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You look at your watch, seeing its hands showing that it’s half past five in the afternoon. It’s the rush hour. You look around, seeing the amount of people building up in the pedestrian street, the amount of cars increasing in the roads, its drivers impatient to get home after a long day. The leaves are falling slowly, like snow, as the sky begins to darken. But no one bothered to pay attention. They are either talking into their phones, staring to it as they walk, or trying to shimmy their way through the crowd. You pull out yours, not wanting to be the only one not checking for notifications. But there were none, as expected, so you drop it back into your bag as you walk towards the red light. Unfortunately, you had reached there just as soon as the traffic light turns red, signalling for all the pedestrians to stop crossing. You sigh, staring at your watch, seeing the hand move. You put your hand down, looking around. At the cars as they hurry past, at the people walking out of the buildings from the other side, dressed in suits. It seems like it’s a uniform to those who are working in this area: a black suit. All men and women alike. Most of them, carrying a briefcase. Most of them, holding or talking to their phones. But all of them sure looks tired. Suddenly, it makes you feel left out. As if you should also be dressed in a black suit, instead of a simple white dress shirt and blue jeans with a long green coat. Perhaps carrying a briefcase, instead of a bottle of soju and ramen noodles and a small pink purse. The light finally turns green, so you hurry to cross the street, you could feel your heartbeat slightly racing. There’s just something about crossing the street that makes you feel uncomfortable, like crossing a shaky bridge. Maybe you’ve just watched too much films. You were about to reach the other side, until you stop dead in your tracks, causing the person behind you to bump against your back. He curses, and walks past you while purposely bumping against your shoulder, continue talking into his phone. V stood there, with his hands in his pockets, glaring at the man as he walks away, before pulling you closer to him, away from the road. He pulls you so hard you bump against his chest. You could feel his arms enveloping around you, as he buries he head against the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent.Goosebumps crawl through your spine at the feeling of his breathing. You close your eyes, willing it to be real. Willing it to not be one of your hallucinations again. But once you open them again, he’s still there, you’re still wrapped in his arms. With that thought, a tear broke through. Then another. And another. Before you know it, he’s already cupping your chin, with his thumbs wiping away your tears. “How? V?”“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for leaving you, for leaving Seven…” he began, but before he could get all the words out, you drop everything you’ve been holding and starts to beat his chest with your fists in anger.Tears flows down your cheek, as if a dam had cracked. You gritted your teeth, trying to suppress your anger but it’s not working. The sight of him standing there, looking all guilty fuels your anger but you couldn’t let it out, with being in public and all. People are starting to stare. So you wipe your tears with the back of your hand and pick up your stuff on the ground. “I know I shouldn’t have left.” V began, but you cut him off once again, telling him, “But you did, V. You could’ve died.”“Better it be me, than the rest of you. I can’t put the lives of the RFA in jeopardy.”“An RFA is not association without its leader, V. You were supposed to lead us, you were supposed to be there for us. Why can’t you just trust us? You didn’t even trust Seven enough to help you!”“Seven…Ray…They were the result of my mistake. Mine. Even with Rika, it was my mistake. I turned her that way.”“No one sees it that way, V. We all just wanted to help you, we care for you.”“I couldn’t live with myself if I put all my friends into a dangerous situation. Especially if you were in danger because of me. And you are.”“It was not you, it was not you, V! God, why can’t you see that?! You ran away from us, and here I am being the idiot in the middle of the street, trying to comfort you.” you yelled, beginning to storm off but he caught your arm.You turn around, glaring, “What, V?”“I’m sorry.” he said, looking apologetic. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more tired of listening to that phrase.” you replied, in a softer tone. “What do you expect me to say?”“Anything but that. Tell me, no. Tell the members where you’ve been, what you’ve found out for once. Open up to us. To me. That’s all we’ve asked for.”“How’s everyone?” “If you’d want to know, why don’t you ask someone else?” you replied, wrenching your arm away from his hold and walking towards the C&R Building.
