Work Text
Normal wasn’t a concept she could grasp anymore. She missed the simpler times when the only thing that kept her from getting out of bed would be the occasional burst of social anxiety. It seemed like a walk in the park compared to what S.T.A.R. Labs’ Particle Accelerator had done to her.As she was walking outside of her apartment for the first time in the day, she took a deep breath and tried to ignore the familiar but unpleasant buzzing reaching her body.She had always been someone who was very sensitive to the emotions of those around her. She could watch their face while they talked and see how they felt, even if their words were telling a different story. It was partly the reason she had gone on to read biology at university but she had to drop the course after everything happened last year with the explosion that shook the city.The explosion had done something to her body and she still wasn’t quite sure it was, even if she had lived with it for over a year. She knew it made her feel emotions intensely but not only her own. She’d almost act like an emotional sponge and suck up every emotion of the people around her. Needless to say, it left her extremely drained and everyday activities had become a challenge.A homeless person reached out his hand, begging for money or food, as she walked by. She gulped as the hopelessness swept over her and made her shudder. She fished out her change and gave the old man all the coins.He looked up and his face lit up in a smile, which almost made him look charming, even on his damaged and worn face. Gratitude bubbled through the air and she smiled before rushing on her way. She was slightly worried that she might one day develop an addiction to her good emotions and she had no interest in ever becoming addicted to anything. She’d seen first hand how it could tear people apart.She was getting better a little by little at controlling her emotional intake and at least she’d gotten somewhat used to it now. She’d gotten a job as a research assistant where they allowed her to work from home rather than having to go out into an office. She knew it was extremely lucky with her yet unfinished degree. She’d done as much as possible of her degree from the comfort of her home but she was too scared to commit to attending the last couple of lectures she was missing to complete her degree.The only time she really left her apartment was when she went down for her coffee late at night. She’d always time it so that she’d go there just five minutes before closing and most people would be long gone. It was her usual routine and the only person she met that day had been the homeless man.Since she didn’t interact too much with society, she’d gotten into her own rhythm and worked best during the late hours of the day and the early hours of the morning. She needed that caffeine to keep her going and the short walk from her apartment to the café gave her a chance to catch some fresh air and ensured she was still exposed to emotions occasionally, so that she wouldn’t become hypersensitive.A couple of months ago, she’d been sick with the flu and stayed inside for two weeks. The next time she walked outside, she’d nearly had a panic attack and consequently almost made a dozen people in the near vicinity crumble to their feet.She pushed open the door to the small coffee shop, tugged in between a bakery and a clothing shop. She grinned upwards at the familiar sound of the bell alerting the barista of her presence. This place was unique and special with the most absurd art on the wall by local artists and despite only holding about ten seats, the combination of the bar stools lined at the window and the big leather couch made it feel cozy and not crammed at all.“Hi buddy,” the barista Jaz greeted her as she walked in and smiled happily.Jaz was studying medicine and wanted to be a doctor but worked a lot of the late shifts to make enough money to reside in the city. They always had such a nice positive vibe about them, even when they were feeling tired as heck.“The usual?” Jaz asked and she responded with a nod.Jaz was feeling in a good mood today, a bounce in their step and lips urging to turn upwards. The air almost vibrated with the happiness and she took a deep breath in, letting the emotion reach her and make her grin from ear to ear as well.Being happy wasn’t something she had felt on account of her own emotions in quite a while. She wasn’t even sure that it was something she would be able to feel again when she had to be conscious of her every step and every person, who was even remotely in the vicinity.“What’s got you smiling?” she asked the dark-skinned barista, who chuckled heartily.“You can always tell when something has happened to me, if I didn’t know you better I’d be tempted to call you a stalker,” Jaz joked effortlessly.It still made her stomach clench. She wasn’t a stalker but having access to someone else’s emotions was a private thing and the exact reason she tried to avoid it but it was almost impossible to block herself from it.“I met someone and we’ve been texting all day,” Jaz said, playing with the complex coffee machine until it spurted out her usual order. “I might be falling in love.”Their tone was joking but she felt the undertones of Jaz’s statement. They were hopeful about the future with this person. The emotion evoked sadness inside of her. She’d given up relationships after what happened to her.She couldn’t be around people for more than an hour before she felt like collapsing into a puddle. A relationship wasn’t really in the cards for her.“There you go,” Jaz handed her the drink after sprinkling a dusting of chocolate on top. It wasn’t technically on the menu but Jaz had made an exception after learning how much she loved chocolate in all forms.The atmosphere in the small coffee shop was calming and uplifting and she felt her spirits revived anew. It would be needed when she’d be up until 3 AM researching the topic her employer had requested. She handed over the exact change and Jaz plopped open the register.“You’re punctual as always,” Jaz said and nodded towards the watch on the wall. “It’s exactly 9 PM now.”As soon as they said the words, the bell sounded behind her and Jaz’s irritation flooded into the room. The irritation made her skin prickle but it lasted less than a second because more dominant emotions surged into the room with the newcomer.Nerves and malice felt like they were choking her. Her heart started beating too fast and the corners of her vision turned blurry. She instantly realized what those emotions would mean.It wasn’t something that should happen here on a main street in Central City. This was the sort of crap that went on in the Glades of Star City but not here. Not inside of her calm bubble at her local coffee shop.Jaz must have realized what was going on as well because they backed up, holding their hands in surrender, even before the man snarled.“Give me all your money and no one gets hurt.”She didn’t want to turn around and look at the robber and Jaz’ fear was serving to paralyze her. Jaz was tough so there must be a threatening weapon involved.“Y-yes…” Jaz stuttered and began to scoop up the money from the still-open register. “Don’t… please…”She didn’t want to turn back around to see the face of the robber. The malice and fear swirling around her senses was rooting her to the floor. The malice scared her the most because she could feel the intent to hurt someone so strongly.This man wanted to hurt them, maybe even kill them and getting the money wasn’t going to stop that. This man was murderous and earning the measly cash from a small coffee shop would not satisfy that urge.Gulping, she watched Jaz trying to work their shaking hands into compliance and scope op the cash into a beard basket. She probably couldn’t call the barista a friend but she didn’t really have any friends anymore and she’d gotten comfortable with Jaz’ easy conversation and upbeat energy.She’d fallen off the grid after the explosion that had caused her emotions to go haywire. After a while her friends had stopped trying to get her to go out with them or meet up for hangouts. She’d become a recluse and they hadn’t understood. She would have loved to tell someone about her abilities but she spent months just gasping the concept herself. It was also terrifying knowing that she would know how they honestly felt in an initial reaction and it would be so overwhelming and petrifying to go through the emotional strain.Still, she didn’t imagine that she would be held at gunpoint in one of the only places she felt safe outside of her apartment.“D-don’t shoot,” Jaz muttered as they pushed forward the breadbasket with the entire content of the till.It was a gun then. She hadn’t really seen a gun before. Not a real actual one but she knew better than to underestimate the deadly device just because she lacked personal knowledge of it.The presence that had been looming at the door walked closer and she tried to move aside but her own and Jaz’ fear kept her paralyzed while labored breaths shook through her body.“Pretty,” the man breathed on her neck and that was what finally got her to move. She practically jumped across the tiny space and against the wall, finally getting a look at the robber.He was broad and scary and the air around him vibrated with malevolence. As cliché as it seemed, his face was covered by a black ski mask. The emotion tried to pry into her, tried to reach her heart and make her feel the intense hatred and evil intentions.The robber grabbed hold of the breadbasket and grunted. Dissatisfaction spiked into the room.“That’s all you got, lady?” the rough voice said, threat under his words as he stepped closer to the counter.Not only did he threat Jaz at gunpoint, he also misgendered them on top of it and she felt their hopelessness mix with all the fear.Somehow that notion was what finally snapped her out of her frozen mind state. She would have to do something. She wasn’t sure if Jaz had managed to push a panic button, heck she didn’t even know if this old place had a panic button.Gathering courage she evened out her breath. There was enough intention to act hanging in the air that she just needed to borrow a bit of it and let it convince her she was acting correctly. She had only done this thing by accident before.She’d be so encompassed with an emotion that it would leak out of her and sometimes it would pour into the people close to her. She had worked diligently for it not to happen again and just thinking about going against her meticulous training and breaking the seal made her sweat.It was the only thing she could think of to stop a man more than twice her size who also had too much evil intent to be reasoned with.She let the fear she felt inside of herself and the fear Jaz was emitting curl up inside of her and overwhelm her completely. She stopped breathing for several seconds and her ears became unable to catch the exchange of words between a terrified Jaz and the angry robber.Panic flooded her entire being and she fought not to curl into fetal position and try to disappear. Instead, she let it swirl around her and fill her entire being.It was one of the worst things she’d ever experienced. You could die from shock and her body felt well on the way to reaching like that as fear engulfed her. Concentrating, she tried to make the emotions pool at her hands instead and she moved forward with hesitant steps.The robber was so preoccupied with shouting at Jaz, demanding more money that he didn’t notice her creeping up on him. Jaz was sobbing and that release fuelled her further. Her fingertips made contact with his shoulder and even thought layers of clothing; a jolt too powerful forced her back as she tried to grab proper hold.“Bitch! What did you do?” the robber shouted as she crawled away from where she’d fallen rather ungraciously.Her body was trembling, begging for rest but the adrenalin wouldn’t let her. This was not over yet.Fear was now almost palpable in the air as the robber stopped dead on his way to grab her and undoubtedly put a bullet through her brain. She wasn’t watching anymore. Her eyes were downcast. She was petrified and still. With no plan and goal anymore, she couldn’t direct or control the emotion.There was something happening around her but she was trapped in her own mind, her body shaking with effort as it tried to fight off all the emotion she’d taken on. Jaz screamed loudly but even that shouldn’t shake her.She had her back against the wall and pulled her knees to her chest and hiding her face while she trembled.Emotions were leaking out of her unconsciously; fear, shock, nervousness, worry and more tried to escape as she couldn’t hold on to them all at the same time.Something was being shattered, maybe a window or mirror – it sounded like glass. Jaz was calling her name insistently. Fists sounded against a hard surface and then an almost primitive growl.She wasn’t looking. Nothing was touching her; at least she didn’t think so. She had tried her best. She couldn’t be asked to do anymore.In the back of her mind, she felt horrible for knowing she’d let her employer down on the assignment she was supposed to have ready by morning which she would be in no state to finish now. It was such a stupid thing to worry about at the current moment but she’d long ago learned that you couldn’t define emotions with reason.The bell on the front door sounded and then it slammed shot with so much force it sounded like the door almost went of its hinges.She wanted to look up but she couldn’t make her muscles comply.Jaz was muttering curses and fidgeting with something.