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There used to be pear trees on the street they grew up on. They never bore any pears big enough to eat, but the flowers that blossomed in spring were beautiful, even though they smelled like mold in a shoe. Jungkook stands at the front gate as the wind blows the familiarly putrid scent past him. Once, he was dared to climb the tallest tree in the middle school courtyard. He, of course, accepted without hesitation, reckless as an 8 year old ought to be, and he has a scar on his shoulder to prove it...
“I bet you can’t make it to the top of that tree without the teacher seeing.”Jungkook stomps the ground, jaw set and bumping chests with his Seokjin-hyung, who was a solid forehead taller than him.“I bet you my popsicles for a week that I can.”It’s July and the sun could melt their flip flops, but his mom shooed him out of the house after he crawled into the freezer drawer, telling her how he was gonna be the Korean Captain America. He’d dragged his friends out to suffer with him, but Namjoon, nine years old and a certified genius, was trapped in his summer maths class, so the other five set out to free their leader in trouble-making. They’d made it to the school entrance, and now Jungkook stares up at the larger-than-imagined pear tree.He jumps a bit to reach the first branch. Hoseok laughs somewhere behind him. He huffs and pulls his body up, and up, and up, and soon Yoongi-hyung is yelling at him to slow down and be careful while Taehyung gleefully shouts over him to go faster.“Yah! Jungkook!”Jungkook looks down from where he’s nearing the top of the tree to see Namjoon walking out of the school building among a dozen other boys in backpacks. His friend shades his eyes under a hand, squinting up, and throws his binder at Seokjin after he undoubtedly tells him about the dare. Jungkook smiles and lifts a hand to wave, but at that moment he hears a laugh like rain on a wind chime, and he spots him skipping down the school steps. The laughing boy sees and follows Hoseok’s hand pointing up at Jungkook, and suddenly the branches under his feet slip away to half-moon eyes waning into crescents and chubby cheeks pulling into a smile.Seokjin gets two popsicles for a week after that, and Jungkook a phone call home. Jungkook doesn’t care, because he gets to walk with Park Jimin from math class everyday that summer, and he’d offer all the popsicles in the world for his new friend.He learns that Jimin is in his grade, though he takes math classes in the grade above. He’s an only child too but has an older cousin that lives with his grandma in their neighborhood. Jimin is good at talking to adults, and Jungkook’s parents coo over him everytime he comes overs after school. He also has a problem that he can’t see a thing when he laughs because his eyes scrunch up, and Jungkook thinks that he must not know what Jungkook properly looks like because he’s always laughing. Jimin is nearsighted, afraid of clowns, and wants to be an artist when he grows up. He adores animals, but is allergic to dogs. Luckily, Jungkook has two cats and a goldfish.“I wish I had a cat.”Jungkook gives up looking for the right size Lego piece and looks at Jimin sitting on his bed, cradling his purring, overweight cat.“Take her. She hates me anyway.”Jimin laughs and shrugs, snuggling the cat. “I’d have no where to keep her.”“What do you mean?” Jungkook asks, crawling onto the bed next to him. “You live like three blocks away.” He did, in a brick house with a white porch and no flowers in the big garden.Jimin shakes his head, eyes fixed on a spot in her fur. He blinks twice and snaps his head up, smiling again. “Let’s go make a puzzle!”Jungkook is confused at his friend’s mood swings, but agrees and follows Jimin and the bandaid on his arm into the gaming room.The fat cat dies three months later, and it’s the first time Jungkook sees Jimin cry. He’s ten and Jimin’s almost eleven, and seeing his best friend pull his hood around his face in an attempt to hide his tears breaks Jungkook’s heart even more than the time he came in second place at a swimming competition.“S’okay to cry, yeah? Feelings are good for the heart; reminds us we’re human,” Jungkook tells Jimin that, repeating what his mother would say to him when he scraped a knee or got scolded at school. He’d always thought it was a stupid saying, but it feels right to say, and it seems to calm down Jimin anyway. Unwillingly, Jungkook finds himself saying it more and more often, likely at the cause of himself being an admittedly very emotional person, and maybe because he, less admittedly, surprises even himself when anything comes to Jimin.“Ah, Kookie, don’t forget you’re only human,” Jimin says as he massages the knots out of Jungkook’s swim meet worn shoulders. “And you’re an angel,” Jungkook responds, fingers brushing over the bruises that form so easily on Jimin’s legs. ”Why’re you crying, silly?” Jimin bounds over, the gold ribbon pinned on his jacket matching the one on his winning painting. Taehyung is jumping around the gallery, snapping pic after pic, and Jungkook has to swat him away from getting a closeup of the sniffly teenager standing next to their city’s greatest art piece. “Feelings are good for the heart, Chim,” Jungkook chokes out, and Jimin rolls his eyes as best as he can through a grin. “You’re so cheesy.” So he is. .....Summer arrives, and Namjoon flies down a hill on a rickety bike with Seokjin clinging onto him, screaming, while Hoseok screams even louder at a squirrel right in their path. Jungkook‘s 16 and boastfully taller than Yoongi by far, Taehyung if he stands up straight, and the same as Seokjin if Jimin hangs off his shoulders.