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Keith sat on some bed at an outpost in the Javeeno Star System, graciously offered to the team by the Blade of Marmora as a pit-stop on their long journey toward planet Earth. Without the Castle of Lions, getting back home was going to take much longer than just a simple wormhole to the other side of the universe. They were going to have to navigate through Galra empire territory swiftly and inconspicuously, as well as survive flying in the cramped cockpits of all five of the lions.
As amazing as they lions were, they didn’t exactly have sleeping quarters, or even additional seats for any co-pilots or other passengers. Shiro was still too weak to pilot, so Keith was in charge of flying Black and effectively leading the entire team on their trip. Krolia had reached out to multiple BOM bases along the route they planned to take, but not all had gotten back just yet. They were lucky as it was to have a soft, comfortable place to rest for a full night’s sleep instead of rotating pilots every time one of them was going to pass out.
Despite everyone around him sleeping soundly, Keith was stuck awake by the thoughts barraging his mind. Over and over he kept replaying that horrifying match. The neon purple glow of Shiro’s eyes staring him down as he was attacked again and again, each move more relentless than the last and taking a larger toll out of his stamina than he would have wanted, all the while surrounded by thousands of Shiro duplicates, lifeless and unmoving in their capsules. Those piercing eyes didn’t haunt him. As terrifying as that battle was to Keith, all he can remember is thinking about getting through to Shiro, helping him through this internal struggle for power and pulling whatever remainder of him was left to the surface. At that point he didn’t even know that was a clone, but he still felt his heart rip in half when he had to cut off Shiro’s galra arm in order to survive. The scar on his face didn’t seem consequential enough to make up for hurting Shiro in such a way.
And then, of course, there was what Keith had said during that battle.
You’re my brother. I love you.
Never before had Keith been able to deal with his emotional baggage, or even feel confident enough to express any type of emotions, but those two years with Krolia mended nearly all of his wounds and changed him completely. Shiro meant so much to Keith that he wasn’t sure he could put it into words. It was an unwavering feeling, one that didn’t break under the threats and taunts of Shiro’s clone. When Keith spilled those words in a choked breath, it was like they were being said to him as well, and he felt a moment of clarity suspend between him and Shiro if only for a moment before the attacks continued.
Now, after a long and arduous battle between Lotor’s forces and the Paladins of Voltron, Shiro was back, the
real
Shiro, who had stayed trapped inside of Black for nearly a year following his death.
Death. Keith couldn’t help but chuckle solemnly at the thought. Shiro had
died
, really and truly. He had left them, without the ability to contact them or let them know he was still there. He was watching over all of them the entire time, and even admitted to being the one who picked Keith as Black’s new pilot. Shiro never gave up on Keith, the same way Keith never gave up on saving Shiro. And now he was back, with starlight hair and the memories of both the clone and his essence in the astral plane.
Keith thought he had matured during his time away from the paladins aback the magnificent space creature, taking the years to self-reflect and figure out all of the rumbling and tumultuous emotions inside of him. He thought he had figured out that Shiro was his friend and brother. Krolia had seen Keith’s adolescence via flashbacks and knew exactly how Shiro had helped him through the Garrison. She also saw what Keith went through Shiro was presumed dead. No words could describe the utter heartbreak Keith went through, thinking the only living person he gave a shit about was gone forever, just like his dad. And then, years later, Shiro returned, and Keith thought of how he would have hugged Shiro until the end of time had they not needed to make a quick escape. Krolia saw it
all
. Knowing everything Keith had gone through with Shiro, witnessing his actions and hearing his thoughts as he processed them out loud, she had a pretty good understanding of their relationship.
So when she remarked that Keith saw Shiro the way she saw his father, he didn’t know what to say.
