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“ Jungkook-ah. ” The way Taehyung's deep voice laced with happiness and life exclaimed his name, Jungkook can't help but feel his lips curling to a coy smile. His sweaty palms itching at the small bouquet of yellow tulips he's holding, the strain to fiddle with the hems of his shirt still torturing him. “ Yellow tulips today? ” The younger nodded meekly, his arms stretching out to give them to the thin boy laying on the immaculate hospital bed. He shrugged the rich brown coat off his shoulders, setting the clothing on a nearby chair before sitting on another one closer to the smiling boy. “ Do you know what yellow tulips mean? ” His warm brown eyes immediately looked up, sparkling with pride and delight as he nodded rather furiously. That seemed to made him earn the lavender haired boy's famous boxy smile. The yellow coloured tulips suited the enchanting lad in front of him, his simple yet remarkable smile immediately lighting up the room. “ There's sunshine in your smile. ” Jungkook uttered, his gaze directly on Taehyung's bright irises. The older nodded softly, his fingers tracing each delicate petal as an amused smile played on his lips. The meaning speaks the truth, after all, it was Taehyung who brushed off the thick curtains that made Jungkook's world dark. It was Taehyung's smile that he got as an answer to his begging question for another reason to live. It was Taehyung's laughter that became his lullabies as he slowly got exposed to the sweetest dreams he never thought he'll have. It was Taehyung's voice that woke him up from his deepest nightmares. It was Taehyung's lips who delivered the feeling of security as it rained soft kisses on his shivering skin. It was Taehyung's hand who brushed on his scars and healed them as his other reached to wipe the tears coming from his eyes. It was Taehyung's body that kept him warm every night as his arms snaked around his waist to hold him closer to his chest.
It was all Taehyung's doing.
“ Ah, what did I do to have you? ” Jungkook wanted to tell him everything, from the way his eyes always draw him in to how his simple words can make the younger's heart skip a beat. But he knew that Taehyung knows those things, so instead, his hand found the other's rather big ones, fingers tangling and twisting to each other. “ Can I stay here? Just one night, please Hyung. ” His voice almost sounded desperate, begging that it made the older snapped his head to look at his face holding a pleading expression. Taehyung, whom he rarely address with that honorific, opened his mouth only to close it after seeing Jungkook's eyes that were avoiding him. He called him Hyung which means that the younger is serious about the topic, and judging by how tight the boy is holding his big pale hands, Jungkook really wanted him to approve of his simple request. “ Fine, just because your face tells me how much you missed me. ” He teased, reaching out his free hand to mess with the boy's brown locks. Jungkook – who clearly did not expect the older's answer – shot up from his seat, ignoring the fact that Taehyung just messed up his freshly styled hair which took about an hour or two to perfect. Completely surprised with the news, the younger did not hesitate to wrap his long arms around the boy's weak body, taking in the foreign scent of his hospital gown as he completely buried his face in his chest. If only Taehyung did not release a pained gasp, he would've stayed there for awhile, basking in his heat. Jungkook pulled away, a string of apologies and self-scolding trailed from his mouth. He was cut off by his warm hands caressing his cheek intimately, the other male gazing at him fondly with a soft smile on his lips. “ Now, tell me everything that I missed. I'm tired of these plain white walls, I can't wait to get out of this damn bed. ” Excited chattering and light bursts of laughter filled the room that day. The afternoon consisted of Taehyung using his iresistible aegyo to persuade the younger to draw something on the walls for him (which Jungkook did after falling for Taehyung's adorable baby voice), the younger telling him Jin-Sunbae's jokes (which Taehyung laughed at loudly to the point that he started violently coughing) and Taehyung stealing some kisses from the blushing boy. As the automatic blinds started to close, a signal that the darkness of the night is slowly consuming the pink and purple tinted sky, Taehyung observed the younger boy's soft breathing. His hand softly playing with the strands of the other's chocolate coloured hair. He sighed in content, looking at the subtle smile on the sleeping male's lips. Jeon Jungkook, the boy who is the reason behind his wide