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Severus thought that he must have done something awful in a past life for him to share 7th year Defense class with Gryffindors. It was bad enough that he and other Slytherins were being forced to expose a part of their personal defense tactics (the Gryffindors are pretty easy to figure out given that it takes practically nothing to provoke them), it was bad enough that they are forced to partner up with Gryffindors for projects and practice, now apparently this insufferable fool wanted them to cast Patronus Charms. Not individually in front of only him but as a whole fucking class. This wasn't even the first attempt at this. Severus hated him so much. "Now that there is nothing explosive or flammable in the classroom, we can begin," Professor Bingley, a portly, loud, friendly looking man, who clapped his large hands whenever he spoke, said mostly facing the Gryffindors. He launches the same speech as the last time sounding a little tired and bored of it. Severus was mostly listening to and watching his housemates as they communicated plans to one another. Sometimes, Severus cut in when no one pointed out how utterly dumb, mad or expulsion worthy some of the plans were. Eventually, right as Bingley wound down, everyone decided to fake trying as hard as they could before they were dismissed as too evil to produce a patronus. This admittedly was a better plan than his last one but to be fair, he had had a terrible day and was feeling rather panicky by the time the class rolled in. "We'll start with... Evans! I heard you are good with Charms. Go on," Bingley said as he moved out of the way gesturing at where he was standing. Lily moved away from her friends and raised her wand. A minute later, she said the enchantment loud and clearly. Then a silver doe burst out of her wand and began galloping across the classroom. The Gryffindors clapped loudly for her and Severus could tell that he wasn't the only Slytherin who was impressed. Potter and his gang were whispering together very excitedly. Severus started feeling even more apprehensive than before. "Very well done, Miss Evans. Very well done. Twenty points to Gryffindor," Bingley was grinning down at Lily who was watching her patronus with an enthralled smile. "Now, who would like to-" "Sir," Potter stepped forward, already raising his wand, grinning madly. "Go ahead," Bingley told him. Severus was hard pressed to find a moment that Bingley gave a Slytherin the same look he was giving Potter. Potter took in a deep breath and then shouted, "Expecto Patronum!"A moment later, a large deer poured out of the end of his wand and Severus was starting to understand why he had looked so happy. Still though, Severus hoped that there was no way that they were- the deer after a lap around the classroom met the doe part way, leaping into the air and into each other, growing blindingly bright. When the brightness faded enough for Severus to see, there was a much larger deer patronus in front him. No one quite knew what to do. Lily and Potter was staring at each other, shocked and happy. The hybrid patronus rubbed itself against Potter and his expression became even more deranged in happiness than before. Lily was more reserved, blushing red but smiling at Potter and reaching out to pet the animal when it was near her. Then Black said something and everyone took it as cue to say something too. "Well then, well," Bingley was saying over and over again. Lily's friends were shrieking and pushing her towards Potter. There was clapping and Lupin looked to be planning some sort of party in honor of this. Behind Severus, his housemates were making sounds of derision. Avery was mocking the patronus itself; had this been anyone else, Severus would be laughing along with him. Instead his brain felt like it shorted out and all he could think of was how pleased Lily was. He didn't even realise that even now, years after their friendship ended, he still held hope that Lily was too outraged on his behalf to give Potter a chance. It all made sense though, why Lily listened to Potter, why she'd give him her time of day, why she never definitively shut him down. They were Soulmates. The concept had nauseated Severus when he had first heard of it, it also terrified him though he could never tell anyone what he pictured whenever he thought of belonging to someone. Besides it wasn't a common occurrence, just slightly less and he was convinced that fate had something else in store for him, something better. It took ten minutes for the class to quiet down. Potter and Lily were holding hands. Severus could not remember when that had happened but they were holding hands and speaking in low tones to one another. "Let's wrap this up quickly with a demonstration from our Slytherin friends. How about you, Mr. Snape?" Bingley rounded on him. Severus' stomach clenched. He had been half listening to Avery speculating about the creature's genitals to gain some calm that he hadn't expected Bingley to call him out. "Excuse me?" Severus said dumbly. Mulciber snickered from his side. "Cast the charm, Mr. Snape, if you please." Bingley snapped at him.Wanting to get this over with, Severus took a step forward and pretended to focus before uttering the spell. Predictably nothing had happened. Not that anything would have happened even if he tried. Severus wasn't exactly teeming with happy memories. "Sorry Professor," he said as he went back to his place. "No, no, no Mr. Snape. Please try again." There was something about the way Bingley spoke that bothered Severus but rather than getting into an argument with a teacher, he went through the same routine, even taking a few extra moments to make it believable. "I'm sorry, sir." Severus said