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Love is too overrated. People talk about love all the time. As annoying as it sounds, people talk about what they love or who they love all the time, and Mina honestly just wants to puke. And if you dare to ask Mina what love is, then she must say,“Love is too overrated.” without even a doubt. Perhaps Mina doesn’t hate love. Perhaps she just never felt the love in her entire life. And she is cool with it. She is one of the best photographer in Seoul anyway, and the thought of love never helped with her success, not even a bit so. If you dare to ask MIna what made her success, then she will laugh out a little, and say, “Hate. Passion. Rage. And the most important thing, real, what’s real, or what’s the reality we facing.” without a second thought. Perhaps you will never understand what she just said, because Mina is too real, just too real to be true. And love is just too unreal for Mina, that’s why she hates love, but it’s not like she needs it anyway. She prefers her photograph stayed in monochrome, all of them. That’s why Mina will not take photos for a bunch of idiots who ask her if they can have rainbow instead of just black and white. Dull is the only thing that Mina has, and she is too grateful for that. As in dull, Mina doesn’t have to face all the unnecessary dramas, like one time, back in high school, Mina was still a hopeless girl who lived in her fantasy, with her first (and hopefully her last,) girlfriend, Hana, and indeed she was so happy back then. Sadly, it turned out Hana was cheating on her behind her back, and god, she felt disgusted by Hana, but she didn’t hate Hana, not because she still loved her, but because she never loved her. Mina didn’t even shed a single tear for her ex, then she moved to Korea from Japan, she claimed that she was upset about it, but god only knew it was because she was annoyed by all her friends and family. So maybe Mina is not hopeless at all, she is just an asshole who is heartless. Or she just loves herself way too much and it doesn’t has rooms left for others. And if you dare to ask her to describe herself, she will say that she is an anti-social asshole. Then, if you ask her why, she will first smirk, and say, “I’m not an idiot, I know I’m hatred but I have never asked anyone to love me anyway, they did it themselves, so why blame me for not loving them back?”Perhaps she is too much. And she knows she is too much, so why put all the blames on her when you know it is never her fault. Mina is also good at being alone, or she just can’t bring herself into opening up with someone. Like everyone always assumes her being an asshole is because she has some secrets or past traumas, but she has none of them. Mina is so sick of it, why can’t she just be an asshole because she is an asshole? She never gave any excuses to her behaviour so she doesn’t understand why everyone keeps making excuses for her? Just because she is too beautiful outside doesn’t mean that she has to be beautiful inside too. But then there is Sana, and Sana is more than just curious. Sana is one of the hottest models in Japan, and they would be lying if they said they didn’t know each other. Sana wants to know what she looks like in black and white, so she flied out from Japan to korea just to find Mina. But god, when she found Mina, she didn’t want to leave, not now, not later, not forever. Sana doesn’t understand why the black hair girl can look like an angel and be worse than a devil, but Sana is too obsessed to be careful. She remembers the hatred on Mina’s face when she first met her in person, “Are you done staring at me yet? Because the last time I checked, we are not even close to be friends.” the black hair girl said, and girl, did Sana feel hurt, But Sana was not a normal person, and Sana never gave up, If her photographer is annoyed by her, then let her be, at least Sana makes her feel something. And Sana wants to love the selfish asshole she is working with. Sana can almost say that she is in love with Mina, if only Mina doesn’t hate her that much. “Minari, let’s eat together after the shoot.”Mina is truly annoyed by the blonde Japanese, and to be honest, she still doesn’t know why she agreed to be the photographer of her shoot in Seoul, maybe because the blonde looking hot when she asked her, or maybe because she just can’t say no to the blonde. Like right now, she just can’t bring herself to say no to the blonde. “If only you stop calling me Minari” she says, and the blonde’s smile is too bright, Mina finds it annoyed. Sana smirks, “Then what do you want me to call you? Babe? Love? My baby penguin?”“God, stop it, fine, whatever” “Then it’s Minari, Minari, Minari”And MIna is so close to slap her.The blonde says, “anyway, Minari-ah, when can I see my shoot?”, placing her head on Mina’s shoulder, and Mina doesn’t push her away,“Never, the shoot still hasn’t meet my standard.”, Mina says. She didn’t mean to upset the blonde, but the shoot really hasn’t meet her standard, and it’s not Sana’s fault for her sake, it’s her fault, she can’t do Sana in monochrome. God, Mina does a photoshoot and it is not in monochrome, Mina is doomed.
