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TJ hated weekends.Hearing the loud screeching of his phone’s alarm, TJ thought again how much he dreaded those two days without school to distract himself.He palmed around his bed for the phone, turning off the awful sound with a swipe of his thumb on the screen, not even looking at it while performing said action before tossing the device someplace in bed. Opening his eyes, the boy simply stared at the blank white ceiling of his small bedroom in the dark hour of the morning. Every cell in his tired body screaming for a few more hours of rest while his brain already listed the things he had to do that day.Every weekend for the past two years has been the same:Clean the house, do the laundry, eat his bland healthy cereal, clean the dishes, clean his room, scrub the bathroom, make his mom’s breakfast, go to her room, try not to trip over the bottles that accumulated on the wood floor during the week, wake her up, attempt to make her eat some solid food and (probably) fail, clean the dishes, go to the market and buy food with the money he earned working at the gym, store everything in its place, make himself a sandwich, train basketball at the park near his house, come back and see his mother going back to her room with another bottle she got from somewhere TJ gave up figuring out after too many tries, tidy up whatever she messed, make enough food for him and his mother to last for a whole another week, try and communicate with his mother and only hear sobs coming from the closed door, convince her to take a bath, see her face the bottom of the bathtub with an empty stare, study until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore, sleep and repeat the next day.His life hasn’t always been like that, he could remember an easier time when his family was complete. But that was before his dad died. Before his mother changed. Now, however, years after, he was used to the dullness of his home life.His phone vibrated, the screen lighting up the room in a soft blue hue half obscured by the covers.His right hand lazily retrieved the device from in between the covers and raised it to his face, the same soft blue light illuminating his face, he squinted his eyes a little, still used to the darkness, the other hand coming up to remove his disheveled hair from his face. It was a message from Cyrus.The blond boy quickly unlocked his phone to read what his friend sent him. Goodmuffin: Do you want to hang out today? Cyrus.The only person TJ allowed to get close to him had just invited him to hang out.TJ really, really hated weekends.The younger boy was the closest he had to someone to confide his feelings to, and yet, he knew he couldn’t leave the house, he had to do his chores, he had to take care of his mom and prepare meals for her to eat during the week when he would be at school.His life could be a lot worse, he knew, but damn him if he didn't want to just be one of the "normal" kids and only have to worry about school and crushes.Which reminded him, this boy has been the object of his affection for the last three months, he would do almost anything to be able to spend time with the cute boy, but life wasn't simple, liking a boy wasn't that simple, so he opted for the coward's choice, as he himself would say, and shot down the invitation. Not-so-scary-basketball-guy: can’t Not-so-scary-basketball-guy: busy today Not-so-scary-basketball-guy: some stuff came up The answer was immediate. Goodmuffin: Stuff stuff or stuff like a “test next week you have to study for” stuff? Not-so-scary-basketball-guy: stuff stuff He almost left despite all his responsibilities when he read the other boy’s answer. Goodmuffin: Oh. Goodmuffin: Okay ... Goodmuffin: Sorry for bothering you!! Goodmuffin: If you want to talk you know where to find me … Goodmuffin: Probably at The Spoon Goodmuffin: If not, see you Monday, I guess? Not-so-scary-basketball-guy: sure… Not-so-scary-basketball-guy: C U Monday The phone fell from his hands to space beside his head as he covered his eyes with his right forearm.He could feel himself starting to regret his decision of avoiding the younger boy, Cyrus would be hurt.He wouldn't show it, of course, but he knew the Jewish boy well enough to know he would feel left aside, even if he knew it wasn't because of him. knew him well enough to see how much Cyrus wanted him to open up and talk about his problems with him. He also knew the brown-haired boy would not bring the subject up again and would rather suffocate himself in quiet worry until TJ felt brave enough to initiate the conversation.If only he could be selfish, just for today, just so he could talk to Cyrus, tell him everything about the last three years, see him smile the soft smile that made TJ's legs go weak, then everything would be fine.But no, his mother depended on him, he learned that years ago. He knew Cyrus would probably tell his parents about TJ's situation, and they would call Child Services, who would take him away from his mom. Without him there she would be worse than ever, he was the only one keeping her stable - even if the situation was less than ideal- and it was his responsibility to take care of her when she couldn't do it herself. He blinked the tear away from his eyes, he had cried enough over this, crying wouldn't help anyone. With a slight groan, TJ forced his stiff muscles to move so he could get up and start his routine as any other weekend from the last couple of years…Weekends truly were the worst.