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The thought of sitting there, across from Jaehee and Jumin was unbearable at that moment. You had only managed to walk into the C&R Building, dropped off the ramen noodles and the bottle of soju to the receptionist, before walking out of the building like a zombie. You hadn’t even dared to walk towards the traffic light where you had bumped into, opting instead to circle through the further way towards your apartment. As you made a turn, it suddenly feels like something is squeezing your chest. You suddenly couldn’t breathe as your hand clutch your chest, as if squeezing it hard enough would cure it all. You tried to focus, trying to do what the doctor had told you in these situations: to breathe, slowly. But no matter how much you try to focus on your breathing, it seems like it’s not going away. You try to numb yourself, forcing your mind to think of nothing else. But it’s getting more and more difficult, as your vision is starting to blur from your tears you hadn’t realised you were shedding. The sight of V a few minutes ago brought back all the pain that you had managed to ignore. You close your eyes, reaching for the tree next to you, holding it with one hand to steady your weakening knees. While your other hand covers your mouth, as if it would help in suppressing your sobs. You must’ve looked like a madman, with your hair forming a black curtain around you. But you didn’t even have the energy to care. You just stood there, waiting for the sudden pain to subside, as it always does. To wait for the numbness to take over. Suddenly, you feel a familiar touch on your shoulder, rubbing it in claiming circles. Then it drifts towards your hair, tucking half of it behind your ear. You didn’t need to open your eyes to see who it was. You already knew it was V. “I’m so sorry.” he said, but at those words, you gritted your teeth, feeling your sobs getting harder to control. You couldn’t hold it in anymore. Your knees were about to touch the ground, before he caught you, his arms holding you steady around your waist. “I…can’t…” you rasped out, trying to push him away but he held on, putting your head on his shoulder. “Yes, you can. I know you can’t forgive me now, and I know that everyone is probably still furious with me, but I did it for all of you, especially you.” he confessed. “V…”“I’ll take you to my car. I can drive you home.”“No, I can’t…go with you.”“Please, you’re hurting. You can ignore me forever after this, but I have to get you somewhere safe.”You reluctantly agreed, giving him a slight nod. With that, he easily scooped you into his arms, walking towards his car parked just a few steps behind. It seems like he had been following you all this time, and you, being the naive idiot that you are, had not noticed it. No wonder Ray had such an easy time tricking you into staying in that mansion for so long.He sets you carefully on the passenger’s seat, fastening a seatbelt across your body, before hurrying to the driver’s side. Once the door was closed and you are inside the safety of his car, you keep your eyes focused on the empty road ahead as you rasped out, “Why…why did…you c-come back?”“I’m sorry for springing this on you all of a sudden, I should’ve logged in more often, I should’ve told you guys something instead of dissa-““Why, V?! Just why?! At least tell me that. Why did you disappear like that, after the explosion…” you paused, mustering enough power to tell him in a softer tone, “We thought you were dead.”“I know. There are important reasons for what I did, and I didn’t want to involve the members, especially you, into this.”“Like it or not, V, we have been involved whether we like it or not.” you replied, feeling more calmer now. “After we took that walk, I made you leave by telling you that I was just going to gather my thoughts.” he began, and you nodded, both of your eyes focused on the empty road ahead of you, even though the car’s not moving. “But Rika was actually behind us, hiding all this time. She went out, telling me to love her again. She begged me.” “So you decided to give her a chance.” you said, your voice had never sounded so weak, feeling nothing but the familiar numbness within you. “No, I didn’t. I knew then, as soon as you held me, that my feelings for her wasn’t real. And I had to keep all of you safe. If she only wants me, I’m willing to sacrifice myself, but I also see a chance. A chance for her and Saeran to have a new, better life.”“All these months…”“It was hard, but I managed to gain her trust in a few days, so I slipped something into their drinks one night.”You turn to him instinctively, seeing yet another side of a man you thought you knew. But he couldn’t even meet your eyes, as he continue, “I was ashamed for what I did but it was the only way. I put them in my car, drove off and called the authorities on my way to a facility I knew. But before I could make it there, I had already the received the news that the mansion had blown up, along with her old apartment.”“Where are they now?”“They’re in a safe facility, still going on with the treatment that they needed.”“Is it..”“It’s safe, they didn’t torture their patients, if that’s what you were worried about. I’ve done the necessary background checks, and the last time I visited them, they are actually getting better.”“Then why are you keeping this from all of us?”“I had to make sure that everything’s okay first.”“I understand, you just wanted to make sure that your plan had gone perfectly well before you would involve us, because you’re worried that if it’s not, you’d be putting us in danger once again.” you replied, sarcastically. “Yes and no. I needed the time to think.”He turns to you, his eyes filled with determination, as he tells you, “I’ve been under her influence for so long, doing everything and anything she made me do. It took me awhile to break off of her spell, then you came along. And I wanted to be sure that what I feel for you is actually real, not another obsession.”You are still staring at him, feeling your heartbeat quicken, your palms starting to sweat, not daring to hope, but at the same time wanting to. His hand cups your cheek, as he breaks into a beautiful smile. “It’s real, my feeling for you are real.”With those words, you could feel your heart melting, your shoulders sagging with relief. Now that he had told you everything, you could see yourself in his position. You would’ve done the same, if you had the chance. If you had thought that there is a chance to keep everyone safe. Because he knows, if he told his plans to Seven, or even you, both of you would’ve stopped him. Maybe it was not the best plan, but it had all worked out in the end. “I would understand if you no longer feel the same way for me any longer.” he said, jolting you out of your thoughts. You shake your head slowly, your hand drifting to his hair, brushing his bangs away from his face, before pulling him closer until both of your noses touch. You close your eyes, whispering, “It had never faded.”As soon as the words left your mouth, he closed the distance. His hands drifted from your cheeks to your neck, trying to bring you as close to him as possible. Your hands goes around his neck, as your tongues clashed against each other, heads turning. If both of you were standing, your knees would turn into jelly, as heat blooms within you, as if your body is coming back to life after these past few months. There was nothing, nothing else that could’ve compare to this amazing feeling.