flatly. Black was standing opposite him looking pleased with the whole situation. "Mr. Snape, I have been informed repeatedly of your brilliance. Surely you can perform this charm." Bingley told him and Severus most definitely did not imagine the coldness in his voice. His housemates were now starting to pick up on it too. "I would like to see you do it before I release the class." "Charms aren't my strength, Professor. Expecto Patronum!" Nothing came out of the wand. Severus' hands were starting to sweat and turn cold. "I can't, Prof-" "Mister. Snape. If you don't successfully cast the Patronus Spell, I will take 100 points from Slytherin," Bingley announced. There was some gasps and plenty of amusement at this. While he wasn't as nice to Slytherins, Bingley was fair. Severus thought that the Professor had put two and two together and figured out who set off the explosion of noxious gas in the class the last week. Severus turned around to see what his housemates thought he should do. Parkinson and Avery were the only shaking their heads. Severus knew why the others wanted him to go through with this. The House Cup was within Slytherin's grasp again for the first time in years and it would be a very good morale tool both in the school and outside of it. Take away the 100 points and their lead is gone and with the Slytherin Quidditch team lagging far behind, the increased hostility leading to fights between Houses, it would be very difficult to win. Severus didn't want to be the one to take the lead away. It would displease Lucius greatly and Lucius was the key to the future Severus envisioned for himself. This would just be another sacrifice Severus would have to make. Besides from what the papers have been printing, he wouldn't be exactly needing the charm for long.All Severus had to do was form an incorporeal patronus. He took in a deep breath and contemplated what memory to use. He usually kept away from his happy memories because it was hard not to associate them with the terrible ones especially when the terrible ones outnumber the good ones. He couldn't use anything with Lily because then he'd remember that her Soulmate was Potter and it would stop being a happy memory. So he focused on the only other person he had happy moments with. There was a time when Eileen hadn't withdrawn into herself completely. There was still somehow some happiness and hope in her, Severus was old enough to see that and then old enough to watch as his father crush her until there was nothing left but a hollow miserable woman. "Any time now Mr. Snape," Bingley said cutting into Severus' unproductive thoughts.Once, when Severus was five years old, his mother had packed a straw basket with food and took him past the river to the park for a picnic. First they played hide and seek, Severus hiding poorly but his mother would miss him every time and he would feel so clever until she scooped him up before he reached home base, peppering his face with kisses. Severus' memory managed to hold onto this for long, it was still sharp and it doesn't take too much effort to remember what it felt like to be held tightly, to have thin lips press against his face, the powerful, warm happy feeling in his chest. It was the last one Severus focused on as hard as he could. His eyes were stinging, it felt like there was a fist in his chest squeezing his heart and his belly felt like it dropped. It was hard to keep from thinking about what his home life did to his mother. Severus thought it was best to just say the charm now before his happy memory was tainted. Taking a big gulp of air in, Severus steadied himself and then said, "Expecto Patronum." There was a rush of warm going down his arm and when he opened his eyes, something was slithering of out his wand. He had a moment to think 'great, a snake' when it shimmered into- "A doe!" Someone gasped. Severus blinked his eyes to make sure he was seeing right. "No, a deer without antlers. He's a bloke, you daft git," Avery said. Severus was just about to say something when his patronus and the weird hybrid one of Lily and Potter moved towards each other before melding together. The class exploded again but all Severus could note was hot feeling in his chest like there was something lodged there and it was burning. None of it made sense. He looked at Potter first and the thing in his chest pulsed strongly and something electric shot right through his body. Potter looked shocked, his eyes were so wide that they looked like they could pop out any minute. His leg was in front of the other like he started to walk but stopped himself. Severus was breathing hard, his hands were shaking and he felt so lightheaded that none of this felt real, by the time he moved his eyes from Potter to Lily. Her skin was flushed, her eyes might be glistening. Severus really didn't trust his eyes right now. She was holding her wand so tightly that her hands were bone white. His breath was now stuck in his throat.
