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"i'm scared," yuchan whispers to byeongkwan, who shakes his head with a small smile."chan-ah, what's the worst that could happen?""he could hate me forever," yuchan deadpans. the older boy blinks twice."he's not that type of person, you know that," he mutters softly, fondness shining in his voice, drowned out by amusement. "he won't hate you, i can promise you that. channie, even if he doesn't love you the way you love him, he could never hate you. you're one of his favorite people on this planet," byeongkwan then reassures, and yuchan thinks to himself quietly.he'd known donghun for as long as his memory could recall, and they'd been friends for forever. "i'm gonna have to take a rain check on those video games today," he says decisively, and byeongkwan cheers quietly, but excitedly.he may look bright, but yuchan is silent for the rest of the ride. all he can think about is how his confession will go.yuchan isn't stupid. he can see the way donghun looks at junhee, can see the sparkling of his eyes, can hear the shift in his voice- junhee to donghun is what donghun is to yuchan. and it hurts, it hurts so much, but he knows that if he doesn't confess, he'll end up regretting it.but fuck, donghun means so much to yuchan. he's liked him for years. since yuchan was eight and donghun was ten, and donghun had helped him after he'd fallen off the swing on the playground. he'd liked him since that first time donghun's father had called yuchan son, the first time yuchan's mother hugged the other boy before he left. the moment he noticed donghun becoming a constant in his life. yuchan has liked donghun for as long as he can remember. he loves him."yuchan, it's his stop," byeongkwan hisses, pulling him from his memories. yuchan blinks, watching donghun grab his bag and walk down the aisle toward the door of the bus. he smiles softly at the two of them as he passes, his eyes twinkling, and yuchan hesitates. he watches donghun climb off of the bus."you can do this," byeongkwan says, just as the driver calls for anyone else to get off. yuchan nearly trips over himself standing up, taking his bag from a grinning byeongkwan and rushing off after donghun.the older boy had already walked a little further, so yuchan takes long strides to catch up to him. he reaches out to tap donghun on the shoulder, and yuchan swerves himself so that he's standing in front of him. "yuchannie?" donghun asks, taking both of his headphones from his ears with a frown. "this isn't your stop, is it?"yuchan shakes his head with a smile. "no," he says, and he doesn't understand why a wave of serenity washes over him suddenly. he feels calm, and he's not quiet sure he likes it. "i just have something to tell you." donghun hums softly, tilting his head. "i... i really like you." he'd nearly said i and love and you one after the other, but he wasn't going to let the words slip from his lips. he's not going to make donghun feel even more guilty.he sees the change in donghun as soon as he says it. he sees the way his neck straightens, the way his fists clench around the chord of his headphones. donghun's eyes droop a little as he stares at yuchan. but the older boy is speechless. it's almost like he can't find any words to say, trying to pull them out of thin air. "yuchan, i-""it's okay," yuchan cuts him off, digging the nail of his thumb into the skin of his index finger. "i'm not expecting an answer. it's just... i would regret it if i didn't say something." donghun's shoulders slump, and he lowers his eyes to the ground before flicking them back up to yuchan. the way donghun is looking at him makes him feel like a kicked puppy, and all he really wants is some hot chocolate and a good cry. "oh, and i... i don't want you to regret anything either." don't regret not telling junhee. he adds the last sentence silently, but donghun knows exactly what he means, judging by the way he goes back to staring at the ground. "be careful while you walk home." yuchan sends him one last lopsided smile, turning around and walking away.donghun doesn't call him back.yuchan doesn't let his face fall until he's turned his back, and he doesn't let the tears fall until he's a few steps away. he knows that donghun is probably still looking at him, that he can see the shake of his shoulders as he sobs quietly, tears blurring his vision.how am i supposed to get home now? he thinks to himself, figuring that he'll just walk. he knows where he is, and he'll have to walk about thirty minutes before he gets to his own house. he doesn't even want to go home like this. i'll just go somewhere else. people stare at him as he walks past them, but none of them stop him to ask if he's alright. he can't bring himself to care about what they think of him. he doesn't know where he's going, he just lets his feet lead him.the bell above the door rings as he walks into the cafe. "welcome to topped off! what can i- oh." sehyoon starts to call as he enters the cafe, his voice going quiet, and all yuchan can think is oh shit. he clearly didn't think this through very well."just the regular please," he says, his voice raspy and dry from trying to keep his sobbing quiet."are you alright?" sehyoon asks, watching yuchan sluggishly get his wallet out of his bag.yuchan shrugs. "i will be." he hands the money over, blinking as sehyoon squeezes his hand once.sehyoon frowns even more, nudging yuchan toward his normal table by the window. "i'll bring it to you, yeah?"once yuchan sat down, sliding his bag underneath the table, he gets his phone out. byeongkwan had sent him a few texts, and sehyoon had sent one.
yoonie
im sorry channie
yuchan ignores that one. he'd seen the pity in the other boy's eyes at the counter, and that alone had been enough to figure out that he knew what happened.
best friend
chan
chaaaaaaan
kang yuchan
hey
what happened???
channie??????