In truth, he should have delved deeper into that conversation, asked her exactly what she meant. But instead he chose to ignore it, instigating a game of fetch with Yorak and refusing to bring up the topic again. That was only a week before their arrival to the hidden Altean colony, so Keith became quickly preoccupied with other, more pressing matters. In fact, he forgot about the whole exchange until those all-powerful words slipped from his mouth in the heat of battle. Now that he didn’t have an excuse to ignore the topic, it was all his mind could think about.
I love you
.
What did he even mean with those words? Of course he loved Shiro, just like he loved his mother and everyone on the team. Keith got to truly understand the concept of platonic love during his maturation, away from the world and its toxic masculinity suppressing his ability to feel freely. But why did something deep within him stir when he spoke those words aloud? Shiro was his brother, yes, but he was also his friend, his mentor, his guiding light. Shiro was anything and everything to Keith. There wasn’t a word to describe the place Shiro held in his heart, but he had chosen to use the word ‘brother.’ Now, he wasn’t so sure that was the right choice of words.
I love you.
Keith firmly grasped his head between his palms and bent over so that his face was buried in his knees, the mild tremors spreading from his core to extremities. His emotions and confusion were beginning to overwhelm him and he didn’t know what to do. He tried breathing, distracting himself with thoughts of battle or the Galra, but every path his mind took converged back to the words playing on a loop in the forefront of his mind.
I love you I love you I love
--
“Ahh!” Keith screamed, his eyes flashing yelling in a moment of pure instinct. What was going
on
with him? When he came back to the Paladins, he was so confident, so sure of himself. He had matured. But now he was back to his old ways of uncertainty and repressed feelings, and he hated it. He couldn’t figure out what sort of conflict was going on inside of him, and it took too much energy to delve in and figure it out. His past mind cried out to him, telling him to just hide it behind unwarranted aggression and cynicism, preventing any unwanted intruders. But then he thought of his mother and the memories of his father, and he knew he had no reason to do so. He was loved, and he had those
he
loved surrounding him with unrelenting support. He could figure this out. He
would
figure this out.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Shiro laid awake and staring at the aluminum ceiling, tracing every little indentation and seam with his eyes. He needed something to distract his mind, keep it occupied. His body, or rather, this
new
body, was exhausted and not used to its new ownership. Shiro had spent so long without a physical form that he almost forgot what it felt like to touch something, or put the energy into movement. This body was beaten up and sore after its near-death experience against Keith, shown by the obvious lack of a right arm. For some reason, that hit Shiro the hardest. He didn’t feel anger or hurt towards Keith for chopping it off; it had to be done, otherwise Keith would have suffered more than just a scar on his cheek. No, what Shiro couldn’t shake was having nothing there, absolutely nothing at all. Even when he had lost his real arm while in the grips of the Galra forces, it had been immediately replaced by a new, shiny arm, equipped with technology that surpassed Shiro’s human understanding. That is, of course, until the Galra had infused his mind with
more
alien technology. After nearly losing a battle in the pit and suffering a severe nasal laceration, the Galra scientists thought it best to enhance his physical capabilities, infusing a specific portion of his frontal pole directly with pure, concentrated quintessence, and bettering his motor skills by a hundredfold. The first time Shiro got a glance at himself, he didn’t recognize the reflection peering back at him, with a tuft of bright silver hair over his forehead and a nasty scar. Now, his hair shone in the light, and the scar on his face was now the second-darkest color on his profile, only behind the deep grey of his eyes. It would take some getting used to, but he knew he could grow to love the hair, even if it did make him look like a grandpa.
Like his first capture under Galra force, memories of his clone kept coming to him in flashes and dreams -- or rather, nightmares. He kept seeing pictures of Keith’s face, wrought with emotion and pain as he lashed out vicious attacks under Haggar’s control. Short glimpses of yellow and purple shone through Keith’s normally deep-brown eyes, and Shiro almost thought he could hear Galran growling amidst the clashing of alien swords. So much pain was wrapped up in those memories, and each time a new one surfaced Shiro was hit with another wave of guilt and regret. He hadn’t actually played a role in any of those attacks, and neither did the clone, but to hurt Keith, to nearly kill him… it was almost too much to bear. The scar on Keith’s cheek was an obvious reminder of his clone’s actions. Shiro had trouble looking at the scar for too long; he didn’t want to display any more signs of weakness, not when his team needed him.
