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It was middle of the night, but Magnus wasn't sleeping. He couldn't. Alec texted him earlier that day, telling him they had some lead on the group of demons they were following for the last year, and that he would come home late. He offered coming with the group, because he knew how dangerous these demons were, but they told him to stay back. To take care of the mundanes if something goes wrong. Alec promised him to come back and of course he texted Magnus to not wait for him, but what kind of boyfriend he would be, if he hadn't wait?And so here he was sitting and waiting for his younger lover to come back. He looked on the clock. It was already 4 in the morning and Alec still wasn't here. Magnus tried texting him, but he got no answer back.What if something happened? He couldn't help, but wonder. He hated nights such as these. Sitting in the empty loft, hoping for Alexander to come back home, safe. He couldn't just sit there, so he stood up and started walking around the apartment.As he was walking he saw something wasn't right. His box was not on it's usual place.
***Alec was sitting by the Magnus' desk, his boyfriend out visiting some clients. He knew this battle was going to be harder than any he was in before. Of course he pretended that it isn't and forbid anyone to tell Magnus how dangerous it actually was. He knew his boyfriend wouldn't let him go. Or he would follow him on the battlefield and he couldn't bear that feeling.He knew he shouldn't lie to him, but he only tried to protect him. He knew that if he wasn't coming back, it would break his heart. That's why he stole the omamori from his boyfriend, now it was laying on the table in front of him, but there was also something else he needed to do.He looked on the omamori laying on the table, then on the blank paper. He took the pen in his hand and started writing. He was never good with words, but especially this time he needed to use the perfect words, because if he was not coming back, this would be the last thing Magnus would ever had from him. No matter how much it hurt his heart, he needed this to be done.When he finally finished it, he read it one last time, before putting it in Magnus' box with the omamori.
My dear, Magnus,
I will always remember the very first time we have met, the very first time my lips touched your lips, the very first time you wrapped your arms around me and then rested your head on my shoulder. Your smile and your way of looking at me when you thought I wasn't watching…
***
Magnus walked over to the box, opening it. He gasped, feeling the tears coming in his eyes. He saw the omamori, laying in there, between the others memories.The tears started falling down from his eyes. Alexander… what have you done?When he noticed the letter laying in there, he took his, with hands shaking opening it carefully and started reading.
…
So, I guess this is my last goodbye. If I never come back. I will never forget the way you made my heart feel for the short time you loved me. And spent loving me. I lived – while you loved me. I have to do what’s best for us now. I know however selfish this might be, it's the right thing to do.
But Magnus please, I can't imagine how does it feel to loose another person, but you can't give up on love. You
have to focus on making the best out of what life has given me.
You. And Love. You have to let me go, I know it's hard, but I only want the best for you.
Goodbye, beautiful.
Don’t forget about me.
If God decided to take me from this world, please know in your heart that you were loved with everything in my being.
I wish you all the happiness life can offer.
I will love you until the last moments, thinking how happy you've made my life.
I love you,
Alexander.
Magnus was uncontrollably crying at this moment. Alec, his sweet Alexander. He went to war, without letting him say his goodbye. Not knowing if he will ever make it back.He felt down on the floor, crying, sobbing, screaming. Why? He asked himself, why do you take everyone away from me?
When he calmed few minutes later, he dried his tears. It is not lost yet, he thought, I can still save my sweet Alexander.He called him, but got no response. He tried calling Izzy but she didn't answer as well. He made a portal in the Institute, not caring about the rules. If his boyfriend was in danger, he would do anything to help him.When he jumped out of the portal, he noticed the rush in the building. Something was definitely wrong. He ran in the hall, trying to figure out what's wrong. Noone payed attention to him. People shouting over each other, running around."Magnus!" he heard Maryse shout behind him, he looked around. "Maryse!" he shouted, "What's happening? Where's Alec?!" she dragged him to the corner, "Something went wrong there are way too much demons than they expected." "Alec?" he asked, not caring, "Still there, we can't get in touch with them." There's still time, or is it? "I have to go there!" Magnus shouted, "I have to help them." But Maryse shook her head, "It's not safe! We will need every warlock available if the demons get here!" "I am not letting my boyfriend die. I am not letting my friends die!" Magnus shouted and ran back to his portal, portalling on the battlefield.