“911, w-we… armed robbery… coffee shop… no! I don’t… p-please… just help…”She caught the first fragments of Jaz’ conversation but soon her ears gave up again and she was trapped within herself, her body unable to move.There was something in the air though. Relief was vibrating into her and it did wonders to patch up the damage left behind by all the dread. It was Jaz feeling relieved and it finally enabled her to lift her head and look at the damage in front of her.The coffee shop was completely thrashed. Chairs lay flown about, the couch was flipped and frames where crashed and the front window shattered. It looked nothing like her little safe space anymore.“T-they’re coming… help is coming…” Jaz stuttered, phone still pressed to their ear. Despite everything, Jaz looked quite put together and the relief was practically radiating off their body.Help. She wasn’t sure she wanted help. It was her that had made that mess. She wasn’t sure why the robber had reacted like that but it had been her pushing fear into the huge scary man. It was risky choice and she couldn’t have predicted how he would have reacted.The fear had paralyzed her but clearly it had a very different effect on the man. It wasn’t uncommon though, emotion worked differently to different people and they would think about different things and react accordingly.Jaz let out a shaky breath and for some reason a smile broke out on their face. It was a grin really and giddy and happy, almost masking the terror underneath it.She leaned her head back against the wall. What had she done? She’d promised herself never to use her powers on anyone. Was she justified in the opposite choice she made tonight?She wasn’t sure and the arrival of blue flashing lights accompanied by alerted and worried policemen didn’t exactly help her figure it out. This would only end badly for her.The overwhelming swirl of emotions, past and present kept her rooted in the spot even as help arrived. She wouldn’t – couldn’t – let anyone move her. There were paramedics and EMTs but they didn’t succeed in coaxing her to move from her spot one bit. Jaz even tried and the desperation accompanying their words had almost been enough but not quite.She was disgusted with herself and how she’d forced emotions onto another human being. At the moment, it almost seemed to slip her mind that the man had been threating them at gunpoint and he would likely have gone further. It didn’t matter because she’d done something that she told herself that she would never do.She had broken a pact with herself.EMTs tried to remove her with force, though it was just simple a gentle grabbing of her arms. In her self-wallowing, she was leaking severely and every time someone grabbed hold of her, the disgust transferred over to them.“Leave me alone,” she begged, her voice shaking with effort. She needed people to stop moving around her.Horrified, nervous, bored and worried emotions swirled around the room making it spin even more than before.“I’ve never seen anything like this before,” a feminine voice said close to her. “The girl is in complete shock.”“Why don’t you just physically move her?” a more rough masculine voice questioned.“Every time we get near her, she starts shaking and crying and something feels off when touch her… I’ve never seen a reaction like this from my colleagues before. They practically jump back when they get hold of her, myself included.”Embarrassment flared in the woman speaking and she whined from her spot on the floor as the emotion washed over her. She’d surely pass out soon and as far as she knew, her emotions became dormant when she slept. They’d take her away soon enough.She wondered if she’d wake up chained to a hospital bed. Maybe they’d run blood tests and figure out what was wrong with her. She’d be locked up, experimented on and never get another day of rest again. Her mind was reeling and conjuring up the worst possible outcomes.The man scoffed and then moved closer with careful movements. There was something comforting about the man, something like an air of authority. He was probably a police officer and she hated how that thought didn’t calm her properly anymore. She’d trusted and respected the police before but after everything they now represented to her, she was just scared of them.The man was saying something but she was busy freaking out at his approaching form. She didn’t want to hurt a police officer and she was working herself back into a panic, which obviously was the worst thing she could do.A strong and yet gentle hand wrapped around her shoulder and the man was emitting calmness and security but her nerve endings were fried. As soon as the contact had been made, it broke.An exclamation of pain emitted from the police officer and he retreated. She wasn’t sure what she’d made him feel but it had been enough to grant a physical reaction, so it couldn’t be good.“Are you okay, Detective West?” the feminine voice from before asked.“Yeah, it’s almost like she’s static electricity or something…” he muttered and she strained her ears to keep tabs on the conversation behind closed eyelids. She needed to know what was going to happen to her.“Maybe, one of the EMTs projectile vomited the moment she got outside after trying to grab her.”Suspicion clouded the air around her. They were getting closer to the truth and she shuddered visibly.“Would you give me a moment alone with her, miss?” Detective West asked. Hesitation poked her but it evaporated soon enough as the woman agreed.“Can you open your eyes for me?” Detective West said, his voice calm, steady and protective.She shook her head and dug her face harder into her kneecaps. She couldn’t look at the destruction around her again. She knew that she should have gotten up the moment the police arrived and complied with them. It would have been the best thing unlike this action which made her look much more guilty. Maybe it didn’t matter because she was in fact guilty and surely they’d find out either way.Detective West sighed and the lowered his voice.“You’re one of those metahumans, aren’t you?”His tone was accusatory and stern and a bit sad. She didn’t know what metahumans were but she got the gist of what he was asking anyway. She wasn’t stupid enough to think that she’d been the only one affected by the explosion of the particle accelerator. For one, there was the Flash, who’d taken up crime fighting as a hobby.She shook her head anyway.Disbelief twanged with melancholy rushed over her. A minute or so later the detective came back with the feminine voice that approached her cautiously and focused. There was a prick around her collarbone, which was the only exposed flesh but before whatever liquid was pushed inside her veins, fear jumped right into the woman, who in turn jumped back.Frustration erupted from both people and she muttered an apology into her knees that she wasn’t sure they’d be able to hear.“I don’t feel well, Detective West. Maybe my whole team had some bad food or something. Needles suddenly terrify me, which has never happened before,” the EMT woman said her voice shaken. “I’ll send someone else to help move the girl to the hospital. She’s clearly in some sort of deep shock.”“Hold off a bit,” the detective responded. “I’m calling in our CSI early. He’s got a way with nervous and jittery people.”“If you think he can help, this girl desperately needs it.”Compassion followed the woman’s statement that forced a small sob from her lips. She was making everybody uncomfortable. She should just have let them sedate her, except it wasn’t exactly on purpose that she made the woman jump away the moment they got hold of her.“Barry? Yeah, I’m sorry to call you so late. You’re doing what? You’ll be the death of me, Barr. Could you come to our newest crime scene tonight instead of tomorrow morning? I’ve got a particular witness that I think I need your help with. No one can touch her and someone went amok in here around her. Yeah, armed robbery only suddenly the robber starts smashing everything and then run out. I think she might be… you know but she won’t talk to me or let anyone move her.”She listened in on one half of the phone conversation and the obvious love and affection between the detective and this Barry on the phone was enough to make her lift her head.The detective was well built, dark-skinned and he had an air of assurance about him, at least normally since it was currently knocked off balance. Detective West looked like a father and she wondered if this Barry was his kid from the parental feelings she was getting just from that short call.Detective West got off the phone and looked startled when he found her looking up at him.“Hey…” he spoke softly. “You need to move, sweetheart.”His voice was gentle now, coaxing like he would a small child. He was definitely a father. She gulped but her limps stayed locked.“I c-can’t move,” she stuttered and worry ebbed from the detective.“Are you hurt?” he asked and moved closer with turned up palms.“No!” she almost shrieked. “I’m f-fine. Don’t touch me. I j-just need… I need time.”She tried to level out her breathing and by the time the bell over the door sounded again, she was breathing more easily. The detective got up from his crouched position and went over to greet the tall lanky man who’d walked through the door. There was something dorky about him and an air of carefreeness, though it seemed to be developed and enhanced to hide something else, something more serious.His eyes narrowed in on her and suddenly curiosity was shooting into her. She didn’t catch the hushed conversation between the newcomer, undoubtedly this Barry, and the detective because she was busy staring.There was something about the young CSI that demanded her attention.“Hey,” a chipper voice greeted her as the tall young man crouched down to be on her eyelevel. “I’m Barry Allen, CSI, and you are?”There was an assuredness about Barry’s question that convinced her that he knew the answer already. Detective West probably told him.“You know that already, Barry Allen,” she responded, teasing somehow making it into her voice. Barry must be rubbing off on her already.A charming smile adorned his features briefly but the effects lingered even longer in the air. He was a happy guy, at the surface at least.“I do, Joe told me,” Barry said and nodded towards Detective West. “And I’m sure you know why I’m chatting to you too. This is a crime scene and what I do, is that I come in here and examine the evidence and figure out what happened. Unfortunately that can’t happen properly before all witnesses have been removed from the scene.”She gulped and fear clenched in her stomach. He was the one who had to figure out what went down here? She was definitely toast. However, she was feeling better in his presence and she desperately needed to get out of her own head and the sea of emotions slowly drowning her.“Sorry,” she said.“Don’t worry,” he said, his words completely genuine. “It’s just there are a lot of impatient cops outside, so would you mind letting us take you somewhere else to recuperate? I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.”She immediately knew that the last part of the statement was a lie. Lying wasn’t exactly an emotion in itself but she had caught enough people in a lie to know how they felt like on her emotional register. Why Barry was lying about something so simple didn’t make sense though.“Should we go?” Barry asked and extended a hand towards her.She shook her head gently and said, barely above a whisper, “don’t touch me,” but then forced her joints to unlock and stand upright.She wasn’t sure how long she’d been sitting on the floor like that but she automatically stretched once she found her footing. Her shoulder popped and several other clicks reminded her just how tensely she’d clutched herself together.Detective West walked up to them and greeted her properly with a nod of his head.“Good to see you on your feet, now please follow me,” he asked and she did as asked when she assured that Barry followed them outside as well.When she spotted the EMTs jumping to their feet, ready to check her, she froze in her tracks.