The view of the ceiling grew blurry and Shiro went to wipe away the tears, groaning when he moved his right shoulder and no hand reached for his face. Pidge and Hunk were in the process of designing a new prosthetic, but it would take some time. They had already extracted all of the galra technology from his body, leaving the amputation site with just bare scar tissue and finally letting Shiro feel wholly human again. To be frank, as much as Shiro looked forward to a replacement arm, he feared his gut reaction when the time came to actually install it. Would it trigger some sort of panic attack? Was there a chance that he would accidentally hurt his team? Shiro flung his left forearm over his eyes, squeezing them shut and dampening the hairs on his arm. Why couldn’t he just forget? What was there even worth remembering?
Suddenly, as if he was hit with a bolt of lightning, a flurry of memories came rushing back. Echoing sounds of Keith’s voice resonated in his mind.
Shiro, it’s gonna be okay…
… I know we can fix this…
… I love you.
Shiro’s breath hitched and held still as he processed what exactly he had just recalled. Keeping his eyes closed, he focused on that sound, that voice, following it into the depths of his mind to find its roots.
Yes, he could remember now. It wasn’t a dream, or some fantasy, it was real and solid. Keith had said what he thought Shiro needed to hear in order to snap out of Haggar’s control. It managed to gain the clone’s attention, but wasn’t able to stop his attacks. But why, now, did remembering Keith’s voice so clearly profess his love overwhelm Shiro’s heart to where he thought it could burst?
Deep down, Shiro knew it meant nothing beyond the face value of the words. Shiro had been there for Keith since the Garrison, recruiting him as a young teenager and acting as his mentor when he began acting ornery. Of course he would look up to Shiro, value his as a friend and confidante. Yet, something deep within Shiro was in a flurry, wracking with confusing feelings and scrambling his brain. What had changed?
Shiro thought about the conversation he had with Keith about his mission with Krolia. Keith had tried explaining the physics of that whole situation, how time moved different during his travels and that 2 whole years had passed for him before he returned to the Castle of Lions, yet all Shiro could do was gawk at the changes of the person in front of him. Keith was completely grown, both mentally and physically. He wasn’t the same person that rescued Shiro after his crash landing on Earth, and he definitely wasn’t the same person that Shiro recruited from the orphanage all those years ago. Keith had formed his own identity, and it was like Shiro was meeting him for the first time. And now Shiro knew that Keith loved him, which he supposed he always knew, but the vocalization made it all the more appealing. To be emotionally secure enough to say something like that, and to declare it without hesitation…
Was it possible he meant something more?
Shiro gripped a fistfull of his hair with an aggressive, frustrated exhale, a flush consuming the fawn skin of his face as he realized that he
wanted
it to mean something more. Was he seriously considering that someone he’s known since they were a young teenager could be romantically interested in him? And what was he even
doing,
entertaining the thought it might be a mutual feeling?
Still, he couldn’t deny that hearing those words twisted up his stomach in knots and seeing Keith look so grizzled and toned intrigued something lower. But what was he supposed to do about it? Even though the Paladins of Voltron were equal members of a team, the Black Paladin was the head and therefore the leader. He held a position of authority over Keith, even if it was just a title. It would be wrong of him to pursue Keith.
