, for it was quite obvious what had happened, and offered only his reassuring presence in its stead.“They are waiting on you to begin,” Steve said, and Charles immediately stiffened, and moved to straighten his vest, attempting to brush the imaginary dirt from the sleeves of his waistcoat. He was relieved when Steve chose to ignore the cause – at least for the moment – of his obvious distress, focusing instead on Raven’s welfare, and therefore Charles’ most immediate concern. “Do you need a few more minutes? I’m sure I can distract Father Michael with a tall tale or two.”It made Charles laugh – and he suspected that was the point – as the offer to lie was doubly amusing coming from the most honest person he knew. “No, I’m ready. You needn’t tell a falsehood on my behalf. I would not put you in such a position, for my benefit.”“And I would do much for you, Charles,” Steve answered, as he pressed the lightest of kisses upon the back of Charles’ hand. “For you will be my husband, and I will be yours. I would care for you and protect you, for as long as you let me.”Fondness surged through the grief that lingered from Erik’s abrupt departure, and for the first time there was only relief and none of the guilt; that Steve was here supporting him, when Erik could not. “I don’t deserve you, but I find that I have become more selfish than I thought possible. I…cannot begin to tell you how very blessed I feel to have you in my life.”Steve smiled in response, his eyes crinkling with good humor, before he offered an arm to Charles and gestured to the church door. “Shall we go in? And see your sister and the good doctor to a new and happy future?”“Yes,” he replied, and he found his steps lighter as headed into the church, a still smiling Steve at his side.Of course Raven asked about Erik, and Emma too after the ceremony, once they’d returned to Xavier Manor and friends and relatives arrived for the wedding breakfast. Charles told her only that the Lehnsherrs could not attend due to Winston Frost’s passing, though they sent well wishes and promised to visit; a version of events that would not send his protective sister into a fit of rage. He even managed genuine smiles throughout the meal of ham, eggs and buttered toast, and thoroughly enjoyed a decent sized helping of the rum soaked wedding cake.“I’m so, so happy for you,” he said, when they finally found a quiet moment alone, and Charles could hug Raven tight and kiss her cheek with great feeling. “You look absolutely radiant, my dear. And to think that not so long ago you were determined never to marry—”Raven laughed. “I know, I know! I still can’t quite believe it myself, though meeting Henry did rather change things, didn't it? I’m very lucky to have met such a good, honest man, and luckier still that we get to spend the rest of our lives together.”“Yes,” Charles replied, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Very lucky indeed.”“Oh Charles,” Raven said, and the smile slipped off her face for just a moment, before she grinned and pulled him back into her arms. “You are very lucky too, you know. It’s no secret that many seek to catch our good Captain Rogers’ eye, and yet you are the one who has managed to capture his heart—”“Raven, you know that’s not the truth of it. Yes, we’re good friends, and we care deeply for each other, but he is not in love with me…”“And you are not in love with him?” Raven finished, though there was no censure in her voice or judgement in her eyes. “I say that you are being willfully blind to the Captain’s feelings for you, for why else would he propose marriage and promise to take you away? To America to start a new life when the closest thing he has to family is the Starks?”“Raven, I—”“Charles,” she said, taking both of his hands in her own and squeezing them tight. “You are already half in love with him, even if you don’t realize it yourself. Steve has been your ideal since you were a child, long before you ever met the good Lord Lehnsherr. Let go of this guilt you bear; that you cannot be happy with Steve or you betray your love for Erik. Forgive yourself as you’ve already forgiven him, and whole-heartedly embrace that which is right in front of you.”She was right of course, about the source of his disquiet, for he did feel as though he betrayed them both with his actions. He loved one and would marry another, and so neither could truly lay a claim; not to his heart, body and soul as they, and Charles, deserved. But Raven was also right that he could not continue this way, living in a state of distant shame and self-reproach. Charles after all, had been the one to make these decisions and no other, and so it was up to Charles to commit fully to moving on from the past, and to open his heart once more to hope and possibility.That night he wrote a letter to Erik, with the address to the home that awaited him in New York; a house that belonged to the Starks that he and Steve would manage on their behalf. He wrote too of his hopes for their continued friendship, giving fervent promises to keep in touch, and heart-felt wishes of love and happiness for their beloved Edie. There was nothing that he wanted more, Charles wrote, than to know that Erik would be happy with his family, and that someday, eventually, Erik could feel the same for Charles in return.He had Sean deliver it the next day after breakfast, and waited anxiously all morning for Erik’s response.Charles could scarcely believe it then, when Sean returned hours later, solemn and empty-handed.Undeterred, he wrote to Erik again the next day, and then again the day after, always some version of the same message offering well wishes and friendship everlasting. And every day Sean would return without an answer, not even with a beautiful lie that Erik was away and therefore could not reply.He finally gave up after the fourth letter, certain now that Erik meant to cut all ties; perhaps he was still angry, or thought it easier if they did not pretend at being friends. Charles tried not to be bitter, or too wounded by Erik’s behavior, even if his blatant disregard cut to the bone. At least their relationship was now at a definitive end, Charles thought, and Erik’s happiness – or not – would no longer be his responsibility.By the time Steve came to visit again, the day before their wedding, Charles’ mood was much improved. His excitement was genuine for the coming move; for the first time, he would get to leave behind the narrow confines of his world, and sate his curiosity for the mysteries that lay beyond England’s borders.“You seem less burdened,” Steve said, as he helped Charles sort through the last of his father’s old papers, and choose which of the many volumes in the library would follow them across the Atlantic. “I’m glad. I want to see you happy, Charles, and I confess that I’ve been worried for you. I thought perhaps that you had doubts about the wedding after all. We should not do this, if you’re not certain of your choice.”Charles smiled, his heart warmed both by Steve’s words and his concern. “I do want to marry you,” he said, taking up Steve’s hand and squeezing it tight. “I want to move with you to America and see and experience new things. I want a friend and a partner to cherish, who will care for me in return. I want you, more today than I did yesterday, and more again tomorrow and every day after.”“That’s good,” Steve replied, and then he led Charles over to the sofa so they could sit together, still holding hands. “As our new life takes us far from the comfort and succor of our family and friends. It will be easier for us than most, since we have Tony’s support, and I’ll be acting on behalf of his business interests in America…but I will not lie and say that things will