“You’ll see, I’ll be taller than Namjoon-ah in no time.”Yoongi pokes him in the belly. “Not if you keep eating all that ramen; you’ll grow sideways, not up, that’s what.”That earns howling laughter from everyone, and so Jungkook lets him slide with only a shove on the back. The sun is just falling towards the horizon as the boys walk from school, later than usual because they stayed to see Taehyung’s photography gallery. Jungkook‘s carrying Jimin’s backpack on one shoulder (he’d hurt his back somehow), and his own on the other. The seven walk down the middle of the back road, where cars aren’t allowed to drive during school hours, 7am-6pm. Hoseok and Taehyung lead the way, competing to see who can kick an old bottle cap the furthest, with Namjoon’s long strides alongside Yoongi’s in double speed following behind, and Jimin after them, animatedly telling Seokjin about the dream he had last night. Jungkook smiles to himself, taking it all in. He pushes away the thought that their family would be split next year, when Seokjin, Yoongi, and Hoseok graduate. They‘d promised to call from their universities, and Taehyung even got them to sign his “official” document swearing it.Jungkook reaches up to itch his nose and jostles the backpacks in the process. A piece of stationery paper flutters out the side pocket of Jimin’s backpack, and Jungkook bends to pick it up. He stops in his tracks at what’s written on it. In curly letters across the pink post-it says “Do you like me?”, two boxes “Yes” and “No”, and signed with little hearts all around it, “Seoyeon”. The pretty girl from History class, the one who flirts left and right, who Jungkook sits next to and has had to turn down at least four times by now. Who Jimin denies looking at with hearts in his eyes before class everyday, as if Jungkook can’t see him turning around in the corners of his eyes.“... and there was a talking caterpillar with Yoongi-hyung’s face!” Jimin giggles, turning back to glance at Jungkook. “What’re you doing, Kook-ssi?”Jungkook drags his eyes up, the muscles in his face struggling to form an I-couldn’t-care-less expression. He lifts his hand holding the note. “What’s this?”Jimin’s smile falters as he recognized the obnoxiously ornate paper, and his eyes flit up to meet Jungkook’s, who for the first time finds it hard to look at his friend.“Wow, Jiminie has an admirer!” Hoseok teases, looking over Jungkook’s shoulder. He plucks the note out of his hand, and soon their five friends are all crowded around him, whistling. Jimin is still standing where he was, eyebrows furrowed and fingers pulling at his shirt hem as if making a hard decision.“Jimin-ssi? Why didn’t you give her your answer?” Jungkook coughs out. He’s not sure why he can feel his heart dropping to his feet, or why he suddenly wants to hate Seoyeon; he doesn’t. He doesn’t.Jimin shrugs. “I don’t like her.”“She’s pretty.”“I don’t like her.”“She’s smart, too.”“Kook-““I heard her family’s-““If she’s so perfect, why don’t you fucking date her?”Namjoon sucks in a breath as Yoongi slyly hides behind him. Jimin wrestles his backpack from the dumbfounded, stuttering Jungkook and marches off with Taehyung running after him. Hoseok turns the note over. “Kook.”With even more hearts than her own name, Seoyeon had addressed the note “To Jungkook”.The boys walk home in silence that day.Things change between them after that. Tuesday, Jimin doesn’t turn around in History, or any class they have together. On Wednesday, Jimin doesn’t sit next to him during lunch, instead thumping his tray down between Yoongi and Taehyung; Thursday, Jimin doesn’t stay to watch his swim meet. Jungkook bites his cheek.On Friday, after Jimin hardly said a word to him during any class, Jungkook jogs down the hallway to sling an arm around his friend’s shoulders, as he’s done often before. Jimin shoves him off.“Chim, talk to me!” Jungkook laughs off the hurt in his voice, persistently walking next to him.“What do you want to hear?”“Please accept my apology.”“For what?”“Being an obtuse idiot?”“Uh huh.”Jungkook sighs, and he glimpses Namjoon at his locker and makes a “help me” gesture with his hands, to which his friend shrugs back in response, busy picking up scattered papers he dropped upon opening his locker. He looks back at Jimin and catches the corners of his mouth turning up slightly before he looks down with a poker face again. Suddenly, Jimin stares down the hall and halts, grabbing Jungkook’s arm and turning them around.“Hyung?” Jungkook glances over his shoulder. “What’re we doing?”“Let’s go get ice cream,” Jimin whisperers.“Why’re you whisper-““Yah! Park Jimin!”Jimin snatches his hand off of Jungkook’s arm. They turn around to see two boys, chests puffed and pitiful mustaches unshaved, splitting the hallway and heading towards them. Everyone in the hallway seems to notice them and look away, but Jungkook has no idea who they are because he never really found it necessary to pay attention to much of anyone else besides his hyungs. He does know, however, that they were definitely not dropping honorifics with Jimin because they were the best of friends.