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Anti drags from the cigarette between his fingers, filling his lungs with smoke, and his head swims. The green-haired man leans back against his chair, in his porch, and he sighs in the middle of the night. It’s quiet and the stars twinkle, up in the dark sky. Anti tugs on the hem of his oversized sweater, pushing his legs up. There’s static in his mind, not quite thinking of anything, and he drags from the cigarette every now and then. The green-haired man rubs his temple, smoke leaving his nostrils, and there’s a faint sound of a bell in the air. Anti looks down to see his black cat, meowing and jumping on the man’s lap. He sees her tail wagging, half of it gone, and her left ear is missing a piece. Toothless purrs, her yellow eyes fixated on the man and Anti feels content that he took her from the streets. There’s another meowl coming from her and the green-haired man purses his lips, putting off the cigarette on a ashtray next to him, over a round table. He pats her before getting up and walking back into his apartment, closing the glass door. The man goes to the kitchen, listening to her whining, and he opens a can of cat food to put on her bowl. Anti leaves her be and sits at the kitchen counter, staring back at his laptop’s screen. He rests his cheek against the back of his hand, deadpan expression on his face, and he distracts himself by editing another generic video for a company. Anti clenches his jaw, not liking to hear the sound of a clock ticking in the living room as the hours go by. Other than that, the silence in the apartment is excruciating. It’s late, but even though he feels exhausted, he can’t sleep. The man ruffles his dark green hair, freckles showing even more because of the artificial light on his face. Anti finishes editing the small video and he sends to the company with an email, waiting for their approval in the morning. He stands up to go to the fridge, uncapping a bottle of rum and drinking some of it with a light frown. Toothless is satisfied by now and Anti shakes his head at her, wishing to have that easy life. The green-haired man walks into the bathroom to take a piss before crashing in bed without a care, throwing an arm over his head. Toothless jumps onto the mattress as well, making herself comfortable, and Anti stares at the white ceiling. His ears ring with the quietness of it all and he moves his other hand up, touching his neck. The green-haired man glares at himself, feeling marred skin there, and it makes him sick. Anti moves to be on his side and shuts his green eyes, hoping that sleep will come and let him rest. But it doesn’t. His day is boring, consisting in cleaning his cat’s litter box and scowling at tv shows. Anti is, at least, satisfied that his video was approved by that small company and that he doesn’t have to worry over another deadline so soon. Working as a video editor isn’t exactly the dream job he always wanted, but it pays his bills and he gets to stay at home. It’s better than being locked up with several people, in a business place, that’s too loud and stressful. Anti watches Toothless play around her scratcher post, climbing up to her small bed on top. He dozes off at some point, skipping lunch, and waking up with a stiff neck. When night comes, Anti makes an effort to leave the apartment and he makes sure Toothless has plenty of food on his way out. The green-haired man wears a leather jacket over a sweater, putting the black hoodie up to cover most of his face. Anti fidgets with his keychain until the metal doors open and, when he’s underground, there’s a black motorcycle waiting for him. The man puts on a helmet and turns the ignition on, driving aimlessly through the streets. The city is alive and loud. Anti sees a McDonald’s sign and he purses his lips, thinking he should probably dump something into his stomach. He parks, taking his helmet off, and walks inside. It’s not that crowded but he already feels uncomfortable, ruffling his green hair. Still, Anti waits in line and looks at the menu above with a scowl, clenching his hands every now and then. When he gets closer to the cashier, the man’s heart is beating slightly faster and he mentally swears for feeling so anxious already. Anti’s green eyes meet the smiling girl behind the counter and he makes a gesture, closing his hand and tapping lightly against his mouth. Her eyebrows go up and she says Oh!, not quite knowing what to do. Anti shakes his head and makes more gestures, mouthing some words so she can understand. The girl clearly doesn’t get it and she seems anxious too now, cupping her cheeks and apologizing. Anti clenches his hands and holds back a groan, shutting his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. It doesn’t help that he forgot his phone, so he can’t write quick enough. The green-haired man points at the small menu on the counter instead, wanting to order a simple burger and coke. It takes some time and Anti’s glaring by the time someone is holding the receipt to write down his name. He just makes an A sign, not bothering to finish it, and waits with his arms crossed. Anti adjusts the sweater more, pulling the collar closer to his neck, and he makes himself smaller. When Anti gets his order, he leaves to eat outside. He leans against his motorcycle, chewing on his burger and sipping from his drink. Anti sighs once he’s done and drives a little more before stopping by a small bridge. Sometimes he comes there just to look at the river below, nothing much. The green-haired man leaves his vehicle and he leans against the bridge, looking down and feeling the wind hitting his hair. There’s an edge on the outside, so he jumps over to sit on the concrete floor, leaning his back against the handrails. Anti’s legs are dangling in the air and he picks up a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, placing one between his lips. The man smokes under a dark sky, letting all the anxiety leave his body. He closes his eyes, only listening to the breeze singing and the water dancing below him. “Hey.” Anti frowns, suddenly hearing a voice above him. The hoodie is covering his face, curly green hair over his eyes, so he looks a bit to the side to see what it is. The street light behind him makes it hard to see the figure, leaning towards him. “Are you okay there?” The green-haired man rolls his eyes. Does this person think he’s going to jump or something? Jesus fuck, people can’t do anything without looking suspicious. Anti waves a hand, as if telling the person to go away, but the figure doesn’t move. He glares and looks up a bit more, blowing smoke in the air. “Uh, dude,” the man says. “I’m sorry, I don’t wanna bother but it’s not safe to be there. Are you sure that you’re okay?” Anti throws the cigarette down the river and stands up with an angry huff, jumping over the handrails and leaving the edge. He finally looks at the man better and they both take a step back with wide eyes. Anti sees a boy with brown hair, grey sweater a bit damp from running, and he has flushed cheeks. The guy looks a lot like him. The green-haired man knits his eyebrows even more and just slowly steps back, going towards his motorcycle. He turns around and the boy calls for him, extending an arm while asking for him to stop. Anti shakes his head and pays him no mind, trying to ignore his racing heart. He turns the ignition on and the wheels make a loud sound, leaving the place so he can go home. The green-haired man is frowning by the time he sees his apartment, going underground to park and walk into the elevator. Anti rests his back against the metal wall, looking down at the floor with a gaze that threatens to make a whole on the floor. He was finally having a calm moment, his mind was quiet. Then, that guy showed up thinking Anti would just fucking jump or was being a weirdo. Awesome. The green-haired man shakes his head and, when the doors open, he walks towards his home. Toothless meowls from the kitchen counter and Anti snaps his fingers so she can go down, because that place is for eating. He flops down on the couch and purses his lips. Despite being frustrated with what happened with the cashier, he knows that going out was the right thing to do. He spends too much time alone and anxiety can get the better of him. The freckled man shuts his eyes, seeing that man behind his eyelids. The brown-haired man had a startled face that probably matched Anti’s. He had heard of people around the world looking alike before, but he never thought of seeing one up close. Toothless joins him over his stomach, interrupting his train of thought, and Anti caresses her fur with a sigh. They stay like this for a while, just resting, and it’s dark in the apartment. In the morning, Anti glares at his fridge. There’s nothing to eat and the cupboards are practically empty, only with crackers and some teas. The green-haired man looks at his cat, judging him from the kitchen counter again, and he signs with his hands. 
“Why am I like this, Toothless?”
 She just blinks and Anti feels like she knows more than him. He scratches the back of his head and gets ready to leave, putting on a turtleneck shirt with short sleeves. This time he doesn’t forget his cell phone and drives to the closest grocery store, not wanting to go too far. Anti makes a mental note to buy just what he really needs, because he’ll have to carry on the motorcycle, which means: Take All The Frozen Food You Can. The green-haired man spends five minutes debating whether he should get chocolate bars or Skittles, and he perks up when hearing a familiar voice. Anti looks at the end of the hallway and sees that same guy from last night, chatting on his cell phone. The man throws both candies on his shopping basket and just fucking runs to another hallway. Anti clicks his tongue, wondering if this guy is following him, and there’s a small sense of paranoia in the air. He goes straight to the cashier and makes sure to type whatever he wants to say on the cell phone when the person doesn’t understand his gestures, turning text to audio. Anti is waiting for the receipt when he makes the mistake to look around, seeing that guy on the other end. Their eyes meet and the brown-haired man freezes a bit, mouth falling open. Anti’s eyebrow twitches and he all but grabs the receipt, leaving with hurried steps. Toothless welcomes him back home and the green-haired man shoves all the frozen food in the freezer before checking his email. There’s a new request for him to work with and Anti accepts the distraction this time, spending the rest of the day on his laptop and heating up pasta in the microwave.
★
A couple of days pass and it’s Toothless that’s running out of food. The green-haired man glares at her bowl and purses his lips, already getting up to grab his wallet. She has been meowing a lot for the past few minutes, demanding attention and good treats. Anti sighs deeply and, once again, leaves the apartment with a sour mood. The pet shop he used to go has closed and they were the only near place that sold a certain brand of cat food that Toothless likes. She is a very picky cat and she just won’t eat some kibbles, not matter how much Anti tries. He wanders around the city for a little bit, looking for a new pet shop. The freckled man stops by the third one, already frustrated. He ruffles his locks, fixing it after taking off the helmet, and enters the place with a scowl. The bell rings and the smell of dry food hits him hard. Anti sneezes, walking forward while rubbing his nose. When the green-haired man looks up, he stops and his heart races. That goddamn man from before is right in front of him and he’s wearing an apron from the pet shop, over a white shirt. Anti blinks and he’s about to turn around when the guy raises his hands in the air, opening his mouth to speak. “Wait, please!” he says. “Don’t go again!” The shop is empty and there’s no way for him to avoid this guy, who seems to be begging with his eyes. Anti knits his eyebrows, tugging on the collar of his sweater, and doesn’t leave. The man lowers his arms and sighs with a smile, scanning the freckled man up and down. There’s an awkward silence and the guy clears his throat, scratching the back of his hair. “We keep seeing each other and you keep running away,” he chuckles. “I’m Jack.” The silent man presses his lips together and clenches his hands into fists, cursing himself for feeling anxiety. Anti’s heart is beating fast against his ribcage and he swallows, looking down at the floor instead of doing something. He wants to go, but his legs don’t move. Jack looks at him a bit nervous as well and the man knows he’s waiting for an answer. Anti shakes his head and shuts his eyes hard. He just wanted to buy some cat food and go back home. Not this. “Are you alright…? Did I say something wrong?” The green-haired man holds back a groan and opens his eyes, taking a deep breath. He raises his hands in the air and signs too fast, hating that he’s slightly shaking. Jack’s eyebrows go up and Anti has seen that expression too many times. He purses his lips and tries doing it again, slower this time.  “Anti,” he spells. “Oh, I’m not sure if I got that... I’m sorry,” Jack replies, eyes following his fingers. He picks up his cell phone and opens a notepad, typing and showing it to Jack. “My name is Anti. I’m mute.”  The brown-haired man looks at him signing what he just typed, pointing at himself and tapping on his mouth twice with a closed hand. Jack stumbles a bit on his words, apologizing if he was being rude. Anti shakes his head and he keeps avoiding those blue eyes, feeling overwhelmed to be talking to someone after so long. Jack says it’s weird and yet funny that they look so alike, mentioning that night on the bridge. Anti nods and, when the boy eyes the cell phone, he types an answer. 
“You thought I was gonna jump.”
 “H-Hey, listen! You scared me, alright? I suddenly saw someone on the edge, in the dark, like a creep. I had to make sure,” Jack says and crosses his arms in defense. “It was pretty weird to see you, though.” Anti looks at the pet shop and Jack straightens his back, as if just realizing he works here. The brown-haired man asks if he’s looking for something in particular and Anti signs first without thinking, stopping midway to type. The boy huffs with a smile, murmuring that he’s sorry for not understanding and that Anti has to do this. The green-haired man explains about his cat and tells him the brand she likes. Jack guides him further into the shop, showing exactly what he wants. Anti feels like spoiling her a bit more, so he picks up some treats and salmon canned food. The man with the blue eyes keeps trying to pull conversation and showing him stuff. Anti ends up with a catnip toy in the shape of a fish and Jack is pleased by that. The silent man looks at Jack while he scans the items, taking it all in. Despite them looking alike, Jack doesn’t have Anti’s freckles nor the green eyes. He’s slightly shorter and his eyes are sapphire-like, filled with energy. Anti’s beard is more full, less trimmed, and Jack’s natural hair is quite beautiful in comparison to his. The freckled man knows that his ginger roots are beginning to show and he’ll have to dye his hair again. He’s a mess. Jack smiles at him and Anti feels a bit uncomfortable in front of someone like that. He glares, swallowing down his self-hate, and Jack gives him a bag with all the stuff he bought. When the boy asks if he’ll come back, Anti purses his lips. His hands are busy so he can’t type nor sign, so he nods instead. Jack smiles even more and Anti thinks his cheeks must hurt. It’s a bit awkward again, so he just turns around to leave. The green-haired man zones out while driving, half-conscious when getting inside his apartment. Toothless is rubbing herself on Anti’s legs, purring, and he just sits down on the couch. He shows her the cat treats and canned food, snorting when he gives her the catnip toy. Toothless’ pupils dilate and she grabs the small fish, flopping down onto the floor with a soft purr. The green-haired man fidgets with his hands, leaning back and thinking about what happened. Goddamnit. Of all the places he could’ve gone to, Jack had to work in that pet shop. Anti hates himself for feeling nervous over interacting with people, self-conscious of everything he does. So pathetic. He makes sure Toothless is well and that she has food in her bowl before walking away. Anti goes into a room that he uses to work out and there’s a boxing heavy bag in the middle of it. He takes off his shirt and shoes, setting things up and picking up boxing gloves. The green-haired man closes his eyes and focuses all his anger, all his anxiety, down to his fists. Anti takes a deep breath and punches the bag a couple of times, warming up. He keeps doing that until he’s panting. This helps him let off some steam, distracting with exercises, and he’s sweating by the time he stops. Anti huffs, chest moving up and down, and takes off the boxing gloves. He pushes his hair back and touches his neck briefly, grimacing. The freckled man leaves the room to shower, taking off his pants. The cold water streams down his body and he closes his eyes, seeing blue. Anti thinks of Jack and how silly all of this is. Perhaps he should just find another pet shop. Part of him knows that’s just fucking stupid, but the other side of him is nervous. Jack will try talking to him, for sure, and Anti won’t be able to quite ignore him. The green-haired man finishes showering and dries himself, avoiding to look in the mirror, and puts on just boxer briefs. He snaps his fingers, calling for Toothless, and they stay in bed together. She rubs her face against Anti’s cheek, purring, and he sighs. Fine. For her, he will do it. This is going to be so stressful.
★
It takes two weeks for him to leave the apartment and it takes ten minutes for him to enter the pet shop, gathering courage while leaning against a wall. He’s wearing a dark, purple long-sleeved shirt, and he adjusts the turtleneck. There are quite a few people inside and Anti scrunches up his nose at the smell again. Jack is not there and he’s thankful at first, taking some time to look at the shop alone. It’s quite fancy and there are several options of food, toys and collars. It’s organized and Anti likes that. He picks up Toothless’ kibbles and sees Jack coming from the back of the store, with a dog. The brown-haired man talks to a customer with a big smile and gives them the leash attached to the puppy, that doesn’t stop wagging its tail. Anti watches in the background and thinks he must look stupid, holding a package of cat food against his chest in a corner like a creep. Once the woman leaves with her dog, Jack’s eyes find his from across the shop, and it’s silence again. They stay in place for a few seconds, looking at each other, and the boy waves before coming closer. Anti unconsciously takes a step back and notices that some strands of Jack’s hair are damp, apron all wet. Jack sees him looking and huffs, murmuring that he was bathing some dogs. Anti blinks and the brown-haired man clears his throat, smiling shyly. “Hi,” he says. “I thought I wasn’t going to see you again.” Anti hesitantly gestures with his right hand, resting the tip of his fingers on his forehead as if he’s saluting the man. “Hello.” Jack smiles and asks if that’s all he’s going to buy. Anti looks down at the cat food in his hands and knits his eyebrows, nodding. The brown-haired man wants to know how he’s doing and the freckled man doesn’t really know what to answer. He can’t quite say that he feels like running away, so he types that everything is fine. Jack hums and takes the cat food from Anti, but they don’t move right away. It feels like the boy wants to talk but they both have no idea of what to say. Anti brushes some strands of hair away from his face and Jack stares at it. “I like your green hair.”  “Thank you,” Anti taps twice on his chin and the boy watches the gesture with a serious expression. They go to the cashier and Jack asks what’s Anti’s cat name, being slow on purpose. The freckled man writes it down this time, knowing he won’t understand the sign spelling. Jack’s eyebrows go up. “Toothless? From How To Train Your Dragon? Really?” he chuckles. “That’s fucking adorable!” Anti holds back a smile and explains that she’s a stray black cat with yellow eyes, and that she doesn’t have half of her tail. It seemed fitting. Jack’s eyes shine and, even though he already scanned the item and Anti payed for it, they continue to talk. The guy mentions some movies and how much he likes animation. The green-haired man finds himself nodding and looking at Jack intently, listening to him. God, this boy talks. Anti’s not shaking with anxiety, though, so he tries staying a bit more. Somehow, Jack changes the subject to comic books and all Anti hears is Spider-Man. The freckled man barely types and the boy doesn’t seem bothered by the fact it’s almost a monologue. Anti blinks, thinking it’s been a long time since someone tried to talk to him like this. When that thought crosses his mind, though, he feels overwhelmed again. Anti scowls, heart clenching, and he raises a hand to interrupt Jack. “Oh, I’m sorry!” the brown-haired man says. “I know I talk too much. I’m keeping you here, aren’t I? I’m so sorry.” Anti wants to punch something, frustrated with himself. He shakes his head, signing too fast again. Jack has a worried expression on his face, watching Anti moves his hands with a glare. Fuck. He can’t have an anxiety attack, not right now. Not here. He quickly writes it down that he has to go and doesn’t look back when Jack calls for him. Anti leaves the pet shop and hastily turns the ignition of his motorcycle on, taking deep breaths and driving away. Shit. He’s pathetic, panicking over something so stupid and small. The green-haired man left abruptly and Jack looked really concerned. He probably thinks Anti is just rude now. Great. He doesn’t come back for another week, moping on his couch while Toothless sleeps on her bed. The freckled man eats every now and then, forcing himself to heat up those frozen meals. He dyes his hair green again and buys more Skittles. Anti works out in that room until he’s too exhausted, falling down on his knees. Toothless has to bath at one point and she hisses throughout the whole thing, going stiff and complaining to his owner. Anti tries to do everything to distract himself, editing videos and taking care of Toothless. But it can only go so far. He keeps thinking of Jack and how nervous he looked, not understanding a single thing. Anti has come across many people like that, but no one was that sorry. Maybe it’s because they look alike and Anti can read him more easily, seeing his stress. The green-haired man was trying to say that he felt overwhelmed and angry. Usually Anti doesn’t bother to explain all these things to people, but Jack seemed genuinely concerned. Despite panicking in the end, listening to the brown-haired man talk was interesting. His blue eyes were full of life, shining in a way that Anti’s green ones don’t. It’s night and the freckled man’s overthinking again, so he leaves his home to go to that bridge. Anti jumps over the handrails and sits down, already picking up a cigarette to smoke while feeling the wind. The smell of tobacco hits him and he rests his cheek against the palm of his hand, pulling a leg up. It’s quiet for a long time and Anti brushes his fingers over his knuckles, seeing bruised skin. Despite using boxing gloves, he’s been more violent, pushing himself way more than he should. Anti drags from his cigarette and frowns, listening to a tapping sound above him. When he looks up, smoke leaves through his nose, sighing upon seeing Jack there. He’s wearing a hoodie as well, flushed cheeks from running. Jack surprises Anti by making a motion with his hand, saying Hi with a gesture. The green-haired man swallows and salutes him as well, turning his face away so he can go back to brooding. Jack, however, jumps over the handrails and sits down next to him with wide eyes. Anti huffs and the boy murmurs about being afraid of heights, not looking down. The green-haired man clenches his hands into fists, not understanding why this guy keeps showing up. Anti remembers how he left, angry and interrupting Jack, and he wants the world to swallow him whole. The brown-haired man stares at the sky and the wind moves his hair softly, moonlight glowing above. “I have to admit…” he whispers. “It is a nice spot.” Anti adjusts his own hoodie, pulling the collar, and he feels Jack’s gaze on him. The green-haired man makes a motion to take his cell phone from his pocket, but the boy stops him by placing a hand over Anti’s wrist. “You don’t have to say something, if you don’t feel like it. It’s okay.” They exchange a look and the freckled man narrows his eyes for a moment, before putting the cell phone away. He nods shortly, feeling grateful. It gets overwhelming way too quickly when there’s the pressure to answer something fast. Jack smiles, eyes turning into half-moons, and Anti just watches him. The brown-haired man keeps his voice low, whispering that he jogs around this area and that he was actually hoping to see the mute man. Jack is new in the city, he moved in not so long ago, wanting to live closer to his friends. They both don’t mention what happened last time and Anti finds himself relaxing a bit more. Jack says he’s from Ireland and he’s pausing sometimes, letting the green-haired man take it all in. He does complain about the cigarette and Anti smirks, dragging once more from it before throwing it in the river. Jack makes a face, disapproving this behavior, and Anti blows smoke on his face. The Irishman shrieks and coughs, swearing out loud, and the freckled man grins more. Jack rolls his eyes and Anti feels satisfied. It’s silent and they stare up at the sky. He nods when the boy mentions the stars, wanting to see more of them. The brown-haired man fidgets with the hem of his hoodie and chews his bottom lip. Anti looks at him through his eyelashes and mouths What?  “Am I bothering? Talking to you?” he murmurs. “If you want to be alone…”  “No,” Anti taps two right fingers down to his thumb, mouthing as well. He picks up his cell phone this time and types properly. He stares at the digital keyboard for a while, pursing his lips and thinking of what to say. “I don’t mind listening to you. I’m just not used to it.”  “Really?” Jack asks and Anti nods. “Okay, that’s nice to know. Will you still be showing up at the pet shop?” The green-haired man closes his right hand into a fist and shakes it twice, saying Yes . Jack watches these small gestures and it’s funny to see him knitting his eyebrows. The brown-haired man seems content with that and continues to talk about comic books, asking what Anti likes. The freckled man shrugs and Jack is horrified to know he never read Watchmen. This keeps going for more than an hour and the Irishman’s cheeks are not flushed anymore. Anti has to stop him at some point, saying something about coming back to Toothless, and they jump over to the bridge. He puts his hands in his pockets and Jack looks at him, lips parting in deep thought. “Don’t run away next time, okay?” he murmurs. Anti snorts and bows briefly before turning around, listening to Jack’s laughter in the wind.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Anti tosses himself left and right, tousled sheets shuffling in the dark, and he knits his eyebrows. There’s damp hair sticking to the back of his neck and forehead, sweating in his sleep, and Anti’s eyes move behind his lids. The man dreams of unpleasant memories and his heart races, closing his fists on the covers. He sees blood and hears screaming, sirens so loud in his head. It’s too much. It’s too loud. Anti’s chest moves up and down, and he wakes up with a gasp, sitting up with arms in the air. He’s breathing fast and it hurts, broken little sounds leaving his mouth that he fucking hates. Anti covers his face with his hands and grimaces, trying to keep himself together. There’s a meowl in the air and Toothless is there with him, jumping on his lap. Anti hugs her, burying his face in her fur, and rests his back against the bed frame. The green-haired man feels the corners of his eyes burn but he holds back the tears, not wanting to cry. Not again. He clenches his jaw and focus on his breathing. In and out. Toothless is resting against his chest and he closes his eyes. Fuck. Shit. Anti hates this, he hates having nightmares. It takes so long for him to sleep and, when he does, there’s this shit happening. They stay like this for a while and goddamn, Anti is so content to have this cat. She is so calm and always know when to comfort him. He kisses her forehead and she meowls, purring. Anti touches his neck, brushing his fingers on each side to feel the scars there. There’s a lump in his throat but he swallows, calming down. It’s almost five in the morning, so he gets up to take a cold shower, not wanting to sleep anymore. Anti just puts on sweatpants and drags his feet on the floor to make some tea, heating up water in a kettle. He pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing and listening to Toothless’ bell ring while she walks to her bed again. The freckled man pours hot water in his mug, adding a bag of apple tea and a bit of sugar. He walks up to the small porch and sits on a chair, resting his feet up on the handrail and sipping his drink. The city is still waking up and Anti watches the sun rise with tired eyes. Everything is so quiet and he wouldn’t mind listening to a certain person right now, wanting to fill the silence. Anti looks down at his mug, feeling warmth in his hands, and he wonders if he should visit Jack. Toothless doesn’t need another package of food, she is fine for now. There’s no reason to be there, but Anti is just so bored and it feels like this silence will crush him. The green-haired man purses his lips, thinking about it. What would he even do? He can’t just say that he’s lonely. That’s humiliating, despite being the truth. Jack doesn’t seem to be bothered by the fact Anti is mute and it’s something new in the man’s life. He could just ask about Jack’s schedule, so he won’t interrupt the boy at work all the time. Anti makes up a conversation in his head, planning exactly what he will say. Just ask about schedule, pretend Toothless needs some new toy and listen to him ramble before going back home. That’s all. With that in mind, he waits for a couple of hours until it’s a good time for everything to be open. He gets dressed properly with a black hoodie, zipped up, and puts on leather gloves before driving on his motorcycle. Once again, Anti stays outside for a couple of minutes before entering. Jack’s nowhere to be seen and the man immediately thinks it must be his day off. Shit. He didn’t even think about that. There’s someone else behind the counter and he forces himself to approach the girl, already typing something. Her eyebrows go up and she asks if he’s Jack’s brother and Anti shakes his head, scowling at the stupid idea. 
“Where is he?”
 The girl frowns at the cell phone screen and says he’s busy. The green-haired man clenches his jaw, counting to ten, and the back door opens before she continues to dismiss him. Anti sees Jack walking up to them and he smiles at the girl, politely asking her to attend some customers for a bit. When she leaves, the brown-haired man looks at him and smiles. Anti’s frustration fades and he blinks, staring at the boy’s half-moon eyes. “Hi,” Jack says. 
“Hello.”
 The boy bites his bottom lip and raises his hands up to his stomach, turning them and pointing at Anti. “How are you?” he asks. The freckled man knits his eyebrows and stares at him, dumbstruck by what he saw. Jack clears his throat, shuffling on his feet. “D-Did I do it wrong?” Anti’s heart beats faster and he types as quickly as he can, showing to Jack. “You just signed. What the fuck?”  “Yeah,” the brown-haired man chuckles, a bit nervous. “I’m learning… I thought I’d be able to say more before I saw you, though.” 
“Why?”
 “Because I want to understand you. You keep using your cell phone, that’s tiring… It would be nice if I understood what you sign.” The freckled man huffs and waves his hand fast over his stomach, saying What?! He can’t believe this. Jack just snorts and tells Anti to be patient, because he can be really slow and it’s a lot to process. The green-haired man shakes his head, baffled by this. They barely know each other and Jack only saw him a couple of times. There’s no point. Why would he care about a mute person? When he tells Jack all of that, the boy shrugs and Anti scowls. He sighs, rubbing his temple. Fuck. Everything that he planned on saying flew through the fucking window. Perhaps Jack is not that easy to read, after all. 
“You have to lean forward.”
 “Huh?” 
“When you ask something, you gotta lean forward and raise your eyebrows.”
 “Maybe you can teach me, then,” Jack replies with a grin and Anti snorts. “You haven’t answered my question. Are you doing okay? You look… really tired.” Anti brushes it off, saying he’s fine. The Irishman doesn’t seem to believe him but he doesn’t press the matter. The green-haired man swallows and now he’s at loss of what to do. He just stares at Jack’s porcelain face, standing in front of the counter like an idiot, and the boy smirks. When no one says nothing for quite a few seconds, the Irishman tells him to wait there while he goes to the back of the store. Anti blinks several times and swears at himself. Keep it together, you fucker. Stop being a creep. Jack’s the first person talking to him after so long and he can’t fuck this up. Remember, do it for Toothless.  Jack comes back with his hands full and, this time, he walks up to Anti. The man frowns when the Irishman gives him a bag with a bunch of comic books, saying he needs to educate himself. Anti snorts and puts them on the counter so he can write. 
“Are you sure you trust me with these stuff?”
 “Mm, I suppose it’s your time to prove yourself,” Jack murmurs with a grin and then, someone calls for him, telling him to go back to work. The boy flushes. “Sorry, I gotta go. Do you need anything, though? Does Toothless need food?” Anti’s lips part, realizing Jack remembers his cat’s name. He shakes his head and the Irishman raises an eyebrow. “Give me your cell phone.”  “What? Why?" the freckled man asks and the brown-haired man huffs, saying he doesn’t have much time. Jack takes it from Anti’s hand and the man watches him type something. The green-haired man goes tense when he realizes the Irishman gave him his phone number, so they can text each other. The man with the blue eyes tells him not to forget the books, wanting to know what he thinks of them, and he says goodbye with a gesture. Jack taps his fingers down to his right palm, as if clapping with one hand, and Anti does the same. The mute man is left alone and he swallows, taking the bag and leaving the store. That didn’t go as he planned, huh? Anti tightens his hold on the motorcycle, feeling the weight of his cell phone in his pocket, and he goes home. ★ 
this dr. manhattan guy has a very small dick
 