always be perfect, or that we won’t have to work hard. Our time in New York will be very different from life here at Xavier Manor.”“I certainly hope so,” Charles laughed. “Think of all the unpleasant people we no longer have to see, or make stifling conversation with at the next dinner or ball! Or all the constant fussing about children and heirs, and how we must immediately fill the house with the pitter and patter of little feet!” Then he looked at Steve and flushed, before he added, “I did not mean to imply that I don’t want children. Only that the pressure wouldn’t—”“Charles,” Steve interrupted, a teasing smile on his lips. “A child with you would be a blessing, but not one that has to happen anytime soon. In fact I thought you might enjoy coming to work with me, or if you prefer, to continue with your studies.”He was so shocked that he said nothing for long moments, before he whispered, “Really? You mean that I could…really?”“Really. Truly. I’m not your stepfather, to demand of you and give nothing in return. Ours will be a partnership of equals, as any marriage should be….though of course if you want a dozen children to love I would not stop you.”He said the last with an almost wicked smile, which made Charles laugh until his sides positively ached. “A dozen children to feed with a Captain’s measly fortune? How ridiculous!”“Ridiculous indeed,” Steve answered, and then his smile softened as he brushed Charles’ cheek with the palm of this hand. “I find myself rather ridiculous these days…over you.”“Oh.” Charles could feel his heartbeat quicken as warmth flooded his chest, and he realized there was only one way he wanted to answer.He pulled Steve into his arms, and kissed him with great tenderness and feeling.Almost from birth it seemed, Charles’ life had been predicated on the importance of marriage, to find an alpha appropriate to his social standing and to bear children for his mate. It was an expectation that had been drummed into Charles’ head for as long as he could remember, by a mother intent on raising a proper omega, worthy of the Xavier name. And though he had dreamed often of a different future – one where he had the freedoms of an alpha heir – he also thought about his wedding on occasion, and who the person might be someday, standing beside him at the altar.More often than not, that person had been Captain Steven Rogers.Now, with the ceremony fast approaching, Charles wished he could go back to those innocent times long ago, and be happy that his idle fantasies had somehow come true. To a time when he did not feel quite so anxious, or uncertain, or contend with the lingering wish it could have been another in Steve’s place.The door opened, surprising Charles from his reverie, and for a moment his stomach surged with both horror and anticipation; that it was Erik coming to stop the wedding, and to beg him to reconsider. But it was only his Mother who stepped through and looked upon him with a discerning eye, as though his most secret thoughts had been spoken aloud in the quiet of the Church’s antechamber.“Charles,” she said, and he waited to be scolded, or else to have his tie and jacket rearranged yet again to her impeccable standards. Instead, she approached him and slowly reached for his hand, grasping it between her own as she hadn’t done since before his father passed away. “Are you ready for your big day?”“Of course, Mother,” he replied, for there was no other answer that would satisfy. “I…yes.”She led him to the one of the chairs and waited until he sat down, though she remained standing before him, eyes soft and sympathetic. “I would have you know…that I’m proud of you, Charles. For everything that you’ve done for this family. I know your sacrifices, and what you’ve given up…for us…for Raven.” She hesitated for a moment, then added, “A true love…”It should have thrilled him – and it did – to hear his mother’s praise, and to receive approval long denied and yet –“How—” Charles murmured, too shocked to prevaricate or deny her words. “I didn’t… How did you…”“My boy,” she answered, chuckling softly as she patted his cheek with a gloved hand. “I watch, and I listen, and I see what others do not. But…I did not come here to discuss what is no more. I came only to say this; life does not always give us what we desire, or even what we deserve, whether you are alpha or omega by birth. But true happiness is well within your grasp, Charles, for you are marrying a good man who cares for you deeply. A man like your own father; loyal, decent and kind. Embrace it, and I promise the ache of loss will lessen in time, and you will grow to love the Captain truly, and the life you lead together.”
It was said with such certainty, as only a mother would to reassure her child, that Charles could naught but believe it in his heart of hearts. He too, felt as though he stood now on the precipice, his old life a lost dream at his back. And before him a bright future, rife with possibilities, if he would but take a step forward…“I know, Mother,” he said, and smiled when the priest knocked on the door, indicating it was time to begin. “I shall endeavour to be a good husband to the Captain, as I know he will be to me.”Then he patted the pocket watch nestled in his vest – the gift from Erik, with Edie’s picture inside – and followed the priest into the Church proper.The ceremony that followed was simple, with Charles and Steve choosing to walk down the aisle together, arm in arm. All the expressions were warm and joyful, of the small group that had gathered for their big day; Raven, who beamed proudly as she stood at a smiling Henry’s side, and Tony who winked impertinently at them as Virginia stifled a grin. Even his stepfather Kurt did not look quite so dour, standing next to his mother at the front of the church, giving them an approving nod as they took their places before the altar.He found his nerves calm and his heart swell with great fondness, when Steve gave him a reassuring smile and took up his hand.Charles thought it would be difficult, to stand in front of God and his family and friends, and make promises of love with his heart yet pained. But he found that the words came easily, as they exchanged their marriage vows, knowing that both he and Steve were being sincere and steadfast in their declarations.“Those whom God hath joined together,” Father Michael intoned, “let no man put asunder.”He thought he heard a noise then, at the back of the church, though his attention remained riveted on Father Michael and to the smiling groom at his side. And there was nothing in the world but Steve’s joy and the sparkle in his blue eyes, when the priest finally proclaimed them married, his voice ringing through the nave;“…I pronounce these two bound together in matrimony, In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”Boldly then, and entirely unexpected, Steve leaned forward and kissed him, drawing gasps and surprised murmurs from those gathered behind them.“My husband,” Steve said as he pulled away with a grin.“My husband,” Charles answered, smiling ear to ear, until he turned and saw Erik standing there, just inside the church’s front doors, his face a riot of emotion that he could not hide. It was shocking, and Charles froze for long moments, until Father Michael coughed discreetly and brought his attention back to the matter at hand.