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So Mina is doomed. She knows she is doomed when she looks at Sana’s photoshoot, and Mina can still see that beautiful hair, which means that is not in black and white. So no, Mina is not just doomed. Perhaps Mina is a fucked up. Mina was supposed to be an asshole but she has no idea since when, or why, she thinks she is falling. She thinks she is falling for the blonde. And that’s not a good thing. Because Sana has gone, she has flied back to Japan two days ago, right after her shoot done, right after Mina has fallen for her. And girl, does Mina remember, “Minari, I need to fly back to Japan, I have another photoshoot” said Sana, and Mina felt her heart being shattered, but she said nothing. Sana cried out, “Ya, Minari, I know you probably don’t want to see me anymore, but I’ll come back, I swear, then I will keep annoying you,” and the black hair girl honestly didn’t know why Sana would like someone like her, Sana could do better, Sana shouldn’t like someone who was such an asshole. And the words Mina poured out from her mouth was, “I’ll send the photoshoot to you when it’s done,” and god, did Sana feel disappointed, but Sana did not give up, “At least give me your number then” and no any Minari this time, not that Mina missed it. And she did give it to Sana, and Sana has gone. And Mina knows she is a fucked up, right now, after Sana has gone for two days, she didn’t even go to the airport to say bye-bye to the blonde. Mina even ignored the text so she can feel pathetic for herself. She can be an asshole to anyone, but she can’t be an asshole to Sana, and she hates it. She hates the blonde, she hates herself, she hates another asshole who needed Sana back to Japan to do another photoshoot. Because no photographer can do better than Mina. Because the way Sana looked at her camera was full of love, the way Sana looked at her was full of adoration, and Mina hated it. Mina hated it, yet somehow Mina needs it. And Mina doesn’t understand, if Sana loved her, then why the hell Sana still left? Why didn’t Sana change her mind and stayed? Perhaps Mina is better off to be an asshole, she just can’t deal with emotions anyway. Like right now, she does miss Sana, but instead of texting the blonde, she just lights up the cigarette, and looks at the blonde’s photoshoot.Suppose the photoshoot is all done, all Mina has to do right now is just pick the best photos she took, then send it to Sana. But she can’t. Not because the photos couldn’t meet her standard, but because the photos are too beautiful, too pure, and girl, she just can’t pick any of them. And Sana got her number now, so why the blonde still hasn’t call her yet?Cigarette used to calm Mina down for some reasons, maybe it’s because of the smell, but Mina thinks it’s because of the smoke. And Mina swears she can just stare at the smoke all day long, but now? Her eyes are still hooked up to the blonde, and only god knows why Sana’s smile can calm her down too. Even worse, she hates the smell of the cigarette now, and she swears it’s definitely Sana’s fault. “Ya Minari, you’re too beautiful to smoke, quit it” Sana yelled at her for the first time, when she smoked in front of Sana for the first time. She laughed, “all artists like to smoke, don’t you know?” “And most of them died at such an early age, don’t you know?” Sana mocked, Mina remembers she didn’t say anything back then, but she did stop to smoke, at least she stopped it whenever Sana was around. And now Sana is not around. But she stops anyway, the cigarette can’t help her to calm down anymore, and she rather stare at the blonde’s smile. Isn’t there a song that Mina used to hate it? What’s the song called? Mina is dying to listen to it because she needs something to hate on right now. She pulls her phone out, and plays it. What time you coming out?We started losing light, I’ll never make it rightMina thinks the need to vomit when the first verse comes out, and she remembers that Sana loved this song, and she remembers when Sana sang it to her. Sana arrived early at the black hair girl’s studio, and she insisted to play some songs even when Mina said no. “Minari, this song is literally the best song ever,” said Sana, and she played it, MIna just found it annoyed but she couldn’t bring herself to stop the music when she saw those eyes, god, those damned eyes. Then the blonde sang along, “Don’t you see me, I”, she stared at Mina, and “I think I’m falling, I’m falling for you,”And Mina didn’t remember the rest of them, but she was never an idiot, she knew that Sana meant it, so she avoided the blonde for the rest of that day. She was an asshole, but she couldn’t reject the blonde. She didn’t know why before, but now she knows, as when she sings along this time, “I think I’m falling, I’m falling for you,”Mina is fucked up. But Mina doesn’t hate it for the first time. And maybe, she doesn’t want to be Sana’s friend.