Don’t judge a man’s junk. Maybe he’s a grower, not a shower.
 
remind me why i talk to you…
 
Excuse me!! Who started talking about dicks??? Oh, yeah. You!
 
fair point
 Anti snorts and looks back at the comic book in his hands. He’s spread all over the couch and Toothless is lying on his stomach, small tail wagging lazily. The green-haired man has been avoiding the pile of comic books on the coffee table for a while now and he only gathered courage to open one in the next day. Now, Anti’s been reading for the past two hours and texting Jack about it. It should be weird. It really should. But the mute man finds himself enthralled by these stories and wanting to share his thoughts. He distracts himself with editing videos and reading throughout the day. Jack stops texting him after a while and Anti can only guess he’s busy. It’s a bit quieter again but it’s less suffocating. The green-haired man skipped lunch, so he makes sure to eat when the sun sets. He works out, punching the heavy bag several times, and he has a cold shower. Anti sits in bed, just wearing boxer briefs, and checks his cell phone. The Irishman is texting him again, saying he’s back home. The freckled man knits his eyebrows and thinks about all of this. They’ve been talking to each other during most of the day, telling what they were doing and throwing random thoughts. It’s… nice. Anti feels his heart clench and it hurts, making him wince. There’s a thin line of anxiety going down to his stomach and he wants to groan. The silent man falls flat in bed and stares at the white ceiling, feeling his cell phone buzz with new messages. He purses his lips. What the fuck are you doing?, he thinks to himself. This is ridiculous. You’re nothing. It’s only a matter of time for him to leave. Anti punches the mattress, sitting up and pressing fingers between his eyebrows. Toothless shows up next to him, judging, and the green-haired man has a glaring competition with her. Anti feels sick, letting himself be consumed with doubt. The artificial light from his cell phone is like a beacon in this dark room and he sighs, taking a look. 
My friends think you’re not real and it’s quite funny.
 
why’s that
 
...I may or may not have said you only show up after one or two weeks, only wears a black hoodie and looks like me. Sooo… they think that you wanna eat my soul?? That you’re a cryptid?
 
who said im not?
 
Dude!!
 
jk
 
You? Making a joke? Damn.
 Anti blinks, staring at the screen, freckles standing out due to the light. He rubs his temple, torn between wanting to keep this going or just hiding. Anti could just ignore him. He could just stop before Jack does that first. It would be better and it would save the boy the trouble of dismissing Anti. The green-haired man takes a deep breath, scowling and holding back frustration. He’ll let it all out next time, with his boxing bag. Save it. The mute man locks his cell phone and drags his hands over his face, falling back to his bed. Anti turns around, resting his head onto the pillow, and Toothless finds a spot near him, curling into a ball. He closes his eyes hard enough to see multiple colorful dots and waits for sleep to come, so his mind can shut up. Sleep does comes but there are nightmares again, and Anti wakes up damp with sweat. He really doesn’t want to get up when the sun rises, and it’s Toothless that makes him change his mind, meowing until she has food. Anti leaves his cell phone on the nightstand, in his bedroom, and he stays in the living room. Heck, he practically lives on that couch. The green-haired man does read the rest of the comic books, sighing and holding back the urge to text Jack. This is already bad. There’s a side of Anti that desperately wants to feel attached, that craves contact so badly. But he’s also fucking terrified.  The mute man scowls to himself, spending all day brooding. Toothless plays with her catnip toy and he watches her having the time of her life. I wish I was you, he signs, as if the cat understand exactly what he means. Anti ruffles his curly hair, bored and restless, but stays away from his cell phone. There are videos to be edited and cigarettes to be smoked. Even though he knows Jack must be getting a little worried over his absent, Anti continues to ignore everything. He will stop by the pet shop at some point to give the comic books back to the boy and that’s it. The green-haired man will return to his quiet, lonely ass life in piece. Attachments are just painful. He does apologizes to Toothless, signing that he will find another place that has her food. She doesn’t seem to believe him, only scowling back and walking away. Anti presses his lips together and the day drags. It’s unsettling and frustrating. He does give up when night comes, checking his messages, and it only makes him feel worse. 
Hey, I know you’re probably busy but just checkin on you!!
 
Sorry if I’m talkin a lot btw. No pressure to answer right away. My friends say that sometimes I’m just too much haha
 Anti grimaces. In the morning, he gathers all the comic books and leaves the apartment. The mute man listens the bell ring when he opens the door to the pet store and, thankfully, there aren’t many people inside. He sees a couple of customers and, of course, Jack’s talking to the one that’s holding a sleeping puppy. The brown-haired man is all smiles and Anti’s just a ball of anger. He tightens his grip around the bag and just walks up to the counter, placing it there with the books. Fuck. Anti doesn’t even feel like talking, but Jack notices him before he tries to flee. The brown-haired man dismisses the customer politely and walks up to him. The silent man freezes in place, clenching his hands into fists, and glaring at the floor. “Hey,” Jack murmurs and then looks at the bag on the counter, beaming. “Did you finish them all already? Holy shit, did you like it?” Anti listens to his chuckle and he swallows, saying nothing. Jack notices that and his laugh fades, clearing his throat and knitting his eyebrows. The Irishman asks if Anti is alright and honestly, he really doesn’t know the answer to that question anymore. When nothing happens, Jack whispers in a worried tone again, and he tries touching Anti’s arm. The green-haired man takes a step back and shakes his head furiously. The mute man wants to say that he wants to go away. That Jack shouldn’t try talking to him again because he’s not good. Anti signs everything, aware that his heart is racing and his breathing is breaking. Ah, fuck. The freckled man feels suffocated in this store, thinking the room is suddenly too small, and he just walks towards the door. Jack calls for him and, this time, he follows the mute man outside. Anti feels a panic attack rising and he chokes, stumbling and leaning his back against a wall. He sucks in air and it hurts, it hurts. The corners of his eyes burn and, goddamnit, he doesn’t want to cry. Not in front Jack. Not out in the open, where it feels like everyone is watching. Jack is speaking to him, telling him to take deep breaths. Anti covers his mouth, hating that broken little sounds leave his lips. It’s pathetic. Pathetic. His knees buckle and he falls down onto the ground, gasping and shaking like a leaf. “Slow down, slow down,” Jack whispers and he brushes his fingers on his left arm, signing that for the man. “Anti, slow down. Everything is okay. You’re okay. Just breathe with me.” The Irishman keeps talking in a low voice, taking green locks away from Anti’s face and just waiting. The mute man bares his teeth in a silent groan, inhaling through his nose. Jack’s on the floor with him and Anti hates himself so fucking much, it makes his heart ache. All he wanted was to return the books and leave . After that, he would just ignore the boy and find another place to buy Toothless’ food. But seeing Jack smiling up at him made him feel so stressed, so overwhelmed. It’s something beautiful looking at something horrible. Anti glares but breathes better, shoulders and jaw relaxing. Jack soothes him, patting his cheek, and the silent man doesn’t know how to feel about that. “Are you feeling better?” Jack signs. Fuck. This boy is too good for him, right? Anti just nods weakly, rubbing his hands over his eyes so tears won’t fall. He’s still not quite looking at the Irishman in the eyes and Jack helps him to get up, huffing. Anti’s about to go towards his motorcycle, wanting to forget about this, but the Irishman places a hand over his chest to stop him. They exchange a scowl and Jack shakes his head. “You can’t just leave after this,” he says. “I’m worried about you! What was all of this about?” Anti purses his lips and looks down. Jack sighs. “You’re so stubborn…” 
“You don’t know me.”
 “Well, I’m trying to.” The green-haired man is taken aback, not expecting the boy to catch those gestures. Shit. Did he understand something he said before, while he was panicking? About him being terrible and just wanting to be alone? Anti grimaces and Jack raises an eyebrow at him. The Irishman runs a hand through his brown hair, taking a deep breath. “Listen, I don’t know what’s going on with you but… If it’s something I did, I’m very sorry. If stop talking to me is what you want, that’s fine. But you have to say it. Otherwise I’ll keep wondering if it’s me and overthinking it’s not very nice,” Jack whispers. “Do you want me to leave you alone or not?” Anti’s lips part and he looks at the Irishman, seeing his anxiety reflected in the boy’s eyes. The freckled man sighs and that side of him, that craves something new and warm speaks louder. It’s like bells ringing in his heart and making his lungs fill with air. It stings, but hopefully it can be worth it. Jack’s doing his best to approach Anti, learning sign language and being patient in a way that the green-haired man is not. He wanted to close himself off because he’s afraid of getting hurt again. It’s not healthy, he knows that. Jack waits, sapphire eyes staring at emerald. Anti presses his lips together and lifts his right hand.  “No,” he says. “It’s not you.”  Jack narrows his eyes and repeats what Anti said, wanting to confirm if he got it right. The freckled man nods. “Okay… That’s a good start. I’m relieved to know that,” Jack murmurs. “I know this sounds horrible but I do need to get back to work, before my boss calls me out. But I’ll go on break for lunch, so… Do you want to grab something to eat with me? In an hour or so?” Anti hesitates but the Irishman looks so hopeful, so he nods once. Jack smiles and says that he’s welcome to stay behind the cashier, making sure no one will bother him. Anti lets him touch his arm, slowly bringing him back to the store and guiding him towards the counter. The green-haired man sits on a stool, mind buzzing, and he tries not to dissociate. Jack looks anxious too and honestly, all of this is just a mess. The Irishman goes back to work, saying he needs to take care of the kennel. Anti stays in place, calming down and waiting for time to pass. The brown-haired man shows up again to attend some customers but there’s another girl helping him out. Sometimes they will look at each other and Jack will duck his head, walking away. The mute man reads one of comic books a second time and the Irishman comes back after some time, face flushed. Anti squints his eyes, smelling perfume, and Jack takes off his apron, folding it and clearing his throat. He murmurs that staying in a kennel all day isn’t exactly pleasant and he didn’t want to smell like a wet dog. The green-haired man raises an eyebrow, finding it funny that Jack had the urge to explain himself. The boy asks if they can go to Chipotle, because he’s been craving burritos for a week now, and Anti doesn’t argue with that. There’s one not so far from there but Jack apologies that they have to walk. He doesn’t have a car, only taking bus.  “I can take us there if you want. I have a Harley,” Anti types. “A Harley? Are you kidding me?” 
“It’s used. I wouldn’t be able to afford such a thing for real. Guy sold me with a discount. He was generous.”
 Jack’s baffled and, when they leave the store, Anti shows his good old Harley. It’s a Street 500 from 2015, black denim. The green-haired man loves this motorcycle and he fixed some issues here and there by himself. The Irishman whistles and Anti huffs, giving the boy his helmet. He doesn’t have a spare one but it’s a quick trip by vehicle. Jack takes it and sits behind Anti, a bit unsure of what to do. The brown-haired man places his hands on the back of the bike and the mute man starts the ignition, driving steadily. How weird to think he had a panic attack and now, he’ll lunch with Jack, as if everything is normal. God, his life is a mess. They arrive at the food place after a few minutes and the green-haired man parks his vehicle, waiting for Jack to stand up and take off the helmet. Anti adjusts his leather gloves and they walk inside, both immediately hit by the smell of mexican food. Jack all but groans, holding his stomach, and Anti just follows along. The freckled man does asks if he’s sure about eating something like that so early in the day and the Irishman snorts, putting a hand over his chest in a dramatic way. “How bold of you to think I wouldn’t ask for a salad!” he says and Anti finds himself amused. The silent man still feels embarrassed for what happened but Jack’s trying to cheer him up. He stares at all the ingredients in front of them and, fuck, it’s been a while since he hadn’t eaten something like this. Hell, he didn’t even eat breakfast today. The Irishman orders a burrito with so many things inside that Anti doubts he’ll eat the whole thing. And there is a salad. Let them not forget the salad. When it’s his turn, he hastily types and plays as audio, hating that synthesized voice. Jack doesn’t interrupt him to help, though, and Anti’s grateful for that. He goes for soft tacos and they pay for it before finding a table, sitting down on a quiet corner. The Irishman eats some chips first and bites from his food, killing his hunger. Anti remembers how Jack signed for him to slow down back at the pet shop, so he repeats the same motion. The boy flushes and nods, mouth full. The green-haired man takes a few bites himself, chewing calmly and sighing. His stomach growls but he holds back the urge to shove everything down his throat. There’s silence between them but it’s not exactly uncomfortable. It gives more time for Anti to come to terms with himself, brushing away that embarrassment and just letting this happen. Jack has been nothing but nice to him. It’s a small light in the middle of this darkness. It’s so tempting to follow that. “How do I say that I’m hungry?” the brown-haired man mumbles, taking a sip from his drink. Anti makes the letter C with his right hand and touches the tip of his fingers down on his chest, moving down just a bit and pointing at himself. Jack watches that and puts his food down, repeating what the mute man just did. Anti snorts and makes an exaggerated expression, leaning forward, and the boy does it too. The green-haired man nods, typing that, since he’s starving, he needs to let it show on his face. Jack hums and smiles, groaning while moving his hand down to his chest again. Anti holds back a grin, biting his inner cheeks, and the boy just chuckles. He keeps asking for more stuff while they eat and the freckled man finds himself teaching Jack. The brown-haired man shows all the basic gestures that he’s learned so far and, frankly, Anti is impressed. Anti thinks that, if he signs a bit slower and some simple words, Jack could understand him by now. He’ll still need to type a lot on his cell phone, but it’s a nice start. The Irishman seems content to be learning something new like this and Anti expresses how weird it is. They talk about the comic books and Jack offers to lend more. The man with the green eyes hesitates, thinking about all that doubt from before. He sighs and they exchange a look, both knowing that means they will talk and see each other way more. Jack licks his lips, opening his mouth and closing it a couple of times, thinking of what to say. “Just…” he murmurs. “Give me a chance. I would like to know you better. If, after we learn more about each other, you still feel like that… That’s fine. We can just stop. But let us try first, you know?” Anti stares at him and there’s sunlight coming from a large window next to them, casting beautifully over Jack. It makes his blue eyes shine even more and he looks pretty. The silent man inhales deeply and he nods, not wanting to overthink again. The Irishman grins and they finish eating in peace, just enjoying each other’s presence. Anti spends more of the time looking at Jack, tugging on his gauges, and he puts on his leather gloves back when it’s time to go. The brown-haired man places his hand on the back of the motorcycle again and Anti takes him to the store. Jack gives him the helmet, thanking him for today, and the silent man just blinks. They exchange a look, Anti on his Harley and the boy rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll see you later then, right?” he asks. “I won’t forget the comics.”
“Yeah,” Anti signs. “See you later.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