The rest of the service passed in a blur - for Erik’s arrival shook Charles to the core - though he followed dutifully along as the priest performed his blessings and led them in the singing of psalms. His hand trembled when he made to sign the marriage registry, and he might have dropped the pen if not for Steve’s steadying presence to bolster him.And then it was all over, and the newlyweds found themselves at the centre of a swell of bodies, as family and friends swarmed to offer their well wishes and congratulations. So distracted was he that Charles could barely form a coherent response, and Steve was quick to guide him off to the side and whisper in his ear, “Would you like to talk to the Earl alone? I can speak with Father Michael, and engage the others too for at least a few moments.”Though he was tempted sorely by the offer, Charles let out a deep breath and shook his head. “No, I don’t think that will be necessary, Steve. I’m sure he’s only here to wish us well, and perhaps to apologize for keeping his distance this past week. Either way, I’ve said all there is to say to him, both in letters and in person.”Steve cupped his cheek gently and smiled. “If you’re sure.”“I’m sure,” he answered, swallowing the torrent of emotions that Erik’s presence wrought, on a day when Charles should only be happy, reveling in the joyous occasion and the rapt attention of his new husband. Why did Erik come to the church today when he’d refused to answer any of Charles’ correspondence? What could he possibly have to say to Charles now that could not have been said a week ago, when he had abruptly fled from Raven and Hank’s wedding?His confusion turned to bitterness, though he tried hard to keep it at bay. He would not mar his own wedding day with anger and recrimination, though it hurt him physically to see Erik there, knowing that he stood by and simply watched as Charles exchanged vows of love and loyalty with another. It was torture for them both, one that Erik could have easily avoided by staying away, the sight of him – shoulders slumped and eyes rimmed red – making Charles’ poor heart break anew.He looped his arm through Steve’s and stood straighter, and together they headed down the aisle to where Erik waited.“I did not expect to see you today, My Lord,” Charles said, words polite and deliberately mild, and Erik flinched a little at his greeting, though he had not said it to wound. “Thank you for being here with us on this happy day.”“Yes,” Steve agreed, and there was such unexpected emotion on his face, as though it pained him to see Erik in such obvious distress. “We are honored, My Lord Lehnsherr. Will you join us for breakfast? At Xavier Manor?”Erik heaved a great sigh, and answered. “I’m afraid I can’t join you. Emma has newly returned from London and I should return to her promptly.” He hesitated for a moment and added, “She sends her regards and well wishes to you both.”“And you?” Charles blurted, as something wild and unbidden clawed dangerously at his gut. “Why did you come here, Erik?”He did not realize it was hope that he felt, tiny and impossible, until it was utterly dashed by the answer that followed.“I came to tell you…” Erik started, brow furrowed and teeth clenched, as though a great battle was being fought in his head. Then, abruptly he sighed, and - unable to look away it seemed, from where Charles had shifted to grip tightly at Steve’s hand - said, “…that you will always be my dearest friend, Charles. That…I want nothing but happiness for you and the Captain, from now ‘til the end of days.”He kissed Charles then, a feather light brush of his lips on Charles’ other hand, and then turned and made a swift exit through the church’s front doors.“Are you alright?”It felt like an eternity, between one moment to the next, and Charles found that he was leaning entirely against Steve, still blinking owlishly at the spot where Erik had disappeared once more. He took a deep breath again and righted himself, even as his husband kept a strong arm wrapped protectively around Charles’ shoulder.“Fine,” he replied, and it was not really a lie, for even the air around them seemed less portentous than mere moments ago. “I’m fine, truly I am. And we should probably make our way outside, now that the ceremony is over. We should not keep them waiting too long.”“You’re entirely worth the wait,” Steve said with a grin, and then he was leading a smiling Charles out the door, to the loud cheers of the local citizens who had gathered to help celebrate the occasion. Charles felt his spirit soar at the sound; at the shower of rice and seed and the welcome of brightly coloured flags waved by the crowd of laughing children.“And this,” Charles answered with great feeling, as they led the procession down the winding path and towards the waiting carriage, “is everything as I’ve always imagined.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Papa, Papa,” Edie yelled, the moment Erik stepped into the dining room where she was seated for breakfast with the governess. All of her favorites were there from what he could see; rashers of bacon and buttered rolls along with a pot of hot chocolate, courtesy of the indomitable Mrs. Fergus. He had to suppress a snort at the expression on Miss Braddock’s face when his daughter promptly launched herself from the table and across the room, giddy as she jumped into his waiting arms. “It’s my birthday today! It’s finally here!”He pulled away just a little before kneeling before her, running his hand through her brown curls and – because he couldn’t resist it – making her giggle with a gentle pinch to her cheek. “Is it now? Are you certain? I thought your birthday wasn’t for another week?”“You’re silly, Papa,” she said, as Erik took her proffered hand and led them back to the dining room table where he pulled out her chair and watched amusedly as she scrambled back into her seat. “Of course it’s my birthday today. It’s the twelfth day of June and I’m turning ten. I’m practically an adult.”“An adult would hardly forget their manners as you did just now,” Miss Braddock chided, though her lips curled with merriment at Edie’s answering frown. “You haven’t even wished your father a good morning yet.” Then, to set an example for his unruly daughter she added, “Good morning, Sir. How are you on this lovely day?”Erik grinned, and started on his own breakfast as Edie grunted a hasty ‘good morning Papa’ and grabbed a roll from her plate. “Good morning Edie, and you Miss Braddock. I’m afraid I have quite the busy day ahead of me. I must travel to London for a meeting with my lawyer, and then Azazel and I have various businesses we must visit to—”“No, Papa, no!” He felt a twinge of guilt at the horrified look on Edie’s face, and decided not to tease her anymore about their real plans for the day. “You promised! You said we could go riding together, and then Kurt would visit and we could spend the day with Auntie Raven and Uncle Henry and—”“Peace darling, I’m just teasing you,” he said, and absolutely did not chuckle at the huff of annoyance she sent his way. “Yes, we shall go riding after breakfast, and then the McCoys have promised to visit this afternoon, so that you may spend the day with Kurt and catch frogs and climb trees to your heart’s content.”Miss Braddock, bless her, did not wince outwardly at Erik’s words, though he knew that she was still getting used to the unorthodox way in which he raised his daughter. He was determined to give Edie the very best he could offer, which included a childhood where she could play and indulge both her whims and her imagination. Much of his daughter’s young life would soon be spent in study, and the last thing he wanted was for Edie to grow up too fast, or to have her free spirit stifled by the weight of her legacy.