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Severus was starting to see the anger in both of their faces, the disgust was already seeping into Potter's. He had to Occlude before they said something- he couldn't bear- he can't allow them to humiliate him- why was this happening to him? He stared as hard as he could at the badge on Longbottom's robes blinking every time his eyes blurred and after a minute the panic began leaching away allowing him to breath slower so he could meditate on mundane thoughts like his Potions homework and his personal research: two essays one of which he had almost completed except for the part about an infusion of Mandrake roots and red toadstools. There was also the fact that he left the anti-acne potions brewing and that he had just under ten hours to get to it before it overheats and melts his cauldron which would be a waste of the money he was given to make it. Thankfully, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew would be too busy with Potter and- no, no, no, no. Something hot bubbled inside him and Severus grabbed his chest scared, his breath was hitching. Potter's face was pale suddenly. Severus bit down on the inside of his cheek hard and tried to use the pain to anchor himself. He had Herbology tomorrow. They were going to work on pollinating Venomous Beets. Madam Sprout had promised to give him masks since the plant pollinates so much that it was bound to trigger his allergies. Severus could not afford to be sick with all the work they were being assigned. "Settle down please. Mr. Black, cussing in my classroom could lose you points. Miss Yaxley, please cease your barking at once! Now, Mr. Pettigrew, put away your wand. I will not hesitate to take away points should a fight break out. Settle down everybody now!"Severus also had his own personal work that he could not neglect, not when he was close to a breakthrough with his silencing potions. He has to hit the ground running once his schooling was completed. Malfoy might be his patron for now but Severus would have a hard time competing with Purebloods (and Gryffindors if the Ministry rumored plans are to be believed). He cannot afford to become complacent. There was just so much to do. "This is unexpected," Bingley told him. He waited for Severus to say something but Severus simply ended the charm and moved to stand near his friends like nothing had happened. "Right. I should let you all out. Mr. Snape, Miss Evans, Mr. Potter, I'm sure you have a lot to talk about. Your assignment for this week is a foot and a half essay on this Charm. We are going to try again next week so you better practice in the meanwhile. You are dismissed." Severus looked up at Potter with what he hoped was a cool look. Potter's body was facing his insipid friends but his eyes were on him and they were so cold. Lily was inside a circle of her friends. Severus might be imagining it but her shoulders were shaking. Really, though, they were being so melodramatic. "Snape," Avery said with a brief touch on his shoulder. Severus summoned his book bag as he walked towards the door with Avery tailing him. He had to get to the Slytherin dorm at the same time as the others so they wouldn't have any time to discuss any of this together before he could set everything straight. Besides with Potter and Lily surrounded by people who hate him, there is no way they can have a conversation of any kind and Severus would be damned if he was be rejected in front of an audience. At least now he has the time to think of what to say and what to do. The idea of being linked to a mudblood and a blood traitor would anger his housemates and Malfoy but maybe he could still salvage the situation. His future cannot be tossed aside after all he has done to ensure he has one. Severus hated Bingley so much he almost couldn't think of anything else. Dumbledore was obviously behind this. Patronuses were a great tool for communication and stealth and given that there was a war going on, it made some sense to take it away from the Dark Lord’s sympathizers. Still, why bring the Gryffindors into this? Wouldn't it hurt them more? Severus had not heard of anyone on his side using a Patronus; there are other ways of course but Gryffindors would not know them. Now Severus was starting to doubt Dumbledore's involvement. He clenched his fist so hard. All of that and for what? It wasn't even for the fucking war. He hated Bingley so much. One day he will make that man regret this so much. For now though, he had to empty his mind. They reached the Slytherin common room entrance fairly quickly. "Custodi magicae purissimum," one of them said and, soon afterwards they were standing in the boys’ seventh year dorm room. "Potter and that mudblood? Really Snape?" Wilkes, a short boy with slightly crossed eyes from a hex, sneered. "And here we all thought you were doing better." "It's not like I made that choice," Severus said rolling his eyes. "Besides, it doesn't matter." "Doesn't matter he says like your damn soul," Wilkes spat that word like it burned his throat, "isn't linked to scum." A significant number nodded and murmured in agreement with him. It seemed that in this, they were going to follow Wilkes' lead, even though they usually could not stand him and his rants for long. "C'mon now, Wilkes," he said putting on an air of relaxed boredom that he practiced hard during the summer, "you honestly believe that trite shit? If it mattered, Potter wouldn't have been acting like a twat all these years, would he? If it mattered, I would have gotten into the mudblood's knickers already." This earned a predictable round of laughter. "I don't know, Snape," Wilkes started with a nasty grin. "I believe in our cause," Severus interrupted him, "and I have contributed to it. You and I both know nothing but a trip to Dumbledore's office will come out of this- you all honestly think that Bingley thought this up all on his own?" "Dumbledore wanted you to know your soulmates?" Avery asked confused. "No Avery but he might want to take note of our Patronuses and what they mean. Didn't he lead an international study on it?" Severus tilted his head meaningfully. He's so glad his voice had broken during the summer into something he could project easily. He was gaining their full attention, although Severus was not making the right argument just yet; even Wilkes, though the other boy looked like this was not of any interest to him. "It doesn't really matter if we're going to use it or not but if he gets a glimmer of what any of us want-" "Like you with the