“What do you want?” Jimin crosses his arms, playing it tough despite the fact that he had to tilt his head up to glare at the taller boy. Jungkook inches closer to him, a habit of comfort.The boy smirks with a crooked tooth. “You up for another tutoring session? I don’t understand the lesson from today.”“I can’t today, Junseo,” Jimin says tensely. He takes a step back to leave but the now-named Junseo takes two step forwards, breathing right in Jimin’s face. Jungkook won’t have it.He shoves his shoulder between them, forcing Junseo to look him in the eye instead.“Your thick skull isn’t Jimin’s problem.”The boy on Junseo’s left snickers, earning him a shove from the latter, who sizes Jungkook up. He looks over his shoulder at Jimin, raising an eyebrow.“You gonna let your boyfriend talk to me like that?”Jungkook doesn’t need to turn around to see Jimin’s blush when he says “He’s not my boyfriend, and we really have to go,” before tugging on the handle of Jungkook’s backpack. Luckily, Junseo doesn’t make another move, so Jungkook lets Jimin drag him away.But they’re only four steps away when he hears from behind them, “Damn, I really felt like punching a fag today.”Before he knows it, Jungkook has Junseo pinned to the ground, landing punch after punch until his crooked tooth seems to fall in line. He feels someone trying to yank him up but he throws them off, only to get kicked swiftly in the side by Junseo’s friend. His face connects with a locker but he hardly feels the pain, only jumping back up with his bloody knuckles raised. Jungkook’s ready to launch himself at Junseo again, but strong arms wrap around his waist and pull him away from the circle of students that has formed. He sees Jimin sprinting after him and two teachers breaking through the crowd and Junseo’s ugly face sneering at him through it all.“Let me go, I’m not finished with him yet,” Jungkook argues with whoever is dragging him down the hall in the direction of the principal’s office.“Like hell you aren’t,” Namjoon’s voice responds.After a thirty minute lecture from the principal, Jungkook is set free with only a week of detentions, a letter for his mom’s signature, and a smug smile because he got Junseo suspended with previous records of bullying. Namjoon’s waiting for him outside the office, looking like a mix between a proper class president and a disappointed dad. He turns back into Jungkook’s best hyung when he gives him an ice pack and a high five. “I don’t condone violence, but you kicked his ass, man!”Namjoon walks with him home and upon seeing both Jimin and Jungkook’s mom sitting on the porch, each with their legs crossed, bids him good luck and turns the other direction.“What were you thinking?” “You idiot!” “How badly are you hurt?” “You’re grounded for this weekend.” “They won’t kick you off the swim team, right?” Jungkook doesn’t know when he ended up with two moms.His dad is watching through the screen door and mouths “did you win though?” and Jungkook makes a face like “hell yeah I did”. After his mom and best friend are done roasting him while simultaneously bandaging him, Jungkook flops onto his bed as Jimin paces the room.“Can you please chill now?”Jimin scoffs. “Only when you stop being a reckless idiot.”Jungkook sits up on his elbow, eyebrows raised. “What am I supposed to do when someone hurts my friends, then? Nothing?”Jimin throws his hands in the air. “They’ve never touched me!”“What, so you really are their tutor, huh? You really trip down the stairs every week?”“No...”“Then what?”Jungkook lays back down. Jimin comes over and sits by his head. “They just... they always say that shit, they never act on any of it. I got used to it.”“You shouldn’t have to.”Jimin sighs and runs a hand through Jungkook’s bangs, silent now. Jungkook peers up at him.“You still mad at me?”Jimin sighs at him. “I can never stay mad at you, brat.”“Then you’ll stay for dinner?”“No, not tonight.”“Come on, it’s Friday! My mom misses you! We can even call your parents over.”Jimin’s eyes go wide like they do every time someone mentions his parents. To this day, Jungkook still doesn’t know why, but if Jimin hasn’t told him this one thing, he doesn’t ask.“That’s alright. It doesn’t feel right for me to be over so often if you’ve never been to my house,” Jimin says, removing his fingers from Jungkook’s hair, much to his disappointment.Jungkook frowns. “Don’t think like that. My dad basically thinks of you like his other son. But I get it, no worries.”Jimin stands. “Some other time, I swear. I have to get going though, Kook.”