happy smiles, the boy who made his laughter have its colour, the boy who brought warmth in his voice, the boy who put emotions to his words, the boy who introduced the concept of happiness in his life. The boy who made him decide to continue fighting to live. His hand reached out to wipe the warm thick tears from his cheeks, shoulders jerking up from the silent sobs he's emitting. “ I don't deserve you. ” His voice full of pain and disappointment. Disappointment aimed to himself, of his cowardice, of his weakness, of his foolishness, of his selfishness. Disappointed that he didn't get a chance in this entire day to even tell Jungkook the bitter news. But who could blame him? He'd rather lie than see the younger crying in pain and sorrow. He'd rather suffer quietly and hidden than to see the boy faking smiles like him. He'd rather keep the truth away from him than watch him break to pieces again. “ I'm so sorry, this is just for the greater good. ” His voice cracked as another wave of tears flow down his face, both of his hands flew to his mouth as coughs erupted from his body. His throat ached and his lungs gasping for air as he tried so hard to muffle the horrifying sound. Once it started to settle down, he shakily pulled his hands away, immediately wincing at the unpleasant sight. Thick scarlet liquid clung itself to his slender fingers, a huge portion of it settled on his palm. He quickly reached for some tissues from the small table beside him, wiping the warm blood furiously, his eyes full of anger and despair. “ I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Kookie. ” He mumbled repeatedly as he tried so hard to get rid of any traces, before throwing the dirty crumpled tissue to the trash can before him, missing by a few inches. His fingers tangled at the purple strands of his hair, tugging them hard as he ignored the burning sensation of his roots and trying so hard to make himself feel pain. The pain that he deserves for making Jungkook grow attached to him. The pain that he deserves for hesitating to leave even if he got the blumming test results. The pain he deserves for lying about being healthy and okay while he struggled to breathe every night. The pain he deserves for smiling even though he wanted to wince because of the unbearable pain in his chest. The pain he deserves for the damage he will cause to the love of his life when he finally leaves, and this time, permanently. “ I'm so sorry, Jungkook. I just love you so much. I'm so selfish. ” He sobbed, a little louder than he intended it to be. He wanted to tell him everything right then and there, but whenever he hears the younger's cheery tone or see the boy's meek smile, he can't help but swallow the words back to his head. “ I love you so much. Much more than you'll ever know. I love you so much that it hurts. It hurts because I'll leave sooner than expected. ” “ I want to stay here, I still want to live because you're here. I still want to feel your lips on mine as you make me forget how cruel this life is. I still want to feel you in my arms as I inhale your familiar scent. I still want to hear your voice that could take me to places I can never be. ” “ I still want you, Jungkook. And I hate that I only think of myself when I know that sooner or later, I'll break your heart. ” “ I'm foolishly, selfishly, in love with you. ” Hastily, he wiped the tears that streamed from his eyes as he watch the young boy stir in his sleep. He cleared his throat, looking up to prevent the stingy liquid from spilling again. “ Hmm... Taehyung ah, why are you still awake? ” “ Oh, nothing. I just – I just love watching you sleep. ” “ You're being creepy again, TaeTae. ” “ Am not? Is it bad if I appreciate my boyfriend's enchanting face? ” “ Tsk, you're back at your flattering words again. ” “ Fine, fine, I'll go to sleep. ” “ Mmm... ” “ Can I – Can I have a good night kiss? ” “ Tae – ” “ Please Jungkook, just this once. ” By that time, Jungkook should've listened to the tug of his instinct. He should've asked if Taehyung was alright rather than giving in. He should've asked the older if he's fine rather than leaning in to envelop the man's chapped lips in his own. Right at that moment, Jungkook should've told him how much me loves him rather than going back to his seat and leaning his head back to his arms to finally close his eyes. “ I love you Jeon Jungkook. ” “ Mhm, I love you too sweetheart. ” “ More than you'll ever know. ” “ Mmm... ” “ Good night Jungkookie... ” “ ... ” And maybe, Jungkook should've greeted him back for the very last time before Taehyung's eyes fluttered close and the firm grip of his hand on the other's started to loosen up.
Somehow, the yellow tulips grew duller that night.