“As Edie has my itinerary well planned, Miss Braddock, you should feel free to enjoy the day at your leisure,” Erik said, before he remembered to add, “of course you’re welcome to join us for dinner this evening. I’ve no doubt Mrs. Fergus will have something special planned for the occasion.”“I think, if it’s alright with you, Sir, I should like to visit my brother and his family,” she answered, her eyes lighting up joyfully at the opportunity. “I’ll be sure to return tomorrow in time for breakfast and morning lessons with Miss Edie.”“Yes, of course, enjoy your visit. And don’t worry about coming back early…I’m sure we can find something to do for a few hours on our own.”Waving away Miss Braddock’s thanks and her grateful smile, they returned to their breakfast and began a lively conversation about the various creatures to be found all over the mansion grounds. Edie could scarcely contain her excitement long enough to gulp down her hot chocolate, and barely tasted the food she inhaled, veritably bouncing with excitement to begin the day. Finally, after he’d finished his coffee and Miss Braddock said her goodbyes, Erik let Edie drag him to the stables, laughing as she tugged impatiently at his hand the entire way there.His horse was saddled and ready when they arrived, and Erik nodded his thanks at Frederick the stable hand, who smiled at them both and headed back inside. Of course Edie had no way of knowing the surprise Erik had planned, and so could only stand there with a puzzled frown, looking around for the pony she’d been riding since she was four years old.“Papa, where’s Milly?” she asked, as he stepped over to pat affectionately at the stallion’s flank. “Am I riding with you and Max today? I thought you said I was getting too big to ride with you on the same horse? Even a big one like Max!”But there was no need to answer, for Frederick was already leading his surprise out from the stables; a beautiful chestnut brown colt with a full, dark brown mane. Standing at fifteen hands, his own black stallion seemed to tower above him, though Erik had no doubt that he would eventually grow to match Max’s impressive height.Edie stared for long moments, before she looked up at Erik and grabbed his hand. “Papa, she’s so beautiful,” she gasped, “is she really for me?”He bent down on one knee and wrapped an arm around her waist, smiling as she pressed against him and kissed him soundly on the cheek. “It’s a ‘he’ actually, and yes, he belongs to you now; a gift for your most important birthday. Do you like him?”“I love him,” she breathed, and Frederick handed her the reins and watched as she ran her hands through his mane, rubbing his neck and grinning ear to ear. “I love him so much! Thank you, Papa! He’s perfect! He’s—“ She stopped abruptly then and frowned, and Erik knew instantly what she was going to say next. “But what about Milly? I don’t want her to think I don’t love her anymore.”His heart swelled at her sweet and thoughtful words. “Milly knows you love her very much, Edie, but she’s getting older now, and it’s harder for her to go out for long rides. I promise you can still see her anytime, and she’ll be very happy just running in the pasture, and stealing the occasional apple from the apple bin.”She took a few moments to think it over, and then her smile returned full force and she nodded. “Alright.”Letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, Erik returned the smile and helped Edie up and onto the saddle. “Do you have any ideas for a suitable name?”“I do.” She wrapped her arms around the horse and hugged his neck, and announced without any fanfare, “I’m going to call him ‘Charles’.”It was unexpected, and caught Erik so completely by surprise that he could only stand and stare at her until her brow began to wrinkle. But he caught himself in time to stave off any questions, and - ignoring the blooming ache in his chest - brushed his gloved hand along the horse’s shiny flank and smiled.“That’s a very good name, Edie. I’m sure Charles will be very pleased that you…” He swallowed, and tried again to temper his response. “He’ll be pleased, I’m sure of it.”Edie grinned, and waited patiently as Erik mounted his own horse for their ride on the mansion grounds. They took off slowly at first, away from the stables and towards the stream, letting Edie gradually get used to handling a bigger and more spirited steed. He could not quite bring himself to call the horse by his new name yet – not even in his head – though eventually he knew it would feel less strange. After all, time had proven a great healer of old wounds, and Erik could think now on his former lover without reliving the crushing pain of their parting.He watched as Edie trotted ahead, as confident and graceful on horseback as she was on her own two feet. In truth she bore a closer resemblance to Erik than to Charles; or rather, she had features that reminded Erik strongly of her namesake. But there were parts of Edie that were unmistakably Charles – her eyes, sky blue and utterly captivating as well as her dark brown tresses, and skin that seemed to glow under the light of the summer sun.
Most of all she reminded him of Charles in moments like this, when she threw her head back and laughed with such joy, free with emotions she shared openly and without reservation.He wondered if Charles was thinking of them now, as he went about his day; about the years that had passed them by in the mere blink of an eye. Erik was surprised that a letter had not yet arrived from Charles for Edie’s birthday, as the two corresponded regularly, even exchanging small gifts for special occasions. It was likely a delay with the courier, or perhaps even the ship crossing the Atlantic; he could think of no other reason that would explain the lack of communication on Charles’ part, and hoped that Edie would not be too disappointed.They rode for an hour or more, crossing from one end of the property to the other until Edie’s energy began to flag, and Erik led them back to the stables. She refused to leave however without first visiting Milly, and so they spent some time feeding the grey pony and brushing her mane. Finally, they returned to the house and changed from their riding clothes, and sat down for a light luncheon of meats, bread and Edie’s favorites – Stilton cheese and strawberries and cream. As there was still time before their guests would arrive, Erik coaxed his daughter into a game of chess, and the two managed to while away another hour in the study, with Edie only barely paying attention to the match.It was Sean who brought them the good news; that their guests had finally arrived and Janos would be bringing them in momentarily. Edie could scarcely contain her excitement, greatly anticipating a visit with the McCoys. At eight years, Raven and Henry’s son Kurt was a sweet and biddable child, and Edie considered him – all of them – as part of her family. It made Erik happy to see them together, even when Edie inevitably led Kurt into mischief, though it brought in him a deep yearning for the siblings she never had.