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You knew who he was – of course you did. You weren’t blind after all, or lived under a rock. Everyone who had seen a newspaper, a magazine, switched on a television or had a social media account knew who he was. He was Kim Namjoon, the leader of a K-Pop group known as BTS that took over the world. A K-Pop phenomenon. They were the hottest thing right now and between Argentina and Zimbabwe there was probably no one who hadn’t heard of them: BTS – The K-Pop phenomenon that took over the world and went ways that no other K-POP act before them had gone. They won awards no Korean act before them had won and played countries that no other K-pop group ever stepped in, professionally anyway. Of course, the shows they played were sold out. In a matter of minutes. No matter how big the venue, arena or stadium was, it seemed it was just never big enough. With every release of a new album, a new song, a new video records were broken and newly established. The press left and right loved them, especially the foreign press. You had to admit some of the questions they got asked on a reoccurring occasion were annoying and lacked depth, but they handled that well and with grace. They were professionals after all and they knew the drill, the expectations, the rules. Living the comfortable life they lived came with a certain price. If that price was having to endure interviews with questions being on the more shallow and ignorant end of the spectrum, so be it. You weren’t a fangirl, but you were a fan. You liked their songs and style, but had never seen them live. Not having the time to get online late at night to be first in queue for tickets to a concert that would be sold out five minutes after ticket sales started and also not having the money to pay for these tickets you only could enjoy their music through bought merchandise like CDs or watching their music videos online. They were breathtakingly beautiful – but then most idols were. It was part of the reason someone was selected as idol, because he or she looked good. But BTS were different. They weren’t just pretty, but also talented. Writing, producing and composing most of their songs by themselves, it was a rarity in the K-Pop-World. And they stood for something. Their songs not being the usual serenades about love and its good or bad sides, but often enough an outlet for frustration with issues in society and the youth. Their songs came from the heart and had a message. Though they had songs about love as well. Love was also what had given Kim Namjoon most of the headlines and front-pages lately. Being one half of the power couple in the entertainment industry did this for you. Park Hae-Kyung was a model-turned-actress that was as beautiful was she seemed talented. There didn’t seem to a red carpet she wasn’t accustomed to and a camera that didn’t love her. She smiled into all of them, waved happily and generally made all the lists from ‘best dressed’ to ‘most influential’ alongside him. They had dated for over a year by now and were loved by almost everyone. Of course there was always one or two odd fans that didn’t agree with Namjoon’s choice in partner, but all in all it could be worse in regards of reactions. There were plenty of people in Kim Namjoon’s live, plenty who adored and loved him. BTS had probably a quadrillion fans in every corner of the world and people sung their songs despite the fact that most of them probably didn’t know what exactly it was they were signing. But despite the sheer amount of fans BTS had, the girlfriend he adored and his bandmates that seemed like brothers, Kim Namjoon was laying here, all by himself, all alone. Instead of being surrounded by plenty of people who loved and adored him, he was surrounded by machines whose singing was a constant beeping. It was less melodic but still as meaningful. He was the one who had it all – money, fame, popularity, influential friends, love. And yet you seemed to be the lucky one out of the two of you. You had neither money, nor fame, weren’t popular and on love you had long given up on. But you stood here, next to his hospital bed, checking the machines he was hooked up to. You were alive, conscious and breathing on your own, while neither could be said about him. Kim Namjoon was a shadow of the man that had only been on the front page of another glamour magazine earlier this month. Nothing about how he was laying here was glamourous or something people would envy him for. This wasn’t what anyone wanted, but for now it was Kim Namjoon’s reality. And it was your job to make sure he was taken care of for as long as this would last.
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JANUARY
The beginning of this was mayhem. There was media everywhere. Whenever you left the hospital or came, someone shoved a microphone in your face, asking you all sort of ridiculous questions. Half of them you wouldn’t even have been able to answer had you been a doctor or could you even discuss his progress. But they didn’t care. For them it was the story, the headlines, the front page. For them it were the numbers that counted. The numbers in clicks, the numbers of papers they sold, the money they made with every picture, every headline, every update. In the middle of December the news broke that BTS’ Kim Namjoon had been involved in a car accident. No one knew details – whether that was in regards of the exact circumstances of said accident or in regards of his condition. It was all speculation and speculations got more sensational with every passing day. The less news they had, the bigger they made what had been heard, said, communicated. Not that there was much to begin with. Within a week four different witnesses had told four very different stories of what had supposedly happened. And since one of the involved wasn’t conscious to speak for themselves it made things all the easier. And things surely wouldn’t change soon. Beginning of January Kim Namjoon was transferred from ICU to the VIP wing of the hospital. A room here cost more a day than what you made per month. He was no longer in danger, but that didn’t mean he was anywhere close to recovery either. He was hooked up to tubes and machines and it didn’t look like that was about to change anytime soon. You weren’t supposed to know, but had overheard the doctors early on during his transfer that chances of him ever waking up were slim to none. There had been complications during the transport, the damage to his head more sincere then what was initially assumed. His family made the decision to wait, see what happens, if maybe there were changes. And so waiting it was. The first few days, weeks even, were busy with friends and family coming in regularly to check in on him. Several times reporters were caught when trying to sneak in, disguised as hospital staff, hunting for the story everyone seemed to be after.While in the beginning every one of your female colleagues was dying to get him as her duty of the day, the longer he remained unconscious the less popular he became. With more days ticking by without any improvement or change, chances of him ever waking up became slimmer and slimmer and so chances for them to find a potential husband in him minimized as well. So in the end it was just you, who looked after him, checked the monitoring process, was present when doctors made their daily visits, without revealing anything groundbreaking anymore. BTS was a well-oiled machine, which worked as a six-member group just as well as they did with seven. For an American TV show they performed a few songs and everyone had to admit, they did just as well as ever before. Of course the fans and their outcry was loud and widespread, calling on the members and reminding them of their seventh member. But it wasn’t as if they needed reminding. No, they remembered their leader just as well and didn’t need a refresher. And despite the fact that this wasn’t the most ideal situation, everyone had to admit it was either this, or disbanding. You had been witness to a very few hushed comments between members when they question arose what to do. So you knew it wasn’t easy whatever decision they’d made in the end. As loud and constant as the outcry and protest-like chants from fans were in the beginning, they would eventually be who’d forget or seemed less bothered. It became normal that BTS was no longer consisting of seven but six guys. The fans that retweeted every BTS tweet with words of remembrance became fewer and fewer, as did those, who came to concerts to hold up signs, dedicated to Namjoon, as if he was standing on that stage. Eventually no one remembered anymore. No one other than BTS. And you, who saw him every day. The managers and important people that showed in the beginning, arguing with you and every doctor they could find, trying to get them to do something that would improve Namjoon’s condition instantly, that talked and yelled loudly on phones and spoke about adjustments and promotions, endorsements and public commitments all seemed to have vanished at the end of the month. The product that was Kim Namjoon was for them right now nothing to work with, nothing they could make money with. They had to realize that no money in the world could change things right now, that regardless of what they’d pay and who they’d call, Kim Namjoon would still be unconscious with no real timeline if and when that would change. And maybe for once in their lives people like them had to realize money wasn’t running the world after all – at least not when it came to Kim Namjoon’s condition and its improvement. Several times during that first month you found yourself wondering whether that was what Kim Namjoon’s life consisted of, what it came down to be like.To function.To work and generate money.To simply be a product. .
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By February things had slightly calmed down. The media attention was still going strong, but by now you didn’t have to fight hordes of reporters, hunting their next story. His girlfriend showed up once a week, usually dressed all in black and looking like she was going to a funeral, with sunglasses that hid her eyes and always tissues at hand, ready to look distraught at a moment’s notice. She gave interview after interview, talking about progress and updates that you weren’t sure where she was getting the information from. Neither you nor the doctors seemed to have made any comments in any regards of a progress she was talking about. As a matter of fact – there was no progress. Kim Namjoon was still laying in his hospital bed, hooked up to machines and getting daily visits by doctors to see if anything changed or if they could do anything to improve the situation. The visitation from the other BTS members has slightly decreased which was due to the fact that they had just released a new album a few weeks prior and were busy promoting and fulfilling commitments they agreed to do months ago. Despite the immense work load these guys seemed to have, you usually managed to spot one or two of them each day. You figured they tried being here, but couldn’t right now all find time together to come for a visit. They usually didn’t stay long and if you were honest, whenever you managed to get a sneak peek at one of them next to Namjoon’s bed some of them didn’t look entirely comfortable. And you couldn’t really blame them, not everyone was made for talking to someone without any sort of response or being here at all. It was a weird feeling having to look at the person you been on tour with only months ago now. Jimin for whatever reason seemed to have the hardest time, and while Taehyung and Jungkook respectively didn’t seem to being doing too good either they managed to get by with their bubbly and overly excited antics whenever they talked about something to Namjoon as if keeping him updated. Yoongi took a more serious approach, mostly talking about progress in songwriting and complaining about the music business in general while Jin and Hobi took a rather motherly attitude to all of this. It was fascinating and whenever you had a chance of witnessing it you always found yourself amused. Over the course of weeks you had become the invisible ghost, your services of checking his vitals, changing dressings or the likes mostly coinciding with whenever someone came for a visit. In the beginning you had stepped out of the room, giving them some privacy, but were quickly explained by almost all of them that this wasn’t necessary. They almost seemed apologetic for keeping you from doing your job. So eventually you worked for yourself doing what needed to be done with an audience that barely seemed to pay you any attention. Not that you minded. “I feel so bad,” you heard Jungkook mumble behind you and for a moment you figured he was talking to you. Out of all the six Jungkook was the one who most often spoke to you as well as Namjoon. You figured he was just feeling strange to talk to someone without any reaction or form of response. But it wasn’t just him who spoke to you in a somewhat open manner. It wasn’t like you’d be included in everything or like you had in depth conversations with any of them all of a sudden but often enough they approached you for small-talk on their way to Namjoon, or on the way out. Sometimes you felt like they confided in you somewhat. Not in a big, revealing plenty of thing kind of way. And you surely weren’t naïve enough to think it all had a deeper, more meaningful significance. You were Namjoon’s nurse and happened to be easily approachable. It wasn’t the first time that this happened to you. It sort of came with the job.“What are you feeling bad about?” you’d ask, checking the drop that was attached to Namjoon. It wasn’t as if he had caused the crash or had anything to do with what happened afterwards.“For not…. For the fact that we go on as if it is absolutely normal and acceptable. We perform with six members, knowing fully well we are seven. We go on with our schedules and job and lives as if one of our member isn’t laying here, fighting for his life, not able to have any say about it.”“Do you really think he would hold it against you if he were to wake up right now? Do you really think he’d go and be mad that you kept the show running? I don’t think he’d be mad. He’d understand that you can’t sit around this hospital room all day hoping to change something. And you have commitments. Commitments you made months ago, while he was still with you on stage. He will be the last one to hold it against you. He knows the business, knows that his condition wouldn’t change regardless whether you are here every minute of every day or once a week.” You went back to checking everything there was to check and were working in comfortable silence, having almost forgotten about Jungkook, or assuming he had left at some stage when you heard his voice again. “Do you think he’ll be ok? That he’ll wake up again?” And wasn’t that the question of the century? You couldn’t remember a day in the past few weeks and months when someone wasn’t asking this exact question. But no one had an actual answer to that, less alone you, seeing that you weren’t even a doctor. “I don’t know,” you admitted truthfully. “But so far nothing indicates he wouldn’t. Maybe he likes where he is right now and needs a bit longer,” you smiled at him softly. Jungkook looked at you surprised and for a moment thoughtful before showing you his infamous bunny grin that probably melted millions of hearts over the years. “I think you are right, noona,” he finally said, still smiling at you softly and looking content, as if you had just given him the best news of the year. “Doesn’t he look happy?” he asked a moment later. You looked at him curious for a moment, before your eyes shifted to Namjoon. He looked neutral if you were honest, peaceful really, not sad, but not smiling either. But if it made Jungkook feel better you agreed nodding encouragingly. You saw him sit down next to Namjoon’s bed and looking at his hyung for a long while in silence, just smiling to himself and looking almost excitedly at the man in front of him. After what felt like a while you were about to leave when you heard Jungkook all of a sudden speak again. It was obvious right from the start that he wasn’t talking to you, but to Namjoon. You figured it would be another ‘update’ and weren’t disappointed when a moment later you heard Jungkook’s soft voice starting with “Did you know….” With a smile on your lips you left the two alone, Jungkook probably realizing all of a sudden how many things he still needed to tell his hyung. Everything would be alright – sooner or later. You knew it and Jungkook himself said so a moment later as well. And as long as you both believed it you had no doubt that in fact you were right.
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By the time March rolled around the already extremely busy members of BTS seemed like they now had shifted to working nonstop. They had an upcoming tour, a fanmeet and also had scored quite a few collaborations with huge names both domestically as well as internationally. It was Yoongi who voiced his regret that they finally were working with names they always had only dared dreaming about and Namjoon wasn’t able to be part of it. “There’s always next time,” you only commented at which he seemed to just nod and agree eventually. “I’m sure you are right. But still….” He just said, smiling at you sadly. “Well… there’s always gonna be names and people you want to work with and haven’t yet. I’m sure you still have a long list of people you want to work with. Next time he’ll join you. I’m sure of it,” you explained encouragingly. Some more nodding from Yoongi. “There is always a list,” he eventually smiled more to himself than anyone else really. In return that made you smile. “So…” you started, wondering whether you should ask your question. But over the last few weeks you had become acquainted with all of them. It wasn’t like you’d call yourself friends or anything really, seeing that you still knew way too little to be more than an acquaintance. But you had conversations with them. Quite a few of them actually. Some were more like a longer version of small talk, some were actually quite deep and somewhat meaningful. “Who’s on that list?” you finally asked after he had looked at you after your initial start. “How much time do you have for me to tell you?” he almost laughed. Of course the list would be longer. You needed to laugh about his question. It seemed so like him, them really. But wasn’t that the best way of achieving success? To always aim higher? To have a goal to work towards? “Well… I have another four hours of my shift left and nothing else to do really. He’s pretty much my only duty… so humor me.” He nodded and was quiet for a moment. “You seem to be here a lot. I mean… every time one of us comes to visit you are always the one looking after him and being on duty. I remember when I was here a few years back when my appendix bust I had a different nurse every day and some days I had more than a dozen different ones. Yet… Namjoon seems to have pretty much you as his personal care taker.” You thought about his comment and the implied question for a moment. “He is that special,” you finally said somewhat in a joking manner, witnessing Yoongi look at you curious, seeming as if he wanted to question your answer further. But he decided against it when he surprised you with his list of a few names they hoped to still collaborate with. Over the last few weeks, shifting from February into March you became a weird and strange part of their little group. It wasn’t really surprising if you thought about it. Apart from them it was only really you who always was around Namjoon as well. You couldn’t remember the last time you had seen his girlfriend if you were honest and by now it had shifted into a dynamic that you were spending most of your time here at work looking after him. Generally there was a rotation of nurses that looked after a patient, but all your colleagues preferred to hand “Kim-Namjoon-duty” of to someone else, seeing there wasn’t much to do and to get into. It was no secret that most girls working in the VIP wing of the hospital were technically just here in order to find a wealthy husband. Of course, they all were competent. They had to be if working with such high profile patients, but they weren’t killing themselves working. They put in the minimum amount of effort and hoped to reap the best benefits, mainly a sparkling ring on their finger at some stage. And it had worked before. You had seen quite a few of your female colleagues getting married to someone that had been a patient at this hospital before. So their motivation was high. Your motivation was the patient itself and you quite honestly didn’t care whether he was paying several million won a day or just a fraction of this. Everyone needed looking after if they were here and the amount of money they spent or had in their bank account shouldn’t matter to anyone if you were honest. But it seemed like you were all by yourself with that belief on some days. Not that you minded. If you were honest, the other patients – mainly the ones that were awake and conscious were usually surrounded by a large number of people working for them or just caring for them in general and it mostly hindered you in your work. So looking after Kim Namjoon was an easy task, you could get done what needed to be done without many interruptions or discussions that people were in your way or keeping you from doing your job. After Yoongi had left you were surprised to find his girlfriend Park Hae-Kyung stepping into Namjoon’s room shortly after. She looked every inch the superstar she was and if you were honest she also looked slightly overdressed. Wearing the latest creation of some Italian designer and shoes that looked like they weren’t made for walking longer distances, she sported big sunglasses which covered most of her face and a brightly colored designer handbag slung over her arm. Once she saw you she first looked slightly taken aback in surprise before smiling at you brightly, but you didn’t miss the fact that the smile seemed forced and fake. But that wasn’t your concern or an issue. Smiling politely at her you finished what you had been doing a moment earlier. “How’s he doing?” she asked you, while typing on her phone frantically and not looking up for a second. “There hasn’t been much change,” you informed her, seeing her nod, type some more and moving closer to Namjoon’s bed and than sitting down on it. You witnessed her patting his hand and just looking at him indifferently. You weren’t judging her at all for seeming emotionless since this wasn’t easy for everyone equally but raised both eyebrows when you saw her move herself closer to Namjoon, fiddling with her phone and seemingly making a few selfies a moment later. What the…? You wondered what exactly she was doing when she stopped with the selfies and looked at you. “Would you mind giving us a few moments of privacy?” she asked almost annoyed and with a certain sharpness in her voice. “Of course. Sorry...,” you apologized, bowing slightly and leaving the room a moment later. You had barely sat down on your desk when you were surprised to find yourself once again more or less face to face with Park Hae-Kyung. “You are already leaving?” you said astonished and cursed yourself a moment later. How long someone came or stayed wasn’t your business. That seemed to have been her thought as well, since she looked at you irritated. “What else do you think I should be doing? It isn’t like we can have a conversation, seeing that he is u-n-c-o-n-s-c-i-o-u-s.” The fact that she talked to you in a way as if you yourself didn’t know that he was not awake annoyed you, but you knew better than to mention that. “You could tell him about… what is going on in your life. The other members of BTS do something similar and research has shown that talking to someone who’s unconscious can drastically improve their condition. Or you could read a book to him,” you proposed innocently. Your suggestion was meant as a well-meant recommendation, but seemed to have the opposite effect, if the sighing and incredulous look you were getting was any indication. ”Do I look like I would have time for that? Like I would have time to read to him? I barely have time for myself, let alone for something as pointless as that,” she almost spit and you cringed inwardly. “And I can update him about my life when he is able to respond. What’s the point of me telling him something about my life when I’ll have to tell him again once he is back alive?” For a moment you wondered whether you should correct her comment that he was still alive and just not awake, but refrained from doing so. She didn’t seem like the sweetheart the press made her out to be and her previous reaction had shown she wasn’t really ecstatic about suggestions coming from you, let alone corrections. “I’m busy as it is already and don’t need to waste my time with something as pointless as talking to my boyfriend who’s not understanding whatever I’m saying anyway because he is in a coma.” And with that she was gone. The suggestion with reading you had made, wasn’t completely ungounded, seeing that you had actually done that for the past few weeks. Sitting down next to Namjoon’s bed you took out one of the books that you had brought earlier. What started as some sort of way of passing time whenever one of the other guys couldn’t show up had moved now into a daily routine that you took pleasure in. You knew about his love for books and that he read quite a lot during his time when he wasn’t writing or composing songs, producing or being in general busy with idol life. Of course you didn’t really know what he’d usually read, but knew that one of his favorite books was Hermann Hesse – Damian, so you started with that one and slowly moved on to other classics. Starting on Shakespeare was interesting but quickly morphed into a nightmare when the way it was writing was giving you a headache. By now you read to him almost every day. Sometimes during your shift, sometimes after you had already finished working. Over the past few weeks and months you had gradually made your way through five books that way and started finding it more than just relaxing. You were a firm believer of what you had told Hae-Kyung earlier and Jungkook a while back. Unconscious patients responded well to people talking to them. While you didn’t really have anything to tell him about except for one or two news about his band that the others might or might not have mentioned you found reading was the next best alternative, An hour after your shift had finished you looked for a birthday gift for a friend of you when you stumbled over a news update about Park Hae-Kyung and Kim Namjoon and his condition. The article was talking about Namjoon’s condition and its lack of news therefore and quickly went on focusing on Hae-Kyung and how she was dealing with all of this. The pictures displayed were showing Namjoon in the hospital and Hae-Kyung next to him, looking sadly into the camera. It was the same outfit she had worn earlier today and you weren’t even really surprised to learn the pictures in the article came from her own social media accounts. She might not have had time for telling him about her life and day, but he still served a purpose – if only that was to help her in playing the role of distraught and grieving girlfriend down to a tee. Sighing, you found yourself considering the idea whether you should comment on of her pictures and point out how tasteless her display was, but then again, what was the point? She only had come for the attention, and that was what she had gotten. And sadly Namjoon had been in no condition to disagree.
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APRIL
During this time, the past few months, your faith in humanity had been shattered several times. With all the stories and attention seekers that kept popping up, there had been so many stories about Namjoon that he himself couldn’t even do anything about, because…well, he wasn’t conscious. You wondered what would happen when he woke up and had to read or at least learn everything that had been written about him these past few months. What surprised you – and also restored your faith in humanity - was the huge backlash his girlfriend received with a lot of fans and people in general calling out her rather tasteless and grotesque display of Kim Namjoon, who probably wouldn’t have liked the idea of him being displayed like that. Afterwards things turned quiet. Until today. It had been a sensation and caught on like a wildfire. Within a few mere hours there had not been one outlet, one newspaper, one magazine, one gossip side that hadn´t shared the news. Your first reaction had been raised eyebrows as well as questions, a lot of them. Questions which no one really could answer. Not that they would if they actually had answers. You weren´t someone important, someone who needed to know, but your first idea had been doubt if you were honest. And it made you feel bad to think about it, doubting her, doubting them or the news. It just seemed so... convenient! If you were honest you couldn’t really recall the last time you actually had seen her here. She was definitely not a regular - so to speak. So when your eyes got caught on the headline it was weird. I´M PREGNANT was written in bold, large letters and with a dozen photos that followed. All showing Park Hae-Kyung - notably without Kim Namjoon - and with speculations how far along she was. The smartass in you was quick in calculating that it had been five months now since Namjoon was committed to the hospital, being unconscious and not responding. Which means she must have been pregnant beforehand. And if that was the case you would definitely see something by now. Which you didn´t, especially when looking at a picture of her of a very recent award ceremony to which she wore a dress that could only be described as tighter than skintight. And there was definitely no hint of certain curves – regardless of how tiny or obvious. As expected there was a large crowd of journalists waiting in front of the hospital - why exactly was anyone’s guess. It wasn’t as if the father-to-be would be able to hold a press conference, announcing the happy news. Maybe they were waiting for the mother-to-be to show up and announce further information. Or they were just bored and had no other way to turn. Making it to your ward you were surprised to find all six members of the band .Yoongi was holding a paper, what you assumed was displaying the same news you had just read and didn´t look like he´d congratulate Namjoon anytime soon. If that would have been possible of course. He looked less then ecstatic and seemed to gesticulate wildly and a bit like a lunatic if you were really honest. The other five were less lively, but didn’t look happy either, some nodded to whatever Yoongi was saying, others just looked ahead impassive.Over the course of the last few months you had come to get slight glimpses into their lives and most often than not you only found sadness for them. All the people that aspired to become ab idol probably had no idea about all the hardships that came with such life. You found yourself impressed with all of them seemed to handle the live, the constant attention from the media and the scrutiny they seemed to find themselves constantly under. You had just put your purse away when Jimin appeared in front of you. “Noona, you are a professional," Jimin said softly, looking at you with big eyes. "Do you think she is knocked up?" His choice of words startled you slightly, seeing how innocent and cute he looked this very moment. But then again, he was a guy, and well, guys had a tendency to call things by names. And… well, knocked up was what she claimed to be – just in more elegant words. His question and address of you had five other pairs of eyes look at you. You really did not like how he put involuntarily the spotlight on you. What were you supposed to say? Your honest opinion? Because you were certain that wouldn´t go down smoothly. "Well.... it is hard to tell. I mean, um.... you see... there are so many factors to be considered. I just.... I mean...." you stuttered and stumbled, trying to come up with a good enough answer that wouldn´t sound like "I don´t think so." Jimin still looked at you expectantly, as if you had all the answers to his question and it was Jin that sort of came to your rescue. “Jimin, you can’t ask something like that,” he almost scolded the younger member. Jimin looked at you with big eyes and surprise in them and then turned towards Jin, who smiled at you softly for a moment before he looked back at Jimin. “But she would know, wouldn’t she?” You needed to laugh at the innocence in his voice. “Maybe she can’t say anything because you know, medical confidentiality…,” Taehyung commented and you needed to laugh some more, shacking your head at both of their adorableness. “I’m not a doctor and not her doctor anyway. Though there is a confidentiality I am held to as well, all I would be able to do is speculate. And I think there are already too many people – also so called professionals – that speculate on this. You don’t need to add me into that mix,” you said, seeing Jimin and Taehyung nod reluctantly, and Jin as well as Hoseok and Yoongi smile at you somewhat proudly. Why, you weren’t really sure, but it didn’t matter. Jungkook was the only one who hadn’t given off any kind of reaction or was involving himself into the discussion. “Is it bad that I don’t want her to be pregnant?” he asked and everyone looked at him surprised. “I just… I don’t like her,” he simply said and you could have sworn you heard someone or maybe a few of them gasp. “Jungkook,” Jin was saying loudly, making the maknae cringe, before Jin grabbed his arm and dragged him towards what you assumed was the exit. Hoseok smiled at you widely. “Don’t mind him, he just…. um… he had a bit of an argument with Hae-Kyung yesterday and they haven’t um…. cleared the air yet.” You smiled and nodded, refraining from commenting on their always professional manners or the fact that you had only read somewhere this morning that Hae-Kyung had been on the other end of the world yesterday, filming something. Of course they could have had a conversation over the phone, but somehow neither the guys nor Hae-Kyung seemed like the kind of people to call the other one for small talk or conversations between friends. But of course, you could be wrong about that as well. But wasn’t it strange that the only time you actually ever saw them together had been at award shows or any professional environment? Or maybe that was just a co-incidence as well…. “I hope it was nothing bad that lead to the fallout?” you asked innocently, realizing too late that this question made you sound like a gossip-hungry reporter. Hoseok just shook his head, smiling widely at you. “Not really, no worries.” You nodded, looked for some files you needed to work though and actually figured Hoseok and the others would have left a moment later, but found that wasn’t the case when you heard him clear his throat a moment later, catching your attention again. “Ok, listen, I’m sorry, ok? But I can’t help wondering the same thing Jimin wondered about. What do you think about this whole…thing?” he asked a moment later, pointing towards the now abandoned paper. You saw Yoongi, Jimin and Taehyung look at you for a long moment, the expectations written all over their faces. You let out a sigh, knowing where this would lead. “Listen guys. I…don’t know. I’m not her doctor, not her best friend she confides in, not someone who can predict the future. Do I have an opinion? Yes, of course I do. But between the five of us… you don’t want to know about my opinion. What all of you hope is me confirming what all of you want to happen or to be true or not true. You don’t need someone else to speculate what is going on or what is happening.” At first there was only nodding. That was followed by a smile on Yoongi’s and Hoseok face and more nodding from the other two. “Namjoon would love you.” You couldn’t raise your eyebrows high enough to justify the confusion you were feeling at Yoong’s exclamation, but were certain the way you raised them got your point across. “I’m sorry, what?” you asked after a moment and when you were certain he wouldn’t elaborate further. . “You are the kind of girl he needs in his life,” Yoongi went on and you still weren’t sure what he was getting at. You had a rough idea, but surely he didn’t mean what you thought he meant, did he? “Seeing that I’m a nurse and he is in a hospital, in need of medical care I’m sure he sort of needs me,” you decided on answering and saw the rapper nod with a smile. “Not what I meant, but ok. I meant you are the kind of girl that he would write songs about and for.” “So a muse?” Yoongi looked at you for a long moment as if figuring out what you were trying to do before he let out a sigh. “I mean that in a dating-kind-of-way.” What followed was a long silence between all of you. Yoongi looked at you almost challenging, while Hoseok, Taehyung and Jimin watched the two of you rather curious. “What?” you asked, laughing uncontrollably, after what felt hours of silence. Probably not the reaction any of them has expected, but this was just the most absurd thing you had ever heard. “Not the reaction I had expected if I’m honest.” “I’m sorry,” you managed to more or less yap between bouts of laughter. “It is just… for a moment I actually really fell for what you said. You almost had me there…” “Why would you think I’m not serious? Is he not good enough?” When his question set in with you, the laughter stopped almost immediately and you looked at him shocked. “What? No. Of course not- That’s not what I meant." “Trust me, everyone is better than Park Hae-Kyung….” Yoongi said almost immediately and somewhat absent-minded, which made you raise your eyebrows again in surprise. It wasn't the fact that he didn't like her - no, you had gathered as much already. But it was rather that he phrased it, out loud, in front of you, a stranger as such. “Um…. thanks?” you asked the same moment Hoseok decided to hit Yoogi on the back of his head. “What the hell, Yoongs?” Hoseok asked, sounding outraged. “Everyone is better?” he asked almost angry, yelling at Yoongi who looked on somewhat confused. “You make that sound as if anyone will do really…” Yoongi looked at Hoseok for a moment as if figuring out what he meant, when it all of a sudden seemed to set in. “Oh… wait, no. That’s… that’s not what I meant….” Amused you held up a hand, knowing what he meant. You had read or maybe heard somewhere that sometimes Yoongi just spoke what was on his mind, regardless whether that could have sounded awkward and could be understood incorrectly. “I know what you meant, no worries. And…I guess thank you for the implied compliment, but….” “Implied compliment?” “Well… first of all Kim Namjoon and me are two… very different people from two very different worlds. As a matter of fact… we are from such different worlds, we aren’t even in the same galaxy. He is used to red carpets, celebrity friends, dinner reservations in five star Michelin restaurants, First Class Tickets around the world, topmodel girlfriends and Italian and French designer brands. I don’t own even a carpet, red or any other color, know five star Michelin Restaurants from books or by walking past one, have never left the Korean peninsula to be honest, by air or otherwise, and am probably one of very few people in the country who doesn't own anything French or Italian, fake or not. We are on two very different ends of the same spectrum.” “You think any of that matters to him? That any of that is important?” Taehyung of all people asked. It wasn’t as if that was a question which would have been unusual, but Taehyung had remained rather silent until now and you had expected a reaction from Hoseok or Yoongi. “I …don’t know, okay?” you asked. “And that is exactly my point, I don’t know anything at all. Mainly because all I do know I read somewhere or heard from someone. Which I guess means half what I think I know isn’t true to begin with. Not that any of that really matters anyway, seeing that he is unconscious. And with Park Hae-Kyung So before you try to cast Kim Namjoon’s next girlfriend maybe we should wait for him to wake up and get his point on things. And maybe also give him time to come to terms with the last few months before you pawn him off to the next best thing…,” you grinned, seeing Yoongi and Hoseok nod, Taehyung and Jimin looked at you somewhat skeptical and you were certain Jin and Jungkook somehow would hear about that sooner or later as well and then you’d get an earful from at least Jin as well. Oh, you could hardly wait for that conversation.
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MAY It turned out, Jimin’s question wouldn’t take long to get answered. Well, technically it had been the question on pretty much everyone’s mind. And it was going to get answered was probably considered to be the craziest thing that might have ever happened to you if you were honest. You had finished the daily routine of doctor’s visit and your check ups to see if everything was as normal as it was supposed to be and started on the paperwork for today, when you heard someone clear their throat. Looking up from your screen you were surprised to find Hae-Kyung. Though she was smiling at you widely, you weren’t surprised to find it forced and fake. “Hi,” she said sweetly, smiling some more. “Hello,” you replied respectful, wondering for a moment whether you should get up and bow, but decided against it. “How are you today?” she asked and was still smiling at you, which, if you were honest started creeping you out. So far whenever you had met she was rather cold and distant – which was absolutely ok for you – so this was a side you weren’t used to. And you never had have a conversation, yet alone small talk unless it was in regards of updates on Namjoon’s condition. “I’m quite alright. Thank you. How are you?” you asked back. She nodded for a moment for no apparent reason if you were honest and then didn’t say a word for a while before it seemed like she remembered that she was supposed to answer since you had asked a question. Not that you needed her answer, if you were honest you only had asked out of politeness. “You see… I’m good, but I… was wondering whether you could do me a favor. A professional favor,” she said and all of a sudden it all made a bit more sense. Of course she needed something from you. The question was what though. There weren’t many options. You took a wild guess and went with the most likely one. “If you need any medical information or updates or anything in regards of Mr. Kim’s condition, you’ll have to ask one of his doctors. I’m at no liberty or competence to discuss that with you I’m afraid.” The frantic shacking of her head had you somewhat surprised. What surprised you even more was the question that was about to follow. “No, no, this has nothing to do with JooJoo,” she was quick in explaining. You figured after a moment that JooJoo probably was Namjoon. “Then I don’t really know what I can help you with…” “You see… there is this story about me and the fact that I am expecting Namjoon’s love child…” The raised eyebrows you all of a sudden felt like displayed seemed like they couldn’t be raised high enough. “I… um… might have read about that, yes.” You saw her smiling at you some more, before opening her handbag and placing an envelope on your counter, pushing it your way. A part of you was already way too aware where this discussion would be heading. “I need some ultrasound pictures.” “I’m pretty certain your doctor can provide you with these.” “I don’t think he can. Not in the way you could. I would obviously pay you for the inconvenience and your troubles.” You raised your eyebrows at her once more, wondering when all of this had turned into this kind of circus. “I don’t think I understand,” you exclaimed carefully. You had your suspicion, if you were honest but you surely wouldn’t say it outright, would you? “I’m not pregnant, you ignorant peasant,” she almost yelled and a few people around you actually turned towards you. “Then maybe you should speak to the press and not to me, seeing that they are the ones who can clear the confusion and impression everyone seems to be under.” “Are you really this dense or are you just playing with me here?” she snapped back, making you flinch for a second. “I need some pictures that validate my pregnancy and get these people of my back that claim it isn’t true.” “But… it isn’t,” you stated more or less matter-of-factly. At which you just got an irritated look back. “That is not the point,” she exclaimed, pushing the envelope, which probably contained quite a bit of money judging by the roundness of it, further towards you. “It is,” you said, pushing the envelope back towards her. “And not only are you asking me to lie, but also to forge documents and make claims that are neither correct nor justified. That’s a crime in case you didn’t know.” She just looked at you, without any sort of reaction whatsoever. It almost seemed as if she was trying to understand what you were saying. “No one has to find out,” Hae-Kyung answered after a while. “I mean I won’t tell anyone. And I’m sure neither will you.” “Don’t you think it might seem slightly weird that you are supposedly pregnant and then all of a sudden no child is ever born?” you asked irritated, at which Hae-Kyung just shrugged. As if it wasn’t a big deal. “So? I lost the child. Unbearable stress, yada yada yada. Happens all the time.” At her response you only looked at her shocked, unable to grasp her idea. “I’m…. I’m sorry?” you asked, outraged. Was she serious? “You want to fake a miscarriage?” Hae-Kyung shrugged at your question as if you just asked about how lunch had been. Instead of answering right away, you took a deep breath and then smiled at her in false pretense. “I don’t know how you usually do business or stay relevant, but I’m starting to get a very good idea, if I’m honest. If this is how you feel the need to stay on top of everyone else I actually feel sorry for you. Do you even have any sort of conscience? Any sort of moral or ethics?” “I’m…. sorry?” Hae-Kyung asked surprised and flabbergasted, probably not having expected you to react like that. And if you were honest, technically you were way out of line. If she was to file a complaint about you, she probably would find agreement from the hospital. But right now, you really didn’t care. This was seriously going too far. “All you seem to be doing when you are here is put Mr. Kim on display for attention and media coverage, pretending you are the loving, devoted, caring girlfriend when all you do is use him and this horrible situation to your own advantage. Not only do you make rather tasteless pictures against which he can’t really speak up, since… well, he isn’t conscious, you now want to fake a pregnancy and then fake a miscarriage. Can you step any lower? What’s next? Arranging his funeral just in case? Planning the wedding you are apparently having seeing you are now engaged? Have you ever considered that eventually he’ll wake up again and actually has to read all these stories about him? Spread by a person who cares more about her numbers of followers and likes then she cares about him and his wellbeing? If you had an ounce of humanity you’d ask the public to respect your privacy and his and wouldn’t even share a picture or a story. You would just be here for him and not your ulterior motives.” “I don’t know who you think you are….” Hae-Kyung started, but was interrupted a moment later by someone unexpected. “She’s someone who clearly cares more about your boyfriend than you do,” Yoongi said and when you looked surprised at him standing next to Hae-Kyung, you spotted the rest of the band behind him, all nodding. And this wasn’t embarrassing whatsoever. No, why would it be? Hae-Kyung turned towards Yoongi on her right and stared at him for a moment. Not that Yoongi seemed very impressed with that, seeing that he only stared back at her without saying anything. After what seemed ages it was Hae-Kyung who spoke again, more or less giving in on the staring contest. “You can’t be serious.” “Actually he is,” Hoseok replied all of a sudden. “Except for crying for the cameras, telling everyone how unfortunate this all is and then posting rather inappropriate selcas with you and Namjoon what exactly did you do for him these past few months?” Hae-Kyung turned around, looking at the rest of BTS and once more didn’t say a word for a moment. “Well, I clearly was here, wasn’t I? What else was there to do?” “As she already pointed out, you only were here when it suited your needs,” Jimin said, nodding towards you. His sudden interaction surprised you, seeing that he had always been the quietest of the six of them. “I have probably seen you not even a handful of times since January and every time you were here, selcas appeared on your Instagram, Twitter or Facebook pages a few hours – sometimes even not that long – later. You didn’t even spent five minutes most of the times I did see you. But then I guess, milking this all for your advantage doesn’t take much longer than 5 minutes.” You figured this would have been a conversation best held in private, without prying eyes of people not personally connected to Namjoon, but you didn’t really have anywhere to go, seeing that all of them stood in front of your desk and you had really no way of leaving without one of them moving to let you pass. “I can already guarantee you if NamNam wakes up and hears about how the six of you treated me, he won’t be very impressed. Just that you are already aware of that.” “When…” you all of a sudden said, seeing seven heads turn towards you. “I’m sorry?” Hae-Kyung asked. “When he wakes up. Not if he wakes up. If you’ve already given up on him I don’t see what makes you come here still – other than the possibility for attention.” Hae-Kyung just stared at you confused for a moment and finally it was Jin who spoke. “I think it is best for you to leave now. And to not come back.” “I’m sorry, are you forbidding me to see my boyfriend? Who are you? His father?” “Right now I…” he started, before correcting himself, “I mean we are the ones who only have his best interests in mind and hope for his speedy recovery. Which seems to be the opposite of your intentions. So… if you don’t mind we would ask you to leave.” “I do,” Hae-Kyung said, nodding. “I do mind.” Jin nodded at her response, as if he had expected this outcome. “Well… I guess then we can make sure to get you the attention you seem to crave by letting you being escorted off the premises.” “Are you for real?” she asked outraged, flipping her hair back. “You can’t be serious.” “Try us and find yourself on another cover, just with less favorable pictures and a story that we are gladly sharing with the press if it is what you want. Judging by the last comments under your posted pictures of you next to an unconscious Namjoon I’m interested how this will play out for you.” Hae-Kyung huffed at Jin – and probably everyone else. And then she turned towards you again, reaching for the envelope that was still resting on your desk. “Last chance to help me out. Between us girls. You know how it is in this world. We seem to always have to work for everything harder and support each other.” “I’m not going to help you fake a pregnancy,” you answered almost outraged. “And what kind of world do you live in where you need to go to these sort of extremes to stay relevant or get a job? If that was me, I’d rather life a much more humble life with less money and a lot more peace rather than selling myself the way you do right now! So… from one girl who has a conscience to one who clearly lacks common sense, I’d suggest you take Mr. Kim Seokjin’s advice and leave.” She grabbed the envelope from your desk and stuffed it inside her purse, before turning around and leaving. Little did you know at this point that this would have been the last time you’d see Hae-Kyung in person. Not that it really mattered or would have changed anything.