“I’ll walk you out.”Jungkook forgets to ask why Jimin is always covered in bruises if he says no one at school ever touches him. .....That year, Jungkook’s dad starts pestering him to get a job besides mowing everyone on the street’s lawns for twenty bucks each. He argues against it, but before he knows it he’s tagging along with his dad in the police station. It gets even worse when people mistake him for an intern and send him on coffee runs. When Jungkook was little, he thought he had the most badass crime-fighting dad, but now, watching his dad sift through files and files of criminal accusations, he still thinks his dad is badass but he also understands why grey hairs have started appearing among the black.One day as they’re leaving the station, the intercom starts ringing off the line. Jungkook’s dad drops him off on the side of the road with ten bucks for a taxi and barks something about alcoholism before speeding away with his sirens on. Jungkook worries the whole ride back home, during dinner with just his mom, and into the night even after he finishes his homework. He’s dozing off in the living room when he hears someone pull into the driveway and sprints out onto the porch. His mom is already at the car door and helping someone out, and Jungkook’s heart just about stops when Jimin steps out with a bloody lip and an eye one shade away from swollen shut. Thunder rumbles, as if the gods were playing their “holyshitmybestfriendishurtwhomustikill” playlist. His dad drives back to the station and now Jimin is sitting dazed on their kitchen counter as Jungkook’s mom heats up a bowl of soup.Jungkook gently dabs medicine onto a cut Jimin’s jaw and is wondering why everything is blurry when Jimin wipes a tear from his cheek.“Hey,” he whispers, pulling at the cut on his lip. “Reminds us we’re human.”Jungkook sniffs, shaking his head. “Don’t you dare try to be the one to comfort me, now.”He places his hand over where Jimin’s is on his cheek and guides it to hold a bag of frozen peas over his eye.Jungkook’s mom brings the soup over and rubs Jimin’s back soothingly.“What happened, honey? Only if you want to talk about it; you know we’re always here for you.”Jimin lets out a shaky sigh, shrugging. “No, it’s fine...“He fumbles with the peas on his face, and Jungkook gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.“It’s just, you know... my parents aren’t the...” Jimin pauses, as if searching for the word. “They aren’t best they could be to each other. My mom isn’t home a lot, and my dad-“His voice cracks. Jimin is braver than Jungkook could ever imagine being. He clears his throat.“- I guess he doesn’t have to hide the alcohol when she’s not around, but she does come home sometimes and they... well I can’t just keep watching them beat each other up, can I? They normally stop after I yell a bit, but today- I guess they forgot my Nana was coming to see me, and I just didn’t want her to get hurt by them, so I called.”“Oh, sweetheart...” Jungkook’s mom has a hand pressed to her mouth. Jungkook finds that his voice fails him. At 12:09am, Jungkook sees his father’s car approaching from the bathroom window and dashes out into the rain, toothbrush and all. Jimin follows not long after while Jungkook’s mom yells out a window about an umbrella, which they both ignore. His dad ruffles both their heads when they meet him in the garage and Jimin has barely finished saying “Thank you” before he’s pulled into a tight hug. “I’ve got to take care of my boys, right?”At 1:27am, Jungkook’s bedroom door creaks open and he lifts the covers for Jimin without a thought, just like he did when they were nine and the horror movie they’d secretly watched kept Jimin awake. When Jimin’s breaths turn heavy and slow, Jungkook brings his arms around him, afraid to ever let Jimin out of his reach again. He’s not sure what makes him press his lips onto Jimin’s forehead, but he does, and it feels right, and he’d do it again had Jimin not sleepily curled into him closer. Jungkook’s asleep before he can feel Jimin place a kiss of his own onto his shoulder.Jungkook learns later about all the strings his dad had to pull for Jimin to stay with them, and he also learns that maybe being a police officer wasn’t in his best interest. Jimin moves into his grandma’s house, just two blocks away, though they both come over for dinner once in a while by the Jeons’ request. Jungkook finds a job with Hoseok at their town library, shelving and having story time with the daycare next door, where Jimin and Taehyung work. His time seems to always be filled between work, swimming, and school, so he gladly welcomes summer break when it comes. The boys take a megabus into the city one week. Just two hours after they check into the hotel, Namjoon manages to somehow get a footprint onto the ceiling (“I dunno, I just... kicked real hard, I guess...”) and Yoongi and Hoseok accidentally walk into a rap battle and win 750 dollars out of it. Seokjin had gone to get them takeout and returns to a massive pillow fight, and they don’t end up eating until 2am and going to bed until 4. Jungkook isn’t used to the sound of traffic from the hotel room and tosses and turns all night. At some point he accidentally kicks his cover off the bed, waking Seokjin in the bed next to him. He groans, squinting at Jungkook in the dark.“You quitting swimming for the elliptical?”“I can’t sleep.”Seokjin sighs and sits up on his bed, patting the spot next to him. Jungkook gladly bounds over and sits cross legged like a teenager at a sleepover. Seokjin tries to cross his legs the same way and almost falls off the bed. “What the hell?” He laughs. “How’re you doing that? Gosh, I’m getting old...” Jungkook snorts. “You aren’t getting old, hyung!”