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When Monday morning finally came, TJ woke up to a small knock on his bedroom door.He was able to smell homemade pancakes for the first time in a long time and his still asleep brain filed it as part of his dream, but then there was another knock, a little louder now and followed by the small, soft voice of his mom.“Baby, are you awake?”TJ’s voice was stuck in his throat, held back by the heavy tears. This was the first time he heard his mom’s voice in more than two weeks. this was the first time he heard her say something so clearly sober in more than a year.The blond boy bit back a hiccup, his breath hitching as he let out the smallest of answers, his voice dripping emotion“Yeah…”The door opened to gradually, shyly, to reveal the figure of a small blond woman, her hair – usually, a greasy mess- now was just dully matte but it looked recently washed and combed, her skin was sickly pale and seemed fragile to the touch, there were heavy bags under her eyes and her lips, completely chapped and pale, forming a small, tentative smile. TJ felt his own smile growing on his face, the skin becoming moist with his uncontrollable tears that left his eye sockets like a constant stream of unpronounced feelings.This was the best he had seen her in, in… years.Alexa also let down tears of her own, her small body approaching his bigger one until she was sitting next to her son, one trembling thin hand coming up to touch TJ’s cheek and brush away the tears there before engulfing the blond teenager in a tight hug. None of the Kippens talked for the longest time, only trying to absorb the most of that hug, all that love and care they both craved so much.“Mom…” TJ tried to speak through the tears and sobs, but his mom just held him and softly threaded her fingers in his soft blond hair, making reassuring sounds until every tear was shed. His mom’s small voice in his ear desperately and yet reassuringly said:“I'm so, so sorry, my baby. I'm sorry, so so sorry…”“Mom. Mom. There is nothing to worry about. You’re here. You’re up! It’s all gonna be okay!”“I, I promise you, baby, that I’ll not let you down again. I promise to be a good mother” her voice broke mid-sentence as she looked TJ in the eyes (both pair of green orbs made wet by the tears) and made her promise. “I’m gonna take care of you, of us from now on. No more drinking, no more pills, no more avoiding responsibilities"The smile on TJ’s face was even bigger now, he could be a normal child again! He had his mom back! How awesome was that? ** Cyrus had arrived early at school that Monday, he had to talk to TJ. Hell, he had to talk to someone about his stuff, and now that Buffy wasn’t there anymore, – she opted to go to a school closer to her house, on a neighboring city- the tall basketball player was the only one he could think of.There was Andi, Of course, but he couldn’t be like ‘hey, so, your boyfriend came to my house yesterday and surprise kissed me to see if he was bi moments after I got officially over my crush on him’, he was confused enough as it is and needed an outside opinion on the matter without involving Jandi drama into the equation.The basketball jock, however, was nowhere to be seen and all Cyrus's calls went straight to voicemail.Before the Jewish boy could start creating random scenarios of bad things that could’ve happened with his friend, the bell rang, proclaiming the start of his first period. with his head hung low, Cyrus walked in class to what for sure would be a day of painfully awkward attempts on ignoring his friends ** Cyrus couldn’t believe he ever would be able to say this, but he just wanted for the English period to end. Jonah sat right behind him and spent the whole time trying to talk to Cyrus as if the unanswered texts and missed calls weren't enough of a clue that the brown-eyed boy did not want to talk to him until he got over this thing.It was just honestly annoying by this point, Jonah wouldn't give up on trying to make Cyrus understand his point of view, which Cyrus could not care less, he was kissed against his will, he didn't need to hear excuses. He needed an apology and lots of baby taters, and maybe a chocolate chip muffin…As the bell rang announcing lunch, Cyrus was never happier his lunchtime on Mondays didn’t match with Andi’s or Jonah’s. The small boy ran towards the cafeteria, hoping to find TJ already there, only to have those same hopes blown up as the jock was nowhere to be seen.He felt a hand touch his shoulder from behind and jumped from the scare the gesture brought (it could be Jonah!), only to be met face to face with one of TJ’s basketball friends -Dave, he thought the name of the boy was.“hey Goodman, have you seen TJ today? He didn’t show up for class and we kinda have practice today…” he seemed to be a little uncomfortable to be talking to Cyrus, the boy was known as a little socially awkward after all.“Oh, actually I would ask you almost the same thing, he didn’t respond to my texts when I tried to see why he hadn't come to school today…” Cyrus felt as if telling he and TJ communicated outside the school was like admitting an enormous secret he wasn’t sure he should let out. Dave didn’t seem surprised by it though “Do you think there’s something wrong with him?” he asked on the verge of a full-on panic attack, voice going higher than normal.