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June
Were you surprised when you read about it? Not really. It wasn’t as if you had seen Park Hae-Kyung over the course of the last few months really, but you had heard plenty of her. The last time you had seen her was during her request for you to help her fake her pregnancy. While last month you remembered her post on Twitter or Instagram or some other social media platform about how she and Namjoon would get married the moment he woke up again, this month she was singing a very different tune. A tune that didn’t include Namjoon anymore whatsoever and had him be replaced by Choi Hyung‑Sik – actor, philanthropist and everyone’s darling. The press called them the biggest power couple ever and the news sites and gossip pages were filled with pictures of them vacationing somewhere exotic and lip-locking. “Why is she doing this?” Jungkook asked, sounding almost naive, holding up the latest edition of a gossip magazine you figured he just happened to pick up out of surprise. “Isn’t it obvious?” Yoongi asked. All of the members looked at him, and you felt like stopping for a moment and leaving them alone. “Namjoon, in this condition-“ he almost spat, pointing towards the man laying there, in front of them all. “He is no longer useful. She can no longer cash in on playing the part of the distraught girlfriend or concerned fiancée or whatever it is the press made her out to be lately. She moved from one high profile boyfriend to the next. To one that was alive and kicking and not laying in some hospital bed, useless in regards of media attention, red carpet appearances and power-couple exhibition. No one cares anymore about him and her, because there is no update in regards of his condition. If it wasn’t for her pathetic displays of distraught girlfriend, her pregnancy or the ridiculous information that she and Joon-a would get married the moment he woke up, she wouldn’t have made the news at all over the past few weeks.” You bit your lower lip, close to saying something before realizing you shouldn’t be in here to begin with. This felt a moment between the guys only and you shouldn’t be here. But then again there had been quite a few of those over the last few months. Most of them you hadn’t been able to get away from, but this time you could. So that’s what you did, leaving the room quietly, slipping out like the ghost that you were required to be. “Sometimes I wonder what you must think about us,” you heard a familiar voice much later. You looked up from the files you had been going through and found Yoongi in front of your desk. For a moment you had to smile to yourself, seeing that he was usually seen as the socially awkward one from BTS, or rather the one who tried shying away from too much social interactions and yet here he was so very often, talking to you. You, a stranger. “Why do you wonder?” you asked partly amused and also slightly confused. “I’m certain you didn’t imagine or choose the events that happened these past few months when you became a nurse. So… you finding yourself ever so often in the middle of this… circus must be somewhat irritating.” You thought about his implication for a moment before answering. “To be honest it isn’t quite as shocking as you’d think it’d be. Due to my job I see plenty of unusual things, especially when working in the VIP wing. I’m not gonna lie, the circumstances of Kim Namjoon’s private life have been unusual to say the least, but it isn’t like I’m not used to at least a little drama in my job.” “A little? Not sure whether the last few months qualify as only a little drama,” Yoongi laughed and you needed to laugh as well. He was sort of correct. A daily soap or a k-drama was nothing compared to the last few months. Yoongi seemed like there was something on his mind that he meant to ask, but nothing came. You waited for another moment and eventually smiled at him. “You look like something is on your mind. What is it?” “I…. I’m surprised, to be honest,” he replied slowly, stopping once, twice in the middle of his declaration. “About what?” you asked curious. He looked at you again for a long moment, as if analyzing you and the situation before he started speaking slowly. “A lot has happened over the past few months.” Not knowing whether he expected an actual reply you nodded and just hummed agreeing. That seemed to have been enough for Yoongi since he went on a moment later. “And nothing had made the papers or has gotten outside. Unless it was of course publicized by Hae-Kyung herself.” It wasn’t a question, not something he wondered about. He stated a fact. Again you just nodded and smiled, not sure whether Min Yoongi was actually looking for a verbal response.When he didn’t give any further implications of continuing his thought you spoke. “By my job alone I’m bound to an oath in regards of information and confidentiality when it comes to patients.” “That hasn’t stopped people before,” Yoongi almost mused and said quietly. You nodded, understanding what he meant. They were worth a lot of money and gained plenty attention. A story about them was following that same pattern in regards of money and attention. “Even if I wasn’t bound to it due to my oath, it still would be unethical. It’s no one’s business what’s happening or going on – medical or privately equally.” “You could have made a lot of money,” Yoongi stated, looking at you but not saying anything else. “Out of someone else’s misery? Why?” “That’s a question most people don’t really ask themselves. They don’t care whose misery it is. As long as there is a story they can make money with….” Instead of replying right away with what was on your mind you looked at him for a moment, taking a moment to take it all in, before replying. “It isn’t easy, is it?” you eventually asked and saw his surprise at your question and also confusion. “What isn’t? Watching my best friend lay in a hospital bed not sure when this condition you change and whether that would change for the better or the worse?” “No,” you said, shacking your head. “Leading the life you have. With people always trying to sell you out to someone. I can imagine it must be tiring never to know whether people like you for who you are or if they only see the monetary value you present to them.” “You get used to it,” he simply stated, shrugging his shoulders a bit. Somehow you didn’t quite believe him but knew better than to ask. “Even to those of the same kind…who should know better and know how it feels?” “Truth is, there’s always someone who’s trying to make a quick buck of you and for some people there is no such thing as ‘too much money’. But I guess when Joon-a wakes up and has to realize that Hae-Kyung was just another fame monger and more interested in his name and the advantages that came with it rather than him as a person, it will break his heart.” “From what I read, that kind if issue makes for the best songs,” you smiled, not sure whether that sort of joke was appropriate, Yoongi looked at you irritated for a moment, before he smiled widely at you as well. “Maybe we’ll get a number one Album out of this whole thing.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes playfully at his response. “As if you haven’t had enough of those already.” “Well,” he laughed. “I guess it never hurts to have one more. In the end you are only as good as your last album was in this industry. But…. for the moment none of this matters. All I really care about is for my friend to wake up again.” You just nodded at his remark, knowing fully well what he meant. None of their achievements really mattered right now. “He will,” you said encouragingly. In this moment you wanted to reach over your desk and grab his hand reassuringly. But you didn’t. That would have felt weird and you surely weren’t close enough for this kind of thing to be ok or not awkward. So instead of actions, you let words hopefully find a soothing effect. “It is going to sound strange, but eventually much, much later in the future you’ll sit down and somehow find an odd way to see the humorous side of this.” “You are probably right,” Yoongi replied, smiling at you. “That is the kind of things Namjoon would see the positive side to it. He’s always been the driving force behind us, the motivator in all situations. It has been very different without him these last few months.” “I assume it must have been equally hard on your all as well. I mean, all these front page headlines, all these speculations and stories about him, stories he couldn’t answer or reply to. And no one ever wondered about you and how all of you handled this situation. It is one thing for him to be the one who is in a coma and where no one really knows what is going to happen, but a very different and equally hard situation to be the friends who have to witness it all and are not able to do anything.” “As long as he’ll be alright I guess we have no right to complain,” Yoongi shrugged. For a moment you wondered whether you should mention that for now – the same as the last few months – there was no indication that Namjoon would be alright, but decided against it. As long as there was hope, there was no reason to worry. And in that the both of you seemed to agree. So why change that anytime soon. If things wouldn’t work out or change for the worst, there was still enough time to worry about that then.
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You hated summer, you really did. With a passion. It was hot and sticky and everyone was sweating and smelly and there hardly was anything anyone could do to escape the heat, the sun and the general unpleasantly summer heat of July and August. Since you were only in July it meant the worst was yet to come. August was usually unbearable. Sleeping had already become a problem since your apartment had become so hot that it hardly managed to cool down overnight when your windows were wide open to try and air it out. “You look like you haven’t slept in weeks,” you heard coming from your left and a moment later a what seemed to be an iced coffee was placed in front of you and you saw Hoseok when looking up. “Probably because I haven’t. At least it feels like I haven’t,” you mumbled and then still smiled. “Not a fan of the heat, especially when my apartment rivals a sauna by now.” “I can imagine. I’m actually grateful these days that we left apartments without AC way behind us and now have the luxury to not have that same problem anymore.” You groaned at his reply, making hating him a little bit. “What do I have to do to stay there? I’m reaching a stage where I’d consider selling a kidney.” Hoseok only laughed at that and shock his head in a playful manner. “Sorry, no space left.” “Shouldn’t you have a vacancy?” you asked, realizing too late what you just said. “Oh my god, I’m sorry…that… I don’t even know where that came from and… I’m so so sorry,” you started mumbling embarrassed and almost shocked. Instead of actually reacting how you would expect him to, Hoseok held up a hand, stopping you in your tirade of words. “Don’t… it’s fine. No worries. I get it,” he smiled. “And despite Namjoon being….um… elsewhere occupied for the moment, trust me, you do not want to room up with Yoongi. Either he suffers from insomnia, driving you eventually insane with it or he falls asleep and is the worst possible person you’ll ever meet in the morning, right after he woke up.” You needed to laugh at his explanation, somehow having no problem imagining the older rapper not being a morning person. “Also,” Hoseok went on, taking a sip from his own coffee. “Living with six guys? Not as much fun as you’d think. Ever lived with a guy?” he asked, but before you had a chance of responding he went on. “Imagine the chaos, mess and weirdness times six. Okay, maybe times five, seeing that Jin is not really any of that and more like our maid in a way. But then… the maknaes make up for it.” “Well… seeing how busy you guys are I assume you’d not be around much to drive me crazy,” you countered, seeing him smile at you widely. “A very valid point. But trust me, the times we are around would easily make up for the ones we are not there. Also…. We are kind of boring,” Hoseok admitted smiling. “Somehow I have a problem imagining that,” you said, looking at him curious. “I mean… you probably know all the good stories about other idols and the likes. Who got drunk the most at whatever award show, who hooked up with some other idol? Who… I don’t know, I can’t think of anything else really.” Hoseok laughed at you some more, shaking his head as if in disbelief. “Trust me on this, there isn’t much out there that could be considered scandalous or fascinating. Maybe it is because nothing really ever happens and us idols are just crazy busy in general, or whether that is because we are sort of drilled by our agencies to always be careful and at award shows there are a crazy ton of cameras and reporters everywhere I don’t know. I can only speak for us when saying we are actually rather boring.” You saw him shrug and somehow felt like he sounded almost apologetic. Not that he had any reason to be. In comparison to your life their lives were probably glamourous and exciting. But then again that wasn’t hard to achieve when going up against you. “Well…. you have so much going on, I guess no one blames you for wanting to just chill out when you get the chance and not do anything crazy or public. And definitely nothing where you’re surrounded by cameras.” “Definitely….” Hoseok agreed smiling and you stared at him for a moment, wondering, thinking, and contemplating. “Do you miss it?” you finally asked after a few moments of comfortable silence between yourself and him Instead of asking what you were talking about, like you had expected he would, he just looked at you for a short moment, before his grin grew to light up his entire face. “No. Never. I wouldn’t change it for a second. Is it hard and sometimes tiring to lead this life where you are constantly under observation and are recognized everywhere? Yes. But I think it’s still worth it, seeing that I, us really, get to do what we always wanted. Of course there are bad days and side effects that I could do without, especially on days when all you want is solitude and you find yourself face to face with a whole armada of … fans. But it is a small price to pay and in the end…. Everything in life has good and bad things that come with it. I get to wake up every day and do what I love. That itself is a luxury not a lot of people can claim.” You nodded, admiring him for his positive spirit and attitude, but then again, you hadn’t really expected anything else really. Jung Hoseok was known for his extraordinary ability to light up a room and get a reaction out of everyone. And to always be positive and happy with the smallest of things. It wasn’t as if you were very different to him, but if that was you, being an idol and living that sort of life, you weren’t certain if you’d be still so happy. You weren’t even sure whether you’d want that sort of life. Yes, you could do what you loved and had probably never to worry about next month’s rent or whether you could afford eating out by the end of the month. But giving up your independence and freedom? That was something you weren’t sure you were ready for. Like ever. “But don’t you miss going down the street without hordes of people all of a sudden screaming your name and following your every step? Being able to sit down in a café and just… watch the world go by? To… do normal things without attracting much attention?” Hoseok thought about your question for a moment deeply. “Not really if I’m honest. First of all what is considered normal today? For me normal is the kind of life I lead. And who says I can’t walk down the street or sit down in a café and watch the world pass by without being recognized? You just need to prepare a bit more. And probably need to get used to masks. But that’s okay….” You laughed at his almost adorable cheerfulness. If he liked his life the way it was who were you to rain on his parade? And it seemed he wasn't going to let you anyway when he asked you his usual question a moment later. “So… how is our favorite patient today?” It wasn’t possible to not laugh at the way he asked his question, sounding like one of these TV doctors in dramas in a way. “Some days I really wish I could say something had happened and everything changed overnight and there is progress. But… not today. Maybe tomorrow?” you asked almost sadly, falling in some sort of routine you did whenever one of them stopped by, “Tomorrow for sure,” Hoseok said cheerful, like he usually did whenever you fell into this routine. A moment later you saw him put his coffee cup down and hold up what you made out as a gossip magazine. “I wasn’t aware you actually had an interest in them…” you remarked, nodding towards the slightly rolled up paper. “Have you seen the latest news?” he asked, unrolling the journal. You weren’t entirely sure what he was referring to seeing that was always some sort of story that everyone was talking about. But it only took a second of the paper being unrolled that you knew what he meant. From the front page Park Hae-Kyung was smiling at you widely and the fat and bold letters announced loudly “Wedding”. Since it was only last month that they announced their relationship you were almost certain you weren’t about to look at wedding pictures of ceremonies and guest, but rather at details of upcoming nuptials. “She… doesn’t waste much time, does she?” you only asked, reaching for the paper Hoseok handed you and just stared at the front page for a moment. “Imagine you wake up after a yearlong coma and not only find yourself single again, but also need to learn that while you were in a coma you got engaged, supposedly fathered a child, lost your fiancée and she now marrying someone else after only a month of dating. Maybe wherever Namjoon is… he should stay there a bit longer. “I know it might sound ridiculous, but…. sometimes I wonder whether the place he is right now is just so much better and that he somehow knows what’s been happening here that he just… doesn’t feel the need to come back from now.” “Maybe you need to give him a reason then,” you suggested, not entirely sure what that meant if you were honest. It wasn’t as if anyone really could do anything. Hoseok looked at you for a moment, then at the coffee in his hand became seemingly very interesting and then his look was turned to you. “In all honesty, there is a part in me that isn’t sure whether there are any good reasons,” he spoke after a long while in a small voice, his volume barely above a whisper. “I mean... I want him to be ok and healthy and conscious and just like he was before and always has been…. But, maybe not right now? Not with all this crap going on.” You nodded reassuringly and saw his expression shift to what you could best describe as horror. “You must think the worst of me…” “I actually don’t,” you reassured him quickly. “First of all, I totally understand what you mean. You want him to be ok, but not thrown into whatever dramarama is going on right now. You want to spare him the agony and pain of having to see what his happy private life has come to. Second, you aren’t the first one to phrase that wish if I’m honest.” “I’m not?” he asked surprised and you nodded once more. “No, and before you ask, I won’t tell you who else shares that wish.” Hoseok nodded, not asking but instead went on. “I just feel like…if he can just wait a while longer it might not be as bad. For him. In regards of everything that happened. Not that things would change much, but at least he might not find himself in the middle of all the media attention in regards of everything that concerns his private life. Does that make me a bad friend? That I wish for my friend to not get better soon?” You thought about his question for a while, not that you needed much thinking, but maybe needed to be careful with what you said next. “Yes, at first it might seem like that. Like you are a bad friend. Because how could a good friend wish for something that bad to keep going for a while longer? After all shouldn’t friends always hope and wish for the best for their friends?” you started, and saw his face fall in sadness and then there was even nodding and then his gaze lowered to the floor. “But,” you quickly went on, used a finger to push his chin up so that he was looking at you again, before you went on. “Your intentions are not bad. You don’t wish for this so that he never wakes again and you can make more money as six. Or that he can’t bother you anymore to work on your lyrics or raps or whatever he does…” you babbled and saw him smile at you at your cluelessness. “You just want to spare him more heartache and bad things and all that stuff. You hope it all dies down and vanishes before he can wake up and gets confronted with it. I mean… he will get confronted with it, after all I don’t think any of you can explain in a logical and not painful way why he will find himself single again all of a sudden. But I guess it is one thing facing it by yourself in private or having several dozen cameras and microphones shoved up your face, asking how you are holding up.” You saw him laugh slightly at your statement, agreeing silently “You can't tell me you at least miss that part of a normal life?” you all of a sudden asked and saw him look away from whatever he had been looking at and revert his attention back on you. “Miss what?” he asked uncertain. “Not being famous. Not always having to be on your best behavior and getting asked the same questions over and over again and to literally live your life in front of cameras and reporters and paparazzi?” “We live the lives you pray for when you sign up to become an idol,” he just stated and you noticed that this wasn’t answering your question the slightest. “Not everyone is as lucky as us.” You looked at him for a moment, waiting whether something else would come from him. Which it didn’t. “You call that lucky?” you asked softly, pointing towards another gossip magazine someone else must have forgotten here. On it was a picture of Namjoon’s ex-girlfriend and a picture of Namjoon and her current boyfriend on either side of her picture. Below one could read the headline of what you assumed would be the major story of the magazine. A comparison between two men and who really was the better choice. Hoseok looked at the title and smiled sadly. “That is the dark side of the life we lead. We really can’t complain to be honest. You can’t follow your dream of becoming an idol and then complain about the fame it brings. It is either or. If you are successful as idol the slightly um… unusual fans, cameras and strange questions are just part of the equation. Everyone wants to know everything about you.” “I can understand that you have to deal with the fame side of idol life, but shouldn’t idols be allowed to have a private life as well. One that doesn’t need to be reported about every live second? One where they don’t have to fear of the fans’ reactions to whoever they chose to date or what gender their significant other is? So people are gay…. What’s the deal? It isn’t like they hurt you with that. As long as they aren’t harassing you to date them I don’t see what the deal about that is anyway.” “The deal is that you are no longer relatable for 16-year old girls,” Hoseok smiled. “16 year old who are most likely not gonna end up dating you anyway,” you responded. “I’m certain there is probably a statistic somewhere that suggests that the most likely combinations are male idol with female idol or idol and someone who works with them at some point, like make-up artists, producers for TV shows or music producers or something like that. And everyone else met their wife probably before they were famous. But seeing how for example Jeon Jungkook started pretty early, I’m having problems seeing him already having met the love of his life.” Hoseok needed to laugh for a solid few minutes before he actually replied with “Kookie doesn’t even know what love is.” “That’s even worse….” you just mumbled. But leave it to Hoseok to pick up on what you said. “Why is that even worse?” he asked finally and you just looked at him sadly. “Because he has to find the love under extreme circumstances and in front of literally everyone.” NOTE: I already apologize about the slightly weird direction this chapter goes towards the end. I just read this article about how some idols apparently were caught dating or chose to reveal it and how people reacted and how their agencies apologized and people demanded that the agencies should control them better???? What the hell? This is 2018, people. Take a chill pill everyone and let people live a little! You are most likely not gonna end up dating them anyway!
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August
After the drama and events of the last few weeks and months, you could actually say that lately not much had happened. On any end really. Everyone and everything was quiet and didn’t seem to make plenty of waves. Maybe it was the heat. Maybe it was just that it seemed like everyone had left the country, to vacation in countries far and exotic. Or maybe people finally had managed to find their common sense. Whatever the reason was, the news these days were far away from spectacular and the gossip was mainly focusing on which celebrity looked best in beach attire and who could lose a few pounds. There of course had been plenty of pictures showing Park Hae-Kyung and her new beau on beach or another, embracing each other, kissing each other, doing pretty much what most couples did. It wasn’t newsworthy, but still made the frontpages. Mainly, you figured, because news outlets had nothing better to report on right now. Things at the hospital had quietened down the last few weeks – probably because no one was really in the country right now, so there were automatically less patients to begin with. Your days were spent with left over paperwork, doing your check ups on Kim Namjoon and checking who else could need something from you – colleagues or other patients. If none of them needed anything, your paperwork was up to speed and the checks on Namjoon were done you settled down next to his bed, a book in hand and the idea of spending the next hour or so reading to him. The book you choose this time was something you yourself probably hadn’t gone for. But than again you weren’t the most literate person to begin with and figured that your choice in books and Kim Namjoon’s usual choice wouldn’t have had any similarity to begin with. As the months had gone on and you had worked yourself from one book through the next you never realized that the other six members from BTS had actually been aware of your new favorite past time. They had never mentioned or acknowledged that they had been present when you had sat down and started reading to Namjoon. Until one day when Jin all of a sudden stopped in front of your desk and put a book in front of you. before you could question what he tried telling you, he just smiled at you and suggested you could read this one to him next since it had been on Namjoon’s list for quite a while but he had never gotten around reading it. From that moment onwards you found all sorts of books on your desk throughout the weeks and months that followed. Turned out Kim Namjoon’s list of books he meant to read seemed endless and you did your little part of reducing it. Sort of. He obviously would probably not remember much when waking up of the books he read – or had gotten read to him. But that were details you weren’t too hung up with. On very few days when your job actually had drained you of all energy and drive but you still wanted to read him, just something a little less challenging you revered back to gossip magazines and read him an article or two. And his horoscope. You always read him his horoscope. Every single day you were in. What started as a sort of way to pass a few minutes became literally a ritual. You found it especially entertaining when it came to sections like “health” or “love”. Nothing ever was right, but it amused you and you liked to think it would amuse him as well. You weren’t entirely sure what he’d think about all the small nitpicks you read him from the colorful and vivid world of celebrities and their latest news and gossips but figured it sort of could be considered as update. Maybe not as much as the ones Jungkook and Taehyung gave him whenever they stopped by, but your update about people you yourself didn’t know personally but assumed he could potentially know on a personal level were just as valid. If not, he surely wasn’t going to complain, was he? “So, she was recording that song that she claims was written by herself but somehow several people now claim she was copying their song or is somehow going against copyright and mental theft – or something along the lines. Personally, I like the song from her. It has been number one for a few weeks now. Of course, if she stole some parts of that song, that wouldn’t be right. But somehow no one can proof anything. It is weird,” you explained the latest news that had the whole country in uproar. Or least it felt like that anyway. You put the magazine away and reached for the book, opening it at the page you had last left it at. Occasionally you needed to go a page back to remember what had happened last before continuing onwards with the story on the pages in front of you. You kept reading to him for a while, being interrupted several times by colleagues who needed something from you and learned over the course of the last few months where to find you if you weren’t at your desk. Having managed to read about thirty pages today, you figured it was enough. You felt slowly how fatigue crept up your bones and the fact that you had been up and awake since 5 o’clock this morning was showing its effects. You could easily do with a large pot of coffee at this stage. And maybe it was time for you to call it a day and go home, fall into bed and give into the need sleep presented. You just finished the last paragraph of the current chapter when you closed the book for today, marking the site you left.“I really hope this will work out for the better and that she going to have that dream of hers fulfilled. And that Hank is somehow waking up from his own stupidity and realized what he has in Eliza. That he does not go through with his plan of the coup d’état and changing the world and country. Especially seeing that she unbeknown to both of them is doing a way better job less obvious and violent,” you mussed, looking at the cover of the book while collecting your thoughts on the current story development. Finally you looked up from your book in your lap and into his face, wanting to watch his tranquil form for a moment, before you called it a day for sure.Instead of looking at his resting face like usually, his eyes were staring at you silently, confused and uncertain. The depth of his dark orbs almost absorbed you and you felt like could drown in them. And then a thought hit you. Kim Namjoon was awake!
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You don’t know long you actually sat there, by his bed, staring at him and in his eyes. Certainly, you had blinked a few times, not sure whether what you saw actually was reality. Maybe you imagined things. Not that this wasn’t good news if true, but… somehow you had started thinking he would never wake up, seeing how many weeks and months had passed since he was delivered into this part of the hospital. Regardless of how often you blinked, he was still looking at you. And all of a sudden you darted out of your seat, forgetting about the book in your lap and hearing it faintly hit the floor with a soft thud. Your hands smoothed over your lower part of your nurse uniform, uncertain what you actually needed to do. And wasn’t that ironic? You usually were very good at your job and knew the ins and outs of what to do when. But right now? You felt like a newbie fresh out of training school and on her first day in the new job. All of a sudden it seemed like you became master of your own senses – and brain – again and you leaned over him, pressing the call button a few times. While you waited for one of the doctors to find you, you quickly checked his vitals, making sure everything was normal. Sort of anyway. Later on you’d realize how totally of your mind and quite rude you had been. You never introduced yourself, never explained anything to him, or asked the most basic questions of whether he knew his name, where he was or the last thing he could remember. Even as a newbie fresh out of training school on your first day on the job you were better prepared and doing a better job that you did today.Lucky for you, the doctors that came almost sprinting did what you didn’t do. Ask the questions. Explain to him what happened and introduced everything they did and who they were. You let them work, standing silently in a corner, watching what they did and ready for doing and getting whatever they required. Occasionally your eyes shifted towards Kim Namjoon and every once in a while you caught him looking at you. Or he caught you looking at him. Whatever. You realized he kept looking at you questioningly and curious. Knowing he couldn’t be confused as to what you were doing here, seeing that he was in a hospital, you were wearing a nurse uniform and none of the doctors questions your presence. He probably wondered why he was stuck with a nurse fresh out of school when he was paying several million each week to the hospital. The weird thing was that you couldn’t even explain your behavior. You always knew what you were doing. Always. And you took pride in your work and that you worked diligently and correct. As a matter of fact you were certain none of the other nurses put in as many overtime as you did, but then again, most of them had different reasons for being here to begin with. The first examination took almost an hour, with a million questions being asked towards Namjoon who knew the answer to some, but mainly drew a blank. And maybe it was a bit mean to ask Namjoon what date was today. He had been in a coma for 9 months. There was no chance he could have answered that correctly. But you remained quiet. And only watched as the doctors worked, occasionally fetching a file or helping with a few tests. “Do you know what happened?” one of the doctors asked. Namjoon looked at everyone for a short moment, deep in thought, before he shook his head. “Not really. I remember I lost control of the car somehow. And that it was late. I remember the car turned over a time or two and I just thought that this is it. That I’m going to die.” There were more questions, more taking of his vitals, before it was decided that they had everything they needed and that it was all for now. You saw them turn, bow towards him and leave a moment later. Deciding to do the same and give him some time by himself, to probably process what had happened the past hour, you bowed as well and turned towards the door. “Before you go…,” you heard his rather raspy and uncertain voice behind you. You slowly turned around, facing him. “Would you mind telling me what date we have?” he asked and you were confused before you realized that all the doctors kept asking him whether he knew the date, but none of them actually had given him the correct answer. “August, 31,” you said, bowing once more before you left, closed the door behind you and let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding. You hurried towards the desk, informed your colleague who covered the next shift about the turn of events and decided on leaving. You’d be back soon enough again and then you could maybe be more of the nurse you usually were, doing the job you loved so much and were so good at. And maybe convincing Kim Namjoon that you weren’t fresh out of school. Or maybe not. Because when you came to work the next day, the desk which had more or less become your second home these past few months was all of a sudden occupied by at least a dozen of your female coworkers, all fighting whose turn it was next. Kim Namjoon-duty, as you had called it shortly after he had been admitted and which had been passed down until someone was willing to sit through several hours of boring work, was popular again. But then again, now he was conscious. Now he was the potential husband material again, especially seeing how he was single now. “I have been his nurse for the past few months, literally since he was submitted,” you tried arguing with one of your colleagues as of why it should be you. “And that makes you any more special? That you apparently know him?” “No,” you protested. “It means I wasn’t just hear to find myself with a ring on my finger at the end of this, but because I actually did my job.” “Which was what exactly? Seeing how he was unconscious and not responding I wonder what exactly you did all day,” another female colleague inserted herself into the discussion. Both of them literally screamed ‘Here to find a rich husband’ but you decided on letting that thought remain were it was. Inside your head. Arguing didn’t get you anywhere – so you gave up. And what else should you have done? There were at least a dozen of your mainly female colleagues, who, before, were gladly handing their ‘Kim Namjoon-Duty’ of to you. Now their tune was a very different one. Not that it really surprised you. What did however surprise you was that all of your supervisors agreed with them. All of a sudden Kim Namjoon found himself facing almost an armada of nurses that catered his every wish. Not that seemed to have many. That was according to a colleague of yours who was on your side and kept telling you about all the others that kept offering water or juice literally every ten minutes. It took exactly a day for the press to catch up with the events and for the massive mob of reports that you found on the steps of the hospital at the early stages of his submission to return. After a few weeks of quietness the chaos had returned to the hospital and the front pages. And with that Park Hae-Kyung found her way back into yours and everyone’s life the best way possible. With a bang and several dozen front pages. And a story that seemed as crazy and newsworthy as everything else she had fabricated these past months. She had managed to find a way. A quite effective way. A dangerous way. A way that put you right into the center of this circus. Because according to her… You were the enemy. And to be blamed for everything! Her failed pregnancy (her words – not yours), her heartbreak. And that she seemingly never was seen visiting. If your life was a movie, it taken a turn from comedy right to horror. Just with less blood and dead people and zombies.
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You were greeted by security one day. They escorted you to the locker room and handed you a box with the order to put everything that was personal inside. Then they escorted you to HR, were apparently a very clueless and baffled you was given an explanation. “We release you from your duties for the moment,” the rather young HR woman explained stiffly, looking into what you assumed was your employee file. “Why?” you asked surprised and a moment later you found a latest edition of some gossip magazine thrown on the desk. The magazine was followed by several newspapers. All of them had the same front page – in regards of messages. It was a story that Park Hae-Kyung had given and feed to the people. You scanned through the article in what you figured was the most prestige paper out of them all. It was as simple as it was brilliant. You had to give her that. You didn’t like it – mainly because this was about you and you had to face quite the consequences because of her stories – but it was brilliant never the less. And it literally explained everything. Every little thing. To the public. To Namjoon. To everyone, except for a few who knew better. Hae-Kyung explained how you were the evil in all of this. How you had your eyes set on Kim Namjoon. How you had sabotaged her way of seeing him, by stating he was having doctors visit him, or that he was in no condition to be visited. That at some point you had managed to get the sole duty to watch over him and that you then didn’t allow her in his room at all due to all sort of medical reasons. That she tried being there, seeing him a little every single day, reading to him, holding his hand, just seeing him, but that you found ways of stopping that. It was you who caused her so much stress that she lost her unborn child. That you managed to sabotage everything until she gave up, retreating and finding love in the arms of someone else. Someone who mended her deeply shattered and broken heart, who held her every night, when she was crying bitter tears at the loss of the love of her life and their child. Who helped her through her depression. It was a story that would make for a really good book or movie, if this wasn’t your life she took liberty of fabricating. And then, she made an accusation that could haunt your career until the rest of your life. You gave him stuff. Stuff that kept him unconscious. Something that was making you seem like the hero eventually when it would be you, who’d save him. And that you hoped when that happened, he’d see you and fall deeply in love with you. She portrayed you like a crazy woman, who was psychotic and unstable and shouldn’t be working anywhere close to a hospital or people. “None of this is true,” you argued, looking across the table. The woman from HR just nodded, pressing her lips together tightly. “We started an investigation in regards of a few of the accusations. Obviously the main concern being whether you injected something to prolong his condition. As well as whether or not you denied her access.” “I did none of these things,” you almost pleaded, not believing what sort of turn this whole story had taken. You had pretty much been the only one at some stage who still looked after Kim Namjoon and some sort of interest in his condition and recovery. Even the doctors had stopped showing up every single day, instructing you to give them regular updates if something should change. “That’s what we will then hopefully conduct when the investigation is over,” she said, without showing any emotion. “I am sure you understand that until then the hospital can’t have you working here actively. That would not provide a good impression now, would it?” she asked and you figured it was a rhetorical question.A moment later security escorted you out of the hospital, right into the masses of reporters waiting outside and who only saw one thing when you showed up with a box of personal belongings, next to two security guards. Confirmation of the accusations. And their next day front page story. You were blinded by the sheer amount of flashlights pointed towards you and deaf due to all the questions being yelled at you. Being happy for the security guards to escort you slightly further until you actually had room to move and no more reporters were in sight, you found your way to the bus stop and started your way home, not really realizing what had just happened. The subway ride was short and without any further events. Not that you needed anything anymore. You had enough events to last you the rest of your life. But a part of you had feared that someone on the subway would recognize you, seeing how your face had been on most front pages this morning. Nothing happened. And for that you were grateful. The door falling into the lock behind you was the most satisfying feeling you could have imagined. Because finally it allowed you to let loose. And to cry. All of a sudden you were hit what had just happened. Of what was going on. And of the accusations against you. You realized what this could do and what it meant. There hardly was anyone at this stage that would believe you, seeing that there was literally almost no proof for any of her stories or against them. It was almost just her word against yours. When you had managed to calm down enough to see clearly again, you went through your box, sorting the few personal items and putting them away. When you lifted one of the binders in which you kept all sort of reference guides and the likes, you noticed a small piece of paper falling to the ground. Picking it up, you realized what it was instantly. At some stage during the past few months Jin had given you his phone number, for emergencies, when you needed to get hold of them. You still remembered looking at the small piece of paper and turning it all ways, looking at it in almost wonder. The trust he had put in you, by giving you the digits a lot of women and girls would have killed for having was astonishing you. Of course you never called. You never had reason so far. And you figured, calling to trash talk the latest episode of some random K-Drama you were certain he could maybe watch was probably not considered an emergency.Dialing would have been a very grey line technically. You were only allowed to hand out medical information to relatives. BTS as such were not considered relatives – for obvious reasons – but they also held a very special status. And if you remembered correctly one of the first things Kim Namjoon’s mother did was to sign papers that sort of released you and the hospital from the confidentiality when it came to her son and releasing information to his friends from BTS. She had smiled sadly at you, when she had come in one day and said that Namjoon and the others were like brothers by now anyway. You figured no one called them so far. As far as you were aware you had been the only one who actually had the number. It seemed most logical to not put that information into the file in case someone looked through it and then leaked the number somewhere. And seeing how you were there literally every day and the guys from BTS at point even joked whether you ever actually worked some other station, it didn’t even occurred to you that you wouldn’t be manning that desk anymore.Of course, News had made the papers and social media accounts all over the world, spreading that Kim Namjoon was conscious again. So probably, one way or another they had heard about it already. But just in case they were currently in the Australian Outback without a signal or Internet someone should tell them. You looked at the paper a few more minutes, calming yourself down even further, when you reached for your phone and pressed the numbers in and waited, listening to the ringing tone. The guys had left a while ago on their tour and you weren’t quite sure where they were right now, but figured even if you should wake them by mistake they would still be happy about it, seeing the kind of news you had.Instead of hearing Jin’s – or anyone else’s – voice you heard the stoic voice of the voicemail, telling you the number was not answering and you’d get redirected and to leave a message after the beep. “Hi Jin…. Um, this is [Y/N] from the hospital. I just…. um…. wanted to call to let you know that Kim Namjoon woke up and is ….doing well. Bye.” It was short, uncertain and made you sound like someone who wasn’t really sure what to say. Great. Just great. But at least they knew the moment they saw the message that you had left a voicemail. And for now that was all you could do. All you could do when it came to Kim Namjoon. The rest hopefully would sort itself out. Somehow. You just needed to remain positive. Like you had been whenever one of the guys asked you if Namjoon would ever wake up again. Because hoping was all you could do right now.
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The days ticked by and you were bored out of your mind. You had nothing to do and not really plenty of friends you could meet out and about. And if you were honest, since you didn’t know how long it would take to clear your name, you should maybe start spending money wisely. If the investigation continued the Hospital surely wouldn’t pay you your salary and then it was smart to have something to get by with. Two days after you had been escorted of the premises – as they say it so nicely – you walked past a paper that had an interview with Kim Namjoon printed. And what he said felt like you had been slapped right across the face if you were honest.He didn’t know you and had only seen you for a few minutes by yourself and another hour next to the doctors. Could you possibly have left such a bad impression that he questioned your competence?What made you sad for uncertain reasons was the fact that Kim Namjoon himself stated he was surprised with the events happening and that someone like you had been looking after him for all this time.He didn’t know you. He didn’t know what happened. And as it seemed he had no idea about the events of the last months and how he had found himself in the middle of same ridiculous stories fabricated by the same person smiling happily into the cameras at his side now. He didn’t know what you did. Or what others didn’t do. He knew nothing. You certainly didn’t look for recognition. Neither did you care much for approval. Or were waiting for a flower basket with a Thank You note attached. No. Why? It was your job. That’s what you’d do for everyone.What bothered you was the fact that you had been the only one who actually cared and didn’t see just the leader of BTS in him – just like Jin, Hoseok, Yoongi, Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook. For you he was a patient, who was in need of medical help, just like everyone else your job required you to look after and care for. But everyone else was stabbing the knife further into your back and turned it while being at it. The interviews and anonymous sources that were quoted in the papers all day started ridiculous fabrications and lies. All made you out to be the villain andNo one cared. About you. About the truth. And if you were honest about Kim Namjoon neither. All they cared about was the next sensation, the next front page, the next turn of events that would allow them to sell more papers. And right now that turn of events, that story, was him, Park Hae-Kyung and you. It was the perfect story. A triangle filled with intrigues, lies and backstabbing. Just that no one really knew who was telling the lies, was doing the backstabbing and was fabricating intrigues. Not that it mattered. They had the one side of that story that would sell the most copies. No one cared for the story of a nobody, someone who was no one. Not when there was a story from a superstar, accusing and feeding all the greedy needs of people out there. And let’s be honest, the only time someone actually cared for a nobody ever was when something bad and unjustified happened. And that wasn’t what the story suggested. It was scandalous, shocking and had a beautiful and unfairly treated superstar heroin. The winning cards where already shuffled and handed out. And yours was not the winning hand. How could you explain anything when claiming you did the job no one else wanted was contradicted by every else by saying you took it away from them. Or that you only technically stopped Park Hae-Kyung from seeing Namjoon when it became obvious that she was following a different agenda. One that didn’t have him and his wellbeing in mind. But it didn’t really matter now, did it? No one cared about you or your side of the story. It wasn’t news worthy enough. And if you were honest, you couldn’t even blame Kim Namjoon. If that was you and you had to pick between the story your significant other told you or the story that could technically be true as well, you’d chose the side of the person you knew. Everyone would. After all you figured you knew the person and they wouldn’t feed you lies, would they? Though, the stories Hae-Kyung spun all worked out well. She had an explanation for everything that happened. And that explanation was always you. It wasn’t as if anyone from the press was asking plenty of questions in regards of what had happened these past few months anyway. They didn’t care. The big story was the comeback of their favorite couple. Like in any good k-drama, the circumstances didn’t need to make much sense, as long as the result was that the main characters ended up together (again). Not a day went by when people didn’t share their opinions and didn’t give you horrible names and tried to outdo each other in creating new ones. The press itself couldn’t seem to agree on one for the moment either so they kept giving you new nicknames with every new day and every new report that nothing else was found and some new information they received from anonymous sources. And wasn’t it ironic how your life had become somewhat of a k-drama? With twists and turns a lot of people hadn’t seen coming and with shocking surprises around every corner?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It had been five days since you had gotten send home and suspended. Not that you were really counting. In all fairness the days blurred together and if you hadn’t actually had looked at the paper this morning and they had announced in big, bold letters that after five days there was still no findings or developments, you hadn’t know. Not that you actually read any of the papers. No. You had stopped pretty quickly when it became obvious that there wasn’t going to be any development in your favor. You read in a second interview with Kim Namjoon that he mentioned he was glad that you had been released from your duties for the moment and it hurt. It really hurt. Technically he was a person you didn't know and who didn't know you. All his assumptions were based on what he had read about you or been told from someone.No matter what you did, there was no way of escaping. The news were everywhere. In the papers, online, people talked about the story. Sometimes when you went to a shop around the corner from your apartment you found people pointing at you and whispering to each other, probably debating whether you are the one they read the news about. The first day or two, you still went about your day as normal as possible. But then the pointing and whispering and blandly mean stares at you became too much, you cut down your down outside, surrounded by people to an absolute minimum. Your grocery shopping was done in small corner shops – and never the same twice – and in order to leave your apartment for a while, you took long walks through the park around the block. It wasn’t a very well visited one and often you found yourself almost all by yourself, with an occasional jogger or someone who walked their dog. It had been a week since you made the headlines involuntarily. A week since your life had been thrown into chaos. By now you stopped counting the stories that emerged every day, the revelations that made it on the front pages. The investigation hadn’t seemingly moved any direction that would clear your name or bring closure to the allegations either way. Despite the fact that it only had been a week and nothing could have been decided you started losing hope that this would find a happy ending. The more time passed the more people apparently stepped forward anonymously, giving a statement on the person you apparently were. At some stage the fabricated lies became too much and so plenty that you stopped switching on your TV, reading papers or went online. You switched your phone off eventually and decided that this was a nightmare. And then – all of a sudden – hope returned. Quite literally and in an unexpected way. The ringing of the doorbell only scared you for a second, before you realized you were not expecting anyone. You wondered whether someone from the press had managed to hunt you down and was now scooping out his next story in the odyssey that was your life. Instead of facing a reporter and its camera and microphone you were confronted with Hoseok looking almost stern. And behind him – almost like a wall – you saw Jin, Jimin, Yoongi, Taehyung and Jungkook, all wearing masks which covered half their faces but still couldn’t hide their recognizable looks. Before you said anything you were already pushed inside your apartment and being group hugged by the six of them. “I don’t understand,” you said surprised, confused and shocked, not sure how to react or what was going on. How first all did they know where you lived? It wasn’t as if you had been on a level of familiarity where you shared that sort of information. Why would you anyway? “Neither do we,” Seokjin exclaimed, pulling you into another hug, but this time it was only him while the others stood by. “What do you mean?” you asked confused after he had let go of you and your surprise about their rather hands-on greeting had settled a bit. Instead of an answer you had Yoongi shoving today’s edition of the Korean Times in your face. “What’s going on?” he asked almost angrily, though you weren’t certain why. You looked at the front page and saw yet another update on the development that had become your by now dead career and a synopsis of what you figured was an essay about the Korean Health system and how one could abuse it. “I… don’t really know. Things are a bit hard to explain,” you offered and wasn’t that a flat out lie? The story was straight forward if you were honest. And it wouldn’t have taken much to explain it, but you assumed they had read up on the last few days and knew perfectly well what was going on. “I find a message from you on my mailbox that explains me that Namjoon finally woke up and the next thing I read is how you are supposedly involved in some scam to gain Kim Namjoon’s attention and … um… sole love?” Jin explained and asked all in one. And the way he said it made it sound like the weirdest k-drama in the history of k-dramas, just… that it sounded sort of right, well, according to the headlines of the past few days anyway. Headlines of the less serious and respected newspapers. “Um…. yeah,” you just said, not sure what else to reply. And still trying to wrap your head around the fact that BTS was in your apartment. Did you actually managed to clean yesterday??? “How come I couldn’t find any interview or reporting from your point of view and the things that happened?” Seokjin asked curious and you let out a low sigh. “I just… decided to leave it to the people to work their way through the investigation and clear my name.” “And how did that work for you so far?” Jungkook asked cheekily. Instead of answering you just looked at him, them really. What could you say? “Justice will prevail,” you finally argued and could have sworn you saw Jimin and Yoongi roll their eyes. “This isn’t a Hollywood movie, you know?” Yoongi informed you. “No one will come, riding in on a horse, and save you from the evil guy.” “You’re here, aren’t you?” you asked before you could stop yourself and saw Taehyung raise his eyebrows while Hoseok smiled at you widely in an amused fashion. “Damn right we are,” Yoongi laughed, confusing you for a moment, seeing how it had been him who had said that no one would come and save you. “Why didn’t you tell your side of the story? Why didn’t you step forward and defend yourself?” Jimin asked confused and you saw Taehyung and pretty much all the others nod next to him. You sighed, thinking about what he said, deciding that your semi-dark hallway was starting to make you feel uncomfortable. “It isn’t like anyone is queuing up to speak to me or get my side of the story. And honestly… can you really blame them? This is like the real life version of all the books people love. The wronged superstar that is everyone’s darling and the evil nemesis who tried taking everything away from her…” “That is ridiculous,” Jin said. “You are neither the nemesis nor did you try and take anything away from her. If anything it is the other way around.” “It doesn’t really matter,” you finally said, walking through your living room and sitting down on the couch. You noticed the guys following you and a moment later you were flanked by Jin and Hoseok to either side of you, while Yoongi sat next to Hoseok on the armrest and Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung sat down on the floor in front of the four of you. “I can’t believe Namjoon didn’t step in so far. Hyung usually is really quick when it comes to injustice. What is he waiting for?” Jungkook asked and again there was a lot of nodding. When you didn’t answer and there was no sign you’d answer anytime soon, it was Hoseok who picked up on the vibes that seemingly came from you. “You did tell him, didn’t you?” he asked and all of a sudden everyone’s head more or less turned towards you in lightning speed. You sighed once more. “I couldn’t,” you finally said, seeing only question marks on everyone’s face. “When I realized he was awake I called the doctors immediately. They ran all sorts of checks and everything and before I knew I had to go home, was relieved by the late shift and … well, returned the next day back to the hospital, just to find myself being faced with these accusations. I had not even the slightest chance to speak to him. Not that I imagined this would happen anyway. And his girlfriend I guess did the rest.” “She isn’t his girlfriend and we all know that,” Jungkook said almost petulant. It was quite frankly adorable. “I guess she left out that little detail. Along with a few more that made the news over the past few months. Or found some very convenient ways to explain and blame everything on.” “This is ridiculous,” Jin and Yoongi said almost simultaneously, before Jin continued. “You can’t just let her win and sit by, watching your life crumble down into pieces….” “What do you want me to do, Jin?” you almost yelled. This was really not how you had imagined any of this to unfold or… happen, but what were you supposed to do. Your parents and society had always raised you with the thought to stay quiet and not let things sort themselves out, to trust the system, humanity and don’t cause a fuss. But slowly you were reaching the end of that patience and positive thinking. “Do you want me to hold a press conference? Call everyone from the press and tell them my side of the story?” you asked and saw Jin look at you dumb folded for a moment, probably still trying to deal with your small outburst. The others were nodding at your question. “That’s a good start, noona,” Jimin said encouragingly and you sighed once more. You didn’t want to and found their ideology almost adorable. “You guys don’t understand, do you?” you asked quietly. “This isn’t…. like your life. Where you are famous and can just do something like that and it’s normal. This… the whole mess? That’s already decided. People made up their minds already. Every story has two sides, and mine apparently in no side anyone cares for. I am someone no one cares for.” You left an artistic sort of pause before continuing. “The press doesn’t care about me, because they have their never-ending supplier in headlines in Park Hae-Kyung. My colleagues do not care about me and rather stab me in the back with false accusations, aiming to discredit me and make a quick few bucks of me by selling stories that are mere fabrications of their imagination. The hospital certainly doesn’t care because… well, they have a reputation to maintain and play this the right way. We all know Park Hae-Kyung doesn’t care about what her tirade does to others. And well… Kim Namjoon doesn’t care, because he doesn’t know better. So… I ask you, what do you think I should do, when no one really cares about what’s going on with me?” you asked almost pleadingly and close to tears. Finally, it seemed, the last few days caught up with you. “You are wrong,” Taehyung said almost immediately. “We do care. We care about what is happening and what has happened.” Through teary eyes you could see the others nod slowly, looking uncertain of how to handle you. Not that you could blame them. Emotional women were a whole awkward league. “How about you start with what you can proof? Hae-Kyung’s none-existing pregnancy,” Yoongi asked and you needed to laugh. But not a hopeful and happy one. No, more like a sarcastic and mean one. “I can’t,” you said, sniffing. “And she is fully aware of that. Or just hopes for the best and doesn’t realize that I can’t do anything.” “What do you mean? She wasn’t pregnant and tried to bribe you to provide evidence to prove the opposite.” “Guys, there’s a medical oath I had to take, which means I can’t give out any information in regards of medical conditions, patient or otherwise. And as crazy as it sounds, her non-existing pregnancy was a medical condition. One you can’t release information about without her consent. Also… I am not sure how to prove that, seeing that I can’t prove it one way or another. And that… is the whole point. I can’t prove anything that I am being accused of as being incorrect.” “This is a mess…” Hoseok said. “And unfair. You did so much for… everyone involved. You were by his side almost every day and did a duty no one else of your colleagues wanted and did it with joy and a passion. You had to endure Park Hae-Kyung and did that with a lot of patience and grace. And you kept all of us sane and always had a kind word when we were certain this wasn’t going to end well. I... I’m not going to sit around and wait for someone to make a decision that decides over your life.” There was silence for a moment, before you decided on breaking it. “I hope you don’t mind me asking… but how is Namjoon doing?” Yoongi shrugged and said “Don’t know.” “Didn’t you see him? Or… was there a complication?” you asked anxious and confused. “No, we came right from the airport to see you,” Jimin said smiling and you were flabbergasted. The guys must have noticed your bewildered expression. “Our plan was initially to see him right away, but then we landed and saw the papers and stories and figured we needed to see you more urgently then we needed to see him. An hour or two more won’t make a difference anyway,” Jin shrugged with his explanation. “Also I’m certain he won’t be by himself anyway.” You saw Jin looking at his watch, nodding towards the others and a moment later he stood, the others doing the same. He looked at you, smiling softly. “We’ll sort this mess out, don’t you worry. I don’t know yet how, but we’ll find a way.” Instead of saying something you just smiled politely. You wished you could hold on to the hope these guys tried you to have again. But it was most difficult. “I guess I took up enough of your time. What’s in your plans for the rest of your day?” you asked and only realized a moment later that you knew fairly well what plans they had right after leaving your place. “Well… we’ll go and see Namjoon now and we’ll start the conversation with him by explaining where we were until now and why we choose to see you first. And then we take it from there….” And with a smile they left, leaving you back baffled, surprised and even shocked. And maybe hope was a feeling – and a person – that slowly managed to bring back your optimism.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It had been the first night since this whole thing started that you actually could claim you got a good and restful night of sleep. Maybe it was that little display of encouragement by the guys yesterday, maybe it was just that you slowly started to not care anymore and decided on wasting – or rather focusing – your energy on something else. Maybe it was just that because you hadn’t slept well for so long that your body just took what it desperately needed and deserved. Who knew? You got a good night’s sleep out of it and that was all that mattered. And then… a surprise was waiting for you once you managed to get out of bed. The answering machine of your phone showed you had three messages – which was odd, since you barely managed three messages in a week, let alone a night. And mostly these messages were from your mother to begin with. Leaving the messages for the moment you went to search for your morning coffee fix and started the machine, deciding that maybe it was time to switch your phone on for once and see what was new. You weren’t expecting much to be honest, but most of the few friends you had probably had wondered where you disappeared of to all of a sudden. And if they had read the news – which they probably did seeing there was no way of not hearing about that – they probably wanted to check in on you. Your phone took a moment to update several things and when the coffee machine was buzzing to life, so did your phone with a sheer amount of notifications and other stuff. Strangely the first notification that popped up right on top of everything else was from twitter. You had an account but hardly used it. In fact you couldn’t even remember the last time you logged in to the app, so a notification and right on top of every other notification confused you. Nevertheless you clicked on it and it almost was as if your phone – or the universe, who knew? – wanted to tell you something.The notification brought you right to a post that had you almost spitting the sip of coffee you had just taken a moment ago all over the kitchen and your phone screen. Almost. The twitter account of BTS was one of the first accounts you actually had followed when you had gotten yourself an account. And if you were honest, it actually was them that sort of got you into getting an account to begin with. And now… it seemed like you had become the subject of one of their instantly-shared, instantly liked and instantly noticed posts.