So that was it, then. Shiro would have to just suffer through whatever attraction he was feeling toward Keith and pretend as if everything were the same. For the sake of the team, and for the sake of Keith.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The next morning, before dawn had even broken, the team sat in scattered positions around the small common room of the BOM outpost. Rations had been given to each of the members and they grouped off into small packs as they conversed over their food. Pidge, Matt, Hunk, and Coran were sitting cross-legged in a circle on the floor, debating over the best plan of attack for reconstructing a new Castle of Lions once they got the plans from Pidge and Matt’s dad. Allura, Romelle, and the mice sat on the sill of a small window, with Allura hardly touching her food as she reflected on the travesties committed under Lotor’s mania and Romelle comforting her as best she could. Lance sat in a chair right up against Kaltenecker as he hugged the large animal. He laughed as he told Shiro about the Altean fascination with milk, only for it to be quickly squashed the moment he showed them where it came from. That left Keith and Krolia together in the shadowy corner of the room with a perfect view of everyone there. Neither of them were eating; they had finished their rations almost as soon as they got them. The mother-son duo was anxious to get moving, not wanting to stay in one place too long and hoping to get through the Galra transit route before the next shipment passed. When it was obvious the team wasn’t in a hurry to finish their food, they settled for waiting around, brewing in their frustration. Keith tapped his fingers on his crossed forearms, smirking a bit when he looked over and noticed his mother doing the same thing. With the others far enough away that Keith couldn’t distinguish their conversations -- well, except for Lance’s obnoxiously loud laughter -- he figured now would be the best time to broach a certain topic.
“Hey, mom,” Keith asked, catching Krolia’s attention. After 2 years, he thought it would feel normal to say that, but it still felt sweetly foreign on his tongue. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course, Keith,” Krolia said gently.
“I was wondering… do you remember that comment you made? About me and Shiro?”
Krolia scrunched her eyebrows contemplatively. “You’re going to have to be a little more specific.”
Keith swallowed the lump in his throat before he continued, quieter than before. “It was during our mission. We had just seen a flashback to when Black found Shiro a few months after his battle with Zarkon -- or, I guess that was a clone, ah, that doesn’t matter, really.” Krolia gently chuckled at her son’s stammering, looking at him with a nod to urge him to continue. “Anyway, the point is, you saw the conversation Shiro and I had, when he asked me how many times I would need to rescue him. You saw it, and then you made a comment about how I saw him. Do you remember?”
“I remember,” Krolia said assuredly.
“Well?” Keith asked when his mother failed to explain further, “Are you gonna tell me what it meant?”
“I have a feeling that I don’t have to.”
Keith scoffed. “If I understood what you meant I wouldn’t be asking you right now!” He grew even more agitated when Krolia just shook her head and sighed.
“Keith, I can’t make you accept what you know to be true. Just know that I’ll still be here for you when you do.”
She left Keith gawking at she walked out of the common and toward her temporary room, not giving any further explanation. Keith was flustered, confused, and embarrassed all at once. He suddenly didn’t want to be anywhere near anyone, so he stormed out of the outpost to take a morning walk and let out steam. Everyone in the common room just shrugged as they watched Keith exude attitude in the way he stomped his feet as he walked and slammed the door behind him. Although these type of episodes had drastically reduced since his return, it wasn’t unusual, so they all left well enough alone and continued their meal.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
When everyone’s bellies were full and items packed, they began to load up their respective lions. There was quite a long stretch of travel before the next BOM outpost, so each lion was going to need to rotate its pilot multiple times. With the shortage of people, Krolia had to board the red lion with Lance in order to give him someone to swap. Shiro knew that meant he would have to pilot Black and stop fearing the new sensation of piloting single-handed. In truth, Shiro could pilot her with his eyes closed; their connection was beyond the normal limits of man and machine. He was just afraid and a bit self conscious. Luckily, Keith would be there to take over if Shiro got overwhelmed, and Keith could apparently survive on very little sleep, so he would probably be piloting a majority of the time anyway.
Speaking of which, where was Keith? Shiro did a quick scan of the outpost and found no sign of him. Had he even come back from his stroll? Shiro didn’t remember seeing him reenter the common room after he made his dramatic exit.
“Hey, guys,” Shiro called out to the Paladins as a whole, “Has anyone seen Keith?”