“Nah, man” the dark-skinned boy responded with a small smile “TJ’s just having a day off, I think. He needs one, for sure.” both boys laughed, although Cyrus's was a little too forced to be considered relaxed.“Yeah. that’s it. Obviously” the smaller boy said, almost like reassuring himself that TJ was alright and there was nothing to worry about.“anyways” Dave kept talking “thanks for the help man, see you around.” “see ya,” Cyrus said. ** As the last signal rang, Cyrus bolted out to his locker, effectively ignoring Andi's pleading for him to wait for her.He knew he was being a little bit of a douche, seeing that he was one of Andi’s only friends in middle school now that Buffy left, but he couldn’t even look at her without becoming overcome by guilt. Which was frankly ridiculous since he didn’t do anything wrong, it was Jonah who kissed him, Cyrus shoved him away and asked him to leave, it's not like he kissed the boy back, he was a good friend!He tried to repeat those things to himself while he mechanically organized his notebooks and books on his locker, shoving those that had homework on his mailbag, when he felt a person stop by his side.“hey, Cy-guy, please, we need to talk” Jonah’s voice sounded at his right just as Cyrus closed his locker, turned around and started walking towards the exit. “look, I need you to understand that I…”“Jonah, please, not now. I have a doctor’s appointment, just... please.”Cyrus asked as he left the school building, heading to his stepmom’s car without looking back to is ex-crush.He so wished TJ had come today, this way he could have at least talked about the incident with someone. But most of all he hoped TJ was alright.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The next day when Cyrus woke up-earlier than usual -, the first thing he did was check his phone for messages from TJ, Even though Cyrus had sent about 15 of them the basketball captain didn’t reply or even saw the texts up until the time the Jewish boy went to sleep. Now, however, there was a notification on Cyrus's phone of eighteen new messages.Twelve were from Jonah -Cyrus ignored those, not yet ready to think about what had happened- two were from Buffy and Andi on the group chat, the other two were from his mom and Todd, each one longer than his screen and just wishing him a happy week with dad and Sharon, the last two were from TJ, sent around midnight and very shortNot-So-Scary-Basketball-Guy: hey, not dead, tks 4 worrying thoNot-So-Scary-Basketball-Guy: need 2 talk, The Spoon after school?Goodmuffin: Sure. See you at school?Cyrus quickly sent the boy his answer before dressing himself in warm closes (as always) and going downstairs to have breakfast with his family. A weight now lifted from his chest knowing TJ was fine and still his friend.--Surprisingly enough Cyrus arrived late to school, having to change clothes after spilling coffee all over himself after Sharon asked about Jonah, who had gone to his mom’s house last night asking for him. Cyrus hadn't had time to even see Andi and Jonah before class, which would have sounded like a blessing if not for the loneliness he was starting to feel. One more time he cursed Buffy’s departure and his own overly social nature.His second class was math, and he felt happy not having to take the class with Jonah. Cyrus then felt sad for not having this subject -or any other since the boy is older- with TJ, he knew the jock could use the moral support during that class, with his dyscalculia and all.Right before lunch, though, Jonah put Cyrus against the wall - quite literally or else Cyrus would have escaped – and started non-stop the flow of apologies“Listen, Cy-guy, I'm really sorry, I know I shouldn’t have done that, I don’t even know if you like guys, or if you’re against gay relationships, and maybe that’s why you’re ignoring me, but if that’s the reason you’d be a really bad person, cause love is love and not everybody is straight…”“Jonah, wait! Slow down.” Cyrus interrupted him in the middle of his rumbling and put a little space between them, that conversation and the feeling of his back against the cold wall were making him feel trapped. “I’m not gonna talk to you now. Not because I have some prejudice, which I don’t! But because I'm not comfortable talking to you right now, you’re Andi’s boyfriend, she’s my best friend and I feel like I betrayed her, like I was the one who cheated. You have to get your life together before you come to talk to me.” His cheeks were covered in tears by now “I’m not some doll for you to experiment on. I have my own feelings and wants” and with that, he pushed Jonah aside and marched out of the empty hallway.Not even ten minutes later, his phone rang, showing TJ’s photo on display.“Hello,” he heard the other boy’s voice ask after accepting the call “Cyrus, are you there?”