“Sir, Janos is taking the guests to the drawing room,” Sean said, his face flushed with excitement as they trailed after Edie down the hall. The McCoys had been frequent guests at Charlton Park for years, and it was strange that their arrival should garner such a keen reaction from his valet. “You should know that the McCoys have brought someone along to see you.”Inwardly he groaned, and hoped that Raven didn’t come to play matchmaker, as so many had attempted to over the years. Though his annulment with Emma had been the topic of much gossip at the time, her departure to France pre-empted much of the social stigma, and too soon he was deemed a suitable candidate again for marriage. It had taken all of Erik’s patience – and intervention by the Starks – to ward off the many omega sons and daughters that had been foisted upon him, until eventually, his bachelorhood was widely if begrudgedly accepted.“Kurt! Kurt, you’re here! You’re—” He heard Edie stop abruptly and gasp, and rounded the corner to the drawing room just as she asked—“Charles? Is it really you?”Time, Erik thought, was the most inexplicable of life’s mysteries, able to make eternity seem like an instant, or a single moment last for infinity. It felt like such a moment now, after almost ten years apart, joy suffusing every part of him as he took in the unexpected sight - Charles, smile warm and eyes soft as he stood within the walls of Charlton Park once more. He looked the same and yet wholly different; older but no less handsome even with a few new crinkles around his eyes. Even the dark mourning attire did not seem quite so somber on him, his black jacket and cravat making his blue eyes and pale skin all the more striking in comparison.Silence hung in the air for what seemed like forever, as Charles stared first at Edie, and then at Erik who was rooted at the drawing room door. From the corner of his eye, he could see the McCoys gathered off to the side, content it seemed, to stay well out of the way. There was another boy too – blond and blue eyed, perhaps a year or two younger than Kurt and holding his hand – and Erik could only think of Edie’s delighted reaction once she realized who he was and what his presence would mean for her.In the meantime, Edie took another step forward and asked again, a little unsure, “Charles? It is you, isn’t it?”All the tension deflated from his shoulders as Charles laughed, his eyes glistening as he looked greedily upon his daughter’s face. “Yes, it’s me,” he said, voice cracking a little as Edie smiled wide in response. “I’m so very happy to see you, my darling girl.”Edie squealed and ran straight into his arms, hugging him tightly and with great feeling. She had known for over four years now that Charles was her bearer, for he and Emma had decided that they would tell Edie the truth, so she could foster a relationship with the one who carried her. Edie had taken the news with great aplomb, and asked all manner of questions about Charles and what he was like, before deciding to send him letters herself. Of course Erik had to write them for her the first couple of years, until she felt confident enough to correspond with Charles on her own. And though the distance precluded no more than a few letters sent and received each year, their bond had only strengthened over time, and Edie had grown to love him as dearly as she loved Emma and even Erik himself.“When did you come back to England, Charles? Did you come for my birthday? Are you staying with Kurt and his parents or your mother? Can you stay here? There’s so much I want to show you—”“Edie,” he interrupted, taking pity on Charles and his bewildered expression as Edie bombarded him with a litany of questions but no time to reply. “I’m sure Charles will be happy to answer all of your questions, though perhaps after we’ve properly welcomed our guests?”“Yes, Papa,” Edie said, though she squeezed Charles once more before letting him go, and then ran over to greet Kurt and the McCoys. He returned the relieved smile Charles sent his way, and took a deep breath himself, stemming the tide of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. Charles did not look much better, his eyes wide and still a little wet, a mirror of his own face at seeing Edie in his father’s arms again.“Charles,” he said, as a million things crowded within his head, all the words he wanted to say to the man he yet loved with his whole heart. It was torture, unable to sweep Charles into his arms and kiss him desperately, as he had dreamed so many times in so many ways. Yet he could hardly do so in the presence of Raven and Henry and the children, nor could he take such liberties with his former lover, not knowing Charles’ feelings for him – if he still loved Erik, or if things had irrevocably changed – after all these years.Thankfully he was saved from floundering by Charles’ hesitant, if much less bungled attempt at communication. “Hello Erik,” he said, closing the distance between them both and reaching to grasp his hand. “I hope you’ll excuse my manners for coming unannounced. I didn’t mean to intrude on Edie’s—”“You could never,” he said, fingers lingering too long as he gently squeezed Charles’ fingers in return. “You are always welcome here. Always.”“That’s what I told him too. That he was being ridiculous for thinking he had to send you a message first about being back in England.”Of course it would be Raven who’d convince Charles to come and visit, wearing down whatever objections her brother might have raised about propriety and proper etiquette. Erik would be forever grateful for her intervention, for he could think of nothing better than the gift of Charles’ presence here on Edie’s birthday. As such, he greeted her and the good doctor with even more warmth than usual, and was doubly glad to have picked up a little drinking chocolate for Kurt on his last trip to London.“Be that as it may…” Charles huffed fondly at his sister, quirking his lips before he added, “It’s so very good to see you, Erik. You look…” He hesitated, as though he couldn’t find the right words to convey his meaning. “You look quite well.”Their awkwardness was interrupted by a slight shuffle then, drawing the attention of everyone in the room, as the little boy – who could only be Charles’ and the late Captain’s son – tugged shyly at Charles’ sleeve as he clung tightly to his hand. Edie too had returned to stand at Erik’s side, eyes wide as Charles leaned over to whisper in the boy’s ear, until his brow smoothed over and he offered them all a shy if earnest smile.“Erik, Edie…this is my son, James.”Charles had written about his son in great detail, and so both Erik and his daughter knew everything about the boy’s likes and dislikes, and his desire to follow eventually in his father’s footsteps. But it was one thing to know someone in letters and another to see them in the flesh, and Edie was beyond excited at finally meeting little James in person.“Hello James! My name is Edie! Did Charles tell you about me? I live here with Papa, and I just turned ten! Oh, and I’m your half-sis—”“We’re both very happy to meet you,” Erik cut in warmly, not wanting to overwhelm the boy with Edie’s unbridled enthusiasm. James was still very young and in the company of strangers; he did not want their sibling connection inadvertently revealed if Charles had not yet told him about the surrogacy. “Welcome young Master James, to Charlton Park.”The boy looked up at him and smiled, and Erik’s heart melted at those wide blue eyes and the sunny expression on his face, so like Charles in their happiest days. “Thank you Sir,” he said, then added in an almost whisper, “Do you really have horses here? Kurt says you have lots of pretty horses.”