It was bloody. "Magnus!" he heard startled voice, Isabelle. "What are you doing here!?" she shouted as she killed another demon. "Helping you!" she nodded, but didn't ask more questions.
And then he saw him. Alexander. His beautiful Alexander, fighting few meters away from him. They were too strong. There was too much of them against Alexander. Before the warlock could do anything, he saw, as one of the demons hurt Alec badly. The body of the young shadowhunter felt down on the ground."NO!" Magnus shouted, an enormous power bursting around him. He didn't use his demonic power. Not often. Almost never. Until now.
***1 month later***Thanks to Magnus sudden blast of magic the Clave managed to get them all back in the safety of the Institute.Jace and Izzy were the least harmed, using heir runes to heal, Clary was doing also not that bad, but Alec...Magnus spent days laying next to his bed, waiting for his boyfriend to wake up. Noone said anything, knowing their history. They let Magnus spent the days in the Institute without any questions. And he was glad.When Alexander finally woke up, he saw his boyfriend laying in the bed next to him, hugging him tight."Magnus..." He whispered, the older man immediately woke up. "Alexander!" He whispered and chuckled hugging him even more tight. "Don't you dare do this to me again!" He said sobbing quietly into Alec's shoulder. "I am sorry." Alec whispered, "Magnus, I am sorry." he called the other man when he saw he was still crying. But Magnus just shook his head. "I can't loose you." He said, trying to calm down, "not like this." Alec pulled away from him, laying on his side, facing Magnus. "But it's going to happen Magnus." He said calmly. "Just don't... Don't talk about it please..." Magnus pleased. Alec shook his head and put his hand on Magnus' cheek. "You can't ignore it forever, it's going to happen if you want it or not. One day I am gonna end in that box..." "Stop." Magnus said with anger in his voice, "I almost lost you right now, so don't remind me! Can't we just stay here for a little while?" He asked. Alec smiled, "Of course. But-" Magnus interrupted him with a kiss. "No more talking." He said, kissing him again, happy to have his boyfriend back.
When they finally let Alec out of the bed, Clary asked them to a meeting. It was about Jace. "I have something to confess," Clary started, looking on Alec mainly, "that day at Lake Lynn… Valentine killed Jace, he died." She spat out, guilty looking on her hands. "Just like I will eventually." Alec whispered, looking straight in Magnus' eyes, his face looking emotionless. "Uh...what?" Clary asked unsure what's happening. "You should've told me!" Alec raised his voice on her. "No point on shouting on you now, we need to focus on finding Jace. Anyone? Any ideas?Alec started preparing Jace's saving, but Magnus couldn't listen to him. All the voices disappeared as he started drowning in his own thoughts.Were they back there? Is it now going to be exactly as it was all the months ago? Alec talking about himself dying, comparing himself to all the sorts of things? Please no. Magnus didn't want to go through that again.
When he came back to reality the group was gone except Isabelle. "Are you alright?" She asked him, Magnus sighed. "I.. I heard what he said... About the death things." Magnus smiled sadly. "Is he fighting with you about the box again?" She asked carefully. "I wish he didn't." Magnus answered walking in Alexander's office. He knocked on the door and when he heard Alec's "come in" he entered."I thought you might could use some help." He said might more harshly than he intended. "Just... Sit." Alec ordered him. Magnus smiled, "Ordering me around aren't you?" He teased and he sat on the chair, in a very sexy pose. "Sexy enough?" He teased again, "or maybe should I-" "Magnus..." Alec interrupted, "we need to find Jace." Magnus frowned and sat straight on the chair. "Sure." "Can you try tracking? Or some your friends might help." "I can try." Magnus smiled. Alec finished what he was writing and stood up. "Here babe." He said throwing him the pen. Magnus almost didn't catch it. "Why are you giving me a pen my dear?" He asked confused. "I used it so I figured it could go inside your special box." Alec said with irony and left the room. Magnus sighed.So they were back to the whole "box" argument.