A few weeks go by. Anti texts Jack almost every day and they talk about pretty much anything, really. The Irishman is the one that opens up more, telling the mute man about his childhood and friends. Anti doesn’t say much in return and Jack doesn’t push him either. He was supposed to see the boy this morning, but decided not to. He’s feeling a bit off today. Anti showered after explaining himself to Jack and, right now, he’s eating some cereal at the kitchen counter. Toothless is next to him, wagging her short tail. He already tried to push her away twice by now, but she’s stubborn just like him. Anti brushes a few damp locks away from his forehead, feeling the soft fabric of his thin white shirt brushing against his skin. The long sleeves cover half of his hands and it’s comfortable. The scars on his neck are exposed, deformed lines pink from the warm shower, and he sighs. There’s no point in hiding them right now, since he’s alone, and Toothless doesn’t seem to mind. However, it doesn’t stop him from feeling frustrated and anxious. Fucking hell. It’s one of those days where everything annoys him. When he wants to scream. It’s not a good feeling. No. Anti takes a deep breath, thinking that the day barely started. I am better, he thinks to himself. The green-haired man tries staying positive, repeating this small thought over and over, but it gets hard. He scratches the scars on his neck, wanting them to disappear. Being alone in this apartment when feeling this way is horrible. It’s not healthy, he knows that. Even though his whole mind screams for him to just lie down in bed for days and days. He sighs and it’s a message from Jack that calls back his attention to reality. 
I’ve been thinking… Since you’re not feelin so well, would it be alright if we saw a movie? Somethin to distract you, I mean.
 Anti blinks, staring at the screen. 
r u askin me out
 
Now, listen. You’re the one who said it first. But I am suggestin us to see a movie together with some popcorn and that involves you going out of your home. So yes!! Yes, I am askin you out.
 
damn u nervous huh
 
Just answer the question, Anti.
 The green-haired man sighs, thumbs hovering over the screen. It would be good to leave the apartment. Jack is nice. Anti likes being around him. It takes a few minutes for him to answer, gathering courage to say something, and the boy waits. 
okay, which movie?
 
I honestly didn’t think you would say yes and I didn’t think this through. Give me a moment.
 They discuss for a bit, choosing what it’s available to see and the hour. Jack tells him about a movie theater that’s not so far away and they can meet up. Anti would offer to pick him up, but he figures it would be too much of a hassle. Plus, that’d make it sound an awful lot like a date, stopping by Jack’s home. The mute man wants to have a good time and not stress about it. Jack’s the one that chooses the movie and, honestly, Anti is down to anything, really. He’s not picky about that. The brown-haired man excuses himself, saying he needs to go back to work, and the freckled man is alone again with his thoughts. He tries to keep himself together until night comes, when they will see each other. Anti takes another shower, after working out, and he spends too much time staring at his clothes in the closet, holding a towel around his waist. There’s a sweater he likes it very much, of a mustard color, but it doesn’t cover his neck at all. He purses his lips, picking it up and thinking that he could try to put on some makeup, just so the scars won’t be so visible. The mute man throws a leather jacket over the sweater as well, wearing black pants and combat boots. He blow-dries his hair a little bit and makes sure to leave Toothless some food. Jack texts him that he’s almost leaving the house and Anti is a ball of anxiety, getting into the elevator. The green-haired man drives slow, buying some time, and just listening to the wind. He finds the movie theater without a problem and he parks in front of it, taking off his helmet. Anti leans against his motorcycle, breathing in fresh air. It’s a beautiful night in the end of September and, despite him being nervous right now, this is good. Going out. Not letting thoughts eat him alive. Anti doesn’t have to wait for too long, seeing Jack quickening his pace upon seeing him. The brown-haired man is wearing a dark green jacket and black clothes, with a pair of glasses. He stops in front of Anti, smiling and panting a bit. The mute man stares, finding him cute. It’s a thought he didn’t expect to have, but he’s not denying it. “Sorry if I’m late! I hope you didn’t have to wait that much,” Jack says.  “No, it’s all good,” he signs, heart swelling when the boy gets it. “You’re wearing glasses.”  “Y-Yeah, I use it most for reading. Why? Do I look weird?” Anti points at Jack and then moves his hand in front of his face with a smile, closing his fingers gently. “You look pretty.”  The Irishman must know that gesture for sure, because his cheeks just turn bright red. The silent man doesn’t know why he felt the need to say that, but, somehow, it feels natural with Jack. To say these things. The brown-haired man lets out a soft chuckle, kicking Anti’s boot with his in a shy manner. They snort and the freckled man stands up, walking towards the movie theater. Jack’s the one who buy the tickets and Anti’s the one responsible for the popcorn. He does get himself some Skittles and they have a discussion of what’s the best candy. They go up the stairs, sitting in the middle, and there aren’t many people around. Anti likes that and he doesn’t really remember what this movie is about, but Jack is laughing, so it’s all good. It’s a comedy with dark humor that he appreciates. The mute man’s heart races when their shoulders brush and he swallows, cursing himself mentally. Jack is eating the popcorn for both of them and Anti finds himself holding back a huge smile, opening his Skittles. He looks at the boy, every now and then, and that thought hits him again. That Jack is beautiful. His blue eyes shine and the freckled man gets lost in them, zoning out. The Irishman shoves him by the elbow and Anti blinks, looking forward. Jack says nothing but he has a stupid cheeky smile on his face and the green-haired man rolls his eyes. They don’t really talk during the movie and, well, that’s supposed to happen. But it’s not uncomfortable. Anti doesn’t feel the pressure to type something back whenever Jack will murmur a funny comment. The anxiety he felt in the beginning is washing away and his mind is calm. Anti forgets about the scars on his neck and how tired he is. The Irishman steals some of his candy and he glares at the boy, earning just a chuckle from him. Anti feels Jack’s gaze on him too, and he hopes that the boy can’t really see the scars. When the movie ends, the Irishman stretches his arms and legs with a groan. The green-haired man tugs on his gauges, watching, and waiting a bit to get up. They both have that groggy feeling after being still for too long, in a dark place, and they slowly walk down the stairs. Jack throws the empty cups of their drinks and the bag of popcorn into the trash, and Anti eats the last candy before doing the same with the package. He’s listening to the boy talk about the movie, what was good and bad, and Anti mostly nods. He sees his motorcycle and remembers what Jack told him the other day, about him not having a car. The mute man purses his lips. 
“Do you want a ride home?”
 Jack knits his eyebrows, not catching that, so Anti types instead. It’s the first time he has to do that tonight and he’s not bothered by it. The brown-haired man makes an Oh sound, immediately waving his hands and saying that is fine. Anti is still worried, because it’s late, and taking a bus at this hour could be dangerous. When the freckled man tells him that, he sighs, scratching the back of his head. Anti shoves his shoulder playfully until Jack agrees, explaining his address. They walk towards his Harley and the mute man gives him the helmet again. Anti really needs to buy another one now, doesn’t he? This time, Jack wraps his arms around Anti’s waist and the man tenses up. The boy isn’t quite touching his sides, hands locked together in the front, and the freckled man takes a deep breath. Jack seems tense too and he asks if this is okay. Anti swallows and nods once before starting the motorcycle, driving with care. He feels the wind hitting his face and the street lights are a blur around them. Jack tightens his hold and Anti tries not to think too much about it, focusing on looking ahead. The Irishman lives a good half an hour away from his place, but the silent man doesn’t mind that. They stop in front of a simple and small building of four floors and the brown-haired man steps out of the vehicle, giving Anti the helmet back. They exchange a look, both faces flushed because of the wind. The green-haired man thinks his freckles must be showing way more now because Jack’s staring at his cheeks. It’s silence, so Anti raises his hands to sign. 
“I needed this. It was fun. Thank you.”
 “No need to thank me. I had fun too,” Jack smiles. “Can… Can we do this more often? Maybe you could meet my friends. No pressure, though. J-Just asking. You can say no.” Anti thinks about it and he finds it difficult to refuse something coming from Jack. He nods, saying Yes, and the boy beams. They say goodnight and the brown-haired man waves at him while walking towards the apartment. Anti raises a hand in return, thinking that he’s fucked. ★ It’s a Friday morning. The mute man is painting his nails black in the living room and Toothless is sleeping next to him on the floor, back against the man’s thigh. There’s a small fan on, a bit far so it won’t mess up his nails, but today is hotter than usual. Anti’s wearing a tank top and shorts, and there’s iced tea on the coffee table. He tied up his curly green hair in a small pigtail and Jack just sent him a picture of a cute dog he’s bathing. There’s music playing from the TV and it’s calm. He paints his toes as well, split tongue poking out in concentration. Toothless’ tail moves in her sleep and Anti’s cell phone buzzes again. 
You feelin like going out on Sunday? I go to my friends’ house every week so we all can make lunch and just spend some time together. You up for it?
 
that sounds an awful lot like tradition, dont wanna bother
 
It wouldn’t be a bother. I would love to have you there... We just play some board games and watch something on Netlix. It’s nothin agitated.
 
mm, r u really sure bout that
 
I am! Pretty pleaaseee?? :)
 
fine, fine
 Anti thinks this is going to be a mess, really, but he will try for Jack. If anything, he can excuse himself and just leave. Right? The green-haired man takes a deep breath, knowing that this is getting more complicated. When he first saw Jack, he didn’t expect to be that involved. The Irishman is captivating and so kind. Something Anti isn’t. He’s broken and depressed. Jack is almost like a pure light, radiating happiness. It’s addicting. The silent man purses his lips and finishes painting his nails with these thoughts, planning what he has to do on Sunday. Just be polite and patient. Very patient. That can’t be too hard right? Jack makes sure to give him the address when the day comes and Anti forgets to ask what he should bring for the lunch. He stops by a flower shop and buys a small bouquet of yellow roses, hoping this will please the boy’s friends. They live closer to Jack, so it takes him a few good minutes to get there. Anti’s heart is racing by the time he parks the motorcycle in front of a fancy house, tightening his hold around the bouquet. He’s wearing a light brown sweater under a jacket, scars covered with a bit of makeup, and the usual pair of black jeans. The green-haired man stares at the white door for a few seconds before pressing the doorbell. It’s a lady with pink hair that opens the door and Anti blinks, frozen in place. “Oh, hi!” she smiles. “You must be Anti, right? Come in, come in!” He walks inside a bit stiff and he gives her the flowers, watching her smile even more and chuckle. She thanks him and the silent man follows her in the hallway, until they reach the living room. The pink-haired lady is already calling for Jack and the others, and Anti’s palms are fucking sweating. His whole body is screaming Abort! Abort! but he tries to swallow it down. A sigh leaves his lips when seeing Jack and the Irishman is wearing a white long-sleeved shirt. He flashes a smile at Anti and the mute man returns the gesture shyly. The brown-haired man stops in front of him and it feels like they want to get closer, but no one makes a move. “Thank you for coming,” Jack whispers, eyes turning into half-moons. Anti nods and someone clears their throat. The boy looks behind him to see his friends and the mute man purses his lips. “Oh, let me introduce you to them! This is Marzia, PJ, Sophie and… Where’s Felix?” “Oh, woah! You really weren’t kidding about you guys looking alike. Holy shit!” “There he is…” the boy murmurs, seeing Felix coming out of the kitchen. “Well, everyone… This is Anti.” The green-haired man just nods once, not finding the strength to sign, not even a Hello. Marzia is happy to show the yellow roses to everyone and putting them in a vase. Jack seems surprised with the gesture, but very happy. They exchange a look and the boy signs, asking if he is alright, so no one will hear. Anti appreciates that and grins a bit more. Jack did tell him before that they know about his disability. PJ signs a greeting happily and the brown-haired man murmurs that they are learning a little bit too. Jack’s the one who knows the most, though. No one really needs to sign back to Anti, but it does make him more at ease knowing that that possibility is there. Everyone greets him nicely and the mute man tries to relax. He takes it all in, looking around. Everything is mostly white and very organized. It’s a large place with a tall ceiling, a nice porch with a garden and a wooden table. Heck, there’s even a fireplace here. PJ calls for Jack so they can play a video game, and Sophie watches them from the couch. Marzia went to the kitchen and Felix is drinking a beer while sitting next to Jack, arm behind him. Anti narrows his eyes and walks towards the kitchen, seeing a beautiful marble island in the middle of the room. The pink-haired lady says he should be with the others and have fun and Anti types an answer, asking if he can help. She rolls her eyes but gives him a knife to chop some vegetables. He does it carefully, taking his time, and she hums a song under her breath next to him. “Jack talks a lot about you. It’s really nice to finally meet you, Anti,” Marzia says. The freckled man must look at her with a funny expression, because she chuckles. “It is true! You shouldn’t be so surprised. He doesn’t stop talking.” Anti snorts, knowing that very well. He hears the boy’s laugher coming from the other room, along with the others, and he likes that. Marzia grins and just chats with him. It doesn’t take too long for him to feel comfortable next to her, holding back a silent laugh here and there. PJ comes over to help as well, while Sophie plays on his place, and the guy is very quirky. So far, there are no red flags and that’s good. Anti excuses himself after a while, wanting to go back to Jack, and Marzia tells him to grab a beer before leaving. He opens two and, when he walks into the living room, he gives one to the Irishman. “Thanks,” Jack murmurs and takes a sip from the drink. “You doing alright?”  “I’m okay. I like Marzia. She is very sweet,” he finally signs. Jack has the stupidest smile on his face and Anti snorts. “What?”  “Nothing,” he shrugs and stares at the video game on the TV screen. “I’m just happy you’re here.” Felix is looking at him from across the room, sitting on an armchair now, and Anti knits his eyebrows. It makes him want to curl into a ball and hide. Jack clears his throat and the silver-haired man shakes his head before smiling and commenting on the game. The green-haired man clenches one hand on his lap while the other holds the beer, taking deep breaths. Jack gives the joystick to Felix, so he can play with Sophie, and he moves closer to the mute man. Anti lets out a small gasp when he feels the Irishman’s hand over his. He looks up to see Jack staring back, whispering that everything is okay. The brown-haired man rubs his thumb once against his skin and Anti’s heart skips a beat. He tightens his hold around the beer bottle and nods, hesitating a bit before entwining their fingers together. Anti gets lost in those blue eyes and they keep staring, just holding each other. He feels calmer again, focusing just on Jack, and the boy’s eyes flicker down to his mouth. The green-haired man swallows and the spell is broken when Marzia calls for everyone, breaking apart as if their hands have been burned. He abruptly gets up and helps the girls to set the table, leaving Jack on the couch. Anti sees that their lunch is very healthy, with a lot of vegetables and no meat. Everyone sits down together to eat, chatting at the same time while faint music plays in the background. He’s across from Jack, next to Sophie, and Felix is at the end of the table. Marzia makes sure to tell everyone what is what and Anti tries tofu for the first time. It is good and he compliments her. “What do you do, Anti?” PJ asks and the silent man signs, looking briefly at Jack. 
“I’m a video editor.”
 Jack repeats what he said, being his voice, and they all discuss a bit about it. Anti eats quite a lot, not used to have this kind of food, and he’s really digging it. He still doesn’t understand why he’s here, really. Jack said they do this every Sunday, after he moved in. They seem so close and Anti is like a fish out of water. It is a little awkward and no one really brings it up the fact that he’s mute. Anti doesn’t know if they are being just polite or purposefully avoiding it. Maybe everyone is doing this for Jack. The freckled man holds back a sigh and just listen to them talking. Felix opens up a bit more and they finish lunch without any problems. There’s a break before dessert, everyone sitting down on the floor from the living room to play a cooperative board game. Obviously Anti pairs up with Jack and it hits him a moment later that the others are a couple. The Irishman gets frustrated at one point, not wanting to lose, and the green-haired man laughs. He does winces when a broken little noise leaves his mouth and he stops, scowling at the floor. No one pays attention to that but Jack bumps his shoulder against his. He sighs and Marzia calls for the brown-haired man, asking for help with the dessert. Sophie goes to the bathroom and PJ is just frowning at his game. Felix looks at Anti and it’s suddenly too quiet. “Jack seems to really like you,” the silver-haired man whispers. “He doesn’t really bring people here, you know?” The green-haired man knits his eyebrows, thinking about that, and he feels anxious. Felix continues to look at him, eyes moving down to his throat, and Anti holds back the urge to swallow. He sees Jack coming back from the corner of his eye and Sophie is sitting down, but Felix’s words are already leaving his mouth and everything seems to just fucking stop. “How did you get those scars?” PJ’s eyes flicker between them, not knowing what to do, and the air is tense. Jack’s frozen in place and Anti can’t bring himself to look up, panic immediately crawling under his skin. Was his scar too visible all this fucking time? Was everyone just really avoiding it? Why didn’t Jack say anything?! The freckled man sucks in air and it hurts. He shuts his eyes and sees flashes of light, listening to sirens loud in his ears. Fuck. Fuck! Anti starts shaking, chest moving up and down too fast, and he wants to lie down. He wants to lie down. Jack is saying something to Felix and he sounds so angry, so upset. The green-haired man chokes, hyperventilating, and the Irishman crouches down in front of him. “A-Anti, you’re okay! C’mon, breathe,” Jack whispers into his ear, hugging him, and Anti wants to groan. “Look at me.” He shakes his head and the boy insists more, cupping his face. Shit. This is so fucking embarrassing. Anti opens his eyes, seeing blue, and Jack looks so worried. He wants to say that he’s sorry. It’s his fault. It’s all his fault for being like this. He’s ruining everything. The brown-haired man rubs his thumbs on the man’s cheeks, telling him to breathe. Anti gasps for air, clenching his hands on Jack’s shirt, and he glares at himself. The mute man buries his face in the crook of the boy’s neck and he wants to go home. He wants to go. Anti can’t sign right now, hands shaking too much, so he just needs to calm down. Jack keeps saying sweet things and everyone is dead quiet, letting them be. He’s practically melting on the floor, limbs all weak, but the boy holds him up to his chest. Anti breathes in his scent, slowly sucking in air again while Jack caresses his hair. The freckled man hates it that a few tears fall from his eyes and he quickly wipes them away, sitting down properly. Jack doesn’t seem to let go of him and he raises his weak hands, grimacing and refusing to look at the others.  “I want to go,” he signs and the brown-haired man purses his lips. “Felix, give me your car keys,” Jack says. “What? Jack, you’re n-” “Give him the car keys, Felix,” Marzia interrupts the silver-haired man. “Anti can’t drive right now. It won’t be good.” The Irishman stands up, pulling the silent man with him, and he walks them to the hallway. Anti keeps avoiding everyone, but he hears Marzia behind them and she opens the front door for them. She calls him softly and apologizes, hoping to still see him. Jack’s holding his arm and the mute man sends Marzia a quick look, feeling sorry as well. The brown-haired man kisses her cheek and says he will pick up Anti’s motorcycle later. They leave the house and the freckled man stumbles with wobbly legs, getting inside the vehicle. Jack makes sure he’s wearing a seat belt and, before he starts the car, he asks for Anti’s address. The mute man fetches his cell phone and types it. Jack drives and it’s too quiet. The green-haired man pulls his legs up, sighing, and he closes his eyes. Goddamnit. He was caught off guard when Felix asked about scars. Anti wasn’t expecting to have a full blown panic attack just by that. He should’ve stayed at home. Jack probably regrets bringing him there, as well, and they must think he’s too sensitive. Anti can’t wait to hug Toothless. The mute man thinks about all of this, until the Irishman comes to a stop, and he opens his eyes. “Anti…” Jack whispers. “I’m so sorry. Felix wasn’t right to ask you like that, so suddenly. But he meant no harm… Just… I want you well.” The green-haired man looks at the boy, remembering how it felt to have him so close. Jack was trying to comfort him, holding him and caressing his hair. Anti wants to touch him again, but he keeps his hands to himself. The Irishman looks so sad and he doesn’t like that.  “It’s fine. Thank you,” he gestures, making it simple for the boy to understand. “Sorry for today.”  “It wasn’t your fault, don’t say sorry. I just... I want… It’s m-” Anti puts a hand in the air to stop him, shaking his head. He just wants to go and Jack sighs, nodding. The brown-haired man wants them to keep in contact, to text a message if he needs something. Anti leaves the car and walks into his building, wanting the ground to open up and swallow him. Nothing really happens, though, and the mute man hits the elevator button. Anti goes to his floor and unlocks his apartment, getting inside with a sigh. He takes off his shoes and jacket, throwing it over the couch and already snapping his fingers to call for Toothless. She comes in running, meowing, and Anti picks her up. He hugs her and she wags her tail, purring. The freckled man goes to the bedroom and all but falls onto the mattress, bringing her with him. He curls into a ball and for once, sleep seems to come easily. It’s still afternoon, but Anti won’t refuse a nap right now. He needs to shut down his mind for a couple of hours. The green-haired man relaxes, not caring about his cell phone buzzing on the nightstand, and he just sleeps.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Anti wakes up after a couple of hours, groggy from sleep, and Toothless isn’t with him anymore. He rubs his eyes and lies flat on his back, sighing. Fuck. He has a headache. This always happens if he sleeps during the day and it sucks. Anti stretches in bed, popping his bones, and he fetches his cell phone on the nightstand. Jack sent a few messages an hour ago, saying he left his Harley in front of the building. The green-haired man narrows his eyes, imagining Jack driving his motorcycle. The Irishman also asked how he’s feeling and Anti purses his lips, typing. 
sorry, just woke up. im fine
 There’s no immediate answer, so he gets up to take a shower. The mute man zones out, staring at the water drops streaming down the tiled wall. He replays the memory from before, of Jack helping him. The brown-haired man whispered sweet nothings, soothing him. They’ve never been that close. The boy’s skin was soft and warm, peach-like. His scent was sweet and fresh. Anti rinses his hair, touching his cheek and recalling Jack’s touch there instead. He’s so hungry for contact, isn’t he? God, it’s ridiculous. Though, the Irishman was so delicate. Anti steps out of the shower, drying himself, and he grimaces upon staring in the mirror. He looks exhausted, damp hair falling over his eyes. He doesn’t dare to look down at his neck, just walking away to get dressed. Anti brings his cell phone with him, after putting on grey sweatpants, and he goes to the kitchen. The green-haired man pours some food for Toothless and she happily starts eating. He makes himself a sandwich and checks his laptop at the kitchen counter. Jack replies a moment later. 
Are you sure? Everyone keeps asking about you. They really liked you and Felix kept saying he was sorry.
 