Of course it all could have been a coincidence and you were slowly starting to imagine things, but could the message of the update and also the time really be a coincidence? Especially now? You had to actually reread the message several times just to make sure you really saw what you did and that wasn’t something your imagination had come up with. But even after blinking for a few times and rereading it for what felt like a 100 times the message and words were still there, visible for everyone to read, like, share and comment under. And it seemed like really everyone did, judging by the numbers of retweets, likes and replies. Holy hell… was that 15 Million people who actually liked that post? 15 Million?Judging by the number of retweets, people had opinions about the meaning of that post and while there were a lot of theories all of a sudden swirling around and cluttering the internet, a few seemed spot on. And involving you. But then again, despite you not considering yourself an actual ARMY, you knew that these fans hardly missed any clues or bones BTS threw them. Regardless whether that were symbols in videos, lyrics or concepts. The fandom had proven often enough to catch on very quickly. And why would it be any different this time? Though you were still not sure whether you were actually right. But could you be so far of?A few moments into going through your notifications you noticed several erntainment sites that shared a more or less same update and made it sound like the biggest news on the planet. All you saw was the headlines that all screamed ‘Instagram record broken by this K-Pop act’. Clicking on one of the links, you read about the K-Pop sensation, which had managed to break the record for most liked picture that was only recently established. The site linked towards an Instagram post by BTS with an actually really adorable picture and noted that they had been the most liked Instagram post in the application’s rather young history. The post had gathered an astonishing 22 Million likes. That number meant they had managed to sent some in your opinion rather overhyped and underachieving reality show girl packing and in second place. You looked at the picture for what felt like hours noticing how happy all of them seemed. But then again, didn’t they always? Clicking on the comments, you quickly realized why people made that assumption in regards of the twitter post and your involvement. Between the Twitter post and the Instagram one were only a few minutes, the Twitter post being the slightly older one. They could have talked about any story with two sides. But with the picture that showed the band reunited it became certain that it wasn’t just anything. And the comments under the Instagram picture seemed to think the same. You exited both sites and decided to return to the rest of your notifications. Noticing you got a few messages from friends, you clicked on the app, seeing some friends had messaged you (also quite a few days ago already) and that you had messages from unknown numbers. Eight to be exact. And judging by some of the profile pictures of the senders you had a fairly good idea who they could be from.
There were really only three of the eight you had no idea about who they could actually be. You had a rough idea or suspicion, but one without a picture and two with pictures that could be from anyone made it a little harder. Though, the one with the puppy as profile most likely was Taehyung. You would have bet almost all you owned on that one. The one you were certain was Jin was the one you replied to first.
Do I want to know how you found my number?
It only took a minute for Jin to reply.
Good morning, sunshine.
Well you called me last week and left a voicemessage
about Namjoon ween conscious again, remember?
Oh right. There was that. You had actually forgotten about that
Right!
As a reply you only received a smiley at first, but saw that he was typing.
Not a morning person then?
Instead of answering right away you weighed your options for a moment.
Still debating how I feel about that twitter post and
the one on Instagram, which seems oddly connected
Well, we had to do something
His answer came almost instantly and you couldn’t help but feel like he was defending his actions.
Not sure it will have a big impact or that anything
will change. But thank you, Jin. I really appreciate it.
While you let Jin think about possible replies and gave him time to type them out, you quickly replied to the messages where you knew who they had come from and remembered your answering machine. Admittedly rather cautious you walked back to the phone and pressed the play button. Waiting almost anxiously for the things that were about to come, you found yourself surprised when you heard the voice of the hospital’s HR representative.
“[Y/L/N] [Y/F/N] this is Kim Eun Jin from Seoul Central university hospital. I tried reaching you on your cell phone but was only always able to get your mailbox. If you could call me back anytime until five p.m. I would really appreciate it. The number you can reach me under is 21-452-1480, that’s the one at the office here at the hospital. Thank you.”
For a moment you let the message sink and wondered what her call could mean. Did they come to a conclusion and she wasn’t allowed to let you know right away? Was this it? Was this the end of your career? And then you realized that you didn’t just receive a call from anyone from HR. No. Kim Eun Jin was the head of HR. She hardly ever spoke to people herself and usually delegated everything that needed to be taken care of to someone lower. The next message was again from her, sounding a bit more annoyed. She asked once more to be called back and cited the number she could be reached under. This message was a lot quicker spoken and sounded almost rushed. Like someone wanted to get this over with soon. Not a good sign, was it?Swallowing slowly you thought about what that could mean. Two calls within a few mere hours couldn’t be good, could they? Also, if it was good, she could have just left the message itself on your machine instead of requesting a call back. The third message was from your mother – almost as expected. It was nothing urgent and only her general call up to see if things were all right. From the sound of her voice your mother seemingly didn’t know anything about the circumstances in your life right now. She sounded as cheery as always, without sounding weird or more concerned than usual. The alert that you received a new message pulled you out of your reverie in regards of the calls and you saw that Jin had managed to finish his thoughts on your reply.
First of all … it is a start.
Second, has Namjoon contacted you?
I told him he better be contacting you before I dumped
a whole stack of magazines and printout pages
about all the things I could still find and gave
him a bit of background from a different perspective.
I also managed to print out the pictures Hae-Kyung
Took of him and her and posted them online. Wasn’t easy finding them L
But Jungkook knows how to find everything. And according to him
“The internet never forgets anything” whatever that means
You needed to laugh at his last statement. It was such a Jin-like response. Looking back at your messages that you had received since last night, you figured the “we need to talk” one was then probably from Namjoon. You swallowed once more, thinking what actually could be worse? That conversation with one of Korea’s biggest K-Pop group leaders or the conversation you probably were about to have with the hospital’s HR department. Sighing you decided on climbing each bridge when you got there.
He has. I think anyway. Since he doesn’t seem
to use a profile pic it is hard to tell actually.
But I figure between someone telling me we need to talk
and someone calling me a bitch. I guess the talking one is him
What the hell? Who the fuck called you a bitch????????
You needed to smile at Jin’s reply. He always was so nice and never actually cursed – at least from what you had seen of him. Which admittedly wasn’t a lot. But somehow you figured him slipping into a curse was not something that happened often. At least not with people he wasn’t close to. Should you be honored? But then again, maybe he was cursing of camera all the time and just knew how to cover that up to appear more mature and gentleman. Who knew?
I can’t really answer that because there is no
profile pic that would tell me that. Just something
that looks like a Gucci sign.
Send me a screenshot of that message!
Why?????
Because I have a fairly good idea who that message is from!
So do I actually. And I’m not sure
I’d like my suspicion confirmed.
Instead of an actual answer he only sent a sad smiley at first, which oddly made you smile some more. And then he sent an actual reply that left you almost speechless.
Sometimes reality sucks. I know. But no worries, sunshine,
we got your back. This nightmare soon will be over. Promise. You thought about your reply for a moment, just staring at the screen and at his message, being in awe. You smiled some more before you found the right words. The cheekily right words.
Pinky swear?
His reply was once more instantly
Always!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Eventually you did text Jin the screenshot he had asked about. And Jin would confirm your suspicion, stating that the sender of that last unknown message had indeed been Park Hae-Kyung. He then spent another few minutes – and messages – ranting about how that was absolutely unacceptable of her and that he would take care of that as well. Trying to argue with him that there really was no need and you’d take care of it yourself (or not) – seeing as simply ignoring it counted as “taking care of it” for you – you quickly came to realize that there was just no way of steering him away from this. So you let him do his thing. Whatever that was.You had several exchanges back and forth with the others, and still pondered about possible messages you could sent to who you now knew was Namjoon as well as your next action in regards of the hospital’s HR department. The obvious action was to call them back for sure. But… you didn’t really know whether you wanted to do that right away. But then the uncertainty of what they needed to speak to you about – or rather about possible outcomes of the conversation – left you restless, pacing up and down your living area, while typing out more messages. Eventually you couldn’t prolong it anymore and you dialed the number given to you. It only rang twice before Kim Eun Jin picked up, sounding stressed out and slightly harsh. “Oh yes, thank you for calling me back,” she said almost breathless once you had stated who you were. “We would need to speak to you if you have the time.” “Whenever suits you is fine for me,” you said, before adding “It’s not like I have plenty of things to do right now.” You heard a loud laughter coming from the other end, followed by a “oh what a comedian,” with a sort of sarcastic snicker. The laugh sounded fake and the comment unnecessary. Technically it was the truth. You had nothing to do. So you had plenty of time on your hands. And you figured Kim Eun Jin was probably a busy woman. “This afternoon too soon for you?” you heard the question and didn’t even need to think. “Works good for me,” you agreed, noting down the time she gave you a moment later and said your farewell. ** You didn’t know how long you actually had spent thinking about what to wear. It was ridiculous really – you weren’t vain and hardly spent a lot of time in front of mirrors or your closet, thinking about what to wear. But usually you also didn’t have appointments like the one today. Appointments that could decide your entire career and future. Sure, looking smart and pretty wouldn’t change much or what the conversation was about or how it would move. But it somehow gave you and feeling of trying your best. It was really strange, seeing that your choice in clothes didn’t sway anything and couldn’t really be considered as “trying” since it wasn’t an action as such. But at least it gave you a feeling of not leaving everything entirely up to someone else. The journey from your apartment to the hospital took usually about a good hour, especially with current traffic and masses of people. Little did you know that within that hour it took to get to the hospital a story would break. A story that would throw your life into mayhem once more – just a different kind of this time. By the time you made it out of the subway stop closest to the hospital you were still early and would have had technically enough time to spare to grab a quick coffee from one of the many places that could be found around. Or so you thought. The first thing you noticed when leaving the stop were the amounts of people in front of the hospital’s entrance. Some things never change you thought to yourself, remembering how it had been the first few weeks after Namjoon had been admitted and also every time a sensational story in regards of Park Hae-Kyung broke or when you were suspended. Him being awake still seemed to gain a lot of interest and since you hadn’t been seen much and about you pulled the hood of your coat up and far down into your face, hoping to get through the masses unrecognized. Pushing yourself past the masses of people, mumbling an occasional ‘sorry’ in no particular direction, keeping your head as far as possible, you heard people whisper and mumble. A moment later you heard someone whisper something that sounded like your name and then all chaos broke loose. All of a sudden you found every person you tried wiggling past turn their attention towards you, shoving cameras, microphones, cellphones – anything really – into your face and shouting.
“Can you tell us anything?”
“Are you considering taking legal actions against Park Hae-Kyung?”
“Is there anything you want to tell the world?”
“Will you return to the hospital?”
Being confused was an understatement and a second later you felt people press against you and someone pull your hand, rushing you in some direction. “Follow me,” some stern, male voice said, pulling you some more – past the hordes of people that were still shouting questions, shoving cameras and other devices into you face and confusing the hell out of you. Had they waited for you to return all these days? Were they still interested in your supposed reasons? At the door of the hospital you were meet by more people that looked like staff – very official and very high up staff. They were quick in opening the doors for you and helping you inside, along the men that had helped you through the crowd. What was going on? Before you could ask any questions you were already ushered along the way and towards the elevators. Three people stepped with you inside the tiny cabin and pressed the floor for you, just smiling you and not saying anything else. A few seconds into the elevator ride you heard your phone buzz several times and looking at the screen you were surprised when you found messages from people you hadn’t expected. Well, expected to be here to begin with.
All of the messages had different questions, but ended all the same. You are back at the hospital? In some of the messages – though not written but somehow weirdly enough implied – you could feel the confusion that you didn’t mention anything in regards of updates about the situation. You had to smile at the messages when looking at them on your screen. Wasn’t it odd like apparently you had managed to become some sort of strange friends with six members of Korea’s biggest musical act? How had that actually happened? Well, you sort of knew. The messages themselves also reminded you that you hadn’t so far managed to answer Kim Namjoon’s message in regards of you guys needing to talk. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to speak to him. You just hadn’t found the appropriate way to answer as of yet. And you also weren’t sure how that meeting or ‘talk’ would go down. As per Hoseok’s, Jimin’s or Jungkook’s explanation of events it sounded almost dramatic if you were honest. Dramatic and uncertain. Just because Jin had spoken with Namjoon and had told him his side of the story didn’t mean Namjoon was necessarily agreeing. Over the course of years you had seen plenty of guys who had been foolishly in love and only believed the words coming from the lips of their loved one, regardless of what other told them – or made more sense. It was almost admiring, to see someone being so in love and trusting someone to such an extent that they took whatever that person said at face value, not believing anything else. At some point you had envied people with boyfriends or partners in general like that. Or even friends if you were honest, because… so far your luck in friends of partners never had been plenty. You started typing your first reply while you made your way along the long hallways of the administrative parts of the hospital, before deciding that maybe it would be easier to round them all up in a group. Would be much easier anyway. Thinking about the name for the group chat for a moment you decided to go went with ‘for the lazy part of me’ before adding all six of them. Quickly typing a reply that sort of answered pretty much the same question they all had, you hit sent and muted your phone, throwing it into the bottom of your bag you had reached your destination. The four of you waited for a second in front of a door which you assumed would be your destination. You still had not really an idea of what was going on, but were greeted a moment with excitedly smiling faces of more people – one of them being Kim Eun Jin. “[Y/N], I’m so glad you could find the time,” you were greeted in an almost euphoric fashion and rushed into what seemed like a meeting room adjacent to several offices left and right. “Please, take a seat. Can I offer you anything? Coffee? Tea? Mineral water?” you were asked. You sat down and shock your head. “Thank you, but that is not necessary.” “Ok,” your conversation partner, who you assumed was Kim Eun Jin, said and sat down as well. “You are probably wondering why we called you and asked for a meeting.” “I do actually, yes,” you answered. “There have been new …um…developments in regards of your … um …suspension and it seems like you have fallen victim to unfair accusations.” Instead of responding with what was on your mind you just nodded. Right. Victim. It wasn’t like you hadn’t tried to explain yourself. “Right now we are looking into the false claims from other employees in your case and are thinking about taking further actions against them and the claims they made.” You nodded some more, regretting now that you hadn’t actually taken her up on the offer for some water. It would have given you something to do right now. Something other than just nodding anyway. You had to bite your tongue to not actually reply to what was being said. Because if you had said what was on your mind that conversation would probably take a very interesting turn and you’d most likely leave really out of a job once this was over. So you didn’t reply. You just nodded. You smiled some more. You looked interested and engaged. “But that doesn’t really concern you anymore. We are not here today to talk about that.” “What are we here about today?” you asked curious, trying to add no emotion whatsoever to your voice. You found it hard not to actually ask about what you apparently weren’t here for today. It wasn’t like you were snooping or particularly curious as a person but in this case it was involving you and you had gone through hell during the last few days, not mainly because of colleagues, but they certainly added their share. “To fix the situation and get you back in your job quickly,” she smiled widely. Instead of saying anything you nodded once more. What else could you do really? “Do you know what has happened that all these people were outside?” you asked after several moments of silence and plenty of strange smiles from your opponent. She raised an perfectly trimmed eyebrow and looked at you confused. “What do you mean?” “The masses of reporters that are outside. Is Kim Namjoon’s story still such a newsworthy story?” you asked interested and curious. There was silence and some expression that you would describe as uncertainty and as if she wasn’t entirely sure what you were asking about. She reached for her tablet and switched it on, typed frantically for a moment, before turning it towards you. “About an hour ago a statement was released by Kim Namjoon’s friends.” You saw the page load and a second later you could see the seven members of BTS smiling from the site. You scanned through the statement that had been released and were surprised about the words and also the content. In it they pretty much stood behind you and the fact that you did do nothing else than take care of their friend, even more so than what they could have expected. They went as far as saying that they believed that it was thanks to your care that Namjoon found back to them. They took apart Park Hae-Kyung in the nicest words possible, stating several situations and discrediting her, mentioning the social media posts she published, which showed her next to him while he was still unconscious. It was a statement that explained and wrapped everything up. And an explanation to what the reporters outside had been talking about. Why they were there. You took in what you quickly had scanned through and tried to understand what any of that meant. The statement had been published in the name of the six that were more or less by your side these past few months. It let out Namjoon for the moment, but you were certain if you typed a few words into a search engine you would find a statement from him as well. “I…,” you started, looking at Kim Eun Jin confused for a while. This was a lot. Sure it was what you had hoped for a week ago. Someone who had been on your side and took your side and tried to do something. Or to at least listen to you. And here these six had come and just done that. In less than 24 hours. And they had been the last ones you had expected to fulfil these… expectations you had for someone, anyone really. “Isn’t this great?” Kim Eun Jin asked, smiling brightly at you once more. You looked at her, noticed once more how that smile she was displaying so wide and open, wasn’t reaching her eyes. You couldn’t explain it, but somehow you had a feeling that this meeting had initially been for a different purpose. A purpose with still a positive outcome judging by her messages and that phone call you had. But somehow, however that was, the last hour and that statement changed her plan and forced her hand. “What is?” you asked curious and watched her look at you surprised. “This development.” You swallowed for a moment, not wanting to seem to overly mad, but something she said, something she did, was just too much for you. “Development? You mean in the accusations against me? And how disgraceful I am as a nurse? You mean these developments? Investigations that strangely enough had no result until now, until the day that all of a sudden really well-known people publish a statement that puts the blame on the hospital and clears my name. A statement that managed to do in a few mere minutes what none of you had managed to conclude for the past week. These developments? Funny how the hospital all of a sudden seems to have an interest in this, my side of the story, and an actual outcome.” “If you remember correctly I called you before any of this went public,” she said almost cold all of a sudden. “Maybe. But I bet everything I have that the initial purpose of these meeting was a different one. I’m not sure whether it would have been only in regards of an update of these developments. Or whether you actually would have let me go, but I have no doubt inside me that it would have been an entirely different conversation. And now your hand is forced by these six people. Six people that actually destroyed your carefully planned idea of today. Now you probably have the hospital on your back, breathing down your neck and telling you to fix this!” You could see it the more you thought about this. It was time for them to keep the damages low and to save their heads and asses. For them you simply were a pawn, one that could be sacrificed easily and now had risen to decide the entire game of cheese. One that was about to force a checkmate from the opposite team. Not that you actually did much, but well, sometimes a supposedly useless pawn could decide the fate of a kingdom. Out of the corner of your eye you saw documents laying under a folder and made out a few single words from the top. It was a contract. And probably something along the lines of a waiver and that you wouldn’t take this story any further or outside. Or god forbid, write a book about this. You had seen plenty of these waivers over the years. Had signed even more. But usually they had always been presented to you by legal teams of patients of certain power, influence, wealth or fame. Or off the above combined. You looked at the document that peeking out for a moment longer until Kim Eun Jin apparently must have realized what it was that had you so distracted and shuffled the papers closer together.Instead of letting her finish whatever she was going on about, you got up. Right in the middle of her sentence and without a word. You walked towards the door, hearing her confused calls after you. “I’ll be in touch. About everything. My job, my story, my future and …,” you said, pointing towards her stack of papers “and about these waivers as well…Don’t call me, I’ll call you,” you said, before turning on her confused and almost horrified expression and leaving her alone in the room. And what a feeling it was. One of freedom and empowerment and…. some sort of happiness. You made your way towards the elevator and managed a glance at your phone, which had been silent for the moments while you had met with Kin Eun Jin. Surprise was an understatement when you realized that you had almost 100 new messages. And all of them… In the newly founded group chat. Oh boy!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Shock was the first thing that hit you. Because really what else were you supposed to feel when seeing that you had a 100 unread messages? It only took a moment to realize that these messages were mainly conversations between them anyway. Which was amusing seeing that they were most likely next to each other, but choose to have their conversation – or several ones at that – through a text message app. The chat was an illustrious mix of random smiles, GIFs, pictures and single words that somehow made up a very entertaining conversation between all six of them throughout several topics. Food seemed a reoccurring theme, you quickly noticed, especially with Jin and an always hungry Jungkook – according to his own claims. Instead of actually diving into any of the conversations or stating your opinion on several of the exclamations and questions, you only opened a window to write to Yoongi. “Where are you guys right now? I need to talk to you.” “Come find us, I’m pretty confident you might know where we are right now?” He was right. It wasn’t hard to guess where they would be to find right now. Seeing that four of them had written to you only earlier when they apparently had seen you being escorted to the elevator, chances are they were still at the hospital. In one specific room. With one very specific patient. You wanted to talk to them about the statement they had issued – and also thank them – but if you were honest, you didn’t necessarily wanted to do that in front of Kim Namjoon. Pressing the button to call the elevator you still weren’t sure whether you were ready for that meeting if you were honest, or what to really do. You really wanted or needed to speak to the others and you knew sooner or later you had to talk to Kim Namjoon, but… now? Your finger lingered above the button for his floor and after a moment of thinking too long the doors closed by itself and the elevator was moving without you doing anything. You were pressing the button for the ground level, but found yourself a moment later face to face with Taehyung when the doors opened and you had to realize he had been calling it, probably planning on leaving. He was looking at you surprised, before he almost yelled ‘noona’ and pulled you out of the cab of the elevator and into a tight hug which seemed to last forever if you were honest. Not that you minded. Or like Taehyung seemed to mind. “We were just talking about you!” he exclaimed while he let go if you a moment later. “I’m sure you were,” you agreed, assuming Yoongi probably had already announced your impending arrival. “The others will be happy that I ran into you,” he said, pulling you after him, down the corridors, chatting happily about all sort of things, not seeming to mind that you hardly responded to anything. “And Namjoon-hyung seems to be very curious about you. He hasn’t met you yet, has he?” “No,” you said slowly, not liking the direction this was going. “Well, he will now.” “No, Taehyung,” you all of a sudden said, pulling his arm so that he stopped pulling you and turned around, looking at you quizzically. “I… I don’t think I can right now.” “Why?” he only asked and you pulled yourself out of his soft grip and walked towards the bench that was put up against one of the walls, sitting down a moment later. “I just can’t. Look, a lot has happened over the past week and while I know it isn’t Kim Namjoon’s fault as such he isn’t entirely innocent in this either. I am not blaming him for the chaos and havoc that has found its way into my life these past few days. I really don’t. And as I said before, I’m pretty certain most people would have been the same way when it came to stories and what to believe. But… I just need more time to come to terms with what has been going on, what has happened and what that might mean for my future.” “Are you ok?” you heard Taehyung ask concerned and needed to smile at his almost adorable voice. “Is your job ok?” he continued a moment later. “Because Jin-hyung took care of that…” You smiled some more at him, nodding. “It … will be ok.” “Doesn’t sound very convincing,” you all of a sudden heard another familiar voice and when looking to your left you saw Hoseok, followed by Seokjin. “I thought I took care of that?” Seokjin said, sitting down next to you, while Hoseok choose to remain standing, right next to Taehyung. “Shall I be honest?” you said, looking at only Seokjin really, who nodded carefully at you. “I… really appreciate your support and help in this. But I don’t know how I feel knowing that the only reason the hospital seems to be willing to clear all the charges is because of some publicity thing and because they want to save whatever is left to save after this whole ridiculous claim. Their hand was forced by your statement.” “Maybe take whatever they offer you for the moment and spent some more time thinking of what you want…” Hoseok offered and you shock your head at him. “I don’t take handouts and I take pride in the fact that I work hard for everything I have in my life. I earned all of that and didn’t take the easy route. I won’t start now by saying that I’ll let it all slip and live on like nothing has happened. I learned that some things turn with the wind. And from whatever direction the wind blows gives the direction to where they are sailing for. What this whole thing has taught me is that being an upstanding and honest person gets you nothing. Nobody cares for you when they can somehow gain a financial advantage from you.” “We cared,” Taehyung exclaimed, almost shocked. “But you are a good person, with a heart so big and golden …,” Seokjin argued almost at the same time as Taehyung made his exclamation. You laughed softly at both of them. “And naïve at that.” “Noona, why are you so hard on yourself?” you heard another familiar voice all of a sudden and saw Jungkook standing next to you, looking at you sad. “I’m not hard on myself. I just got a real good dose of reality.” “Well, reality sucks,” Taehyung decided and you saw Hoseok and Jungkook nod agreeing. You felt Seokjin grab your hand in his and you looked at him. “I know Joon-a didn’t give you the perfect first impression. But trust me when I say he isn’t as bad of a guy as you might be thinking.” “I don’t think he is a bad guy, Jin,” you almost protested. “Did his statement hurt me? Sure. But… it isn’t something I haven’t experienced before in one way or another.” There were curious looks from everyone around you when they processed your statement, so you decided on continuing quickly before anyone could really ask questions. “And as I said before, I don’t blame him. He doesn’t know me, he has no idea what kind of person I am and as depressing as it sounds, with you being so… well-known I figure something like what I have been accused of doing isn’t quite as unrealistic to happen. He had someone he trusts to tell him one story and he believed that story to be true.” “He might not have known you, but he knows Park Hae-Kyung. And he should have questions whatever she told him,” Yoongi said all of a sudden, surprising you with his arrival. Was anyone still with Namjoon at this point? “He is in love. She is probably the love of his life. Love makes you do crazy and stupid things. Given, love should make you do things like that, just… crazy and stupid on the embarrassing side and not hurting someone else in the process. But… I can understand that. How can I expect him to believe or trust me – someone he never met and who might as well be a crazy and deranged fan for all he knows – and not his girlfriend, who he knows since years and who might never have given him reason to not believe and trust her?” “How come he wronged you and yet you still take his side? What is the story behind that?” “Let’s just say I know from personal experience that trust can easily be granted to the wrong person, who doesn’t deserve it. Things like that happen and we are all human. I can’t blame him for the faults of others,” you said, smiling softly at all of them. “But maybe you should,” you heard a voice that you sort of felt like you knew but couldn’t place a face to. Looking to where the voice came from, you saw Kim Namjoon standing there. As if hit by something you jumped up from your seat, straightening yourself and looking at him shocked. This wasn’t how you had planned or imagined a first meeting and it certainly was way too early. “I… I’m sorry… I didn’t… I mean, I certainly wasn’t um…,” you started stuttering and great, you and these first impressions were not really improving, were they? You felt a hand wrapped around your wrist and pull you almost forcefully down on the bench again. Seokjin just smiled at you before turning his attention to Namjoon. “Shouldn’t you be resting?” he asked, and you saw the others turn around curious as well. Namjoon laughed at Seokjin’s question wholeheartedly for a moment before he was able to reply. “You all literally abandon me and now question why I went to look for you?” he asked amused. “Can you blame us?” Yoongi asked, sounding as bored as always. “She is much better company than you are right now,” he went on and you looked at him shocked and almost outraged. His friend had been in a coma and yet he told him, now that he was finally conscious again, that you were better company that him. “Min Yoongi,” you exclaimed shocked and turned towards Namjoon a moment later. “I… I’m certain he didn’t mean that. “ The snickers and giggling you heard was not something you imagined. “I’m sure he did. But that’s okay,” Namjoon reassured you and now you were confused. “I haven’t been the best of company today or yesterday. So I am not blaming them. And I’m not blaming you, not anymore. And I should never have started either. At least not before talking to you to some extend.” His comment hit you by surprise. Sure, you knew sooner or later you knew there was a conversation to be held, but you hadn’t expected it this soon – hoping for a bit more avoiding – and that you could be a bit more prepared – though, you didn’t know how one would prepare for something like that. “I…,” you started, feeling almost clumsy and certainly noticing all the looks you received from the others. He made a few steps forward and you noticed Hoseok move out of his way, letting Namjoon stand in front of you with an outstretched hand. “How about we take a walk? And have a conversation?” From your sitting position you couldn’t help but notice how tall Kim Namjoon was, now more than usual seeing as he was almost towering over your sitting form. You took his hand carefully, knowing there was no escaping this and you might as well just get it over with now. He pulled you up with an ease that surprised you, seeing how long he hadn’t used his body and pulled you slowly after him, to a place unknown for now.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The place unknown would eventually turn out to be the hospital’s cafeteria. He got you both a coffee – at which you first tried to protest and wanted to buy him one. But he shut you down with ease and suggested you find a table while he was waiting for the coffee. Any reply was stopped before you could have formed it by him and you went to fulfil your task. The cafeteria was quiet with only a few people scattered throughout the vast space. You noticed the few people that could be found here and there followed your every step with their eyes, probably having read all about you these past few days and noticing who your companion was. Despite that you had a great choice of possible tables, you chose one furthest away from anyone and a little bit secluded from the rest. Figuring this was best, seeing as your conversation probably didn’t need an audience, you pulled out a chair that was standing next to the big floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the garden and sat down, waiting for things to come. When Namjoon had found you, you had expected for him to sit down and start whatever was on his mind right the first second. He placed a coffee in front of you and took a sip from his.“I’m not sure you should drink that really,” you noted amused, pointing at his coffee, at which he just smiled. “I’ve been in a coma for eight months. Let me live a little.” After that little exchange you both became silent. He just spent a while looking at you silently. It was a bit unnerving if you were honest, but you yourself didn’t really know what to say. So the two of you sat in what felt like an almost comfortable silence for a while. “What happened?” he eventually asked, breaking the silence. “What do you mean?” was your almost confused question. “Your side of the story. I heard what Hae was telling me. I heard what Jin and the others told me. But I haven’t heard your story yet.” “I’m pretty certain that whatever Seokjin and the others told you is pretty much what I’d be telling you.” “I’m not so sure about that,” he disagreed, sipping from his coffee. “Maybe we should start with what you have been told from the others and I just fill in the blanks,” you suggested at which he shook his head. “How about you just tell me your side and I ask when I feel I need to ask about something?” was his counter offer and you knew you wouldn’t be winning this. Again. “There isn’t really much to say. Other than that I was glad that you were unconscious,” you said, realizing too late what you said. At his raised eyebrows you were quickly stuttering on, trying to explain yourself. “I mean… I… I… I’m sorry, that sounded really wrong. What I meant was that… um… a lot has happened and I am just … well… happy, though it sounds wrong, but I was happy that for most of the …um… stories you weren’t awake to witness them and the drama unfold. There was a point were anything seemed ok just to stay relevant.” “I heard,” Namjoon said, and it was said in a strangely calm voice. “She probably didn’t make your job easier with everything that happened.” “I… um…well, I um… it was ok,” you tried finding the right words, stuttering more or less from one syllable to the next, not sure what to actually say. First, you didn’t know whether Namjoon and Hae-Kyung were still an item – because nothing indicated they weren’t if you were honest.“It was ok?” Namjoon asked amused, his lips pressed tightly together, trying to hide a smile. “I’m almost certain that is the understatement of the year. As a matter of fact, I know it is, because Jin-hyung told me plenty of stories for me to know it wasn’t ok. Why aren’t you just giving it to me unmasked and definitely not sugar-coated. “She made my job more interesting and definitely added certain um… entertainment to it. Sure, I could gladly have done without most of it. But… when you work the VIP wing, you are used to boring not necessarily being an option.” “You were there every day?” Namjoon asked and you had a feeling he already knew the answer to that question and was really only looking for confirmation. So you just nodded. “It was you who I heard, wasn’t it?” he asked more and you were momentarily confused what he was talking about. “You… heard me?” you asked carefully, not entirely sure what he meant. “I… can’t really say much about the past eight months. Despite Jungkook keeping asking me what I remember what it was like. But I remember I heard voices. A few of the others, but mainly this female voice. I can’t recall anything that was said, but I remember it seeming as if it was there all the time. When I woke up I figured it was Hae-Kyung, but… it was you!” It wasn’t a question. No. It was a statement once more. And he didn’t seem like he needed confirmation. You weren’t sure whether it was once again Seokjin or one of the others who had told him, or whether he just figured that Hae-Kyung wasn’t the type of person for these kind of activities. But you knew that he knew. So instead of confirming what he didn’t really ask, you just… explained. “I… had a lot of time on my hands, watching over you. You weren’t really keeping me busy since you never needed much. I mean, you were unconscious, so… of course you didn’t need much. Except for a bit of care. And you… weren’t having many visitors. Everyone from BTS dropped by as often as they could and tried to at least have one of them visit you every day. Park Hae-Kyung dropped by… occasionally – seeing as she was… um…busy with projects and your parents don’t live in Seoul, so they came by on weekends or a public holiday. Somehow I figured you could need some company in-between all of that.” “I probably was marvelous company for you,” he laughed softly and you needed to smile in return. “I had worse…” Your comment made him laugh some more. “What did you do? I can’t imagine talking to a stranger every single day about… things.” “I… um…I read to you. On most days I read books that I knew you liked or could like. When Hoseok, Seokjin, Yoongi, Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung noticed they dropped off books occasionally about which they knew you had on your list. On days I was done with the world and just too tired I read you a few articles from the gossip magazines. And always your horoscope. Mainly the health section and also the… um…. nevermind.” He looked at you with raised eyebrows and curious for a moment. So you rushed on. “So… you could say I worked myself through your list of books. We managed to get done quite a few.” “Unfortunately I can’t remember any of them, so I guess we need to start all over,” he mentioned and before you could question his kind of odd comment, he went on. “But back to that horoscope. You stopped all of a sudden. What else did you read me from that other than the health section? Which, by the way, I find rather… peculiar.” “Um… nothing,” you said, feeling the heat and blush creep up your face. Great, why did you start that? He might have found the health thing funny, but surely not the other one. “This doesn’t look like nothing to me. Spit it out.” You let out a groan and were sure this was going to backfire. But you had a feeling that he would know when you’d lie to him. So… you got yourself into this, time to face the music. “The love part. I… know it seems strange and… tasteless to a certain degree, but I found it sort of amusing to read and I figured you would see the humorous side to this as well. I’m… sorry.” “I hope both health and love were at least spot on,” he asked smiling and distracting you for a moment from your thoughts. “Not really,” you eventually replied quietly. “I’m curious now,” he went on, making you look up from the cup of coffee in front of you that had strangely enough fascinated you for the past few moments. “What did it say? Well… not the health thing. That is more or less uninteresting. But what did it say in regards of love?” And all of sudden this conversation took a very different turn. “It… said often enough the same thing actually. Not sure whether that is how it always is and I just never noticed since I usually don’t keep up with horoscopes. But… it kept saying often enough that you were maybe unaware of the amount of time your partner spent thinking about and caring for you. That time together didn’t always mean talking and discussing plenty of things to make it valuable. That’s something that in this way or a slight alternation kept coming up quite frequently.” Namjoon was silent for a while, before he smiled to himself and finally said “I never actually read these kind of things, nor do I believe in them really if I’m honest. But that seems to be quiet accurate.” You looked at him surprised for a while. Knowing that Seokjin had talked to Namjoon about the past few months, you were certain that the fact that his girlfriend hadn’t dropped in very often probably came up. So… how he decided that what you just quoted was correct was way beyond you. But you knew better than to correct him. As before, you didn’t know about the current status so whatever he wanted to believe… was good with you. You just hoped at some point you’d be able to find a guy like him, who, despite everyone telling him about all the bad stuff you did or screwed up still was so faithfully and madly in love with you that he ignored all of the negativity and other people. “So… you spent all that time with me? Reading and doing your job? Were you all by yourself?” “My colleagues were… um… occupied elsewhere.” “I guess they couldn’t find the amusement in the quality entertainment I provided…,” he joked and you needed to smile. “They kept saying over the last few days that you kept them from their job?” “The only thing I kept them from – which I didn’t – was to achieve their goals in life. And these goals are not to become better at their job,” you said almost bitterly, surprising yourself at the tone of your voice. “What makes you so certain that this wasn’t on their mind?” “Because, as sad as it sounds, I know the ones that made these claims. And I know that type of girl. I don’t mind as long as … people find happiness, I guess. I have seen it plenty of times before. It actually isn’t quite as uncommon.” “And you don’t at some point have similar thoughts? I imagine your job isn’t always easy. There are probably people that are less than easy in dealing with. People that are a pain in your backside and that make things difficult. Patients as well as colleagues. Wouldn’t that be a great way out? A little more care for someone who might appreciate it in different ways and pay you back…” At his statement you looked at him for a moment. Shocked and also annoyed if you were honest. You had spent the past week hearing and reading often enough people talking about your possible goals and motivations for life and this job. And while it had its challenges you meant what you had said to Kim Seokjin earlier – though that was meant in regards of the hospital and your future. You never choose the quick shortcut to something and took pride in working hard for everything you have achieved so far. Accusations that didn’t support that pride hurt you more than people probably assumed and expected, not that it matter much. You came to realize that whatever you would be saying, it didn’t matter. Namjoon probably didn’t care and maybe had a few questions, or a curiosity that needed to be quenched. He was just one more person that had assumptions about you that were unfounded but built up by people who saw you as competition in a race you never intended of participating to begin with. You drank the last few drops of coffee in your cup, before you grabbed your purse from the chair next to yours and got up, looking down at a surprised Namjoon. “Mr. Kim Namjoon, motivators and goals that apply others for themselves don’t apply to me. On contrary believe I don’t see the marital status or wealth of a patient. I see the help he or she needs and not what at the bottom line is waiting for me or I could benefit from. That’s not why I choose to do that job. And it is sad that by now it seems more people do this job chasing that ring on their finger, rather than chasing a cure for the person they should be looking after.” With that you turned around and left him back, hearing faintly how he said something but couldn’t really catch his words, walking too fast to escape. For one day you had have enough of people making assumptions and ignoring the fact what these past days have done to you. And despite the fact that walking away from things were really not your thing, you seemed to be doing a lot of that today.