Work Text
As Jimmy had told Mrs. Lynde, Dean had his good days and bad. The physical damage from the fire had healed but had left it’s scars behind. The visible scars, which he was mostly able to hide from any callers, pulled attention away from the scars on his soul, both new and old.
Dean had been living with the twins for several months now. He felt comfortable at Echo Lodge, and with them, in a way he had never felt anywhere else in his life. The closest he’d ever come was when he lived at Benny’s boarding house.
A pang ran through him, making his chest clench painfully as he thought of Benny, of the fire and the losses they both endured. Heaving himself up out of the bed and pulling on some clothes haphazardly – not looking to see if they were his or the twins - Dean shuffled out of the room. He tripped on the stairs and caught himself on the railing with a grunt.
Where were the twins, anyway? The house was silent – all too silent – and it was eerie as fuck.
And lonely.
Dean hated being alone. That was something that had become all too apparent over the last few months. He’d lived his entire life basically alone, and now that he had someone –
two
someone’s! – he reveled in every touch, whether it be innocent or something that lead to more.
Sometimes, all he really wanted to do, was be held by them.
He found breakfast waiting for him, covered and ready to go. With a smile, he pulled out the hard-boiled eggs and roasted potatoes, the slices of bacon. Everything was still warm, so wherever the twins had gotten off to, they hadn’t been gone long.
Frowning as he ate, Dean tried to remember if there had been any plans for the day? Were they off running errands? Or maybe doing the neighborly duties of calling on folks? After all, they couldn’t reasonably expect to be hermits the entire time they all lived here, not if they wanted to avoid rumors.
Right?
Finishing up, Dean picked up his dishes – what few there were – and brought them to the sink. Quickly washing them while he was thinking proved to be a disaster as the plate slipped right out of his fingers and hit the sink. In shock, he watched as the plate shattered into three large pieces.
Instinct had him flinching even though the twins weren’t there and wouldn’t care about the dish even if they were. They’d be more concerned for Dean, but he couldn’t help but remember all those punishments he’d garnered for mistakes and accidents just like this. With trembling hands, he reached down to pick the pieces out of the sink, then watched dumbly as red welled up over his palm. The sting reached him a second later and he realized he’d cut himself.
With a hiss, Dean grabbed for the closest towel and pressed it against the wound.
The front door opened and he turned to see Cas and Jimmy come into the kitchen.
Jimmy smiled brightly. “Hey, you’re up!”
It was Cas who noticed Dean’s injury first. “Dean, what did you do? Are you all right?”
“Yeah, fine,” Dean grunted. “Just a cut. It’ll be okay.”
Cas and Jimmy hurried over to him to judge for themselves. They both knew Dean had a tendency to underplay anything that bothered him. Cas took Dean’s hand in his and carefully undid the cloth to check the cut. Jimmy and Cas both sighed in relief.
“Okay, yeah, that doesn’t look all that bad. We’ll help you clean and properly bandage it though. Don’t want to risk an infection,” Cas said. Jimmy nodded his agreement and ran off to get their supplies.
“Nah, it’s okay,” Dean said, trying to pull his hand away from Cas.
“Dean,” Cas said softly, a hand coming up to cup his cheek. He didn’t have to say anything more. This had been something that he and Jimmy had been trying to get Dean to realize for a while now and the fact that Dean hadn’t internalized it yet - that he was allowed to make mistakes, that he was allowed to let others care for him - was frustrating for all of them.
“I know, I’m sorry,” Dean whispered back, looking down.
“Don’t be sorry, Dean,” Jimmy said, bustling in with bandages and other things. “Just let us take care of you.”
But how do I take care of
you
?
Dean wondered.
He loved the twins more than anything, but he couldn’t see what he was bringing to the table here. He didn’t contribute anything to the household. He didn’t go out calling with them to their neighbors nor did he have a job - though the twins assured him that he didn’t need one - and now his newfound family was due to arrive in just a few days, invading their privacy for a week.
All these things they did for him… what did he do for
them
?
He hid the spiraling thoughts away, shoved them down so that Cas and Jimmy couldn’t read them on his face as they took care of his hand.
Dean was good at hiding things.
Maybe too good, he thought, as the twins chattered about their task in town. They’d apparently taken the buggy out to check the post. Jimmy had done that while Cas had picked up some gardening supplies. They’d been stopped briefly by Mrs. Lynde and Jimmy was currently apologizing for having taken so long to get back while Cas rolled his eyes.