im sure. tell him it’s alright.
 No one says anything after that and Anti gets distracted with his laptop, wanting not to think. He doesn’t sleep that night and drinks whiskey, not enough to get himself drunk. He doesn’t want that. Just a buzz is good for now. The green-haired man crashes on the couch around three in the morning, throwing an arm over his face, and leaves some music playing in the background. Toothless is sleeping in her bed, safe and sound, and he zones out. Deep down, Anti knows that he will be avoiding Jack for a while. It’s not good, but it’s his immediate reaction when something goes wrong. The boy won’t like that very much. Jack keeps texting him as the days go by and Anti is drowning in depression, having an episode of just wanting to stay in bed and do nothing. Toothless complains endlessly and he feels bad for ignoring her. The mute man reads all Jack’s messages and he purses his lips, drinking more whiskey instead of eating properly. He can tell the moment where the boy gets worried and anxious, as the unanswered messages go by after a few days. 
Hey I was thinking we could go to a food fair this next weekend.
 
Ooor something more calming like a movie? Hot Fuzz? You still haven’t seen the Watchmen movie...
 
Anti? You there?
 
Don’t do this. Just talk to me.
 
Please.
 It gets to a point where Anti doesn’t really have much food left in the house and he knows that he should go out to buy more stuff. The green-haired man looks like a mess and he needs to trim his beard. His hair is greasy, ginger roots showing, and there are dark circles under his eyes. Anti is doing this to himself and he hates these days. Toothless ran out of her favorite brand of food and she doesn’t really want the other kibbles. He knows he will go out again. It will happen. Anti won’t dare to involve Toothless in this. She is a sweet cat that doesn’t deserve this crappy owner. He’s curled up on the couch with a blanket, moping and glaring at the TV screen, when he hears the intercom of his apartment ring. Anti stands up and walks up to it, pressing a button to answer. The lookout man greets him, saying that there’s a guy named Jack wanting to see him. The green-haired man feels his blood run cold, breathing picking up, but he taps once over the intercom. They have an agreement that tapping once means Yes and twice, No. The lookout man is always polite to Anti and he makes sure to ask simple questions through the telephone, so he says Jack is coming over before hanging up. Anti takes a look around his apartment and his eyes widen, realizing he lives in a shitty hole. Everything is a mess, blanket spread all over the couch and leftover food on the coffee table. Fuck, he didn’t even shower yet. Toothless is on the kitchen counter, glaring at him, and he is about to run to grab a t-shirt when there’s a knock on his door. Anti winces and tries fixing his ugly hair before opening it very slowly. Jack is standing in the hallway, holding plastic bags in his hands, and he’s glaring. The green-haired man clenches his jaw and opens the door some more, letting him in. The boy takes a quick look at the apartment but stares back at Anti, shaking his head. “I can’t believe it that you left me on read.” The comment was supposed to be funny, the mute man knows that, but he can tell that Jack means some of it. The Irishman’s eyes flicker down to his shirtless state and Anti looks away, taking a deep breath and walking towards the couch so he can grab a shirt. He throws it over his head and Jack clears his throat.  “What are you doing here?” Anti signs, shaking his hands, and the boy huffs. “I was worried and you weren’t answering me. It’s a thursday, Anti!” Jack says. “It’s been almost a week since you’ve been ignoring me. If you want to cut me off, do it properly. Don’t just… stop.” The brown-haired man looks down at the plastic bags in his hands, sighing and shuffling on his feet. “I… I also brought food for Toothless…” Anti looks at the kitchen counter and Jack follows his gaze, seeing his black cat there. She hasn’t moved from her place, just watching while her tail moves slightly in interest. The boy flashes a smile immediately, saying the softest Hi the silent man has ever heard and that stirs something in his heart. Jack doesn’t approach her yet, though, and Anti huffs. It would be the right thing to let her come to the boy first. He sets the bags on a stool, telling what he brought, and the green-haired man can’t stop looking at him. Jack keeps talking, saying that Anti was being stupid and not paying attention to the other’s feelings. The Irishman understands that he needed space, but letting him know would’ve been nice. The freckled man just listens and, honestly, Jack could call him horrible things and he wouldn’t mind. He missed the man. He missed seeing Jack. It’s all he can think right now, looking at him. His heart aches and he grimaces, clenching his hands. The brown-haired man stops talking and walks closer to him. Anti’s green eyes are locked in blue and he takes a deep breath. Jack sighs, biting his bottom lip. “I put you into that situation, you know… I felt so bad and I didn’t know if you were okay… I don’t want us to go back to how we started,” he mutters and Anti doesn’t like seeing him with droopy eyes. “Do you want me here? I can go, if you want...” The mute man places his thumb under his chin, moving it back down, and then opens his hands fully, palms to the side. “Don’t go.”  Jack looks at him, searching for something in his eyes, and Anti apologizes for ignoring him. The boy just huffs softly with a smile, brushing it off already. He just takes another look around the apartment, grimacing at the sight of dirty dishes in the kitchen. Toothless has come down from the counter and she’s now walking around them in lazy circles, tail up. “Please, go shower,” Jack says. “I like you but there is a limit.” Anti snorts, but does what he’s told, going to the bathroom. He rests his back against the door for a moment, still processing the fact that Jack came here to check on him. Fuck, he even brought Toothless’ kibbles. Anti strips off his clothes and takes a shower, finally washing his hair. There’s still worry in his heart over ruining this again. Jack is trying to make things work, but he’s known to fuck everything up. The silent man can’t really believe that the Irishman really wants to be here. To be around him. Heck, Jack’s learning sign language. Because of him.  The freckled man sighs, drying himself before going to his bedroom. He puts on grey sweatpants, with a white t-shirt for once. There’s no point in hiding his scars with makeup anymore, so he leaves without doing anything about it. He finds Jack washing the dishes, with Toothless rubbing herself all over the boy’s legs. Anti taps his hands, telling him to stop doing that, but the Irishman threatens him with a spoon. The green-haired man leans against a counter, next to him, and just stares. Jack sends him quick glances, shuffling on his feet. “What?” Jack asks. “Is there something on my face...?” Anti shakes his head, smiling, and the boy’s eyes fall to his mouth for a split second before going back to the dishes. The man dries the plates and cutlery, wanting to do something, and it’s a comfortable silence. Once they are done, Jack asks if he’s hungry. Anti purses his lips and the boy takes that as an Yes . He does pat Toothless when he goes to the couch and she jumps to be on his lap, watching him. The green-haired man sits down next to him, listening to her purring, and the Irishman calls her cute names. They agree on having Chinese food and Jack makes the order. Anti tries paying for the cat food as well, giving the boy money, but he refuses it. The mute man feels the tips of his ears burn hot, embarrassed, but Jack doesn’t seem to mind. The brown-haired man is also the one to get the food from the delivery guy and Anti stays on the couch, setting Watchmen for them to see. How weird it is to have him here. Jack was upset, they both were, but now they’re just having some time together again. Anti is calmer and they eat while watching the movie. Toothless is sleeping between them, head resting on Jack’s thigh, and he can’t help but glance at the boy every now and then. Anti’s self-conscious of the pinkish scars around his neck, so he taps the Irishman’s shoulder to call his attention. 
“Did you always know about my scars?”
 “Huh?” The silent man stops signing and grabs his cell phone from the coffee table instead, knowing Jack doesn’t know everything yet. He repeats what he signed and the brown-haired man takes a moment to answer, pausing the movie. “You’re always looking down, fixing your clothes...” he whispers. “I’m not dumb. I could see some of it, but I knew it made you feel uncomfortable. I wasn’t going to bring that up, until you wanted to...” Anti just nods, holding back the urge to touch his neck, and points at the TV so Jack can play the movie again. The Irishman makes some comments here and there, and Toothless moves after a while. She goes to her bed, curling into a ball, and now there’s a gap between them on the couch. No one does anything about it, just looking forward, but Anti is very aware of it. When the movie ends, Jack looks at him with expectation and he snorts. 
“I liked it a lot. I do think the comic is better but it’s a great movie adaptation. Rorschach was fucking awesome. Dr. Manhattan finally had a good dick too.”
 “I am so touched by your words, Anti,” Jack sniffs, placing a hand over his head. “I’m so proud.” The green-haired man flips him the bird. “Fuck off.”  Jack giggles and then, they both realize how late it is. The Irishman came here on his day off, so he still has to take a bus home and work in the morning. The boy helps him clean everything before leaving, though, saying he won’t let Anti stay with all that mess. He pats Toothless before walking towards the door and the mute man knits his eyebrows, thinking he doesn’t want the boy to go. Jack smiles and brushes a few strands of hair away from his face, murmuring that he’ll think of something for the weekend. They’re standing in front of each other, no one quite saying goodbye yet, and Anti purses his lips. Jack opens his mouth to speak and the freckled man interrupts him by walking forward, wrapping his arms around him. Jack huffs with the impact and Anti’s heart beats like a drum, hugging him more. The Irishman returns the gesture after a moment, tightening their hold, and the silent man buries his face in the crook of his neck. For once, he lets himself to just feel and he can feel Jack’s heart beating fast as well. The Irishman caresses his hair and chuckles, saying the man is quite something. Anti takes a deep breath and it’s a bit difficult to break their embrace. He pulls away just enough to look at the Irishman, mouthing a Thank you. Jack smiles and whispers a goodbye for now. The green-haired man lets him go and the boy looks behind his shoulder to wave, walking in the hallway. Anti closes the door and rests his forehead against it, inhaling deeply through his mouth and letting it all out. Fuck. He couldn’t help himself. Anti just wanted to… feel something. There’s something so captivating in Jack, that makes him want to get closer. The brown-haired man was so kind, despite the mistakes Anti did, and he was wonderful with Toothless. Shit. This is bad. The freckled man’s heart swells and he craves for so much more. Whatever this is. Even though he doesn’t deserve it, he wants it. God, he wants it.
★

I have an idea but you might think it’s a little crazy...
 
im listenin
 
How do you feel about a mini road trip?

★
Anti stares at the car in front of them, shaking his head. He asks if Marzia is sure about this, lending her car like that, and Jack just waves him off. The Irishman says she’s fine with it, as long as he helps her painting her studio. Anti scratches the back of his head, looking up at the sky. It’s a Saturday, the beginning of October, and they’ve just lunched together. Jack is placing a duffel bag in the back seat, that has blankets and some snacks inside. The green-haired man purses his lips, seeing the boy all excited and looking at him with expectation. Anti sighs, holding Toothless in his arms. He doesn’t like putting her inside a carrier, nor does she finds pleasant. At least, she is very calm and doesn’t try running away. Jack opens the passenger’s door for him and Anti gets inside. He keeps caressing Toothless’ ear, listening to her purr to calm him down, and the Irishman starts the car. They will go to Marzia and Felix’s house first, because they agreed to take care of Toothless for a day. Anti would never do this with people he barely knows. But Jack trusts them with his life and that must be a good sign. Plus, the pink-haired lady was very sweet to him. He is nervous, though, to be coming over after having that panic attack. She’s the one to greet them, opening the door and letting them get inside. Jack hugs her and she immediately squeaks over how cute Toothless is. That puts a smile on Anti’s face, relaxing, and Marzia is kind. Felix shows up in the end of the hallway, waving a bit awkwardly, and the mute man nods at him. It is difficult to see Marzia take Toothless from his arms and he signs a promise of coming back for his cat, even if she doesn’t get it. Jack catches that, nonetheless, and he gives Felix her kibbles. There are also a couple of toys and they all find it adorable that Anti is making sure that Toothless has everything, even though they will be gone just for a day. The Irishman has to push him away from the house, shouting goodbye and being funny. Anti huffs, rolling his eyes and getting inside the car again. Jack looks at him, smiling, and the silent man clenches his jaw. 
“Are you sure about this?”
 “What? Why? Are you having second thoughts?” Jack asks, looking worried.  “No,” Anti signs. “I’m just… nervous.”  The brown-haired man blinks, staring at him. “It’s okay, I’m nervous too… But we will just drive and listen to some music, alright? If you feel like going back, we will. I promise. Is that good?” Anti agrees, thankful that Jack is understanding and leaving him options. The Irishman starts the car and just drives. The freckled man rests his head on the car seat, putting on his seatbelt and just staring outside the window. Jack puts on some music, humming under his breath. He said it would be good. He said that maybe, going out and driving anywhere, could ease Anti’s mind. They’ve talked about seeing the stars better before, so Jack wants to drive away from the city. Until there is nothing around them. They planned to sleep in the car if it takes too long and go back in the morning. His biggest concern was Toothless, though, but he’s glad that Marzia is taking care of her. A couple of hours pass and Jack is singing to a Whitney Houston song, at the top of his lungs, and Anti just stares. The boy turns the volume up and the green-haired man grimaces, shaking his head. Jack pays him no mind, hitting the steering wheel along with the beats and knitting his eyebrows in concentration. “I get so emotional, baby!” Jack sings. “Every time I think of you! I get so emotional, baby! Ain’t it shocking what love can do!” Anti chuckles silently when the brown-haired man points at him, dancing in his seat. The mute man places his legs up to the car’s panel and opens the window. The landscape has changed already, less buildings and lights, and Anti stretches an arm out to feel the wind. He gets some chips from the duffel bag in the back, giving some to Jack so they can eat, and it’s good. All of it. There are no dark thoughts in his mind, he’s just feeling. The sky is a mix of orange and pink by the time there are no more buildings, just gorgeous landscape. They see green fields and faint mountains in the background. Jack keeps singing, not shying away from the fact that Anti can’t join him. They do stop by a gas station for a bathroom break and the Irishman fills the car tank a little more, just for precaution. There’s a field with nothing nearby and they stop there, when the firsts stars in the sky show up. Jack’s in love by the view and Anti gets out of the vehicle, taking off his boots and socks so he can feel the grass underneath. The boy does the same, giggling under his breath, and he stretches his legs. Anti wanders a bit, hands in his pockets, and he inhales the fresh air. He closes his eyes, feeling the breeze hit his face, and there are crickets singing. There’s just nature around them and it’s so peaceful. “Hey.” Anti opens his eyes, turning around when he hears a click. He sees Jack taking a picture of him, grinning behind a small camera, and Anti’s lips part. The boy walks up to be next to him and the green-haired man stares, blinking softly, and the boy smiles shyly. He asks for some little help and they walk back so they can place a large blanket over the car hood. Jack wants them to try something just like the movies and Anti calls him cheesy. They practically make a nest over the vehicle, with a few pillows here and there to be comfortable. The brown-haired man gathers some snacks for later and he seems satisfied with their work. He hops up there, patting the other side, and Anti snorts before following him. They lie down, staring up at the dark sky, and there are so many fucking stars. Jack is basically a burrito, though, under a blanket because it’s a bit colder than they’ve expected. “I’ve never done something like this before…” the boy whispers. “I’m glad I’m doing it with you.” Anti holds back the urge to roll his eyes, signing instead. “Jeez, you are a sap.”  “Shut up, you like it,” he chuckles. Then, when it gets quieter again, he knits his eyebrows and hums. Anti asks what’s on his mind and Jack looks at him, lips parting deep in thoughts. “Do you feel like screaming?” The mute man frowns at the question, not getting it, and the Irishman makes a face. “You know what I mean! I… There’s no one here, Anti. No one. I could scream for you. That sounded dumb but… I mean it.” The green-haired man thinks about it, trying to understand. Does Jack want to really scream while Anti pretends to? The man with the blue eyes adds that it could be good to let it out and the mute man takes a deep breath. Fuck it. He nods and Jack looks nervous, but sits up while clearing his throat. The freckled man moves to sit properly as well, watching him. The boy tells him to shut his eyes, though, so he does that and waits. Anti’s heart skips a beat when Jack tries shouting a couple of times first, shaking anxiety away and just letting it go. He’s right. There’s no one there. Jack really fucking screams, voice echoing, and Anti keeps his eyes closed. It takes him some time, but he opens his mouth and pretends that’s him instead. Anti yells, actually forcing something, and he feels so many emotions hitting him all at once. He takes Jack’s hand in his, entwining their fingers together, and the corners of his eyes burn with tears. The Irishman keeps going, himself sounding angrier and angrier, and Anti begins to cry. He remembers the pain of losing his voice, of all the nightmares it brought to his life. The green-haired man remembers it all and it stings so badly in his heart. His knuckles turn white but Jack doesn’t let go of his hand, shouting over and over. Their voices echo and there are tears streaming down Anti’s face. He finally opens his eyes, staring at the sky, and he sobs. The screaming fades when Jack feels him shaking, and he just fucking weeps.  It’s an ugly crying and Anti covers his mouth, shoulders moving up and down while he chokes in tears. The Irishman tries saying something, catching his breath, but the mute man just falls back to the car hood. He cries like never before, trembling like a leaf, and Jack tries soothing him. Anti grabs him by the collar and pulls him down, hugging him. Their legs tangle and he buries his face in the crook of the boy’s neck, silently weeping. Jack caresses his hair, adjusting to be on top of freckled man, and he whispers sweet nothings. “I-It’s okay,” the brown-haired man murmurs into his ear, still a little breathless. “I got you. You’re going t-to be okay, Anti. We all are.” The mute man grinds his teeth, wanting to whimper, and he sucks in air. Fat tears smear his face and Jack wipes them away, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. Anti perks up at that, feeling a pang in his heart, and he just breathes. The Irishman mutters apologies, saying he didn’t want Anti to cry. They stay like this for a while, hugging each other, until the man calms down. He’s still trembling, but he can see better. No fat tears blurring his vision. Anti sniffs and Jack brushes his thumb on the corner of his eye. He raises weak hands between them, wanting to sign.  “I’m okay,” he says, but Jack still looks sorry. Anti smiles. “You’re…”  He stops the gesture, thinking that the boy is perfect. He shakes his head instead, fetching his cell phone, and he types something that he never thought to share. Anti sniffs again and Jack waits, just running his hand through the man’s hair. It’s a long text and he stops every now and then, feeling too much. The green-haired man asks for the boy to read it out loud. The Irishman seems uncertain about that, but Anti insists that is fine. They exchange a look and he nods, taking the cell phone from the mute man once he’s done.  “I… I used to be a singer,” Jack reads. “My friend and I had a small band together a few years ago. We were young and we started consuming drugs, but he was getting into heavy stuff. I had an argument with him…” The brown-haired man pauses, taking it all in. “He would want to sell our equipment, even, so he could buy more. It got to the point where he was owning people money. A lot of money. They broke into my house, thinking my friend was hiding stuff in there. That I was helping him.”  Anti pictures his old house, in another city, seeing them thrashing the whole place. His friend was in his bedroom, they had just fought, and he panicked. They wanted to threaten him, grabbing him and showing off their guns. Anti tried to talk, to calm them down, but his friend came out of the room, so out of it, and there was shouting everywhere. The green-haired man remembers the cold knife against his throat, him frozen in place. They had to be bluffing, they just needed money. But, when there was a gun pointing at his friend, he got so scared. Even if they wouldn’t shoot, even if they just wanted to scare them, Anti just… reacted.   “I felt a knife cutting my throat when I ran to help,” Jack murmurs, tears in his eyes. The silent man brushes some of them away, urging him to keep going. “I was right, thought. T-They didn’t want that to happen and everyone lost their shit. No one knew what to do when I f-fell on the floor.”  The green-haired man recalls how horrible it was to choke in his own blood, wrapping a hand around his neck. The cut was sloppy, unclean. They all left him there. Anti will never forget his friend’s face. Eyes red, hollow cheeks, pale skin. Someone must’ve heard all their screaming, because soon there was police sirens and all Anti could see was their light coming from the window. He tried to stay calm, waiting for them and praying that an ambulance would come. It was horrible. A stupid, freak accident. Jack’s crying by the time he finishes reading and he drops the phone to wipe tears away. Anti swallows, both so emotional in the middle of a field. He tries saying to Jack that he is fine now, that there was an ambulance and that he is alive. He quit that life, recovering by himself and moving to another place. His vocal cords were damaged and he had to learn a new world. He doesn’t mention the part that, sometimes, he would make new cuts on his throat out of anger. The Irishman shakes his head, mumbling that Anti lost so much. The mute man sighs, raising his hands to sign.  “Yeah,” he says. “I lost everything. It wasn’t easy. I thought I could trust him but he left.”  “I-I’m so sorry, Anti,” the boy whispers and hugs him more. The silent man feels his lips brushing against his skin, whenever he talks. “I’m s-so fucking sorry that you had to go through this. You d-didn’t deserve it. I’m so g-glad you’re here with me today...” At that, Anti smiles. He feels fine. He feels… happy. Jack gives him some space to sign that and they exchange a look. The green-haired man is content that he shared this little story, that he came here. But they are supposed to be having more fun and not crying, for fuck sakes. Jack chuckles at that, sniffing. They stare at each other, grinning like idiots, and the boy is still half on top of him. He looks down at Anti’s neck, hand hovering in the air in a silent question, and the silent man purses his lips. He takes a deep breath and nods, letting Jack touch his scars. The boy’s fingers brush against marred skin and Anti fights the urge to turn his face away. The Irishman touches him with care and god, he looks so beautiful under the moonlight. He wraps his hand around Jack’s, stopping him when he starts moving up, and the brown-haired man lies down again. Anti lets him cover them with a blanket and they keep holding hands, Jack’s head resting against his chest. It’s quiet, with just crickets singing softly, and they just breathe. Anti wraps an arm around the boy’s waist, keeping him there, and they close their eyes. They don’t sleep right away, just resting and caressing each other. It’s something Anti would never thought to be sharing, to be so close. He’s so fucking happy that he met Jack, that he didn’t give up on trying. It feels good.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Anti knits his eyebrows, the morning sun stirring him awake, and he can’t feel his left arm. Jack’s snoring next to him, spread all over the car hood. The mute man shakes him up and the boy groans, turning to the other side so Anti can take his arm underneath him. The green-haired man winces at the tingly feeling and Jack throws the blanket over his own face, whining over the sun. Anti rubs his eyes, touching the back of his stiff neck, and the boy is sleeping again. He remembers what Jack did last night, taking a picture of him, so he leaves the car hood quietly. He takes the camera from the backseat and comes back to be next to Jack. Anti stares at him, seeing his face poking out of the blanket, and he takes a picture of the boy.
 