mudblood and blood traitor-" "No, everybody knows I hate them and they hate me. He can't use them against me which is my point. I'm not compromised. I'm telling you nothing will come out of it." Wilkes looked unconvinced but Severus knew it was more about knocking him down than anything else. "Look soon," Severus lowers his voice, "someone going to contact me and if they are unsatisfied with what- with me and all of this, you'll know but I assure you that I am steadfast in my support for the Dark Lord. We outnumber them," he told them raising his voice again, "this is nothing more than an underhanded tactic. It would be foolish of us to turn on each other so easily." "Easily? You have this glaring weakness that that old loon could use against us and you're saying 'oh it's nothing. Never mind. Nothing to see.' Do you think we're daft, Snape?" Wilkes said angrily, more to the people behind them than to Severus.Severus was quiet for a time before speaking disbelievingly. "Weakness? Do I have to tell you what Potter and Black and that rodent and that-" his clenched his jaw hard to keep from spitting out Lupin's secret- "have done to me since I stepped foot in this damned castle. Weakness, Wilkes? They stripped me in front a crowd who cheered! They hexed me so many times, I lost count by my second year. Fifth year, Potter and his goons tricked me into going down the Whomping Willow and I almost died. Fourth year, they caused my Alihotsy Draught to explode and then they locked me in the Astronomy Tower where I almost fell to my death! Sixth year they poured an expanding potion into my mouth and my stomach burst out of my skin and I felt it. They destroyed my books and my clothes and whatever I owned that they could their hands on. They've broken my bones so many times and you think," he paused, honestly confused in his fury, "I'll- I'll debase myself because some worthless soul thing? Are you kidding me, Wilkes? You think I have no pride, don't you? I despise them more than any of you and I know they haven't treated you well either. Even if I wanted to- somehow if I was stupendously stupid enough to want them- what makes you think Potter would return the favour? Hmmm you saw him in that classroom. Not exactly happy, was he? Evans can't stand the sight of me and- and- and she's wanted the bastard's dirty prick for years and now she has it. Weakness? Me? For them?" The silence that followed was so heavy that Severus felt like he was choking. He hadn't realised as he was so caught up on the memories that were popping up as he was speaking but he had been pacing and scowling hard and he had to stop himself in front of his bed. "Still," Wilkes started to say. "Drop it," Yaxley snapped at him. Severus remembers the fun little prank Potter pulled on her after the term started. "You better be right, Snape. We don't have room for traitors."
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No one said anything after that. They all drifted to the common room or the library. Wilkes was the last to leave. If Severus wasn't wrong it seemed like the other boy was trying to stare him down. Honestly, Severus had no idea what changed during the summer but Wilkes was more hostile towards than usual. That wasn't entirely true, he had idea but he would have thought Wilkes would be too proud to be threatened by a half-blood. Still Severus was pleased that he clearly been proving himself well. It was very hard to come back from what Potter and Black did to him at the end of 5th year but he did somehow. Severus felt a spike of pride thinking about it, how he worked tirelessly to going back on track to getting the future he wanted. He dropped his book bag onto his bed and removed his Expanding pouch from around his neck from which he removed all his books. His chest was throbbing with that unnamed heat. It was nothing like what his Charms textbooks described (he only skimmed over it as it was unlikely to be in any exam). So he decided to treat like he did any other throbbing sensation he had, meaning he'd occupy himself until it stopped or it lessened. He could work on the essays that didn't need any references. Once it's dinner time he'll go to the library and try to complete the others. He decided to finish his potions homework first since it was the easiest. It was listing the differences and similarities between Amortentia and the Hate Potions. Severus never understood why people complain so much about essays like when you can build your answers up from the obvious and to the ones you have figure out but how do they not get inspired as they make the list? It doesn't take him long and he has to restrain himself from exceeding the foot and half limit. He leaves the parchment at the end of the bed to dry out before he can fold it. Unfortunately he couldn't afford enough quick drying ink to last him more than a few months into the year. Good thing it was NEWTs year meaning he can bump his usual tutoring prices when they start coming to him the closer it gets to the exams. Severus pulled out his History of Magic assignment. He had his textbook with him and while it lacked some of the information he needed based on the look through he did while still in class, he had a good enough memory to fill in blanks. Severus loved moments like this; the room was pleasantly quiet with most of the lake's noises filtered out and whatever remained gave him a tingly feeling, the knowledge he had accumulated came to him easily and he was writing at a fast, steady pace. His quill scratching on the parchment blended in with the gentle waves of the lake. It was even more satisfying knowing how hard he worked for it to be this easy.Honestly Severus didn't know why he didn't use a memory like this one for his Patronus- oh damn he's