Soon enough, the three of them were out in the yard and going over Cas’s purchases and planning out what they wanted to do. Dean didn’t have much to contribute to the planning, but was more than willing to put in the backbreaking work, going as he was directed.
Having something hot and sweaty to do grounded him and helped take his mind off things.
Or it would have, if his morning trend for clumsiness hadn’t continued.
He spilled one of the seed packets all over the ground – but not where Cas or Jimmy had wanted them. The handle for the trowel broke off in his hand much to everyone’s surprise. But it was when the bandages on his right hand became soaked in blood that the twins called a halt to everything.
Within moments, Dean was back in the kitchen with Jimmy fixing his bandages and Cas putting the water on for tea. There was a knock on the door just as Cas finished readying everything, slipping a pie into the oven just to warm it up some – he’d made it the day before and apple pie always tasted best heated, Dean thought.
Cas and Jimmy exchanged glances and came to a silent agreement. Dean couldn’t get over how easily they seemed to communicate like that and wondered if it was a twin thing only, or if he would ever get to that level with them.
Leaving them in the kitchen, Cas went to open the door just as Jimmy finished.
“I’ll put these things away, and then I’ll go rescue Cas,” Jimmy said. “You can take care of the tea and pie?”
Dean nodded, curious as to who would be at the door. He hoped it wasn’t Mrs. Lynde. Kind soul that she was, he wasn’t up to dealing with her today. Every time she came by, Dean was a mess of nerves.
What if she figured out why he was there? What if she realized what their
real
relationship was? So far they had fooled her, but the gossips eyes were fairly sharp and soon enough, he was sure, she’d figure it out.
And then where would they be?
The twins living together could be excused and ignored. No one would ever suspect the brothers of
that
sort of relationship. But
Dean
on the other hand… what was he doing there? Why was he here? Everyone in town must be wondering it. Every moment he spent in this house was a moment closer to all their secrets being revealed. Dean was the loose thread that could unravel everything.
The tea kettle whistled and broke into his depressing thoughts.
It wasn’t the first time he’d had them.
The twins risked much by keeping Dean by their side. How selfish was it of Dean to allow them to do that? He could ruin their lives. Would it be better if he left?
No! God help him, but he wasn’t strong enough to leave the twins. It was sure to break him if he did. He rose from his feet to grab the kettle and tipped it over the three cups. He glanced at the door and wondered if he needed a fourth cup. He couldn’t hear any voices so he decided against pulling down a fourth cup.
The silence left him to his thoughts.
It wouldn’t break
them,
if Dean left, Dean was sure. After all… if he left them, they’d still have each other.
In his inattention, hot water splashed up and hit his good hand and he cursed, the teapot slipping from his grip with a loud clatter. Now both hands stung and the teapot had crushed two of the teacups and sent the third flying at him. He cursed again as the scalding water hit him on the neck.
As he struggled to get the water pump going for some cool water, his nose was suddenly assaulted by the scent of burning pie.
The front door opened and closed again, and Cas’s voice rang out, “Dean, what’s taking so long?”
Jimmy chortled, their voices coming closer, “Yeah, do we need to send out a search party?”
The laughter left their voices as they joined him in the kitchen, the twins rushing to his side. “Dean, what happened?”
“Fuck if I know,” Dean grunted.
“Let me see,” Cas said gently. Jimmy disappeared again, reappearing quickly with the supplies he’d only just put away. Together, the twins slathered ointment on the burns, bandaging Dean up once more.
Three times in one day was almost more than he could bear.
“So who was at the door?”
“Hmm? Oh, it was the man who runs the post – what’s his name? Jimmy, do you remember?” Cas asked his brother.
“Uhh…” Jimmy paused in the task of cleaning up the mess Dean had made, the pie already out of the oven and on the counter, looking all the worse for wear with blackened edges.
“Well, anyway, we’d been expecting a package and it hadn’t arrived when we checked, so he was kind enough to drop it off for us,” Cas explained.
“Oh, okay,” Dean agreed.
Jimmy sat down beside him just as Cas finished once more. Placing a hand on Dean’s arm, he rubbed it gently. “Hey, is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just feeling a little out of sorts,” Dean said with a sigh. “Guess it’s just one of those days. I’m okay.”
“Why don’t you take a nap, get fresh start to the day?” Cas suggested. “You didn’t sleep well last night. That’s probably not helping.”
“Yeah, I think I will,” Dean agreed.
Cas helped him stand, though he didn’t need the help, but then his ulterior motives became obvious. He fisted Dean’s shirt and drew him in for a soft kiss. “I hope you feel better,” he murmured against Dean’s lips.