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And Sana is now all alone in Japan, well technically, she is not alone at all, like one of her best friends, MoMo, is right next to her in the dressing room, but Sana still feels all alone. Perhaps she just misses Mina too much. It’s not like Mina is the only thing on her mind right now, but she just wants to keep thinking of Mina and ignores all the other things, for example, like MoMo. “Are you done thinking of that asshole?” with that, MoMo lightly slaps the blonde’s shoulder, trying to gain back the attention she deserves.Sana just glares at her, “First of all, Minari is not an asshole, she just wants to be an asshole but she fails. And have you ever been in love before?”MoMo laughs out, “Ya Sana-ah, everyone knows that your Mina is an asshole, and god, if you really like her then go tell her, because I can’t stand your ugly ass anymore.”“I did tell her but she just avoided me,” but MoMo cuts her off,“You do know that you just played a song by the 1975 and sang along right? God, I can never understand why you got all the girls back in highschool, because obviously you were too dumb to love” she mocks, Sana chokes out, “YA MO, they were all crazy girls, I still don’t know why they liked me when I was not even out, and for you information, I never liked any of them, I didn’t even be with any of them”MoMo says, “Oh yes, turn out you just like assholes”, smirking at her. The blonde can feel her body is burning up, “oh my god, stop it, let’s get ready”Perhaps Sana can never understand why everyone liked her back then, maybe they were just after her for her look, (not to be narcissism but Sana always knows she looks good, well good is an understatement but Sana could be careless), maybe they did like her, but none of them matters now, because MoMo is right, who knows she will be in love with an asshole? A talented asshole. Or A beautiful asshole, or just her asshole. Her asshole, sounds much better. And Sana has got all the loves she needed or not since the day she was born, but somehow she has also never given any back, well except her family and friends, she does love them. She has just never dated before. Sana was a hopelessly romantic and she has imagined how she met her lover, god knew how many times before. They should have met in a small coffee shop, the girl should have a beautiful smile, shined too bright and Sana would be blind by that.But she did fall in love somehow, just not in that small coffee shop, and Mina didn’t smile to her either, and she is still blind. She just fell in love. She just loves Mina. Well love may be a strong word, but Mina is an asshole anyway, so love or like is the same for Mina. So that Sana feels safe to say that she loves Mina. She loves Mina. But she doesn’t want to make excuses for Mina, like why Mina would be such an asshole to anyone, because she loves Mina, so she should love her everything, which includes the black hair girl being unable to love.See? Sana is still blind. Perhaps it would still be a love story, as a depressingly love story is still a love story, Sana thinks, if they could not have a love story like love simon, then call be by your name is enough for her. And Sana is a dreamer, she will say she is a romantic, but MoMo will say the blonde is just too naive and they are not living in Disneyland.MoMo doesn’t bring the black hair girl up during their photoshoot, after all MoMo is professional, and she also knows that the blonde can’t keep a straight face if she brings up Mina once again, not that they are both straight, but at least MoMo can pretend. “So what should I do right now?” Sana asks her friend right after the shoot is done, and she honestly doesn’t know what to do, like she has been texting Mina, but Mina just never texted back, like Mina didn’t show up at the airport when she was leaving. MoMo jokes, “Fly back to Seoul to chase after her”, but her stomach twists when she sees Sana’s face light up, “I was joking, god, you said she didn’t text you back right?”, she continues after the blonde nods, “Then call her you dumbie”“Do you think she’ll answer? I mean she didn’t even text me back, so I highly doubt she will