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Walking away was no solution - you knew it. And technically were you not walking away as such. You just need distance and peace and...to not think about things for a moment. ´A moment´ lasted exactly one day before reality caught up with you in an already way too familiar way. A headline. On the front page of a gossip magazine. Where else really if you were honest?Apparently one of the very few people that could be found in the cafeteria was a reporter. Or someone who sold their ‘story’ to a reporter. With a picture. Of course. And now you found yourself looking at a picture of you and Namjoon and several speculations about what that meeting was probably about. The reporter of course didn’t miss the fact that yesterday was also the day you had been spotted back at the hospital after a week of absence. There were an abstruse number of theories and explanations and of course the whole story with 'all the facts'. You rolled your eyes. Facts your ass! Half of what you had read was hearsay and sounded more like something Hae-Kyung said than an actual fact. After about half of the article you gave up and threw the paper into the trash. Why were you having that anyway? Your question would remain unanswered and your thoughts and pondering was interrupted when you heard your doorbell. At this hour of the day you were not really sure who or what to expect. Opening your door, you came face to face with Kim Namjoon. Whatever you could have expected....THIS was not it. "You should definitely not be here," you said, looking almost alarmed at him, "You should be in a hospital. Resting, getting better, being taken care of." "I'm ok, don't worry. I was at the hospital for the past eight months. They have probably seen enough of me," he tried joking, but you didn’t miss the strain on his face, showing he was definitely not ok and that in fact you should probably worry. "Who let you go?" you asked curious, not budging from your place at the door, At your question Namjoon laughed for a moment, "The four million won I paid the nurse to turn a blind eye for a moment and let me escape did.” "What?" you half screeched, almost outraged. What the hell? "Are you kidding me? Is anyone actually valuing the health of their patient more than money?" "I was," he rushed out, almost shocked at your reaction. "Kidding, I mean, I was kidding. I didn't pay anyone. I just asked whether I could go for a walk.” "A walk? The hospital is about a three hour marathon from here. That's a walk?" "Well, I might have forgotten to mention that I was being picked up by Jin who's drive me to where I’d get my walk done." You couldn't help but smile at his explanation. It was a cute idea if you were honest. "How very responsible for Seokjin to drive you halfway through the city. Away from the place that is supposed to help you get better. Also I don't happen to see Seokjin anywhere..." "Well, he is waiting downstairs. And he brought me here, to a medical professional, didn't he? I guess that's pretty responsible." "I..." you started but came to realize you were literally lost for words, when he faltered a little and swayed you made a quick step sideways and more or less pulled him into your apartment, determined to let him at least not break down on your threshold. Imagine that story and headline! Ushering him to the sofa you more or less ordered him to sit down and not move. Going in search for something to drink you took a moment in your kitchen to collect your thoughts. Deciding on some tea you got it prepared and emerged a moment later with one cup of tea for him and a cup of coffee for you, "Can we switch?" he asked, holing his tea towards you and looking almost excitedly at your coffee. "Not even in your dreams," you replied pulling your coffee out of his reach, "I see we made the headlines again," he commented a moment later, when his eyes must have found the gossip magazine. "This seems pretty tame." "Tame?" you asked confused and also surprised. "Jungkook and Taehyung shoved a magazine in my face which claimed that we’re already a step away from marrying each other.” Laughing out loud at his comment, you tried imagining him, seeing whatever the two maknaes had found and showed him. “So you had it all while in a coma - girlfriend, almost wife, lost child, being single and left for someone else- just to wake up, have your girlfriend return to you again and being faced with a nurse that is only after your fame, who you are apparently now are also dating. You ever sleep? Your life rivals a kdrama...." "Yeaah, tell me about it" Namjoon laughed taking a sip from his tea while looking almost longingly at the beverage in your hand. There was silence for a while, with each of you sipping your drinks, not sure what to say. At least you weren't sure what to say, so eventually you asked what was on your mind, "I'm certain you didn't make your way here just to talk to me about the headlines...." "I'm sorry," he said quickly, which surprised you. Mainly because you weren't entirely sure why he was apologizing or what he was apologizing for. You didn't need to ask since he already went on. "I didn't mean to give you a feeling of me questioning your motivation for your job, I didn’t mean to make it sound like I don’t appreciate what you did for me and how much time you spent with me, not... doing medical necessities but just giving me company. That is a gift that I value. I really do. Especially when knowing that your motives were not driven by money, fame or marriage, but genuine care. And I’m sorry for this," he said, tipping the gossip magazine over, "I wish I could say I didn't expect this but... that would be a lie. By now I guess I should know better. This is unfortunately a part of my life." "You don't need to apologize for the story. It isn't like you called them there. They just... happened to be there. Or someone there decided on selling whatever he or she saw. That’s nothing you can influence." "But I should have done better to keep you out of the press for a while." "Should've, could've, would've," you said, smiling at him. "Some things you can't influence or stop from happening, No sense in beating yourself up afterwards. I'm big enough to deal with things myself, and while I don't feel the need to see my face plastered all over front pages of papers and magazines, I also understand that some things are unavoidable. Your story right now is their daily business and income. So by default everyone who is connected to that story becomes immediately interesting as well. I can’t hold something against you that you have no way of influencing or predicting." After you finished you noticed that he was looking at you almost mesmerized and in awe and you found yourself wondering how often before he was made feeling guilty for similar situations or stories. "I said to Hoseok before that I really don't envy you for your life and the hardships that come with your choices of becoming an idol. It wouldn’t be something I could deal with, the crazy fibs the stories, the fact that every step you take gets watched and analyzed and in some cases scrutinized. You have to give up so much of yourself to gain in the end so little..." "What did he say when you had that conversation?" Namjoon asked curious. "That, for him, it was worth it. Worth all these things that he could in the end do what he loves.” “Sounds like something Hobi would say,” Namjoon smiled at you and you had to smile back. You couldn’t really help it. His smile was almost infectious. “But… it sounds like that isn’t something you’d agree with.” You let out a sigh, looking at him for a moment and wondering what to say. It wasn’t like you hadn’t have had similar discussions before with Hoseok. Or Yoongi. “It isn’t like I don’t agree. I just… I find it hard to see the positive in it when you have to give up your independence and privacy. For me, that is something I couldn’t give up for anything in the world.” “Not even for being able to do something that you love? For…living a dream?” he asked curious. This time it was you who smiled at him. “One’s dream is someone else’s nightmare.” Namjoon laughed at your comment and nodded slowly. “True. And I know it must seem crazy to want something so bad and so much that you are willing to give up so much of yourself. But we don’t see it like that. We are still …us. J-Hope is still … J-Hope, with all his excitement and happiness and crazy talent when it comes to dancing. Who sees the positive in everything and is just a great person to be around. Jin is still Jin is his motherly way, loving to cook and care for all of us all day long. Jungkook is still Kookie, who is full of crazy ideas, motivated by competition and simply good at everything. None of us have changed who we are. We might need to be a bit more careful when doing stuff, but nothing much has changes for us. We aren’t being forced to be someone we weren’t already. As a matter of fact, being this famous and well-known enabled us to be even more who we are and even less to try and fit a mold that people like to press us into. It might be difficult for people on the outside, who see things exactly like you do. And I understand how it must seem crazy, all the things we do, all the things we have to take into consideration before doing anything, but… for us it is worth every single second. If you don’t have that sort of aspiration we all have, it can seem weird what we are willing to put up with.” “But don’t you feel like there are things you can’t do because of your fame and that people follow your every step?” Namjoon thought about your question for a moment. “Not really if I’m honest. Yes, I need to plan a bit ahead sometimes or need to get used to the fact that I will hardly ever experience something by myself and alone. But it isn’t like there are things that I can’t do altogether.” “So… if I ask you to come to the movies with my tonight, that is something you could do?” you asked and just realized after you had finished your question how that sounded. “I mean…. Not that I or you or...” “I could. I probably would have to ask you to pick a really late viewing. And I might need to stop at home for getting a scarf and other things that help me hide a little bit, but I could. What movie are you planning on us seeing?” “That was a rhetorical question. You are in no condition for that sort of activity. For any activity. As a matter of fact, you shouldn’t even be here…” “You trying to get rid of me?” he asked, sounding hurt, but one look at him and you knew he was faking it. “No, but I am a nurse.” “So?” he asked confused at which you just barely were able to stop yourself from rolling your eyes. “That means I know what’s good for you.” “You just sounded like my mother when I was younger.” “And you used to be a lot easier company when being unconscious.” “Ouch,” he replied and the smile he was sporting was telling you all you needed to know. “But joke aside, I think we should start thinking about your way back to the hospital. As much as I am grateful you stopped by and that we finally had a chance to have some sort of conversation – though yesterday obviously was already a conversation as well – I am glad we got to partially clear the air. But there really is a reason why doctors and nurses and everyone involved in healthcare likes to use sentences like ‘Take it easy for a few days’ or ‘Stay in bed’. And that is because the body needs time to recover from whatever you have come from. You might be with us again, in the here and now and maybe even feel like you can conquer the world, but the human body usually needs a few days longer to catch up with your feeling. So maybe we should contact Seokjin or someone else to bring you back and reschedule for our talk,” you suggested, turning towards Namjoon and realizing he looked somehow weird, not seeming to respond to whatever you had just said. “Namjoon?” you asked worried, when you realized how pale he had become all of a sudden. “Are you ok?” “I….” he started after several long moments when nothing happened. It almost seemed like he needed forever to register that you had addressed him. You witnessed how his hands went to his temple and forehead, rubbing small circles. “I don’t feel too well all of a sudden…” He shook his head as if trying to clear whatever he was feeling, but didn’t seem to succeed. And then sacked together, seeming almost lively, slowly falling to the side when his body wasn’t able to support the sitting up position. Jumping up you almost grabbed his ankles in front of him and moved them up in the space you had just occupied, placing him in a laying position. “And that is the exact reason you should have stayed in the hospital and not overdo it,” you almost chastising, seeing him just smile weakly at you. Eye-roll moment anyone?“Just…. stay like that for a moment with your feet up. I’ll get you some water.” Returning with a glass of water a moment later you came to realize that Namjoon by now was no longer awake. Since you weren’t sure whether he had just fallen asleep or gone back to being unconscious and in a coma, you softly shook him on the shoulder. He responded with a few groans, his head moving left and right a few times, but remained otherwise rather unmoving. You figured waking him up wasn’t doing any good anyway and by the way he responded he seemed alright, just tired. So you let him be, going in search for a blanket and some cushions and your phone. Opening your messenger app you sent Seokjin a quick message, just realizing that you didn’t know where he actually was. From Namjoon’s explanation it almost sounded as if he was waiting for him downstairs, but that would have meant that he was waiting there for at least an hour. His reply didn’t take long and you were surprised when in fact it turned out that he had really been waiting the entire time. A few minutes later he was standing inside your hallway after you had let him know to come up and that you’d leave the door open. When he stood in front of you Seokjin seemed almost panicked, which you found amusing, seeing how put together and calm he had been the past few months. “Is he ok?” “Of course he is,” you answered calmly. “As I wrote to you previously, he is asleep. I guess it was just too much. There is a reason why people kept telling him to take it easy and rest a lot, you know?” “I know, but as smart as Namjoon is, he is also stubborn as well.” You didn’t know Namjoon that well, to be a judge of that, but had no problems imagining it being true. “Most patients are,” you admitted amused. After a moment of silence and your curiosity getting the better of you, you finally asked your most pressing question. “What did you do the past hour?” “Why do you ask?” he inquired amused and smiled at you while accepting the coffee you handed him a moment later. “Because I just wonder what you did the past hour,” you replied equally amused before adding: “And I also wonder why you didn’t come up. I mean I don’t want to sound like a petulant little girl, but I guess my place is better than staying in the car for an hour.” “It had nothing to do with that,” Seokjin smiled. “I just figured you and Namjoon needed to talk – again. And that I shouldn’t necessarily be around when that happens. You also live close by to a great coffee shop, so I can ease your worry, I was not staying in my car for the past hour.” “What a relief,” you joked. “And I know about the coffee place. That actually is my backup plan if things turn sour at the hospital. I start a career as barista and never have to buy a regular cup of coffee again for the rest of my life.” “Seems like a solid career choice,” he agreed laughingly before turning serious. “But all jokes aside, do you have any…news?” You let out a sigh, looking at him and shock your head. “Not really and if we are honest, as mentioned before, they only choose to take me back because their hands were forced by your statement. I am not sure what would have happened if you hadn’t made that statement. And that is what… doesn’t sit well with me. Furthermore it begs the question what happens next time something… strange happens. Someone accuses me of not doing my job properly for whatever reason? As long as this isn’t cleared properly it will always hang over my head like a dark cloud that follows me everywhere and reappears whenever a decision comes to get questioned.” Seokjin just nodded at your statement. “I can understand that and wish I could do something else for you, but I guess there isn’t much left.” “You could write me a recommendation letter for the coffee place,” you laughed and saw him laugh as well. “Let’s hope it doesn’t get that far.” “Let’s,” you agreed, taking a sip from your coffee and noticing noises from the next room. Someone seemed up again.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Look who’s awake again,” you noted smiling when seeing Namjoon sitting on your couch, seeming slightly disoriented. “How long was I out for?” he asked, shaking his head once, twice as if trying to clear his thoughts. “Just a few moments, half an hour at most,” you explained, adding a few seconds later “Seokjin didn’t even manage to finish the coffee I gave him.” “Why does he get coffee and I only tea?” “Because you have been in a coma for several months, he wasn’t. He’s save, you have to take it easy. That’s why.” “Not sure what coffee can do that is harmful to whatever condition you seem to think I have,” you heard him mumble. “I’m a nurse, I think I’m more qualified to be a judge of that and know what’s good for someone. So don’t argue with a professional,” you replied calmly with a smile. “Speaking of, I also think it’s best for you to make your back to the hospital again. I think you had enough adventure for one day, Dora.” “Can’t I just stay here?” Namjoon asked and surprised both you and Seokjin with his request. “Um…no, sorry,” you just said a bit confused. “Why would you anyway?” “Well, the hospital I have seen plenty of and your place seems a lot nicer then the hospital. Warmer as well in regards of company and things.” “You’re still better off in a hospital. In case you relapse or need immediate medical attention.” “Didn’t you just praise your professionalism? Who could take better care then you?” “I have no medical equipment here and quite honestly rather do not want to explain why you are at my place rather than the hospital, where you should be.” You saw Namjoon shrug at your explanation. “According to the press we are almost married anyway. So I don’t understand your reserved approach to this." You swear he was almost pouting and looking at his playfully pleading eyes made turning him down so much harder. "I... I have no equipment here that would help me in case you needed actual, serious medical attention. So, I'd rather you would get yourself back into the hands of working professionals and into a... um.... a save environment." “So I'm not save here?" Namjoon asked and you needed to smile. 'Well... there are plenty forms of save, but in regards of medical attention I'd say you'd be better off at the hospital." "Just say you want to get rid of me," Namjoon argued and you couldn't help but roll your eyes. "As much as I am enjoying your company, I can't really say I'm comfortable with the thought that a member of Korea's biggest group might have medical complications in my bedroom," you explained, before noticing your mistake and correcting yourself. "I mean... living room." "I can't say I have seen your bedroom before, but I can guarantee you that there wouldn’t be any complications - medical or else," Namjoon smiled at you and you felt the blush hitting your face, assumingly coloring everything deep red. Could the ground just open up please? "I...um...As much as I appreciate that....um...rather unnecessary information, I still think it would be better for you to return to the....um...hospital. And get the care you deserve and pay for. A lot." "I could also pay you," he suggested and you actually buried your face in your hands. This was not how this should be going. At all. "Certainly not!" you almost instantly protested. "You get back to the hospital. Now," you more or less ordered, before turning around and addressing the third person in the room. "Seokjin," you started. "Would you please return Namjoon back into professional care?" You saw the man opposite of you barely being able to hold back a smile. As a matter of fact, he didn't seem like he was trying very hard to suppress it. Glad someone was enjoying the verbal sparring match between yourself and Namjoon. "I will," he said after a moment and bowed. He bowed. An actual bow. With a huge smile plastered all over his face. You would get him back for that. You didn't know yet how, but you would sooner or later. "Let's go, Joon-a. I think you have worn out your welcome," Seokjin said, grabbing Namjoon's wrist and pulling the younger man after him. "That's not what I....meant," you shouted slightly irritated after him, following them to the door and seeing them off. "I know," Seokjin smiled at you. "Yanking your chain is just a lot of fun apparently." "That isn’t funny," you protested, but instead of the older one, Namjoon answered. "It actually is. And since you are more fun than what is provided at the hospital, I'll be back tomorrow." Namjoon grinned at you when threatening you with his return. And that’s what it technically was for you. A threat. Not a dangerous or scary one but one that brought a lot of issues with it. Before you had a chance to actually reply, they had already gone. And so you could only wait. And waiting seemed to be some new hobby of yours: waiting for Kim Namjoon to wake up. Waiting for the investigation to make some progress. And apparently now waiting for Namjoon to return. Allegedly the next day. So waiting you did. There wasn’t much for you to do anyway. --------- `? Kim Namjoon apparently was a man of his word since he returned the next day, this time accompanied by Hoseok, who greeted you with a wide smile and a hug once you opened the door. Shortly after he was gone, leaving Namjoon in your competent care – his words exactly.Apparently Namjoon had told his band mates that he needed to finish and important conversation with you and asked Hoseok previously to leave the two of you alone. Good that no one told you. Why should they anyway? “We never finished that conversation I realized,” he explained to you after he had sat down. “Which one,” you asked honestly since the two of you had managed to talk about quite a few things. “About you and Hae-Kyung and what happened while I was unconscious.” “We never had a conversation like that,” you said after a moment of thinking about what you had managed to talk about. “Well,” Namjoon answered, leaning his head to the left as if thinking of his next words. “we did. Of some sort. And to a certain degree.” “What do you need to know?” you asked curious and saw him think for a moment. “Everything really,” Namjoon answered honestly with a smile, as you rolled your eyes at him, putting a cup of tea in front him several moments later. The time to prepare the tea gave you a few moments to think about his request. You figured he had heard about whatever happened from plenty of sources, as in BTS and Hae-Kyung – with different versions and results. Depending on who he asked of the BTS guys those versions could differ again once more seeing that no everyone was always there when something happened. “Still no coffee for me?” he asked, puppy dog eyes in place and disappointment in his voice. “Nope. Be a good boy and we see about it in the future,” you joked, at which he just grinned, taking a tentative sip of his hot drink.This wasn’t a way you usually talked to anybody. Ever. But he made it somehow so easy and brought out your playful side somehow – a side you yourself didn’t even know existed if you were honest. “Everything’s a bit vague,” you finally answered his initial request. “Maybe you could just ask what you want to know?” Namjoon looked at you for a long moment and seemed to think about your suggestion carefully before he nodded. “What’s the worst she did? The others mentioned some things about pregnancy and about your …um…involvement and he request for your cooperation?” You found his way of saying ‘bribe’ a bit unusual and spent a moment to think about question. The longer you thought about your answer, his question and your previous conversations as well as stories that had broken over the past few days – or since he woke up again – the more questions seemed to open up to you. “Before I answer that… do you mind if I ask how you and her are currently… um… doing?” You rolled your eyes at yourself. Apparently Namjoon wasn’t the only one with funny ways of talking around issues. “How we are doing?” he asked, partly amused, partly confused. It was an actually rather adorable look if you were honest. You let out a puff of air, admitting that maybe the direct approach was the best option really. “Fine. Are you and her still on? As in are you still a couple? Date? Or did you split?” You didn’t know what brought on the question – or rather the suspicion you had – but some things over the last few days didn’t add up somehow. And well… maybe you also were curious to some extent. “It is undecided right now. I haven’t made up my mind yet. Once I get the whole picture I’ll take it from there. That’s why I also need to know your side….” He looked at you for a long moment. And you looked at him. You didn’t know what he was thinking about, you sure as hell spent a long moment collecting your thoughts and wondering whether you had just misheard what he had said. What followed might not have been your best reaction probably, but for that moment you didn’t think, you just…reacted. You got up from the couch and looked down at him. “I think it is time for you to leave. I have taken up enough of your time already.” To make a point you collected his still half full tea cup and made a first step backwards towards your kitchen. Namjoon looked at you baffled and confused. “Did I… say something wrong?” he asked and you needed to smile at the innocence of his question. “I…look. I understand that for you this is less than ideal. You were in a coma for eight months and your life got turned upside down without you being able to do anything about it or take a stand. And while it has only been maybe a week since you woke up and sort of had to lean what has been going on for the past few months and what kind of person you have been dating….there are people like me have to live with the consequences of whatever your dear girlfriend has thought up. I know cutting ties or coming to terms with the shreds of your relationship is not easy, but is that really who you want to spent… your time with?” “I don’t quite understand what any of that has to do with my question about what she did, but I understand your reasoning in general.” “What it has to with my answer? Everything, Namjoon. Literally everything,” you said, taking a moment to take a deep breath. Admittedly there is a part in you that wanted to strangle him right now, to yell at him to wake up. But that once more wasn’t you. “I won’t be the messenger of bad news that show you how your girlfriend really is. I won’t trash talk someone, despite the fact that I’d probably have plenty of reasons to do and have every right to. No. You should see that for yourself without me telling you what did or didn’t happen. I… don’t know you or her, but I suspect the past few months weren’t just… happening out of shock or issues dealing with this. Maybe instead of asking me what happened you should ask yourself how good of an actress your dear girlfriend really is….” You went to walk to your kitchen, in some suave, strong woman move to make a point – though which one wasn’t quite clear yet – but didn’t make it far when after only another step you saw Namjoon get up, his hand reaching out to you, grabbing your wrist softly and pulling you towards him – a move that surprised you like hell. His arms wrapped you in a close embrace, giving you the tightest and warmest and yet most gentle hug you had ever experienced. And then there was nothing for a while, just you standing awkwardly and somewhat stiff and letting Namjoon do whatever he was doing. Eventually his hug loosened and he let go of you, but spent a long moment looking at you. He didn’t say a word, and neither did you. If you were honest, you didn’t know what to say. This wasn’t odd. This was beyond odd and anything you could…explain. How exactly did you managed to get here? Instead of an answer you got… nothing. Namjoon all of a sudden turned around and left. Without saying or doing anything else.It would only be later when you realized that Namjoon hadn’t answered your question, you hadn’t really answered any of his questions and neither had you actually talked a lot – again. And maybe communication was something you need to work on. Eventually. Probably. Later.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Communication might have been something Namjoon and you needed to work on, but it wasn’t something Song Cho-rong needed work with. As a matter of fact communication was sort of her job. And apparently you were her newest client. “I’m … sorry I still don’t quite understand. You are a PR adviser. But…. why did you need to speak to me?” you asked for what felt like the hundredth time – it probably was only the third to be fair. And yet, you still weren’t able to wrap your head around this. You heard her answer every time perfectly, understood it. But still were having trouble somehow processing it. “So… I was hired by Kim Namjoon,” she finally explained. And maybe she should have started with that explanation. Not that it would have cleared much of your confusion. She took a sip of her coffee, which had been placed in front of her just moments ago. “He asked me to… let’s call it ‘sort out your situation’. I have obviously been following that story on and off for the last few weeks and let me tell you, you need help. I’m not just saying this because you are a job and therefore mean money, but because you really do. This whole thing is bigger than you and just sitting by the sidelines, hoping this will somehow go away won’t do anything unfortunately. This whole thing has become so huge with so many people one way or another involved that this is hardly manageable by yourself. So Kim Namjoon called me, asking me to help you…back on your feet, if you’d like to call it that.” You thought about her comment for a while before admitting to yourself that maybe she was right. It was hard to admit, but it was the truth. You had tried it by yourself and look how far that had gotten you. Nowhere. Literally. The only progress you made was actually after Seokjin and the others had returned and stepped in. What surprised you about this whole thing however was that apparently Namjoon was the one initiating this now. Especially after yesterday’s exchange. Talking about confused messages. “Okay,” you finally said nodding after you realized that your opponent was seemingly waiting for a reaction or a response from you. “What… what is the plan?” Song Cho-rong smiled at you softly, taking another sip of her coffee and studying you for a long while. It was a bit nerve wrecking to be honest. “Well, usually I get a few people involved, make a few big announcements and get your name out there, just a more positive way. But you seem like a person who doesn’t like big crowds, attention and the likes. So…we’ll keep it simple.” “I…thank you. I really rather not want to create a big fuss if we can avoid that. So… what are your plans?” “Simple,” she repeated once more. “We’ll make an announcement that you are considering several law suits against several people. We’ll leave it open as to who these people are that you are taking into consideration. The hospital, single co-workers, Park Hae-Kyung, the press itself? Who knows. We’ll leave them guessing and shacking. That way we might get already a few apologies and reactions that will clear you publicity-wise. I wouldn’t be surprised when all of a sudden quite a few stories emerge about how great and good and perfect you are. We’ll of course leave these unacknowledged, seeing that attention is what they probably hope for one way or another. I won’t lie, this will create a few more headlines and most likely also more drama, but that is to be expected when dealing with someone like Hae-Kyung who’d probably sell a kidney just to stay relevant-“ “And that’s all that’s going to take?” you asked surprised. “Well…. it is a start. I need to probably have a bit of time to think things through and see what other steps would make sense in all fairness. But I’m certain that most of it will be taken care of by Kim Namjoon and I’ll be more of…. Moral support, advice and handler for public statements.” “What do you mean you’ll be more or moral support, advisor and handler? Why… would I need that?” you asked confused and maybe slightly dumb folded. “Kim Namjoon is about to release a statement and as far as he said, he’ll give a small press conference in which he addressed a few topics. He actually asked for you to be present if you wouldn’t mind,” Cho-rong explained and quickly went on, when she recognized your almost panicked expression. “Not… as an active participant. Just…. as being there.” “He told you he will hold a press conference?” “Sort of. I made the assumption and he just sort of confirmed without saying much. That’s actually like him. To say things without saying anything really. Working with BTS a few times the past year, especially as some sort of an advisor for Kim Namjoon during his dating Park Hae-kyung has taught me that.” “You work for Kim Namjoon?” you asked surprised and saw her shack her head. “I wouldn’t call it work as such. I’m not employed by him. We met a few times throughout the years. BigHit employed me a few times to clear up a few image-related things, but nothing bad or major. When he started dating Park Hae-Kyung I occasionally consulted by him with questions in regards of how to handle things or situations. Again nothing major and I am pretty certain he already always knew what he himself wanted to do. He just needed something to confirm his instincts. “ You thought about her, Kim Namjoon and what Song Cho-rong has just told you and remembered her initial statement about the press conference and your… participation. “I… don’t think I’d have much desire to be there to be honest,” you finally said before quickly adding “the press conference I mean.” “Personally speaking I think you should be there. Somewhere in the back, not drawing much attention to yourself if you don’t want that sort of thing. We arrive after everyone is already in and won’t pay much attention. A few things he says might be interesting for you.” “Like the declaration of love for the woman who almost destroyed my life?” you asked sarcastically before you could stop yourself. Cho-rong just smiled for a moment before replying. “Oh, now I know for certain that you have to be there,” she smiled into her coffee cup and sort of winked at you. What the…? A moment later she finished her coffee and got up. “I’ll get everything set into motion and will be in touch as soon as I know the details from Kim Namjoon about the press conference.” With that she took the cheque for the coffee’s and proceeded to the cashier, paying for your and her coffee. And then she was gone. And you were left back confused, surprised and uncertain of you were honest. On your way home – which was only a few streets from the coffee place you had just been – you noticed that you had several new notifications. Friends asking about updates and how were doing, your parents having tried calling you and then there was a whole bunch of messages in the newly found BTS group chat as well as several messages from single members directly at you. If you were honest, you found it slightly strange when it came to you and them. Despite the fact that you had a somewhat close connection to all of them – the six of them anyways – you still weren’t sure what part in your life they had. Or what your part in their life was. You sort of considered them friends, but the circumstances of how all you stepped into each other’s lives were more than just unusual. You had expected that with Kim Namjoon waking up those ties would get cut and you’d go separate paths in different directions. But… as it turned out life has different ideas. Seeing several notifications from a few of them on your phone – and strangely the number of their messages increasing by what seemed the minute, it made you smile for a long moment. Jin’s question about how your meeting with the PR girl was didn’t even surprise you if you were honest. You had a feeling they already knew more about everything than you did. You were about to reply to him first, when your phone rang. It was Jin. Telepathic much? “Hello?” you answered your phone and heard him laugh from the other end. “[Y/N], it’s Jin,” he said and you wondered whether he didn’t expect you to have his number saved by now. Instead of any sort of verbal reaction or acknowledgment you just stayed quiet. It didn’t seem to bother him, since he just kept talking. Apparently Namjoon had mentioned his plan of a PR advisor for you. “That’s really the best thing he could have done. No idea why none of us thought of that before,” you heard him muse on the other side of the line. “Because it isn’t your business,” you said and realized too late how that could have sounded. “You are our friend,” Jin all of a sudden said, before you could correct or improve your statement. And was it just you or did he sound hurt? Also his statement cleared any doubts you could have had about your part in his life. “Yes, I know. But that doesn’t really… mean you need to go out of your way to sort my mess.” “Um, yes it does,” Jin said, sounding almost demanding. “That’s what friends should do,” he explained and a moment later you heard muffled sounds and something that sounded like ‘Hobi’, ‘ChimChim’ and ‘Kookie’. Had Jin just called the others? Before you could really think about that question whether you had just misheard you found yourself on speaker and Jimin, Jungkook and Hoseok talking to you all at once in a speed which made it hard to keep up. With just one of them. “You already did plenty of… being there. And that statement. And the twitter thing. And… everything really,” you finally said, deciding on ignoring whatever Hoseok, Jimin and Jungkook were saying. Not that you really knew, seeing that they started talking at the same time, same volume and all over the place. “Yes, but that was easy. I mean, the least we could have done, really,” Jin said as if it really wasn’t a big deal and he did see this as something normal and ordinary that happened on a daily basis. The way he said it and the fact that this wasn’t a big deal to him had you shocked – in a good way. This was somehow unfamiliar territory for you. The few friends you had sure had your back but … it wasn’t like they had the means – or fame or followers – to start something like a Twitter campaign or give a press conference. At best they’d be able to give you advice. But once again, their experiences were limited as well and their advice would at best be founded on guessing and what they’d think was best for you. You weren’t really sure why, but after his explanation and your silence to it, Jin referred back to his initial question. “That is what friends do for each other,” he said, this time more or a statement than a question. “I…. actually don’t know. I guess so?” you asked back uncertain. You heard a laugh from the other end, presumably Hoseok judging by the pitch. “It isn’t like I have a lot of references here. These sort of situations aren’t something I experience on a daily basis, guys.” The laughter you heard once more slightly irritated you if you were honest. You couldn’t explain why, but you figured to a certain extend you felt like they didn’t take this serious – not that you were sure what ‘this’ was. “Maybe that is a good thing actually,” Jin finally said somewhat serious. Leave it to him to seemingly understand you without you understanding yourself or actually saying anything. “How was the meeting anyway? Did she give you some advice or a strategy?” “Um… yeah, sort of I guess….” “That somehow doesn’t sound confident or promising,” someone whose voice sounded like Jungkook said all of a sudden. Seemed like you were on speaker still and in a strange conference call sort of thing. Once more you sound silence to be the perfect answer, though that wasn’t your intention. You actually just needed a moment longer to think about your answer. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to tell them, you sure did. You just didn’t know how exactly to summarize the meeting easily. “[Y/N]?” you heard Jin’s and Hoseok’s voice simultaneously. Instead of saying something you sighed. You couldn’t help it and it wasn’t meant a specific way other than you just not knowing how to actually answer the question. Well, answer it without them having too many follow up questions, or opinions. “She will…. Um…. issue a statement or something that indicates that I’m considering to take legal actions without saying who we are considering them against. According to her that might already scare people into stepping forward or something. Also… Namjoon and his press conference. Cho-rong thinks it would be good if I would be there as well,” you finally said, feeling already one or two of the others to kick into gear thought-wise, so you quickly rushed out: “Not as an active participant up there or… wherever he will be. But… just there. In the background.” This time it was their turn to be silent. Well, for a few moments anyway. Eventually you heard Jin’s voice again. “That’s a good plan.” In the background were a number of agreeing noises. “But why do I get the feeling that somehow you don’t seem to … particularly like that idea?” “I… it isn’t like the idea is bad. I just don’t really see the need for me being there. It’s Kim Namjoon’s press conference. During which he’ll talk about things. He’ll probably mention me in passing at best – which is totally okay. I… he doesn’t even need to mention me really. I just don’t see what difference it makes for me being there.” “It might be interesting,” Jimin said – having remained rather silent throughout this weird call. “He might say a thing or two that could be nice, noona.” “Nice?” you asked amused. That was a cute thing to say about a press conference. Though… thinking about it, there was definitely something Kim Namjoon could say that could be nice. For Hae-Kyung. Seeing that this was still ‘unresolved’. But that wasn’t part of this conversation right now really, was it? “I.. don’t really think there will be much to be honest. I mean… there probably is, but not something that requires me to be there urgently. And seeing how he still…. Um…. seems to be dating Hae-Kyung I’m not sure how strong whatever point and argument of his could be. A public scolding when you end up leaving hand in hand and loved-up isn’t quite as effective.” Another silence. Which in all fairness you had expected. It wasn’t like you were calling Namjoon out or something, but… your statement came pretty close. The silence however only lasted a few short moments, before there was a wild mix of replies and reactions. There was Hoseok’s more or less shocked exclamation of ‘What?’, Jin’s rather motherly ‘oh dear’ followed by a loud – very loud – sigh, Jungkook’s snickers and Jimin’s ‘what’s going on?’ question that admittedly was rather cute the way he asked in his innocent, almost child-like voice. The reactions stopped and you found yourself in a ‘listen only’ position when the four of them all of a sudden started their own debate with each other. The whole thing only got confusing, loud and wild when Taehyung seemed to join in all of sudden. You think you recognized Jimin’s voice in-between all of theirs who explained Taehyung what had been happening the past few moments. How do you constantly manage to end up in situations like this one? What was it with these guys? The few tries you started in getting order back installed were left fruitless and you decided eventually to let them debate whatever it was they debated between themselves. With these five talking all with each other and over each other you couldn’t follow them anyway. You caught snippets of single word strings and that was it. The debate was going on for a while and eventually you heard “You still there?” through the line. “Yes, yes,” you were quick in replying. “I just… zoned out. Sorry.” “Technically we should be apologizing,” Hoseok answered and you were confused. “It was sort of rude to have that discussion and ignoring you. Or not making you a part of it.” You laughed softly at his apology. “That’s okay. No worries.” “What…. What makes you think Joonie is still with her?” Jin asked and you questioned for a moment whether Namjoon hadn’t mentioned that. They usually seemed to be so well informed about each other’s lives. “I asked him,” you answered. Maybe that was something they should have done as well? Once more silence. Were they copying your moves now? The silence once again was then followed by wild talking – with each of them talking once more all at once. You were part of this telephone conversation why again? “Noona,” you heard Taehyung all of a sudden addressing you. “What exactly did he say?” “Not much really,” you responded. “He just said that he hasn’t made a decision yet. And… I mean, yeah, it sounds like everything is possible, but I’ve been around long enough to know how this ends. If Hae-Kyung’s actions of the past few months aren’t giving him plenty of reasons to decide it is a pretty set deal.” If you were honest you really expected a repetition of the last few moments again. Wild debates with each other, loud and confusing, but once more you were faced with silence. This started to really feel like a copycat move. The silence was eventually broken with single words, some sounding like curse words and a few times ‘babo’ thrown in. Interesting. “[Y/N], listen,” you heard Jin after a while. “Nothing is a done deal.” “Wellllll,” Taehyung disagreed only seconds later, drawing the word out. “It is a done deal,” he confirmed and you heard four exclamations. “It is,” he said, defending himself. “Just not what noona thinks.” Confusion was once again your best friend. What did that even mean? It was a done deal, but not what you thought? So... he was single? But not really? And what exactly wasn’t decided than yet if he Park Hae-kyung was no longer something think about? So many questions. And you assumed so little answers you’d get out of this conversation. You waited for Taehyung to follow up with his comment, but nothing came. Not even from the others who remained silent as well. So… all of them knew something you supposedly didn’t. Which wasn’t a problem really. You assumed there were a lot of things they knew that you had no idea about – because it wasn’t your business. You had no say over them, but it was a bit irritating that this was something that technically concerned you. Because… wait, what? No. This wasn’t concerning you. It wasn’t your business what Namjoon and Hae-Kyung did or didn’t do. All that was your business was how this whole ‘false accusation thing’ ended. That was your business. Not Kim Namjoon’s dating life. Or none-dating life. This was no one’s business but Kim Namjoon’s. BUT… he did ask you about her. Which meant he sort of made you part of their messy relationship. Because he wanted you to tell him what she did. In order to make a decision – according to him. After long moments of more silence and no answers or follow-ups, you figured you might as well just ask. This whole debate was already heading that direction anyway… you let your curiosity get the best of you. “Taehyung?” you finally prompted. “Something you wanna share with the class?” You had a feeling that the only one he really needed to share whatever it was he was talking about only with you and the others already knew fairly well what was going on. “I’m not sure I’m the one who should say anything,” he admitted after a few moments. “Say what?” you asked confused and heard Jin and the others mumble something you didn’t quite catch. After another long – and by now normal – silence you heard a sigh, presumably from Hoseok, since his voice was which you heard next. “Look, neither of us really knows why Namjoon makes things this complicated or why he said something like that, but him and Hae-Kyung are no longer dating. He called that quits the moment he learned what happened when we visited him at the hospital after we had seen you first. It wasn’t even really up for a debate. He hasn’t really made it public because… well, he has enough stuff going on right now. And he figured the attention this could cause and shine on Hae was something he didn’t want to grant her. Not sure how he pulled it off that she kept quiet about it in all fairness, seeing she usually is first to volunteer any information that makes her stay relevant.” “O-kay,” you said slowly, not entirely sure what to make of any of that. “I don’t understand why he’d say he has to make decisions. I mean… I’m sure he does every single day, but... why he would say that to me specifically.” “Well…” you all of sudden heard Yoongi’s voice. Apparently you were once again ‘completed’ – minus Namjoon of course. “He is making decisions. Not in regards of Hae-Kyung and more in regards of you I guess… “ “Me?” you almost shrieked. You couldn’t help it really. “He… isn’t…. um… suing me or anything, right? That’s nothing I’d have to worry about, is it?” “Why would he? Does he have reason to sue you? Did you give him reason? Something we don’t know?” “No, but… I don’t know. I mean… I am not sure.” “He got you a PR rep. I don’t think he’ll sue you anytime soon, noona,” Jungkook offered and he was right. But maybe he got you that rep because he was planning on suing you and just… okay, that really did make even less sense. “Look,” Yoongi all of a sudden interjected himself into the conversation. “Namjoon has sometimes weird ways of thinking. I mean he is a certified genius and I guess they either like to make things more complicated or they just need to go different ways than us mere normal people, but I can guarantee you that Namjoon has your best interest at heart. And sometimes he just really goes weird ways. Have a little faith and trust and you’ll soon enough learn what he thinks or seems to think. And if you can’t have faith, then have trust. Trust in me and us in general. We haven’t given you any reason to not trust us yet, have we?” You knew he had you there and you knew that he knew that you knew. So you did what Min Yoongi asked of you. You trusted him and had a little faith, despite not knowing what you were supposed to have faith for anyway.