“You’re right, just more handsome,” he flaunts, pretending to toss hair over his shoulder. “But look at you, muscle pig.” It’s true that Jungkook is second in terms of height now and definitely first in muscle mass, not that he tries, but swimming plus carrying dozens of boxes full of books everyday just kinda... happened. Jungkook looks at his hyung, and it seems like just yesterday when he was 6 years old and and bravely walked up to a first grader, hand outstretched and an introduction at the ready. Now there’s only a season before Seokjin leaves him to make a life for himself.Seokjin pokes him in between the eyebrows, jolting him out of the memory. “What’s going on in that big head of yours?” Jungkook shrugs, looking out the window as the first golden rays of sunshine begin to shine through. “I dunno. What are you going to do after this?” “Well, Joonie got us tickets to an amusement park later-““No, I mean after this summer, after you leave town?”Seokjin tilts his head, and unsure smile on his face. “How’re you so sure I’m leaving?”Jungkook doesn’t want to admit that he found a military enlistment trifold in their shared gym locker, but he does, and Seokjin’s round eyes turn sad. Just two years, he says. Jungkook hates growing up... they watch the sunrise.The week goes by in a blur of skyscrapers and yellow taxis, and they spend their last day on an abandoned rooftop, watching the sun start to dip below the city. Hoseok had bought a tiny speaker with a quarter of his rap battle money and he and Jimin are trying to teach Namjoon and Yoongi how to dance, and Seokjin is in tears laughing on the floor before he’s pulled in too. Jungkook cheers from the side while Taehyung snaps pictures with his camera, darting around to avoid getting smacked by Namjoon’s long limbs.The boys stand on the roof ledge as lights start to blink on one after another and Yoongi lights the candles they had gotten earlier. Hoseok puts on a slow song and is soon clumsily twirling the reluctant, but beaming, Yoongi around the rooftop. Taehyung drags Seokjin from his seat to try and out-armwave each other until Namjoon jumps up and —surprisingly— show them how it’s done. Jungkook sees Jimin sitting alone, smiling softly at the scene, so he sets down his Sprite and makes his way over. “May I have this dance?” He asks, bowing dramatically.Jimin’s eyes crinkle. “How can I say no?” They goof around as Jungkook tries to figure out how not to step on Jimin’s toes, but eventually find a pattern, and they sway to that one English song by the man with the mullet about falling in love. Hoseok screeches somewhere, probably the result of Taehyung throwing a bug at him, and Yoongi lets out one of his rare loud cackles. Seokjin and Namjoon try to take a selfie with Taehyung’s camera, Jimin is resting his head on his shoulder, and Jungkook could live in this moment forever. .....School comes before they know it, along with letters in the mail, a few from Yoongi and Hoseok at music school, and one inviting Jungkook to train for the national swim team. He throws it in a drawer and returns to the kitchen, where Jimin and his parents are attempting to follow an old family recipe.“Jungkook?” A soft voice stops him after school one Friday. It’s the girl that sits behind him in English class; he can barely remember her name. “Uh, hi, Yoona?” His voice tilts up at the end in a question, and he seems to have guessed correctly based on how she giggles with a hand over her mouth. “What’s up?”“I was just wondering— you can say no!— um, but do you maybe want to go get coffee tomorrow? Or today! If you’re free, I mean,” she stutters out.Jungkook shuts his locker. He has today off from work and no plans with his hyungs, so why not?“Sure, I can today.” Yoona looks shocked for a moment as if she wasn’t expecting a yes, but she beams and claps and they walk together out of school. A teacher even pokes his head out of his room; the school has never seen Jeon Jungkook willingly talk to a girl before.They’re halfway through the line in the cafe and Yoona is telling a story about her sister’s wedding while Jungkook is pretending to be interested when his phone buzzes. He ignores it the first time, but he gets three more notifications and he reaches into his pocket for it. chim: Kook? You still at school? chim: I guess you went home. My grandma and I are walking over.mom: Jimin’s g-ma and I are making that new Japanese dish! chim: Tae told me you’re with Yoona. Have fun ! Another text comes through. mom: Honey, talk to Jiminie when you get home... no rush :( Jungkook bursts out of the cafe, sticks his head back in to shout “Sorry!” at Yoona, and takes off running down the street like a madman. He arrives on his block, slowing down to catch his breath. From the front of his house, he can see into the living room, where his entire family and Jimin’s is sitting around, laughing at something his dad just said. Jungkook frowns. Jimin looks just fine, not a cut on his body.“Jungkookah!” His mom waves at him as he steps through the front door. “Yah, why’re you all sweaty?” Jimin asks from the sofa, scrunching his nose. Jungkook has never been so confused. “I thought something was wrong...”“Nothing’s wrong, honey. Let’s go help Nana set the table,” Jungkook’s mom walks past him into the kitchen, but not before resting a hand on his shoulder and whispering “Talk to him after dinner, alright?”So clearly, Jungkook is anxious the entire meal and silently wishes for everyone to eat quicker. At last, he and Jimin are sent to wash the dishes.“You alright?” Jimin asks the question before Jungkook gets to.“Huh? Why wouldn’t I be?”