Not to be outdone, Jimmy stood and reached out for Dean, giving him a kiss as well. “Let us know if you need anything.”
Dean’s heart wrenched. Knowing he was loved so unconditionally… it was still one of the strangest feelings. One of those things he didn’t feel like he deserved. But the twins loved wholeheartedly, and beneath his guilt at accepting such affection, he basked in it.
Trudging up the stairs, Dean stripped down, not thinking anything of slipping under the sheets naked, and promptly fell asleep.
He woke up with a gasp a few hours later, disoriented and sweating, breathing heavy. He hadn’t had a nightmare for some months, but apparently, the lack of them was being made up now.
He’d dreamt of fire. Of losing his family and Sam all over again. He dreamt that instead of Cas rescuing Dean, he’d been left behind. The dream had been so vivid, so real feeling that he was having trouble shaking it off.
Unlike reality, where he couldn’t remember a thing from the fire in Kingsport after he started down the stairs with Cas, here his mind had conjured up a terrifying scenario.
Instead, the stairs had crumbled under their feet, but while Cas somehow rolled to safety, Dean had been pinned down. Dean reached out for Cas, his body on fire as he pleaded for Cas to save him. But instead, Jimmy had come, grabbed Cas’s arm and pulled him away from Dean.
Leaving Dean once more alone, this time to die. The twins didn’t need him. They had each other. Sam hadn’t needed him either. He’d had Bobby and Karen. He’d had a good life. Dad hadn’t needed him. He’d sold Dean off like livestock.
He knew it was a dream but he couldn’t shake it, sobbing though he tried to smother the sound of it.
Arms wrapped around him and he curled into the warmth they provided, but he couldn’t stop crying. Couldn’t hear the words that were being whispered gently around him.
He continued to sob until eventually the sobs died into hiccups and the words resolved themselves into meaningful sounds. A hand threaded his hair, another rubbing up and down his back, his head tucked in against a warm chest.
“Ssshh… we’ve got you, Dean. We’re not leaving you,” Cas’s gravelly voice soothed.
Dean clutched at Cas’s shirt, still breathing hard, his eyes closed against the embarrassment he felt at having to be coddled like a child.
Then again, he couldn’t ever remember being coddled as a child. He was sure his mother had but his memories were spread so thin from that time, that he wasn’t sure if he’d just imagined them or not.
Footsteps padded into the room and he heard Jimmy speaking quietly, “I set up the tub. Do you need help?”
Cas grunted as he stood up, and Dean felt himself lifting off the bed. “Just make sure I don’t trip on anything.”
Sluggishly, Dean moved his head and tried to calm his breathing enough to speak. “I can… I can walk,” he choked out, his face red with humiliation. He wasn’t a child or an invalid. He was a grown man and he didn’t need to be carried, even though he felt comfortable in Cas’s arms.
Cas paused and a long moment ensued before he carefully set Dean down on his feet. Jimmy stood in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes radiated concern, but it couldn’t stop him from looking Dean up and down in appreciation.
Right, because he was as naked as the day he was born. He shivered and suddenly something soft and warm wrapped around him and Cas’s arm came around his waist, guiding his steps. He stumbled along, all heavy limbed and uncoordinated, following Jimmy down the stairs and grateful for Cas’s help.
Maybe he should have let Cas carry him…
They reached the kitchen to see the giant tub with steaming hot water placed in the center, the other pieces of furniture shoved to the side to make room, towels and soap laid out on the table. Cas helped him into the tub and Dean – careful to keep any bandages he had out of the water, stepped into the hot water with a sigh. He leaned back and closed his eyes but couldn’t quite relax.
Dean heard some rustling, then Jimmy murmuring something that he couldn’t catch, and a few seconds later a hand landed on his shoulder.
“Scoot forward a little,” Cas said beside him.
Opening his eyes, Dean stared at Cas, perplexed before doing as he was asked. Cas was just as naked as Dean was and, as soon as Dean moved forward, was stepping right into the tub and lowering himself to sit behind Dean, pulling Dean against his chest, water sloshing out over the top to splash on the floor.
And now, finally, Dean felt himself relaxing. Two strong arms were wrapped around his middle, his head leaned back against Cas. The only way this could be better was if there was room for Jimmy in the tub too.
Technically, there wasn’t any room for Cas, either. The three of them were all quite big, and both his and Cas’s legs were scrunched up so that their knees were poking up out of the water.
A hand ran down his leg and pulled it up out of the water, startling Dean. He found Jimmy, completely naked, leaning over the tub with a soapy cloth in his hand. He smirked down at Dean, but his eyes showed gentleness and love and Dean’s breathing hitched.