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The days that followed slowly ticked by. There were a few calls from the hospital’s HR department, followed by someone apparently higher up as well and also their legal department and the daily calls you had with Cho-rong, speaking about ideas, strategies and also the press conference you were definitely – according to her and apparently six of BTS’ members – going to. Technically there weren’t many strategies to be talked about really. There were only really two things on your agenda – the statement and that press conference. So… a lot of talking was done by her, running ideas by you with you mainly agreeing and not doing much really. “What is it that you are doing anyway?” Cho-rong once asked after she gave you an ‘update’ which was technically the same as the previous few days, but you let her do her thing. “What do you mean?” you asked confused into the phone, not really sure what she wanted to know. “Every time I called the past few days you always seemed … in the middle of something. Are you working on your future plans? What are you doing anyway? Any ideas?” “Why?” you asked, almost defending. It wasn’t like you were doing top secret things, but it also wasn’t like you and Cho-rong had a friendship that required sharing personal questions. Not that you minded her question, it was just… unusual. Normally you were business only and that was it. As a matter of fact, you didn’t know anything about her, other than her name and what she did for a living. And her phone number obviously. All she knew about you was what she either had read in the papers, or you had told her when she asked and it related to your situation. “Well, for one, it would be good to know your angle so I know what I need to look out for. If you don’t see yourself at that hospital I can for example say different things than when I would have to consider you may be returning to them and working there again. If that isn’t your plan I can bluntly call them out on their policy of treating this whole thing, rather than finding indirect and sugar-coated ways of calling them out. Also… I have a few contacts here and there and could help you with a favor or two that is owe to me.” “I don’t want to get a new job because of a favor…” you admitted and heard Cho-rong on the other end laugh. “I… don’t think I could get you a job. I meant it more in a way of getting you noticed and your CV being looked at and maybe ask you for an interview. You’d be all by yourself from that point forward.” You thought about her offer for a moment. From the way she was explaining it, she wasn’t making sure you got the job – whichever that would be anyway. She was helping you get a foot in and then you’d still be responsible to get the job yourself. “That would actually be nice. Thank you,” you finally said after you thought about it for a moment. Cho-rong rattled her E-mail-address to you, and told you she’d also sent you a quick message with the address as well. Just in case. And that was that. No questions. No promises. Just an offer and an option. And then it was back to business. “So… we’ll release your statement tomorrow and the day after that is Namjoon’s press conference. He let me know the time, so I’ll sent a car your way and you should arrive a few minutes before it begins. That should make sure that you won’t really get noticed when you arrive. Though…. I still don’t understand why this has to be such a hush-hush affair. I could easily get you up there wth Kim Namjoon. No big deal.” “No,” you almost panicked. This was not going to happen. At all. And you had made that clear several times. As a matter of fact it took actually Cho-rong and all six of the BTS members quite a bit of persuasion to get you to agree to go to begin with. “I won’t sit up there. What kind of picture would that make? Like finally I get these fifteen minutes of fame everyone has accused me of wanting?” “It actually would sent the message that finally you fight back.” “Isn’t that what the statement is for?” you asked curious. “Sort of. But it would sent a much stronger message with you also stepping up – literally – and sit down next to him.” “No,” you said unconvinced. “I know that in your life and the life of the people you advice press conferences are normal and just part of the job. But that statement is as far as I’ll go publicly. I’m not… going to sit next to Kim Namjoon and potentially answer questions from people that tried dragging me down and through the wringer these last few weeks. Sorry. I’m not giving them the satisfaction of finally having their story about that mentally unstable nurse that did all that just so could have a piece of the cake. Or backing me into a corner I don’t want to be backed into. I will be there since all of you think it is the best of ideas, but that’s all I’ll do. I won’t draw attention to me, I arrive after it has started and leave before it is officially over. And no one will be the wiser. That’s my offer. Take it or leave it.” “I’ll take whatever you give me and I’ll make it work,” you heard her and weirdly enough you got the impression she sounded proud? “That is after all my job. To make work whatever I’m given.” You spent a few moments talking about the statement that was about to be released and ended the call, not sure what would happen tomorrow. You spent a few moments texting your non-famous friends, spent a way longer amount of time answering the messages from your famous friends who apparently either were all bored or just finding a pleasure in sending you way too many messages which mainly contained GIFs of animals, or smilies – in case of Taehyung and Jungkook – or actually text in the case of almost everyone else. It was funny how you, Jungkook and Taehyung were actually able to have entire conversations without typing one actual word. You woke to ringing.Of the doorbell, your landline AND your cell phone.One tired and still half-asleep look at your cell phone display showed that Jin was calling you. By the time you reached your landline to check caller ID the caller had hung up, just for the phone to ring a moment later and producing a number that you were not familiar with. You pressed a button on your landline to send the call straight to the answering machine, picked up the call from your cell phone that was still ringing and made your way to the front door. Opening the door, you mumbled “Jin” into the phone and found yourself face to face with him as well as Hoseok and Jimin a moment later. He smiled at you widely, pressing a copy of a paper against your chest and didn’t wait for an invitation, marching past you. Hoseok and Jimin followed his example and walked past you, smiling equally bright. So… it wasn’t something bad, you figured and closed the door behind you, followed roughly their direction, but stopped quickly in your bedroom to find a sweater or something to put on over your tank top. When you made it to them in your rather small kitchen, witnessing how Jin tried working your actually rather simple coffee maker and failed – seriously? – and how Hoseok and Jimin sat down on the only two chairs in your small kitchen you found yourself wondering what their visit was about. It wasn’t like they really needed a reason to be honest, but… the paper in your hand told you there probably was. Rescuing Jin – and potentially your coffee maker from being sent out of order – you pressed the only button the machine had and heard it rattle to life. The picture of Jin, looking confused at your coffee maker was actually funny. “I guess if it doesn’t cost a fortune and doesn’t come with a dozen options, functions and buttons you have a hard time figuring it out,” you said amused and saw him look at you equally amused. “I guess you are right,” he laughed and took the cup of coffee once it was done. You set out to produce three more cups, before bringing your attention to their visit. Or rather their reason. “Look for yourself,” Hoseok offered as only answer and pointed towards the paper still in your hand. It was today’s edition of the Korean Times. And you were not on the front page. Good start. You didn’t want to be on any front page. Ever again. You had to turn quite a few pages, which was sped up thanks to Jin’s “further” thrown in whenever you turned a page and he knew it wasn’t on that one either. Somewhere on page eight you finally saw what they probably wanted you to see. Your statement. Printed. Without much fuss. It was then, looking at it on the page displayed, that you actually had no idea what was written in it. Well, you sort of knew, seeing that Cho-rong and you had talked about the general context. But… you actually read and saw it right now for the first time. Which, of course, as you just realized could be bad. This could say anything really. Before reading it however you… looked at the three pair of eyes that were cast on you, expressions between smiling, anticipation and almost sheer excitement. You didn’t know why, but somehow you couldn’t do this in front of them. It was strange. They didn’t do anything really or said anything, but you still felt the urge to leave them for a moment. “I just…,” you said, not even finishing and leaving them back in your kitchen while you actually locked yourself in your bedroom. If Jin, Jimin and Hoseok were confused or irritated at your behavior they didn’t show. No one came after you and looked what was up with you and you were actually grateful for that. You couldn’t explain why you were like that, it just felt like you needed to do this alone.
“For weeks the press, Park Hae-Kyung and several people considered colleagues spent countless hours fabricating stories and lies, rumors and so called facts in regards of my dedication, ethnical believe or personal interest in a patient who had been in my care. For weeks I let them do what they thought was correct or good. It was neither and it will stop now. I will not let people question my dedication to a patient receiving the best care I could provide or speculate on any possible schemes or angles I might be playing. The only scheme or angle I am playing is to make sure whoever is in my care is taken care of and receives the best medical care I can offer within my limited means of doing medical procedures myself. Kim Namjoon was for me a patient like everyone else, regardless of his status, fame or money. The people that would regard this as an advantage in regards of medical treatment or care are the ones who turned away from the basic duties our job requires us to provide. To care for someone – regardless what that care might include. Sometimes giving someone just a bit of your time is enough to help them along the way. A recent study found that unconscious people can still feel the presence of someone and hear what is being said around them. Unconscious people who had been subjected to people speaking to them or just being around for longer than just a few seconds as ‘part of their duty’ were found to recover several times quicker than people who did not receive this sort of treatment. A battle is not always won with only needles and pills.
I would like to ask for people and the press to respect my privacy and remember that I was not, am not and never will be a public figure.
Furthermore am I reserving my right to consider and effectively take legal actions against everyone who was involved with the aforementioned flat-out lies and so called ‘facts’ about me, my motivation and my private life. These actions will be considered – but are not limited to – against colleagues, members of the press as well as my current employer whose lack of interest in an in-depth investigation in regards of the allegations left me deeply disappointed. I expected more from a renowned institution like the one that currently employs me.
Last but not least I would like to thank Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook for their support and backing during the past few weeks. I am deeply grateful for their assistance and support in a time that was greatly difficult for me. They have been nothing but kind to me. The same applies to Kim Namjoon, whom I wish a recovery that keeps improving each day and a fast return to the stage, his regular life and his friends and family as well as to BTS. I wish him all the best for his personal, private and professional life. Hwaiting ”
And that was it. That was your statement. It said everything you wanted it to say and you found yourself surprised at how well this was done for you without you actually being involved. It set the record straight – sort of – and mentioned the intended law suit. It was… you if you were honest. It was everything you hoped it to be and said everything that needed to be said. The end actually made you smile. It was… somehow unfitting and fitting the same. It was… perfect. The perfect ending to this drama really. And finally a closure. A/N: FYI, I made up the ‘recent study’
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You starred at the paper for ages after you had finished reading the statement a second, and finally third time. The soft knock against your door made you realize that you had probably hidden way longer than you had intended. “Are you okay in there?” you heard Hoseok’s voice a moment after the last soft knock. “I’m fine…” you answered quickly, getting up from your position on the bed and unlocking the door. Hoseok only gave you a concerned look for just a second before he was his usual, happy self, smiling at you brightly. “It’s good, right?” he asked warily a moment later and you just nodded. “It’s good,” you confirmed verbally as well. “You know, it never occurred to me that you might not have known what exactly your statement would be like,” you heard Jin next you all of a sudden. He handed you your previously abandoned coffee mug and smiled at you. “For whatever reason I thought you’ll write it yourself with a bit of help from Song Cho-rong. I never considered that all the questions she kept asking us the other day were actually because she wrote that statement without your input.” “She… asked you questions?” you asked surprised, this being the first time you actually heard about it. “She did, noona,” Jimin said from behind Jin. “She asked about our statement and our impression and support. And she asked Namjoon-hyung all these questions about his opinion on medical studies and the likes. Which is odd, seeing that Namjoon isn’t a doctor. And then they left the room because he wanted to ask her opinion about something and it should remain between the two of them.” “She didn’t mention that she had seen you guys,” you admitted and saw Jin as well as Hoseok nod. “Not… that she can’t. I just… figured she was sort of um… winging it. Or doing this based on our conversations and meetings and maybe what she had read in the papers.” “No, she was actually at ours for a few times, questions at hand, ready to note down whatever we told her. Which wasn’t much….” “Good to know,” you said more to yourself than anyone in particular and smiled, pushing yourself off the wall you had been leaning against and walked past the guy towards your living room, just to sit down on the couch, with Hoseok and Jin on either side of you a moment later. Jimin would cram himself into whatever little space was left. “Do you already have a timeline for tomorrow?” Jin asked after a few moments passed and you looked at him sort of surprised. “The press conference?” he offered and you realized than again that it was indeed tomorrow. “You still coming, right?” Nodding, you saw something close to relief on his face. Why was everyone so concerned with you showing up to that thing? “I’ll… um… get in when it probably already started and leave shortly before it ends. That way I’ll avoid drawing too much attention to myself. I guess it would look weird anyway for me being there in the first place really…” “Why would it be weird? You have as much a right to be there as anyone else really. Actually, you of all people have more reason to be there than anyone else. Seeing how this thing affected you so much.” “I… still don’t think my presence will make much difference to anyone. But… if it all means so much to you, I’ll be there, facing the masses of reporters and fans or whatever…” “Noona, it is a small thing. There won’t be any fans,” Jimin said in a cure, yet correcting fashion, as if that should have been obvious that this wasn’t a huge affair and your idea of it being was silly. “Right….ok,” you said answered amused. “Promise me however that you’ll be your usual extra, cute and handsome, crazy selves and draw all the attention to you. That way I don’t have to worry about anyone really noticing. ” “Our usual extra, crazy selves?” Hoseok asked confused and smiling. “What are you talking about? We are just as normal as everyone else….” Instead of answering you just stared at him for a long moment. “Normal? I think your definition of what is normal and mine are slightly different.” “Well, name one example of us being crazy, extra and unusual?” “One? How about a whole book? Yoongi wants to be reborn as a stone in his next life. A stone. Namjoon is known as god of destruction because he often enough manages to break things in the weirdest fashion. Things that probably aren’t breakable for most of us. Yet, he makes it seem so effortless. Jin… well… worldwide handsome anyone? Taehyung’s whole existence seems to have the purpose of being extra and crazy and he slowly starts rubbing off on Jungkook. And you,” you said, turning towards Hoseok on your left, “you seem like you are most of the time one something. Which… I know you aren’t and don’t get me wrong… I wish more people were as happy and carefree to some extend like you are, but… you seem most of the time like you lost your mind,” you smiled widely at him and were relieved when he smiled back at you in a true Hoseok-fashion. “Though, in all fairness you all seemed to have toned it down compared to earlier years. I guess you all are growing up.” Instead of an immediate reply you were faced with silence for a while, which was odd. Until Jin spoke and you realized something. “How do you know all of that?” he asked surprised. “Are you a fan, noona?” Jimin asked, seeming surprised and excited equally. Oh… you never actually had mentioned that you were a fan, had you? And now… fuck. Now they probably thought … oh god. Was this the moment when they would now look back at everything and think that all the accusations from Park Hae-Kyung were right after all? That you were a fan on a mission or something? That you were crazy and insane and just another sasaeng fan? “I…. um...,” you started but stopped momentarily, seeing that you were actually lost for words or the right words in this situation. Saying you admired them and their music and what they had achieved and stood for would be a start, but somehow the words wouldn’t come to you. “You are!” Jimin exclaimed, almost seeming like he might bounce off the sofa in a second and jump around. It was a cute image if you were honest. “I… wouldn’t say fan as such,” you slowly offered. “I… it is more…” you stumbled and god this was not helping and quite possibly made it even worse. You saw Jimin get up and panic set in. What the hell had you done? Why did you have to say this? Now they probably thought they fell to some sort of scheme you had tried. Fuck, this was really, really, really bad. How to fix this? Now? “I…” you started once more, but still didn’t know what to say. Jin turned towards Hoseok and Jimin and grinned at them. Wait… wait? Grinning? Grinning wasn’t a sign for being mad and angry. “Let’s see what we have,” he said, clapping his hands together once and left. To where? “Have where?” you asked and saw Hoseok and Jimin jump up a moment later. Apparently either they knew what Jin was talking about or they wanted to find out what he was on about as well. “Merchandise. I’m certain your bedroom walls will have at least one poster of me, seeing that I’m Worldwide handsome,” you explained over his shoulder, making his way to your bedroom. What the… “Wait!” you almost shouted, but it didn’t stop him. Only Jimin slowed down and looked at you for a second. A lot quicker than what you had anticipated Jin, Hoseok and Jimin reemerged. “I’m disappointed,” Jin said, looking sad if not to say deflated. “No poster on my wall?” you asked slightly amused, almost certain your first panic how this could have looked averted. “Nothing,” Hoseok supplied. “Like… there are a few albums and one or two articles of merchandise, but… that’s it. I had expected at least a shrine, or something…” “A shrine?” you asked irritated. “What? Why?” “Don’t know, but would have been cool.” “So you are not a fan?” Jimin asked, looking equally disappointed like Jin. You nodded your head uncertain left and right and found it odd how much they seemed affected. “I am, sort of. Not really what you call a…. um… hardcore ARMY I guess. I have a few albums as you probably noticed. And a few other things. I admire your music and like what you stand for, what you accomplished and the message you sent. But… I haven’t even been to a concert or such. Not to mention how almost impossible it seems to actually score tickets…” “Well….” Jin said, sitting down next to you again. “We’ll have to change that.” “Change what? Me being a fan?” you asked amused and confused. “No, that you haven’t been to a show. We can’t have you be a friend and fan and not have seen us on stage. We’ll set you up, no worries. You’ll get backstage passes and we’ll find the best spot in the venue for you stand or sit or whatever. And we’ll give you loads of merchandise…” You laughed at Jin and how serious he seemed, seeing him nod with every new idea he seemed to have. “You… really don’t have to,” you said, seeing Jin shack his head at you as if to say ‘nonsense’. “I… mean… I’m not even really … I mean I am a fan but compared to others… I’m not,” you tried arguing. You saw Jin reach into his jeans pockets and pull out a keychain from which several dozen keys and a small RJ keyring dangled. Why weren’t you surprised that he had an RJ keyring? He clipped the small plush off and handed it to you. “You are like this RJ,” he explained and you were confused, not really understanding what he was talking about. “While I have the real size one at home I can’t always take it with me wherever I go,” he went on and you thought for a second whether you should point out that actually he did take it with him. Unless there was an even bigger version of RJ than the one he was all the time carrying around. “I take the small version with me and am reminded of the real one back home. And though it is smaller and might not seem like the real deal, it is. It is as important to me as the bigger one. Like you. You are an ARMYlight, but that doesn’t make you less important. You still support us with the same passion and love as others that buy tickets to every show or have every version of every album we release. You are as important as everyone else. Just like him,” Jin said. “We don’t care if people buy thousands of things and spent a lot of money or whether they just purchase a thing. The support is still equally important. You are equally important.” “ARMYlight?” you asked amused and saw everyone nod. At least they were in agreement with each other. Handing the keyring back to Jin, he shook his head and pushed it back to you. “Keep it, to remind you of you being equally important…” “Noona?” you heard Jimin’s voice a second later and you looked at Jin, the RJ keyring and this whole situation when absentmindedly giving a ‘yes’ response to him calling you. “Since you are a fan…,” he started and you were wondering how long that would actually stay a topic of conversation. “Who’s your bias?” “That actually is…,” you started still sort of absentminded, before realizing what he has asked. “Wait… what?” Turning towards him, you saw Jimin look at you almost expectantly. As did Hoseok. “Yeah, who is it?” he asked, grinning widely at you. “I… um…,” you started. And how the hell did they keep doing this to you? “I …don’t have one?” you asked finally and heard Jin next to you laugh. “Yeah, nice try,” he said laughing, shaking his head. “Obviously it is me. Right? I mean… worldwide handsome and such. How could you not?” he asked and the way he said it was in such a teasing yet sort of serious manner. “It’s not you,” you said straight-faced. “Which means you have one,” Hoseok figured. “I…don’t,” you argued again, but even to your own ears that wasn’t convincing. “I’m way too old for a bias,” you tried again. Better. Sort of. Hoseok just looked at you irritated. “Age is just a number.” “So?” you asked and heard Jimin simultaneously say “You are never too old for a bias, noona.” “So?” Jin asked and great, you had a feeling without an answer you wouldn’t get out of this anytime soon. “Come on, tell us,” Hoseok probed, before adding “Promise, we won’t tell anyone.” “Unless it would be one of you,” you replied laughing, seeing Hoseok laugh with you when he realized the mistake in his logic. “By the way you make this such a mystery it means there’s definitely a bias. Just admit that it’s me and we are all set,” Jin analyzed and you rolled your eyes at him. You thought about it for a moment until you were certain you found a way of getting out of this because it became obvious that they wouldn’t stop anytime soon. And then you found your solution. “Lee Felix,” you finally said confident, seeing Hoseok and Jin look at you confused. “Lee Felix? From Stray Kids?” Jimin asked surprised. Ha. Win for you. Crisis averted. You just nodded and saw Jimin produce his phone. “I know Felix, he is a really cool guy and very easy-going,” he informed you smiling widely. You smiled back and let him be happy with the apparent victory that they won. “Let me call him. This is great. He likes you. We had just spoken about you the other day and he was saying you seemed nice…” “Oka-Wait… what? No! Don’t…. what are you doing? Are you…. Park Jimin, I swear to god, if you call him…,” you almost shouted. He was not really calling him, was he? Why did he have his number anyway? The phone was next to his ear and you could swear you heard the dialing tone even from where you sat next to Hoseok. “Jimin,” you said with more force, seeing him grin at you. Reaching over Hoseok when Jimin was momentarily distracted you managed to reach his phone and grab it, more or less yanking it out of his hands. Hanging up before someone could pick up, you fell back into the cushions of your couch. “I think I just aged ten years,” you admitted, hearing Hoseok and Jin laugh loudly. You gave Jimin his phone back only after he swore to not try and make another call. And that was when his earlier words actually sunk it and registered with you. “What do you mean, you had spoken with Lee Felix about me? Why? I… mean… I…why? Or… about what? And… when?” Now Jimin looked alarmed. “I…we just had a conversation… don’t be mad, please. It was nothing bad. We… didn’t talk about you as such. Just… the whole story and everything. And he mentioned you and the stories and papers and what had been written and the likes and… we didn’t say anything bad about you. Please, believe me, it wasn’t anything mean. Don’t be mad,” he was rushing through his words, looking not just alarmed but also panicked and like he might be about to cry. What the… and that’s when it hit you that Jimin was actually really scared and worried you might think he had talked about you behind your back. Not in a nice fashion. And that you might be really mad at him, assuming the worst. You wondered how often that actually happened to them themselves; that they found themselves on the other side of the conversation. Them making a friend and then all this chaos of their life and routine killing whatever little connection they might have been able to establish. Or how often someone actually was talking about them, behind their back, not in a nice way. Instead of saying anything, you looked at all three of them for a moment. They had such crazy schedules and lives and things happening to them, it must be really hard sometimes. They were literally locked into their own world, most of their friends idols themselves. Idols with equally busy schedules and lives. There probably was never much time for coffee meetings or just a dinner to catch up with each other. Most of their lives probably happened virtually, with messages, e-mails and just the occasional call.You figured it must be hard being them once more. Their fame and status made them easy targets for people with ulterior motives and dollar signs in their eyes. These days, everything revolving remotely around BTS made money and was a story worth selling. How often had they found themselves previously disappointed, burnt and sold out? How often had whatever little, even remotely personal detail or information been sold on by someone they had felt they could confide in?Back when this whole story about Kim Namjoon started, when he was unconscious and all of you were fighting different battles against different foes they could have stayed by themselves, not engaging you occasionally into their lives and allowing you small glances into who they were and what made them tick and think. But they didn’t. They gifted you with their trust and faith, despite that gift having previously been misused by probably plenty of people.The least you could gift them with was your time. As well as little acts that might mean something more to them. So instead of saying anything, you just got up, seeing Jimin almost close to a heart-attack in panic.You got in front of him and leaned down, giving him the tightest hug you could muster without actually hurting him.It was the least you could do and you figured it would speak louder than any word you could have said. “I’m not mad,” you eventually more or less whispered to him. Just for good measure.
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This is not a new chapter and it will get deleted with the next update
i would just like to take a moment to wish everyone a very merry, successful and especially happy New Year. May all your wishes come true and all your dreams find fulfillment. To new roads we travel, new people we meet, new things we learn and new beginnings we grant. To closures we might need, karma we collected and happiness we shared and spread. Wherever you are in the world, I raise my glass for each and everyone of you, wishing you all the best and hoping everyone finds what they are looking for in the new year. 2019 will be a book with 365 empty pages as of yet, so let's go and fill them with amazing stuff! Kisses, Naidoo!
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Why again did you agree to this? That was the question that had been on your mind for probably the millionth time this morning. When morning slowly shifted to noon and you had hung up with the sixth of seven members from BTS as well as your PR advisor, advising every single called that ‘yes, you would be there definitely’ and ‘no, they didn’t need to call again’. Cho-rong had already arranged for a car to pick you up, just to make sure you wouldn’t change your mind last minute and for a moment you actually wondered what everyone’s deal was with that. It was a press conference. Which was centered on Kim Namjoon. It had nothing to do with you as such or a main participant and you were certain they’d be able to get by without you just fine. But no, every time you tried arguing they argued right back, reminding you that you promised. Which you actually didn’t. But… well, obviously it did mean something to them. Which was odd, seeing the one who was involved at all was Kim Namjoon. And he actually… hadn’t contacted you. Not that he needed to. So you saw it as sort of your duty to show up, seeing how much these guys had done for you over the past few days, weeks and months even. It was a little price to pay for something that so clearly meant so much for them. The previous days’ statement from you had surprisingly a lot of response, mostly positive and also sort of spiraled in its own small story about you and the side effects of today’s media and the role it played in your case. A fact that actually amused you, though didn’t affect you as this was probably just a moment and wouldn’t remind them to remain more or less open-minded in the future with other ‘cases’. You had never been to a press conference – obviously – and therefore stood in front of your closet more or less clueless as what to wear. Was it like a business thing? Or was that too much? Also, would that not draw too much attention to you when you showed up all business-meeting like? You ruled out bold and bright colors right from the start. That was like a signal that you didn’t need. There was no requirement to stick out because you chose a bright neon-colored piece of clothing. “Argh”, you let out frustrated when you ruled out yet more clothes and slowly found yourself coming to an end of what your closet had to offer. For a moment you actually really considered calling Cho-rong for advice, but that was ridiculous. You were at an age where you surly could dress yourself. For something no one would actually really see you at if things worked the way you hoped. A jeans, some t-shirt and a pair of Converse should work just fine, right? No one was going to pay you attention anyway. You’d eventually would choose something that wasn’t ‘a jeans, t-shirt and a pair of Converse’ but still managed to hide you and hopefully blend in equally well. Jin and the others remained true to their word – or rather true to Jin’s, Hoseok’s and Jimin’s word – by creating enough craziness all of a sudden when you arrived that all the attention was on the six BTS members and no one actually took note of your arrival. Everyone was more focused on and sort of excited for the first more or less public reunion of Korea’s most successful, most known and most loved act to have their focus elsewhere. You stood in the last row of the room, behind several people that didn’t look like press and therefore probably would take even less notice of you. At some point shortly before Kim Namjoon appeared Cho-rong found her way next to you, looking as business-like as always. “I see you really managed to find that one spot where no one will take notice of you,” she laughed softly, more or less whispering to you. You just turned towards her, smiling as well. “Let’s call it talent,” you joked and heard her snicker. No one took notice of you, no one turned around to scan the crowd and see who was around and no one seemed to care for anything else but what you were here for – the press conference. You leaned with your back against the wall behind you and a moment later the whole thing everyone here had come for started. Kim Namjoon looked … stunning. That was the first thing you noticed. He looked like he had been on a never-ending vacation somewhere nice, with a glow that could illuminate the whole room. He was dressed sharply, his hair styled perfectly and radiated idol through and through. He was the 100 times improved version of the man you had seen a few days ago. He looked well, healthy, happy to some extent. For a moment you wondered whether he actually for once listened to everyone and took it easy, before you realized that even with taking it easy and getting a lot of rest this result wouldn’t have happened. Not that fast anyway. He was made up, styled, probably wearing a ton of beauty products that you could neither name, identify or even know for what exactly they were. He had been transformed into an Idol again, because god forbid the world would see one of them anything less than perfect. God forbid someone actually got to see what eight months of coma can do to you. A lot of photos were taken, of both Kim Namjoon and the rest of BTS who for the moment remained in the crowd with seats in the first row, somehow on the sidelines and yet fully integrated as well. You had to admit, as much as you didn’t really feel the need to not come here today, it was an oddly strange spectacle to watch. So far Namjoon hadn’t even said anything and you already witnessed people speaking into their phones, recording devices, cameras as well as scribbling down notes about god knows what. “Is it always this…crazy?” you turned to Cho-rong questioningly. “Crazy?” she asked confused. “Well… he hasn’t even said anything and yet everyone seems to treat this as the biggest news of today.” “You call that crazy?” she asked amused, grinning brightly at you. “This is just normal and what they always do. Any news is worth reporting for these gossip magazines. The clothes he wears, how much they cost, what brand they are, how good he looks, how healthy he seems and how he looks ready to take on the world again.” “But none of that is true. They realize that, right?” Cho-rong shrugged. “You know what they say. In today’s news they wrap tomorrow’s fish. A story is only as good as long as nothing else tops that. And in the world of gossip and idols and the likes any news is worth reporting. No matter how small or unlikely – as you had to experience yourself. By the way… speaking of you…,” she turned more towards you and directed her speech directly at you. “I am almost certain I know the answer to this, but… well. I got several requests for an interview with you. Nothing big, but a good way of telling your side in all of this…” “No,” you only said, seeing her nod only seconds later. “Sorry, but… I had enough of the spotlight to last me a lifetime.” More nodding from Cho-rong. “I figured as much, but at least wanted to ask before turning all of them down.” The press conference itself was strangely enough interesting to watch. But that could have been because you never had been to one before. So maybe this was normal and neither interesting nor newsworthy as such. Kim Namjoon himself seemed to take his time. He talked for a while, answered questions patiently though they kept repeating themselves over and over again just worded differently and stopped every now and then for someone to take a photo. You figured he made it seem like he did people a favor, but actually needed a break from the talking and strain of being ‘Idol Kim Namjoon’. Eventually he addressed the topic of Park Hae-Kyung, the rumors and you as well. Seeing that you already sort of knew what was coming, you were still surprised about the buzz and reactions when Kim Namjoon explained that he was longer involved with Hae-Kyung in any capacity. “We decided to part ways and cut all ties business-wise. Furthermore I’d like to deeply apologize once more to [Y/N] for everything she has been put through, during my unconsciousness as well as after. I took information as fact without considering other options and placed trust in the wrong people. She served me in my condition in my best interest. I appreciate her time and care and the fact that she seemingly was one of few who didn’t follow an agenda other than my wellbeing. I appreciate her kindness these past few days and weeks and her kind heart.” “When did you and Park Hae-Kyung split ways?” someone asked. “When her intentions became obviously and our goals were no longer the same.” “Is there another someone in your life right now? Romantically speaking?” someone else asked from the crowd. “He just woke up from an eight month long coma and split from Park Hae-Kyung. Seriously?” someone else asked the reporter and you had to admit, you found it funny in a way. Because that probably was the thought on most people’s minds’. Where would he have had the time? This exchange took a few moments between several parties of the press bickering with each other whether or not there could possibly be someone and finally Kim Namjoon answered. “Maybe…”
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The mood – and also the noise level – in the room changed within seconds.You saw people almost jump up, out of their seats and shouting and yelling questions, statements and comments, all trying to surpass each other in regards of volume and aggressiveness. You on the other hand were…confused. To say the least. Like the reporters a moment ago you wondered as well when Kim Namjoon would have had the time to meet someone.Unless, of course one of your colleagues had succeeded in her quest for a prestigious – or rich, famous and well-known – companion. He was still a patient of the hospital and as you were very aware of a very popular patient now that he was awake and ‘useful’ for your colleagues that previously shunned him. You couldn’t help but feel angry if you were really honest. Not that supposedly one of them finally succeeded, but that Kim Namjoon seemingly feel for it. Again. Again because wouldn’t having one of them for a partner be the same as dating Park Hae-Kyung? Just less famous and less power-couply? And also maybe less attention seeking if you were honest. Most of your younger female colleagues had no ambition of becoming famous and living in the limelight as such – or at least not working for that fame. Their desire was just a comfortable cushion financially speaking. To be set for life. During the past month Kim Namjoon had only been granted Park Hae-Kyung’s attention when he fulfilled a purpose, when he could help her stay relevant. His purpose was to keep her in the media, give her the headlines and front pages se so desired and needed to see herself on. Always the distraught and grieving girlfriend of one of Korea’s biggest names.A part of you really hoped that it hadn’t always been like that, that Park Hae-Kyung at some point in the beginning really had been with him because she loved him and cherished the time they spent together, away from the cameras, the spotlight, the press. You hoped for him. That he had been granted that luxury at least, even if just for a few months.
“Is it someone we know?”
“How did you meet?”
“Another actress?”
“Maybe an idol? There has been that new girl group and one of them been linked to you…”
“Can you tell us more?”
With all the shouting, asking and yelling around you it was hard to concentrate on your own thoughts. They made your head spin. Which was ridiculous, seeing that you weren’t even involved. ‘How must all of this feel for him?’ you wondered, trying to study Namjoon for a moment and seeing the professional through and through. He smiled, waved and kept himself partially mysterious, by only answering a few selected – and probably also convenient – questions. While mayhem more or less broke loose, with people everywhere shouting more and more and louder at that, questions being thrown around and directed at Namjoon, you decided this was the end for you. Turning around when you realized every single person was focused on what was going on around you and on stage, you slipped through the door, making your way home.You figured you had wasted enough of Cho-rong’s time – seeing that she probably was only here because of you. And that had already gone on long enough.Pulling the collar of your coat further up and into your face, you put your sunglasses on and duck down, vanishing into the crowd of people that walked up and down the street. You made your way slowly through the strings of people enjoying the surprisingly good weather on a day that almost felt like summer again. Hailing a cab, it took you a good while to make it home, seeing as traffic again was a nightmare at this time of day. While you were stuck in traffic the world moved past your window in almost slow motion. People rushing in-between other people who were much slower, hailing for cabs, running from shop to shop, packed with bags left and right, groups of women chatting, laughing, enjoying some of the last rays of sunshine they might get this year. To a certain degree you envied them, looking at the busy life outside your window.You heard your phone pinging several times, signaling incoming messages and a quick glance at your screen you saw it was from Cho-rong, asking where you were and why you had gone all of a sudden. It was a string of messages, all sent within seconds of each other and all seeming confused at your sudden departure. Looking at your watch you needed to laugh about the ‘sudden’. Almost half an hour had past since you had left the hospital. Not really a time frame that would qualify as ‘sudden’. Making it home and inside your apartment after what seemed hours, you just wanted to get a really, really hot shower and call it a night. Just passing the threshold another string of alerts was heard from your bag, going on for several seconds, making you wonder who was messaging you so urgently and why they wouldn’t just call. Looking at your screen you weren’t even surprised to see who they had been from. Several people. Six to be more precise. Scanning over their messages they sounded almost panicking. Which confused you to be honest. It wasn’t as if there was a chance and likelihood for you being kidnapped by some crazy person. All of them however had more or less the same context and question. While V and Jimin wanted to know when exactly you had left and whether it had been before or after Namjoon’s “maybe”, Jin was assuming - or maybe even knew – you had left after that part and wanted to simply know whether you were ok and where you had gone off to. Yoongi’s was a lot less text and a way more pragmatic message, simply saying “Why exactly did you leave?” Hobi used his messages to debate his confusion about everything (join the club) and Jungkook simply stated how crazy it had been. You had really no idea who to answer first, so you started with the less complicated or complex one. Jungkook’s message was easy enough to reply and also made sure the others knew you weren’t lying somewhere dead in a gutter (why ever they would think that to begin with) but okay, since you knew the moment Jungkook read your message the others would know as well. Hoseok was next, seeing his message as well was in safe territory and wouldn’t require for you to actually explain things and way you left. You typed up a quick yet long enough reply for him, agreeing it had been crazy and confusing and everything in between. You also did mention this has been your first rodeo, so you weren’t sure whether things were always like this. Within seconds he actually confirmed that they actually weren’t. Good to know. You left Yoongi’s and Jin’s messages up for last, seeing that you yourself couldn’t entirely for certain answer them and their questions.It wasn’t really like you didn’t know why. You just couldn’t explain it really. How could you explain that you were disappointed if not even to say angry? Especially about something that probably was a good thing – love that is – and that Namjoon’s heart seemed to be on its way to recovery? How would that sound? Well, first of all entirely wrong if you didn’t also add that you felt disappointed in Namjoon for seemingly falling for the same kind of person once over. Would they understand that? Probably not. You yourself didn’t even understand it, how could you then expect them to understand it? Maybe before answering them you should try and make sense of it yourself. And maybe that was where your answer laid – or maybe where the problem started.You decided you needed time. Maybe more then what they could give you, but you definitely needed time! So you took your phone, typed an answer to both Yoongi and Jin, deleted it, retyped something else, just to delete it once more. You let out a frustrated groan, before typing for a third time and finally sending it, being more or less happy with it. What Jin and Yoongi made out of your answer was something you could only guess, especially since your reply didn’t answer anything. It was simple, straight-forward and not saying anything really at the same time. It was only one word.
COMPLICATED!