Jack frowns a bit, grumbling once more when Anti touches his shoulder, and he finally sits up as well. They have messy hair, face groggy from sleep. Jack stretches his arms and groans.
 
“Sleeping here was a terrible idea,” he half-speaks, half-yawns. The silent man makes a face, complaining about his morning breath, and Jack looks offended. “Listen, this is the side they never show in the movies. You gotta deal with it, man.”
 
They hop down from the car, fully stretching, and Anti offers to drive instead. Jack’s grumpy in the morning, apparently, only humming and wanting to hide from the sun. They gather all the blankets and pillows, folding them and putting back in the duffel bag before driving away. Anti does stop by a small diner and they use the bathroom, finally washing their faces. Jack is relieved to be peeing and Anti just snorts, brushing his teeth in the sink. They come back to sit down at a booth, looking at the menu to order some breakfast food. Jack’s starving and he wants pancakes with coffee. Anti questions his choices and the boy just glares.
 
The mute man gets himself some scrambled eggs and coffee with milk. It’s the Irishman’s turn to scrunch up his nose at the drink and Anti sticks his tongue out. Jack’s eyes widen a bit, just now realizing the man has a split tongue. He flushes and stutters, saying that’s awesome, and Anti smirks while sipping from his drink. Jack keeps trying to snap pictures of these moments, catching the mute man staring at the window. There’s one where he’s showing the boy the middle finger, while taking a sip from his drink. They both feel more awake after this and there’s something different between them. They keep stealing glances, staring at each other, and Anti feels more calm. Talking about what happened to him got rid of some anxiety. It feels much better now. Jack is more relaxed, acting goofy without a care, and Anti is smiling.
 
They finish eating breakfast and get back to the car, sighing and driving away. The Irishman plays some music, but the ride is quieter this time. Anti can’t really look at him now, just focusing on the road, but he can feel the boy’s gaze on him. Jack texts Marzia at some point, saying they will be there in a couple of hours to pick up Toothless and he hums along with a song. He opens a gummy bear package and Anti scowls at him, knowing it’s too early for something like that, but the boy pays him no mind.
 
“Anti?” he asks after a moment, leaving a long pause before continuing. “Can I listen to you?”
 
The green-haired man looks at him briefly, catching his thoughtful expression, and he tightens his hands around the steering wheel. Anti knows what he’s talking about, but he doesn’t have anything here. The freckled man can’t sign right now, so Jack just throws that question in the air and lets him think about it. He goes back to eating the gummy bears, window open, and their hair move with the wind. Anti does thinks about it and the landscape changes once more, nature fading and buildings ahead. It’s lunch time when they arrive near Marzia and Felix’s house and the mute man can’t wait to see Toothless again.
 
The silver-haired man is the one to open the door this time and they all greet each other, walking inside the house. Anti hears his cat and he goes to the living room, seeing her on the couch. He runs to her, picking her up. The green-haired man hugs his cat and she purrs loudly, rubbing her face against his cheek. Marzia comes over to say hi and asks if they want to have lunch. Jack is already begging for food and they all say Toothless behaved. The pink-haired woman wants a cat so badly now and she blames Anti for it. The Irishman snorts and they exchange a smile. Felix nudges his shoulder, calling him to get some beer in the kitchen, and Anti puts Toothless down, watching her go to Jack.
 
He washes his hands in the sink and the silver-haired man grabs a few beers, setting them on the counter. He raises his eyebrows at Anti, as if he’s waiting for something, and the mute man frowns.
 
“And?” Felix hastily whispers, waving his hands in frustration. “I need to know!”

“What?”

he signs.
 
“Did you kiss him?” Anti’s eyes widen at that question and Felix cups his own face, grimacing. “Oh my god, you did not. What the fuck, guys? We thought that would be perfect...”
 
The green-haired man waves exasperatedly, making a big X with his arms, and he takes his cell phone to type.

“Were you guys expecting for something to happen? Are you serious? This is none of your business, man.”

The Swedish man laughs, shushing him and telling him to calm down. “It’s not our fault that you guys look at each other like

that.

Your face just freaking light up when you look at him. You smile, Anti,” he says and then takes a step forward, hesitating a bit before placing a hand over the mute man’s shoulder. Anti stays still, listening to him. “I just want him happy, you know? He’s like a brother to me. I want you to be happy too.”
 
Anti gets all flustered. not knowing what to say. He wasn’t expecting the silver-haired man to be so mellow. Felix shoves him playfully, snickering and giving him a few beers. He says Anti doesn’t have to worry, that no one will say a thing, and the mute man follows him to the dining room. He stops upon seeing Jack laughing at something with Marzia, and a thought just hits him like a ton of bricks. Anti really did want to kiss the boy last night. He remembers when Jack touched his scar, moving up to his mouth, fingers brushing on his beard before Anti stopped him. Because he got scared. His heart swells and he sucks in air when the brown-haired man looks at him. Everyone is quiet and he’s just standing there, holding beers, like a fucking idiot.
 
“Oh my god, stop drooling!” Felix shouts, throwing his head back and sitting down at the table. “I wanna eat my potatoes!”
 
He snaps out of it and sits next to Jack, settling down the drinks and just putting some food on his plate. The Irishman looks at him funny.
 
“Are you okay?” he whispers, hand touching Anti’s thigh for a brief second, and it feels like he’s going to explode. “Your ears are all red...”

“I’m fine!”

the mute man signs and shoves a broccoli down his throat.
 
Marzia holds back a grin and he glares at the couple in front of them, chewing his food. Jack doesn’t think much about it and just thanks her for the food. Anti feels Toothless walking between his legs and lying there, over his feet, and he calms down. They drink and the brown-haired man chats a bit about their mini road trip. He keeps all that intimate moment aside, only talking about the landscape and the stars. Anti is thankful that he doesn’t mention anything too personal and he just nods, adding a few comments here and there while Jack translates.
 
They help to clean the table and they gather Toothless stuff back. He takes her in his arms and Jack carries a bag with her toys and food. Anti thanks Marzia for taking care of her and he’s glad that he can count on them. They still use the car one last time, so they can go to Anti’s apartment. Jack can go back by himself afterwards and not worry about taking a bus. He lets Toothless jump to the ground when he opens the door, walking inside. Everything is in place and he realizes they haven’t showered in a while. Anti feels a bit disgusting by now and he looks at Jack, who’s opening a cupboard to put his cat’s food there. The mute man taps his fingers on the doorframe, calling the boy’s attention.

“Do you wanna take a shower?”

Anti immediately regrets signing that because Jack’s face turns bright red, squishing a package of kibbles, so he shakes his hands.

“I meant you! You first. I can lend you some clothes...”

The Irishman agrees, stuttering but nodding, and the freckled man goes to the bedroom so he can find something. Anti picks up his oversized sweater and grey sweatpants, along with a new boxer briefs that he hadn’t used yet. He leaves everything in the bathroom, making sure there’s an extra towel, before telling Jack to go. The brown-haired man thanks him and Anti sighs. He turns on his laptop and searches for some old files while the boy showers, pursing his lips. It’s a bit difficult not to think about Jack taking a shower in his apartment, at the end of the goddamnit hallway, but he makes an effort. The green-haired man does looks up the screen after a while, when Jack walks into the living room, and he dies a little inside at that sight.
 
The black sweater looks way too big on Jack, sleeves hiding his hands and hem half-way down his thighs. The sweatpants are loose and he looks

so

small, damp hair and flushed face. Anti swallows and excuses himself so he can shower as well. He zones out a bit, washing his hair and body, and thinks how attached he feels now. Anti is just gone. He doesn’t waste too much time in the shower and dries himself, getting dressed. He throws a shirt over his head, putting on sweatpants as well, all black. There’s a kettle on the stove by the time he gets back and Jack’s setting down two mugs, tea package next to them. Anti runs a hand through his damp hair, pushing it back, and the boy looks at him but says nothing. They make tea and sit down on the couch.
 
Anti brings the laptop with him and the brown-haired man sips from his drink, only the tip of his fingers poking out from the sleeves. Damn, that’s cute.
 
“Are you sure of it?” Jack whispers. “You don’t have to, if you don’t want.”

“I’m sure.”

The green-haired man presses play and they listen to an old song of his. Anti sighs and drinks his tea, leaning back against the couch and watching Toothless lazily walk away. He remembers playing the guitar and his friend, the drums. Jack listens, looking down at his hands, and the first notes finally hit. Anti’s voice fills the silence, hoarse in the first verses of a pop rock song. Jack’s eyes flicker back at him, when the chore starts, and his voice is higher pitched to show frustration. The lyrics talk about suffering, of course, and how twisted the world is. He wrote all of that and he burned everything afterwards. Anti got rid of his guitar. Everything.
 
Jack keeps looking at him, but the mute man refuses to turn his face. He just stays still, listening to his young-self. He knits his eyebrows, getting a bit emotional, and the brown-haired man says nothing throughout the whole thing. It’s a long three minutes between them. When the song comes to an end, Anti closes the lid of his laptop and the apartment is dead quiet. It takes the boy a moment to speak, breathing in.
 
“Anti...” Jack calls for him and the mute man finally looks back, seeing tears streaming down the boy’s face. Anti knits his eyebrows but Jack huffs with a small smile. “I could feel your passion… It was incredible, Anti. You have such a beautiful voice…”

Have,

he said. Not had. The green-haired man just stares and he shakes his head, not believing this boy. Jack wipes his tears away on the long sleeves and Anti puts his mug down. He takes the Irishman’s drink from his hands as well, placing on the coffee table, and he moves closer. Jack doesn’t back away and he cups the boy’s face, caressing his cheeks. The brown-haired man breathes in and he leans forward for a hug. Anti’s heart races, thinking it would be something else, but he holds him tight. The boy buries his face in the crook of Anti’s neck, hands lazily caressing his back, and the mute man melts. He closes his eyes and thinks how perfect it feels to have the Irishman there. Damn.
 
Anti feels Jack’s lips brush on his scars and he lets out a soft gasp, moving just enough to look at him. The brown-haired man shakily breathes, eyes flickering down to his mouth, and Anti’s heart beats faster, nervous. He asks something without words, searching for something in Jack’s eyes, and the boy huffs before leaning forward. Their lips touch, a chaste kiss, and their lungs fill with air. It’s a long kiss that makes a loud sound when they pull away and the mute man blinks, not quite thinking of anything. Jack just smiles and Anti kisses him again, deeper this time. Their beards brush and they open their mouths, tilting their heads with a sigh. The brown-haired man hums, hands moving up to Anti’s hair, and the freckled man brings him to his lap. Jack fits nicely there and they’re chest-to-chest, resting against the couch lazily.
 
He’s kissing Jack. Holy shit, they’re

kissing.

Anti roams his hands on the boy’s sides, fingers going under the sweater to feel his skin. Jack shudders and their lips are wet, making sweet sounds in the air. Anti sucks on his bottom lip and god, he’s so

warm

. The Irishman moans into his mouth, sliding in his tongue, and the mute man’s heart flutters. It’s nothing really rushed and it’s just

so

fucking good. Jack is practically all jello, on top of him, and Anti can’t help but grin. They both have that after-shower feeling, all fresh and slow. The Irishman goes down to his neck, leaving love-bites, and the silent man’s mouth falls open, flushing.
 
“God, I wanted to kiss you so fucking badly…” Jack murmurs.

“Stay,”

Anti signs and then, brushes his lips against the boy’s, mouthing the words.

“Stay.”

Jack swears under his breath and nods, thrusting forward, and they both sigh. The silent man pulls his legs up on the couch, trapping them there, and his hands slide down to the boy’s pants. Anti cups his ass cheeks, under the boxer briefs, and Jack moves again. He’s getting hard, panting while the boy presses him against the couch over and over. His heart is singing and Jack’s moaning into his ear. Anti looks down between them to see the Irishman’s sweatpants stained and his own cock twitches. Fuck. He moves a hand to tug on the hem of the boy’s underwear, but he hesitates, not sure if he should. Jack groans and takes Anti’s hand, sliding it down.
 
The boy arches his back when the mute man wraps his fingers around his cock, pushing his pants down to his thighs. Anti’s mouth fills with water at the sight of Jack’s pulsing erection and the Irishman tells him to lift his hips as well, wanting to touch him. The mute man lets him and he rubs his thumb on the tip of Jack’s cock, pulling back his foreskin, and the boy swears louder. Anti smiles when they kiss, moving his hips, and they jerk each other on the couch. The green-haired man is tensing up, heat below his stomach burning so sweetly, and his vision is blurry. Fuck, it’s been so long. He’s

so

touch-starved, it’s insane. He won’t last. Jack doesn’t seem that far either, humping him harder and harder.
 
They’re leaking precum and Anti just stares at him through half-lidded eyes, head resting on the couch. Jack looks so beautiful, pink wet lips from kissing and messy hair. Face flushed. The Irishman looks back at him and lets out a breathless laugh, eyes turning into half-moons. Anti pants, breathing turning sharp and toes curling, and he cums with a silent groan. His cock pulses hard and warm jizz smears their stomachs.
 
“Ah, f-fuck!

Fuck!”

Jack moans and jerks faster, burying his face in the crook of Anti’s neck. “Nnngh…”
 
The brown-haired man arches his back and he cums in their hands, body spasming on top of him. Jack tries squeezing his legs, wanting more, and Anti strokes him until he’s all spent. They breathe and the Irishman kisses his neck, up to his mouth. The green-haired man sighs, tasting him greedily, and Jack smiles when breaking the kiss. They exchange a look and god, Anti feels so high right now. His legs fall back down and everything’s so slow. He looks at the mess of cum between them and he grimaces, keeping a stained hand in the air so he won’t smear anything. Jack blushes furiously, as if just now realizing what they did, and he tells Anti not to move.
 
He gets up, taking off his sweatpants and boxer briefs, and he walks away butt-naked like it’s completely normal. Anti watches him leave, mouth ajar, and waits. Jack comes back with a damp towel, wearing just the oversized sweater, and he sits on the man’s lap again to clean him. The green-haired man wouldn’t be able to say anything, even if he could. He just stares at Jack cleaning his hands and touching his dick. Anti shivers and the boy apologies under his breath, grinning. Once he’s done, he pulls Anti’s pants back up and takes off his shirt. Jack clears his throat, running a hand through his hair. It’s quiet and he opens his mouth a couple of times, as if thinking of what to say.
 
“I… Was this…” Jack says. “Was this too much? Too fast? I just… I’m sorry, I really wanted to… God, I don’t know.”
 
Anti shakes his head and cups the boy’s face, caressing his cheeks. He brings him closer for a chaste kiss, pecking his lips over and over until Jack is chuckling. The freckled man flips them to lie down on the couch and the Irishman laughs more. Anti loves that sound, even more when it’s muffled by their kiss. Jack’s underneath him now and he caresses the mute man’s hair, pushing locks away from his face. Anti signs that he’s beautiful, making a motion with his hand, and the Irishman hums. They spend a good minute just gazing at each other and the silent man can’t believe he has this person in his arms, like this. Jack traces his face with his fingers, blinking softly, and Anti suddenly feels scared.
 
Scared of losing this.
 
He swallows it down, though, not wanting the boy to see it in his eyes. Jack gets up at some point, putting on his underwear again, and he walks up to the kitchen. Anti follows him, leaning his shoulder against the doorway and crossing his arms over his naked chest. The brown-haired man says he will make something for them to eat and Toothless jumps on the counter, watching Jack as well. It feels really domestic, to have the Irishman in his kitchen and wearing his clothes. God. Anti wants to have him so bad. But there’s a ghostly touch of worry in his heart, thinking that he will still fuck this all up. He doesn’t want to hurt Jack.

God, please. Don’t let me hurt him. Not him.

The mute man wraps his arms around the Irishman, hugging him from behind. Anti rests his forehead against the back of Jack’s neck and sighs, brushing his lips there. The brown-haired man stops, melting in his arms and just closing his eyes. The freckled man smirks, kissing his neck lightly, and Jack murmurs that Anti is not helping at all. They look at each other through half-lidded eyes, smiling, and the mute man leaves him be. He takes care of Toothless, patting her and giving her food, while the boy makes some noodles. They leave

Brooklyn 99

playing in the background while they eat on the couch and Toothless is curled into a ball between Jack’s legs. Anti keeps glancing at the boy, keeping that image close to his heart.
 
“Why do you look at me like that?” Jack whispers, knitting his eyebrows.

“Like what?”

“It’s like… It’s like you’re mourning… Like I’m going to disappear if you look away…”
 
Anti blinks, swallowing. He’s not wrong. Jack sighs and tells him not to worry. That sometimes the mute man thinks too much. He extends his hand and Anti takes it, brushing his thumb on his skin. The brown-haired man smiles, assuring him that he’s there. The freckled man clenches his jaw, tightening their hold, and nods. They sit closer to each other and Jack rests his head on Anti’s shoulder. The green-haired man wraps an arm around him and they keep caressing each other while watching television.
 
Jack does have to go when night falls, though. He still needs to return to Marzia and Felix and go home. He has work tomorrow morning and Anti feels nervous about that. He’s worried that today won’t repeat. That he only had today to feel happy. The green-haired man waits for Jack to get dressed, nonetheless. Anti lets him keep his sweater and the boy’s face turns bright red, stuttering and making sure that it’s alright. He scratches Toothless’ ear as a goodbye and they stay in front of the door, both not wanting to go. The Irishman huffs with a smile, shaking his head, and leans for a kiss. Anti tries to make it last, breathing in, and Jack whispers a goodnight.
 