“He hasn’t come back yet?” Pidge asked, popping her head out of her lion’s entryway. Shiro shook his head.
“Do you think something bad happened to him?” Hunk asked, always fearing the worst.
“I don’t know, but I better go look for him. You all keep prepping, I’ll be back soon.”
From the mouth of the red lion, Krolia shot Shiro a knowing glance, which told Shiro all he needed to know. Keith wasn’t hurt, he was just taking space from whatever had upset him earlier. Of course, there was always the
chance
that he had been snatched away, but with the BOM constantly guarding the perimeter it was highly unlikely. Keith probably just ran off to be alone atop a small hip, dramatically looking out into the alien sunrise.
In fact, that’s exactly where Shiro found him. The mullet-haired Paladin sat with his knees tucked up to his chest as he sat on a small hill, just out of sight from where they had parked the lions. He was gazing out into the horizon as the dual-suns of the solar system rose and sent an amber glow across the plains. The light brought out the copper tones hidden in the depths of Keith’s ebony hair and starkly contrasted the glowing purple accents of the BOM garb he was wearing. Why he chose not to wear his more casual attire, Shiro didn’t know. He just walked up behind the pouting man and sat down beside him, looking at the sunrise as well. It took a bit of effort considering he only had one arm to balance him as he lowered himself to the ground, but he managed.
“It’s really beautiful, huh?” Shiro commented, looking over at Keith to gauge his current mood.
“Yeah,” Keith said plainly. They stewed in the silence while Shiro waited for Keith to say anything more, only to sigh when he realized that wasn’t going to happen.
“So you wanna tell me what’s on your mind?”
Keith didn’t stir. He just stared, his arms wrapped around his legs and chin resting on his legs as close to his knees as he could manage without hurting his neck. After a moment of what must have been building up courage, Keith finally spoke. “What do you remember from our battle?”
Shiro frowned, not wanting to reminisce on that particular time. “Bits and pieces. It’s been… trickling in.”
“But what have you remembered so far?” Keith asked as he finally flicked his eyes in Shiro’s direction, obviously looking for a specific answer.
“Why don’t you ask me what you’re looking for? It might be easier than me explaining the hodgepodge of memories consuming my mind at the moment.” When Keith didn’t respond, instead eyeing Shiro intently, Shiro ran a hand through his own hair and continued. “I remember fighting… and there were clones, so many clones all around us. I remember taunting you, and you not falling for it… I remember hurting you,” Shiro said softly, as if the words stung him. “It’s my fault you have that scar, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
Keith sighed in defeat and dropped the stoic demeanor, replacing it with one of resignation. “That wasn’t you, Shiro. I don’t blame you for what happened. Let’s just… get back to the lions. Everyone’s probably waiting on us.”
Keith unraveled his arms from his body and began to stand up, only to be interrupted by Shiro’s left hand pushing down on his knee and locking him to the ground. Shiro had twisted his torso so that his good arm could reach and settled for placing his hand on Keith’s knee instead of shoulder so that he could face Keith properly. The faintest blush crept onto the apples of Keith’s cheeks, and he looked directly at Shiro as he ceased his attempt to stand.
“I can tell there’s something bothering you, Keith. I just want to help.”
Keith’s mouth opened but no sound came out, almost like whatever words he planned to say were choked back. He swallowed and cleared his throat before trying again. “Do you know what I said to you? When you had me pinned to the floor, right before you burned me? Do you remember?”
Images of last night’s recollection splayed across Shiro’s mind. Now that he remembered, how could he ever forget? The emotion and heartbreak so obviously riddling Keith’s face as he struggled under the clone’s sword had haunted Shiro throughout the night. And then the words those broken face spoke…
“Yes,” Shiro breathed, “I remember.”
Keith’s eyes perked up, if only very slightly, like they were afraid to be hopeful. “And?”