“Please, I’m not hurt, just s-scared. I need to sleep,” she said in a weak voice pleading with them to understand. She was aware she might be leaking emotion a bit but she’d broken the dam and there was no going back.“You wouldn’t want tire me out, right? I need sleep, no tests please. You won’t make me, will you?”She was majorly guilt tripping them but she couldn’t let them draw blood or anything else they might have planned.“I’m in perfect physical condition,” she assured them and she saw their resolve melt away as she still leaking emotions and affecting those around her. With tentative steps, she got herself onto the stretcher bed thing because anything even resembling a bed felt like heaven and she wanted to shut her eyes.“Barry?” Detective West’s voice asked and she looked to the young green-eyed man, who shrugged.“Rest is probably what she needs. We don’t have all the facts yet, Joe. Don’t jump to conclusions,” Barry said to the detective but his eyes were tainted at her.“Okay,” Detective West caved. “Take her to the hospital and get some rest. I’ll be by with some questions in the morning.”She nodded and curled up on her side while an EMT offered her water and cautiously asked to check her pupils for any sign of damage.“I’ll look at you, just don’t touch me,” she said and yawned. Sleepiness was winning and her resolve was slowly draining away. She knew they’d run the tests tomorrow whether she wanted it or not but she could hardly keep her eyes open anymore.“Detective West?” she called out and both the detective and Barry turned towards her. “How’s my friend doing?”“She’s fine. Just a couple of scrapes and a big fright.”“They are fine,” she corrected. “Jaz is genderfluid and doesn’t use feminine pronouns, Detective West.”The policeman looked at her as if she’d spurted three heads. It was hardly stranger than making people feel fear or disgust by a mere touch but she supposed that it was an odd thing to correct in the middle of everything that was going on.“Sorry, Jaz is doing fine. They’ll make a full recovery.”“Barry Allen?” she called out once more before the back of the ambulance was shut. “Find the man who did this. He was… evil. He wanted to hurt us. Please make sure he doesn’t hurt anyone else.”Please make sure she didn’t hurt anyone else, she should probably have added.The rage left behind by the robber was terrifying and she’d done that with just the touch of her fingers and she hadn’t even tried to make him angry. She’d tried to scare him away.“We’ll get the one responsible, miss,” the detective assured her and before she could say anymore the EMT swung the doors shut and she laid back down.“Are you sure you don’t want some more water?” the young EMT asked.“I just want to sleep,” she muttered and moments later she drifted off to unconsciousness. It was leaving her horrible vulnerable but she didn’t have another choice. She hadn’t been able to move before Barry and his bubbly energy had snapped her out of it.She had to rest now while she could still clutch onto that positive energy and then she’d figure out what to do with the mess she’d made. She knew she would not get away with it unscathed.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She did wake up in a hospital bed just like she’d expected but at least she wasn’t handcuffed to the support railing like she’d seen in movies. She did however have a needle stuck in her arm giving her some sort of fluids. They had almost definitely taken a blood sample as well.They probably hadn’t gotten the results back yet or she’d definitely be in a cell rather than a hospital room.Groaning, she rolled over and tried to push her face into the too-clean sheets beneath her. They smelled strongly of detergent but at the moment she welcomed the annoying strong smell to drown out the emotions that was rolling in over her.She had never liked hospitals. It always felt like death was lurking around every corner and everybody in the hospital always seemed so on edge.It had been ages since she’d been in one and she hadn’t dared to near one after she got her abilities, not even when she’d worried about her ankle being broken after a horrible stumble. In the end, it had only been sprained but it had hurt like a motherfucker.Stress from the staff, worry from the friends and families of the hospitalized and the pain, hopelessness and sorrow from the people admitted were threatening to overwhelm her. The emotional pain served as a nice distraction though because it demanded to be felt and pushed back all the others.It was always easier only dealing with one.“You’re awake,” a nurse greeted her happily. “How are you feeling, sweetie?”Genuine relief poured into the room and a positive vibe emitted from the nurse, who walked over to look to the machine next to her bed.“In pain,” she responded without further thought. She felt paralyzed with pain, which made it difficult to move and think but she had a notion that it was not her own pain.A frown appeared on the nurse’s face and worry forced away her relief, as she looked at the machine again. There was probably nothing wrong with her, which was why she was now scaring the poor nurse.“Not physically,” she tried to explain. “I’m just very shaken. Moving hurts.”The nurse nodded tightlipped and compassion washed over her.“I’ll get you some pain killers and some water and then the doctor will be by to check on you later, okay?”She nodded because she didn’t have much choice. She doubted her legs would move out of the bed. The doctor was by an hour later and it had given her some time to accustom to the emotions lingering all over this place.It wasn’t comfortable but she could at least wiggle her leg without feeling like it had been chopped off. The examination was far from pleasant as small, short touches were inevitable and she refused to kick up a fuss about it.She’d done enough damage with her behavior after the police arrived. The doctor was thankfully very tired, likely on the last hour of his shift, which made his emotions less awake and strong. She just felt a low hum when he checked her.He didn’t seem worried about her health after he’d finished.“Everything seem perfectly fine, miss. You’re probably a bit dehydrated but you slept through the whole night without a problem and physically you’re very healthy. We’ll discharge you as soon as possible. But a Detective West wanted to stop by before you got home. I understand that you were the witness to a crime?”She nodded, unable to conjure up the words. The doctor had off-handedly mentioned her blood work up, but there had been a delay and since she was fine now it would not matter. She had still been buzzing with joy for that small fact but she had not forgotten about the police.Even if she had hoped that they’d forgotten about her.“I’ll have a nurse escort him up to your room when he arrives. He should be here within the hour, in which time we should be ready to discharge you immediately after.”The doctor flashed what was supposed to be a comforting smile and she could feel the intention clearly but it did not stick. Emotional pain was still demanding her senses’ attention.Detective West arrived after thirty-seven minutes and she had felt sat on needles the whole time.“Detective West,” she made herself acknowledge in a friendly and happy voice. She pulled the emotion from a happy couple across the hospital that had just been told that one of them was cancer free.You had to play with what you got, besides she only absorbed the emotion without actually taking it from the other people. At least she’d never tried to steal an emotion so she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to do it.“Good to see you looking better, miss,” the detective greeted her and he was calm and focused. He had determination set in his eyes and she felt her body tense as a response.He had probably figured it out. He knew what she’d done to that man. He was coming here to throw her into shackles and be locked up in some secret government facility.If that was indeed the case, she might as well make the most of her last moments as a free woman.“Did you find the man who tried to rob the coffee shop?” she asked.“Yes, the street cameras outside managed to pick up on his face. He ripped off his disguise when he left. He’s a career criminal and this wasn’t his first rodeo.”Detective West seemed content but as always she didn’t exactly know what was the reason behind a certain emotion, so she had to ask.“What happened to him?” she purposely made her voice seem small and shaky. It wasn’t exactly difficult to tap into those emotion surrounded by people who were facing terrible illnesses.“He’s been arrested for attempted robbery,” Detective West answered and got out a notebook. He was the one supposed to ask the questions after all, not the other way around.“He’s okay?”She should not have asked that and not with such a timid voice. Surprise flared up in the detective and she knew he’d not been expecting that question. It was probably rather unusual for the victim of a crime to enquire about the safety of the bad guy.“He was in a bit of a state, seemed scared out of his mind,” the detective paused and watched carefully to gauge her reaction at his words. He was definitely onto her. “But nothing other than that. He was perfectly fine and a wanted man for his assumed involvement in other crimes. He’ll be going away for a long time after what he did to you and your friend.”She nodded and looked down at her hands as if they held all the answers in the world. Maybe they did. It was with them that she’d managed to make a grown-ass man go berserk. He’d torn up the cozy coffee shop while she’d cowered in the corner.“I would like to ask you a couple of questions if that’s okay,” the detective continued and despite his open-ended words, his tone made it clear that she would have to answer his question. He was only being polite.Detective West seemed like he was a very composed man. He was in control of his emotions and very focused but she could feel a slight twinge of compassion pointed at her with maybe a hint of pity. He did not like what he was observing about her.Who would though? She knew she would be seen as a freak if she ever came out to anyone. Who would want to hang around someone who could feel your every emotion and thereby know when you were hiding something or being dishonest?“That’s fine,” she said, even if she did not think so.“I’ve already talked with the barista Jaz. Sh-they said that you’re a regular and always come around about five minutes before closing?” Detective West said with his pen poised about his paper.It was an easy question to begin with but she had no doubt that they would turn more and more difficult.“Yes, almost every day around closing time. I work from home and work best in the evening, so I like to get a cup of coffee before I get started on my night of work,” she answered and suddenly remembered the missed deadline.Something must have shown up on her face because Detective West asked what was wrong.“I just remembered that I didn’t do the work I had promised to hand in this morning. It will not go down well with my employer. He’s very particular and depends on my research to move along with his project.”“I’m sure he’ll understand after what you went through yesterday.”She fought the urge to shake her head because this was literally not the detective’s worry. It probably wouldn’t even be her worry anymore after she was revealed to be a freak or whatever they would call her.That’s when she remembered something from the night before. Detective West had leaned in close as asked if she had been a metahuman and she’d denied it. She still didn’t know exactly what it meant but she would hazard a guess that she probably fit the profile of whatever a metahuman was.Which begged the question, why hadn’t the detective arrested her already? Even if the doctor had taken her blood out of the queue after she’d woken up fine, it would be easy as pie to have handed it over to the police. Maybe he’d already done that.“I’m sure he’ll understand, miss,” he assured her. “Moving on, I’d like to know whether you saw anything strange going on?”“You mean other than a masked man holding me at gun point?” she said sarcastically, but concealed anger flashed in Detective West, so he did not appreciate the joking answer.She cleared her throat.“No, I did not see anything. Jaz was behind the counter and then the robber walked in and asked them to hand over all the money. Jaz did so without protests while I stood frozen like a deer caught in headlights. The man was scary…” recounting what had happened made her voice shake and the emotions well back up inside of her, “he wanted to hurt us. He would not have been satisfied with measly money from a local coffee shop. It was just his cover to do damage. He would have killed us.”