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You were surprised there hadn’t been any follow up messages from anyone.After your one-word reply to Jin and Yoongi you had decided to call it really a day, ordering some food, watching a cheesy movie and going to bed early. Super early. In the back of your mind you had assumed that you’d wake up to at least one or two replies, but…nothing. It was as if they also felt you needed distance for whatever reason and they granted you your wish.However, you knew that would only last a few days tops. It would be three days and no message still. But all of a sudden a visit. From six of them. At once. Your place really wasn’t made for that many people. It was too small and felt really quick too crowded in your rather cluttered space. “What the hell is so complicated?” Leave it to Yoongi to start right of with the tough questions and no small talk! “Would you believe me when I say I myself don’t know or can’t explain it?” you asked and were met with an odd mix of partial nodding and partial confusion and uncertainty. Not the most promising start, but better than complete ignorance right away. “Try us,” Jin said almost encouragingly. “Maybe by trying to explain it to us it will make a sense to you all of a sudden.” You looked at Jin for a moment, not entirely sure what to make of his suggestion. How were you even supposed to try? You didn’t know where to start first of all. As if sensing your struggle, Jin spoke a moment later once more. “Ok…. Um… so I assume you stayed until mayhem broke lose. That’s what Cho-rong mentioned when we asked her when you had left. She couldn’t exactly pinpoint a time, but could at least say until what point you still had been around. So… you left somewhere after that?” Jin asked patiently. You nodded and looked into four focused faces which reminded you somewhat of puppies. Yoongi and Jin were the only exceptions. Jin because you figured he already had explanations and was waiting for you to catch up with him. Yoongi…. Well, because he was Yoongi really. That should explain everything if you were honest. “So maybe his answer set you in motion? His answer to the question whether there is someone new in his life?” You starred at Jin – if not to say glared at him. You hated being put on the spot, especially in a situation like this – when you and Jin seemed the talking parties and you had five spectators who remained silent. You don’t know how long you glared at Jin but eventually you let out a frustrated sigh and let yourself more or less fall on the sofa, right between Jin and Hoseok. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I shouldn’t care!” you almost yelled. “But…he left Park Hae-Kyung just to fall for someone who probably is just as bad. I can’t explain why, but I….sort of hurt for him. I just really wish he could meet someone who doesn’t see the money, fame and lavish lifestyle that probably awaits the future Mrs. Kim Namjoon. Someone who sees him for the person he is and not for the persona he puts on. Someone who doesn’t just use him and has ulterior motives she is after.” “Well,” Jin said, looking almost amused. What the hell??? “He actually met someone like that. Someone nice and…gentle, kind and warm and with a heart made out of gold.” “How?” you asked before you could stop yourself. “What do you mean ‘how’?” Yoongi asked confused and with what seemed a tiny bit of amusement in his voice and in his face. “Um…,” you started, looking at them all one after another. “He has pretty much only been at the hospital. So I hate saying it, but everyone he met there is…um…chasing after their own dreams and the fulfilment of them.” “Everyone? Really?” Hoseok asked and seemed amused as well. What was up with them and that? Were they even wishing for Namjoon to find the right person to love? “I’m sorry, but the only one who actually cared about him was me, seeing that all of my colleagues were quick to hand over that duty to whoever would take it of their hands. Which was usually me, since I think unconscious patients deserve some level of care as well. And the time of day,” you explained, feeling like a bitch. Had you really just said that? Making you out like the hero of the bloody day? Even to your own ears you sounded like a bitch saying you were the only one who cared. But…essentially it was correct. No one else really bothered. Like at all. “Interesting,” Jin said and didn’t really sound like he meant that, if you were honest. “It’s not as if you didn’t already know this,” you remarked, seeing Jin just nod. The other five followed suit. “So…it pisses you off that Namjoon likes someone you categorize as a person that has once more ulterior motives and sees not him but the fame and money. And also who doesn’t care. You on the other hand do care…” You nodded more or less absent minded before you realized what he had just said. “Wait….what, no….I mean…yes, but…I… what I mean is that it isn’t like that,” you said almost panicked. This was not what you wanted to say or indicate. “Like what?” Taehyung asked curious. “I’m not …jealous or something like that. Quite the opposite. I wish him all the happiness in the world. But I feel that whoever he thinks he wants to try something with …could be the same disappointment like Park Hae-Kyung. I just want him to find what he seems to want so desperately…well maybe not desperately, but …wants so much. Which is love. To find that one person that loves you so unconditionally and fully without any motives, schemes or angels – unless they are to find happiness as well. Real happiness. Not fake happiness!” “What’s fake happiness?” Jimin asked interested. “The one you think you need to be happy. You know, like…um…buying a sweater when you feel down. You think buying it will make you happy, but…it won’t. Just for a split second until you feel down again. That sort of happiness you will feel for a very short time and then it’s gone,” you explained. “Can I ask you something?” Jin asked almost serious, which worried you if you were honest. Instead of answering verbally you chose to just nod slowly. “What exactly makes you think he wasn’t talking about you?” Jin asked a moment later and you looked at him shocked. There was silence in your apartment. Utter and absolute silence. Jin starred at you, while you kept looking at him in disbelief. Eventually you looked at the other five confused and only saw questioning expressions. The only one who wasn’t looking questioningly at you as a matter of fact seemed to be Yoongi. He looked at you almost challenging with raised eyebrows. Odd, to say the least. After the initial shock you laughed at Jin. “Don’t be ridiculous,” you finally said. “I mean…when? Or…rather why?” “What do you mean…why?” Hoseok asked confused at your question, while Yoongi made a sound which came close to a ‘tsk’. “I mentioned before, Namjoon would love you,” he explained after a short moment. “So I’m not sure why you would question that.” “I’m not questioning anything,” you explained before correcting yourself. “I mean obviously I am but…you know what I mean!” “Actually, we don’t,” Jin said, looking at the others. You saw everyone else nod at Jin’s statement and you felt like groaning frustrated. Somehow they seemed sort of stubborn today if you were honest. In the end you settled for a frustrated sigh. “Fine.” The six of them looked as if your one word reaction wasn’t telling them anything, which in fairness it probably really didn’t. “I’m not someone Namjoon needs. Or probably wants to begin with.” “And you know that how exactly? You just explained what you think he doesn’t need. Which is a copy of Park Hae-Kyung. So by your own explanation and definition, you aren’t like Park Hae-Kyung, which would mean when she isn’t want he needs and you are not like her, he needs you.” “I…,” you started arguing, trying a way of deal with that rather black and white logic. “Just because she is someone Kim Namjoon doesn’t need and I am not her does not mean by default that I therefore am someone he needs.” Your explanation made sense to you. It was obvious. But looking at the six it wasn’t for them. “Are you deliberately working this against me?” you finally asked frustrated. Hearing Jimin laugh at your statement didn’t make things easier. Or brightened your mood. “I…or rather we don’t,” Hoseok asked amused and laughing. “But I think all of us are confused why you think he wouldn’t like you that way. Or that you are not what he needs.” “I’m not like you.” It was the first thing that came to your mind. And they looked at you equally confused as before, so you elaborated more information. “I’m not famous or driven like that. I have no desire to see my name and picture on the front pages. Not again anyway. I don’t want people to take my photo or ask for autographs. I have no interest in meeting other famous people, walking over red carpets, waving at people who deliberately overstep boundaries in regards of privacy. He… Namjoon doesn’t need someone who might lose her temper because another annoying reporter keeps invading privacies and… I have no desire or aspiration to become famous and have no idea how your world works.” “Our world?” Taehyung asked amused, while Jin asked simultaneously “Do you think that’s what Namjoon looks for in a partner?” You chose to ignore Taehyung and looked at Jin for a long moment. “I... would it be bad of me to say that, yes, I do believe he does?” you asked, seeing a somewhat irritated and maybe slightly shocked expression from everyone. “Not… because he seems like it. Because he doesn’t. It is just…easier I guess. To have someone who is eloquent, and knows her way around things like that. Things like press conferences, red carpets, award ceremonies. Someone who doesn’t squeal because she bumped shoulders with her favorite actor or idol or… I don’t know, someone she admires. Someone who doesn’t navigate him into embarrassment. Someone who is his equal, who knows all of the ins and outs of that sort of life and the hardships that come with it.” At your explanation Jungkook and Jimin as well as Taehyung laughed for a long time, while Yoongi, Jin and Hoseok just looked at them amused. “Yeah, because none of us three have done any of that ‘bad’ stuff you mentioned before. Getting embarrassingly excited about meeting someone we love,” Jungkook finally said when he had control over himself again and nodded at Taehyung and Jimin, while the other three rolled their eyes and nodded. “Or…just talked about them.” “And in regards of red carpets, awards and press conferences there usually is always at least one of us that does something weird, strange or embarrassing,” Hoseok added as well. “Next point why you are not someone Namjoon should date?” Jin asked after a moment. “I…um…well… I wasn’t aware I need to have a list prepared,” you defended yourself at which Yoongi laughed. “You need to have better arguments then you maybe embarrassing him because you meet someone you might admire.” “I… I just think, people like you should date…equal people,” you finally said. “Good that you bring that up again, since I was about to ask when you mentioned that point the first time. Equal people?” Jin inquired confused. “Well… what I mean is… you are really famous and well-known. So maybe your partner should be as well? Wouldn’t that make things easier? Not everyone can deal with that crazy schedule and things that come with your life. And you don’t want to end up dating crazy-weird fans that only like the lifestyle and the opportunities your name gives them. Opportunities that might be more important than you as a person.” “Is that something that applies to you?” Taehyung asked confused and shock your head, confused at his question. Did he think you were? “Of course not.” “Then why are you giving other people as an example when it doesn’t apply to you?” Taehyung asked and before you could answer Jimin asked as well. “Do you think our friends should only be idols as well? Or models? Or K-drama actors? People that understand our lives?” “I guess in a way, though friends are probably slightly different than a love interest.” “You seem to understand our lives,” Hoseok remarked. “And you are neither of the three professional categories mentioned. Does that mean you are a bad friend for us? Someone we shouldn’t be friends with?” This was frustrating. Why didn’t they get what you were trying to say? “I’m not saying per se everyone needs to be famous. But I guess it does help in a lot of ways. Sort of. And I really am not what Namjoon um… well… I wouldn’t say I’m his love interest…” “Why are you so set on the idea you know what Joon likes or needs? And that you are certainly not it? So far you have not proven once that you wouldn’t be a perfect choice for Namjoon.” Instead of answer you chose to remain silent. You knew arguing would be pointless anyway. Maybe it was time to declare this battle lost. There was silence for a moment before Hoseok addressed you again. “Maybe instead of talking you into seeing why you actually would be a great choice, we should speak about you for a moment. Instead of arguing whether he might or might not be into you…are you into him?” “Um…” Talking about a deer caught in headlights! “Yes, that actually is a great question,” Jimin agreed and you saw Taehyung and Jungkook nod almost enthusiastically. “Regardless whether you think he could be into you…do you like him that way?” “I…um…I don’t really know,” you answered honestly and were met with surprise. “Well, if he showed up at your door tonight, with flowers and the request for a date, would you go?” “I haven’t really ever thought about that. And also… oddly specific.” “Ok, let’s start at some other point. Do you think that his ‘maybe’ left you irritated because you could have been jealous?” “What? No. Why would I be jealous?” “Because maybe you like him?” Yoongi offered. “And you’d like to spent time with him?” “He is a very nice guy,” you replied reluctantly. “And …um… kind, sweet and funny. Who wouldn’t like him?” “Do you think he is attractive?” Taehyung wanted to know. “Will this end in some weird competition?” You asked back jokingly at which Jungkook looked almost shocked at you. “Oh my god, you do! You find him attractive and want to date him and have his babies and…” “What, wait no. Oh my god, Jungkook, stop! Certainly not. Well, not the last part for sure anyway…” “Because you don’t think he’d be a great father?” “No, because I don’t think like that!” “Interesting that you only disagree with the last part,” Jin mused at which you wanted to throw daggers at him. “So you admit you find Namjoon attractive?” Jimin asked at the same time Jin made his comment and maybe it was time to admit defeat. “Ok, guys, because I know you won’t give it a rest until you have your answer – yes, I think he is good looking.” “Better looking than the rest of us?” Taehyung asked and you rolled your eyes, because …of course. Though you had to admit that you would have expected this from Jungkook. He was after all the most competitive one. “Taehyung, not the point,” Jin almost warned. Taehyung looked at that at everyone for a long time, confused, before he almost protested. “That’s not what I mean!” “What do you mean then?” Yoongi asked, sounding equally confused as you felt. “Well…there is a difference between simply finding someone attractive – because they are physically attractive – or to find someone attractive and… um…sexually appealing.” “Oh god,” you exclaimed, feeling your face become all red and hot. “So, do you find us all equally attractive in different aspects or do you find Namjoon-hyung more attractive because …well…because you want him? Like…want him in your bed?” You seriously were not having this debate now, were you? “He actually has a point. Especially since all of us seven are considered extremely handsome,” Jin agreed. “No surprise this is coming from Mr. Worldwide handsome and Mr. CGV.” Jin and Taehyung looked at you amused. “Our ARMYlight has attitude,” Jimin remarked laughing and the others joined in moments later, laughing as well. “And is also avoiding the question,” Yoongi analyzed which put you back on the spot. “That’s because I have no answer for you. Yet again. I haven’t thought about that.” “So do it now. Look at everything and then tell us whether you see him that way or not. Without the argument whether you are what he wants or needs!” You looked at them long and hard, each staring back at you before you realized they were serious and really expected you to answer. “I…um…,” you started, before pointing silently towards the kitchen behind you, got up from the couch and left them to their own devices while you went in search for an answer to their question. It wasn’t like you didn’t like to know yourself, it was just that you never really had thought about this, that possibility before. In your life so far things just sort of happened. You had never really thought about whether or not you liked someone. You just…went on dates, first one than a second one if things felt right and then a third. With idols things seemed to be different to a certain degree. Which made sense seeing that their private lives were less private and more a matter of public knowledge. An idol probably needed to think twice about who they dated and whether that person had the right intentions. But neither of that mattered right now. Neither of this was the current question you tried finding answers to. Looking outside your kitchen window you stared at nothing in particular and just let your thoughts roam for a while. You thought about your past few months, the things you did and saw, the people you met and things you experienced. Namjoon’s big heart and kind nature had caught your eye more than once. He was a decent guy, smart and sweet. And adorable as well as funny.Alone the debate you had with him about giving him coffee or your profession had you smiling. He tried to pull all the registers without being annoying or over the top. He never pushed too far and seemed genuinely hurt or worried when you seemed angry at something he assumed or indicated about you. Something that wasn’t right. You would be lying if you’d say he wasn’t handsome and attractive, even in the way Taehyung indicated.He had a more or less regular income, which seemed odd at first in regards of thoughts and things to consider, but you had dated the occasional guy who lived paycheck to paycheck – yours, not his – and knew the difference a guy could make who actually managed to look after himself financially – and maybe even treat you to dinner every once in a blue moon. Not that you wanted to be a kept woman and live of your guy’s money. It was just nice to be …treated like a girlfriend and not the mother or only adult in the relationship. And maybe the fact that you already compared Namjoon to previous boyfriends should have been your first sign. As should have been the fact that you referred already to him as ‘your guy’ – though more in a general way. It wasn’t like you had a list of things your boyfriend needed that you could tick off. You had always been a more ‘let’s see if this fits’ kind of person without lists that needed to be checked and fulfilled.In regards of requirements that did or did not exist as such…Namjoon ticked all the imaginary boxes of qualities you could potentially enjoy in a partner, but didn’t necessarily need as such. “You know,” you heard Jin behind you all of a sudden. “Usually the longer you think about finding an answer the more complex the issue at hand gets. That’s usually how I feel anyway…” He smiled at you softly, putting coffee mugs in your sink. Zou didn’t even know where he had gotten them in the first place – or when. But that didn’t really matter right now anyway. “It’s just a complex question,” you admitted and was it really? “And let’s be honest here. It isn’t like I really can say I know Namjoon well. I don’t know anything about him other than what I could probably google about him. But googling him wouldn’t help me. It doesn’t really tell me much about the person he is. And let’s be real here, idol-you and you-you are two very different people.” At that Jin smiled at you widely and before you knew it, you saw Taehyung and Jungkook pop up behind him, smiling widely as well. Odd. “That knowledge, my friend, sets you already apart from most people,” Taehyung said, making you raise your eyebrows at his unusual display of speaking informal to you. “A lot of people see us on stage and at interactions and all these things we film and they think that’s us. I mean it is. But a lot of it is also …idol personality. I’m not saying we are playing a role or are lying to our fans…but we sort of do to a minor extend without bad intentions. It’s just…different traits of our personalities highlighted. Like a magnifying glass if you like. We are what you see off camera as well, just more toned down to a certain degree. And a lot of people don’t get that. All of us had been on at least one date so far – or any kind of contact - where the girl seemed almost disappointed she didn’t have BTS’ V or…Jin. That I guess is the reason why a lot of us just settle for someone who gets the…industry to a certain degree. So you getting right from the start that Joon-a and RM are technically two different people is really good!” Taehyung seemed almost sad for most of his little speech and smiled almost excitedly at you when he came to a finish. Once more you came to realize what kind of hardships these guys had to deal with and somehow seemed so okay with it. But maybe they were just okay with it because they didn’t know any better, seeing how young they were when they started with BTS. “Maybe a lot of people don’t know the difference because they never get to see the toned down versions of you,” you smiled. “And maybe…you need a date with Namjoon to find your answers,” Jin said all of a sudden and you saw Taehyung and Jungkook almost clap, before they ran to the others. Judging by the cheers, claps and excited agreements you figured the two had shared Jin’s idea with the group. “Um…,” you started, but were interrupted by Jin a moment later. “Though I suspect you to actually already know your answer, you just don’t want to admit it just yet to yourself or maybe you need a little bit more proof of how perfect the two of you would be. So…,” he said, walking all of a sudden back to the others and indicating for you to follow. “So we,” Jin went on, pointing between him and the other five. “So we will give you all of the proof you want and need,” he proclaimed almost proudly. “How?” you asked cautious. This had a really strange feeling to it. “Easy,” Jin smiled at you. And something in his smile made you feel queasy. “We’ll plan and sent you two on a date! OH. BOY.
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Not a filler chapter. Not whatsoever. What do you think of me?? :)
“So we will give you all of the proof you want and need,” he proclaimed almost proudly.
“How?” you asked cautious. This had a really strange feeling to it.
“Easy,” Jin smiled at you. And something in his smile made you feel queasy. “We’ll plan and sent you two on a date!
OH. BOY.
“We know both of you so we should have a fairly good idea what will and won’t work out,” someone said and you were still trying to get over the shock of that previous statement. “Do you think that is a good idea?” you asked carefully. “No doubts!” Hoseok almost chastised you. “I don’t doubt anything. I just think…shouldn’t you at least ask Namjoon before you sent him on a date? Maybe he doesn’t like it? Or doesn’t want to go with me? Or maybe it’s too soon? I mean he just split from Park Hae-Kyung.” “So? What about that saying about getting right back into the saddle and such?” “Saddle? What am I, a horse?” you asked fake-offended. Hoseok just shrugged. “People keep saying I look like a horse or compare me to one. We can be horses together,” he said cheerfully. Sometimes his cheerfully way really was adorable and infectious. “Okay,” you slowly offered as a reply and saw him laughing widely. “Getting back to your previous questions…,” Jimin said, interrupting Hoseok’s and your peculiar exchange. “It surely isn’t too soon. You heard him at the press conference when he said there might be someone. So he answered your question all by himself. And we know that ‘maybe’ wasn’t referring to Park Hae-Kyung, because he himself confirmed that they went separate ways. And no worries, we’ll ask him and if he himself is against it, going on a date that is, we won’t force him to it. If it helps ease your mind we’ll also mention it being you. And he should be against you – which I don’t think he will but hey – we won’t make him go out either. Happy?” Jimin asked curious and you needed to think about this for a moment. Happy? Were you? Well, rather would you be? After all it could be a rejection through someone else, which probably hurt the same as if being rejected directly by him, if not even more, seeing that six others would become witnesses to that particular rejection. “I have to admit I’m not entirely sure I’d call me happy knowing you’d be witnesses to a possible rejection,” you admitted honestly, knowing this would get you the furthest. “But…,” you went on before someone could call you out. ”I guess what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. So…yeah. Go ahead. Plan your heart out,” you finally said, agreeing to this slightly insane plan. Somehow you wondered whether you wouldn’t regret this any time soon. But, you figured, even if you did, you could still tell yourself ‘told you so’ one way or another. And tell this also to the six guys looking at you right now. “Have a little faith,” Jin finally said as if he was able to read your thoughts. “If not in yourself or in the fact that we are actually certain about this, than at least in the knowledge that we will make sure you’ll have a great time and enjoy yourself along the way. Can you do that for us?” You looked at him and finally nodded. They seemed like they were really certain of what was going on, so maybe you should grant them this request. And judging by their reaction of joy, it really made them happy that you did. --- It took them a day – a day! – to contact you and let you know you were on. The date was happening and nothing was going to be bad about this.They also informed you that they prohibited Namjoon from contacting you. They told him it was up to them and he was apparently not allowed to call or text you. That explanation could have also explained why all you actually did receive from Namjoon were messages with GIFs – you figured this wasn’t breaking any rules and the two of you kept up an entertaining way of GIF-sending back and forth without saying much otherwise. This was kept up for about three days, until Hobi contacted you with details of when and where. It was set up for five days from now and apparently everything ‘had been arranged’. He didn’t say what was going to happen and just gave you an address where you’d end up eventually.
In a nice dress.
And nice shoes.
Green would earn you extra points.
You rolled your eyes at that, knowing this was more Hobi than Namjoon and wondered why you needed ‘extra points’. The next few days seemed busy for all of them, seeing that you received various messages from dance practices, photoshoot preps or from the set of endorsement deals. You never actually knew how busy they had been until now. You knew they were definitely not underworked, but their messages gave you a whole new understanding how much their job and idol-life dominated their actual life.Of course they had been busy before, but somehow it hadn’t felt as excessive as they were now. Maybe it was the added interest from the public and media now that they were all together again as seven after long months of just being six.A part of you was relieved to learn pretty quickly that Namjoon wasn’t participating in everything their busy schedule provided. That also would have been too much already after such a long time of not moving or being active as such.He didn’t seem to join the choreography trainings for most parts and anything that would have been too strenuous was off limits as well. It was adorable how the others kept sending you updates in regards of their days and what Namjoon was and was not participating in, almost like wanting to ease your mind or seek your approval of their decision. They kept sending you random texts in between, keeping you also updated in regards of date-night preparations and finally informed you that you should forget about the address. Someone would come and pick you up to drive you there. You just ‘needed to look pretty’. Since they gave you no details of what exactly was going to happen and googling the address only came up with some sort of old and somewhat abandoned warehouse you were none the wiser what to actually wear or look like. And ‘nice dress, nice shoes, look pretty’ wasn’t really something you could work with if you were honest.It wasn’t like you wanted to go all out, but dressing for dinner and a movie would obviously require other things than dressing for ice skating or whatever crazy thing they could come up with. You tried asking, but didn’t get what you hoped for. More or a ‘you’ll see’ kind of reply, which obviously did not help. So on the day of your arranged date you stood in front of your rather small closet and went through your options and what would be the safest bet.You had figured you could rule out any really strenuous activities due to the location and the fact that the past five days the messages were clear that they tried to keep Namjoon away from too much activity. If however the others did not follow your logic, or wanted to go easy on him the past few days in order to save his energy for the date, you’d be the professional and pull that plug right away. Easy as that. The last thing you needed on this date was an accident the required you to explain you found it ok to go hiking or whatever else they came up with.Ruling out these things however did not help you. You didn’t have anything in your closet that would be okay for hiking – if that would be an option – or other outdoorsy things. You weren’t vain or anything like that, but you liked to be dressed the part to some extend and be dressed adequately for the correct occasion. So not knowing what to dress for was making this really difficult and gave you a headache you really didn’t need. Your quick messages to Jin, Hoseok and Yoongi, trying to argue your point were left unanswered. In the end it was a sort of last minute decision that has only been possible due to a rule-out choice. It had been two outfits and you decided on the dressier one of the two, remembering Hoseok’s message to come in a ‘nice dress’. You found a pair of shoes that fit the dress and looked nice, pulled out a trench coat from your closet, added a few pieces of jewelry and a bit of make-up and you were ready to go. Just on time as it turned out when you heard your door bell ring. Opening your door after you grabbed your purse, you were surprised to see Hoseok grinning at you, looking like he himself was your date if you were honest. No way back then, you figured.
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“Surprise!“ Hoseok exclaimed excitedly, waving and grinning happily at you. “I wasn’t expecting that,” you admitted, smiling back at him. “That’s what we figured,” he laughed. “That’s also why I’m here. To make sure you get to your date. And in a swiftly manner.” “Afraid I would jump out of the car midway?” you asked amused. Hoseok just smiled at you, offering you his arm a moment later. “Gentleman, I see,” you remarked at which he looked mock-offended. “You didn’t expect anything less now, did you?” he asked and guided you through your building. “Of course not,” you replied, pulling your coat tighter once you stepped outside and a gust of wind hit you full frontal. “Whatever you planned, I hope it isn’t outside,” you remarked, looking up to the sky and watching the rather dark clouds in the distance moving closer. This didn’t look like ‘outside-date’ weather. “No worries, we took care of everything and the weather won’t be an issue,” Hoseok reassured you. He stepped in front of a swift, swift looking Porsche and opened the passenger door for you, indicating for you to take a seat. “Expensive car,” you stated and him smile again. “One of the few things I can really, really enjoy every single day if I need to. Well… every day that we are in Seoul obviously.” “So it’s yours?” you asked surprised, having assumed it had only been a rental if you were honest. Hoseok just nodded before he closed your door and walked around the car to get into the driver’s seat. “How does my date get to our location?” you asked curious after a few moments of driving. You weren’t really sure why you asked if you were honest. But talking helped ease nerves that hadn’t shown until now surprisingly. But the closer you got to your destination – and the realer this all became – the more nervous you felt. “Kookie drives him. Don’t get me started on the war that almost broke loose between the six of us in regards of who first of all gets to be the driver. Especially when I called dibs on being your driver.” “Why would you call dibs?” you asked amused. “Trust me…out of all of us, I’m the best and safest choice. Also….Kookie and Tae would probably ask you a million questions you don’t want to be asked and they’d end up making you more nervous. Not what you need! ChimChim only has his license since a few weeks now actually and he still gets slightly overwhelmed with traffic in Seoul. Not a good idea for you either. With Jin driving you might be quicker when you walk. Like…seriously. If the speed limit is 50 he’d drive 30, just to be sure. While Yoongs isn’t a bad driver as such, he’s just lazy and prefers to get driven around. That way he can sleep,” he laughed, before adding “That also might explain why he wasn’t as engaged in the discussion about who drives who.” “So does Namjoon get to be driven around a Porsche then as well? Or does he get something more outrageous?” you wondered, having difficulties to imagine what car the maknae could actually drive. To some degree the car a man drove always strangely resembled the kind of guy he was and Jungkook was a lot of things. Especially motivated to be outdo everyone else. So seeing him drive around Seoul in something extravagantly excessive like a Lamborghini or something equally extreme wasn’t beyond reason. Hoseok laughed at your question for a long moment, before he was able to answer. “Not really. He actually a Scirocco.” “A…what?” you asked, not entirely sure what that was. “A VW. Strangely enough everyone always assumes that he’d drive some Italian luxury car, which I guess he did consider at some stage, seeing that we make the kind of money that can get you everything you ever wished for. And as a guy, buying the car you always wanted could be a big deal. But… in the end it’d be totally impractical in Seoul. Also, they are really uncomfortable.” For about 20 minutes you drove through the city, turning left and right until you barely had any idea where you actually were. And then you stopped. Literally within the middle of nowhere. You weren’t even sure whether you still were in Seoul in all honesty. “And we are here,” Hoseok announced, before getting out of the car and walked around it to open your door for you and extending a hand to help you out of your seat. Once you stood in front of his car he made no attempt to offer you his arm or anything this time. Not that you needed it. What confused you however was when he walked to his side of the car and looked like was getting back in. Your suspicions were confirmed when he announced “From this point on you are by yourself. Good luck.” You knew the ‘Good luck’ part was only a joke, but somehow you felt you might really need it. Hoseok drove off and you were lost, not really knowing what to do or where to go. The only thing you had was the old and sort of probably empty warehouse in front of you. So for now, that was your destination. What else could you really do? Other than finding your phone in your purse and calling Hoseok to come back. Walking past the uneven surface of dirt that was slightly muddy here and there and avoiding puddles you realized your shoes were not made for this. It wasn’t like they were extremely high, but the ground was not made for high heels. And girls wearing them only once in a while. A few times you wobbled around, hoping you wouldn’t end up falling over and ruining whatever you had on before you even made it to the date. Imagine Namjoon’s face when you stood in front of him, splattered with mud from head to toe, looking like you might have just wandered the forest for years. Making it finally towards the building you decided you’d try your luck with the only door you could find. It was heavy looking double-door made out of brass that looked neither inviting nor like it was easy to open it to begin with. You figured Hoseok and the others probably had planned this thoroughly and probably made sure this worked. It took you a moment and quite some strength to open the door and you wondered whether that was some sort of test – to see how quickly you were to give up. But that thought was ridiculous. Why should they test you? They were after all way more convinced about the impending success than you had been. “Hello?” you more or less shouted in a really dark warehouse and only heard the echo of your own voice coming back to you several times. Here was literally nothing. Maybe you were at the wrong place? Or Namjoon had spontaneously decided that he didn’t want this. Or you. Or…whatever. A moment after you had made yourself apparently known you noticed a light going on and someone walking towards you. You were about to say Kim Namjoon’s name when you realized that it actually wasn’t him. It was a guy you had never seen before and who looked at you for a long moment, his facial expression neutral and almost stoic. Was he waiting for you to say something? Maybe you really were wrong at this place. “I…um…,” you started, but were interrupted by the man a second later. “If you’d like to follow me, miss,” he said and turned around, walking in the direction from where he had just come from. You followed his request and walked after him, your heels clicking over the concrete floor and echoing through the presumably huge and vast area of the warehouse. After a bit of silence and you walking through a sparsely lit sort of hallway that was flanked by dim lights on the sides you decided to explain that maybe you were at the wrong place. “Um… I will be honest here and… I’m not entirely sure whether I’m at the right place. This somehow seems like I’m not,” you started, still walking after him to god knows where. All you really saw was darkness in front of you and somehow that was not a very pleasant feeling. “You are, no worries,” he simply said without even asking who you were. After all you could be just lost. “No offence, but how exactly do you know that?” “Mr. Jung and Mr. Jeon made sure to let me know,” he replied and that settled that. You really were at the correct place. As crazy as it seemed. What kind of date did they set up? Maybe a blind date in most literal sense? Like that you couldn’t see each other due to lack of light? You had after all read about dinners in the dark before. Dinners that were held at places where you couldn’t even see the hand in front of your eyes. From what you read these kind of dinners were a whole new level of culinary delight and experience. While you were still thinking about blind dates and dinners in the dark you stepped through something that resembled something like a door and all of a sudden there was light. Not plenty of it, but hundreds and hundreds of candles everywhere and on plenty of surfaces bathing the room in a soft and pleasant light. In the background was soft classical music that somehow did not really sound like it came from a stereo. “May I?” you heard the guy next to you ask and before you could ask what he meant he had his hands on the lapels of your trench coat and had the coat of you a moment later. Guiding you towards a slightly raised platform in the middle of the room, he helped you up the three small stairs and pulled out a chair for you at a table that was the only piece of furniture around. Well, next to the two chairs at the table obviously. You barely had a chance to look around and really wonder what all of this was when you noticed that Namjoon appeared. Almost out of nowhere. Jumping out of your seat surprised, you saw him smile at you sweetly and walking towards you. “I’m supposed to give these to you,” he said and a moment later he held out a gorgeous bunch of flowers to you. Your favorite flowers as a matter of fact. “You are supposed to?” you asked amused and saw him blush and smile shyly at you. “Jimin more or less forced them on me, saying they would be something you would like,” Namjoon explained, before starting off in an almost adorable stutter. “I mean… I …it is not as if I hadn’t… or well… I… I would have gotten you some as well, obviously. I just… they sort of planned this whole thing out to perfection. Every little detail. And….um… obviously they are a detail as well. I guess.” “Namjoon, breath,” you almost laughed. He seemed so nervous that you were afraid he’d pass out any moment. A part of you found the switch between the Namjoon in front of you and the way he had been the few times you had met before incredible and almost comical. “I’m…sorry,” he finally said and joined your laughter a second later. “This is just…stressing. Especially seeing like all of this is out of my hand and the planning was done by other people. So if this sucks it won’t even be my fault, but I nevertheless will have to endure the consequences.” “I’m sure this will be great,” you smiled, before sitting down again and putting the flowers to your side. A moment later Namjoon followed suit and sat down as well and moments after that the guy who had brought you here appeared and handed you what looked like menus and a paper which would turn out to be some sort of an agenda. “Um….ok,” you started unsure, turning the piece of paper in your hands. Namjoon looked equally out of his depth while looking at the agenda. At least that made two of you. “It looks like a lot of thought went into this,” he remarked and you nodded more or less absent-minded while studying the piece of paper. This was really some serious planning. And…a lot. The first point on the agenda was dinner, which you currently more or less had. A waiter came and took your choices in drinks, before leaving again. Looking around you weren’t entirely sure where to, since this really didn’t seem like a restaurant and you couldn’t see a bar or a kitchen. So…this was going to be interesting. Studying the menu in regards of food, you had to admit the items listed sounded delicious and mouth-watering, but you weren’t entirely sure how you felt about all of this already being decided for you. You were certain that the intentions behind all of this were only in your best interest, but it felt more like a cooperate function to some degree rather than a date. Your drinks appeared within moments, presented in long, beautiful and decorated glasses and the first course followed soon after that. “So…how ….um…how was your say so far?” you asked awkwardly and not sure how to really start a conversation or what to even say. Namjoon looked at you curious for a moment before he smiled widely and went on to answer. “Not much happened really, some song writing and reading and then I almost lost my life.” That last part got your attention. “What?” you asked surprised and also shocked. This wasn’t an answer you had been expecting. “You have no idea about Kookie’s driving. It sort of makes you reevaluate your life,” he grinned at you and somehow that lessened the point he was probably trying to make. “Sounds…interesting,” you laughed, having no trouble imagining Jungkook racing down the street of Seoul and Namjoon sitting next to him, fearing for his life. “It is, trust me,” Namjoon laughed, taking a sip from his drink. Conversation after that had a somewhat nice flow but it felt somehow sort of stiff and even forced to some part. Like neither of you could really relax. Or come up with a conversation topic that eased the tension. At some point conversation shifted to Namjoon talking about his plans and things he and BTS were scheduled to do for the rest of the year and parts of next year, tours that were planned and advertisement deals they had bagged. You couldn’t help but sigh – not because of what he was telling you and the possibilities, but because he had a…plan. “What’s wrong?” Namjoon asked, probably not realizing that his offhand comment started a small crisis within you. “I can’t help but envy you to a certain degree, knowing what the future sort of holds. Here you are, talking about plans for next year, what you want to do, where you’ll be in the world, to which countries you’ll travel. I don’t even know what I’ll be doing next month,” you laughed amused, seeing his strained expression loosen up. You don’t know why, but despite your few words and the fact that you and these words didn’t say much, Namjoon seemed to understand right away that this wasn’t just about vacation plans or the likes, but rather referring to your professional future and the choices you’d have to make soon. Wondering once more how much these guys talked about you, it all was sort of confirmed when Namjoon asked you “So no news then? Or do you want to go away and just… get a certain distance between things before deciding?” “I actually don’t really know,” you replied truthfully. “Staying at the hospital means that I know stuff, people, my jobs and its requirements that the higher up like to see and be done. I wouldn’t need to get accustomed to new people, new procedures and the changes a transfer would bring. Things would just stay like they always had been – to a certain point. But after everything, I just feel …not …well… I feel not appreciated or my work recognized in a way. And also who’s gonna guarantee me something similar won’t happen again? That there won’t be another false accusation that everyone is quick in buying into just because the person making that accusation is higher up and therefore seen as more important and trustworthy. Or there’s any sort of gain out of believing one over the other…other than the truth obviously.” “Do you think it could happen again?” he asked and you weren’t sure. “It…could. I mean all it takes are a few accusations and I’m certain someone brings this right now up and people wonder whether something wasn’t actually as a matter of fact true about the initial accusations by Park Hae-Kyung.” “Isn’t that always going to be a risk?” Namjoon asked. “Regardless whether you stay or go someplace else? It isn’t like changing work places will make these stories disappear.” You thought about his comment for a while, figuring that he was correct one way or another. This was something that somehow would always stay with you, accompanying your name so to speak. “To some degree it would be different I guess. I can’t really explain it and I don’t even know whether it makes sense to be honest. It just… this whole story and how it unfolded, how mean and two-faced people can be, how much they are willing to backstab you if it is for something in their favor and their own fifteen minutes of limelight…all of this makes me wonder whether the job I’m doing right is what I want to do for the rest of my life.” “You don’t like your job anymore?” Namjoon asked, sounding almost shocked. “That’s not it,” you quickly said, smiling at him softly. “It’s just that this whole ordeal made me re-evaluate everything and look back on things as well as thinking ahead and seeing what could lay ahead of me. I don’t know yet what I’ll do or even if I do much in regards of changes. But I’ll probably will at some stage. I will change something one way or another. Whether that will be a small or big change I don’t know yet. I just know that I don’t want to work for an institution that was so quickly willing to buy into whatever was said in favor of their own reputation rather than digging for the truth.” There was a very long moment of silence when you heard hi soft voice speak, almost a whisper. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for everything she did and put you through. I know it can’t have been easy and I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner that this relationship we had might have just fulfilled a purpose that wasn’t … um…companionship. Some genius I am.” You looked at him and your heart hurt for Namjoon. This wasn’t his fault and it hadn’t been your intention to bring up all of this again in regards of him, his position and probably the guilt he felt and was still feeling. A guilt he shouldn’t feel. It was something his ex-girlfriend had to own up to and not him. The fact that he now questions their whole relationship was valid, but also sad. When you couldn’t believe in love what could you believe in? Without thinking much about it, you reached over the table, grasping his hand in yours and giving it a tight squeeze, holding onto it for a moment later until he was looking at you. “First of all…. Love makes people go blind, regardless whether they are geniuses or not. The brain takes a backseat while the heart surpasses all logic and warning signals. Throughout history men started wars for and about women and love.” “So it is just men that are blinded by love?” Namjoon asked, seeming even sadder now. Great. Exactly what you had not tried to accomplish. “No,” you said simple and fast. “It just means the world needs to catch up with putting women in the driver seats,” you laughed, seeing him laugh at you after a moment of thought as well. Turning serious again, you got back to your initial point. “You have to stop blaming yourself for something that isn’t your fault. Next thing you are going to feel guilty for being involved in an accident that put you in a coma for eight months and brought us all into each other’s lives. These things, I mean Park Hae-Kyung and not the accident, they just happen. You can just take it how it comes and make the best of it, see the good side of things,” you smiled at which he replied with a smile of his own. “I can say that one of the good things out of this is that the two of us are here tonight,” he admitted, smiling at you in such a sudden intensity that you were almost blinded by it. “Though I was more or less ordered.” You smiled at his first statement and lost that smile sort of when you registered what he had said last. This didn’t sound… complimenting. “Ordered?” you asked surprised and with an uncomfortable feeling about this. “Hoseok and Yoongi pretty much cornered me, saying I’d better be there,” he smiled, probably not having realized the falling smile of yours. Or maybe you were just good at covering up. Your thoughts went involuntarily back to the conversation you had with Jin and the others that day when they had decided to plan this mayhem. You had made them promise you that they’d mention it being you and if Namjoon was against it to inform you. You never would have thought they’d make him actually come. As in force him. “I’m sorry,” you almost whispered, wondering how to get the two of you out of this. If he didn’t want to be here you certainly didn’t want to be here either. “What for?” Namjoon asked confused, interrupting your thoughts about possible escape plans. “That you ate here,” you explained and his expression of utter confusion, shock and worry was comical if it hadn’t a very sad background. “That they…um…made you show up. I made them promise me that if you were against this…that they wouldn’t push it. I wasn’t expecting them to…force you.” You looked for your handbag, your phone, anything really. If you’d find your phone you could just call Jin, Hoseok or any of the others really, telling them this was over, this was a stupid idea as you had initially said it would be and then maybe yell at them for a moment for making Namjoon literally show up to something he didn’t want to begin with. What were they thinking? You’d charm him right into your arms? So to speak. “Let me just get my things and I won’t keep you much longer,” you went on, stilling looking around. “Wait, wait, wait,” Namjoon quickly said, sounding almost panicked and grabbing your wrist when you got up from your seat. “I didn’t mean it…. I mean… that’s not what I meant,” he started explaining, the look of pure panic all over his expression. “I definitely should have phrased that differently. I…No one made me be here. No one forced me. No one… threatened me. They mentioned their plan and you and I just wasn’t sure about it.” “O-kay,” you said slowly and uncertain. This wasn’t really making anything better. Well… maybe it was in regards of that he wasn’t forced into this. So you didn’t waste his time entirely. It just made you all of a sudden now feel not so good. He wasn’t sure about it? About you maybe as well? “No wait, that came out wrong again,” Namjoon almost sighed flustered and frustrated with himself. “What I mean is…. that I wasn’t sure about this whole plan of theirs. That they plan this date. It just feels…odd. Especially when there’s an itinerary. It just….feels…strange and somewhat unnatural, forced really.” “It is unusual to be honest, yes,” you agreed with him. “But also sort of fun and a little exciting.” “Really?” Namjoon asked doubtful. “You don’t agree?” you asked, taking your seat again and seeing him shake his head. “Not really. I’d rather plan something myself and woo you on my own terms,” he smiled, grabbing your hand all of a sudden and bringing the back of it to his lips. The tingles up and down your spine were not your imagination. “I don’t think you’ll need much help there,” you almost giggled. “The wooing I mean. You are doing fine by yourself already.” After a moment of silence, him still holding on to your hand and you wondering about a lot of things, you asked: “Do you mind me asking what you meant with being ordered?” At that questions Namjoon almost sighed again. “Ordered might be the wrong word. It’s just…,” he started, the wooing smile gone and replaced by something almost shy, equaling a little boy. “As I said before I wasn’t sure about this. Not because I didn’t want to go on a date with you, but…because also of everything that had happened. I figured you ….maybe didn’t hate me, but it was quite a leap to something that would result in a date emotionwise. Also, I wasn’t sure whether I’d like to expose someone unfamiliar with this life that seems somewhat normal to me. It is a big change…” “And where does the ordering come in? All your doubts and thoughts are justified and beg to spend a lot of thoughts on them.” “Well, the guys…they…um…,” he started before he took a deep breath, almost like preparing himself for something big. “Okay, here’s the deal. I like you despite the fact that we hardly know each other and that so many probably will have a say about this. And despite the fact that I’m probably the furthest away from someone you’d want to date, seeing that my life happens in the spotlight – something that you try to avoid stepping into. But you seem like such a great and kind and pure person from what I saw and learned during the exchanges we had. And I might have talked about you, or rather asked about the others about you, seeing they know you more. So…Hope and Yoongs might have cornered me and said I’d better go on that date or shut up about you,” Namjoon admitted, laughing at the end. “So you agreed and now have to sit through an arranged date, or…preplanned rather,” you laughed with him. “The date itself is not an issue. It is just…the fact that I have no control over this and until now had no clue what was happening.” “But you’re having somewhat fun, right?” you asked curious. The last thing you wanted was him being here and suffering through a date because his friends figured they knew him, but didn’t. “I do,” he was quick in confirming. “It is just odd. If this sucks or if they planned something you hate, I’m screwed!” “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that. And if you really, really do, I guess you have to work extra hard to compensate with your character, looks and wit.” “I’m screwed,” Namjoon said once more a heartbeat later, making you laugh some more when he hid his face in his hands. “You are doing fine,” you laughed reassuringly, before taking a sip from your drink. “I would do a lot better on my own terms,” he laughed, taking a sip as well. After that dinner and conversation went on in a smooth fashion and with both you and Namjoon laughing and just having a seemingly good time. That was until your host, server, or whatever his function was, came and announced that this part of the evening was coming to an end and that the carriage which would bring you to your next stop, was awaiting you. Carriage? Did he just say carriage?