»«
When they finally found Jace and broke the spell of Lilith, Magnus took day off. He deserved day off. He needed day off.He was standing in the kitchen, thinking what he should make for breakfast. He looked in the fridge, it was almost empty. "Pancakes, it is." he said, and started cooking.Soon he heard as Alec got up from the bed and joined him in the kitchen. "Morning." he murmured, hugging the older man, kissing him on the cheek. "What are you making?" he asked. "Pancakes." Magnus answered, "will you help?" Alec smiled, "Just say what do you need." Magnus nodded. "We need to get some more butter, it's running out." Magnus sighed, not thinking about the words he used. Forgetting about the whole box argument. Alec pulled away from him, "You know what else is running out?" he murmured, looking in the frigde, if there's some more butter, oh gosh, Magnus thought, not this again, ok? Not again! "my life." Magnus put away the pan he was holding. "Alexander…" he started but the younger man interrupted him, "It's going to happen Magnus, there's no way we can avoid it!" "Alexander!" Magnus shouted to silence him. The shadowhunter stopped talking immediately, the warlock never shouted on him before. "I am going to buy some butter." Magnus said and left the apartment.
Both of the men knew that Magnus could just snap his finger to get the butter, but Alec figured out that Magnus wanted to be alone. He might have gone too far. But since he was in the battle, he realized that the danger of death is bigger than they thought. He was a shadowhunter, danger was his job. And he knew how much it hurt Magnus to overlive all his ex-lovers. He knew how fragile was Magnus' heart, and he just doesn't want to be another person who breaks it even more. He doesn't want Magnus to mourn. To hurt him.He sighed and put out the oil and finished the pancakes for Magnus. Then he put them on the table and left in the Institute. They will be fine, they just need some time. They will figure it out.
When Magnus came back, he found the pancakes laying on the table, Alec being gone. He sighed and sat to the table. He loves Alexander, he does. But the younger man can be sometimes such stubborn. Alec is this kind of person, putting everyone else before himself. Making sure everyone is okay, before making sure he himself is alright. And Magnus hated it. He hated that Alec felt responsible for his feelings. Not wanting Magnus to be heartbroken. But that was not his call. Magnus decided to love Alexander with everything he had. And he knew all the risks coming with dating a shadowhunter, but he still stayed.
»«
He hadn't seen or heard from Alexander in 4 days. He picked up his phone many times, thinking about calling him, but then he thought, why Alec hadn't texted him or call him first? Magnus was the upset one, not Alec.Instead he tried to focus on his work. He could now see clients again and earned so much money doing it, so he did. He tried to focus, but it wasn't easy. The second day he called Catarina and spent the night over, playing with Madzie, talking to Catarina. It was nice to have someone else, immortal, who understood. Catarina was his friend for a long time. The closest one. Whenever Magnus had problem, he was always running to her."Maaagnus!" Madzie shouted, running to him. Magnus smiled on her and hugged her. "Sweet pea!" he chuckled and hugged her, "How are you?" "Good." The small girl grinned. "Where is Alec?" she asked, confused that the other man is not there. Magnus sighed, "He's busy," he said, it wasn't completely lie, "he will come next time, alright?" Madzie nodded.