Of course Erik did not get the chance to reply, for Edie immediately jumped in and grabbed a hold of James’ hand, launching into great detail about her pony, as well as the new horse she’d just been given for her birthday. He did not miss the pleased smile on Charles’ face to hear of his namesake, and Edie’s insistence that the horse was now her most prized possession. And little James’ shyness faded as his excitement continued to mount, at Edie’s promise to show him the stables and teach him to ride her beloved sweet Milly.It took some convincing, but Erik managed to wrangle the children into sitting still for some more drinking chocolate, while the adults took refreshments of their own. Henry deftly led them all in idle chatter, sharing tidbits about people like the Summers and the MacTaggerts who Charles had not seen in almost a decade. It was just as well that the McCoys did most of the talking, for Erik couldn’t do much more than feast his eyes on his long lost love, stealing glances between sips of tea he barely tasted.“These biscuits are delicious,” Charles said, his smile indulgent as he handed the last one on his plate to a hovering James. “I see Mrs. Fergus is still taking good care of you with her excellent cooking.”“She’s missed cooking for you,” he answered, and was immediately rewarded with a smug grin from Raven and a curious look from little James. “I mean, we would love to have you as a guest again, Charles. Please join us for dinner tonight; Mrs. Fergus has been cooking all morning for Edie’s birthday.”“I wouldn’t want to—”“You’re not intruding,” Erik pre-empted, making Charles laugh, and he did not realize how much he had missed the melody of it, all these long years. “I can’t think of anything better; for me, for Edie, and certainly for Mrs. Fergus.”“Yes! Please Charles, you must stay! There’s so much I want to tell you and James!”It was near impossible, he knew, to say no when Edie was determined to get her way, and it seemed that she held the same sway with Charles as she did with Erik. And since little James was sending them the same plaintive look, Erik was quite certain that their guests would stay until well after the dinner hour.Charles sighed, and shared with Erik a fond, if exasperated smile. “Well, it seems you will have two more guests for dinner, Erik. For Miss Edie’s wish is my command.”The children cheered – even young Kurt, who was delighted to spend time with two companions instead of one – and could scarcely sit still now to finish their treats. Laughing at their eager expressions, Raven clapped her hands together and started herding the young ones towards the door.“Well now that dinner has been sorted,” Raven said, giving her brother a pointed look that Erik couldn’t quite decipher, “why don’t Henry and I take the children outside? With your permission, Edie can take us to the stables, and show us her new birthday present.”Erik stood, even as the children all but sprinted out of the room to a waiting Sean. “Are you certain? Please don’t let Edie rush you if you haven’t finished your refreshments.”It was Henry who grasped his shoulder and squeezed it good naturedly, before offering an arm to his grinning wife. “Don’t worry, we are both quite finished. Why don’t you two take some time to catch up? Perhaps Charles would like to see Mrs. Fergus, and the other staff again to say hello.”“Yes,” Raven added, and Erik could hear her laughing still as she tossed a parting remark over her shoulder. “Take as much time as you need to get reacquainted! We shall keep the children occupied until dinner.”And then they were gone, leaving Erik with Charles alone in the drawing room, together for the first time since Charles’ wedding day.Neither of them spoke for long moments, with Erik trying to calm his fraying nerves while Charles hid his expression behind his teacup. The quiet was tension filled, with words unspoken permeating the air, as conspicuous as the lines that remained unwritten in the many letters they’d shared.“So when did you—”“Well, I really can’t—”They both stopped mid-sentence and laughed, and the stiffness in Charles’ frame all but melted away. In turn the anxiety that had built up in Erik’s gut promptly disappeared, and his tongue did not feel quite so heavy as he searched for the right thing to say. There were a million things he wanted to ask and a million he wanted to say, though there was one in particular that needed to be addressed.“I confess I did not expect to see you back in England,” Erik began, keeping his eyes glued to Charles’ face. “After the Captain…I thought you might come back then, to be with Raven and the rest of your family. But then you wrote and said that you would be staying in America…”It was plain to see the lasting effect Rogers’ passing had on Charles, for he remained clad in mourning attire still, though the incident had occurred almost a year and half ago. Even now the pain of his loss was palpable, and Charles had to take a deep breath and compose himself before he could answer.“There was so much work to do, after the fire,” he said, his hands shaking just a little as he set his cup aside. “Finding temporary homes for the children, raising funds to rebuild…I couldn’t abandon them when they needed me the most.”He remembered clearly the shock he felt, and the sorrow for Charles and the Captain both when Raven had shared with him the contents of her brother’s letter. An accidental fire, sweeping through the small orphanage that the couple ran in New York City. The bravery of Rogers as he ran in again and again to rescue those trapped inside, until all the children were safely accounted for. How he had succumbed to too much smoke in his lungs from that courageous feat, and died the same way he’d lived – as a hero, honorable and beloved.“Charles, I’m so, so sorry for your loss.”“Thank you,” Charles said, and though his voice wobbled just a little, he did not lose his composure. “For your letters, and for your condolences. I will not deny that it was very difficult, losing Steve, though I was lucky to have James and Natasha’s support.”Erik nodded. “You mentioned them in your letters; a Mr. Barnes and his wife. I believe he’s the Captain’s friend and former shipmate?”“Indeed Steve and James had been friends since they were children,” Charles agreed, and smiled when Erik refilled his cup with fresh tea from the pot. “And he and Natasha both have become great friends to me. I could not have made the decision to come home if not for the two of them, you know. I would not have left the orphanage if I did not know they would take excellent care of the children in our stead.”
He had thought himself beyond petty jealousy, having long accepted Charles’ marriage to Rogers, and yet he still felt a twinge at the way his ex-lover said ‘our’ when he spoke of his late husband. There was so much affection, admiration and love, and a shared passion in their work together with the lost children they fostered. They’d had a life together, even if it had been tragically cut short, with a son that they could love wholly and without any societal constraints.