answer my phone call” Sana says, looking like she is so close to cry.And MoMo thinks they are really the perfect match, like an idiot with an asshole, “I was not telling you to call her so you can show your massive crush on the 1975 to her, didn’t she need to send you the photoshoot? God, I sometimes really don’t know why we are friends.”Sana smiles, “Because you love me, and you love the 1975 too” But MoMo are curious too, “Anyway, why do you like her? I mean what if she can never like you back?”Sana just gives out a smile, “It’s okay, I got enough hearts for her, all she gotta do is to not push me away.”And how MoMo wants to be Mina at this moment.
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Sana knew she would probably be so sad if she called the black hair girl. But Sana didn’t call her. And she is still sad. Sana didn’t call her on that day when MoMo told her to. And Sana still hasn’t called the photographer. It’s not like Sana want to call her anyway. Sana swears she can text the black hair girl everyday but she just can’t bring herself to call her. Mostly because Sana knows the black hair girl will not answer or call back anyway, and the thing Sana needs right now, is everything but rejection. She still gets all her hopes up when Mina doesn’t text her back, as if she can keep lying to herself that the black hair girl hasn’t read the text yet. But she would be broken if Mina rejected her in a phone call, maybe because she can’t deal with the cruel words that come out from Mina’s mouth, or she just can’t deal with being rejected. No one can deal with being rejected, perhaps this is why everyone can have lots of crushes but never confess to any of them. Because being rejected sucks, being rejected by the person you like, is even worse. And the worst of all? Is that Sana knows she never ever stands a chance. She lost at the beginnings. It’s not like she will win at the end. If Mina is just a crush, then why is she still hurt? If Mina is nothing but someone she likes, then why she wants to slow dance with the photographer to her favourite song?Sana never had a chance to go to prom, so she has never understand the corny scenes that include prom. She now understands why even Carrie White would love to go to prom, even though it didn’t end well, at least she was at prom for once. And Sana has never been at prom, not that she wanted to go before. But now she wants to. Sana wants to slow dance with Mina to her favourite song. She wants to have her own prom with the black hair girl, as in she wants to be with Mina. Not forever, forever is too fake even for Sana. Forever is just for the suckers who are fake enough to put on a show to everyone, like “I’ll love you forever”, that’s too much, who can testify how long can the “forever” can last for?How funny is it? Sana now sounds exactly like the anti-social girl. And for Sana, she just wants to be with Mina, not later, not forever, but for now. She never wanted to change Mina, not because she didn’t want to, but because she can’t. If she can’t, then why try at the first place? She already lost at the beginnings.Sana calls off all her jobs for the next three months, as she decided to fly back to Korea. MoMo is probably done with her but MoMo is not Mina, so MoMo is not on Sana’s mind right now. And Sana is sad, more than sad, or less than, she doesn’t know, everything is just complicated and Sana wants to hide in her room to cry, but nothing is worth enough to cry actually, at least not yet, not when it’s just a stupid crush. But a text lights her up. ‘What’s your address?’ It’s from Mina, it’s from her stupid crush. Mina texts her back and nothing matters right now, nothing, except Mina. Sana texts her back immediately, though she knows that Mina just wants to mail the photoshoot to her. ‘Okay.’But Sana doesn’t want the conversion to be end, so Sana quickly adds ‘I’m planning to fly back to Korea, maybe I can get the shoot myself?”Sana is more than just sad when she gets, ‘I’ll send to you’, and god, does Sana just be rejected, Sana wants to yell to everyone that she’s sad, but somehow she is not sad. She is just depressingly crushing on Mina, and god, does Mina just reject her.