“You were tapping your foot all of dinner,” Jimin says, hand out for the dish soap. Jungkook hands it to him. “My mom said we had to talk about something?”Jimin freezes, but continues scrubbing at the plates after a second. “I didn’t think she would tell you right away...”Jungkook takes the plate out of his hands and sets it in the sink, nudging Jimin’s shoulder so that they were facing each other. “Tell me what?” Jimin avoids his eyes, looking down. “You didn’t have to run from your date-““Not a date, I was only there for the coffee. Now talk to me, Jimin-ssi.”He swallows. “My grandma’s sick” Jungkook blinks. “Like- like a cold?” “No, Kook...” He turns off the tap, breathing hard through his nose. “What’s going to happen?”“She says she doesn’t want to be hospitalized and wants to stay home, but they’re sending her to a nursing home.”Jungkook’s scared to ask the next question. “And what about you?”Jimin drops his head, hands fidgeting. “I have a scholarship to Seoul’s Art Academy, if I can get by-“ “You’ll stay with us until then.”“Kook, it’s fi-“ “You’ll stay with us.” They finish washing the dishes. The next week, they say goodbye to Jimin’s grandma and a nurse at the train station, and the guest room becomes “Jimin’s Room”, and Jungkook’s cat is thrilled. .....Winter break, Yoongi and Hoseok come back to visit. The boys light off fireworks in Namjoon’s back yard, but it isn’t the same without Seokjin’s squeaky laugh. Without him, Namjoon’s dad cooks too much food for them to eat. Jungkook’s biggest fear is rapidly approaching; he‘s losing his hyungs.Every day that year seems the same. He breaks swim records mindlessly. He reads books to the kids that Jimin and Taehyung bring to the library. People flinch when he opens a door too quickly at school. His grades remain “just alright”. Students avoid making eye contact with him and Namjoon when they stalk down the hallways. At night, he can’t sleep without meaninglessly bickering over who gets the cat with Jimin, and he fears he’ll never sleep again after he’s gone. Above it all, he’s confused about what he feels for his hyung, why that feeling isn’t in any movie or in the words of an aunt asking when he’ll get a girlfriend, why it feels like Jimin’s laughter in the summer as they dance on a rooftop, or why he feels himself burning from the inside out when they touch... he pushes it back. He’s changing into his pajamas one night when he hears his parents whispering.
“He‘s accepted, but we just don’t have enough to send him.” “No, we have to do the best we can.” “What about community college?” “What does Jungkook want?”
What does Jungkook want? All his life he’s let his hyungs lead him everywhere, but one by one they were leaving where he can’t follow. Jimin yells out the bathroom that he forgot his towel. Jungkook thinks about the letter in the drawer. Jungkook doesn’t remember much of graduation except that Namjoon makes a speech and hands him a fancy plaque and that his parents both cry. He asks his friend where he’s going now. “I’m gonna go serve my time.” Jungkook doesn’t really have to ask, not with the tens of universities willing to wait for Namjoon, and... well, he knows why. Jimin’s cousin had driven in and they all go out to dinner. Seoyeon’s family is eating at the table next to them, and Jungkook sits with his back to them.Jimin goes to his own room that night, and Jungkook can’t sleep, instead listening to the puttering rain outside the windows mixed with his cat scratching at the door to be let it. When the clock on his wall reads 2am and he’s still wide awake, Jungkook rolls off the bed to let her in, only to see light peeping through the bottom of the guest room door. He picks his cat up and gently pushes the door open. Laying on his stomach, mindlessly flipping through his sketchbook, is Jimin.“Can’t sleep either?” He asks. Jimin shakes his head and waves him over, whether for the cat or for Jungkook, he’s not sure. They lay on top of the covers.Jungkook remembers their first sleepover, when they’d built a pillow fort and insisted on sleeping under it, and how they screeched when it fell on them in the middle of the night. Jungkook had said “Let’s build another one, but I’ll hug you so if it falls, it‘ll fall on me instead.” His mom had told him he was turning into a fine gentleman. “I’m scared of nightmares,” Jimin whispers. “I‘m scared Nana won’t remember me next time I see her.”Their knees bump together. “Let’s visit her tomorrow,” Jungkook says.Jimin smiles sadly. He leaves the day after for Seoul.“What are you scared of, Kookah?” Jungkook sighs, turning on his back. “Clowns.” “Copycat,” Jimin chuckles. “But really?”He peers at Jimin with the side of his eyes. “You.”Jimin’s laugh hasn’t changed a bit since Jungkook first heard it. “I scare you?”Jungkook turns onto his side again and can’t help brushing Jimin’s hair out of his eyes. The soft curve of his grinning lips is beautiful, ethereal like the rest of him, and Jungkook wants to tell him. “You terrify me, Park Jimin.”
I’m scared of losing you.
“I’m sorry.”
I’m scared of who I’ll become without you.
Jungkook wants so badly to tell him, but he doesn’t — perhaps in another world. He starts to retreat his hand, but Jimin reaches up and holds it in place. His hand is tiny; it makes Jungkook smile.“Promise me you won’t grow up without me.”All the stars are in Jimin’s eyes, and Jungkook would catch the sun in his hands to give him one more.“Never.”
I’m scared because I love you.