It was the life he’d wanted – still wanted – with Charles, though he had no idea if it was even possible, after all this time apart.“Then I am grateful to them as well, and so very thankful to have you back in our lives again.”Charles smiled, and squeezed his hand. “I am glad to be back too, Erik. I have missed you and Edie, so very much.”They went to see Mrs. Fergus next, who, as expected was thrilled to see Charles again, and embraced him heartily as a long lost son. After promising more of Charles’ favorite dishes for tonight’s dinner, and securing from him a promise to return often to visit, she shooed them from the kitchen and set to work. Charles was visibly moved by the warmth of her welcome, and seemed surprised at the fondness he’d inspired, from his relatively short time living at Charlton Park. But it was the same with everyone they visited; with Azazel and Janos and the rest of Erik’s staff, who were all full of smiles and well wishes for one they saw as their own.Charles was still smiling when Erik led him outside for a walk on the grounds.They had taken this path together many times, following the exterior of the house to the gardens, and then onwards towards one of the small streams that criss-crossed the property. It was a companionable silence, and one that Erik cherished greatly, basking in the simple joy of Charles’ presence at this side again. Though he still had great hopes – for Charles to love him again, and be with him once more – it would be enough if simple friendship was all that existed between them, now and in the future.Their feet took them to a familiar spot under a canopy of trees; one of their favorite places on the grounds to visit while Charles was pregnant with Edie. It was the crest of a small hill, overlooking the surrounding area, close enough to see the house in the distance but far enough for privacy. They had stolen many a kiss here, entwined in each other’s arms, blissfully happy as they awaited the birth of their baby. Ignorant of the separation that would come to pass, with a bright future still before them…It had truly been the most magical time of his life.“You know, I never had the chance to thank you, for what you did,” Charles said, his voice drawing Erik back from the memories of that far off time.He shook his head and smiled. “I am always at your service, Charles, though I’m not sure what you mean.”“I mean—” And here Charles turned to face Erik, his eyes brimming with emotion, and reached to grip tightly at his hands. “I know why you were there that day, at my wedding. I know you came to stop it, and I know why you didn’t, once you realized that Steve and I had already exchanged our vows.”“Oh.” It was entirely unexpected, that Charles should bring up that painful memory, and he did not know what to say in reply. “I—” He sighed, and squeezed Charles’ hands in return. “You were married, Charles. I could not bear to ruin your special day.”“I know,” Charles said, and the smile on his face was tinged with sadness – for Erik, or for them both he could not say. “I realized only months later, when Raven wrote me about your annulment from Emma. You gave me my happiness, at the expense of your own, Erik, and I shall always be grateful to you. More than I can say.”Erik swallowed, and steeled himself for what he knew was coming. “Your happiness is all I’ve ever wanted.”“I told myself that things between us might have changed,” Charles continued, and Erik was almost glad that his heart couldn’t be broken again, since it had never fully mended in the first place. “I did not come here expecting anything, or to pretend that things did not happen as they did. Only I wanted - needed to tell you that I—”“Please, Charles,” Erik said, because he did not actually think he could bear any pity, or worse, for Charles to feel a sense of obligation to be with him. “You don’t have to explain. I would gladly remain your friend, and be greatly honored for it, for the rest of our days.”He did not know what expression he wore, but Charles gasped and cupped his hands gently on either side of Erik’s face. “Oh, I’ve made a terrible mess of this, haven’t I? No, darling, no you misunderstand me. I only meant to say that I love you, still, always and forever, and was hoping, perhaps…that you might still love me too?”Stunned, Erik could only stare at Charles with wide, disbelieving eyes. “You…you love me?”“Yes,” Charles said, “though I wouldn’t presume that you might feel the same way.”“You wouldn’t…” He paused then, as laughter bubbled in his chest, his heart suddenly filled with joy overflowing. “How could you even think that I might not still love you, Charles, with everything that I am? That I could ever stop loving you, always and forever until the day I died?”At last his remaining self-restraint fell to the wayside, and he swept a grinning Charles into his arms, spinning them both until they were giddy and breathless with laughter. And he kissed him then, as he’s dreamed of doing for so long, relishing the taste of Charles’ mouth, and the way he moaned against Erik’s lips. They clutched each other desperately, as though afraid the other might disappear, so lost in euphoria that he did not know where Erik Lehnsherr ended and Charles Xavier began.He did not know how long they stayed on that hill, or who was the first to pull the other onto the grass; Erik only knew happiness, and a contentment he did not believe he would ever feel again. Of course they could not do much more than share lazy kisses, given their location, and the fact that the children were waiting; Erik knew that they’d already left his guests to their own devices for much longer than was polite or proper.“You will marry me, won’t you?” he asked, as they brushed the grass from their trousers and fixed their jackets and cravats. Charles did not seem surprised to hear his abrupt proposal, and he pulled Erik into another kiss before he led them down the hill and back towards the stables.“Yes, of course I’ll marry you,” Charles said, “though not this minute, and not for a while yet. We must think of Edie and James after all, and ease them into the idea of our relationship.”He knew that Edie would be over the moon when she found out about Charles and Erik, though he could not say the same for young James who had lost his father not so long ago. For his sake, and for Charles’, he would wait as long as it was needed.“Will you accept my courtship then? In the meantime?” Erik asked, as he brushed a soft kiss on Charles’ hand. “Will you let me lavish you with gifts, and call upon you at your home, until such time that we both deem it suitable to wed?”Once, he thought he knew true happiness, in his lover’s arms, or looking together upon the sweet face of their newborn daughter. And yet, it was only now that the path before them was truly clear of any obstacles; that they were each finally free to choose a life together without sacrifice and pain.“Yes,” Charles said, and Erik could only smile as they made their way home.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
When Charles woke he could tell that it was already mid-morning, by the way sunlight filtered into the room and warmed the foot of the bed. He groaned loudly, exasperated by the hours of the day already wasted, when there was still so much to do in anticipation of the big event. Since Erik came into his inheritance and became the Master of Charlton Park, he’d hosted less than a handful of social functions, and none quite as elaborate and notable as the annual Spring Ball. Their circle of friends and acquaintances would all be attending tonight; the first they would host as a married couple, with Charles and Erik at each other’s side.He smiled, memory taking him back to the MacTaggerts’ ball where they met, and the evening spent in conversation and kisses under the moonlight. And then there was the New Year’s ball hosted by his friends at Stark Manor, where an already pregnant – and very envious – Charles had longed to spend the evening on Erik’s arm. Some days it was still hard to believe that this life they lived now was real and not fantasy; that they managed to reunite after so many trials and years spent an ocean apart.