“Hey, Teej” Cyrus’ own voice was small and croaked“where are you? What’s wrong? Should I bring muffins?” TJ’s voice was serious now, almost as if he’s talking about some basketball play that needed every small bit of his attention, Cyrus laughed a little at the last bit“I’m in the library, I needed someplace quiet to think, or most likely to cry, and not be bothered,” he said truthfully, TJ deserved the truth because right now he was the only one Cyrus had.“Okay, so I'm gonna be there in five minutes with two emotional support muffins,” TJ said before hanging up. Cyrus smiled a little and tucked his phone in his pocket, trying to clean his face the best he could to not seem as he was crying. even though TJ already knew that he was crying, the boy didn’t need to see his ‘ugly crying face’.Not even five minutes later, TJ sat down at his side on the wood floor and handed him a muffin“a muffin to another,” he said.Cyrus smiled at him and let out a little ‘thanks’ before taking a huge bite out of the baked sweets. “you know” he heard the blonde say with a smile on his face “isn't this cannibalism? Should I be worried a muffin is chewing another muffin right in front of me? Like, I feel this should be enough to scare me for life”Cyrus turned to face TJ and saw a big smile on his face, as if the boy was proud of his joke, and couldn’t avoid laughing with him, face a little dirty from all the chocolate chips on that heavenly dessert“sooo…” TJ broke the comfortable silence after a while “do you want to talk about what made you come here and cry until I brought you muffins, or is it another thing we should just label as ‘stuff’ and only talk about it in two or three months when most of this is already solved?” he was looking at his hands now, still holding the other chocolate-chocolate-chip-muffin and spinning it a little as if to calm himself.Cyrus thought about what he should do for about two or three minutes before answering “I think it would be better if we talked about it over taters later. I'm not quite good yet to talk about it right now, and besides, we already used up half of our lunchtime and it’s kind of a long story”“Okay,” TJ said and looked around for a few seconds before stopping to look at the shelf right in front of them “oh my god, I love that book!” he exclaimed grabbing said book and opening it.Cyrus stretched his neck over TJ’s shoulder to read the first paragraph:
‘We should start back,” Gared urged as the woods began to grow dark around them. “The wildlings are dead.”’
“is this game of thrones?” He asked the older boy, face shifting with an uneasy feeling as TJ simply smiled and agreed with a head gesture, way too busy reading the first chapters with and speed that told that wasn’t his first time reading that book. “aren't we a little young to read this?” he inquired a bit worried about the traumas that those books could cause (don’t blame him, blame his parents’ career choices) “I mean, they’re full of death, sex, and treason ?” the Jewish boy added with a nervous laugh.TJ looked away from the book and seemed to think about what he said for a little while, then smiled a little, he’s smiling a lot today Cyrus noted. “I guess that it really depends on your views of what you feel like ready to read” TJ started slowly, almost like he was trying to explain to someone why would one drink milk, “in my opinion it’s actually good to read books like those, as long as you have a good sense of right and wrong. Like, there are blurred lines all over those pages, no one is an entirely good or entirely bad character, they are just like us, they have flaws, hopes, dreams, they fail, they try. That is what means to be human, try to be better at times you may have felt your worst”TJ was almost crying now, Cyrus realized that maybe that was part of his ‘stuff’, and due to the way he talked through the constricted throat, willing to explain to Cyrus his views on more than just a book, that told Cyrus he probably would expose more of that fragile part of himself, because for the first time since they’ve known each other, and maybe for longer than that, TJ was opening up to someone enough to cry in front of them, to let himself be more than just strong, to be stronger as to show himself. Cyrus perceived he liked that, he liked talking to TJ, liked to listen to him, and liked being friends with him. Yes, TJ was crying, and it wasn’t glamorous, it wasn’t pretty like in the movies, but it felt real, he felt safe.Cyrus was going to tell TJ that, however, the bell rang as soon as his mouth opened. TJ put the book back on the shelf, drying-up the tears that stained his cheeks with the fists of his olive hoodie -it had Shrek ears on the hood and Cyrus loved and hated the piece of clothing at the same time-, head hung low as to cover the redness of his face. He took a deep breath, the air carrying away the thick knot on his throat, and smiled as brightly as before “see you later at The Spoon, Underdog?” he extended a hand to help Cyrus get up from his sitting position on the floor.Cyrus accepted the offered hand, small electric shocks running up his arm and leaving it warm and tingly in a good way, though Cyrus ignored it, already too busy overthinking the exchange from minutes ago. Anyways, he had to get to class, those thoughts could wait till he was fed baby taters and milkshakes later that day.