Jungkook’s dad drives them all out to the train station. His mom starts crying the second Jimin gets his suitcase out of the trunk, and Jungkook catches his dad swiping quickly at his cheek when Jimin waves from the window. Jungkook holds it together until after the train becomes a speck in the distance, and then his world starts to crack at the edges. .....He goes to the swimming center in Nowon. He wins. Someone holds a banner with his name on it at a race. He wins. The team goes to the city for a meet, where he gets gold for them, but they leave before he gets to jump in a taxi to find the Art University because Jimin’s phone number stopped working a few weeks ago. He turns 18 — Jungkook has never lost.He’s 19 and wears a Korean flag on his uniform and carries one in his hands as he walks through the Olympic stadium, surrounded by unfamiliar languages and some familiar faces. He sees his own smiling face flash by on a massive billboard of a Coca Cola commercial, and Jungkook huffs at how pale they made his skin look.“Hi!”A boy not much older than Jungkook is standing before him with China’s flag wrapped around his shoulders, hand outstretched. Jungkook shakes it, trying his best to reciprocate the beam on the other’s face.“Sorry, my Mandarin is not very good.”The boy startles. “Oh, my bad! You know, I was looking at you and thinking “I can practice my Korean now!” but I totally just spoke Chinese at you, didn’t I?”He’s funny, Jungkook thinks. “You’re funny,” Jungkook says.“No, I’m Jackson, actually. Fencer.”“I’m Jeon Jungkook.”Jackson smiles even wider. “Yeah, I know.”The Olympian Village swarms with athletes and reporters alike, and Jungkook tags along with Jackson, who looks Chinese, speaks Korean, and swears like an American. They sit in the center tent and he can’t remember the names of everyone that seem to recognize him. Jungkook wishes socializing came easier to him, and a voice in the back of his mind tells him he should’ve invited Taehyung, but he was scared of calling the wrong number, in case his friend had changed it. At some point, a man walks in with a basket of what looks like foiled candy, and everyone hoots and hollers and Jungkook is very confused. Jackson nudges him in the side.“Don’t tell me you don’t have a girl, not with a face like that?”“No, no girl.” Jungkook takes a closer look at the foil wrappers.“A boy, then?” Jackson laughs, but Jungkook’s expression is stoic when he says “Not anymore.”“Well, I tell you there’ll be a line out of the country if you wanna look for someone.” Jungkook avoids smiling too wide at passing reporters with too-pink lipstick after that.His races are three days later and no one is surprised when he speeds ahead of the competition. At the end of the day, three medals lay heavy around his neck. A reporter points a microphone in his face. “How do you do it, Jungkook? Will you ever settle for less than the best?” “I don’t know how to.”Fencing, Jungkook soon learns, is only exciting when he knows it’s Jackson under the helmet. He had Googled the rules beforehand but lost focus halfway through, so now he just cheers when all the other athletes in his section of bleachers do. Jungkook waves at a camera with a smile (“That bunny smile is what pays for every minute you’re in the water, kid,” his manager, Joowon, said to him last year.”) and stifles a yawn the minute his face disappears from the big screen. Red and gold confetti falls from the sky a while later and Jackson dances around the arena, waving his flag victoriously. He points at Jungkook. “Drinks on me tonight!” “I can’t drink yet in this country!” Jungkook yells back. Later that day, Twitter trends #Jackkook and Joowon persuades him to take as many selfies with Jackson as he can.Jungkook sees his face on another commercial before he switches off the TV in his hotel room. He’d run away from the restaurant downstairs, where Jackson was indeed treating a dozen of their friends to shots. Jungkook flops onto the bed, feeling even more tired and hollow than the days he’d train nonstop from sunup to sundown and want nothing more than to take the next bus home. He contemplates going back downstairs and sneaking some beer from that nice sprinter he’d met last week. There’s a knock at the door and a short, good-looking reporter through the peephole. Jungkook turns off the part of his brain responsible for making rational choices.He finds him gone the next morning, with nothing but the smell of cheap cologne on the sheets.At the end of that month, Jungkook moves from the Seoul training dorms into a 35th floor apartment in the city. The bright lights of the city seem to make everything else dimmer, and Jungkook has never felt more alone, despite the team of publicists and trainers always surrounding him. A massive banner in Seoul’s training center calls him the god of water; the girl he kicks out of his bed later that night tells him he’s going to hell. Joowon is always on two calls at once whenever he picks Jungkook up for practice, or a movie premiere, or a commercial shooting, or charity work, or interviews. He barely finds openings in his schedule to visit his parents, and when he does, he can’t stay as long as he’d like. Jungkook has more money in his wallet than he knows what to do with, but money can’t buy the time that he needs. .....Joowon wakes him up from his nap one day as he’s getting his hair prepped for the grand opening of a new swimming and diving facility, saying his name until Jungkook swats at him in annoyance.“You know the producer Min Yoongi?”Jungkook snaps his head around at him in surprise, earning a hiss and scowl from his stylist. “Yes? Yes, oh my god, he’s like my brother!”