“Take a breath,” the detective insisted and she realized that she’d begun hyperventilating. Pain and hopelessness felt ingrained into her bones, mostly from the other patients in the other rooms but some of the latter was coming from herself. She’d been caught. She’d been found out. She would fail coming up with an explanation as to why everything had changed in the blink of an eye.“What happened after?” Detective West asked, his voice patient, calm and strong. It coaxed her on.“He just snapped,” she said, a sob caught in her throat. It wasn’t a lie exactly. “One moment he was trying to lean closer to Jaz… and I-I think I stepped forward to try and grab him.”On the small chance that the detective wasn’t here to arrest her, she had to recount the steps as truthfully as possible to match Jaz’ story. If he didn’t suspect her interference, because it was pretty far-fetched if you did not know about extraordinary abilities, he would become suspicious if she slipped up.“I just wanted to get him away from Jaz. I wanted him to leave. He’d gotten what he came for and he wasn’t leaving. He wouldn’t leave! And then he just went off and started tearing up the place. He wouldn’t leave…”She shook her head and she was surprised to find tears falling onto the duvet. She felt numb as a side effect of being surrounded by so many strong and over-powering emotions that she didn’t even register that tears sprung from her eyes.“I’m sorry,” slipped from her lips by accident but she didn’t regret it. She needed to apologize for her action, even if it came out as a whisper.“Hey, hey,” the detective said and there was a strong paternal feel about him again. He was trying to comfort her but nothing could take effect after all the pain and guilt that rolled around inside of her.“Don’t touch me,” she stammered as he reached his hand out, undoubtedly to give her a comforting pat on the shoulder or something.There were several questions in the detective’s eyes and she knew that he wondered why she reacted so deeply. His confusion was hanging in the room.“I was told by your doctor that you’re being discharged any minute, are you sure that you’re ready for that?” he asked again with the paternal worry.“I’ll be fine,” she snickered and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “I just need to get back to my apartment. I don’t like being out of it for too long. I’m… n-not good at it.”The detective nodded and looked seriously torn up about something.“What will happen next?” she asked. Really she wanted to know whether he was still suspecting her involvement.“We’ve caught the perpetrator so not much. We don’t even need to point him out because we have footage of him leaving the scene of the crime. You might be asked to testify at his hearing, though, depending on how he pleads.”“Nothing more?” she asked confused as he got up to leave.“You’ll have to find another local coffee shop for the time being,” Detective West said with a glint in his eyes, trying to ease the obvious tension in the room.She couldn’t quite believe it. Would she be allowed to go home just like that? What had he meant when he’d asked whether she was a metahuman? She was almost certain that he knew or at the very least suspected her.After all if the rumor on the street held up, the precinct was getting used to the Flash dropping criminals at their doorstep. It would be impossible not to believe in people with unconventional abilities after that.“Do you have a phone number I could contact you on if need be?” he asked as he handed her his notepad and pencil.“Sure,” she said and scribbled down a number. It was her old landline that didn’t actually work anymore, so she wouldn’t be getting any surprise calls. Her address was a matter of record anyway so he could just show up at her home, her sanctuary, if he desperately wanted to talk to her.She didn’t like talking on the phone anyway.“I think that will be all for now. We’ve got a strong case against him. You are not in danger.”She should have let him walk out of the door but she was deadly curious. It was something emitting from the detective himself that sent off warning bells in her head, but she still jumped on the bandwagon or this case the emotion.“Why did he suddenly go berserk?”It was something any normal person would have asked, right?“We don’t now at the present moment. I must admit it’s very unlike this individual. His previous crimes have been quite controlled and nothing suggested he possessed that kind of temper. But I’m interrogating him later today, so I’ll make sure to ask him.”She definitely should not have asked that question.The detective was looking at her intensely and she felt almost certain that he knew. She didn’t know why he was just walking away from her then. It didn’t make any sense.If she had been a cop, she would not have walked away from someone who could set people off with just a touch. It was dangerous.“I might be in touch. Otherwise take care of yourself, miss,” Detective West said as he walked out of the door.She sighed and tried to get rid of the tension that had settled in her bones throughout the whole interview.She just wanted to go home and forget this ever happened and she made sure to ditch the hospital as soon as possible.She stayed in her apartment for weeks after that. She’d managed to explain the situation to her employer, who was usually cranky and strict, but he’d been extremely understanding after learning what had made her so late.As usual, she got food ordered to her door and the most interaction she had over the first couple of weeks were delivery people. It felt safe to hide out in her home but she couldn’t ignore the tiny nagging voice in the back of her head.It kept telling her that she hadn’t gotten away with it and that the police was still interested in her and that Detective West had definitely known that something wasn’t quite right. Half the time when someone knocked on the door, she expected it to be armed police rather than someone young with bags of groceries.She was beginning to miss fresh air and she knew that the longer she stayed inside the worse it would be to go back outside and all the emotional impressions. The longer she hid out, the worse the panic attack would be. It was tempting to entertain the idea that she could just never leave her apartment but she knew that wasn’t realistic.One day, she would have to go outside again.It took seventeen days to convince herself that she should actually do it and she walked outside when it was 1 AM on a Tuesday, hoping that everyone would be soundly asleep by then. She didn’t want to run into people, not just yet. She’d do the whole fresh air thing today and maybe tomorrow or the day after she’d pick a time with slightly more people.The lack of people didn’t mean that she wouldn’t be able to pick up on emotions. She always felt the hum of the people closest to her. It helped when people were exhausted or sleeping because that dulled their emotional alertness. Surprisingly, it didn’t go away entirely when they slept, she’d found, but interpreting dream emotions felt different than when someone was awake.She took a stroll down her favorite street and paid attention to how her legs moved to make her whole body transport her one step forward. She liked to do stuff like that, focusing on the physical aspect of what she was doing so that she didn’t get too caught up in her own head.With less than a second, exhilaration and caution flooded her system and it had hit her like a train out of absolutely nowhere. She whipped around to locate the source of the emotions but came up empty despite them still hanging in the air.Confused, she shook her head, wondering if she was going slowly insane or something. Cutting herself off from humanity wasn’t a good idea.If it hadn’t felt so horror-film cliché, she’d have called out a “hello?”Curiosity shot into her as she spun around in circles while desperately willing her eyes to catch whatever her mind was sensing. It would be just jolly if she got mugged the first time she left her apartment after being held at gunpoint in a café. Central City was supposed to be fairly safe.She closed her eyes and ignored how her body was screaming that she was making herself an obvious and vulnerable target by standing in a deserted street in the middle of the night while she thought someone might be near.Slowly, she managed to locate that all the emotions she could sense belonged to one person, even if the person seemed to move around too fast. The emotional signature of the person felt vaguely familiar but she couldn’t be sure. It wasn’t someone she knew well but she must have met them before at some point, even if the interaction likely had been fleeting.Why was someone spying on her? If that was even what was happening?Her mind went back to Detective West and how he’d clearly been hiding something when they last spoke in the hospital.“Are you going to hide in the shadows forever?” she finally forced her voice to speak up. It rung out with some bravery that must have been borrowed from whomever she was talking to, as it didn’t feel like her own.In the blink of an eye, or maybe less, a tall and lanky human shape wearing red leather stood before her. The Flash himself, she presumed. Instantly, her stomach dropped. Wasn’t the Flash often involved in taking down people who showed more-than-average abilities? She remember reading that on that popular the Flash blog.
Instead of speaking, she took in the young man’s emotions. First thing was that he was indeed a young man, brave, impatient, kind and compassionate and maybe a tad broken but weren’t everybody? In the moment, he was more so exhibiting curiosity at a dangerously high level. She could already feel it rubbing off on her and while not a dangerous emotion as such, it could get her into trouble if it prompted her to ask invasive questions to quench the curiosity.“Were you following me or did you just happened to stop by?” she said, more snarky than she’d usually be.There was a chuckle beneath the mask, or not really beneath it, as his mouth was very exposed. Did that mask really hide his identity well enough, she wondered.“Just checking in on you,” he said and it sounded genuine. She detected no lie-related emotions spiking in him. “You piqued my colleagues’ interest after the incident at the café a few weeks back.”Instantly, dread welled up inside of her. The way he spoke made her think of laboratories and experiments and being turned into a living experiment was one of her worst fears.“Oh?” It was all she could manage for a reply but when he kept quiet as well, she cleared her throat. “Why would they be interested in me?”Even with the mask, she was fairly certain that he was raising an eyebrow at her. Great, he definitely knew what he’d done to that man in the café. Maybe he was really chummy with the cops after dropping them all those criminals.She felt like the world shifted around her when pity began emitting from the Flash. He was sad about this whole situation by the feel of it and she didn’t want to know what made the so-called hero feel like that. It couldn’t be good for her.“Are you a metahuman?” she asked before she could stop herself and think about the implication of her words.“Metahuman? Where did you hear that term from?” asked the Flash and something akin to pride boosted from him.“The detective that interviewed me after the whole thing. He talked about metahumans and if you’re as fast as they say then you must not be quite human,” she explained.It was odd really because the biologist and scientist within her was so fascinated with the whole concept of extraordinary abilities and had she not had some of her own she’d probably have done everything to be able to study those who had them. The Flash seemed like such an interesting case and she desperately wished she’d have the opportunity to figure out how he worked.However, having a fear of ending up like a live experiment, she knew that would be invasive and unfair to even indulge in thoughts like that.“Flash?” she asked, her voice quiet now.There was a certain resolute feeling in the air around the speedster and she knew she hardly could do anything to stop what was going to happen, whatever it turned out to be. Controlling emotions wouldn’t match someone with super-speed, especially when she still felt disgusted with her powers and never wanted to use them on people again.“Yeah?”“You apprehend bad people and people with powers, right?” she asked and glanced up at his masked face to see a nod.There was something comforting about being around him but something else hung in the air too. Anticipation. Something was about to go down and she desperately wanted to delay the process, even if she’d been prepared for things to catch up to her.