Cas’s hands tightened around Dean and he leaned his head down to nuzzle into Dean’s neck. “We love you, Dean and we’re not going anywhere. You’re not a burden, either. You have no idea how much you being here with us
means
to us. If we have to spend every day of the rest of our lives trying to show you that, we will.”
As Cas spoke, Jimmy started washing Dean’s leg, fingers occasionally digging in to massage various muscles, drawing a groan from Dean. Tears pricked at his eyes once more and his breathing hitched again. In response, Cas’s hands rubbed in circles along Dean’s chest, running down his arms slowly as he, too, massaged the muscles. The touch of the brothers was intimate, but not sexual.
Jimmy rinsed Dean’s leg, leaving it propped up on the edge of the tub with damp, hot towels covering it. He moved to the other side of the tub, switching to the other leg, drawing it out and leaving Dean spread-eagled in Cas’s arms.
He slumped, nearly boneless against Cas, his head dropping back onto Cas’s shoulder as Cas kissed his neck softly, murmuring words against his skin. Jimmy continued to wash and massage his leg before rinsing and laying out on the edge with hot towels like the other. Moving forward, he pulled one of Deans arms up to receive the same treatment.
“Never doubt you are loved. Never doubt that you are needed or that you will be missed if you were gone,” Cas was whispering.
“Dean, we would be absolutely devastated if you ever left us. You are very much wanted, right here beside us.” Jimmy’s hands slowed, sliding down to thread his fingers through Dean’s and he raised Dean’s whole arm up out of the tub and cradled it against his face.
Behind him, Cas buried his face in Dean’s neck, breathing hard.
“Don’t leave us, Dean,” Cas croaked. “I wish we could take your nightmares away, and I’m sorry we can’t. I’m sorry that we can’t fix the past, but please don’t leave us.”
Dean’s eyes widened as he heard the vulnerability in the twins’ voices, for the first time realizing how much he could hurt them without ever meaning to.
He squeezed Jimmy’s hand and raised his free hand to reach behind himself to grasp at Cas.
“I’m sorry to worry you. I won’t leave, I promise,” Dean croaked. Tears now pricked his eyes for an entirely different reason, and he twisted about in Cas’s arms as best he could in the cramped tub to find his lips. He tugged at Jimmy with the arm still caught in Jimmy’s tight grip till his face was close to Dean’s and Cas’s.
Breaking off his kiss with Cas, Dean turned to meet Jimmy’s lips with his own. Jimmy released Dean’s hand to lean on the tube with both of his, surging forward eagerly, desperately.
They traded kisses between the three of them, sloppy and wet, gentle and full of great care and emotion until the water ran cold enough to cause Dean to shiver.
Jimmy broke off first, helping Dean and his brother to stand back up. The kitchen floor was sopping wet as Jimmy brought over the large, fluffy towels he’d laid out. They took turns after Dean and Cas stepped out of the tub to dry each other off with slow, reverent hands. It was Jimmy’s turn to escort Dean through the house and back up the stairs to their bedroom, laying him out on the bed. Cas stayed behind to do damage control in the kitchen with the promise that he’d be join them quickly.
It was still early yet, judging by the light coming through the window, but despite his sleeping in and his earlier nap, Dean was exhausted. The day had taken its’ toll on him, both physically and emotionally. He curled up under the sheets, holding Jimmy close, drifting contentedly.
Soon enough, he felt heat at his back as Cas slid in behind him, slipping his leg between Dean’s and wrapping himself around both Dean and his brother. Drowsy, feeling way more balanced then had just a few short hours ago – or even 5 minutes ago – Dean snuggled in with a happy sigh.
This wouldn’t be his only low day in the months and years to come, but with the help of the twins, perhaps they wouldn’t happen nearly as often.
One day, he’d feel like he actually deserved this. Not just for a moment here and there, but all the time.
Well, maybe all the time was expecting too much of himself. But more often than he currently did would be a nice step forward.
Lazy hands traced over his naked skin, warm breath tickled his neck and ruffled his hair and slowly, Dean drifted off to sleep, this time the nightmares held far at bay.
He deserved this. They all did.
They deserved peace and quiet, with space to be themselves. To feel and show affection for each other in the company of loved ones without fear.
To move on from the pains of their pasts and push past the judgements of society.
They deserved to exist and be loved.
And here, in this quiet little cottage style home, so far from anything Dean had ever known, was a place that provided all that.
Surely, if God were real, this was Heaven.