“Ah, nice, he’ll be there tonight,” Joowon chuckles, having not seen such excitement from Jungkook in a while. “He and his boyfriend said you might be happy to see them.”If Jungkook was surprised before, he’s even more so now. “His boyfriend?”His manager looks at him incredulously. “Jungkook-ah, how can you have 3 million Instagram followers yet still be as updated as my grandfather? J-Hope? You don’t know the Jung Hoseok?”“Well,” He feels the guilt set in. “I mean I know him, he’s like... my other brother.”“God, kid, you’re out of it.”Jungkook frowns, looking at himself in the mirror. The lines of his face are harder and sharper than he remembers, though concealer covers up his eyebags. He looks serious, hollower than the magazines make him seem. He wonders if Yoongi and Hoseok have changed like he has, and then he scolds himself for not checking in with them more often. Jungkook hates himself for not even knowing how his best friends are doing, but then, he’s not so sure he knows himself too well at this point either.Camera lights flash at a non-stop shutter as Jungkook’s limousine pulls up to the grand steps of the new aquatic center, and he tries to look through the crowd for his hyungs. Joowon sits across from him, pestering for a solid five minutes ( “You got your phone? Recite my number.” “I’ll stop treating you like a kid when you do your taxes by yourself.” “You know, you should really get a plus-one one of these days, and I don’t count.” “Got condoms? Don’t you look at me like that; I know you!” ) before he manages to escape the vehicle.The flurry of excited gasps and “Jungkook! Jungkook look here!”s hit him as he steps onto the deep blue carpet, and he slaps on a smile and waves as politely as he can while scanning the crowd. He goes through the routine: stop for a few interviews, smile for the cameras, strike a pose for the fansites, don’t trip over the folds in the carpet.Jungkook’s just finishing up discussing his latest butterfly goal with a reporter when he picks up Hoseok’s unmistakeable laugh and lets out an embarrassingly loud “HOBI HYUNG!”, startling a few people around him but definitely getting Hoseok’s attention. His hyung reaches behind him, procuring a platinum-headed Yoongi while saying what looks like “Yoongs! There’s our boy!”, drowned out by bumbling fansites shoving people around to get the moment on camera.Hoseok crashes into him with a suffocating hug, arms around his middle attempting to lift him up, failing, and instead opting to shake Jungkook vigorously until they’re both cackling.“You absolute children, that is a Hugo Boss suit!” Yoongi catches up to them, feigning indifference, but he can’t hold back his smile when Jungkook pulls him into an embrace.Jungkook wants to cry, but fights it back, figuring it’d be bad for publicity. Yoongi pulls back, holding Jungkook by the shoulders and inspecting him left to right. “Ah, gain some weight, Jungkook-ah, all that adult-ness is scaring me.”Jungkook laughs. “I’m a professional athlete, hyung, not much I can do about that!”His hyung scoffs. “Yeah? Well Hoseok’s mixtape broke into the US charts last week and now he’s trying to learn English, so there’s proof we can all change.”“That’s amazing, guys,” Jungkook beams, genuinely so happy for his friends. “I missed you two a shitload.” He says it as if it wasn’t his fault they didn’t keep in touch.Hoseok sobs, dramatically swiping away fake tears. Yoongi just shakes his head, grumbling, “We would miss you if we didn’t see your damn face everywhere! I mean honestly, you’ve got Adidas, Lotte World, what else? Disney, I bet. God, and here I was thinking the guys would be the only love you’d ever find and now look at you, god of water, King of Korea...”Yoongi doesn’t mean for it to sting, but it does, and the guilt gets caught in Jungkook’s throat. Here were his closest friends watching him rise, and yet he never even checked up on them so much as he typed a text that never sent. Hoseok frowns, noticing the dip in Jungkook’s smile, and smacks Yoongi on the arm. “What he means is that we’re proud of you, Kook. Seriously.”“You guys are the real stars,” Jungkook says, the three of them moving up the carpet. “But I’m curious about one thing...”Jungkook turns to his friends, raising an eyebrow and grinning mischievously. “I guess someone took bros before hoes a little too seriously, huh?”Yoongi shrieks and Jungkook has to jump to avoid Hoseok’s kick at his shin. “Man, I knew Yoongi-hyung enjoyed that dare to make out with you, I knew it!”“You’re a bitch, kid, a single bi-“Before Hoseok gets to finish his insult, a chorus of trumpets sounds through the speakers, and the crowd all turns towards the massive steps of the new facility. In all the excitement, Jungkook had almost forgotten about the reason they were there in the first place. He waits for someone important to walk through the doors, maybe a big sponsor, or the designer...“Ladies and gentlemen,” a voice booms over the speakers. “Please welcome...”The grand doors sweep open, and Jungkook holds his breath.“The architect, Lee Taeyang!”A man in a brilliant white suit steps out, smiling and waving with a poise that Joowon could only dream of seeing from Jungkook. The architect bows and the blue carpet cheers, but a figure steps out from behind him and Jungkook’s vision tunnels.He’s standing right there, beautiful as the day he lost him, and Jungkook’s breath doesn’t make it past his lips.Their gazes meet, and as Jimin’s smile starts from his eyes, Jungkook falls all over again.