“It is an ‘and’ or a ‘with’? Do you apprehend bad people with powers? Or just bad people? Or just people with powers?”She needed him to reply because it mattered.Flash was clearly in possession of powers of his own but some people were cynical and detached and would not let their own situation cloud an objective outlook. Having something strong that could be used to harm people was dangerous and she had in fact used it for harmful purposes. If it had gone to trial, she would have defined it as self-defense but this wasn’t a court of law. It was just a night in a small street with two very odd individuals where one held the power over the other.The Flash didn’t respond immediately and instead lifted his hand to press it to his ear and spoke in a hushed voice that she couldn’t pick up on unless she walked closer. She could sense the Flash’s hesitation and frustration as he argued with someone seemingly on the phone that must have been built into his suit.His entire body language changed and hostility threatened to choke her up, but the hostile feelings were not directed at her one bit. As the young man grew more frustrated, his voice raised enough for her to her.“I know we took a vote, Caitlyn. But…”Undoubtedly more arguing ensured but she didn’t want to eavesdrop. She could sense the defeat slowly breaking down the Flash and instead she took a moment to breathe in the crisp night air for what might be the final time.She’d always known that someone would figure out what she was capable of one day and they’d put her away. She’d never imagined that it would be the Flash but why not?The Flash’s hand dropped from his ear and he wore a guilty look on his face as sympathy seeped out from him. The discussion was over and despite what seemed to have been protest on her behalf it had not worked. The boy looked so conflicted and his internal tearing transferred to her instantly. She could feel how he felt like he was being pulled between conflicting sides and he wasn’t content with letting either one win.The pity followed soon after and almost sent her crumbling to her knees. She didn’t want pity from the man who was about to hand her off to his “colleagues”. It was probably someone from the fated S.T.A.R. Labs because from what she remembered the Flash was alleged to have a lot of ties to that place. The prospect of seeing S.T.A.R. Labs actually helped because before the accident she’d love that place and always wanted to go. She hadn’t quite foreseen that it might be under these circumstances.“Off to be locked up?” she asked dryly, shutting her eyes and feeling the fresh air around her for a final time. “I don’t mind, Flash. I knew the day would come eventually. Don’t beat yourself up.”She felt a need to comfort him because she could feel his need to comfort her, even in this situation. After all, she did always absorb other’s emotions.“Don’t jump to conclusions,” he said and with that phrase and the accompanying emotions it finally clicked where she knew him from. “We lock up dangerous individuals and I’m still not sure if you are but as a precaution…”Barry Allen, the kind and bubbly and warm CSI, was the vigilante the Flash. She almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it but she kept he newfound knowledge to herself. He might not be so kind towards her if he knew that she’d be able to reveal his identity if he did let her go.She could feel that he wanted to leave her alone but something else left him conflicted. A promise made to whoever was on the phone perhaps? She didn’t know and being outside for so long for the first time in weeks had already drained her past her limit.She smiled and then felt a swoosh, as he scooped her up and they began moving way too fast. She clung to him and he really shouldn’t have done this because physical contact enhanced her connection so much and she almost felt like she drowned in him. She only hoped that she could keep herself under control until he let her go.She was not quite that lucky.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Barry should not have picked her up.He should decidedly not have run at his super speed with her in his arms. It was too much contact and panic and her abilities sprung into action almost as fast as his made him run. The trip from the empty alley to S.T.A.R. Labs must only have taken a second or two.It was no time at all.For a normal human being. But it was enough for her emotions to go haywire.She might have been resigned not to fight as the scarlet speedster decided to capture her. It would be no point to fight him with brute force and she refused to use her abilities on the kind, if a bit naïve, vigilante/CSI.But the worries in her mind did not subdue with her passivity. They started jumping off in every possible direction.She would be trapped forever.She would be experimented on.She would live a miserable existence.Given time, she might not want to continue living.She would be unable to isolate herself and protect herself against unwanted emotions.It would be hell on Earth.There was nothing she could do to stop it.Not a single thing.Her hands tightened on the front of Barry’s costume and suddenly he was stumbling, falling and crashing down.It was happing too fast for her to properly register it but she was falling too. Her side hit asphalt, even as she felt strong arms around her that probably tried to protect her from the impact of the fall.None of the pain shooting through her body mattered.She could handle physical pain more easily after having learned the depth of emotional pain that her ability had allowed her to feel.She couldn’t breathe. It was all happening. She was trapped. Helpless. She couldn’t stop it.It was going to happen.She was caught.The nightmares were coming true.She had tried to be so careful but it hadn’t worked. It hadn’t worked.The ground felt steady under her hands, even as they were scratched up and bleeding. She tried to claim back control of herself.Her vision was darkened at the edges. She tried to look up to find something to focus on, other than her spiraling mind, but she just saw the looming outline of S.T.A.R. Labs above her.It made the thoughts spin even faster and breathing felt impossible.It had been her dream to work in that place a year ago.Before this stupid ability completely ruined her chance at having a life. She would forever be condemned to be feeling everything from the people around her.She forced her eyes away from the building, the knot in her stomach growing tighter and the labored quick breathing growing more rabid until her eyes settled on something else.Barry.He was lying on his back, twisting back and forth like he was having a seizure, except he was pulling at his mask with his hands and it looked like he was screaming.She couldn’t hear anything other than a ringing in her ears.But now that she saw him, she caught the waves of pain and hurt and panic coming of off Barry and it knocked her arms out from under her and her cheek smashed against the concrete.She had done that.Her panic attack had transferred to Barry and he looked caught in a miserable spiral.She had never had a panic attack like this before. She hadn’t meant to transfer it to Barry. She hadn’t meant to make them crash.She forced deeper breath down her throat with her old breathing exercises. Her throat felt sore and raw and every second was torture but it was working.As she gained more control, she started to be able to hear Barry’s cries of agony and she felt the forming bruises and scratches on her body too. She was coming back to the present.The worry that had sent her into a tailspin was push down and away.Barry was in pain. He needed help.She never wanted to cause someone else pain.It had always terrified her how she could make people angry or hurt. It was a horrible thing to have imposed upon you without your consent. She would know.“Barry,” she tried to shout but it was a whisper from her sore and tight throat that could barely manage enough to breathe.She pulled herself back up on her hands and literally crawled towards him. He was twisting and turning around, rolling on his stomach and the mask had come off at some point because now he was tearing at his hair. His entire body was shaking.She felt the guilt rise in herself but the panic attack was wearing off and she had taught herself to reign in certain negative emotions of her own to protect other people that she might pass in the street. Still, as Barry rolled over and came almost face to face with her, his eyes widened with instinctual fear.He was about to retreat but he looked unable to calm down.Whether he wanted it or not, he needed her help.If she could push emotions into people and accidentally get affected by people’s emotions, then she might be able to take certain emotions as well. She hadn’t planned on ever trying to do it.The prospect of her ability being able to do that terrified her but she was the one who had put Barry in this state and she might be the only way to get him out of it.She had never been so scared or panicked in her life and Barry had felt everything in turn.She caught hold of his arm, just barely, and she was a little surprised when Barry didn’t just pull it loose.He had super strength and her frail grip would not have helped contain him. But he stopped twitching as she made contact and they locked eyes, Barry’s wide and terrified and hers set and determined.She could feel the panic rising in herself already and her breathing was turning rapid and labored again after she had just started to get control over it. But it wasn’t enough that she was back in the panic again.She needed to take the panic away from Barry. It wasn’t even his panic to begin with. It was hers and it was easy to sense it.No one had done any research on how actual metahuman empaths worked, so she went with her gut feeling and the path her ability was guiding her down. She tried to feel Barry’s rapid heartbeat, his shaking limps and those scares eyes and she pulled it towards herself.The panic shot right back into her and she let go of Barry immediately.She wasn’t sure how she managed to half get up on her legs, which felt like they were ready to fold in under her. She stumbled away, as far away from Barry as she could make herself go.It wasn’t very far.As the study ground under her feet turned grassy and soft, she just tumbled down.The panic was familiar the second time around but it was just as terrifying.She had just screwed up any chance that they would ever let her go.She could push and take emotions from people. She was a monster.She deserved to be locked up her whole life.It was to protect the greater good.It didn’t feel fair.It felt crushing and terrifying but she forced the thoughts down.At the very edge of her panic, she felt a new form of fear approach with screaming voices.A projectile of some sort just narrowly missed her shoulder.She could hear Barry’s voice now, loud and clear. He was angry. At least she hadn’t sucked all emotions out of him. That was a plus.Too many people were around her.She needed to breathe.They were probably attacking her. She needed to calm down or all of them would be in a panic like she was.“Stay back!” she managed to croak out from her throat before she leaned forward and buried her hands deep into the ground.The earth beneath her fingers was real.She wasn’t dying, even if it felt like it.She just needed her lungs to breathe in properly.The breathing exercises helped again. She did them systematically and tried to ignore the swirls of emotions from the people too close.She tried to center herself and pretend that she was all-alone.She was in a sunny meadow with grass swaying softly in the wind.She was calm and happy.Her emotions were under control.She wasn’t sure how long it took her. But her breathing evened out more and more. She could feel the tearstains on her cheeks.The evening chill was in the air and it felt almost comfortable, even against her torn and bruised skin.She just wanted to sleep.Slowly, she opened her eyes.She was alone.At least for a moment, until Barry came jogging towards her at a very unnatural slow pace for him.He was concerned.It was better than scared or in a panic, she supposed.He came to a stop several meters away from her.“I’m sorry,” she whispered and reached up to wipe the tears on her cheeks. A sob forced itself up her already abused throat. “I’m sorry.”“Can I step closer?”“I don’t get a say in that,” she said, feeling empty and numb for once. “I’m your prisoner.” Sniffle. “I’m dangerous.”Barry came closer in very slow steps and eventually crouched down next to her.“Why are you concerned?” Hiccup. “You should be mad.”“You didn’t do it on purpose,” Barry said with certainty in his voice.“How do you know?” Another sniffle. “It might all be part of my master plan.”