Anti watches him leave, pursing his lips, and the apartment is quiet.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

They don’t see each other for a few days. Jack goes back to work during the week and they keep texting each other. Anti feels like going to the pet store at some point, even though Toothless doesn’t need anything in the moment. It’d be just to see him. But there’s a side of Anti whispering that this is stupid and useless. That he would probably just bother Jack at work. So he stays at home. They don’t mention what happened on Sunday and the green-haired man is starting to think he was right about being just that one time. Maybe Jack changed his mind. Maybe he thought about it after leaving the mute man’s apartment and decided that it wouldn’t work. Goddamnit, he’s overthinking so hard right now and it hurts. Why is he like this? Why can’t he just be at peace? Anti sighs, staring at the heavy bag in front of him, and he punches it with a glare. The brown-haired man just texted him, saying that work has been a bit stressful, so today is more quiet. The mute man exercises, pushing himself to the limit, and he punches until he’s wincing with pain. He pants and hugs the heavy bag, resting his forehead there, and remembers their kiss. It felt so right, so good. Anti takes off the boxing gloves and grimaces, seeing his knuckles bruised. He walks out of the room, barefoot and shirtless, and goes to the bathroom. When he showers, his hands sting underwater and there’s a voice inside his head, saying he deserves it. He edits videos and gets paid, sitting on his bed, back resting against the frame. Toothless is watching birds through the window, lied down in a basket Anti made for her. The green-haired man looks at that old folder from before, when boredom gets the better of him, and he purses his lips. There are a couple of short videos of him, sometimes in the studio or in his old house, and he watches his young-self smile at the screen. Anti wonders if he should show Jack some of them, clenching his jaw. The mute man transfers a video of him playing a guitar to his cell phone and it takes him a good full minute to send it to the boy. There’s no immediate response and he doesn’t expect it, but it still makes him anxious. It’s in the afternoon, that his cell phone buzzes with a new message. 
I really like the way you play the guitar. You look cute. I would love to see you playin one day :)
 