As if on cue, he felt a kick at his belly, which prompted Charles out of his daydreams and up and onto his feet.“Hush you,” he said, as he rubbed at the swell, a bigger one now at four months than the other two children he’d carried. “I know it’s time to get up and to get some food in my belly. And yes, time to scold your father too, for letting me sleep the day away.”He was just about to change when he heard a familiar knock, grinning when he saw Erik peek in and then slip quietly through the door. Unlike Charles, who stood by the bed still clad in his nightshirt, Erik was dressed for the day, looking breathtakingly handsome in a casual grey jacket and cream pants.“Good morning,” Erik said, as he set the silver tray he carried on the dresser and swept Charles into his arms. It was still such a thrill, being thoroughly kissed by his husband; something Erik never tired of doing at every conceivable opportunity. “Did you sleep well, my love?”He let Erik tug him onto his lap, laughing as they sat down a little awkwardly on the bed. “Too well. You were supposed to wake me up hours ago, so that I could help with preparations for tonight. Mrs. Fergus is still waiting on a delivery of cheeses, and the decorations for the ballroom still need another—”“That’s all being taken care of,” Erik interrupted, pressing a kiss to Charles’ nose with a grin. “Azazel and Mrs. Pryde have things well in hand. You should be resting and not tiring yourself too early, for I intend to dance with my husband well into the night.”Charles laughed, and pinched Erik playfully in the side. “This is my third pregnancy dearest, and I’ll have you know that I’ve never felt better. You’re the one that should worry of tiring yourself out, for the children will be relentless for attention all day, to make up for being too young to attend the ball.”Edie and James both thought it quite unfair, that they weren’t allowed to attend a party being thrown in their own home. And though their son was easily appeased by a promise of new toys and treats, Erik had less success with their daughter, who had not stopped brooding about it for the past three days.“Luckily, we have Emma around to impress them with tales and presents from her last Grand Tour,” Erik answered, distracting Charles with greedy kisses and warm hands slipping under his nightshirt. “Also your sister will be here soon with Henry and Kurt. And I have no doubt that Miss Katherine has devised any number of games and activities to distract the children, allowing me plenty of time to attend to my husband’s every need.”“I see.” Charles moaned softly as Erik brushed long fingers against his skin, before tugging his smalls teasingly from his hips. “What if I told you that I’m rather hungry? Would you do all that you could to satisfy my cravings?”“Oh, I would gladly feed you until you’re utterly sated,” Erik murmured, as he helped Charles out of his nightshirt, and pressed a reverent kiss to his swollen belly. “And then you can eat the breakfast I brought up for you too, over there on the tray.”He shook his head. “You are ridiculous,” Charles teased with great fondness, and let his husband guide him gently back into bed.Enjoying ‘breakfast’ together took them almost to the lunch hour, before Charles finally went in search of the children, a smug Erik trailing dutifully behind. As expected, they found James and Edie in the parlour, playing together on the piano, and singing with great enthusiasm as Emma and their nanny looked on.“Da!” Edie shouted, leaping off the stool with James at her heels as soon as they stepped through the door. She was twelve now and tall for her age, and - to Ms. Braddock’s constant consternation - showing no signs of slowing down . “You’re awake! Papa went to get you almost an hour ago; what took you so long?”He heard Erik chuckle, and saw the clear delight on Emma’s face, and decided they would pay dearly for taking such great amusement at his expense. Though for now he merely smiled, and pulled Edie and James into a hug, and thought again how lucky he was to be surrounded by all the people he loved, and who loved him in turn. “I was still resting, and Papa let me sleep some more before I ate my big breakfast,” he explained, carding a hand through blond curls as James nuzzled his cheek against Charles’ belly. “Mrs. Fergus must think I have a dozen babies in here, with how much food she insists on feeding me for each meal.”James gasped, looking up at Charles and then Erik with wide eyes and breathed, “Do you think she could be right, Da? Could we really get a dozen new brothers and sisters to play with?”Emma chortled. “Oh my, you two have been busy, haven’t you!”Charles and Erik both laughed, and poor Miss Katherine was trying – rather unsuccessfully – not to grin from ear to ear. “No darling, I’m sorry,” Charles said, “that was merely a jest, and an unkind one given the good care Mrs. Fergus has been giving me and the babe.”“Though…” Erik paused, and the two shared a look before he added, “We do have something we wanted to tell you both.”“Is the baby okay, Papa?” James asked, as Edie wrapped her arms around her brother and gave him a reassuring hug. She look worried too, which made Charles feel bad, knowing how excited they’ve been for their new sibling’s arrival.Erik knelt in front of James and set his hands gently on his shoulders. “Everything is fine with your Da, and with the baby, I promise. We just wanted to share with you the news that we got from your Uncle Henry yesterday…that he’s quite certain there are two babies coming, in a few more months. Two sisters or two brothers, or one of each.”“Twins,” Edie said, before letting out a loud whoop, and throwing her arms around Charles again. “That’s wonderful! But that means we have to think of more names in case we get two boys or two girls!”“Oh? And does that mean you already have a name picked out for a boy and one for a girl?” Erik asked.“Yes,” James answered, just as Edie said at the same time, “We’re still deciding,” - which sent them both spiraling into an argument about which of them had the better ideas for baby names. Deciding to let Erik mediate between the children, Charles went to sit beside Emma on the couch, and smiled gratefully when she promptly handed him a cup of Earl Grey.“Thank you. Where’s Christian? And Mr. Drake this morning?”Impossibly, Emma looked the same as ever, as elegant and ageless now as she was when they met thirteen years ago. Her presence at the ball would undoubtedly cause a huge splash; for their history and for her tendency towards the latest in French fashion, as much as her recent return to England with her brother to their father’s old estate.“They went riding after breakfast,” she said, and added with a smirk, “I’m sure they’ll return once they’ve tired themselves out.”Charles grinned even as he shook his head at her teasing. “Utterly incorrigible. Though…that is what I love about you most of all.”“And I you.” She took Charles by the hand and squeezed it tight, laughing together as they watched Erik try to corral the increasingly outlandish suggestions for baby names. “You look so very happy, Charles, here at Charlton Park. It makes my heart glad to see it, and to see the life you’ve built with Erik, after everything that happened.”“I think…everything happened as it should,” he said, thinking back to their first meeting, when Charles had been so unhappy, and wary of Emma’s – and Erik’s – intentions. “For if not, we wouldn't have my darling James, and you might still be stuck in a marriage you never wanted. I have no regrets, truly, for I’ve been blessed with everything I’ve ever wanted and more.”And then, as if the world conspired to prove his point, Sean entered the room and announced his sister’s arrival.“Well,” Erik said, offering an arm to Charles as he held James’ hand with the other, “shall we go and greet the lovely McCoys?”Charles reached for a beaming Edie and smiled. “Yes, and then I need to see Mrs. Fergus about that missing cheese delivery.”