“You took the panic away again, when you crawled towards me,” Barry said.It was no use pretending. Barry had it all figured out anyway. He knew what she could do. He knew how dangerous her abilities could be.“I’m sorry,” she repeated. “Where did the others go?”“I sent them away. You were starting to make them panic too,” Barry explained. “You don’t need to say sorry again. I know you didn’t mean to.”She closed her mouth as Barry accurately predicted her next words.“I need to get you into one of the holding cells,” Barry said and rubbed the back of his head.The guilt was rolling off him in thick waves. It made her accidentally gag, which just made Barry’s concern intensify.She knew it had to be done. It had been inevitable.“Just please… don’t touch me.”She was like a naked livewire. She felt like she had already gone off as much as her body could handle but she was still sensitive to emotions and she really didn’t want to fly off into another panic attack.Barry nodded in understand. “Can you walk? Or should I fetch you a wheelchair?”Her legs felt like they had melted into the grass at this point. She wouldn’t be able to walk anywhere.“Wheelchair would work,” she said, “just-“But Barry had already run off. However, he seemed to hear her on his way away and then came sprinting right back. Her stomach lunged again.“Come back slow?” she almost begged.Her entire body was shaking. When he came sprinting to her it made it almost impossible to adjust to the rush of foreign emotions.There was the guilt again. “Sorry,” he said with a frown and ran away in a normal runner’s tempo.It wasn’t like she was going to make a run for it, either way. Glancing around she saw two different cameras pointed directly at her. She fought down the urge to wave at them, just to spite whoever was watching. Her arms felt a little too much like lead anyway.Just a minute or so, Barry came jogging out while rolling a wheelchair in front of him.“This is one of Harrison’s extras,” he said and locked the wheelchair in place and reached a hand out to offer her help getting up.As she just stared at that outstretched hand, Barry seemed to remember.“Right, no physical contact. Sorry.”“It’s okay,” she said with a shake of her head. “But I don’t want you to know how I feel right now. And I know it’s difficult but your guilt and concern really isn’t helping, Barry.”“How did you know?”“Huh?” she asked as she compelled her legs into just brief compliance as she managed to throw her ass into the wheelchair.“You called me Barry, even before I ripped the mask off, according to my team. I don’t remember much.”She had planned to keep her knowledge of his secret identity well… secret but it would have been impossible with how she had accidentally made him unmask himself.“I recognized your emotions,” she explained. “You were calming to me in the café and it took me a little time to connect it with the Flash when you kept speeding around me but eventually it clicked.”“I never even thought about that,” Barry said and moved to kick the locking mechanism to the off position. “Want me to roll you?”“Yeah, thanks,” she said and just folded her arms in her lap. Like her legs they wouldn’t be of much help.Her entire body ached. She noticed the abrasions on her arms as Barry slowly started moving her.“Sorry for dropping you.”“I think that’s my fault if anything. Are you okay?” she asked and turned her head a little back to look at him.He had broken her fall. She would just be a somewhat bruised and have a few abrasions.“Yeah. Superfast healing.”She was about to question why he just confessed more of the specifics of his ability but she supposed that she already knew his real identity. They could never trust her to keep it secret and she would have been held in captivity, even if they hadn’t seen the dangerous side of her ability.“Barry?”“Hmm?”“Will my… my cell protect me from emotional input or just protect the people outside of it?”“Err… I don’t actually know, Cisco, did you hear that question?”There was silence as Barry rolled the wheelchair up towards the main entrance, which opened to them automatically.“Cisco says that they’re modified to contain any metahumans. So the glass should work to suppress it both ways,” Barry explained.Suddenly, an isolation cell where she would only feel her own emotions didn’t sound that bad granted everything.“Can I wait until anyone else comes near me until then?” she asked and she sounded small and frail but she was too exhausted to care.It was the first time she had been outside of her home in weeks and this had been one nightmare after another.Sadness almost stole her breath.She would never see her little apartment again. All the things she had collected over the years and all the memories she had shared with friends in the space before she got her ability and turned into a social hermit. It would all be lost.Tears were back in her eyes.She knew sadness would be rubbing off on Barry just by the proximity but as long as they were not touching, everything would be fine. She just cried silently until Barry stopped in front of a cell with a glass wall facing outwards.Her new home. Probably forever.She fought to catch the sob escaping her but she failed.“Listen,” Barry said and he sounded choked up too. “We will figure something out, okay? I’ll talk to my team. This isn’t a permanent solution.”A new sob turned halfway into a snort.“Barry, you have a wonderful happy and calming energy, even if you carry the world’s worries on your shoulders, but that is naïve. I know your face. I know your name. I can push emotions onto people. And apparently… I can take emotions out too.”“Apparently?” Barry asked confused.“I’ve never done it before,” she said as she got up from the wheelchair and stumbled into the cell where her legs just folded in under her and she end up sitting on the floor. It was okay.“Why?”“Why I have I never done it before?” she asked for clarification. “I know how horrible it feels to have someone’s else emotions pushed into you. I made a promise to never do that to people once I found out. But the robber at the café…. I…”“It’s okay.”“I didn’t know what else to do. I knew he was dangerous. But I’m dangerous too. Pushing emotions into people is an invasion of their body. I didn’t know if I could pull emotions out of people because I had never dared to try. It’s almost worse than pushing emotions onto them. What if I accidentally sucked out someone’s happiness? I don’t know the limitations of what I can do. I tried not to use it. I isolated myself. To keep myself safe and others too.”“Just hold on for a second?” Barry asked and turned around to lightly jog and he went into hyper speed as soon as he reached the end of the hall.The glass wasn’t shut yet but she still felt trapped. She had felt trapped and doomed every since she attacked the robber.That was the moment she had signed her death warrant, even if she had tried to deny it and pretend everything was fine while she refused to leave her home for two weeks.It took several minutes before Barry came back, walking towards her this time. She hadn’t moved a muscle.She wasn’t sure what he had been doing or who he had been talking to but he looked downbeat. Whatever it was, he hadn’t gotten the outcome that he wanted.“I’ll come by and see you, okay?”“Okay.”She doubted that he would stick to it. He was undoubtedly a busy man. He had much better things to do than visit a metahuman empath locked in a cell. He would forget about her in a week when metahumans were attacking or his day job demanded his attention.But the sentiment was there.The glass was lowered and she was completely cut off from Barry. But his expression looked so guilty that she was almost able to feel the emotions either way.“Go be a hero, okay? Protect the people like you always have.”She was tired and there was a dry edge in her voice, so she wasn’t sure if she was coming off as sarcastic but she didn’t care. She was too tired.Sleep had always been an escape for her. Her abilities turned off just briefly. It was nice.She just curled up as a ball on the middle of the floor. She didn’t even care. Exhaustion didn’t care about a comfortable sleeping position.Her neck did a little when she was awoken to tapping on the glass and every part of her body ached. She was still alone with just her own emotions. In lacking the overwhelming input her body was used to, it seemed her physical injuries were demanding more attention.“You have a bed in the corner, you know,” someone told her and she looked up to see a boyish face with long hair. “I’m Cisco.”It was weird being able to meet someone new without reading their emotions. It was scary and she felt unprepared. Without her ability, she couldn’t read the intention behind his words. She felt vulnerable and naked.“I’ve got you some food, a few bandages and some ointment for your wounds,” he said and nodded towards the tray on a little platform in the corner. It must have been pushed through somehow without breaking the seal of her cell because she would have immediately woken if she had sensed a foreign emotional energy near her.“You’re the guy who knows how the cells are built,” she said.“Yeah,” Cisco said proudly. “And I’ll be bringing you food three times a day.”She felt sick. She was really trapped.“How long was I out?”“You’ve slept for a solid fourteen hours. It’s afternoon now.”She felt like throwing up but her stomach was empty and she had no appetite to fill it back up again right now.“Did I hurt you?” she asked.“What?” Cisco asked confused.“When I was panicking? I assume your one of the screaming and scared voices that came rushing to Barry’s aid outside.”“Oh, yes that was me and Caitlyn. We wanted to…”“Rescue Barry from the monster,” she finished.“We didn’t really know what was happening. Barry said that he had the situation under control but suddenly he was screaming and immobilized. We didn’t know what you did to him.”“I didn’t do anything. I had a panic attack because I was about to be imprisoned my entire life for something that I didn’t ask for. The particle accelerator of this place just exploded and did this to me. I was freaking out and Barry had just swooped me up into his arms. I didn’t mean to do it.”“Yeah, he kept saying that. He’s been advocating very harshly for your case.”“My case?” she asked. “What are you talking about?”“Whether or not you should be locked up here at all. Barry is against it. My two other colleagues believe your both a danger to yourself and others and that’s it is better to keep you here.”Barry was against it? She supposed it made sense with all the guilt he had displayed, if he thought that she was being wrongfully imprisoned.“So it is three against one or two against two?” she asked Cisco.“I’m undecided. You did literally just bring Central City’s scarlet speedster to his knees without even trying and you know his identity. It’s surprising that it’s Barry who wants to let you out considering you’re more a threat to him than anyone else.”She would never reveal that Barry Allen was The Flash. It went against everything she believed in. One could argue whether vigilantism in general should have to be a thing because a city should be able to trust their law enforcement but the sad truth was that the police wasn’t equipped to handle people with extraordinary abilities on hers and Barry’s.“I can’t feel what you feel,” she stated. “I can’t tell if you’re lying or not. I can’t sense it.”“It’s that a bit liberating? Being free of your ability? It sounded like it overwhelmed you a lot.”She had thought that it would be nice.For months and months, she had wished for something to happen that would just revert this terrible ability, which had ruined her life completely.But now that she was just trapped with her own emotions, she wasn’t sure if this was a better life. It was probably an easier one. She wouldn’t have to worry about walking down a crowded street more than her social anxiety made her worry already.She could see her friends again. She could go to classes. She could get her life back if she could feel like this.But…She felt empty and like something was missing from her life now. Emotions had been such a big part of who she was and after yesterday, she realized that she might have gone about everything the wrong way.She had just sought to repress and ignore the ability.But when she had focused yesterday to help Barry take the pain away and when she had managed to shallow the panic and then tame it within her own body, she had felt more in control than she had in over a year.She had been exhausted and overwhelmed but she had seized control. She had maintained control.Maybe she shouldn’t have just ignored the new part of herself. Maybe she should have worked with it again. Maybe if she had, she would have been able to build up a tolerance to people and one day be able to walk down a crowded street.