i dont have it anymore, i sold it to pay for my Harley
 
Booooo!!
 Anti snorts and Jack asks if they can see each other again. He invites the mute man to his apartment, saying he could make some dinner for them. The green-haired man swallows and agrees, accepting to see him on Friday. Jack is happy with that and the freckled man takes a deep breath, nervous and excited at the same time. Anti hopes it doesn’t feel awkward, to see him again. That nothing bad happens and that they can just spend some good time together. The freckled man stays with that thought for the rest of the day, trying to keep himself busy and filling the silence. On Friday, Anti trims his beard while glaring at himself in the mirror. His hair is damp, pushed back, and he blow-dries it a little. The green-haired man places his outfit in bed and doesn’t let Toothless get near it, not wanting any black furr. He puts on a white shirt with a long yellow cardigan over it, and black torn jeans. He keeps biting his bottom lip while getting dressed, tying up his boots, and he makes sure Toothless is fine before leaving. Anti sighs and goes to his motorcycle, driving slowly. The closer he gets, the more anxious he feels, and by the time he walks up to Jack’s building, his legs are weak. Anti never went there, not like that. He only stopped there after that movie night and he didn’t get inside. The green-haired man clenches his hands before knocking on the door and he panics for a brief second, wondering if he should’ve brought something with him. Fuck. The door opens and he sees Jack, blue meeting green. He’s wearing dark jeans and a black long-sleeved shirt with a simple design on his chest. They exchange a look, both frozen in place by the doorway. The Irishman scans him up and down, and opens his mouth a couple of times to speak but failing. Jack just walks forwards and clashes their lips together. Anti’s gasp is muffled by their kiss and his hands wrap around the boy immediately, moving them closer. The brown-haired man tilts his head, sucking on his bottom lip, and Anti sighs. When they break the kiss to breathe, their lips make a sound, and Jack swallows. “H-Hi,” he whispers. Anti, for some stupid reason, mouths Hi back instead of signing, as if he’s actually going to speak. Jack smiles, huffing, and he steps back, tugging on the hem of his shirt. Anti’s heart is racing, thinking that he might’ve been wrong and that the Irishman doesn’t regret it. They kissed again. He kissed Anti. The silent man licks his lips and walks inside, the smell of food hitting him. Jack’s apartment is full of life, with shelves filled with knick-knacks and portraits. There’s a record player in the end of the living room and a corner dedicated just for comic books. Anti looks at the posters framed on the walls, adding color to the place, and he huffs. Jack rubs the back of his neck next to him, flushing and telling him to feel at home. The freckled man signs if he wants any help but the Irishman brushes it off, saying everything is almost done. Jack’s obviously nervous, clearing his throat and brushing his hands on his pants. “I have wine. Do you want wine? I want some wine…” he murmurs and goes to the kitchen before Anti can sign anything. The mute man looks at the shelves, brushing his fingers over the books and looking at the portraits. He sees the Irishman’s friends everywhere and they seem happy. There’s a picture of a younger Jack next to someone he doesn’t recognize and he looks to his side to see the brown-haired man staring back at it, holding two glasses of wine. He gives one to Anti and he smiles, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “He was my brother,” Jack says. “He had a cancer… I was thinking of him when we screamed that night.” Anti knits his eyebrows. The brown-haired man never told him about that. Losing someone is not easy. They look at the each other and Anti can’t sign right now, but he thinks Jack’s starting to read him more easily. He just says that everything is fine and it was a long time ago. Sure, it was hard. Very hard. But Jack is alright today. Anti relates to that, so he just nods, taking a sip from the red wine. It’s sweet and it goes down smooth. The Irishman touches his hand, softly pulling him away so they can go to the dining table, and Anti’s heart swells. They put their drinks on the table to sit down and the mute man looks at the beautiful food. Jack made chicken with raisin rice and creamy potato salad.  “You didn’t have to do all of this,” he signs. The boy shrugs. “I wanted to make something nice... I hope you like it.” Anti smiles and they eat, chatting every now and then. The food is delicious and they drink more wine, having a comfortable moment. The mute man is not stressed about Jack not wanting this anymore, thankfully. Seeing how nervous the boy looked before kissing him was more than enough. It’s so endearing. He’s so sweet. God. Anti didn’t get rid the fear of losing him, though. Not really. Jack points out that he trimmed his beard, looking more clean, and the silent man tries not to blush. The Irishman chuckles, more loose due to the alcohol, and they keep glancing at each other during dinner. Once they’re done eating, they go to the living room to play a card game, sitting down on the floor. Anti’s on his third glass of wine and he’s not really paying attention to the game, just thinking about Jack. Wanting him closer. The boy also seems a bit distracted, chuckling and just talking. He does mentions that they have to go to Marzia and Felix’s Halloween party in the end of the month and Anti doesn’t really protests to that. He’ll probably end up going anyway just because of the Irishman. Jack taps Anti’s thigh, forgetting about the game, and he asks about some sign language. “How do you say that you like someone?” 
“You know that.”
 Jack shoves his shoulder playfully, smiling. “I know, but I wanna see you do it.” Anti huffs, putting the cards down. He looks at the brown-haired man, seeing him resting his cheek against his hand on the coffee table. Jack looks so cute, pupils a bit dilated and face flushed. The green-haired man points at himself first. Then, he taps his middle finger down to his thumb, in his direction. Anti stretches his hand forward in a gentle movement, as if he’s pulling an invisible string from his heart, and points at Jack with his index finger. Anti expresses his feelings through his eyes and there’s a pang in his chest. 
“I like you.”
 The brown-haired man breathes in, looking at Anti intently. They’re both serious, suddenly not just teaching sign language and making jokes. “I like you too,” Jack whispers. “I like you so much and I just… It drives me mad...” Anti doesn’t even think twice before going forward and kissing Jack, pushing him down until they’re both lying on the floor. The Irishman gasps into his mouth and the green-haired man kisses him hard, showing all his emotions through his body. He feels Jack’s smile and their lips make sweet sounds in the air, beards brushing. Anti’s eyes flutter when their tongues touch, sliding inside, and they tilt their heads. He plants open-mouth kisses down Jack’s neck, biting and licking his skin, and the boy moans. The mute man rolls his shirt up to feel the Irishman’s chest, fingers rubbing his nipples. Jack arches his back, tensing up, and his face is red. “A-Anti…” The freckled man lets his mouth fall open when the boy buckles his hips up and they rut against each other on the floor, capturing their lips in a kiss. Anti feels a raw emotion of just having him. He wants to make Jack moan, to make him scream. He wants it. The mute man bites Jack’s neck hard, humping over and over, and the boy swears under his breath. He whispers into Anti’s ear, telling him to stop. For a moment, the green-haired man thinks he went too fast and ruined everything, seeing the man get up. But then, Jack takes his hand and pulls him to the hallway. The mute man’s heart is beating like a drum and he swallows, letting the boy take him to the bedroom. Jack keeps pecking their lips together, cupping Anti’s face, and they enter the room. The silent man removes his cardigan and shirt, both standing next to the bed. The Irishman scratches his nails on his chest, down to his navel, and Anti feels like growling. Jack takes off his own shirt as well and they look at each other, hands touching their sides. The boy’s covered in moles and Anti, freckles. The green-haired man caresses his happy trail and Jack’s shudders. He unzips Anti’s pants, taking it slow, and his hands are shaking. The mute man puts his hand over his, looking at him, and the boy takes a deep breath. They gaze at each other, hearts beating fast in expectation, and he bumps his nose against Jack’s cheek to make him smile. Anti pushes him towards the bed, kicking their pants away and taking off their shoes, and he crawls up to be on top of Jack. He’s breathing hard, ribs moving up and down, and Anti kisses him everywhere. The Irishman gasps when the man licks a nipple, sucking on it with his split tongue. Jack curses again, running a hand through Anti’s hair and moaning. The silent man teases him, sucking on his other nipple and leaving a trail of kisses down his navel. The brown-haired man covers his face when Anti tugs on the hem his boxer briefs. There’s stain of precum and the freckled man mouths his erection through the fabric, his moist breath teasing Jack and making him whimper. He slowly takes off the boy’s boxer briefs, seeing his cock curving up to his stomach. The green-haired man licks his shaft and wraps his lips around the tip of Jack’s erection, sucking him. The boy groans and Anti loves to make him sing like that, going down on him. Jack pants and mewls, moving his legs up and rocking his hips to get more of the man’s mouth. Anti breathes in, taking it all and burying his face on the boy’s pubic hair. His cheeks are hollow and there’s precum mixed with saliva, smearing his face. Jack grabs his green locks, choking and tensing up. “P-Please, stop. I w-want you to fuck me…” he moans. “P-Please.” Anti pulls away with an obscene sound, a string of saliva between his mouth and Jack’s cock. He swallows, tasting the boy, and his own erection twitches with want. Fuck. Jack’s looking at him through half-lidded eyes, pupils dilated, and he looks so perfect. Anti comes up to him, giving him a wet kiss on his cheek, and Jack whines while tugging on the man’s boxer briefs. The brown-haired man removes them and he wraps his fingers around Anti’s erection, jerking him a couple of times. The freckled man knits his eyebrows, thrusting into his hand, and Jack smirks at him. Anti stares and the boy whispers that he has condoms in the bathroom. Ah, god. The mute man clears his throat, nodding, and he feels embarrassed for some reason now. He signs for Jack to stay there and he gets up, walking butt-naked. The artificial light from the bathroom reveals too much and Anti’s hands are shaking now too, running a hand through his hair. Fuck. Okay. He refuses to look at himself in the mirror, knowing he’s flushed from head to toes, freckles standing out. Anti opens a drawer under the sink to find a package of condoms and some lube, so he takes it before returning to the bedroom. Jack has an arm over his eyes, breathing in and out, and the mute man stops on the side of the bed to look at him. The boy puts his arm down to his stomach, sensing him, and Anti’s heart swells. “What?” Jack breathes and the silent man shakes his head.  “You’re gorgeous,” he signs. “I like you like this.”  “Then, c’mere… I miss you already…” Anti gets in bed and Jack extends his arms, making grabby hands. The freckled man snorts, placing the stuff next to them, and he leans down for a kiss. It’s calmer and so sweet. Jack hums into his mouth, licking his lips, and Anti grabs a pillow to place underneath the Irishman. They adjust better, the mute man sitting down between Jack’s legs. Anti uncaps the bottle of lube, smearing his fingers before touching the boy’s entrance. The Irishman gasps and the freckled man gets closer, seeing his pinkish asshole clench. Anti inserts a finger, gently stretching him open, and Jack closes his eyes to relax. The green-haired man grinds his teeth, wanting to groan at the sight. The man with the blue eyes huffs a moan when Anti curls his finger inside, moving in and out. He keeps doing that, adding a second finger, and Jack’s cock twitches. The boy slides a hand down to his stomach, caressing his own balls and erection, and he moans again. Anti scissors him, speeding up a bit, and he feels the boy’s asshole loosen with time. He removes his fingers to lube them again, ignoring Jack’s groan of frustration, and Anti wants him to take a third one. The brown-haired man knits his eyebrows this time, moving his hips, and he slowly fucks himself with Anti’s fingers. The green-haired man is leaking precum from the slit of his cock, wanting more, but he wants this to be good. He’s being patient and feeling it all. Jack means so much to him, he doesn’t want to rush things. When the boy quickens his pace and starts panting, Anti retreats his fingers and touches himself. He opens a condom with care and Jack watches him with dark eyes. The Irishman suddenly sits up and switches their places, throwing the pillow aside, and Anti huffs when falling in bed. Jack rolls the condom down his cock and spreads lube over it. The mute man’s mouth falls open in a silent moan, letting the boy do this. The brown-haired man lifts his hips and slides down to take Anti’s cock. The silent man moves his hands up to the boy’s waist, keeping him there, and Jack’s breathing hard through his mouth. Anti feels the tip of his cock penetrating the Irishman and they both shudder. God, he’s so warm and tight. Jack supports his arms over the man’s chest, taking him, and his eyes fill with tears. The Irishman is trembling by the time he’s fully sitting down on Anti’s pulsing erection, taking deep breaths and brushing damp hair away from his face. The mute man squeezes his sides, wanting to call his attention, and Jack huffs a smile. He takes Anti’s hand and brushes his lips on the bruised knuckles, sighing. “I’m g-good,” the boy whispers, answering Anti’s silent question. “Y-You?” Anti nods, rubbing his thumbs on his skin, and Jack moves up again. He comes back down hard and they both gasp. The brown-haired man thrusts forward harder and faster, finding their pace, and Anti moves with him. Their skin smack loudly in the room and Jack half-groans, half-moans. The silent man opens his mouth, staring at the boy’s, and he follows the sounds. The Irishman notices that and he leans down, thighs trembling. “D-Do that again.” Anti thrusts hard and, when Jack moans, he moves his mouth too. The brown-haired man gets louder then, wanting Anti to join him so they can moan together. Their breathing break into gasps, panting sharp, and the heat below their stomachs burn. Jack keeps riding him and the bed frame hits the wall, over and over. The freckled man’s chest hurts, heart aching, and he lifts his hips more. The brown-haired man loses balance and he almost falls to the side, but Anti catches him. Jack bursts into a breathless laugh, flushing even more. The mute man smiles so much, his cheeks hurt. Their hair is a mess and they’re sweating. “S-Sorry,” the boy laughs again, strengthening himself. “That was a-awkward.” The green-haired man shakes his head, finding that adorable, and he changes their places again. Jack wraps his legs around Anti’s waist and the mute man holds his thigh up, bending him even more. He slides in an out, getting lost in the feeling and wanting to cum. The Irishman digs his nails on his shoulders, throwing his head back and arching his body. Their toes curl and Anti is fucking him almost desperately now, ramming the boy into the mattress. Jack’s staring up at the ceiling with glassy eyes, tears streaming down his face, and the silent man sobs. The brown-haired man whines louder, squeezing his legs. “I-I’m g-gonna cum!” he chokes. “A-Ah, my god! A-Anti!” A broken sound leaves Anti’s lips, barely there, and he feels Jack’s asshole clenching around his cock when he cums. The Irishman pulses hard, jizz hitting their stomachs, and he groans. Jack touches himself, spilling more when squeezing the head of his cock, and Anti buries his face in the crook of his neck. He bites the boy’s neck, thrusting a few more times before his whole body tenses up. Anti goes deeper inside and Jack’s spasming beneath him. He stops moving and he unloads inside the Irishman, cumming hard. They shudder violently, sobbing and holding each other in the dim room. The freckled man sighs, resting his forehead against Jack’s, and they catch their breaths. They’ve a thin layer of sweat, lips red and hazy eyes. Anti’s arms are shaking and they rub their cheeks against each other’s. They kiss, a bit sloppy and tired, and it’s delicious. The mute man’s heart is singing, so at peace. Jack cups his face, brushing their noses and making Anti chuckle silently. They exchange a look, blinking softly, and it’s quiet in the room. The brown-haired man bites his own bottom lip, trying to hold back a grin but failing, and Anti caresses his hair. There’s so many emotions touching his heart, the silent man feels overwhelmed. But it feels so good this time. He shakes his head, not believing that he has this person underneath him. Like this. God, he thinks. I’ve fallen so hard for him.  “I… I wish I could say something cheesy but I can’t r-really think right now…” Jack chuckles, putting his legs down and sighing. “Just… fuck.” Anti pecks his cheek and he gently pulls out, making sure to take off the condom and tie it up. He gets up from bed, lazily walking to the bathroom so he can throw it in the trash can. The silent man washes his face and hands, sucking in air. He grabs a towel and places it under the tap, wanting to take care of Jack. He pushes his hair back, a few locks escaping and falling anyway, and he walks briefly to the kitchen so he can get a glass of water. Anti goes back to the bedroom, noticing that the boy barely moved, and he sits down next to him. The freckled man gives him the cup of water and the brown-haired man whispers a Thank you. Anti cleans his stomach and hands as well, brushing his fingers down his asshole with the towel. Jack shivers.  “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” he signs once he’s done. “No…” Jack smiles, whispering. “God, no. You were wonderful, Anti… I’m okay.” Anti lies down next to him and the boy blinks softly, both feeling exhausted after this. Jack keeps caressing his hair, murmuring that he likes the man’s freckles, and Anti brushes his knuckles against Jack’s side. They lazily close the gap between them, kissing one another. The brown-haired sighs and mumbles against their lips, asking Anti to stay. The man with the green eyes returns the kiss as an answer, resting his head on a pillow. Jack pulls the covers up and Anti holds him close, breathing in their scents. He calms down his heart and they slowly fall asleep. ★ Anti knits his eyebrows, filling his lungs with air, and he stirs himself awake. He’s lying flat on his stomach, arm hanging off the bed, and he sighs. The green-haired man turns around, cleaning his eyes and clearing his throat. There’s light coming from a window, in the other side of the bed, and Anti looks at Jack fast asleep. The boy’s mouth is ajar, chest moving slowly up and down, and he has an arm resting over his stomach. The covers are up to his waist, revealing his happy trail and all the love bites Anti gave him. The mute man stares at him for a while, long eyelashes batting against freckled skin, and it’s so peaceful. My god, they had sex last night. Anti knows how it feels to be with Jack, like that. Breathtaking. He slowly sits up, just now actually looking around the room. They were so distracted with each other last night, that he didn’t even see it properly. The wall behind them, against the bed frame, is painted yellow. There’s a bookshelf and a closet, string lights around the room. Anti sees a desk to his side and he gets up, being quiet while walking up to it. The mute man brushes his fingers over a few books there, reading titles about sign language, and that puts a small smile on his face. Jack probably spends his time studying here, watching videos on his laptop and making notes. He doesn’t peek more than that, of course. He grabs his boxer briefs from the floor and goes to the bathroom instead, wanting to pee and rinse his mouth. He thinks of Toothless for a moment, being glad that he put extra food before coming here. She will be fine for now but Anti will want to see her, not wanting to worry. Perhaps Jack will like to come home with him, since it’s a Saturday and he doesn’t have to work. He makes that little mental note and goes to the kitchen, scratching the back of his head. Anti takes care of last night’s dishes and he opens the fridge so he can have some ingredients for breakfast. The freckled man is not used to cooking, mostly having frozen meals, so he hopes the boy likes some basic toast and scrambled eggs. He turns the coffee maker on and he’s focusing on the frying pan when he hears Jack walking around the apartment. The bathroom door opens and closes, followed by faint footsteps. “Hi…” Anti’s heating up water in the microwave for his tea when Jack’s voice reaches his ears. He turns around and sees the boy wearing his oversized sweater, the black one he let him keep it. The freckled man can barely tell he’s wearing boxer briefs and Jack looks adorable like this, neck covered in hickeys and face groggy from sleep. The brown-haired man murmurs a good morning, fidgeting with the hem of the sweater. Anti taps his right hand on his chin and places his left arm up, horizontal. He bends his right arm up to it, saying Good morning as well. Jack smiles and walks towards him, capturing their lips in a chaste kiss. The mute man takes a deep breath, heart aching. The boy groans at the sight of food, saying Anti is amazing for making breakfast. The freckled man watches Jack pour some coffee for himself, telling him to get his drink as well. Anti takes an Earl Grey package he found in a cupboard and Jack sets some plates down. They sit down and eat toasts with eggs, brushing their feet under the table. The mute man asks if Jack will want to come to his place, because he needs to take care of Toothless, and the boy happily accepts. The Irishman wants to see her as well and he can bring some of his books, so they can spend some time. Anti raises an eyebrow at that, thinking he has other plans to spend that time together, but he says nothing. When they go to wash the dishes, Anti can’t resist anymore and he pushes Jack against a counter to kiss him. The brown-haired man wraps his legs around the mute man, sighing and moaning into their mouths. Anti sucks on his bottom lip and they make-out in the kitchen. Jack feels his muscles, fingers brushing on his abdomen, and the silent man shudders. They smile and the freckled man goes down on the boy’s neck once more, wanting to plant more hickeys there. Jack hugs him more and he lets out beautiful sounds. God, he’s gorgeous. Anti steps back just enough to look at him, catching his breath, and he signs the first thing that comes to his mind.  “Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Anti asks, even though it might be silly after everything that happened. But it does things to his heart, seeing Jack in front of him, looking fucked and so relaxed. “Be my boyfriend…”  The Irishman’s cheeks gain a shade of red and he chuckles. “Y-Yes, Anti,” he says. “Yes, I want to be your boyfriend.” The green-haired man feels his heart flutters and Jack pulls him back to kiss him, both grinning like idiots in the kitchen.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Anti buys a second helmet. He stops by a cycle gear store and looks around, picking one that it’s black with simple blue details. The mute man also buys another pair of leather gloves, of a dark brown color, and he thinks Jack will like that. He leaves the store with a smile on his face, remembering their weekend together. The Irishman stayed with him, giggling in his bed while the green-haired man covered him with kisses and made him moan. Toothless interrupted them at one point, wanting attention, and Anti felt awkward to be doing something in front of her. Jack flushed and patted her, both calming down, and she just judged them with those yellow eyes. The green-haired man walks up to his Harley and he places the spare helmet under the leather seat, in the small compartment. He drives to the pet store, wanting to show Jack the things he got, and just see him for a moment. Anti parks right in front of it and he takes off his helmet, ruffling his green locks. He looks at the store and the Irishman is chatting with that other girl who works there, both laughing and gesturing with their hands. Jack pauses to attend a customer, all smiles, and Anti frowns a little bit. He sees the boy’s mouth moving and, even though it’s an obvious thought, it does hits him that Jack is talking. It’s something the mute man will never be able to do with him. He wonders if the brown-haired man will get tired of this. He purses his lips, cursing himself for having these negative thoughts so soon, and he waves when Jack spots him. The boy goes back to the counter, taking off his apron, and he runs to hug Anti outside. The green-haired man huffs, wrapping his arms around Jack’s waist, and the Irishman moves back just enough to steal a kiss. They peck their lips over and over, and the silent man’s heart flutters. Jack has to look down at him because Anti is still sitting on his motorcycle, so he rests his face briefly on the boy’s chest to hide a smile. The brown-haired man pushes his green hair back, watching them fall back in place, and Anti sighs. “Hi,” Jack whispers. The mute man doesn’t sign, just staring at the boy. The Irishman snorts and asks if they can have lunch together today. Anti nods and he steps out of the Harley to open the compartment underneath the seat, taking the helmet with blue details and showing it to Jack. The brown-haired man gasps and a huge smile kisses his face, ear to ear. He takes it, gasping again when Anti shows the dark brown gloves. There’s a legit ten seconds of silence, of just Jack grinning like the most adorable idiot Anti has ever seen. “Is this for me?!” he asks, as if he wasn’t obvious. The mute man rolls his eyes, nodding. “This is for me! Oh my god! I can’t believe this! I was going to buy one, you didn’t have to!”  “I wanted to,” Anti finally signs, shrugging. “I thought you would like it.”  Jack squeaks and he kisses the freckled man harder this time, throwing his arms over the man’s shoulders. Anti sucks on his bottom lip, brushing his split tongue there before pulling away. The Irishman clears his throat, flushing, and he asks about the gloves. Anti signs that it’s for when he feels like driving instead and Jack’s eyes widen. It wouldn’t be the first time. The boy did bring his Harley once, after that first Sunday lunch. It just seems like the right thing to do. When he asks if Jack wants to drive now, the boy stutters and looks at the vehicle, blushing. 
“You’ll be fine. We can drive slow and we can go to a near food place.”
 The Irishman bites his bottom lip and gives a weak nod. The freckled man helps him to put on the helmet and they get back in the motorcycle. Jack adjusts the leather gloves in his hands and Anti would be lying if that doesn’t turn him on. He holds the Irishman by the waist, feeling him take a deep breath before starting the vehicle. The silent man tightens their embrace, enjoying to see Jack driving with care. At first, he’s very nervous and Anti can tell he’s trembling a bit. He tries soothing him, rubbing his thumbs on the boy’s hips, and nothing bad really happens. The brown-haired man is huffing and shaking his hands once he parks, and Anti is proud of him. They enter the food place and the green-haired man is more self-conscious this time around. He winces when using the cell phone, listening to the synthesized voice again, and he feels the weight of the silence between them. Jack keeps glancing at him and Anti makes an effort to put something in his stomach, biting his tacos every now and then. The brown-haired man kicks his foot lightly under the table, calling his attention, and he asks what’s wrong. Anti shakes his head and takes a sip from his soda, wanting to do something. Jack frowns and, when he tries to chat, the silent man mostly nods and looks at the window. “Anti,” Jack murmurs. “You’re not signing...” The green-haired man looks at him, blinking, and he makes a circle over his chest with a closed hand. “Sorry.”  “Are you sure that you’re okay? Is there something you want to tell me?” 
“No, I’m just a bit off today. I’ll be fine.”
 The Irishman hums, nodding and not pressing the matter. He does suggests them to go out at night, though, saying that there’s a bar they could get some drinks. Something to just relax, since tomorrow is the boy’s day off and they don’t have to worry about going home so soon. Anti agrees, not wanting to upset him. They eat lunch mostly in silence and once they’re done, he lets Jack drive again. The brown-haired man gives him a chaste kiss before going back to work, whispering that he likes Anti very much. The freckled man huffs and watches him walk away, getting his apron again. He clenches his jaw and looks down when Jack begins to talk inside the store. He swallows and drives away, wanting to go home and spend some time in the workout room.
★
Anti’s in bed, resting after another rough session of punching the shit out of that heavy bag. He just showered and Toothless is kneading his thigh over and over, purring when he pats her. Her claws come out though, and he winces, knowing she loves him back but it stings. Anti sighs, glad that at least he has a towel around his waist. Toothless keeps kneading for a while and he tries to clear his thoughts. The silent man is so happy to have Jack, really. But that thought of losing him is so loud lately. Seeing the boy just interacting with people is triggering him. And he fucking hates it. Anti wants to be good but he knows that there’s something missing in him, he knows that. Toothless brings him back to reality by sitting on his chest, wagging her short tail back and forth. He sighs, scowling at her, and she doesn’t give a damn. Anti caresses her chin and she purrs loudly, lying down to curl in the crook of his neck. They can’t be like this for too long though and he signs an apology, knowing he has to get dressed. The green-haired man puts on torn jeans and a shirt with a V cut, all black. He makes sure his hair is decent enough and he brushes his teeth before putting on a leather jacket. Anti squishes one of Toothless’ paw as goodbye for now and he leaves the apartment with a worried heart. This time, he picks up Jack at his apartment. The brown-haired man comes down wearing dark jeans and a blue long-sleeved shirt. He hops on the motorcycle, catching his own helmet, and he hugs Anti when they drive. The place is not so far from where Jack lives and he claims that it’s quiet, comfortable. It takes around ten minutes for them to get there and the mute man finally kisses Jack when they take off the helmet. They walk inside the bar and find that the place is not so crowded. The Irishman guides him so they can sit down on stools, resting their arms on the counter, and he calls for the bartender. Anti purses his lips, clenching his hands, and he feels anxious. Jack notices that and orders for both of them, a rum with coke for him and a whiskey ginger for the silent man. The brown-haired man talks to him about his day and the cute dogs he saw. Anti listens to him, rubbing his thumb on the boy’s hand, and it’s so good to hear him. It calms him down and he wants to enjoy every second when being with Jack. The freckled man nods for the most part, smiling here and there, and they sip from their drinks. The bar has a dim lighting that makes them feel more at ease, as if it’s more private, and Anti likes that. Jack’s eyes shine and he drowns in the boy’s laughter. He does mentions the Halloween party again, murmuring that his outfit finally arrived and he can’t wait to wear it. The green-haired man kind of has an idea of what he will do but he says nothing. Jack places a hand on his thigh, sighing, and Anti stares at him. “You’re doing that again,” the boy says. “You’re looking at me like I’m going to disappear and you’re not signing…” The freckled man opens his mouth as if he was going to speak and closes it, frowning at himself. Jack asks what’s wrong again and he shakes his head, getting upset. Anti drags a hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose, and there’s anxiety kissing his mind. The boy looks so worried and he hates that. It’s his fault. The mute man excuses himself, wanting to go to the bathroom, and he hears Jack sigh. Fuck. Anti shuts his eyes hard, holding back a groan, and he paces around the room. He glares at the mirror and washes his face, taking deep breaths. The green-haired man can’t keep doing this. He can’t let these thoughts eat him alive, but it hurts to expose himself. Anti’s scared. He’s fucking scared. Jack probably brought him here tonight so they could talk, he’s trying to understand. Anti’s being an asshole. Okay. Okay. He can do this. The mute man breathes through his mouth, filling his lungs with air, and he scowls at the ground. Remember how good it feels to be with Jack, he thinks to himself. Don’t fuck this up. When Anti leaves the bathroom, his blood runs cold and he freezes in place at the sight. He sees a guy leaning next to Jack, smiling and talking to him. Anti quickens his pace, listening to the boy’s words. “...-nks, I have a boyfriend. I’m not interested.” The mute man doesn’t even think twice before pushing the guy’s chest and Jack looks at him in alarm. The guy gasps and says Hey! but Anti just grinds his teeth in anger. He’s consumed by a raw feeling, wanting to shout and tell this man to go away but he can’t. He fucking can’t! Jack raises an arm in the air, telling him to calm down and saying that everything was alright. The guy also murmurs that he understands and that he didn’t know. The freckled man huffs in rage still, pushing him again, and the corners of his eyes burn. He wants to punch this guy for touching Jack, for whispering into his ear, for coming closer. This isn’t right! It’s not! He doesn’t like that! The Irishman calls him, pulling him back with a glare, and Anti’s nostrils flare. He scowls at the stranger, feeling like doing something, but Jack keeps talking to him. The mute man wants to growl and he shoves the brown-haired man, wanting to breathe. “Dude, what the fuck?” the boy says. Anti tries speaking and he clenches his hands so hard, it bruises his skin. Jack’s eyes widen and tells him to stop. The guy whistles and says Anti has issues, not understanding why he’s not talking and acting like this. The brown-haired man huffs and pulls him by the arm, leaving the place and going outside. The silent man is glaring at nothing, not being able to think of anything clearly, and Jack murmurs that he will drive them home. Fuck. Shit. Anti made him upset. He’s mad at Anti. The freckled man all but hugs the boy’s waist, praying that he doesn’t break up with him. The ride is quiet and tense, even more when Jack goes to Anti’s apartment instead. The man with the green eyes fears the worse and it’s the Irishman that takes him by the hand, wanting them to go inside. By the time they’re getting into his apartment, the freckled man is feeling just numb. Toothless raises her head from her bed, left ear flickering when they close the door, and Anti purses his lips at her. Jack walks to the living room, crossing his arms, and the freckled man takes off his jacket. He looks down at the floor, waiting for something, and the Irishman sighs. “What’s going on, Anti?” Jack asks. “You didn’t have to do that back there. The guy wasn’t being an asshole, he immediately apologized when I said I was with my date.” The word date makes his heart clench and he holds back a whimper. “I can’t understand you if you don’t sign...” Anti’s eyes widen and he fucking snaps, listening that. He tries to shout and Jack takes a step back. He tries to scream the words while finally signing, letting it all out, and the boy just watches him.  “That’s exactly the point! I can’t talk! What if that guy didn’t give up? !It’s not like I can tell them to back away! What if something worse ever happens and I can’t scream for help?! I can’t make a phone call! I can’t do anything! I’m fucking scared that you’ll grow tired of me! I’ve never been so goddamn happy in my entire life since I met you, but now I’m afraid! I don’t know!” Anti gestures with his hands fast, hitting his hands and feeling tears streaming down his face. He grinds his teeth. “I see you talking to people and I know I can’t do that! I know I’m incomplete, there’s something missing. It gets tiring! My friend left me, everyone did. I wish I could give you everything and not make you worry, but I’m failing! It’s so fucking scary and I feel so much for you and I-”  “Anti! Stop!” The silent man chokes and sucks in air, trembling like a leaf. He covers his face and his knees buckle, so he rests his back against a wall. Jack goes to him, placing his hands on the man’s shoulders, and it’s quiet for a while. Anti hates himself for crying, feeling like a child, and the Irishman runs a hand through his hair. The boy moves just enough to look at the freckled man, cupping his face and brushing tears away. “Hey… Are you paying attention?” Jack whispers and Anti gives him a weak nod, sniffing. “I like you just the way you are. I can only imagine how hard it must feel like sometimes… But I’m not going to leave you suffering alone. I want you to share it with me, in your own pace. I want this.” The Irishman places a hand over Anti’s heart and they exchange a look, both pursing their lips. “Don’t you want this?”  “More than anything,” the green-haired man gestures with weak hands. “Then stop thinking about what can happen and just focus on us now. Right now, Anti. Let it go. I’m with you and I feel so much too, you have to believe me. If we don’t trust each other, it won’t work.” Anti sobs and tries covering his face again, but Jack pulls his hands down. Toothless is looking at them, not knowing what to do, and the Irishman sighs once more. He entwines their fingers and guides Anti to the hallway, getting inside his bedroom. The mute man lets him take off his shirt and they remove their shoes before lying down in bed. Jack caresses his hair and Anti rests his cheek against the boy’s chest, feeling his ribs moving up and down. They curl around each other and the Irishman whispers sweet nothings, wanting him to feel better. Toothless joins them at some point, insisting that there is a place between them. Anti hugs her and everything is silent. Jack kisses his forehead and scratches Toothless’ ear, listening to her purr. Anti, once again, thinks this boy is too good for him. He’s right, though. The green-haired man can’t keep doing this. Sometimes that annoying voice speaks so loud, it makes him so confused and frustrated. He remembers how possessive he felt at the bar, when seeing that guy. Anti knits his eyebrows, sighing. He wanted to punch that man, but he’s glad that the Irishman stopped him first. He nudges Jack with his chin and the boy snorts, saying something about having to deal with two cats instead. 
“I’m sorry I ruined our night.”
 “Don’t worry, we can have lots of other dates… And hey,” the boy whispers, caressing his cheek. “The night isn’t over yet…” He leans down to kiss Anti’s lips, so gentle and sweet. The silent man’s heart hurts with love and he closes his eyes, tasting his boy. Jack caresses his cheek and softly bites his bottom lip, brushing his tongue there and teasing Anti. He sighs into their mouths and loosens his grip on Toothless, melting in bed. The Irishman smiles, snorting when the cat doesn’t move from the freckled man’s neck. Jack clears his throat and her ears flicker, yellow eyes turning to him. “Toothless… I love you very much,” the boy murmurs. “But now I want some alone time with my man.” She just wags her tail and Jack makes a face when she meowls at him. “Language! Jeez!” Anti throws his head back, bursting into a silent laughter, and Jack chuckles with him. They exchange a look, both grinning, and the Irishman whispers if he has any condoms because he didn't bring any. Anti’s heart skips a beat and he immediately flushes, blinking a couple of times. He doesn’t and, as much as he would love to feel Jack without it, he doesn’t want to risk it. The brown-haired man hums and says that he can go to a convenience store nearby. Anti knits his eyebrows, not wanting him to leave, but Jack assures him that it’s alright. The Irishman pecks his cheek before getting up and shouting that he will be right back. The freckled man sighs and goes to wash his face in the bathroom. Toothless walks away, going to the living room, and he stares at himself in the mirror. Anti cups his cheeks and touches his scars, trying to understand what Jack finds attractive in him. He waits for the boy to come back, just lying back in bed and covering his eyes with an arm. There’s nothing in his mind, no voice to annoy him. The freckled man hears the front door open and close, followed by footsteps, and he looks up at the bedroom door to see Jack walking in. The boy flashes a beautiful smile, raising a hand in the air with a plastic bag, and Anti snorts.  “Silly boy,” he signs. “Oh, this silly boy is gonna have some good time,” Jack replies. “I also bought you Skittles.” Ah, boy. Anti’s fucking gone. There are passionate words trapped in his throat and he swallows them down, just smiling. Jack closes the door and hops in bed, sitting on top of Anti to steal kisses. They makeout for a while, just finding their pace again, and the green-haired man licks Jack’s lips. The boy gasps, opening his mouth while Anti feels him, and he sucks the mute man’s split tongue. Anti sighs, eyes fluttering, and the Irishman hums. His muscles tense up when the boy’s hands go down to his exposed chest, rubbing his nipples, and he arches his back. Jack plants open-mouth kisses on his throat, nibbling his skin, and Anti pants. He’s emotionally overwhelmed, feeling like jello, but the brown-haired man doesn’t seem to mind. He thrusts lightly against Anti’s crotch, both still wearing jeans, and he moans under his breath. Jack takes off his own shirt and unzips the man’s pants, knitting his eyebrows as if deep in thought. He has wet pink lips from kissing and flushed cheeks. Anti lifts his face by the chin, imitating his expression to ask what’s on his mind. Jack purses his lips, running a hand through this hair. “I… I was thinking… I want to…” he whispers. “I want to be inside of you this time…” Anti holds back a growl and he nods, letting him take the lead. The Irishman bites his bottom lip and they help each other to get rid of their pants, boxers threw aside. They kiss some more, touching their bodies and getting fully hard. Anti scratches the boy’s back, feeling his cock growing in his hand, and Jack hisses. They adjust better and the silent man spreads his legs, resting his head onto the pillow with a hazy mind. The brown-haired man moves to grab the bottle of lube he bought, coating his fingers with it, and he’s so careful when touching the man’s entrance. Anti sighs, looking up at the ceiling while Jack stretches him open. He wraps his fingers around the Irishman’s wrist, urging him to add another one and work faster. Jack swallows, a bit nervous, and Anti rubs his thumb against his skin. It’s funny. This is not the first time they had sex but they both are nervous, desperately wanting to feel each other and yet wanting to take it slow. It warms his heart knowing Jack also wants to be careful and enjoy this. Goddamnit. Anti opens his mouth to moan in quiet, arching his back and moving his hips in the air. Jack groans, saying he looks gorgeous, all flushed and exposed. The green-haired man looks at him through half-lidded eyes, panting, and he smirks. Jack curls his fingers and moves hard, hitting Anti’s prostate. The silent man gasps and goes tense, pulling his legs up to get more of it. The Irishman adds a third finger, looking down at his hand moving in and out of his asshole. Anti taps the mattress and Jack pulls away, taking a condom and smearing his cock with lube. He lifts his hips and holds his erection, slowly pushing inside. The freckled man grabs the boy’s arms to pull him closer and Jack gasps when he slides deeper. Anti takes a deep breath, relaxing and taking it, and the Irishman rests his forehead against his. “F-Fuck, okay…” Jack whispers with a strained voice. “I was going s-slow but… Okay.” Anti cups his face, wanting him to read his lips instead. “Fuck me, ” he mouths. “Fuck me, Jack.”  The brown-haired man grunts and thrusts forward, finding his pace, and Anti locks his legs around his waist. He scratches Jack’s back, provoking him, and the boy grabs his hair hard. Anti grinds his teeth and the Irishman devours his mouth while fucking him against the mattress. The bed rocks with them, skin smacking in the room, and Jack moans in their mouths. The green-haired man breathes fast, feeling the heat below his stomach burn, and his balls tense up. Jack murmurs dirty things into his ear, gaining speed, and Anti digs his nails on the boy’s ass cheeks. They hold each other and the silent man’s heart flutters, leaking precum. “Y-You fit so good in my cock, didn’t you know what?” Jack mumbles and Anti wants to groan, not believing that this boy has a dirty mouth. Fucking hell. The Irishman keeps saying that he was going to be gentle and slow but since this is what Anti wants, he will give it to him. The mute man huffs heavily, shutting his eyes in pleasure. “You’re p-perfect. You’re perfect just like this… You… I... Mmph…” Jack moans and buries his face in the crook of Anti’s neck, too lost to think, and the silent man hugs him more. He caresses the boy’s hair and kisses his temple, saying something without words. Jack mewls, losing pace, and he starts babbling about how amazing Anti is. It puts a smile on the man’s face, listening to his boyfriend moan about him. The corners of his eyes burn with tears, feeling emotional, and the Irishman kisses his cheek over and over. When the heat grows stronger, Anti slides a hand down to touch himself, but Jack doesn’t let him. He murmurs that the man will cum just like this. The green-haired man arches his back when the Irishman buries himself deeper, curling his toes. He sucks in air, throwing his head back into the pillow, and he jizzes hard. Jack sobs, pausing to feel Anti’s asshole around his cock. The green-haired man knits his eyebrows, convulsing underneath the boy, and the Irishman slowly fucks him through his orgasm. Anti shudders, squeezing his legs and clenching his hands onto the sheets. Jack whimpers, giving a final thrust before cumming. The man with the green eyes catches his breath, letting the boy hump him until he’s completely spent. They’re trembling, red as a tomato, and the brown-haired man leans down for a kiss. Their beards brush and Anti smiles, sighing. Jack pulls out and he watches the boy go to the bathroom this time. He sits up, looking down at himself, and he runs a hand through his green locks. When the brown-haired man comes back, Anti lets him clean them and it’s peaceful. It doesn’t feel awkward anymore. The mute man swallows and he holds Jack by the wrist, calling his attention. They exchange a look and he purses his lips.  “I’m still sorry for the way I acted,” he gestures. “I don’t want to lose you.”  “Anti…” Jack replies, shaking his head. “We are fine, alright? I promise. I’m so happy to be with you.”  “I’m happy too.” The green-haired man holds back a smile. “You sap.”  The boy chuckles and Anti loves that sound. They peck their lips, tasting each other, and they hear Toothless paw scratching the door. She meowls in the hallway and Anti falls back in bed, laughing while Jack rolls his eyes. Jack tells her that they are busy but she only scratches the door even more. He continues to laugh in quiet, shoulders shaking, and the brown-haired man shoves him lightly. It gets worse when Jack tickles him and his sides hurt from so much laughter, broken little sounds escaping from his lips. Anti brings him down and the Irishman giggles, legs tangling. It feels good and the silent man’s heart is light, mind clear. Jack kisses his knuckles, lips brushing against his skin. Anti’s eyes turn into half-moons, smiling.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It’s Halloween.
 