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“Carriage? As in horse carriage? The thing that you see only as tourist traps all over the world’s big cities or in Disney movies? Or…when some royal gets married? That kind of carriage?” you asked confused and surprised at once. Namjoon just shrugged, looking as confused as you felt. “Isn’t that a bit…much?” you wondered, seeing your companion smile at you and shrugging once more. “I mean that’s a whole kind of different wooing.” “It’s a bit cheesy, to be honest. But don’t girls like that kind of thing?” “I can’t speak for every one of my gender, but in general it is… a bit much. There’s probably nothing wrong with a sleigh ride or the likes through snowy landscapes, but a carriage in the middle of Seoul seems excessive and…too much kitsch.” Namjoon just laughed at that wholeheartedly for a long moment. “In all fairness… Jin was involved in the planning. Something like that shouldn’t really come as a surprise,” he explained, making you laugh some more and nod in agreement. He had a point. A moment later you saw him get up and offering you his hand to help you up from your seat. “My lady,” he smiled widely, pulling you up from your chair. “Your carriage awaits.” You laughed some more, before remembering where you were off to. “Are you sure the next part on our itinerary is something you want to really do? I don’t plan to end this date with you in an emergency room and me having to explain it.” Namjoon laughed at your statement, guiding you to where you had come from earlier that night and out the door a moment later. It was the large vast area where Hoseok had dropped you off. Despite the fact that it was almost pitch black one couldn’t miss the almost massive horse carriage standing there, looking somewhat out of place. It was just like out of a cheesy romcom. Exactly like one. “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” Namjoon laughed in reply to your earlier statement and question. He helped you up in the open carriage, before climbing up himself. “Don’t judge a book by its cover?” you asked amused. “You ae aware they call you god of destruction, right? Destroying stuff seems almost like a talent.” “Yes,” he admitted. “But that only really applies to stuff and not myself,” he laughed, sitting down next to you. “So you promise me you won’t hurt yourself?” “I promise you I won’t hurt myself,” he repeated smiling widely. Namjoon found a blanket to throw over the two of you and got comfortable. You noticed him rummaging in the pockets of his elegant – and most likely outrageously expensive – coat, seeming like he was looking for something but didn’t succeed. After a while he however produced several things that at closer inspection turned out to be gloves, a scarf and hat as well as a facemask making you realize that where you were heading people might actually make out who he was. Unless of course, the others would have somehow managed to arrange this as a closed-off thing where it would only be you and Namjoon. About half an hour later you knew that it wasn’t. And that Kim Namjoon hadn’t lied. He actually knew what he was doing on the ice and made most people here look like fools and amateurs. “I’m actually impressed,” you announced smiling, clinging to the fence, hoping it wouldn’t end up being you who needed a visit to the hospital. It wasn’t like you completely sucked at ice skating, but you weren’t completely comfortable either if you were honest. It took you in general usually a few moments – or a lot – to get used to the slippery ground, the skates and finding your balance without making a complete fool out of yourself. But with all these people around that were fast, almost reckless and apparently on a mission to probably impress god knows who, this was already a lost cause. A few times already had you been close to collide with others who were faster and trying to surpass you but didn’t expect you to all of a sudden start wobbling slightly, almost bringing them down. The fence and the side lines were therefore a totally acceptable place for you to stay. And be safe. And alive as well. Especially after you almost collided with a guy who was attempting to break the world record in speed skating it seemed. “Good, finally I succeeded at something,” Namjoon returned your smile when he stopped next to you, leaning against the fence and studying you for a moment. “Are you okay? You haven’t really moved a lot since we gotten here.” “I…it’s just a bit crowded,” you admitted. “Makes it a bit hard to start off slow and …um…ease into things.” At your admission he smiled some more, nodded and pushed himself of the fence he had been leaning against, made a fancy turn and faced you a moment later offering you his outstretched hands. You looked at him slightly confused, not sure what he was doing before he pushed himself closer to you. “Come on, I’ll be your fence you can cling on to,” he laughed, grabbing your hand softly when you made no attempt at moving and pulled you towards him. It wasn’t a long distance, but since he sort of surprised you with his move and you hadn’t quite figured out how to break yet, you crashed full frontal into Namjoon, knocking you both a few feet backwards. He effortlessly slid the few feet with you in his arms, not even seeming like he lost balance for just a moment. But then again…it wasn’t as if you crashed into him at full speed. The moment your chest hit his chest you felt arms being tightly wrapped around you and a snicker coming from him. “Guess we’ll start slowly then, hu?” he asked amused, letting his arms wrapped around you a moment longer then what probably would have been necessary but you sure as hell didn’t complain. Eventually he let go of you, unwrapping his arms and moving just a fraction of an inch away from you. He grabbed your hand once more and moved backwards slowly, pulling you with him and smoothly and unhurried you started gliding over the smooth surface, past people and towards the middle of the rink. “See, not so bad…” Namjoon laughed softly. “I never said it was bad. I just didn’t have the space to work my magic or get accustomed to the ice.” “That’s what you have me for,” Namjoon suggested, before he pulled you forward a bit more forcefully while he got slower, so that you ended up next to him, with his arm around your waist, guiding you and giving you stability and some sort of anchor in case you struggled. For several long moments did you and Namjoon glide almost arm in arm over the ice and it was a really nice feeling. You noticed several people turning and following you with their eyes, sometimes looking almost envious and you figured the two of you displayed a picture of somewhat pure bliss. But the longer you skated in circles and past the same people the more you realized people’s expressions changing – and it didn’t take you long to understand what and why. Taking a look at Namjoon by your side he was still covered up and barely an inch of skin could be seen, but you figured real fans that knew every mole, dimple and birth mark wouldn’t need an awful lot to recognize their idol. When you saw several girls and also a few guys fumbling with their phones you realized they definitely had made out Namjoon. Leaning closer into Namjoon and moving your lips close to his hear, you realized he was shocked for a second, probably thinking god knows what in regards of what you were doing. “I think you’ve been made,” you mumbled softly into his ear. “It will probably only take a short moment for people to start going crazy.” He barely moved, probably processing what you had just said. Pulling you closer into him you weren’t sure whether he tried guarding himself with you – for which you couldn’t really blame him – or whether he went just along with your idea of the moment to play pretend for a while longer and maybe fool people around you just that extra small amount of time it would take you to get out of here. Namjoon guided you around the rink for a few more rounds before it became obvious that some people really had caught on and were trying to sneakily take a picture of him. With a sigh he pushed the two of you towards the edge of the rink and off the ice eventually, smiling at you somewhat sadly. “Sorry this isn’t going as planned,” he said, before turning around and looked at the people on the ice. While you got out of your loaned ice skates he kept looking towards the ice, turning towards you eventually with an odd expression. “I’ll be back in a second,” he said, moving himself back on the ice and skating towards a group of young girls. Being confused it only worsened when you saw him speak to them for a second before posing for pictures with first all of them and then each one individually. What was he doing? Fan Service? While on a date? Though, was it fan service when he himself offered it first? It took several minutes before he finished whatever he was doing, looking at and pressing phones and speaking, smiling and nodding. You could see the girls grin and admire him, looking cute and giggling whenever he said something. And then he moved back towards you, who was still as confused. You weren’t certain what was going on, but you also were not going to ask. There bluntly said were aspects about him and his life that might maybe seem odd to others. You couldn’t imagine how often he probably was approached in the street, being asked for photos or being photographed without consent. Though, you had read somewhere that none of the boys of BTS actually did photos with fans, it didn’t stop fans from taking pictures of their idols in all sort of daily situations. It must be hard, always being a risk that whatever you did could end up being photographed, regardless of how small and intimate a situation seemed. It was part of their life and a part they not only needed to accept, but also needed to live with. As it turned out, you didn't have to ask, as Namjoon was explaining whatever he had been doing all by himself a moment later. “I took some photos with them as an exchange,” Namjoon explained, while he got out of his skates. “This…Idol thing is my life. It is what provides me with a comfortable living and what I choose to have and lead, with all that comes with it – the good and the bad sides. But…I choose it. You didn’t. And having you thrown into this and showing up on front pages once more is something you neither want nor need. So I asked them to delete the pictures of us and offered them pictures with me and them. Sort of a trade. Plus, everyone’s a winner in this,” he smiled. “How is everyone a winner in this? What did you get out of it?” you asked confused as well as surprised about his exchange. “I got pictures of our first date,” he smiled, before continuing. “They get pictures that hardly any fan really gets because we usually don’t take pictures with fans. And you get to stay out of the headlines. Also… I can forward you these pictures as well. So you see, everyone’s a winner.” You had to laugh at his admission and also how it seemed like he saw himself as the biggest winner in this one when he spoke about the pictures he had scored about the two of you. “Why… why don’t you do pictures with your fans? If you don’t mind me asking.” He sighed once more, looking at you for a long while. “It’s just… some of our fans are very peculiar,” Namjoon started hesitantly. “I mean I love all of our fans and I’m forever grateful for them allowing and to some part financing the life we have but it has certainly its challenges. When we started out it had been not a problem in regards of pics, but the more popular and known we got the more issues arose in regards of fans, jealousy and hate. Also rumors started circulating with each new picture a fan got with us, so we decided in favor for everyone – us, management, the fans that were simply just happy with a photo and then got involved into drama – to stop taking photos with fans.” “And you made the trade now for…me? Despite the fact that it will probably break a rule or two?” you asked surprised and astonished. “Well, the rules are not in writen and just a general understanding. The agency will understand the circumstances and reasoning behind it. And the girls seemed like the ones that will upload all pics together, killing the idea about rumors and potential girlfriends and flings and just… stopping the hate right away.” You looked at Namjoon, untying his boots and getting out of them, before stepping into his own shoes. As so often before you were fighting with such a strong feeling of sadness whenever there was a mentioning of something that might seem normal to you but was foreign for the guys of BTS. Having to worry that the moment a photo of you with some girl appeared online could be seen as a dating scandal and that fans could flip was something no one should have to worry about. They should be able to do and enjoy everything every other non-famous guy their age could do and enjoy and not worry about consequences and hate. You wondered how long it had taken Kim Namjoon to take the plunge and make his relationship with Park Hae-Kyung public, probably weighting the pros and cons for weeks. And probably being then forced because someone had evidence or a photo or something that would have made their relationship public. “Thank you,” you said almost in awe. It was a small act but it meant a lot to you, seeing that someone was actually willing to do something he or she could get in trouble for as well, or could be seen as some sort of hardship just to make your life or one specific situation easier for you. You were used to people always putting their own needs and desires first and looking at yours only after that. Namjoon looked at you curious and surprised, before he asked “What for?” You figured it was hard to explain your reason for being grateful and why his act moved you so much to Namjoon. On the other hand, you couldn’t help but wonder how often he might have done something similar before for others and it was simply taken for granted by whoever he did it for. “To help me keep my name out of the papers for a while,” you simply said, smiling at him and receiving a smile from Namjoon in return. After your sudden and early end of that part of the date, Namjoon and you were slightly confused as what to do now. There was a third part of the night that had been planned, but from what you gathered was it still too early to continue. Seeing Namjoon fumble with his phone and hearing him say “Jin” a moment later you wondered whether he was required to report any anomalies as soon as they arose. To some extend this was amusing if you were honest. Seeing that the others had planned all of the night and what you assumed a lot of working going into the planning it made sense to sort of report to them. Amusing it was nevertheless. Namjoon nodded, said a few times “ok” and made an agreeing, yet confused sound. Maybe he didn’t like r agree with whatever was being said by Jin, you wondered. And then Namjoon ended the call and hung up. Figuring that he probably had gotten instructions what would happen now, you looked at him expectantly. Wondering whether this was it and the night was over or whether there really was a third point on the agenda tonight, you waited for him to say something. “They’ll reschedule and have us picked up shortly,” Namjoon finally said. From the way he said it, you weren’t entirely sure whether he agreed with this or not. “Did they say what it was that we are going to do next? On the schedule it only read ‘sensual desert’ which…means everything and nothing at all.” Namjoon shook his head and just looked clueless at you. Also there was a slight blush dusting his cheeks and you wondered where his mind had gone to with your question. In all fairness it was a very thought-stimulating name of the program, so who knew what you’d end up doing. About ten minutes after the call a car picked you up and you actually were glad that it wasn’t again a horse carriage. You played princess enough for one day. So of you were into the unknowing. Once more.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
You were not entirely sure what you had expected, but somehow this wasn’t it. Given, the name ‘sensual dessert’ could have led your thoughts into a lot of directions and to plenty of places but… to some store that looked like you might get robbed in any second wasn’t your first idea. The girl behind the counter smiled widely at you, when the car had dropped you off and Namjoon had held the door open for you to enter. ‘Welcome,” she beamed widely at the two of you, stepping around her counter and bowing. She was a bit younger than you, impeccably well dressed and gorgeous if you were honest. If she recognized Kim Namjoon in front of her she didn’t let on and smiled at the two of you equally friendly and inviting. Guiding you towards the back of the store, you followed hesitantly, not really sure what to expect. This was not really something you’d understand why Seokjin and the others figured ‘date-worthy’. Sure, it was a much needed breather from horse carriages and the likes, but…this was the whole opposite direction. “Do you mind me asking where…um…where we are? Or rather…what it is we are…doing or…getting done here?” you asked uncertain as you kept walking further and further into the back of the store. “We provide various forms of…entertainment that stimulate the mind,” she explained and you really knew as much as before. “O-kay,” you just said, figuring sooner or later you’d know what it was that you and Namjoon were doing here. When you were brought into a pitch-black room your confusion didn’t lessen and your imagination kicked involuntarily into overdrive. You couldn’t help it. The room and what you didn’t see, combined with the girl’s explanation just led your thoughts to places that probably were far from correct but…fitting. You somehow had trouble imagining Jin and the others sending Namjoon and you on a first date to an establishment for adult entertainment, but…it wasn’t as if Namjoon was known as saint and the one with the purest of thoughts in BTS. Not that there was anything wrong with it. To each their own and such. You were probably the wrong one to make judgments based on that anyway, seeing how pretty boring and vanilla your past relationships had been. Anyway…in regards of first dates this was… maybe a bit much if this really should turn out to be some sort of establishment. Your host clapped twice in her hand and the lights turned on like almost magic. You admit, what you saw wasn’t what you had expected. It was… a table, two chairs and…tame. The table was covered in a large while cloth, which edges pooled on the floor and a few candles and other decorations were placed all over it. Next to the table stood something that looked like a small side table, but you couldn’t really make out what was placed on it. “If the two of you would like to take a seat,” your host said, motioning towards the chairs and the table, before she went on a moment later. “You are going to experience dessert with all your senses, just not…seeing,” she said, not clearing up anything. “On the table next to you is a blindfold. One of you will get to wear that, while the other feeds him or her whatever we’ll put on the table in a few minutes. It is an exercise in trust, which I understand is something that might not be very established for the two of you at this stage since you haven’t known each other for very long. But that is okay,” she smiled at you both encouragingly, before going on. “It also will show you what you realize, sense and take note of with all other senses when your eyesight is taken away from you temporarily. You will come to see the world differently, no pun intended.” She motioned once more for the two of you to sit down and after you did, she asked who’d be first blindfolded. “The food served by the way will be differently. So whoever gets blindfolded first will get other items than the second one to try.” You looked at Namjoon who looked equally uncertain or at least lost to some degree. “I…I guess I go first?” you offered, more like a question than a statement. Almost the moment you had said it, a blindfold was placed over your eyes and the world became pitch black. “We asked when the reservation came through, but Kim Seokjin wasn’t entirely sure, so just to make sure…are you allergic to anything?” “Not as far as I’m aware,” you replied, hearing Namjoon say something similar a heartbeat later. “Excellent,” your host replied and you heard clicking of heels that slowly became more and more distant. “This isn’t weird in the slightest,” Namjoon said, sounding almost awkward. You snickered at his comment and waited for things to come. After a moment there was a noise that sounded like someone approaching and a male voice saying that the first items had arrived. It was odd to some degree, but you went with it. What else was there to do? “Ok, um… open up,” Namjoon said softly and you wondered whether the confusion and awkwardness you senses was just your imagination. But dutifully you did what had been asked and opened your mouth slightly. When something cold pressed against your lips and you realized the small space you had opened up wasn’t wide enough, you opened your mouth wider just to feel more coldness and after that sweetness. Dark chocolate for certain. Biting down you were surprised when sweet and cold juices from a strawberry all of a sudden appeared. If you were honest you sort of had expected this at some point, seeing how chocolate covered strawberries were probably a classic. But not knowing what would come up or when they’d be up for eating was slightly challenging. It wasn’t like you had trust issues – even though you and Namjoon hadn’t yet established much trust in each other, because that… needed time. But you figured that first of all Seokjin and the others wouldn’t pick things that were out of your comfort zone or weird and also that this place didn’t seem like they’d serve cockroaches or similar things anytime soon. You also trusted your partner in crime to more or less spot what he was feeding you, if he himself didn’t even know, and pull the breaks if necessary. “Judging by your moans you are a fan,” Namjoon snickered amused and you hadn’t even realized you had moaned. “They are a classic. How could I not?” you replied, smiling widely and imagining Namjoon smiling back at you. Or smiling once more if he had stopped after his amused reply. “I wish you could have seen your face and how your expression went from warily to curious to absolute bliss within a matter of seconds.” “Well it is in all fairness a bit weird to not know what you’re going to eat. Technically speaking this could be anything. For all I know you could have a spoon of vanilla pudding or Brussel sprouts next…” “I guess if that was the case your expression would go from warily, to curious to disgust rather than absolute bliss,” Namjoon laughed and you couldn’t help but join in. “Correct. Not a fan of either…” “At least I know I shouldn’t feed you either than. Thanks for the warning.” “Wait, does that mean there is something like Brussel sprouts on that plate or…platter or whatever you have in front of you?” “Not that I can see or make out. Unless they cut it up and covered it… Want me to taste-test before giving it to you?” he asked and sounded almost like mocking in an adorable way. “I take the leap of faith and I’ll pass on you eating my dessert.” Namjoon laughed a lot at that and you had to admit not seeing and just being able to hear in this case was really heightening your senses. You realized how deep and infectious his laughter sounded, how heartfelt and also heartwarming it was. It seemed carefree and genuine. “Do you want me to somehow establish a system in regards what to give you? Like, food that has a soft or liquid consistence first and what is more solid last?” The question admittedly surprised you, especially how much thought Namjoon was putting into this. If this had been you, you had most likely just randomly grabbed what was in front of you without coming up with structure or a plan or system. So his question sort of overwhelmed you if you were honest. “Um… why don’t you….I... don’t know. How about you go from what you like the least to what you love the most?” you suggested and heard nothing for a moment. Not being able to see really sucked, you just realized. Was he contemplating your idea? Was he looking at a tray of disgusting stuff he wouldn’t be able to distinguish just one thing he liked more than the other? Was he maybe not really a dessert guy? Oh god, all this time you actually hadn’t considered that maybe his idol life prohibited him from straying away from bland and calorie-containing food. But… then again, the others didn’t seem like they only eat bread and water all day. Quite the opposite. Maybe he was hating your idea. If you could see him all of these thoughts wouldn’t exist! You were about to say something more when you all of a sudden felt something cold against your lips once more, prompting you to open your lips again. It took you only a moment to realize there was a spoon, so you closed your eyes and let Namjoon pull the spoon out, leaving its contents for you to taste. What you tasted was vanilla, crème and caramelized sugar. “Crème brûlée?” you asked uncertain, having only eaten it once. “I figured since you mentioned your hate for vanilla pudding we get this out of the way quickly,” Namjoon explained and you were maybe melting a tiny bit at his consideration for your preferences. “The next thing …um… is a bit tough to give to you,” Namjoon more or less mumbled, sounding confused as if trying to work out a problem. Wondering what it could be that was awaiting you, you felt your lips being touched by something cold an instant later. Something really cold. And watery, you realized when licking your lips slightly at the sudden unexpected change in consistence. You felt Namjoon’s fingers softly brushing your lips and realized then that whatever it was that you were tasting, was actually being held by him. Biting it wasn’t going to work, since whatever he held was hard as steel and only a second later did you realize it was an actual ice cube. No real taste, just water and probably a whole mess around you. “I would have cut it up and only given you a small piece,” Namjoon laughed when you probably seemed overwhelmed with what to do now. You couldn’t really bite it, but sucking on it and letting it melt in your mouth was….cold as hell. And could take a moment. You nodded, made also some agreeing noises and just… waited it out really. Nothing else you could do. Well, other than replaying that moment when his fingers brushed softly against your lips and skin around your mouth. It was the softest touch and the goosebumps up your arms were not your imagination. You couldn’t explain how or why exactly, but figured it had to do with the sudden and unexpected contact and the fact that you couldn’t see. You hadn’t anticipated it and were caught off guard when they brushed your lips. After what felt like hours, the ice cube was finally gone and you were able to speak again without sputtering water everywhere. “That was not nice,” you remarked and heard Namjoon laugh loudly. “Sorry,” he said, not sounding sorry at all. He probably enjoyed this. Enjoyed your discomfort as well. “Just wait until this is your turn. I hope I’ll get something similar cruel.” “We’ll see,” he laughed some more, before continuing. “I can let you know that this was the worst. Every that comes up now will be to your liking I’d figure.” “We’ll see about that and I’ll be the judge of this,” you teased and felt something cold against your lips once more. Another spoon as you realized a moment later. Opening your lips, you indulged in creamy, soft, chocolaty something with some sort of cakey-texture thrown into it. After enjoying and contemplating about it for a second you recognized the taste to be Tiramisu. You found it odd and surprising equally how you technically knew all of the items you were being fed, but how long it too you to figure them out. Not being able to see made you having to rely on every other sense, and since hearing wasn’t really an option and feeling wasn’t either, that left smell and taste. The whole experience of waiting what was about to hit your taste glands was overwhelming and the fact that your brain more or less broke up single components to find some comparison to what it could be was exciting. And scary. When you felt his fingers brush against your lips once more you figured he had the next item prepared, but were surprised when nothing came. Instead he traced his fingers softly around your upper lip once more and a second later – after being a mix of confused and well… turned on – you heard a sucking noise, which only confused you some more. “You had a bit of cream on your upper lip. As well as a bit of cocoa powder dusting,” he explained and you couldn’t help but grin as well as feeling the blush creep up your cheeks. You felt his fingers once more, this time though with food prepared and a moment later something solid was placed between your lips. Chocolate, cake, and a whole lot more chocolate. “I love Brownies,” you exclaimed, almost squealing. Embarrassing? Probably. But you really loved Brownies. And that love was only multiplied now that you eat them blindfolded and could indulge with all senses and realizing things you hadn’t realized before. The chocolate that flooded your senses with its dark and slightly bitter aftertaste, the sugar in the concoction that made the batter and the chunks of chocolate that heightened and maximized the chocolate invasion on your taste buds. And for the first time you tasted the smallest hint of salt that was always only a pinch, but came out when you could concentrate on every single ingredient. And maybe you did moan. Slightly. But you really, really loved Brownies. You heard a chuckle from most likely Namjoon, figuring there was no one else in this room other than the two of you. Hopefully. Because you’d probably be mortified if you got the blindfold taken off and realized you did have a spectator. “Tell me, it’s just you and me and not someone else in here with us,” you said a moment later, deciding you might as well just ask, preparing yourself for any unexpected surprise beforehand. “It is,” Namjoon confirmed. “Why? You wanna up the ante and give ‘sensual dessert’ a whole different meaning?” Was that a teasing tone in his voice that also had a hint of hope and wishful thinking? Or was that just your imagination. “I’ll pass,” you laughed, before adding. “For now anyway…” At that Namjoon didn’t say anything and you wondered whether you’d rendered him speechless with your quick comeback. Another thing that the blindfold apparently did was making you a tiny bit bolder. Maybe it was the fact that you couldn’t see his reaction when you did something that could potentially be embarrassing. Namjoon apparently decided on not gracing you with another reply and instead placed the next item against your lips. Surprise hit you when you realized it was something warm for a change. Wrapping your lips around what would turn out to be a fork, your taste glands were hit by sweetness of sugar and the sour taste of lemon at the same time. It was a really good combination that was equally not too sweet and not to sour at the same time. Biting down on the unknown, the pancake texture surprised you. It wasn’t your usual pancake, but rather felt like a thin layer of dough to some extend and the pictures in your head slowly came to a result. “French Crepes?” you asked, when your brain had decided this was what it was tasting. It was interesting when you thought about it, how you slowly tasted everything, every ingredient and with each new one added in to the mix the pictures in your head kept changing. “You have an interesting preference,” you remarked after a long moment of silence. “I mean I get the ice cube being so far down the list, because that… um… has no taste and therefore everything else that lays in front of is more preferred. But… Tiramisu and Brownies before Crepe? Not that one is worse than the other, but… Tiramisu usually ranks high with most people. Makes me wonder what else you have in store.” “I might follow my own system, that isn’t necessarily influenced by preferences in regards of taste,” Namjoon replied, sounding like he smiled. “Good to know,” you smiled back and felt something new brush your lips. By now you were almost familiar with the feel of cold metal against your lips. When the spoon was removed you tasted once again chocolate. A lot of it. Actually, only chocolate. And cream to some extent. And a texture so light and soft and yummy that it didn’t take you long to figure out you tasted mouse au chocolate in all its perfected and mouthwatering glory. This was probably the best date ever if you were honest. And you hadn’t even finished yet. You moaned into the mouthful of gooey perfection that your dessert had now been reduced to and swallowed, almost willing to ask whether there was some more of it. You weren’t sure whether there was literally only spoon of everything or whether portion size was up to Namjoon. “Want some more?” you heard him a second later and you wondered whether he was now able to read thoughts. Because wasn’t that just what you thought? “Do you have some more?” you asked and felt another spoonful of perfection being placed into your mouth. “This is really good,” you gushed. “Can you actually taste this as well, or is all of that only for me?” you wondered and heard him snicker. “I guess I could,” he said after a short hesitation. “But I actually don’t. That would spoil my whole experience. Also… it is extremely rewarding watching you react to all of this. Whoever of the guys came up with that idea deserves a present. As reward.” “Just wait until I have my turn,” you replied with a smile. “And when I get to see you carefully, cautiously and hesitantly inching your way into the unknown world of desserts.” “Do you worst,” Namjoon just said and you could really imagine the million-watt smile he was most likely shooting your way. There was a short break and you heard him rummage around, sounding almost like he put an order into things. Maybe there was nothing left for you to taste? After all, what could beat Mouse au Chocolate? “Last item on the menu,” Namjoon announced shortly after your thought and was there a certain hesitation you could hear in his voice? Maybe that was just your imagination, but… it also made you wonder what he could have in store. He had mentioned that nothing horrible was on the menu and you believed him, but then again…he didn’t really know what you liked, did he? Ok, so far everything that had been served up was magnificent. And great. You felt by now almost familiar fingers against your lips again. You weren’t sure whether you had once more something on your upper lip that he tried removing or whether that was the last item, so you waited, feeling his fingers tap slightly against your lips. No removal then. What confused you was the fact that you couldn’t feel anything else other than his fingers. There was no water coldness like with the ice cube, or the hard texture like you had felt when he pushed that Brownie against your lips. This time there really was… just his fingers. You opened your lips, curious what would be last tonight for you. When his fingers brushed past your lips and you still had no idea or feel, or taste what was in store for you, you got even more confused. And then…you all of a sudden felt a second finger and something sweet and light that almost became liquid within seconds. You wrapped your lips around his fingers, figuring that’d be the time he’d pull them back. But instead of pulling back, he let you lick his fingers clean, tasting the whipped cream fully and feeling what you assumed could be his thumb brush softly against your upper lip. His action fulfilled the name of this part of your agenda. It felt sensual to a point that was almost unbearable. You could feel the tension and heat between you increase by the second and you found yourself once more disagreeing that Namjoon felt he needed to plan his own date in order to ‘woo you on his own terms’. He really was doing fine here. Actually, he was doing more than just fine. “Cat got your tongue?” he asked amused and you couldn’t help but laugh. The small disappointment you felt when he removed his fingers was involuntary but also compensated with his thumb lingering against your upper lip a little while longer. “More like my tongue was occupied with something else,” you replied, hearing him bark out a laugh. Two could play this game, you figured. Especially seeing that now was your turn. And Namjoon better be prepared for whatever was going to happen when he was blindfolded and more or less at your mercy. And wasn’t that an interesting picture? You felt hands on the back of your head and a moment later the blindfold was lifted up and you needed to blink at the sudden invasion of light. Your eyes needed a while to adjust to the sudden light, but when you did and your eyes drifted to the right, you needed to grin at the mess in front of you. Spoons with several traces of what once had been on them were scattered across a silver tray that also contained several glassed and small dishes with the remainders of your taste test. The ice cube had melted by now completely and the whipped cream seemed like it could do the same soon. When your eyes spotted the first item of the night, you couldn’t help but reach over, placing the strawberry first between your fingers and moments later between your lips. Biting down on the chocolate and feeling the juice drip into your mouth, you decided payback was hell. Looking up to Namjoon, you wrapped your lips tighter around the chocolate covered fruit and sucked hard, avoiding the juices to drip all over you. Namjoon gulped a few times hard, looking almost mesmerized, making you smile. This was going to be fun to some extent. You almost jumped out of your chair and more or less pushed Namjoon into his, placing the blindfold over his eyes and pulling the ends tightly together in a knot. “Eager much?” Namjoon asked amused, a smile playing across his lips. You decided on not gracing his remark with a reply. Not entirely sure whether you needed to call someone for apparently the new items or how that was supposed to work, you heard someone come up behind you moments into your thought. The tray Namjoon had been provided with was taken away and a new tray placed on the table. And what you saw looked amazing. Ohhhh, where to start? You looked through the eight items on the tray, firstly trying to decipher what you worked with and then trying to establish a system and a way for payback. You weren’t really very confident in these kind of things. Or had a lot of experience when it came to being seductive or tempting. So him being blindfolded meant that he wouldn’t see your weak and lousy attempts at sensuality or the likes. But, it also meant he wouldn’t see it when you did something really good and cool. In the end you decided on playing this as it came. You figured something would work one way or another and spontaneity usually was the best option anyway. Taking the first spoon, could collected a generous amount of what was in the first bowl you decided on starting with and held the spoon against Namjoon’s lips a moment later. Cautious he opened them and you let the spoon glide past them, seeing him slowly wrap his lips around the stem of the spoon and waiting for the taste to hit him. “Yoghurt wasn’t what I had expected in all fairness. Especially seeing what your tray held,” he said surprised, swallowing the white concoction. “You gave me an ice cube. In comparison yoghurt is almost a treat and luxury,” you chastised him playfully at which he only laughed. “Point taken,” he replied playfully, while you already looked through what else was on offer. Next was a chocolate bar that looked like a Snickers and made navigation easy for you, seeing how solid it was. Namjoon probably had expected a lot of things, just nothing that solid, judging by his surprised reaction when you placed the piece of the chocolate bar into his mouth. “A Snickers bar?” he asked, sounding almost incredulous. “How is it that you get treated to Tiramisu, Mouse au chocolate and French Crepes and I get yoghurt and Snickers bars?” “You don’t know what else is in store, darling,” you almost coed, seeing him purse his lips. “I like the way this sounds. And it can technically only get better. I don’t see how this could get worse…” “Are you really this whiny?” you asked amused, diverting your attention back on the tray and figuring out what you’d take next. “Usually not, but I feel a slight disadvantage in regards of fineness when it comes to what’s on offer here.” “Maybe this will tickle your fancy,” you offered and placed a spoon once more against Namjoon’s lush lips. Interesting how you came to appreciate his lips and sort of started obsessing about them, the longer this was going on. Maybe the blindfold wasn’t just working his senses, but yours as well. “I can think about a lot of things that you can tickle,” he ordered, before opening his lips for you to push the spoon inside. Winced for a moment when the cold mixture made contact with his tongue, you couldn’t help but feel slightly victorious. Served him right. “Oh yeah?” you asked playful and with a smile. “Careful what you wish for,” you advised and before he had time to question your remark you tried your luck and placed a few fingers delicately on his sides, tickling him forcefully a moment later and seeing Namjoon erupt in laughter and yelping when air became an issue. The ice cream was long swallowed when Namjoon was still laughing and panting for air. “Not what I had in mind,” he finally said when he had himself back under control. “But that’s all you get from me. Sorry.” “Somehow you do not sound very apologetic,” he mused. “And by the way ice cream is not an improvement,” he remarked playfully and with a wide smile. “But I’ll take it.” ‘Well…,’ you thought to yourself, looking once more at the tray, ‘if cold isn’t his, maybe time to change it up.’ Looking at the steaming hot item in front of you, admiring the soft chocolate swirls that were like small rivers in its gooey consistence, you lifted the fork, guiding it towards Namjoon. “This will be hot,” you remarked as warning, seeing him raise his eyebrows. “Do I need to worry in regards of what you’ll do to me now?” he asked and you realized that he misunderstood what you meant. “I meant the food. The food is hot,” you corrected yourself, seeing him smile. “Shame,” he just said and how was it possible that he made you blush when he couldn’t even see you or gauge your reaction? Namjoon opened his lips widely, giving you room to work the piece of divine smelling fruit in his mouth. Despite your warning he still jumped slightly in his seat when the warm pear made contact with his taste buds. Namjoon didn’t look impressed. “Not a fan?” you asked, and he shook his head. “Well, I…don’t really like pears in all fairness. And the sugar on this makes the already sweet fruit even sweeter. Would have preferred whatever hot thing you could have come up to this. But well, life isn’t always wishful thinking, is it?” “I wouldn’t have come up with anything hot,” you laughed, seeing him shack his head. “I doubt that somehow.” The choice of what to take next was getting more and more limited and you only had three more laid out in front of you, making it somewhat not easier to decide. Making up your mind, you delicately grabbed the next piece and guided it towards Namjoon’s lips. “You’ll have to open up a bit wider for this one,” you advised and ignored how that could potentially have sounded. Because….whatever. Namjoon followed your advice and you placed the baked good between his lips, giving him time to get accustomed to the rainbow of textures and flavors. Judging by Namjoon’s surprised and confused expression he himself wasn’t quite sure what this was. Not that you could blame him. This was going to be a whole wide range of things. “Chocolate with alcohol, whipped cream and dough? Is this one item or just all of the remaining ones thrown together by you because you don’t care anymore?” he asked amused, chewing some of his dessert and looking pleased, despite the confusion and his playful accusation. “It’s one,” you confirmed. “Never had a profiterole before?” “Not that I know of. But I like that. Unexpected but delicious. We finally are getting somewhere.” You laughed at his comment, finding it a tough choice to make between the last three items on the tray. One thing looked as good as the other one. When you made your choice, you weren’t entirely sure what it was. But it looked good. Really good. Pushing the chocolate ball into his mouth, his lips wrapped partly around your fingers, sucking them softly, before you pulled them back and he sucked on what you figured should hopefully be chocolate covered cherries. They at least looked like that. And thankfully Namjoon confirmed your suspicion a moment later. You scoped up a generous amount of soufflé next, guiding the mountain of goodness towards Namjoon’s lips and watching him devour the sweet treat. He did have a point when he said it was rewarding watching. That much was for sure. You loved the emotions which played all over his face whenever you came up with something new for him to taste. How the wary and caution morphed into euphoria and excitement whenever he realized what it was he ate. You heard him moan, leaning back into the chair and throwing his head back, technically looking up at the ceiling, if there wouldn’t be the small detail of a blindfold. “This is amazing,” he offered between moans which might or might not have done things to you. “One item left,” you announced, looking at the lavish looking piece of brownish dough in front of you. Placed on a small dish, you grabbed a fork, seeing that it was too big for one bite, and cut right through it, surprised when molten chocolate piled out of the center. This was getting better and better. And you really wouldn’t mind a taste of that. Pushing your fork into the dough, you swirled it through the pool of chocolate and tried to collect as much of the gooey goodness as possible, before guiding it towards Namjoon’s lips one last time tonight. The cake had just barely touched Namjoon’s lips when you heard a moan from him. Looked like Bangtan’s leader was an equal Chocaholic like you were, you mused amused. “Now, we are talking,” he eventually said, between chewing and seemingly really enjoying this treat. You smiled, enjoying the view if you were honest. He chewed on the small piece you had fed him, smiling widely and licking his lips when he was done, missing a spot of molten chocolate that you had left on his upper lip earlier. In retrospective was it something you wouldn’t be able to explain really. Maybe it was the fact that Namjoon was blindfolded and therefore couldn’t see your move which encouraged you more. Maybe it was just the whole evening and things had progressed, how tension rose and how the heat kept climbing and climbing. You felt bold and somewhat fearless all of a sudden, the banter from earlier and his way how he had been when it was you in that blindfold only adding to it and fueling it some more. You could have simply returned the favor he had done sooner when something similar had happened at your turn, taking a finger and collecting what his tongue missed. But why doing it like that when you could add a little spice and fun? Stepping towards his and placing a hand on one side of his head you moved your head closer to his, feeling your heartrate all of a sudden increase and wondering whether hearing your heart beat was just your imagination or whether it really was that loud. “You’ve missed a spot,” you almost whispered, seeing his surprise at how close your voice seemed all of a sudden. “Let me help you out,” you went on and a second later, your lips pressed softly against his. No way back now.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Within the first second you decided that you needed to be bolder more often. Because this was…outstanding – in lack of a better word or the fact that your brain cells had short wired. Normally you’d question everything right this moment. You’d question whether you’d lost your mind and common sense. You’d question what the hell you were thinking. You’d question why he wasn’t doing anything and whether you’d overstepped something. You’d question literally everything and would be in frantic panic right about now. But …you didn’t. Even when he didn’t move, didn’t reciprocate anything and you figured this had been a step too far, you still didn’t panic. You’d cut you loses and move on. As easy as that. And just when you were about to pull back, coming up with what you could possibly say as explanation – though what was there to explain really – and probably making a fool of yourself, something changed. He changed. His lips started moving and he reciprocated, wrapping an arm all of a sudden around your neck and pulling you back, into him. You weren’t really sure what you had expected. In all fairness you couldn’t say whether there had been expectations whatsoever to begin with. But somehow… it wasn’t what this was slowly developing into. Namely a battle for dominance and the upper hand. You’d be lying if you’d say you hadn’t read about fan theories and statements that Namjoon had made one way or another at some point in the past that indicated he wasn’t a choir boy or as innocent as he seemed in most pictures. But somehow being pulled into him in a way that you lost your balance and were falling into him, all of a sudden more or less finding yourself in his lap, close to straddling him, surprised you. He didn’t let up, pushing further and further, making you quite honestly see stars at some point and wondering, if not even wishing, that you could just…keep doing this. Because this was nice and perfect and just… really, really, really pleasant. As a matter of fact, you could spend doing exactly this for the rest of your life. His hands combed through your hair, pulling slightly on single strands, moving your head in whatever way he seemed fit to work best for him. And apparently a lot of ways seemed to work best for him. Or none whatsoever. Depending on your view of things. Your arms moved around his neck, pulling yourself tighter into him and feeling yourself press into the hard planes of his surprisingly muscular upper body. You knew that the dance line of BTS was fit, really fit and that they had muscles and toned upper bodies, seeing that they worked out a lot when dancing. It wasn’t like the other four were unattractive or not working out, but you had figured that Namjoon and the others were… less… toned. Not that this really mattered if you were honest. It wasn’t a criteria that mattered to you one way or another – though of course someone who didn’t get his ass up – so to speak – was probably a challenge for you as well. So feeling his toned muscles and arms around you was surprising, pleasantly surprising. What felt like hours but probably only was a few minutes eventually had of course come to an end. Because… despite what you would have liked, this couldn’t go on forever. Sadly. So eventually you, or him, or maybe both of you equally, pulled back and let go of each other’s lips tentatively. “Just for the record, this usually isn’t how my first dates go generally,” you clarified laughingly and heard him laughing in return. “So does that make me special?” he asked with raised eyebrows at which you laughed some more. “I have very little references in regards of that, since I usually wouldn’t be that…um…forward this early on.” “Meaning you’d be more forward as things progress?” Groaning you hid your face out of almost what you’d call a reflex in his neck, mumbling “That’s not what I meant.” “I’m sure it was, you just don’t want to reveal too much too soon,” he laughed and you couldn’t help but laugh with him once more. “You start sweet and adorable and then … BOOM… ultimate vixen that drives men left and right completely insane. And leaves them wanting for more. Just admit it.” “Yeah, I see I can’t fool you,” you laughed some more. “That is exactly me. You got me totally the right way…” Namjoon grinned widely at you, before he winked confidently at it was amusing and made you laugh even more. You liked this playful way the date went. Not that it had been serious before, but the usual fun that had been present whenever you and him had interacted before had been somewhat missing until now. You felt his thumbs brush against your cheek and it was a nice feeling, somewhat not serious, not too forward, but …sweet and nice. How he softly brushed the tip of his thump over your skin, barely touching you in all fairness. The silence that settled over the two of you felt somehow nice and comfortable, but was interrupted after only a few moments by Namjoon himself. Not that you really minded. “Next date will be something I actually planned myself and can take full responsibility for,” Namjoon exclaimed, looking already pensive and as if in thought of what the two of you could do. “We are already speaking about a next date?” you asked playfully, seeing him blink confused at you for a moment. “I…um… well, I figured how tonight went that yeah, we are. Unless you always kiss guys on a first date and then never appear again, blocking numbers and just…disappearing.” You found it fascinating – the change Namjoon did, almost flip-flopping between this confident, bold and alluring person one moment and the sweet, almost shy and nervous person the next. Like a switch had been turned and he became somewhat of a different person, but also staying the same. “I don’t usually make a habit of it,” you clarified amused. “Of any of it.” “So it is set?” he asked, sounding strangely enough hopeful as well as uncertain. “The follow-up date?” you asked, seeing him nod almost frantically. For a second it seemed like he feared that if he wasn’t quick enough in any sort of reaction, you would back down. “Will you woo me on your own terms then?” you inquired, quoting him back from what he had said earlier tonight. “Oh you better watch out,” he said in an equally teasing as well as threatening way, a smirk all over his face. “I’m going to woo you off your feet.” “You are not going to come up with horse carriages and the likes, right?” you asked almost panicked. If he tried topping the other’s planned date in regards of cheesiness and kitsch you were certain he could, but you weren’t so sure whether you really wanted to experience that. “No, I…won’t,” Namjoon replied, almost grinning amused at what he probably figured was discomfort at that particular idea. “I’ll come up with something better and less cheesy or kitschy. And I promise, no horse carriage, no raining of rose pedals, no awkward Hollywood-movie idea about romance, which only is too much too soon anyway and definitely a weirder and more uncomfortable thing than “adorable-and-cutely”-romantic,” Namjoon reassured you and you couldn’t help but let out a relieved sigh. It wasn’t like the date Seokjin and the others had sent you on was bad or uncomfortable, but Namjoon was right that it felt to some extend strange and yes, a horse-carriage was a little too much. But in general it was ok, really ok. And fun. And... allo over the place. Quite literal. The sort of awkward beginning was to be expected and always happened, regardless whether the date was planned by one of the participants or someone else, you figured. “Well, if you promise,” you laughed carefree, being already curious what his date would entail. Thinking about him and dates it was way harder to decide what direction he would go. The possibilities were endless. And tempting the longer you thought about it. “The only problem we might have is a schedule,” Namjoon admitted while you were still in your thoughts. His voice got your attention and you looked at him slightly confused. “The schedule we are having. As a band,” he clarified a moment later. “We are having a comeback soon and before and after will be hell time-wise.” The look he gave you was more than just apologetic. It also seemed sad. To some extend you found it almost comical how time was always an issue – regardless whether it was in connection to a superstar or someone regular. It seemed like time always was a problem. Or rather the fact that no one had time these days. So why would Kim Namjoon be any different? Especially seeing that he wasn’t just anybody, but someone who didn’t have as much time as others. “No worries,” you reassured him softly. “I won’t go anywhere. Or at least not far.” After a long few moments of silence you finally moved and you got up from Namjoon in whose lap you were still sitting – technically. You weren’t sure how this date was supposed to end, whether there should be another pick-up by someone or something or if there were any plans in regards how to end it. Not that you needed a plan or something organized. But seeing how Hoseok and the others planned everything else, you’d be surprised if they hadn’t seen the date through until the end. It didn’t matter one way or another as you found out within seconds. Because Namjoon himself had a plan in regards of how to finish this. In a good way obviously. Without waiting for anyone – it wasn’t quite obvious whether someone from the place you currently were at was supposes to come back or not – he got up and grabbed your hand, pulling you after him, out of the building and into the night. Usually it took a good amount of time to get a cab at this time of night and in the part of town, but Namjoon succeeded within seconds, holding the door open for you to get in and following just moments later. You gave the cab driver your address and off you were into the night, passing lights and the vibrant life around you on the streets. After about twenty minutes of a drive across the city you came to a stop in front of your building. You had expected a sort of quick goodnight if you were honest and were slightly surprised when Namjoon didn’t just open the door to get out and wait for you, but also walk you to your door inside the building, telling the cab driver to wait for him and he’d be back in a second. You had to be honest. You weren’t entirely sure what his idea was. It wasn’t like you thought the worst or assumed he could have ulterior motives, but one had to be careful. Did he expect to be invited for a last drink? Or maybe coffee? Did your earlier kiss – and therefore quick development – give him the idea you could be easy with other things as well? It really wasn’t like he had made any moves in that direction or given you the feeling like he could or would, like there were certain expectations, but…well, if you were honest previous experiences had taught you to look out. And you really hated yourself for thinking like that in regards of Namjoon. He had been nothing but a perfect gentlemen tonight. But...well. “Stop worrying your pretty head,” you heard him almost whisper, interrupting your train of thought all of a sudden. Looking at him like probably a deer caught in headlights, you couldn’t help but smile almost apologetically at him. Instead of saying anything, Namjoon pretty much answered your thoughts when he leaned barely forward, pressing the softest and sweetest kiss against your lips. But before anything could rival your previous kiss earlier tonight, he already pulled back, smiled shyly at you, tugged a stray hair strand behind your ears and was gone a moment later. ‘Not like others’, was your thought when your door fell in its lock.