“I don’t know,” she said as a reply to Cisco’s question after a whole minute of silence. “I didn’t ask for it. I’ve hated it for a long time. But… I don’t know. I feel empty in here now that it’s gone.”“Oh, sorry.”She waved her hand in dismissal. “Not your fault. I know what I did to the robber and to Barry. You’re just trying to help people.”“None of us want to imprison innocents,” Cisco argued.She wished that she would be able to read his emotions and determine whether or not he was telling the truth but she was shut in here, completely cut off from everything. It was worse than being locked in her apartment because at least then she would be able to feel the presence of her neighbor’s through the walls.She had asked the Flash to make sure that she wouldn’t be able to feel something. But right now, she missed it much more than she was able to admit out loud. Her own emotions seemed to be diminishing with each breath she took.Her body felt too big and equipped to handle a lot of emotional input and right now her own emotions were slowly getting lost.But she shut up and let Cisco walk away.It wouldn’t help to talk to someone about it anyway. This was her punishment for being different and she couldn’t do anything to change it.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Cisco, I need to speak to Barry,” she said when she saw him the following morning.Something was wrong.She barely slept because every single time she started to drift off, she would get a falling sensation.Like she was falling into a bottomless pit and she felt completely numb.After a year of being constantly affected by people’s emotions, it felt horrible to be shut off from it.It felt unnatural and she was feeling so nauseous that she couldn’t even look at the breakfast that Cisco was bringing.“He’s busy,” Cisco said simply.She would have guessed that he wasn’t saying it to be cold and dismissive and he was likely just stating that Barry was a busy guy but she couldn’t tell.It could have been either or. She had no way of emotionally reading him.It should have made her angry and frustrated but the feelings wouldn’t come. She just looked at Cisco with a blank stare and she was finding it hard to care about it.She felt utterly emotionally numb, which was concerning for someone with her ability.Maybe being shut off from other’s emotions was somehow impacting her own emotions.She briefly wondered if it was so bad to feel numb. Numbness was a welcome alternative to panic attacks, weren’t they?It would be so easy to slip into it and stop caring. Stop feeling.But her brain knew that was dangerous. She would be truly dangerous if she lost touch with her own emotions. But then again, if she was going to be locked up here her whole life then it might not matter either way.“Are you okay?” Cisco asked and she wondered if he was saying it with a hint of annoyance or real concern.She couldn’t tell.“I…” she said but hesitated and looked down at her hands which were balled into fists.It was easier to focus on the physical sensation. The scrapes and bruises on her body from the fall served to ground her, as did the upset feeling in the pit of her stomach.A headache was also crawling up her skull.But she was numb. It was just pain. She wasn’t worried about what it would mean, even if she knew she should be.“Something isn’t right,” she whispered.“What? You’ll have to speak up. I can’t hear you through the glass,” Cisco said and tapped the glass lightly as if to remind her of its presence.She snapped her head up at him like a startled animal and Cisco raised his hands in a gesture that was probably meant to be pacifying but she wasn’t sure. She had gotten used to being able to sense the emotions in the air and it was difficult to come back to rely just on tone and body language.She had been good at doing that before the particle accelerator exploded. Non-verbal communication had always been one of her strong suits but right now she felt like she had forgotten everything she had known from before.“Listen, I’ll tell Barry to stop by okay?” Cisco said and he spoke at a little lower volume.Compassion perhaps?Who knew?She certainly didn’t.But she just nodded and started to dig her fingernails into her palms. The pain felt real. The pain receptors in her body were working at the least.She was just staring into the floor as Cisco left.The hours passed by in a blur but she didn’t care. She was numb.She knew that it was dangerous to stop caring but it wasn’t like she could do anything about it.Cisco came by with lunch later and he was barely responsive.“Hey, hey, what is wrong?” he asked and walked all up close to the glass.“I’m okay. Just tired,” she lied and she didn’t feel guilt curl in her stomach like it usually would if she told a lie.Just the numbness.“Listen, I’m working on something to help you. A portable suppressor of your powers that you can wear while out in the world, so that we can let you go. I’ll probably need a few weeks but you’re not going to be spending your whole life here, okay? You’ll be out in the world again, this time without feeling all overwhelmed by the emotions. That’s a cool thing, right?”“Yeah,” she replied.If the portable device was anything like this cage, it wouldn’t help. It would make things worse.If she were emotionless and walking the streets… it would be bad.She could see that objectively but she didn’t voice her concern to Cisco because so what if she got out?She would have more to do than just sit on her ass all day.S.T.A.R. Labs had created her ability and she wasn’t the one responsible for it.She wasn’t sure why she could remember being so worried about other people and about herself. None of it mattered.People with their emotions were stupid.“Eat some food, will you?” Cisco said when he retreated her untouched breakfast and replaced it with lunch.She wasn’t hungry.Her stomach wasn’t craving anything but she forced herself to nibble a bit on the sandwich either way and drink the glass of water. It would not do her good to pass out.Once she couldn’t stomach more food without feeling the urge to throw up, she left the rest and retreated into the position before.She was sat on the floor with the edge of the bed at her back and her knees pulled tightly to her chest as she wrapped her arms around them.She stayed like that until dinner arrived.But it wasn’t Cisco approaching her this time. It was Barry, in his own clothes by the look of it. He was frowning at her but she wasn’t sure what kind of emotion that was supposed to belong to.“Hi,” he said and came to a halt outside of her cell.“Cisco said that you wanted to speak to me?”Had she?She couldn’t remember why she had said that she wanted to speak with Barry. She was looking at his face and she could feel none of the calming energy that she vaguely remembered from before.He had been comforting to her, hadn’t he?It felt foreign and far away right now.“You look pale,” Barry said and his eyebrows were doing the thing again. What did it mean?Why couldn’t she tell anymore?Worse, why could she feel herself caring less and less about this indifference?“I… I’m not hungry,” she forced out.“I can see that,” Barry noted and looked at the half-eaten sandwich. “And Cisco said you didn’t touch your breakfast either. I know you’re probably mad at us and it’s completely under-““I’m not.”“Huh?” Barry asked and his eyebrows shot up. He had very expressive eyebrows.“I’m not angry at you.”She couldn’t even recall how it felt to be angry right now and she had a sense that she would never feel angry again. She would never feel any of those pesky emotions that had been ruining her life again.“Are you sure that you’re okay?” Barry asked again and there was a tone in his voice that she couldn’t analyze properly but something told her it was probably laced with an emotion that she couldn’t pick up on.“Don’t you worry about little old me. Go fight your metahumans or whatever, Flash.”“Do I need to get Caitlyn to look you over? Did you hit your head when you fell? When we crashed?”“My head does hurt.”“I’ll go get Caitlyn. She can check your injuries,” he said and he was about to turn off and sprint off but then he seemed to remember to exit in a normal pace.He didn’t need to do that and the notion of him being what – considerate perhaps – made her laugh unexpectedly.Barry turned around and he was frowning at her again. Did he ever do anything else with his face?“What is it?”“You’re not running away right.”“I thought you said that it made you feel bad.”“I don’t feel anything.”“Pardon?” Barry asked and now he was walking back towards the cell with determined strides.She tilted up her head and looked him right into the eyes.“I feel… nothing,” she said coolly.“Nothing? You mean not your own emotions either?”“I’m just numb,” she said. “It’s all numb.”“Hold on, okay? I’ll go talk to my team. You’re clearly not okay. We’ll figure something out to help you.”“I don’t care,” she replied. “Isn’t it fucking glorious?”She was shouting now, or at least she thought so. She felt a bit detached from her body at the moment.“I don’t feel anything after a year of feeling too much all the time. I want none of it. Emotions are horrible.”“That’s it. I’m taking you out of there,” Barry said and moved towards the control panel.Something inside of her reacted. It wasn’t exactly fear but it was something akin to it.Survival instinct.“Don’t fucking touch that.”“What? Why?” Barry asked.“I don’t remember the feeling of the emotions. It’s like a bad dream; a dream that I was trapped in for a whole year. You know that it’s like. I might not remember how it felt like to have the emotions but I do remember that I transferred it to you, right? How did it feel?”“Horrible. I’ve never felt so scared my whole life,” Barry confessed and he cast his eyes down to the floor.“I felt like that all the time, just one push and it would be internal panic. Emotional instability. It’s better if it’s gone. I’ll live emotionless for the rest of my days.”“That’s… that’s not a way to life. You have to experience life. You can’t just turn away and say that you don’t want to feel anything. It doesn’t work like that,” he argued.“Well, I’m guessing that it usually doesn’t work like a boy gains inhumane speed or a girl becomes an emotional hoover that can never turn off.”Barry was staring at her intensely.It was to ensure some type of reaction clearly but he wasn’t getting one from her.“Barry!” someone called and Barry turned around to see Cisco, a woman in a lab coat and a man in a wheelchair approach.She vaguely recognized Harrison Wells. She had admired him so much growing up but now seeing him caused no reaction inside of her. She could guess that the woman must be Caitlyn.“Dr. Wells? What are you all doing here?”“You’re about to make a big mistake. Do not believe the manipulation of the empath. She’s just trying to get you to open the cell and she’ll flee.”It wasn’t accurate.She had no intension of fleeing if it meant running right back into her difficult and pathetic life. When she had just been locked up, she had considered if it might have been an idea to test and work with her abilities instead of just trying to hide it away and minimize contact.Now it sounded like a lot of work.It was better to just stay far away from those emotions. They would be her destruction and being without them was a good thing.“She’s not feeling well. The blockers in the cell have done something to her own emotional receptors. We need to get her out of there.”“Barry, Dr. Wells is right. She could just be lying to get out of there,” Caitlyn said.“She can be dangerous, Barry. Why don’t we wait until I have a portable device ready to contain her powers? If I prioritize it, I can maybe have it ready just in a few days,” Cisco said.“Guys, are you not listening to her? You must have been spying on us if you decided to show up now.”“We’re just worried about you, Barry,” Caitlyn said.“Well, I’m not the one thinking that it’s fine to go through life without feeling any emotions at all. We’re hurting her.”She was just watching the exchange with a strange sort of detachment. None of it felt real to her.It didn’t feel like it was her life that they were discussing.She was just an empty shell.“I’m opening the door,” Barry declared but then Dr. Wells spoke up and stopped him again.“Barry, I don’t think you should do that. Do I have to remind you of the panic attack she sent you spiraling into? Don’t fall for the sweet and innocent façade. She’s very dangerous to you and your powers.”Barry looked back and forth between his team, the switchboard that could open the door and then to her.She could see that emotions were swirling in his eyes and she should have been able to read them. She should have been able to feel them on her own body but the glass was a protection from that.It was protecting her from the world and it protected the world from her.She didn’t want it to go up.