The green-haired man is almost done putting on some makeup, smudging eyeliner under his eyes and adding red lipstick. His hair is pushed back, curls tamed for once, and he walks around his apartment, adjusting the collar of his shirt. Toothless is on the kitchen counter as usual and Anti takes his cell phone to take a picture of her. She’s wearing a red cape and she’s not exactly amused by it, but it was the only thing she didn’t remove it right away. The mute man pats her and squeezes her paw a couple of times before sending the picture to Jack. The brown-haired man replies almost immediately and Anti smiles at the screen.

OH MY GOD, SHE’S A VAMPIRE. THAT’S THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!

thought it suited her bc of the little fangs

There’s somethin I need to tell you. I’m with you because of Toothless and Toothless only. I’ve been using you the whole time. She has my heart.

not surprised tbh... im leavin rn, im ready.

Kiss Toothless for me.

Anti snorts but does kiss his cat’s forehead before going out. It’s a bit tricky to put on the helmet without messing everything he did and he hopes it doesn’t ruin his hair too much. The freckled man drives to Jack’s house and there are people dressed up in the streets. He sees pumpkins on doorsteps and candles here and there. It’s a Halloween night and people are celebrating without a care. Anti stops in front of his boyfriend’s building, honking to tell that he’s there. After a minute, Jack comes down and the green-haired man is one hundred percent certain that is him. Because, of course, the boy would dress up as no other than Spider-Man. Anti shakes his head, seeing the homemade outfit from the new movie, the yellow jacket and red hoodie. Jack makes a goddamn pose and raises a leg in the air, pretending to shoot webs.
 
“Happy Halloween!” the Irishman shouts, practically dancing in front of him. “Oh, wait! One second! I left the pie in the lobby because I wanted to make a good entrance.”
 
The silent man holds back a groan and takes off his helmet when Jack leaves for a moment. He fixes some strands of hair that had fallen and he adjusts the purple gloves in his hands. He hears a gasp and he looks up to see Jack, holding the pumpkin pie they baked together earlier that day. The brown-haired man lifted his mask to reveal his face and he’s grinning like an idiot. Anti raises an eyebrow at him and gets up just to show him his outfit. The mute man tugs on his dark purple collar, running his hands down to the green vest. Jack eyes him up and down, seeing his black shoes and pants that matches the shirt color. Anti’s face is covered with makeup, messy on purpose. Red lips and dark circles under his eyes.
 
“You’re the Joker,” the boy smiles. “God! I should’ve guessed that! Oh, damn… You look awesome…”
 
Anti bows briefly and takes an artificial yellow flower from his pocket, giving it to Jack. The brown-haired man snorts and pecks his lips before they hop back to the motorcycle. They go to their friends’ house and Jack rings the bell, mask down. Marzia opens the door and they scream happily, hugging each other. Anti holds back a smile and hugs the pink-haired lady as well, seeing that she’s dressed as Princess Bubblegum. She takes the pie and they walk inside. The green-haired man points at the decoration in the hallway, all the string lights and little pumpkins hanging around the house. Jack compliments it for both of them and he can hear the

Ghostbusters’

theme playing in the background. There are candles here and there, a large table with all kinds of foods and candies.
 
They greet everyone. Felix is Finn from Adventure Time to match with Marzia, PJ is Gandalf and Sophie is Frodo. Anti also meets Brad and Emma for the first time. They’re dressed as Shaggy and Velma. Everyone seems impressed that the mute man came as the Joker, saying he looks awesome and badass. Jack shows off every detail of his own outfit, making weird poses again, and Anti questions their relationship. Felix does say that the silent man lost the opportunity to be a mime, because it would be ironic, and they exchange a knowing grin.
 
It’s cozy and nice. Marzia did a great job decorating their place, even making a small fire pit outside so they can sit around it. Anti hovers over the table, stealing some candies, and Jack tells him to eat something salty first. The freckled man shoves a marshmallow down his throat and the boy gives up. They chat and some of them dance in the living room when

Thriller

starts playing. Anti listens to Marzia and Emma, enjoying their presence, and Jack chuckles with Felix and Sophie. He excuses himself to grab a drink in the kitchen, leaning against the counter while sipping from a cold beer. The Irishman shows up after a moment, walking towards him.
 
“Hey,” Jack says, wrapping his arms around Anti’s waist. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m

very

attractive to the Joker and I wouldn’t mind to have sex with him tonight…”

“You’re terrible.”

The brown-haired man giggles and the mute man pulls his mask up to his nose, leaning in for a kiss. Jack presses him against the counter, caressing his back, and Anti sighs in his mouth. He puts the bottle of beer down so he can hold the boy’s face, sliding his tongue inside. Their lips make sweet wet sounds when they tilt their heads. They hear Felix walking in, only to shout immediately while leaving, and Jack smiles wide. His lips are smeared with lipstick but Anti says nothing.
 
“Can the Joker and Spider-Man,

please,

stop making out in my kitchen?! You guys are not even in the same universe and it’s triggering me!”
 
Jack pecks his lips one more time before putting his mask back down and he takes Anti’s hand. “C’mon, pudding…”
 
The freckled-man rolls his eyes and grabs his beer before they go back to the party. Everyone sits down at some point to watch a couple of horror movies and Anti runs his hand through Jack’s hair, enjoying that he took off the mask to see better. They are all squished in the couch and Brad is on the ground with Felix, both leaning back between their legs. It’s oddly comfortable and very peaceful. Jack rests his head on his shoulder, sighing with a smile, and they have pie. Anti feels good here now. It feels right. No pressure to sign an answer or act in a certain way. They drink some more, just enough to feel some buzz, and the silent man eats a lot of sweets.
 
When the movie ends, Anti walks towards the small backyard. He sees the small fire pit and just looks up at the dark sky. Jack shows up next to him, holding his drink, and he hiccups. The Irishman rubs his eyes and takes the man’s arm to place it over his shoulder. Anti snorts and kisses the boy’s temple, pulling him closer.
 
“I’m sleepy…” Jack mumbles. “Can we go to your place after this? I wanna be with you.”
 
He nods and they stay for a little longer. It’s almost two in the morning when they say goodbye to everyone. Anti mostly nods and waves at them, but hugs Marzia and Felix. Jack’s words are a bit slurred and he thinks the boy drank a little too much. It’s cute and he’s glad tomorrow is a Saturday, so they don’t have to worry about work. The pink-haired man pecks his cheek, saying that she’ll be waiting to see them on Sunday for lunch. Anti nods, smiling, and he steals one more candy before they leave. Jack’s clinging onto him on the way home and they hold hands while walking in the hallway, getting inside the apartment.
 
The Irishman picks up Toothless and she purrs, liking the attention. He calls her cute names, complimenting the cape, and Anti watches them both with a small smile on his face. The mute man goes to the bathroom, wanting to remove his makeup and get more comfortable. He washes his face and he sees Jack lying down on the couch with Toothless curling on his stomach. The boy took off his yellow jacket, Spider-Man hoodie showing, and Anti goes to him. He thinks of something stupid and cheesy. The freckled man pulls his mask up to his nose and Jack is already excited, rambling about how he wanted to ask for this but wasn’t sure. Anti snorts and leans down, kissing him upside down. The brown-haired man is grinning into his mouth and they peck their lips.
 
Jack giggles and he drags his words, asking if they can have sex again. Anti raises an eyebrow.

“Honey, you’re tired and drunk. You should sleep.”

“I understand nothing because your hands are upside down but I think I don’t like it...”
 
The green-haired man shakes his head and urges the boy to get up. Jack whines and he stumbles a bit while walking towards the bedroom with him. Anti takes of his boyfriend’s outfit, helping him, and the Irishman crashes in bed with just his boxers. The mute man pulls the covers up for him before unbuttoning his vest. The man with the green eyes slowly removes his own costume, ruffing his hair back, and he sits down next to Jack. The boy buries his face into the pillow, lying flat on his stomach, and he’s already dead to the world. Anti watches him, tired but not in the mood to sleep right now. The freckled man brushes his knuckles against Jack’s cheek and thinks how much he likes this man.
 
It’s weird to think that they’ve only known each other for three months. The first weeks consisted just of Anti showing up to buy Toothless’ kibbles, barely making eye-contact with Jack. Now, they share the same bed and warmth. Something the silent man never thought to feel again. He keeps thinking about this and, when sleep doesn’t come, he gets up from bed. The freckled man is quiet, not wanting to wake up Jack, and he puts on some boots and hoodie before leaving the apartment. It’s so late at night, the streets are dead quiet. Parties are over, no more Halloween, and Anti drives to that bridge to clear his mind a bit. It’s cold and he shivers, parking and taking a package of cigarette from his pocket.
 
The green-haired man smokes, leaning against the handrails, and he looks down at the river. He feels the cool wind and hears the water, remembering the first time he met the boy. Would it be too crazy to say he loves Jack? Would it? Too soon? Anti feels those words on the tip of his tongue for a while now and he can’t quite deny it. It’s an ache in his heart, every time he looks at the boy. He’s not afraid to admit it. He just doesn’t want Jack to feel pressured to say something back. Anti remembers his parents and how they married after six months of meeting each other. He always thought it was too crazy and weird. But then again, there isn’t actually a proper time to do or say things. Nothing is written on a book, to be followed perfectly.
 
He presses his lips together, fidgeting with the cigarette between his fingers, and smoke leaves his nostrils. He should probably quit this damn thing. Anti rubs his temple, knowing it’s going to be difficult. Again. Still, he throws the cigarette down the river and walks away. The green-haired man thinks he could try doing something when the boy wakes up. To make him feel good. He stops by a convenience store that’s open twenty-four seven, looking for anything that he could make without setting the kitchen on fire. Anti grabs a package of pancake mix and sugar, trying to find the best fruits at the moment. He buys bananas and strawberries, hoping they are sweet, and orange juice just in case.
 
The silent man comes back home holding plastic bags, opening the door as quietly as he can. He organizes everything in the kitchen, leaving it there for now. Anti checks the time to see that it’s four in the morning and Jack will still sleep for a while, so he doesn’t have to rush anything. He also wants to buy Jack some flowers but the shop is not open right now. The freckled man sits down on the couch, turning on the television but leaving it on mute. Toothless is sleeping in her bed, safe and sound. He gets comfortable and sets an alarm on his cell phone, just in case he falls asleep.
 
And he does.
 
He wakes up with a gasp, feeling the alarm buzzing under a cushion, and he grimaces while turning it off. The sun is out and he stretches, huffing and rubbing his eyes. Anti gets up, groggy from that short nap, and he goes to check if Jack is still asleep. The bedroom door is open, so he sees the Irishman tossed to the other side, tangled in sheets. The green-haired man snorts and he goes to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth before leaving again. God. The mute man is really pushing himself there, leaving the apartment and interacting with people. He still feels anxious and upset, but he’s been holding back. He can do this. He knows that. Anti wants Jack to do nothing today, to just relax while he takes care of everything. Then, he will let the boy know. About his feelings. And try not to explode inside.
 
The nearest flower shop is opening by the time he gets there and the lady smiles at him, not expecting to see someone so early already. Anti purses his lips, wondering if he should wait, but she tells him to come in. He really doesn’t know what to pick other than red roses and he explains to her, typing on his cell phone. He’s thankful to see she’s very patient and kind, and she suggests some daisies and pink carnations. Anti nods and watches her make the bouquet, adding greenery between the flowers. She adds gyps and myrtle leaves, breaking the colors to make more pleasant. He pays for the bouquet and thanks her, nodding shortly and walking away.
 
Anti’s careful when he drives back home, not wanting to ruin the flowers, and he places them over the kitchen counter for a moment. He takes off his jacket and shoes, washing his hands to start making breakfast. The silent man reads the instructions on the back of the pancake mix box, frowning, and he turns on the coffee maker. Anti takes a frying pan, thinking that will do, and he begins to make pancakes. He does burn a couple, when he leaves to set the table, and he curses in his mind. The green-haired man chops the strawberries and bananas, putting them in different bowls, and he sprinkles some sugar over the pancakes.
 
He puts everything on the table, letting Jack choose what he wants to add when he comes over. There’s orange juice and milk, but the boy can have his coffee if he wants. Anti will heat up water for himself later as well. Okay. Okay, good. Everything is in order. Aside from some burned pancakes, he did it. The mute man refuses to look back at the sink, though, knowing he made a mess. It’s eight in the morning now, so he figures it’s time for the Irishman to wake up. Anti smirks, seeing him lying on his side, and pulls down the covers. He sighs, loving what he sees, and he hovers over the boy. The freckled man slowly takes off Jack’s boxers, looking at his face to see him deep asleep.
 
Anti brushes his lips on the boy’s navel, going down to flicker his tongue on his soft cock. The silent man licks his tip, watching Jack knit his eyebrows and squirm a little. He keeps doing that, teasing and wrapping his lips around it to suck lightly. The Irishman huffs, stirring himself awake, and Anti feels his cock growing inside his mouth, pushing him back. Jack moans under his breath, opening his eyes and dragging a hand over his face. He squirms more, pulling his legs up when Anti bobs his head up and down, sucking him off.
 
“A-Ah!” Jack pants, touching the silent’s man hair. “Fuck, Anti… W-What the… Mmngh...”
 
The green-haired man presses his tongue on his shaft, rubbing his thumb there, and the boy lazily mewls. Jack’s too sleepy to hold back any sounds, so the room is filled with little pants and moans. Anti sighs, tasting his precum, and he touches Jack’s balls. The Irishman grunts and buckles his hips up, writhing in the mattress and begging for more. The freckled man pulls back to jerk him, squeezing the tip of his cock, and the boy tosses himself in bed. He turns around, wanting to lie flat on his stomach, but Anti taps lightly on his ass cheeks. Jack lifts his hips in the air and the green-haired man turns over, being under the boy now. The Irishman buries his face into the pillow when he starts blowing him again.
 
Jack makes whining sounds, humping forward and fucking Anti’s mouth. The mute man holds his waist up and he runs his fingers against the boy’s entrance, teasing him. He smiles when Jack sits better on his face, thrusting faster but still being careful not to choke Anti. The freckled man feels Jack’s cock pulsing and he tightens his hold around the Irishman’s waist when he cums. Anti swallows him up, jets of warm cum filling his mouth, and the boy’s knuckles turn white while grabbing the sheets. He whimpers and moans, body spasming. His breathing breaks into gasps, riding his orgasm. Anti pulls back, moving them so he can sit up, and he brushes the back of his hand against his mouth. Jack’s falls in bed, all flushed with messy hair and disoriented.
 
“O-Oh, fuck…” he pants. “G-Good morning? H-Hi…?”
 
Anti smiles.

“Yes. Good morning. Go wash your face, I’ll be waiting in the kitchen.”

He gets up, going to brush his teeth before Jack comes to the bathroom first. The boy scratches the back of his head and does what he’s told. The green-haired man is content to see that the pancakes are still warm and there’s still some left that he can make, in case Jack wants that. He holds the bouquet in his hands, heart racing, and he waits for a moment. The Irishman comes over wearing boxer briefs and one of his grey sweaters. His eyes widen, seeing Anti holding the flowers and the food on the table. There’s silence for a while, just Jack staring with his mouth ajar. The mute man swallows and extends his hands, wanting to give him the bouquet. The boy takes a step closer, accepting it.
 
“I…” Jack whispers, looking down at the roses and carnations. He huffs, knitting his eyebrows a bit with a hint of a smile. “You bought these… for me?” Anti nods at the obvious question, finding him adorable. The boy looks at the table and then at him. “And you made breakfast? W-Why?”

“That’s a silly question,”

Anti signs and the Irishman flushes.

“I just… I wanted to make you happy and not worry about anything today.”

The brown-haired man tightens his hold around the bouquet, placing it close to his chest, and he shakes his head. “You’re unbelievable…” he huffs. “Thank you, Anti… Jeez.”
 
He walks forward, caressing the silent man’s cheek and leaning in for a kiss. The freckled man closes his eyes, sighing and sucking on the boy’s bottom lip. Their beards brush and Jack pecks his mouth, grinning before pulling away. He says he’ll just put the flowers in a vase for now but he’ll want to take them back to his place. Toothless wakes up and meowls from her bed still. Anti makes sure to leave some food for her and he heats up water for his tea before sitting down at the table. Jack grabs himself some coffee and takes some strawberries to eat with the pancakes. He murmurs about how good it felt to wake up like that, blushing all over, and Anti smirks, taking a sip from his drink.
 
They eat in peace and Toothless moves at some point, enjoying the sun coming from the porch. Jack talks about the party, remembering what they did and feeling happy that Anti was there with him. The green-haired man drowns in his voice, staring at him. There’s no anger in his heart, not right now. No self-hate. For once, his mind is so quiet and calm. The Irishman’s blue eyes are warm when their gaze meet, filled with affection, and Anti is not ashamed to have his scars so visible. And he doesn’t mean just the ones on his neck. The invisible ones too. Jack hums, running a hand through his hair.
 
“What are you thinking about?” he asks.

“You.”

“And you call me cheesy!” Jack chuckles. “What has gotten into you, huh?”
 
Anti clenches his jaw, wanting to sign those words. His heart beats faster than before and it feels like there are birds flapping their wings inside his lungs. The Irishman narrows his eyes when Anti slowly raises his right hand, shaking slightly. The mute man looks down at the table, taking deep breaths. He raises his pinky and index finger, along with his thumb to make the

L

in the end. Jack is quiet and the freckled man makes an effort to look up at him. The boy’s eyes turn into half-moons, smiling, and Anti’s heart aches. He shakes his hand, as if saying it again. Louder.

“I love you,”

he mouths, face scrunching up in emotion.

“I love you…”

Jack looks up, as if not wanting tears to fall, and that makes Anti tear up. Fuck. The boy was right. What has gotten into him? He’s so vulnerable, craving nothing but sweet moments. The Irishman clears his throat, swallowing and wiping a tear away from his face. They’re both a goddamn mess.
 
“I love you too, Anti,” Jack replies, huffing a small laugh. “I love you very much.”
 
The freckled man’s throat closes a bit but he refuses to cry, not right now. The boy laughs again, blushing and rubbing the back of his neck. Anti drags a hand over his face, straightening himself, and Jack bites his bottom lip to hold back a smile. They exchange a look, feet brushing under the table, and something stirs inside the man’s heart. Toothless interrupts their moment by jumping over the plates and Jack yelps, immediately grabbing her. Anti sighs and the Irishman bursts into laughter, putting her over his lap. She rubs her face against the boy’s chest, wagging her short tail, and the green-haired man rests his cheek against his hand. Jack caresses her and he smiles back at him. Anti thinks he shines just like the sun, so warm and welcoming. Like home.
 
Fuck. Maybe he

is

sleep-deprived. He’s being all mellow but Jack doesn’t seem to mind. And how beautiful it is to know that the boy loves him back. How happy and relieved he feels. Anti watches them both, seeing Toothless trying to smell their food and the boy murmuring what everything is for her. He blinks, thinking he feels sleepy after all these overwhelming emotions. It drains him, but not in a bad way. Jack notices him and he lets the cat fall back down before getting up. He walks towards Anti, putting a hand over his shoulder and the other on his cheek. The mute man leans into the touch, feeling Jack rubbing his thumb there.
 
“C’mon, baby,” the brown-haired man whispers. “I think it’s time for you to sleep. I know you’re tired.” Anti shakes his head, signing that today is about Jack, and the boy squishes his cheeks. “I will be right there with you, we can just lie down and nap. Both of us can have a lazy day.”
 
The green-haired man lets Jack pull him by the arm, Toothless following them to the bedroom. Anti takes off his pants and lies down next to the boy, resting his head on the pillow. His cat curls into a ball in the edge of the bed and Jack sighs, comfortable to be there. The silent man looks at him, remembering that first time they met. Anti smoking on the bridge, seeing the Irishman worried about him since the beginning. Recalling how weird it was to see their appearance and how they kept finding each other. Their mini road trip and lunches on Sundays. Anti stares through half-lidded eyes, feeling Jack caressing his hair, and he keeps that image close to his heart.
 
The boy murmurs he knows that the mute man didn’t really sleep in bed with him last night and that he wants to wake up next to him. Anti usually wakes up first and leaves. The green-haired man nods, kissing Jack’s knuckles, and they get closer to each other. He wraps an arm around the boy’s waist, breathing in his scent, and he closes his eyes. Anti sighs, finally relaxing so he can sleep, and it feels good. His heart flutters and he’s full of love for this man, holding him in his arms. Jack gave him strength to keep going and pushing himself more. He met new friends and learned more about himself. The Irishman is incredible and he couldn’t wish for someone else in his silent life. Of course that there will be hard times, moments that he won’t know what to do. But Jack will be there with him. Toothless too, let him not forget of her. It will be alright.
 
There’s a breath of an echo in his heart, a beautiful voice that belongs to Jack. Broken, but slowly becoming whole.
 
Yeah.
 
They’re going to be okay.