Work Text
You can cry because they left, or you can smile because they had lived.
You can close your eyes and pray for them to come back,
or you can open them and look at everything they had left;
your heart can be empty because you can't see them,
or it can be full of the love you shared.You can cry, close your mind, feel the emptiness and turn around,
or you can do what they like them to:
Smile, open your eyes, love and keep going.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Six months had passed since the last time I saw Hoseok.He got lost. Hoseok usually got confused because his mind wasn’t working properly. I just assumed he would be able to manage being by himself for four days. It was my mistake, even when Yoongi-hyung insists it wasn’t my fault. He still dragged me to a psychiatrist, which (oh, surprise) prescribed me antidepressants for six months.Four months since I cleaned his dirty mug (the one he left with coffee in it), just the next day after they told me they had found him, unfortunately not alive.The void I felt in my stomach when I watched his body lying in a cold metal table, covered with a white blanket sheet. They told me Hoseok died from cold, he didn’t suffer. His body is as beautiful as ever, but unusually still. I almost hoped to watch him smile (I think I did it at some point, but it was just a side-effect of the medication I was in).Since then, everything became a blur.I’ve been telling myself that Hoseok won’t come back and it’s alright to move on.It has been almost a month ago when I started to donate all his belongings to charity, so they wouldn’t hurt me whenever I come back home. Yoongi-hyung was an amazing support. He and his wonderful friend (may be a boyfriend, who knows?) Jimin stayed with me for a whole week while I took out everything of the closet. They hugged me as I sobbed folding the clothes neatly, taking my time.It was really hard. Hoseok was my life, my everything. Yoongi-hyung prepared me tea more than enough for an entire tea party at Buckingham, he argued that I needed to calm down.I wonder if it had been different if I had never know what happened to him. If I would had been able to move on, to start my life again.Sometimes I can hear his voice in my sleep, laughing and telling me everything will be fine. Deep inside, I know Hoseok is taking care of me, wherever he is. He didn’t leave me alone at all.
From time to time, Yoongi and Jimin take me to dinner dates with them. It is usually the three of us. And it’s in one of that dates I have with Jimin and Yoongi where I met him. A shy young man, resembling a timid bunny. Caramel hair, round nose and rosy cheeks. Taller than Jimin and Yoongi, but not taller than me. Broad shoulders and slim waist. In a way, he does remind me of Hoseok (his dancer body always looked so good).“This is Jeongguk, Tae. It’s one of my co-workers” I barely process Jimin’s words when I feel his soft hand stroking mine and a whiplash of electricity runs through my fingers. His hand it’s warm, it feels exactly like Hoseok’s. I’m blinking quickly, trying to avoid the tears. Why is he here? “-sure, hyung” Jeongguk is talking to me and I look desperately at Yoongi, asking him silently what should I do. Yoongi mimics a soft breathing trying to calm me down. You don’t have to do anything.“Hello, I’m Taehyung” Yoongi facepalms and Jimin chuckles. Jeongguk smiles brightly, but he isn’t laughing at me. He looks so adorable, his smile reminds me of the last time I saw Hoseok smile.“Nice to meet you, hyung” deep inside my mind, I think Jeongguk is saying this for the second time, but he doesn’t mind. He seems so cute. “You look so great in this suit” I blush, and I’m trying again not to cry.“I- I’m sorry” I stand up from the table to run to the bathroom and cry freely. Hoseok, I can’t do this.I’m shaking. I’m not ready to meet anyone new. I’m not ready to a new relationship. I’m not ready to a new beginning.I just want you to come back.I hear knocking on the door. I wipe away my tears.“Hyung?” it’s Jeongguk “Did I say something wrong? I’m so sorry if I hurt you-” I open the door and I show myself to Jeongguk (with my red teary eyes and my red nose).“No. I’m- I’m sorry, Jeongguk-ah” he looks at me expectantly “I lost someone recently and I’m not ready to-” I can’t keep going because Jeongguk hugs me and kisses my forehead tenderly. The soft display of affection feels right, even when he barely know me, it feels soothing.“I know hyung. I’m sorry if I give you the wrong impression, I didn’t mean to. Jimin told me you could use a friend so I came here” I sigh visibly relaxed now and I hug him again.“That sounds good” Jeongguk smiles reassuringly.“You shouldn’t cry, hyung. I’m sure Hoseok would have loved to see you happy”“He would” we leave the bathroom to come back to the table.
Maybe I want to try it again, Hoseok.
I smile softly because I can hear Hoseok’s voice clearly in my ears.
You deserve to be happy, Taehyungie.