When they managed to put Madzie in bed, Catarina conjured them glasses of good wine. "So…" she started, "spill it." Magnus frowned. "What are you talking about?" Catarina raised her eyebrows, "Magnus Bane you know very well damn what I am talking about." she said, she was always so caring about him. "Alec." she added, just for sure.Magnus drank the whole glass, before he spoke up. "He wrote me a letter." he started, "A goodbye letter, thinking he is not coming back." he paused, trying to find the right words, "He was thinking he was going to die, and the only thing he cared about was making sure that I will be okay." "But that's good thing, isn't it?" Magnus didn't answered, looking on his again full glass of wine. "Magnus, what is it?" she asked again, "We are fighting about the box again." Magnus said quietly. "Oh." Catarina just sighed. "I am sorry.""He just needs to stop putting everyone else before himself." Magnus said louder than necessary. Both warlocks had drunk many glasses till now. "Why don't you tell him that then!" Catarina offered. "I will!" Magnus agreed, "I will go in the freaking Institute and tell him what I think!" he tried to stood up, but couldn't stand straight. "But… not today." he decided then.
When he woke up the next morning (more like in the afternoon) his head hurt. He got up from the bed and looked on his phone. No messages or calls from Alec. But Izzy called him 3 times.He walked out on the balcony and called her back. "Magnus!" she sounded happy to finally hear from him, "Thanks god you're finally talking to me. You have to come to the Institute." Magnus rolled his eyes. "Look I know you're fighting with Alec again, but I also know that my dumb ass brother hadn't slept for last 4 days." Magnus sighed, he wasn't sleeping either, sleeping in the empty bed was something scary, "I don't think he wants me there Isabelle." "Magnusss ." she whined, "Just please talk this out." She was right, Magnus knew she was right, they just needed to talk, why is he the one to start again? Because Alec was even more stubborn than Magnus. "Fine," he sighed, "I'll come."
»«
He knocked on the door of the office. "Come in." he heard Alec's tired voice. As he entered, the younger man looked up and froze when he saw Magnus. "Magnus." he whispered, "What are you doing here?" The warlock closed the door behind him. "I got a call from a certain sister, telling me you haven't sleep in days." he said quietly, Alec rolled his eyes, "I am fine. She's just overreacting." "Oh," Magnus chuckled, "she surely is not. Look at you. You look like walking zombie." Magnus tried to easen the mood. It worked. Alec smiled."Oh!" Magnus gasped. Looking on the flowers he had bought for Alec few weeks ago. "Alexander did you forget to water the plants? They're dying!" he looked disappointed on him, "I thought….-" "Ohh…" Alec interrupted him, with sarcastic smile, "looks like the plants and I have something in common." he whispered, throwing Magnus a bottle of water to water them. Magnus caught it, throwing it back on Alec, hitting him. The younger man did not expect that. "Ouch." he pouted. "Can you just fucking stop?" Magnus shouted on him. He was aware that they were in the Institute and that anyone passing near the room could hear them, but he didn't care. "No!" Alec shouted back, "I can't stop dying!" "That's not what I am talking about!" Magnus was furious. "Why is it so hard for you to understand that I chose to love you Alexander! I know you are going to die but that's not stopping me from loving you, so just stop telling me how I should feel!" The younger man didn't say anything back. "I know you will eventually die, but you know what?! I accepted it, I decided to not care about future but now! So if anyone is having problem with it, it is you!" That was low. That hurt. Magnus saw the pain in Alec's eyes as he spat the words out."Alexander…" he calmed down, "I am sorry I didn't-" he tried to hold Alec's hand but the shadowhunter avoided him, "Can we just-" Magnus wasn't sure what to say, "I miss you." he said, "I hate fighting with you and I haven't slept in days…" he paused, looking for any reaction from his boyfriend, "can we please just go sleep and talk later?" He saw the tears forming in Alec's tired eyes. "Please." he begged again. The younger man nodded, not saying anything.
As they layed in the bed, Alec hugged him close, and both men fell quick asleep, their bodies intertwined.They will talk when they wake up. They will figure it out. Magnus believed it. He did. There were many things Magnus will never figure out, things he will never understand, never know. Except one thing. He knew he belonged there. With Alexander.
When he woke up, Alexander was still there, laying next to him. "I took day off." He whispered when Magnus looked at him. He smiled, not knowing what to say. "I thought we maybe could go somewhere... Together..." Magnus was still smiling. "Bad idea?" Alec asked. "No. Of course no!" Magnus rushed with the answer. "So what do you have in mind?"