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You watch the edge of the cliff, with the wind blowing through your hair, as if it is urging you to move back. You stood there, watching the skies as it meats the end of the ocean. Its waves, hitting the rocks. This is the same spot that Rika had jumped off of, at least that was what V had told everyone, including the authorities. It seemed that V had planted a garden of white roses surrounding the edges, as if he is mourning over Rika. Or what ever they had for each other. You kneel on the ground, touching the petals of one of the roses, feeling the pure smoothness against your skin. “Hey, what are you doing out here?” V asked, coming up behind you. “How did it go?” you asked him back, getting up to face him. “Not as bad as I thought, but it could’ve been better.” he replied, interlocking his fingers with mine, “Let’s go inside, they’re asking for you.”When I walk inside, V’s living room had never felt more at home than it is now, with the members of the RFA making themselves comfortable. Jumin is sitting on the sofa, drinking his wine. Zen is standing in front of the fridge, staring at the beer bottle in his hand, debating with himself. Jaehee is comforting Yoosung, who looks a little bit distraught, while 707 sits there silently. Their heads turn to mine as soon as they sensed my presence. There was a few seconds of awkward silence, I could feel V’s hand tightening, and he looks like he was about to say something until Yoosung cut him off, “It’s hard, but I understand why you did what you did. Though it’ll take awhile for me to actually forgive you for what you’ve done to Rika…”“Yoosung…” you began, preparing yourself to defend V, but V shakes his head at you, urging Yoosung to continue, “But I want to see her. I need to see it with my own eyes that she’s okay.”“We could arrange that. I’m visiting her next week, you could join me. Along with Seven.” V offered. At the mention of his name, Seven looks at V, sadness and shock gleaming in his eyes. “He’s safe, I promise you that. They’re safe. They mean a lot to me too, despite what they’ve done to us.” V explained. “Thank you, V.” Seven said, pausing to take a deep breath before continuing, “For giving my brother another chance.”“I’m not a killer, Seven. They both deserve a second chance at life, a better one in fact. And this is the right way to help them.”“How are they?”“Last I checked this morning, they are getting better. I’ve been checking on them every day.”“Okay.”“V, if you need any help with anything…” Jumin offered, but V cut him off, saying, “Don’t worry, I got it.”Jumin nodded in reply. You turn to look at Zen, as he finally takes a swig at his beer. He finally decided to drink after all. He came here with his motorcycle, with V shaking his head like a disapproving father when he arrived a few hours ago. It looks like Zen would have to leave his motorcycle here and catch a ride with one of them if he’s drinking. Later that evening, when they all had left, you were wiping off the kitchen counter, where all of you had just gathered for dinner. V had just finished his dishes, wiping his hand on the kitchen towel, before moving across from you, sitting on one of the chairs with the counter between you both. You look at him questioningly, pausing mid-wipe. The way he’s looking at you, it’s as if he is seeing you for the first time. His eyes, sparkling with excitement like a kid in a candy store. “Is everything okay?” you asked, worried. “I was thinking of selling this house.” he smiles, as you stood there, frozen. What had this mean? Is he saying…he wants to move in together? Isn’t it too soon? Sure, you both had met a few months ago, but you were friends. Were you both even a couple? You both had not certainly discussed this last night, nor this morning. V notes the panic in your face, moving around the counter to get closer to you. He tips your chin with his finger so that you would meet his eyes. He brought his lips on your head, reassuring you, “Don’t worry, we’re gonna take this slow, if that’s what you want. I just want to sell this place, and maybe look for a place that’s closer to yours.”“But V, this house is filled with memories. Though most of them were of Rika, I know you value them nonetheless.”“Yes, but after a lot of thought, I want to start in a new place with you. It doesn’t make sense for you to drive all the way up here, or for me to drive all the way to your place.”“I was thinking, why not give it to Rika? Or Ray, even. It seems like this place is too special for you and Rika to give it all up. Rika wouldn’t have a place to stay once she got out as well, since her old place was also blown up to pieces.”“I’d have to ask them, but that’s actually a good idea.” he said, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer. Your hands immediately drifted to his shoulders, as he tells you, “I love you.”“I love you too.” you replied, meeting his lips with yours. You were about to pull away, but he kept you close. One hand at the back of your neck, while the other is snaking down to your thighs, as he move you back to the point your ass hits the counter. He grins against your lips, swiftly lifting you to the counter. Your hands drifted to his hair, your fingers brushing against the silky strands, gently pulling it. He pulls away all of a sudden, though his lips were still inches from yours, as he whispers, “Looks like you’re going to stay over tonight.” Before you could say nor do anything, he was already continuing where he had left off. ‘Yes’, you thought, ‘it seems like I’ll be staying over after all.’