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Does Mina just reject her. Mina doesn’t know. Mina just wanted to get on the blonde’s nerves because god knew how much time she has wasted on waiting the blonde to call her, but all she ever got was just those stupid texts, and god, was Mina mad, it was not that Mina want to hear the blonde’s annoying voice, but the blonde should call her. Sana should call her. And Sana didn’t. So Mina thinks that she got the right to be mad, she got the right to make the blonde be upset, again. But now Mina sure is mad when she thinks of those puppy eyes, she is more than upset when she thinks of rejecting the blonde, even in the stupid text.And she had no problem when she rejected her parents before, did Mina told the blonde that she hated her parents? Perhaps no, but Mina hates her parents more than anything else in the stupid world, so when her mom texted her to go back to home, Mina just simply replied with a ‘no’. Mina wouldn’t deny the fact that she was an asshole before, because she knew her parents did love her, they gave her everything they could give, but Mina just didn’t appreciate. Mina didn’t need it, and she was just so good at being an asshole. And Mina loved that she got a hole between her lungs. She didn’t like to pretend to be someone she was not. And she still thought that she was better than those fake people, like at least she wouldn’t fake smile. But when she imagines the frown on the blonde’s face right now, she thinks she did something wrong. So don’t call her an asshole this time, because she does care for once. So she plans to make it up. Mina plans to fly out to Japan instead of waiting for the blonde to fly out to Seoul. Mina doesn’t know what’s wrong with her but she just really wants to see the blonde, she needs the blonde even though she can never say it loud. She will never say it loud. Mina remembers how the blonde would look at her, the blonde would look at her like she was the only one that mattered in this fucked up world, and the blonde would mutter, “Minari”And she remembers how much she was disgusted by the nickname, but how much she wants to hear it one more time. If only Sana give her one more time. And how much she needed everything to stay in monochrome before, how much she trusted that the beautiful souls could only be found in black and white, and girl, was she wrong.Perhaps she was not wrong, perhaps she was, but they don’t even matter now. Look at how bullshit they are. Mina didn’t found any beautiful soul, but she found a Sana, and god, is Sana beautiful. Sana is more than beautiful, and she is not just a beautiful soul. Sana is her saviour. But her saviour has left her right after she saved her. What kind of saviours was Sana? Mina can’t stand it. If Sana saved her once, then Sana needs to save her again. So in the first time in Mina’s life, she is begging you, please don’t call her an asshole this time, because she is not. She can’t lie to herself again and say that she is an asshole. So please, don’t ever call her an asshole, call her, “Minari”, like the way Sana called her.
It is so easy to be just an asshole. It is so easy to throw hates to everything when you claim yourself an artist. It is so easy to be a coward to hide in their own wonderland. But Mina was just an asshole, she was never a coward. There is a thin line between an asshole and a coward, and Mina has never mixed them together. She doesn’t afraid to love someone, she just never loved anyone because no one was worth it in her world, but Sana, Sana may be worth it. Mina never thought she would be a fan of anyone, she never thought she would buy any album. But now she is. And she bought an album, she bought it for Sana. And she is in love with that song, god only knows how many times she has listened to, how many times she found herself singing to, but she still needs it, the only song in her library. She hates it, yet she loves it. Here she is, on her private jet, not because she can’t even wait to see Sana again, but because she hates sharing, playing the only song in her library, and god, does she sing along this time. “Soon you will be mine.” But I want you now, I want you now. And god, does she smile, does Mina just smile. She thinks she did, and it was not a fake one.