»«
Magnus took him to French Disneyland, persuading Alec that it isn't that bad place. (It wasn't. They had a lot of fun.)They had lunch in Czech republic where Alec tried their famous beer.Just for fun Magnus teleported them on the top of Mount Everest, which Alec still hadn't quite forgive him.
They were sitting on the couch, covered in many blankets, leaning closer to each other to warm up. "Really funny." Alec murmured to himself. Magnus laughed. "It was, wasn't it?" He kissed him on the cheek, "a bit cold for me thought..." He teased. Alec pushed him away from himself. "I might as well be Cold queen now." He groaned. Magnus tugged closer to him again. "Do you need your prince to warm your heart my queen?" He joked. It worked, Alec actually smiled."Hey Alexander, pass me the TV remote babe." Magnus asked, his hand reaching for it. Shut, he cursed himself, shit shit. Ignore it Alexander. Please.He didn't. "Here we go." Magnus sighed, whispering. "You know who will pass away?" The shadowhunter asked him with evilness in his eyes. "I will." Magnus was tired of fighting with his boyfriend, he needed new strategy. Ignoring it."Can I have the TV remote now?" He asked, coldly looking at him. Alec did not expect this reaction. "Yeah," he said in the end, handing it to him, "you can put it in your box too." Magnus was holding the TV remote tightly. Fuck this shit he thought. He throw it over the room and stood up from the couch. "I don't want to watch anything anymore." He said as he left in the bedroom, Alec silently watching him.He put his make up off and changed his clothes. Then he layed in the bed. Laying on his side, looking out of the window.
Not so late after, he heard his boyfriend quietly enter the room. He put his jacket off and layed in the bed next to Magnus. Close enough to feel his body warmth, far enough to not to touch him."I'm sorry." Alec whispered. "I really am." Magnus didn't say anything. "I am doing it again, am I not? Putting everyone's happiness before mine..." He was quiet for while. "I don't want to hurt you Magnus. And I am sorry I did." He sighed. Magnus layed on his back. "I am just scared of the future. I am scared of loosing you." Magnus looked at him. "What are you talking about?" He asked quietly. Alec moved his head, his hazel eyes meeting Magnus'. "I am scared that one day you'll realize that I am not worth it. That I will die anyway... " Magnus sighed, Oh Alexander. "That's not gonna happen." He said, wiping Alec's tears away, pulling him in hug. "You're not getting rid of me that easy." He joked and Alec chuckled. "I'm sorry." The younger man whispered. "I'm sorry too."
»«
When Magnus woke up, Alec wasn't in the bed anymore. He stood up and entered the living room.He found Alexander laying on the floor. The younger man stood up as he saw his boyfriend. "Good morning!" He said, kissing him, "Good morning." Magnus smiled in the kiss.Then the shadowhunter layed on the floor again and smirked at him. Magnus frowned. Is he again? He thought what he could imply. Ground. That id-"Get off the floor, Alec! Yes I know, one day you are going to go into the ground." Magnus shouted at him, angry again, that his boyfriend will just not stop it.Alec frowned. Confusedly watching him. "Magnus..." He called him, he stood up and walked to him, "Magnus!" He turned the warlock's head so he was looking at him. "I was just doing sit ups." He chuckled. Magnus was looking at him not understanding what just happened."Oh..." Was the only thing he got out himself. "Shit Alexander I am so sorry I just saw you and I th-" Alec interrupted him with a kiss. "I love you." Magnus hugged him. "I love you too."Alec started laughing, quietly, trying to avoid Magnus' attention. "What is so funny?" He asked in the end. Alec shook his head. "I.. just.." he was still laughing, "sorry.. just .. that was good point you made there." He joked. Magnus playfully pushed him in the shoulder, but soon started laughing as well. "Idiot." He whispered for himself. "I love you too." Alec teased as he kissed him again.