remembering what happened again- it's just that- it's just that he panicked and could not-the heat in chest flared up as if it to mock him. Just like that his peace was destroyed. Severus never really cared about the concept of Soulmate or the Patronus Charm. He had too much on his plate to pursue barely useful subjects like those. Right now he was almost completely in the dark about it. After the curfew, he'll sneak back in to do some reading. Before that, Potter and his gang will corner him and tell him to stay away from Evans. A few painful hexes will be thrown his way, nothing too big as it will immediately draw McGonagall and Lily's suspicions. They'll leave him alone after that. Herbology homework was the densest and without any natural affinity for the subject outside of Potions, Severus' attention was completely on it. In the middle of cross referencing a Transfiguration textbook, his wand started buzzing. He quickly packed his books into the pouch, taking a second to make sure to secure it on his chest with a Sticking Charm and he left his room. A few people are in the common room and only one of them, a sixth year, who would know better than to say anything to his face, looked at him. He went through the Slytherin House entrance. Moving swiftly but carefully using the shortcuts he knew, Severus arrived in the Library within minutes. It was nearly empty. He claimed the furthest table in Madam Pince's line of sight. Severus silently cast spells around him the table to have some privacy. He removed his books and went back to work only stopping to get the books he needed. By the time people began trickling in, Severus had completed his pet potions project as well the Herbology one. His Arithmetic assignment was already completed but Severus was trying to psyche himself up to leave the safety of the Library so he was doing practice equations. Simple ones like the probability of it raining the next day (light showers). Simple enough that Severus' eyes began drooping. Damn, he would have to take his Wide Awake Draught. He can catch up on his sleep during his free period tomorrow. Eventually he couldn't pretend that he wasn't hiding out and he convinced himself to get it over with. Madam Pince nodded at him on his way out. Severus thought she knew he was going to come back again but since he treated the books with the respect they deserve, she didn't really mind. The Great Hall was buzzing more than usual. As soon as he walked in many pairs of eyes turned to him and, just like every other time he was the centre of attention, Severus let his hair fall and cover his face. He walked an even pace to the Slytherin table. No one stopped talking and he could pick up his name, the word 'soulmate' and the various expressions of disbelief, disgust and amusement. It has only been one day of this and he's so exhausted. Flint scooted so that Severus could sit next to her. She was large and looked mean; hopefully people will think twice before talking to him about literally anything. Regulus was alternating between staring at him and glancing at Flint. Severus decided to eat what he could from the table, choosing the least rich food so his stomach could settle before Potter kicked it. The conversation flowed unnaturally like people were talking around something. People would not stop staring. They were talking about him but Severus had already heard the worst anyone could say many times before so he would like it if they left him alone. He couldn't leave just yet. His body was taking time getting used to full meal and he could feel nausea fleetingly. "My potion?" Flint grunted when she was done eating. "It will be ready tomorrow," Severus told her. She nodded once and went back to conversing with her friends about leather but the way they were giggling, it was probably something else. Severus did a sweep of the room just to see where Potter was. He was at the Gryffindor table blatantly staring directly at Severus with sycophants apparently consoling him. Severus felt a spike of fear in his stomach. The odd ball of warmth in his chest twitched. A few minutes later, after checking surreptitiously that his pouch was secure, Severus stood up and told everyone who cared that he was going back to the common room. Despite every part of him telling him to run, he walked out of the Great Hall. It wasn't long before he was slammed from the back. Severus fell on his arm rather than let his hands take his full body weight. It had been Black, whose eyes were glinting in the torchlight with something stronger than the hate he usually felt for Severus. The usual group were there along with other students mostly from Gryffindor. "Oh hello, Snivy. Didn't see you there."Severus pushed himself up. He brushed his robe and asked, "What do you want?"Black opened his mouth but Potter cut him off. "I'll make it short. Stay away from Lily." "Okay," Severus replied. "Is that all?"Potter shoved him hard and Severus hit the wall with a groan. "I'm not playing games, Snape. You stay far away from her," Potter said, his voice loud and trembling. "I will. I have no intere-"Potter grabbed his collar and tightened it. "Snape," he growled. "How many times do I have to say it?" Severus choked out. Potter tightened his hold. Severus grabbed his hand without thinking. A hot, electric, pleasurable pulse shot out from where they were connected and went through his body so fast that it was almost like he imagined it. Potter's mouth fell open and they both stared at their hands before separating quickly. "What? What happened?" Pettigrew asked looking between the two. "Nothing," Potter bit out. Then he drew his wand. A minute later, he stomped away leaving Severus to cradle his stomach with a throbbing pain in his neck and boils on his face.