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It had taken about an hour after Namjoon had said goodnight for you to receive a string of messages. A lot of messages. Hearing the familiar tone of your phone, you assumed they’d be from Namjoon, telling you he made it home safe or the likes. But…they were from six other people that had sneakily found a way into your everyday life. As well as Namjoon. But his message was compared to the sheer amount of the other six just amusing – though the most important one if you were honest. Jin, being Jin really, asked how you’d rate the date and that they overachieved most likely, which made you laugh. Text-Jin and Jin in front of you so often seemed like two different people it amazed you. In texts Jin hardly ever left any room for doubt or disagreeing, radiating a confidence that was unmatched most of the time. Jin in real life though still confident displayed a more mature and serious side and often enough challenged your own doubts, believes and cracks in self-confidence. Hobi kept asking over several separate messages whether you needed more proof or if that was now set and you two were finally dating. He offered to plan future dates if the need arose and had no problem delivering you as much proof as you needed until you saw what all of them knew for a long time already. Yoongi, being Yoongi, more or less only complained, telling you he just wants to sleep but that Namjoon keeps him from that by being obnoxiously talkative and telling him things he doesn’t want to know about your date. And that you better call your boyfriend and tell him to shut up.Your eyebrows might have raised a little at his comment, saying that Namjoon was telling him things about your date which Yoongi didn’t want to know. Did you need to be worried about Namjoon oversharing? Already? Though, what was there to really overshare? The details of how the date went? The kiss? Or rather kisses?The youngsters seemed more interested in other things that weren’t primarily Namjoon and you centered. Jungkook wanted to know when they’d actually see you again since it felt like forever since they had seen you and Taehyung first had a message coinciding with Jungkook’s before he seemed to have opened a new group chat that was titled Movie Night/Sleepover. It didn’t take you to be a genius to figure out what possible context that chat would have. Surprisingly Jimin was actually the only one who only sent one very short message, with a question you had figured would have come from Hoseok or Jin. How was it? Did you have fun? Out of all the messages with all its different ideas, questions and context Jimin’s actually made you smile the widest. Not that the other messages from the other guys weren’t entertaining and funny to some content, but Jimin’s was …so pure and cute and almost adorable, despite the fact that he actually didn’t say anything specifically new or unexpected. Maybe it was the fact that his question actually prompted you to reminisce about tonight and brought a smile to your lips automatically. Or maybe it was just that you imagined Jimin and how he’d probably pondered for half an hour over the question whether he should sent you that message. He sometimes seemed like he wasn’t entirely sure what the lines in your friendship were? He seemed sometimes hesitant and careful, as if too worried he’d overstep an invisible line he wasn’t supposed to overstep. While Jungkook and Taehyung usually had the approach of just doing something and seeing afterwards what needed to be corrected in which way, Jimin was a lot more thoughtful and pondered over things a lot more. He also seemed to be the one out of these seven that sometimes seemed to have the hardest time adjusting to the Idol Life – though he covered that up magnificently with his swag and cool demeanor when he was on stage. At least judging from the handful of videos you had seen from their last tour. Before answering any of them, you proceeded to read the rest of your messages and needed to roll your eyes – but at yourself and not the people who had sent you the messages. As much as you had pondered earlier over the end of the night and what Namjoon had been expecting, you needed to laugh now about yourself. Sure, previous experiences had taught you a whole different picture of how these dates could end and what guys expected, but when reading Namjoon’s few messages, thanking you for the evening and your company, hoping you could repeat this soon again and just asking you seemingly random questions, your earlier thoughts seem ridiculous. Especially when thinking about the fact that it had been you who had initiated that first kiss and also fallen into him, straddling him in that chair. You were almost certain that if you hadn’t done it, Namjoon would have made no move whatsoever in that direction. Answering everyone before you called it a night and went to bed, you wondered once more how much Namjoon had shared with the others. Their questions didn’t really let on much, except for Yoongi’s, but that could have honestly meant everything really. Namjoon didn’t seem like a gossip in that regard, but also seemed like someone who wouldn’t be able to contain his joy or happiness without sharing at least a few things. Or never shutting up, if Yoongi was to be believed. Maybe you should ask him the next time you went out. Which – as it turned out – wouldn’t be for a while. You stood in constant contact with everyone really, but you didn’t seem them for weeks really. This shouldn’t have surprised you really, seeing how Namjoon himself had mentioned on your date that another one could take a while as they were preparing for their latest comeback. You got very very regular updates and pictures sent to you with concept photos, song samples and the likes. Initially with the first pictures and teaser-length song samples you were sworn to secrecy and not to share anything. Mostly that was written in cap locks and was several times repeated. That however stopped after a few messages. You weren’t sure whether you had proven to be trustworthy or whether the sender had just become lazy. Not that it mattered one way or another. With the guys and the few other friends you had being occupied with their lives, jobs and the likes you figured that maybe it was time to figure out your own life. You had after all pushed that decision and decision making in front of you for what felt months. And actually was months now that you thought about it. Sitting down, you made list. Or several ones. You needed to figure out what you wanted to do, where you wanted to go and how you got there if your career was no longer at your current employer. Your lists would spread over several pages, weighting options, pros and cons and trying to find a common threat that would connect everything and left you with your answer. Initially you had figured this would only be a matter of a day – to at least find out what you wanted to do in regards of your current employer, but things became really tricky and complicated and blurry. You knew most people would have known within the first few days of the whole fiasco what they’d be doing, but you were a loyal soul in all fairness and believed in second chances. But looking at newspaper articles all over your floor which spread over several occurrences and then looking at your lists, second and even third chances you had granted, hadn’t been used. Up until today you were still waiting for an actual report on the outcome of the investigation – or a simple sorry really. It wasn’t as if you were asking for too much, was it? After your statement had been released you had figured someone from the hospital would have felt the need to reach out to you - especially seeing how you called them out in your statement. But nothing. Not even a phone call. Or a letter. It made you wonder whether the ones in charge actually saw any fault in their actions and the invasiveness they used as tactic to keep you on board without admitting fault or wrongdoing. So maybe it was time to cut these ties and count your losses. And that’s what you did. You called Song Cho-rong, remembering how she had mentioned someone owning her a favor. Usually you would have refused any sort of help, especially the ones that were based on a favor, but maybe for once it was time to accept help and speed things up a tiny bit. She had after all mentioned that the favor would have been to get a foot in, but not to actually get the job right away. Not knowing what to expect, you called and were surprised when Cho-rong not only remembered you right on the spot but also seemed almost extremely excited about that development. Promising to call you back within a day, she hung up and probably went to do what she promised she’d do – or just do her job. She kept her promise and called back within a day, giving you specifics of where to show up and at what time. Apparently she worked fast, really fast, seeing that your interview was to be held the next day and you were required to bring everything of the usual with you. A bit unconventional if you were honest, but you’d take it. While preparing and printing everything you needed, updating everyone in your life about the possible changes, you also googled a few other options in regards of possibilities. You had never tried reaching too high in regards of accomplishments or what you wanted to do, but maybe…now that you had a chance, you should for once try reaching for the stars. After all, what did you have to lose? It wasn’t as if failure would throw you back by a lot. You’d go into that interview fully prepared to answer whatever professional question they’d throw at you and also with a list – a very short one, but still – list of demands that seemed not too outlandish. The interview, despite nerve wrecking, was a full success. They offered you a job on the spot accepting your conditions gladly. You however had to decline an immediate start, seeing that you still needed to sort out things with your current employer. They seemed more than understanding and told you to give them a call with possible dates for starting as soon as you knew when you could be released. With the promise of the contract being mailed to you the next few days after the altercations of your demands had been included and the starting date left blank, you bid your goodbye and left, feeling lightheaded, accomplished and happy in a way you hadn’t felt in a long time. Your first stop after your interview had been Seoul University, seeing that you decided on signing up for their medical program and working part-time at the hospital. You knew this was a lot of work and probably would leave you with little to no time in the next few years for plenty of other things, but… it was the dream. You had told Namjoon and others, and even mentioned it in your statement, that your job had always been to chase after a cure for a patient rather than chasing after ulterior motives. As a nurse your options to chase after cures were limited. But as a doctor…Hoping that your years as nurse were making things slightly easier for you in regards of learning and understanding things, you were hopeful this was going to be the best idea. And the hospital seemed more than accommodating to your wish, expressing their full support on your quest. After the sign up at university had been done, you took on the fight with your current employer. And a fight it would be. Your demands were not entirely unfounded or unreasonable, but only after you threatened them with a lawyer – you technically didn’t have at that moment – they seemed to budge, giving in and granting you an early release out of your contract as well as granting you your overtime and unused vacation to be taken and for you to not having to return to the hospital again, except for obviously collecting the remainders of your personal stuff that was still in your locker. Coming home that day, you were surprised when several huge parcels were stacked on top of each other in front of your door. The sender didn’t appear and you knew you hadn’t ordered anything recently, especially not in such quantities that would suffice the amount of cartons in front of you. Seeing that your name was printed on the boxes they definitely were meant for you, so you opened your door and pushed the tower inside your apartment. Cutting through the first box you were confused, which didn’t get any better when you opened the remaining four huge boxes and found yourself with so much BTS and BT21 merchandise that you could probably open your own shop. “Jin!” you yelled through your empty apartment, laughing a moment later. Things never got boring, that was for sure.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Boring also didn’t seem to be a word in Seokjin’s vocabulary. At all. Therefore he probably knew a dozen words that would all mean ‘extra’, seeing how extremely extra he could be at times. “You know…you didn’t have to go to that extreme,” you laughed into the phone and heard several voices all at once. Seemed like you were on speaker again. “What do you mean with extreme?” Jin asked, sounding flabbergasted for whatever reason. “You have seen the…amount of stuff you sent me, right?” you asked back, wondering whether there was a chance he – or they – just clicked some things they had found online. “So?” Jin asked and you heard Hoseok laugh in the background. “I… ok, first of all, when you said you would …set me up with merchandise or whatever, I assumed you were joking. Or forgetting about it at some point,” you admitted, looking at the boxes in your living room. “And… then, I… didn’t expect that amount. I mean, I didn’t expect anything at all to be honest. But… this… is just way too much. I could open my own fanshop,” you exclaimed, and you swore you could hear Jimin or Taehyung squeal in the background. “Ohhh, good idea,” Jin agreed. “No,” you were quick in making sure he didn’t get any idea like that settled into his head. “I was kidding. That is not going to happen.” “Why not? Think about the possibilities,” Hoseok chirped in, sounding almost as excited. “Basically… a shop from a fan for a fan.” You did not imagine the background conversations with someone – possibly Jungkook – yelling you needed to look at profitability and whether online or an actual store would make more sense. “Okay, apart from me not wanting to, I also don’t have time for that little adventure. Or money, seeing that you probably need assets to set something like that up – whether that would be online or offline. In general. But… there won’t be any store. Not by me anyway,” you protested harshly, making sure they absolutely for a certain understood that this was no longer up for discussion. “Okay fine,” Hoseok agreed and you could almost see the pout. “Well… generally speaking, money wouldn’t be a problem,” Jin mentioned and yes, you needed to roll your eyes. It wasn’t as if they’d see you, was it? “Okay, apart from this idea being stopped right here, right now, hypothetically speaking, if you say you’d be my backer or investment partner or whatever, I’ll scream.” “Not really,” Jin laughed. “You’d just sell some of the stuff we sent you. I mean, we did sent you enough and some of the stuff we sent we actually sent two, or three times. So, you could easily part with a bit of it.” “I hate to burst your bubble guys, and yes, you might be the hottest act right now, but selling that stuff would surely make me some money, but not enough to start a business. Which won’t be started. I repeat, there won’t be a shop!” “Noona, have you actually looked at what we sent?” Taehyung asked curious and you found the question a bit odd if you were honest. It was obvious right from the moment you opened the first huge box what it was. “I mean… really looked at it. As in taking stuff out and looking at it?” “Um…,” was the only thing you could say since you weren’t sure whether you saying you saw the mountain of stuff and called them would be what they wanted to hear. You heard laughter from the other end. Judging by the different sounds it were several people who laughed about one thing or another. Surprisingly it was Namjoon who actually spoke next. You hadn’t known he was part of the conversation, since so far he had made no sound or even said anything that would have identified him. “I guess what V was implying, or well, getting to, was that most of the stuff is actually signed by us. Some things are just signed by one, some things are signed by all of us. So… the stuff itself being sold would probably get you a bit of money below the price people would pay if they bought it in the shops. But signed by us, we are talking about a whole different value. Also, I think there is a bit of stuff you actually can’t buy anywhere.” “I…don’t know what to say, to be honest,” you admitted. “I mean… about all of this in general. Not just the signed stuff. But… the fact that you actually went ahead and probably got me almost every piece of merchandise that is out there. Which still is too much, but… anyway. That is really thoughtful and I really don’t know what to say. Despite the fact that I sound probably really annoyed or overwhelmed, I really appreciate this.” “Well… you could say thanks,” Jin said cheekily and you heard a lot of laugher once more in the background. “Thanks,” you laughed as well, meaning it to the fullest. “You are welcome,” Jin replied. “You are part of this now. And we can’t have you not being in the loop in regards of stuff you can get with our faces and names on. No matter how weird or ridiculous it seems.” You thought about his comment for a moment before voicing a question that had been going around your head for years. It probably wasn’t the easiest to ask, but you figured if you didn’t ask it now, you most likely would never ask it. “Is it… strange seeing your name all over these things? I mean some things seem… unusual to be honest,” you asked and admitted. There was silence for a long moment and you wondered whether maybe some things should have just stayed unanswered. Maybe you shouldn’t have asked this. “It is odd,” Yoongi of all people answered at first. He had been rather quiet until now. “I mean, some of the things are really… unusual to be honest. But we usually pay attention to what we endorse. Of course things along the BT21 line are a lot easier than the ones we present in person. Some proposals we get are really outrageous and we usually only back the things we ourselves actually could get behind. Obviously the deals with Puma, Reebok or Hyundai are easier than the cosmetic deals, considering that especially during our early years we got a lot of feedback from rappers who made fun of us as we used make up and were therefore more Idol than street or underground. So for them we were too commercial. It isn’t like we sell ourselves for everything, thought it might seem like that judging by the sheer amount of stuff that now carries our name, face or character. Seeing how freaking expensive some of that stuff is, we need to be even more careful. Personally I have no idea what production costs of some of these things are and whether the price they ask for is justified to be paid by all our fans.” “We are lucky in that regards,” Hoseok interfered with Yoongi. “A lot of Idol groups or even individuals don’t have much say in regards of what their name or face is used for. They get told by their management and agencies that these are the deals that they have and get and need to perform for. They can’t decide whether they want to endorse cosmetics, a car or a can of cat food. We are lucky enough that we get a say in all these deals and whether we want to do them or not. But admittedly, some of the things we did in our earlier years make me cringe today. Though not the stuff itself, but rather the pictures taken,” Hoseok laughed and giggled and you heard a lot of agreement in the background. “In the end of the day it is quite simple,” Jin went on from where Hoseok left of. “These deals keep you in the public eye and give you a certain presence. And when you start out presence is what you really need. So… as a rookie band who is fortunate enough to get offered a deal you’ll take it and take it from there. The deals keep you present when you can’t be around musically wise. They keep you on the mind of people, so when you have a comeback it is easier to some extent. People might not always agree with the choices we as idols make, but in the end it is a circle and one feeds of the other one way or another. That’s pretty much how this industry works. You can say whatever you want about it, like it, hate it, but it makes things easier sometimes. Of course it also makes it hard as well, seeing that haters have a lot more ground to go up against you, making this all about you selling yourself out, or.. well, pimping yourself out if you go with the harsher ones. And making this all about the money and you basically selling your name for a quick buck, regardless of what it is. We are, as already said, lucky enough, that we get a word in and can turn down deals. Antis are usually quick in pointing the finger, saying you’d do anything for money, but it is a lot more complicated. You are in this to make money, or rather a living. The K-Pop industry isn’t designed to present incredible talent as such. While the Western acts actually need to be good, talented and outstanding, K-Pop Idols don’t necessarily have to be as such. We get trained and showcasted, in a group of several people you have one person that is good at thing A, another person being good at thing B and so on, ending with a fully talented group in the end where everyone brings something to the table. As a matter of fact the whole industry is designed for making money. The amount of new groups debuting every week is endless and overwhelming. For you to actually stand out of the masses of rookie groups, you need to get presence and people’s attention. Because only that will guarantee your commercial success. As underground singers, rappers and dancers you can always achieve a certain amount of success, but never in a way that you could live comfortably of it. So, in order to make a living you need to sell yourself to some extent. The only question is to what extent you are comfortable with it.” “Um…,” was your almost immediate reaction, not having expected that. In any way. But it explained a lot. And answered your question in a way you hadn’t actually expected. And also once again showed the hardships these guys had to go through. You knew about the early stages, their rookie days and that rather awkward video where Namjoon and the others were faced by rappers who called them fakes or the likes, because they were idol rappers, wore make-up and had little to do with the rap-scene. While there was silence for a while with everyone probably being slightly overwhelmed with everything that had been said and shared, leave it to Taehyung to break the silence in the most Taehyung-possible way. “So… about that sleepover and movie night…”
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After your rather interesting discussion about endorsement deals and the K-Pop-World in general things quietened down a bit. Not that you minded. Seeing you had your hands full already with your new job and your university courses – which as it turned out were getting a bit easier due to your already existing knowledge in some parts – you weren’t quite unhappy about BTS having a comeback and therefore being occupied elsewhere. You still had your usual text exchanges and calls and Namjoon probably texted and called you three times more often than the others – and they already contacted you very, very frequently. You tried telling him there really was no obligation or requirement for it to be that often, but he only laughed and said he didn’t want to risk you forgetting about him or running of with someone else. Yeah, as if that would happen. You had barely enough time to sleep, seeing how draining your job and university were, where would you find the time to find another guy? When you asked that question in a playful manner, Namjoon only laughed some more. “It isn’t like you necessarily need plenty of time for that. Someone just comes in and sweeps you off your feet,” he admitted and you weren’t entirely sure whether he was joking or really worried to some extent. “The same way you did?” you asked back smiling and heard him laugh. “Oh, I haven’t even begun. Which reminds me, as soon as this comeback is over and we are done with the press tours and promotion circle, I’ll take you out on that second date. Initially I thought it wouldn’t take that long for this all to be done with.” “There really is no need to rush. I will be here whenever you are done with this. And if it takes a week longer or two, who cares? Just do what you have to do and then we all the time in the world,” you reassured him, finding it adorable to some extent how invested he was in getting you out on that second date. It would in the end take another two weeks for them to wrap up and break another few records with their latest comeback. The craziness and loyalty their fans had for them still being unmatched and as strong as before. They managed to score top spots in charts of countries that might even have problems locating Korea on a map and breached further into global domination. You found it funny how just a few months back you had come across an article in an international music magazine, which declared that BTS and K-Pop in general – or the Hallyu wave, you guessed – was over and dead and stating several facts which and surprised that statement. Looking at the numbers, the chart positions all over the world, the sheer never-ending demand from international press and fans, you assumed they had not only been wrong, but also proven ridiculous. The writer, as well as his facts. Namjoon seemed like really didn’t want to lose any minute longer and texted you a day after it was officially announced by Hoseok and Jungkook in the group chat that promotion was finally over, that you were on. “Don’t you want to at least wait a day, or a week? You know, you have worked extremely hard these past few months and I assume you should better rest a bit, catching up on sleep and just doing things you hadn’t gotten around doing these past few weeks,” you explained through the phone. “I haven’t gotten around taking you out on that promised date,” Namjoon stated and you rolled your eyes at him. This wasn’t what you had meant. And you knew he knew. “So I suggest Saturday?” That was in two days. Which was ok. You had assumed he’d be standing on your doorstep in the next hour if you were honest. At least that’s how he had made it sound. “That should work for me,” you agreed. “Great. I’ll text you the details tomorrow. Though… not that you need to know much. I’ll pick you up and everything, so all you really need to do is bring yourself. I have the perfect idea, but just need to make a few calls to get everything arranged.” “Please remember the promise you made at the end of our first date,” you said alarmed, at which Namjoon asked confused: “Which promise?” Oh god, not a good start. “The one that you won’t arrange for horse carriages. Or… raining of flower petals.” “Oh,” he all of a sudden seemed to remember. “Nothing like that. Promise. I don’t have a particular need to ride through Seoul again in a horse carriage. So… there won’t be any of that. No worries.” That was a relief if you were honest. A day later you had a message from Namjoon telling you he’d pick you up the next day by around six in the evening and that you didn’t need to wear anything fancy or special. As a matter of fact, comfortable would be more than sufficient. Well then, you thought. Time to maybe give him a small heart attack, you figured, going through your closet and seeing if you had everything you needed to pull this off.As it turned out you didn’t. You needed to go shopping for one item, but that was ok. You meant to get a new pair anyway, so it wasn’t like you bought them specifically for him as such. Saturday came around and you had to admit, you were a lot more relaxed in regards of preparations to get ready. It wasn’t as if Namjoon had been more specific than Hoseok or the others, but something about this was calming. Technically speaking it was the same more or less, someone else planning your night, but the fact that this time it was someone who was involved in tonight as well, made this… easier and less nerve-wracking. Your buzzer sounded, indicating by the tone of the ring that this wasn’t your actual door but rather the front door to the building. “Hey, is it okay if I don’t come up and you just down here? I’m sort of double parking,” he explained and sounded almost apologetic, which made you almost grin. You found it once more adorable how he was so invested in being the perfect gentleman that Namjoon probably didn’t even consider that you wouldn’t mind one single bit. “I’ll be down in a sec,” you said through your intercom and grabbed your purse. The moment he saw you, he looked surprised and shocked – in a good way - and the smile that played across his lips let you know, your idea had been a complete success. “A white t-shirt, jeans and red Converse?” he asked amused and entertained. “I just…felt like it,” you laughed, seeing him laugh as well. “Though, in all fairness, I had to buy the Converse. Well, the red ones. I have them in denim and yellow. Red wouldn’t have been my first choice, but… someone told me you have a preference for red converse.” “Someone, hu?” he asked, looking at you once more from top to bottom, before walking to a…pickup truck and holding the passenger door open for you. “I’ll be honest,” you said while walking to him. “I wouldn’t have thought your car would be something like that,” you admitted, getting in a moment later. “I … don’t know what I would have assumed could be a car you would drive, but a pick-up truck wouldn’t have been anywhere near the top 10 of ideas.” “Why?” Namjoon asked amused after he had gotten into the driver’s seat and set the car into motion. “It is just… I don’t know. Unfitting in a way. And also rather unhandy and bulky. I’d assumed you’d drive something a little more…compact I guess. And sleek. And maybe obnoxious in a way. But… a different obnoxious, seeing that a pick-up truck would fit that category as well. At least in Seoul.” “It is actually borrowed,” Namjoon clarified after a moment. “I needed a pick-up for what I have planned for tonight.” “Now I’m slightly worried where you are going to take me.” Namjoon laughed at that. “Nothing extreme. I promise. It is just… well, you’ll see. Though, maybe not really,” he said and could he be any more confusing or ominous? You would see, but also wouldn’t? What? He seemed to find your confusion amusing, see as he laughed some more, before saying it would all make sense in just a little while and that it was nothing too crazy. You…wouldn’t agree, seeing how you seemed to leave the greater city of Seoul more and more by the minute and approached an area that didn’t scream ‘date’ as such. But how had Jin said to you when they started planning that first date to send Namjoon and you on? Have a little faith. Your faith in Jin and the others paid off in the end, so maybe you should trust once more that this was going to be great. When Namjoon left the main road you had been driving along for a while and turned towards what looked like a forest straight out of one of these horror movies you faith might have cracked slightly. And then he stopped. In the middle of a small uneven path and turned towards you. “I have to blindfold you,” he just announced looking as nervous as you actually felt. This was... unexpected. And not really comforting if you were honest. Wasn’t this how most movies where the girl ended up dead began? Instead of answering you just laughed. Because, seriously, what else could you do? Namjoon didn’t seem like a serial killer as far as you could tell? And most serial killers weren’t primarily K-Pop Idols. So... you just gave him a weird mix of a shrug and a nod which seemed enough consent for him and a moment later you felt something silky and smooth cover your eyes. The car was set into motion once more and you could just sit tight and wait for the things to come. After what could be a minute, or five, the car stopped and you heard a door being opened and felt like Namjoon could have gotten out of the car, but you weren’t sure. There were some background noises that sounded like voices. A car door was opened once more and you thought Namjoon could have come back into the car. The car drove again for just a very, very short time and stopped again, turned and then stopped again. What was going on? “Just a second longer and I let you see what’s happening. And maybe explain a thing or two,” Namjoon said all of a sudden and you could almost feel his shy and maybe slightly uncomfortable smile. Though you weren’t quite sure what he could be uncomfortable about. After all you were the blindfolded one without a single clue what was going on or where you were. Another door of the car was opened and Namjoon was once again assumable gone. Slowly you really started to get curious about what was going on. Your feeling for time had gone and you didn’t know whether another ten minutes had past or a lot less time when someone opened your door. You really hoped this was Namjoon.Someone grabbed your hand softly, pulling you towards him. “Ok, just… a few more seconds,” you heard Namjoon’s voice and a moment were pulled surprisingly rough against a chest and more or less carried out of your seat. Ok then. When you felt the ground underneath your feet again and figured you were free to stand on your own you tried figuring out where you were or what was going on by listening to your surroundings. But nothing specifically could give you really a clue. There were voices, saying something like how excited they were and that this was probably going to be a great night. Somehow you figured that wasn’t necessarily said with you and Namjoon in mind. A hand once again engulfed yours softly and pulled you forward. This time a lot softer than a few seconds ago. You tentatively walked a few steps, being guided by Namjoon to wherever he was taking you. And had you mentioned this was scoring seriously high on the ‘weird’-scale. But you reminded yourself to follow Jin’s request – though that had been more about their first than the second date. But still… have a little faith. So, you did. You were turned around softly and stopped. Feeling a hand on the back of your head a moment later you figured this was it, the moment all of this probably all made sense.Instead of all of this making sense you spent the first few seconds without a blindfold making adjustments to the brightness that all of a sudden hit you. Holding a hand up until you actually could see something you found yourself on some sort of… a meadow. A lot of other cars were parked in front of you and there was a large white canvas that reminded you of a screen for movies. Turning slightly to your right you saw the back of the pick-up truck looked different – very different. The loading area was transformed into some sort of makeshift bed with dozen of pillows and blankets and an actual mattress – or something that at least looked very, very comfortable. “This is…,” you started, stopping a moment later since you weren’t able to express what you actually thought. Namjoon however picked up for you. “A little unconventional, I know.” “No,” you replied. “It’s perfect. Absolutely perfect,” you smiled. “Technically speaking it is like a regular, general date – dinner and a movie. Just different,” he explained and you needed to laugh. “This is way better than a regular, general date,” you disagreed. “Way, way better. I mean… how did you… or I… I really don’t know what to say to be honest. This is just really amazing.” “Well, I just hope you’ll say that by the end of tonight still. I wasn’t really sure about whether or not you’ll like the movie to be honest. But tonight is one of the last nights this is on before they close for winter, so… I went with the odds and decided to risk it.” “Trust me, the movie… can be anything. Nothing in the world could lessen the amazement I am feeling right now. So… for all I care they can show a horror movie, or splatter one, or a documentary about the evolution of jellyfish. I wouldn’t care. It would probably still be the best date I’ve ever been on.” At your admission Namjoon laughed for a long time, before helping you up on the loading area and following suit a moment later, putting a wicker basket between the two of you and opening the lid. Looking inside this was not the fanciest dinner guys had ever served you, but it was the most perfect one. It was simple and consisted of typical picnic food, a wild mixture of classics and odd crossovers which Namjoon explained to you were a mix of Jin’s cooking and stuff he actually bought in several stores. Inspecting everything that was inside and taking out what stroked your fancy for the moment, Namjoon put the basket to the side and you got comfortable, very comfortable. Staking several cushions and grabbing a generous amount of blankets from the mountain Namjoon had set out, you snuggled into all of it, feeling the soft fabrics tickle your skin and engulfing you in a pleasant and wonderful warmth after a while. The movie was something that was… okay if you were honest. It wouldn’t have been a choice of yours if someone would have asked you, but it could have been really worse. And you hadn’t lied to Namjoon when you had told him the movie really didn’t matter at all. Because it didn’t. You were warm and cozy and at some point during the movie ended up in Namjoon’s arms. You weren’t really sure how it had happened, but you were glad it did. He had his arms tightly wrapped around you, you had yours loosely thrown around him while your head was resting on his chest, listening more to the beating of his heart then following the storyline on screen. Eventually the movie did end, but the night wasn’t over yet – which was something neither you nor Namjoon actually really knew at this point. He moved under you in a way that somehow made you wonder whether you needed to give up on your really cozy spot against him – or on top of him? “I’ve almost forgotten about your present,” he exclaimed a moment later and you were confused. Present? Yes, so far you had two dates and both were… different to say the least. Unconventional if you wanted to use Namjoon’s earlier description. But a present on a second date was even by your standards odd. You let go of Namjoon a moment later and he went for the basket which by now was almost empty of its contents. He reached inside and pulled out something wrapped up in gift wrap paper, giving you the brightly yellow item. It was clumsily taped together which told you this wasn’t done in a store – so it probably had some sort of deeper meaning. Or maybe you read too much into this. Slowly you teared the paper away and were momentarily confused when you saw the backside of a book, which seemed strangely familiar. “It’s the book you sort of left back that day when I woke up from my coma. The one you had presumably been reading to me and dropped when you realized I was awake.” “Oh my god,” you said astonished, knowing exactly what he was talking about. Funny how that felt like almost years ago, but had only been a few mere months back. “I loved that book,” you admitted, smiling softly at it and turning it around in your hands. “It was such a sweet story. And I just realize, I never finished it. Neither with you, nor for myself.” “Oh?” Namjoon almost asked, sounding surprised, before he took the book from your hands and laid down. “How about we finished it now, seeing I didn’t either. And what if for once, I actually return the favor and read to you?” So, throughout the night – or most part of it – you were wrapped in your blankets, resting your head on Namjoon’s chest, listening alternatingly to his heartbeat and his voice, reading the remainders of the book. He finished when the sun slowly started its ascent once more, ringing in a new day. And a new part of your life. One that Namjoon would now be part of in a lot of ways, but most importantly as the man by your side.
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Dating a K-Pop Idol was definitely not easy. Not that you hadn’t been aware of that fact before. After all, hadn’t that sort of been your argument for months? But regardless of how hard it was, you also needed to admit that it was definitely worth everything. Because things between you and Namjoon were almost like a Hollywood-movie. As a matter of fact, Namjoon was so convinced and certain about the two of you that it took him only four dates in total until he literally dragged you into Bang-PD’s office, announcing in front of his CEO and everyone in earshot that the two of you were dating. It wasn’t like it had been embarrassing or such, but… unexpected and definitely a little awkward, especially when it felt like a small eternity for Bang PD to react to the news and for you to actually do… anything. It of course wasn’t news to you. Obviously. But you had a bit of a hard time adjusting that Namjoon was so open and honest about it. Especially for someone who technically could lose so much for as little as admitting he was dating. “Alright, we’ll prepare a statement,” you heard him say, sounding slightly hesitant. “No,” was your immediate response, which you almost shouted out of surprise. The surprise also was clearly visible in Namjoon’s and Bang-PD’s face. But probably more in regards of your outburst. “I didn’t mean to overwhelm you with that, if this is too soon, I just figured…,” Namjoon started and the sadness as well as pain was something you didn’t imagine. Great, now he probably thought you weren’t sure or not as serious about this as he was. “That’s not it, Namjoon,” you slowly explained. “It is just…you see,” you started, finding it hard to find the correct words. Namjoon as well as Bang PD looked at you with a mix of expectancy and patience, probably both not sure what your point would be. “With my… background in all of this, or rather the picture everybody painted I don’t think it would be a good idea to go public. I mean for a lot of people I am this… evil person who kept you sedated for god knows what reason and kept you isolated from her colleagues so you could… be mine – however that was supposed to work really. It isn’t like you would have noticed much during your months being in a coma. But…the point is, despite what has been said, discovered or clarified by you or anyone really, a lot of people like to hold on to that idea of the evil nurse that throws the heroin star actress into misfortune and loss of love.” “Evil nurse that throws the heroin star actress into misfortune?” Namjoon asked amused and given, you might have slightly exaggerated. “Well, you know what I mean. The press had a field day with that story and I am actually surprised no one has written a book about the “true story” yet,” you explained laughing, making air quotes about the true story and seeing Namjoon as well as Bang PD smile. “I just… I think going public about this could hurt you more than it would do you good. And we all know, from various stories and maybe experiences how…um… fiercely passionate and protective ARMYs get about you guys. So… maybe wait a little?” Both men thought about your suggestion for a moment, with Namjoon finding a very adorable way to argue your point. “I don’t care what they say,” he said, sounding almost offended. “They aren’t true ARMYs if they don’t support the partners in our lives.” “We both know it isn’t quite that simple, Nams. Fans can be… a bit challenging and might not always see eye to eye with you guys and the decisions you make. They are great, oh are theym and fight hell, high water and everything between that tries to tear you down. But they also can be... petty, let's be honest here. Most of them are of a certain age group where you are the person who hung the stars - and often enough just for them. In regards of presenting....change, you need to be maybe rather delicate about how you present the news.” There was a long moment of silence when the three of you just looked at each other – or rather you looked at Namjoon, who in turn looked between you and Bang PD every once in a while. “I’m not going to lie to our fans. If they can’t handle you being my girlfriend, that isn’t my problem, or yours. That’s theirs alone.” “I… ok, how about not lying. Just… giving sparse information? At least for now? And I don’t think you can make it that simple. It might not be my concern or yours if some ARMYs can’t handle it, but… it could be. I mean there are some really crazy fan stories out there, about what some of them are willing to do for the affection and attention of their biases. So… I might not care what they think about me or us, but I also don’t want to worry walking down the street that someone crazy is…waiting for me or the likes.” “Sparse information?” Namjoon asked curious with a shy smile on his lips. “Yeah well, you know, tell them you are seeing someone and that it is new and you would appreciate it if people could give you space and respect your privacy. Technically speaking you wouldn’t be a lie. You just ask for space and time for the relationship to…blossom. Something like that. I know it could spur them on just some more to find out who it is that has caught your eye, but at least you are upfront and honest." “I think if the medical field doesn’t work out for you a career in publicity and public relations could be a plan B,” Bang PD mumbled amused, before continuing. “But I agree. I also think going fully public already might backfire one way or another. There have been too little stories and reporting on her side of the story and despite that it has already been quite a while since this was news, I personally believe that people one way or another are still considering her a foe in this and her motives not being as pure and innocent as stated.” “So what should I do? Keep her hidden until people have forgotten about it all?” Namjoon asked confused, frustrated and slightly annoyed. Assuming he wasn’t annoyed with your or BigHit’s CEO but the situation in general, you figured he knew and understood your reasoning. At Namjoon’s question there was silence as a reply for a moment, neither you nor BigHit’s CEO knowing really the answer at first. And then it hit you, a possible way of solving this, though the execution of that idea being a bit uncertain. “What about … um.. Song Cho-rang?” you asked tentatively and saw Namjoon look at you curious for a moment, before surprise settled over his face, which was followed by a smile. “Who?” Bang PD asked and Namjoon as well as you answered simultaneously “PR advisor”. “That actually is a brilliant idea,” Namjoon realized, still smiling and most likely already coming up with a plan. “If anyone can actually do anything, it would be her.” And off he went with a plan, you in tow and Bang PD none the wiser probably. And that was a thing you laughed about him – whatever needed to be done got done. One way or another. Half a year later he got his wish and you went public, with mixed reactions – though most of them on the positive side and plenty of fans wishing you luck and happiness. And wasn’t that all both of you and everyone else really wanted?
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As the days, week, months and eventually years passed by things settled for the two of you and everyone else. BTS still was one of the hottest things in the entertainment world – but more normal, which maybe could be explained with fans getting older and maybe more relaxed and mature about a lot of things. Namjoon was the kind of guy that wanted to share his life and love with everyone – all the time. Whether that was in person, on social media posts or any other way he could find. And you thought it was adorable and also quite a change to previous relationships. But to a degree it was tiring. He didn’t do anything that you generally disagreed, but you weren’t particularly keen on all the red carpet events he was required to attend during the year. It wasn’t like you hated them or disliked them, you just had issues with the flashlights and people and the noise in general, with everyone trying to get everyone’s attention and yelling questions or suggestions where to look. Other than that there were tons of requests for interviews all the time, or home stories, general stories, offers for book deals and all the likes. You handed these off to Song Cho-rong who was by now your official publicist. She handled everything and knew you by now perfectly, so she knew when not to push for something. You would have liked to decline everything that was request, but after years of dating Namjoon you knew you had to at least give a little. Very little. You took pride in being able to say that you managed to keep studying and working, therefore not relaying on financial support from your boyfriend. In a way you figured this fact also helped in regards of how the public and fans saw you. It was even commented on by Cho-rong. However, your professional life had taken unexpected turns and went into a direction you hadn’t actually seen yourself go for. After graduating university with your doctor’s degree and set plan in regards of what you’d do next all changed somewhat. Maybe it was the fact that throughout the past few years there had been several rather big and public scandals in regards of several K-Pop idols and actors and the leaking of medical information concerning them. Some minor ones of them even involving Jimin and Taehyung. Maybe it was that you sort of involuntarily and more as a minor favor became first something like their medical advisor and later, weeks before your graduation, their actual doctor. But somehow you ended up become the K-Pop and K-drama world’s favorite general practitioner. Probably having BTS coming to you for almost every little ailment was supporting that choice for everyone else. So… you became the rich and famous’ go-to doctor. Something that Namjoon only approved, it seemed, especially seeing how every time it came up he smiled proudly about it or at you. When Namjoon had been in a coma and you started reading to his comatose self, you never assumed that at some point this could find its way into your relationship – or a relationship for that matter. But… at the end of very hectic days or a very occasional – and rare – weekend off, Namjoon and you would lay together on the couch, cuddled up with each other, while one of you would read whatever book was currently interesting you, to the other one. Throughout the years you had made it through several dozen books, if not even hundred, seeing that during the beginning of things you did this very, very regularly. Speaking of regularly, what actually never occurred were arguments between the two of you. There were heated debates and mild discussions but that was it. You never fought. Ever. Worst case you agreed to disagree or found somehow some common ground you both could still agree with. A very popular topic in that regards usually was you and award ceremonies. And how to dress. Not that the how in itself was an issue, but you figured out pretty seen that walking over these sometimes rather prestigious carpets wasn’t going to happen in dresses from H&M or other discount brands. After debates of Namjoon saying he’d pay forever strikes your fancy and you disagreeing that this wasn’t going to happen. Over time you came to a compromise. When Big Hit took another – rather surprising and unexpected – try at debuting another girl group the stylists started stocking event outfits for them and occasionally included you in their purchases, finding it also helpful that you and one of the members of the newly found group had the same dress size you had. So… technically speaking you only recycled. A fact that was noticed by the press as well, but instead of ridiculing you they actually admired your sense for fiscal responsibility. And just like that something that started like any other day, then moved to something that could equal k-dramas and Hollywood-movies left and right turned into one of the best things that ever happened to you. Wasn’t it odd how that had changed? How something you had tried fighting for so long and debating tour way out of turned to change your life so much and so much for the better? It only kept changing from here. And despite that you didn’t know the direction or the course you loved the story that Namjoon and you had and the adventures you embarked on. Out of all of these adventures however, love was the biggest one of them. And you loved Namjoon, with everything you had. And everything he was.