“Barry,” she said, voice perfectly even. “Just go back to your life. Forget about me. I’m not worth all this emotional torment you seem to be putting yourself through. It’s not worth it.”Barry stopped shifting his eyes around and he was looking directly at her.“You’re wrong. It’s worth it. You chose to love even if you know it’ll end in hurt one way or another. But the knowledge that you can get hurt doesn’t take away from the beauty that it is to love and care about people. If the particle accelerator granted you empathy abilities then it’s because you were already empathic.”“It seems to be more trouble than it’s worth,” she stated.With that Barry moved and the glass started to retract.She was standing completely still as it started to disappear.She expected the emotions to come flooding back instantly but nothing happened.Four sets of curious eyes were watching her.“How are you feeling?” Barry asked and then it started to come back.But it wasn’t like the flood of emotions when she walked out of the door or got a little too close to someone in public. It wasn’t like the panic attack she had just a couple of days ago when Barry had swept her off her feet literally.It was like a filter was gradually lifting around her and she heard the genuine concern in Barry’s voice.He had been worried about her. He was still worried about her.Curiously, he wasn’t scared of her. Of course, he was still superfast and very strong but they both knew that she had sent him tumbling to his knees almost unable to move. She was a force to be reckoned with.She didn’t feel like it.She just felt a little queasy.As the filter lifted more, she started to pick up on the emotions from Caitlyn, Dr. Wells and Cisco.Caitlyn was scared of her. Cisco was concerned.And…Harrison Wells was angry.And he was hiding something.Barry called her name but she almost didn’t hear because she was busy staring at Harrison Wells.“Huh?”“I asked if you were feeling okay?”“Why are you not scared of me?” she asked instead of answering.“Oh, so you’re feeling emotions again? That’s good.”“Barry,” she said because he had avoided her question.“You didn’t answer mine,” he said and he was smiling, it was slightly crooked and utterly charming and he was feeling happy.It was contagious like it had always been and she started smiling too and focused in on Barry’s energy.“I’m feeling okay. Your happiness is going to make me giddy though,” she said and actually giggled.“I think we can handle that,” Barry said and he was feeling very relieved. It was practically pouring out of him.Had she really been willing to give all of this up?Not feeling anything at all?The mere thought of that now, with her emotions active again, made her feel bad and guilty. It wasn’t a life to just be emotionless.She knew that now that her brain was functioning properly. But before, when it had been bad and void of emotions, it had told her otherwise and it had sounded so convincing.It was the same bad thoughts it had sprouted when she had first gotten her powers and thought that it was a bit cool.She thought that she might be able to help people with this new ability, until she walked into a classroom, started to have a panic attack because she was surrounded by overwhelming feelings and fled immediately.She had never dared to go back because then her brain had told her that it would just happen again and she couldn’t do anything to prevent it.Maybe her brain had lied to her about that too.“Barry, keep your distance,” Dr. Wells warned.She directed her graze and narrowed her eyes.Something was off about Dr. Wells, and especially that way he spoke to Barry.His words weren’t painted with concern or worry for Barry’s wellbeing.He was scared that something could happen to Barry alright but even if she had been briefly cut off from her emotions, or maybe because of it, she could distinguish between the nuances in Dr. Wells’ emotions.He feeling nothing like a parental protector. His emotions felt more like when someone was standing next to your expensive television and threatening to smash it.Like he was scared of damages occurring to his property.Why was that?“I think we can safely say that she’s not going to launch an emotions attack or whatever,” Cisco said and his concern melted away to make way for relief. “Pay up, Caitlyn. I won the bet.”“You bet on me?” she asked.Caitlyn and Cisco looked at each other and then back at her.“No, that would be highly unethical,” Caitlyn said.“You know I can tell when you’re lying, right?” she said.“Okay, I think that’s enough tension for everybody involved. Why don’t you guys head out and I’ll escort our guest home.”“Home?” Dr. Wells asked. “You’re willing to let her go free? Barry, she’s a danger to you.”She frowned at Harrison Wells. Something was extremely off about him.Barry, Cisco and Caitlyn did not seem to realize. Their emotions towards the man in the wheelchair were all tinged with fondness. She wasn’t so sure if that should be the case.He seemed deceitful.He was hiding his motivations and no one was picking up on it.He was good at masking it, but she was feeling hyperaware right now and it screamed like a neon sign at her.She needed to warn Barry about it.She supposed that now would be as good a time as any to try if she could channel her ability into something productive. She took a deep breath, tried to feel the disinterest she had been consumed by inside of the cell and she just pushed it onto the three people at the end of the hall.Barry was eying her and she was sure that he had figured out that she was doing something but surprisingly he didn’t comment on it.“You can leave,” she said. “We’ll be fine.”“Whatever,” Cisco said and turned around on his heel and just walked right out.Caitlyn glanced between Dr. Wells and Barry before shrugging and walking out as well.But Harrison Wells didn’t move.“Do you see, Barry? She’s dangerous. Just look at what she did.”“Do you care?” she asked.“No,” he replied and it sounded like honesty. “But I have a feeling that’s because of you.”“What did you do to them?” Barry asked cautiously.“I pushed a little indifference their way. I figured it would get them to leave but apparently not,” she added and glared at Dr. Wells.“Wells, I appreciate your concern but locking her up isn’t an option. It’s horrible. You know how I feel about wrongful imprisonment. I’m not going to do that to anyone.”“It’ll be blood on your hands when she hurts someone, Barry,” Wells said ominously.She felt anger flare up inside of her. How dare he speak like that?She took a couple of strides towards him and she felt Barry follow her but he didn’t step in to intervene when she paused in front of Dr. Wells.“I would never hurt someone on purpose,” she declared. “I’ve been trying to avoid that from the beginning. I know I won’t be perfect all of the time but at least I’m trying to be a good person.”Dr. Wells’ met her eyes on steady and cold and she felt a shiver go down her spine. Something reminded her eerily of the robber.He was malicious and he was up to no good.But the negative emotions exuding from Dr. Wells were making her feel unstable. She couldn’t let emotions like that take hold of her. It wasn’t how she wanted to live her life.She wanted a chance at a fresh start.A place away from Central City perhaps so she wouldn’t have to deal with other metahumans.“Barry, can you walk me out?” she asked in a chipped voice that was undoubtedly affected by Dr. Wells’ emotions.“Sure.”They started to walk out and they were almost out of earshot when Dr. Wells’ called out one final time.“It’s on you, Barry.”At his words, Barry flooded with guilt and she felt an overwhelming feeling to reach out and hug him.She hadn’t felt the urge to establish physical contact with anyone since she had gotten her powers. It seemed like the restart of her powers had served to dull them a little. She felt like she was easing into it now, rather than having it all dumped on her head in one go.“I meant what I said, Barry,” she promised him.“Oh, yeah, I know. I could tell.”“Really?”Barry let out a laugh and played a little nervously with his hair. “You’re not the only one who’s observant.”They walked all the way out to the outer fence of S.T.A.R. Labs, just around the place where they had crashed. She had thought that she might have to spend the whole rest of her life imprisoned.But she was free to go.“What are you going to do?” Barry asked.“I don’t know,” she said and looked out at the city. “Maybe move to the country or somewhere less populated, so I can practice. I think… maybe I should work to train my power instead of ignoring it. It’s not going away, clearly. Even when I wasn’t sensing other people’s feelings, I wasn’t normal. I just became a void of feelings instead. I’ll never be normal.”“I hear it’s overrated anyway,” Barry said in a light and chipper voice.His energy was a welcome boost and she let it wash over her properly.“Did you train with your speed or did you just run?” she asked.Her eyes were still glancing out over the darkened city. They had no clue was type of power could be living next door. The powers gave someone an unfair upper hand but it didn’t make anyone inherently evil.Barry was an example of that. He had taken his powers and turned it into something positive. He was a hero now.“I trained with Dr. Wells and Caitlyn and Cisco. I was in a coma for a year and when I woke up, I was like this. We still test and practice my speed. Dr. Wells is constantly pushing me to see how fast I can run.”“Barry, can anyone?” she asked and tapped her ear.“I’m not wearing anything and we don’t have microphones out here,” he answered but he looked a bit skeptical. “Why do you ask?”“I know it’s not my place to say but I would be devastated if I didn’t warn you about what I picked up on.”“Okay, which is…?”“I realize you do not want to hear this and it’s okay if you want to be mad at me. I’m still a little numb and the filter hasn’t completely lifted, so I can handle it. But… I don’t think Dr. Wells has your best interests at heart.”“What?” Barry asked, harshly and he was indeed feeling angry but it was heavily accompanied by confusion. “What do you mean?”“I’m not a mind reader, so I can’t know for sure, but it’s just a vibe I get from him. And the way he spoke when he warned you about me. He didn’t feel protective. He felt possessive. Like you were a thing he owned.”Barry was scowling and he looked to be deep in thought.“I know you don’t want to hear it and I’m sorry,” she said and she tried to make the apologetic feeling seep into her words.He looked up and met her eyes. “Okay. I… I don’t want to believe that anything bad about Dr. Wells but I know you’re just trying to help. I’ll keep it in mind, I guess.”Silence hung between them but it was light, easy and not imposing.“I’ll miss you, Barry Allen,” she said. “And I’ll always remember how you stuck up for me.”Barry grew a little embarrassed but he was also emitting fondness.“You remember to look out for yourself, right? And keep that temper of yours in check but you already know that. If you need me,” he said and fished out an actual business card, “this is my number.”“You have The Flash business cards?” she asked while chuckling.“How else would I get people to know about my awesome criminal catching business?”“Thanks,” she said and lifted the card up. “Not just for this but for everything. You’ve got a big heart and I hope that the world never manages to break it. You deserve so much happiness, Barry.”“You do too.”“And now, because of you, maybe I’ll have a chance to find it. I’m glad you didn’t leave me locked up and emotionless. I didn’t even realize what I was confining myself to. It would have been a boring existence.”“Hey, what’s friends for if not that?” Barry said with a shrug and a shy smile.Barry thought they were friends. She hadn’t had a friend in over a year, since she had started to push away all her old ones. But now she was friends with none other than Barry Allen.“Hug?” she asked and opened her arms a little.“Is that okay?” Barry asked, even as he opened his arms and moved into embrace her.“Yes, because I like your energy,” she said and gave him a proper hug goodbye. She was concentrating to keep her emotions in check but it wasn’t hard because Barry and her were feeling exactly the same thing.“That might be the weirdest compliment I have ever gotten,” Barry commented.“Stay out of trouble, will you?” she said as she broke the hug and pulled away.He nodded but both of them knew it wasn’t possible.Barry Allen was the Flash and he always ran towards trouble.She just hoped that he remembered to watch his back and that someone would look out for him in the way he always seemed to be looking out for others.She walked out into the cold night’s air and left S.T.A.R. Labs behind. It was time to find herself a new dream.