Shiro hesitated. What was he supposed to say? He had just decided the night before to suppress this feeling in order to protect Keith. Why was Keith even bringing this up? Was Shiro’s imagination taking over, or did Keith actually have a deeper meaning behind his words?
Before Shiro could answer, Keith grew regretful of his question, taking the silence as a sign that Shiro wasn’t going to respond in his favor. He looked to the ground and began to panic, pushing himself up and through Shiro’s hold on his knee. “Nevermind,” he mumbled, “Let’s just forget this conversation ever happened. I’m going back to Black.”
Keith stepped around Shiro and began to walk away. “Keith, wait!” Shiro called out after him. He propped all of his weight onto his lonely arm and attempted to twist his legs beneath him, only to trip and end up face planting onto the hard, lilac-toned ground. Goddammit. He struggled to prop himself back upright and found himself receiving the help of a very stubborn Paladin. Keith had swiftly returned to Shiro’s aid, grabbing his arm and pulling the white-haired clutz up to his feet. Once he made sure Shiro was standing steady, Keith brushed the dirt off of Shiro’s shoulders, a grumbly expression on his face. Shiro looked at him adoringly. Despite the attitude, Keith looked out for him every second of every day. Hell, Keith had rescued him more times than was reasonable to ask of a person.
So maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t too crazy to assume that this was deeper than a brotherly connection.
Shiro pulled his hand up to caress Keith’s face, the apprehensive man flinching beneath the touch. “Keith,” Shiro murmured, “look at me.” Keith obeyed, his eyes glassy upon meeting Shiro’s. “I love you, too.”
Keith’s eyebrows shot up and his pupils quivered as his brain processed exactly what Shiro had finally managed to say. Before Shiro could make the first move, Keith flung his arms around Shiro’s neck and met his lips with a kiss. A fervent, needy kiss, one that Shiro was more than happy to reciprocate. He wrapped his arm around Keith’s back to grab onto his shoulder blade, packed taut with muscles that weren’t there when Shiro, the
real
Shiro, last touched it. He could feel the muscles flexing underneath his fingertips as Keith’s arm slid from around his neck to gently cup the sharp corner of his jaw, rough with stubble that was practically invisible to the naked eye. Keith’s tongue grazed Shiro’s bottom lip, gently asking for permission to enter, and Shiro enthusiastically complied. Shiro moved his arm to the small of Keith’s back to support his partner as he bent forward and deepened their kiss, Keith’s left arm slung around Shiro’s neck and hand desperately gripping the stretch of skin between neck and shoulder. Every inch of Keith’s torso was pressed against Shiro and they could feel each other’s hearts fluttering in sync.
God, this felt so much better than either of them could have imagined. It was the only thing missing between them. They would already fight and die for each other, as they’d done so many times already, but now they would live and love for each other,
with
each other. Shiro felt a sudden dampness hit his cheeks and opened his eyes to see Keith crying. They pulled away to rest their foreheads together, Keith letting out a choked chuckle at himself for getting so emotional as Shiro delicately but intently kissed him once more. He ran his fingers through the long hair that ran down the back of Keith’s neck and tickled Keith’s ear with his thumb. The careful, tactile exploration of Keith’s neck continued, even as Keith slowly leaned his head to the left and placed a soft, comforting kiss on the reddened scar tissue of Shiro’s stump. It was Shiro’s turn to let out a few silent tears. Keith wiped them away with the fabric on the back of his gloved hand and smiled up at the pearl-haired beauty in front of him.
“We should probably get heading back,” Keith whispered, “or Hunk might think we were eaten by wild aliens creatures.”
All Shiro could manage was a nod. Keith slunk his hand up to his own neck and laced his fingers between Shiro’s, prying them out of his shaggy raven locks and guiding them to his side. They kept their hands held as they took the short walk back to the lions. There was a long journey ahead of them, and none of them knew what was going to happen once they returned to Earth, but there was one thing Keith and Shiro were certain of, and that was each other.