yuchannie
can u come to topped off
i didnt wanna go home
best friend
ill be there in fifteen
yuchan puts his phone down just as sehyoon comes over with his drink, a soft and sad look in his eyes. "this one is on me," he says, putting a slice of the cafe's cotton candy flavored sweet bread down next to the cup. yuchan has to blink the water out of his eyes."thank you," he says thickly, and that's when he notices donghun sitting in the cafe.he's doing nothing but staring down at the table with a frown. "he got here just a little before you did," sehyoon comments, noticing where he's looking and shaking his head. "he told me what happened." yuchan smiles bittersweetly, and this time he can't stop the tear that hits the table."i didn't want to go home like this," he says, "so i just walked. i didn't mean to end up here, but..." he lifts one of his shoulders into a half-hearted shrug, trying to ignore the tears welling up in his eyes."i'm sorry," sehyoon repeats his the words from his text, reaching out to ruffle yuchan's hair."thank you. could you make byeongkwan's regular too? he's on his way." sehyoon nods, and with one last smile, heads back to the counter.yuchan drinks his hot chocolate absentmindedly, not really caring about how badly it's burning his mouth. he knows exactly what he was expecting. he'd known that donghun was going to say no, he hadn't expected anything else. but if he knew the outcome beforehand, why did it still hurt so much? he just stares at the table, thinking of the choice he'd made. he doesn't notice sehyoon place byeongkwan's drink across from him, along with a note.the bell above the door twinkles, and byeongkwan makes a beeline for his table the second he spots yuchan. "channie," he sighs, a little too loudly, and donghun's head snaps up. yuchan ignores him."hi," he croaks at byeongkwan, who winces at the sound of his voice. he wants to ask how byeongkwan had gotten to the cafe, since the drive was normally fifteen minutes, and it had only been around seven."yah, have you been smoking mrs. lee's cigarettes, kang yuchan?" byeongkwan demands playfully, and yuchan smiles a little. byeongkwan always tried to cheer him up. the older boy sits down across from yuchan, successfully blocking his view of donghun's table. byeongkwan had done it on purpose too, judging by how far he moved his chair to the right. "i'm assuming he said no," byeongkwan says quietly after he reads the note next to his drink (it makes him smile, his eyes going all soft. byeongkwan is in love.) and takes a sip of it. yuchan nods his head, pinching off a piece of the cotton candy bread and eating it carefully. "i'm sorry, chan-ah," byeongkwan frowns, and yuchan can't bring himself to understand."why did you all say sorry?" he wonders, "it's not your fault." byeongkwan doesn't ask who 'you all' is."i know, i just... i don't like seeing you this way," byeongkwan shrugs, gulping his smoothie to smooth the lump in his throat.yuchan sighs. "melancholic isn't a good look on me."byeongkwan nearly chokes laughing. "everything is a good look on you, i don't know what you're talking about," he jokes, and yuchan allows himself to smile wider. "but chan-ah... do you know why he said no?" he then asks, more gently."haven't you seen?" yuchan smiles, voice low so that sehyoon and donghun don't hear him. "he's in love with junhee. he has been this whole time."byeongkwan chokes for real this time, his pink smoothie dripping down his chin and onto the table. yuchan snickers, handing him a few napkins to wipe up the mess he's made. "i was not expecting you to say that," he mumbles after coughing for a minute. byeongkwan scrubs at his shirt, thankful that it's a dark color and that the smoothie doesn't seem to stain it too badly, and then wipes up the table, scrunching up the napkins and putting them on the edge of the table to throw away later."it's true, y'know? i told him that i don't want him to regret anything either, but i think he knew i was telling him to confess to junhee."byeongkwan stares at him, jaw dropped, and then reaches across the table to slap his shoulder. "why would you do that!" he hisses, and yuchan laughs again. "because i love him. i'd rather hurt than letting him be hurt, you know?" yuchan smiles a little. "it hurts but it's better than seeing him in pain."byeongkwan tilts his head. "what do you mean?""he's definitely gonna regret it if he doesn't tell junhee. i know him— i know both of them better than they know themselves. junhee won't do it, he's afraid he'll hurt donghun. donghun won't do it because he doesn't want to get hurt, but he's just gonna hurt more if he doesn't say anything. i don't want them to hurt like that." byeongkwan stares at him, lips curled into a soft smile, and shakes his head. "i wanna know how you're so mature," he sighs, standing up. "if i was ever in that situation with sehyoon, i don't think i could do what you did tonight." yuchan blushed, putting his hands on his cheeks to calm himself. "c'mon. i told your mom you're staying at my house tonight.""told you," yuchan whispers the next day, nodding to where donghun and junhee were sitting together, holding hands as they talked to each other. donghun is smiling, his whole face lit up and his eyes turned up into crescent moons. he looks so happy, playing with the tips of junhee's fingers, like junhee is the center of the universe to him— because he is. junhee looks just as bright, his sharp teeth glinting in the sunlight as he laughs when donghun says something funny. their love is real, just as real as the stars, or the sun in the sky, or the ground beneath their feet. and they're perfect for each other, like their souls were crafted at the same time, right next to each other like it was where they belonged.sehyoon frowns, gripping onto byeongkwan's hand even tighter. "channie, are you alright?" yuchan only laughs, shrugging."it feels like there's a weight off my shoulders now." it really feels like the whole world has been lifted off of his shoulders. he still loves donghun, that much is obvious, and it's gonna take a while to get over him. he's loved donghun for his whole life, it feels like, how is he supposed to get over that? "i'll find a way to get over him," he says, resolute, because he's nothing if not determined."guys!" junhee calls, snapping the three of them from their little huddle-up. junhee winks at yuchan, so quick and subtle no one else even noticed it. yuchan grinned.donghun puts a hand on his shoulder the second he sits down at the table. "thank you," he murmured softly, and yuchan only shook his head."you have nothing to thank me for."it's interesting, when you love someone. yuchan realizes, smiling at junhee and donghun. when you love them more than you even thought was possible. they're part of you, and they always will be. i'll always love donghun, but maybe someday it won't be this type of love. because loving someone means wanting the best for them, even if the best isn't me.